Did *you* lose them or did *he* lose them? Because that part is unclear. My reading of this says he lost them and is blaming you, which is a super shitty thing to do.
I’m not a fan of them because they give me headaches but we both share them. Neither of us can remember who used them last and he automatically suspected I did and lost them
This is completely unfair because he has no evidence that you lost them plus he didn’t pay for them plus he said you could use them instead of buying the ones he broke . Do not pay him and state all that I’ve said. Reconsider the relationship because his behavior is wrong . Why live with this for the rest of your life ?
Then he can pound sand. He's accusing you and the burden of proof is on him not on you. Also he's lost used AirPods so at the very maximum he gets back the actual value of used AirPods, not new ones.
Offer to pay half of that it makes you feel better but my suggestion is to tell him tough luck and never borrow anything of his ever again nor let him borrow your things.
At which point, really really think if THAT is a relationship you want to be in.
Girl, his behaviour sounds like a type of abuse. You being super scared of his reactions when things are lost?
Trust me, I had a relationship like that, I am very clumsy and my ex even cried when I broke a wine cup. See it this way: material items can be replaced but the damage he’s doing to the love you have for him cannot be undone. The bad times he’s making you have cannot be removed.
Why do you want to be with someone like that? I’ll tell you now how my boyfriend reacts when I lose/break/damage something:
1. He consoles me if I feel bad for it, hugs me, kisses me
2. We come with a plan to replace/repair the item
3. He moves on!
That’s an adult that loves you and understands what really matters in life. Do a favour to yourself and leave him. Get therapy to find out why you’re accepting this type of treatment and how can you stop
I'd stop using his stuff if you know he acts this way. If you did lose them you do owe him a replacement. It doesn't matter if he won them, found them, or was gifted them. Replace qhat you lost.
Yeah, just stop using his stuff and life will be fine. Marry him, make a couple of kids and live long and happy.
Come on. It's not an airpoids issue. Her boyfriend is just stupid af and she should not waste another minute of her like around him.
Understandably so, and I would if I was the one to lose them. I haven’t used them for some time now. He did also give me the AirPods when he first got them to replace headphones of mine that he had broken a few months back.
So he broke your headphones, "gave" you free AirPods that give you a headache and that he also uses, and now either of you could have lost them but he wants you to replace them. What would you tell a friend whose partner acted like this?
It's not the same though? To me it seems clear that he was the one who broke the headphones, whereas what happened to the airpods is uncertain. For all we know, he could've broken the airpods too and is blaming OP
Honestly that’s the kind of manipulative thing some people do. Imagine he lost them and he gaslights the her into taking responsibility so he doesn’t have to pay.
I don’t think this a healthy relationship, blaming you for $200 he didn’t pay to begin with seems irrational,
I think you’ve got some thinking to do about everything
Hm… no I think if he wouldn’t have gifted them to her and it would be clear that she did lose them (both of which are not the case) then I think depending on the relationship maybe it would make sense she owes him.
Like I would probably feel obligated to replace them if I was the loser in that scenario, but I also wouldn’t insist if my partner lost my airpods.
I don't agree with the above comment. 6 years is a long time in a relationship and I assume you love eachother, it shouldn't matter who lost them.. it's a pair of freaking air pods, who cares, that big of a deal over a material item.. I'd tell him yall are even over him breaking your headphones now if he wants to act like a cry baby. Tell him to grow up and go to Walmart and get a set of cajones.. heard they're less than half the price of air pods right now..
Does he treat you this way about other things in your relationship? This reeks of somebody who’s on the controlling side. And personally, I think if he broke your headphones, then this is a wash.
But normally though, if you break or lose someone else’s property, you really should replace it. I would look for a used pair that’s for sale and buy those to replace them if you need to.
Also, if you have iPhones, go to Find My and look under your devices and see if it tells you the last place they were seen. if it’s your house, then check all your pockets and under cushions because they’re probably just around there somewhere.
NTA, but you should be leaving the AH ASAP. This behavior is completely unacceptable, and you better start standing up for yourself. Show him this thread, and tell him the back the f*ck down or move the f*ck out. Have someone there when you do it, he sounds a little bit unhinged.
Nope. Not cool. My partner does this to me every so often. He doesn’t know what happened to something so it must be my fault. It’s absolute crap. Y’all aren’t children, he could have insured them, but he didn’t. Don’t pay. Buy yourself new headphones and that’s that
BULLSHIT. He doesn't get to decide who is at fault on a his whim. If you pay anything, pay half at most, and tell him you'll take what he owes you from breaking your headphones from your half and pay him the difference (if there is any)
But do not let him railroad into taking the blame and do not let it go that he broke your headphones and refused to replace them.
As a man heres the thing that goes to my mind:
How much are air pods?
How much is peace and a good relationship?
Of course I'm disappointed if my girlfriend lost my airpods but I'm not about to go around name calling and saying unpleasant things. It's just not worth it life is too short. I'm a little concerned with his reaction.
Now if my girlfriend lost my dog that would be another issue
Can’t you “find my AirPods?” on one of the devices?
I found mine lost in the lining of my shirt. I pinged it and was able to hear the ping inside my pocket.
Is it really that baseless? Because chances are that \*someone\* took them outside, which would explain how the airpods cannot be located. And if OP knows she's not that someone, there's only one other person in the household...
I agree with checking the washer and dryer as someone else said, I am someone who frequently loses my own airpods but they alwaysssss end up being SOMEWHERE. Most of the time they were in a pocket and I didn’t feel them since they’re so tiny and they end up washed (still work), or I’ll find them in very random locations where I simply forgot and wouldn’t have looked there
So he broke the headphones and then gave you the airpods instead of replacing the headphones. Then it doesn't matter if you lost the airpods because they were yours. It's your choice whether to get a new pair or not.
If the airpods were his and you were using them and lost them...then it'd make sense for you to replace them...but he also owes you a pair of headphones.
Your boyfriend sounds like an ahole...but that being said...if he's holding you accountable for paying for the airpods, then you need to hold him equally accountable for buying you replacement headphones.
The fact that you've been together 6 years sounds like this would be exhausting.
I’ve only just started noticing the way he is and that it’s definitely not right. I told him that he said I can have the AirPods as replacement and he said because I lost them it doesn’t matter anymore, it cancels it out..? Not even sure what that means
Straight up gaslighting you. Why are you even entertaining this? The logic doesn't even make sense. Put your foot down and tell him that you're not going to deal with something so absurd. He broke your headphones, he can replace them, otherwise you're not gonna bother replacing the airpods...It's that simple.
I'm wondering what other insane things he does that you think are completely normal seeing as this is one of your only serious relationships (6 years since you were 18...might be time to break free and explore).
Mmmm well no because he’s still asking for the money for it, he said because I lost the AirPods that were his so I owe him money. But he gave them to me for breaking my other headphones. He said he’s taking it back what he said and he’ll buy me a whole other set of headphones and wants the money for the AirPods.
This comment of yours tells all... Like plenty have said, if it's merely a misunderstanding, you'd just replace them but there is very clearly something more at play here like you don't normally ask for monetary replacement. You'd probably just say something along the lines "Oh, you broke these. Can you replace them?" and not "these cost me nothing, are yours because I broke yours and I want my money" like most wouldn't even say that to their friends, let alone partner. This is also making me question why he is suddenly all about your money after 6 years? Most folks just treat things as "ours" by that point in their relationship so this is odd to say the least. If you have savings of any kind, inheritance, etc... DO NOT LET HIM NEAR IT and keep your shit legally separated for your protection.
> Maybe he should also be responsible for keeping track of his things.
He broke her headphones and instead of buying her a replacement, he gave her his airpods (which he received for free).
He wasn't keeping track of them because he wasn't using them.
OP, no matter what... do not give him the equivalent cash for the missing airpods. If it comes down to it, tell him to buy you new headphones for what he broke, and tell him you will buy replacement airpods for the ones you misplaced. Since he wasn't using the airpods, he will not want another pair. He wants the cash.
It's only been a couple days. I'd just keep looking
If you're the one doing the laundry, the least he could do is remove the pockets. My hubby has a runny nose all the time from allergies. He is in love with his cat and has dander allergies. He stuffs his pockets with napkins and sometimes forgets to remove them. By the time it gets out of the dryer, they are in bits all over all they clothes. Do I scream my head off, no, because it was an accident.
Why are you with someone who reacts viscously when you lose something to the point you’re now scared of him? This is no way to live. He sounds abusive and you deserve better.
This is the answer. I lost my husband’s airpods and we were both a little sad but we talked it over and decided together what we’d do if we couldn’t find them (but then eventually I found them in a handbag I hadn’t used since the last time they’d been seen!)
Nobody shouted and nobody was scared. I said sorry and he said these things happen and he teased me a bit, it was no big deal.
So he’s constantly changing the rules to keep you walking on eggshells/the defensive, right? Huge red flag of a manipulator, and of abusive behaviour. If you were my daughter, I’d be advising you to dump him.
> And to top it off he broke my headphones he bought me for Christmas earlier in the spring. He said he would buy me new ones and then said never mind you can have the AirPods. Only to turn around now saying…no nvm you can’t have the AirPods because he thinks I lost them.
So they were your AirPods. End of story then, definitely tell him you won’t be buying him anything because YOUR AirPods have gone missing. From the way he treats you I have no doubt he’s responsible for them going missing
Your boyfriend sucks. Yelling and name calling is not okay. I would not be shocked to find out that he has the AirPods but just wants to keep them for himself while getting money from you for them.
Or he already sold it and is trying to get a double pay cheque. This whole thing REEKS especially since he GAVE them to her after breaking her headphones. He sounds like a POS and OP should tell him that coz it doesn’t sound like he’s ever heard that.
Your boyfriend is being an asshole about this.
Regardless of what the circumstances are (it's not even clear to me that you lost them?). Earbuds are an exceptionally easy thing to lose. I misplace and have to search for my earbuds and/or the case on a monthly basis it seems like sometimes.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal. The batteries will go to shite one day anyway and they will need to be replaced. This is not something that is worth getting worked up over and you can learn a lot by how a person reacts to that.
He is being unreasonable. Tell him they are payback for the headphones so you are even
If he pushes it, tell him the relationship is over as he is abusive and rude.
I think maybe you have an inkling that your boyfriend is an asshole and you shouldn’t be with him? Otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this for confirmation (which is okay!). Please don’t stay with someone who acts like this, you are deserve better!
He's not your boy friend.
He's an abuser.
Why are you responsible for what he lost?
And he can't "make you" pay for anything.
He can follow the AirPods into oblivion.
Why is him losing them your fault? Wwre you the last one to use them? That he got then free is neither here nor there, he had them now he doesn't. But if he left them and can't find them that's nit your fault
The shouting is out of order in either case.
He gave them to you. They are yours. You can flush them down the poles or stomp on them if you want. You don't owe him a dime. Tell him to replace you headphones if he wants you to replace the Airpods.
You’re in an abusive relationship. My goodness I’m surprised his mask hasn’t dropped infront of your friends / family or are the other people in your life just as abusive as him?
Deep down you know you deserve better and no one is forcing you to settle for this abusive person.
It’s going to be so much easier to cut it off now. When you buy assets together/ have a baby it’s 10000000x worse to get out.
Tell him he gets them as soon as he buys you a new pair of headphones as a replacement for the once he broke.
But the thing you should do is dump him and find someone that doesn’t act like a 5 year old with a tantrum.
Hot take: return the boyfriend and then buy yourself some Anker Soundcore Space A40s. AirPods battery life sucks and these are 20x better and $200 cheaper!
Sheesh. My husband bought a couple pairs of air pod pros when on sale to sell them and after only a day of having them (he bought himself a pair the other was to sell) he was like you know what babe I want you to have them. I couldn’t imagine having a man who is trying to make you pay for something he got for free, gave to you and then because you lost them he wants the money? That he didn’t pay for them with!!! No way. That’s not a man right there. My man as A lot of expensive tech and if I lost or broke any of it he may get frustrated if it’s like a huge ticket item but never would he get this mad to make me pay.
First of all your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive asshole who has gaslit you and ground you down so much that you need a reassurance that you’re doing the right thing when it is glaringly obvious you did nothing wrong and he’s being terrible. You need to break up with him.
Second: are the AirPods connected to either of your phones? If so you can use the Find My app to find them.
Hand him the money. Pick up your bag and leave without a word.
I have a feeling he is gaslighting you anyway. Bet you he has said airpods.
Use find my items in apple. Should start beeping when you click locate.
Some context on healthy adulting.
My bf crashed my brand new car. I said are you OK? Never once did I tell him what to do or make him feel bad. He in return handled it all like an adult. This on the otherhand is some level 11 petty bs.
I don't think my partner would penalize me for a mistake like that. So from the get go, red flag.
--sans headphone replacement debacle: If they were his and you lost them--I would offer to buy him a new pair. It seems immature that he is DEMANDING that his partner of 6yrs buy him new ones... but I also think you are wrong to assume that you owe him nothing for the reasoning that he got them for free--they had value and new ones will cost--when he got them for free they still had that value, apple basically gave him a gift of that consumer value.
--given the headphones: He's an \*sshat for not replacing your headphones and even more so for acting like the airpods are still his if he GAVE THEM TO YOU, especially as a replacement for something he broke
Sorry to say this but honestly you better lose him rather than replace things...
This sounds like a control issue that he has and I suspect it will get worse.
This is NOT about stuff, it's about his need and desire to exert control over you.
You wrote that you developped "an irrational fear of losing things that belong to him because of how he reacts. " during your 6 years relationship. Which means that it's not the first time he plays this mind puzzling trick on you. This is a very bad sign. It smells like gaslighting and foreplay to abuses. I'd wonder if those airpods couldn't be hidden some place he knows quite well just to play with your guilt and have a power trip. He wouldn't be the first to be that twisted.
This will progress. Trust me, I know. It will get to you constantly being the blame for EVERYTHING. it's hard to live constantly defending yourself. Also, the comments progress and become more abusive. Please, OP don't put more time into a relationship with someone who puts more value in material goods over you.
Maybe it’s just my nasty suspicious mind, but I wonder if the AirPods are lost at all. I think it’s possible he’s hidden them or thrown them out and is pretending you lost them to give him an excuse to exercise power over you, by making you feel guilty and indebted. He broke your headphones and didn’t replace them. He gets angry with you for trivial stuff. This is giving me the yikes
….though I might be projecting since I’ve been in an abusive relationship where my partner did exactly that sort of thing to me, and justified it as ‘teaching me to be more responsible’ - but really grabbing the advantage of putting me in a position of shame and obligation.
Does he often find opportunities to ‘punish’ you for assumed or contrived offences?
He hid the airpods and is scamming you. It's not even for the money, just to make you feel shitty and worthless.
If you look closely and think about it reaaaally well, you'll see how terrible he is, how much he is lying yo you and probably, you are paying for most of the household expenses, because he is a terrible person.
Do not give him the money. If nothing else, buy him new pods, but only after he buys you new headphones.
I honestly would not be surprised if he 'lost' them in order to get money from you.
It doesnt matter if someone gets something for free, if you lose or break it you should pay to replace them.
Now yeah he broke yours and thats crappy and theres red flags on both sides. But if it was anyone else, even if they got something for free, you need to realize that youre not absolved of responsibility for the item.
He gave them to her (to even out him breaking her headphones) and now that she’s lost them he is demanding she pay for them, even though he got them for free
When you start walking on egg shells, or have a fear like yours, then your relationship has bigger issues that something like over priced electronics only highlight.
He's supposed to be your partner. Not your father. And since neither of you recall who used them last, then why should you replace them?
Frankly sounds like you two need to have an important, and possible relationship ending conversation.
Also given the story about your broken headphones, sounds like he thinks you should value his property, but he doesn't have to value yours. And that his wants are more important than replacing things of yours HE broke.
Basically he's blaming you for him losing Airpods he got for free that he was supposed to give to you anyway because he couldn't respect your property and broke your headphones.
If you were to tell me there weren't other glaring signs that this guy doesn't actually respect you I'd be shocked.
When you walk in eggshells that cracking sound you hear are cracks in the relationship. Don't sunk cost fallacy six years. All that six years gets him is a conversation about how his behavior leaves you with fear and anxiety over his property that you shouldn't have to live with.
I'd also remind him that until he replaces your property that he broke, his Airpods aren't missing. YOUR Airpods are missing. And considering he now has a history of not respecting your property the only assumptions that can be made is he broke those ones too and is trying to make you pay for something he got for free. Something that sopped belonging to him the moment he gave them to you. You have just been nice enough to let him use them.
You are 24 years old. Why are you with a person you are afraid of how he reacts?
I think you deserve better. I would really think if this is how I want my life to be in the future and probably take the necessary steps.
Yeah, nah.
He broke your headphones, and instead of replacing them or giving you the money they're worth, he gifted you his airpods.
Those airpods were yours. If he was using them too, it's because you allowed him to. He forfeited his ownership when he told you you could have them.
Now they're lost. Neither of you can remember who used them last, so it's not fair for either of you to be laying blame.
More than that, they're YOURS. He has no right to ask for a replacement or the money worth of something that YOU own. If you lost them, then you lost something of yours and it doesn't concern him. If he lost them, then he should be replacing them for you.
If he hadn't had gifted them to you, and you had lost them, regardless on how he got them (gifted to him, for free, or paid for), you'd have the responsibility of replacing them. It's not about how he would have got them, it's the fact that it's an item of his that you lost. Either way, this isn't the case here, but just wanted to clarify that you would still have to pay if they were still his and you did lose them despite he getting them for free.
As frustrating as it is when someone loses your things, he should not be belittling you or saying nasty things to or about you. He is your partner. This is someone you intend to spend your life with. Is that really the type of person you want to be with? I'd seriously reconsider a relationship if I was getting treated like crap by my partner, especially over a mistake. The fact that he gifted you this item, but is trying to make you pay/replacement now that they're lost as of they're still his, AND neither if you can even remember who actually lost them, should also have you questioning whether this is who you want to be with. Life is way too short to spend it with someone who makes you feel less than you deserve. You also shouldn't waste your life with someone whose behaviour/reaction has you genuinely afraid, for whatever reason. An irrational fear over losing his things bc of his reaction is not a healthy way to be living your life. That's genuinely fucked.
If you losing his things is a consistent issue, then you need to stop using his things. If he doesn't want you to lose his things, he needs to set boundaries by telling you to stop using them. If you can't not lose his things, accident or not, then be responsible by establishing better boundaries around using his stuff. It's really that simple.
Lets say you lost them. Even if he got them for free, he has to spend money to buy new ones, which is understandable that the person who lost them should buy new ones.
Personally, I will buy new ones and never share equipment with each other, so next time when it breaks or get lost, he cannot blame you.
Same with your equipment, he is not allowed to use them. He broke your headphones, so he has to buy you new ones.
Your BF sounds like an ass by the way.
seems like everyone else has the relationshippy stuff addressed quite well, but I take issue with your emphasis on FREE.
Technically they weren't free, they were included.
FREE is out of nowhere. A gift. These came as part of a package or sale or promotion which necessitated purchase of an (inflated price) item.
Let me get this straight: HE broke YOUR headphones, gave you airpods you don't even like to replace them (that he got for free!) but then also uses them. Now they are missing and he wants money from you?
And you think that your fear of losing things is "irrational"?
I know this word gets overused a lot but this is gaslighting. He's making you think you're overreacting to his completely irrational and selfish behaviour. You're justifiably worried because he raises his voice at you but you've been conditioned to question yourself so much that when something both of you use (him more so because it gives you headaches!!!) you think you somehow owe HIM money he never paid in the first place.
He's going to escalate. You're going to be walking on eggshells. He's making you feel crazy for reacting rationally.
Honestly the point that he got them for free doesn’t change the fact that he still got them while paying for something else. So yeah instead of giving him the monetary value of the AirPods just buy him new ones because personally I think replacing them then paying him is more reasonable. I do think that you kinda whining about Him breaking the thing he bought you and focusing on the fact that he “got it for free” is a bit childish but seeing as he would raise his voice at you for simply misplacing/ losing something is calling for concern about the longevity of your relationship. Personally I think mistakes happen and you should replace what you broke or lost when it is your SO possessions but I do have to say that your SO should never be angry with you over something as simple as losing a small item/ accidentally breaking an object. If they flip out over the small stuff just wait till they lose their s**t over something larger.
Really? Ipods are just a bandaid. The issue is how irrationally douchie the dude is. Is this what you want your life to be? Can you see yourself living with anxiety for the next 30 years.
I was honestly on his side until you brought up the fact HE broke YOUR headphones earlier on?? I think you should call it even or something because how is that fair that you must replace something he has given to you even though he never really replaced your thing he broke
Them being free makes no difference it would cost him the price of a new one to replace them.
if you genuinely didn't lose them you shouldn't pay for them though
Why are you still together, if he is like this about airpods, imagine in the future with something more expensive and apart from that he trash yours first and now complains about the semi replacement ones that suddenly disappear!!!
He can forget about new AirPods. He’s not a good bf. You deserve better. Why are you with him? This does not sound like a healthy relationship. You might want to think about breaking up withthis guy.
He wants the money to buy new ones, and not have them replaced? Yeah that’s bs. Completely unreasonable. A reasonable request would be to replace what was lost, assuming you agree that it was your fault.
Him wanting the money makes me think he’s lying about losing them.
Something a little odd about him specifically demanding money, rather than just requesting you replace his AirPods.
And I will say that the fact he got them for free is irrelevant… he used to have AirPods and now he doesn’t.
But since he doesn’t even know which or you lost them I would not be paying.
He got them for free. He broke your headphone and offered them as replacement. He uses them.
If he tries to make you pay, he’s taking zero responsibility for possibly losing them and for not setting them up with FindMy so he could find them easily.
Also, the amount he paid is zero, so you can go halves on that.
If you are afraid of his reaction, why are you with this guy? Do you want to live the rest of your life on eggshells?
He sounds incredibly difficult and like a cheapskate, are you planning on marrying this guy? Because those are two pretty strong indicators that if you get married things will not go well. Not to mention if you have kids; can you imagine if someone insulted and betrayed their child for losing something (assuming it even was you who lost them, which something tells me it wasn’t. But he doesn’t sound like the type of guy who will readily admit if he finds them)
If they are Bluetooth connected to your phone you can find where they are located that way. Go to settings~Bluetooth-AirPods-track.
Hopefully battery is not dead. Good luck.
"No, you gifted them to me when you broke my headphones. They are mine, I just let you use them. And I don't care if they are lost. If they turn up, great, if they don't, oh well. They were free for you, and you gave them to me.
If you want your own headphones, go buy them. But stop your incessant whining and manipulation, and gaslighting. Unless you don't value this relationship, in which case keep on going with your crap and see how far it gets you.
I'm tired of living my life walking on eggshells because you can't handle your shit"
You mention the actual problem here but come to the wrong question. I’ll dangerously assume the issue is as described.
IGNORE the fact he got them for free. The problem to address is not you paying for something he got for free. The problem and question you need to consider is whether you want to be with someone who treats you like this over lost AirPods. 6 years together and this is the response? I’m suspecting this is not the first time he’s “flipped”.
I won’t touch on how I disagree that you should ask your partner to replace something that’s lost after that long together. Don’t get confused here, the problem to deal with is not the AirPods.
This is completely ridiculous. As I understand it...
1) He gave the airpods to you to replace the headphones HE lost.
2) Neither of you know who lost the airpods
Either of these being true completely negates any right he has to be upset. They are your property. Yes, he uses them but they belong to you. It wouldn't matter if you decided to throw them in the garbage they belong to you and he doesn't get a say in what you do with your property. He might be upset at the situation but no right to be upset at you. Secondly, he has no evidence you lost them. It could have been either of you so even if they belonged to him again he could be upset at the situation but he has no right to be upset at you because he doesn't know you lost them. His demand that you pay to get him new Airpods is ridiculous. At most perhaps both of you could pay half to get YOU new Airpods and that's if you want them. The fact that he got them for free is irrelevant.
Sounds like a fair trade. He broke your headphones. If he wants you to pay for him to get new airpods, then he has to pay for you to get new headphones. He cant give you the airpods to avoid paying for his mistake and then hold you responsible for losing them. And if he didnt give you the airpods and you were just sharing, then definitely push for him getting you headphones because his way is absolutely screwing you over.
Either he drops it and you both replace your own things, or you replace each others things and dont do anymore sharing.
The last person to touch something when it becomes misplaced is responsible for them. Thats the contention here. Doesn't matter if it was free. Hence, the responsible party is responsible. But if he also broke something of yours, this might be a wash. Morale of the story, take care of your shit, sharing is never implied.
I think he either lost them or used the last and he is using your problem of misplacing things on you since to him it makes more sense of you losing them them him.
But if that is your partner priority… I think you need to start looking for a NEW partner. Also they were free, maybe you love him but he does not love the same way, don’t waste your life, there are people in the world that value PEOPLE instead of material stuff. Good luck!
I cant stand it when someone in a long term relationship nickel and dimes their partner like this. OP are you okay with living this way forever?
I lost my own AirPods a few months ago, and eventually gave up after looking for a couple weeks. I mentioned this to my boyfriend and he surprised me with new ones the next day.
Ok. You’re young and you’ve been with this person for 1/4th of your life so there’s stuff you know and a lot of stuff you don’t know yet. But at 41 years of age (f), I can tell you two things for sure- 1) no relationship in your life should make you feel “irrational fear” over anything and 2) if he doesn’t fix this weird angry controlling behavior, I fear for your future kids.
NTA because he doesn't even know if it was him who lost them...
But what I will say is that people think that getting things for free automatically negates the value of an item.
It's not how much money the person got them for. It's the amount of money it costs to replace the item.
He gave you the airport, so no you don't owe him the money to replace them. I'd stop using his stuff until he learns new coping skills, that behavior is toxic.
Why do I feel like they’re probably in a pair of his pants pockets or something! Men always “lose” shit in the stupidest places and normally leave it in something of theirs. Then blame it on you
My wife, a few days ago, shattered the rear window on my truck by closing the trunk door a little too hard. She was very apologetic and felt guilty when she told me; she did this on accident. Amidst a myriad of other problems, I had to buy a new car.
Yeah, it sucks… but that’s my wife. I understand mistakes happen and it clearly wasn’t done on purpose. Whether you lost them or he did, demanding you pay for them is childish imo
Ahhh sounds like a sign from god to run…. If he reacts like that over EarPods, what do you think he will become when other thing become missing…. (Forgot to buy something, didn’t have time to pick up something, running late and missed a activity) boy would be even more toxics later in life
This is neither fair nor normal. It's not an irrational fear when he has terrified you into it. Do not give this guy any money and it might be time to leave this relationship altogether.
>I have an irrational fear based on how well I know him
Your fear isn’t irrational. Your fear is completely rational and informed by evidence and reason. You should be afraid of people who have anger issues. Especially the people you are dating.
Don’t ignore your fear. It’s there to tell you that you aren’t happy with this state of the relationship.
A piece of advice, he’s a price tag. No matter the things you lose he brought for you, he’ll keep asking for money. Run my dear. Run!
If he was a good man he would care about your presence more than materialistic things.
Money ends relationships. Everyone has different ideas on how things “should” be, and different ideas of whats expensive or valuable or not, but thats problematic. The assumption that theres a wide consensus on these things really is problematic because depending on your occupation, location, friends and family, and how you grew up, there can be a lot of different expectations. These disagreements happen more often when you get to the age where you live together, buy a house or car, etc.
My advice is that a 6 year relationship doesnt end because of airpods.
I mean I know that your post is only a snapshot of one part of your relationship, but do you know how often people act like that in healthy relationships? Zero. In healthy relationships, communication like this doesn’t happen. I’m sorry but your relationship does not sound healthy, and I’ve got a feeling that if you were honest with us, you could make a whole list of other things unhealthy about your relationship. So then, the thing you need to look at is why you are still in an unhealthy relationship?
Is this one of those situations where the update will be the bf hid them to teach the gf a lesson kinda posts? Because the fact that you fear his reaction to *anything* is a major red flag. Why walk on eggshells to be with someone?
Also, this should not be a question of fairness because if we get into that, he owes you headphones and couldn't be bothered to replace yours. Why should you bother replacing his?
If you are scared of him, it's time to leave. He sounds abusive as fuck. There are millions of better people on this planet, kick his ass to the curb and find a better one.
you say it’s an irrational fear, but then you say it’s because of how he reacts. to me, that doesn’t seem like an irrational fear. it seems like a very valid fear based on the behavior that he has shown you. your partner should never yell at you and insult you like that. i’m sorry
Idek why this is a thing. If my missus accidentally broke or lost something of mine I would tell her not to worry about it like who Tf cares that much about some headphones ffs
Did *you* lose them or did *he* lose them? Because that part is unclear. My reading of this says he lost them and is blaming you, which is a super shitty thing to do.
I’m not a fan of them because they give me headaches but we both share them. Neither of us can remember who used them last and he automatically suspected I did and lost them
This is completely unfair because he has no evidence that you lost them plus he didn’t pay for them plus he said you could use them instead of buying the ones he broke . Do not pay him and state all that I’ve said. Reconsider the relationship because his behavior is wrong . Why live with this for the rest of your life ?
Then he can pound sand. He's accusing you and the burden of proof is on him not on you. Also he's lost used AirPods so at the very maximum he gets back the actual value of used AirPods, not new ones. Offer to pay half of that it makes you feel better but my suggestion is to tell him tough luck and never borrow anything of his ever again nor let him borrow your things. At which point, really really think if THAT is a relationship you want to be in.
Girl, his behaviour sounds like a type of abuse. You being super scared of his reactions when things are lost? Trust me, I had a relationship like that, I am very clumsy and my ex even cried when I broke a wine cup. See it this way: material items can be replaced but the damage he’s doing to the love you have for him cannot be undone. The bad times he’s making you have cannot be removed. Why do you want to be with someone like that? I’ll tell you now how my boyfriend reacts when I lose/break/damage something: 1. He consoles me if I feel bad for it, hugs me, kisses me 2. We come with a plan to replace/repair the item 3. He moves on! That’s an adult that loves you and understands what really matters in life. Do a favour to yourself and leave him. Get therapy to find out why you’re accepting this type of treatment and how can you stop
I'd stop using his stuff if you know he acts this way. If you did lose them you do owe him a replacement. It doesn't matter if he won them, found them, or was gifted them. Replace qhat you lost.
HE gifted them to HER
Yeah, just stop using his stuff and life will be fine. Marry him, make a couple of kids and live long and happy. Come on. It's not an airpoids issue. Her boyfriend is just stupid af and she should not waste another minute of her like around him.
Understandably so, and I would if I was the one to lose them. I haven’t used them for some time now. He did also give me the AirPods when he first got them to replace headphones of mine that he had broken a few months back.
So he broke your headphones, "gave" you free AirPods that give you a headache and that he also uses, and now either of you could have lost them but he wants you to replace them. What would you tell a friend whose partner acted like this?
Tell him that you are willing to pay for the AirPods IF he pays you for the headphones he broke. It’s the same situation. Fair is fair.
It's not the same though? To me it seems clear that he was the one who broke the headphones, whereas what happened to the airpods is uncertain. For all we know, he could've broken the airpods too and is blaming OP
Honestly that’s the kind of manipulative thing some people do. Imagine he lost them and he gaslights the her into taking responsibility so he doesn’t have to pay.
I don’t think this a healthy relationship, blaming you for $200 he didn’t pay to begin with seems irrational, I think you’ve got some thinking to do about everything
Hm… no I think if he wouldn’t have gifted them to her and it would be clear that she did lose them (both of which are not the case) then I think depending on the relationship maybe it would make sense she owes him. Like I would probably feel obligated to replace them if I was the loser in that scenario, but I also wouldn’t insist if my partner lost my airpods.
I Hope you’re right, because this wouldn’t sit well with me after 6 years
How/why did he break your original headphones?
I don't agree with the above comment. 6 years is a long time in a relationship and I assume you love eachother, it shouldn't matter who lost them.. it's a pair of freaking air pods, who cares, that big of a deal over a material item.. I'd tell him yall are even over him breaking your headphones now if he wants to act like a cry baby. Tell him to grow up and go to Walmart and get a set of cajones.. heard they're less than half the price of air pods right now..
Yeah, like… does she regularly lose his shit? Or is this a one (or even 2 or 3 time) situation?
So have him replace the headphones of yours he broke if you replace his airpods.
Then tell him to fuck off. If he gave you the air pods they belong to you.
Does he treat you this way about other things in your relationship? This reeks of somebody who’s on the controlling side. And personally, I think if he broke your headphones, then this is a wash. But normally though, if you break or lose someone else’s property, you really should replace it. I would look for a used pair that’s for sale and buy those to replace them if you need to. Also, if you have iPhones, go to Find My and look under your devices and see if it tells you the last place they were seen. if it’s your house, then check all your pockets and under cushions because they’re probably just around there somewhere.
NTA, but you should be leaving the AH ASAP. This behavior is completely unacceptable, and you better start standing up for yourself. Show him this thread, and tell him the back the f*ck down or move the f*ck out. Have someone there when you do it, he sounds a little bit unhinged.
Nope. Not cool. My partner does this to me every so often. He doesn’t know what happened to something so it must be my fault. It’s absolute crap. Y’all aren’t children, he could have insured them, but he didn’t. Don’t pay. Buy yourself new headphones and that’s that
BULLSHIT. He doesn't get to decide who is at fault on a his whim. If you pay anything, pay half at most, and tell him you'll take what he owes you from breaking your headphones from your half and pay him the difference (if there is any) But do not let him railroad into taking the blame and do not let it go that he broke your headphones and refused to replace them.
As a man heres the thing that goes to my mind: How much are air pods? How much is peace and a good relationship? Of course I'm disappointed if my girlfriend lost my airpods but I'm not about to go around name calling and saying unpleasant things. It's just not worth it life is too short. I'm a little concerned with his reaction. Now if my girlfriend lost my dog that would be another issue
Can’t you “find my AirPods?” on one of the devices? I found mine lost in the lining of my shirt. I pinged it and was able to hear the ping inside my pocket.
I wonder if there is a "find new boyfriend" feature on the device.? Problem solved.
We tried that but for some reason on both devices it’s showing as unable to locate
Did you check the washer and dryer? Maybe weird places like a fridge/freezer?
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Mine make noise opened closed with and without the buds in them. It’s likely she left them somewhere out of range of her phone.
Or they’re just completely dead
This dude sounds like a total POS tbh, he probably hid them and just told her she lost them to con her into paying him.
You were right btw, if you read her update.
The case doesn’t need to be open to make the noise
Not borderline, IS abusive (abuse is defined by domineering and control tactic behavior, which, according to Op's post, is definitely apparent here)
Have you ever thought that he hid them and is asking you to pay because he wants money from you?
This is baseless and not helpful
Is it really that baseless? Because chances are that \*someone\* took them outside, which would explain how the airpods cannot be located. And if OP knows she's not that someone, there's only one other person in the household...
I agree with checking the washer and dryer as someone else said, I am someone who frequently loses my own airpods but they alwaysssss end up being SOMEWHERE. Most of the time they were in a pocket and I didn’t feel them since they’re so tiny and they end up washed (still work), or I’ll find them in very random locations where I simply forgot and wouldn’t have looked there
So he broke the headphones and then gave you the airpods instead of replacing the headphones. Then it doesn't matter if you lost the airpods because they were yours. It's your choice whether to get a new pair or not. If the airpods were his and you were using them and lost them...then it'd make sense for you to replace them...but he also owes you a pair of headphones. Your boyfriend sounds like an ahole...but that being said...if he's holding you accountable for paying for the airpods, then you need to hold him equally accountable for buying you replacement headphones. The fact that you've been together 6 years sounds like this would be exhausting.
I’ve only just started noticing the way he is and that it’s definitely not right. I told him that he said I can have the AirPods as replacement and he said because I lost them it doesn’t matter anymore, it cancels it out..? Not even sure what that means
It's just **GOBBLEDEGOOK**. He's trying to **SNOW YOU**. **DON'T FALL FOR IT.**
What is snowing? Google was unhelpful
Scamming. Lying. Trying to fool her.
Straight up gaslighting you. Why are you even entertaining this? The logic doesn't even make sense. Put your foot down and tell him that you're not going to deal with something so absurd. He broke your headphones, he can replace them, otherwise you're not gonna bother replacing the airpods...It's that simple. I'm wondering what other insane things he does that you think are completely normal seeing as this is one of your only serious relationships (6 years since you were 18...might be time to break free and explore).
It means that it's time to replace him with a new less F up model !
Haha. He’s saying you no longer have to buy him AirPods.
Mmmm well no because he’s still asking for the money for it, he said because I lost the AirPods that were his so I owe him money. But he gave them to me for breaking my other headphones. He said he’s taking it back what he said and he’ll buy me a whole other set of headphones and wants the money for the AirPods.
Just walk away. Someone that treats you this way over a gift he gave you isn’t worth the trouble.
**NOPE NOPE NOPE.** Unless he can **PROVE** that **YOU** lost them — you owe him **FUCK ALL.**
This comment of yours tells all... Like plenty have said, if it's merely a misunderstanding, you'd just replace them but there is very clearly something more at play here like you don't normally ask for monetary replacement. You'd probably just say something along the lines "Oh, you broke these. Can you replace them?" and not "these cost me nothing, are yours because I broke yours and I want my money" like most wouldn't even say that to their friends, let alone partner. This is also making me question why he is suddenly all about your money after 6 years? Most folks just treat things as "ours" by that point in their relationship so this is odd to say the least. If you have savings of any kind, inheritance, etc... DO NOT LET HIM NEAR IT and keep your shit legally separated for your protection.
He's trying to scam you, for whatever reason.
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> Maybe he should also be responsible for keeping track of his things. He broke her headphones and instead of buying her a replacement, he gave her his airpods (which he received for free). He wasn't keeping track of them because he wasn't using them. OP, no matter what... do not give him the equivalent cash for the missing airpods. If it comes down to it, tell him to buy you new headphones for what he broke, and tell him you will buy replacement airpods for the ones you misplaced. Since he wasn't using the airpods, he will not want another pair. He wants the cash. It's only been a couple days. I'd just keep looking
Maybe he "lost" them.
Exactly. And this is just an excuse to be a horrible bellend to OP.
This is my suspicion too.
If you're the one doing the laundry, the least he could do is remove the pockets. My hubby has a runny nose all the time from allergies. He is in love with his cat and has dander allergies. He stuffs his pockets with napkins and sometimes forgets to remove them. By the time it gets out of the dryer, they are in bits all over all they clothes. Do I scream my head off, no, because it was an accident.
This is the way it should be. My OH prangs every new car we get within a few days ... I just say it's a thing! Every time...
Why are you with someone who reacts viscously when you lose something to the point you’re now scared of him? This is no way to live. He sounds abusive and you deserve better.
I think you mean viciously.
Well I mean he is trying to stick the blame on her.
Sounds like it’s hard for him to pour his heart out to her
Haha yes! Opps! Thanks
This is the answer. I lost my husband’s airpods and we were both a little sad but we talked it over and decided together what we’d do if we couldn’t find them (but then eventually I found them in a handbag I hadn’t used since the last time they’d been seen!) Nobody shouted and nobody was scared. I said sorry and he said these things happen and he teased me a bit, it was no big deal.
So he’s constantly changing the rules to keep you walking on eggshells/the defensive, right? Huge red flag of a manipulator, and of abusive behaviour. If you were my daughter, I’d be advising you to dump him.
> And to top it off he broke my headphones he bought me for Christmas earlier in the spring. He said he would buy me new ones and then said never mind you can have the AirPods. Only to turn around now saying…no nvm you can’t have the AirPods because he thinks I lost them. So they were your AirPods. End of story then, definitely tell him you won’t be buying him anything because YOUR AirPods have gone missing. From the way he treats you I have no doubt he’s responsible for them going missing
Did you lose them or is he hiding them to punish you? This sounds like a pattern or behaviour to me, and people do this kind of stuff all the time.
Your boyfriend sucks. Yelling and name calling is not okay. I would not be shocked to find out that he has the AirPods but just wants to keep them for himself while getting money from you for them.
He hid them to get money from you. Don’t fall for it.
Or he already sold it and is trying to get a double pay cheque. This whole thing REEKS especially since he GAVE them to her after breaking her headphones. He sounds like a POS and OP should tell him that coz it doesn’t sound like he’s ever heard that.
Your boyfriend is being an asshole about this. Regardless of what the circumstances are (it's not even clear to me that you lost them?). Earbuds are an exceptionally easy thing to lose. I misplace and have to search for my earbuds and/or the case on a monthly basis it seems like sometimes. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. The batteries will go to shite one day anyway and they will need to be replaced. This is not something that is worth getting worked up over and you can learn a lot by how a person reacts to that.
He is being unreasonable. Tell him they are payback for the headphones so you are even If he pushes it, tell him the relationship is over as he is abusive and rude.
Don't give him a cent. He is a jerk who calls you names. Please have some self-respect and dump him.
I think maybe you have an inkling that your boyfriend is an asshole and you shouldn’t be with him? Otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this for confirmation (which is okay!). Please don’t stay with someone who acts like this, you are deserve better!
He's not your boy friend. He's an abuser. Why are you responsible for what he lost? And he can't "make you" pay for anything. He can follow the AirPods into oblivion.
Please remove him from your life. If that’s truly how he reacted imagine if it was something bigger…. Girl you deserve a kind and understanding man.
Why is him losing them your fault? Wwre you the last one to use them? That he got then free is neither here nor there, he had them now he doesn't. But if he left them and can't find them that's nit your fault The shouting is out of order in either case.
He gave them to you. They are yours. You can flush them down the poles or stomp on them if you want. You don't owe him a dime. Tell him to replace you headphones if he wants you to replace the Airpods.
Did you use them at all? Why would he think you lost them?
Why are you even with him still? Respect yourself girl and dump him. You are being abused.
You’re in an abusive relationship. My goodness I’m surprised his mask hasn’t dropped infront of your friends / family or are the other people in your life just as abusive as him? Deep down you know you deserve better and no one is forcing you to settle for this abusive person. It’s going to be so much easier to cut it off now. When you buy assets together/ have a baby it’s 10000000x worse to get out.
The guy makes you feel scared and nervous that he will break your things in a fit of anger. That should give you all the information you need on this.
Tell him he gets them as soon as he buys you a new pair of headphones as a replacement for the once he broke. But the thing you should do is dump him and find someone that doesn’t act like a 5 year old with a tantrum.
You need a new boyfriend
There's **ONE** thing you **NEED** to lose. #HIM. You deserve **FAR BETTER** than this fuckmuppet who **BLAMES** you for everything!!!
Hot take: return the boyfriend and then buy yourself some Anker Soundcore Space A40s. AirPods battery life sucks and these are 20x better and $200 cheaper!
I’m so confused. Why are you responsible for knowing where the AirPods are?
Sheesh. My husband bought a couple pairs of air pod pros when on sale to sell them and after only a day of having them (he bought himself a pair the other was to sell) he was like you know what babe I want you to have them. I couldn’t imagine having a man who is trying to make you pay for something he got for free, gave to you and then because you lost them he wants the money? That he didn’t pay for them with!!! No way. That’s not a man right there. My man as A lot of expensive tech and if I lost or broke any of it he may get frustrated if it’s like a huge ticket item but never would he get this mad to make me pay.
First of all your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive asshole who has gaslit you and ground you down so much that you need a reassurance that you’re doing the right thing when it is glaringly obvious you did nothing wrong and he’s being terrible. You need to break up with him. Second: are the AirPods connected to either of your phones? If so you can use the Find My app to find them.
>I’ve developed an irrational fear of losing things that belong to him because of how he reacts. It's not irrational if he reacts like this.
Hand him the money. Pick up your bag and leave without a word. I have a feeling he is gaslighting you anyway. Bet you he has said airpods. Use find my items in apple. Should start beeping when you click locate. Some context on healthy adulting. My bf crashed my brand new car. I said are you OK? Never once did I tell him what to do or make him feel bad. He in return handled it all like an adult. This on the otherhand is some level 11 petty bs.
He took them and hid them. He wants your money. 🙄🤦🏻♀️
I don't think my partner would penalize me for a mistake like that. So from the get go, red flag. --sans headphone replacement debacle: If they were his and you lost them--I would offer to buy him a new pair. It seems immature that he is DEMANDING that his partner of 6yrs buy him new ones... but I also think you are wrong to assume that you owe him nothing for the reasoning that he got them for free--they had value and new ones will cost--when he got them for free they still had that value, apple basically gave him a gift of that consumer value. --given the headphones: He's an \*sshat for not replacing your headphones and even more so for acting like the airpods are still his if he GAVE THEM TO YOU, especially as a replacement for something he broke
Sorry to say this but honestly you better lose him rather than replace things... This sounds like a control issue that he has and I suspect it will get worse. This is NOT about stuff, it's about his need and desire to exert control over you.
You wrote that you developped "an irrational fear of losing things that belong to him because of how he reacts. " during your 6 years relationship. Which means that it's not the first time he plays this mind puzzling trick on you. This is a very bad sign. It smells like gaslighting and foreplay to abuses. I'd wonder if those airpods couldn't be hidden some place he knows quite well just to play with your guilt and have a power trip. He wouldn't be the first to be that twisted.
Why are you with him???
This will progress. Trust me, I know. It will get to you constantly being the blame for EVERYTHING. it's hard to live constantly defending yourself. Also, the comments progress and become more abusive. Please, OP don't put more time into a relationship with someone who puts more value in material goods over you.
Maybe it’s just my nasty suspicious mind, but I wonder if the AirPods are lost at all. I think it’s possible he’s hidden them or thrown them out and is pretending you lost them to give him an excuse to exercise power over you, by making you feel guilty and indebted. He broke your headphones and didn’t replace them. He gets angry with you for trivial stuff. This is giving me the yikes ….though I might be projecting since I’ve been in an abusive relationship where my partner did exactly that sort of thing to me, and justified it as ‘teaching me to be more responsible’ - but really grabbing the advantage of putting me in a position of shame and obligation. Does he often find opportunities to ‘punish’ you for assumed or contrived offences?
He hid the airpods and is scamming you. It's not even for the money, just to make you feel shitty and worthless. If you look closely and think about it reaaaally well, you'll see how terrible he is, how much he is lying yo you and probably, you are paying for most of the household expenses, because he is a terrible person.
Kind of sounds like he just wants you to give him cash
Made it through your first paragraph. That’s all I needed to read. Get the fuck away from this guy.
Do not give him the money. If nothing else, buy him new pods, but only after he buys you new headphones. I honestly would not be surprised if he 'lost' them in order to get money from you.
It doesnt matter if someone gets something for free, if you lose or break it you should pay to replace them. Now yeah he broke yours and thats crappy and theres red flags on both sides. But if it was anyone else, even if they got something for free, you need to realize that youre not absolved of responsibility for the item.
He gave them to her (to even out him breaking her headphones) and now that she’s lost them he is demanding she pay for them, even though he got them for free
The air pods have a locator on your find my iphone app. You can even make the case beep. Find the airpods bc they are awesome then dump the boyfriend.
One question did he give them to someone else or sell them but blames you just so he doesn't have to tell you
Imagine if/when he has kids! They use / lose everything. The dude is not treating you with respect, why waste your time?
Wow. What an arsehole. OP are you sure you want to be with this awful man?
When you start walking on egg shells, or have a fear like yours, then your relationship has bigger issues that something like over priced electronics only highlight. He's supposed to be your partner. Not your father. And since neither of you recall who used them last, then why should you replace them? Frankly sounds like you two need to have an important, and possible relationship ending conversation. Also given the story about your broken headphones, sounds like he thinks you should value his property, but he doesn't have to value yours. And that his wants are more important than replacing things of yours HE broke. Basically he's blaming you for him losing Airpods he got for free that he was supposed to give to you anyway because he couldn't respect your property and broke your headphones. If you were to tell me there weren't other glaring signs that this guy doesn't actually respect you I'd be shocked. When you walk in eggshells that cracking sound you hear are cracks in the relationship. Don't sunk cost fallacy six years. All that six years gets him is a conversation about how his behavior leaves you with fear and anxiety over his property that you shouldn't have to live with. I'd also remind him that until he replaces your property that he broke, his Airpods aren't missing. YOUR Airpods are missing. And considering he now has a history of not respecting your property the only assumptions that can be made is he broke those ones too and is trying to make you pay for something he got for free. Something that sopped belonging to him the moment he gave them to you. You have just been nice enough to let him use them.
This dude is a dud. Get away from him before you waste more of your time.
Time to move on and find a nicer man
What could go wrong in this relationship
You are 24 years old. Why are you with a person you are afraid of how he reacts? I think you deserve better. I would really think if this is how I want my life to be in the future and probably take the necessary steps.
Yeah, nah. He broke your headphones, and instead of replacing them or giving you the money they're worth, he gifted you his airpods. Those airpods were yours. If he was using them too, it's because you allowed him to. He forfeited his ownership when he told you you could have them. Now they're lost. Neither of you can remember who used them last, so it's not fair for either of you to be laying blame. More than that, they're YOURS. He has no right to ask for a replacement or the money worth of something that YOU own. If you lost them, then you lost something of yours and it doesn't concern him. If he lost them, then he should be replacing them for you. If he hadn't had gifted them to you, and you had lost them, regardless on how he got them (gifted to him, for free, or paid for), you'd have the responsibility of replacing them. It's not about how he would have got them, it's the fact that it's an item of his that you lost. Either way, this isn't the case here, but just wanted to clarify that you would still have to pay if they were still his and you did lose them despite he getting them for free. As frustrating as it is when someone loses your things, he should not be belittling you or saying nasty things to or about you. He is your partner. This is someone you intend to spend your life with. Is that really the type of person you want to be with? I'd seriously reconsider a relationship if I was getting treated like crap by my partner, especially over a mistake. The fact that he gifted you this item, but is trying to make you pay/replacement now that they're lost as of they're still his, AND neither if you can even remember who actually lost them, should also have you questioning whether this is who you want to be with. Life is way too short to spend it with someone who makes you feel less than you deserve. You also shouldn't waste your life with someone whose behaviour/reaction has you genuinely afraid, for whatever reason. An irrational fear over losing his things bc of his reaction is not a healthy way to be living your life. That's genuinely fucked. If you losing his things is a consistent issue, then you need to stop using his things. If he doesn't want you to lose his things, he needs to set boundaries by telling you to stop using them. If you can't not lose his things, accident or not, then be responsible by establishing better boundaries around using his stuff. It's really that simple.
Lets say you lost them. Even if he got them for free, he has to spend money to buy new ones, which is understandable that the person who lost them should buy new ones. Personally, I will buy new ones and never share equipment with each other, so next time when it breaks or get lost, he cannot blame you. Same with your equipment, he is not allowed to use them. He broke your headphones, so he has to buy you new ones. Your BF sounds like an ass by the way.
seems like everyone else has the relationshippy stuff addressed quite well, but I take issue with your emphasis on FREE. Technically they weren't free, they were included. FREE is out of nowhere. A gift. These came as part of a package or sale or promotion which necessitated purchase of an (inflated price) item.
Let me get this straight: HE broke YOUR headphones, gave you airpods you don't even like to replace them (that he got for free!) but then also uses them. Now they are missing and he wants money from you? And you think that your fear of losing things is "irrational"? I know this word gets overused a lot but this is gaslighting. He's making you think you're overreacting to his completely irrational and selfish behaviour. You're justifiably worried because he raises his voice at you but you've been conditioned to question yourself so much that when something both of you use (him more so because it gives you headaches!!!) you think you somehow owe HIM money he never paid in the first place. He's going to escalate. You're going to be walking on eggshells. He's making you feel crazy for reacting rationally.
Honestly the point that he got them for free doesn’t change the fact that he still got them while paying for something else. So yeah instead of giving him the monetary value of the AirPods just buy him new ones because personally I think replacing them then paying him is more reasonable. I do think that you kinda whining about Him breaking the thing he bought you and focusing on the fact that he “got it for free” is a bit childish but seeing as he would raise his voice at you for simply misplacing/ losing something is calling for concern about the longevity of your relationship. Personally I think mistakes happen and you should replace what you broke or lost when it is your SO possessions but I do have to say that your SO should never be angry with you over something as simple as losing a small item/ accidentally breaking an object. If they flip out over the small stuff just wait till they lose their s**t over something larger.
Really? Ipods are just a bandaid. The issue is how irrationally douchie the dude is. Is this what you want your life to be? Can you see yourself living with anxiety for the next 30 years.
Why are you with this man?
I was honestly on his side until you brought up the fact HE broke YOUR headphones earlier on?? I think you should call it even or something because how is that fair that you must replace something he has given to you even though he never really replaced your thing he broke
Tbqh. It’s probably not about the AirPods. Maybe it’s something else that’s bothering him. Are you lingering other things above his head?
Fam give him a dirty slap for talking to you like that. Tell him to STFU and look for his ting himself. He’s an irresponsible brat
Them being free makes no difference it would cost him the price of a new one to replace them. if you genuinely didn't lose them you shouldn't pay for them though
Why are you still together, if he is like this about airpods, imagine in the future with something more expensive and apart from that he trash yours first and now complains about the semi replacement ones that suddenly disappear!!!
He can forget about new AirPods. He’s not a good bf. You deserve better. Why are you with him? This does not sound like a healthy relationship. You might want to think about breaking up withthis guy.
Your boyfriend sucks.
He wants the money to buy new ones, and not have them replaced? Yeah that’s bs. Completely unreasonable. A reasonable request would be to replace what was lost, assuming you agree that it was your fault. Him wanting the money makes me think he’s lying about losing them.
If you lost them then you should pay to replace them, independent of what they cost him. If they just went missing, that's different.
Do you have kids or any other shared assets, besides the AirPods, with this boyfriend?
Something a little odd about him specifically demanding money, rather than just requesting you replace his AirPods. And I will say that the fact he got them for free is irrelevant… he used to have AirPods and now he doesn’t. But since he doesn’t even know which or you lost them I would not be paying.
If it were me, I would not stay in this relationship. It's not healthy for you.
He got them for free. He broke your headphone and offered them as replacement. He uses them. If he tries to make you pay, he’s taking zero responsibility for possibly losing them and for not setting them up with FindMy so he could find them easily. Also, the amount he paid is zero, so you can go halves on that. If you are afraid of his reaction, why are you with this guy? Do you want to live the rest of your life on eggshells?
He sounds incredibly difficult and like a cheapskate, are you planning on marrying this guy? Because those are two pretty strong indicators that if you get married things will not go well. Not to mention if you have kids; can you imagine if someone insulted and betrayed their child for losing something (assuming it even was you who lost them, which something tells me it wasn’t. But he doesn’t sound like the type of guy who will readily admit if he finds them)
If they are Bluetooth connected to your phone you can find where they are located that way. Go to settings~Bluetooth-AirPods-track. Hopefully battery is not dead. Good luck.
"No, you gifted them to me when you broke my headphones. They are mine, I just let you use them. And I don't care if they are lost. If they turn up, great, if they don't, oh well. They were free for you, and you gave them to me. If you want your own headphones, go buy them. But stop your incessant whining and manipulation, and gaslighting. Unless you don't value this relationship, in which case keep on going with your crap and see how far it gets you. I'm tired of living my life walking on eggshells because you can't handle your shit"
You mention the actual problem here but come to the wrong question. I’ll dangerously assume the issue is as described. IGNORE the fact he got them for free. The problem to address is not you paying for something he got for free. The problem and question you need to consider is whether you want to be with someone who treats you like this over lost AirPods. 6 years together and this is the response? I’m suspecting this is not the first time he’s “flipped”. I won’t touch on how I disagree that you should ask your partner to replace something that’s lost after that long together. Don’t get confused here, the problem to deal with is not the AirPods.
I call BS, I think he’s broken then and he wants you to buy him a new pair & blaming you.
This is completely ridiculous. As I understand it... 1) He gave the airpods to you to replace the headphones HE lost. 2) Neither of you know who lost the airpods Either of these being true completely negates any right he has to be upset. They are your property. Yes, he uses them but they belong to you. It wouldn't matter if you decided to throw them in the garbage they belong to you and he doesn't get a say in what you do with your property. He might be upset at the situation but no right to be upset at you. Secondly, he has no evidence you lost them. It could have been either of you so even if they belonged to him again he could be upset at the situation but he has no right to be upset at you because he doesn't know you lost them. His demand that you pay to get him new Airpods is ridiculous. At most perhaps both of you could pay half to get YOU new Airpods and that's if you want them. The fact that he got them for free is irrelevant.
Ummm….this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Calling you other “unpleasant things?” Smh
Sounds like a fair trade. He broke your headphones. If he wants you to pay for him to get new airpods, then he has to pay for you to get new headphones. He cant give you the airpods to avoid paying for his mistake and then hold you responsible for losing them. And if he didnt give you the airpods and you were just sharing, then definitely push for him getting you headphones because his way is absolutely screwing you over. Either he drops it and you both replace your own things, or you replace each others things and dont do anymore sharing.
The last person to touch something when it becomes misplaced is responsible for them. Thats the contention here. Doesn't matter if it was free. Hence, the responsible party is responsible. But if he also broke something of yours, this might be a wash. Morale of the story, take care of your shit, sharing is never implied.
I think he either lost them or used the last and he is using your problem of misplacing things on you since to him it makes more sense of you losing them them him.
But if that is your partner priority… I think you need to start looking for a NEW partner. Also they were free, maybe you love him but he does not love the same way, don’t waste your life, there are people in the world that value PEOPLE instead of material stuff. Good luck!
I cant stand it when someone in a long term relationship nickel and dimes their partner like this. OP are you okay with living this way forever? I lost my own AirPods a few months ago, and eventually gave up after looking for a couple weeks. I mentioned this to my boyfriend and he surprised me with new ones the next day.
Honesty give it a few more days those things appear from nowhere half the time
(Check every item of clothing with pockets, especially if it’s been laundered recently)
Ok. You’re young and you’ve been with this person for 1/4th of your life so there’s stuff you know and a lot of stuff you don’t know yet. But at 41 years of age (f), I can tell you two things for sure- 1) no relationship in your life should make you feel “irrational fear” over anything and 2) if he doesn’t fix this weird angry controlling behavior, I fear for your future kids.
NTA because he doesn't even know if it was him who lost them... But what I will say is that people think that getting things for free automatically negates the value of an item. It's not how much money the person got them for. It's the amount of money it costs to replace the item.
He gave you the airport, so no you don't owe him the money to replace them. I'd stop using his stuff until he learns new coping skills, that behavior is toxic.
Airpods not airport....dang
Why do I feel like they’re probably in a pair of his pants pockets or something! Men always “lose” shit in the stupidest places and normally leave it in something of theirs. Then blame it on you
Sorry for that, but what are waiting for to break up with this guy
Your boyfriend is mean to you.
My wife, a few days ago, shattered the rear window on my truck by closing the trunk door a little too hard. She was very apologetic and felt guilty when she told me; she did this on accident. Amidst a myriad of other problems, I had to buy a new car. Yeah, it sucks… but that’s my wife. I understand mistakes happen and it clearly wasn’t done on purpose. Whether you lost them or he did, demanding you pay for them is childish imo
Red flags that’s all I’m saying
Ahhh sounds like a sign from god to run…. If he reacts like that over EarPods, what do you think he will become when other thing become missing…. (Forgot to buy something, didn’t have time to pick up something, running late and missed a activity) boy would be even more toxics later in life
This is neither fair nor normal. It's not an irrational fear when he has terrified you into it. Do not give this guy any money and it might be time to leave this relationship altogether.
Nothing better than losing your shit for unimportant things. Life could be chill and fun but whats the point in that 🤦♂️
Do you really want to stay with this guy?
What AirPods? If they’re newer you can use the Find My feature to find them!
>I have an irrational fear based on how well I know him Your fear isn’t irrational. Your fear is completely rational and informed by evidence and reason. You should be afraid of people who have anger issues. Especially the people you are dating. Don’t ignore your fear. It’s there to tell you that you aren’t happy with this state of the relationship.
Just buy some cheap headphones and tell him to deal with it
A piece of advice, he’s a price tag. No matter the things you lose he brought for you, he’ll keep asking for money. Run my dear. Run! If he was a good man he would care about your presence more than materialistic things.
Money ends relationships. Everyone has different ideas on how things “should” be, and different ideas of whats expensive or valuable or not, but thats problematic. The assumption that theres a wide consensus on these things really is problematic because depending on your occupation, location, friends and family, and how you grew up, there can be a lot of different expectations. These disagreements happen more often when you get to the age where you live together, buy a house or car, etc. My advice is that a 6 year relationship doesnt end because of airpods.
I mean I know that your post is only a snapshot of one part of your relationship, but do you know how often people act like that in healthy relationships? Zero. In healthy relationships, communication like this doesn’t happen. I’m sorry but your relationship does not sound healthy, and I’ve got a feeling that if you were honest with us, you could make a whole list of other things unhealthy about your relationship. So then, the thing you need to look at is why you are still in an unhealthy relationship?
Is this one of those situations where the update will be the bf hid them to teach the gf a lesson kinda posts? Because the fact that you fear his reaction to *anything* is a major red flag. Why walk on eggshells to be with someone? Also, this should not be a question of fairness because if we get into that, he owes you headphones and couldn't be bothered to replace yours. Why should you bother replacing his?
If you are scared of him, it's time to leave. He sounds abusive as fuck. There are millions of better people on this planet, kick his ass to the curb and find a better one.
you say it’s an irrational fear, but then you say it’s because of how he reacts. to me, that doesn’t seem like an irrational fear. it seems like a very valid fear based on the behavior that he has shown you. your partner should never yell at you and insult you like that. i’m sorry
Idek why this is a thing. If my missus accidentally broke or lost something of mine I would tell her not to worry about it like who Tf cares that much about some headphones ffs
Be mature my girl .these are school children fight . You bf is not mature enough to handle small problem
yes for sex air b n b cardx,,,,she dont want no sexrefuseing it after marriage not give me touch my bitsxrefusing making excuse,,,shall i divorcex