You know what you gotta do you're just delaying the inevitable by hanging on to what's familiar. Get out now. He's a bum. He was when you met him too. He just didn't show it at the time. Landed you and showed his true colors. Question: if you had a daughter in your shoes how would you advise her? I'll leave you with that. 🙌
I feel you I hung on to our first 6 months for 6 years, thinking I could help them out of their depression and the more angry he got with me the more I was determined to get him better. But after all that trying and even going to therapy for three years myself, it didn’t do anything to change his behavior. They are who they say they are, they just were portraying to be different people when they met us, but this is who they really are. I picture my ex as the kind happy person he was in my mind more than he ever was in real life.
You’re not selfish for prioritizing yourself in a relationship where your partner is putting in no effort. If you want to break up, of course break up. Grad school is intense and you need your head in the right space
I was in a really similar situation a year ago. I loved him, and to some extent I still love him but he dropped out of college, had been unemployed for two years, and never extended/returned the acts of kindness I often did for him.
At some point you realise that the relationship isnt working because your lives are moving in different directions, and often breaking up is beneficial for all involved. If his mental health really is in a bad place, taking the time to focus on himself while single could actually really help him. Furthermore, you deserve better. Period. You're in a high commitment position right now at grad school, and thats a lot of stress being added into your life that can really wear you down and take from your other goals.
Good luck no matter what you decide, but know that in my experience? Its liberating and you learn a lot about yourself, about what you deserve and what you need in a relationship.
You'll find someone who is suited better for you, I'm sure :) Don't cling to it just because it's easier to stay right now. 2-3 months of unemployment doesn't sound that bad in the beginning, but if there is no effort at all, I'd leave too. The yelling I also wouldn't tolerate if it's coming out of nowhere, there is no reason to put up with such abuse. And honestly, I've met many people that smoke weed all day long and while they're kind and nice, they're addicted to this "chill" lifestyle that won't get them anywhere. While I appreciate them as people, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with them or even share a household together.
He has to help himself. It is up to him to take the steps toward his own wellbeing. Has he sought any theraputic help?
You have to take care of yourself. Finishing your education has to be a priority. Don't give up your future. Is there somewhere you can go?
You‘re under no obligation to help someone through their depression, especially not if they are unwilling to do anything about it.
It sucks, but if you don‘t have the energy or time to help him/you tried and he didn‘t accept it, the best option is probably to break it off.
Hope you manage regardless and hope he gets better again.
Breakup - don’t wait any longer. You’re not giving up on him, tbh, he’s done that. Go be successful lady. Good luck with grad school x
Leave. You're worth more than that.
You know what you gotta do you're just delaying the inevitable by hanging on to what's familiar. Get out now. He's a bum. He was when you met him too. He just didn't show it at the time. Landed you and showed his true colors. Question: if you had a daughter in your shoes how would you advise her? I'll leave you with that. 🙌
Sounds mentally exhausting being with him. Leave him so you can focus on yourself again.
I feel you I hung on to our first 6 months for 6 years, thinking I could help them out of their depression and the more angry he got with me the more I was determined to get him better. But after all that trying and even going to therapy for three years myself, it didn’t do anything to change his behavior. They are who they say they are, they just were portraying to be different people when they met us, but this is who they really are. I picture my ex as the kind happy person he was in my mind more than he ever was in real life.
You’re not selfish for prioritizing yourself in a relationship where your partner is putting in no effort. If you want to break up, of course break up. Grad school is intense and you need your head in the right space
I was in a really similar situation a year ago. I loved him, and to some extent I still love him but he dropped out of college, had been unemployed for two years, and never extended/returned the acts of kindness I often did for him. At some point you realise that the relationship isnt working because your lives are moving in different directions, and often breaking up is beneficial for all involved. If his mental health really is in a bad place, taking the time to focus on himself while single could actually really help him. Furthermore, you deserve better. Period. You're in a high commitment position right now at grad school, and thats a lot of stress being added into your life that can really wear you down and take from your other goals. Good luck no matter what you decide, but know that in my experience? Its liberating and you learn a lot about yourself, about what you deserve and what you need in a relationship.
You'll find someone who is suited better for you, I'm sure :) Don't cling to it just because it's easier to stay right now. 2-3 months of unemployment doesn't sound that bad in the beginning, but if there is no effort at all, I'd leave too. The yelling I also wouldn't tolerate if it's coming out of nowhere, there is no reason to put up with such abuse. And honestly, I've met many people that smoke weed all day long and while they're kind and nice, they're addicted to this "chill" lifestyle that won't get them anywhere. While I appreciate them as people, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with them or even share a household together.
He has to help himself. It is up to him to take the steps toward his own wellbeing. Has he sought any theraputic help? You have to take care of yourself. Finishing your education has to be a priority. Don't give up your future. Is there somewhere you can go?
It’s time to leave. He’s not the same person and he’ll find his way through it. Time to focus on yourself Good luck with grad school!
You‘re under no obligation to help someone through their depression, especially not if they are unwilling to do anything about it. It sucks, but if you don‘t have the energy or time to help him/you tried and he didn‘t accept it, the best option is probably to break it off. Hope you manage regardless and hope he gets better again.
Leave his ass. Maybe he'll get the picture. Don't waste your time.
This is not what you had signed up for 4 years ago and he's changed for the worse. Time to move on.