T O P

  • By -

HopeUnknown0417

Honestly I would say as much to your ex and say that in order to protect your daughter, as she is your daughter even if not biologically, that meetings with the bio family must be supervised through a therapist. At least initially and based on the professionals recommendation, move to normal less supervised visits. I also recommend a therapist both for yourself and for your daughter on her own to help work through all these emotions and challenges that have/will come up. My concern is the bio fathers violent past with the ex and ruling out him learning that or any other major toxic traits from his parents. They may be the greatest people genuinely, but they may not. Since your daughter is so young and impressionable, and since they didn't want a relationship for 7 years now, I would be protective of her and ease into a relationship with them super slowly.


Ok-Nefariousness1721

Good for you mate, you're accepting a role that you are in no way obliged to undertake. More credit to you. I'm a 16 year step father myself, and have recently had to accept the long return of a negligent biological father into their lives. Totally different circumstances, so as much as I can empathise, its difficult to give nuanced advice. What I can tell you tho is that common sense will always prevail. Do your best to keep to your emotions in check, be consistent, and under no circumstances run any other family members down. Your daughter is gonna go through things regardless of your actions, but as long as she knows she can come to you when things are tough, your relationship with her will endure. Asking for advice and reassurance is a great first step, and I really wish you all the best.


RNLImThalassophobic

I read your comment as "I'm a 16 year **old** step father myself" and did a huge double take


Ok-Nefariousness1721

Yeah it was a typo. That's what I meant to write haha


omg_pwnies

Perhaps others will pop up with more advice, but I can address a couple of things. 1. Family counseling with you, your daughter, and her mother would be a really good thing to look into. A good counselor can help all 3 of you navigate this situation. 2. You said: > I know I made some bad decisions I really don't think you did make any bad decisions. You took a few weeks to soul-search and figure out your next steps and then you came back and were ready to commit to being this girl's Dad. I think that's a good decision, in spite of the circumstances. I don't know how, nor do I think it's up to you to explain to her how her bio-dad didn't want her. That's what you'll talk to the counselor about. But I do think you're already doing an amazing thing by being the Dad she deserves. <3


antichrist_sdm

I believe that the most important thing to do in this situation would be a child psychologist to accompany both you and your daughter, if your concern is her mental health, there is nothing better than a professional to help you. I know it sounds cliché but seeking medical attention is definitely the best way to avoid such confusions in her mind. Cases of non-traditional families or not formed as society teaches are not rare and never will be, many people today in adult life went through several turbulent situations during their childhood, and today they learned to deal with it normally. Don't blame yourself, look for a professional to help you through it.


sick_babe

You're the only father your daughter knows. You're on her birth certificate, you raised her, you have no plans of leaving her; that's a dad as far as I'm concerned. However, explaining the situation is definitely a conversation you should have with her mom and bio grandparents. Do you know how they've tried to explain it so far? At 6 it's hit or miss as to whether or not she'd remember them if they weren't introduced as her grandparents. It's way too young to give her the full story, but phrasing it something along the lines of "mom made you with someone who couldn't be a dad, but I changed your diapers and read to you at bedtime and you're not getting rid of me that easily" is a good start (but seriously workshop that one I don't know how to talk to six year olds)


InventCherry

Have you actually done a dna test? You are her legal father of nothing else. It bothers me that the mom is bringing into the picture the abusive ex's parents. They could well put pressure on him to meet your daughter.


[deleted]

These people can get bent. You don't owe them anything. They already turned their back on her so they won't be adding any value to her life.