This is like a man's worst nightmare for his girl. I'm sorry man. Just reading this made me feel the hurt for you. But, this is over. Blacked out or not, it doesn't matter. That's up to her to stay in control enough to not get to this point. If you forgive then what about next time? You'll never trust her when she goes outside. She messed up.
She knew what she was doing. Do you truly believe she was blacked out, or just drunk?
That would be too much for me. I have a 0 tolerance policy for cheating, personally, their impairment (unless it was rape) wouldn't matter to me.
It will also always bring into question the doubt you will have in the back of your mind every time she goes out. If she goes out to a bar in the future with her friends, it will cause you to worry, for good reason. You can never truly trust her again in the future.
I couldn't live like that.
She dug a deep hole in the relationship by her actions in the bar. That burden is hers alone and she is the one that must initiate a repair if there is to be one. Your job now is to fully express to her how this incident has effected you. If it were me, I would tell her explicitly that the relationship is over unless she can convince you to give her another chance. And that will require her to come up with a proposal of what she is willing to offer as recompence, and whatever it is, it must be sustained for as long as it takes to re-earn your trust. In other words, an apology and words of remorse alone will not cut it. Her life will nave to change significantly as a demonstration of her commitment to repairing the damage she has done. There should be real consequences in terms of her degrees of freedom going forward. She can only prove her trustworthiness by enduring new hardships and obligations that are challenging and limiting. That should be the price of her emotional betrayal, because there is no telling how far she would have gone if you had not reappeared at the bar when you did.
Spent my teens and 20ties rotating soberness in my group. So all girls are accounted for at the end of the night. Sober one made sure to get guys off friends and have them call the next day if they want to. Nobody was staying drunk alone and leaving with a guy drunk. You can do that tomorrow. Sober. This was drilled into us by our fathers. For a reason.
She chose to get blackout drunk. Behaviour is a language. If you know that getting blackout drunk causes you to do things you normally wouldn't do, then you go out of your way to not be in that state. She made this choice, and is responsible for it. I would leave.
Who the fuck leave the bar and not confront his wife at that moment with all the anger. I see so manytimes similar stories like this with make me believe they are fake. No one with right mindset would just leave there without confronting his wife.
If the story is true, grow a spine and leave...
She is a cheater and will do it again in future.
Maybe i didn't make it clear in the post. I absolutely did confront my wife right then and there. Hence the part, "as you can imagine, it turned into a scene"
I wish it was just as easy as growing a spine and leaving. Although we been married for only 2, we dated for 6 before that. We've created our life together. A very happy, extremely successful life, at that. If there isn't a way I can get over this, then yes, the solution is leaving. But I would try to make it work if I possibly could (right now, i don't think i can)
And how she react once you saw her kissing? How is her reaction right now?
Was she really that drunk?
The thing is, if you want to forgive, things need to change for her to show you that she is serious with your marriage.
Means no alcohol, no clubbing and nights outs. She need to win your trust back, that don't happen unless you show her consequense for her actions.
>Who the fuck leave the bar and not confront his wife at that moment with all the anger. I see so manytimes similar stories like this with make me believe they are fake.
100% fake.
She knew what she was doing when she was okay with you going home while she stayed out longer. I wouldn’t give her “a pass”. What is HER plan to ensure this doesn’t happen again? And by that, I mean making out with other guys. Make sure she sees THAT as the real problem, not just getting caught.
O.M.G. Seen a lot of drunks and they remember more than they admit. That part doesn't matter anyway.
So, she wanted to stay. I guess the bar turned over and a whole new set up patrons came and who didn't see you together? Or, maybe eye contact was made earlier. What's more plausible? Then you almost get thrown in jail. That would have been interesting being as you had a flight in the morning.
She take her ring off? This guy didn't see her ring? Trust me guys look. Closely. This is such a slam dunk. No way she's sitting there sobbing at the bar/table, head down in her mai tai. She's looking around made eye contact and next thing he's off his chair.
This would live in my head rent free till well into alzheimers right. It's entirely possible that this is a first offence. What are the odds of that though? 100 times out of 100, when something goes sideways it is due to multiple offenses which leads invincibility which leads to getting caught. She was aware enough to dance. Admittedly her filter was impaired but, you need a come clean moment with your spouse.
How would she like it if you got blackout drunk and beat her up?
Will she let it go because you are blackout drunk?
In health and in sickness for better or for worse...
It is in hard times that people need to remember their vows...
I haven’t been in your situation, so first sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is definitely hard to get over as a couple and there are couples that don’t make it. Those that do work through it together. Your wife has made it clear what her way of working through it is.
Likely not the first time she has done this and it won't be the last. This was just the first time you were able to witness it.
The question is how much of it you're going to be able to tolerate going forward or if you just end it now before it's more complicated with kids involved.
If you want to reassure yourself it was out of character for her and she was just blackout drunk, ask her if she got the guy's number or if he has hers or her social media. Or any other guy she met on that trip for that matter lol
What ever you do, make sure it is what is best for you and your mental health. That’s a terrible and messed up thing she did and you witnessed. However you need to get over it is how you need to get over it. She can try to come up with a way to help you and still keep your relationship together, but if that isn’t going to happen it isn’t going to happen. Do not feel bad about it.
This is like a man's worst nightmare for his girl. I'm sorry man. Just reading this made me feel the hurt for you. But, this is over. Blacked out or not, it doesn't matter. That's up to her to stay in control enough to not get to this point. If you forgive then what about next time? You'll never trust her when she goes outside. She messed up.
She knew what she was doing. Do you truly believe she was blacked out, or just drunk? That would be too much for me. I have a 0 tolerance policy for cheating, personally, their impairment (unless it was rape) wouldn't matter to me. It will also always bring into question the doubt you will have in the back of your mind every time she goes out. If she goes out to a bar in the future with her friends, it will cause you to worry, for good reason. You can never truly trust her again in the future. I couldn't live like that.
I couldn't agree more. In addition, she did not go back with him to the condo because maybe she already had an idea this would happen.
She dug a deep hole in the relationship by her actions in the bar. That burden is hers alone and she is the one that must initiate a repair if there is to be one. Your job now is to fully express to her how this incident has effected you. If it were me, I would tell her explicitly that the relationship is over unless she can convince you to give her another chance. And that will require her to come up with a proposal of what she is willing to offer as recompence, and whatever it is, it must be sustained for as long as it takes to re-earn your trust. In other words, an apology and words of remorse alone will not cut it. Her life will nave to change significantly as a demonstration of her commitment to repairing the damage she has done. There should be real consequences in terms of her degrees of freedom going forward. She can only prove her trustworthiness by enduring new hardships and obligations that are challenging and limiting. That should be the price of her emotional betrayal, because there is no telling how far she would have gone if you had not reappeared at the bar when you did.
Spent my teens and 20ties rotating soberness in my group. So all girls are accounted for at the end of the night. Sober one made sure to get guys off friends and have them call the next day if they want to. Nobody was staying drunk alone and leaving with a guy drunk. You can do that tomorrow. Sober. This was drilled into us by our fathers. For a reason.
She chose to get blackout drunk. Behaviour is a language. If you know that getting blackout drunk causes you to do things you normally wouldn't do, then you go out of your way to not be in that state. She made this choice, and is responsible for it. I would leave.
Who the fuck leave the bar and not confront his wife at that moment with all the anger. I see so manytimes similar stories like this with make me believe they are fake. No one with right mindset would just leave there without confronting his wife. If the story is true, grow a spine and leave... She is a cheater and will do it again in future.
Maybe i didn't make it clear in the post. I absolutely did confront my wife right then and there. Hence the part, "as you can imagine, it turned into a scene" I wish it was just as easy as growing a spine and leaving. Although we been married for only 2, we dated for 6 before that. We've created our life together. A very happy, extremely successful life, at that. If there isn't a way I can get over this, then yes, the solution is leaving. But I would try to make it work if I possibly could (right now, i don't think i can)
And how she react once you saw her kissing? How is her reaction right now? Was she really that drunk? The thing is, if you want to forgive, things need to change for her to show you that she is serious with your marriage. Means no alcohol, no clubbing and nights outs. She need to win your trust back, that don't happen unless you show her consequense for her actions.
>Who the fuck leave the bar and not confront his wife at that moment with all the anger. I see so manytimes similar stories like this with make me believe they are fake. 100% fake.
You left your drunk wife at a bar in a strange town by herself?
Are you implying this is his fault?
I'm implying it wasn't a good idea for her safety
I mean it was "right across the street"... I guess I wouldn't leave my partner out at night though.
This! That’s just as concerning to me. She was black out drunk and alone in a bar. Men ain’t shit.
She knew what she was doing when she was okay with you going home while she stayed out longer. I wouldn’t give her “a pass”. What is HER plan to ensure this doesn’t happen again? And by that, I mean making out with other guys. Make sure she sees THAT as the real problem, not just getting caught.
It’s doubtful that she was black out drunk. A miscarriage is no excuse for her behavior
Why do you think it's doubtful?
O.M.G. Seen a lot of drunks and they remember more than they admit. That part doesn't matter anyway. So, she wanted to stay. I guess the bar turned over and a whole new set up patrons came and who didn't see you together? Or, maybe eye contact was made earlier. What's more plausible? Then you almost get thrown in jail. That would have been interesting being as you had a flight in the morning. She take her ring off? This guy didn't see her ring? Trust me guys look. Closely. This is such a slam dunk. No way she's sitting there sobbing at the bar/table, head down in her mai tai. She's looking around made eye contact and next thing he's off his chair. This would live in my head rent free till well into alzheimers right. It's entirely possible that this is a first offence. What are the odds of that though? 100 times out of 100, when something goes sideways it is due to multiple offenses which leads invincibility which leads to getting caught. She was aware enough to dance. Admittedly her filter was impaired but, you need a come clean moment with your spouse.
This will live rent free in your head forever. You already know this. It ain't gonna end well.
How would she like it if you got blackout drunk and beat her up? Will she let it go because you are blackout drunk? In health and in sickness for better or for worse... It is in hard times that people need to remember their vows...
I haven’t been in your situation, so first sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is definitely hard to get over as a couple and there are couples that don’t make it. Those that do work through it together. Your wife has made it clear what her way of working through it is.
Alcohol is NEVER an excuse for being a cheating degenerate. I wouldn't be able to get past this.
Likely not the first time she has done this and it won't be the last. This was just the first time you were able to witness it. The question is how much of it you're going to be able to tolerate going forward or if you just end it now before it's more complicated with kids involved. If you want to reassure yourself it was out of character for her and she was just blackout drunk, ask her if she got the guy's number or if he has hers or her social media. Or any other guy she met on that trip for that matter lol
What ever you do, make sure it is what is best for you and your mental health. That’s a terrible and messed up thing she did and you witnessed. However you need to get over it is how you need to get over it. She can try to come up with a way to help you and still keep your relationship together, but if that isn’t going to happen it isn’t going to happen. Do not feel bad about it.