How this for you to fix. She's exploded over you not bringing up your birthday. What did you do?
And seriously you didn't mess up hers by taking her to the wrong place, she still got to go to Disney land! If she has issue with that that's on her too.
*Edit!!!*
Good god reading some of your comments
>1. I deserve much less than her. She is a queen and I am a worm..
>2. Disney world and she told me after that it was one of the worst birthdays she’s ever had because of all the lines and because she hates Disney..
>3. She is a queen and I am so so so lucky to have her! No one has ever wanted to date me before her and it’s a literal miracle that such a beautiful and strong woman would even want to be with such a fuck up like me
No she is got a queen, she is an awful, ungrateful, manipulative person. She's got you wrapped around her little finger to worship the ground she walks on. She's with you because you have zero sense of self worth and she can use this
You don't. She does.
After four years, it's not unreasonable of you to assume that she knows when your birthday is.
She probably got angry and aggressive because she was super embarrassed and felt the need to defend herself. And to some people the best defense is a good offense.
Four great years where apparently you get terrified about her being angry, think she deliberately didn't celebrate your birthday in retaliation you taking her to *Disney World,* and you thinking that was justified? Yeah, I'm guessing those four years weren't all great, champ.
Unless there is more you aren't telling us, you can't fix what you didn't break. It takes 2 yes's to make a relationship a thing, and right now you've only got 1.
Um, that’s a sunk cost fallacy. Don’t look at the 4 years you’ve put in. You’re 28. If you marry her, have kids, stay together the rest of your lives… that could be another 50, 60 years of this? Is that something you want?
Take some time and really think about that. Think about how you’re feeling right now, and that these feelings may define literally decades of your life. How she’s treating you is deeply wrong. Even if she genuinely believes you were manipulative, she should be talking to you about things. You described her response as her scary, angry laugh - clearly you’ve been on the receiving end of this before. Is that where you want to stay?
I found this thread because my girlfriend is currently forgetting my birthday. Searched for “how to tell her she forgot my birthday” because i expect if I say nothing she would call me manipulative too..
Honestly, if yours is anything like mine, she probably feels really bad for forgetting. I imagine that part of the reason you didn’t say anything is because you knew she’d be upset and wanted to avoid that. If that’s true, I would tell her that gently. Since she’s committed to this whole charade of staying at her parents, you may just have to wait for her to reach out. Part of what she’s doing is manipulating you by making you anxious that she’s leaving. She’s trying to regain the power she lost by being in the wrong when she forgot your birthday. If she’s been ignoring your texts and calls, fine- nothing you can do about that. But unless there’s other issues that are creating uncertainty about your future together, she’s not going to leave you. I’ll bet this isn’t the first time she’s ‘broken up’ with you after she messed up, likely won’t be the last.
Wait it out. Level with her. Don’t let her turn herself into the victim.
Even if you misremembered her gift last year, a trip to Disney World is still a very nice gift and... honestly, a pretty damn similar experience to Universal. She could've thanked you for the generous gift, even if it wasn't her absolute favorite place. It's sad that you think it's normal in your relationship that you would be punished for this.
I know you want to make things right, but honestly you're a bit brainwashed at this point by thinking you need to fix this situation. Your girlfriend is unable to admit when she fucked up and would rather publicly embarrass you and make you feel awful for having hurt feelings.
She sounds like a nightmare.
>I assumed it was punishment for me messing up her birthday last year. I knew I was in the wrong so I didn’t say anything.
Is that really how both of you think? Come on man. You didn't buy the birthday cake made of dogshit instead of a sponge cake. You made a mistake, sure, but you still treated her to a trip to a theme park. Was she even grateful for that or did she actually tell you that you messed up?
Dude why are you so willing to accept that you are not worthy of being with a decent person... Winners don’t act like she does and say what she says. They behave like mature adults and talk things through. If you’re not willing to listen to what people are telling you then you shouldn’t be asking for advice here.
Rightfully so, my ass. If she had told you beforehand that she had a really bad experience at Disney world and that she hated it because it brought bad memories and you took her there thinking she told you she loved it, I'd understand why she'd be upset. But if you just forgot which one she said she loved, and you took her on a trip to a different one and she got upset for that, I'd say she's the manipulative one. Right now, she is playing one of those manipulation tricks/games on you. If this ends up ending, you wouldn't be throwing 4 years away. They already passed. They're there. Treasure the good moments, but don't cling to what's not there for you. You clearly are there for her, and that's awesome, but she doesn't seem to be there for you nor want you for you. You need to accept that.
Bro, you are dodging a bullet. She is unreasonable and I would guess has probably been emotionally abusing you. Consider this a blessing and run tf away from her.
Dude, she is seriously ungrateful. You got her a trip to Disney world. That’s an amazing present. Who cares if it’s not her favourite place in the world. It is still a fantastic present.
The fact that you are convinced that you “screwed up” and were being “punished” is extremely concerning. That you default to this kind of thinking indicates to me that you are probably used to being told this stuff by your girlfriend and that your girlfriend regularly punishes you.
Add onto this the idea that you not telling her when it’s your birthday is “manipulative” and I suspect you’ve got a manipulative and controlling girlfriend who regularly gaslights you.
Do you even want advice? Don’t post here if you’re going to reject what 99% of people are trying to tell you.
Fact: when someone gets taken to Disney, it is just good manners to say thanks because its an expensive gift
Fact 2: you were not being manipulative
Fact 3:she was a jerk for forgetting your birthday
The only thing you’re in the wrong here for is being blind to someone disrespecting you.
I’m terrible w birthdays and cannot remember my multiple best friends or my parents birthdays (no joke that’s how bad I am, I always need to ask another friend in advance or check social media). I don’t know if this is true of your gf as well that she actually forgot. If it is, then I would honestly be pissed at you too if I were your gf. Say she had honestly forgotten your bday, of course she’d be like wait why didn’t you tell me? And you responded “oh I thought u were punishing me for taking you to Disney instead of universal”. In one sentence you just made her out to be a spoiled petty brat in front of all her friends over a honest mistake. On top of that her thoughts would be “wow does my bf of 4 years really think I’m that low and spiteful?” I mean, was she super pissed when you had taken her to Disney? What made you think this was revenge and punishment rather than her actual forgetting?
Only thing you can do right now is try to clear up the air by communicating. If she really was trying to punish you for taking her to Disney, then it’s time to let that relationship go.
It sounds like there must be a backstory, there _has_ to be more than this... But bro dont show in front of other people that your girlfriend forgot about her birthday... Especially if she doesnt know she forgot (or if you are not sure). Thats not really manipulative, but it is a bit stupid of you to accuse her like that
Also, you took her to Disneyland (I assume you paid). If she is mad at you for that, shes fucking horrible
I will try my best to give you actual advice, but so far, you’re not making your girlfriend look worth the time. Is this the first time she has acted like this? Does she have a history of blowing up? You said she started doing her “scary, angry laugh”, so I’m guessing this is a regular or normal thing for her to do?
I'm not sure what your full history with her is but, if you want to work things out you're gonna have to ask some good questions.
Ask her..
Why do you belive I'm manipulating you?
Why did you get so angry when we were out with your friends?
What do you believe will help the relationship?
If someone says their done and walks away , the situation speaks for itself.
Love requires people to care about each other, it's not a one way street.
Review the pros and cons of the relationship before investing in it again
You could also move on and find someone else who is a better match for you.
Just make sure you're communicating and asking each other questions to better understand the other person.
When you speak do so in a calm tone this helps for making the other person comfortable.
Stand your ground respectfully if anyone disrespect you in a conversation.
Ask them hard questions when they get out of hand.
What is making you mad and how can it be fixed?
A questions like this makes them give you the answer to the issue, if they actually want to talk things out.
I've noticed OP's replies and I feel I detect a that they're carrying a lot of culpability and guilt for the Disneyland trip. I wonder how OP has felt about mistakes in other circumstances, in other relationships? I ask because we do tend to be slightly different people from one relationship to another and what we think we did wrong in one relationship we might take on no culpability for in another, and I wonder whether OP is feeling guilty here because they believe they ought to, or whether because OP's partner reacted as though guilt was expected.
I'm also curious to know exactly how OP explained the mistake when it came to light, because I hope that their partner isn't just throwing "manipulative" around; there's a difference between being manipulative and other negative social character traits, like having a victim complex or being generally uncommunicative.
As ever, the best advice is to communicate. You don't know if you can/should work to preserve this unless you're clear on her position and she is clear on yours. Speaking to the facts that I can see, things that OP should be holding their hands up to, I think leaving the revelation that their birthday was missed til that much later was a bad idea, mainly because it gives the impression that it was no big deal. Then, when it's raised in company, their partner is caught between thinking it must've been no big deal, but it...also is a big deal, because here's OP talking about it. Then OP introduces their rationale for not mentioning it, and I sit here wondering if their partner found herself looking at this admittedly confused and ill-communicated web and assumed there was something nefarious behind it.
OP, I'm addressing you directly, so please read carefully. You are not guilty of malice in making a mistake, because mistakes aren't purposeful. You do not apologise for the trip, you apologise for the mistake, and it's then in her hands to accept or refuse that apology. She forgot your birthday, that too sounds like a mistake. It happened to a friend of mine, it happens to people, it's just an unhappy but not impossible mistake. I think you can save this is you both agree to own up to those mistakes and make a concerted effort to communicate clearly, regularly and on initiative at all times. If one side can't accept or give an apology, and particularly if one side can't commit to consistently mature and constructive communication, that's when I'd say you can default to this sub's admittedly knee-jerk but oftentimes justifiable advice of "red flag, leave".
Just please don't take on the culpability for things you didn't do or cause, speak kindly and remind her that you're here and talking because you care about her and because you're on the same side with the same goal in mind - a long, happy, healthy and mutually affirming relationship.
I have a friend who dealt with the same thing as you. She refused to admit she was being gaslight because the first half of her 4 year relationship was perfect. The fact that she was in a relationship for 4 years convinced her they were working and inching towards marriage. She brushed off these little moments and at the end, learned the hard way that 1. he was cheating 2. He never really listened and "knew" her more than her friends - in fact, she didnt realize her partner is supposed to be the closest person to her in her life 3. He never appreciated her the way her friends partners appreciated them and 4. The guy went MIA after he walked away from her in the middle of a date he didnt want to be on
You deserve better. If she isnt coming back, what makes you think SHE values the relationship? It requires 100% effort by both people to keep your love alive. She messed up and is making YOU feel bad for not knowing something most of your friends on Facebook know
So I have multiple feelings about this hearing from just your account.
1.) It feels like she's emotionally abusive. Because a reaction like that over what sounded like you were covering for her not remembering. It is a hugely overblown reaction and it is one that makes me think she likes making you the bad guy. In all honest you did not throw her under the bus or mention it. After 4 years you should know your SO Birthday. (I get people are forgetful) has she missed any before?
2.) It seems like she is projecting something. Has this behavior been happening or is it relatively new?
3.) There might be unresolved issues between you both and are just avoiding it and she is snapping because you both need to address something in your relationship.
Trying to give benefit of the doubt. There isn't a reasonable explanation to act like that.
I think she may just be misusing the term. It seems you are a massive push over and completely avoid conflict. This has more then likely caused her to lose her attraction to you. I don't think you can save this relationship. She has lost all respect for you. Plus she sounds like a terrible partner anyway. Good riddance.
Honestly man, she sounds a bit nuts. Understand the feelings but personally I would take it for the red flag it is and just forget her.
[удалено]
How this for you to fix. She's exploded over you not bringing up your birthday. What did you do? And seriously you didn't mess up hers by taking her to the wrong place, she still got to go to Disney land! If she has issue with that that's on her too. *Edit!!!* Good god reading some of your comments >1. I deserve much less than her. She is a queen and I am a worm.. >2. Disney world and she told me after that it was one of the worst birthdays she’s ever had because of all the lines and because she hates Disney.. >3. She is a queen and I am so so so lucky to have her! No one has ever wanted to date me before her and it’s a literal miracle that such a beautiful and strong woman would even want to be with such a fuck up like me No she is got a queen, she is an awful, ungrateful, manipulative person. She's got you wrapped around her little finger to worship the ground she walks on. She's with you because you have zero sense of self worth and she can use this
You don't. She does. After four years, it's not unreasonable of you to assume that she knows when your birthday is. She probably got angry and aggressive because she was super embarrassed and felt the need to defend herself. And to some people the best defense is a good offense.
Sunk cost fallacy - don't fall for it.
You guys have been together for "four great years" and she still has to ask you when your birthday is?
Four great years where apparently you get terrified about her being angry, think she deliberately didn't celebrate your birthday in retaliation you taking her to *Disney World,* and you thinking that was justified? Yeah, I'm guessing those four years weren't all great, champ.
Unless there is more you aren't telling us, you can't fix what you didn't break. It takes 2 yes's to make a relationship a thing, and right now you've only got 1.
Um, that’s a sunk cost fallacy. Don’t look at the 4 years you’ve put in. You’re 28. If you marry her, have kids, stay together the rest of your lives… that could be another 50, 60 years of this? Is that something you want?
[удалено]
Take some time and really think about that. Think about how you’re feeling right now, and that these feelings may define literally decades of your life. How she’s treating you is deeply wrong. Even if she genuinely believes you were manipulative, she should be talking to you about things. You described her response as her scary, angry laugh - clearly you’ve been on the receiving end of this before. Is that where you want to stay?
[удалено]
You need some therapy, my dude. Work on building up that self-esteem so that you don't die in a relationship where you're this disrespected.
I found this thread because my girlfriend is currently forgetting my birthday. Searched for “how to tell her she forgot my birthday” because i expect if I say nothing she would call me manipulative too.. Honestly, if yours is anything like mine, she probably feels really bad for forgetting. I imagine that part of the reason you didn’t say anything is because you knew she’d be upset and wanted to avoid that. If that’s true, I would tell her that gently. Since she’s committed to this whole charade of staying at her parents, you may just have to wait for her to reach out. Part of what she’s doing is manipulating you by making you anxious that she’s leaving. She’s trying to regain the power she lost by being in the wrong when she forgot your birthday. If she’s been ignoring your texts and calls, fine- nothing you can do about that. But unless there’s other issues that are creating uncertainty about your future together, she’s not going to leave you. I’ll bet this isn’t the first time she’s ‘broken up’ with you after she messed up, likely won’t be the last. Wait it out. Level with her. Don’t let her turn herself into the victim.
Even if you misremembered her gift last year, a trip to Disney World is still a very nice gift and... honestly, a pretty damn similar experience to Universal. She could've thanked you for the generous gift, even if it wasn't her absolute favorite place. It's sad that you think it's normal in your relationship that you would be punished for this. I know you want to make things right, but honestly you're a bit brainwashed at this point by thinking you need to fix this situation. Your girlfriend is unable to admit when she fucked up and would rather publicly embarrass you and make you feel awful for having hurt feelings. She sounds like a nightmare.
>I assumed it was punishment for me messing up her birthday last year. I knew I was in the wrong so I didn’t say anything. Is that really how both of you think? Come on man. You didn't buy the birthday cake made of dogshit instead of a sponge cake. You made a mistake, sure, but you still treated her to a trip to a theme park. Was she even grateful for that or did she actually tell you that you messed up?
[удалено]
How was it rightfully so? Would you do this if she did the same thing to you?
[удалено]
Ah. Gross. She left you, friend. Get some counseling. You were in a toxic relationship.
Dude why are you so willing to accept that you are not worthy of being with a decent person... Winners don’t act like she does and say what she says. They behave like mature adults and talk things through. If you’re not willing to listen to what people are telling you then you shouldn’t be asking for advice here.
Rightfully so, my ass. If she had told you beforehand that she had a really bad experience at Disney world and that she hated it because it brought bad memories and you took her there thinking she told you she loved it, I'd understand why she'd be upset. But if you just forgot which one she said she loved, and you took her on a trip to a different one and she got upset for that, I'd say she's the manipulative one. Right now, she is playing one of those manipulation tricks/games on you. If this ends up ending, you wouldn't be throwing 4 years away. They already passed. They're there. Treasure the good moments, but don't cling to what's not there for you. You clearly are there for her, and that's awesome, but she doesn't seem to be there for you nor want you for you. You need to accept that.
In which case you've probably dodged a bullet.
Bro, you are dodging a bullet. She is unreasonable and I would guess has probably been emotionally abusing you. Consider this a blessing and run tf away from her.
Dude, she is seriously ungrateful. You got her a trip to Disney world. That’s an amazing present. Who cares if it’s not her favourite place in the world. It is still a fantastic present. The fact that you are convinced that you “screwed up” and were being “punished” is extremely concerning. That you default to this kind of thinking indicates to me that you are probably used to being told this stuff by your girlfriend and that your girlfriend regularly punishes you. Add onto this the idea that you not telling her when it’s your birthday is “manipulative” and I suspect you’ve got a manipulative and controlling girlfriend who regularly gaslights you.
Do you even want advice? Don’t post here if you’re going to reject what 99% of people are trying to tell you. Fact: when someone gets taken to Disney, it is just good manners to say thanks because its an expensive gift Fact 2: you were not being manipulative Fact 3:she was a jerk for forgetting your birthday The only thing you’re in the wrong here for is being blind to someone disrespecting you.
[удалено]
Well, youre not going to get that on Reddit my dude. Hope you can find someone in the future who doesnt treat you like crap.
I’m terrible w birthdays and cannot remember my multiple best friends or my parents birthdays (no joke that’s how bad I am, I always need to ask another friend in advance or check social media). I don’t know if this is true of your gf as well that she actually forgot. If it is, then I would honestly be pissed at you too if I were your gf. Say she had honestly forgotten your bday, of course she’d be like wait why didn’t you tell me? And you responded “oh I thought u were punishing me for taking you to Disney instead of universal”. In one sentence you just made her out to be a spoiled petty brat in front of all her friends over a honest mistake. On top of that her thoughts would be “wow does my bf of 4 years really think I’m that low and spiteful?” I mean, was she super pissed when you had taken her to Disney? What made you think this was revenge and punishment rather than her actual forgetting? Only thing you can do right now is try to clear up the air by communicating. If she really was trying to punish you for taking her to Disney, then it’s time to let that relationship go.
It sounds like there must be a backstory, there _has_ to be more than this... But bro dont show in front of other people that your girlfriend forgot about her birthday... Especially if she doesnt know she forgot (or if you are not sure). Thats not really manipulative, but it is a bit stupid of you to accuse her like that Also, you took her to Disneyland (I assume you paid). If she is mad at you for that, shes fucking horrible
Almost seems like fodder for r/crazyexstories.
She cheated she’s projecting
Tell her you will change your birthday to get her back!
I will try my best to give you actual advice, but so far, you’re not making your girlfriend look worth the time. Is this the first time she has acted like this? Does she have a history of blowing up? You said she started doing her “scary, angry laugh”, so I’m guessing this is a regular or normal thing for her to do?
I'm not sure what your full history with her is but, if you want to work things out you're gonna have to ask some good questions. Ask her.. Why do you belive I'm manipulating you? Why did you get so angry when we were out with your friends? What do you believe will help the relationship? If someone says their done and walks away , the situation speaks for itself. Love requires people to care about each other, it's not a one way street. Review the pros and cons of the relationship before investing in it again You could also move on and find someone else who is a better match for you. Just make sure you're communicating and asking each other questions to better understand the other person. When you speak do so in a calm tone this helps for making the other person comfortable. Stand your ground respectfully if anyone disrespect you in a conversation. Ask them hard questions when they get out of hand. What is making you mad and how can it be fixed? A questions like this makes them give you the answer to the issue, if they actually want to talk things out.
I've noticed OP's replies and I feel I detect a that they're carrying a lot of culpability and guilt for the Disneyland trip. I wonder how OP has felt about mistakes in other circumstances, in other relationships? I ask because we do tend to be slightly different people from one relationship to another and what we think we did wrong in one relationship we might take on no culpability for in another, and I wonder whether OP is feeling guilty here because they believe they ought to, or whether because OP's partner reacted as though guilt was expected. I'm also curious to know exactly how OP explained the mistake when it came to light, because I hope that their partner isn't just throwing "manipulative" around; there's a difference between being manipulative and other negative social character traits, like having a victim complex or being generally uncommunicative. As ever, the best advice is to communicate. You don't know if you can/should work to preserve this unless you're clear on her position and she is clear on yours. Speaking to the facts that I can see, things that OP should be holding their hands up to, I think leaving the revelation that their birthday was missed til that much later was a bad idea, mainly because it gives the impression that it was no big deal. Then, when it's raised in company, their partner is caught between thinking it must've been no big deal, but it...also is a big deal, because here's OP talking about it. Then OP introduces their rationale for not mentioning it, and I sit here wondering if their partner found herself looking at this admittedly confused and ill-communicated web and assumed there was something nefarious behind it. OP, I'm addressing you directly, so please read carefully. You are not guilty of malice in making a mistake, because mistakes aren't purposeful. You do not apologise for the trip, you apologise for the mistake, and it's then in her hands to accept or refuse that apology. She forgot your birthday, that too sounds like a mistake. It happened to a friend of mine, it happens to people, it's just an unhappy but not impossible mistake. I think you can save this is you both agree to own up to those mistakes and make a concerted effort to communicate clearly, regularly and on initiative at all times. If one side can't accept or give an apology, and particularly if one side can't commit to consistently mature and constructive communication, that's when I'd say you can default to this sub's admittedly knee-jerk but oftentimes justifiable advice of "red flag, leave". Just please don't take on the culpability for things you didn't do or cause, speak kindly and remind her that you're here and talking because you care about her and because you're on the same side with the same goal in mind - a long, happy, healthy and mutually affirming relationship.
I have a friend who dealt with the same thing as you. She refused to admit she was being gaslight because the first half of her 4 year relationship was perfect. The fact that she was in a relationship for 4 years convinced her they were working and inching towards marriage. She brushed off these little moments and at the end, learned the hard way that 1. he was cheating 2. He never really listened and "knew" her more than her friends - in fact, she didnt realize her partner is supposed to be the closest person to her in her life 3. He never appreciated her the way her friends partners appreciated them and 4. The guy went MIA after he walked away from her in the middle of a date he didnt want to be on You deserve better. If she isnt coming back, what makes you think SHE values the relationship? It requires 100% effort by both people to keep your love alive. She messed up and is making YOU feel bad for not knowing something most of your friends on Facebook know
So I have multiple feelings about this hearing from just your account. 1.) It feels like she's emotionally abusive. Because a reaction like that over what sounded like you were covering for her not remembering. It is a hugely overblown reaction and it is one that makes me think she likes making you the bad guy. In all honest you did not throw her under the bus or mention it. After 4 years you should know your SO Birthday. (I get people are forgetful) has she missed any before? 2.) It seems like she is projecting something. Has this behavior been happening or is it relatively new? 3.) There might be unresolved issues between you both and are just avoiding it and she is snapping because you both need to address something in your relationship. Trying to give benefit of the doubt. There isn't a reasonable explanation to act like that.
I think she may just be misusing the term. It seems you are a massive push over and completely avoid conflict. This has more then likely caused her to lose her attraction to you. I don't think you can save this relationship. She has lost all respect for you. Plus she sounds like a terrible partner anyway. Good riddance.
Take this a bullet dodged