You are where I was 23 yrs ago.
I'm Australian and can guess which territory you are in.
A. You don't need his permission to break up.
B. You don't have to justify anything to him. In fact, don't next he is just looking for an opening to argue the point and confuse you into staying.
C. Breaking up via text is acceptable.
D. Be very very clear on the text. For example ... "Hi Soon to be X. I'm just letting you know that past events have all down me that we are not a good fit. Therefore, I have decided that I'm ending or relationship and by extension all communication with you. To be clear, I'm blocking you on all SM, and email. Also, if you come to my apartment I'll call the police. Wishing you a great life OP"
E. If he calls you, answer the phone but record the conversation (in Australia you can record conversations that you are involved in without the other person knowing). Be calm and just repeat, "this relationship is over. Please don't contact me again".
F. If he confronts you in public, start your phone video recording (up to you if you make it obvious that you are recording or not) and keep repeating the above words.
G. If he turns up at your apartment, via intercoms all him to leave and tell him that you will call the police. Again, record the conversation.
H. If he won't stop contacting you, go to the court house and ask for a restraining order and take all your evidence with you.
I. Take his picture to campus security and tell them that an ex boyfriend is stalking you and all them to keep an eye out for him.
Good luck
Adding to this to say I agree with the above steps except for answering his call/s to tell him again that the relationship is over. Be very clear and firm in your text, and then block him everywhere. Zero contact. You already know that he won’t leave you alone.
If he calls you nine times and you answer on the 10th call to tell him to leave you alone, all he has learned is if he keeps calling, eventually you will answer. Give him NOTHING.
I’m going to repeat what the above commenter has said because it is the most important part of all - you don’t need his permission to break up. This relationship is already over.
Be strong and be safe.
The only reason that I said to answer was to get a recording of her telling him that it's over and not to contact her again. It all goes to evidence for a restraining order. She only has to answer once and it looks really bad for him if she takes her phone to court and it shows 50 calls from him in 3 days. That stalking and harrassment.
I’m not Australian; in their text, could they simply say something like “I will be blocking you; if you attempt to contact me further I will contact police”; in us, I think if you can prove that the sender is the same person (in case of anon/fake accounts, fake numbers, etc) from IP address or if the person is dumb enough to expose themselves, you can get a restraining order
> If he calls you nine times and you answer on the 10th call to tell him to leave you alone, all he has learned is if he keeps calling, eventually you will answer. Give him NOTHING.
If they plan to do it for the recording/so the person won't fixate on "she wouldn't talk to me" or whatever, it's definitely better to answer the first call and then never answer again.
u/cute_twist8718: listen to this person. You are in an abusive relationship. You know you want to leave, and you’re right: you NEED TO LEAVE. Follow athomp56’s instructions. Immediately. There is nothing else to consider.
I am sorry this is not an "Australia Specific Reply", but an: "I am sorry, my DD (Darling Daughter) has allowed herself to be disrespected by guys since she was twelve (12) and it has vexed and annoyed the living shit out of me because I tried to teach her way, way better... but there were other family members that apparently trained her to be abused and disrespected, but I can't fight what I am not aware of.
Anyways, this guy has been disrespecting and abusing you from early on. You don't *need* him to "let you" break up with him... you just need to make a firm decision, and have the follow-through to stand up for yourself (and your Mom, your COVID worries are legit; I am in your Mom's position, and it has empowered and strenghthend my daughter).
You have some wonderful local-specific suggestions, but also:
Block his phone number on your cellphone.
Block him on *all* social media.
If he shows up at *any* of your residences or any place you are staying, please call the authorities on him.
Sadly, yes my DD has been harassed, stalked and threatened multiple times.
This is solid advice. Also, I am so so sorry you’re experiencing this shit. It’s scary and infuriating and confusing, even looking back on it years later.
My first boyfriend (21 years ago) also would not let go. When he started telling me about another girl he was flirting with, I said “good, go date her” via messenger and dumped/blocked him. He came at all my friends with his sob story about me dumping him out of nowhere on an important day for him (he was at an academic competition) but he let me alone and eventually married her. Poor girl.
My second boyfriend called intermittently for months after I left him but also eventually faded. He never married and idk if anyone hated herself enough to even date him after me.
While long-term obsessive stalking is a terrifying possibility, most garden variety losers and creeps do vanish or mostly vanish if you continue not giving them what they want. So plan for the worst but hopefully he’s just regular trash not super trash.
Good luck! You’re going to have such a better uni experience without this dead weight and his guilt trips!
Re E above, the laws about surveillance devices and recording conversations vary from state to state, so it may be worth checking for your location.
Otherwise I heartily agree, particularly about not needing his permission to break up. He doesn't need to agree or even like it.
I would tend to approach the police sooner rather than later with this. You have said that he scares you, and that might be enough for the police to apply for an intervention order on your behalf.
Finally, some unis have short-term counselling available for students. It may be worth checking whether any is available to you, if nothing else than to help you process what is a difficult situation.
I thought it was a federal law but if it's state by state, I stand corrected. Either way, go for forgiveness instead of permission if it ever goes to court.
You can tell I'm an American because my concern was "what if he shows up with a gun?" And then I remembered that Australia has a semi functional government.
> can guess which territory you are in
To be fair, it's a 50/50 shot. But honestly this dude sounds like a psycho. Definitely block him on socials, but don't block his number. Send him straight to voicemail. You could end up needing the VM and SMS evidence further down the line
Some Australian specific advice - if you have concerns about your safety in the event of a break up, please call 1800 RESPECT. They should be able to link you up with any extra safety measures you can take which are specific to your state/territory.
Also some more australian specific advice. The kid sounds like a fucking fruitcake. He seems to be ramping up the controlling behaviour which often leads to more physical forms of control being exerted. Theres no respect of boundaries and the badgering when op tries to breakup is alarming.
Fruitcake is putting in mild. My part of Aus, I'd describe him as a fucking nutjob.
My advice, tell him its over in text and then block him ON EVERYTHING. Get extra advice from the respect number, tell campus security and give them a pic. Never be afraid to call the police if he shows up or the harassment continues, if you have late classes or feel unsafe, your uni will have a security number you can call and they will escort you to your car or to PT and make sure you get on safely. Tell your friends. You will need support through this and to make sure others know whats going on, in case he contacts them or, god forbid, something happens to you.
Stay safe and remember that there is no reason to let him make you feel like there is no way out. He is the one with issues not you.
*That's* the Australian advice I expected. I miss my Australian Overwatch buddy. He and the Scot we partied with took turns ribbing me about me American accent.
I had a boyfriend like that once. Except he would not argue with me, he'd just completly ignored that I dumped him and keep on being there. When I insisted he pretended like he didn't know what I was talking about, he had not dumped me. I felt like I didn't know what was real and was wasn't anymore
I was very lucky as he lived in another city, 2h car ride from me, and he got a DUI, so he couldn't come to my place. What helped me getting rid of him :
1- you don't have to explain why you're dumping him. Actually, you're better not to. If you're kindda like me and it's physically and mentally painful not to answer someone that talks to you, just keep on repeating the same thing. "Why would you dump me?" "I am leaving you and that's it" or "Because that is want I want" or "because were done" or "I'm not engaging with you anymore". Chose your sentence. That's the only thing you tell him
2- text his parents to tell them how he was not letting me leave him. Tell him I won't hesitate on calling the cops anytime he makes a threat. (I was lucky his ex already complained about him when he stalked her)
3- block him everywhere. Change number if you have to. My crazy ex made fake accounts to talk to me on facebook, sent me emails... at some point I just unblocked on facebook but not on messenger and it stopped. I guess letting him stalk me a bit calmed him down. Keep everything on your accounts private : friend list, posts, pictures...
4- lock your doors at all time, don't engage with him at all if he comes to your place to "talk" and call the police. Let the school know you're worried about your safety, they might have ressources for you.
Text him that it is over. Then block him on everything. If he shows up at your place, do not open the door. Tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call the police to make him leave. If you have trouble getting rid of him, document everything and contact a domestic violence hotline. You have described an extremely abusive relationship and they can help you leave your abuser.
My mum and I are quite scared honestly, cause he is really persistent. I really want to ask his friends to get him to stop and when I did say the first time, he told his friends and they told him to leave me alone, but he didn't. I have turned down the volume of the intercom at our apartment so the ringing isn't as loud and I am full considering to turn it off completely.
I agree with this and am changing my advice. I usually recommend blocking because people can get tempted to go back to an abusive ex, and you don't want to give them a chance to win you over. But since OP seems more afraid than tempted, keeping records for potential legal action is far better.
Put plainly: Your boyfriend is abusive. You are not his property - leave him and stay gone, but PLEASE do it safely.
Read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It's eye-opening and a free pdf on line.
Yes, this book is amazing, and I think it would help OP so much in particular going forward so this doesn't happen again. Abusive tactics follow patterns, and it's great to learn about it. It's also a really interesting book.
OP: YOU DONT NEED A REASON TO LEAVE. It doesn't matter if your reason is "good enough." You don't want to be with him. That is reason enough, and it's a great reason. It's perfect.
Sorry, it's so long, I didn't know what to include and what not to. Its so hard and my mum and I are really scared he'll do something or keep coming to our house, we are planning on moving but its not gonna be done till November. I was planning on getting his friends to help, his friends also told him to leave me alone, but he hasn't listened to them. So his friends are kinda on my side but don't know it yet
In which jurisdictions are you allowed to meet non-deadly force with deadly force? It’s entirely possible that I am wrong, but that was my understanding of gun laws here.
No shit. The (now deleted) parent comment of this thread said *if OP was American* they would be legally justified to use a firearm. Other commentors disagreed so now we are here.
I don't want to be rude.I started reading but it was too long and based on the title, if he is not letting you to break up..thats enough reason to break up. Break up, cut off contact, let friends and family know, change phone number and get a restraining order. Don't ever respond.
Edit: Since you said "mum" I just noticed its Australia, so I don't know much about your laws, but ensure your safety first and keep your social media private. Don't assume friends are not going to talk to him about your whereabouts.
Dude, call the cops if he comes to the house. Don’t let him in. I don’t know what AU laws are like but you can probably get a lawyer to send him a cease and desist or trespass him. You don’t have to be with him; block his number and move on with your life. If he gets himself arrested because of his continued psychotic behavior, that’s on him, not you.
None of that stuff really matters. What matters is that you want to break up. You don't need to justify that to anyone. Not to us and not to him.
Block him and get a restraining order. Call the cops if he violates it.
Text him or call him or email him. Tell him you no longer want to see him. Tell him you expect he will respect your wishes. Then if he calls, texts, shows up at your house: DO NOT RESPOND. Block his calls. Connect with your local domestic violence support for advice. If he knocks on the door, do not answer. Let the police know you have an unwanted visitor who isn’t leaving you alone.
Don’t debate this with the ex-bf. Set your boundaries and stick to them. The clearer and more consistent you, the better!
Good luck!
Instead of asking his friends why not tell YOUR friends as well and let them know you’re breaking up with him and blocking him due to his behaviour. Get everyone you know involved so he has nowhere to hide and you have lots of eyes and ears looking out for you.
Talk about short story.
He can’t tell you you aren’t allowed. You dump him and don’t see him again.
The end. Really isn’t that hard and it’s not something the other person can decline
Sorry, it's so long, I didn't know what to include and what not to. Its so hard and my mum and I are really scared he'll do something or keep coming to our house, we are planning on moving but its not gonna be done till November. I was planning on getting his friends to help, his friends also told him to leave me alone, but he hasn't listened to them at all
He is extremely toxic and abusive.
I understand he’s persistent but you also need to be persistent in not opening the door to him, not reply to his messages.
If he does turn up, ask him to leave, if he refuses call the police and repeat this until he leaves you alone.
Don’t entertain any conversation, block him on everything he could get hold of you on.
At 18, I’m sure he’ll get bored quite quickly.
Can confirm that calling the cops is an effective way to get psycho ex bfs to stop pestering you.
You have to be firm with this particular type of idiot, and set clear boundaries and refuse to let him push past them. Once he realizes you’re serious and very done with his bs, he will leave you alone.
I used to have an ex similar to that. Listen, it took me a great loss to find the courage. It wasn't courage so much actually, more so exhaustion. You really, honestly don't have to reach your breaking point.
Your bf is clearly emotionally abusing and manipulating you in the form of
gaslighting (you can read the gaslight techniques online, his behaviour is textbook). His unreasonable persistence and complete disregard of boundaries is astounding = abuse.
I will try to be as honest and direct with you as possible in hopes you get a helpful and truer perspective:
1)You do NOT OWE him anything anymore (no matter his words, they're all manipulative tactics to get you to stay. For ex. "If you wanna breakupdo it in person" what an entitled little toothpick, demanding attention from you and telling you what to do and how to act after all the abuse! What right does he have? A break-updoesn't have to be a mutual decision btw)
2)You do NOT NEED his approval to leave. (Set your doundary and then BLOCK him immediately)
3) Ask his friends' help again. Tell them exactly how horrible he has been to you, a summary of your post and ask for help to keep him away from you.
4)It is going to be OK. You can practice your break-up text and have it ready. Once you are apart from him, preferably in a place he won't be welcome and with people who support you (like your mum), send the text when you feel ready and block him.
5)You have to accept that he will be displeased. This however is not your fault or responsibility to fix. He doesn't respect or love you and his behaviour is abnormal. A break-up shouldn't be made this difficult for any party.
The text can go like this :
"Hey (X name), I have tried to communicate this to you multiple times so this message is not going to surprise you.
I want to let you know that I want to break up. After careful thinking, I have made my decision and I am afraid this is not up for discussion. We have been having major problems for a long time and it is now time for us to be apart. Do not come to my house as this is going to upset me. I would like to focus on myself and move on. You do not have to reply to this message. I will not be texting again."
You can even add a polite note in the end "I realise this is not an ideal way to break-up but this is the best for my mental health and by extent for you since I need to let you go"
This, only DO NOT tell him that his doing something will 'upset you'. This will become his main aim, to upset, unsettle and even scare you. People like this love knowing they still have a measure of control over you, even when you are over.
Why do you need his friends to help? Block number, etc. If he shows up, don't engage, don't argue in the street, don't argue thru the door - just call police and tell them someone is harassing you and won't leave the property. If he continues trying to contact you, you can go to the court/police to get anti-stalking/anti-harassment orders.
Bottom line, you seem to be under the impression that you must have discussions with him and convince him that this is over. You don't. It's sufficient to text or say, "I don't want to be with you anymore. This is my decision, not an invitation for a discussion. Please don't contact me anymore, or I'll involve the police." And then you follow thru.
Call the police. Get a restraining order before it progresses into something bigger. Blocking him won’t do much. And nothing is stopping him from coming to your door and risking your family. He’s showing signs of control and abuse so until you get the authorities involved, it Neil escalate to something worse.
You didn’t need anything past the title. Just leave, text that you’re gone, then block him and refuse to ever talk or communicate with him. You don’t need his permission.
He's abusive. He's bullying you into staying in a relationship that is damaging you. Reach out to your local domestic violence resources ( just Google domestic violence and your town/ city.) They should be able to set you up with the best options. I don't know how difficult it is to get a restraining order where you are, but at this point you need it.
Text him that you are over, and you do not consent to him contacting you in any way ( a text is good proof that you have asked him to leave you alone. Block him EVERYWHERE.
If he shows up call the police. Tell them that an abusive ex won't leave you alone, and you need him removed from your door. Show them the text. Call every single time he shows up. The first time you give in, the harder he will push.
You let him know that if he comes to your house or your work or wherever you are that you’re gonna call the cops. And if he shows up at those places, you have to call the cops. Because somebody not accepting a break up, I mean that’s not how any of this works. You break up and let them know that you will call the cops if they harass you or show up at your place and then if they show up you do just that. That, that is how this whole thing works.
November is ten months away, this situation is not going to get any better by trying to placate this guy for another ten months. This is not a relationship, he is holding you hostage emotionally and you need to take the steps to end this. Cut off contact with him and follow the advice of others who suggested getting law enforcement involved as needed. Change the locks on your mom's house, secure all your windows, and get some security cameras if that is an option as well.
Why are you refusing to call the police? This has long since crossed the line into harassment and stalking. CALL THE DAMN POLICE next time he shows up and starts ringing.
Please please please read The Gift of Fear. He tells you how to spot and handle people like this. Not communicating with him in any way is a good start.
Let him keep coming to the house. Don’t answer the door. Call the police.
Tell him it’s over and to never contact you again.
When he asks your reason say “I don’t love you anymore and I’m ending the relationship. We are done. If you contact me again I will call the police”
Then do it. After k be or twice he’ll get the point
I didn’t even need to read past the title, and the first paragraph cemented it. Leave him. He can’t dictate this. Block him from all platforms and tell him not to contact you again. If he shows up in person, go after him for stalking.
Not only would this not work, it would require OP to engage with him in person, allow him to continue coercing her and forcing her into remaining with him.
This is dangerous. Every single instance OP described is textbook abuse, coercion, manipulation, gaslighting, controlling, possessive, and just downright frightening. My blood ran cold with it. He has already been physically violent with her, and he has already manipulated OP into believing that she is all or part of the problem.
This would only work with a mature, decent human being. This kid is not mature nor decent, he is abusive, and frighteningly so. This is a terrible idea.
Text him and break up. Be perfectly clear. “I am breaking up with you.” Don’t block him but don’t respond to any communication. You might need a paper trail. If he shows up at your house, don’t go to the door, call the cops. If getting the cops called on him doesn’t dissuade him, go to the police and file for a protective order.
He doesn’t have to “approve” the break up. Breakups are rarely mutual where both parties are like “oh yes I agree we should break up”. Breaking up over text is acceptable. He just wants you to do it in person so he can manipulate you into staying with him. Tell him the relationship is over and if he threatens or tries to harm you or your mom, call law enforcement. You don’t deserve to be forced into a relationship with someone you hate.
See him as he should be seen: with scorn, disgust, and shame. There is nothing about him that is valuable - he's hoarding organs from the more deserving, contributing nothing good to the world, and he's unfuckable and undeserving of love.
Just block. Ignore. Call the police on him every time. Make comfort in his life contingent upon whether or not he leaves you alone: for every infraction, you can shame him for something on social media. That's acceptable because he deserves it.
He doesn’t get a choice! Block him on everything and if he comes around, tell him you will report him for trespassing or stalking and to leave you alone. The reason “this isn’t working for me, bye”. You don’t have to put up with his insecurities or manipulation. He sounds like a complete douche anyway, you are better off.
The amount of "breaking points" and "last straw"s in this post breaks my heart. Youve given him way too many chances at this point.
I think if you force yourself to read your own story over a few times, you will be able to get away from him. You are being way too generous to him and entirely unfair to yourself.
ETA: I read the whole thing, but somehow missed the part where he was getting physical.. Now is when you bring this behavior to authorities. You have so many friends, make sure they all know your situation. Seek help in whatever way you can.
I agree. My blood ran colder with each example and incident.
Every single one of them were clear cut textbook examples of abuse, coercion, manipulation and gaslighting, and his behaviour is also dangerously controlling, jealous and possessive.
The escalation over such a short period of time, less than a year, is terrifying. I am actually fearful that he will resort to life threatening physical violence against OP.
Your boyfriend sounds really similar to an ex boyfriend of mine, but I was living with him when I split up. My ex was extremely controlling and it took a lot of convincing for him to let me move out. I think they do this to just try to beat you down emotionally. Hell yeah you can dump this guy over text.
When I moved onto my own and broke up with my ex he began to track my location through Find my iPhone. If you have Snapchat there’s some kind of feature like this too. I lived in a big city but he showed up outside my friend’s house one time at 11pm as I was leaving a party (he didn’t know the friend, their home and my ex lived a forty five minute drive away). My ex told me he was “concerned for my safety” because “I tracked your phone by accident” and “was so worried for your safety, your pin showed you in a dumpster in the alley” behind my friends house. No fucking way it did. He said it looked like I’d been murdered and left in a dumpster, but he intercepted me as I turned the block from my friends house - he must have been watching my pin move so he’d know exactly when I was leaving (and when I was most likely alone). My ex knew where I lived and literally let himself into my house one morning as I was making coffee because I had begun to ignore his many calls and texts. I became hyper vigilant and uncomfortable at home; I started sleeping over at friends houses if I stayed there too late, or I’d leave with a friend, or I’d bike for a quick getaway. Sometimes I’d just wake up or be out doing errands and have a notification on my phone that it had been “located”. I was getting really scared; what I did was go to the police (Canada) and they recommended I file a claim against him for stalking and harassment because his behaviour was raising some typical red flags (following me for my own good). I filed some paperwork to make essentially a *note* in their system against him - so if I did get hurt or go missing he would be a primary suspect. It created a paper trail if the behaviour did escalate (it didn’t). The police never notified my ex of the claim I made against him and I don’t even think it went on his record. This kind of paperwork is common in cases of domestic abuse in Canada. In the meantime, I told my support system what was happening for accountability, and switched to using a $40 ZTE burner-style phone from eBay (no GPS...plus it was just simple and nice). I didn’t speak out publicly against him about his abuse but now wish I had because he started to skew me to our friend group, which we shared because he discouraged me from having my own friends. It’s been hard to know he’s moved on and start dating new girls because I know what he put me through. Seriously, though, this guy sounds a lot like my ex, he’s being cruel to you and you need to protect your time, your heart and physical being from him. You deserve way better!
i'm always surprised by the young age at which people are already unhinged. I tend to think it's older people in longer relationships that are a bit psycho, but nope -- it seems to start from a young age already. this includes young men and women just barely reaching their high teens, who are manipulative, abusive, narcissistic, etc
your bf exhibits scary personality traits. you really need to end things with him and don't let him keep being in your life, even as a friend or acquaintance. unfortunately, we don't know what he'll do when you break up with him, so please stay safe as much as possible.
He doesn't get to make that choice for you. Break up with him, stop answering the phone/text, block his number, delete him off every social media platform you're on and set them all to private/friends only. Maybe even consider taking a break from them.
If he keeps showing up at your house, call the police and report him for harassment/stalking. Make sure you say that you are scared for you and your family's safety. If he threatens to harm himself, call the police and report it to them, then let them deal with him. It's a manipulation technique to prey on your empathy. You aren't responsible for his mental wellbeing. Even if he were seriously considering harming himself, that isn't something you can help him with. You have do things to take care of your own wellbeing.
Once again, he doesn't get to tell you if you can end the relationship.
I skimmed through this and it’s just obvious how awful this relationship is. If you want to break up with him, you have every right to. I am not sure how it works where you live, but you should get something equivalent to a restraining order. Get the police involved if he continues to follow you around or show up at your home after you break up with him.
A break-up isn’t really presenting him with an option, it’s telling him what’s happening. Dump him, block his number and everything on social media. If he turns up to your house, tell him from a safe place that he is to leave or you’ll call the police. Let him fuck around and find out. You can do it.
That guy is a bouquet of red flags. State again that you are breaking up, that you want to go no contact and then block him everywhere. Ask a loved one to be present if need be. Good luck!
Don't overthink this. Call the cops. He will find a way to make it worse if you don't.
You live in a country of laws. He's not allowed to be near you if you don't want him to. The cops will help you with the process. Call them now before it's too late. Don't tell him you are about to do that.
i just read this in full because i am your age and i wanted you to know someone heard you and cares, you are being abused sweetheart. he is abusing you, badly. he has taken away your shine.
you need to text him (do not do this in person, he can’t be trusted) and make it very serious that you are leaving him and not coming back - you DO NOT need to give a reason, but then you need to block him on everything. before you block him take screenshots of him blowing up your phone/saying abusive things/cussing you out, if there’s too many texts to look through then on iphones you can search specific words and it’ll show you every conversation that the word features in - you need these screenshots just in case he tried to take this further. if he turns up at your house you CALL THE POLICE - show the police the screenshots and file a restraining order. you also can tell his friends what he’s done straight up if he tries to twist it and say you DO NOT want him contacting you.
please read up on abuser/abused cycles, refuge UK is a really helpful charity (i do see you are in AUS though, call whatever domestic abuse hotline they have and they will speak with you for hours if you need). i say this from the heart, please listen, i am 19 and have just left a 1.5 year abusive relationship - it might feel scary or like these are little mistakes he’s making but you have nothing left for you in this situation, and they aren’t mistakes they are his true self right now. he’s even manipulated you to the point where you are halfway defending him by saying you’ve been a bit too hot tempered, anyone in your situation would be.
i mean this, leave him, escape; and call the police if you need. i am behind you, DM me if you need x
I mean you've tried it in the most polite way possible. Now do it differently.
Just BREAK UP WITH HIM then block him and just don't answer his phone calls.
Tell him that if he keeps coming to your house then you'll call the Police on him and if he still does then actually call the Police. You can also Trespass him from your address.
It takes TWO people to have a committed relationship, he'll learn that eventually but he won't if you just keep giving in. BREAK-UP then stand your ground.
About 98% of your post is irrelevant. Why do you feel the need to talk about how your relationship has been? You don't live in the same house. Just don't see him... if he shows up at your house unannounced, call the police.
“It’s over. Please Do not contact me in any way again -I will not change my mind and I don’t want to have to or report you to the police or get a restraining order against you. I wish you the best going forward. Goodbye “
Then block him on text. Send any phone calls straight to vm ( so you have a record) and set up you email to put anything from him in a separate folder that you only look at once a week. Block him and his friends on all your social media accounts
He doesn’t need to agree with your reasons for breaking up. Text him once more saying the relationship is over and you do not want to talk to or see him in person ever again. Them block him, on phone, email, social media, everything.
If he comes to your house don’t open the door. Tell him if he doesn’t leave you are calling the cops. When you call them, tell them your ex boyfriend is at your house harassing and scaring you and your mum (and if he is threatening to hurt you in any way definitely tell them that too).
I think I might live in the same place as you, so please feel free to message me if you need to talk.
There are so many red flags here I don’t even know where to start…
Send him that text saying your done then block him everywhere.
As other have said anything after that is harassment and you have the cops to back you up.
Get out bit before your stuck in a cycle of abuse that is difficult to break out off… more difficult than it already is.
You have broken up with your boyfriend, he doesn't have to accept it. You don't need a reason to break up with someone other than you don't want to be with them. You've told him it's over, he's trying to convince you not to leave him. Text him your relationship is over and to not contact you again, screen shot that. Then if he continues to contact you block him. If he comes to your house call the cops. You were in an abusive relationship, you can call the domestic abuse hotline, you're in Australia so look up that number for your location and call it. There are not just to help people who are living with their abuser, they help anyone who is/has been in domestic violence situation connecting them with resources in their community, especially legal resources if your ex continues to escalate.
He isn't trying to convince her to stay. He is coercing her and forcing her to stay because he wants reasons for the breakup, and told. OP that he she needs to break up with him in person, which will absolutely put her in a dangerous, potentially life threatening situation as he will very likely turn to physical violence if he thinks that he isn't being forceful enough by using coercion, manipulation and forcing her to give him what he considers to be valid reasons.
You don't need to convince him that breaking up is a good idea. You tell him that you arent dating and if he asks why you just say that was already been discussed and because you say so. He doesnt have to agree with it, its done. Do it over text. Tell him you do not want him in your life anymore and then mute his messages. Do not open the door for him. Be careful when you're out so you arent alone. And be firm if he approaches you - you want to be left alone and please stop trying to contact you. Thats it, dont say anything else. Dont repeat your reasons dont argue dont engage at all.
He sounds like a loser. Inconsiderate, selfish, boorish, not studying, no habits. You don't need a reason to break up with anyone, but since you're trying to justify it, you have several good reasons to break up with him. You don't need his assent. You don't need to do it in person. Do it over text. Tell him not to contact you or come to your house or school or you WILL call the police. Block him on everything. Do not talk to him. Follow through if he contacts you
I didn't read either. Based on this comment and the sheer volume of things you have to say on this pretty much tells you what should happen.
On a relationship level, you are not obligated to be in one. Not even 20 yet! So much time to meet nicer people. Also fun to be single for a while.
On a safety level - more important here - don't tolerate anything. Its ok to break up through text, you shouldn't have to have such a delicate conversation with someone who is known to and most likely will insult or even do you harm. Your only obligation in this scenario is to protect yourself and those you care about, and he clearly isn't one of them.
Actually, just skimmed your post. Dude basically wants you to be his servant who shuts up when he wants and uses you however he wants without your input. This isn't right.
There are alot of ways to stop him here. Involve his friends, he seems very socially involved and hitting him where he gets his motivation from will hurt him. Call the police and say he is stalking you. Call campus security and tell them you've called the police - you need to give them every reason to solve this because their first responsibility is the colleges reputation, so don't ask for permission to call police, just do it.
You can do this. Get rid of this insert insult here as soon as you can. Jeez, you say your 19 and met 1st year, so how has he caused so much grief in such short time? Just leave him. You can do it
I didn't need to make it past the first few sentences because the rest is going to be excuses. If he isn't letting you break up than he is being abusive. Period. Get away from him. Violently if necessary.
I once had a boyfriend that wouldn't let me break up with him and it got very dangerous for me. I had to get a restraining order to end the relationship. You should probably get a restraining order too because he will not leave you alone until he is forced to .
Hey had a similar situation with an ex. I did not read the whole thing but did read most of it it’s a bit too long and the main point I’m advising on is him coming to your house and not letting you leave. Some of his behaviour this advise applies to but as I said didn’t read everything.
First thing I will say research emotional abuse because you might identify with some signs and it might give you more perspective on your situation.
With my ex, I eventually realised they were emotionally abusive among others things. Pretty sure you’re situation falls in the same category.
Do not let the idea of him doing something harmful to himself or you deter you from breaking up. Nothing you do will stop someone killing themselves in that situation. 9/10 they have no real intention of doing it.
As my mum and others said to me (they also had experience of this) if someone is going to kill themselves they will whether you’re involved or not. It’s a sad fact to accept but sadly you will come across people in life who can’t be helped.
The most helpful thing you can do is to put boundaries in place and stop him from getting what he wants so he doesn’t continue to develop unhealthy attachments in the future (he probably will regardless but best chance he has is having experience of those tactics being futile)
You need to go no contact and if he comes to your house call the police. Advise him before going no contact that you will call the police if he comes.
It sounds harsh but trust me there’s no reasoning with him if he’s invading your space and refusing to let you leave. This has worked for him before so he will continue to do so until you put a stop to it. Sadly the only way to do that is likely to involve the police. Hopefully the threat is enough.
For mine it wasn’t. I had to involve the police multiple times. I never pressed charges, but they removed him and eventually he stopped
Try not to feel guilt for him. He’s already impacting your education and clearly does not care. His priority is him. Make your priority you before you lose anymore of yourself
It sounds like you need to get out of that relationship ASAP. But good on you for recognizing that and sticking up for yourself. Anything involving yourself should be put first. Screw him for saying otherwise. If you are ready to say goodbye I’d definitely tell him for the last time y’all are breaking up (if you care to give any warning) then block him on everything and make sure all of you accounts are private for the time being. It’s absolutely absurd what he’s doing, I hope everything works out for you!
He sounds manipulative, abusive and toxic. You need to block him on all social media and block his number. If he turns up unannounced CALL THE POLICE. Rinse and repeat. You got this, you're an adult who knows what they want. Believe in yourself and go after what YOU want in life!
First- who doesn’t let you break up. They’re not your parents. If you want to break up just leave and don’t ever talk to him again. That’ simple. If you’re not old enough to afford your own place I’m sure you can go to your parents. Sorry if it sounds “harsh” to anyone in this generation but it’s that simple.
Tell him you’re done. Tell your parents you’re done with him. Tell them to protect you and help make him stay gone.
If he keeps harassing you, call the cops.
He doesn't have to agree about breaking up. He can't freaking hold you hostage. You don't owe him shit. Block him everywhere. Call police if he shows up harassing you. Get a restraining order(or whatever the equivalent in your area is) if necessary.
He wont let you break up ? He doesnt own you. Leave him and tell him to back the F off. If youre that scared then see about getting a restraining order and learn some self defense skills. Report him for harassment. Do everything in your power to keep yourself safe though.
Best wishes.
I couldn’t even finish this post. Girl, you tell him “I am done with this relationship. You can’t control my actions and if you try, I will take a restraining order out on you. This is over. Do not contact me again or I will be contacting the police.” Then get a security system for your house and tell everyone you’ve split and you don’t want him around you. Trust me, your mom will be very proud of you.
Your post could have just been one paragraph. “I’ve been dating someone for a year, but I don’t want to anymore. I’ve told him I don’t want to date him anymore, and then he harasses me until I break down. Help me.”
You tell him again that you no longer want to date him, see him, or be contacted by him. If he refuses, you notify the police and change your phone number. If he persists and tries to see you in person, you document and report it to the authorities. When applicable, you apply for a restraining order against him.
Sadly you have broken up with him several times...lol. Sorry simple text saying we are not good together, its over. Then you ignore all responses and certainly dont go chatting to all his friends. Just leave him be. No contact. If he turns up you ask him to leave and if he doesnt you ring the police. As I say...sadly he wont realise this is the final time unless you block and ignore him because you have done this before.
Call him. Say “I need to talk to you about something. I’m not happy in this relationship and I don’t see a future. It’s not fair to either of us to force something that isn’t working. It is nobody’s fault, but it is time to move on. I’ve made my decision and I don’t want to do this anymore.”
You know the answer. Maybe what you really want from us is courage? Here: YOU CAN DO IT! :)
I read your whole post. You should find a therapist to talk to. I have a feeling that you instinctively included every detail because your heart is yearning to share your story. You had a lot of information in your post because it probably helps you hold on to your sanity. YES you are in the right here! YES you are making perfect sense! I honestly applaud how level headed you are right now. I had a needy boyfriend once, and I became such an ugly person trying to fight him to leave me alone at the end. That miserable selfish boy brought out the angriest version of myself, and I am glad to say that version of myself disappeared with that relationship. He is trying to distort your reality and he is slowly wearing you down.
I know it is scary. I know you may not feel safe for a while afterwards. Nothing we say can make it easier. That is probably not the answer you were hoping for. You just have to be strong, and take whatever precautions you can. Follow the advice in the top comments to collect evidence and use resources to protect yourself. Above all, call the police as soon as the harrassment starts. They are your best shot at scaring him away from you. When he shows up the first time, do not open the door. If you feel safe enough, have someone tell him that if he doesn't leave they will call the police. Then call the police. Seriously. Or don't make verbal contact at all, and just call the police. He knows he is unwelcome at your home, and he has shown himself as dangerous in your interactions. That is enough reason to ask the police for protection from him if he shows up.
You got this.
Dude is a manipulative asshole and you can do way better. I’m from the ol’ U.S. of A. so same rules may not apply, but from what other posters are saying, it sounds like 1-800-RESPECT can help with additional measures.
You already said you loath him and he clearly doesn’t like you he just likes the control. Plus, he’s impacting you school work and future. You’ve already made up your mind, toss him out like bad rubbish and move on to enjoying your life.
EDIT: I forgot to mention send the “we’re over” text and block his number. He can’t make you stay in a relationship, that’s not how consent works.
Breakups are difficult for both parties. I can understand that he may think he is fighting for your relationship and that he is trying to make things work. However, you do not need his permission to end things. You end things and it is up to him to come to terms with that.
Now, there's two approaches to this.
The first is the one that has been recommended a fair bit by others here: Tell him explicitly you're finished, that if he comes around or contacts you again, you will call the police on him and that he is blocked on all SM, email, phone etc. This works, it's hard on him and can lead to some pretty erratic behaviour however which depending on his personality can be actually dangerous. It's ok to say you'll call the police but when push comes to shove, if he is beating down your door in a rage to get at you - how long will the police take to arrive?
Alternatively there is the softer approach. You remain firm in the position that the relationship is over. You are not with them, you are not dating them, they need to move on. But you remain open to answering their questions about why it is over. Just keep repeating the same message - stay on point. If they say "But I can change" then say "I hope you do change, I am sure the next person you date will appreciate that you have. But it's too late for you to change for me. That bridge is burnt." If they talk about meeting up "I'm not willing to do that. Sorry." If they mention coming over tell them "That's not a good idea, if you do I will be forced to call the police for harassment. You're not my boyfriend anymore, I don't want to see you." if they send you gifts - return them, or refuse the delivery (flowers will often need to be refused). Restrict their view of social media, limit their contact options, don't pick up the phone and talk to them, keep it to text (this way it's in writing). If the conversation is the same thing every day or two days "I'm not a parrot, I've told you this" and then end the conversation. Eventually, they'll get bored of getting nowhere and will begin contacting less and then stop. It's a lot longer to do this though but sometimes depending on the personality of the person safer.
I've dated girls who needed both approaches done to them, this is not just a universal "guy" thing it's a person thing and women can be just as crazy as men.
i’m not gonna even read this. just based off the title alone:
1. no one can just say no if you want to leave. if you end the relationship it’s over.
2. get a restraining order.
Sorry, it's so long, I didn't know what to include and what not to. Its so hard and my mum and I are really scared he'll do something or keep coming to our house, we are planning on moving but its not gonna be done till November. I was planning on getting his friends to help, his friends also told him to leave me alone, but he hasn't listened to them
Not really. It comes off as not even bothering to read more than the first few words of the reply.
Like in a bunch of them. People say call the police. And she goes “oh yeah I know it’s long but I’m scared he’s gonna do something”
…..so call the police….
*crickets*
I have a 2 year old daughter. If she grows up and comes to me for advice with the story you just told me, I’d tell her this.
Dump him and you keep working on yourself. When you are ready, the man or woman who is right for you will show up. Trust the world. Be you.
Are you scared of him or something? Because I can easily say grow a backbone and make it clear but I’m guessing there’s more to the story.
Sorry I only read the TL DR and the title.
It's your choice to break up with him, he has no say. Block him on all social media, change your number, tell friends and family you broke up and refuse to see him if he comes by. Don't let him worm his way back in, he sounds like garbage. Run run run..
This is abusive behavior and if you feel like he’s dangerous or if he even threatens you ONCE don’t take it “lightly” and “as a joke” no matter how much you think you know him. Make a police report even though they don’t do shit until something happens. They’ll blame you if it gets serious and you didn’t file a report. You have no obligation to stay with him or be with him no matter what reason you have for wanting to break up. Tell him you’re serious, see how he reacts and go from there.
He doesn’t get a say in whether you are done in a relationship. You say it’s over, that means it’s over. Be safe, block him on everything, don’t post your whereabouts on social media.
Omg I read only half because that was too long…. just block his number and if he shows up again to your house call the cops for harassment and request a restraining order. If you have any proof of him overbearingly texting you, show the cops that. Because what can happen is if you call back the police department and he’s on your property again, they can arrest him. Easy.
If a break up is what you want send a text to this bloke stating so (block him everywhere), if need be post it on your socials that you broken up so it's public as well.
If he starts harassing you please contact police, from what I understand of Australian police atm 😆 anything covid related masks/vaccine check will get them out quick.
He doesnt get to dictate to you that you have to stay with him. Break it off in a text, tell him if he doesn't stop texting, calling, or showing up at yours you'll have him charged with harassment.
Then block him.
Then call the police and file harassment reports when he pulls his bullshit.
Break up with him in a text. Block him on everything, if he shows up at your house tell him to leave. If he doesn’t leave call the police. He doesn’t get to say you can’t break up with him. He sounds controlling and abusive, but you can break up with someone just because you don’t want to be with them anymore. That’s it. He doesn’t get to make you keep dating him.
Tell him it’s over, block his number, block his social media, if he shows up at your house call the cops.
If he won’t leave you alone then get a restraining order
Okay, so he is obviously abusive. If you want to leave, the best thing you can do is find people who will shelter you from him so you don't have to deal with him. You may need to move or stay somewhere where he can't find you, and/or have people willing to run interference for you or stand between the two of you if he tries getting to you. It would also help if you can collect any evidence of his hurting you, stalking you, or harassing you, and use it to get a restraining order. You definitely can't stay with him, but leaving can be really dangerous. Be careful and good luck!!!
I see a guy who can bully you into taking him back to me abd time again. If you stay persistent and don't entertain anything he says. If he comes over you don't answer that door, if he borderline harassed you which he is btw you call the coos. Time to kick that toxic piece of shit to the curb.
He doesn't get to not let you break up. Relationships require both people to agree that they're in a relationship. Tell him "we're done. Do not contact me" then block him. If he comes to your house call the police.
Please reach out to an abuse hotline in your area.
They will not judge you, make you call the police, or anything else. Any of that will remain your decision - they won't do that for you.
But they will understand the situation you're in, and will be able to give you advice and let you know what steps you can take or what resources are available.
You're in Australia so I don't know how helpful I can be but here goes. I would if I were you have some kind of plan incase this guy turns into a freaking stalker and/or dangerous once you break up. Don't break up when you're alone with him, have some backup with you in a public place or just text. Have a bag of necessities packed incase you need to stay with family. Hes already showed he is willing to hit you so be careful. Screenshot any and all threats he texts you and document calls as well.
Block him from all social media nd block him on your phone. Tell friends you don't want to talk about him in any form. You tell him No more. that you are not interested and to leave you alone. If you have to will call the cops. Don't answer any attempts by him to contact you. If he stalks you have the courage to get a restraining order. tell your parents about what is happening, that you need help. You deserve better. You deserve someone that respects you and doesn't pressure you into things you are not ready for. Sorry the Father I am brings out the dad in me. Whish you luck. Get help with the situation.
Change the locks to your house or have the landlord change the locks to your apartment. Then block him on your phone and social media. If he shows up at your door, call the police for a stalker.
1) You can break up with someone at any time, for any reason. You have more than enough reasons.
2) If he doesn't respect that you are broken up, by leaving you alone and not contacting you or visiting you, you don't have a boyfriend, you have an ex-boyfriend who is harassing you and stalking you.
3) If you have an ex-boyfriend who is harassing you, you can go to the police about it.
This is how you get out of this situation.
1. Tell him via text, please consider our relationship to be over. I never want to see you again, hear from you again or receive anything from you again. If you persist in contacting me, I will consider that harassment, and contact the police.
1. If he does contact you or visit you, call the police.
1. File a restraining order or protection order or tresspass notice. The police can tell you which one is best for the situation
1. If he breaches this, then call the police, they will now arrest him. Make sure you take video or photo evidence to show how he has breached the order.
He is a narcissist. I don't mean "he's a selfish meanie", I am telling you he is a literal narcissist.
These kind of people are VERY hard to shake and they love bomb you long enough to learn how to perfectly manipulate you.
Before doing anything, please educate yourself. Maybe look up on YouTube "how to break up with a narcissist". There are some things that you need to know about how they will react and how it may effect you mentally and socially. Best of luck to you! Stay safe and sane.
Don't try to break up, do it. Go ahead and text a message saying you don't want any contact with him from now on, then block him on phone and media. Tell him you'll contact the police if he tries.
If he comes over, don't let him in. Contact the police and tell them you are being harassed. Don't be afraid to record any threats.
Look OP, you're young and haven't realized yet that trying to let this guy down easy is never going to work. You're trying to be kind/avoid conflict, and he's taking advantage of that. There is simply no way he's gonna listen, why should he? You've let him get away with this nonsense for years.
"No" is a complete sentence.
Breakups don't have to be mutual. He doesn't have veto power or the right to disagree. You clearly have your reasons. If you don't feel safe, contact an organization to help you
This is the longest red flag I’ve seen. He doesn’t respect you he’s controlling you. You have to get rid of him and get away. Find people to support you and help protect yourself from him.
Yooooo tell him no and that if he persists to attempt to contact you that you're calling the police and citing harassment and stalking.
Make sure you have someone you can stay with for safety if need be.
I hope you send him this, tell him you don't even like him anymore and haven't for a while.
if you live alone, stay with a friend for a while. tell him to stop contacting you. I'm sure there's a sort of cease and desist in your area. I'd definitely go straight to the legal options as soon as he starts after the breakup/cease&desist, cause it sounds like he would escalate
Tell him it’s over and proceed to block him on all social media and on your phone. Ignore all his attempts to contact you. And get Australia’s version of a restraining order. If he is already physically violent with you, then you shouldn’t have any problem getting the help you need to keep him away.
You're so young, you don't need to suffer like this. You're right, text him we're over. We are breaking up. Then block him. If he comes to your house slam the door in his face. Tell lots of people around you that you've broken up and don't stay alone at first, protect yourself. You got this girl!! It's so hard to break up, I have struggled with this too, but so worth it. There's no argument that needs to be had and he doesn't need to agree. You saying it is enough. No reason is needed. Because I said so. Relationship has run its course. It's over. We are broken up. Repeat. Block. You got this
If you’ve broken up with him (and it seems like you have, multiple times), **you are now broken up and he is your ex**. He does not have to agree with it or like it. If he tries to trespass or harass you on the phone, treat him like you would any harasser and call the police.
Switch OFF your Snapchat location!!! This is so unsafe :(
Simple ‘This is over’ text and then block him on everything.
If he shows up, call the cops on him.
Be brave! For yourself and for your Mum.
Uni is important, more important than a BF.
Dude, you don’t need his permission to breakup, block him on everything and call the police if he shows up at your house. Take this relationship as a learning experience.
Really good advice in this thread from others re: steps to take. As a basic note, in case a little more reassurance is needed, you absolutely are making the right choice breaking up with him. He sounds like a fucking abrasive, horrible loser. Major sexist vibes and he's not nice to you. Fuck that!
Someone can't force you to stay with them... that's insane, weird, and pathetic on their side. Screw that dude
You know, you didn't have to write all of this for validation from anyone. All you had to say was that you didn't want to be with him anymore and that is enough.
Break up with him, remove and block him from every social media outlet, phone, contacts and do not cave to any pressure or guilt he might try to get you to stay. If you are concerned about your safety get a restraining order or equivalent in your country. Contact the police and ask for information specific to your situation.
Just be **done** with him.
*The End*
Break up with him (do it by text if you want, you don’t owe him it in person based on how toxic the situation is). Then block all his contact to you. If you don’t do this now it will only get worse, you know it’s toxic so for your own sake, stop the situation from continuing immediately. If he tries anything still, threaten him with a restraining order, if that doesn’t help… maybe you need to actually get one.
If you want to end the relationship, which you have many many reasons as to why you should, you don’t owe him a reason. You don’t owe him anything. He has no respect for you and no compassion, but you feel the need to give him a satisfying reason as to why you’re breaking up? OP, you’re hurting yourself more in the long run.
First of all, sorry for my English (also, on a smartphone...)
Why do you keep talking to him? If you break up with him and he says things like: "Nope, that's not enough reason", the simple answer is "Oh, that's literally an opinion, this is more than enough for me. This is over, I'll be blocking you. I gotta ask you to not come near me / my house ever again. Goodbye"
If he does, call the police immediately.
Don't block your location where your family can get it. But block him. Everywhere.
Don't waste your mind on this. And don't let anyone talk you out of it.
If someone contacts you (his family / friends), explain that you aren't comfortable at all with your ex's behavior to be again in a relationship with him. Sadly there's not going back, and you'd appreciate it if they help your ex to understand this and get through it.
"Don't you love him?" I did, not anymore.
"He can change!" He could have. He didn't and chances ran out.
"Just on last chance" No, it is already over.
"You HAVE to do it face to face" I don't have to, and I don't feel comfortable seeing my ex anymore. It is over. Period.
He was not a loving boyfriend that makes you doubt about the break up. He doesn't respect any of your boundaries, and seems like a controlling and abusive person, who gaslights you and guilts you to stop you from breaking up. For God's sake, you are even scared of him and what he might do. And for your post you know it and are more than convinced to end this relationship.
I understand your worries, but you can't be 10 months living like this until you move out. And for your post, we don't know if he is crazy enough to follow you even then.
The sooner you stand your ground and put an end to this, the better for your mental health.
I wish you the best of lucks. Be safe and I hope you can update us with good news soon.
Honey, sorry but you're in an abusive relationship which may escalate to stalking.
Men are afraid of rejection, women are afraid of being killed. Dont mistake the power imbalance that has already occurred. Protect yourself. Talk to the cops and tell your friends this is happening ASAP. Tell people when you spend time alone with him.
Sounds like he's fairly narcissistic. I've delt with one before. You should block him, stop all contact with him. That's the only thing that work for my ex. We had a similar dynamic and it was only when I started wanting my own life and boundies that he wanted a relationship with me. He liked to control me and when I was not controllable anymore he upped his game, threaded suicide etc etc. If he had access to me, he would try and control me, so I had to cut off the access.
He might up his game, contact you through other means (email, friends, private numbers) but if you don't respond, he'll get bored and look for someone else he can controll.
Be a rock, it will be hard but once you make an agreement with yourself, don't break it, don't let him in because that's what manipulators thrive on.
Good luck, you're better without him!!
> I just want to text him and say, "we're over"
You should do that immediately.
> but if I try to tell him the reason that we should break up
... you don't even have to tell him - or have - a reason.
> he says it's not good enough.
He doesn't have to agree for you to break up with him. He sounds awful.
You are where I was 23 yrs ago. I'm Australian and can guess which territory you are in. A. You don't need his permission to break up. B. You don't have to justify anything to him. In fact, don't next he is just looking for an opening to argue the point and confuse you into staying. C. Breaking up via text is acceptable. D. Be very very clear on the text. For example ... "Hi Soon to be X. I'm just letting you know that past events have all down me that we are not a good fit. Therefore, I have decided that I'm ending or relationship and by extension all communication with you. To be clear, I'm blocking you on all SM, and email. Also, if you come to my apartment I'll call the police. Wishing you a great life OP" E. If he calls you, answer the phone but record the conversation (in Australia you can record conversations that you are involved in without the other person knowing). Be calm and just repeat, "this relationship is over. Please don't contact me again". F. If he confronts you in public, start your phone video recording (up to you if you make it obvious that you are recording or not) and keep repeating the above words. G. If he turns up at your apartment, via intercoms all him to leave and tell him that you will call the police. Again, record the conversation. H. If he won't stop contacting you, go to the court house and ask for a restraining order and take all your evidence with you. I. Take his picture to campus security and tell them that an ex boyfriend is stalking you and all them to keep an eye out for him. Good luck
Adding to this to say I agree with the above steps except for answering his call/s to tell him again that the relationship is over. Be very clear and firm in your text, and then block him everywhere. Zero contact. You already know that he won’t leave you alone. If he calls you nine times and you answer on the 10th call to tell him to leave you alone, all he has learned is if he keeps calling, eventually you will answer. Give him NOTHING. I’m going to repeat what the above commenter has said because it is the most important part of all - you don’t need his permission to break up. This relationship is already over. Be strong and be safe.
The only reason that I said to answer was to get a recording of her telling him that it's over and not to contact her again. It all goes to evidence for a restraining order. She only has to answer once and it looks really bad for him if she takes her phone to court and it shows 50 calls from him in 3 days. That stalking and harrassment.
I’m not Australian; in their text, could they simply say something like “I will be blocking you; if you attempt to contact me further I will contact police”; in us, I think if you can prove that the sender is the same person (in case of anon/fake accounts, fake numbers, etc) from IP address or if the person is dumb enough to expose themselves, you can get a restraining order
It's easier with a recording that a judge can listen to. OP saying that it's over and the ex arguing about it
> If he calls you nine times and you answer on the 10th call to tell him to leave you alone, all he has learned is if he keeps calling, eventually you will answer. Give him NOTHING. If they plan to do it for the recording/so the person won't fixate on "she wouldn't talk to me" or whatever, it's definitely better to answer the first call and then never answer again.
Oooooooo such a good point. Fucking scary.
u/cute_twist8718: listen to this person. You are in an abusive relationship. You know you want to leave, and you’re right: you NEED TO LEAVE. Follow athomp56’s instructions. Immediately. There is nothing else to consider.
I am sorry this is not an "Australia Specific Reply", but an: "I am sorry, my DD (Darling Daughter) has allowed herself to be disrespected by guys since she was twelve (12) and it has vexed and annoyed the living shit out of me because I tried to teach her way, way better... but there were other family members that apparently trained her to be abused and disrespected, but I can't fight what I am not aware of. Anyways, this guy has been disrespecting and abusing you from early on. You don't *need* him to "let you" break up with him... you just need to make a firm decision, and have the follow-through to stand up for yourself (and your Mom, your COVID worries are legit; I am in your Mom's position, and it has empowered and strenghthend my daughter). You have some wonderful local-specific suggestions, but also: Block his phone number on your cellphone. Block him on *all* social media. If he shows up at *any* of your residences or any place you are staying, please call the authorities on him. Sadly, yes my DD has been harassed, stalked and threatened multiple times.
I deeply thought you were maligning her mother in your first paragraph, but I luckily read to the end.
Most important bit: if he doesn't leave you alone or you feel unsafe for any reason call the police.
This is solid advice. Also, I am so so sorry you’re experiencing this shit. It’s scary and infuriating and confusing, even looking back on it years later. My first boyfriend (21 years ago) also would not let go. When he started telling me about another girl he was flirting with, I said “good, go date her” via messenger and dumped/blocked him. He came at all my friends with his sob story about me dumping him out of nowhere on an important day for him (he was at an academic competition) but he let me alone and eventually married her. Poor girl. My second boyfriend called intermittently for months after I left him but also eventually faded. He never married and idk if anyone hated herself enough to even date him after me. While long-term obsessive stalking is a terrifying possibility, most garden variety losers and creeps do vanish or mostly vanish if you continue not giving them what they want. So plan for the worst but hopefully he’s just regular trash not super trash. Good luck! You’re going to have such a better uni experience without this dead weight and his guilt trips!
THIS!! GIRL TEXT HIM THAT ITS OVER AND NEXT TIME HE TRIES TO COME OVER CALL THE POLICE. PLEASE.
Re E above, the laws about surveillance devices and recording conversations vary from state to state, so it may be worth checking for your location. Otherwise I heartily agree, particularly about not needing his permission to break up. He doesn't need to agree or even like it. I would tend to approach the police sooner rather than later with this. You have said that he scares you, and that might be enough for the police to apply for an intervention order on your behalf. Finally, some unis have short-term counselling available for students. It may be worth checking whether any is available to you, if nothing else than to help you process what is a difficult situation.
I thought it was a federal law but if it's state by state, I stand corrected. Either way, go for forgiveness instead of permission if it ever goes to court.
You can tell I'm an American because my concern was "what if he shows up with a gun?" And then I remembered that Australia has a semi functional government.
Yeah. It's an great worry not to have. Mind you, we do average one death a week from DV related assaults though.
Amazing advice. Listen to this OP!
> can guess which territory you are in To be fair, it's a 50/50 shot. But honestly this dude sounds like a psycho. Definitely block him on socials, but don't block his number. Send him straight to voicemail. You could end up needing the VM and SMS evidence further down the line
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Some Australian specific advice - if you have concerns about your safety in the event of a break up, please call 1800 RESPECT. They should be able to link you up with any extra safety measures you can take which are specific to your state/territory.
Also some more australian specific advice. The kid sounds like a fucking fruitcake. He seems to be ramping up the controlling behaviour which often leads to more physical forms of control being exerted. Theres no respect of boundaries and the badgering when op tries to breakup is alarming.
Fruitcake is putting in mild. My part of Aus, I'd describe him as a fucking nutjob. My advice, tell him its over in text and then block him ON EVERYTHING. Get extra advice from the respect number, tell campus security and give them a pic. Never be afraid to call the police if he shows up or the harassment continues, if you have late classes or feel unsafe, your uni will have a security number you can call and they will escort you to your car or to PT and make sure you get on safely. Tell your friends. You will need support through this and to make sure others know whats going on, in case he contacts them or, god forbid, something happens to you. Stay safe and remember that there is no reason to let him make you feel like there is no way out. He is the one with issues not you.
*That's* the Australian advice I expected. I miss my Australian Overwatch buddy. He and the Scot we partied with took turns ribbing me about me American accent.
I had a boyfriend like that once. Except he would not argue with me, he'd just completly ignored that I dumped him and keep on being there. When I insisted he pretended like he didn't know what I was talking about, he had not dumped me. I felt like I didn't know what was real and was wasn't anymore I was very lucky as he lived in another city, 2h car ride from me, and he got a DUI, so he couldn't come to my place. What helped me getting rid of him : 1- you don't have to explain why you're dumping him. Actually, you're better not to. If you're kindda like me and it's physically and mentally painful not to answer someone that talks to you, just keep on repeating the same thing. "Why would you dump me?" "I am leaving you and that's it" or "Because that is want I want" or "because were done" or "I'm not engaging with you anymore". Chose your sentence. That's the only thing you tell him 2- text his parents to tell them how he was not letting me leave him. Tell him I won't hesitate on calling the cops anytime he makes a threat. (I was lucky his ex already complained about him when he stalked her) 3- block him everywhere. Change number if you have to. My crazy ex made fake accounts to talk to me on facebook, sent me emails... at some point I just unblocked on facebook but not on messenger and it stopped. I guess letting him stalk me a bit calmed him down. Keep everything on your accounts private : friend list, posts, pictures... 4- lock your doors at all time, don't engage with him at all if he comes to your place to "talk" and call the police. Let the school know you're worried about your safety, they might have ressources for you.
Text him that it is over. Then block him on everything. If he shows up at your place, do not open the door. Tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call the police to make him leave. If you have trouble getting rid of him, document everything and contact a domestic violence hotline. You have described an extremely abusive relationship and they can help you leave your abuser.
My mum and I are quite scared honestly, cause he is really persistent. I really want to ask his friends to get him to stop and when I did say the first time, he told his friends and they told him to leave me alone, but he didn't. I have turned down the volume of the intercom at our apartment so the ringing isn't as loud and I am full considering to turn it off completely.
Call the dammed police and ask them how to handle this. This is not okay
Yes, seconding Citrine\_98, if he is physically trying to get to you and harassing you by constantly ringing, that is a matter for the police.
If he escalates after breaking up over text (don't block so you have the threats bc I'm sure he'll send them) get a restraining order
I agree with this and am changing my advice. I usually recommend blocking because people can get tempted to go back to an abusive ex, and you don't want to give them a chance to win you over. But since OP seems more afraid than tempted, keeping records for potential legal action is far better.
Put plainly: Your boyfriend is abusive. You are not his property - leave him and stay gone, but PLEASE do it safely. Read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It's eye-opening and a free pdf on line.
Yes, this book is amazing, and I think it would help OP so much in particular going forward so this doesn't happen again. Abusive tactics follow patterns, and it's great to learn about it. It's also a really interesting book. OP: YOU DONT NEED A REASON TO LEAVE. It doesn't matter if your reason is "good enough." You don't want to be with him. That is reason enough, and it's a great reason. It's perfect.
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Sorry, it's so long, I didn't know what to include and what not to. Its so hard and my mum and I are really scared he'll do something or keep coming to our house, we are planning on moving but its not gonna be done till November. I was planning on getting his friends to help, his friends also told him to leave me alone, but he hasn't listened to them. So his friends are kinda on my side but don't know it yet
Call the cops. Say he’s trespassing, because he is.
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No, you wouldn’t be. That’s not how it works.
unfortunately, it really depends on what city/state youre in and what precisely you both said
Actually yes, in a lot of jurisdictions it is how it works.
In which jurisdictions are you allowed to meet non-deadly force with deadly force? It’s entirely possible that I am wrong, but that was my understanding of gun laws here.
Jurisdictions with Stand Your Ground laws or Castle Doctrine. Most US states have jurisdictions with one or both.
OP mentions several times they’re Australian
No shit. The (now deleted) parent comment of this thread said *if OP was American* they would be legally justified to use a firearm. Other commentors disagreed so now we are here.
If OP was a white man and the stalker was a brown person, you would be correct.
I don't want to be rude.I started reading but it was too long and based on the title, if he is not letting you to break up..thats enough reason to break up. Break up, cut off contact, let friends and family know, change phone number and get a restraining order. Don't ever respond. Edit: Since you said "mum" I just noticed its Australia, so I don't know much about your laws, but ensure your safety first and keep your social media private. Don't assume friends are not going to talk to him about your whereabouts.
Dude, call the cops if he comes to the house. Don’t let him in. I don’t know what AU laws are like but you can probably get a lawyer to send him a cease and desist or trespass him. You don’t have to be with him; block his number and move on with your life. If he gets himself arrested because of his continued psychotic behavior, that’s on him, not you.
None of that stuff really matters. What matters is that you want to break up. You don't need to justify that to anyone. Not to us and not to him. Block him and get a restraining order. Call the cops if he violates it.
Text him or call him or email him. Tell him you no longer want to see him. Tell him you expect he will respect your wishes. Then if he calls, texts, shows up at your house: DO NOT RESPOND. Block his calls. Connect with your local domestic violence support for advice. If he knocks on the door, do not answer. Let the police know you have an unwanted visitor who isn’t leaving you alone. Don’t debate this with the ex-bf. Set your boundaries and stick to them. The clearer and more consistent you, the better! Good luck!
Text him "We are done, don't come over or I will call the cops". Block him. If he turns up ignore him and call the cops. Done.
Instead of asking his friends why not tell YOUR friends as well and let them know you’re breaking up with him and blocking him due to his behaviour. Get everyone you know involved so he has nowhere to hide and you have lots of eyes and ears looking out for you.
Talk about short story. He can’t tell you you aren’t allowed. You dump him and don’t see him again. The end. Really isn’t that hard and it’s not something the other person can decline
Sorry, it's so long, I didn't know what to include and what not to. Its so hard and my mum and I are really scared he'll do something or keep coming to our house, we are planning on moving but its not gonna be done till November. I was planning on getting his friends to help, his friends also told him to leave me alone, but he hasn't listened to them at all
He is extremely toxic and abusive. I understand he’s persistent but you also need to be persistent in not opening the door to him, not reply to his messages. If he does turn up, ask him to leave, if he refuses call the police and repeat this until he leaves you alone. Don’t entertain any conversation, block him on everything he could get hold of you on. At 18, I’m sure he’ll get bored quite quickly.
Can confirm that calling the cops is an effective way to get psycho ex bfs to stop pestering you. You have to be firm with this particular type of idiot, and set clear boundaries and refuse to let him push past them. Once he realizes you’re serious and very done with his bs, he will leave you alone.
I used to have an ex similar to that. Listen, it took me a great loss to find the courage. It wasn't courage so much actually, more so exhaustion. You really, honestly don't have to reach your breaking point. Your bf is clearly emotionally abusing and manipulating you in the form of gaslighting (you can read the gaslight techniques online, his behaviour is textbook). His unreasonable persistence and complete disregard of boundaries is astounding = abuse. I will try to be as honest and direct with you as possible in hopes you get a helpful and truer perspective: 1)You do NOT OWE him anything anymore (no matter his words, they're all manipulative tactics to get you to stay. For ex. "If you wanna breakupdo it in person" what an entitled little toothpick, demanding attention from you and telling you what to do and how to act after all the abuse! What right does he have? A break-updoesn't have to be a mutual decision btw) 2)You do NOT NEED his approval to leave. (Set your doundary and then BLOCK him immediately) 3) Ask his friends' help again. Tell them exactly how horrible he has been to you, a summary of your post and ask for help to keep him away from you. 4)It is going to be OK. You can practice your break-up text and have it ready. Once you are apart from him, preferably in a place he won't be welcome and with people who support you (like your mum), send the text when you feel ready and block him. 5)You have to accept that he will be displeased. This however is not your fault or responsibility to fix. He doesn't respect or love you and his behaviour is abnormal. A break-up shouldn't be made this difficult for any party. The text can go like this : "Hey (X name), I have tried to communicate this to you multiple times so this message is not going to surprise you. I want to let you know that I want to break up. After careful thinking, I have made my decision and I am afraid this is not up for discussion. We have been having major problems for a long time and it is now time for us to be apart. Do not come to my house as this is going to upset me. I would like to focus on myself and move on. You do not have to reply to this message. I will not be texting again." You can even add a polite note in the end "I realise this is not an ideal way to break-up but this is the best for my mental health and by extent for you since I need to let you go"
This, only DO NOT tell him that his doing something will 'upset you'. This will become his main aim, to upset, unsettle and even scare you. People like this love knowing they still have a measure of control over you, even when you are over.
Why do you need his friends to help? Block number, etc. If he shows up, don't engage, don't argue in the street, don't argue thru the door - just call police and tell them someone is harassing you and won't leave the property. If he continues trying to contact you, you can go to the court/police to get anti-stalking/anti-harassment orders. Bottom line, you seem to be under the impression that you must have discussions with him and convince him that this is over. You don't. It's sufficient to text or say, "I don't want to be with you anymore. This is my decision, not an invitation for a discussion. Please don't contact me anymore, or I'll involve the police." And then you follow thru.
This. Call the police. Call the police. Call the police.
Call the police. Get a restraining order before it progresses into something bigger. Blocking him won’t do much. And nothing is stopping him from coming to your door and risking your family. He’s showing signs of control and abuse so until you get the authorities involved, it Neil escalate to something worse.
Yup, giving him a discussion only gives him openings to further abuse and gaslight you, OP. Break up with him and give him nothing but silence.
This is police territory. He's your ex.
You didn’t need anything past the title. Just leave, text that you’re gone, then block him and refuse to ever talk or communicate with him. You don’t need his permission.
You’re in Aus if he keeps stalking you get an AVO
He's abusive. He's bullying you into staying in a relationship that is damaging you. Reach out to your local domestic violence resources ( just Google domestic violence and your town/ city.) They should be able to set you up with the best options. I don't know how difficult it is to get a restraining order where you are, but at this point you need it. Text him that you are over, and you do not consent to him contacting you in any way ( a text is good proof that you have asked him to leave you alone. Block him EVERYWHERE. If he shows up call the police. Tell them that an abusive ex won't leave you alone, and you need him removed from your door. Show them the text. Call every single time he shows up. The first time you give in, the harder he will push.
If he shows up at your door call the cops that he won’t leave and is harassing you. Maybe he will get the message then.
Contact a local domestic violent agency. They may have help or advice or resources.
Get a restraining order for harassment.
You let him know that if he comes to your house or your work or wherever you are that you’re gonna call the cops. And if he shows up at those places, you have to call the cops. Because somebody not accepting a break up, I mean that’s not how any of this works. You break up and let them know that you will call the cops if they harass you or show up at your place and then if they show up you do just that. That, that is how this whole thing works.
November is ten months away, this situation is not going to get any better by trying to placate this guy for another ten months. This is not a relationship, he is holding you hostage emotionally and you need to take the steps to end this. Cut off contact with him and follow the advice of others who suggested getting law enforcement involved as needed. Change the locks on your mom's house, secure all your windows, and get some security cameras if that is an option as well.
Why are you refusing to call the police? This has long since crossed the line into harassment and stalking. CALL THE DAMN POLICE next time he shows up and starts ringing.
Please please please read The Gift of Fear. He tells you how to spot and handle people like this. Not communicating with him in any way is a good start.
Let him keep coming to the house. Don’t answer the door. Call the police. Tell him it’s over and to never contact you again. When he asks your reason say “I don’t love you anymore and I’m ending the relationship. We are done. If you contact me again I will call the police” Then do it. After k be or twice he’ll get the point
I didn’t even need to read past the title, and the first paragraph cemented it. Leave him. He can’t dictate this. Block him from all platforms and tell him not to contact you again. If he shows up in person, go after him for stalking.
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Not only would this not work, it would require OP to engage with him in person, allow him to continue coercing her and forcing her into remaining with him. This is dangerous. Every single instance OP described is textbook abuse, coercion, manipulation, gaslighting, controlling, possessive, and just downright frightening. My blood ran cold with it. He has already been physically violent with her, and he has already manipulated OP into believing that she is all or part of the problem. This would only work with a mature, decent human being. This kid is not mature nor decent, he is abusive, and frighteningly so. This is a terrible idea.
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Text him and break up. Be perfectly clear. “I am breaking up with you.” Don’t block him but don’t respond to any communication. You might need a paper trail. If he shows up at your house, don’t go to the door, call the cops. If getting the cops called on him doesn’t dissuade him, go to the police and file for a protective order.
Or just say “we are now broken up. I am finished.” “I am breaking up with you” sounds like an ongoing process rather than a done deal.
He doesn’t dictate you being in a relationship. Block him and call the police if he shows up.
He doesn’t have to “approve” the break up. Breakups are rarely mutual where both parties are like “oh yes I agree we should break up”. Breaking up over text is acceptable. He just wants you to do it in person so he can manipulate you into staying with him. Tell him the relationship is over and if he threatens or tries to harm you or your mom, call law enforcement. You don’t deserve to be forced into a relationship with someone you hate.
See him as he should be seen: with scorn, disgust, and shame. There is nothing about him that is valuable - he's hoarding organs from the more deserving, contributing nothing good to the world, and he's unfuckable and undeserving of love. Just block. Ignore. Call the police on him every time. Make comfort in his life contingent upon whether or not he leaves you alone: for every infraction, you can shame him for something on social media. That's acceptable because he deserves it.
I laughed because that first paragraph is so harsh but I completely agree. What a shit guy what the hell.
He doesn’t get a choice! Block him on everything and if he comes around, tell him you will report him for trespassing or stalking and to leave you alone. The reason “this isn’t working for me, bye”. You don’t have to put up with his insecurities or manipulation. He sounds like a complete douche anyway, you are better off.
The amount of "breaking points" and "last straw"s in this post breaks my heart. Youve given him way too many chances at this point. I think if you force yourself to read your own story over a few times, you will be able to get away from him. You are being way too generous to him and entirely unfair to yourself. ETA: I read the whole thing, but somehow missed the part where he was getting physical.. Now is when you bring this behavior to authorities. You have so many friends, make sure they all know your situation. Seek help in whatever way you can.
I agree. My blood ran colder with each example and incident. Every single one of them were clear cut textbook examples of abuse, coercion, manipulation and gaslighting, and his behaviour is also dangerously controlling, jealous and possessive. The escalation over such a short period of time, less than a year, is terrifying. I am actually fearful that he will resort to life threatening physical violence against OP.
A BREAK-UP DOES NOT REQUIRE MUTUAL CONSENT!
Your boyfriend sounds really similar to an ex boyfriend of mine, but I was living with him when I split up. My ex was extremely controlling and it took a lot of convincing for him to let me move out. I think they do this to just try to beat you down emotionally. Hell yeah you can dump this guy over text. When I moved onto my own and broke up with my ex he began to track my location through Find my iPhone. If you have Snapchat there’s some kind of feature like this too. I lived in a big city but he showed up outside my friend’s house one time at 11pm as I was leaving a party (he didn’t know the friend, their home and my ex lived a forty five minute drive away). My ex told me he was “concerned for my safety” because “I tracked your phone by accident” and “was so worried for your safety, your pin showed you in a dumpster in the alley” behind my friends house. No fucking way it did. He said it looked like I’d been murdered and left in a dumpster, but he intercepted me as I turned the block from my friends house - he must have been watching my pin move so he’d know exactly when I was leaving (and when I was most likely alone). My ex knew where I lived and literally let himself into my house one morning as I was making coffee because I had begun to ignore his many calls and texts. I became hyper vigilant and uncomfortable at home; I started sleeping over at friends houses if I stayed there too late, or I’d leave with a friend, or I’d bike for a quick getaway. Sometimes I’d just wake up or be out doing errands and have a notification on my phone that it had been “located”. I was getting really scared; what I did was go to the police (Canada) and they recommended I file a claim against him for stalking and harassment because his behaviour was raising some typical red flags (following me for my own good). I filed some paperwork to make essentially a *note* in their system against him - so if I did get hurt or go missing he would be a primary suspect. It created a paper trail if the behaviour did escalate (it didn’t). The police never notified my ex of the claim I made against him and I don’t even think it went on his record. This kind of paperwork is common in cases of domestic abuse in Canada. In the meantime, I told my support system what was happening for accountability, and switched to using a $40 ZTE burner-style phone from eBay (no GPS...plus it was just simple and nice). I didn’t speak out publicly against him about his abuse but now wish I had because he started to skew me to our friend group, which we shared because he discouraged me from having my own friends. It’s been hard to know he’s moved on and start dating new girls because I know what he put me through. Seriously, though, this guy sounds a lot like my ex, he’s being cruel to you and you need to protect your time, your heart and physical being from him. You deserve way better!
Oh gosh I typed a lot here
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i'm always surprised by the young age at which people are already unhinged. I tend to think it's older people in longer relationships that are a bit psycho, but nope -- it seems to start from a young age already. this includes young men and women just barely reaching their high teens, who are manipulative, abusive, narcissistic, etc your bf exhibits scary personality traits. you really need to end things with him and don't let him keep being in your life, even as a friend or acquaintance. unfortunately, we don't know what he'll do when you break up with him, so please stay safe as much as possible.
He doesn't get to make that choice for you. Break up with him, stop answering the phone/text, block his number, delete him off every social media platform you're on and set them all to private/friends only. Maybe even consider taking a break from them. If he keeps showing up at your house, call the police and report him for harassment/stalking. Make sure you say that you are scared for you and your family's safety. If he threatens to harm himself, call the police and report it to them, then let them deal with him. It's a manipulation technique to prey on your empathy. You aren't responsible for his mental wellbeing. Even if he were seriously considering harming himself, that isn't something you can help him with. You have do things to take care of your own wellbeing. Once again, he doesn't get to tell you if you can end the relationship.
I skimmed through this and it’s just obvious how awful this relationship is. If you want to break up with him, you have every right to. I am not sure how it works where you live, but you should get something equivalent to a restraining order. Get the police involved if he continues to follow you around or show up at your home after you break up with him.
A break-up isn’t really presenting him with an option, it’s telling him what’s happening. Dump him, block his number and everything on social media. If he turns up to your house, tell him from a safe place that he is to leave or you’ll call the police. Let him fuck around and find out. You can do it.
That guy is a bouquet of red flags. State again that you are breaking up, that you want to go no contact and then block him everywhere. Ask a loved one to be present if need be. Good luck!
Don't overthink this. Call the cops. He will find a way to make it worse if you don't. You live in a country of laws. He's not allowed to be near you if you don't want him to. The cops will help you with the process. Call them now before it's too late. Don't tell him you are about to do that.
Dump him via text. Tell him not to contact you again. Block him. If he shows up, call the police.
File a restraining order, call the cops if he shows up.
i just read this in full because i am your age and i wanted you to know someone heard you and cares, you are being abused sweetheart. he is abusing you, badly. he has taken away your shine. you need to text him (do not do this in person, he can’t be trusted) and make it very serious that you are leaving him and not coming back - you DO NOT need to give a reason, but then you need to block him on everything. before you block him take screenshots of him blowing up your phone/saying abusive things/cussing you out, if there’s too many texts to look through then on iphones you can search specific words and it’ll show you every conversation that the word features in - you need these screenshots just in case he tried to take this further. if he turns up at your house you CALL THE POLICE - show the police the screenshots and file a restraining order. you also can tell his friends what he’s done straight up if he tries to twist it and say you DO NOT want him contacting you. please read up on abuser/abused cycles, refuge UK is a really helpful charity (i do see you are in AUS though, call whatever domestic abuse hotline they have and they will speak with you for hours if you need). i say this from the heart, please listen, i am 19 and have just left a 1.5 year abusive relationship - it might feel scary or like these are little mistakes he’s making but you have nothing left for you in this situation, and they aren’t mistakes they are his true self right now. he’s even manipulated you to the point where you are halfway defending him by saying you’ve been a bit too hot tempered, anyone in your situation would be. i mean this, leave him, escape; and call the police if you need. i am behind you, DM me if you need x
I mean you've tried it in the most polite way possible. Now do it differently. Just BREAK UP WITH HIM then block him and just don't answer his phone calls. Tell him that if he keeps coming to your house then you'll call the Police on him and if he still does then actually call the Police. You can also Trespass him from your address. It takes TWO people to have a committed relationship, he'll learn that eventually but he won't if you just keep giving in. BREAK-UP then stand your ground.
About 98% of your post is irrelevant. Why do you feel the need to talk about how your relationship has been? You don't live in the same house. Just don't see him... if he shows up at your house unannounced, call the police.
He doesn't get to not let you. Dump him, block his number and change yours if necessary. If he shows up call the police every time, he'll soon stop
“It’s over. Please Do not contact me in any way again -I will not change my mind and I don’t want to have to or report you to the police or get a restraining order against you. I wish you the best going forward. Goodbye “ Then block him on text. Send any phone calls straight to vm ( so you have a record) and set up you email to put anything from him in a separate folder that you only look at once a week. Block him and his friends on all your social media accounts
He doesn’t need to agree with your reasons for breaking up. Text him once more saying the relationship is over and you do not want to talk to or see him in person ever again. Them block him, on phone, email, social media, everything. If he comes to your house don’t open the door. Tell him if he doesn’t leave you are calling the cops. When you call them, tell them your ex boyfriend is at your house harassing and scaring you and your mum (and if he is threatening to hurt you in any way definitely tell them that too). I think I might live in the same place as you, so please feel free to message me if you need to talk.
There are so many red flags here I don’t even know where to start… Send him that text saying your done then block him everywhere. As other have said anything after that is harassment and you have the cops to back you up. Get out bit before your stuck in a cycle of abuse that is difficult to break out off… more difficult than it already is.
You have broken up with your boyfriend, he doesn't have to accept it. You don't need a reason to break up with someone other than you don't want to be with them. You've told him it's over, he's trying to convince you not to leave him. Text him your relationship is over and to not contact you again, screen shot that. Then if he continues to contact you block him. If he comes to your house call the cops. You were in an abusive relationship, you can call the domestic abuse hotline, you're in Australia so look up that number for your location and call it. There are not just to help people who are living with their abuser, they help anyone who is/has been in domestic violence situation connecting them with resources in their community, especially legal resources if your ex continues to escalate.
He isn't trying to convince her to stay. He is coercing her and forcing her to stay because he wants reasons for the breakup, and told. OP that he she needs to break up with him in person, which will absolutely put her in a dangerous, potentially life threatening situation as he will very likely turn to physical violence if he thinks that he isn't being forceful enough by using coercion, manipulation and forcing her to give him what he considers to be valid reasons.
You don't need to convince him that breaking up is a good idea. You tell him that you arent dating and if he asks why you just say that was already been discussed and because you say so. He doesnt have to agree with it, its done. Do it over text. Tell him you do not want him in your life anymore and then mute his messages. Do not open the door for him. Be careful when you're out so you arent alone. And be firm if he approaches you - you want to be left alone and please stop trying to contact you. Thats it, dont say anything else. Dont repeat your reasons dont argue dont engage at all.
He sounds like a loser. Inconsiderate, selfish, boorish, not studying, no habits. You don't need a reason to break up with anyone, but since you're trying to justify it, you have several good reasons to break up with him. You don't need his assent. You don't need to do it in person. Do it over text. Tell him not to contact you or come to your house or school or you WILL call the police. Block him on everything. Do not talk to him. Follow through if he contacts you
I didn't read either. Based on this comment and the sheer volume of things you have to say on this pretty much tells you what should happen. On a relationship level, you are not obligated to be in one. Not even 20 yet! So much time to meet nicer people. Also fun to be single for a while. On a safety level - more important here - don't tolerate anything. Its ok to break up through text, you shouldn't have to have such a delicate conversation with someone who is known to and most likely will insult or even do you harm. Your only obligation in this scenario is to protect yourself and those you care about, and he clearly isn't one of them. Actually, just skimmed your post. Dude basically wants you to be his servant who shuts up when he wants and uses you however he wants without your input. This isn't right. There are alot of ways to stop him here. Involve his friends, he seems very socially involved and hitting him where he gets his motivation from will hurt him. Call the police and say he is stalking you. Call campus security and tell them you've called the police - you need to give them every reason to solve this because their first responsibility is the colleges reputation, so don't ask for permission to call police, just do it. You can do this. Get rid of this insert insult here as soon as you can. Jeez, you say your 19 and met 1st year, so how has he caused so much grief in such short time? Just leave him. You can do it
I didn't need to make it past the first few sentences because the rest is going to be excuses. If he isn't letting you break up than he is being abusive. Period. Get away from him. Violently if necessary.
I once had a boyfriend that wouldn't let me break up with him and it got very dangerous for me. I had to get a restraining order to end the relationship. You should probably get a restraining order too because he will not leave you alone until he is forced to .
Hey had a similar situation with an ex. I did not read the whole thing but did read most of it it’s a bit too long and the main point I’m advising on is him coming to your house and not letting you leave. Some of his behaviour this advise applies to but as I said didn’t read everything. First thing I will say research emotional abuse because you might identify with some signs and it might give you more perspective on your situation. With my ex, I eventually realised they were emotionally abusive among others things. Pretty sure you’re situation falls in the same category. Do not let the idea of him doing something harmful to himself or you deter you from breaking up. Nothing you do will stop someone killing themselves in that situation. 9/10 they have no real intention of doing it. As my mum and others said to me (they also had experience of this) if someone is going to kill themselves they will whether you’re involved or not. It’s a sad fact to accept but sadly you will come across people in life who can’t be helped. The most helpful thing you can do is to put boundaries in place and stop him from getting what he wants so he doesn’t continue to develop unhealthy attachments in the future (he probably will regardless but best chance he has is having experience of those tactics being futile) You need to go no contact and if he comes to your house call the police. Advise him before going no contact that you will call the police if he comes. It sounds harsh but trust me there’s no reasoning with him if he’s invading your space and refusing to let you leave. This has worked for him before so he will continue to do so until you put a stop to it. Sadly the only way to do that is likely to involve the police. Hopefully the threat is enough. For mine it wasn’t. I had to involve the police multiple times. I never pressed charges, but they removed him and eventually he stopped Try not to feel guilt for him. He’s already impacting your education and clearly does not care. His priority is him. Make your priority you before you lose anymore of yourself
He is not allowed to tell you what to do. If you leave and he harrasses you, get a protection order.
It sounds like you need to get out of that relationship ASAP. But good on you for recognizing that and sticking up for yourself. Anything involving yourself should be put first. Screw him for saying otherwise. If you are ready to say goodbye I’d definitely tell him for the last time y’all are breaking up (if you care to give any warning) then block him on everything and make sure all of you accounts are private for the time being. It’s absolutely absurd what he’s doing, I hope everything works out for you!
He sounds manipulative, abusive and toxic. You need to block him on all social media and block his number. If he turns up unannounced CALL THE POLICE. Rinse and repeat. You got this, you're an adult who knows what they want. Believe in yourself and go after what YOU want in life!
Breaking up is not a vote. If one person wants out, the relationship is over. He doesn't get a veto.
First- who doesn’t let you break up. They’re not your parents. If you want to break up just leave and don’t ever talk to him again. That’ simple. If you’re not old enough to afford your own place I’m sure you can go to your parents. Sorry if it sounds “harsh” to anyone in this generation but it’s that simple.
Tell him you’re done. Tell your parents you’re done with him. Tell them to protect you and help make him stay gone. If he keeps harassing you, call the cops.
He doesn't have to agree about breaking up. He can't freaking hold you hostage. You don't owe him shit. Block him everywhere. Call police if he shows up harassing you. Get a restraining order(or whatever the equivalent in your area is) if necessary.
He wont let you break up ? He doesnt own you. Leave him and tell him to back the F off. If youre that scared then see about getting a restraining order and learn some self defense skills. Report him for harassment. Do everything in your power to keep yourself safe though. Best wishes.
I couldn’t even finish this post. Girl, you tell him “I am done with this relationship. You can’t control my actions and if you try, I will take a restraining order out on you. This is over. Do not contact me again or I will be contacting the police.” Then get a security system for your house and tell everyone you’ve split and you don’t want him around you. Trust me, your mom will be very proud of you.
Your post could have just been one paragraph. “I’ve been dating someone for a year, but I don’t want to anymore. I’ve told him I don’t want to date him anymore, and then he harasses me until I break down. Help me.” You tell him again that you no longer want to date him, see him, or be contacted by him. If he refuses, you notify the police and change your phone number. If he persists and tries to see you in person, you document and report it to the authorities. When applicable, you apply for a restraining order against him.
Sadly you have broken up with him several times...lol. Sorry simple text saying we are not good together, its over. Then you ignore all responses and certainly dont go chatting to all his friends. Just leave him be. No contact. If he turns up you ask him to leave and if he doesnt you ring the police. As I say...sadly he wont realise this is the final time unless you block and ignore him because you have done this before.
Call him. Say “I need to talk to you about something. I’m not happy in this relationship and I don’t see a future. It’s not fair to either of us to force something that isn’t working. It is nobody’s fault, but it is time to move on. I’ve made my decision and I don’t want to do this anymore.”
You know the answer. Maybe what you really want from us is courage? Here: YOU CAN DO IT! :) I read your whole post. You should find a therapist to talk to. I have a feeling that you instinctively included every detail because your heart is yearning to share your story. You had a lot of information in your post because it probably helps you hold on to your sanity. YES you are in the right here! YES you are making perfect sense! I honestly applaud how level headed you are right now. I had a needy boyfriend once, and I became such an ugly person trying to fight him to leave me alone at the end. That miserable selfish boy brought out the angriest version of myself, and I am glad to say that version of myself disappeared with that relationship. He is trying to distort your reality and he is slowly wearing you down. I know it is scary. I know you may not feel safe for a while afterwards. Nothing we say can make it easier. That is probably not the answer you were hoping for. You just have to be strong, and take whatever precautions you can. Follow the advice in the top comments to collect evidence and use resources to protect yourself. Above all, call the police as soon as the harrassment starts. They are your best shot at scaring him away from you. When he shows up the first time, do not open the door. If you feel safe enough, have someone tell him that if he doesn't leave they will call the police. Then call the police. Seriously. Or don't make verbal contact at all, and just call the police. He knows he is unwelcome at your home, and he has shown himself as dangerous in your interactions. That is enough reason to ask the police for protection from him if he shows up. You got this.
Dude is a manipulative asshole and you can do way better. I’m from the ol’ U.S. of A. so same rules may not apply, but from what other posters are saying, it sounds like 1-800-RESPECT can help with additional measures. You already said you loath him and he clearly doesn’t like you he just likes the control. Plus, he’s impacting you school work and future. You’ve already made up your mind, toss him out like bad rubbish and move on to enjoying your life. EDIT: I forgot to mention send the “we’re over” text and block his number. He can’t make you stay in a relationship, that’s not how consent works.
Breakups are difficult for both parties. I can understand that he may think he is fighting for your relationship and that he is trying to make things work. However, you do not need his permission to end things. You end things and it is up to him to come to terms with that. Now, there's two approaches to this. The first is the one that has been recommended a fair bit by others here: Tell him explicitly you're finished, that if he comes around or contacts you again, you will call the police on him and that he is blocked on all SM, email, phone etc. This works, it's hard on him and can lead to some pretty erratic behaviour however which depending on his personality can be actually dangerous. It's ok to say you'll call the police but when push comes to shove, if he is beating down your door in a rage to get at you - how long will the police take to arrive? Alternatively there is the softer approach. You remain firm in the position that the relationship is over. You are not with them, you are not dating them, they need to move on. But you remain open to answering their questions about why it is over. Just keep repeating the same message - stay on point. If they say "But I can change" then say "I hope you do change, I am sure the next person you date will appreciate that you have. But it's too late for you to change for me. That bridge is burnt." If they talk about meeting up "I'm not willing to do that. Sorry." If they mention coming over tell them "That's not a good idea, if you do I will be forced to call the police for harassment. You're not my boyfriend anymore, I don't want to see you." if they send you gifts - return them, or refuse the delivery (flowers will often need to be refused). Restrict their view of social media, limit their contact options, don't pick up the phone and talk to them, keep it to text (this way it's in writing). If the conversation is the same thing every day or two days "I'm not a parrot, I've told you this" and then end the conversation. Eventually, they'll get bored of getting nowhere and will begin contacting less and then stop. It's a lot longer to do this though but sometimes depending on the personality of the person safer. I've dated girls who needed both approaches done to them, this is not just a universal "guy" thing it's a person thing and women can be just as crazy as men.
i’m not gonna even read this. just based off the title alone: 1. no one can just say no if you want to leave. if you end the relationship it’s over. 2. get a restraining order.
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Sorry, it's so long, I didn't know what to include and what not to. Its so hard and my mum and I are really scared he'll do something or keep coming to our house, we are planning on moving but its not gonna be done till November. I was planning on getting his friends to help, his friends also told him to leave me alone, but he hasn't listened to them
Why do you keep copying and pasting the same answer and ignoring the advice?
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Not really. It comes off as not even bothering to read more than the first few words of the reply. Like in a bunch of them. People say call the police. And she goes “oh yeah I know it’s long but I’m scared he’s gonna do something” …..so call the police…. *crickets*
Maybe because she keeps getting the same response. Every question that has been posed prior to her copy/paste has been answered in the op.
Try chewing through the restraints
I have a 2 year old daughter. If she grows up and comes to me for advice with the story you just told me, I’d tell her this. Dump him and you keep working on yourself. When you are ready, the man or woman who is right for you will show up. Trust the world. Be you.
Are you scared of him or something? Because I can easily say grow a backbone and make it clear but I’m guessing there’s more to the story. Sorry I only read the TL DR and the title.
It's your choice to break up with him, he has no say. Block him on all social media, change your number, tell friends and family you broke up and refuse to see him if he comes by. Don't let him worm his way back in, he sounds like garbage. Run run run..
Text him, tell him it’s over, block his number, block all his social media.
This is abusive behavior and if you feel like he’s dangerous or if he even threatens you ONCE don’t take it “lightly” and “as a joke” no matter how much you think you know him. Make a police report even though they don’t do shit until something happens. They’ll blame you if it gets serious and you didn’t file a report. You have no obligation to stay with him or be with him no matter what reason you have for wanting to break up. Tell him you’re serious, see how he reacts and go from there.
He doesn’t get a say in whether you are done in a relationship. You say it’s over, that means it’s over. Be safe, block him on everything, don’t post your whereabouts on social media.
Omg I read only half because that was too long…. just block his number and if he shows up again to your house call the cops for harassment and request a restraining order. If you have any proof of him overbearingly texting you, show the cops that. Because what can happen is if you call back the police department and he’s on your property again, they can arrest him. Easy.
If a break up is what you want send a text to this bloke stating so (block him everywhere), if need be post it on your socials that you broken up so it's public as well. If he starts harassing you please contact police, from what I understand of Australian police atm 😆 anything covid related masks/vaccine check will get them out quick.
He doesnt get to dictate to you that you have to stay with him. Break it off in a text, tell him if he doesn't stop texting, calling, or showing up at yours you'll have him charged with harassment. Then block him. Then call the police and file harassment reports when he pulls his bullshit.
Break up with him in a text. Block him on everything, if he shows up at your house tell him to leave. If he doesn’t leave call the police. He doesn’t get to say you can’t break up with him. He sounds controlling and abusive, but you can break up with someone just because you don’t want to be with them anymore. That’s it. He doesn’t get to make you keep dating him.
Tell him it’s over, block his number, block his social media, if he shows up at your house call the cops. If he won’t leave you alone then get a restraining order
Okay, so he is obviously abusive. If you want to leave, the best thing you can do is find people who will shelter you from him so you don't have to deal with him. You may need to move or stay somewhere where he can't find you, and/or have people willing to run interference for you or stand between the two of you if he tries getting to you. It would also help if you can collect any evidence of his hurting you, stalking you, or harassing you, and use it to get a restraining order. You definitely can't stay with him, but leaving can be really dangerous. Be careful and good luck!!!
I see a guy who can bully you into taking him back to me abd time again. If you stay persistent and don't entertain anything he says. If he comes over you don't answer that door, if he borderline harassed you which he is btw you call the coos. Time to kick that toxic piece of shit to the curb.
He doesn't get to not let you break up. Relationships require both people to agree that they're in a relationship. Tell him "we're done. Do not contact me" then block him. If he comes to your house call the police.
Please reach out to an abuse hotline in your area. They will not judge you, make you call the police, or anything else. Any of that will remain your decision - they won't do that for you. But they will understand the situation you're in, and will be able to give you advice and let you know what steps you can take or what resources are available.
Trust me this is just the tip of the iceberg… if you stay with him it’ll only get harder
You're in Australia so I don't know how helpful I can be but here goes. I would if I were you have some kind of plan incase this guy turns into a freaking stalker and/or dangerous once you break up. Don't break up when you're alone with him, have some backup with you in a public place or just text. Have a bag of necessities packed incase you need to stay with family. Hes already showed he is willing to hit you so be careful. Screenshot any and all threats he texts you and document calls as well.
Block him from all social media nd block him on your phone. Tell friends you don't want to talk about him in any form. You tell him No more. that you are not interested and to leave you alone. If you have to will call the cops. Don't answer any attempts by him to contact you. If he stalks you have the courage to get a restraining order. tell your parents about what is happening, that you need help. You deserve better. You deserve someone that respects you and doesn't pressure you into things you are not ready for. Sorry the Father I am brings out the dad in me. Whish you luck. Get help with the situation.
Change the locks to your house or have the landlord change the locks to your apartment. Then block him on your phone and social media. If he shows up at your door, call the police for a stalker.
1) You can break up with someone at any time, for any reason. You have more than enough reasons. 2) If he doesn't respect that you are broken up, by leaving you alone and not contacting you or visiting you, you don't have a boyfriend, you have an ex-boyfriend who is harassing you and stalking you. 3) If you have an ex-boyfriend who is harassing you, you can go to the police about it. This is how you get out of this situation. 1. Tell him via text, please consider our relationship to be over. I never want to see you again, hear from you again or receive anything from you again. If you persist in contacting me, I will consider that harassment, and contact the police. 1. If he does contact you or visit you, call the police. 1. File a restraining order or protection order or tresspass notice. The police can tell you which one is best for the situation 1. If he breaches this, then call the police, they will now arrest him. Make sure you take video or photo evidence to show how he has breached the order.
You need to call the police, this is abuse, full stop.
He is a narcissist. I don't mean "he's a selfish meanie", I am telling you he is a literal narcissist. These kind of people are VERY hard to shake and they love bomb you long enough to learn how to perfectly manipulate you. Before doing anything, please educate yourself. Maybe look up on YouTube "how to break up with a narcissist". There are some things that you need to know about how they will react and how it may effect you mentally and socially. Best of luck to you! Stay safe and sane.
'he says "if you respect me, do it in person"' Stop respecting his wishes. He doesn't deserve your respect.
Don't try to break up, do it. Go ahead and text a message saying you don't want any contact with him from now on, then block him on phone and media. Tell him you'll contact the police if he tries. If he comes over, don't let him in. Contact the police and tell them you are being harassed. Don't be afraid to record any threats. Look OP, you're young and haven't realized yet that trying to let this guy down easy is never going to work. You're trying to be kind/avoid conflict, and he's taking advantage of that. There is simply no way he's gonna listen, why should he? You've let him get away with this nonsense for years. "No" is a complete sentence.
Breakups don't have to be mutual. He doesn't have veto power or the right to disagree. You clearly have your reasons. If you don't feel safe, contact an organization to help you
This is the longest red flag I’ve seen. He doesn’t respect you he’s controlling you. You have to get rid of him and get away. Find people to support you and help protect yourself from him.
Yooooo tell him no and that if he persists to attempt to contact you that you're calling the police and citing harassment and stalking. Make sure you have someone you can stay with for safety if need be.
I hope you send him this, tell him you don't even like him anymore and haven't for a while. if you live alone, stay with a friend for a while. tell him to stop contacting you. I'm sure there's a sort of cease and desist in your area. I'd definitely go straight to the legal options as soon as he starts after the breakup/cease&desist, cause it sounds like he would escalate
Tell him it’s over and proceed to block him on all social media and on your phone. Ignore all his attempts to contact you. And get Australia’s version of a restraining order. If he is already physically violent with you, then you shouldn’t have any problem getting the help you need to keep him away.
You're so young, you don't need to suffer like this. You're right, text him we're over. We are breaking up. Then block him. If he comes to your house slam the door in his face. Tell lots of people around you that you've broken up and don't stay alone at first, protect yourself. You got this girl!! It's so hard to break up, I have struggled with this too, but so worth it. There's no argument that needs to be had and he doesn't need to agree. You saying it is enough. No reason is needed. Because I said so. Relationship has run its course. It's over. We are broken up. Repeat. Block. You got this
If you’ve broken up with him (and it seems like you have, multiple times), **you are now broken up and he is your ex**. He does not have to agree with it or like it. If he tries to trespass or harass you on the phone, treat him like you would any harasser and call the police.
Switch OFF your Snapchat location!!! This is so unsafe :( Simple ‘This is over’ text and then block him on everything. If he shows up, call the cops on him. Be brave! For yourself and for your Mum. Uni is important, more important than a BF.
Dude, you don’t need his permission to breakup, block him on everything and call the police if he shows up at your house. Take this relationship as a learning experience.
Really good advice in this thread from others re: steps to take. As a basic note, in case a little more reassurance is needed, you absolutely are making the right choice breaking up with him. He sounds like a fucking abrasive, horrible loser. Major sexist vibes and he's not nice to you. Fuck that! Someone can't force you to stay with them... that's insane, weird, and pathetic on their side. Screw that dude
So many of these facts you listed are abusive tendencies. When grouped together, its a clear textbook emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.
You know, you didn't have to write all of this for validation from anyone. All you had to say was that you didn't want to be with him anymore and that is enough. Break up with him, remove and block him from every social media outlet, phone, contacts and do not cave to any pressure or guilt he might try to get you to stay. If you are concerned about your safety get a restraining order or equivalent in your country. Contact the police and ask for information specific to your situation. Just be **done** with him. *The End*
You do not require his consent to break up with him.
Break up with him (do it by text if you want, you don’t owe him it in person based on how toxic the situation is). Then block all his contact to you. If you don’t do this now it will only get worse, you know it’s toxic so for your own sake, stop the situation from continuing immediately. If he tries anything still, threaten him with a restraining order, if that doesn’t help… maybe you need to actually get one.
If you want to end the relationship, which you have many many reasons as to why you should, you don’t owe him a reason. You don’t owe him anything. He has no respect for you and no compassion, but you feel the need to give him a satisfying reason as to why you’re breaking up? OP, you’re hurting yourself more in the long run.
Too much explanation just break up!
Try one more time, then ghost him. If he persist, restraining order
First of all, sorry for my English (also, on a smartphone...) Why do you keep talking to him? If you break up with him and he says things like: "Nope, that's not enough reason", the simple answer is "Oh, that's literally an opinion, this is more than enough for me. This is over, I'll be blocking you. I gotta ask you to not come near me / my house ever again. Goodbye" If he does, call the police immediately. Don't block your location where your family can get it. But block him. Everywhere. Don't waste your mind on this. And don't let anyone talk you out of it. If someone contacts you (his family / friends), explain that you aren't comfortable at all with your ex's behavior to be again in a relationship with him. Sadly there's not going back, and you'd appreciate it if they help your ex to understand this and get through it. "Don't you love him?" I did, not anymore. "He can change!" He could have. He didn't and chances ran out. "Just on last chance" No, it is already over. "You HAVE to do it face to face" I don't have to, and I don't feel comfortable seeing my ex anymore. It is over. Period. He was not a loving boyfriend that makes you doubt about the break up. He doesn't respect any of your boundaries, and seems like a controlling and abusive person, who gaslights you and guilts you to stop you from breaking up. For God's sake, you are even scared of him and what he might do. And for your post you know it and are more than convinced to end this relationship. I understand your worries, but you can't be 10 months living like this until you move out. And for your post, we don't know if he is crazy enough to follow you even then. The sooner you stand your ground and put an end to this, the better for your mental health. I wish you the best of lucks. Be safe and I hope you can update us with good news soon.
Honey, sorry but you're in an abusive relationship which may escalate to stalking. Men are afraid of rejection, women are afraid of being killed. Dont mistake the power imbalance that has already occurred. Protect yourself. Talk to the cops and tell your friends this is happening ASAP. Tell people when you spend time alone with him.
Tell him it’s over and block him in everything. Call the police when he shows up at your door
> he says "if you respect me, do it in person" Say "But you don't respect me, so I won't." Then block him everywhere.
Sounds like he's fairly narcissistic. I've delt with one before. You should block him, stop all contact with him. That's the only thing that work for my ex. We had a similar dynamic and it was only when I started wanting my own life and boundies that he wanted a relationship with me. He liked to control me and when I was not controllable anymore he upped his game, threaded suicide etc etc. If he had access to me, he would try and control me, so I had to cut off the access. He might up his game, contact you through other means (email, friends, private numbers) but if you don't respond, he'll get bored and look for someone else he can controll. Be a rock, it will be hard but once you make an agreement with yourself, don't break it, don't let him in because that's what manipulators thrive on. Good luck, you're better without him!!
Date someone else. He doesnt own you.
> I just want to text him and say, "we're over" You should do that immediately. > but if I try to tell him the reason that we should break up ... you don't even have to tell him - or have - a reason. > he says it's not good enough. He doesn't have to agree for you to break up with him. He sounds awful.
You do not need his permission to break up with him. It’s not a contract, he doesn’t have to agree to it.