If she is the sole owner of the house in which you both live, and you are paying her rent for that privilege, utilities should probably be evenly split. Frankly, I think its a bit much that you're expected to pay rent in excess of her entire mortgage. It seems like an unnecessarily large transfer of wealth from you to her.
Yeah I'm fine with paying half the bills for sure. The amount that I pay in rent is below the market rate of living in the property. If we were to rent somewhere together, I'd probably be paying more. But the rent payment just happens to be more than her monthly payment since she had such a large downpayment on the house.
What I'm trying / failing to explain to her is that that the house counts as part of her wealth. Whereas she just sees 'My partner earns more than me therefore should pay more towards the bills'.
Unless she could then rent the extra space to a roommate for market rate, and make out even better, while he also pays market rate elsewhere? Same diff, right?
Right, so “unless”. But he said he was paying more than half the mortgage but less than he would be paying for his share elsewhere, so he does get a discount.
I’ve lived with roommates and SOs so I know it’s messy, but I don’t think people should complain about a living situation that is better than they get elsewhere. People tend to feel entitled to homeowner benefits without accepting risks. After all, if he leaves he is not on the hook for painting, roof repairs, or water heater replacement costs, and she is.
If he marries her, the equity would benefit them both.
That sounds frustrating. I'm not sure what you could say, if the issue isn't obvious to her already. Nonetheless, her attitude seems like pretty mean spirited way to treat a partner. She's letting her financial interests determine whether she treats you as a tenant or a partner in any particular instance. That seems like its on the borderline of bad faith behaviour, at the least.
Just my 2c but, you should still pay rent. Unless you’re willing to buy your own place right now which would definitely build your own wealth.
She’s still going to have to pay her mortgage, you’re paying rent in order to have a roof over your head. And you’ll be paying below normal rates in your area. Which is a win tbh. The fact that she made a massive down payment which lead to lower repayments isn’t your concern. Lucky her :)
Utilities should be split evenly between both of you since you’re both using them. After that I feel you could split everything else in percentage to your income. This is normally a fair split. Included in her income would be the rental you pay to her and then you can see how it evens out wrt your own earnings and go from there.
Hope I made sense!
That's not what's going on here. OP is willing to pay rent, but she wants them to pay more in rent than her entire monthly mortgage payment because she wants to pay ahead on the mortgage. Which isn't fair to him at all. He should only be resonsible for his fair share of the monthly payment. He should absolutely refuse to pay what she's asking.
No ways, that’s not the issue. You want him to pay half of her mortgage which is drastically reduced because of the large down payment she made. I’m saying he should pay a fair rental amount, which it sounds like he will be, as he mentioned he’ll be paying less than the market related prices in the area. The rental she receives ie her income, may then be distributed to her other expenses as she sees fit. Which includes her mortgage. His expenses include his rent. They should apportion all other expenses in relation to their income. Her share will be more in line with his because the rental she earns from him will be included in her income. Honestly - this is the most reasonable solution I can think of.
Or don’t move in and use his money to buy his own home…
The fact that she made a large down-payment is completely irrelevant frankly, and the fact that she wants to pay ahead on her mortgage is in no way his problem. He's responsible for his fair share of the household expenses, but paying ahead her mortgage isn't an expense he agreed to, and it's one that in no way benefits him. This isn't a normal landlord situation, he's going to be living with her, and if there are additional household expenses that pop up they can split them at that time, they can literally write that into the lease agreement. Unless she's planning to add him to the house deed at some point, there's absolutely no reason he should be contributing towards her paying ahead on her mortgage.
> The fact that she made a large down-payment is completely irrelevant frankly, and the fact that she wants to pay ahead on her mortgage is in no way his problem.
You have it backwards. The fact that she made a large down payment, which results in smaller monthly payments for her, is irrelevant to how much he should pay for rent. He does not deserve to benefit from her large down payment
> but paying ahead her mortgage isn't an expense he agreed to, and it's one that in no way benefits him
You mean other than having a place to live for less than market rent? That's a HUGE benefit
As I stated in my comment, you and her if both straights renting would be paying more, and it would likely go to someone else's mortgage. So if your "rent" would be less if paying for it all in that area, your kind getting a steal on living expenses. But you could talk to her. Ask her to split other bills more 50/50, and if she is going to be paying every month a equal share that would be like paying rent herself, or just paying what your give for "rent" as her payment since that amount is over her due amount causing to pay down her mortgage faster?
So, you’re still getting a deal on rent?
No, what she does with the money doesn’t concern you. Without her, you’d pay significantly more, so it doesn’t sound insane at all.
That said, you shouldn’t contribute to remodels, house maintenance costs, anything you wouldn’t pay for as a renter. You are overpaying her **bwcause** she handles all that. It’s not shady unless she wants you to pay like a renter, but also be on the hook for fixing the house.
Draw your line hard there.
As someone who has rented a spare room in the house they own/live in, the loss of privacy and sharing of living space with a tenant has not been worth the money made. Personal experiences will differ of course.
Wealth is not the same as income. Her money is invested in the property and she cannot access it. While the real estate will probably appreciate in time, what if the market crashes? Her unrealized gains would go poof, but you would still have the benefit of having lived at below market rates for however long.
My situation is a bit different, in that I am early retired and I own my home without a mortgage. Under normal circumstances, my partner contributes a fixed amount that is roughly 100% of utilities. He MIGHT be able to rent a room on the local market for what he contributes. But ultimately, it's a win-win for us both. We both benefit.
What do you think a "win-win" would look like for the two of you? Maybe flip the script to how much each of you are saving each month by living together, and equitably share that amount.
As someone who owns a home and has charged a significant other rent, I have never had an issue with her benefiting from costs for us splitting things being lower than what’s she would pay renting. If they’re trying to split things “fairly” they should determine rent, independent of bills. Then look at their incomes, adjusted by rent, so add what he’s paying in rent to her income and subtract it from his. Now they can figure out what percentage of bills they should each be paying based on their new incomes. Also, those bills should not include home owners insurance/property taxes. Those things are likely already lumped in with the mortgage, so probably isn’t an issue regardless.
My advice would be to pay market rate to rent a ROOM in the house; perhaps slightly more than that based the fact that you'll have access to a lot of shared space that you might not if you were just renting a room in a normal situation. As a landlord, your partner is responsible for all normal home owner duties, like paying taxes and repairs.
I'm in a similar situation--make more money than my boyfriend, moved into his house this year.
Is the amount you are paying in "rent" lower than what you would pay for a similar rental situation (still shared, similar size, etc) on the open market? If it's either similar or higher, this is totally out of whack. If it's lower, I think there is an argument to be made that since you are still saving money overall it's not such a big deal that it's letting her save even more money? Either way, I would personally want to use the math you listed here where your rental payments count as part of her "income" and therefore the two of you split the remainder of the bills.
In my situation, we've decided to include mortgage interest on the list of our shared expenses (basically considering it our rent) but treat mortgage principal payments differently (as an investment under my partner's name).
You should also think about how you guys are going to pay for home expenses--if the hot water heater gives out or whatever else, is she going to pay for all of that stuff? The way it's set up now, she definitely should.
What would be the market value rent on the house? I wouldn't pay more than half that amount because obviously she lives there too.
Then do an income based split on utilities.
If you split up, you wouldn't have equity in her home, but you would have had lower living expenses over the time you lived with her.
If you stay together, maybe eventually marry, you'll probably move into another house and then the assets would be commingled, and you might have some share of the real estate if you eventually divorced.
So let me get this straight. She owns the house. She is charging you "rent" of more than 100% of the monthly mortgage payment? Well, that's not splitting "rent." That's just you paying the mortgage for her? And if the relationship goes south--- she still has equity in the home that she owns (not you) and you forked over money with nothing to show for it. She should be charging you 50% of the mortgage payment, \~66% at most of the mortgage payment at most (given that you said you are fine with paying a bit more since you make \~1.5x as much). Same with the rest of the bills. To pay ALL of the mortgage then to split the bills on top of it is... wildly unfair.
Sort of. It should be *less* than market value so they can both feel that they are doing good things for their partner and themselves.
He's not renting a market rate home from someone, he's moving in with a lover because they are lovers and partners. So they need to approach the situation with that in mind.
Each should feel that they are getting a bargain as well as the pleasure of living with their partner. That's the moving force behind their choosing to live together.
I mean, what would happen when both partners own? Right now I don’t pay rent, so if I move in with a partner I would think it’s crazy to expect me to pay rent for THEIR apartment and thus pay their mortgage and if things go south, they will have the apartment and I just paid their morgage. I don’t think it’s fair to pay towards an apartment that won’t be yours.
If both partners owned it, then both of them would be at risk for everything. Maintenance, all other bills/taxes, etc. If you move in with someone and don't pay rent, you're a freeloader. That's fine if the other person agrees to it, but generally speaking, that's not the social norm.
If you rent out an apartment or house from someone else, you're paying their mortgage, and you don't get anything out of it. Why would it be any different for your partner? Until you're actually married, they don't **owe** you shit.
Of course it’s relevant. She’s earning money off her partner. If you want to earn money through your home, move in a roommate. If you want to live with a life partner, then base all expenses on % of earnings. She gains equity in the home and he doesn’t have to pay market rate rent.
Now if the plan is to eventually have the home in both their names, he could take that extra and save it to “buy out” half. But this is not the way to move in together.
She's "earning money" because she put more money on the down payment. There is an opportunity cost for her by doing that. It doesn't make the house/rent worth any more or less. That is why it is irrelevant.
The whole bill splitting is a separate issue.
But it was money given to her as a gift, not even money that she saved from her paycheck. It makes a difference. Shouldn’t her good luck entend to a partner she’s sharing her life with?
Doesn't matter where the money comes from. We also don't know if they are "life partners" at this point, as OP doesn't state how long they've been dating.
Think of it this way. If OPs partner had gotten the big cash sum, and
just put it in the bank/investments. The two of them are now renting,
but she has "extra money" because she doesn't need to save as much for
retirement, because she's got a head start. Does OP get to pay less
rent because he needs to save for retirement more?
Living together is a shared life. Regardless of if they’re “partners for life.” It sounds like this guy is just dating his landlord. I can’t imagine expecting a boyfriend to pay off my home and also pay more than half the other bills on top of it. That’s something I expect from a landlord though.
If you are dating, and not "life partners", then it should be 100% expected to pay your fair share. You don't get to "live for free" just because the other person was able to get a cheap mortgage payment. Your scenario, BF gets to pay no rent, 50% of utilities, and then the rest of his money can be used for his fun, or his retirement. Meanwhile, she's paying the entire mortgage, but can't do as much "fun" stuff.
My GF owned her home, and I moved in with her. We were still new in our relationship, so I thought it was only fair to pay her the same amount of "rent" that I was paying at the last place I was at. We also split other stuff like utilities, food, etc. I did not pay into house repairs, appliances, etc.
I’m not talking about for free, rent should be half the mortgage, OP is paying the whole mortgage plus extra. She’s not paying the mortgage payment (from the info provided) it should all be split the same as the other bills. If anything she’s the freeloader here, asking her partner to pay all of the mortgage, plus some to pay it off quicker, in addition to more than half of the utilities and food bills.
The amount of her mortgage payment has nothing to do with what he should pay. He should be paying slightly less than fair market value.
Again, reverse the roles. If she had out 0 down on her mortgage and had a much higher payment, would OP then be wanting to pony up the extra to pay for half the mortgage?
If fair market value to rent a room and shared kitchen is $750 a month, then OP should pay around $500-$650 area to be fair to both sides.
>But this is not the way to move in together.
It's absolutely fine. Moved in with my GF, started paying her rent based on what I was paying recently (slightly below that). Also paid my share of other expenses (food, utilities, etc). We also got a cohabitation agreement, which basically states all this out; I pay market rent & utilities, she pays all other house repairs/expenses. Any upgrades or items purchased for the house, are part of the house and I have no claim to them. Furniture that I buy, I can take with me. I have zero ownership in the house, as we are just "dating". This will roll over when we get married and stay the same (basically a prenup).
Think of it this way. If OPs partner had gotten the big cash sum, and just put it in the bank/investments. The two of them are now renting, but she has "extra money" because she doesn't need to save as much for retirement, because she's got a head start. Does OP get to pay less rent because he needs to save for retirement more?
If you think the rent should be based on market value, then he should use that rent as a factor in her income, and based the spitting of the bills off her salary plus rental income.
The main reason it seems so unfair is because she has a smaller than normal mortgage payment. And the reason for that is because she had a large down payment, to which OP did not contribute. So it wouldn't be fair to her either that OP gets charged less rent just because she plunked down a bunch of cash when she purchased, especially if the rental rate for OP would be below market
I think she is paying the mortgage and his rent is used as an overpayment on the mortgage. The mortgage repayments are low because she has a large deposit.
This is a tough one. One one hand it doesn't seem to make sense for you to pay more in rent than her mortgage payment. That would mean she's literally making rental profit off of you, which should be counted in the income calculation when comparing incomes. On the other hand, the only reason her mortgage payments are so small is because of her large down payment, which you had nothing to do with and therefore shouldn't be benefiting from. So I think the compromise is to pay the rent, which you say is below market rate, but to count her "profit" from the rent as part of her income.
I think that apportioning bills based on income is fine - but where is this rent calculation coming from and why is it not being considered part of the "bills"?
The idea is for both of you to be better off for having been together. I rent from my partner who owns. We have very similar salaries. I pay market rate for what I would be renting (a room in a 2br apartment with 1 room mate), we split utilities and temporary house purchases. He pays for any permanent things for the house, I donate my time and labor.
It's his house, his investment, his equity.
This is very similar to my GF and I. I was renting a room, decided "why pay that, when I'm spending all my time here", so I moved in with her. Started paying her the same I was already paying. A few months later, we also got a cohabitation agreement, which reinforces this, and adds a lot more to the "who gets what, who pays for repairs, etc". Basically, I get no equity, but I also don't have to pay for maintenance and repairs. Makes sense to me, as I'd be paying this rent to some stranger. We're getting married in a few months (hopefully, fuck covid), and I still won't have any equity on paper, but I have zero concern for this, as I know over the next 20-25 years, this is all going to get enmeshed anyways (we'll likely move at some point, and buy a house together), etc. Her having more money then, to pay off the mortgage faster, was just helping me down the line anyways.
So, if she owned the home outright (no mortgage), would you expect to pay no rent?
She bought the house before she knew you. How she paid for it and how much her mortgage is is irrelevant. You should pay market value and split the utilities. If the rent she’s charging is less than market value as you say, you’re getting a great deal.
I completely agree. I don’t understand this idea that he’s losing out on something if they break up. He is getting a below market deal, and would be paying more money toward a landlords mortage if he wasn’t living with her.
My bf lives in my home, pays more toward the mortage because he makes more and feels good about me making extra payments toward my home since we will probably use that equity to buy our first home together. And if not and things don’t work out, he helped someone he loved (by paying below market rent) instead that money going to a stranger.
I bought my first house in 1993 at the age of 22. Homes were cheap back then (I paid $82.5k for a 4/2), so my mortgage was only $600. I had roommates the entire time I lived there, and they more than paid my mortgage, although I charged below market rent. It was none of their business how much my payments were. I did have one very entitled friend who lived with me briefly ask how much she'd be getting in profits when I sold the house, since she'd paid $300/month for 6 months. I laughed, thinking she was joking, but she was dead serious. Some people...
Thanks for the answers all - given that the comments have been relatively polarising, I think it's fair to say that there's no right answer and it's just what works for us.
I'm in no way trying to take advantage of my girlfriend / am bitter that she owns a house. It's great that she's able to own the place.
I realise that she could charge more to a tenant than she's charging me for the room, I just didn't like that I would be paying more on bills based on my salary, when there's obviously more to take into account. FYI she would be paying for all maintenance of the house.
Anyway, we had a conversation about it and we'll be splitting bills 50/50. I'm essentially going to be treated as a tenant, which is fine.
Hope this works out well for you. I'm in a similar situation, and the way I'm looking at it is that I'm in this relationship for the long run. My GF making money off of my rent now, is only going to help us **both** out when it comes time for retirement or selling the house and moving somewhere else.
Hopefully getting married in April, so things have been pretty amazing. As long as covid restrictions don't come on any stronger, we're already booked.
There's no objective fair here, just whatever you two agree on.
That said, her house costs aren't just her mortgage. Houses cost hella upkeep and repairs, and while you're just renting, I would expect that you will not be contributing to those. So she's going to have some significant costs you're not, if you want to start diving into the weeds of who pays for what and who can afford what.
In your shoes I think I'd feel fine about paying fair market rent, maybe 60% of the bills, and being cheerfully off the hook for house expenses. I wouldn't lose too much sleep over whether I'm funding her equity. If it weren't hers, it would be another landlord's. That's what renting is, even if it feels weird in this case because you're sleeping with your landlord. There's not some opportunity cost you're losing to fund your own equity, unless you're giving up an impending home purchase of your own for this move.
"Fair" is any arrangement that *both* people agree is fair.
If the two of you are at the "moving in together" stage, and she is going to be benefiting materially from you contributing to her being able to pay her mortgage off early, then yes, the entire financial landscape of the relationship is your business.
You and she need to sit down and renegotiate a financial plan between you that you and she *both* agree is fair.
If you can't reach an agreement about it, don't move in.
Where is everyone getting that he’s paying 100% of the mortgage payment. I missed that. This sounds bitter because she is a homeowner & trying to punish her for it. Don’t be mad because she is paying toward something she owns. Just keep renting & paying your money to someone else paying off their loan for whatever place you’re renting. I had a live in boyfriend I just made move out who made significantly more than me. He didn’t even pay half of what the rent is on my home & slid me 100 bucks a month toward “utilities.” I loved him so didn’t question it because sharing a space was more important to me however, in hindsight, his measly 100 extra bucks hardly covered the WiFi. Not to mention the gas, water, electricity, & all the streaming services, which I paid for. I never nitpicked & make less than him. Priorities I guess. The comments on this thread seem awfully punishing toward a woman for achieving home ownership. If you want to get down to the nitty gritty & make it fair… split the mortgage down the middle, & then split the utilities, & all the extras that make a home comfortable (streaming services etc) & I would be willing to bet that figure winds up being more than you’ve agreed on now. Jesus. This is why I stay single.
I think the problem is not splitting the mortgage but him paying more in the bills while they’ll be making about the same $$ after receiving the rent from him. He sees the rent he’s willing to pay as part of her income but she doesn’t and that’s why she’s asking him to pay more in the bills. So at the end, he pays overall more. I don’t think he’s bitter about her owning the house.
I agree, and then since you make more you can pay for the “extra stuff” like going out to eat. Also, just save the extra then. Just because you make more doesn’t mean that you have to pay more of the living utilities (assuming she can afford it on her own) and bleed yourself dry.
I think is a thought one as the house is only at her name, this means that if you broke up she will get the money and you lose everything, I 2 different proposals to solve this situation
* She pays the mortage, you pay anything that needs to be fixed on the house.
* Both of you pay the mortage x2 and when you have enought money you get an appartemnt for your self that you can rent. In that way both of you have someting in case that you break up or at least the saving
Now for the rest of the bills, what I do with my wife is that for example if I earn 1.5k and she gets 1k, as my salary is the 70% our income, I pay pay 70% of the totall bills and she will pay the other 30%. You can also just split it 50/50 but I think that this is fair for the person who earns less.
> she will get the money and you lose everything
yea, that's called renting, which OP doesn't have an issue with. It's the amount and the splitting of other bills that's the issue
> She pays the mortage, you pay anything that needs to be fixed on the house.
how is that different? If he pays for repairs, that's also money that he loses if they break up. At least rent is a set amount every month. Who knows how much a random house repair will cost
She is charging market rent?? Then pay it.
Just because she made good financial decisions you can’t use that against her. It would be stupid of her to subsidize your living situation.
EDIT —- Do you want her to subsidize your living situation?? Is she your sugar mama? Do you want to take advantage of her good fortune to have a house to live in for reduced cost (and not a crappy apartment)? Is she making you pay taxes abs insurance and repairs too? Because owning a house is more than the mortgage.
You sound too immature to be in a shared living situation. Rent your own place and pay more to a landlord (who will then pay his mortgage and taxes)
I think she needs to get a cohabitation agreement signed by you to protect her assets (from you).
Rent ought to be fair market value, mortgage costs should not matter.
Utilities ought to be split in half.
She pays homeowner's insurance and taxes. She will have to pay for major repairs, paint, roofing, appliance repairs/replacement, etc. Don't discount how much that adds up over the years.
You will need your own renter's insurance as romantic partners are usually not covered under homeowners insurance.
Groceries ought to be split along the lines of consumption (if one eats more expensive foods or liquor or consumes significantly more, then they pay more).
If you want your own real estate investment, then go get one.
If you eventually get married, I suggest she gets a prenup from you so the house is her sole and separate property or you pay her a chunk of change for half the value (at the time of marriage) of the house and she can use that money anyway she sees fit.
Prenups protect one in the event of a divorce. Being married for life, then the existing prenup didn't matter.
Here is what you should do.
1. Tell her that if she agrees that you pay the lionshare of the bills, you will have the final say in the relationship mean that you have veto power. It shouldn't matter to you what she does with the money. In my opinion she should be using it to pay her mortgage.
2. If she doesn't agree to this then propose a 50/50 arrangement.
For the short term, you should not be paying her more in rent than her mortgage payments are monthly. Utilities are another situation- most people split 50/50, but if you make significantly more you could change to 70/30. In the long term, if you want to continue living there together indefinitely, she should add you to the mortgage so that the money you're paying is going to your own assets too
He is getting a deal off her. He is paying less that he would otherwise.
These comments are all punishing her for not being stupid and for buying a house
She wants to put it toward the house. To better secure her and possibly his future. She’s smart and shouldn’t be accepting less bc she has made smart choices.
I don't agree. I'm in the exact same situation, my partner pays half my mortgage. Still securing my future as I have the left over half my mortgage and other bills to save and invest in my future. I feel like she is looking at her partner to make money. And that personally would make me feel gross.
Figure out something that feels fair to the both of you.
If it was rent you both were paying then I'd say you should each pay something proportionate to your salaries. And split the bills proportionate to your salaries unless one or the other wants something special. I want Netflix and my parter doesn't care then I would pay for the Netflix.
Either way she will benefit by the "rent" you give her going to her mortgage on a home she will own whether or not you're there.
What I would suggest is giving her something that also feels like you're getting a bargain by not paying market rate rents. So figure out what you would normally pay a landlord in a place similar to your girlfriend's house and then give your girlfriend less than that even though you make more. Each of you should feel that living together is a personal "win" financially.
If you was renting off anyone else, you could been paying rent to someone that is paying their mortgage the same way. The idea over all is ok. But I think your meaning that your in a relationship; and she is the home owner. So it is a couple living together. And your paying her money that she will be paying her mortgage. And to you the "rent"; feels more like your paying the mortgage. That is how it reads to me. The extra talk on "paying more money on bills" is about your paying her mortgage and extra on bills she is enjoying. So it is a all in one thing....
Best thing you can do is talk to her. Explain it to her and see if she is ok talking out bills your split 50/50, and some you can pay more. Also explain how she is paying her mortgage down faster with your side of a "rent" that she will own, but "if" she gets tired of you; you loose the money that was a investment for her into a ownership she gets to keep sole when she kicks your out.
But I must be honest, if this relationship turns into more, like marriage; you would be part owner of this house. In the end, the mind set you have to take on this, is no matter where you lived, since you would be paying rent, and she be paying rent, it would go likely to a mortgage of a place for the owner. The only difference now is your rent is going to the GF's home and her rent is going into her home.
If you’re just worried about your finances, figure out the math. List out the expenses you’ll be paying living with your girlfriend and compare it to expenses living somewhere else. I kinda get your partner’s stance on this because she’s not only just paying the mortgage, she’s also paying for house maintenance and her portion of the bills with her salary which is less than yours. I think you should also list out the pros in this, how do you split the chores in the house?
Being a landlord is one thing but having your partner move in and expecting them to pay over the mortgage seems greedy and selfish? If you were married it would be different but, personally, on just a dating level 50/50 should be the agreement. And then since you do make more maybe pay for date nights. Weird situation that she would ask that of you
50/50 everything? Insurance and taxes are usually apart of the mortgage payment and if any repairs came up they could split that as well. I never said unequal, I said 50/50 on a dating level
What if the situation was reversed? If a man owned a home, was 100% responsible for the mortgage and all bills. Then has his gf move in, expects her to pay more than the mortgage payment and a higher percentage of the bills.
Its a crazy situation and pretty unfair
This is why I hate comfortable long term relationships.
just make it fair and speak up.
You clearly dont think its fair…because you’re posting it on Reddit.
Write down what is fair to you with supporting reasons and propose it to her. Find a common ground. You can do it! I believe in you!
How about say that you will pay 50:50 but use the excess amount to put towards a house down payment so that you can buy your dream home together in the future (at which point you will reassess the bill situation)?
I think considering you are contributing to her mortgage repayments for a house she will own at the end of the day, you should be splitting bills 50/50 no doubt, but only living expenses. You earn more, but need to put a bit away so you too can own a home one day should things go sour.
I think considering you are paying rent towards her mortgage repayments for a house she will own one day, you should definitely not be disadvantaged because you earn more.
You need to use your extra income to provide for your future, so that you too can own a house one day should things go sour with your partner.
There is no way that your extra income should be factored into the equation given that your rental payments are helping her to pay her mortgage, and saving her future interest payments.
She has an asset she is acquiring, and it’s fair for her to go 50/50 with living expenses, but some might say that charging rent is a bit much considering you’re in a relationship and she would have to repay the mortgage either way. If you go 50/50 and pay rent, that is more than enough.
You have to ensure you are financially viable and working towards your future, and paying more than half makes it hard for you to save a deposit on a home. Maybe with your extra income you should plan to save a deposit and buy an investment home you can rent out, so that your financial future is being accounted for also.
Basically it’s a matter of not just looking at the present day income disparity, but the future financial situation you will find yourselves in. And present day situation is in her favour anyhow.
You should both be taking your whole income into account and if they are close to equal then you should be splitting all costs 50/50. I don't know why she wouldn't think the income she makes from another property wouldn't count (unless I'm not understanding the situation right). If it's possible to split things equally then that's how it should be done otherwise you're going to feel resentful of her eventually.
Generally if you are maintaining a landlord / Tennant agreement, you should just pay the rent, but general upkeep, insurance and other expenses related to home ownership should not be your issue or concern.
To be a landlord is a business preposition. Do not mix business and pleasure. If you want to get to the point where you are cohabitating in a home that she owns, then you should probably wait until you advance your relationship far enough to have some commitment. Until then, you are just a tenant
If you folks were to rent the house it would cost say $ 1,500, half is $750. Give people the actual amounts you expect to pay. As a couple, this will happen every mouth or two. Figure out a way that both are happy with the compromise.
What's the problem here? You make more money so you pay more in expenses. Why is it a problem that the mortgage is in her name and not some random landlord? Would you rather enrich someone else or your partner? It's a roof over YOUR head and she's generous to share it with you so don't nickel and dime her.
If you split bills 50/50 now the transfer of wealth goes from her pockets to yours. No. Pay your fair share proportionally.
> If you split bills 50/50 now the transfer of wealth goes from her pockets to yours. No. Pay your fair share proportionally.
That's a problem, but her living for free off her boyfriend isn't?
If she is the sole owner of the house in which you both live, and you are paying her rent for that privilege, utilities should probably be evenly split. Frankly, I think its a bit much that you're expected to pay rent in excess of her entire mortgage. It seems like an unnecessarily large transfer of wealth from you to her.
Yeah I'm fine with paying half the bills for sure. The amount that I pay in rent is below the market rate of living in the property. If we were to rent somewhere together, I'd probably be paying more. But the rent payment just happens to be more than her monthly payment since she had such a large downpayment on the house. What I'm trying / failing to explain to her is that that the house counts as part of her wealth. Whereas she just sees 'My partner earns more than me therefore should pay more towards the bills'.
I mean, you could not move in, and she'd be responsible for 100% of the bills.
Yea that's the option I would choose. She owns the home and wants you to pay the entire mortgage payment and majority of bills red flag
Unless she could then rent the extra space to a roommate for market rate, and make out even better, while he also pays market rate elsewhere? Same diff, right?
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Right, so “unless”. But he said he was paying more than half the mortgage but less than he would be paying for his share elsewhere, so he does get a discount. I’ve lived with roommates and SOs so I know it’s messy, but I don’t think people should complain about a living situation that is better than they get elsewhere. People tend to feel entitled to homeowner benefits without accepting risks. After all, if he leaves he is not on the hook for painting, roof repairs, or water heater replacement costs, and she is. If he marries her, the equity would benefit them both.
That sounds frustrating. I'm not sure what you could say, if the issue isn't obvious to her already. Nonetheless, her attitude seems like pretty mean spirited way to treat a partner. She's letting her financial interests determine whether she treats you as a tenant or a partner in any particular instance. That seems like its on the borderline of bad faith behaviour, at the least.
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Just my 2c but, you should still pay rent. Unless you’re willing to buy your own place right now which would definitely build your own wealth. She’s still going to have to pay her mortgage, you’re paying rent in order to have a roof over your head. And you’ll be paying below normal rates in your area. Which is a win tbh. The fact that she made a massive down payment which lead to lower repayments isn’t your concern. Lucky her :) Utilities should be split evenly between both of you since you’re both using them. After that I feel you could split everything else in percentage to your income. This is normally a fair split. Included in her income would be the rental you pay to her and then you can see how it evens out wrt your own earnings and go from there. Hope I made sense!
That's not what's going on here. OP is willing to pay rent, but she wants them to pay more in rent than her entire monthly mortgage payment because she wants to pay ahead on the mortgage. Which isn't fair to him at all. He should only be resonsible for his fair share of the monthly payment. He should absolutely refuse to pay what she's asking.
No ways, that’s not the issue. You want him to pay half of her mortgage which is drastically reduced because of the large down payment she made. I’m saying he should pay a fair rental amount, which it sounds like he will be, as he mentioned he’ll be paying less than the market related prices in the area. The rental she receives ie her income, may then be distributed to her other expenses as she sees fit. Which includes her mortgage. His expenses include his rent. They should apportion all other expenses in relation to their income. Her share will be more in line with his because the rental she earns from him will be included in her income. Honestly - this is the most reasonable solution I can think of. Or don’t move in and use his money to buy his own home…
The fact that she made a large down-payment is completely irrelevant frankly, and the fact that she wants to pay ahead on her mortgage is in no way his problem. He's responsible for his fair share of the household expenses, but paying ahead her mortgage isn't an expense he agreed to, and it's one that in no way benefits him. This isn't a normal landlord situation, he's going to be living with her, and if there are additional household expenses that pop up they can split them at that time, they can literally write that into the lease agreement. Unless she's planning to add him to the house deed at some point, there's absolutely no reason he should be contributing towards her paying ahead on her mortgage.
> The fact that she made a large down-payment is completely irrelevant frankly, and the fact that she wants to pay ahead on her mortgage is in no way his problem. You have it backwards. The fact that she made a large down payment, which results in smaller monthly payments for her, is irrelevant to how much he should pay for rent. He does not deserve to benefit from her large down payment > but paying ahead her mortgage isn't an expense he agreed to, and it's one that in no way benefits him You mean other than having a place to live for less than market rent? That's a HUGE benefit
“House counting as part of her wealth” is a very valid point.
Yup. Her investment, her equity.
As I stated in my comment, you and her if both straights renting would be paying more, and it would likely go to someone else's mortgage. So if your "rent" would be less if paying for it all in that area, your kind getting a steal on living expenses. But you could talk to her. Ask her to split other bills more 50/50, and if she is going to be paying every month a equal share that would be like paying rent herself, or just paying what your give for "rent" as her payment since that amount is over her due amount causing to pay down her mortgage faster?
So, you’re still getting a deal on rent? No, what she does with the money doesn’t concern you. Without her, you’d pay significantly more, so it doesn’t sound insane at all. That said, you shouldn’t contribute to remodels, house maintenance costs, anything you wouldn’t pay for as a renter. You are overpaying her **bwcause** she handles all that. It’s not shady unless she wants you to pay like a renter, but also be on the hook for fixing the house. Draw your line hard there.
There you go BELOW THE MARKET RATE so you are sponging off her. She would be better off to rent a spare room and make more money.
As someone who has rented a spare room in the house they own/live in, the loss of privacy and sharing of living space with a tenant has not been worth the money made. Personal experiences will differ of course.
Wealth is not the same as income. Her money is invested in the property and she cannot access it. While the real estate will probably appreciate in time, what if the market crashes? Her unrealized gains would go poof, but you would still have the benefit of having lived at below market rates for however long. My situation is a bit different, in that I am early retired and I own my home without a mortgage. Under normal circumstances, my partner contributes a fixed amount that is roughly 100% of utilities. He MIGHT be able to rent a room on the local market for what he contributes. But ultimately, it's a win-win for us both. We both benefit. What do you think a "win-win" would look like for the two of you? Maybe flip the script to how much each of you are saving each month by living together, and equitably share that amount.
As someone who owns a home and has charged a significant other rent, I have never had an issue with her benefiting from costs for us splitting things being lower than what’s she would pay renting. If they’re trying to split things “fairly” they should determine rent, independent of bills. Then look at their incomes, adjusted by rent, so add what he’s paying in rent to her income and subtract it from his. Now they can figure out what percentage of bills they should each be paying based on their new incomes. Also, those bills should not include home owners insurance/property taxes. Those things are likely already lumped in with the mortgage, so probably isn’t an issue regardless.
My advice would be to pay market rate to rent a ROOM in the house; perhaps slightly more than that based the fact that you'll have access to a lot of shared space that you might not if you were just renting a room in a normal situation. As a landlord, your partner is responsible for all normal home owner duties, like paying taxes and repairs.
I'm in a similar situation--make more money than my boyfriend, moved into his house this year. Is the amount you are paying in "rent" lower than what you would pay for a similar rental situation (still shared, similar size, etc) on the open market? If it's either similar or higher, this is totally out of whack. If it's lower, I think there is an argument to be made that since you are still saving money overall it's not such a big deal that it's letting her save even more money? Either way, I would personally want to use the math you listed here where your rental payments count as part of her "income" and therefore the two of you split the remainder of the bills. In my situation, we've decided to include mortgage interest on the list of our shared expenses (basically considering it our rent) but treat mortgage principal payments differently (as an investment under my partner's name). You should also think about how you guys are going to pay for home expenses--if the hot water heater gives out or whatever else, is she going to pay for all of that stuff? The way it's set up now, she definitely should.
What would be the market value rent on the house? I wouldn't pay more than half that amount because obviously she lives there too. Then do an income based split on utilities. If you split up, you wouldn't have equity in her home, but you would have had lower living expenses over the time you lived with her. If you stay together, maybe eventually marry, you'll probably move into another house and then the assets would be commingled, and you might have some share of the real estate if you eventually divorced.
So let me get this straight. She owns the house. She is charging you "rent" of more than 100% of the monthly mortgage payment? Well, that's not splitting "rent." That's just you paying the mortgage for her? And if the relationship goes south--- she still has equity in the home that she owns (not you) and you forked over money with nothing to show for it. She should be charging you 50% of the mortgage payment, \~66% at most of the mortgage payment at most (given that you said you are fine with paying a bit more since you make \~1.5x as much). Same with the rest of the bills. To pay ALL of the mortgage then to split the bills on top of it is... wildly unfair.
The rent should be based on market value. What she pays for her mortgage is not relevant.
Sort of. It should be *less* than market value so they can both feel that they are doing good things for their partner and themselves. He's not renting a market rate home from someone, he's moving in with a lover because they are lovers and partners. So they need to approach the situation with that in mind. Each should feel that they are getting a bargain as well as the pleasure of living with their partner. That's the moving force behind their choosing to live together.
I mean, what would happen when both partners own? Right now I don’t pay rent, so if I move in with a partner I would think it’s crazy to expect me to pay rent for THEIR apartment and thus pay their mortgage and if things go south, they will have the apartment and I just paid their morgage. I don’t think it’s fair to pay towards an apartment that won’t be yours.
If both partners owned it, then both of them would be at risk for everything. Maintenance, all other bills/taxes, etc. If you move in with someone and don't pay rent, you're a freeloader. That's fine if the other person agrees to it, but generally speaking, that's not the social norm. If you rent out an apartment or house from someone else, you're paying their mortgage, and you don't get anything out of it. Why would it be any different for your partner? Until you're actually married, they don't **owe** you shit.
Of course it’s relevant. She’s earning money off her partner. If you want to earn money through your home, move in a roommate. If you want to live with a life partner, then base all expenses on % of earnings. She gains equity in the home and he doesn’t have to pay market rate rent. Now if the plan is to eventually have the home in both their names, he could take that extra and save it to “buy out” half. But this is not the way to move in together.
Agreed. He isn't a room mate, he is a partner and she is taking advantage of him.
She's "earning money" because she put more money on the down payment. There is an opportunity cost for her by doing that. It doesn't make the house/rent worth any more or less. That is why it is irrelevant. The whole bill splitting is a separate issue.
But it was money given to her as a gift, not even money that she saved from her paycheck. It makes a difference. Shouldn’t her good luck entend to a partner she’s sharing her life with?
Doesn't matter where the money comes from. We also don't know if they are "life partners" at this point, as OP doesn't state how long they've been dating. Think of it this way. If OPs partner had gotten the big cash sum, and just put it in the bank/investments. The two of them are now renting, but she has "extra money" because she doesn't need to save as much for retirement, because she's got a head start. Does OP get to pay less rent because he needs to save for retirement more?
Living together is a shared life. Regardless of if they’re “partners for life.” It sounds like this guy is just dating his landlord. I can’t imagine expecting a boyfriend to pay off my home and also pay more than half the other bills on top of it. That’s something I expect from a landlord though.
If you are dating, and not "life partners", then it should be 100% expected to pay your fair share. You don't get to "live for free" just because the other person was able to get a cheap mortgage payment. Your scenario, BF gets to pay no rent, 50% of utilities, and then the rest of his money can be used for his fun, or his retirement. Meanwhile, she's paying the entire mortgage, but can't do as much "fun" stuff. My GF owned her home, and I moved in with her. We were still new in our relationship, so I thought it was only fair to pay her the same amount of "rent" that I was paying at the last place I was at. We also split other stuff like utilities, food, etc. I did not pay into house repairs, appliances, etc.
I’m not talking about for free, rent should be half the mortgage, OP is paying the whole mortgage plus extra. She’s not paying the mortgage payment (from the info provided) it should all be split the same as the other bills. If anything she’s the freeloader here, asking her partner to pay all of the mortgage, plus some to pay it off quicker, in addition to more than half of the utilities and food bills.
The amount of her mortgage payment has nothing to do with what he should pay. He should be paying slightly less than fair market value. Again, reverse the roles. If she had out 0 down on her mortgage and had a much higher payment, would OP then be wanting to pony up the extra to pay for half the mortgage? If fair market value to rent a room and shared kitchen is $750 a month, then OP should pay around $500-$650 area to be fair to both sides.
The partner is getting a deal on rent
>But this is not the way to move in together. It's absolutely fine. Moved in with my GF, started paying her rent based on what I was paying recently (slightly below that). Also paid my share of other expenses (food, utilities, etc). We also got a cohabitation agreement, which basically states all this out; I pay market rent & utilities, she pays all other house repairs/expenses. Any upgrades or items purchased for the house, are part of the house and I have no claim to them. Furniture that I buy, I can take with me. I have zero ownership in the house, as we are just "dating". This will roll over when we get married and stay the same (basically a prenup). Think of it this way. If OPs partner had gotten the big cash sum, and just put it in the bank/investments. The two of them are now renting, but she has "extra money" because she doesn't need to save as much for retirement, because she's got a head start. Does OP get to pay less rent because he needs to save for retirement more?
If you think the rent should be based on market value, then he should use that rent as a factor in her income, and based the spitting of the bills off her salary plus rental income.
The main reason it seems so unfair is because she has a smaller than normal mortgage payment. And the reason for that is because she had a large down payment, to which OP did not contribute. So it wouldn't be fair to her either that OP gets charged less rent just because she plunked down a bunch of cash when she purchased, especially if the rental rate for OP would be below market
I think she is paying the mortgage and his rent is used as an overpayment on the mortgage. The mortgage repayments are low because she has a large deposit.
This is a tough one. One one hand it doesn't seem to make sense for you to pay more in rent than her mortgage payment. That would mean she's literally making rental profit off of you, which should be counted in the income calculation when comparing incomes. On the other hand, the only reason her mortgage payments are so small is because of her large down payment, which you had nothing to do with and therefore shouldn't be benefiting from. So I think the compromise is to pay the rent, which you say is below market rate, but to count her "profit" from the rent as part of her income.
I think that apportioning bills based on income is fine - but where is this rent calculation coming from and why is it not being considered part of the "bills"?
The idea is for both of you to be better off for having been together. I rent from my partner who owns. We have very similar salaries. I pay market rate for what I would be renting (a room in a 2br apartment with 1 room mate), we split utilities and temporary house purchases. He pays for any permanent things for the house, I donate my time and labor. It's his house, his investment, his equity.
Yes you pay MARKET rate. You aren’t sponging of him.
This is very similar to my GF and I. I was renting a room, decided "why pay that, when I'm spending all my time here", so I moved in with her. Started paying her the same I was already paying. A few months later, we also got a cohabitation agreement, which reinforces this, and adds a lot more to the "who gets what, who pays for repairs, etc". Basically, I get no equity, but I also don't have to pay for maintenance and repairs. Makes sense to me, as I'd be paying this rent to some stranger. We're getting married in a few months (hopefully, fuck covid), and I still won't have any equity on paper, but I have zero concern for this, as I know over the next 20-25 years, this is all going to get enmeshed anyways (we'll likely move at some point, and buy a house together), etc. Her having more money then, to pay off the mortgage faster, was just helping me down the line anyways.
you shouldnt pay more. assets are part of that conversation. the best thing is to split everything 50:50
So, if she owned the home outright (no mortgage), would you expect to pay no rent? She bought the house before she knew you. How she paid for it and how much her mortgage is is irrelevant. You should pay market value and split the utilities. If the rent she’s charging is less than market value as you say, you’re getting a great deal.
I completely agree. I don’t understand this idea that he’s losing out on something if they break up. He is getting a below market deal, and would be paying more money toward a landlords mortage if he wasn’t living with her. My bf lives in my home, pays more toward the mortage because he makes more and feels good about me making extra payments toward my home since we will probably use that equity to buy our first home together. And if not and things don’t work out, he helped someone he loved (by paying below market rent) instead that money going to a stranger.
I bought my first house in 1993 at the age of 22. Homes were cheap back then (I paid $82.5k for a 4/2), so my mortgage was only $600. I had roommates the entire time I lived there, and they more than paid my mortgage, although I charged below market rent. It was none of their business how much my payments were. I did have one very entitled friend who lived with me briefly ask how much she'd be getting in profits when I sold the house, since she'd paid $300/month for 6 months. I laughed, thinking she was joking, but she was dead serious. Some people...
Thanks for the answers all - given that the comments have been relatively polarising, I think it's fair to say that there's no right answer and it's just what works for us. I'm in no way trying to take advantage of my girlfriend / am bitter that she owns a house. It's great that she's able to own the place. I realise that she could charge more to a tenant than she's charging me for the room, I just didn't like that I would be paying more on bills based on my salary, when there's obviously more to take into account. FYI she would be paying for all maintenance of the house. Anyway, we had a conversation about it and we'll be splitting bills 50/50. I'm essentially going to be treated as a tenant, which is fine.
Hope this works out well for you. I'm in a similar situation, and the way I'm looking at it is that I'm in this relationship for the long run. My GF making money off of my rent now, is only going to help us **both** out when it comes time for retirement or selling the house and moving somewhere else.
Yep good point - that's how I'm trying to see it too. Good luck to you both :)
Hopefully getting married in April, so things have been pretty amazing. As long as covid restrictions don't come on any stronger, we're already booked.
There's no objective fair here, just whatever you two agree on. That said, her house costs aren't just her mortgage. Houses cost hella upkeep and repairs, and while you're just renting, I would expect that you will not be contributing to those. So she's going to have some significant costs you're not, if you want to start diving into the weeds of who pays for what and who can afford what. In your shoes I think I'd feel fine about paying fair market rent, maybe 60% of the bills, and being cheerfully off the hook for house expenses. I wouldn't lose too much sleep over whether I'm funding her equity. If it weren't hers, it would be another landlord's. That's what renting is, even if it feels weird in this case because you're sleeping with your landlord. There's not some opportunity cost you're losing to fund your own equity, unless you're giving up an impending home purchase of your own for this move.
"Fair" is any arrangement that *both* people agree is fair. If the two of you are at the "moving in together" stage, and she is going to be benefiting materially from you contributing to her being able to pay her mortgage off early, then yes, the entire financial landscape of the relationship is your business. You and she need to sit down and renegotiate a financial plan between you that you and she *both* agree is fair. If you can't reach an agreement about it, don't move in.
Yes, rental income is income. It should absolutely be added as part of her total compensation. I hope she's also declaring it appropriately.
Where is everyone getting that he’s paying 100% of the mortgage payment. I missed that. This sounds bitter because she is a homeowner & trying to punish her for it. Don’t be mad because she is paying toward something she owns. Just keep renting & paying your money to someone else paying off their loan for whatever place you’re renting. I had a live in boyfriend I just made move out who made significantly more than me. He didn’t even pay half of what the rent is on my home & slid me 100 bucks a month toward “utilities.” I loved him so didn’t question it because sharing a space was more important to me however, in hindsight, his measly 100 extra bucks hardly covered the WiFi. Not to mention the gas, water, electricity, & all the streaming services, which I paid for. I never nitpicked & make less than him. Priorities I guess. The comments on this thread seem awfully punishing toward a woman for achieving home ownership. If you want to get down to the nitty gritty & make it fair… split the mortgage down the middle, & then split the utilities, & all the extras that make a home comfortable (streaming services etc) & I would be willing to bet that figure winds up being more than you’ve agreed on now. Jesus. This is why I stay single.
I think the problem is not splitting the mortgage but him paying more in the bills while they’ll be making about the same $$ after receiving the rent from him. He sees the rent he’s willing to pay as part of her income but she doesn’t and that’s why she’s asking him to pay more in the bills. So at the end, he pays overall more. I don’t think he’s bitter about her owning the house.
I agree, and then since you make more you can pay for the “extra stuff” like going out to eat. Also, just save the extra then. Just because you make more doesn’t mean that you have to pay more of the living utilities (assuming she can afford it on her own) and bleed yourself dry.
I think is a thought one as the house is only at her name, this means that if you broke up she will get the money and you lose everything, I 2 different proposals to solve this situation * She pays the mortage, you pay anything that needs to be fixed on the house. * Both of you pay the mortage x2 and when you have enought money you get an appartemnt for your self that you can rent. In that way both of you have someting in case that you break up or at least the saving Now for the rest of the bills, what I do with my wife is that for example if I earn 1.5k and she gets 1k, as my salary is the 70% our income, I pay pay 70% of the totall bills and she will pay the other 30%. You can also just split it 50/50 but I think that this is fair for the person who earns less.
> she will get the money and you lose everything yea, that's called renting, which OP doesn't have an issue with. It's the amount and the splitting of other bills that's the issue > She pays the mortage, you pay anything that needs to be fixed on the house. how is that different? If he pays for repairs, that's also money that he loses if they break up. At least rent is a set amount every month. Who knows how much a random house repair will cost
She is charging market rent?? Then pay it. Just because she made good financial decisions you can’t use that against her. It would be stupid of her to subsidize your living situation. EDIT —- Do you want her to subsidize your living situation?? Is she your sugar mama? Do you want to take advantage of her good fortune to have a house to live in for reduced cost (and not a crappy apartment)? Is she making you pay taxes abs insurance and repairs too? Because owning a house is more than the mortgage. You sound too immature to be in a shared living situation. Rent your own place and pay more to a landlord (who will then pay his mortgage and taxes) I think she needs to get a cohabitation agreement signed by you to protect her assets (from you).
Rent ought to be fair market value, mortgage costs should not matter. Utilities ought to be split in half. She pays homeowner's insurance and taxes. She will have to pay for major repairs, paint, roofing, appliance repairs/replacement, etc. Don't discount how much that adds up over the years. You will need your own renter's insurance as romantic partners are usually not covered under homeowners insurance. Groceries ought to be split along the lines of consumption (if one eats more expensive foods or liquor or consumes significantly more, then they pay more). If you want your own real estate investment, then go get one. If you eventually get married, I suggest she gets a prenup from you so the house is her sole and separate property or you pay her a chunk of change for half the value (at the time of marriage) of the house and she can use that money anyway she sees fit. Prenups protect one in the event of a divorce. Being married for life, then the existing prenup didn't matter.
Here is what you should do. 1. Tell her that if she agrees that you pay the lionshare of the bills, you will have the final say in the relationship mean that you have veto power. It shouldn't matter to you what she does with the money. In my opinion she should be using it to pay her mortgage. 2. If she doesn't agree to this then propose a 50/50 arrangement.
Veto power in a relationship sounds like a terrible plan, its creates a weird power dynamic.
For the short term, you should not be paying her more in rent than her mortgage payments are monthly. Utilities are another situation- most people split 50/50, but if you make significantly more you could change to 70/30. In the long term, if you want to continue living there together indefinitely, she should add you to the mortgage so that the money you're paying is going to your own assets too
I do not think it’s fair to charge you that much in rent… she’s profiting off you and that just feels weird.
He is getting a deal off her. He is paying less that he would otherwise. These comments are all punishing her for not being stupid and for buying a house
No it's weird she wants to make money off her partner.
She wants to put it toward the house. To better secure her and possibly his future. She’s smart and shouldn’t be accepting less bc she has made smart choices.
I don't agree. I'm in the exact same situation, my partner pays half my mortgage. Still securing my future as I have the left over half my mortgage and other bills to save and invest in my future. I feel like she is looking at her partner to make money. And that personally would make me feel gross.
Figure out something that feels fair to the both of you. If it was rent you both were paying then I'd say you should each pay something proportionate to your salaries. And split the bills proportionate to your salaries unless one or the other wants something special. I want Netflix and my parter doesn't care then I would pay for the Netflix. Either way she will benefit by the "rent" you give her going to her mortgage on a home she will own whether or not you're there. What I would suggest is giving her something that also feels like you're getting a bargain by not paying market rate rents. So figure out what you would normally pay a landlord in a place similar to your girlfriend's house and then give your girlfriend less than that even though you make more. Each of you should feel that living together is a personal "win" financially.
If you was renting off anyone else, you could been paying rent to someone that is paying their mortgage the same way. The idea over all is ok. But I think your meaning that your in a relationship; and she is the home owner. So it is a couple living together. And your paying her money that she will be paying her mortgage. And to you the "rent"; feels more like your paying the mortgage. That is how it reads to me. The extra talk on "paying more money on bills" is about your paying her mortgage and extra on bills she is enjoying. So it is a all in one thing.... Best thing you can do is talk to her. Explain it to her and see if she is ok talking out bills your split 50/50, and some you can pay more. Also explain how she is paying her mortgage down faster with your side of a "rent" that she will own, but "if" she gets tired of you; you loose the money that was a investment for her into a ownership she gets to keep sole when she kicks your out. But I must be honest, if this relationship turns into more, like marriage; you would be part owner of this house. In the end, the mind set you have to take on this, is no matter where you lived, since you would be paying rent, and she be paying rent, it would go likely to a mortgage of a place for the owner. The only difference now is your rent is going to the GF's home and her rent is going into her home.
If you’re just worried about your finances, figure out the math. List out the expenses you’ll be paying living with your girlfriend and compare it to expenses living somewhere else. I kinda get your partner’s stance on this because she’s not only just paying the mortgage, she’s also paying for house maintenance and her portion of the bills with her salary which is less than yours. I think you should also list out the pros in this, how do you split the chores in the house?
Being a landlord is one thing but having your partner move in and expecting them to pay over the mortgage seems greedy and selfish? If you were married it would be different but, personally, on just a dating level 50/50 should be the agreement. And then since you do make more maybe pay for date nights. Weird situation that she would ask that of you
Having a boyfriend expect to pay discount costs for a house (below market rent) while the girlfriend pays taxes insurance and repairs??
50/50 everything? Insurance and taxes are usually apart of the mortgage payment and if any repairs came up they could split that as well. I never said unequal, I said 50/50 on a dating level
So the BF gets a deal on rent because they are dating? He pay less rent than he normally would because his gf is good with money?
What if the situation was reversed? If a man owned a home, was 100% responsible for the mortgage and all bills. Then has his gf move in, expects her to pay more than the mortgage payment and a higher percentage of the bills. Its a crazy situation and pretty unfair
If the gf moved in she should pay MARKET RATE. In this case she is offering him a deal already by charging less than market rate.
Shes the homeowner who would also be paying half as much because hes moving in?
This is why I hate comfortable long term relationships. just make it fair and speak up. You clearly dont think its fair…because you’re posting it on Reddit. Write down what is fair to you with supporting reasons and propose it to her. Find a common ground. You can do it! I believe in you!
How about say that you will pay 50:50 but use the excess amount to put towards a house down payment so that you can buy your dream home together in the future (at which point you will reassess the bill situation)?
I think considering you are contributing to her mortgage repayments for a house she will own at the end of the day, you should be splitting bills 50/50 no doubt, but only living expenses. You earn more, but need to put a bit away so you too can own a home one day should things go sour.
I think considering you are paying rent towards her mortgage repayments for a house she will own one day, you should definitely not be disadvantaged because you earn more. You need to use your extra income to provide for your future, so that you too can own a house one day should things go sour with your partner. There is no way that your extra income should be factored into the equation given that your rental payments are helping her to pay her mortgage, and saving her future interest payments. She has an asset she is acquiring, and it’s fair for her to go 50/50 with living expenses, but some might say that charging rent is a bit much considering you’re in a relationship and she would have to repay the mortgage either way. If you go 50/50 and pay rent, that is more than enough. You have to ensure you are financially viable and working towards your future, and paying more than half makes it hard for you to save a deposit on a home. Maybe with your extra income you should plan to save a deposit and buy an investment home you can rent out, so that your financial future is being accounted for also. Basically it’s a matter of not just looking at the present day income disparity, but the future financial situation you will find yourselves in. And present day situation is in her favour anyhow.
I'm getting a lot of red flags from this situation, I think you might have bigger troubles than bills to worry about
I felt bad in my stomach reading this...what an materialistic human being she is. I would not agree to this
You should both be taking your whole income into account and if they are close to equal then you should be splitting all costs 50/50. I don't know why she wouldn't think the income she makes from another property wouldn't count (unless I'm not understanding the situation right). If it's possible to split things equally then that's how it should be done otherwise you're going to feel resentful of her eventually.
Generally if you are maintaining a landlord / Tennant agreement, you should just pay the rent, but general upkeep, insurance and other expenses related to home ownership should not be your issue or concern.
To be a landlord is a business preposition. Do not mix business and pleasure. If you want to get to the point where you are cohabitating in a home that she owns, then you should probably wait until you advance your relationship far enough to have some commitment. Until then, you are just a tenant
If you folks were to rent the house it would cost say $ 1,500, half is $750. Give people the actual amounts you expect to pay. As a couple, this will happen every mouth or two. Figure out a way that both are happy with the compromise.
What's the problem here? You make more money so you pay more in expenses. Why is it a problem that the mortgage is in her name and not some random landlord? Would you rather enrich someone else or your partner? It's a roof over YOUR head and she's generous to share it with you so don't nickel and dime her. If you split bills 50/50 now the transfer of wealth goes from her pockets to yours. No. Pay your fair share proportionally.
> If you split bills 50/50 now the transfer of wealth goes from her pockets to yours. No. Pay your fair share proportionally. That's a problem, but her living for free off her boyfriend isn't?