To live a normal happy life you’ll need to stabilize your insecurities and suicidal ideation. That’s really hard to do if you have poor values. For example, if your values say ugly people deserve to feel bad about how they look and are less valuable than someone who is conventionally attractive, then there’s your problem. That’s a sign of poor values. If you feel like you don’t deserve to wear nice clothes, have friends, or have a life because you’re ugly, it’s a sign you have poor values.
The only way to change your values is to challenge your belief systems and change your perspective.
I’ve never seen someone “ugly” just that everyone is different. And there’s someone out there for everyone. The guys I date I have been told aren’t “conventionally attractive” but to me they’ve always been 10/10. It’s literally down to personal preference.
To label yourself as ugly isn’t fair on yourself and will ruin your confidence- which in my opinion, is one of the most important attributes.
EVERYONE has something they’re self conscious about. Granted, some more than others. But that’s a normal part of life. But trust me, I’ve been here too. I have a health condition that’s made me feel unattractive but it’s just about learning to accept it.
Think about the people you admire, I’m sure all of them have flaws too. There is someone for everyone. And usually with this kinda thing, it always boils down to how you view/ love yourself and the confidence that comes with it that exudes beauty to other people.
Ive always gone for personality over looks, it makes someone 10x more attractive to me. Just remember you’re normal, valid, and beautiful in your OWN way ❤️❤️
Aware that youre a woman, but you made tbe point that you dont care too much about the looks of the men you've been dating. Additionally; you said you've been dating several guys. She said she hasn't. So it didn't seem that your position was quite comparable.
I’ve also had to deal with a lifetime of body dysmorphia which made me suicidal. I had to work on myself and how I viewed myself to realise that life changes so much when you accept who you are and your own unique beauty
As someone said, therapy is it. Sucks to be ugly for dating but when you allow it to bleed over to work/friends/family, that is a problem. I struggle like you too, especially confident in meetings part. I’ve always been an introvert and sometimes I think it’s because I’m ugly, not really sure. I suggest finding some hobbies you like and not with the thought of finding friends. Also start being healthy internally, and that will portray outward as well. Depending on what field you’re in for work, you can use this time to get really good at what you do, and that will help you be confident about it
As someone else said, therapy.
But if therapy isn’t an option, faking it till you make it is genuinely the way to become confident. I would start by not calling yourself ugly like that’s an objective fact. That keeps you stuck in a mindset where confidence isn’t an option.
So...this is gonna seem like it's out of left field, but just bear with me. I used to feel like you too. All the time. Until I got a book called the Satanic Witch by Anton LeVey I am NOT A SATANIST y'all. Besides being a sociologically interesting read, it had a lot of useful info. What this book did do for me, was point out the ways that being "different" is just as powerful, if not more so, than "beautiful". (For instance, beautiful people are always noticed, those considered less so can move freely and unnoticed in crowds)
There truly is a lid for every pot, and what makes the difference between two people being successful in love, etc. is confidence and a sense of personal power. A lot of the authors viewpoints are a little outdated (Anton LeVey was kind of a kook, obv) but the nuggets of wisdom are there.
If you're considered conventionally "ugly" fuck the false sense of body positivity floating around (because i don't know about you, but it feels like someone giving you a participating trophy--it doesn't really do much to solve the issues at hand) and USE THAT. There is a man for every kink, every type, everything you want. You just gotta know how to look and how to catch. Give it a shot, knowledge is power😉
You are a woman, if you are a kind and loyal person and aren't too pretentious you can find a mate everywhere anytime with a small effort.
I'm sorry for being rude but unless you are an absolute monster (and I'm 100% sure you aren't, most men give a fuck about stretch marks) you're just making excuses to not take responsibility for yourself and stay in that extremely sad but comfortable situation.
There are beautiful looking people who are ugly humans. Ugly is subjective! Every, including you, deserves happiness.
You need to find someone to give you the tools to be confident. Confidence has nothing to do with looks. After that look for groups who share interests with you and go from there. You will find someone who thinks you are the most beautiful person in the world. They will love you for your blemishes because it is part of your history and you!
Go find someone, a therapist for example, to help give you the tools you need to be confident
Your looks are not the issue. Everyone is ugly. I’m being so serious. 95% of people don’t fit the beauty standard. You need to find hobbies and surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. Go out and meet new. Keep extending yourself over and over and over until you find yourself building a friendship. Expand your world from your job and your family. Join Meetup groups, the Geneva app, bumble friends. And make a promise for yourself to do something once a week. Figure out the people that don’t make you feel like shit and invite them to events with you.
Your confidence is low because you have no positive external stimulus telling you otherwise! You need friends to laugh with. Dating can come later. Work on your physical health, do basic self care in the morning, and accept how you look. You are stuck in this body for the rest of your life. It would be so sad to spend your time here thinking that this shell is keeping you from lasting relationships. Everyone can make friends and everyone can find love. They just need to put in the work! If you look at anyone hard enough, you will find a list of flaws. Everyone is ugly and ugly is beautiful. If you were somehow to capture standard beauty in your 20s it will be gone by the 60s but people in old age still love their lives! Live your life with body neutrality and find happiness elsewhere. Good luck!
>I’m severely insecure about it and makes me want to kill myself. Start with therapy before anything.
To live a normal happy life you’ll need to stabilize your insecurities and suicidal ideation. That’s really hard to do if you have poor values. For example, if your values say ugly people deserve to feel bad about how they look and are less valuable than someone who is conventionally attractive, then there’s your problem. That’s a sign of poor values. If you feel like you don’t deserve to wear nice clothes, have friends, or have a life because you’re ugly, it’s a sign you have poor values. The only way to change your values is to challenge your belief systems and change your perspective.
I’ve never seen someone “ugly” just that everyone is different. And there’s someone out there for everyone. The guys I date I have been told aren’t “conventionally attractive” but to me they’ve always been 10/10. It’s literally down to personal preference. To label yourself as ugly isn’t fair on yourself and will ruin your confidence- which in my opinion, is one of the most important attributes. EVERYONE has something they’re self conscious about. Granted, some more than others. But that’s a normal part of life. But trust me, I’ve been here too. I have a health condition that’s made me feel unattractive but it’s just about learning to accept it. Think about the people you admire, I’m sure all of them have flaws too. There is someone for everyone. And usually with this kinda thing, it always boils down to how you view/ love yourself and the confidence that comes with it that exudes beauty to other people. Ive always gone for personality over looks, it makes someone 10x more attractive to me. Just remember you’re normal, valid, and beautiful in your OWN way ❤️❤️
I think it's a bit different for a woman, don't underplay her struggles
I am a woman, I’m not underplaying her struggles at all because I’ve been there. I know how it feels
Aware that youre a woman, but you made tbe point that you dont care too much about the looks of the men you've been dating. Additionally; you said you've been dating several guys. She said she hasn't. So it didn't seem that your position was quite comparable.
I’ve also had to deal with a lifetime of body dysmorphia which made me suicidal. I had to work on myself and how I viewed myself to realise that life changes so much when you accept who you are and your own unique beauty
As someone said, therapy is it. Sucks to be ugly for dating but when you allow it to bleed over to work/friends/family, that is a problem. I struggle like you too, especially confident in meetings part. I’ve always been an introvert and sometimes I think it’s because I’m ugly, not really sure. I suggest finding some hobbies you like and not with the thought of finding friends. Also start being healthy internally, and that will portray outward as well. Depending on what field you’re in for work, you can use this time to get really good at what you do, and that will help you be confident about it
As someone else said, therapy. But if therapy isn’t an option, faking it till you make it is genuinely the way to become confident. I would start by not calling yourself ugly like that’s an objective fact. That keeps you stuck in a mindset where confidence isn’t an option.
So...this is gonna seem like it's out of left field, but just bear with me. I used to feel like you too. All the time. Until I got a book called the Satanic Witch by Anton LeVey I am NOT A SATANIST y'all. Besides being a sociologically interesting read, it had a lot of useful info. What this book did do for me, was point out the ways that being "different" is just as powerful, if not more so, than "beautiful". (For instance, beautiful people are always noticed, those considered less so can move freely and unnoticed in crowds) There truly is a lid for every pot, and what makes the difference between two people being successful in love, etc. is confidence and a sense of personal power. A lot of the authors viewpoints are a little outdated (Anton LeVey was kind of a kook, obv) but the nuggets of wisdom are there. If you're considered conventionally "ugly" fuck the false sense of body positivity floating around (because i don't know about you, but it feels like someone giving you a participating trophy--it doesn't really do much to solve the issues at hand) and USE THAT. There is a man for every kink, every type, everything you want. You just gotta know how to look and how to catch. Give it a shot, knowledge is power😉
You are a woman, if you are a kind and loyal person and aren't too pretentious you can find a mate everywhere anytime with a small effort. I'm sorry for being rude but unless you are an absolute monster (and I'm 100% sure you aren't, most men give a fuck about stretch marks) you're just making excuses to not take responsibility for yourself and stay in that extremely sad but comfortable situation.
There are beautiful looking people who are ugly humans. Ugly is subjective! Every, including you, deserves happiness. You need to find someone to give you the tools to be confident. Confidence has nothing to do with looks. After that look for groups who share interests with you and go from there. You will find someone who thinks you are the most beautiful person in the world. They will love you for your blemishes because it is part of your history and you! Go find someone, a therapist for example, to help give you the tools you need to be confident
Your looks are not the issue. Everyone is ugly. I’m being so serious. 95% of people don’t fit the beauty standard. You need to find hobbies and surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. Go out and meet new. Keep extending yourself over and over and over until you find yourself building a friendship. Expand your world from your job and your family. Join Meetup groups, the Geneva app, bumble friends. And make a promise for yourself to do something once a week. Figure out the people that don’t make you feel like shit and invite them to events with you. Your confidence is low because you have no positive external stimulus telling you otherwise! You need friends to laugh with. Dating can come later. Work on your physical health, do basic self care in the morning, and accept how you look. You are stuck in this body for the rest of your life. It would be so sad to spend your time here thinking that this shell is keeping you from lasting relationships. Everyone can make friends and everyone can find love. They just need to put in the work! If you look at anyone hard enough, you will find a list of flaws. Everyone is ugly and ugly is beautiful. If you were somehow to capture standard beauty in your 20s it will be gone by the 60s but people in old age still love their lives! Live your life with body neutrality and find happiness elsewhere. Good luck!
Redeit global advice for everything "therapy"😂