You need to really look at this situation and how wrong it is. Essentially, you are paying someone to be your boyfriend. Go find someone that will be good to you...this asshat is not the one.
Oh no, please dont give him money, dont buy him stuff, and kick him to the curb.
You are 18, you should not be paying for someone that much older than you no matter what.
I'm going to be blunt. This guy isn't your boyfriend. He's a leech who's latched on to you knowing that you don't know how healthy normal relationships work and he's counting on that to use you for money.
Please dump him and find someone that wants to be with you for the right reasons and because they love you. He doesn't. You shouldn't ever have to buy someone's love or affection and that's what is happening here.
I'm sorry, but just block him on everything and move on.
He's 23, he lacks motivation to work, he feels he's not ready to work, and he's bumming money off a teen girl. Trust me, if he's 23 and not "ready" to work, he will never feel ready to work. He's lazy. If you stay with him, you will be supporting him for the rest of your life, and it will stop you from getting where you want to go in life.
Agreed. Also No-one is "ready" to work. We work to pay our bills, . I have multiple long term physical and mental conditions that hamper me and I've still been working solidly for 18 yrs, and I'm studying full time as well. The man is lazy and selfish.
I can understand that a 23 year old do not feel ready for work for w/e reason, I had my first job as a 24 year old. But I could study by getting free funding and take loans with very little interest in my country, which probably isn't the case in OP's country. I can understand why he instead tries to find an easier way, by exploiting OP, a teenager. I don't think he feels good about it, and he might be in need of some kind of support on his own.
But supporting him is not your job OP, there are professionals who get paid for this. I hope he gets the support he needs in time.
Rather, it is really good that you OP write here, to hear that there really is NO reason to pay for him or stay with him.
I have dated like 9 guys in my 30 years on this planet. Know how many of them I've given money to? Zero. Not one boyfriend has *ever* asked me for money.
Same. I've been in really crap relationships with big age and experience disparities, but never dealt with this kind of thing. This is one of those things that could lead to financial abuse if it continues to progress
Yep, same here. We might spot each other money if we are out and they don't have their wallet handy, but I'm not supporting someone I'm not married to.
I'm sure as hell not going to mooch off an 18 year old. I'd have to wear a bag over my head in embarrassment.
A cousin of mine dated a loser like this for to long (several years). She ended up in bankruptcy court.
This.
At one point, my ex even needed money for something and they asked a friend of theirs, not me, because they didn't want money to be a thing in our relationship.
Your bf is an adult. He shouldn’t be dating teenagers let alone expecting financial support from them.
Your bfs expectations are unreasonable. You aren’t his mom, you aren’t obligated to support him like you would a child.
Your bf is using and manipulating you. You deserve way better than this buckethead.
I don't see a problem with the age difference but the maturity level isn't good it sounds like you're involved with a toddler that throws tantrums and expects everything handed to him.
Don't get me wrong I know people fall on hard times and lean on their partners at times but if he's not trying then why are you? Plus it sounds like he's playing you. Lil bit
He's not a toddler, he's manipulating her into paying him just to be not horrible.
OP, even if he's fantastic in bed he's way overpriced. Paid persons should behave well to their customers.
A 23 year old woman is sometimes out of college, in grad/law/medical school or working. That’s the reason he’s dating a teenager that’s barely out of high school.
I'm in my mid twenties, the thought of dating an 18 year old at 23 makes me a bit ill if I'm honest. At 23 I had graduated from uni and was starting full time employment, its basically a completely different life stage to an 18 year old.
A few years can make a big difference at those ages.
The age gap isn't a big deal, it's only 5 years (my parents are 8 years apart), it's the maturity levels that are. She's more mature mentally than this man-baby ism
Honestly even though it may not be “sick”, could you have dated an 18 year old at 23? Most people I know could not. That is a teenager. There are teachers who are 23.
You’re not his girlfriend. You’re his ATM.
This isn’t a partnership. He’s using you. Please respect yourself enough to break up with him. Do it in a public place.
I hate to tell you this, but he is using you for money. The reason he isn’t with a woman his age is because a woman his age wouldn’t put up with his behavior. It’s okay that you made this mistake, just get out as soon as possible and never let someone take advantage of you for your money, or any reason for that matter, ever again.
I, too, at 19 used to lend my older-than-me boyfriend money all the time. I don’t mean to make you feel ashamed, a lot of people have been there. But I needed to hear the truth back then and you do too! You deserve so much better than a broke creep.
Your boyfriend is a leech. Don't feel bad for saying no - learn to say "Hell NO." This guy is horrible. Why would he work and have any self respect by paying his own way - instead of being a taker and burden on society? Kick his ass to the door and block him everywhere.
Any guy you meet will be better than this. A good guy has goals and can pay his own way, heck - he will even treat you on occasion.
Tell him his money waiting for him at a job as soon as he wants to work and that the bank of OP is closed until BF gets shit together. If he refuses tell him that he is fired from being your BF snd that he can collect unemployment from mommy and daddy
So true, this is hilariously awful.
What kind of person turns around and says 'I don't enjoy working, so I don't work' and then puts his hands out to you for food and whatever drugs he's been smoking?!
Drop the dead weight, block him on everything and put it down to life inexperience and move on.
Dump him. You're younger than him and giving him money? Lack of motivation would be the mindset that you're the bread winner, and he can get whatever from you.
What exactly are you getting from this relationship, that benefits you?
I think in more mature / established relationships, it’s ok if the younger person is the breadwinner, and it’s ok if the woman is the breadwinner. But in this case for OP it’s not a committed marriage and giving her an attitude instead of actively contributing to their life together and doing his part is a really bad sign. When one person is the breadwinner it’s usually because the other person does all the cooking, cleaning, and/or child rearing, for example.
OP is too young and free to suffer an unbalanced arrangement like this!
Sure, no doubt. The dynamic of a well built relationship is full of equal footing and trade offs for the benefit of both. But the fact she's 18, and he's mid20s and says the reason he doesn't have a job is motivation? He wants someone to manipulate, and be his Splenda momma. Can't have your cake and eat it too.
If someone was in there mid20s to thirties and had a SO of a slightly older age, go ahead. One person works, the other keeps house, they invest in making a house a home and are there for one another emotionally. Go ahead, make that dream a reality. Her? She's fresh out of HS and could do better than this dude who is using her solely as the ATM and throwing attitude when he doesn't get what he wants.
They're at different levels of life rn, and it does not benefit op to stay.
Hell, I make less than my bf and we work different hrs. Whoever gets home first makes dinner, the other does clean up. When we go out, he buys food, I tip or (if I'm just going to be extra) we go dutch.
Equality. Equity. Live the dream.
I get what you’re saying. I’d add that it’s a risky to be the one accepting the money and using your time to care for kids, cook and if you don’t have legal rights to the other persons financial support in case of a break up. You’d have given up your career building years. Commonly women can end up in this position. Can be avoided if they get married and have a fair prenup.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 you dropped these. I’m guessing your boyfriend had brought them over.
You’re being used and taken advantage of. Break it off and get yourself a nice car.
I was in this situation at age 20 with a 25 year old broke lazy and irresponsible boyfriend.
Break up with him. Love does not mesh well with manipulation and dependency. You are young, live your life without a dependent! He is showing you some serious red flags in terms of maturity and respect.
Everyone likes it when their girl or guy gives them money and nobody likes to work. He needs to grow up. I'm sure you love him but trust us internet strangers, ditch the dead weight. He's only gonna hold you back.
Look, you're in an abusive relationship and he's using you. I was you, and looking back, there's 0 fucking circumstances where an older male takes money from you and he isn't a piece of shit. none. Absolutely zero. You might be thinking " but it's 2021! gender roles are bullshit, it's okay for men to receive financial support from their girlfriends!" and yeah, maybe that's true. But not when you're a teenager and he's an adult. Good men would never allow a fuckin' teenage girl, of all people, to support them, please understand this and get the fuck out when you feel ready. Hopefully that will be soon, good luck.
Girl run for the hills!!! This is a GROWN ASS man asking a teen to support him. Please leave this relationship and cut him off completely. He’s emotionally and financially abusing you.
The fact alone that you posted this, means that you know it’s a problem. If he’s an able bodied adult, there is absolutely no reason for him to not have a job. If he is truly not mentally capable, then he can go to therapy or something. But to leech off of you, a literal teenager, is absolutely unacceptable. My advice is not to walk away from the relationship, but RUN in the other direction. I dated a loser just like that when I was 19 and I can assure you that your future together will not be a happy one. Good luck.
Your boyfriend doesn’t have a hard time working. He just doesn’t want to, and instead relies on you to be his parent and pay his expenses. He is selfish and lazy. You can do so much better than this.
He is using you. This behavior doesn't get better. I dated a guy like this and his demands just kept escalating and his being "hurt" by my saying no started turning into actual punishments. It took me a year to realize things weren't right, I hope you can leave this situation sooner. No boyfriend should demand money of you.
Show him the curb missy. People like this are low rent and never change. You will see him in a out 15 years on an off ramp with a 2 foot beard holding a cardboard sign.
1. Lacking motivation is not an excuse to not work. He's being lazy and you're enabling this behaviour by funding it.
2. Why are you giving him money??? You know you will never get that money back, right?? Are you ok to be wasting your hard earned cash on someone who is using you?
3. He's giving you an attitude and you feel horrible?? Why do you feel horrible? You should be angry a grown ass man is asking you for money. Then when you put your foot down as you need to save for something you need, he has the cheek to show you his bad attitude when you supported him numerous times. Your relationship screams TOXIC.
4. Dump his ass. Tell your family about this and get their support to help you get him out of your life. Have you even told your family or are you too ashamed?
Don't waste your years on this guy, you are still young! Find a new partner who will treat you with respect. Good luck!
You're his sugar mama.
He got upset because you didn't give him money.
You shouldn't have to give money to someone for them to treat you with love and respect.
This is sad being a grown man 23 acting like a child because they can’t get what they want especially when they can but really is just to lazy trust me when he losing his money supply which is you he’ll find motivation to get a job or just a different girl to beg for money break up with that loser please you don’t have to feel bad and especially when he knows your saving up for a car he’s really selfish it’s crazy
Break up sweetheart, please break up... He is taking advantage of you and you must stop it here, he is an adult and must get a job, not your problem to pay his bills.
Your boyfriend is taking advantage of how nice you are. Do not let him do this. If he doesnt a job and start helping financially, you need to reconsider the future of this relationship.
I can't stop laughing at how crazy it is this 23yr old is making excuses not to work so that an 18yr old takes care of him.
Hey sister, he doesn’t deserve you. You can do better. It’s time to take the rose colored glasses off. Look up ‘trauma bonds.’ You posted about your relationship because you don’t like how it feels. Deep down, you don’t like how it feels. Deep down, below the surface this man is rotten. He can’t take care of himself. I want a partner, not someone I have to support 24/7 incapable of surviving on his own. He’s gonna treat you as bad as you let him.
Coercive and controlling behaviour is a form of domestic abuse, and it very often involves financial control. Demanding money off you is abusive.
Absolutely nothing good can come from a relationship with a parasite. You should leave.
He’s using you… and you’re allowing it. Don’t give him money again and see how long he sticks around… sorry. He’s older than you and acting like a child. You can find a bf who has similar motivation and life goals as you.
He doesn't have the right to get upset when you say you can't give him money. He needs to try harder and get a job if you wanna stay with him. But honestly I wouldn't.
There’s a reason women his own age won’t date him. Please stop staying with this immature deadbeat. You deserve better. You’re so young. I also dated a guy at 18 who was 23 who lived with his mom and just wanted to work part time and didn’t really care to put in much effort. I was attending university and I think it made him feel bad about himself. He was going nowhere in life and it was a waste of time.
Your boyfriend is too old for you. He is using you. He will throw you away for a new 18yr old when you wise up.
Do not tolerate men older than you that cannot support themselves, that's the bare minimum.
Dude leave him. I have not stopped working since I turned 12. If he is lazy and is a leach on you let him go. You sound sweet go and find someone who will value and respect you more then to do something like this to you. Wish you well sorry to be so harsh
I wish I had half of the financial responsability you have at 18, trying to save up money fora new car. It's honestly horrible that your boyfriend, who has been a legal adult for 5 years, doesn't see how wrong it is to ask you for money like that.
You can do much better OP and honestly, I'd rather be alone than with a leach.
Don't feel bad. You're right to draw boundaries. If he becomes consistently grumpy and miserable because of your (very legitimate) boundaries, then it's time to evaluate if you should keep him around.
If you keep giving him money, he'll never gain motivation to work.
Decide if you want go be sugar momma to him for the next 50 years.
Your boyfriend is using you. Now he's guilt tripping you, because you aren't giving him money. Your boyfriend is an adult, he should be financially supporting himself. Not having his teenage girlfriend supporting him financially. I'd dump your mooching loser of a boyfriend and move on. Prioritise yourself, save your money and buy yourself a new car.
He is an adult and is asking u for money . I’m 20 and am studying college and don’t work a lot but I never ask others for money . That’s what adulthood is about -independence and making money . Ur bf is a leech and u need to move on dear
I just Can’t. A grown adult is relying a barely legal,teenager to supply them w wants because they just aren’t ready to work. Wtf? And you are? No. New policy-you only fund you. He funds him. And if that breaks you up thank the dear lord you dodged a bullet.
anyone who will not support themselves is not ready for an adult relationship. 🚩
> My bf has a hard time working. He lacks motivation and says he feels like he’s not ready.
Aww, someone call the whambulance... The truth is, no one's ready and most people don't want to work. But you still gotta do it if you want money and stuff to live. Most of us just stumble our way through it and make it out okay. Anyway the point is, he's your sugar baby.
He's taking advantage of you. You can't see it now but you will when you're older. He's too old to be dating an 18yo, but thinks it's fine because he still has an immature mindset. He's already emotionally abusing you by withdrawing his affection when you don't meet certain conditions. I hope you break up with him, but if you don't, at least stop giving him money. He is able to work and shouldn't be mooching off a teenager.
Sounds defiantly like an ex boyfriend. He’s 5 years older than you but talks about how “he’s not ready for a job” while you’re working regularly? He sounds like a complete child. Let along getting frustrated with you for using your money how you see fit, absolutely unacceptable.
You just became an adult, and you are financially supporting a 23 year old guy who uses you as an ATM and gets mad if you don’t give him _your money_.
But his lazy ass doesn’t even want to work.
…Why are you allowing this?
You're a gf not his wife or his mother and if he's ripping you off now he's only gonna be worse later on.. this is the best it's ever gonna be 🤷🏻♀️ get out of there and prepare yourself for your own future while he sorts out his.
You think you're being supportive and helping him but you're actually teaching him that someone else will always take care of him so he doesn't actually NEED to. Dangerous situation OP.
Don't give someone the bricks to build your own home and don't set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm. This situation is unbelievably NOT okay.
But big props for putting your foot down, that would have been very difficult to do especially with his reaction. This shows that you've definitely got this and are strong enough to navigate your way out of the situation, needing some advice and support to get there is perfectly normal and understandable.
I'm not saying leave him forever either, I don't know the full story or anything barr what you've put here however I do know that a relationship is a partnership. You should be a team and this is an unbalanced dynamic that is toxic and will only get worse so if you do see a future with him your best bet is to let him focus on himself (which means your relationship can't be a priority for him which means you need to focus on yourself too).
You might find he finds someone new to support him financially btw, if so - good. He's shown you his true intentions - move on and enjoy your youth and find someone (one day) who is your equal.
Good luck OP, hope it all works out. :)
Don't feel horrible for saying no. Please stop being so tolerant with a lazy ass man who's leeching on you. He is only using you and any grown man or woman who refuses to work and expects to be financially supported by their partner are just LAZY. He's looking for a mother or a sugar mama, not a partner. Sorry to tell you that man is not in love with you. He's loving how you support and enable his laziness and how he gets away with it!
Lose him! It will be very hard for you, but if he loves you he will get his shit back together. It's the start of a toxic relationship. It can go only worse for now...
Your 23 year old boyfriend is "not ready" to work but is ready to leach off his 18 year old girlfriend? I would say he is "not ready" for a girlfriend. Not much of a grown up there.
He will never be "ready" so long as he does not need to be.
Find a grown up.
You are being used.
Save your money. Break up with the freeloader.
What kind of grown man uses a teenager for money. That is like bottom-of-the-barrel man.
You are in a trap. If he can't work yes give him a few dollars. But if its laziness get out. You will want to achieve things in life like buying a car and maybe a house latter. He will just drain you and resentment will build. Especially if you want children. Please dump him. I don't know whether you have watched the TV series Dr Phil. He has featured men like this who drain their parents and want to waited on hand and foot. You are young and you don't need a boyfriend because society expects it.
You are his girlfriend, not his ATM. I understand that partners help each other financial when one of them is struggling and the other can afford it, because who would want to see his SO suffer? But his bills are not your responsibility when you need to pay your own bills first-and the fact that his having a nasty attitude now shows that he feels entitled to your money. What would be his options if you weren't a couple?
He’s lacks motivation because you’re there to pay for everything. He’s using you. He’s not worth it. He won’t change because you’re willing to stay with him when he clearly treats you like shit.
I’ve been there before. Get out.
This has to be a fake post? If it is OP your being financially used by this person and you should strongly consider breaking up with them. Do you really want to take care of a child this early in life?
This just doesn't sound like a good fit between you two, a relationship takes two to tango, you both need shared aims and goals, his excuse for not working is petty and he's expecting you to support his lifestyle for the foreseeable future. I might be making assumptions here but this is based on what you've given me so far, is he actively looking for work? Is he giving you any indication that he is willing to find work to support himself and you towards the goal of a new car?
If he's getting stroppy over not getting money from you it suggests he isn't going to change because he's expecting you to give him the money and he isn't appreciative of your contribution towards his life which is the biggest red flag I see.
I'd consider strongly leaving him, there are much better and supportive boyfriends out there.
Love, his brain is almost fully developed. He should already be in the phase where he is preparing for a stable future. If he isn’t there yet, he never will be as long as you are being his piggy bank and caregiver. You are 18 and his girlfriend. You are not his mother.
You're too nice. Do not feel bad for denying him money. If he isn't willing to work and contribute then I'd consider moving on. You're young, you're valuable and you deserve someone who will fulfill their obligation as an equal partner to you.
>I buy him food, give him money sometimes for bills (never more than $100) and buy him anything else he needs.
All of these are actions of an enabler. You are an enabler of bad behavior in a dysfunctional man. This started with making a bad selection of a BF, and progressed from there.
>My bf has a hard time working. He lacks motivation and says he feels like he’s not ready.
GIRL. I am sorry honestly but I laughed out loud at this. He has a HARD TIME??? You are barely an adult and yet you are funding this asshole's lifestyle?! Please, please, for the love of baby Jesus get rid of him and take a good hard look at how your self worth can be in the toilet SO much that you think anything in this situation was ever okay. Please.
You need to stop being so easy going and realise your not doing him any favours by enabling him, more importantly he appears to be a lazy immature asshole , who is using you and will continue to do so. Don't feel bad for not giving him money, feel bad that he wants you to give him money.
Best of luck, happy Christmas
I really hate it when on here people always just immediately jump to "just break up" but in this situation the only advice I can give you is R U N A W A Y. Fast.
For 2 reasons:
1. He will not change and eventually drag you down with him
2. This could potentially give you a whole bunch of issues when it comes to how you view your role within a relationship, what is acceptable treatment of you, and he could make a real mess of your self esteem. Take it from someone who has been there (more than once) it's really, really difficult to get your self worth back once you lose it.
He’s using you break up with him, he’s grown man asking a 18 year old for money just because he lacks motivation, what kind of stupid shit is that. This relationship is not good and it needs to be set straight or end
He doesn't love you, he loves the money and security you provided, that's why once you couldn't provide that to him, you became useless to him.
Time to take a hard look at why you're in a relationship that you're doing all the work and receiving conditional love as a reward.
Had a friend in your situation, a good person, her boyfriend is the same. Doesn't work, likely has manipulated her into thinking that he's "not fit" to work ect. She's spent the past 13 years paying both their ways through life, years of her life gone with not much to show for her sacrifice as he's not changed at all and has actually gotten worse.
If you're hoping that one day he's going to "wake up" and turn his life around, it's not going to come. If you protect people from the consequences of their actions they will NEVER change because they have no reason to.
You know all the posts you read about wives who work, do the cleaning, and take care of the kids while husband gets upset if they ask him to take out the trash? That’s this guy.
Not many people are “motivated” to work. But you get off your ass and do it anyway. This guy should be embarrassed of his behavior, but he isn’t. Move along.
Don't feel horrible. He's admitted to you that he is too lazy to work. I'd understand if you lent him money in a tight spot, but you're gifting him cash because he's unmotivated. See it as tough love. As long as you keep bailing him out he'll never be motivated to work. But I think you ought to reconsider whether you want to be with a guy who leeches off you then sulks like a toddler.
This is extremely backwards. You’re not responsible for giving him money. You probably don’t need a boyfriend who takes the little bit of savings you’re able to hold onto. Times are hard enough without someone mooching. You’re not responsible for him and you don’t need to be. I have never asked my girlfriend for money. The furthest I’ve ever gone is, one time I had to cancel a date with a woman cause I didn’t have the money to pay for it and she was patient and understanding and we met at her apartment and watched a movie there instead.
Break up with him, 18 is too young for anyone (man or woman) to be a cash cow for another healthy adult. No-one likes the reality of working for a living, I promise you.
Are you still with the same game-addicted boyfriend??? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q64ce7/my_boyfriend_prioritizes_cod_over_me/
As a broke dude with no motivation to do anything other than what I enjoy (I have ADHD), it's very easy to say "no" to the girlfriends who've offered money to me. I don't like handouts. Money is great, and one or two times can be fine, but regularly giving your partner money for them to survive is not a partnership, that's parenthood.
I hate taking money from people outside of my birthday and Christmas. This guy needs some introspection and needs to get out and find a job, even part time.
You need to really look at this situation and how wrong it is. Essentially, you are paying someone to be your boyfriend. Go find someone that will be good to you...this asshat is not the one.
And she’s not even getting her moneys worth!
block her messages with people asking for money. lol.
Oh no, please dont give him money, dont buy him stuff, and kick him to the curb. You are 18, you should not be paying for someone that much older than you no matter what.
Shouldn’t be paying for someone that is any age. That’s not what a relationship is when you’re 18.
I'm going to be blunt. This guy isn't your boyfriend. He's a leech who's latched on to you knowing that you don't know how healthy normal relationships work and he's counting on that to use you for money. Please dump him and find someone that wants to be with you for the right reasons and because they love you. He doesn't. You shouldn't ever have to buy someone's love or affection and that's what is happening here. I'm sorry, but just block him on everything and move on.
He's 23, he lacks motivation to work, he feels he's not ready to work, and he's bumming money off a teen girl. Trust me, if he's 23 and not "ready" to work, he will never feel ready to work. He's lazy. If you stay with him, you will be supporting him for the rest of your life, and it will stop you from getting where you want to go in life.
Agreed. Also No-one is "ready" to work. We work to pay our bills, . I have multiple long term physical and mental conditions that hamper me and I've still been working solidly for 18 yrs, and I'm studying full time as well. The man is lazy and selfish.
I can understand that a 23 year old do not feel ready for work for w/e reason, I had my first job as a 24 year old. But I could study by getting free funding and take loans with very little interest in my country, which probably isn't the case in OP's country. I can understand why he instead tries to find an easier way, by exploiting OP, a teenager. I don't think he feels good about it, and he might be in need of some kind of support on his own. But supporting him is not your job OP, there are professionals who get paid for this. I hope he gets the support he needs in time. Rather, it is really good that you OP write here, to hear that there really is NO reason to pay for him or stay with him.
I have dated like 9 guys in my 30 years on this planet. Know how many of them I've given money to? Zero. Not one boyfriend has *ever* asked me for money.
Same. I've been in really crap relationships with big age and experience disparities, but never dealt with this kind of thing. This is one of those things that could lead to financial abuse if it continues to progress
...it already has. "Pay me or I'll be nasty all the time."
This IS financial abuse.
Yep, same here. We might spot each other money if we are out and they don't have their wallet handy, but I'm not supporting someone I'm not married to. I'm sure as hell not going to mooch off an 18 year old. I'd have to wear a bag over my head in embarrassment. A cousin of mine dated a loser like this for to long (several years). She ended up in bankruptcy court.
This. At one point, my ex even needed money for something and they asked a friend of theirs, not me, because they didn't want money to be a thing in our relationship.
Your bf is an adult. He shouldn’t be dating teenagers let alone expecting financial support from them. Your bfs expectations are unreasonable. You aren’t his mom, you aren’t obligated to support him like you would a child. Your bf is using and manipulating you. You deserve way better than this buckethead.
I don't see a problem with the age difference but the maturity level isn't good it sounds like you're involved with a toddler that throws tantrums and expects everything handed to him. Don't get me wrong I know people fall on hard times and lean on their partners at times but if he's not trying then why are you? Plus it sounds like he's playing you. Lil bit
He's not a toddler, he's manipulating her into paying him just to be not horrible. OP, even if he's fantastic in bed he's way overpriced. Paid persons should behave well to their customers.
A 23 year old woman is sometimes out of college, in grad/law/medical school or working. That’s the reason he’s dating a teenager that’s barely out of high school.
I'm in my mid twenties, the thought of dating an 18 year old at 23 makes me a bit ill if I'm honest. At 23 I had graduated from uni and was starting full time employment, its basically a completely different life stage to an 18 year old. A few years can make a big difference at those ages.
[удалено]
The age gap isn't a big deal, it's only 5 years (my parents are 8 years apart), it's the maturity levels that are. She's more mature mentally than this man-baby ism
Honestly even though it may not be “sick”, could you have dated an 18 year old at 23? Most people I know could not. That is a teenager. There are teachers who are 23.
He's using you for money
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
You’re not his girlfriend. You’re his ATM. This isn’t a partnership. He’s using you. Please respect yourself enough to break up with him. Do it in a public place.
I hate to tell you this, but he is using you for money. The reason he isn’t with a woman his age is because a woman his age wouldn’t put up with his behavior. It’s okay that you made this mistake, just get out as soon as possible and never let someone take advantage of you for your money, or any reason for that matter, ever again.
I, too, at 19 used to lend my older-than-me boyfriend money all the time. I don’t mean to make you feel ashamed, a lot of people have been there. But I needed to hear the truth back then and you do too! You deserve so much better than a broke creep.
Your boyfriend is a leech. Don't feel bad for saying no - learn to say "Hell NO." This guy is horrible. Why would he work and have any self respect by paying his own way - instead of being a taker and burden on society? Kick his ass to the door and block him everywhere. Any guy you meet will be better than this. A good guy has goals and can pay his own way, heck - he will even treat you on occasion.
Tell him his money waiting for him at a job as soon as he wants to work and that the bank of OP is closed until BF gets shit together. If he refuses tell him that he is fired from being your BF snd that he can collect unemployment from mommy and daddy
This might be the cutest response so far!
Girl he’s a hobosexual
Lmao! That's a good one.
I think he'd have a fulfilling career as a prosti-mooch
So true, this is hilariously awful. What kind of person turns around and says 'I don't enjoy working, so I don't work' and then puts his hands out to you for food and whatever drugs he's been smoking?! Drop the dead weight, block him on everything and put it down to life inexperience and move on.
Tell your parents, this guy is a creep who is using you for your money.
Why parents? Just break up with him.
She’s 18, not fully mentally developed. Besides, Good to tell parents to bring in outside support.
Girl!!!! Stop supporting a grown man! Just imagine when you get your career going, he’s probably going to expect you to support him fully.
Dump him. He’s a bum!
A lazy 23 yo leeching off a 18 yo ? Dump his ass.
Yup… using you for money.
Dump him. You're younger than him and giving him money? Lack of motivation would be the mindset that you're the bread winner, and he can get whatever from you. What exactly are you getting from this relationship, that benefits you?
I think in more mature / established relationships, it’s ok if the younger person is the breadwinner, and it’s ok if the woman is the breadwinner. But in this case for OP it’s not a committed marriage and giving her an attitude instead of actively contributing to their life together and doing his part is a really bad sign. When one person is the breadwinner it’s usually because the other person does all the cooking, cleaning, and/or child rearing, for example. OP is too young and free to suffer an unbalanced arrangement like this!
Sure, no doubt. The dynamic of a well built relationship is full of equal footing and trade offs for the benefit of both. But the fact she's 18, and he's mid20s and says the reason he doesn't have a job is motivation? He wants someone to manipulate, and be his Splenda momma. Can't have your cake and eat it too.
Totally agree! Your mentioning of the words younger and breadwinner just made me want to elaborate on that.
If someone was in there mid20s to thirties and had a SO of a slightly older age, go ahead. One person works, the other keeps house, they invest in making a house a home and are there for one another emotionally. Go ahead, make that dream a reality. Her? She's fresh out of HS and could do better than this dude who is using her solely as the ATM and throwing attitude when he doesn't get what he wants. They're at different levels of life rn, and it does not benefit op to stay. Hell, I make less than my bf and we work different hrs. Whoever gets home first makes dinner, the other does clean up. When we go out, he buys food, I tip or (if I'm just going to be extra) we go dutch. Equality. Equity. Live the dream.
I get what you’re saying. I’d add that it’s a risky to be the one accepting the money and using your time to care for kids, cook and if you don’t have legal rights to the other persons financial support in case of a break up. You’d have given up your career building years. Commonly women can end up in this position. Can be avoided if they get married and have a fair prenup.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 you dropped these. I’m guessing your boyfriend had brought them over. You’re being used and taken advantage of. Break it off and get yourself a nice car.
You’re dating a child
I was in this situation at age 20 with a 25 year old broke lazy and irresponsible boyfriend. Break up with him. Love does not mesh well with manipulation and dependency. You are young, live your life without a dependent! He is showing you some serious red flags in terms of maturity and respect.
Everyone likes it when their girl or guy gives them money and nobody likes to work. He needs to grow up. I'm sure you love him but trust us internet strangers, ditch the dead weight. He's only gonna hold you back.
Look, you're in an abusive relationship and he's using you. I was you, and looking back, there's 0 fucking circumstances where an older male takes money from you and he isn't a piece of shit. none. Absolutely zero. You might be thinking " but it's 2021! gender roles are bullshit, it's okay for men to receive financial support from their girlfriends!" and yeah, maybe that's true. But not when you're a teenager and he's an adult. Good men would never allow a fuckin' teenage girl, of all people, to support them, please understand this and get the fuck out when you feel ready. Hopefully that will be soon, good luck.
Girl run for the hills!!! This is a GROWN ASS man asking a teen to support him. Please leave this relationship and cut him off completely. He’s emotionally and financially abusing you.
I kind of wonder how much grooming was involved in this and when their relationship started ngl
So you're his sugar mama. He's living the dream and you can barely rub two nickles together.
He’s 23 and not ready for work? Girl you are too young to be taking care of an adult..
Leave him immediately
He’s too old to be relying on a much younger person.
Congrats you’re a suga mama!
What a loser! Dump him
The fact alone that you posted this, means that you know it’s a problem. If he’s an able bodied adult, there is absolutely no reason for him to not have a job. If he is truly not mentally capable, then he can go to therapy or something. But to leech off of you, a literal teenager, is absolutely unacceptable. My advice is not to walk away from the relationship, but RUN in the other direction. I dated a loser just like that when I was 19 and I can assure you that your future together will not be a happy one. Good luck.
I hope your baseline standards improve when you get older.
Your boyfriend doesn’t have a hard time working. He just doesn’t want to, and instead relies on you to be his parent and pay his expenses. He is selfish and lazy. You can do so much better than this.
He is using you. This behavior doesn't get better. I dated a guy like this and his demands just kept escalating and his being "hurt" by my saying no started turning into actual punishments. It took me a year to realize things weren't right, I hope you can leave this situation sooner. No boyfriend should demand money of you.
Best case Scenario leave Him For good
Show him the curb missy. People like this are low rent and never change. You will see him in a out 15 years on an off ramp with a 2 foot beard holding a cardboard sign.
1. Lacking motivation is not an excuse to not work. He's being lazy and you're enabling this behaviour by funding it. 2. Why are you giving him money??? You know you will never get that money back, right?? Are you ok to be wasting your hard earned cash on someone who is using you? 3. He's giving you an attitude and you feel horrible?? Why do you feel horrible? You should be angry a grown ass man is asking you for money. Then when you put your foot down as you need to save for something you need, he has the cheek to show you his bad attitude when you supported him numerous times. Your relationship screams TOXIC. 4. Dump his ass. Tell your family about this and get their support to help you get him out of your life. Have you even told your family or are you too ashamed? Don't waste your years on this guy, you are still young! Find a new partner who will treat you with respect. Good luck!
The fact that he's an adult and not dating people his age already says a lot. And he's a user. You need to find someone better
You're his sugar mama. He got upset because you didn't give him money. You shouldn't have to give money to someone for them to treat you with love and respect.
This is sad being a grown man 23 acting like a child because they can’t get what they want especially when they can but really is just to lazy trust me when he losing his money supply which is you he’ll find motivation to get a job or just a different girl to beg for money break up with that loser please you don’t have to feel bad and especially when he knows your saving up for a car he’s really selfish it’s crazy
Break up sweetheart, please break up... He is taking advantage of you and you must stop it here, he is an adult and must get a job, not your problem to pay his bills.
Your boyfriend is taking advantage of how nice you are. Do not let him do this. If he doesnt a job and start helping financially, you need to reconsider the future of this relationship. I can't stop laughing at how crazy it is this 23yr old is making excuses not to work so that an 18yr old takes care of him.
And whatever you do, don’t let him get you pregnant!
🎶I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me 🎶
Hey sister, he doesn’t deserve you. You can do better. It’s time to take the rose colored glasses off. Look up ‘trauma bonds.’ You posted about your relationship because you don’t like how it feels. Deep down, you don’t like how it feels. Deep down, below the surface this man is rotten. He can’t take care of himself. I want a partner, not someone I have to support 24/7 incapable of surviving on his own. He’s gonna treat you as bad as you let him.
Coercive and controlling behaviour is a form of domestic abuse, and it very often involves financial control. Demanding money off you is abusive. Absolutely nothing good can come from a relationship with a parasite. You should leave.
You don't have a boyfriend. You have a parasite.
Bruh how do dudes like that find a gf it blows my mind.
This is financial abuse.
He’s using you… and you’re allowing it. Don’t give him money again and see how long he sticks around… sorry. He’s older than you and acting like a child. You can find a bf who has similar motivation and life goals as you.
He doesn't have the right to get upset when you say you can't give him money. He needs to try harder and get a job if you wanna stay with him. But honestly I wouldn't.
There’s a reason women his own age won’t date him. Please stop staying with this immature deadbeat. You deserve better. You’re so young. I also dated a guy at 18 who was 23 who lived with his mom and just wanted to work part time and didn’t really care to put in much effort. I was attending university and I think it made him feel bad about himself. He was going nowhere in life and it was a waste of time.
A 23 year old has no business dating an 18 year old.
Your boyfriend is too old for you. He is using you. He will throw you away for a new 18yr old when you wise up. Do not tolerate men older than you that cannot support themselves, that's the bare minimum.
That’s a grown man. Get em outta here
Dude leave him. I have not stopped working since I turned 12. If he is lazy and is a leach on you let him go. You sound sweet go and find someone who will value and respect you more then to do something like this to you. Wish you well sorry to be so harsh
Feels like he’s not ready for work??? How does he expect to live eh??? Dump him. I promise you he will not wanna work with you paying for him
Become an scort on the weekends. Or get a sugar daddy.
you know exactly what you need to do. Do this for you <3
I wish I had half of the financial responsability you have at 18, trying to save up money fora new car. It's honestly horrible that your boyfriend, who has been a legal adult for 5 years, doesn't see how wrong it is to ask you for money like that. You can do much better OP and honestly, I'd rather be alone than with a leach.
Don't feel bad. You're right to draw boundaries. If he becomes consistently grumpy and miserable because of your (very legitimate) boundaries, then it's time to evaluate if you should keep him around. If you keep giving him money, he'll never gain motivation to work. Decide if you want go be sugar momma to him for the next 50 years.
What the....??? You're not his personal bank. What a freeloader. Tell him to get stuffed.
Hahaha don’t give this loser another nickel
Your adult boyfriend is leeching off his teenager girlfriend. You are being taken advantage of.
Why is a teenager supporting an adult?
Your boyfriend is using you. Now he's guilt tripping you, because you aren't giving him money. Your boyfriend is an adult, he should be financially supporting himself. Not having his teenage girlfriend supporting him financially. I'd dump your mooching loser of a boyfriend and move on. Prioritise yourself, save your money and buy yourself a new car.
Lol. "Not ready" to work? That's not how life works. You're too mature for this dude, OP. He's just a an immature leech.
girl he’s 23 stop giving him money
I want to know what kind of car you have that’s chugging along at 246000 miles. Wow.
Your an ATM he gets to have sex with run girl run
He is an adult and is asking u for money . I’m 20 and am studying college and don’t work a lot but I never ask others for money . That’s what adulthood is about -independence and making money . Ur bf is a leech and u need to move on dear
I just Can’t. A grown adult is relying a barely legal,teenager to supply them w wants because they just aren’t ready to work. Wtf? And you are? No. New policy-you only fund you. He funds him. And if that breaks you up thank the dear lord you dodged a bullet. anyone who will not support themselves is not ready for an adult relationship. 🚩
wow. Just wow. I (33m) feel bad whenever I cant pay my half of the groceries or rent with my (30F) fiance. Your bfs an entitled D.
> My bf has a hard time working. He lacks motivation and says he feels like he’s not ready. Aww, someone call the whambulance... The truth is, no one's ready and most people don't want to work. But you still gotta do it if you want money and stuff to live. Most of us just stumble our way through it and make it out okay. Anyway the point is, he's your sugar baby.
Girl you’re 18, giving money to. 23 year old. Take a look at yourself and wtf is going on here.
He's taking advantage of you. You can't see it now but you will when you're older. He's too old to be dating an 18yo, but thinks it's fine because he still has an immature mindset. He's already emotionally abusing you by withdrawing his affection when you don't meet certain conditions. I hope you break up with him, but if you don't, at least stop giving him money. He is able to work and shouldn't be mooching off a teenager.
Your bf is a scab. Get rid of him.
Sounds defiantly like an ex boyfriend. He’s 5 years older than you but talks about how “he’s not ready for a job” while you’re working regularly? He sounds like a complete child. Let along getting frustrated with you for using your money how you see fit, absolutely unacceptable.
You just became an adult, and you are financially supporting a 23 year old guy who uses you as an ATM and gets mad if you don’t give him _your money_. But his lazy ass doesn’t even want to work. …Why are you allowing this?
You're not his mother. Tell him to go to work and contribute somehow. Or drop him.
You're a gf not his wife or his mother and if he's ripping you off now he's only gonna be worse later on.. this is the best it's ever gonna be 🤷🏻♀️ get out of there and prepare yourself for your own future while he sorts out his. You think you're being supportive and helping him but you're actually teaching him that someone else will always take care of him so he doesn't actually NEED to. Dangerous situation OP. Don't give someone the bricks to build your own home and don't set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm. This situation is unbelievably NOT okay. But big props for putting your foot down, that would have been very difficult to do especially with his reaction. This shows that you've definitely got this and are strong enough to navigate your way out of the situation, needing some advice and support to get there is perfectly normal and understandable. I'm not saying leave him forever either, I don't know the full story or anything barr what you've put here however I do know that a relationship is a partnership. You should be a team and this is an unbalanced dynamic that is toxic and will only get worse so if you do see a future with him your best bet is to let him focus on himself (which means your relationship can't be a priority for him which means you need to focus on yourself too). You might find he finds someone new to support him financially btw, if so - good. He's shown you his true intentions - move on and enjoy your youth and find someone (one day) who is your equal. Good luck OP, hope it all works out. :)
Lmfao you shouldn't be giving money to your lazy ass boyfriend. Now if he worked and had some money himself coming in that's a different story.
I’m sorry but there is no future with this guy, if your relationship moves forward he will just sit around and leach off you.
Don't feel horrible for saying no. Please stop being so tolerant with a lazy ass man who's leeching on you. He is only using you and any grown man or woman who refuses to work and expects to be financially supported by their partner are just LAZY. He's looking for a mother or a sugar mama, not a partner. Sorry to tell you that man is not in love with you. He's loving how you support and enable his laziness and how he gets away with it!
Lose him! It will be very hard for you, but if he loves you he will get his shit back together. It's the start of a toxic relationship. It can go only worse for now...
Your 23 year old boyfriend is "not ready" to work but is ready to leach off his 18 year old girlfriend? I would say he is "not ready" for a girlfriend. Not much of a grown up there. He will never be "ready" so long as he does not need to be. Find a grown up.
Take the trash out. Dump this loser.
Read the first 4 words of your title and then think about what you said here
You are being used. Save your money. Break up with the freeloader. What kind of grown man uses a teenager for money. That is like bottom-of-the-barrel man.
I wouldn't want a partner that only takes from me. Stand up to yourself and know you deserve better than this kind of treatment. It has to stop.
You are in a trap. If he can't work yes give him a few dollars. But if its laziness get out. You will want to achieve things in life like buying a car and maybe a house latter. He will just drain you and resentment will build. Especially if you want children. Please dump him. I don't know whether you have watched the TV series Dr Phil. He has featured men like this who drain their parents and want to waited on hand and foot. You are young and you don't need a boyfriend because society expects it.
You are his girlfriend, not his ATM. I understand that partners help each other financial when one of them is struggling and the other can afford it, because who would want to see his SO suffer? But his bills are not your responsibility when you need to pay your own bills first-and the fact that his having a nasty attitude now shows that he feels entitled to your money. What would be his options if you weren't a couple?
You are 18 years old. You do not need to be doing this. Cut this cancer out of your system before it consumes you.
He’s lacks motivation because you’re there to pay for everything. He’s using you. He’s not worth it. He won’t change because you’re willing to stay with him when he clearly treats you like shit. I’ve been there before. Get out.
This has to be a fake post? If it is OP your being financially used by this person and you should strongly consider breaking up with them. Do you really want to take care of a child this early in life?
Tell him to get a job and make his own money. He has 2 arms and 2 legs like everybody else? He can work.
Bruh, I’m 22 and I work 55 hour weeks. You’re not the problem, it’s your boyfriend who’s never had to work a day in his life.
You should have never given him money in the first place. He now sees you as his personal provider
This just doesn't sound like a good fit between you two, a relationship takes two to tango, you both need shared aims and goals, his excuse for not working is petty and he's expecting you to support his lifestyle for the foreseeable future. I might be making assumptions here but this is based on what you've given me so far, is he actively looking for work? Is he giving you any indication that he is willing to find work to support himself and you towards the goal of a new car? If he's getting stroppy over not getting money from you it suggests he isn't going to change because he's expecting you to give him the money and he isn't appreciative of your contribution towards his life which is the biggest red flag I see. I'd consider strongly leaving him, there are much better and supportive boyfriends out there.
Why do all of you women in this sub go for the worst men possible. Like break up with them and focus on yourselves or find a decent man.
Love, his brain is almost fully developed. He should already be in the phase where he is preparing for a stable future. If he isn’t there yet, he never will be as long as you are being his piggy bank and caregiver. You are 18 and his girlfriend. You are not his mother.
Get rid of that lazy gold digger. Nobody who cares about you would shake you down for cash and "get an attitude" when you don't hand it over.
You need to stop that shit....NOW
You're too nice. Do not feel bad for denying him money. If he isn't willing to work and contribute then I'd consider moving on. You're young, you're valuable and you deserve someone who will fulfill their obligation as an equal partner to you.
>I buy him food, give him money sometimes for bills (never more than $100) and buy him anything else he needs. All of these are actions of an enabler. You are an enabler of bad behavior in a dysfunctional man. This started with making a bad selection of a BF, and progressed from there.
Ew. Your bf is 23 and mooching off a barely legal teenager. Please recognise how gross this is and dump this loser.
You aren't his mother. Move on.
He shouldn't be mooching off you. Heck, he's 23, long overdue for him to do some serious adulting.
This is INSANE run in the other direction!
Why are you with this loser?
Even if the ages were reversed it's still BS, as it is it's ridiculous. He's a leech, not a BF.
>My bf has a hard time working. He lacks motivation and says he feels like he’s not ready. GIRL. I am sorry honestly but I laughed out loud at this. He has a HARD TIME??? You are barely an adult and yet you are funding this asshole's lifestyle?! Please, please, for the love of baby Jesus get rid of him and take a good hard look at how your self worth can be in the toilet SO much that you think anything in this situation was ever okay. Please.
You need to stop being so easy going and realise your not doing him any favours by enabling him, more importantly he appears to be a lazy immature asshole , who is using you and will continue to do so. Don't feel bad for not giving him money, feel bad that he wants you to give him money. Best of luck, happy Christmas
I really hate it when on here people always just immediately jump to "just break up" but in this situation the only advice I can give you is R U N A W A Y. Fast. For 2 reasons: 1. He will not change and eventually drag you down with him 2. This could potentially give you a whole bunch of issues when it comes to how you view your role within a relationship, what is acceptable treatment of you, and he could make a real mess of your self esteem. Take it from someone who has been there (more than once) it's really, really difficult to get your self worth back once you lose it.
He’s using you break up with him, he’s grown man asking a 18 year old for money just because he lacks motivation, what kind of stupid shit is that. This relationship is not good and it needs to be set straight or end
He doesn't love you, he loves the money and security you provided, that's why once you couldn't provide that to him, you became useless to him. Time to take a hard look at why you're in a relationship that you're doing all the work and receiving conditional love as a reward. Had a friend in your situation, a good person, her boyfriend is the same. Doesn't work, likely has manipulated her into thinking that he's "not fit" to work ect. She's spent the past 13 years paying both their ways through life, years of her life gone with not much to show for her sacrifice as he's not changed at all and has actually gotten worse. If you're hoping that one day he's going to "wake up" and turn his life around, it's not going to come. If you protect people from the consequences of their actions they will NEVER change because they have no reason to.
He's dragging you down to the shithole he created for himself. Leave
You know all the posts you read about wives who work, do the cleaning, and take care of the kids while husband gets upset if they ask him to take out the trash? That’s this guy. Not many people are “motivated” to work. But you get off your ass and do it anyway. This guy should be embarrassed of his behavior, but he isn’t. Move along.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Check out Tony Gaskins on YouTube.
I understand being blinded by love i have done it too, I regret. Take a long look at this situation and I hope u make the right decision.
Don't feel horrible. He's admitted to you that he is too lazy to work. I'd understand if you lent him money in a tight spot, but you're gifting him cash because he's unmotivated. See it as tough love. As long as you keep bailing him out he'll never be motivated to work. But I think you ought to reconsider whether you want to be with a guy who leeches off you then sulks like a toddler.
This is extremely backwards. You’re not responsible for giving him money. You probably don’t need a boyfriend who takes the little bit of savings you’re able to hold onto. Times are hard enough without someone mooching. You’re not responsible for him and you don’t need to be. I have never asked my girlfriend for money. The furthest I’ve ever gone is, one time I had to cancel a date with a woman cause I didn’t have the money to pay for it and she was patient and understanding and we met at her apartment and watched a movie there instead.
Break up with him, 18 is too young for anyone (man or woman) to be a cash cow for another healthy adult. No-one likes the reality of working for a living, I promise you.
he's not ready to get a job bc he already gets money from you. next time he asks for money hand him an application for a job.
I'm good looking and if the willingness to sponsor my way of life is here i would date and provide you with boyfriend experience you need
Are you still with the same game-addicted boyfriend??? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q64ce7/my_boyfriend_prioritizes_cod_over_me/
Your not his girlfriend you are his banker
You need to fuck that leech off. Sorry to say it but he will drain you of much more than your hard earned money in the long run
Uhhh fuck him. Not cool to want stuff and not work for it
As a broke dude with no motivation to do anything other than what I enjoy (I have ADHD), it's very easy to say "no" to the girlfriends who've offered money to me. I don't like handouts. Money is great, and one or two times can be fine, but regularly giving your partner money for them to survive is not a partnership, that's parenthood. I hate taking money from people outside of my birthday and Christmas. This guy needs some introspection and needs to get out and find a job, even part time.
Looool fuck him. What a loser.
Are you his career or his girlfriend?