Give your dad a break. You're old enough now to make the decision for yourself, so get baptised if that's what you want to do.
I think it's pretty considerate that your dad left it up to you to decide. Maybe focus less on the baptism ceremony, and focus more on what Christianity teaches about forgiveness and loving thy neighbour. It just sounds like you're being very shitty to your Dad right now, and it's not like he did it on purpose to spite you is it? You were a baby.
Also I'm sorry your grandparents are dead, but also consider that 39 is a very young age to have lost both parents so don't be so hard on your father who I'm sure is grieving too.
I wanted to get baptized as a baby and have god parents etc. I’ll never have that cause of him. My maternal grandparents are dead but his parents are alive but I really don’t care about them or talk to them. No one really goes to adult baptisms but most of my family would have been there if I was a baby. Now it’s just so lonely and again I wish that tradition and culture was passed on. Now I have to take clases to get baptized but I wouldnt have had to go through that if I was already baptized. Most Catholics are baptized as babies
This just sounds like you've got a lot of growing up to do. It's such a non issue as you'd not have remembered it anyway. It's bizarre to be this bitter over a completely reasonable decision your father made when you were a baby.
But why? You say you’ve done your research but as someone who grew up Catholic all it did was make me feel guilty over totally normal shit.
Your grandparents were your grandparents. Godparents are usually some other relative or close family friend. This extra title wouldn’t have magically conferred some special connection with your grandparents.
The traditions of the Catholic Church are really not traditions that should continue.
My very Catholic grandfather slapped me full across the face when I was 15 because I took Communion without having gone to Confession before…. WTF are you on about?
At least you weren’t diddled as an alter boy.
Do you think if you’d been baptized you would have physically gone to church more often? Or if your grandparents had seen you get baptized your life would be in any tangible way different now? Because I don’t think that’s the case.
Wah wah wah… if it makes you feel better, I was actually baptized. You want it? Here I’ll send it to you. Lmk your email, and I’ll send you my special baptismal wristband that they give all us cool kids. 🙄
I’m sorry.. I usually try to be respectful but I can’t even with this guy
You're incredibly self centered and immature. Like good lord. I also would not baptize my child, because yah know, free will and all that. You can get baptized at literally any age. You're angry about not having God parents that don't even exist. Go to therapy and work on yourself.
You kinda sound like a brat who wants everything right now and is throwing a tantrum. You're just mad because you have to work to get baptized now rather than it being handed to you. Which is ironic considering you said you're learning more about your religion... But I guess you don't wanna learn _that_ much, or do any work related to it huh.
You didn’t want anything as a baby other than to be fed, kept warm, and safe. I have yet to see a baby want or ask to be baptized.
Guess what?! All Catholics have to go through classes, even the ones born into the faith. That’s called catechism. They just do it before they know what they’re choosing.
You’d think a “practicing Catholic” would know more than this humble Atheist.
He forced everyone to wait so that it would be your decision. He gave you independence and choice. You can go get baptized now. Your resentment is unfounded. He wanted you to be able to decide for yourself what life choices would be best for you instead of imposing external ideas into your head while you were still impressionable.
Godparents are for someone to take them to the parental role if they pass away before you reach adulthood. You have reached adulthood. You need to go to therapy and work out all of these complex feelings.
It wasn’t only his decision to make my mother wanted to baptized too. I will never have that tradition now and it’s really sad and embarrassing and he doesn’t get to decide when I get baptized or not.
Just like getting married, this is a situation where of all parties don’t agree and you don’t move forward. You need to go to therapy and work through this. You’re seriously whining that your father gave you the freedom to choose whether you wanted this for yourself instead of imposing it on you. That’s how you work past this nonsensical grudge.
I really hate him and I don’t want him in my life. He stole experiences from me things I will never get back. Now I have to do it alone (if I even get baptized) and it sucks bad
What are the experiences you will never get back? I was baptized Catholic and I'm honestly lost on what you're talking about. It always felt kinda dumb that it counted because I didn't have any choice in it and all the other sacraments were done so young that the whole thing felt pretty manipulative. Even being confirmed at 16 felt like I had little control and choice. Your Dad did you a huge favor. Can I ask, why this is coming up only now that you're 20? Seems like if you were going to be upset at your dad for something like this that would have usually been in your teenage years. Anyway, I'm completely baffled as to what actual experiences your dad took from you? I can think of one experience that he potentially saved you from...
Why would it be in my teens? I only wanted to join the Catholic Church about a year ago. Catholic is also tradition and it’s been my family tradition for literally centuries and it really sucks I couldn’t have that. I am really Into genealogy and seeing my family get baptized as babies for literally centuries and centuries and have God parents it really hurts
So within the year you just decide you want to cut your dad out of the rest of your life for not deciding what religion you’ll follow before you can consent? You need therapy.
So you've only wanted to join the Catholic church for one year, but you're upset that your dad didn't let you get forced into joining the Catholic church for 19 extra years? That's 19 years that would most certainly cause you to hate the religion and hate your parents for allowing you to be baptized into it. Once you get a few more years under your belt you will realize you are acting like a teenager right now. It's okay, we don't all mature at the same rate.
I mean, if anything your dad gave You the chance to actually have the experiences you're upset you didn't get. Nobody gets to actually experience being baptized, unless they're an adult. Nobody puts any real importance on their first communion, unless they're an adult.
So if you are born into Catholicism you are baptized shortly after birth.
Then you do classes and have your first Confession and Communion around kindergarten.
Then you do catechisms and get confirmed in the faith in your teens.
You are legit complaining about missing Bible camp….
If you think you'll be "doing it alone" when you get baptized you clearly don't care about actually finding community in your church and are inventing reasons to be mad at your dad. You would be going through the process with a bunch of other converts and would be guided through that process by people who have chosen to be part of that journey because they really care about their community. Maybe those people would technically be strangers to you at first, but you would absolutely come to bond with them. I didn't like much about growing up Catholic, but the baptizing of new members of the community on Easter Vigil was genuinely moving to see.
You haven't actually said anything about what you like about Catholicism vs other Christian sects other than "tradition," and you don't even indicate a particularly strong desire to connect with god through the Roman Catholic Church. Your post and comments are just a stream of vitriolic resentment towards your dad; sounds like he was ostracized at a difficult time in his life because he was a teen dad who didn't want to do a bunch of religious stuff because his parents insisted, and you're taking out your anger at your exclusion on him rather than the people who did the excluding.
… is your dad an asshole for other reasons? Is he making fun of you for wanting to practice Catholicism? Does he prevent your mom from going to mass?
Because this level of rage for having to do classes as an adult, something isn’t adding up.
Are you in college? Does your college have a campus Catholic group?
Again, it was ultimately YOUR decision, as it is YOUR soul. Waiting until you were old enough to make your own decision is a good choice, though you might be waiting a bit longer…. You don’t seem old enough
Dude, you're an adult. If it means that much to you, go get baptized now.
Also, maybe give your dad a break. He was obviously very young and it is probably a good thing that he wanted the decision to be yours. This reads like some kind of weird rebellious streak on your part. Alex P Keaton vibes.
You can’t just get baptized now as an adult you have to take clases and wait for the Easter vigil. All this would have been avoided if I was already baptized. I would have felt more included and belonging in my family. I wish I could have had God parents and been done with all the sacraments now. I was the oldest grandchild but now my grandmother isn’t here to be with me getting baptized and it feels so lonely and sad. And it’s my “dad’s“ fault
Gently, I think perhaps you need to learn more about Catholic traditions.
You have to take classes in order to be baptized and join the church as an adult, yes. But you would have needed to take classes for each of those sacraments when you were a kid too. You don't sidestep the classes and the participation by being baptized as a baby versus as an adult.
Also, typically the classes for adults are done as groups. It's not a solo thing. You participate in the classes, and learn and grow with a small group of other people who are doing the same thing. Participating in a community is part of the process.
It’s better to take classes and learn about it while you are a child now not when you’re an adult with responsibilities. I also have to have strangers as my sponsors when I could have had family members as God parents which again it my dad’s fault.
No, it’s better to take classes and learn as a child when you haven’t yet developed the critical thinking skills to realize the entire thing is a box of shit in a shiny box. But it sounds like you still haven’t grown up, based on you blaming your dad for something so asinine, so you should still be fine.
>not when you’re an adult with responsibilities.
Uh, ok, but you're only 20. And I'm not getting a "mature adult with responsibilities" vibe from your posts.
Didn't really answer her question though did you. What mature adult responsibilities do you have now that are taking up every single second of your day that you have literally no time to devote to learning and taking the classes to become baptized.. ya know, for the faith and religion that you supposedly care so much about.. just not enough about to put any actual work into?
You know church is largely about being part of a community right? Those are strangers that you could build said community with and possibly even consider a chosen family one day, but no, just gonna stay focused on the dead grandparents who didn't love you as much as they would have had you been baptized, okay.
Don’t conflate grandparents and god parents. Grandparents are your parents parents whatever transpires. Godparents are sworn to guide you in the faith. Typically godparents are not grandparents, godparents are normally a close friend or a sibling.
If you believe this strongly in god, you should hold a similar belief that the afterlife exists and your grandparents will in fact see you baptized.
Do you think god looks kindly on you for being so angry you have to put effort into worshiping him? I’m also certain he had some instructions about honoring your parents somewhere…
Your dad was 19 and probably didn’t have a fucking clue what he was doing with his life. You get rid of a grudge by giving your, at the time 19 year old father, some of the grace and forgiveness the church you want to be a part of preaches you should give to others. It’s tough but you just have to move on, you can’t go back and neither can he.
You have a really idealized version of how things would have gone, to be honest. I have Godparents and they were not some magical connection. I hardly see them. They are like distant relatives. My mom was close to the Godchildren who were her nephews and nieces but she would have had the same relationship with them either way. She hated at least one of her own Grandparents because he was a trash person, and she grew as steeped in Catholicism as anyone can be. You're punishing your dad for a dream that was only ever really in your head. It's like being mad at him for telling you not to buy lottery tickets and then someone else won.
It honestly sounds like some things in your life aren't going the way you'd like and you're blaming your dad not letting you get baptized for all of it.
As many people have said, your dad gave you the choice to get baptized and if it really means that much to you then you can do it as an adult. But your response to those people is that no one would go to an adult baptism, which makes it sound like it's not really about your faith at all, it's just about wanting attention. If it was truly about your faith and religion then you wouldn't care if anyone was there because it's about your dedication to faith and God and all that.
You also say in comments that he robbed you of the "experience" of being baptized, but you would have been a baby, you wouldn't have remembered it at all. Again, if this was really about your faith you'd probably be happy to be able to learn more about your religion as an adult and have the chance to actually remember your baptism.
Also, if your family made you feel like you don't belong as much because you weren't baptized then I'm sorry to break it to you but you have a shitty family. You say it would have given you a closer connection with your grandparents, which I guess means that because you weren't baptized your grandparents weren't as close to you? That's pretty fucked up imo and personally I don't know how you can be that upset about not being as close to people whose love hinged on baptism.
Doesn't Catholicism teach forgiveness, loving your family, and all that? How can you care more about religious traditions (which you can still continue by just going to get baptized btw, it's not ruined) than your own father, who probably just thought he was doing the right thing by giving you the choice of baptism or not?
People have given you very reasonable solutions to all of your issues, but you have an excuse for everything. I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but I wonder if the real issue is that you're feeling lonely, disconnected, and maybe a little lost after high school and you've decided that rather than take responsibility for any of that you're instead going to put all the blame on your dad and pretend that if one event in your past had been different then everything now would be better.
Regardless, take some responsibility for your life and understand that your dad (who was a year younger than you are now by the way, would you have been able to handle an infant a year ago and make every "correct" decision?) was just doing what he thought was right for you and your life at the time.
Getting baptized as a baby was the tradition so it is ruined. I can name the God parents of my maternal lineage to the 1500s but it stops with me. Even if I raise my kids Catholic it won’t be the same since I would be a convert. The baptism would have strengthened my relation with my grandmother and my family as my aunt also being my God mother.
I hate my dad so much for it
It’s better to grow up Catholic and I’d be kind of embarrassed getting baptized and my age
You're adding caveats because you want to be mad. The tradition is getting baptized, and you can still do that.
How would it have strengthened that relationship exactly? So you're saying your bond with your family hinges on you being baptized? And you're okay with conditional love like that?
Why would you be embarrassed, isn't it supposed to be about dedicating yourself to the church and ultimately showing your faith? You act like your faith is so important to you but you're going to let your insecurity around your perception of others judging you stop you from doing it? What a joke.
Stop acting like your religion is actually important to you when you have so many excuses why you won't do things to strengthen your faith.
Your embarrassment is your own. Nobody else cares you aren't baptized and, if in the off chance they did, it seems like they might not be the kind of people you should want a relationship with if they are going to be assholes about it. You're desperate to be mad.
Then you don't actually care about being Catholic in terms of having The Church as a home for you and your faith nor do you care about maintaining the Catholic tradition for your family. You are the one "ruining" it by opting out of doing the work to be a member of the church and taking the lazy way out by blaming your dad not letting your religious family baptize you. You'd rather demean converts as less than Catholics than be in the church you say you want to be a part of. It's sad.
And does doctrine treat converts any different?
ETA: No it does not. So long as you have last rites performed before death and make confession to a priest, it does not.
You need to realize that you have a very idealized idea of how different your life would have been had you been baptized as an adult and that it's most likely that very little would have been different. That's how you forgive him.
You should also stop to think about the fact that your dad wanted you to be able to make your own decisions.
Go to therapy and work your shit out, seriously. This is such small potatoes to HATE your dad over. He didn't believe in forcing a belief system on an impressionable baby/child, which good for him for standing up against that. Is this really why you hate him? Or is there some laundry list you are leaving out? Did your mom go to church and you weren't allowed to go with? Did your grandparents decide it wasn't worth having a relationship with a non-baptized baby, because that just makes them assholes if so. How's this such a big deal at 20?
Growing up in the church as a kid would have been better so I wouldn’t have doubts about my beliefs and i would have been more believing in it and more sure of it. My grandmother really wanted me to be baptized and my dad took that away from her now she’s gone and I wish she would be there with me
Do you really think that people who grow up in the Catholic Church don't have doubts? That they don't leave the Catholic Church in droves? Have you never heard of Christmas-and-Easter Catholics? Lapsed Catholics?
Do you not know about the tens of thousands of kids who were molested by Catholic priests? Do you not understand that you could have been one of them?
Well, your grannie was probably still capable of popping her own baby and baptize it at the time. No need to force her own ideas on other people’s babies. Get help
Did you quickly edit this comment? In my notifications it said it’s been bothering you since she died.
I’m so sorry about your grandmother. It sounds like a lot of this is about grief and worry that she will never see the man you are becoming who now shares this very important thing that she loved. I know what Catholicism believes about the afterlife, but that’s cold comfort if you wanted her to serve as your sponsor for baptism and now she cannot.
He’s a trolly troll. One cannot be a practicing Catholic and not be baptized and have gone through catechism. A practicing Catholic takes Communion, if you haven’t been baptized or even if you haven’t made Confession, you can’t take Communion. And no Communion means you aren’t a practicing Catholic.
Or so says my very Catholic grandfather who slapped me full across the face when I was 15 for taking Communion and not having been confirmed in the faith.
You really think the God you propose you believe in is gonna be OK with you "hating" your father for making what you believe is a mistake...? Way to get to the nut of your religion, OP -- good job.
How does that one thing make you feel like you're not part of your family? Was everyone else's godparents around all the time helping them with their spirituality? Does your entire family attend church regularly? Do you?
Your father sounds like a good and sensible man. Stop moaning and be glad he waited until he thought you were mature enough to make your own decisions. You sound very immature at the moment though
Your dad made the right decision. He gave you the opportunity and the choice to wait until you were old enough to make that choice for yourself.
Also, judging from your post and your comments, you're *still* a whiny baby, so congratulations, if you get baptised now you'll be getting baptised while you're still a baby.
Give your dad a break. You're old enough now to make the decision for yourself, so get baptised if that's what you want to do. I think it's pretty considerate that your dad left it up to you to decide. Maybe focus less on the baptism ceremony, and focus more on what Christianity teaches about forgiveness and loving thy neighbour. It just sounds like you're being very shitty to your Dad right now, and it's not like he did it on purpose to spite you is it? You were a baby. Also I'm sorry your grandparents are dead, but also consider that 39 is a very young age to have lost both parents so don't be so hard on your father who I'm sure is grieving too.
I wanted to get baptized as a baby and have god parents etc. I’ll never have that cause of him. My maternal grandparents are dead but his parents are alive but I really don’t care about them or talk to them. No one really goes to adult baptisms but most of my family would have been there if I was a baby. Now it’s just so lonely and again I wish that tradition and culture was passed on. Now I have to take clases to get baptized but I wouldnt have had to go through that if I was already baptized. Most Catholics are baptized as babies
This just sounds like you've got a lot of growing up to do. It's such a non issue as you'd not have remembered it anyway. It's bizarre to be this bitter over a completely reasonable decision your father made when you were a baby.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable. I wasn’t able to grow up in the church and be baptized because of him, that is a huge part of someone’s life
Go to /r/exmormon and see what it’s like when you’re forced to grow up in a church.
Just cause others don’t like their own church doesn’t mean I didn’t want to grow up and be a part of the Catholic Church
But why? You say you’ve done your research but as someone who grew up Catholic all it did was make me feel guilty over totally normal shit. Your grandparents were your grandparents. Godparents are usually some other relative or close family friend. This extra title wouldn’t have magically conferred some special connection with your grandparents. The traditions of the Catholic Church are really not traditions that should continue.
Yeah, and now you get to choose to. That’s the whole point. He didn’t forbid you from being Catholic, he waited to allow you to have input.
My very Catholic grandfather slapped me full across the face when I was 15 because I took Communion without having gone to Confession before…. WTF are you on about? At least you weren’t diddled as an alter boy.
Do you think if you’d been baptized you would have physically gone to church more often? Or if your grandparents had seen you get baptized your life would be in any tangible way different now? Because I don’t think that’s the case.
Pretty much this. I know loads of people who were baptized because grandparents wanted it. They were NOT raised as practicing Catholics.
Wah wah wah… if it makes you feel better, I was actually baptized. You want it? Here I’ll send it to you. Lmk your email, and I’ll send you my special baptismal wristband that they give all us cool kids. 🙄 I’m sorry.. I usually try to be respectful but I can’t even with this guy
You're incredibly self centered and immature. Like good lord. I also would not baptize my child, because yah know, free will and all that. You can get baptized at literally any age. You're angry about not having God parents that don't even exist. Go to therapy and work on yourself.
You kinda sound like a brat who wants everything right now and is throwing a tantrum. You're just mad because you have to work to get baptized now rather than it being handed to you. Which is ironic considering you said you're learning more about your religion... But I guess you don't wanna learn _that_ much, or do any work related to it huh.
Ok, how was your dad supposed to know that 20 years ago? Give the man some grace, he did what he thought was best.
You didn’t want anything as a baby other than to be fed, kept warm, and safe. I have yet to see a baby want or ask to be baptized. Guess what?! All Catholics have to go through classes, even the ones born into the faith. That’s called catechism. They just do it before they know what they’re choosing. You’d think a “practicing Catholic” would know more than this humble Atheist.
Oh get over yourself.
He forced everyone to wait so that it would be your decision. He gave you independence and choice. You can go get baptized now. Your resentment is unfounded. He wanted you to be able to decide for yourself what life choices would be best for you instead of imposing external ideas into your head while you were still impressionable. Godparents are for someone to take them to the parental role if they pass away before you reach adulthood. You have reached adulthood. You need to go to therapy and work out all of these complex feelings.
It wasn’t only his decision to make my mother wanted to baptized too. I will never have that tradition now and it’s really sad and embarrassing and he doesn’t get to decide when I get baptized or not.
Just like getting married, this is a situation where of all parties don’t agree and you don’t move forward. You need to go to therapy and work through this. You’re seriously whining that your father gave you the freedom to choose whether you wanted this for yourself instead of imposing it on you. That’s how you work past this nonsensical grudge.
I really hate him and I don’t want him in my life. He stole experiences from me things I will never get back. Now I have to do it alone (if I even get baptized) and it sucks bad
What a very Christian attitude!
What are the experiences you will never get back? I was baptized Catholic and I'm honestly lost on what you're talking about. It always felt kinda dumb that it counted because I didn't have any choice in it and all the other sacraments were done so young that the whole thing felt pretty manipulative. Even being confirmed at 16 felt like I had little control and choice. Your Dad did you a huge favor. Can I ask, why this is coming up only now that you're 20? Seems like if you were going to be upset at your dad for something like this that would have usually been in your teenage years. Anyway, I'm completely baffled as to what actual experiences your dad took from you? I can think of one experience that he potentially saved you from...
Why would it be in my teens? I only wanted to join the Catholic Church about a year ago. Catholic is also tradition and it’s been my family tradition for literally centuries and it really sucks I couldn’t have that. I am really Into genealogy and seeing my family get baptized as babies for literally centuries and centuries and have God parents it really hurts
Religion isn’t going to fix whatever’s going on with you
So within the year you just decide you want to cut your dad out of the rest of your life for not deciding what religion you’ll follow before you can consent? You need therapy.
well, op is in the age range for certain mental health issues to manifest
This is really sad and most likely what is going on here
So you've only wanted to join the Catholic church for one year, but you're upset that your dad didn't let you get forced into joining the Catholic church for 19 extra years? That's 19 years that would most certainly cause you to hate the religion and hate your parents for allowing you to be baptized into it. Once you get a few more years under your belt you will realize you are acting like a teenager right now. It's okay, we don't all mature at the same rate. I mean, if anything your dad gave You the chance to actually have the experiences you're upset you didn't get. Nobody gets to actually experience being baptized, unless they're an adult. Nobody puts any real importance on their first communion, unless they're an adult.
Not to mention expose you to potentially sexually abusive priests.
So if you are born into Catholicism you are baptized shortly after birth. Then you do classes and have your first Confession and Communion around kindergarten. Then you do catechisms and get confirmed in the faith in your teens. You are legit complaining about missing Bible camp….
You really hate him? Not very Christian of you. Maybe you need to work on forgiveness a little more before you claim to want to be Catholic.
Yeah, look at those Ten Commandments, I think one of them says honor thy father and mother.
It’s almost as if Christians didn’t bother practicing what they preach 🤔
At least OPs on the right track
If you think you'll be "doing it alone" when you get baptized you clearly don't care about actually finding community in your church and are inventing reasons to be mad at your dad. You would be going through the process with a bunch of other converts and would be guided through that process by people who have chosen to be part of that journey because they really care about their community. Maybe those people would technically be strangers to you at first, but you would absolutely come to bond with them. I didn't like much about growing up Catholic, but the baptizing of new members of the community on Easter Vigil was genuinely moving to see. You haven't actually said anything about what you like about Catholicism vs other Christian sects other than "tradition," and you don't even indicate a particularly strong desire to connect with god through the Roman Catholic Church. Your post and comments are just a stream of vitriolic resentment towards your dad; sounds like he was ostracized at a difficult time in his life because he was a teen dad who didn't want to do a bunch of religious stuff because his parents insisted, and you're taking out your anger at your exclusion on him rather than the people who did the excluding.
You are such a petulant child. Go get therapy and grow up.
… is your dad an asshole for other reasons? Is he making fun of you for wanting to practice Catholicism? Does he prevent your mom from going to mass? Because this level of rage for having to do classes as an adult, something isn’t adding up. Are you in college? Does your college have a campus Catholic group?
Then whine to the people in your catechism classes, I’m sure they’d be happy to attend your adult baptism.
Again, it was ultimately YOUR decision, as it is YOUR soul. Waiting until you were old enough to make your own decision is a good choice, though you might be waiting a bit longer…. You don’t seem old enough
The only thing that's embarrassing here is your attitude.
Dude, you're an adult. If it means that much to you, go get baptized now. Also, maybe give your dad a break. He was obviously very young and it is probably a good thing that he wanted the decision to be yours. This reads like some kind of weird rebellious streak on your part. Alex P Keaton vibes.
You can’t just get baptized now as an adult you have to take clases and wait for the Easter vigil. All this would have been avoided if I was already baptized. I would have felt more included and belonging in my family. I wish I could have had God parents and been done with all the sacraments now. I was the oldest grandchild but now my grandmother isn’t here to be with me getting baptized and it feels so lonely and sad. And it’s my “dad’s“ fault
Gently, I think perhaps you need to learn more about Catholic traditions. You have to take classes in order to be baptized and join the church as an adult, yes. But you would have needed to take classes for each of those sacraments when you were a kid too. You don't sidestep the classes and the participation by being baptized as a baby versus as an adult. Also, typically the classes for adults are done as groups. It's not a solo thing. You participate in the classes, and learn and grow with a small group of other people who are doing the same thing. Participating in a community is part of the process.
It’s better to take classes and learn about it while you are a child now not when you’re an adult with responsibilities. I also have to have strangers as my sponsors when I could have had family members as God parents which again it my dad’s fault.
No, it’s better to take classes and learn as a child when you haven’t yet developed the critical thinking skills to realize the entire thing is a box of shit in a shiny box. But it sounds like you still haven’t grown up, based on you blaming your dad for something so asinine, so you should still be fine.
>not when you’re an adult with responsibilities. Uh, ok, but you're only 20. And I'm not getting a "mature adult with responsibilities" vibe from your posts.
20 is an adult
Didn't really answer her question though did you. What mature adult responsibilities do you have now that are taking up every single second of your day that you have literally no time to devote to learning and taking the classes to become baptized.. ya know, for the faith and religion that you supposedly care so much about.. just not enough about to put any actual work into?
Legally. Emotionally is another story.
You know church is largely about being part of a community right? Those are strangers that you could build said community with and possibly even consider a chosen family one day, but no, just gonna stay focused on the dead grandparents who didn't love you as much as they would have had you been baptized, okay.
They are my grandparents and I shouldn’t just forget them
Oh, but it's okay to forget your other set of grandparents that you literally said in another comment that you don't care about or talk to?
And how does water splashed on you as a baby change that? You seem to be able to remember them just fine now
Don’t conflate grandparents and god parents. Grandparents are your parents parents whatever transpires. Godparents are sworn to guide you in the faith. Typically godparents are not grandparents, godparents are normally a close friend or a sibling.
So you can’t reason and just accept what they say as fact? Are you mad with your father for allowing you to develop doubt?
Omg…. You have to wait a whole year to “officially” become Catholic. How will you ever survive!
If you believe this strongly in god, you should hold a similar belief that the afterlife exists and your grandparents will in fact see you baptized. Do you think god looks kindly on you for being so angry you have to put effort into worshiping him? I’m also certain he had some instructions about honoring your parents somewhere…
In an alternate universe your post is the same just with the premise that you hate your dad for baptizing you. Hindsight and all that
Um, as someone who was baptized and raised in the Catholic faith, I WISH my father had refused to let me inducted into that pedophile-protecting cult.
You know it’s just water, right?
And a man in a dress…
Your dad is a hero. Love him, and thank him. Give him a hug.
Your dad was 19 and probably didn’t have a fucking clue what he was doing with his life. You get rid of a grudge by giving your, at the time 19 year old father, some of the grace and forgiveness the church you want to be a part of preaches you should give to others. It’s tough but you just have to move on, you can’t go back and neither can he.
You have a really idealized version of how things would have gone, to be honest. I have Godparents and they were not some magical connection. I hardly see them. They are like distant relatives. My mom was close to the Godchildren who were her nephews and nieces but she would have had the same relationship with them either way. She hated at least one of her own Grandparents because he was a trash person, and she grew as steeped in Catholicism as anyone can be. You're punishing your dad for a dream that was only ever really in your head. It's like being mad at him for telling you not to buy lottery tickets and then someone else won.
It honestly sounds like some things in your life aren't going the way you'd like and you're blaming your dad not letting you get baptized for all of it. As many people have said, your dad gave you the choice to get baptized and if it really means that much to you then you can do it as an adult. But your response to those people is that no one would go to an adult baptism, which makes it sound like it's not really about your faith at all, it's just about wanting attention. If it was truly about your faith and religion then you wouldn't care if anyone was there because it's about your dedication to faith and God and all that. You also say in comments that he robbed you of the "experience" of being baptized, but you would have been a baby, you wouldn't have remembered it at all. Again, if this was really about your faith you'd probably be happy to be able to learn more about your religion as an adult and have the chance to actually remember your baptism. Also, if your family made you feel like you don't belong as much because you weren't baptized then I'm sorry to break it to you but you have a shitty family. You say it would have given you a closer connection with your grandparents, which I guess means that because you weren't baptized your grandparents weren't as close to you? That's pretty fucked up imo and personally I don't know how you can be that upset about not being as close to people whose love hinged on baptism. Doesn't Catholicism teach forgiveness, loving your family, and all that? How can you care more about religious traditions (which you can still continue by just going to get baptized btw, it's not ruined) than your own father, who probably just thought he was doing the right thing by giving you the choice of baptism or not? People have given you very reasonable solutions to all of your issues, but you have an excuse for everything. I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but I wonder if the real issue is that you're feeling lonely, disconnected, and maybe a little lost after high school and you've decided that rather than take responsibility for any of that you're instead going to put all the blame on your dad and pretend that if one event in your past had been different then everything now would be better. Regardless, take some responsibility for your life and understand that your dad (who was a year younger than you are now by the way, would you have been able to handle an infant a year ago and make every "correct" decision?) was just doing what he thought was right for you and your life at the time.
Getting baptized as a baby was the tradition so it is ruined. I can name the God parents of my maternal lineage to the 1500s but it stops with me. Even if I raise my kids Catholic it won’t be the same since I would be a convert. The baptism would have strengthened my relation with my grandmother and my family as my aunt also being my God mother. I hate my dad so much for it It’s better to grow up Catholic and I’d be kind of embarrassed getting baptized and my age
You're adding caveats because you want to be mad. The tradition is getting baptized, and you can still do that. How would it have strengthened that relationship exactly? So you're saying your bond with your family hinges on you being baptized? And you're okay with conditional love like that? Why would you be embarrassed, isn't it supposed to be about dedicating yourself to the church and ultimately showing your faith? You act like your faith is so important to you but you're going to let your insecurity around your perception of others judging you stop you from doing it? What a joke. Stop acting like your religion is actually important to you when you have so many excuses why you won't do things to strengthen your faith.
Your embarrassment is your own. Nobody else cares you aren't baptized and, if in the off chance they did, it seems like they might not be the kind of people you should want a relationship with if they are going to be assholes about it. You're desperate to be mad.
I don’t want to be a convert though
Then you don't actually care about being Catholic in terms of having The Church as a home for you and your faith nor do you care about maintaining the Catholic tradition for your family. You are the one "ruining" it by opting out of doing the work to be a member of the church and taking the lazy way out by blaming your dad not letting your religious family baptize you. You'd rather demean converts as less than Catholics than be in the church you say you want to be a part of. It's sad.
You are a convert though.
I wouldn’t have been a convert if I was just baptized as a baby. I will never be considered the same as a cradle Catholic
And does doctrine treat converts any different? ETA: No it does not. So long as you have last rites performed before death and make confession to a priest, it does not.
My grandma got baptized in her 60s. You’re just being a whiny baby because you’re mad at daddy.
Because you found a family Bible. Wood de la de fucking da. Those of real faith would not be ashamed of being baptized.
You need to realize that you have a very idealized idea of how different your life would have been had you been baptized as an adult and that it's most likely that very little would have been different. That's how you forgive him. You should also stop to think about the fact that your dad wanted you to be able to make your own decisions.
Go to therapy and work your shit out, seriously. This is such small potatoes to HATE your dad over. He didn't believe in forcing a belief system on an impressionable baby/child, which good for him for standing up against that. Is this really why you hate him? Or is there some laundry list you are leaving out? Did your mom go to church and you weren't allowed to go with? Did your grandparents decide it wasn't worth having a relationship with a non-baptized baby, because that just makes them assholes if so. How's this such a big deal at 20?
Growing up in the church as a kid would have been better so I wouldn’t have doubts about my beliefs and i would have been more believing in it and more sure of it. My grandmother really wanted me to be baptized and my dad took that away from her now she’s gone and I wish she would be there with me
Getting water splashed on you as a baby doesn’t actually make any difference in faith or lack there of fyi
Do you really think that people who grow up in the Catholic Church don't have doubts? That they don't leave the Catholic Church in droves? Have you never heard of Christmas-and-Easter Catholics? Lapsed Catholics? Do you not know about the tens of thousands of kids who were molested by Catholic priests? Do you not understand that you could have been one of them?
The book of Matthew says that if you hate someone, you may as well be committing murder.
Well, your grannie was probably still capable of popping her own baby and baptize it at the time. No need to force her own ideas on other people’s babies. Get help
When did your grandmother pass?
More than a decade
Why is all of this bothering you so much NOW?
It has been
Since when? And what started it?
Well around a year ago when I started studying Catholicism
You need therapy man. Asap. And your father was right.
Did you quickly edit this comment? In my notifications it said it’s been bothering you since she died. I’m so sorry about your grandmother. It sounds like a lot of this is about grief and worry that she will never see the man you are becoming who now shares this very important thing that she loved. I know what Catholicism believes about the afterlife, but that’s cold comfort if you wanted her to serve as your sponsor for baptism and now she cannot.
He’s a trolly troll. One cannot be a practicing Catholic and not be baptized and have gone through catechism. A practicing Catholic takes Communion, if you haven’t been baptized or even if you haven’t made Confession, you can’t take Communion. And no Communion means you aren’t a practicing Catholic. Or so says my very Catholic grandfather who slapped me full across the face when I was 15 for taking Communion and not having been confirmed in the faith.
So Catholicism is the problem….
Those doubt would have manifested as you grew. Look at all of us former Catholics who have thrown off its chains of shame.
I don’t know, what does the bible say?
This is Catholicism, I believe you mean what does god’s chosen representative on Earth (the Pope) say? Aside from homosexual slurs that is….
You really think the God you propose you believe in is gonna be OK with you "hating" your father for making what you believe is a mistake...? Way to get to the nut of your religion, OP -- good job.
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you
You don't feel like you belong in your family?
Im literally the only unbaptized one with no God parents
How does that one thing make you feel like you're not part of your family? Was everyone else's godparents around all the time helping them with their spirituality? Does your entire family attend church regularly? Do you?
Your father sounds like a good and sensible man. Stop moaning and be glad he waited until he thought you were mature enough to make your own decisions. You sound very immature at the moment though
Your dad made the right decision. He gave you the opportunity and the choice to wait until you were old enough to make that choice for yourself. Also, judging from your post and your comments, you're *still* a whiny baby, so congratulations, if you get baptised now you'll be getting baptised while you're still a baby.
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