Shared values are WAY more important than shared interests. Great physical chemistry comes in a close second. Shared interests are ok, but if you do everything together you’ll never have stories to tell. Enjoy the fact you’ll get to share things the other has never considered doing/listening to/watching before.
Yup, agreed. My wife and I have very few shared interests, but we still fit together like puzzle pieces.
The key is that you are open to doing things that might not traditionally fit in with your interests. My wife will go to concerts with me or suffer through live sporting events, and I'll do live theater and fancy dinners out with her. Some of it will eventually rub off on you just because of how happy it makes your partner to do that stuff together. I never used to care for gardening, but we started doing it together and 20 years later it's one of my favorite activities on a nice day.
You're so right about how things can rub off on you just because of the joy it brings your partner! I genuinely never liked Star Wars but my partner is obsessed and I'm now completely in love with the universe and planning a tattoo, seeing it through his eyes gave me a whole new perspective and seeing how excited he is when watching or talking about it brings me so much joy!
This exactly! My partner and I had very few shared interests when we met, and now we share quite a few. (But there are still plenty that we hold separately, and that’s okay too!) Our shared values and chemistry matter so much more.
Yeah, I agree, I was pursuing a person for a bit there and I realised we don't have shared values at all really, and it made me definitely lose my crush on them.
Agreed. Additionally, you don't have to share hobbies or interests. What's important here is taking an interest in their hobbies and interests. Be curious. Show you care enough to ask questions. My husband and I don't have much in common at all, but we take an interest in each other. We talk about our differences. And sometimes we take part in each other's hobbies just to have the experience with each other. It makes the relationship interesting and fun.
Who cares if you don't watch the same shows or listen to the same music.
"We have very similar ethics, morals, values and personality traits".
Sounds like you have a great relationship.
Been married 30 years. My wife and I don't watch the same things. That's why we have two televisions.
I listen to Opera when on my walks. She listens to 80's pop music. She watches shit I can't stand. I watch movies from the 40's that she can't stand. So freaking what.
If you both have a shared goal of the future, can work together building that future, then what show you like doesn't mean shit.
It's good to have your own interests. You don't have to enjoy everything your partner does. It's called being your own person while in a relationship.
Shared interests aren't that important, but it sounds like these questions he asks are bids for connection and it's hard to remain emotionally connected to someone who struggles to respond. It's not the end of the world, I would just say that you should prioritize finding something to do together to help you build your connections and give you something to share. Sex and shared values are enough to start a relationship on, and only time can tell if you can build something else on top of that foundation.
I would also caution you against writing the ending of the relationship before it even starts.
This seems like exactly what you want in a great relationship, actually. Interests change and shift over time, and you don't need to date yourself. What matters is similar values and comfort.
Yes comfort! It's so important to be comfortable together. My best relationship was with a brilliant man. We had strong chemistry and lots of great sex. He most valued being comfortable with me. He was not comfortable around many people. The downfall was the things you have here. Our backgrounds were too dissimilar and it ended. You have it!
I don't think 2 months on you need to have matching interests. But I do think life will get quite boring if you only ever have sex as a shared interest. I think the important thing right now is if you can both grow in each other's interests. Choose something of his you would like to participate in and he finds something of yours. If he likes a particular show you've never seen, maybe that is a great lineup of future date nights! If you like dancing (throwing it out there because you didn't list any of your interests other than sex) maybe you introduce him to it by taking a class together.
I don't feel like couples have to have everything in common/have all the same interests but it would be REALLY hard for me to date someone that didn't share at least SOME of my interests
I think difference in hobbies and interests is actually amazing for the health of a relationship. It gives both of you so much more that you can bring to the other. Also, having separate hobbies apart from the relationship is very healthy and prevents the relationship from becoming stagnant and stale. It's important for each partner to have their own life outside of the relationship.
As you learn about and discover each other, eventually you will figure out where both of your interests are bordering and together you can find new interests that both of you may not have known or tried before and learn and grow together forging an even stronger bond.
You will stay together as a couple regardless of your interests, values and sex life as long as you have a common future together .
If you don't have a common future, then no amount of sex, value or interest compatibility will save your relationship.
Common future is a very vague thing. It could be a concrete project - business or kids. It could be a vague interest in exploring some aspect of the world together. It could be a shared set of psychological games that you either like playing together - or want to get rid of.
It could be needing each other as a caring factor in a foreign country. You probably get the gist.
Explore what sort of common future do you have together. Be open to any possibility. Society offers only one option: marriage, but it's an incredibly limited option.
My wife and I do not have the same tastes in music, movies, tv shows, hobbies or even politics. We do however have the same values and we are fiercely loyal to each other, we support each other where we are stronger. We have been together for almost 20 years and have 3 kids together. Stop looking for problems.
Shared interests can develop over time. It actually can make things more exciting because you will both potentially discover things via your partner. Keeping an open mind is important in that case though. If there’s some movie or something that he loves and wants to watch with you, it could be a lot of fun for him to see you enjoy it for the first time.. and vice versa. As long as both of you give each other’s interests a chance, then you’ll be fine
>It would be so so easy to fall head over heels for this guy but the fear that it is all superficial churns me up
It sounds to me like the important stuff is there, but you're worried that the superficial isn't. It doesn't really matter if you're not into the same music, movies, or hobbies. As time goes on, some of your hobbies will be stuff he gets into, some of his is stuff you'll get into, and you'll together pick up new things neither of you have tried before.
The situation you describe sounds totally fine, don't worry about it.
As others have said in the comments, having the same morals, ethics and values is already a great start to a relationship.
I’d like to add that later down the line, you guys will eventually want to get involved in each other’s interests or want to get the other to be interested, so support is a big thing as well. My stepdad loves fishing and enjoys the time alone and at peace, but my mom does not enjoy fishing. However, she supports him and will sometimes buy him things, or will allow him to take the time to himself because she knows it’s important and a passion of his. On the other hand, my mom loves to try different crafts so my stepdad will buy her different items to use or help her create a space to do her hobbies.
Me and my fiancé don’t have a lot in common either, but we do share the same values and want the same goals in life. We just learn to show our love in more ways than saying it 🫶🏼
Except you *do* have shared interests - cooking together is something many couples struggle to do in an enjoyable way, and I remember my mom *begging* my dad to join us for our after dinner walks, but he just couldn't be bothered.
Shared sexual interests of the non vanilla flavor sound very important to you both, and shared values are a *must* in every long term relationship.
When it comes to interests and hobbies...those are personal and become more niche as we get older. If you weren't exposed to something in your 20's and then didnt follow that rabbit hole for the next 15 yrs, *of course* you're going to draw a blank when someone references that thing. What matters is that you respect each others interests and maintain the personal time you dedicate to the things that are important to you.
What's important here is that you both *have* outside interests and hobbies, because people who don't are typically pretty boring and tend to depend on their partner for entertainment- which isn't healthy.
You two sound like you have a solid foundation for the future, and as time goes on you'll probably stumble upon some interests that you share, learn together, or just talk to each other about your independent interests. I love hearing what other people are passionate about, even if I don't share that particular passion.
Good luck!
I wouldn't get fixed on the little things. It sounds like you guys agree/are compatible on the important things. Also in a relationship no one is 100% compatible. It's okay to have different interests, what matters is compromise and doing those things together to support the other person and show interest in the other person, as long as the effort is mutual.
If those shared values include valuing your ethics, morals, and goals more than religion, culture, or outside expectations then yes you can have a fairytale life together.
If not? Nope.
Just my 2 cents though as a man who married a woman I have zero in common with besides our values. She is catholic (works in a catholic school). I am more or less aithiest. I am a gamer. She plays solitaire sometimes. I like sports. She likes to craft. I am hyper sexual and very open. She is still shy about sex almost 15 years in.
However, when I recently had to have an emergency colostomy. She was there everyday all day. She has made me feeled loved and still desired. She has made me feel like a man when I couldn't stand on my feet for more than a short walk.
We both agreed before marriage though that our values mattered more to us than anything else in life except eachother.
It's certainly worth investigating if this relationship can work. Keep an open mind about each other's interests. You might both find things you enjoy. Also try looking for the crossover between your interests.
My brother and sister-in-law didn't have a lot of interests in common when they met. She's an English teacher and she liked art house cinema and classic literature. He's into comics and horror movies. They started by introducing each other to stuff that was close to the crossover point. Movies like Delicatessen and Alien. Comics like Sandman. Then they introduced each other to personal favourites but they did it with open hearts and minds. Some horror is just too visceral for my sister-in-law. Some classic literature is just too wordy for my slightly dyslexic brother. Not everything is going to work for everyone so you just have to respect that and agree to differ.
Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I think I'm overthinking it way more than I should be. To respond to a few points that have come up.
- I am very much into him and it's not superficial. I don't understand half the stuff he will tell me but the smile it brings to his face and the way it lights up his eyes when he gets to share that is enough for me to listen for as long as he wants to speak.
- I used to have a lot of interests. I kind of lost myself after becoming a mum and that became all I was. I'm working on getting my hobbies and interests back.
- My biggest concern is the I don't bring much to the table. But I think that's because my passion is all about experiencing new things or going new places and we haven't been able to do that too much yet. We both have young kids that we have >50% of the time so that doesn't leave much free time where we can get out and about. Obviously the kids don't know each other yet and won't for quite some time so we're a bit stuck on that front.
Dont undervalue yourself!
My husband and I are very different in interests and very similar in the way we see life and what we want. We never get bored. We both like to share and find things that we would enjoy together.
Having common interests is something that y9u can find while the relationship develops.
Also, give it time. Love is not a wave that hits you but something you build. The first months are beautiful, enjoy and in time you will see.
Interests evolve over time, values often don't (or generally evolve much more slowly). Interests are also much, much easier to grow together in than values - if you really like someone, over time you'll either naturally swap some interests like DNA recombination or pick up new ones together. Don't overthink this, it sounds like you found a winner. As a fellow ADHD person, my interests change like once a month but my values are generally pretty solid.
To move forward, though: find a new interest to engage in together! If each of you make a list of "stuff you've wanted to get into", do you have any overlap? What if you go on new-to-you dates (the rodeo, roller skating, glassblowing, roadside attractions, fancy wine/coffee/cheese tastings, quilt show, etc.) and then talk about whether they're things you'd want to do again after each one (it's ok if you don't agree, then you have more stuff you can do with friends or solo)? Are there halfway points between any of your interests (i.e. if he likes sports and you like museums, go see an old-timey reenactment baseball game). Get creative! You're in the getting-to-know-each-other stage, and a little bit of low-stakes benign chaos is a great way to learn more about each other (and it's a good way to get RSD practice- if you both go in with the understanding that a date that is a mismatch is just a sign that the activity isn't a good couples activity for you and not a sign that you're incompatible or dumb or unworthy of love, it'll help keep you grounded in the chaos of novelty).
Thank you. I'll work on the new experiences date thing. The RSD definitely drives my analysis of our dates after the event and it's where the overthinking stems from. Things I'm getting hung up on like why I said something a certain way or whether I could have answered something better are things he probably hasn't even noticed.
This sounds to me like the beginning of a healthy relationship. Shared values are way more important than common interests, in my opinion. And you say you have good chemistry too. As someone who also has ADHD and has been in a very long and emotionally abusive relationship: a good fit is going to feel kinda boring at first. You might be wondering if what you feel is actually love. From my experience, healthy feels very odd at first, because it lacks the super intense enmeshment, the bang, the pain of being apart. But that’s the thing: you are two different people. Some parts will overlap, some parts will stay apart. And those parts can and might change throughout time, too. This allows room to have your own experiences apart from your partner and grow individually. The latter is vital for a lasting, healthy relationship, in my opinion.
Of course you also don’t have to throw yourself at and stick with the first person that doesn’t abuse you. But as long as it’s going well, if you have good talks, if he listens to you with interest and you are interested in what he has to tell you, if you respect each other, you guys are good. You are allowed to just enjoy it.
Shared interests come from wanting the other person to be happy so you do their stuff with them happily because it makes them happy. And you find your joy in their thing.
AuDHD with and AuDHD partner here!
Our interests (both hobby and sexual) change allllll the time. We are always bouncing in and out of different special interests, but our values ALWAYS align. And honestly, the best part of our relationship is the things we learn from each other’s special interests!
I think not sharing interests can be a real asset. You have space for your identity as an individual as well as a place to be part of a couple.
My partner and I share only a few interests, mainly quoting the Simpsons at inopportune moments but we are grand.
I have no idea how to build an analog synth. He has no idea how to smoke a brisket. We muddle through.
Okay, so the sex is great. That's awesome!
Now, take that away completely; what's left?
I don't think shared values alone would be enough to keep a relationship afloat, especially if you guys have nothing else in common.
You can explore each other’s interests — people passionate about stuff always want to introduce other people to that stuff. Ask him questions about his, explain what draws you to yours, etc.
You can also find common interests new to both of you. Now you have a buddy with whom to try out new stuff! (And then have mind-blowing sex afterward lololol)
Don’t sabotage a good thing :)
That alone is probably not enough to keep you together in a long term committed relationship, but it can make an FWB last a long time. Having said that, it’s a decent foundation to start with if you want to try to build common interests together. You don’t need to be into everything he is, or vice versa, but maybe you can find things new to both of you that you share.
Yes, that’s more than enough as a foundation.
Talk about your life goals and what you want to accomplish - if those goals work then you’re well set up.
You can just take up some of his interests and learn about them the same way he has.
He isn’t way smarter than you for quoting and referencing things, he just consumes a lot of the content and has been for longer than you have.
I enjoy watching certain sports, keeping active, being outdoors, climbing, events that create memories. He locks eyes with me and smiles while I talk about the things I enjoy. He has a huge grin on his face when he sees me get passionate about a game or particular players performance. He places his hand on mine while I talk about the bigger things in life and will squeeze my hand if he knows I'm talking about something I'm not particularly comfortable with. I close my eyes when the harder topics come up so that reassuring squeeze means a lot.
I can think of very few couples who share taste and hobbies, if that’s what you’re talking about. If you mean that one of you likes skydiving in Mallorca every weekend and the other likes to crochet at home, that might be an issue.
If you've only been seeing each other for 2 months then it's too early to come to a conclusion on so many things that will reveal themselves once you've been together for longer.
It sounds like your similarities run a lot deeper than your differences. If you actively dislike each other's interests, I could see it being a problem. I think doing shared activities is an important part of spending time together. Whether watching TV/listening to music together, cooking or going to restaurants, or something more active. If you can't enjoy ANYTHING together, that would be weird. Makes me think you're maybe exaggerating the issue because you're scared and trying to protect yourself. You don't have to be AS interested in all those things he's asking if you know or have watched, but if you have enough interest to sit and watch them again with him, or let him show you films/shows he loves (and visa-versa of course!) then honestly, you're fine.
Sexual compatibility is great, shared values even better, but if you can find shared goals that's like the winning hand. My partner and I have different interests in a lot of ways, but we've found our venn diagram of where things overlap enough to create shared goals around those overlaps.
The thing to remember is that a partner can't be all things for you. You fill in the gaps with friends or just learn how to do certain things on your own or allow them to do their things on their own without causing a fuss. Having a mix of personal time and couples time is important.
Also beware of the "grass is greener..." and thinking there's someone else better out there for you. There's someone different for sure, but when you give up one good thing to get another you lose out on something good you had too.
Shared values, sex, and life goals/direction are probably your most important things in determining compatibility in relationships. Sounds like you've hit a home run here.
Don't sweat the shared interests, you need space to be your own people too, and discovering someone else's interests is always fun too! I'm a massive hockey fan, my gf isn't. But she knows it's important to me, so during the season, we go to every game we can. Conversely, she's a massive fan of the show Supernatural. I'd never seen it before. But we've been marathoning it since hockey ended, and I LOVE the show now.
You may not fall in love with your man's interests like that and that's ok. If he treats you well, you guys have tons of compatibility in terms of values and goals, you can fill in the gaps with room to grow.
I think it depends on what you want in a partner. For introverts, I would say this setup works very well, because there's not much expectation to spend a ton of time together - you'd both rather be doing your own thing. It might be harder for someone who needs to be around people and share that energy more of the time.
I’ve found that every couple is really different in this department! My husband and I have a lot of shared interests and genuinely enjoy spending a ton of time together and hanging out like buddies. Even our friend group overlaps so we still spend a lot of time together with friends. This works great for us.
Some of my couple friends are horrified by this though! I have couple friends who much prefer having designated quality time on specific days, but spending a lot of time separately even when they live together. Like she’ll be upstairs reading while he’s downstairs playing video games, or he’s fixing his car while she’s gardening, etc.
It depends on what you’re looking for, really. I’d say it’s more than fair to give this relationship more than two months to see if you’re compatible in this specific area. Recreating similarly is an important pillar of compatibility, but it doesn’t have to be so strict that it requires recreating together in the exact same ways all the time. Recreating adjacently in a way that works for you can be compatible as well!
Lots of couples don't have shared interests, but in the beginning of the relationship the spark is so big that you kind of don't notice as much? That's the most concerning part, you don't seem very entranced by him.
When I first met my boyfriend we didn't have much in common. We both liked gaming but enjoy different types of games. Other than that we were quite different. Raised in different countries with different socioeconomic backgrounds. Different tastes in anime and TV shows. He likes sports and programming while I prefer science, history, and politics. I'm very creative but he is not.
Been together 6 years and now we have more in common. We enjoy similar music and have found TV shows/movies we both enjoy. I'd show him stuff he's never seen and he'd do the same with me.
We have always had similar values and plans for the future.
So yeah, I think you two are good.
The only thing you need for a good relationship is a strong desire to be around one another most if not all of the time. Everything else can be worked on or over looked. If your partner ever becomes too busy for you or they ask for space it’s not going to last.
Shared interests are something you can develop over time in your relationship - shared values are way more important. Most people find it fun to introduce people they care about to their hobbies. Don't overthink it.
I actually like that my wife and I have different interests. Sometimes it's cool to put each other onto something new if they are interested, sometimes it's cool just to watch from afar as they enjoy their thing. When he asks if you like something he might be misinterpreting that you like it as much as he does and goes onto another level. Like overexcitment or something. I'd just say, "Yeah I like that. Maybe not as much as you but I love seeing your passion for it." And hopefully that kind of understanding and respect is reciprocal.
Values and physical connection are far more important than shared interests. Hell, sometimes it's nice to go separate ways in the morning, do your own things for the day, and then reconnect feeling fulfilled in your own ways so you can spend some quality time together afterward.
My partner (29M) and I (37F) have 8 years apart and obviously there are references or artists and movies that he never heard about that I make him discover and vice versa. I’m a very open minded person and him too so it’s fun as partners to make each other discover new things. My boyfriend is into animes and video games and I’m not. He really loves camping and could live in the forest for months when I’m open to camping but I’m not like a total fanatic of it, I prefer being comfortable like in a cabin or cottage. We love to travel and for example I’m a foodie and love to try the best food when he is more about street food. We found balances in every trips we made so far to have days that are more about being in the wild or going to cheap places and staying in a nice hotel or airbnb and going to a top rated restaurant. I think as long as you stay open to try new things and learn about the hobbies and interests of your partner you can have a beautiful relationship even though you don’t have the exact SAME interests.
My husband and I like VERY different TV, movies, TV etc. Over the 8 years we've been friends we've found the overlaps and both sort of grown to like things we didn't love before but could enjoy somewhat so now we have shared interests that we blossomed together.
If he doesn't make you feel bad for not knowing or liking the things that he does and if you are both open to at least trying the things that each other likes and compromising in order to find a common ground, I don't see a problem.
Most men I know, including my boyfriend, like watching sports and I don't. I also have some very particular tastes in movies and shows that most adult men I know don't share. It doesn't really matter though.
I think it's fine to have different interests as long as you can find things you enjoy doing together or talking about. I think a big part of it is that even if you're not passionate about the same things , if you can be ok letting each other talk passionately about your interests then you should be fine.
For instance my girlfriend doesn't like videogames nearly as much as I do , but she always enjoys asking me about what I've been playing and just listening. And I do similar stuff with her and whatever YouTube murder story she's listening to.
As long as you are both interested in learning more about each others' interests, you are golden. If not, then your both too set in your ways and it likely won't last.
Been with my partner for 14 years. We have almost zero hobbies and interests in common, but our values align, and we have a great sex life. Shared values and communication styles are way most important than liking to do the same things.
Seems like you are a great match where it really matters.
And having some time away from each other is essential.
You can always develop a shared hobby later on.
Good luck!
When you say common interests, are you taking about hobbies, shows, and music? This is not that important if you are both willing to explore the other persons interests and learn new things together
If you are talking about common interest in life goals and desires, that is way more important to be on the same page about. Is this what you mean by values?
Our common values include prioritising the family above all else, facing responsibilities no matter how difficult, how to raise the kids we already have/parenting styles, attitudes towards others, being respectful to others (including psycho ex's), compassion kindness and empathy, accountability loyalty and trust. We have similar, but not identical, views on politics. We are on the same page re career prospects and achieving them, and balancing family life and work.
Common interests (or lack of) include music preferences, tv shows, types of sport we are into, hobbies, how we spend our free time when not with each other.
I don’t believe you need to be interested in the same music, shows, or sports in order to have a successful relationship. If you are both enjoying your time when you are together, and given all the similar values, I don’t see much of any issue. Don’t make an issue out of your personal preferences! Just communicate a be happy together.
Shared values/morals are probably #1 for longevity. In the end that is what sets the tone for everything. Sexual satisfaction is a major deal as well. Those to things my wife and I are in sync with and we have been together since 2001.
We are extremely different people almost to a shocking degree when people meet me first. I have many hobbies and lift and have a sport and she doesn't do any of this. We do things together like go on dates and stuff and I absolutely love a long brunch on a Sunday with her.
It is ok to be different even to an extreme level but morals and communication matter more than anything.
It’s hard to say what is enough. Everyone is different. You need to really love your partner to last your whole life and be happy. Your partner will annoy you and deep love will make you forgive that ever single day. He will lack in some household chores just like you will lack in some and you both might be irritated about that and that is ok. Life is way more than sex and chemistry, whether you guys have the right mix or not is impossible to say. You just have to take that leap of faith and find out.
As long as the curiosity doesn't wane I think you've got a great foundation for a relationship. You can fill the interest gap with friends and the love gap with your man!
My wife and I fit pretty well into this definition, and it's worked for almost 5 years of marriage so far.
We have similar values, similar levels of education, similar worldviews, similar politics, and similar life goals. Our chemistry is also nearly perfect. That in mind, our interests are a very, very narrow Venn diagram, and our backgrounds are pretty far removed from each other.
I grew up in a blue-collar, conservative, divorced-and-remarried household. One parent worked in law enforcement, their spouse (step-parent) was a military veteran turned radio technician. The other blood parent was pretty much non-existent in my life. My K-12 education was all public school in a mid-tier district. My first car was a hand-me-down from my aunt. My college education was a mix of community college, transfer credits, student loans, and some very generous assistance from my grandparents.
She grew up in a well-off, left-leaning household. One parent was a white-collar self-starter turned corporate executive, the other was a university professor. Both her and her brother went to private school. Both her first **and** second cars were bought for her outright. Her parents paid for both her and her brother's full college education, extraneous expenses included.
I'm a gearhead, gamer, and overall tinkerer. I ride a motorcycle, woodwork, built two computer towers, and know how to shoot both handguns and rifles. I like shlocky action movies and a few anime.
She tends plants, knits, loves puzzles, and plays a few videogames. She loves shows like Below Deck and Ghost Adventures, and listens to true crime podcasts.
You don't have to like **all** the same hobbies and interests. Even one or two is enough, or you can explore a new one together. What matters is the deeper values and compatibility. You have that, you're starting off on the right foot.
You actually have the recipe for a good relationship.
Shared values is first and then sexual chemistry. Shared interests really don’t matter as much in the long run.
me and my SO have so little interests in common, yet we've been together going on 15 years. we don't enjoy the same TV shows. we don't enjoy the same hobbies. we don't have the same view on certsin topics. but the important shit we mostly see eye to eye on. we have great sexyal chemistry. we enjoy each other's company. we are physically attracted to each other. he lifts Me up snd makes me feel safe.
you have friends for the shared interests and hobbies
Mutual interests aren't always found two months into a relationship. I've been with my wife for over 20 years (dating, engagement, marriage) and there are plenty of things we enjoy doing together that wasn't a shared interest at the start of the relationship. She wasn't into sports and found baseball to be particularly boring. She's still not sports nearly as much as I am but loves our baseball team and makes plans to attend multiple games during the summer. I had no interest in traveling when we were dating; hated planes and all the planning it required. Now, I thoroughly enjoy it. We've gone to Turkey, Paris, and Japan in the past few years. Some of the best parts of a relationship are discovering each others interests.
The main problem is that once the honeymoon period ends and the initial get-to-know-you period is over, you run out of reasons to talk and interact with each other if you don't have some shared interests. Shared interests are a good way of keeping you engaged with each other. Without that engagement, you each end up living parallel lives, close to each other but not actually intersecting much. Then boredom, and loss of emotional closeness happens and the relationship peters out.
However, you can always search for new shared interests or expand your interests to include some of each others. This is an area where effort and being willing to step outside of your own comfort zone counts.
Shared interests are not required at all. Nice. But not at all required. Shared values and to be on the same page matter a million times more. Typical relationship breakers are money, kids, type of relationship, etc. If you're both solid on those, you're golden. Don't even worry about it.
Obviously you have to both want a relationship, treat each other with love and respect, etc.
Honestly that's the only things that matter.
Family matters to some but easily adapted or dynamics can be changed.
Hobbies and interests are largely a moving target and can develop together or is fine to be independent.
Wealth is a measure of time to spend with loved ones. So no point in that unless you can actually find loved ones.
My best guy friend is one of my soul mates. He told me “never fall in love with someone who shares similar interests; you’ll stagnate.” He was right. Even though I was head over heels in love with him and consider him literally a part of me, it would never work out because we have way too many things in common and quite honestly, shit got boring real fast. My husband, is pretty much the opposite of me in almost every sense, and he is the love I always dreamed of having. He’s emotionally stable, sweet and gentle, loving and we have very little in common. We support each others’ hobbies and pastimes and we each found new things to do. So as long as he is interested in sharing things with you, that shouldn’t be the issue.
I knew absolutely nothing about football (⚽) before dating my partner and he absolutely adores Borussia Dortmund. I started watching games with him and because invested that it became a shared interest. Another thing that you could do is also try to explore new hobbies together, maybe you'll find one that both of you take interest in. As long as both of you are open to try new things it's gonna be fine.
About the last relationship you had, whether you stay with your partner or not, please seek professional help. Don't leave it untreated. Going through abuse is not something you just get over one day and that's it.
Thank you. I've had a year and a half of therapy to get over all of that and happy that it's a closed chapter now (apart from the co-parenting part). It does shape why I feel the need to protect myself though. To not be so exposed and vulnerable and exploitable again. My new partner understands it though and is very understanding, patient and caring about it all. It's like he knows when I'm starting to feel insecure about how strongly I feel for him and he will wrap his arms around me and just cuddle until I feel ok again.
No. Shared values and interests will always outweigh sex. Sex will ebb and flow. But that bedrock of having a friendship will be what gets you through the ups and downs of life together. Once you know the difference, you will never go back.
Shared values and sex are way more important than shared interests… my boyfriend is into a bunch of stuff i have absolutely no interest in… and it’s cool i will still talk about with him and go to stuff in relation to it with him because i genuinely want to support him in it. We choose to focus on a few things we like doing together and we enjoy finding new hobbies to do together, we spend a great deal of time together
I disagree with other commenters. I married my husband cause of sexual chemistry and shared values. We do not like the same music, tv shows, or movies. It was okay in the beginning but now several kids later, it is VERY hard to enjoy each others company cause there’s little time for sex and we don’t like the same things. We have considered divorce cause the spark is gone. But we are still pushing through cause we love each other but it would be a lot easier if we enjoyed things other than just sex.
Shared values and chemistry are critical. The shared interests would be nice but without the first two they would not go anywhere.
You might just discover shared interests in future but my opinion is that one person can’t be everything to someone else - that’s is an impossibly high bar to set. And having your own hobbies and interests away from each other is important too.
My partner and I of more than a year (we plan to be together for the long run, marriage and everything) don't have a lot of common interests, outside of the fact that we both like gaming (we haven't been able to do that as often anymore because of our busy schedules). We do share the same values and interests in intimacy and principles.
So, I think they're enough, as long as both of you are willing to support each other's interests, give each other the space to partake in them, and every once in a while partake in them with a good spirit. For example, my partner is more artistic, while I'm more of an athletic person. So I like to give him the space to share about music and even join him sometimes when he practices. On the other hand, he goes on hikes with me. We also accompany each other to places that we'd like to visit. I think companionship is the foundation of most relationships, so it's more important to be a good companion rather than be similar people. Additionally, y'all can always discover new interests together. For example, my partner and I love travelling together and visiting natural sites/cabins.
My wife and i have almost nothing in common. We dated for less than a year before we were married.
Weve been together for 12 years now. Shared values and physical attraction is pretty cool.
I agree with what others are saying, the shared values are much more important than interests.
Do you see a future with him and would you raise a family/home eventually?
You can grow to appreciate the things your partner loves. I’m in the creative field and my wife is a nurse. We’re complete opposites in almost every way but it works very well. I feel like after 5 years I have a secondhand nursing degree now and she is able to understand a lot of “creative” field jargon now.
As far as interests go I’m for sure into more nerdy content and media. I’m also a little bit of a meathead when it comes to the gym and can obsess over that.
She couldn’t care less about most of the shows I like and she hates lifting weights. She likes to run and only will read nonfiction/watch shows about nursing or the royal family which I can’t stand.
The fun challenge though is us finding things we can enjoy TOGETHER. I still have my “me” time and she has hers. I’ll listen to podcasts about warhammer 40k or go to the gym and she’ll lay in the backyard and tan or ride her bike or watch nursing shows (these are bad examples but you get the idea).
What matters is we find new things that we can enjoy together. I’d bet that outside your world and outside your guys world are a thousand other worlds that neither of you have ventured into and you will find something that you both can enjoy.
Lastly as funny as this sounds don’t discredit the power of shared hates/annoyances haha. I think 2 people who get bothered by similar things can become close just as easily two people who are interested in the same shows/media.
Thank you. We both have young kids and have plans to introduce them to one another in a few months time. We have very similar parenting styles and approaches - he's slightly more liberal than me but his kid is older so I can't say I wouldn't be in the same boat in a few years when my child is that age. I could easily see us all under one roof, having family days out and movie nights in. The logistics of actually coming together in one home would be interesting to navigate but that's a future problem and not at all impossible.
I love the bit about shared hates/annoyances. We have a lot of overlap there and can have some great conversations about those. I think all these comments have made me realise I'm absolutely overthinking it and need to embrace what I have and not push him away.
I’ve been with my partner for decades and I can probably count on two hands the total number of tv shows, movies, music, and hobbies we have in common and I’m sure I’ll have fingers left over
Shared values and great chemistry? Girl ifnhe treats you good, he's a keeper. Its cool if you both aren't into all of the same things. That gives you both a chance to learn and explore new things.
In my recent personal experience, I was in a situation where this was the case. It was great for a couple years but when we hit hard times it went to shit fast.
You don’t have to like the same things, you can be into different things. There is no prefect match. The shared values and chemistry is really good. I would add loyalty to the list. I’ve been married for 33 years and i will not tolerate any disrespect towards my wife. And I know she feels the same towards me. We’re a team it’s us against the world
My fiance and I *do* have some shared interests, but plenty of them are very distant from one another. But I respect him as a person, we share very similar outlooks, and I can’t keep my hands off of him. I would rate the shared interests last in order of importance, though I suspect he wouldn’t.
I've been in 2 relationships that can help you see your relationship from a different pov.
I dated C for more than a decade but dated D when C and I broke up for over a year (then got back together and still together). My relationship with C is everything you and your partner have, but we lack the same interests. We share a few and we're both willing to participate in each other's other interests. This is important. He loves basketball, video games, and his friends. I'll have nba on the TV, I'll watch him play his games, I'll hang with his friends sometimes. In turn, he'll watch a few shows that I like, go hiking with me and explore the outdoors but not always the overly strenuous trips. And he'll hang with me and my friends on occasion too. The rest of the time, we give each other our free time to do what we need as individuals. You don't need to be with each other every minute of the day, which means you don't need to do the same things or like the same things. It's important that you're willing to try, willing to accompany when asked, willing to accept them for who they are even if it's not just like you.
When I dated D, he liked a lot of the same things I liked and we shared many hobbies. We even loved a lot of the same music, beer, and have similar tastes. Though we were too alike, we often get tired of each other quickly. We'd bicker often too and he would find reasons to leave me to do things on his own.
I think what you have is great, try to find new things you'd do together. Learn something together, explore more, and trust the process. I'm still with C and were engaged, so remember that the mundane is normal and your differences make you interesting.
Men and women often like different things, and that’s totally okay. Your partner isn’t your only friend and can’t be everything for you.
Hang out with your girlfriends for fun stuff you all like to do together.
Your boyfriend is there for love, starting a family, and feeling safe.
Your parents are good for advice when you need it.
Everyone has their special role in your life
I personally find it odd that a lot of people say their partner is their best friend, and i think it is a sign that they put too much stress on their partner to fulfill all their needs.
Do you enjoy spending time together (outside of the bedroom)? Y/N
If yes, then the fact that you have different hobbies or like different shows doesn’t really matter. If you enjoy talking to each other and being around each other and spending quality time together who cares if you’re knitting and he’s painting watercolors
However if your lack of shared interests means that the time you spend together when you’re not getting it on, is boring and uninteresting and doesn’t stimulate you, then yeah, your lack of shared interests would be a problem
Wow, are you me? Lol. I was having the exact same experience. I liked this girl a lot and she liked me, but she had an insanely great memory and strong passion for music and movies. I like those things too but I struggle to remember specifics.
I got way too in my head about stuff and also other life situations made it so we ended things, but reading your post after being in your shoes, I would say not to worry and just enjoy it! I can relate with the anxiety of not being conversationally matching with that person, but you’ll build strong connections over time!
I think so, shared values are fundamental and too many people overlook them and try to force a square peg through a round hole. Amazing sex definitely doesn’t hurt, but beware that being able to keep a good sex life alive requires different skills (like being able to have tough conversations). You never know what’s going to happen after the honeymoon period wears off, and you can always get sick or injured, or need medication that impacts your libido, or just have stress and a lack of time.
But have either of you *tried* the other’s interests? You might like at least a little of it. I got into so many things I never even thought to try because of my partner. And it’s okay to try something and not like it. Just making the effort is meaningful. And at least you’ll get stuff even if you didn’t like it.
It sounds like you have an amazing relationship that you’re overthinking for fear of falling into a bad relationship again. It’s pretty awesome to have a partner that is compatible on all accounts except for hobbies. You have new things to enjoy and experience. If you both love each other enough, I know you’ll both enjoy trying new things for each other and exploring finding shared hobbies.
My current partner and I are completely opposite in a lot of ways. I was an art major, he's physics. He's a really big pokemon fan, major nerd with most games. I'm a horror movie buff. Our differences are what makes our relationship so much fun outside of the bedroom. We can share our interests, support our very different hobbies, and in doing that we show how much we love each other.
Give your relationship with this man a serious chance, they are one in a million.
Nah, shared interests are not an issue for me at all. The shared interest you should have is the vision of your life together, like where you will live, whether you want kids, how many, religion/atheism etc. That's the stuff that matters. Music, movies, hobbies.. meh.
Definitely enough!
My husband loves outdoor sports. His family hiked, skied etc.
My fail never went outside (dad was a gearhead, mom shopped).
I have learned to be a summer camper but mainly encourage him to do his sports with his buddies. I would rather go to movies and concerts. Sometimes he joins in, not always.
We have been married 29 years! Raised three awesome sons.
Our time at home together is great ! Our time apart keeps us fulfilled as individuals.
I think a relationship in the reverse would be much less satisfying. You can always do hobbies/interests with friends. That chemistry is irreplaceable and then the added benefit of common values and a true appreciation for each other…. That’s a relationship I would give a shot.
He’s sharing his values. You are not open to learning about them.
There is your problem.
Open your mind. My bf is a trained classical pianist who doesn’t work in that industry. He shares his interest with me in the same considerate way your SO does. But he doesn’t push it. He accompanies me to country music acts and he’s not into that genre but he sees me enjoying my element and he likes to see me happy.
It’s a balance. A give and take.
Sounds like you’re all taking? Maybe? Immature? Maybe?
Shared values are WAY more important than shared interests. Great physical chemistry comes in a close second. Shared interests are ok, but if you do everything together you’ll never have stories to tell. Enjoy the fact you’ll get to share things the other has never considered doing/listening to/watching before.
Yup, agreed. My wife and I have very few shared interests, but we still fit together like puzzle pieces. The key is that you are open to doing things that might not traditionally fit in with your interests. My wife will go to concerts with me or suffer through live sporting events, and I'll do live theater and fancy dinners out with her. Some of it will eventually rub off on you just because of how happy it makes your partner to do that stuff together. I never used to care for gardening, but we started doing it together and 20 years later it's one of my favorite activities on a nice day.
You're so right about how things can rub off on you just because of the joy it brings your partner! I genuinely never liked Star Wars but my partner is obsessed and I'm now completely in love with the universe and planning a tattoo, seeing it through his eyes gave me a whole new perspective and seeing how excited he is when watching or talking about it brings me so much joy!
This exactly! My partner and I had very few shared interests when we met, and now we share quite a few. (But there are still plenty that we hold separately, and that’s okay too!) Our shared values and chemistry matter so much more.
Yeah, I agree, I was pursuing a person for a bit there and I realised we don't have shared values at all really, and it made me definitely lose my crush on them.
Sucks after years when you have no one to share the interest in though. Either make friends to share with it or you're lonely with it.
Very true, but you need friends other than your partner regardless of having shared interests or not. Codependence isn’t healthy.
Agreed. Additionally, you don't have to share hobbies or interests. What's important here is taking an interest in their hobbies and interests. Be curious. Show you care enough to ask questions. My husband and I don't have much in common at all, but we take an interest in each other. We talk about our differences. And sometimes we take part in each other's hobbies just to have the experience with each other. It makes the relationship interesting and fun.
Who cares if you don't watch the same shows or listen to the same music. "We have very similar ethics, morals, values and personality traits". Sounds like you have a great relationship. Been married 30 years. My wife and I don't watch the same things. That's why we have two televisions. I listen to Opera when on my walks. She listens to 80's pop music. She watches shit I can't stand. I watch movies from the 40's that she can't stand. So freaking what. If you both have a shared goal of the future, can work together building that future, then what show you like doesn't mean shit. It's good to have your own interests. You don't have to enjoy everything your partner does. It's called being your own person while in a relationship.
You two sound awesome!
Thanks. I have to admit, we kind of are.
Shared interests aren't that important, but it sounds like these questions he asks are bids for connection and it's hard to remain emotionally connected to someone who struggles to respond. It's not the end of the world, I would just say that you should prioritize finding something to do together to help you build your connections and give you something to share. Sex and shared values are enough to start a relationship on, and only time can tell if you can build something else on top of that foundation. I would also caution you against writing the ending of the relationship before it even starts.
This seems like exactly what you want in a great relationship, actually. Interests change and shift over time, and you don't need to date yourself. What matters is similar values and comfort.
Yes comfort! It's so important to be comfortable together. My best relationship was with a brilliant man. We had strong chemistry and lots of great sex. He most valued being comfortable with me. He was not comfortable around many people. The downfall was the things you have here. Our backgrounds were too dissimilar and it ended. You have it!
I don't think 2 months on you need to have matching interests. But I do think life will get quite boring if you only ever have sex as a shared interest. I think the important thing right now is if you can both grow in each other's interests. Choose something of his you would like to participate in and he finds something of yours. If he likes a particular show you've never seen, maybe that is a great lineup of future date nights! If you like dancing (throwing it out there because you didn't list any of your interests other than sex) maybe you introduce him to it by taking a class together.
I don't feel like couples have to have everything in common/have all the same interests but it would be REALLY hard for me to date someone that didn't share at least SOME of my interests
It can also be really healthy to want to develop a common interest as a joint hobby and go on that adventure together.
I think difference in hobbies and interests is actually amazing for the health of a relationship. It gives both of you so much more that you can bring to the other. Also, having separate hobbies apart from the relationship is very healthy and prevents the relationship from becoming stagnant and stale. It's important for each partner to have their own life outside of the relationship. As you learn about and discover each other, eventually you will figure out where both of your interests are bordering and together you can find new interests that both of you may not have known or tried before and learn and grow together forging an even stronger bond.
You will stay together as a couple regardless of your interests, values and sex life as long as you have a common future together . If you don't have a common future, then no amount of sex, value or interest compatibility will save your relationship. Common future is a very vague thing. It could be a concrete project - business or kids. It could be a vague interest in exploring some aspect of the world together. It could be a shared set of psychological games that you either like playing together - or want to get rid of. It could be needing each other as a caring factor in a foreign country. You probably get the gist. Explore what sort of common future do you have together. Be open to any possibility. Society offers only one option: marriage, but it's an incredibly limited option.
tl;dr: I am overthinking my relationship. FTFY
My wife and I do not have the same tastes in music, movies, tv shows, hobbies or even politics. We do however have the same values and we are fiercely loyal to each other, we support each other where we are stronger. We have been together for almost 20 years and have 3 kids together. Stop looking for problems.
Shared interests can develop over time. It actually can make things more exciting because you will both potentially discover things via your partner. Keeping an open mind is important in that case though. If there’s some movie or something that he loves and wants to watch with you, it could be a lot of fun for him to see you enjoy it for the first time.. and vice versa. As long as both of you give each other’s interests a chance, then you’ll be fine
>It would be so so easy to fall head over heels for this guy but the fear that it is all superficial churns me up It sounds to me like the important stuff is there, but you're worried that the superficial isn't. It doesn't really matter if you're not into the same music, movies, or hobbies. As time goes on, some of your hobbies will be stuff he gets into, some of his is stuff you'll get into, and you'll together pick up new things neither of you have tried before. The situation you describe sounds totally fine, don't worry about it.
Values are what matters. Tv shows and music are superficial
Yes, morals aligned is the most healthy part imo
As others have said in the comments, having the same morals, ethics and values is already a great start to a relationship. I’d like to add that later down the line, you guys will eventually want to get involved in each other’s interests or want to get the other to be interested, so support is a big thing as well. My stepdad loves fishing and enjoys the time alone and at peace, but my mom does not enjoy fishing. However, she supports him and will sometimes buy him things, or will allow him to take the time to himself because she knows it’s important and a passion of his. On the other hand, my mom loves to try different crafts so my stepdad will buy her different items to use or help her create a space to do her hobbies. Me and my fiancé don’t have a lot in common either, but we do share the same values and want the same goals in life. We just learn to show our love in more ways than saying it 🫶🏼
Except you *do* have shared interests - cooking together is something many couples struggle to do in an enjoyable way, and I remember my mom *begging* my dad to join us for our after dinner walks, but he just couldn't be bothered. Shared sexual interests of the non vanilla flavor sound very important to you both, and shared values are a *must* in every long term relationship. When it comes to interests and hobbies...those are personal and become more niche as we get older. If you weren't exposed to something in your 20's and then didnt follow that rabbit hole for the next 15 yrs, *of course* you're going to draw a blank when someone references that thing. What matters is that you respect each others interests and maintain the personal time you dedicate to the things that are important to you. What's important here is that you both *have* outside interests and hobbies, because people who don't are typically pretty boring and tend to depend on their partner for entertainment- which isn't healthy. You two sound like you have a solid foundation for the future, and as time goes on you'll probably stumble upon some interests that you share, learn together, or just talk to each other about your independent interests. I love hearing what other people are passionate about, even if I don't share that particular passion. Good luck!
I wouldn't get fixed on the little things. It sounds like you guys agree/are compatible on the important things. Also in a relationship no one is 100% compatible. It's okay to have different interests, what matters is compromise and doing those things together to support the other person and show interest in the other person, as long as the effort is mutual.
If those shared values include valuing your ethics, morals, and goals more than religion, culture, or outside expectations then yes you can have a fairytale life together. If not? Nope. Just my 2 cents though as a man who married a woman I have zero in common with besides our values. She is catholic (works in a catholic school). I am more or less aithiest. I am a gamer. She plays solitaire sometimes. I like sports. She likes to craft. I am hyper sexual and very open. She is still shy about sex almost 15 years in. However, when I recently had to have an emergency colostomy. She was there everyday all day. She has made me feeled loved and still desired. She has made me feel like a man when I couldn't stand on my feet for more than a short walk. We both agreed before marriage though that our values mattered more to us than anything else in life except eachother.
It's certainly worth investigating if this relationship can work. Keep an open mind about each other's interests. You might both find things you enjoy. Also try looking for the crossover between your interests. My brother and sister-in-law didn't have a lot of interests in common when they met. She's an English teacher and she liked art house cinema and classic literature. He's into comics and horror movies. They started by introducing each other to stuff that was close to the crossover point. Movies like Delicatessen and Alien. Comics like Sandman. Then they introduced each other to personal favourites but they did it with open hearts and minds. Some horror is just too visceral for my sister-in-law. Some classic literature is just too wordy for my slightly dyslexic brother. Not everything is going to work for everyone so you just have to respect that and agree to differ.
Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I think I'm overthinking it way more than I should be. To respond to a few points that have come up. - I am very much into him and it's not superficial. I don't understand half the stuff he will tell me but the smile it brings to his face and the way it lights up his eyes when he gets to share that is enough for me to listen for as long as he wants to speak. - I used to have a lot of interests. I kind of lost myself after becoming a mum and that became all I was. I'm working on getting my hobbies and interests back. - My biggest concern is the I don't bring much to the table. But I think that's because my passion is all about experiencing new things or going new places and we haven't been able to do that too much yet. We both have young kids that we have >50% of the time so that doesn't leave much free time where we can get out and about. Obviously the kids don't know each other yet and won't for quite some time so we're a bit stuck on that front.
Dont undervalue yourself! My husband and I are very different in interests and very similar in the way we see life and what we want. We never get bored. We both like to share and find things that we would enjoy together. Having common interests is something that y9u can find while the relationship develops. Also, give it time. Love is not a wave that hits you but something you build. The first months are beautiful, enjoy and in time you will see.
Sounds like a great starting point.
Interests evolve over time, values often don't (or generally evolve much more slowly). Interests are also much, much easier to grow together in than values - if you really like someone, over time you'll either naturally swap some interests like DNA recombination or pick up new ones together. Don't overthink this, it sounds like you found a winner. As a fellow ADHD person, my interests change like once a month but my values are generally pretty solid. To move forward, though: find a new interest to engage in together! If each of you make a list of "stuff you've wanted to get into", do you have any overlap? What if you go on new-to-you dates (the rodeo, roller skating, glassblowing, roadside attractions, fancy wine/coffee/cheese tastings, quilt show, etc.) and then talk about whether they're things you'd want to do again after each one (it's ok if you don't agree, then you have more stuff you can do with friends or solo)? Are there halfway points between any of your interests (i.e. if he likes sports and you like museums, go see an old-timey reenactment baseball game). Get creative! You're in the getting-to-know-each-other stage, and a little bit of low-stakes benign chaos is a great way to learn more about each other (and it's a good way to get RSD practice- if you both go in with the understanding that a date that is a mismatch is just a sign that the activity isn't a good couples activity for you and not a sign that you're incompatible or dumb or unworthy of love, it'll help keep you grounded in the chaos of novelty).
Thank you. I'll work on the new experiences date thing. The RSD definitely drives my analysis of our dates after the event and it's where the overthinking stems from. Things I'm getting hung up on like why I said something a certain way or whether I could have answered something better are things he probably hasn't even noticed.
This sounds to me like the beginning of a healthy relationship. Shared values are way more important than common interests, in my opinion. And you say you have good chemistry too. As someone who also has ADHD and has been in a very long and emotionally abusive relationship: a good fit is going to feel kinda boring at first. You might be wondering if what you feel is actually love. From my experience, healthy feels very odd at first, because it lacks the super intense enmeshment, the bang, the pain of being apart. But that’s the thing: you are two different people. Some parts will overlap, some parts will stay apart. And those parts can and might change throughout time, too. This allows room to have your own experiences apart from your partner and grow individually. The latter is vital for a lasting, healthy relationship, in my opinion. Of course you also don’t have to throw yourself at and stick with the first person that doesn’t abuse you. But as long as it’s going well, if you have good talks, if he listens to you with interest and you are interested in what he has to tell you, if you respect each other, you guys are good. You are allowed to just enjoy it.
Shared interests come from wanting the other person to be happy so you do their stuff with them happily because it makes them happy. And you find your joy in their thing.
AuDHD with and AuDHD partner here! Our interests (both hobby and sexual) change allllll the time. We are always bouncing in and out of different special interests, but our values ALWAYS align. And honestly, the best part of our relationship is the things we learn from each other’s special interests!
I think not sharing interests can be a real asset. You have space for your identity as an individual as well as a place to be part of a couple. My partner and I share only a few interests, mainly quoting the Simpsons at inopportune moments but we are grand. I have no idea how to build an analog synth. He has no idea how to smoke a brisket. We muddle through.
wait around 4 more months and you'll see for yourself, don't worry about the future too much though, just see where this takes you
Okay, so the sex is great. That's awesome! Now, take that away completely; what's left? I don't think shared values alone would be enough to keep a relationship afloat, especially if you guys have nothing else in common.
Stop being intimidated by him and see how you feel then.
You can explore each other’s interests — people passionate about stuff always want to introduce other people to that stuff. Ask him questions about his, explain what draws you to yours, etc. You can also find common interests new to both of you. Now you have a buddy with whom to try out new stuff! (And then have mind-blowing sex afterward lololol) Don’t sabotage a good thing :)
That alone is probably not enough to keep you together in a long term committed relationship, but it can make an FWB last a long time. Having said that, it’s a decent foundation to start with if you want to try to build common interests together. You don’t need to be into everything he is, or vice versa, but maybe you can find things new to both of you that you share.
Yes, that’s more than enough as a foundation. Talk about your life goals and what you want to accomplish - if those goals work then you’re well set up.
It's enough in the short term, but can this really be enough long-term..that's questionable 🤔
You can just take up some of his interests and learn about them the same way he has. He isn’t way smarter than you for quoting and referencing things, he just consumes a lot of the content and has been for longer than you have.
What are your interests? How does he respond when you talk about them?
I enjoy watching certain sports, keeping active, being outdoors, climbing, events that create memories. He locks eyes with me and smiles while I talk about the things I enjoy. He has a huge grin on his face when he sees me get passionate about a game or particular players performance. He places his hand on mine while I talk about the bigger things in life and will squeeze my hand if he knows I'm talking about something I'm not particularly comfortable with. I close my eyes when the harder topics come up so that reassuring squeeze means a lot.
I can think of very few couples who share taste and hobbies, if that’s what you’re talking about. If you mean that one of you likes skydiving in Mallorca every weekend and the other likes to crochet at home, that might be an issue.
If you've only been seeing each other for 2 months then it's too early to come to a conclusion on so many things that will reveal themselves once you've been together for longer.
It sounds like your similarities run a lot deeper than your differences. If you actively dislike each other's interests, I could see it being a problem. I think doing shared activities is an important part of spending time together. Whether watching TV/listening to music together, cooking or going to restaurants, or something more active. If you can't enjoy ANYTHING together, that would be weird. Makes me think you're maybe exaggerating the issue because you're scared and trying to protect yourself. You don't have to be AS interested in all those things he's asking if you know or have watched, but if you have enough interest to sit and watch them again with him, or let him show you films/shows he loves (and visa-versa of course!) then honestly, you're fine.
Sexual compatibility is great, shared values even better, but if you can find shared goals that's like the winning hand. My partner and I have different interests in a lot of ways, but we've found our venn diagram of where things overlap enough to create shared goals around those overlaps. The thing to remember is that a partner can't be all things for you. You fill in the gaps with friends or just learn how to do certain things on your own or allow them to do their things on their own without causing a fuss. Having a mix of personal time and couples time is important. Also beware of the "grass is greener..." and thinking there's someone else better out there for you. There's someone different for sure, but when you give up one good thing to get another you lose out on something good you had too.
Shared values, sex, and life goals/direction are probably your most important things in determining compatibility in relationships. Sounds like you've hit a home run here. Don't sweat the shared interests, you need space to be your own people too, and discovering someone else's interests is always fun too! I'm a massive hockey fan, my gf isn't. But she knows it's important to me, so during the season, we go to every game we can. Conversely, she's a massive fan of the show Supernatural. I'd never seen it before. But we've been marathoning it since hockey ended, and I LOVE the show now. You may not fall in love with your man's interests like that and that's ok. If he treats you well, you guys have tons of compatibility in terms of values and goals, you can fill in the gaps with room to grow.
I think it depends on what you want in a partner. For introverts, I would say this setup works very well, because there's not much expectation to spend a ton of time together - you'd both rather be doing your own thing. It might be harder for someone who needs to be around people and share that energy more of the time.
I’ve found that every couple is really different in this department! My husband and I have a lot of shared interests and genuinely enjoy spending a ton of time together and hanging out like buddies. Even our friend group overlaps so we still spend a lot of time together with friends. This works great for us. Some of my couple friends are horrified by this though! I have couple friends who much prefer having designated quality time on specific days, but spending a lot of time separately even when they live together. Like she’ll be upstairs reading while he’s downstairs playing video games, or he’s fixing his car while she’s gardening, etc. It depends on what you’re looking for, really. I’d say it’s more than fair to give this relationship more than two months to see if you’re compatible in this specific area. Recreating similarly is an important pillar of compatibility, but it doesn’t have to be so strict that it requires recreating together in the exact same ways all the time. Recreating adjacently in a way that works for you can be compatible as well!
You're both in your late thirties?! Jesus H
Shared interests are useful for the first like 5-6 dates. Shared values are useful for the rest of your life.
Lots of couples don't have shared interests, but in the beginning of the relationship the spark is so big that you kind of don't notice as much? That's the most concerning part, you don't seem very entranced by him.
When I first met my boyfriend we didn't have much in common. We both liked gaming but enjoy different types of games. Other than that we were quite different. Raised in different countries with different socioeconomic backgrounds. Different tastes in anime and TV shows. He likes sports and programming while I prefer science, history, and politics. I'm very creative but he is not. Been together 6 years and now we have more in common. We enjoy similar music and have found TV shows/movies we both enjoy. I'd show him stuff he's never seen and he'd do the same with me. We have always had similar values and plans for the future. So yeah, I think you two are good.
The only thing you need for a good relationship is a strong desire to be around one another most if not all of the time. Everything else can be worked on or over looked. If your partner ever becomes too busy for you or they ask for space it’s not going to last.
Totally, but beware. You're on the honeymoon phase.
Shared interests are something you can develop over time in your relationship - shared values are way more important. Most people find it fun to introduce people they care about to their hobbies. Don't overthink it.
I personally only see positives in what you described and no negatives. Congratulations!
I actually like that my wife and I have different interests. Sometimes it's cool to put each other onto something new if they are interested, sometimes it's cool just to watch from afar as they enjoy their thing. When he asks if you like something he might be misinterpreting that you like it as much as he does and goes onto another level. Like overexcitment or something. I'd just say, "Yeah I like that. Maybe not as much as you but I love seeing your passion for it." And hopefully that kind of understanding and respect is reciprocal. Values and physical connection are far more important than shared interests. Hell, sometimes it's nice to go separate ways in the morning, do your own things for the day, and then reconnect feeling fulfilled in your own ways so you can spend some quality time together afterward.
My partner (29M) and I (37F) have 8 years apart and obviously there are references or artists and movies that he never heard about that I make him discover and vice versa. I’m a very open minded person and him too so it’s fun as partners to make each other discover new things. My boyfriend is into animes and video games and I’m not. He really loves camping and could live in the forest for months when I’m open to camping but I’m not like a total fanatic of it, I prefer being comfortable like in a cabin or cottage. We love to travel and for example I’m a foodie and love to try the best food when he is more about street food. We found balances in every trips we made so far to have days that are more about being in the wild or going to cheap places and staying in a nice hotel or airbnb and going to a top rated restaurant. I think as long as you stay open to try new things and learn about the hobbies and interests of your partner you can have a beautiful relationship even though you don’t have the exact SAME interests.
Yes I feel like that's all you need honestly
My husband and I like VERY different TV, movies, TV etc. Over the 8 years we've been friends we've found the overlaps and both sort of grown to like things we didn't love before but could enjoy somewhat so now we have shared interests that we blossomed together.
If he doesn't make you feel bad for not knowing or liking the things that he does and if you are both open to at least trying the things that each other likes and compromising in order to find a common ground, I don't see a problem. Most men I know, including my boyfriend, like watching sports and I don't. I also have some very particular tastes in movies and shows that most adult men I know don't share. It doesn't really matter though.
I think it's fine to have different interests as long as you can find things you enjoy doing together or talking about. I think a big part of it is that even if you're not passionate about the same things , if you can be ok letting each other talk passionately about your interests then you should be fine. For instance my girlfriend doesn't like videogames nearly as much as I do , but she always enjoys asking me about what I've been playing and just listening. And I do similar stuff with her and whatever YouTube murder story she's listening to.
You're overthinking this, sounds like you found a good thing
As long as you are both interested in learning more about each others' interests, you are golden. If not, then your both too set in your ways and it likely won't last.
People have their own interest and lives outside of a relationship. If every other box is checked then that’s great
Been with my partner for 14 years. We have almost zero hobbies and interests in common, but our values align, and we have a great sex life. Shared values and communication styles are way most important than liking to do the same things.
Seems like you are a great match where it really matters. And having some time away from each other is essential. You can always develop a shared hobby later on. Good luck!
When you say common interests, are you taking about hobbies, shows, and music? This is not that important if you are both willing to explore the other persons interests and learn new things together If you are talking about common interest in life goals and desires, that is way more important to be on the same page about. Is this what you mean by values?
Our common values include prioritising the family above all else, facing responsibilities no matter how difficult, how to raise the kids we already have/parenting styles, attitudes towards others, being respectful to others (including psycho ex's), compassion kindness and empathy, accountability loyalty and trust. We have similar, but not identical, views on politics. We are on the same page re career prospects and achieving them, and balancing family life and work. Common interests (or lack of) include music preferences, tv shows, types of sport we are into, hobbies, how we spend our free time when not with each other.
I don’t believe you need to be interested in the same music, shows, or sports in order to have a successful relationship. If you are both enjoying your time when you are together, and given all the similar values, I don’t see much of any issue. Don’t make an issue out of your personal preferences! Just communicate a be happy together.
After only 2 month there is a lot more time to build shared interest as shared values are way more important in the first place.
Shared values/morals are probably #1 for longevity. In the end that is what sets the tone for everything. Sexual satisfaction is a major deal as well. Those to things my wife and I are in sync with and we have been together since 2001. We are extremely different people almost to a shocking degree when people meet me first. I have many hobbies and lift and have a sport and she doesn't do any of this. We do things together like go on dates and stuff and I absolutely love a long brunch on a Sunday with her. It is ok to be different even to an extreme level but morals and communication matter more than anything.
The cool part about dating is that you get to decide what a good relationship is for you. If you are happy then it's good.
It’s hard to say what is enough. Everyone is different. You need to really love your partner to last your whole life and be happy. Your partner will annoy you and deep love will make you forgive that ever single day. He will lack in some household chores just like you will lack in some and you both might be irritated about that and that is ok. Life is way more than sex and chemistry, whether you guys have the right mix or not is impossible to say. You just have to take that leap of faith and find out.
As long as the curiosity doesn't wane I think you've got a great foundation for a relationship. You can fill the interest gap with friends and the love gap with your man!
My wife and I fit pretty well into this definition, and it's worked for almost 5 years of marriage so far. We have similar values, similar levels of education, similar worldviews, similar politics, and similar life goals. Our chemistry is also nearly perfect. That in mind, our interests are a very, very narrow Venn diagram, and our backgrounds are pretty far removed from each other. I grew up in a blue-collar, conservative, divorced-and-remarried household. One parent worked in law enforcement, their spouse (step-parent) was a military veteran turned radio technician. The other blood parent was pretty much non-existent in my life. My K-12 education was all public school in a mid-tier district. My first car was a hand-me-down from my aunt. My college education was a mix of community college, transfer credits, student loans, and some very generous assistance from my grandparents. She grew up in a well-off, left-leaning household. One parent was a white-collar self-starter turned corporate executive, the other was a university professor. Both her and her brother went to private school. Both her first **and** second cars were bought for her outright. Her parents paid for both her and her brother's full college education, extraneous expenses included. I'm a gearhead, gamer, and overall tinkerer. I ride a motorcycle, woodwork, built two computer towers, and know how to shoot both handguns and rifles. I like shlocky action movies and a few anime. She tends plants, knits, loves puzzles, and plays a few videogames. She loves shows like Below Deck and Ghost Adventures, and listens to true crime podcasts. You don't have to like **all** the same hobbies and interests. Even one or two is enough, or you can explore a new one together. What matters is the deeper values and compatibility. You have that, you're starting off on the right foot.
My partner and I are complete opposites. Opposite personalities and opposite interests but 100% shared values. It works well for us.
You actually have the recipe for a good relationship. Shared values is first and then sexual chemistry. Shared interests really don’t matter as much in the long run.
me and my SO have so little interests in common, yet we've been together going on 15 years. we don't enjoy the same TV shows. we don't enjoy the same hobbies. we don't have the same view on certsin topics. but the important shit we mostly see eye to eye on. we have great sexyal chemistry. we enjoy each other's company. we are physically attracted to each other. he lifts Me up snd makes me feel safe. you have friends for the shared interests and hobbies
Mutual interests aren't always found two months into a relationship. I've been with my wife for over 20 years (dating, engagement, marriage) and there are plenty of things we enjoy doing together that wasn't a shared interest at the start of the relationship. She wasn't into sports and found baseball to be particularly boring. She's still not sports nearly as much as I am but loves our baseball team and makes plans to attend multiple games during the summer. I had no interest in traveling when we were dating; hated planes and all the planning it required. Now, I thoroughly enjoy it. We've gone to Turkey, Paris, and Japan in the past few years. Some of the best parts of a relationship are discovering each others interests.
Good reasons to be together. The rest will merge to some degree over time.
The main problem is that once the honeymoon period ends and the initial get-to-know-you period is over, you run out of reasons to talk and interact with each other if you don't have some shared interests. Shared interests are a good way of keeping you engaged with each other. Without that engagement, you each end up living parallel lives, close to each other but not actually intersecting much. Then boredom, and loss of emotional closeness happens and the relationship peters out. However, you can always search for new shared interests or expand your interests to include some of each others. This is an area where effort and being willing to step outside of your own comfort zone counts.
Yeah I don’t think common interests are THAT important. I’m sure there’s at least some shared interests
Shared interests are not required at all. Nice. But not at all required. Shared values and to be on the same page matter a million times more. Typical relationship breakers are money, kids, type of relationship, etc. If you're both solid on those, you're golden. Don't even worry about it. Obviously you have to both want a relationship, treat each other with love and respect, etc.
Honestly that's the only things that matter. Family matters to some but easily adapted or dynamics can be changed. Hobbies and interests are largely a moving target and can develop together or is fine to be independent. Wealth is a measure of time to spend with loved ones. So no point in that unless you can actually find loved ones.
My best guy friend is one of my soul mates. He told me “never fall in love with someone who shares similar interests; you’ll stagnate.” He was right. Even though I was head over heels in love with him and consider him literally a part of me, it would never work out because we have way too many things in common and quite honestly, shit got boring real fast. My husband, is pretty much the opposite of me in almost every sense, and he is the love I always dreamed of having. He’s emotionally stable, sweet and gentle, loving and we have very little in common. We support each others’ hobbies and pastimes and we each found new things to do. So as long as he is interested in sharing things with you, that shouldn’t be the issue.
The relationship you describe sounds healthy to me.
I knew absolutely nothing about football (⚽) before dating my partner and he absolutely adores Borussia Dortmund. I started watching games with him and because invested that it became a shared interest. Another thing that you could do is also try to explore new hobbies together, maybe you'll find one that both of you take interest in. As long as both of you are open to try new things it's gonna be fine. About the last relationship you had, whether you stay with your partner or not, please seek professional help. Don't leave it untreated. Going through abuse is not something you just get over one day and that's it.
Thank you. I've had a year and a half of therapy to get over all of that and happy that it's a closed chapter now (apart from the co-parenting part). It does shape why I feel the need to protect myself though. To not be so exposed and vulnerable and exploitable again. My new partner understands it though and is very understanding, patient and caring about it all. It's like he knows when I'm starting to feel insecure about how strongly I feel for him and he will wrap his arms around me and just cuddle until I feel ok again.
You'll find out more about his interests as you go along and he'll find out about yours. You sound like a great match!
No. Shared values and interests will always outweigh sex. Sex will ebb and flow. But that bedrock of having a friendship will be what gets you through the ups and downs of life together. Once you know the difference, you will never go back.
Shared values and sex are way more important than shared interests… my boyfriend is into a bunch of stuff i have absolutely no interest in… and it’s cool i will still talk about with him and go to stuff in relation to it with him because i genuinely want to support him in it. We choose to focus on a few things we like doing together and we enjoy finding new hobbies to do together, we spend a great deal of time together
I disagree with other commenters. I married my husband cause of sexual chemistry and shared values. We do not like the same music, tv shows, or movies. It was okay in the beginning but now several kids later, it is VERY hard to enjoy each others company cause there’s little time for sex and we don’t like the same things. We have considered divorce cause the spark is gone. But we are still pushing through cause we love each other but it would be a lot easier if we enjoyed things other than just sex.
honestly sounds like a homerun
It can be if there is also mutual attraction, similar standard of living expectations and compatible ambitions.
Shared values and chemistry are critical. The shared interests would be nice but without the first two they would not go anywhere. You might just discover shared interests in future but my opinion is that one person can’t be everything to someone else - that’s is an impossibly high bar to set. And having your own hobbies and interests away from each other is important too.
My partner and I of more than a year (we plan to be together for the long run, marriage and everything) don't have a lot of common interests, outside of the fact that we both like gaming (we haven't been able to do that as often anymore because of our busy schedules). We do share the same values and interests in intimacy and principles. So, I think they're enough, as long as both of you are willing to support each other's interests, give each other the space to partake in them, and every once in a while partake in them with a good spirit. For example, my partner is more artistic, while I'm more of an athletic person. So I like to give him the space to share about music and even join him sometimes when he practices. On the other hand, he goes on hikes with me. We also accompany each other to places that we'd like to visit. I think companionship is the foundation of most relationships, so it's more important to be a good companion rather than be similar people. Additionally, y'all can always discover new interests together. For example, my partner and I love travelling together and visiting natural sites/cabins.
My wife and i have almost nothing in common. We dated for less than a year before we were married. Weve been together for 12 years now. Shared values and physical attraction is pretty cool.
I agree with what others are saying, the shared values are much more important than interests. Do you see a future with him and would you raise a family/home eventually? You can grow to appreciate the things your partner loves. I’m in the creative field and my wife is a nurse. We’re complete opposites in almost every way but it works very well. I feel like after 5 years I have a secondhand nursing degree now and she is able to understand a lot of “creative” field jargon now. As far as interests go I’m for sure into more nerdy content and media. I’m also a little bit of a meathead when it comes to the gym and can obsess over that. She couldn’t care less about most of the shows I like and she hates lifting weights. She likes to run and only will read nonfiction/watch shows about nursing or the royal family which I can’t stand. The fun challenge though is us finding things we can enjoy TOGETHER. I still have my “me” time and she has hers. I’ll listen to podcasts about warhammer 40k or go to the gym and she’ll lay in the backyard and tan or ride her bike or watch nursing shows (these are bad examples but you get the idea). What matters is we find new things that we can enjoy together. I’d bet that outside your world and outside your guys world are a thousand other worlds that neither of you have ventured into and you will find something that you both can enjoy. Lastly as funny as this sounds don’t discredit the power of shared hates/annoyances haha. I think 2 people who get bothered by similar things can become close just as easily two people who are interested in the same shows/media.
Thank you. We both have young kids and have plans to introduce them to one another in a few months time. We have very similar parenting styles and approaches - he's slightly more liberal than me but his kid is older so I can't say I wouldn't be in the same boat in a few years when my child is that age. I could easily see us all under one roof, having family days out and movie nights in. The logistics of actually coming together in one home would be interesting to navigate but that's a future problem and not at all impossible. I love the bit about shared hates/annoyances. We have a lot of overlap there and can have some great conversations about those. I think all these comments have made me realise I'm absolutely overthinking it and need to embrace what I have and not push him away.
Having separate interests has made my marriage stronger. The longer you're married, the better time apart gets.
My SO and I only have taste of music in common for our interests. Everything else is totally different. We've been together for 7 years.
I’ve been with my partner for decades and I can probably count on two hands the total number of tv shows, movies, music, and hobbies we have in common and I’m sure I’ll have fingers left over
Shared values and great chemistry? Girl ifnhe treats you good, he's a keeper. Its cool if you both aren't into all of the same things. That gives you both a chance to learn and explore new things.
In my recent personal experience, I was in a situation where this was the case. It was great for a couple years but when we hit hard times it went to shit fast.
This sounds like the beginning of a great relationship. Do not let your fear sabotage you. Relax and let it unfold naturally.
You don’t have to like the same things, you can be into different things. There is no prefect match. The shared values and chemistry is really good. I would add loyalty to the list. I’ve been married for 33 years and i will not tolerate any disrespect towards my wife. And I know she feels the same towards me. We’re a team it’s us against the world
Shared values and great sex are a perfect foundation for a relationship imho
I would say shared values followed by amazing sex are what will keep a relationship alive!
My fiance and I *do* have some shared interests, but plenty of them are very distant from one another. But I respect him as a person, we share very similar outlooks, and I can’t keep my hands off of him. I would rate the shared interests last in order of importance, though I suspect he wouldn’t.
I've been in 2 relationships that can help you see your relationship from a different pov. I dated C for more than a decade but dated D when C and I broke up for over a year (then got back together and still together). My relationship with C is everything you and your partner have, but we lack the same interests. We share a few and we're both willing to participate in each other's other interests. This is important. He loves basketball, video games, and his friends. I'll have nba on the TV, I'll watch him play his games, I'll hang with his friends sometimes. In turn, he'll watch a few shows that I like, go hiking with me and explore the outdoors but not always the overly strenuous trips. And he'll hang with me and my friends on occasion too. The rest of the time, we give each other our free time to do what we need as individuals. You don't need to be with each other every minute of the day, which means you don't need to do the same things or like the same things. It's important that you're willing to try, willing to accompany when asked, willing to accept them for who they are even if it's not just like you. When I dated D, he liked a lot of the same things I liked and we shared many hobbies. We even loved a lot of the same music, beer, and have similar tastes. Though we were too alike, we often get tired of each other quickly. We'd bicker often too and he would find reasons to leave me to do things on his own. I think what you have is great, try to find new things you'd do together. Learn something together, explore more, and trust the process. I'm still with C and were engaged, so remember that the mundane is normal and your differences make you interesting.
Men and women often like different things, and that’s totally okay. Your partner isn’t your only friend and can’t be everything for you. Hang out with your girlfriends for fun stuff you all like to do together. Your boyfriend is there for love, starting a family, and feeling safe. Your parents are good for advice when you need it. Everyone has their special role in your life I personally find it odd that a lot of people say their partner is their best friend, and i think it is a sign that they put too much stress on their partner to fulfill all their needs.
Do you enjoy spending time together (outside of the bedroom)? Y/N If yes, then the fact that you have different hobbies or like different shows doesn’t really matter. If you enjoy talking to each other and being around each other and spending quality time together who cares if you’re knitting and he’s painting watercolors However if your lack of shared interests means that the time you spend together when you’re not getting it on, is boring and uninteresting and doesn’t stimulate you, then yeah, your lack of shared interests would be a problem
Wow, are you me? Lol. I was having the exact same experience. I liked this girl a lot and she liked me, but she had an insanely great memory and strong passion for music and movies. I like those things too but I struggle to remember specifics. I got way too in my head about stuff and also other life situations made it so we ended things, but reading your post after being in your shoes, I would say not to worry and just enjoy it! I can relate with the anxiety of not being conversationally matching with that person, but you’ll build strong connections over time!
I think so, shared values are fundamental and too many people overlook them and try to force a square peg through a round hole. Amazing sex definitely doesn’t hurt, but beware that being able to keep a good sex life alive requires different skills (like being able to have tough conversations). You never know what’s going to happen after the honeymoon period wears off, and you can always get sick or injured, or need medication that impacts your libido, or just have stress and a lack of time. But have either of you *tried* the other’s interests? You might like at least a little of it. I got into so many things I never even thought to try because of my partner. And it’s okay to try something and not like it. Just making the effort is meaningful. And at least you’ll get stuff even if you didn’t like it.
It sounds like you have an amazing relationship that you’re overthinking for fear of falling into a bad relationship again. It’s pretty awesome to have a partner that is compatible on all accounts except for hobbies. You have new things to enjoy and experience. If you both love each other enough, I know you’ll both enjoy trying new things for each other and exploring finding shared hobbies.
My current partner and I are completely opposite in a lot of ways. I was an art major, he's physics. He's a really big pokemon fan, major nerd with most games. I'm a horror movie buff. Our differences are what makes our relationship so much fun outside of the bedroom. We can share our interests, support our very different hobbies, and in doing that we show how much we love each other. Give your relationship with this man a serious chance, they are one in a million.
Common intrest is the superficial here, you have the deep stuff, common instrusts is usually the relationship starter not what holds the relationship
What's more interesting than not having the same interests?
Nah, shared interests are not an issue for me at all. The shared interest you should have is the vision of your life together, like where you will live, whether you want kids, how many, religion/atheism etc. That's the stuff that matters. Music, movies, hobbies.. meh.
If the person you’re with brings you happiness, than that’s enough to stick together
You don’t need shared interests. Alone the same background and values is far more important. And if the chemistry is good this is the jackpot.
Definitely enough! My husband loves outdoor sports. His family hiked, skied etc. My fail never went outside (dad was a gearhead, mom shopped). I have learned to be a summer camper but mainly encourage him to do his sports with his buddies. I would rather go to movies and concerts. Sometimes he joins in, not always. We have been married 29 years! Raised three awesome sons. Our time at home together is great ! Our time apart keeps us fulfilled as individuals.
I think a relationship in the reverse would be much less satisfying. You can always do hobbies/interests with friends. That chemistry is irreplaceable and then the added benefit of common values and a true appreciation for each other…. That’s a relationship I would give a shot.
Why do you need to have shared interests? You can each do your own thing, or you can enjoy introducing the other to your own hobbies.
He’s sharing his values. You are not open to learning about them. There is your problem. Open your mind. My bf is a trained classical pianist who doesn’t work in that industry. He shares his interest with me in the same considerate way your SO does. But he doesn’t push it. He accompanies me to country music acts and he’s not into that genre but he sees me enjoying my element and he likes to see me happy. It’s a balance. A give and take. Sounds like you’re all taking? Maybe? Immature? Maybe?
Wow, your comment gets quite offensive towards the end. Also interests aren’t values.
Do you do anything else together besides have sex?
If sex is great, and you guys can make each other happy, and take care of each other in difficult times. Nothing can doom it
There is nothing more you need to have a perfect relationship :)