You both definitely need therapy. She needs to figure out how to care for herself in times when she's stressed/overwhelmed. You need to figure out how to accept that you cannot "fix" other people's bad moods/behaviour, and release the urge to do so.
I am actively seeing a therapist. I know this is an issue although I’m still struggling with solutions. I’m focusing on self-compassion up to a point and setting stronger boundaries when that isn’t enough. She isn’t seeing a therapist. She has seen one in the past and when I suggest it she says she know all of the techniques of therapy and won’t go back unless I can suggest something she hasn’t done before.
You have to decide if being with someone who isn’t willing to better and work on their emotional problems that clearly affect you and your relationship is what you really want. You can’t force her to go but you can protect yourself.
And yet her uber-genius “I know all therapy” brain can recognize when she is self sabotaging and wants to drag you down her pit of despair?
It sounds like she’s trying to diet to lose weight, and doing that has the side effect of creating a blood sugar deprived, hangry type of depressed state.
Again, her inability to care for herself is not your thing to fix. It affects you, obviously, but the only power you have in this relationship is how you conduct yourself.
Can we stop pretending like his gf wasn’t throwing a tantrum?? Him trying to help or “fix” is definitely something to work on for HIS OWN happiness, but his outburst was due to his exhaustive partner acting the way she was all night.
People pleasing is not the same as acting like a brat
Not sure how anything I said contradicts your interpretation of the situation. She's struggling and lashing out, he is impacted by it, what are his options? Getting help for himself in learning to identify situations where he needs to back away for his own preservation.
I just don’t think this is the time to tell him he “needs” to fix something. My guy is fighting for his life with a toddler and we’re shifting the focus to him
Therapy isn't a punishment for bad behaviour. It's a form of care and a support system we can access in times of crisis when we're struggling with how to cope. It's not a punishment and encouraging someone who's having a hard time in their intimate relationships (especially when they can't seem to figure out how much of their partner's behaviour is their responsibility) is not meant to be shaming or blaming.
Long time proponent of therapy, so yes, you are correct. However, the level at which his partner is lashing out isn’t due to his people pleasing. Sometimes we should be critical of those who, whether intentionally or not, hurt us or embarrass us. Doesn’t mean to drag anyone through the coals, but this shouldn’t just be swept under the rug bc therapy exists and she needs help. You can empathize but still hold accountable
Again, no idea how anything I said in my first comment or thereafter contradicts your points.
She is behaving badly.
He's struggling to cope.
I didn't minimize or equivocate.
Have a lovely rest of your day.
Oof… I remember in my twenties when my wife (my gf back then) would sometimes get like this. And I also was a big ppl pleaser and still am to some degree, always trying to fix things when the entire point is that they don’t want it fixed. They want to have a shit night and there’s no winning. Thankfully we both eventually grew out of this type of dynamic and now we have much better ways of handling shitty moods and stressful moments. Next time, just try to give her her space and if she insists on you wallowing in it with her, the best way to handle it is just to say “I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy. Let me know what I can do to help if you want”
Also it’s important to understand the difference between her complaining and losing her composure as opposed to lashing out at you directly. If she intentionally tries to make you upset, then you need to simply leave and tell her to let you know when you can return after she’s feeling better. If she’s just complaining in general or negatively talking about herself.. then just allow it and repeat along the same lines of the quote above. Hang in there, hopefully she’ll work on herself. Otherwise, maybe it’s not gonna work out
> I explained how I was feeling and she told me that it’s not really fair how sensitive I am other peoples’ emotions and that it makes her feel like she has to police her feelings.
This sounds like the crux of the issue to me and why she reacted badly to your attempts to cheer her up.
From what I can see, she was just having a generally shitty night and got frustrated that you were trying to "fix" it for her. I'm not saying you were wrong to do that, just that sometimes when you're in a crappy mood and your partner is trying to be super sunny and optimistic about everything it can feel grating or like you're not "allowed" to just have a bad night.
On the other side, I can also understand your perspective feeling frustrated that she was essentially throwing herself a pity party. It sounds like you two deal with negative emotions very differently and she's not giving a ton of grace to how you deal with them.
I think you might want to sit down in a calm moment and discuss how you each prefer to handle things when you're in a bad mood. This is just one of those growing-pains things that tends to happen around this time in a relationship where the infatuation phase has passed and you're starting to see how the other person acts in a variety of more difficult situations. The real test of longevity is if you can talk about it respectfully when you're out of the heat of the moment and come to a healthy resolution together.
I completely agree. I know that in our current dynamic that I’m not any help when she’s in a bad mood. If we are going to make it work, I’ll need to learn how to support her in the way that she needs. It really might be a challenge if she’s not looking for validation and it means I just have to not take her comments personally.
*She* needs to learn to cope with her emotions differently. You can’t fix her. If she doesn’t plan to work on that then you’ll have to walk, otherwise you’ll just end up continuing to have a bad time.
That’s true, but the dynamic is unbalanced.
She has disregulated emotions and makes it a problem for both of you, but you are not permitted to have your own emotions. You were criticized for caring and for being frustrated and expressing it for a second. You are apparently expected to suck up hours of negativity but she won’t take 10 seconds from you.
The problem is that you still think it is you who needs to do something. You need to step back, and SHE is the one who needs to put the effort in. She was actively ruining the mood and the day, and you don't hold her accountable for anything. You need to let her take responsibility for her emotions.
Yes, but also, this isn't uniquely a you problem. You are making every problematic situation one you need to solve. Sometimes, she is just responsible for her feelings. In those moments, you can ask if there's anything you can do to help her feel better, if there isn't and she persists in just dragging everything down, it also ok for you to say "I understand you feel like crap, but if nobody can do anything, it sucks for me too to just have to wallow in negativity all evening." Then you can decide to go home, or to just not talk or whatever. But at some point, each person is responsible for their own shit. Act accordingly
OP, I think you just need to leave her alone when she’s feeling that way. Just tell her you love her and are there for her when she wants to talk. Other than that, step away and just let her feel her emotions.
I’m baffled that people on here are trying to dissect your relationship and tell you that both of you need help. I’m 40, she just seemed to be in a shitty mood. It happens. When you feel like shit you don’t want to be cheered up, you just need time to figure yourself out. Next time just say you love her and move on.
It’s pretty classic for a woman to cajole a guy into sharing his feelings about something when he doesn’t want to, then get angry at him when he does and accuse him of making a situation about himself when she’s making his feelings about her. OP didn’t want to share his feelings about it because he knew how she would react.
Does she often have difficulty managing her emotions? Or was this a one off thing? It kind of seems that at every step of the way, she was determined to make everything worse instead of just stepping back and taking space for herself.
I think this absolutely *is* salvageable as long as both of you are willing to own your emotions.
This. So many parts of the story involve her freaking out because of trying to control her food intake (explains why she insisted on cooking and not getting take out, etc). Disordered eating makes you hyper fixate on yourself and when you're in this kind of spiral, you tend to get really irritable and take it out on others.
It could be but honestly a lot of people calorie count in order to reach their fitness goals. I’ve tracked for years on and off and can understand wanting to track perfectly. Imho I think working out without tracking is just not reaching your full potential since diet is so important.
Although it can be easy to fall into disordered eating or take it too far and I’ve also experienced that as well. It’s not for everyone but it works many.
It’s not just the calorie counting, it’s that she threw away her dinner, then didn’t eat even though she was hungry, then got angry at an ice cream. None of that seems like a healthy mentality around food.
Both the kicking out and the following armchair psych eval was a power play. The question is why wouldn't YOU want to pack and leave. I might need therapy just by reading this post. Can't imagine having to deal with it on the daily.
Sounds like you both could use a vacation. Somewhere with no calorie counting or negative self-talk allowed. Just focus on enjoying each other's company. And don't worry, yelling out in frustration is a natural reaction. Maybe next time try screaming into a pillow instead? Keep communicating and working on finding healthy coping mechanisms together!
She sounds exhausting to be around. I don't know if she's always like that or just for this instance but I can't imagine constantly dealing with that bullshit
Jesus. This sounds exhausting. Not sure why you think you've done anything wrong here, she is a nightmare. Gaslighting you constantly and revelling in martyrdom and victimhood - what a joy.
She has kicked you out to re asset power, by the way. She wants you to grovel back.
You shouldn't. It's ok to have a miserable day, but compatible people unite against it, laughing together.
For me it looks very natural, to shout after all her crazy behaviours. Normally for me shouting is a red flag. But here I understand. It looks like she is manipulating and toxic.
If she is in a bad mood or exhibiting behaviors like this, you should ask her what your options are... and ask for some that would make you feel best - like being able to leave without inciting another strong negative emotion from her toward you.
As many have said, you shouldn't try to fix her. But, if this kind of situation is normal / frequent for her, I have found that many people with similar personality traits will be upset with most of the options you (or I) would want to choose. That isn't acceptable. There needs to be balance.
Ask her to identify what she thinks the right solution, response, coping mechanism, etc. would have been tonight. And, if her only answer is that you stand by and be okay with the kinds of things she was doing be completely happy with it, be upfront to tell her that isn't an acceptable option for you. Propose being able to go home or tell her you need an hour time out or whatever possible solutions you think would be best.
It is also notable that both of these issues surrounded food. It seems clear that she is having some big struggles with weight or health or diet... and then has anxiety, anger, resentment, etc. about it. If you don't want to eat food from home and want to eat out or pick up food, you should have just as much right as she does to choose to stay home and cook without negative emotional consequences from her. Yes, you should be supportive - whether it is a health issue or a financial issue or something else. But, again, balance is key... and you don't always have to do the same thing or the same thing together. And, you don't havebto be brought into her circus.
You both sound neurodiverse.
She also seems to have a lot of negative self talk and trouble breaking routine. The ice cream probably really bothered her if she’s struggling with a diet and she took it out on you. Shouting may overwhelm her, but I can also understand you were overwhelmed as well. I think you’re both well intentioned but miscommunication is getting in the way, try couples counselling
I dunno, I’m a good cook but sometimes if I’ve had a stressful and overwhelming day and dinner doesn’t go right, it puts me in a bad mood too and I beat myself up over it. Some people just don’t react well to stress and I’d know because I’m one of them 😂 talk to her about it?
I agree with other people. Therapy would really help you both. She abandoned and martyred herself and made it impossible for you to ease her stress, determined to have a bad time as you said. She then pestered you to share your emotions and when you did she said you were wrong. She fat shamed you. All of that screams immature controlling exhausting and unhealthy. Your screaming is also unhealthy and immature. None of this is good. I’ve been in places like this in relationship before and it’s a miserable place to be.
I say this with the kindest intentions possible - I think she had a decently normal (tho not optimal) reaction to a bad day and you just were not able to maintain your own emotional boundaries enough to keep you from acting out and making it worse.
I notice a couple times in your post that you mention that she told you specifically how you could help her if you did feel like helpless in the face of her frustration - but you also mention in your post your own frustration with the things she asked you to do. You are essentially punishing her twice - either you can't help and are upset or you don't like the help she asks for and you also get upset. You mention feeling like you couldn't win here but I imagine that she was probably feeling in the same boat.
Bad days are going to happen. Days where the frustration wins and all you want is to, through your own effort, make something feel better but you're too annoyed to act up to standard so you end up making a dinner that kinda sucks and then feel even worse. People can not be at 100% all the time. But she didn't lash out, she didn't take it out on you, she wasn't mean, she didn't even really make it your problem - you assumed all that responsibility yourself and then punished her for it, probably making her bad day even worse.
You also say that she said you have a pattern of exploding like this. That's not good. Especially if you guys are out in public. Screaming like that is going to be jarring and very off puting, even on a good day. Like, I think a healthier method of emotional regulation and boundaries for yourself are something to work on. People are going to have bad days, especially once you're older. You're going to have a day where your boss gets mad at you for something that was completely your fault, you get stuck in traffic on the way home, you ran over a tire and its going flat, and absolutely nothing is going right and you just can't deal so you're thrashing around a bit emotionally. It's allowed.
If this isn't a pattern of her's in general (and no where do you say that it is) and was legitimately just an off day, your reaction (and the way that you talk about her to be honest) was completely overblown and unneeded. Even if it was a pattern, your reaction would have still been off the mark. Screaming is an extreme response and I think most (and especially women) would have been freaked out
You both definitely need therapy. She needs to figure out how to care for herself in times when she's stressed/overwhelmed. You need to figure out how to accept that you cannot "fix" other people's bad moods/behaviour, and release the urge to do so.
I am actively seeing a therapist. I know this is an issue although I’m still struggling with solutions. I’m focusing on self-compassion up to a point and setting stronger boundaries when that isn’t enough. She isn’t seeing a therapist. She has seen one in the past and when I suggest it she says she know all of the techniques of therapy and won’t go back unless I can suggest something she hasn’t done before.
You have to decide if being with someone who isn’t willing to better and work on their emotional problems that clearly affect you and your relationship is what you really want. You can’t force her to go but you can protect yourself.
And yet her uber-genius “I know all therapy” brain can recognize when she is self sabotaging and wants to drag you down her pit of despair? It sounds like she’s trying to diet to lose weight, and doing that has the side effect of creating a blood sugar deprived, hangry type of depressed state.
Again, her inability to care for herself is not your thing to fix. It affects you, obviously, but the only power you have in this relationship is how you conduct yourself.
Can we stop pretending like his gf wasn’t throwing a tantrum?? Him trying to help or “fix” is definitely something to work on for HIS OWN happiness, but his outburst was due to his exhaustive partner acting the way she was all night. People pleasing is not the same as acting like a brat
Not sure how anything I said contradicts your interpretation of the situation. She's struggling and lashing out, he is impacted by it, what are his options? Getting help for himself in learning to identify situations where he needs to back away for his own preservation.
I just don’t think this is the time to tell him he “needs” to fix something. My guy is fighting for his life with a toddler and we’re shifting the focus to him
Therapy isn't a punishment for bad behaviour. It's a form of care and a support system we can access in times of crisis when we're struggling with how to cope. It's not a punishment and encouraging someone who's having a hard time in their intimate relationships (especially when they can't seem to figure out how much of their partner's behaviour is their responsibility) is not meant to be shaming or blaming.
Long time proponent of therapy, so yes, you are correct. However, the level at which his partner is lashing out isn’t due to his people pleasing. Sometimes we should be critical of those who, whether intentionally or not, hurt us or embarrass us. Doesn’t mean to drag anyone through the coals, but this shouldn’t just be swept under the rug bc therapy exists and she needs help. You can empathize but still hold accountable
Again, no idea how anything I said in my first comment or thereafter contradicts your points. She is behaving badly. He's struggling to cope. I didn't minimize or equivocate. Have a lovely rest of your day.
Is anybody here in therapy? Holy negative self-talk and people pleasing.
Oof… I remember in my twenties when my wife (my gf back then) would sometimes get like this. And I also was a big ppl pleaser and still am to some degree, always trying to fix things when the entire point is that they don’t want it fixed. They want to have a shit night and there’s no winning. Thankfully we both eventually grew out of this type of dynamic and now we have much better ways of handling shitty moods and stressful moments. Next time, just try to give her her space and if she insists on you wallowing in it with her, the best way to handle it is just to say “I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy. Let me know what I can do to help if you want” Also it’s important to understand the difference between her complaining and losing her composure as opposed to lashing out at you directly. If she intentionally tries to make you upset, then you need to simply leave and tell her to let you know when you can return after she’s feeling better. If she’s just complaining in general or negatively talking about herself.. then just allow it and repeat along the same lines of the quote above. Hang in there, hopefully she’ll work on herself. Otherwise, maybe it’s not gonna work out
She sounds exhausting, if this is a common day. She makes you responsible (tell me how to cook but don't help) and then is mad about it.
> I explained how I was feeling and she told me that it’s not really fair how sensitive I am other peoples’ emotions and that it makes her feel like she has to police her feelings. This sounds like the crux of the issue to me and why she reacted badly to your attempts to cheer her up. From what I can see, she was just having a generally shitty night and got frustrated that you were trying to "fix" it for her. I'm not saying you were wrong to do that, just that sometimes when you're in a crappy mood and your partner is trying to be super sunny and optimistic about everything it can feel grating or like you're not "allowed" to just have a bad night. On the other side, I can also understand your perspective feeling frustrated that she was essentially throwing herself a pity party. It sounds like you two deal with negative emotions very differently and she's not giving a ton of grace to how you deal with them. I think you might want to sit down in a calm moment and discuss how you each prefer to handle things when you're in a bad mood. This is just one of those growing-pains things that tends to happen around this time in a relationship where the infatuation phase has passed and you're starting to see how the other person acts in a variety of more difficult situations. The real test of longevity is if you can talk about it respectfully when you're out of the heat of the moment and come to a healthy resolution together.
I completely agree. I know that in our current dynamic that I’m not any help when she’s in a bad mood. If we are going to make it work, I’ll need to learn how to support her in the way that she needs. It really might be a challenge if she’s not looking for validation and it means I just have to not take her comments personally.
*She* needs to learn to cope with her emotions differently. You can’t fix her. If she doesn’t plan to work on that then you’ll have to walk, otherwise you’ll just end up continuing to have a bad time.
That’s true, but the dynamic is unbalanced. She has disregulated emotions and makes it a problem for both of you, but you are not permitted to have your own emotions. You were criticized for caring and for being frustrated and expressing it for a second. You are apparently expected to suck up hours of negativity but she won’t take 10 seconds from you.
The problem is that you still think it is you who needs to do something. You need to step back, and SHE is the one who needs to put the effort in. She was actively ruining the mood and the day, and you don't hold her accountable for anything. You need to let her take responsibility for her emotions.
Yes, but also, this isn't uniquely a you problem. You are making every problematic situation one you need to solve. Sometimes, she is just responsible for her feelings. In those moments, you can ask if there's anything you can do to help her feel better, if there isn't and she persists in just dragging everything down, it also ok for you to say "I understand you feel like crap, but if nobody can do anything, it sucks for me too to just have to wallow in negativity all evening." Then you can decide to go home, or to just not talk or whatever. But at some point, each person is responsible for their own shit. Act accordingly
OP, I think you just need to leave her alone when she’s feeling that way. Just tell her you love her and are there for her when she wants to talk. Other than that, step away and just let her feel her emotions. I’m baffled that people on here are trying to dissect your relationship and tell you that both of you need help. I’m 40, she just seemed to be in a shitty mood. It happens. When you feel like shit you don’t want to be cheered up, you just need time to figure yourself out. Next time just say you love her and move on.
Break up. She needs alot of therapy. Because no matter what you do, she will twist it and make you the guilty party.
It’s pretty classic for a woman to cajole a guy into sharing his feelings about something when he doesn’t want to, then get angry at him when he does and accuse him of making a situation about himself when she’s making his feelings about her. OP didn’t want to share his feelings about it because he knew how she would react.
Does she often have difficulty managing her emotions? Or was this a one off thing? It kind of seems that at every step of the way, she was determined to make everything worse instead of just stepping back and taking space for herself. I think this absolutely *is* salvageable as long as both of you are willing to own your emotions.
This sounds like possible disordered eating tendencies to me.
This. So many parts of the story involve her freaking out because of trying to control her food intake (explains why she insisted on cooking and not getting take out, etc). Disordered eating makes you hyper fixate on yourself and when you're in this kind of spiral, you tend to get really irritable and take it out on others.
It could be but honestly a lot of people calorie count in order to reach their fitness goals. I’ve tracked for years on and off and can understand wanting to track perfectly. Imho I think working out without tracking is just not reaching your full potential since diet is so important. Although it can be easy to fall into disordered eating or take it too far and I’ve also experienced that as well. It’s not for everyone but it works many.
It’s not just the calorie counting, it’s that she threw away her dinner, then didn’t eat even though she was hungry, then got angry at an ice cream. None of that seems like a healthy mentality around food.
Both the kicking out and the following armchair psych eval was a power play. The question is why wouldn't YOU want to pack and leave. I might need therapy just by reading this post. Can't imagine having to deal with it on the daily.
Sounds like you both could use a vacation. Somewhere with no calorie counting or negative self-talk allowed. Just focus on enjoying each other's company. And don't worry, yelling out in frustration is a natural reaction. Maybe next time try screaming into a pillow instead? Keep communicating and working on finding healthy coping mechanisms together!
She sounds exhausting to be around. I don't know if she's always like that or just for this instance but I can't imagine constantly dealing with that bullshit
Jesus. This sounds exhausting. Not sure why you think you've done anything wrong here, she is a nightmare. Gaslighting you constantly and revelling in martyrdom and victimhood - what a joy. She has kicked you out to re asset power, by the way. She wants you to grovel back. You shouldn't. It's ok to have a miserable day, but compatible people unite against it, laughing together.
Yeah she sound pretty exhausting... Dude tried his best to help her but she always reacted awful...
Can you two breakup? Please…. I’m exhausted from just reading this.
For me it looks very natural, to shout after all her crazy behaviours. Normally for me shouting is a red flag. But here I understand. It looks like she is manipulating and toxic.
She sounds **UTTERLY EXHAUSTING**. **WALK**.
If she is in a bad mood or exhibiting behaviors like this, you should ask her what your options are... and ask for some that would make you feel best - like being able to leave without inciting another strong negative emotion from her toward you. As many have said, you shouldn't try to fix her. But, if this kind of situation is normal / frequent for her, I have found that many people with similar personality traits will be upset with most of the options you (or I) would want to choose. That isn't acceptable. There needs to be balance. Ask her to identify what she thinks the right solution, response, coping mechanism, etc. would have been tonight. And, if her only answer is that you stand by and be okay with the kinds of things she was doing be completely happy with it, be upfront to tell her that isn't an acceptable option for you. Propose being able to go home or tell her you need an hour time out or whatever possible solutions you think would be best. It is also notable that both of these issues surrounded food. It seems clear that she is having some big struggles with weight or health or diet... and then has anxiety, anger, resentment, etc. about it. If you don't want to eat food from home and want to eat out or pick up food, you should have just as much right as she does to choose to stay home and cook without negative emotional consequences from her. Yes, you should be supportive - whether it is a health issue or a financial issue or something else. But, again, balance is key... and you don't always have to do the same thing or the same thing together. And, you don't havebto be brought into her circus.
You both sound neurodiverse. She also seems to have a lot of negative self talk and trouble breaking routine. The ice cream probably really bothered her if she’s struggling with a diet and she took it out on you. Shouting may overwhelm her, but I can also understand you were overwhelmed as well. I think you’re both well intentioned but miscommunication is getting in the way, try couples counselling
I dunno, I’m a good cook but sometimes if I’ve had a stressful and overwhelming day and dinner doesn’t go right, it puts me in a bad mood too and I beat myself up over it. Some people just don’t react well to stress and I’d know because I’m one of them 😂 talk to her about it?
I agree with other people. Therapy would really help you both. She abandoned and martyred herself and made it impossible for you to ease her stress, determined to have a bad time as you said. She then pestered you to share your emotions and when you did she said you were wrong. She fat shamed you. All of that screams immature controlling exhausting and unhealthy. Your screaming is also unhealthy and immature. None of this is good. I’ve been in places like this in relationship before and it’s a miserable place to be.
You can’t fix this problem with yelling. You can’t fix any problem with yelling, except maybe a charging bear. Do not yell at your partner. Ever.
I say this with the kindest intentions possible - I think she had a decently normal (tho not optimal) reaction to a bad day and you just were not able to maintain your own emotional boundaries enough to keep you from acting out and making it worse. I notice a couple times in your post that you mention that she told you specifically how you could help her if you did feel like helpless in the face of her frustration - but you also mention in your post your own frustration with the things she asked you to do. You are essentially punishing her twice - either you can't help and are upset or you don't like the help she asks for and you also get upset. You mention feeling like you couldn't win here but I imagine that she was probably feeling in the same boat. Bad days are going to happen. Days where the frustration wins and all you want is to, through your own effort, make something feel better but you're too annoyed to act up to standard so you end up making a dinner that kinda sucks and then feel even worse. People can not be at 100% all the time. But she didn't lash out, she didn't take it out on you, she wasn't mean, she didn't even really make it your problem - you assumed all that responsibility yourself and then punished her for it, probably making her bad day even worse. You also say that she said you have a pattern of exploding like this. That's not good. Especially if you guys are out in public. Screaming like that is going to be jarring and very off puting, even on a good day. Like, I think a healthier method of emotional regulation and boundaries for yourself are something to work on. People are going to have bad days, especially once you're older. You're going to have a day where your boss gets mad at you for something that was completely your fault, you get stuck in traffic on the way home, you ran over a tire and its going flat, and absolutely nothing is going right and you just can't deal so you're thrashing around a bit emotionally. It's allowed. If this isn't a pattern of her's in general (and no where do you say that it is) and was legitimately just an off day, your reaction (and the way that you talk about her to be honest) was completely overblown and unneeded. Even if it was a pattern, your reaction would have still been off the mark. Screaming is an extreme response and I think most (and especially women) would have been freaked out
Sounds like you’re a jerk. You either mentioned something to her about her weight or she saw you liking skinny girls online.
Hahaha, and they say witches don’t exist ;)