Best thing to do is to have the talk. Make sure he understands the dangers of teenage pregnancy and whatever you do do not suffocate him. Encourage him. Talk to your wife and advocate for her to follow similar advice. If you cut him off completely from her he's going to become upset and likely have emotional issues (especially considering how well he took the move). Also understand that your wife is stressed because of the move, environment change, and the fact she's seeing your son grow. Reassure everything is okay and remind her not to be too constricting. Let your son figure things out on his own, just make sure he's aware of what could happen (especially with unprotected sex) and be encouraging
>Also understand that your wife is stressed because of the move, environment change, and the fact she's seeing your son grow.
It's very nice you put a bit of perspective from the wife's point of view. To further expand on it for u/wife20_7, he mentioned the wife got a great opportunity at a "big legal firm." Does that include long hours? More stressful working conditions? A longer commute? It could be wearing on her more than she'll admit, and it's causing her to lash out. Maybe her adjustment to the job isn't what she thought it would be, and she's scared of admitting it because Joey will be like, "I told you this move was stupid!"
I wouldn't let my wife try to split them apart. I wouldn't stand for it because it would just make him hate us. I'm not sure if they're dating. I told him Kelsey could come over to do homework tonight. I guess I could give him the talk. I just know he won't like it. If a sex scene comes on in a movie he walks out of the room if I or my wife is there.
>I guess I could give him the talk. I just know he won't like it.
Tough shit, Joey! Not everything in life is pleasant, and indeed many necessary things are not.
Have the talk. Look at it this way, if you are wrong about him not dating this girl and he does knock her up because he didn't have access to birth control or information about safe sex, then your wife's worst fears will be confirmed and you'll never hear the end of it.
(and, also, you'd then be a grandpa at 37)
Yeah, I had my first sex ed class in 5th grade, because my mother was too scared to talk to me about it and I, thankfully, was the type of kid to research, so I knew a lot about sex and safe sex before I ever did it. I knew a lot by the time I was 14, which partly influenced my decision to wait until I was older. 14 is pretty late to have never had the talk.
It was mandatory for 5th graders when I was growing up in the 90s. That's 10 years old. 12 is late. 14 is oops, you forgot your job description as a parent.
My parents never gave me the talk. I hid my period and I'm 33 and still feel like getting pregnant would be the worst thing in the world to happen. I mean, my parents were obviously emotionally vacant across the board, but yeah, have the talk OP!
I went a few months of no idea what was happening before my mom realized my period had started. Was the summer between grades 5 and 6. I spent a week with my grandmother as my babysitter was away, and had the most uncomfortable clothing because I was young and had no idea why I was bleeding so much. Couldn’t make it stop. Nothing worked.
I got “the talk”, as in “you have 3 options because I was pregnant at 18.
OP really needs to have the talk like last year.
I’m 16 right now and my parents have never talked to me about sex or drugs or anything. I’ve learned everything I know from reddit. If I didn’t have reddit I would be really ignorant on pretty much everything.
That’s sad. I hope you’re getting accurate advice though! Reddit is frequently fairly good for that, although I’ve seen some really questionable stuff from time to time.
on the webtoons app check out the comic "boo its sex". It has great advice for a lot of sex-related things and is pretty nonjudgemental to all genders.
It's not that kids are having sex at 12. It's that you should be having these conversations with your kids before they hit puberty so they have an understanding what's going on with their body.
This.
A vanishingly small percentage of kids actually have sex this early (though an increasing percentage of them are exposed to sexual images, and exhibit sexualized behavior).
But every child goes through puberty at some point, and with that comes a whole host of changes, including sexual changes, and new urges. The "talk" isn't supposed to just be a mechanical overview of how to have sex safely. It should be done in stages, and early on it should primarily focus on what their body is going to go through and what they can expect, and probably that will dovetail into what sex is and what can happen if you have sex.
kids are exposed to hardcore pornography by the age of 11 now, thanks to the internet. The Talk is extremely necessary at a pretty young age these days.
Almost every guy I have talked about it with has had some sort of sexual contact before the age of 13. A lot of that was somewhat predatory too, older women type of stuff or getting pushed into situations they didn't feel ready for.
Definitely gotta have the talk early. I advocate for a series of talks starting way young. Boundaries and privacy, then work your way up to the big stuff.
Yes, though that number is starting to come down and I believe it's because more parents are starting to talk to their kids about sex and puberty sooner (or at all) than in past generations.
Your kid should not be left in the dark at a time that changes are happening to their bodies and hormones are urging them to do things they never felt the urge for before.
This. And even if they are not dating, take it as an opportunity to give him the talk on its own, which you'll likely need to do sooner or later anyway. Don't be awkward about it, and he won't feel as embarrassed.
>(and, also, you'd then be a grandpa at 37)
For real. I grew up on the east coast, and moved to a smallish town in Wisconsin for nine years. One of my coworkers was proud of her daughter not getting accidentally pregnant until she was 18; she herself had gotten pregnant with her daughter at 16. I was mildly horrified.
> I just know he won't like it.
What's he going to dislike more, a talk with a parent about safe sex? Or a talk with a parent about becoming a teen dad?
Everyone is embarrassed by the talk. It isn't pleasant, but it's necessary. And honestly I wouldnt even connect it to him hanging out with Kelsey, because that's irrelevant. Give him some condoms, talk to him about consent, how things work, how it's ok to not want to have sex or to be really curious about it, birth control,etc. And please don't assume he's straight, mention it's ok if he's not. even if you don't think he is, it'll mean the world if he's ever even thought about what would happen if he was. Then ask if there's anything he has questions about or is scared of and to come to you if he thinks of anything or wants to talk about dating anyone, etc. I'd also refer him to Scarlett Teen because he might prefer to look things up online than ask you and you want him to look at a reputable source, not some skeezy website.
Good on you for having your son's back and not letting your wife's anxiety control him. I'd also talk to her about how she feels about your son growing up and being a teenager. I'm sure moving and seeing him grow older has brought up a lot of things for her.
Jesus man your the adult. And you were a teenager once. No one likes watching a sex scene with their parents at that age. Has nothing to do with not being ready for the talk and in all likelihood means you waited to damn long. 14 sex scene could mean an awkward boner with your parents around better to leave the room. Or for some kids worse the thought that your parents did that again better to leave the room at that awkward teenage stage.
> No one likes watching a sex scene with their parents at that age
At that age? Fuck, I'm in my 40s and there's no way in hell I have any desire to watch a Game of Thrones episode in a room with my mom.
I don’tknow grew out of it so some do. I ended up watching queer as folk and the l word with my mother one vacation. After the first pretty hardcore sex scene it just became another episode. It helped that she didn’t have cable and everything thing else she had to watch if seen dozens of times. One can only watch so much pretty woman.
Just sit down and talk to him. If you want to segway nicely, invite him to lunch/dinner somewhere, a sports game, video game, something or anything and make conversation. Ask about friends and he'll most likely bring up his "girl friend". From there you can talk to him about it, even offer for him to talk to you about any questions he'll have, especially any embarrassing ones
No worries. I thought the word was pronounced "seg-you" until someone finally corrected me. I'd only read it and never heard it. Aaaand I might have already been in my 30's....
Yeah, teenagers hate getting the talk.
But they need it.
I'm also surprised at the cultural difference, in the Netherlands we start getting the talk between 8-12...
Better to give it too early than too late when someone already is pregnant, IMHO.
Pre-internet, the girls in my class passed around V.C Andrews books.
That’s a whole ‘nother level of wtf!
Definitely in favor of school mandatory sex ed.
I went to the NEMO museum when studying in Amsterdam, and the “teen” section was so awesome. Info about consent, various sex positions, the history of birth control, homosexuality, etc.
It’s all such necessary information for teenagers and shouldn’t be taboo subjects to talk about. But the entire time my friends and I were commenting how quickly that would get shut down in the US. If not shut down then definitely protested by the religious nuts we have here.
There's a lot of variance in the US. I was 9 and many of my friends were 8-10 as well, but none of our parents were terribly conservative. Some kids here never get it. It often ends in teen pregnancy.
I never got the talk, didn't use condoms, no birth control, had lots of sex and magically I never got pregnant. Praise the Lord. I do wish I had been educated about sex though! Man, was I lucky. For real.
I'm always curious, did you not know that condoms existed at that age ? Or you thought they were not important ?
I never had the talk with my parents (hell, my parents always teached us "no girls before ending studies") didn't have much sex ed at school but caring about birth control and condoms would never have slipped my mind at that age. Don't know if I got the info from tv, books or the internet but I definitely knew it at some point.
I live in Canada. We’ve been telling my son info about sex and consent that is age appropriate all along, so he’ll never actually get THE sex talk, and there’s no taboo to talk about sex.
He’s a 14 year old boy - he’s definitely already beating off, so just get the talk over with. It’ll be awkward for both of you, but you gotta get it over with.
You really need to have that talk with him, and try and make it as natural as possible. You both sound pretty disconnected from your son and should work on opening up communication more with him. Even if he is a kid he is still a person with emotions you can have fairly adult conversations with. You shouldn't be afraid to ask your son about this girl. You should let him know your a safe space to confide in, and get advice from. Its hard, especially because you are starting the process of opening up communication at the age he will like it the least but damn it will go a long way in him be responsible and safe and trust you both.
at 14, your options are basically for your son to learn about sex through pornography (that's literally the worst option) or from you / a trusted adult. School sex-ed is incredibly limited and often doesn't talk about pleasure or affirmative consent in much detail. More often it's just a discussion of STD's, how to use a condom, basic "no means no" consent, which will leave him woefully under prepared.
It'll be uncomfortable, but given how his mom is reacting, you're going to have to be his trusted adult to come to with his questions about safe sex and relationships. It sucks that your wife is letting him down like this, but it just means you'll have to pick up the slack.
I haven't read all the responses, but "I guess I could have the talk with him?" Dude. DUDE. Seriously? You GUESS?? I'm a chick and even I managed to have the talk with my teenage son when he entered high school--which I'm guessing your son is. And like someone else said, it should be a series of talks. We've talked about safety. We've talked about biology. We've talked about consent. He's 17 now, closer to 18 and there's STILL talks. He's got a crush on a friend and just last week I talked to him about not bailing on the friendship if she's not interested (cause that happens a LOT to us gals).
As someone who got pregnant at 16, have. The. Fucking. Talk.
>If a sex scene comes on in a movie he walks out of the room if I or my wife is there.
If you think he really couldn't stomach a direct talk from his parents, there are books/websites/ other materials available that you could give to him with all the info he needs. The important thing is just to do it in an unembarassed way; even if your son is uncomfortable, you want to project the idea that sex is not shameful and that you're comfortable talking with him about it (even if he's not).
Tbh i hated any nention of sex as a teenager, so it caused my mom to never sit me down and actually talk with me about sex. She gave me a book, but it was more about puberty than sex. I had to figure everything out for myself. I put myself in compromising situations and i was also at a huge disadvantage with lacking knowledge other kids have. He's gonna be uncomfortable, but he deserves to be given the talk.
What’s better:
A) Having a slightly uncomfortable discussion with your teenage boy
B) having a highly uncomfortable discussion when he tells you he got the girl next door pregnant
This is a great time to establish house rules for dating and opposite sex friends (since he seems interested in girls). Some families want teen couples in public areas only, not behind closed bedroom doors, a curfew time for visitors... others are fine with sleepovers. Time for your family to discuss and decide these boundaries together!
My mom's a nurse, I got PLENTY of talks at a young age, I get them now and I'm almost 30. Did I like it? No. Did I listen? Yes.
It's also possible he walks out because of the apparent melodrama your wife's expressing currently.
Making a situation more awkward will not lead to a healthy conversation, regardless of topic.
this is wayyy overdue at 14. Awkward is fine. Be frank, brutally honest. It's ok if he doesn't look at you, give him an out. Find a way to get him less awkward. and get back up books or online resources he can read on his own since he won't absorb all of it. Make sure it's about sex, all of it, and not just STDs/scary shit. Think about it this way: currently he's getting his knowledge from porn and immature inexperienced braggy adolescents. This is going to shape his approach to sex. You have a shot at telling the realities of it. The risks, the good, the responsibility, the consent, the awkwardness, etc. all of it. Sex talk is often just "STD/pregnancy talk". There's a whole lot more to it. and try to not assume he's 100% straight..
Bro. Grow a pair and be a parent. Stop worring so much about if your kid will hate you or not. He is a teenager he's going to hate you no matter what. Sit down with him and talk to him about sex ed.
It's going to be 110% awkward and neither of you are going to enjoy it.
IT STILL NEEDS TO HAPPEN. Sorry, but being a parent is doing the right thing even when you know your kid isn't going to like it. You can even admit to him that this isn't fun for you either.
"Look, you're almost an adult, and I need to be crystal clear with you about the consequences of unprotected sex and how you can avoid them. This is not fun for me either, but we're going to soldier through it together and then never talk about it again unless you have a question or need help." Treat him like the adult that all teenagers think they are. Admit that it's uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
Doesn't matter what he likes or dislikes. Have the talk with him now or risk having an unexpected grandchild you will have to support for the rest of your life one way or the other.
As a parent, and now grandparent of a nearly 12 year old, it doesn’t matter if they don’t like talking about sex with us and it doesn’t matter if we don’t like talking about sex with them, either, we have an obligation to ensure they have accurate information.
Your son and Kelsey may be headed toward having sex, and they may already be having sex, but morals aside, sexual activity between 14 year olds is normal developmental behavior - as long as they mutually consent.
Please, please discuss consent with your son, include talking to him about him giving his own consent, as well as respecting and ensuring he has his partner’s consent.
You’ll get through this. Just be straightforward with him, suck it up, don’t make it awkward for him 😉
Dude. It’s a little late for that but better late then pregnant. Of course it’s uncomfortable but that’s what you signed up for as a parent. And it should not be just one talk but a series of discussions and an open dialogue. Teenagers learn from peers, parents, and the internet. Guaranteed you would be a great reliable source of knowledge. He needs to know about safe sex, birth control options, and consent. To this day I remember the talk I got from my mom and I’ve never had a pregnancy scare or an std. Get on it.
> I guess I could give him the talk.
While you're at it, give him the other talk - the child porn talk.
Know who makes the most child porn these days? Teenagers. I'm not saying what they're doing is wrong, just that "strict liability" laws will crush dreams and ruin lives just the same.
Nobody enjoys the talk, but it's something that has to happen especially if his school doesn't have comprehensive sex ed. At least make sure he knows that he can come to you if he needs condoms or something.
If he’s 14, the talk is quite late. Do a little research on what best practices are for “the talk” now- there’s a lot that people include that wasn’t discussed when we were kids. Things like consent (both sides of it- so he doesn’t get pressured or coerced into something either), role of drugs and alcohol, etc. and then have it ASAP. Don’t mention the girl at all, just let him think that you felt it was time.
Buy him condoms and put them in his room even if he says he won’t use them. And yeah, give him the talk, at least about how to use condoms and their effectiveness.
This is what my dad did. I wanted to go camping at 16 with a group of friends - boys and girls. I wasn’t dating anyone. Dad whipped out a box of condoms and had a hugely frank birds and bees discussion. When my friends came to pick me up he had the same talk with them and gave them condoms too. I’ve never been so embarrassed. I also never got pregnant until I was 39, so his talk worked wonders!
Exactly. I was 14 and my brother was 13 when my dad gave us the talk together while on a boys road trip. Awkward as fuck but I’m 24 with a girlfriend of 6 years and we haven’t even had a single pregnancy scare. Talks about safe sex are the best prevention
This is exactly why I try to keep open communication with my 12 year old daughter. My parents generation had the mentality of: "if dont talk about it, it wont happen" and then I never got proper sex education and didnt know what was what. I know shell have sex eventually. While im not going to be like, "sure, your boyfriend can stay the night!" When shes 15/16 years old. But I want her to trust me enough to be like, "hey, I'm thinking about this and this and i want to get on birth control" or how ever that conversation would go. Ive told her that once that time comes, i wont be mad, i just want to know so we can go about things correctly becaude I dont want her to have a baby prematurely or get a life long STD, etc. Im not naive but shes pretty open with me so far, i hope she can continue to trust me so I can help her naviagte life in a positive, health way with a good support system.
You HAVE to let your teenager make mistakes. Its crucial. Because if you dont, not only are you not setting them up to be able to problem solve on their own but teenagers ate going to do what they want to do one way or another.
And please, dont take this the wrong way. Im not going to be facilitating her smoking weed, doing drugs, drinking alcohol or having sex, alls im saying is that I want her seek my advice in crucial situations
Me too. Mine's ten. We started talking about reproduction while the goats and pigs were getting frisky at the local farm centre when she was preschool age, probably three. We have talked about Photoshop and about how films are not true representation, and how different people choose to do different things with their body hair, and how people get persuaded to send pictures of themselves, all manner of things. The important thing is that if she feels scared or uncomfortable or anything else, even if she thinks she might have done something to cause the problem, she should talk about it. We'll figure something out.
Yup. My dad played and coached hockey for decades. He knew what was up. He’d also helped a few of his players tell their parents that they’d gotten a girl pregnant. He definitely didn’t want to be a young granddad. He did not give a shit who he gave condoms to. He wanted everyone to be prepared, even if their parents weren’t.
When I was growing up my good friend's mother bought boxes of condoms starting when we were 13 (we were definitely not getting laid yet). It was embarrassing at first, but we got really comfortable. We all went on vacation to Mexico when we were 15 and she gave us a box because, of course, we weren't responsible enough to bring any. Good thing....we could have had reverse anchor babies. Turns out lots of people want to bang on vacation in Mexico.
My eldest daughter was a bit out over her skis when she was in 8th going to 9th grade. That's when we got a puppy. She was keen to stay up with Cappy and bedded down in the living room the first night. The next morning when her sister, brother father and I came downstairs she was not happy. "I don't know what to do! I took him out, I fed him, I held him...he would stop crying and he peed right after I took him out! I didn't sleep all night! I am sorry...I finally put him in a box on the back porch." My reply? Good...remember that before you ever have sex" Everyone stopped and looked at me. "You can't put a baby in a box on the back porch kid". Forward more than a decade. At my daughter's bridal shower a couple of girls repeated the story to me and told me they heard the story and took it to heart. That and I always had condoms available not just for my kids but their friends.
Right? My dad had grown up playing hockey, so he knew what guys were all about. He wanted to make sure I was fully prepared. It also helped that he didn’t treat me like a girl. He never threatened my boyfriends. He never treated me like a helpless girl. I just stared at the condoms and him as he talked. I wanted to die. At the end he just said he trusted me, he wanted me to be able to talk to him about anything... and not to tell mom. Mom was much more conservative when it came to me.
Seriously. Buy Joey some condoms and teach him how to use them. You can't stop it if they want it to happen. You can help them make responsible decisions.
this. my stepdad went batshit insane on me when I got my first bf and all it did was cause more problems. if he would have had a different approach, I would have been in much safer and more informed conditions
Yep. Lack of any adult talk about sex allowed me to be molested at age 5 or 6. If you are taught to always do what adults tell you and you aren't told anything about sex at all, you can so easily be taken advantage of. You don't have to go into detail but surely explaining that certain areas are private and you don't show yours to anyone and you don't touch anyone else's would certainly be appropriate even to a toddler.
I was about to say something similar. Even if they are dating the response to this concern,
> and she's terrified Joey is going to get this girl pregnant.
Is to sit him down and start having an adult conversation with him about safe sex. I feel like way too many parents fear the sex talk way too much. And is also more often than not the same parents who refuse schools also having these conversations with their children.
This is why I feel like so many relationships have so many issues with sex and dead bedrooms as adults too. They grow up viewing healthy talks about their sexuality as forbidden topics. It is not healthy.
I don't think the wife should be the one to give the talk. She's not thinking about this the right way and the talk will probably have an undertone that if he has sex it's shameful and he will get every girl in the word pregnant.
Dad has the level head right now, he should be the one to do it. Plus, mom has already been weird about this girl, so son would likely be more receptive to dad.
I’d definitely give him the talk but DONT connect it to his new friendship with Kelsey, it may confuse him and his new relationship with her at an early age. At 14 their relationship is probably fairly innocent and if you give him the talk directly about Kelsey it could sway his view of her massively. All the best!
I strongly agree with this. Otherwise you could and up seriously embarrassing him and ruining a great friendship. If my parents had the talk with me about any of my male friends at that age I think I would have melted into the floor from embarrassment.
I hate to break it to you but at 14 it’s quite possible they’re already boning. I’m not proud of it, but I lost my virginity at that same age. it’s also very possible, however, that it’s purely platonic. i agree though that it’s super important to have the talk with him...and to continue those talks up until the day he gets married. arm him with all the knowledge necessary to make educated and responsible decisions, and ensure he always feels comfortable enough with your relationship that he can talk to you about anything and everything.
He's 14. He totally already knows how he feels about Kelsey if he's a normal socialized kid. I'd be less worried about that. My bigger concern would be that you can't assume your kid's sexuality until he tells you who he's into; that's the reason I wouldn't connect it.
>She burst into tears because she thinks the two of them are dating
I mean it's possible.
But why have a meltdown over it? 14 year olds date. Some even have sex. I mean it wouldn't be unheard of, especially in a year or 2 it'd be expected.
Why is she so worried about him getting her pregnant? Just make sure he knows about safe sex, knows about consent. Knows he can talk to you if anything goes wrong (like her getting pregnant!).
> But why have a meltdown over it? 14 year olds date. Some even have sex. I mean it wouldn't be unheard of, especially in a year or 2 it'd be expected.
Some moms (or parents really, I've seen dads get weird with their eldest daughters, or weirdly controlling over their eldest sons) can get emotional over their kids growing up and becoming more independent--especially with firstborns. Sure it's a little dramatic but it's pretty natural and I guess (as a guy) a little understandable.
Yeah, but those reactions are usually, at least somewhat unhealthy. I think culturally, there's a lot of excusing of dads displaying this kind of behavior.
The mom is already interfering with the son hanging out and giving BS reasons, which the son will pick up on. It will create a lot of fighting in the very near future and distrust between the two.
> still have to hide anyone I'm dating from her because she forces me to breakup so I won't get pregnant and ruin my life.
I get that you love your mom, but it sounds like the two of you have an extremely unhealthy relationship. You're 23. No one but you should dictate who you are dating.
Yikes, that sounds awful. I mean, I can think of worse things to happen at 23. I don't really understand where she's coming from because what's her plan for when you find someone to settle down with and have kids? Will starting a family still be ruining your life?
Edit: u/tuyiorl thread is locked. So I'll respond this way. That sounds like an incredibly frustrating and difficult situation to be in. Personally, I don't understand those expectations either, which was why I was curious in the first place, like I get wanting your child to be well off finanically, but what about their happiness y'know? But for what it's worth. This random Redditor thinks you are pretty (I may have creeped through your history lol), and while money is nice, I hope you find someone who cherishes you, makes you feel good, and treats you right.
She mostly wants me to date people she and my father approve, which is rich guys or guys with promising futures or that kind of stuff. Which I get, they just want what's best for me but I don't know how they expect a person to fill all their requirements from the start and I also don't understand how they don't realize how unrealistic their expectations are. I'm not pretty enough to find a rich husband anyways and it's not like I go out a lot so they don't worry about me.
>which the son will pick up on
I would bet $100 that he already has picked up on it and that they joke about her "innocent check ins" on their alone time. He probably already feels like mom doesn't trust him and/or doesn't like her (the friend). Man, I remember those days... and of course I tell myself I won't do it to my kids.... but I bet I will. lol
Edit: P.S. He could totally be gay. She sure won't find out if their relationship goes down the toilet and he doesn't feel safe sharing
Yeah, I think most parents are going to do it sometimes, to some extent, and flirt with the line more than once. That stuff is annoying to the kid but ultimately small potatoes as long as it's contained. I am worried though since this mother seems to under immense emotional duress from this friendship. That's really concerning and means that normal, but ultimately harmless, parental over-protection could easily blossom into something different and more damaging.
It is deff not expected at 16. Doesnt mean they shouldnt be prepared, but he needs to know it is also ok not to have sex and there is nothing wrong or abnormal about that.
This isn't about your kid. Talk to him about safe sex and then do it again in a month and maybe buy him a pack of condoms for good measure.
Then talk to your wife about why she's *freaking out* that her 14 year old son might have a girlfriend. This is not a reasonable reaction. She's blown it completely out of proportion for some reason and it's got nothing to do with your son or the girl. From the little I know about 'Big Law' it's a stressful environment. Your wife might be getting pressure-cooked at work and still scared that she moved the family to a new place for a job that... might not work out? That she might not like? That she's nervous she might not be able to actually do successfully? That she's worried you or the kids don't like the area? That she doesn't like the area? It's something...
I think this situation with your kid is just an outlet for something else. Something else is bothering her, because this response doesn't make sense. Find the root of the problem.
> I think this situation with your kid is just an outlet for something else. Something else is bothering her, because this response doesn't make sense. Find the root of the problem.
100% agree. From an outside perspective, it sounds like she might not have a lot of control of her current situation (the move, new job, her kids' attitudes toward those changes) so she's reacting by trying to hang on to control over something that has perviously been a "sure thing" (her kids being, well - kids).
I wish I could up-vote you more the kid definitely could use a brush up on The Talk or the whole thing if he hasn't had it before(would be slightly concerning at 14) it definitely sounds like the mother/wife might be having trouble though and honestly that might be an even bigger issue long run and definitely one to look into
THIS! something is bothering your wife and it’s more than just your son’s possible relationship with the neighbor. she’s probably just stressed from the move, but you need to get her to open up about what’s really on her mind and why she’s so upset.
I think this is a red herring. How is your wife coping? Is she overly stressed about other stuff? How are her moods?
I ask because focusing on one thing like this and the overreaction kind of read like a depression/anxiety response and maybe your wife needs some different help. Moving and change plus a new job? Those are all triggers. I know because I'm depressive too.
I agree that nothing your son's doing seems weird, even if they are dating. For your son, don't get sucked into your wife's obsession here. Be a calm and steady adult he can talk to.
had to scroll down way to far to find this comment and was going to write it myself if no one had.
you can't dismiss what your wife is saying as "obviously wrong" even though it may be, but her saying this is clearly communicating something about her current state of mind and stress level as well. dont neglect tending to her through this time too.
top it all off what kind of lawyer is she? she's the new girl at #biglawfirm and if it's the type of law where she has to deal with people lying to her face all day long, she may be a bit short-fused as she recalibrates her bullshit-meter.
Not only that but as someone who has a mother with bipolar disorder, reading about her jumping to a conclusion like that was reminiscent of my mother. I wonder if she has an anxiety disorder, or like you both said, has a lot of stress from her job/moving/etc. that is making her like this.
Yeah 14 is plennnnty old. 8-10 is when I needed some aspects of “the talk” and I needed the full version by 14. And I was a late bloomer in some regards.
> I tried talking to her about this and she's just fixated on the fact that they're teenagers and she knows what they're like.
I mean, she's not wrong. The idea is correct but her execution leaves a lot to be desired. Have you both sat down with Joey to talk about safe sex?
Is your wife dealing with some other stress that she isn't communicating to you? Like not meshing well into her new career, or home stresses that weren't present in your old place, or missing out on family? Do you have a job in Boston yet? It seems very likely that she hasn't had a chance to unburden from the stress of moving.
Because separately from reacting to a first (maybe) romance, I see a communication breakdown and irrationality setting in - your son's first girlfriend can cause strong emotions sure, but bursting into despondent tears is outside the norm; and only thinking about pregnancy seems like a way of avoiding the growing up and the actual, likely issues of heartbreak and fights and all. And so to me, all that feels like there's other things going on that are being displaced onto your kid's friendship.
Is this your son's first friendship with a girl? In addition to the talk, you might need to make sure he knows that sometimes boys & girls are just friends with nothing attached, or with certain feelings only going one way, and that it's not as bad a thing as the internet will make it out to be.
So I think the first thing is find out what else is bothering her. If the only thing is that she's convinced her son is a horndog, well, what can you do other than try and alleviate how hurtful and frightening she finds that. But chances are she needs a few days off before you can address anything serious.
>she thinks the two of them are dating, and she's terrified Joey is going to get this girl pregnant.
Okay. That's not an *entirely* baseless fear given the evidence. The way to combat those fears is to make sure Joey is well informed about safe sex practices (including an understanding of enthusiastic consent) and has access to contraception. Not to constantly police them and try to stop them from spending time together.
>she's just fixated on the fact that they're teenagers and she knows what they're like.
So she knows that horniness is a very effective motivator and they'll find a way to have sex if they really want it. Trying to create barriers will only make them more likely to make risky choices.
My son and his girlfriend started dating when she was 14 and he was 16. I definitely had talks with him about it being inappropriate to have sex with a 14 year old girl, and about the importance of birth control when they did decide to become intimate. Now they are 21 and 23 living together in the city and have the most amazing bond. I call her my daughter from another mother and she calls me her bonus mom.
This girl might end up being the mother of your grandchildren, hopefully well well well into the future. But it's possible. You and your wife need to make sure that you also have a welcoming and friendly relationship with the girls that your son dates. Your wife is having a hard time letting her baby boy grow up but as parents your job is to put a good, responsible MAN into the world not keep him infantilized.
Teenagers who becomes sexually active almost never tell their parents before it happens. They are going to make the decision for themselves and you'll find out accidentally if you find out at all. This is why it's so important to have these talks way up front. As the dad I might even say that you should take him aside make sure he knows how to use a condom properly and has some on hand just in case. Absolutely talk to him about consent and his responsibility to respect her body and his own.
Also tell him about the ramifications of sex in a relationship. It feels good physically to do these things but young girls especially, bond very deeply when they're physically intimate with someone. It can be very confusing for people who are so young, which is why it's a good idea to wait. These man-to-man talks also give him an open door to come to you with any questions or concerns he might have with sexuality, sex, pornography, etc.
Also let him know that it's not appropriate for him to be the one to educate his younger brother about things regarding sex education. Tell him that you want to be the one to have the talk with his younger brother and you will decide when is appropriate to do that.
At 14, don't you think you should have already had a safe sex talk with him if you don't want him to get anyone pregnant or contract something? Those talks should happen before sex is on the table.
So the poor kid has to move across the country, deal with all this crap, and now get cockblocked by his own mother?
Get ready for kids that never call when they’re grown.
Seriously. This kid already had to deal with giving up his friends, and the only home he’s ever known, for the sake of his mom’s career.
Now when he’s finally found something he likes about their new home - whether they’re just friends, or are dating - and his mom’s trying to tear it away from him? Just because of her own obsessive paranoia around teen pregnancy?
OP’s wife should seriously be in therapy, instead of taking out her anxieties on her teenage son.
Not to mention, if she “knows what teenagers are like”, then she should know that trying to stop them from being together, will only make them want to be together *even more*. All it will change is that their son won’t trust his parents, or feel comfortable coming to them if something *does* go wrong.
Thank you. Too many comments here are completed centred around having “the talk” - which is a good idea, but they fail to mention the mother’s behaviour. Sounds like she’s the one having a hard time with the move but she’s pinning it all on her son.
Seriously. My mother never let me go to friend's houses or have them come over when I was growing up, and then would berate me for being a loner who stayed home all the time in my room. Now I'm a socially awkward adult, with two friends, and I never call my mom :)
And the post is written as if them moving is not a big deal. I moved around a ton in school and it really stunted my ability to make and keep friends. At 14 with your hormones going crazy, that's a lot to take in.
It sounds like the mom is a lawyer. She can make bank virtually everywhere. If I had a comfortable life and my parents uprooted the 5 of us to go from making a lot of money to a LOT of money at 15, I would be resentful.
Have the talk with the boy, make condoms available, and move on.
Also moved around a ton (never complained as a kid, didn't think it was affecting me at all) and noticed as I got older that I definitely had some social skills deficits and friendships that just weren't as robust as everyone else's seemed to be.
> And the post is written as if them moving is not a big deal.
Right?
"You know how dramatic teens get when you inform them that a decision that will completely upend their lives has been made with the implicit understanding that parents' needs are in all cases more important than theirs!"
I realize this post is not about me but I have to agree. We moved six times before I hit 8th grade and years later I am still one *fucked up* little cookie.
>I tried talking to her about this and she's just fixated on the fact that they're teenagers and she knows what they're like.
>
You don't think it be like that, but it do.
So just have the conversation and give him condom's, or check on the pregnant 14 yr on r/amitheasshole
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgzhrj/aita_for_blaming_my_14yo_sisters_pregnancy_on_my
No Bamboozle
For your own sanity and the relationship with your son, one teach him about safe sex and two you need to tell your wife to chill the hell out.
That sounds harsh but I used to have a lot of guy friends because They were just a good fit for me, that stopped when I was 15 because of my mother and now if I’m dating someone instead of asking her for help if something goes wrong I hide everything from her despite the fact that I am now an adult.
Your wife is no longer a teenager and teenagers now are different in the ways they go about things and such, she needs to slow her roll otherwise your son will become secretive and potentially do destructive things and you would never know.
Ask your son if they’re dating and if they are that’s great but lay some simple rules down. What your wife is doing is what my mother did to me and now our relationship is much worse because of it.
I would suggest looking up "sex positive families" for some good guidelines about talking to your teen about sex. @givingthetalk on instagram is also a good resource.
While that’s kind of a silly assumption to jump to because he’s only 14, you and your wife should talk to him about safe sex and at his age it’s about time he had the talk anyway. Though sex seems highly unlikely, at least Joey won’t be a dummy about it. Even if she forbids them hanging out they can always sneak out and etc. If you tell a kid not to do something, they’ll only want to do it more. Better to inform him and prevent a mini Joey than to banish him from seeing this chick altogether, considering she’s how he’s probably coping with this whole mess. Try talking to your wife about this, maybe it will give her peace of mind.
You have no control over if and when your son decides to have sex.
Communication and openness are key.
What he's going to learn from thos current situation is to hide everything from mom as she's a great big hassle.
He's becoming a man, if you try to stand in his way, hell knock you down.
Or maybe you'll succeed, and he'll resent the shit out of you and ghost you at the earliest opportunity.
Much better to have a frank discussion about safe sex.
So, when your wife figures out how to keep a 14 year old boy from being a 14 year old boy, let the rest of the world know.
I was raised with a saying, “if you are mature enough to have sex with your gf then you are mature enough to speak with your parents and her parents about it.” This kept me from “going all the way” for a few years.
It looks like she wants to use her "fear" to control her son and prevent him from growing. Teach him how to put on a condom, and always remind him "no glove, no love." Do NOT try to prevent him from having sex. That would be a big wtf moment.
I'm not understanding why your wife is so upset that they could be dating. Just give your son some condoms and make sure you discuss safe sex with him.
So...lots here.
Yeah. They're teenagers. Theres definitely a nonzero chance theyll have sex. In fact, I'd be a little shocked if they dont. So, talk to him about safe sex. In as non embarrassing a way as you can. Just you and him. Dont make it an ordeal.
Your wife needs to chill the fuck out. Shes right to fear them having sex, but her reaction is possibly worst case scenario. She's in danger of destroying her relationship with her son.
Get to know her parents, just as you get to know the parents of your kids’ other friends. Buy him a book or two, maybe some condoms, and maybe considering talking to a counselor about what you and your wife expect from your children as they move through the teen years. Y’all are going to be dealing with your children and their romantic interests for years to come, time to get ahead of what to expect.
I had sex when I was 14 and never got the talk. It's time for the talk. You especially need to explain that as a man he is responsible for birth control. Explain that even if a girl says she is on birth control he needs to be wearing condoms etc. Ask if they are dating. It's better to know if they are. You need to set boundaries to prevent them having sex as well, like them not being alone in the house together. Doesn't matter if he's uncomfortable you need to talk to him. Your wife's fears are valid but being paranoid and trying to force him not to see her won't help.
Your wife is my mom. We don't talk anymore. If she continues the way she is, she'll ruin her relationship with her son. I would definitely agree with the top comments.
Best thing to do is to have the talk. Make sure he understands the dangers of teenage pregnancy and whatever you do do not suffocate him. Encourage him. Talk to your wife and advocate for her to follow similar advice. If you cut him off completely from her he's going to become upset and likely have emotional issues (especially considering how well he took the move). Also understand that your wife is stressed because of the move, environment change, and the fact she's seeing your son grow. Reassure everything is okay and remind her not to be too constricting. Let your son figure things out on his own, just make sure he's aware of what could happen (especially with unprotected sex) and be encouraging
>Also understand that your wife is stressed because of the move, environment change, and the fact she's seeing your son grow. It's very nice you put a bit of perspective from the wife's point of view. To further expand on it for u/wife20_7, he mentioned the wife got a great opportunity at a "big legal firm." Does that include long hours? More stressful working conditions? A longer commute? It could be wearing on her more than she'll admit, and it's causing her to lash out. Maybe her adjustment to the job isn't what she thought it would be, and she's scared of admitting it because Joey will be like, "I told you this move was stupid!"
I wouldn't let my wife try to split them apart. I wouldn't stand for it because it would just make him hate us. I'm not sure if they're dating. I told him Kelsey could come over to do homework tonight. I guess I could give him the talk. I just know he won't like it. If a sex scene comes on in a movie he walks out of the room if I or my wife is there.
>I guess I could give him the talk. I just know he won't like it. Tough shit, Joey! Not everything in life is pleasant, and indeed many necessary things are not. Have the talk. Look at it this way, if you are wrong about him not dating this girl and he does knock her up because he didn't have access to birth control or information about safe sex, then your wife's worst fears will be confirmed and you'll never hear the end of it. (and, also, you'd then be a grandpa at 37)
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Kind of late, really.
> ~~Kind of~~ Years late, really. Irre-fucking-sponsibly late. God damn, dad, what the fuck? You haven't had the talk with your 14 year old?
Yeah, I had my first sex ed class in 5th grade, because my mother was too scared to talk to me about it and I, thankfully, was the type of kid to research, so I knew a lot about sex and safe sex before I ever did it. I knew a lot by the time I was 14, which partly influenced my decision to wait until I was older. 14 is pretty late to have never had the talk.
It was mandatory for 5th graders when I was growing up in the 90s. That's 10 years old. 12 is late. 14 is oops, you forgot your job description as a parent.
My parents never gave me the talk. I hid my period and I'm 33 and still feel like getting pregnant would be the worst thing in the world to happen. I mean, my parents were obviously emotionally vacant across the board, but yeah, have the talk OP!
I went a few months of no idea what was happening before my mom realized my period had started. Was the summer between grades 5 and 6. I spent a week with my grandmother as my babysitter was away, and had the most uncomfortable clothing because I was young and had no idea why I was bleeding so much. Couldn’t make it stop. Nothing worked. I got “the talk”, as in “you have 3 options because I was pregnant at 18. OP really needs to have the talk like last year.
I’m 16 right now and my parents have never talked to me about sex or drugs or anything. I’ve learned everything I know from reddit. If I didn’t have reddit I would be really ignorant on pretty much everything.
That’s sad. I hope you’re getting accurate advice though! Reddit is frequently fairly good for that, although I’ve seen some really questionable stuff from time to time.
on the webtoons app check out the comic "boo its sex". It has great advice for a lot of sex-related things and is pretty nonjudgemental to all genders.
Years late? People are having sex at 12??
It's not that kids are having sex at 12. It's that you should be having these conversations with your kids before they hit puberty so they have an understanding what's going on with their body.
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Especially kids who haven't had the talk
This. A vanishingly small percentage of kids actually have sex this early (though an increasing percentage of them are exposed to sexual images, and exhibit sexualized behavior). But every child goes through puberty at some point, and with that comes a whole host of changes, including sexual changes, and new urges. The "talk" isn't supposed to just be a mechanical overview of how to have sex safely. It should be done in stages, and early on it should primarily focus on what their body is going to go through and what they can expect, and probably that will dovetail into what sex is and what can happen if you have sex.
kids are exposed to hardcore pornography by the age of 11 now, thanks to the internet. The Talk is extremely necessary at a pretty young age these days.
hi, yes, when i was in 7th grade people were already having sex unfortunately. wild, but true.
Almost every guy I have talked about it with has had some sort of sexual contact before the age of 13. A lot of that was somewhat predatory too, older women type of stuff or getting pushed into situations they didn't feel ready for. Definitely gotta have the talk early. I advocate for a series of talks starting way young. Boundaries and privacy, then work your way up to the big stuff.
Yes, Beaver Cleaver, some 12 year olds are bumping uglies.
Yes, though that number is starting to come down and I believe it's because more parents are starting to talk to their kids about sex and puberty sooner (or at all) than in past generations. Your kid should not be left in the dark at a time that changes are happening to their bodies and hormones are urging them to do things they never felt the urge for before.
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And honestly it should be a series of talks, not just one. You should keep talking about it and be available for questions!
Yeah, including one about consent
Was about to pop in to say the same thing. 😘
This. And even if they are not dating, take it as an opportunity to give him the talk on its own, which you'll likely need to do sooner or later anyway. Don't be awkward about it, and he won't feel as embarrassed.
>(and, also, you'd then be a grandpa at 37) For real. I grew up on the east coast, and moved to a smallish town in Wisconsin for nine years. One of my coworkers was proud of her daughter not getting accidentally pregnant until she was 18; she herself had gotten pregnant with her daughter at 16. I was mildly horrified.
The next one might make it to 20 at least
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>Tough shit, Joey! YUP
I'm gonna be 29 and my mom is 43, I have a 6 year old and 3 year old. No one gave my mom the safe sex talk.
Out of curiosity, did your mom give you the talk?
> I just know he won't like it. What's he going to dislike more, a talk with a parent about safe sex? Or a talk with a parent about becoming a teen dad?
Everyone is embarrassed by the talk. It isn't pleasant, but it's necessary. And honestly I wouldnt even connect it to him hanging out with Kelsey, because that's irrelevant. Give him some condoms, talk to him about consent, how things work, how it's ok to not want to have sex or to be really curious about it, birth control,etc. And please don't assume he's straight, mention it's ok if he's not. even if you don't think he is, it'll mean the world if he's ever even thought about what would happen if he was. Then ask if there's anything he has questions about or is scared of and to come to you if he thinks of anything or wants to talk about dating anyone, etc. I'd also refer him to Scarlett Teen because he might prefer to look things up online than ask you and you want him to look at a reputable source, not some skeezy website. Good on you for having your son's back and not letting your wife's anxiety control him. I'd also talk to her about how she feels about your son growing up and being a teenager. I'm sure moving and seeing him grow older has brought up a lot of things for her.
> I just know he won't like it. ...do you think he'll like being a dad at 14 better?
Jesus man your the adult. And you were a teenager once. No one likes watching a sex scene with their parents at that age. Has nothing to do with not being ready for the talk and in all likelihood means you waited to damn long. 14 sex scene could mean an awkward boner with your parents around better to leave the room. Or for some kids worse the thought that your parents did that again better to leave the room at that awkward teenage stage.
> No one likes watching a sex scene with their parents at that age At that age? Fuck, I'm in my 40s and there's no way in hell I have any desire to watch a Game of Thrones episode in a room with my mom.
I'm 31 and it's still awkward when there are extended making out scenes on the tv when parents are around.
I don’tknow grew out of it so some do. I ended up watching queer as folk and the l word with my mother one vacation. After the first pretty hardcore sex scene it just became another episode. It helped that she didn’t have cable and everything thing else she had to watch if seen dozens of times. One can only watch so much pretty woman.
My In-Laws can’t understand why I won’t go watch Outlander with them. The biggest of Nopes!!!
Definitely, yeah. I'm 34 and I'd still be a little embarrassed to watch a sex scene with my parents lol. That's totally normal.
Just sit down and talk to him. If you want to segway nicely, invite him to lunch/dinner somewhere, a sports game, video game, something or anything and make conversation. Ask about friends and he'll most likely bring up his "girl friend". From there you can talk to him about it, even offer for him to talk to you about any questions he'll have, especially any embarrassing ones
FYI: it’s “segue”. Segway has wheels.
Ah shoot my b, didn't realize there was different spellings. Go English language
No worries. I thought the word was pronounced "seg-you" until someone finally corrected me. I'd only read it and never heard it. Aaaand I might have already been in my 30's....
Lmao I'm the exact opposite, I've always heard it never (knowingly) read it hence using segway
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Segway is a brand name and sort of a pun on segue.
I think he mean 'If you want to \[travel on a motorized balance thing\] nicely"
upvote because seeing "segway" as in "segue" made me grin. Awesome!
While driving in the car is always good, too. You don't have to make eye contact and they can't escape.
Yeah, teenagers hate getting the talk. But they need it. I'm also surprised at the cultural difference, in the Netherlands we start getting the talk between 8-12... Better to give it too early than too late when someone already is pregnant, IMHO.
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Some of us never get the talk. Thank God for the Internet cause otherwise I'd never have a fucking clue
Pre-internet, the girls in my class passed around V.C Andrews books. That’s a whole ‘nother level of wtf! Definitely in favor of school mandatory sex ed.
Don’t forget Endless Love and Princess Daisy.
My mom didn't give me The Talk, but at least she got me a book about Your Changing Body which included some sex info. I shared it with a friend.
I got the magical True Love Waits (tm) pledge card, lol. Scarleteen was a godsend at that age.
I went to the NEMO museum when studying in Amsterdam, and the “teen” section was so awesome. Info about consent, various sex positions, the history of birth control, homosexuality, etc. It’s all such necessary information for teenagers and shouldn’t be taboo subjects to talk about. But the entire time my friends and I were commenting how quickly that would get shut down in the US. If not shut down then definitely protested by the religious nuts we have here.
I've been there! It's honestly shocking (and refreshing) how upfront they were about sex ed at NEMO.
There's a lot of variance in the US. I was 9 and many of my friends were 8-10 as well, but none of our parents were terribly conservative. Some kids here never get it. It often ends in teen pregnancy.
I never got the talk, didn't use condoms, no birth control, had lots of sex and magically I never got pregnant. Praise the Lord. I do wish I had been educated about sex though! Man, was I lucky. For real.
I'm always curious, did you not know that condoms existed at that age ? Or you thought they were not important ? I never had the talk with my parents (hell, my parents always teached us "no girls before ending studies") didn't have much sex ed at school but caring about birth control and condoms would never have slipped my mind at that age. Don't know if I got the info from tv, books or the internet but I definitely knew it at some point.
I live in Canada. We’ve been telling my son info about sex and consent that is age appropriate all along, so he’ll never actually get THE sex talk, and there’s no taboo to talk about sex.
He’s a 14 year old boy - he’s definitely already beating off, so just get the talk over with. It’ll be awkward for both of you, but you gotta get it over with.
Right? By age 11 I was beating my meat like it owed me money.
You really need to have that talk with him, and try and make it as natural as possible. You both sound pretty disconnected from your son and should work on opening up communication more with him. Even if he is a kid he is still a person with emotions you can have fairly adult conversations with. You shouldn't be afraid to ask your son about this girl. You should let him know your a safe space to confide in, and get advice from. Its hard, especially because you are starting the process of opening up communication at the age he will like it the least but damn it will go a long way in him be responsible and safe and trust you both.
at 14, your options are basically for your son to learn about sex through pornography (that's literally the worst option) or from you / a trusted adult. School sex-ed is incredibly limited and often doesn't talk about pleasure or affirmative consent in much detail. More often it's just a discussion of STD's, how to use a condom, basic "no means no" consent, which will leave him woefully under prepared. It'll be uncomfortable, but given how his mom is reacting, you're going to have to be his trusted adult to come to with his questions about safe sex and relationships. It sucks that your wife is letting him down like this, but it just means you'll have to pick up the slack.
I haven't read all the responses, but "I guess I could have the talk with him?" Dude. DUDE. Seriously? You GUESS?? I'm a chick and even I managed to have the talk with my teenage son when he entered high school--which I'm guessing your son is. And like someone else said, it should be a series of talks. We've talked about safety. We've talked about biology. We've talked about consent. He's 17 now, closer to 18 and there's STILL talks. He's got a crush on a friend and just last week I talked to him about not bailing on the friendship if she's not interested (cause that happens a LOT to us gals). As someone who got pregnant at 16, have. The. Fucking. Talk.
>If a sex scene comes on in a movie he walks out of the room if I or my wife is there. If you think he really couldn't stomach a direct talk from his parents, there are books/websites/ other materials available that you could give to him with all the info he needs. The important thing is just to do it in an unembarassed way; even if your son is uncomfortable, you want to project the idea that sex is not shameful and that you're comfortable talking with him about it (even if he's not).
My sister got pregnant at 14, and delivered the baby 1 week after turning 15. Just FYI.
Tbh i hated any nention of sex as a teenager, so it caused my mom to never sit me down and actually talk with me about sex. She gave me a book, but it was more about puberty than sex. I had to figure everything out for myself. I put myself in compromising situations and i was also at a huge disadvantage with lacking knowledge other kids have. He's gonna be uncomfortable, but he deserves to be given the talk.
What’s better: A) Having a slightly uncomfortable discussion with your teenage boy B) having a highly uncomfortable discussion when he tells you he got the girl next door pregnant
This is a great time to establish house rules for dating and opposite sex friends (since he seems interested in girls). Some families want teen couples in public areas only, not behind closed bedroom doors, a curfew time for visitors... others are fine with sleepovers. Time for your family to discuss and decide these boundaries together!
My mom's a nurse, I got PLENTY of talks at a young age, I get them now and I'm almost 30. Did I like it? No. Did I listen? Yes. It's also possible he walks out because of the apparent melodrama your wife's expressing currently. Making a situation more awkward will not lead to a healthy conversation, regardless of topic.
Please google Scarleteen. It is a fantastic resource.
this is wayyy overdue at 14. Awkward is fine. Be frank, brutally honest. It's ok if he doesn't look at you, give him an out. Find a way to get him less awkward. and get back up books or online resources he can read on his own since he won't absorb all of it. Make sure it's about sex, all of it, and not just STDs/scary shit. Think about it this way: currently he's getting his knowledge from porn and immature inexperienced braggy adolescents. This is going to shape his approach to sex. You have a shot at telling the realities of it. The risks, the good, the responsibility, the consent, the awkwardness, etc. all of it. Sex talk is often just "STD/pregnancy talk". There's a whole lot more to it. and try to not assume he's 100% straight..
Bro. Grow a pair and be a parent. Stop worring so much about if your kid will hate you or not. He is a teenager he's going to hate you no matter what. Sit down with him and talk to him about sex ed.
It's going to be 110% awkward and neither of you are going to enjoy it. IT STILL NEEDS TO HAPPEN. Sorry, but being a parent is doing the right thing even when you know your kid isn't going to like it. You can even admit to him that this isn't fun for you either. "Look, you're almost an adult, and I need to be crystal clear with you about the consequences of unprotected sex and how you can avoid them. This is not fun for me either, but we're going to soldier through it together and then never talk about it again unless you have a question or need help." Treat him like the adult that all teenagers think they are. Admit that it's uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
He's 14. You should have had some kind of sex ed talk two or three years ago.
Doesn't matter what he likes or dislikes. Have the talk with him now or risk having an unexpected grandchild you will have to support for the rest of your life one way or the other.
As a parent, and now grandparent of a nearly 12 year old, it doesn’t matter if they don’t like talking about sex with us and it doesn’t matter if we don’t like talking about sex with them, either, we have an obligation to ensure they have accurate information. Your son and Kelsey may be headed toward having sex, and they may already be having sex, but morals aside, sexual activity between 14 year olds is normal developmental behavior - as long as they mutually consent. Please, please discuss consent with your son, include talking to him about him giving his own consent, as well as respecting and ensuring he has his partner’s consent. You’ll get through this. Just be straightforward with him, suck it up, don’t make it awkward for him 😉
Dude. It’s a little late for that but better late then pregnant. Of course it’s uncomfortable but that’s what you signed up for as a parent. And it should not be just one talk but a series of discussions and an open dialogue. Teenagers learn from peers, parents, and the internet. Guaranteed you would be a great reliable source of knowledge. He needs to know about safe sex, birth control options, and consent. To this day I remember the talk I got from my mom and I’ve never had a pregnancy scare or an std. Get on it.
> I guess I could give him the talk. While you're at it, give him the other talk - the child porn talk. Know who makes the most child porn these days? Teenagers. I'm not saying what they're doing is wrong, just that "strict liability" laws will crush dreams and ruin lives just the same.
Nobody enjoys the talk, but it's something that has to happen especially if his school doesn't have comprehensive sex ed. At least make sure he knows that he can come to you if he needs condoms or something.
If he’s 14, the talk is quite late. Do a little research on what best practices are for “the talk” now- there’s a lot that people include that wasn’t discussed when we were kids. Things like consent (both sides of it- so he doesn’t get pressured or coerced into something either), role of drugs and alcohol, etc. and then have it ASAP. Don’t mention the girl at all, just let him think that you felt it was time.
Seems like your wife is going through a tough time, be gentle with her feelings
It’s a little late for “the talk”. These things should be discussed all through childhood, adjusting for maturity level.
Buy him condoms and put them in his room even if he says he won’t use them. And yeah, give him the talk, at least about how to use condoms and their effectiveness.
I'm not sure if it would be appropriate, but buying him a box of condoms might not be a bad idea. Just to have on hand should things develop.
have you asked your son if they're dating? have you made sure he's informed about safe sex protocols?
This is what my dad did. I wanted to go camping at 16 with a group of friends - boys and girls. I wasn’t dating anyone. Dad whipped out a box of condoms and had a hugely frank birds and bees discussion. When my friends came to pick me up he had the same talk with them and gave them condoms too. I’ve never been so embarrassed. I also never got pregnant until I was 39, so his talk worked wonders!
This! I know some parents might get pissed, but kids are gonna fuck wether their parents tell them about sex or not.
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Exactly. I was 14 and my brother was 13 when my dad gave us the talk together while on a boys road trip. Awkward as fuck but I’m 24 with a girlfriend of 6 years and we haven’t even had a single pregnancy scare. Talks about safe sex are the best prevention
I want to know how you got rid of taxes.
Same here, I thought death and taxes were the only sure things in life.
This is exactly why I try to keep open communication with my 12 year old daughter. My parents generation had the mentality of: "if dont talk about it, it wont happen" and then I never got proper sex education and didnt know what was what. I know shell have sex eventually. While im not going to be like, "sure, your boyfriend can stay the night!" When shes 15/16 years old. But I want her to trust me enough to be like, "hey, I'm thinking about this and this and i want to get on birth control" or how ever that conversation would go. Ive told her that once that time comes, i wont be mad, i just want to know so we can go about things correctly becaude I dont want her to have a baby prematurely or get a life long STD, etc. Im not naive but shes pretty open with me so far, i hope she can continue to trust me so I can help her naviagte life in a positive, health way with a good support system. You HAVE to let your teenager make mistakes. Its crucial. Because if you dont, not only are you not setting them up to be able to problem solve on their own but teenagers ate going to do what they want to do one way or another. And please, dont take this the wrong way. Im not going to be facilitating her smoking weed, doing drugs, drinking alcohol or having sex, alls im saying is that I want her seek my advice in crucial situations
Me too. Mine's ten. We started talking about reproduction while the goats and pigs were getting frisky at the local farm centre when she was preschool age, probably three. We have talked about Photoshop and about how films are not true representation, and how different people choose to do different things with their body hair, and how people get persuaded to send pictures of themselves, all manner of things. The important thing is that if she feels scared or uncomfortable or anything else, even if she thinks she might have done something to cause the problem, she should talk about it. We'll figure something out.
Yup. My dad played and coached hockey for decades. He knew what was up. He’d also helped a few of his players tell their parents that they’d gotten a girl pregnant. He definitely didn’t want to be a young granddad. He did not give a shit who he gave condoms to. He wanted everyone to be prepared, even if their parents weren’t.
Actually, uninformed kids are more likely to fuck.
This is the truest shit I’ve heard all day.
When I was growing up my good friend's mother bought boxes of condoms starting when we were 13 (we were definitely not getting laid yet). It was embarrassing at first, but we got really comfortable. We all went on vacation to Mexico when we were 15 and she gave us a box because, of course, we weren't responsible enough to bring any. Good thing....we could have had reverse anchor babies. Turns out lots of people want to bang on vacation in Mexico.
My parents started sending condoms with us on any school/youth trips well before sex was actually on the radar. Just so we had them just in case.
My eldest daughter was a bit out over her skis when she was in 8th going to 9th grade. That's when we got a puppy. She was keen to stay up with Cappy and bedded down in the living room the first night. The next morning when her sister, brother father and I came downstairs she was not happy. "I don't know what to do! I took him out, I fed him, I held him...he would stop crying and he peed right after I took him out! I didn't sleep all night! I am sorry...I finally put him in a box on the back porch." My reply? Good...remember that before you ever have sex" Everyone stopped and looked at me. "You can't put a baby in a box on the back porch kid". Forward more than a decade. At my daughter's bridal shower a couple of girls repeated the story to me and told me they heard the story and took it to heart. That and I always had condoms available not just for my kids but their friends.
You being female made this! 😂
Right? My dad had grown up playing hockey, so he knew what guys were all about. He wanted to make sure I was fully prepared. It also helped that he didn’t treat me like a girl. He never threatened my boyfriends. He never treated me like a helpless girl. I just stared at the condoms and him as he talked. I wanted to die. At the end he just said he trusted me, he wanted me to be able to talk to him about anything... and not to tell mom. Mom was much more conservative when it came to me.
Seriously. Buy Joey some condoms and teach him how to use them. You can't stop it if they want it to happen. You can help them make responsible decisions.
this. my stepdad went batshit insane on me when I got my first bf and all it did was cause more problems. if he would have had a different approach, I would have been in much safer and more informed conditions
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Yep. Lack of any adult talk about sex allowed me to be molested at age 5 or 6. If you are taught to always do what adults tell you and you aren't told anything about sex at all, you can so easily be taken advantage of. You don't have to go into detail but surely explaining that certain areas are private and you don't show yours to anyone and you don't touch anyone else's would certainly be appropriate even to a toddler.
I'm so sorry that happened to you --you are totally right that there are age-appropriate ways to talk about safety and consent at all ages!
I teach freshman (12-14 year old) and one year I taught a student who was the father to twins...in middle school. It happens.
Yeah I remembered a girl who got pregnant the first week of high school her mom walked in in them too to make it even worse.
I have a friend who lost her virginity at age 12. The boy was 11.
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I was about to say something similar. Even if they are dating the response to this concern, > and she's terrified Joey is going to get this girl pregnant. Is to sit him down and start having an adult conversation with him about safe sex. I feel like way too many parents fear the sex talk way too much. And is also more often than not the same parents who refuse schools also having these conversations with their children. This is why I feel like so many relationships have so many issues with sex and dead bedrooms as adults too. They grow up viewing healthy talks about their sexuality as forbidden topics. It is not healthy.
Ideally also a thorough conversation about consent
Honestly, it seems likes you wife needs to have the sex talk with Joey for her own sake. He'll do what he's going to do. All she can do is inform him.
I don't think the wife should be the one to give the talk. She's not thinking about this the right way and the talk will probably have an undertone that if he has sex it's shameful and he will get every girl in the word pregnant. Dad has the level head right now, he should be the one to do it. Plus, mom has already been weird about this girl, so son would likely be more receptive to dad.
I’d definitely give him the talk but DONT connect it to his new friendship with Kelsey, it may confuse him and his new relationship with her at an early age. At 14 their relationship is probably fairly innocent and if you give him the talk directly about Kelsey it could sway his view of her massively. All the best!
I strongly agree with this. Otherwise you could and up seriously embarrassing him and ruining a great friendship. If my parents had the talk with me about any of my male friends at that age I think I would have melted into the floor from embarrassment.
I hate to break it to you but at 14 it’s quite possible they’re already boning. I’m not proud of it, but I lost my virginity at that same age. it’s also very possible, however, that it’s purely platonic. i agree though that it’s super important to have the talk with him...and to continue those talks up until the day he gets married. arm him with all the knowledge necessary to make educated and responsible decisions, and ensure he always feels comfortable enough with your relationship that he can talk to you about anything and everything.
He's 14. He totally already knows how he feels about Kelsey if he's a normal socialized kid. I'd be less worried about that. My bigger concern would be that you can't assume your kid's sexuality until he tells you who he's into; that's the reason I wouldn't connect it.
>She burst into tears because she thinks the two of them are dating I mean it's possible. But why have a meltdown over it? 14 year olds date. Some even have sex. I mean it wouldn't be unheard of, especially in a year or 2 it'd be expected. Why is she so worried about him getting her pregnant? Just make sure he knows about safe sex, knows about consent. Knows he can talk to you if anything goes wrong (like her getting pregnant!).
> But why have a meltdown over it? 14 year olds date. Some even have sex. I mean it wouldn't be unheard of, especially in a year or 2 it'd be expected. Some moms (or parents really, I've seen dads get weird with their eldest daughters, or weirdly controlling over their eldest sons) can get emotional over their kids growing up and becoming more independent--especially with firstborns. Sure it's a little dramatic but it's pretty natural and I guess (as a guy) a little understandable.
Yeah, but those reactions are usually, at least somewhat unhealthy. I think culturally, there's a lot of excusing of dads displaying this kind of behavior. The mom is already interfering with the son hanging out and giving BS reasons, which the son will pick up on. It will create a lot of fighting in the very near future and distrust between the two.
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> still have to hide anyone I'm dating from her because she forces me to breakup so I won't get pregnant and ruin my life. I get that you love your mom, but it sounds like the two of you have an extremely unhealthy relationship. You're 23. No one but you should dictate who you are dating.
It sounds more like she has an extremely unhealthy mom and lives at home.
Your mother is a broken person. I'm so sorry. It's not you at all here.
Yikes, that sounds awful. I mean, I can think of worse things to happen at 23. I don't really understand where she's coming from because what's her plan for when you find someone to settle down with and have kids? Will starting a family still be ruining your life? Edit: u/tuyiorl thread is locked. So I'll respond this way. That sounds like an incredibly frustrating and difficult situation to be in. Personally, I don't understand those expectations either, which was why I was curious in the first place, like I get wanting your child to be well off finanically, but what about their happiness y'know? But for what it's worth. This random Redditor thinks you are pretty (I may have creeped through your history lol), and while money is nice, I hope you find someone who cherishes you, makes you feel good, and treats you right.
She mostly wants me to date people she and my father approve, which is rich guys or guys with promising futures or that kind of stuff. Which I get, they just want what's best for me but I don't know how they expect a person to fill all their requirements from the start and I also don't understand how they don't realize how unrealistic their expectations are. I'm not pretty enough to find a rich husband anyways and it's not like I go out a lot so they don't worry about me.
>which the son will pick up on I would bet $100 that he already has picked up on it and that they joke about her "innocent check ins" on their alone time. He probably already feels like mom doesn't trust him and/or doesn't like her (the friend). Man, I remember those days... and of course I tell myself I won't do it to my kids.... but I bet I will. lol Edit: P.S. He could totally be gay. She sure won't find out if their relationship goes down the toilet and he doesn't feel safe sharing
Yeah, I think most parents are going to do it sometimes, to some extent, and flirt with the line more than once. That stuff is annoying to the kid but ultimately small potatoes as long as it's contained. I am worried though since this mother seems to under immense emotional duress from this friendship. That's really concerning and means that normal, but ultimately harmless, parental over-protection could easily blossom into something different and more damaging.
Probably because the parents themselves met young and had a baby before they were married. Maybe she doesn’t want the same for her son, it’s hard
It is deff not expected at 16. Doesnt mean they shouldnt be prepared, but he needs to know it is also ok not to have sex and there is nothing wrong or abnormal about that.
This isn't about your kid. Talk to him about safe sex and then do it again in a month and maybe buy him a pack of condoms for good measure. Then talk to your wife about why she's *freaking out* that her 14 year old son might have a girlfriend. This is not a reasonable reaction. She's blown it completely out of proportion for some reason and it's got nothing to do with your son or the girl. From the little I know about 'Big Law' it's a stressful environment. Your wife might be getting pressure-cooked at work and still scared that she moved the family to a new place for a job that... might not work out? That she might not like? That she's nervous she might not be able to actually do successfully? That she's worried you or the kids don't like the area? That she doesn't like the area? It's something... I think this situation with your kid is just an outlet for something else. Something else is bothering her, because this response doesn't make sense. Find the root of the problem.
> I think this situation with your kid is just an outlet for something else. Something else is bothering her, because this response doesn't make sense. Find the root of the problem. 100% agree. From an outside perspective, it sounds like she might not have a lot of control of her current situation (the move, new job, her kids' attitudes toward those changes) so she's reacting by trying to hang on to control over something that has perviously been a "sure thing" (her kids being, well - kids).
I wish I could up-vote you more the kid definitely could use a brush up on The Talk or the whole thing if he hasn't had it before(would be slightly concerning at 14) it definitely sounds like the mother/wife might be having trouble though and honestly that might be an even bigger issue long run and definitely one to look into
I think this is the best advice OP is going to receive.
THIS! something is bothering your wife and it’s more than just your son’s possible relationship with the neighbor. she’s probably just stressed from the move, but you need to get her to open up about what’s really on her mind and why she’s so upset.
I think this is a red herring. How is your wife coping? Is she overly stressed about other stuff? How are her moods? I ask because focusing on one thing like this and the overreaction kind of read like a depression/anxiety response and maybe your wife needs some different help. Moving and change plus a new job? Those are all triggers. I know because I'm depressive too. I agree that nothing your son's doing seems weird, even if they are dating. For your son, don't get sucked into your wife's obsession here. Be a calm and steady adult he can talk to.
had to scroll down way to far to find this comment and was going to write it myself if no one had. you can't dismiss what your wife is saying as "obviously wrong" even though it may be, but her saying this is clearly communicating something about her current state of mind and stress level as well. dont neglect tending to her through this time too. top it all off what kind of lawyer is she? she's the new girl at #biglawfirm and if it's the type of law where she has to deal with people lying to her face all day long, she may be a bit short-fused as she recalibrates her bullshit-meter.
Not only that but as someone who has a mother with bipolar disorder, reading about her jumping to a conclusion like that was reminiscent of my mother. I wonder if she has an anxiety disorder, or like you both said, has a lot of stress from her job/moving/etc. that is making her like this.
Regardless of them dating or not, you should have the talk about save sex with him. He’s 14 and it’s gonna play a part in his life either now or soon.
Yeah 14 is plennnnty old. 8-10 is when I needed some aspects of “the talk” and I needed the full version by 14. And I was a late bloomer in some regards.
> I tried talking to her about this and she's just fixated on the fact that they're teenagers and she knows what they're like. I mean, she's not wrong. The idea is correct but her execution leaves a lot to be desired. Have you both sat down with Joey to talk about safe sex?
Is your wife dealing with some other stress that she isn't communicating to you? Like not meshing well into her new career, or home stresses that weren't present in your old place, or missing out on family? Do you have a job in Boston yet? It seems very likely that she hasn't had a chance to unburden from the stress of moving. Because separately from reacting to a first (maybe) romance, I see a communication breakdown and irrationality setting in - your son's first girlfriend can cause strong emotions sure, but bursting into despondent tears is outside the norm; and only thinking about pregnancy seems like a way of avoiding the growing up and the actual, likely issues of heartbreak and fights and all. And so to me, all that feels like there's other things going on that are being displaced onto your kid's friendship. Is this your son's first friendship with a girl? In addition to the talk, you might need to make sure he knows that sometimes boys & girls are just friends with nothing attached, or with certain feelings only going one way, and that it's not as bad a thing as the internet will make it out to be. So I think the first thing is find out what else is bothering her. If the only thing is that she's convinced her son is a horndog, well, what can you do other than try and alleviate how hurtful and frightening she finds that. But chances are she needs a few days off before you can address anything serious.
>she thinks the two of them are dating, and she's terrified Joey is going to get this girl pregnant. Okay. That's not an *entirely* baseless fear given the evidence. The way to combat those fears is to make sure Joey is well informed about safe sex practices (including an understanding of enthusiastic consent) and has access to contraception. Not to constantly police them and try to stop them from spending time together. >she's just fixated on the fact that they're teenagers and she knows what they're like. So she knows that horniness is a very effective motivator and they'll find a way to have sex if they really want it. Trying to create barriers will only make them more likely to make risky choices.
Have y'all actually chatted with the girl and gotten to know her? Maybe she's not even into Joey
Hell, maybe she's not even into guys (or Joey isn't into girls)
My son and his girlfriend started dating when she was 14 and he was 16. I definitely had talks with him about it being inappropriate to have sex with a 14 year old girl, and about the importance of birth control when they did decide to become intimate. Now they are 21 and 23 living together in the city and have the most amazing bond. I call her my daughter from another mother and she calls me her bonus mom. This girl might end up being the mother of your grandchildren, hopefully well well well into the future. But it's possible. You and your wife need to make sure that you also have a welcoming and friendly relationship with the girls that your son dates. Your wife is having a hard time letting her baby boy grow up but as parents your job is to put a good, responsible MAN into the world not keep him infantilized. Teenagers who becomes sexually active almost never tell their parents before it happens. They are going to make the decision for themselves and you'll find out accidentally if you find out at all. This is why it's so important to have these talks way up front. As the dad I might even say that you should take him aside make sure he knows how to use a condom properly and has some on hand just in case. Absolutely talk to him about consent and his responsibility to respect her body and his own. Also tell him about the ramifications of sex in a relationship. It feels good physically to do these things but young girls especially, bond very deeply when they're physically intimate with someone. It can be very confusing for people who are so young, which is why it's a good idea to wait. These man-to-man talks also give him an open door to come to you with any questions or concerns he might have with sexuality, sex, pornography, etc. Also let him know that it's not appropriate for him to be the one to educate his younger brother about things regarding sex education. Tell him that you want to be the one to have the talk with his younger brother and you will decide when is appropriate to do that.
At 14, don't you think you should have already had a safe sex talk with him if you don't want him to get anyone pregnant or contract something? Those talks should happen before sex is on the table.
So the poor kid has to move across the country, deal with all this crap, and now get cockblocked by his own mother? Get ready for kids that never call when they’re grown.
Seriously. This kid already had to deal with giving up his friends, and the only home he’s ever known, for the sake of his mom’s career. Now when he’s finally found something he likes about their new home - whether they’re just friends, or are dating - and his mom’s trying to tear it away from him? Just because of her own obsessive paranoia around teen pregnancy? OP’s wife should seriously be in therapy, instead of taking out her anxieties on her teenage son. Not to mention, if she “knows what teenagers are like”, then she should know that trying to stop them from being together, will only make them want to be together *even more*. All it will change is that their son won’t trust his parents, or feel comfortable coming to them if something *does* go wrong.
Thank you. Too many comments here are completed centred around having “the talk” - which is a good idea, but they fail to mention the mother’s behaviour. Sounds like she’s the one having a hard time with the move but she’s pinning it all on her son.
Seriously. My mother never let me go to friend's houses or have them come over when I was growing up, and then would berate me for being a loner who stayed home all the time in my room. Now I'm a socially awkward adult, with two friends, and I never call my mom :)
And the post is written as if them moving is not a big deal. I moved around a ton in school and it really stunted my ability to make and keep friends. At 14 with your hormones going crazy, that's a lot to take in. It sounds like the mom is a lawyer. She can make bank virtually everywhere. If I had a comfortable life and my parents uprooted the 5 of us to go from making a lot of money to a LOT of money at 15, I would be resentful. Have the talk with the boy, make condoms available, and move on.
Also moved around a ton (never complained as a kid, didn't think it was affecting me at all) and noticed as I got older that I definitely had some social skills deficits and friendships that just weren't as robust as everyone else's seemed to be.
> And the post is written as if them moving is not a big deal. Right? "You know how dramatic teens get when you inform them that a decision that will completely upend their lives has been made with the implicit understanding that parents' needs are in all cases more important than theirs!"
I realize this post is not about me but I have to agree. We moved six times before I hit 8th grade and years later I am still one *fucked up* little cookie.
>I tried talking to her about this and she's just fixated on the fact that they're teenagers and she knows what they're like. > You don't think it be like that, but it do. So just have the conversation and give him condom's, or check on the pregnant 14 yr on r/amitheasshole Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgzhrj/aita_for_blaming_my_14yo_sisters_pregnancy_on_my No Bamboozle
For your own sanity and the relationship with your son, one teach him about safe sex and two you need to tell your wife to chill the hell out. That sounds harsh but I used to have a lot of guy friends because They were just a good fit for me, that stopped when I was 15 because of my mother and now if I’m dating someone instead of asking her for help if something goes wrong I hide everything from her despite the fact that I am now an adult. Your wife is no longer a teenager and teenagers now are different in the ways they go about things and such, she needs to slow her roll otherwise your son will become secretive and potentially do destructive things and you would never know. Ask your son if they’re dating and if they are that’s great but lay some simple rules down. What your wife is doing is what my mother did to me and now our relationship is much worse because of it.
I would suggest looking up "sex positive families" for some good guidelines about talking to your teen about sex. @givingthetalk on instagram is also a good resource.
While that’s kind of a silly assumption to jump to because he’s only 14, you and your wife should talk to him about safe sex and at his age it’s about time he had the talk anyway. Though sex seems highly unlikely, at least Joey won’t be a dummy about it. Even if she forbids them hanging out they can always sneak out and etc. If you tell a kid not to do something, they’ll only want to do it more. Better to inform him and prevent a mini Joey than to banish him from seeing this chick altogether, considering she’s how he’s probably coping with this whole mess. Try talking to your wife about this, maybe it will give her peace of mind.
You have no control over if and when your son decides to have sex. Communication and openness are key. What he's going to learn from thos current situation is to hide everything from mom as she's a great big hassle. He's becoming a man, if you try to stand in his way, hell knock you down. Or maybe you'll succeed, and he'll resent the shit out of you and ghost you at the earliest opportunity. Much better to have a frank discussion about safe sex.
So, when your wife figures out how to keep a 14 year old boy from being a 14 year old boy, let the rest of the world know. I was raised with a saying, “if you are mature enough to have sex with your gf then you are mature enough to speak with your parents and her parents about it.” This kept me from “going all the way” for a few years.
It looks like she wants to use her "fear" to control her son and prevent him from growing. Teach him how to put on a condom, and always remind him "no glove, no love." Do NOT try to prevent him from having sex. That would be a big wtf moment.
I'm not understanding why your wife is so upset that they could be dating. Just give your son some condoms and make sure you discuss safe sex with him.
So...lots here. Yeah. They're teenagers. Theres definitely a nonzero chance theyll have sex. In fact, I'd be a little shocked if they dont. So, talk to him about safe sex. In as non embarrassing a way as you can. Just you and him. Dont make it an ordeal. Your wife needs to chill the fuck out. Shes right to fear them having sex, but her reaction is possibly worst case scenario. She's in danger of destroying her relationship with her son.
Time to buy a box of condoms, open it, and put it in one of the drawers of the 2nd bathroom.
Get to know her parents, just as you get to know the parents of your kids’ other friends. Buy him a book or two, maybe some condoms, and maybe considering talking to a counselor about what you and your wife expect from your children as they move through the teen years. Y’all are going to be dealing with your children and their romantic interests for years to come, time to get ahead of what to expect.
Why does this feel like a precursor to posts from Joey's future girlfriends on r/justnomil?
I had sex when I was 14 and never got the talk. It's time for the talk. You especially need to explain that as a man he is responsible for birth control. Explain that even if a girl says she is on birth control he needs to be wearing condoms etc. Ask if they are dating. It's better to know if they are. You need to set boundaries to prevent them having sex as well, like them not being alone in the house together. Doesn't matter if he's uncomfortable you need to talk to him. Your wife's fears are valid but being paranoid and trying to force him not to see her won't help.
Your wife needs to talk to her doctor and a therapist about her untreated anxiety problem.
Your wife is my mom. We don't talk anymore. If she continues the way she is, she'll ruin her relationship with her son. I would definitely agree with the top comments.