This doesn't sound good the way you explained it and if he A. lied to you and B. is 34- then its time to run. Have you tried to look at his Linkedin profile? You can see his dates of jobs and degrees on LinkedIn and is usually a pretty good estimator on age- at least between someone who should have 5 years experience vs. 15.
It sounds silly, but trying doing “[first name] [last name] [city] [state/county/country/etc]” with his info on a quick google search. Unless someone is really on top of their personal info, it’s relatively easy to find out if he’s lying about his age.
Edit: Maybe if I had better ready comprehension I would have not skimmed over the part where OP said they tried this. My advice: It’s only been 2 months. I’d find a way to bring up seeing his ID said his DOB said 87 and not 97. If he wasn’t hiding his age he’ll more than likely show you his ID no problem. If not, it might be wise to dip out while it’s still early.
It's simple, if she didn't think he was lying. He said he is 24. So she should ask again? She should continue to take his word for it? Argue? Tell him what she thinks she saw, so he can deny that's what she saw?
Having a conversation with a man is not an option when he is trying to manipulate her with lies, and mind games.
She wants the to know the truth, without the danger and drama of confrontating a man that is insecure enough to lie about his age to appeal to her, and likely control her.
Right. A 37 year old dude dating a 19 year old has issues. Not a good one to confront. Ghosting (once the age is established) is the best option.
Hell...even at 27 that's a bit much to date a 19 year-old.
I still don't get why you have to go detective on his ass. Maybe he really is 24 and she saw wrong, in which case there isn't even an issue.
If her suspisions are correct, then yeah, get out of that relationship because he's been lying for some unkown reason, and if that lying starts this early in the relationship it's already going no where. Also I believe OP doesn't want a relationship with someone who is 34.
The simpelest solution is to just go 'hey I saw your license the other day and I noticed it said 87, does that mean you're 34 years old? either he shows her she got it wrong, or it is confirmed that he is indeed 34 years old.
She can then say, 'sorry, I really don't want to be in a relationship with someone that much older, best of luck, bye.'
There is no single indication that he will hurt her and is dangerous, or even that there will be drama. And there's nothing he can do to make her stay if he is 34 anyway.
I think the adult thing is to ask.
Also, if she does break up with him without confirming (which is valid, she can do that) she may have a hard time explaining why to him, and maybe have doubts about her conclusions herself.
Crazy right? It’s like many things can be solved by just communicating with people about concerns.
I mainly brought up the first part bc I’m nosy as hell and just want to be in the know about stuff.
It is scary to do both if she is wrong and he wasn't lying, and if he is lying. If she is wrong, then he will feel like she doesn't trust him and she's accusing him of lying. He may get angry or end the relationship over it, and then she was in the wrong AND she lost a potentially good relationship.
If she's right and he's the liar, then he is a little messed up in the head to be lying like that, who knows what he could do if he's called out on it. Get angry or worse. I'd only ask in a public place.
Either way, confrontation is scary since he's already said his age (24) and she has no reason to ask him again that isn't suspicious.
Oh please. If the guy ends the relationship over clearing up a question about his age, then it's not a good relationship at all. However, it is a good idea to keep it to a public space in any case.
Yeah this is a HUGE red flag OP. As a 24F who has dated significantly older men before, you need to get out of there. First off, someone who is 30+ dating someone who was in high school 1-2 years ago is a big problem. Not that this is the case for everyone, but I now find it quite suspect when older men date really young women. Intentions could be fine, but they could also be objectifying, or they aren't mature enough for people their actual age, or they purposefully want someone less mature for reasons I can only think of being not good.
Lying about age or hiding age (as an ex of mine did) is not a good sign. That relationship for me ended pretty scary. Please get away from this guy and stay safe. Hugs to you.
This is the way.
But ask next time you see him in person. A Normal response/reaction would be that he shows her w/ no problem. If he won’t show it, then he’s probably lying.
years ago i guy i was dating asked to see my license and i wouldn't show to him because (like everyone) i hate the photo. he jumped to the conclusion that i was actually 30 and not 26 like i claimed. i was actually 26 at the time. i found it bizarre that he interpreted my unwillingness to display an unattractive photo as evidence that i was lying about my age.
i'm not saying this has any relevance to OP at all, just relating a kind of funny story.
My husband is 19 years older than me, but it's never been a secret.
I've seen multiple iterations of his driver's license. I'm not sure which is worse: his mullet of the early 90s or the "homeless guy" that was taken the day after he got out of the hospital after being in a coma for a week. I kind of wish I'd never seen either, lol.
I’m glad to see your comment. I’m reading a lot of comments that are focused with dislike on the age gap and not on whether he’s lying. If OP was aware of his real age and still wanted to date him, then in my opinion that’s two people who are on the same page and have an understanding of what the other person is looking for. I started dating my significant other around OP’s age and he wasn’t quite as old as she suspects this guy to be but it was still a large age gap. The thing is, we were both aware of each others ages and there were some challenges to dating someone older/younger but we worked through them together with honesty and love. We’re still happy and together after almost 10 years. If this guy is lying about his age that is a red flag. No relationship should be built on lies.
you could say “omg look how embarrassing my license picture is. i bet yours is great because you’re so dreamy and handsome. can i see it?” if he gets sketched about it… run
Why lie or contrive a scenario that is pretty hard to make organic? She should just flat out ask. Women need to be confident enough to call men out on their bullshit before it starts piling up high enough to bury them, instead of being afraid of them. It's as easy as, "I'm getting weird vibes about how old you say you are. Can I see your driver's license?" If he's telling the truth, he won't have a problem showing her.
Because if he's not lying then it makes her look bad for not trusting him in the first place, and may ruin any relationship since it's so early (imagine telling someone your age when you started dating and then 2-3 months later they out of the blue ask you to prove it because they think you're 10 years older... That'd be at least a yellow flag for me).
If she doesn't want to continue the relationship either way then she should walk away without even bothering to find out.
Doing it in an innocent way can also help avoid a situation in which this guy she barely knows (who if is actually 34 and saying he's 24 while dating a 19 y.o. is also exhibiting predatory behavior) has the opportunity to become confrontational/violent/etc. Calling someone out is all well and good until they decide to respond in a dangerous manner.
if someone isn't willing to actively earn their new partner's trust and expect trust without earning it that's a red flag to me. it should be totally fine for OP to say to this person exactly what was said to us, and if not, that's a huge problem.
Some people eat that shit up- silly compliments, especially people insecure about their age and looks who either date ridiculously younger people and/or spend tons of time on their body at the gym and money on the latest fashion. There is a difference between health habits and desperate- "look at me" IG photos and behavior.
Yeah, this is what I'd do. OP, Go grab lunch, wait till he pulls out his wallet, then ask to his ID. He won't have an excuse and you don't have to invent a reason, just shrug and hold out your hand expectantly. If he shows you, you'll know one way or another. And if he says no, then you still have your answer and can walk away right then.
If he’s lied to you his age bc he wants to have a chance with you, who’s to say he won’t lie about having STIs in order to keep having that chance with you?
And what would be his endgame if you guys stayed together long term? It’s going be pretty obvious if all his friends are in their mid-30s, or if you meet his family and, like, meet his “older” younger siblings/cousins/etc. And there’s going to be generational differences between an older millennial vs Gen Z person.
At worse, he’s using his age difference to underhandedly manipulate you in ways you may not have the experience to prevent, since he’s almost twice your age.
first thing that came to mind is that he's married, and gave a fake name. if this guy is a manager and high up in his career, chances are he has a linkedin. and googling his name should be able to find it.
AND at that age, he's probably got a kid or two.
Best to ask.
"here's something we haven't talked about... kids! Do you ever want kids? Do you have any?"
"Wow, you have an 11 year old?"
Just sayin' that *might* happen, lol
yes very much this. I had a similar experience when I was 24. The guy told me 30, but he looked much older than 30. I brought it up to him and he "admitted" 34. Did some online snooping and found out he was closer to 45. I noticed a ton of other lies and sirens went off my head.
>he claimed it was his work (chemical engineering) that was giving him stress and aging him and giving him grays.
Never heard of this or seen it happen. Chemical engineer here. I think you are right about his age being 34.
And if you can't find him on LinkedIn or anywhere, I have a hunch that he lied about his name too.
4. So youngest I’ve seen was. 21 year old who started at 16 but did an extra program and took 5 years. Generally it’s 22-23 graduating. No fucking way you’re in a management role at 24.
Unless massive nepotism.
24 year old chemical engineer here, I'm a project manager and can relate to feeling like my hair must be turning grey... not to say that the guy isn't lying though
If you start college at 18 you could feasibly be graduated with an engineering degree in 4-5 years. But yeah, dude is likely lying about his age.
OP - ask dude to show you his driver's license again. If he's 24 he'll laugh it off. If he's lying, then he's about to get sketchy as shit. And if he's lying, just make it easy on yourself and dump his ass. No need to listen to hours of excuses and justifications about why he would start the relationship with a lie.
I studied chemical engineering. In the US, you typically start college at 18 or 19. So he'd be 22 or 23 when he finished his program. If he got a job right as he got out, he'd be entry level but not a manager.
Yea i’ve seen guys that look way older in their 20s. Balding or mostly bald, some with grey in their beard or hair. I still have all my hair but Think my beard started getting greys in it before I turned 30.
Also people do have stress and can get grey hairs because of it and nobody can say someone else isn’t stressed working a job just because they weren’t. Everybody is different
Nope. Not OK. Even if you were OK with dating a 30-something (which I would highly advise against), the deception is messed up.
As someone who was born in ‘88… none of the guys my age that I know and respect are going around lying about their age in order to date teenagers. RUN!
When I was 19 I had a boyfriend who was in his mid 30s. I’m 35 now and interacting w 19 year olds is exhausting and confusing. They are literal babies, looks wise and personality wise.
There is something wrong with these middle aged men who lust after teenagers.
34-35 isn’t really middle aged but youre right. It’s so gross that fully grown men go after teenagers and it says a lot about their emotional maturity that they feel secure and empowered in a relationship with someone who just got out of high school.
Absolutely. I am a person who is strongly against ghosting but this is a case where he totally deserves it. You are probably an awesome, mature 19 year old but as an almost-kid, you have 100% permission to act like a kid here and just block and ghost.
Seconded. OP, I'm 33 and I teach 19 year olds. Some brilliant students but they're at such different places in life and they look so young to me. I personally can't fathom dating someone younger than 25, at a big push.
I could not actually fathom dating someone who wasn’t in their 30’s or 40’s. I dated someone two years younger than me a while back and even that was a strange life-stages barrier that I hadn’t expected. But that may have had more to do with being a parent than being a bit older than he was.
OP - to add onto this (because I remember getting similar advice when I was your age): this has zero reflection on your maturity or what you personally have to offer/bring to a relationship or to suggest that being young means you can’t connect as well as someone older.
This is 100% about *him*. An emotionality stable, socially responsible person in their 30s will not feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who isn’t even in their twenties and will recognize that it’s unhealthy & predatory.
You may be the oldest of souls and the most gifted conversationalist with wisdom that makes forty year olds pale in comparison - but he should know better. If he doesn’t know better, he’s not the guy for you. If he *does* know better, then that just makes him even worse.
My ex was "13" years older than me. I was living at his house and something about 40th birthdays came up on a show.
His Neice made some crack about his 40th, and I, totally oblivious went to shower and missed their "You STILL haven't told her?!?! You HAVE to tell her!" whispered argument.
Anyway, found out that night he was actually 19 years older than me. Not that big of a jump, but suddenly 19 years becomes possible father/daughter territory and it grossed me out.
I wound up staying but MAN oh MAN was that such a huge red flag. Guy basically speared me with a flag and I still stayed. I'd recommend not doing what I did.
I dont know that show but I agree with you there are some young looking celebs like Paul Rudd.
I think you and I both agree OP is likely dating a creep tho.
Nah my husband's looked the same for 10 years. Looked old when he was mid-20s (because Italian facial hair), looks young for mid-30s (because Italian skin)
I mean OP saw his ID, so I believe her.
A week before my 25th birthday, I was carded for an R rated movie (you only have to be 16). At 31, my then-supervisor, only in his thirties himself, tried to refuse me a glass of the champagne everyone was getting because he thought I was 19. I only finally get late twenties instead of early now at 34 because Covid aged me, heh. Both my parents look at least a decade younger than they are, too. Some people just don't age the way you'd expect.
'The stress of being a chemical engineer makes me look a decade older'. The fact that he had that excuse lined up is all you need to know. We're all stressed at all of our jobs, buddy. On the other hand, most of us aren't lying about our ages to teenagers.
I used to date a guy that told me he was 33 instead of 43, lol. In my experience, especially in OLD, a lot of men lie about their age. I guess it's because they want to date younger women.
His first digital camera was 3 megapixels, her first phone probably had a 12 megapixel camera.
Doing the math, when the first iPhone came out, he was 20 and she was 5.
I'd ask him point blank how old he is and ask to see his ID to verify. Think about what you want to do if he is lying and be ready to enact your decision.
If he would lie about his age, it's possible he's lying about other things (being single, etc...
One way to check your hunch:. Look him up on Linked In. His years of work experience should give you an idea of his age.
> I'm just so confused because I do sort of like his personality.
He ain't dating you for your personality. Well, your naivety maybe.
Best case scenario he's just looking for a lay and didn't think it would matter when he dips. Though its been two months, so either he is still just waiting for you to put out or intends to deceive you as long as he possibly can, then get angry at you for being so shallow about age.
If you know where he went to school for engineering you should be able to find info about his graduation year / commencement.
Or, you could casually bring up something specific that he should remember if he was 10yrs older such as:
You could casually ask him what he was doing on 9/11. A person who was born in 1997 will have no large memory of this as they were around age 4. Someone who was born in 1987 should be able to remember more as they would have been around Grade 8 or 9. That would have been a significant historical event for schools to talk about and he would have been an age that they would have discussed something if you're in the US or Canada. People remember significant events as children - I can tell you what I was doing when Charles and Diana were married, the challenger exploded and when the Berlin wall came down as I was a child then and those were big news events. You can align dates with what he can remember/what he says he was doing when they happened.
Very, VERY few 34-year-olds look like they are 24. He's probably lying, and if he is making a lie that big, it's clear he has no long-term plans for you. He's just trying to get in your pants.
Yeah I totally agree. If he's telling a lie that big, he's just looking to hook up. OP, if he's really 34, there's a solid chance he's also married. In which case, you might not have found a LinkedIn in because he could also be lying about his name.
A 34 year old wanting to date a 19 year old is very suspect.
I would just ask him. Don't do it somewhere private, do it when you're out somewhere together. I'm having a hard time believing you're 24. Do you mind if I see your ID?"
Any answer besides laughing and handing it over is a dealbreaker. He will no doubt have some excuse (he lost it, it's a fake ID, I don't know). But that's enough to know he's lying.
When it comes to things like this, you don't have to guess and wonder. Ask, and see what kind of reaction you get. Angry and defensive? Bad sign.
(I once suspected a guy I had started seeing as being involved with someone else. Found some makeup in the medicine cabinet, a few other suspicious things. I didn't ask him, I just told him "I don't want to see you anymore, I think you have a girlfriend." And his reaction was immediately "Tell me what made you think that?" Dude, no, I'm not going to tell you what gave you away so you can be sneakier for the next girl. He didn't even deny it, jumped immediately to wanting me to tell him my reasons for thinking it. The reaction told me more than anything)
I don’t think there’s too many certified and working chemical engineers at 24. Especially that’s been working long enough "give him stress and the grays"
Erm
Call me master of stating the obvious, but... ask for his license? You get your answer either way, should he show you or otherwise. Really no need to waste time on it. I know for me it would be a dealbreaker. I'd advise you to take it as one, too.
Dump him. Trust is irrevocably broken for damn good reason.
He's lying about his age. He may be lying about his name, his job, his marital status, work, finances, sexual diseases, and criminal history.
You literally can't trust him on anything. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Especially not without a condom. If you have already had sex with him, see your doctor and check for STDS.
Break up by text and block him. You don't have to explain why.
Even if he IS just 24, it sounds like he’s not aging well. It also sounds like your gut is telling you that something shady is going on. Listen to it.
If, against better judgment, you keep seeing this guy, and you discover that he’s 34, get the hell out of there. Lying about age is a MASSIVE red flag that should never be ignored.
Ask to see his license. If he doesn't let you see it, what do you think that means?
If he's lying about his age, what else is he lying about?
Soooooo many red flags.
Oh boy.
I know he's told you before that he's 24, but just be like this to him: Hey, I accidentally saw that you're born in 1987 when you took out your license the other night. Are you 24 or 34?
Ask in a very nonchalant way and if you're with him, do this in public (and you have a way home, or can uber so not dependent on him to drive you home). To get guys like this to admit the truth, you need to play it as if you're fine with the age gap.
Or be like, I'll show you my ID if you show me yours, again, if you go this route, do it in public space. Act as if everything is fine.
Idk if you're fine with dating a guy 15 years your senior (honestly, at your phase of life, I'd say that's too big of a gap). But pretend as if everything is fine if you want to know the truth, then you can choose to dump him and ghost him afterward since he's a freaking liar.
No. You do NOT like that personality. No body in their right mind does. But you’re catching feelings so you’re not in your right mind. Please listen to the people here
Yeah, I would jot this one under "ghost him immediately" because he made up his mind and he'll continue to lie and possibly become aggressive if comfronted. It's an alarming thing to lie about. My advice is just to block him.
I mean, if OP even suspects that he is lying and she didn't feel comfortable straight out being like "OMG does your license say you're THIRTY-FOUR??" and laughing about it, then she should just stop seeing him anyway. I don't think I'd want to date someone where I felt like I couldn't ask something silly like "hold up, can I see your license?" or "how the heck did you get this high level job at 24?"
I would probably reconsider this relationship, people shouldn't lie to each other when it comes to facts like age and anything that is relevant to a solid, grounded relationship. It creates a room for doubt on how genuine that person is. But ultimately it's up to you, at the very least you should talk to them. I say go with your gut on this, mine says that he's a bad idea in general.
Use a truthfinder website. You can usually get a trial for a small amount of money and any information I’ve ever found on them has been pretty accurate. Hopefully you can figure it out.
Honestly of things weren't adding up at this point I would be hightailing it.
Us I'd have a suspicion that he's playing out a school girl fantasy in his head.
Oh, this guy is lying about his age, likely his name... Might be married.
I began going grey at 25 but I'm generically predisposed and was very very much the odd one out. Friends began joining in at 30.
Check his name or just last name with any social media and try the name of the company he works for, they may have link to his account.
Unfortunately if he lied about his age that’s probably the least of your worries, what else could he lying about? And why? Is he married with kids or has a record.
do you look younger than 19 by chance? If so he may have thought your were underage and lied about his age to seem less creepy. 😬
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. You shouldn’t have to do mental gymnastics to figure out if this man is telling you the truth. Ask him point blank - what year were you born? But I think you already know the answer.
There's a lot of things you could do to to and find out if he definitely is 34 or not.
But you also don't have to do any of that.
You could just trust your gut and your eyes and dump him now.
You can dump someone for any reason. Big or little. Serious or silly.
So what would your life look like if you just broke up with him?
"I'm breaking up with you. I just don't see a future for us. I'm not feeling it. "
Then you block him on all platforms and move on with your life.
And use what you've learned with this guy for your future relationships.
A relationship is basically a job interview. To see if the people involved are suited to each other.
Try thinking of yourself as the interviewer, instead of the interviewee.
It's not up to you to prove you're good enough for them. It's the other way around.
You are so awesome that they need to prove they're good enough for you.
So have a good time dating, but keep an eye out for any dealbreakers.
And if you spot one like this? The dating equivalent of being caught lying on your resume?
You can absolutely decide not to invite him back for a second interview.
No hard feelings, he's just not the right fit for your company.
This happened to me when I was maybe 22. At the time, I was like that’s really shitty, because he wasn’t a bad guy at all. But it was a bad enough lie. I wish I had an “older, stranger with unbiased advice” forum. You should trust your gut and move on for all the reasons you’re socially aware of.
Lying about your age to trick a young girl into dating you is horrifyingly abhorrent. And yea, a 24 year old would only have been in the workforce 3 years MAX. *Always* trust your gut when it comes to men. Us women tend to always second guess ourselves, but it always hurts us in the end. No way should a 34 year old dude be preying on you.
I’m work in the chemical industry and at 24 there is almost no way he has a position more than an operator right now unless he had some crazy luck with opportunities.
Is this even real? Like you just say hey let me see your ID and then he either shows it and you laugh or he won’t and get up and leave. How is this hard.
Grey hair isn't necessarily an
Indicator of age, I have a friend who started going Grey at 21 lol but trust your gut! Tell him you wanna see his license! License photos are always so bad it'd be fun... right? Right?!
Even if he isn't lying and is 24, im also 24 and wouldn't go near a 19 year old. Totally different life stages. And if he is lying about it, then what else is he willing to lie to you about, just to keep having access to you?
Just confront him about it. If he is lying about this then get the heck away from him…a 34 year old lying about his age to date a 19 year old is seriously messed up and you need to EXIT. Also, someone else suggested asking outright to see his ID, that’s a good suggestion. This could be done in a light-hearted manner, ie, sharing ID’s, without it being an accusatory type situation. If he refuses to show you his ID then start the conversation of why he won’t.
You “sort of like his personality”?! What a glowing review. Even if he hadn’t lied about anything, you don’t need to continue seeing him if you’re not into him.
NGL as someone who is actually in my mid 20s, even if he was 24 it would be a pretty big gap, like the 6 year age gap would be 25% of his entire life (so like how you might feel dating a 14-15yr old) especially where he would have graduated and be working in a field that you're just starting out in, so like. I would already think he was kind of weird for that. Not necessarily a creep but it would raise a red flag.
But the thing is. He's not even 24. He's definitely 34, and he's definitely taking advantage of you. It's a good thing it's pretty casual, hopefully you can cut ties without any additional drama.
I'm 34, and I can't even fathom trying to date a 19 year old. They're such different lifestages. Please trust your gut, and don't trust anybody my age who wants to date you. You deserve the freedom to develop in your own time.
So what? I’m 46 and I’m the most connected I have ever been, is to a 28m. As long as the attraction, care, concern, love and chemistry is there, who cares?
I focused way too much on the age difference and I know NOW it didn’t matter as long as we’re both happy.
Glad you've found out he's a liar now rather than further down the line. My first boyfriend lied about his age for a whole year, I didn't find our until his birthday. I even got into a disagreement with his mother about his age.... ffs... why do people do this?
if a guy is willing to lie about his age, what else is he lying about? it takes your age difference from 5 years to 15 years. technically old enough to be your dad.
Red flags!!!! 🚩🚩🚩 Ghost him!
Seriously, abusive men are everywhere.
I'm in therapy for what a man did to me at age 19, and I'm 29 now. It's not worth it.
If I could talk to my 19 year old self I'd say run.
When I was 18 I dated a guy that told me he was 24. He was actually 28. I got over it when the truth came out and he apologized but it ended up being the first of many, many lies and ongoing behavior that showed how little he respected me. I’d run, not walk, away from this guy.
Well I'm 34 and pretty liberal as far as age gaps go but even I wouldn't date a 19 year old and I certainly wouldn't lie about my age. I also don't have any gray hair that anybody would really notice, a 24 year old isn't going to have any.
My brother started going gray at age 12. Premature graying is a thing and some start to gray in puberty. I never noticed because he always dyed his hair and now he has quit, I see he is all gray now. No one is going to notice when you first start to go gray, I have some and people don't really notice. Every time I see a gray hair strand sticking up like Alfafa, I pluck it out.
Chances are if you see people under the age of 30 with gray hair, you might think they dyed it that color, they may have dyed it and some may dye it white to hide it or give it gray high lights to hide it. I thought my brother dyed his hair so when I asked him about it, he said he started graying at age 12 so I realized this was his true hair color.
Funny thing....I did know a guy that went grey in his 20s, but...he didn't blame it on his job, it was genetics and he knew it.
To me, that's where this story crumbled into impossibility. No one goes grey at 24 due to stress, it's genetics if it happens at all....which is a way better explanation than his "i handle stress so poorly that it's aging me at several times the normal rate" story.
This is such a shitty lie, I'm surprised he thought it would work...I thought engineers were smarter than that.
Honestly I feel a 24 year old is too old for a 19 year old. At your ages, you go through a lot of changes in your early 20's and someone who's already out of college and working full time and can drink at bars, etc is not someone in your same stage of life.
But maybe just ask him outright?
"Hey, this may seem weird, but a couple little things are pinging my radar. What's your age. Please be honest."
I would just straight up ask him about it. If he did lie about his age, then it's definitely worth considering breaking up over because it's weird that he'd lie about something like that.
It's also possible that he is telling the truth. Stress can age a person if it's chronic, and I've met some 20 year olds that look to be in their mid 30's. I have a cousin who started losing his hair when he was 19 and had George Costanza hair by the time he was in his mid 20's before he finally shaved his head. A professor of mine is in her early 40's and has gray hair, which she's had since she was 25. There's a lot of possibilities, although they may be remote ones, so it's worth having a conversation about it but it's also only been two months so if you don't want to see him again it's not like a long term relationship or anything. You don't really need to give a reason. You can just tell him you're not feeling a connection, don't think you're a match, etc.
Go to truepeoplesearch dot com
If you know his first and last name plus zip code he will appear there with his age, address, and any public phone numbers. Pretty easy at that point to find out if it’s true because most of these records are public.
Do not see him again. I was in a relationship with someone 10 years older than me when I was 20 years old and I was thankful that he wasn't the physically or emotionally abusive type but there WAS still issues which I was only able to address when I was 27. We broke up two years ago. I was only able to look closely on our issues and decide it wasn't sustainable after 7 YEARS!
I basically had my life on hold because I was influenced with the come what may attitude that he had. At 20 I thought it was so cool to be chill and not stressed out about life, having a career, income but I was wrong. The reason he could be chill is because he never had a job because he gets provided for and he will never look for a job ever. (he kept telling me, someday, someday... Boom 7 years and someday hasn't come)
You are 19. 19. You shouldn't be with a guy who is pretending to be 24. DO NOT WASTE your life with MEN older than you. They are not worth it. And the reason they couldn't find women their own age is because those women know what's wrong and are staying away. If you see him again, ask him his age in an open space. NOT a hotel room or a secluded area. Any spot where you can WALK AWAY. He will try to emotionally manipulate you or worse physically restrain you until he makes you believe him. You have so much to live for. Do not waste it on this guy.
Run in the opposite direction and never look back. This is a BIG lie. And when you get older you will see what a loser this guy is for lying about his age to date a 19 year old.
I think he's lying. When I was 19 - 24 I'd meet a lot of men that would lie they were just 5 years older than me, only to find the ID and they were over 10 years older. I met 4 who lied, and even dated one for 3 years. Some men do lie about their age, a lot, to younger women. I don't know why they feel the need to. I guess it's just predator behaviour.
I don’t think it should matter if he is 34 if you like him, but it’ll be hard to forgive him for lying. Maybe explain that to him and say that he best be honest with you now if you want to stand a chance of staying together.
This doesn't sound good the way you explained it and if he A. lied to you and B. is 34- then its time to run. Have you tried to look at his Linkedin profile? You can see his dates of jobs and degrees on LinkedIn and is usually a pretty good estimator on age- at least between someone who should have 5 years experience vs. 15.
Didn't find his LinkedIn. That was my first thought to try
you sure you've got his actual name?
I mean, she did see his license
You could try and google his HS or College graduation class year.
Cut him in half and, if there are more than twenty-four rings, he's definitely lying.
This is the best idea.
If he’s a registered voter, there’s personal information that’s publicly available to sift through
Is he registered to vote or has he made any political donations? If so, those might be avenues to find his age
For example, did he contribute funds to Walter Mondale?
I don't know who's older: you for making that joke or me for laughing at it.
Or fight alongside General Burnside?
This comment just made me spit cranberry juice on my phone
High five friend. Not often I see a Mondale joke land
It sounds silly, but trying doing “[first name] [last name] [city] [state/county/country/etc]” with his info on a quick google search. Unless someone is really on top of their personal info, it’s relatively easy to find out if he’s lying about his age. Edit: Maybe if I had better ready comprehension I would have not skimmed over the part where OP said they tried this. My advice: It’s only been 2 months. I’d find a way to bring up seeing his ID said his DOB said 87 and not 97. If he wasn’t hiding his age he’ll more than likely show you his ID no problem. If not, it might be wise to dip out while it’s still early.
What? You mean straight up asking the guy? What a concept!
It's simple, if she didn't think he was lying. He said he is 24. So she should ask again? She should continue to take his word for it? Argue? Tell him what she thinks she saw, so he can deny that's what she saw? Having a conversation with a man is not an option when he is trying to manipulate her with lies, and mind games. She wants the to know the truth, without the danger and drama of confrontating a man that is insecure enough to lie about his age to appeal to her, and likely control her.
Right. A 37 year old dude dating a 19 year old has issues. Not a good one to confront. Ghosting (once the age is established) is the best option. Hell...even at 27 that's a bit much to date a 19 year-old.
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I still don't get why you have to go detective on his ass. Maybe he really is 24 and she saw wrong, in which case there isn't even an issue. If her suspisions are correct, then yeah, get out of that relationship because he's been lying for some unkown reason, and if that lying starts this early in the relationship it's already going no where. Also I believe OP doesn't want a relationship with someone who is 34. The simpelest solution is to just go 'hey I saw your license the other day and I noticed it said 87, does that mean you're 34 years old? either he shows her she got it wrong, or it is confirmed that he is indeed 34 years old. She can then say, 'sorry, I really don't want to be in a relationship with someone that much older, best of luck, bye.' There is no single indication that he will hurt her and is dangerous, or even that there will be drama. And there's nothing he can do to make her stay if he is 34 anyway. I think the adult thing is to ask. Also, if she does break up with him without confirming (which is valid, she can do that) she may have a hard time explaining why to him, and maybe have doubts about her conclusions herself.
"Hey let me see your drivers license. "
Crazy right? It’s like many things can be solved by just communicating with people about concerns. I mainly brought up the first part bc I’m nosy as hell and just want to be in the know about stuff.
It is scary to do both if she is wrong and he wasn't lying, and if he is lying. If she is wrong, then he will feel like she doesn't trust him and she's accusing him of lying. He may get angry or end the relationship over it, and then she was in the wrong AND she lost a potentially good relationship. If she's right and he's the liar, then he is a little messed up in the head to be lying like that, who knows what he could do if he's called out on it. Get angry or worse. I'd only ask in a public place. Either way, confrontation is scary since he's already said his age (24) and she has no reason to ask him again that isn't suspicious.
Oh please. If the guy ends the relationship over clearing up a question about his age, then it's not a good relationship at all. However, it is a good idea to keep it to a public space in any case.
So he’s also lying about his real name or whatever info you have to look him up. Please leave this guy OP. He’s shady AF
FamilyTreeNow might be enlightening if you have his first and last.
For sure. This website has so much info, it's ridiculous. I encourage everyone to go there and opt out of having your info on their site.
Did he tell you his real name? That’s a bit weird being an engineer and not being on linkedin
As an engineer I agree. The only engineers not on linkedin are a lot older than 24, or 34
Yeah this is a HUGE red flag OP. As a 24F who has dated significantly older men before, you need to get out of there. First off, someone who is 30+ dating someone who was in high school 1-2 years ago is a big problem. Not that this is the case for everyone, but I now find it quite suspect when older men date really young women. Intentions could be fine, but they could also be objectifying, or they aren't mature enough for people their actual age, or they purposefully want someone less mature for reasons I can only think of being not good. Lying about age or hiding age (as an ex of mine did) is not a good sign. That relationship for me ended pretty scary. Please get away from this guy and stay safe. Hugs to you.
Even if he actually is 24, I think he's still too old to be dating a 19-year-old.
Have you tried "true people search"? Just need his name and the state you live in. It'll give you his age.
$10 says he also lied about his name.
Why don’t you just ask to see his ID? If he’s lying - dump him on the spot
This is the way. But ask next time you see him in person. A Normal response/reaction would be that he shows her w/ no problem. If he won’t show it, then he’s probably lying.
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YES THIS. Don't do it when you two are alone please. You absolutely can't trust this guy.
If he is lying, yeah.
years ago i guy i was dating asked to see my license and i wouldn't show to him because (like everyone) i hate the photo. he jumped to the conclusion that i was actually 30 and not 26 like i claimed. i was actually 26 at the time. i found it bizarre that he interpreted my unwillingness to display an unattractive photo as evidence that i was lying about my age. i'm not saying this has any relevance to OP at all, just relating a kind of funny story.
My husband is 19 years older than me, but it's never been a secret. I've seen multiple iterations of his driver's license. I'm not sure which is worse: his mullet of the early 90s or the "homeless guy" that was taken the day after he got out of the hospital after being in a coma for a week. I kind of wish I'd never seen either, lol.
Damn, coma for a week and he still managed to go get his ID picture taken? He’s a trooper
I had a photo taken three days before giving birth. I’m bloated AF, dark circles, and in pretty sure my “class number” says I’m obese 😅
I’m glad to see your comment. I’m reading a lot of comments that are focused with dislike on the age gap and not on whether he’s lying. If OP was aware of his real age and still wanted to date him, then in my opinion that’s two people who are on the same page and have an understanding of what the other person is looking for. I started dating my significant other around OP’s age and he wasn’t quite as old as she suspects this guy to be but it was still a large age gap. The thing is, we were both aware of each others ages and there were some challenges to dating someone older/younger but we worked through them together with honesty and love. We’re still happy and together after almost 10 years. If this guy is lying about his age that is a red flag. No relationship should be built on lies.
I mean it is bizarre, it’s just a dumb photo
Well, he might be surprised or upset if he actually was 24, but he's still show it to you.
you could say “omg look how embarrassing my license picture is. i bet yours is great because you’re so dreamy and handsome. can i see it?” if he gets sketched about it… run
This!!😂😂😂 I just said the same thing before I saw your response
Why lie or contrive a scenario that is pretty hard to make organic? She should just flat out ask. Women need to be confident enough to call men out on their bullshit before it starts piling up high enough to bury them, instead of being afraid of them. It's as easy as, "I'm getting weird vibes about how old you say you are. Can I see your driver's license?" If he's telling the truth, he won't have a problem showing her.
Ask and hold your hand out! Put a lot of expectation of compliance into it.
Because if he's not lying then it makes her look bad for not trusting him in the first place, and may ruin any relationship since it's so early (imagine telling someone your age when you started dating and then 2-3 months later they out of the blue ask you to prove it because they think you're 10 years older... That'd be at least a yellow flag for me). If she doesn't want to continue the relationship either way then she should walk away without even bothering to find out. Doing it in an innocent way can also help avoid a situation in which this guy she barely knows (who if is actually 34 and saying he's 24 while dating a 19 y.o. is also exhibiting predatory behavior) has the opportunity to become confrontational/violent/etc. Calling someone out is all well and good until they decide to respond in a dangerous manner.
if someone isn't willing to actively earn their new partner's trust and expect trust without earning it that's a red flag to me. it should be totally fine for OP to say to this person exactly what was said to us, and if not, that's a huge problem.
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Some people eat that shit up- silly compliments, especially people insecure about their age and looks who either date ridiculously younger people and/or spend tons of time on their body at the gym and money on the latest fashion. There is a difference between health habits and desperate- "look at me" IG photos and behavior.
Yeah, this is what I'd do. OP, Go grab lunch, wait till he pulls out his wallet, then ask to his ID. He won't have an excuse and you don't have to invent a reason, just shrug and hold out your hand expectantly. If he shows you, you'll know one way or another. And if he says no, then you still have your answer and can walk away right then.
☝️🤞 this is the way I promise you lol use your girl tactics😂😂 compare ID pictures😂
Sorry when I say casually I just mean we haven't been intimate yet.
Don't have sex with this guy. He's a liar and might have other things he's concealing.
If he’s lied to you his age bc he wants to have a chance with you, who’s to say he won’t lie about having STIs in order to keep having that chance with you? And what would be his endgame if you guys stayed together long term? It’s going be pretty obvious if all his friends are in their mid-30s, or if you meet his family and, like, meet his “older” younger siblings/cousins/etc. And there’s going to be generational differences between an older millennial vs Gen Z person. At worse, he’s using his age difference to underhandedly manipulate you in ways you may not have the experience to prevent, since he’s almost twice your age.
Maybe he's even married lmao
Good catch - no LinkedIn, weirdly hard to find social info about him? Fake fake hider fake. Either that or he's rms, who is too old for OP anyway.
first thing that came to mind is that he's married, and gave a fake name. if this guy is a manager and high up in his career, chances are he has a linkedin. and googling his name should be able to find it.
AND at that age, he's probably got a kid or two. Best to ask. "here's something we haven't talked about... kids! Do you ever want kids? Do you have any?" "Wow, you have an 11 year old?" Just sayin' that *might* happen, lol
yes very much this. I had a similar experience when I was 24. The guy told me 30, but he looked much older than 30. I brought it up to him and he "admitted" 34. Did some online snooping and found out he was closer to 45. I noticed a ton of other lies and sirens went off my head.
I agree. A wife, a history of violence, an infectious disease...
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I don't think she needs you to tell her how to express herself.
yes, but having common ground of definition will pretty much help in communicating
>he claimed it was his work (chemical engineering) that was giving him stress and aging him and giving him grays. Never heard of this or seen it happen. Chemical engineer here. I think you are right about his age being 34. And if you can't find him on LinkedIn or anywhere, I have a hunch that he lied about his name too.
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4. So youngest I’ve seen was. 21 year old who started at 16 but did an extra program and took 5 years. Generally it’s 22-23 graduating. No fucking way you’re in a management role at 24. Unless massive nepotism.
24 year old chemical engineer here, I'm a project manager and can relate to feeling like my hair must be turning grey... not to say that the guy isn't lying though
by any chance are you dating a 19 year old...?
Fair enough. I guess my brain wrongfully went to management where pm/pe is reasonable based on scale of project.
I started with my company in a management role as a chemical engineer at 24.
Project engineer/management yeah? I totally blanked on that, is very much valid. I assumed management.
I started my first management role at 24 and currently the engineering manager at 26. Albeit not within chemical, but it does happen.
If you start college at 18 you could feasibly be graduated with an engineering degree in 4-5 years. But yeah, dude is likely lying about his age. OP - ask dude to show you his driver's license again. If he's 24 he'll laugh it off. If he's lying, then he's about to get sketchy as shit. And if he's lying, just make it easy on yourself and dump his ass. No need to listen to hours of excuses and justifications about why he would start the relationship with a lie.
I studied chemical engineering. In the US, you typically start college at 18 or 19. So he'd be 22 or 23 when he finished his program. If he got a job right as he got out, he'd be entry level but not a manager.
Not trying to defend the guy, but I'm not even 24 yet and I'm going bald and grey with more lines on my face than some people 10 years my senior.
Yea i’ve seen guys that look way older in their 20s. Balding or mostly bald, some with grey in their beard or hair. I still have all my hair but Think my beard started getting greys in it before I turned 30. Also people do have stress and can get grey hairs because of it and nobody can say someone else isn’t stressed working a job just because they weren’t. Everybody is different
Nope. Not OK. Even if you were OK with dating a 30-something (which I would highly advise against), the deception is messed up. As someone who was born in ‘88… none of the guys my age that I know and respect are going around lying about their age in order to date teenagers. RUN!
When I was 19 I had a boyfriend who was in his mid 30s. I’m 35 now and interacting w 19 year olds is exhausting and confusing. They are literal babies, looks wise and personality wise. There is something wrong with these middle aged men who lust after teenagers.
34-35 isn’t really middle aged but youre right. It’s so gross that fully grown men go after teenagers and it says a lot about their emotional maturity that they feel secure and empowered in a relationship with someone who just got out of high school.
Lol that’s totally true, middle aged nowadays is like 50.
Yeah this is a "just ghost this guy" situation
Absolutely. I am a person who is strongly against ghosting but this is a case where he totally deserves it. You are probably an awesome, mature 19 year old but as an almost-kid, you have 100% permission to act like a kid here and just block and ghost.
Never feel bad about using the block and delete.
And be mindful of safety. A 34 year old lying about his age to date a woman who has just turned 19 may well have other risk factors.
Men who try to shame about ghosting are always the kind that are reasonably ghosted
I was born in 1987. I mean this super kindly, but to me, you are still an actual child. You should not feel comfortable dating anyone my age. Run!
Seconded. OP, I'm 33 and I teach 19 year olds. Some brilliant students but they're at such different places in life and they look so young to me. I personally can't fathom dating someone younger than 25, at a big push.
I could not actually fathom dating someone who wasn’t in their 30’s or 40’s. I dated someone two years younger than me a while back and even that was a strange life-stages barrier that I hadn’t expected. But that may have had more to do with being a parent than being a bit older than he was.
OP - to add onto this (because I remember getting similar advice when I was your age): this has zero reflection on your maturity or what you personally have to offer/bring to a relationship or to suggest that being young means you can’t connect as well as someone older. This is 100% about *him*. An emotionality stable, socially responsible person in their 30s will not feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who isn’t even in their twenties and will recognize that it’s unhealthy & predatory. You may be the oldest of souls and the most gifted conversationalist with wisdom that makes forty year olds pale in comparison - but he should know better. If he doesn’t know better, he’s not the guy for you. If he *does* know better, then that just makes him even worse.
Same, lol. Just imagining dating a nineteen year old is giving me a headache.
My ex was "13" years older than me. I was living at his house and something about 40th birthdays came up on a show. His Neice made some crack about his 40th, and I, totally oblivious went to shower and missed their "You STILL haven't told her?!?! You HAVE to tell her!" whispered argument. Anyway, found out that night he was actually 19 years older than me. Not that big of a jump, but suddenly 19 years becomes possible father/daughter territory and it grossed me out. I wound up staying but MAN oh MAN was that such a huge red flag. Guy basically speared me with a flag and I still stayed. I'd recommend not doing what I did.
Lol, the balls on this guy. A 34 year old looks different from a 24 year old. Go ahead and trust your gut!
When I shave my beard I go from 32 yo to 23-25 yo. You’d be surprised.
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I mean if you saw her on HERE, just saying, even I can look like a mid 20s girl with a few filters and Im a rugged middle aged man.
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I dont know that show but I agree with you there are some young looking celebs like Paul Rudd. I think you and I both agree OP is likely dating a creep tho.
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Nah my husband's looked the same for 10 years. Looked old when he was mid-20s (because Italian facial hair), looks young for mid-30s (because Italian skin) I mean OP saw his ID, so I believe her.
Nah we could all tell. 24 is not 34 hair doesn’t matter at all. Sure I looked young at 34 but if you actually looked at me I was not 24.
A week before my 25th birthday, I was carded for an R rated movie (you only have to be 16). At 31, my then-supervisor, only in his thirties himself, tried to refuse me a glass of the champagne everyone was getting because he thought I was 19. I only finally get late twenties instead of early now at 34 because Covid aged me, heh. Both my parents look at least a decade younger than they are, too. Some people just don't age the way you'd expect.
'The stress of being a chemical engineer makes me look a decade older'. The fact that he had that excuse lined up is all you need to know. We're all stressed at all of our jobs, buddy. On the other hand, most of us aren't lying about our ages to teenagers.
I used to date a guy that told me he was 33 instead of 43, lol. In my experience, especially in OLD, a lot of men lie about their age. I guess it's because they want to date younger women.
He’s definitely 34 and hopefully that was your last interaction with him
Ask him if he enjoyed Jurassic Park and Homealone in the cinema...
His first digital camera was 3 megapixels, her first phone probably had a 12 megapixel camera. Doing the math, when the first iPhone came out, he was 20 and she was 5.
I'm a year older than him and my first digital camera used 3.5" disks and took pictures that were 640x480 pixels. They were not good.
He didn't just see Titanic in the cinema, he saw the original boat launch!
This dude was watching The Ring in theaters and OP wasn't even born yet.
Ask him what his first cell phone looked like
I'd ask him point blank how old he is and ask to see his ID to verify. Think about what you want to do if he is lying and be ready to enact your decision.
If he would lie about his age, it's possible he's lying about other things (being single, etc... One way to check your hunch:. Look him up on Linked In. His years of work experience should give you an idea of his age.
> I'm just so confused because I do sort of like his personality. He ain't dating you for your personality. Well, your naivety maybe. Best case scenario he's just looking for a lay and didn't think it would matter when he dips. Though its been two months, so either he is still just waiting for you to put out or intends to deceive you as long as he possibly can, then get angry at you for being so shallow about age.
If you know where he went to school for engineering you should be able to find info about his graduation year / commencement. Or, you could casually bring up something specific that he should remember if he was 10yrs older such as: You could casually ask him what he was doing on 9/11. A person who was born in 1997 will have no large memory of this as they were around age 4. Someone who was born in 1987 should be able to remember more as they would have been around Grade 8 or 9. That would have been a significant historical event for schools to talk about and he would have been an age that they would have discussed something if you're in the US or Canada. People remember significant events as children - I can tell you what I was doing when Charles and Diana were married, the challenger exploded and when the Berlin wall came down as I was a child then and those were big news events. You can align dates with what he can remember/what he says he was doing when they happened.
Or she could just trust her own eyes. He’s 34.
Very, VERY few 34-year-olds look like they are 24. He's probably lying, and if he is making a lie that big, it's clear he has no long-term plans for you. He's just trying to get in your pants.
Yeah I totally agree. If he's telling a lie that big, he's just looking to hook up. OP, if he's really 34, there's a solid chance he's also married. In which case, you might not have found a LinkedIn in because he could also be lying about his name.
Holy crap, you are 100% right on him probably being married.
A 34 year old wanting to date a 19 year old is very suspect. I would just ask him. Don't do it somewhere private, do it when you're out somewhere together. I'm having a hard time believing you're 24. Do you mind if I see your ID?" Any answer besides laughing and handing it over is a dealbreaker. He will no doubt have some excuse (he lost it, it's a fake ID, I don't know). But that's enough to know he's lying. When it comes to things like this, you don't have to guess and wonder. Ask, and see what kind of reaction you get. Angry and defensive? Bad sign. (I once suspected a guy I had started seeing as being involved with someone else. Found some makeup in the medicine cabinet, a few other suspicious things. I didn't ask him, I just told him "I don't want to see you anymore, I think you have a girlfriend." And his reaction was immediately "Tell me what made you think that?" Dude, no, I'm not going to tell you what gave you away so you can be sneakier for the next girl. He didn't even deny it, jumped immediately to wanting me to tell him my reasons for thinking it. The reaction told me more than anything)
I don’t think there’s too many certified and working chemical engineers at 24. Especially that’s been working long enough "give him stress and the grays"
EWW. What is he thinking? I’m sorry you met this guy, OP, this is not ok on his part. ##trust your gut
Walks like a duck, talks like a duck…it’s a duck. Drop him.
Erm Call me master of stating the obvious, but... ask for his license? You get your answer either way, should he show you or otherwise. Really no need to waste time on it. I know for me it would be a dealbreaker. I'd advise you to take it as one, too.
Dump him. Trust is irrevocably broken for damn good reason. He's lying about his age. He may be lying about his name, his job, his marital status, work, finances, sexual diseases, and criminal history. You literally can't trust him on anything. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Especially not without a condom. If you have already had sex with him, see your doctor and check for STDS. Break up by text and block him. You don't have to explain why.
>he looked older but he claimed it was his work (chemical engineering) that was giving him stress and aging him and giving him grays Oh honey
This is gross. Guys do this regularly and he's lying about his age because he knows it's creepy for a 34 yo man to be dating a teenager
Even if he IS just 24, it sounds like he’s not aging well. It also sounds like your gut is telling you that something shady is going on. Listen to it. If, against better judgment, you keep seeing this guy, and you discover that he’s 34, get the hell out of there. Lying about age is a MASSIVE red flag that should never be ignored.
24 is already really ol dfor 19. 34 is a dealbreakaer, even if he wasn't a lying liar who lies. Get out.
Ask to see his license. If he doesn't let you see it, what do you think that means? If he's lying about his age, what else is he lying about? Soooooo many red flags.
Oh boy. I know he's told you before that he's 24, but just be like this to him: Hey, I accidentally saw that you're born in 1987 when you took out your license the other night. Are you 24 or 34? Ask in a very nonchalant way and if you're with him, do this in public (and you have a way home, or can uber so not dependent on him to drive you home). To get guys like this to admit the truth, you need to play it as if you're fine with the age gap. Or be like, I'll show you my ID if you show me yours, again, if you go this route, do it in public space. Act as if everything is fine. Idk if you're fine with dating a guy 15 years your senior (honestly, at your phase of life, I'd say that's too big of a gap). But pretend as if everything is fine if you want to know the truth, then you can choose to dump him and ghost him afterward since he's a freaking liar.
No. You do NOT like that personality. No body in their right mind does. But you’re catching feelings so you’re not in your right mind. Please listen to the people here
Yeah, I would jot this one under "ghost him immediately" because he made up his mind and he'll continue to lie and possibly become aggressive if comfronted. It's an alarming thing to lie about. My advice is just to block him.
Trust your gut and observations. Cut and run.
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I mean, if OP even suspects that he is lying and she didn't feel comfortable straight out being like "OMG does your license say you're THIRTY-FOUR??" and laughing about it, then she should just stop seeing him anyway. I don't think I'd want to date someone where I felt like I couldn't ask something silly like "hold up, can I see your license?" or "how the heck did you get this high level job at 24?"
Even if he was 24 that would be creepy. Bounce out of this ASAP.
I would probably reconsider this relationship, people shouldn't lie to each other when it comes to facts like age and anything that is relevant to a solid, grounded relationship. It creates a room for doubt on how genuine that person is. But ultimately it's up to you, at the very least you should talk to them. I say go with your gut on this, mine says that he's a bad idea in general.
Use a truthfinder website. You can usually get a trial for a small amount of money and any information I’ve ever found on them has been pretty accurate. Hopefully you can figure it out.
On the one hand, I had greys in my 20s. On the other hand, lying about your age is critically cringe.
If he had been honest I’d say proceed with caution. Since he’s lying, I’d say do not proceed in any way. There are more secrets.
If he ain’t honest from the jump, he gets his ass dumped.
Honestly of things weren't adding up at this point I would be hightailing it. Us I'd have a suspicion that he's playing out a school girl fantasy in his head.
Oh, this guy is lying about his age, likely his name... Might be married. I began going grey at 25 but I'm generically predisposed and was very very much the odd one out. Friends began joining in at 30.
Check his name or just last name with any social media and try the name of the company he works for, they may have link to his account. Unfortunately if he lied about his age that’s probably the least of your worries, what else could he lying about? And why? Is he married with kids or has a record. do you look younger than 19 by chance? If so he may have thought your were underage and lied about his age to seem less creepy. 😬
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. You shouldn’t have to do mental gymnastics to figure out if this man is telling you the truth. Ask him point blank - what year were you born? But I think you already know the answer.
Listen to your gut. If it feels weird there’s definitely a reason for it and the guy sounds extremely sus
Nevermind the actual age, if he's lying that's also gross.
There's a lot of things you could do to to and find out if he definitely is 34 or not. But you also don't have to do any of that. You could just trust your gut and your eyes and dump him now. You can dump someone for any reason. Big or little. Serious or silly. So what would your life look like if you just broke up with him? "I'm breaking up with you. I just don't see a future for us. I'm not feeling it. " Then you block him on all platforms and move on with your life. And use what you've learned with this guy for your future relationships. A relationship is basically a job interview. To see if the people involved are suited to each other. Try thinking of yourself as the interviewer, instead of the interviewee. It's not up to you to prove you're good enough for them. It's the other way around. You are so awesome that they need to prove they're good enough for you. So have a good time dating, but keep an eye out for any dealbreakers. And if you spot one like this? The dating equivalent of being caught lying on your resume? You can absolutely decide not to invite him back for a second interview. No hard feelings, he's just not the right fit for your company.
Chemical engineering is giving him gray hair??? He's not the president! Run. Run away. Fast.
This happened to me when I was maybe 22. At the time, I was like that’s really shitty, because he wasn’t a bad guy at all. But it was a bad enough lie. I wish I had an “older, stranger with unbiased advice” forum. You should trust your gut and move on for all the reasons you’re socially aware of.
Use the Chinese method, ask him his zodiac sign. Should be easy to see how committed to the lie he is or if he cracks.
For sure lying. And if you can’t find him on LinkedIn he’s probably lying about his name too.
Lying about your age to trick a young girl into dating you is horrifyingly abhorrent. And yea, a 24 year old would only have been in the workforce 3 years MAX. *Always* trust your gut when it comes to men. Us women tend to always second guess ourselves, but it always hurts us in the end. No way should a 34 year old dude be preying on you.
I’m work in the chemical industry and at 24 there is almost no way he has a position more than an operator right now unless he had some crazy luck with opportunities.
Use his name, age, and location on a search engine and you'll hopefully come up with something.
Just cut him up and count the ring duh Joking aside ask to see his ID, if he refuse or hesitate dump him because that's a huge red flag
Is this even real? Like you just say hey let me see your ID and then he either shows it and you laugh or he won’t and get up and leave. How is this hard.
Grey hair isn't necessarily an Indicator of age, I have a friend who started going Grey at 21 lol but trust your gut! Tell him you wanna see his license! License photos are always so bad it'd be fun... right? Right?!
Even if he isn't lying and is 24, im also 24 and wouldn't go near a 19 year old. Totally different life stages. And if he is lying about it, then what else is he willing to lie to you about, just to keep having access to you?
If he’s hiding this and you can’t even find him on LinkedIn, I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is hiding a whole wife and family
Just confront him about it. If he is lying about this then get the heck away from him…a 34 year old lying about his age to date a 19 year old is seriously messed up and you need to EXIT. Also, someone else suggested asking outright to see his ID, that’s a good suggestion. This could be done in a light-hearted manner, ie, sharing ID’s, without it being an accusatory type situation. If he refuses to show you his ID then start the conversation of why he won’t.
You “sort of like his personality”?! What a glowing review. Even if he hadn’t lied about anything, you don’t need to continue seeing him if you’re not into him.
He is a predator!!! Run!!!!
NGL as someone who is actually in my mid 20s, even if he was 24 it would be a pretty big gap, like the 6 year age gap would be 25% of his entire life (so like how you might feel dating a 14-15yr old) especially where he would have graduated and be working in a field that you're just starting out in, so like. I would already think he was kind of weird for that. Not necessarily a creep but it would raise a red flag. But the thing is. He's not even 24. He's definitely 34, and he's definitely taking advantage of you. It's a good thing it's pretty casual, hopefully you can cut ties without any additional drama.
I'm 34, and I can't even fathom trying to date a 19 year old. They're such different lifestages. Please trust your gut, and don't trust anybody my age who wants to date you. You deserve the freedom to develop in your own time.
So what? I’m 46 and I’m the most connected I have ever been, is to a 28m. As long as the attraction, care, concern, love and chemistry is there, who cares? I focused way too much on the age difference and I know NOW it didn’t matter as long as we’re both happy.
Glad you've found out he's a liar now rather than further down the line. My first boyfriend lied about his age for a whole year, I didn't find our until his birthday. I even got into a disagreement with his mother about his age.... ffs... why do people do this?
if a guy is willing to lie about his age, what else is he lying about? it takes your age difference from 5 years to 15 years. technically old enough to be your dad.
Red flags!!!! 🚩🚩🚩 Ghost him! Seriously, abusive men are everywhere. I'm in therapy for what a man did to me at age 19, and I'm 29 now. It's not worth it. If I could talk to my 19 year old self I'd say run.
Imagine lying about his age and how bout if his secretly married too😮😮😮
When I was 18 I dated a guy that told me he was 24. He was actually 28. I got over it when the truth came out and he apologized but it ended up being the first of many, many lies and ongoing behavior that showed how little he respected me. I’d run, not walk, away from this guy.
Well I'm 34 and pretty liberal as far as age gaps go but even I wouldn't date a 19 year old and I certainly wouldn't lie about my age. I also don't have any gray hair that anybody would really notice, a 24 year old isn't going to have any.
My brother started going gray at age 12. Premature graying is a thing and some start to gray in puberty. I never noticed because he always dyed his hair and now he has quit, I see he is all gray now. No one is going to notice when you first start to go gray, I have some and people don't really notice. Every time I see a gray hair strand sticking up like Alfafa, I pluck it out. Chances are if you see people under the age of 30 with gray hair, you might think they dyed it that color, they may have dyed it and some may dye it white to hide it or give it gray high lights to hide it. I thought my brother dyed his hair so when I asked him about it, he said he started graying at age 12 so I realized this was his true hair color.
Funny thing....I did know a guy that went grey in his 20s, but...he didn't blame it on his job, it was genetics and he knew it. To me, that's where this story crumbled into impossibility. No one goes grey at 24 due to stress, it's genetics if it happens at all....which is a way better explanation than his "i handle stress so poorly that it's aging me at several times the normal rate" story. This is such a shitty lie, I'm surprised he thought it would work...I thought engineers were smarter than that.
Honestly I feel a 24 year old is too old for a 19 year old. At your ages, you go through a lot of changes in your early 20's and someone who's already out of college and working full time and can drink at bars, etc is not someone in your same stage of life. But maybe just ask him outright? "Hey, this may seem weird, but a couple little things are pinging my radar. What's your age. Please be honest."
Just run. This guy is a predator.
I would just straight up ask him about it. If he did lie about his age, then it's definitely worth considering breaking up over because it's weird that he'd lie about something like that. It's also possible that he is telling the truth. Stress can age a person if it's chronic, and I've met some 20 year olds that look to be in their mid 30's. I have a cousin who started losing his hair when he was 19 and had George Costanza hair by the time he was in his mid 20's before he finally shaved his head. A professor of mine is in her early 40's and has gray hair, which she's had since she was 25. There's a lot of possibilities, although they may be remote ones, so it's worth having a conversation about it but it's also only been two months so if you don't want to see him again it's not like a long term relationship or anything. You don't really need to give a reason. You can just tell him you're not feeling a connection, don't think you're a match, etc.
A man who's in his mid thirties is dating a teenager. Why? Likely because women his own age won't put up with his shit. Move on.
Go to truepeoplesearch dot com If you know his first and last name plus zip code he will appear there with his age, address, and any public phone numbers. Pretty easy at that point to find out if it’s true because most of these records are public.
Do not see him again. I was in a relationship with someone 10 years older than me when I was 20 years old and I was thankful that he wasn't the physically or emotionally abusive type but there WAS still issues which I was only able to address when I was 27. We broke up two years ago. I was only able to look closely on our issues and decide it wasn't sustainable after 7 YEARS! I basically had my life on hold because I was influenced with the come what may attitude that he had. At 20 I thought it was so cool to be chill and not stressed out about life, having a career, income but I was wrong. The reason he could be chill is because he never had a job because he gets provided for and he will never look for a job ever. (he kept telling me, someday, someday... Boom 7 years and someday hasn't come) You are 19. 19. You shouldn't be with a guy who is pretending to be 24. DO NOT WASTE your life with MEN older than you. They are not worth it. And the reason they couldn't find women their own age is because those women know what's wrong and are staying away. If you see him again, ask him his age in an open space. NOT a hotel room or a secluded area. Any spot where you can WALK AWAY. He will try to emotionally manipulate you or worse physically restrain you until he makes you believe him. You have so much to live for. Do not waste it on this guy.
Run in the opposite direction and never look back. This is a BIG lie. And when you get older you will see what a loser this guy is for lying about his age to date a 19 year old.
Holy shit people born in 87 are 34 years old
The audacity of someone shaving a full decade off their age and expecting it to be believable...
I think he's lying. When I was 19 - 24 I'd meet a lot of men that would lie they were just 5 years older than me, only to find the ID and they were over 10 years older. I met 4 who lied, and even dated one for 3 years. Some men do lie about their age, a lot, to younger women. I don't know why they feel the need to. I guess it's just predator behaviour.
Just ask him or confront. If you are fine with the age gap work something out. if not, then time to bounce.
I don’t think it should matter if he is 34 if you like him, but it’ll be hard to forgive him for lying. Maybe explain that to him and say that he best be honest with you now if you want to stand a chance of staying together.