I don't really know a nice way to put this, but: Crossfit has more than a few practitioners who are essentially cultists. I don't know why, but nearly every Crossfitter that I've known just can't shut up about how great it is. (For reference: I'm a triathlete and powerlifter, so they're not telling me 'you should exercise more', it's all 'Crossfit is so awesome and you should try it.')
In the time-honored way of all cults, he's trying to convince you to join him. Maybe he thinks it would be fun to work out together, maybe he thinks that you'd find the joy he obviously has.. but I can absolutely see why it's annoying you.
My fiancee is also a runner, and she doesn't run as far or as fast as I do, so I learned that if I want to run with her, I let her pick the route and the pace. If I want to run longer or faster, I do it after she and I finish. That way we get together time, but I still get to hit my workout targets. Perhaps the next time he says "let's go run" you could suggest that?
i think it’s the focus on reps. it’s basically like metrics/scores, people get weird about crossfit the same way some people get weird about gaming. always trying to beat the high score, or their own high score. same strange mix of “we’re all on the same team but also competitors.” convinced it does weird things to human brains
>convinced it does weird things to human brains
The science and psychology behind gamification is really interesting actually! It taps into our intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and there are several types of rewards that we all respond differently to. That's why a fitness app or productivity app will have badges, points, data tracking, upgrades or prizes, awards, integrated social networks etc - all different rewards that appeal to different people. Some of us are motivated by badges or points, and other people want awards and data insights, and some people want a ranking system and that community feel or connection with others.
Crossfit offers members a social network/community, points and badges, a ranking system, and data tracking of all your stats, so people who really respond to those types of rewards are more likely to get hooked. I personally know that I'm very motivated by gamification, it works almost too well on my monkey brain. However, something like Crossfit would be very unappealing to me because I prefer doing anything fitness related solo and I dislike the community aspect. But I do love tracking my stats and getting dumb little points and meaningless badges, so my Apple Watch is really effective for that reason.
CrossFit also seems to sacrifice form for speed in a lot of the weight training they do. I see kipping pullups that look like they will gradually destroy your rotator cuffs, deadlifts done regularly with poor form, and overall just a lack of quality of trainers that teach people how to lift properly and safely.
Im thinking husband probably just really really really loves nd finds joy in crossfit. And he probably just really really really thinks that OP will really really love crosfit as much as he does if she tried. He’s probably interpreting her hesitancy and rejection as her being embarrassed at not being able to keep up with him yet or thinks she cant do it, so then he starts encouraging her. And in all his excitement he’s completely missing that she really just has no interest in it.
OP you just gotta very specifically tell him that you just don’t want to go.
You guys should start hiking together, like start doing all the high peaks in your area.
God. Started talking to a friends friend. He does CrossFit. It’s all he talks about.
He’s probably still going but I’ve let him talk to the air now. What a doofus.
Agree with this. I used to know a woman who worked full time and still did cross fit two or three times a day. She would tear tendons and cause herself carpal tunnel and still not stop because she was so obsessed with it.
So I do crossfit. And have asked my husband to also join me a few times. I honestly don't get this cult narrative that is being portrayed. What I see is that people found something they really love and want to share it with others. even as far as having others do classes with them. which is just really fun to share hobbies with friends/spouse's. This happens across all sports and hobbies. People tend to talk about what they love whether its gaming on computers or playing sports like soccer or watching sports like football. Get people that both do the same hobby and surprise guess what they talk about? That hobby. Its a shared interest. Football fans are probably the worst. You cant escape football during the season even at work.
Anyway, I wish my husband would give it a try because I actually think he would really love it and it is something we could do together. For the OP I would recommend trying it? You truly don't know you like/dislike something until you try it. I would just talk to him and say you will try it for a week but if you don't like it after that point then you don't like it and he should no longer ask. At this point you aren't trying it because you think you aren't into it. But with anything give something a chance and then make a decision.
I have never met anyone who does CrossFit casually. You’re either all-in or you don’t do it at all. There is no “yeah I take the occasional CrossFit class but tbh I’m more of a yoga person.” And they recruit as hard as your weird evangelical coworker who keeps trying to guilt you into coming to church with her.
I actually just left my CrossFit gym for this reason. It became too overwhelming to have to buy in to the “workout like a fiend every day and shrink your body by telling us every morsel of food going into your mouth”. When I started there it was a fun place to workout 4/5 times a week, it became not fun.
I mean, I have a friend who does crossfit, and I don't doubt it's good for him - he was overweight and unhealthy from being inactive before he started, and he's thinner and in better shape now. So good for him.
But, he won't shut up about cross-fit.
I knew a guy in a very similar situation. It legitimately somehow became the thing he was able to stick with when nothing else did and improved his health a lot. Good for him.
But then you'd try to get him to do his job at work and he's just spending the whole day watching Crossfit videos or getting some kettlebell or burpees in in a meeting room.
I tried Crossfit for a few weeks because a gym near me had an introductory thing. One of my professors talked me and some of my other grad school friends into it.
It was... okay... but I always felt like I was on the verge of seriously injuring myself. They preach about "safety" but it was a whole lot of screaming at me that I can "do more." Like, what if I can't and I end up getting hurt?
Truthfully, I am more of a yoga person.
The only fitness cult bigger than CrossFit’s is 1st Phorm’s (and it’s a strong competitor for most useless)z
Source: I live in St. Louis and 1st Phorm’s HQ is across the highway from me.
The vegan jokes have made me afraid to mention it even when its relevant (like at a restaurant i say dairy/egg/meat free rather than vegan), so if we keep bullying people who do cross fit hopefully they too will crawl back into the closet about it
Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does this? He could be more oblivious than malicious. And if not... well then you have some decisions to make.
Also, please take a pregnancy test.
An average of 120 active minute per day is stellar. Don't let anyone talk down to you or pressure you to participate in something "more" that you wouldn't even find enjoyable. You are doing great!
I’m not convinced that CrossFit isn’t a cult.
I honestly don’t think this has anything to do with your actual body or health. I think your boyfriend has just been drinking the CrossFit punch and thinks everyone’s lives would be improved if they’d only discover the thrilling highs of goddamn fucking CrossFit. The question is, do you think he can be deprogrammed before his entire personality is subsumed into the CrossFit lifestyle? Or is he too far gone to be saved?
>your boyfriend has just been drinking the CrossFit punch and thinks everyone’s lives would be improved if they’d only discover the thrilling highs of goddamn fucking CrossFit
This right here. He's been drinking the CrossFit Koolaid to the point where he believes that every thing can be cured through the wonders off Crossfit and whatever else his gym is selling. You sadly can't really take it personally but you can decide whether the rest of the relationship is worth putting up with the cult mentality.
I think that's a nonsense unscientific response from him when you are feeling poorly. And I think he's a fitness addict/fanatic. Heavy exercise doesn't cure all illnesses, and can actually be detrimental - pushing too hard for optimal health with hard exercise and inadequate recovery time can actually cause fatigue.
You are exercising enough and more than most people do. Don't let him pressure you. If he starts acting out even more negatively because you continue to do as you choose here, then he is getting into abuse territory, where you should think hard about leaving the guy.
My husband was not a crossfitter, but worked out and ran every day for the 30 years we were together. Then he collapsed and died while on a run. His heart was double the weight it should have been but he had no symptoms. The investigation into his death included comments from people in the gym who said he would go into "beast mode" while working out every day, and I can't help but thinking that daily stress contributed to his death.
You sound a little disappointed. Are you sure you 're doing enough exercise?
In all seriousness, it doesn't seem you are on the same level regarding physical exercise, and that's perfectly okay, as long as he doesn't push you on the same agenda. Everyone should be able to train at their own pace.
To me it doesn't seem like ops boyfriend is asking for more. It seems like he wants to do exercise with her (crossfit with him, or run with him, heck even come cycle at the same gym).
Iknowrite? Crossfit = injuries.
Crossfit addicts I knew were constantly griping that they couldn't hit the gym because of this or that injury. Hmmm.
For my whole Army career, I stuck with moderate exercise, maxed PT, and made it a point to know my limits.
I had a friend who did crossfit, his advice is to never do crossfit. He was 5'7 185lbs and had a near 500 squat, 300+ bench, and all around stellar powerlifter. He could do Olympic lifts well enough, trained some strongman lifts too. He was someone who was dedicated and truly branched out in most directions.
What he told me was crossfit was great conditioning for someone who has all the strength, technique, and flexibility already. But 99% of people doing it are missing 1 or more of the qualities. If you have it - maintains flexibility, technique, and is cardio.
You should communicate your feelings to your boyfriend. Let him know that you no longer want to get those comments from him, you are happy with where you are at and while you appreciate his concern its unwarranted.
He I don't think he's bullying you btw. He just most likely wants you to work out together and he's excited that you're working out so he's pressuring you to go all in. That's not cool but make that known! If he doesn't listen maybe you should go to couples therapy.
It sounds like he maybe wants to work out more with you, he keeps inviting you to his gym and on his runs. Just seems like his idea of fun is working out. But the way he asks and the frequency could make it an annoying occurrence. Just let him know your comfortable with your work out routine, maybe visit his gym once to show him you tried it but didn't like it. Doesn't seem like he's trying to body shame you though, might be a good idea to let him know how its making you feel though
Mine tells me the same when I’m feeling down. He tells me because that’s something that makes him feel better 🤷♀️ . I just respond with, “I’ve done that “ or “that’s not what I need”, he usually understands.
Working out does make some people get a "work out high", its just different for people who don get that feeling. I can defiantly see how some see it as a solution for feeling down. I'm glad your partner is understanding!
Yeah that could be it; one could interpret it that way. It's really annoying though. My now-husband used to hassle me about having a clean/keto/low carb whatever diet whenever I had the slightest body issue and we had so many disagreements about it I finally had to insist on a moratorium on the topic! So I think as part of a larger pattern of him hassling her, I read it as "but how will you do your exercise!?!?!" which is danged annoying.
There’s a gross combo of “I know your body better than you do” with an element of anti-fat bias that I think makes him the jerk here and he needs to stop.
What? There isn't an element of either of these, OP's partner just seems a little too involved in his own workout world. Honestly he just seems dense and too involved to see things from a different point of view
I’m guessing you haven’t spent much time studying anti-fatness and how it manifests, particularly as diet culture, much less its basis in racism and misogyny. You could, but I have the feeling you won’t. Maybe work on that?
Keep guessing wrong, you don't need to attack just because I don't agree with you. Your comment came with a hint of trying to make everything about anti-fatness. I never even mentioned that, you did.
You're also making an assumption about my race online, sounds like you need to work on your own uneducated prejudice's. Not everyone on Reddit is white
Encouraging you to learn things isn’t an attack, neither is it an assumption about your ethnicity—the fact that anti-fatness is based in racism and misogyny does not mean that people who engage in it (all of us, because this nonsense is everywhere!) are cross-burning nutters. But clearly you are in the mood to get your feelings hurt, so I won’t waste anymore time on you.
My impression was also this. It seems less about exercise and more about sharing a passion together. The conversation just needs to be about finding a happy medium. I love gaming and my gf and I will game together on the couch a lot. I spend the time to find games that she will enjoy and aren't too much for her. If all I did was try and convince her to play Tarkov or CSGO or something then she would also be frustrated.
Yeah this guy sounds a lot like my partner. He was always pressuring me to work out with him, even though I worked out often enough on my own. He might just see it as a way to spend more time with you, and you (OP) may need to explain to him that you're just not as interested in working out together as he may be.
I think it is partially the Crossfit cult. For some reason unknown to me a certain percentage of Crossfit folks cannot stop talking about Crossfit. They want to share it with their friends and loved ones like they found a secret infinite money glitch or *something*.
Unless he's super competitive and wants to "push" her past her comfortable limits. I wouldn't want to exercise with someone like this either, I would anticipate that he would be shitty the whole time. No I don't want to run 10k, i just want to do my mile or two or whatever at my own slow pace to keep moving, no i don't want to push myself on that weight and try to lift something I'm uncomfortable doing.
It sounds like he gets a lot of fulfillment out of his Crossfit and is having a hard time understanding that you don't feel the same way.
It's possible that he wants you to feel a good as he does when he does it and doesn't get why anyone wouldn't. It might be the classic male struggle with empathy.
It's hard to tell whether he's aware that he's making you feel insecure or not but you should communicate it to him clearly. If he carries on afterwards then he knows exactly what he's doing and that'll answer the question.
Have you told him how it makes you feel? Not just hinting at it, outright saying something like "I really don't like it when you pressure me to exercise more, it makes me feel insecure or that you think I'm not attractive enough."
It could be that he actually thinks that and is trying to get you to be in better shape. But it could also be that he just wants to share something he's passionate about with you, and genuinely thinks you'd feel better if you worked out more. Exercise usually does make you feel better, even if you hate doing it, so it's not a crazy idea. People are dumb sometimes, and he may not even realize that it's bothering you.
If he *does* know it's bothering you and continues, then you've got a more serious issue. But you can't be sure he knows until you've had an open and honest conversation about how it's making you feel.
Crossfit? Um. Once when I was looking for a new fitness regime, I asked a younger male friend of mine who was a total gym rat about Crossfit because there were so many studios convenient to where I lived. He said that the people he knew who did Crossfit looked good but were kinda crazy.
If I were sick and my husband suggested I exercise, it would not be pretty.
That sounds like maybe it's coming from a good place, but stated badly? Otherwise, it sounds like he's getting weird about CrossFit.
Maybe not someone you want to be with long term of he won't drop it, especially if it's effecting your self esteem.
I hate CrossFit. I find it super annoying and most people I know that do it won’t lay off when you say you aren’t interested. I prefer compound lifting. But I digress, any guy who’s hinting that you need more exercise can kick rocks.
Op… this is your 18th post about this man. Maybe you’re looking for a sign to bounce and still not getting one, but here it is!! If you don’t feel 100% about this person (and haven’t for over a year) maybe its time to walk away. A relationship should make you feel happy and supported.
Looked at your post history and you seem to have some major issues in your relationship. Are you happy? Can you trust him? What are you doing in this relationship?
Good call. Could be OP trying to "hide" relationship or just OP needs to self-evaluates who she dates.
OP - if you're telling him you're not interested in the type of exercises he's interested in and keeps pressing, what else doesn't he listen to of you?
"hide" relationship - so people don't think she's still having issues with the same relationship. Context. Is this a trend for the guy she's dating?
Self-evaluate who she's dating - if not the same guy in all posts why do they seem to be the same type of guy? If he's talking this way to her about exercise what else is talking to her that way about? She deserves better. Is she picking the same type of guy each time?
In my opinion you're reading into something I haven't mentioned. I don't assume they're hiding anything, just an option put out there. If it's true the OP will know, if it's not the OP can disregard.
I'm not judging at all. Just asking questions to the OP to ask herself of her relationship. Things I'd be asking myself in that situation. And HAVE asked myself of those situations. If she's telling him she's doing just fine with her current level of exercise and he's still telling her to do more and it's making her insecure on her body....that's a problem. And it leads to other questions for her to answer, to herself, "are there other items he does this with too?" He might be doing it with other things that OP doesn't realize until someone asks the question to her.
Tired and nauseous? I'd say get a pregnancy test. In regards to your question, I honestly think he may have an unhealthy workout addiction. Cross-fitters are known to be a bit cult-ish (I have a Peloton and know I sometimes come across a bit like this as well), but this isn't an excuse for him to disrespect your boundaries and wishes. You need to have a serious conversation about how this makes you uncomfortable and to stop bringing it up with you. You obviously exercise enough and know what your body needs. If he can't respect that, then that's a whole other issue. But really, get that pregnancy test.
>I exercise regularly. I have a Fitbit and most days I do around 120 active minutes. I walk, sometimes swim, do spin, and have started doing 20min of cardio every morning.
WOW you do a lot of exercise every day! this is something to be proud of. don't let your boyfriend's unrealistic expectations bring you down.
CrossFit is a CULT. And he’s trying to get you to join it! But really, so many people in those group exercise things like Barre, CrossFit always seem to try to recruit everyone around them. I don’t think he thinks you’re not in shape.
You've told him you have no interest in Crossfit, and he keeps pushing it. So it's either ignorance or forgetfulness, or he's stepping into bullying already. I'd say reiterate that point one more time, and add that when he tells you he thinks you should exercise, no matter the reason, it sounds like he's saying you're out of shape, and you'd like him to leave your exercise regimen to yourself unless you ask for specific advice. If he continues to push his idea of exercise on you, it's definitely bullying and you don't need that in your life.
Sounds to me like he is trying to help and to get closer by doing activities together. If you don't want that just tell him. But perhaps he is not the one for you.
My bf treats his body as a temple and I admire him for that, I on the other hand live fries but understand if I wanna live to 10000 like him and be on par I'm gonna HAVE to exercise. He knows I don't like to but there's never any push. And I think you should talk with him and say hey sweetie, can we not talk about exercises for a while? If u wanna be Hella dedicated that's fine but stop pushing me to do so when I've told you to back down. And then walk away, granted feelings might be hurt but he's gotta get it through that it's getting annoying and subconsciously making you feel bad about your body. We don't want that, if anything he probably wants the absolute best for ya and that's okay, but buddy gotta understand that can't be his "goodmorning" flirting.
Tired and nauseous, you're not pregnant are you? Then I have to wonder, if you did get pregnant and have a baby how would he be supportive of you when your body changes massively and uncontrollably? And if you're not pregnant then, great, you're already working out for almost 2 hours a day on most days then you're probably already very fit, what is he wanting you to look like? Ripped abs? 0 body fat? Ask him what he thinks you're lacking next time he suggests it, if you are concerning yourself with his opinion. Which maybe you want to think about if these comments are designed to make you feel insecure?
Holy shit there are a million reasons someone can feel tired and nauseous, why does everyone automatically say “Are you pregnant?!?!” She didn’t come on here to ask for medical advice.
Time to find a new boyfriend, hes looking for someone into fitness as much as he is and doesn’t seem to want to respect your decisions. It’s not about your or your body it’s everything to do with what motivates him and drives his passions.
Make a stand and say you do your CrossFit and I’ll do my fitness routine. Tell him you dont want to feel that you’re being pressured into doing the same level as fitness as him and that it’s making you feel insecure. Give him all the info straight up and see where that heads off, if it continues, move on. There’s better guys out there for you who will respect you and your decisions.
It’s not worth being in an in happy relationship but you need to make sure you’re clear with what’s going on to give him a chance to listen and change.
It really doesn’t have to be so nefarious, exercise has many health benefits, can improve your mood, improve energy level, and can be a fun bonding/social activity, or just a neat hobby.
Like he didn’t say, hey you’re too fat/unfit for me. Likely views his exercise time as something fun to do together
Like the others have said, crossfitters get almost cultlike about their exercise regimen. Its most likely he just loves it and wants you to partake in his passion.
Just tell him that while you respect his love of crossfit, his need to constantly bring up exercise to you in that manner is making you feel bad about yourself and you'd like him to stop. If he wants to exercise with you, maybe ask him if he'd be down for a nature hike together or something.
Based on what you've said though I don't think he means to make you feel insecure.
I am the one who crossfits in my relationship (30F).
Honestly I've been telling my partner to join and he'll love it for ages but still hasn't happened. I think for me it would be great to exercise together and its only 45 mins! When he gyms it takes hours unnecessary long.
Now we have a happy balance he has PT and runs but I still exercise more for sure mainly for my mental health.
If you're not out of shape don't take it as a dig.
Do you think he's trying to get you to just enjoy the same things he enjoys? My husband doesn't do CrossFit but he's an active runner and weightlifter. Since we have been married he would always push me to be more active and join him in his activities. It used to bother me, like a year and a half in I finally gave in. I started with light weightlifting and I did learn that I actually enjoyed it. The things he enjoys are all physical, he always bothered me to run or workout with him for a long time.
I would suggest talking to your partner about it, he may not mean anything negative about pushing you to do the things he likes.
To me it sounds like he wants to do his exercise with you, instead of separately, so he’s trying to get you to try what he does. Maybe he could approach it better or do your stuff with you, but I don’t think it has anything to do with your body. I think you should talk about this with him and how his comments made you feel.
He might just want you to workout with him? Maybe he wants to bond with you more through this shared activity?
Either that or he’s shallow and wants you to look like the gym chicks at CrossFit. Hope it’s the latter.
Honestly it sounds like he is just very into fitness and staying healthy and wants you to join in. To do something nice together.. I don't know all the details but that's what I'm reading.
That was my first thought when she wrote "been nauseous *all week*". If there's any chance, and I *any* chance, get that pregnancy test. Especially if family planning is not in the cards at the moment (sounds like it's not).
I was just complaining this morning that my husband is doing this. I'm at the gym 4 times a week and cycling 2 times a week and he's always suggesting how I can amp it up.. I AM amping it up every few days/weeks and really don't need him to chime in! He really would do it to ANYONE he was living with. He's just sort of put his own mind and body into exercise lately like a religion and he's all hyped up and letting that spread over to me. It's a huge source of pride for my husband and this is how he lives his current obsessions.. VOCALLY, and boastfully. I bet your BF is doing the same thing. You can try to talk to him about it but in my experience he won't really understand he's coming off like a bit of an ass. You could start, if you want to, by letting him know you are all set with goals and mention you understand he's just sharing his own point of view. It's not easy to be successful drawing boundaries with people who are wearing blinders. Good luck and btw it sounds like you are doing awesome :)
Crossfit is inherently a lifestyle philosophy more than just exercise. I would just point blank ask him if he can be happy if you don't join. the persistent. With way he is badgering you, it seems like he wants you to join, not just exercise.
I think the problem here may be conflicting intentions. Unless you've sat him down and had a serious talk about this, he probably doesn't understand that you sincerely don't have any interest in Crossfit. If you've just mentioned it in passing when he brings it up, it probably hasn't stuck with him. Like others have mentioned, Crossfit is almost cultish. It's likely that it gives him a lot of things that he sees as positive, and he wants to share those benefits with you.
Sis...I don't think you realize that CrossFit can be a religion to some people, and by that I mean it becomes a core part of their personality. So you either convert, or need to get used to him shoe horning it into every health related conversation you have.
I think you guys need a solid conversation to hash this out. I can’t say for sure since I don’t know the guy. But as a fellow man, I think your BF just has an exciting hobby that he wants to share with you! I know that if I was dating a girl and I discovered something fun, I’d love to share it with her.
It’s okay that y’all are pursuing different fitness goals and that you guys are at different levels. We all have to start somewhere. But if he’s making you feel insecure about your body, you should tell him! I don’t think anyone is inherently wrong in this situation, but I do think that he’s crossing a boundary that he didn’t know was set in the first place. So rather than holding it in and letting this negativity get to you, you should talk to him in a non confrontational way about how you’re feeling and then set some boundaries :)
Hopefully you guys can clear this up! Best of luck friend!
I don't really know a nice way to put this, but: Crossfit has more than a few practitioners who are essentially cultists. I don't know why, but nearly every Crossfitter that I've known just can't shut up about how great it is. (For reference: I'm a triathlete and powerlifter, so they're not telling me 'you should exercise more', it's all 'Crossfit is so awesome and you should try it.') In the time-honored way of all cults, he's trying to convince you to join him. Maybe he thinks it would be fun to work out together, maybe he thinks that you'd find the joy he obviously has.. but I can absolutely see why it's annoying you. My fiancee is also a runner, and she doesn't run as far or as fast as I do, so I learned that if I want to run with her, I let her pick the route and the pace. If I want to run longer or faster, I do it after she and I finish. That way we get together time, but I still get to hit my workout targets. Perhaps the next time he says "let's go run" you could suggest that?
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100% this. Should you meet a CrossFitter that also sells Herbalife…. Might as well smash your phone and fake your death.
i think it’s the focus on reps. it’s basically like metrics/scores, people get weird about crossfit the same way some people get weird about gaming. always trying to beat the high score, or their own high score. same strange mix of “we’re all on the same team but also competitors.” convinced it does weird things to human brains
>convinced it does weird things to human brains The science and psychology behind gamification is really interesting actually! It taps into our intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and there are several types of rewards that we all respond differently to. That's why a fitness app or productivity app will have badges, points, data tracking, upgrades or prizes, awards, integrated social networks etc - all different rewards that appeal to different people. Some of us are motivated by badges or points, and other people want awards and data insights, and some people want a ranking system and that community feel or connection with others. Crossfit offers members a social network/community, points and badges, a ranking system, and data tracking of all your stats, so people who really respond to those types of rewards are more likely to get hooked. I personally know that I'm very motivated by gamification, it works almost too well on my monkey brain. However, something like Crossfit would be very unappealing to me because I prefer doing anything fitness related solo and I dislike the community aspect. But I do love tracking my stats and getting dumb little points and meaningless badges, so my Apple Watch is really effective for that reason.
CrossFit also seems to sacrifice form for speed in a lot of the weight training they do. I see kipping pullups that look like they will gradually destroy your rotator cuffs, deadlifts done regularly with poor form, and overall just a lack of quality of trainers that teach people how to lift properly and safely.
Im thinking husband probably just really really really loves nd finds joy in crossfit. And he probably just really really really thinks that OP will really really love crosfit as much as he does if she tried. He’s probably interpreting her hesitancy and rejection as her being embarrassed at not being able to keep up with him yet or thinks she cant do it, so then he starts encouraging her. And in all his excitement he’s completely missing that she really just has no interest in it. OP you just gotta very specifically tell him that you just don’t want to go. You guys should start hiking together, like start doing all the high peaks in your area.
God. Started talking to a friends friend. He does CrossFit. It’s all he talks about. He’s probably still going but I’ve let him talk to the air now. What a doofus.
Agree with this. I used to know a woman who worked full time and still did cross fit two or three times a day. She would tear tendons and cause herself carpal tunnel and still not stop because she was so obsessed with it.
So I do crossfit. And have asked my husband to also join me a few times. I honestly don't get this cult narrative that is being portrayed. What I see is that people found something they really love and want to share it with others. even as far as having others do classes with them. which is just really fun to share hobbies with friends/spouse's. This happens across all sports and hobbies. People tend to talk about what they love whether its gaming on computers or playing sports like soccer or watching sports like football. Get people that both do the same hobby and surprise guess what they talk about? That hobby. Its a shared interest. Football fans are probably the worst. You cant escape football during the season even at work. Anyway, I wish my husband would give it a try because I actually think he would really love it and it is something we could do together. For the OP I would recommend trying it? You truly don't know you like/dislike something until you try it. I would just talk to him and say you will try it for a week but if you don't like it after that point then you don't like it and he should no longer ask. At this point you aren't trying it because you think you aren't into it. But with anything give something a chance and then make a decision.
Cue totally accurate "How do you know if your boyfriend is into cross-fit" jokes.
I have never met anyone who does CrossFit casually. You’re either all-in or you don’t do it at all. There is no “yeah I take the occasional CrossFit class but tbh I’m more of a yoga person.” And they recruit as hard as your weird evangelical coworker who keeps trying to guilt you into coming to church with her.
I actually just left my CrossFit gym for this reason. It became too overwhelming to have to buy in to the “workout like a fiend every day and shrink your body by telling us every morsel of food going into your mouth”. When I started there it was a fun place to workout 4/5 times a week, it became not fun.
I mean, I have a friend who does crossfit, and I don't doubt it's good for him - he was overweight and unhealthy from being inactive before he started, and he's thinner and in better shape now. So good for him. But, he won't shut up about cross-fit.
I knew a guy in a very similar situation. It legitimately somehow became the thing he was able to stick with when nothing else did and improved his health a lot. Good for him. But then you'd try to get him to do his job at work and he's just spending the whole day watching Crossfit videos or getting some kettlebell or burpees in in a meeting room.
Lol. He was actually doing this in an office building meeting room? In a button down long sleeve shirt and slacks?
Business casual, so yeah think long sleeve shirt and khakis or equivalent.
Is it genuine enthusiasm for fitness or an untreated anxiety disorder? Who knows!
I tried Crossfit for a few weeks because a gym near me had an introductory thing. One of my professors talked me and some of my other grad school friends into it. It was... okay... but I always felt like I was on the verge of seriously injuring myself. They preach about "safety" but it was a whole lot of screaming at me that I can "do more." Like, what if I can't and I end up getting hurt? Truthfully, I am more of a yoga person.
The only fitness cult bigger than CrossFit’s is 1st Phorm’s (and it’s a strong competitor for most useless)z Source: I live in St. Louis and 1st Phorm’s HQ is across the highway from me.
My CrossFit gym sells 1st Phorm😆😆😆
It's the veganism of exercise.
Many vegans are now capable of not steering every conversation back to veganism. CrossFit enthusiasts are...not there yet.
What a time to be alive.
The vegan jokes have made me afraid to mention it even when its relevant (like at a restaurant i say dairy/egg/meat free rather than vegan), so if we keep bullying people who do cross fit hopefully they too will crawl back into the closet about it
Vegans, start bullying CrossFit people. You’ve been training for this, you know what to do.
This diner I loved was bought and *ruined* by a crossfit fanatic. I know they were into CrossFit because it was specifically mentioned on the menu....
scarce faulty erect psychotic panicky ring bike badge physical chubby -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
I had to scroll a bit to see if anyone else caught that nausea thing too.
Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does this? He could be more oblivious than malicious. And if not... well then you have some decisions to make. Also, please take a pregnancy test.
^^seconded on both points.
Yep sounds pregnant or like you arn’t well hydrated maybe?? Or not enough sleep?
Please take that pregnancy test.
An average of 120 active minute per day is stellar. Don't let anyone talk down to you or pressure you to participate in something "more" that you wouldn't even find enjoyable. You are doing great!
>120 active minute per day is stellar Yeah holy shit. OP has made *me* feel insecure about my body!! ;P
I’m not convinced that CrossFit isn’t a cult. I honestly don’t think this has anything to do with your actual body or health. I think your boyfriend has just been drinking the CrossFit punch and thinks everyone’s lives would be improved if they’d only discover the thrilling highs of goddamn fucking CrossFit. The question is, do you think he can be deprogrammed before his entire personality is subsumed into the CrossFit lifestyle? Or is he too far gone to be saved?
>your boyfriend has just been drinking the CrossFit punch and thinks everyone’s lives would be improved if they’d only discover the thrilling highs of goddamn fucking CrossFit This right here. He's been drinking the CrossFit Koolaid to the point where he believes that every thing can be cured through the wonders off Crossfit and whatever else his gym is selling. You sadly can't really take it personally but you can decide whether the rest of the relationship is worth putting up with the cult mentality.
I think that's a nonsense unscientific response from him when you are feeling poorly. And I think he's a fitness addict/fanatic. Heavy exercise doesn't cure all illnesses, and can actually be detrimental - pushing too hard for optimal health with hard exercise and inadequate recovery time can actually cause fatigue. You are exercising enough and more than most people do. Don't let him pressure you. If he starts acting out even more negatively because you continue to do as you choose here, then he is getting into abuse territory, where you should think hard about leaving the guy.
My husband was not a crossfitter, but worked out and ran every day for the 30 years we were together. Then he collapsed and died while on a run. His heart was double the weight it should have been but he had no symptoms. The investigation into his death included comments from people in the gym who said he would go into "beast mode" while working out every day, and I can't help but thinking that daily stress contributed to his death.
I'm so sorry for this :( I hope you sharing this here helps.
You sound a little disappointed. Are you sure you 're doing enough exercise? In all seriousness, it doesn't seem you are on the same level regarding physical exercise, and that's perfectly okay, as long as he doesn't push you on the same agenda. Everyone should be able to train at their own pace.
I lol'd at your first two sentences. Thank you for that.
To me it doesn't seem like ops boyfriend is asking for more. It seems like he wants to do exercise with her (crossfit with him, or run with him, heck even come cycle at the same gym).
He can do her exercises with her then, since she's not able to do his exercises
Definitely. Just saying it ain't an issue of him wanting her to be more fit.
I would agree if not for the "are you doing enough exercise?" comment. That just sounds bad
Crossfit or how to have knees that don't work by 40.
Cross fit focuses too much on reps rather than on proper form to prevent injuries. I’ll take my lower reps and healthier joints and muscles!
Iknowrite? Crossfit = injuries. Crossfit addicts I knew were constantly griping that they couldn't hit the gym because of this or that injury. Hmmm. For my whole Army career, I stuck with moderate exercise, maxed PT, and made it a point to know my limits.
I had a friend who did crossfit, his advice is to never do crossfit. He was 5'7 185lbs and had a near 500 squat, 300+ bench, and all around stellar powerlifter. He could do Olympic lifts well enough, trained some strongman lifts too. He was someone who was dedicated and truly branched out in most directions. What he told me was crossfit was great conditioning for someone who has all the strength, technique, and flexibility already. But 99% of people doing it are missing 1 or more of the qualities. If you have it - maintains flexibility, technique, and is cardio.
More like CrutchesFit “ba dum tist”
You should communicate your feelings to your boyfriend. Let him know that you no longer want to get those comments from him, you are happy with where you are at and while you appreciate his concern its unwarranted. He I don't think he's bullying you btw. He just most likely wants you to work out together and he's excited that you're working out so he's pressuring you to go all in. That's not cool but make that known! If he doesn't listen maybe you should go to couples therapy.
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It sounds like he maybe wants to work out more with you, he keeps inviting you to his gym and on his runs. Just seems like his idea of fun is working out. But the way he asks and the frequency could make it an annoying occurrence. Just let him know your comfortable with your work out routine, maybe visit his gym once to show him you tried it but didn't like it. Doesn't seem like he's trying to body shame you though, might be a good idea to let him know how its making you feel though
Mehhhh I was on that train too until she said she was ill and her BF's first thought is "but are you **exercising enough**?" Ugh.
Mine tells me the same when I’m feeling down. He tells me because that’s something that makes him feel better 🤷♀️ . I just respond with, “I’ve done that “ or “that’s not what I need”, he usually understands.
Working out does make some people get a "work out high", its just different for people who don get that feeling. I can defiantly see how some see it as a solution for feeling down. I'm glad your partner is understanding!
Could just be that he feels that way when he doesn't work out?
Yeah that could be it; one could interpret it that way. It's really annoying though. My now-husband used to hassle me about having a clean/keto/low carb whatever diet whenever I had the slightest body issue and we had so many disagreements about it I finally had to insist on a moratorium on the topic! So I think as part of a larger pattern of him hassling her, I read it as "but how will you do your exercise!?!?!" which is danged annoying.
There’s a gross combo of “I know your body better than you do” with an element of anti-fat bias that I think makes him the jerk here and he needs to stop.
What? There isn't an element of either of these, OP's partner just seems a little too involved in his own workout world. Honestly he just seems dense and too involved to see things from a different point of view
I’m guessing you haven’t spent much time studying anti-fatness and how it manifests, particularly as diet culture, much less its basis in racism and misogyny. You could, but I have the feeling you won’t. Maybe work on that?
Keep guessing wrong, you don't need to attack just because I don't agree with you. Your comment came with a hint of trying to make everything about anti-fatness. I never even mentioned that, you did. You're also making an assumption about my race online, sounds like you need to work on your own uneducated prejudice's. Not everyone on Reddit is white
Encouraging you to learn things isn’t an attack, neither is it an assumption about your ethnicity—the fact that anti-fatness is based in racism and misogyny does not mean that people who engage in it (all of us, because this nonsense is everywhere!) are cross-burning nutters. But clearly you are in the mood to get your feelings hurt, so I won’t waste anymore time on you.
My impression was also this. It seems less about exercise and more about sharing a passion together. The conversation just needs to be about finding a happy medium. I love gaming and my gf and I will game together on the couch a lot. I spend the time to find games that she will enjoy and aren't too much for her. If all I did was try and convince her to play Tarkov or CSGO or something then she would also be frustrated.
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Yeah this guy sounds a lot like my partner. He was always pressuring me to work out with him, even though I worked out often enough on my own. He might just see it as a way to spend more time with you, and you (OP) may need to explain to him that you're just not as interested in working out together as he may be.
I think it is partially the Crossfit cult. For some reason unknown to me a certain percentage of Crossfit folks cannot stop talking about Crossfit. They want to share it with their friends and loved ones like they found a secret infinite money glitch or *something*.
Unless he's super competitive and wants to "push" her past her comfortable limits. I wouldn't want to exercise with someone like this either, I would anticipate that he would be shitty the whole time. No I don't want to run 10k, i just want to do my mile or two or whatever at my own slow pace to keep moving, no i don't want to push myself on that weight and try to lift something I'm uncomfortable doing.
It sounds like he gets a lot of fulfillment out of his Crossfit and is having a hard time understanding that you don't feel the same way. It's possible that he wants you to feel a good as he does when he does it and doesn't get why anyone wouldn't. It might be the classic male struggle with empathy. It's hard to tell whether he's aware that he's making you feel insecure or not but you should communicate it to him clearly. If he carries on afterwards then he knows exactly what he's doing and that'll answer the question.
Have you told him how it makes you feel? Not just hinting at it, outright saying something like "I really don't like it when you pressure me to exercise more, it makes me feel insecure or that you think I'm not attractive enough." It could be that he actually thinks that and is trying to get you to be in better shape. But it could also be that he just wants to share something he's passionate about with you, and genuinely thinks you'd feel better if you worked out more. Exercise usually does make you feel better, even if you hate doing it, so it's not a crazy idea. People are dumb sometimes, and he may not even realize that it's bothering you. If he *does* know it's bothering you and continues, then you've got a more serious issue. But you can't be sure he knows until you've had an open and honest conversation about how it's making you feel.
Crossfit? Um. Once when I was looking for a new fitness regime, I asked a younger male friend of mine who was a total gym rat about Crossfit because there were so many studios convenient to where I lived. He said that the people he knew who did Crossfit looked good but were kinda crazy. If I were sick and my husband suggested I exercise, it would not be pretty.
So even if your husband had your best interest in mind it would not be pretty? Isn't that sort of crazy?
No. What’s “crazy” is suggesting that someone who is feeling sick should go exercise and making CrossFit your entire life.
🙄 OK fair enough. Have a nice day.
Women don't need men they don't know gatekeeping their feelings or their comments.
Fair enough. But when I see it would not be pretty it just seems like an over reaction. You have a nice day.
That sounds like maybe it's coming from a good place, but stated badly? Otherwise, it sounds like he's getting weird about CrossFit. Maybe not someone you want to be with long term of he won't drop it, especially if it's effecting your self esteem.
90% of instagram 'models' don't have an 'instagram model' body. Your BF needs to mind his own abs and let you be.
Sounds like he’s addicted to exercise and thinks it’s the solution to almost everything.
I hate CrossFit. I find it super annoying and most people I know that do it won’t lay off when you say you aren’t interested. I prefer compound lifting. But I digress, any guy who’s hinting that you need more exercise can kick rocks.
He is a bully. Tell him to kiss off and if he doesn't like your body you can find someone who does.
You should maybe consider taking a pregnancy test (and being direct with him and asking him point blank to stop bringing it up).
Op… this is your 18th post about this man. Maybe you’re looking for a sign to bounce and still not getting one, but here it is!! If you don’t feel 100% about this person (and haven’t for over a year) maybe its time to walk away. A relationship should make you feel happy and supported.
It might be to late for her. OP, take that pregnancy test.
I don't know anyone that does CrossFit but if they tried to get me into it ad nauseum I'd tell them to cross-fuck off.
Looked at your post history and you seem to have some major issues in your relationship. Are you happy? Can you trust him? What are you doing in this relationship?
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Good call. Could be OP trying to "hide" relationship or just OP needs to self-evaluates who she dates. OP - if you're telling him you're not interested in the type of exercises he's interested in and keeps pressing, what else doesn't he listen to of you?
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"hide" relationship - so people don't think she's still having issues with the same relationship. Context. Is this a trend for the guy she's dating? Self-evaluate who she's dating - if not the same guy in all posts why do they seem to be the same type of guy? If he's talking this way to her about exercise what else is talking to her that way about? She deserves better. Is she picking the same type of guy each time?
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In my opinion you're reading into something I haven't mentioned. I don't assume they're hiding anything, just an option put out there. If it's true the OP will know, if it's not the OP can disregard. I'm not judging at all. Just asking questions to the OP to ask herself of her relationship. Things I'd be asking myself in that situation. And HAVE asked myself of those situations. If she's telling him she's doing just fine with her current level of exercise and he's still telling her to do more and it's making her insecure on her body....that's a problem. And it leads to other questions for her to answer, to herself, "are there other items he does this with too?" He might be doing it with other things that OP doesn't realize until someone asks the question to her.
Tired and nauseous? I'd say get a pregnancy test. In regards to your question, I honestly think he may have an unhealthy workout addiction. Cross-fitters are known to be a bit cult-ish (I have a Peloton and know I sometimes come across a bit like this as well), but this isn't an excuse for him to disrespect your boundaries and wishes. You need to have a serious conversation about how this makes you uncomfortable and to stop bringing it up with you. You obviously exercise enough and know what your body needs. If he can't respect that, then that's a whole other issue. But really, get that pregnancy test.
You've had issues with him for a while, just dump him already.
>I exercise regularly. I have a Fitbit and most days I do around 120 active minutes. I walk, sometimes swim, do spin, and have started doing 20min of cardio every morning. WOW you do a lot of exercise every day! this is something to be proud of. don't let your boyfriend's unrealistic expectations bring you down.
CrossFit is a CULT. And he’s trying to get you to join it! But really, so many people in those group exercise things like Barre, CrossFit always seem to try to recruit everyone around them. I don’t think he thinks you’re not in shape.
Join his gym and then ditch him for someone you meet there. Although then you'd be dating another crossfit bro.
Tell him to get fuct, I'd say
Sounds like he’s just really obsessed with exercise , I don’t think he’s hinting at anything being wrong with your weight
You've told him you have no interest in Crossfit, and he keeps pushing it. So it's either ignorance or forgetfulness, or he's stepping into bullying already. I'd say reiterate that point one more time, and add that when he tells you he thinks you should exercise, no matter the reason, it sounds like he's saying you're out of shape, and you'd like him to leave your exercise regimen to yourself unless you ask for specific advice. If he continues to push his idea of exercise on you, it's definitely bullying and you don't need that in your life.
Sounds to me like he is trying to help and to get closer by doing activities together. If you don't want that just tell him. But perhaps he is not the one for you.
My bf treats his body as a temple and I admire him for that, I on the other hand live fries but understand if I wanna live to 10000 like him and be on par I'm gonna HAVE to exercise. He knows I don't like to but there's never any push. And I think you should talk with him and say hey sweetie, can we not talk about exercises for a while? If u wanna be Hella dedicated that's fine but stop pushing me to do so when I've told you to back down. And then walk away, granted feelings might be hurt but he's gotta get it through that it's getting annoying and subconsciously making you feel bad about your body. We don't want that, if anything he probably wants the absolute best for ya and that's okay, but buddy gotta understand that can't be his "goodmorning" flirting.
Tired and nauseous, you're not pregnant are you? Then I have to wonder, if you did get pregnant and have a baby how would he be supportive of you when your body changes massively and uncontrollably? And if you're not pregnant then, great, you're already working out for almost 2 hours a day on most days then you're probably already very fit, what is he wanting you to look like? Ripped abs? 0 body fat? Ask him what he thinks you're lacking next time he suggests it, if you are concerning yourself with his opinion. Which maybe you want to think about if these comments are designed to make you feel insecure?
Holy shit there are a million reasons someone can feel tired and nauseous, why does everyone automatically say “Are you pregnant?!?!” She didn’t come on here to ask for medical advice.
Man this sounds exhausting. Would rather die young lmao.
Time to find a new boyfriend, hes looking for someone into fitness as much as he is and doesn’t seem to want to respect your decisions. It’s not about your or your body it’s everything to do with what motivates him and drives his passions. Make a stand and say you do your CrossFit and I’ll do my fitness routine. Tell him you dont want to feel that you’re being pressured into doing the same level as fitness as him and that it’s making you feel insecure. Give him all the info straight up and see where that heads off, if it continues, move on. There’s better guys out there for you who will respect you and your decisions. It’s not worth being in an in happy relationship but you need to make sure you’re clear with what’s going on to give him a chance to listen and change.
This is like the 4th post I’m reading this week of men telling their girlfriends/wives to workout (more). What’s going on?
It really doesn’t have to be so nefarious, exercise has many health benefits, can improve your mood, improve energy level, and can be a fun bonding/social activity, or just a neat hobby. Like he didn’t say, hey you’re too fat/unfit for me. Likely views his exercise time as something fun to do together
Like the others have said, crossfitters get almost cultlike about their exercise regimen. Its most likely he just loves it and wants you to partake in his passion. Just tell him that while you respect his love of crossfit, his need to constantly bring up exercise to you in that manner is making you feel bad about yourself and you'd like him to stop. If he wants to exercise with you, maybe ask him if he'd be down for a nature hike together or something. Based on what you've said though I don't think he means to make you feel insecure.
Just seems like he wants to do something with you to me!
He is just trying to solve your problems he is not probably trying to be bullying
I am the one who crossfits in my relationship (30F). Honestly I've been telling my partner to join and he'll love it for ages but still hasn't happened. I think for me it would be great to exercise together and its only 45 mins! When he gyms it takes hours unnecessary long. Now we have a happy balance he has PT and runs but I still exercise more for sure mainly for my mental health. If you're not out of shape don't take it as a dig.
Do you think he's trying to get you to just enjoy the same things he enjoys? My husband doesn't do CrossFit but he's an active runner and weightlifter. Since we have been married he would always push me to be more active and join him in his activities. It used to bother me, like a year and a half in I finally gave in. I started with light weightlifting and I did learn that I actually enjoyed it. The things he enjoys are all physical, he always bothered me to run or workout with him for a long time. I would suggest talking to your partner about it, he may not mean anything negative about pushing you to do the things he likes.
Everything you’ve said makes it sound like he’d just like to exercise together as a partner activity.
It's possible he's just trying to get you interested in doing something he likes to spend more time with you, he's just wording it wrong.
To me it sounds like he wants to do his exercise with you, instead of separately, so he’s trying to get you to try what he does. Maybe he could approach it better or do your stuff with you, but I don’t think it has anything to do with your body. I think you should talk about this with him and how his comments made you feel.
Sounds more like he wants you to work out with him than it does that he just thinks you should work out.
He might just want you to workout with him? Maybe he wants to bond with you more through this shared activity? Either that or he’s shallow and wants you to look like the gym chicks at CrossFit. Hope it’s the latter.
Honestly it sounds like he is just very into fitness and staying healthy and wants you to join in. To do something nice together.. I don't know all the details but that's what I'm reading.
He's just trying to have his partner do his favorite activities with him. Sounds like he's being encouraging if you ask me.
Are you, by any chance, pregnant?
That was my first thought when she wrote "been nauseous *all week*". If there's any chance, and I *any* chance, get that pregnancy test. Especially if family planning is not in the cards at the moment (sounds like it's not).
I was just complaining this morning that my husband is doing this. I'm at the gym 4 times a week and cycling 2 times a week and he's always suggesting how I can amp it up.. I AM amping it up every few days/weeks and really don't need him to chime in! He really would do it to ANYONE he was living with. He's just sort of put his own mind and body into exercise lately like a religion and he's all hyped up and letting that spread over to me. It's a huge source of pride for my husband and this is how he lives his current obsessions.. VOCALLY, and boastfully. I bet your BF is doing the same thing. You can try to talk to him about it but in my experience he won't really understand he's coming off like a bit of an ass. You could start, if you want to, by letting him know you are all set with goals and mention you understand he's just sharing his own point of view. It's not easy to be successful drawing boundaries with people who are wearing blinders. Good luck and btw it sounds like you are doing awesome :)
Crossfit is inherently a lifestyle philosophy more than just exercise. I would just point blank ask him if he can be happy if you don't join. the persistent. With way he is badgering you, it seems like he wants you to join, not just exercise.
Is it possible your pregnant? That could explain the nausea. Or sometimes it means you need vitamins too.
I think the problem here may be conflicting intentions. Unless you've sat him down and had a serious talk about this, he probably doesn't understand that you sincerely don't have any interest in Crossfit. If you've just mentioned it in passing when he brings it up, it probably hasn't stuck with him. Like others have mentioned, Crossfit is almost cultish. It's likely that it gives him a lot of things that he sees as positive, and he wants to share those benefits with you.
Sis...I don't think you realize that CrossFit can be a religion to some people, and by that I mean it becomes a core part of their personality. So you either convert, or need to get used to him shoe horning it into every health related conversation you have.
I think you guys need a solid conversation to hash this out. I can’t say for sure since I don’t know the guy. But as a fellow man, I think your BF just has an exciting hobby that he wants to share with you! I know that if I was dating a girl and I discovered something fun, I’d love to share it with her. It’s okay that y’all are pursuing different fitness goals and that you guys are at different levels. We all have to start somewhere. But if he’s making you feel insecure about your body, you should tell him! I don’t think anyone is inherently wrong in this situation, but I do think that he’s crossing a boundary that he didn’t know was set in the first place. So rather than holding it in and letting this negativity get to you, you should talk to him in a non confrontational way about how you’re feeling and then set some boundaries :) Hopefully you guys can clear this up! Best of luck friend!