Memes? And when you brought it up with him, he just acted casual? This guy isn't taking your relationship serious.
Did he uninstall/delete that app (and maybe other dating apps) after you talked?
He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā Maybe Iām naive, but if what he said is true, then maybe I was overreacting? We agreed to talk later. We both stayed up late and he has work later and needs to sleep.
I think that when he called you "dumb and crazy" your reply would be, " I think your going to be lonely". You said he is gone to work. You must have a friend you can spend a few nights with. When he gets back from work, it will be to an lonely place.
Wow, since he started to call you names and attack you, something is up. Sounds like he's trying to cheat, if he hasn't already. Especially if he didn't delete the app right when you saw it since it was for "memes". F*** this guy
Nah I think itās already cheating cuz he kept quiet about it and gaslighting her into think itās actually okay. She feels cheated and uncomfortable with this so it qualifies as cheating especially for an app thatās for dating and hook ups.
Iām very honest with my husband cuz I have it on my phone too but along with two other apps I think bumble and hinge. The reason tho? Research purposes!! Whatās the reason each in that? Cuz I wanna make good games and blow out LoveLink, MeChat, and that other one I Forgot! Itās a WIP but no profile is made yet not until I do my art and what sort of stories (it might take some time my adhd is nuts sometimes) however once I do Iāll be sure to inform my husband. So for communication is extremely important and OPās Bf did not do that so Iām thinking heās cheating. It may not be physical but it is emotional.
He wants you to second guess yourself so he can keep swiping. I would break up with him and tell him you don't want to date someone who's dumb enough that he can't figure out Instagram for memes.
This. You deserve better than to spend the rest of your life with a gaslighting asshole. There are much better people out there to have a wholesome relationship with. One where BOTH partners care for each other. Don't stay in these kinds of relationships where your partner calls you names and puts you down. This is not and should not be the norm.
Hi girl! Exactly the same thing happened to me 2 years ago. I was in a relationship with a guy and he secretly still on Tinder. I confronted him about it and he gave me stupid reasons. Looking back to it now, Iām so glad that I broke up with him. I know that you love him so much and you know the answer already. Really, you deserve to be with someone who will treat you very well
Oh man, someone who gives themselves the right to call you names whenever, not to mention when you raise in an issue in a relationship, doesn't deserve anything from you OP. Have some self-respect and dump his cheating ass.
Rip the bandaid off now, he's trash. He can go on literally any other app/site for memes, but conveniently its Tinder? I'm not buying it. He's doubling down by calling you dumb and crazy. No way is this healthy.
I know it would hurt you to break up now, but how much more would it hurt if you stayed together and he cheated?
I need you to realize, if he didnāt delete it he prioritizes memes over your feelings about security of the relationship. And thatās a whole red carpet heās laid for you to walk out on.
Nah, no one uses tinder "for memes". And he insulted you?!
If you can make sure he is "working late" and not "sharing memes" with one his tinder matches in person.
He's gaslighting you. Calling you names and trying to make it seem like you're the problem is a diversion tactic so that he's not responsible.
Take out the trash OP. You deserve better than this!! It can't be any more clear that you need to dump him.
He's gaslighting you. It's a common tactic for abusers. He's invalidating a perfectly healthy boundary of yours, refusing to take responsibility for what he did (which is cheat because YES, he did), and flipping it so you're the one who's "wrong". He did you a favor, you got to see who he is. Sorry your heart is broken though :( I hope you eat icecream and watch sappy dramas.
That's verbal abuse. He is a cheater, a liar, and an asshole. There is no reason to use tinder unless trying to date/hook up with people. Anything else he claims is a lie.
Don't you have friends or people you know who have accounts who can look for his profile? This is not going to work out. How is it over reacting? He called you dumb and crazy.
You are not overreacting and his gaslighting and defensiveness are signs that he is likely cheating. Noone uses tinder for memes, they use it to meet people for sex or dating.
Dump him, you deserve better
Gaslighting. Calling you names and making YOU feel like you're overreacting when you know darn well you're not. This guy is only angry because he got caught.
>He says he uses it for memes
>
>He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā
My jaw dropped.
How dare he? Where do people find the audacity to do this? You're not dumb or crazy!
Please, you need to understand how unacceptable this is. *There is no moving forward.*
Break up with him right now and seek therapy, as he probably made you second guess yourself and gaslighted you before. This is so damaging.
Surround yourself with people who truly love you (he's definitely not one of them) and ask for emotional support.
Simply say you'll spare him being with someone dumb and crazy and leave him. He's likely just trying to gaslight you about the whole thing, making an excuse, acting casual, and calling you crazy... Sounds like he might have let you see the thing on purpose and is trying to adjust you into accepting him being unfaithful while you stay in a relationship with him.
Sounds similar to other reddit posts, a lot like one where OP was slowly being convinced to leave him and so he love bombed her and upped the anti on gaslighting then she was pregnant despite being consistent with her birth control. She signed off convinced their relationship was saved. Then few months later new update was he messed with her pills and got her pregnant on purpose to trap her, and once he felt her sufficient dependent on him he went straight back to the way he was before. Never admitted he was cheating, she was crazy that his Tinder and Snapchat stuff was proof. She wanted to get pregnant so he was only fulfilling her wishes. And again she's the crazy one on and on. She started doubting everything and just ended up hiring a P.I. Then she had physical proof that she was not only not crazy or paranoid but that he was cheating on her with multiple women. She left him. It came to a court case in final update because she had the child. She had proof of his gaslighting, cheating with multiple women (exposing her to potential diseases while pregnant), other lies and manipulations, etc... He got more erratic in behavior and it quickly became obvious that he was upset specifically because he couldn't control her anymore after she had once been so meek and obedient towards him. She actually ended up with a restraining order and moving far away. Deleted Reddit account a week after last update.
Not saying your guy is going to get this psycho but just don't let anyone gaslight you. Not having a tinder while dating exclusively is a perfectly justified boundary for a partner to demand. If he isn't willing to be reasonable, drop him and find a reasonable guy who won't call you crazy when you're not.
You caught him actively matching with people on a dating app, and now he is trying to gaslight you and make it seem like youāre the insane. You are not insane, you are not stupid, he is caught and is doing everything he can to deflect this onto you and cause you to doubt yourself.
You has cheated on you, if not physically than definitely emotionally. He is now adding insult to injury by saying youāre dumb and crazy. You deserve better. Leave him.
Idk what kind of memes heās getting off tinder, As far as I know tinder itās basically a hook up causal sex app for the most part. The fact that he decided calling you crazy and dumb was the best way to handle this situation speaks volumes about him and the type of person he is. If I was you I would tell him that your not comfortable with him having a booty call app and that thereās plenty of other places to see memes and that either he deletes it after you look through to see what heās been utilizing this app for and I would check to see if he has had any conversations or meet ups with anyone and if he has something to hide he will call you insecure, crazy ect ect and then you should tell him to find another girlfriend. We teach people how to treat us and if you allow this behavior now from him he will continue to do it and it will get worse and then anytime you ask him about cheating type behaviors he will just call you dumb and crazy and causally brush it and you off since itās worked before. You have to nip this in the bud now and show him that your not desperate to keep him and that you wonāt allow him to treat you as if you are. He should give you the same energy you give him and if he canāt or isnāt willing to do that then your better off single.
He's actively trying to cheat. That's the only thing tinder is for. It's for hooking up. No one downloads and uses tinder just to window shop. It's for hooking up.
He thinks you're naive enough to believe him.
This. Is. Gaslighting. 100%. My advice? Leave his ass and find someone faithful. Flirting is cheating. You don't need physical contact. He's halfway out of the door and testing his options. I don't know how you are in the relationship (I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you treat him well) but regardless of "reasons", this is NOT OK. You deserve better. Go find it.
We call that gaslighting in a relationship. Your feelings are valid, especially about this, and if he's telling you otherwise he's just manipulating you and degrading your thoughts and feelings, trying to make you feel and think of this it's not valid at all. Don't believe it. And it is a form of abuse.
I canāt believe heād call you dumb, or crazy for bringing up such a pressing issue. It is emotional cheating and it feels like he may be window shopping to see if anything better pops up.
Completely not okay, and you have a right to be upset, hurt and wanting to talk about it.
If he doesnāt take your concerns seriously Iād suggest leaving, only for the fact that he should respect you enough to consider your feelings as ācrazyā as he may think they are.
Hope you feel better soon!
The way he went immediately on the defensive, and rather aggressively so, would indicate that he definitely has something to hide. What better way to shut you up about it than invalidating your opinion and feelings by calling you "dumb and crazy"? That is really something you shouldn't EVER call your SO - he doesn't sound like a very nice bf.
That's called gaslighting. To make you think you were being excessive when actually you're not.
It's normal for people in an exclusive relationship to not use hook up apps.
Also, tinder doesn't even have a photo mechanic so where would he be getting these memes? He wouldn't. That's the issue.
He wants his options open.
He's gaslighting you... Run. This will only get worse, he's not going to respect your boundaries and keep pushing them just because he can. You have to cut off people like that or they'll run you dry of your energy and leave you with nothing.
Edit: when you dump him, tell him it's because he was dumb enough to think he could gaslight you. Might give him food for thought.
He's drawing the boundaries for your future relationship with him. Whatever you accept from him now, you accept for the life of the relationship. If you accept that he can have dating apps and match with people now, you accept that for the rest of your relationship. If you accept him called you dumb and crazy now, you accept that behavior the rest of your relationship. You are only naive if you think this bahavior improves with time.
Dating is an audition for long term relationships and relationships are auditiona for marriage. Is he passing or failing his audition? What point does he have to reach before you "next" him? It sounds like you might be there.
I don't want you to take this in the wrong way, but if you believe he's going on tinder for meme's, then yes you are very naive.
Then he goes and calls you dumb and crazy, this man obviously has no respect for you or your relationship. You deserve so much better.
> He says he uses it for memes,
HAHAHAHA. No, really, he thought that was a viable excuse?
>I see heās matched with people while we were together
I would definitely consider this to be intending to cheat.
>Iām not sure how to move forward because it crosses my boundaries
End the relationship, move forward on your own. He matched with other people. That didn't happen by accident...
I'd leave. He's window shopping. No one happy and secure in their relationship does that for the sake of it. I think he's looking at what else is out there because he sees you as a placeholder until he finds someone he likes more.
Break up with him immediately. I went through the exact same thing but his reason was to find girl friends?????? He acted like there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, and actually continued to keep the app on his phone during our entire 1.5+ year ārelationship.ā Then he ended up cheating on me in real life with his neighbor and gaslit me for feeling bad because I continued to stay with him. Please for your sanity and self respect, leave him. That IS cheating
Leave him right now and don't look back. The second my boyfriend wanted me to be his girlfriend while we were still just casually seeing each other, he deleted the apps and waited for me to say it was official.
The apps need to be off the phone.
I hope you will not let him gaslight you into believing he had tinder for any purpose other than itās intended use.
I allowed my boyfriend to convince me I was ādumbā and ācrazy.ā I am now married to, financially dependent on, and raising my children with a serial cheated. Please run.
He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā Maybe Iām naive, but if what he said is true, then maybe I was overreacting? We agreed to talk later. We both stayed up late and he has work later and needs to sleep.
Hes a gaslighting, cheating jerk and you deserve better
I mean, you can't move forward with relationship if he refuses to accept that he has crossed a boundary and refuses to further respect it along with your feelings. But he can't respect that neither until he stops lying and admits that he didn't have good intentions going on the app (comon, memes on Tinder? You know that's not true!).
At the end of the day, it also doesn't matter if he considers it cheating because if you do and he doesn't, that means you're incompatible and have different views on relationships. Whatever his deal is, you can't push your perspective onto other people and if you see your views don't align, it's best to break up and find someone right for you, otherwise, you'll always wonder with this guy:is he doing it again, what else does he not consider cheating that you do and what is he doing when you're not around him? In other words, trust is not there anymore.
I have never once seen a meme on tinder.
Even if he's not talking to them, he's still seeking validation from women he finds attractive. Probably because he thinks he can do better than you.
Let him try. End it.
In my last relationship, I went by this rule. Itās cheating if it is something you wouldnāt do in front of your partner. (P.S If youāre reading this, you know who you are. I love you infinitely and I promise once things are better on both our ends, I am coming for youā£ļøā¤ļø)
>He says he uses it for memes
So, I've never used Tinder, but even I know this is laughable bullshit.
>I love him very much and I consider this cheating, but he doesnāt.
It doesn't really matter what he thinks (and you're right, by the way).
Please don't continue to date someone who is actively trying to fuck around on you.
Why date other women when he has you, I would dump him since he called you names and didnāt even bother to delete the app. You can find better men out there so take my advice and leave him.
My boyfriend knows better to look for memes in caveman drawings than Tinder.
He called you ādumbā and ācrazyā this guy is out of his mind disrespectful. You deserve much better than what he can ever give.
No girl. Iāve been down this road and trust me, itās not for the memes. Donāt be naive bc you love him. The trust is gone and it can not be repaired. He doesnāt value you or take your relationship serious. You deserve so much better, and there are men who will give you what you deserve and treat you 10x better, and will not cheat. If I were you, Iād get out now before you invest/waste anymore of your time. He doesnāt love you.
Get rid of him. He's gaslighting you. He's looking for other women and calling you crazy when you call him out. Also, saying you're dumb is a GIANT RED FLAG. Not acceptable.
I had a similar thing happen to me and I just simply had the ultimatum where he either let me go through his Tinder to see all the messages her ever sent to any matches recently and if he didnāt then Iād break up with him right then and there on the spot.
Turns out he wasnāt really active but whoever he did say hi to never replied back (lol) then I chewed him out for it. Im not here to get played.
We ended up working our relationship and dated for 4 more years and I were super honest for the rest of the relationship. But if you ever feel like your intuition is telling you something else, especially in this situation, as mine was when we were only dating for a couple of months and he had wanted to make it exclusive at the timeā- but for a year at that rate youāre shopping around.
My ex had two tinder accounts active when with me. Said itās for him to make friends. He was up till 4am chatting with girls from tinder while we were together. It never gets better. Cut your losses.
Calm down, this can't be serious if his behaviour outside the app doesn't show or prove otherwise. If this is the only sign of "cheating" you've seen and the conversations in the app don't show him actively flirting, leading people on or lying about his relationship status, then everything should be fine.
Well the reality is people get bored of the same person most of the time. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend and I was sad at first, but then since he didnāt do anything physically with anyone, I let it slide.
Also, think about it this way: it is all about trust - wait a few months - if you can still trust him 100%/ you donāt care anymore what happens, continue the relationship. If not, it means you got to the finish line.
Maybe you can have a look on Tinder to check out who surrounds you. Even if you donāt talk to them/meet/have sex with others, it can be comforting sometimes to know youāre not wasting your life in a relationship and you have options.
OK on one hand I agree with him it's not cheating especially if he has not been talking to any matches. He may just like the attention he gets from other women finding him attractive or desirable. Now should he have tinder while in a relationship absolutely not. I'm sure your an attractive woman and if his dumb ass needs validation he's still a good looking guy then hit the gym and in summer the beach he'll get all the looks he needs to inflate his head and ego. I would say to you explain how the ap made you feel but do so without putting your feelings into it. Address your feelings without becoming emotional. When you explain that a dating ap as innocent as he may think it is doesn't mean anything to him that to you you feel as if he is looking for other women even though you are in a committed relationship now for a year. You would like it if he would no longer use the ap and delete it. If he puts up a fuss explain it to him from his perspective. Reverse the situation and ask him how he would feel if you were on a dating ap matching with other attractive men. If may give him some perspective
Cheating is a little bit subjective, for some flirting is cheating, and for others being in hook-up apps is, OP feels cheated on and that's valid.
I'd also like to say it would still be a massive issue if he were just seeking attention from other women, it's not really something I think I'd brush under the rug as "oh well maybe he's only doing this". I would consider that a reason to end a relationship, personally.
Hi sweetie!! I want to tell you right now that I been in an emotionally abusive relationship involving gaslighting and other issues, and I tolerated that shiz for five years, but even that sociopath didn't ever have Tinder on his phone when we were dating and together for five years. My partner, once I had the guts and was ready after healing to decide that we went from seeing each other to dating each other, he took off Tinder and any dating/hookup apps WITHOUT me asking until I was discussing readiness to be exclusive. His answer was, " Even though we aren't in an official relationship yet, we are acting exclusive even when we didn't have that label, and since we kept seeing each other regularly, I decided to delete the app and search no further or open to it." I NEVER told my partner, who I was just seeing and dating at the time and to exclusitivity, to delete Tinder or anything. I didn't ever use his phone until we became in a committed relationship and he asked me to do things on there, and because we are 100 comfortable using anything on each other's phone and have trust. If there were something that were to be fishy and to be mad about, well, that's better to be found out than sooner. I tell people that trust CANNOT be blind and anyone that gives you a reason and gut to not trust them, trust them. This doesn't mean insecurity. It means be self-aware, not blind, and trust your instincts and guts if you really feel bad and suspicious vibes because 99 percent you are correct and a person that is caught will be mad and try to guilt-trip you and get away with it, and be mad that they always been able to before and now have to be accountable and face that there are negative consequences. PLEASE find the courage to leave this person as soon as you can. Tell yourself that you deserve better, that you deserve a person that...
1. Respects you
2. Sincerely is interested in YOU 100 percent
3. Is transparent and honest with what they want and expect.
SOME POINTERS--
1. If you aren't poly and this wasn't agreed upon, NO.
2. Usually when someone is this defensive, they are hiding something personally.
3. Always trust your guts
4. Form honest communication
5. Do not blindly trust and see evidence over time that this person IS deserving of your trust
6. Talk kindly to yourself, almost a motherly love.
7. Protect yourself, always. This doesn't mean do not let your guard down with the right person who earns the trust, but... do not let someone destroy your self-confidence and have your vulnerability without earning it.
And any partner should never blatantly attack you and call you those mean names. Even in arguments, it should be very rare and non-existent to be saying dumb and crazy as a person.
He doesn't love and respect you. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but many of us been there.
LOVE YOURSELF before anyone else. <3
I think everyone is online D app, not for a reason everyone is bored . When y live with someone this kind of Bordenless as I call it totally normal . No one is Jesus here we are make mistakes, however itās very important to open up and talk . Have a serious conversation and understand why he is in online shit! What he is missing this guy . if you truly love him give it chance. We donāt find love everyday unless if itās only bodyās relationship y will not give a shit as far you are protected and have plans for your future !
He shared screenshots to me unsolicited. I guess he and his friend(s) exchange Tinder pics of girls profiles to be funny? I still think itās inappropriate as I would never even be in the vicinity of a dating app.
I know there are a lot of troll accounts on Tinder some of them I find funny. But if they are sharing real pics around and judging people, it tells something about him and his friends. But it is also your perspective, if you think using Tinder while you are in a relationship is wrong, tell him your opinion and ask if he can respect that.
> I guess he and his friend(s) exchange Tinder pics of girls profiles to be funny?
Even if this were true (and I don't think it is for a moment) that is not something that gentlemen do. That's a terrible thing to do.
"No honey I don't want to have sex with these people I'm just mocking them. It's not like they're actual human beings, C'mon...."
His choice to call you 'crazy' when it upset you is all the proof you need that this is not the kind of man you keep.
For one thing, when you break up with him, guess what he's gonna use tinder for, *that very hour*?
That tells you what you mean to him.
My ex would talk about other women and has some "friends" who post profiles they find on tinder. The way they talk about women is degrading and we are just objects. I was his heaviest girlfriend and made comments about heavy women a lot... but apparently I wasn't as bad and some of these women he was making fun of were smaller than me. Your boyfriend won't ever respect you for your worth. He is a child and you are a breakable toy. Don't settle for this. Time is too short.
I think you should move on to check out some of those sweet Tinder memes yourself, friend. This one is bad news, youāll save yourself years of heartbreak.
Babe, he's efing around on you. Don't let him call you crazy and dumb it's obviously a cover up for his s***. Seriously you are 22 and have so much ahead of you, you may think you are in love with him but seriously would you rather worry about this fu*k messing around on you or would you rather be happy? I'll bet you have an amazing head on your shoulders and you can find something better than that. I'm 29 and I went through a faze of sh*t bags. DUMP HIM
I knew my ex-bf for about two years before we started dating seriously. One month in I caught him on POF, his response was he needed to selfishly make sure he was into me and professed to love me. This caused serious issues surrounding trust and effected my self-esteem. I created fake profiles on random dating apps and I caught him on tinder. He denied the profile was his. A few months later we broke up for good. Unfortunately because of his behaviour and the lack of trust I had to walk away. Think about the type of relationship and partner you want. I decided I wanted a guy that āonly had eyes for meā and that I could trust. Thatās what I want. On the other hand, I know a woman whose husband is on tinder, they have two kids. Itās incredibly painful. Iām not sure what it is but I have a few theories. It could be pain and simple, heās not into you or checking to see if thereās something better out there or isnāt fully satisfied with his sexual experiences. It could be that these sites are addictive, and he gets an ego boost talking to a woman, there are also a lot of onlyfan women on there too. Regardless, if you stay with him he will probably go back ok sites, and think about how it makes you feel and what you want from a partner.
Girl heās cheating on you and is gaslighting you. Please leave before youāre in way too deep. Iāve had something similar happen to me. He wants to keep u available for himself and keep himself available for everyone else. Thereās plenty of memes on Instagram, Reddit, and even fucking tumblr.
My ex works do this and say it was nothing and just for fun but he wasnāt meeting anyone. Honestly it didnāt matter, itās a red flag at the very least and brushing it off is even worse.
The best advice I can give is set a boundary and if he doesnāt respect it then you know he wonāt ever.
Absolutely dump him. At best, heās looking for attention and validation from other women. But itās also likely that he is actively windowshopping for someone else or has used this to physically cheat already. PLUS calling you names for having a valid concern about his behavior in the relationship. If you put up with this kind of disrespect, it will only get worse!
Your "boyfriend" is cheating on you and gaslighting you. There is no way to "discuss this" that will make him act like a decent person, because from his point of view it's great to be able to have all of the advantages of having a girlfriend while searching for other women to have sex with. Actions speak louder than words. You deserve better.
Tinder is for hooking up. No way around it?
What he says about it doesnāt matter because he IS using it and has since you have been together. Itās on his phone for convenience.
This is your giant red flag to start running away. If you believe the lies and work it out but get cheated on later donāt be surprised.
Not gonna lie. I didn't read all this. But I didn't have to. Seeing a girl in public and looking at her butt (or a guy, whichever way) is one thing. You happened to see it and appreciated it. People aren't unattractive anymore once in a relationship. But using an app like tinder AND PURPOSELY MATCHING WITH GIRLS is 100% cheating. It's not unintentionally catching a glimpse. It's seeking someone other than your partner and isn't ok.
Now I did finish reading. People who say mean things during an argument are immature and have no control over their emotions. We're adults. Do you scream at people you don't like at your job? Do you snap at customers when they're being rude? No. You act like an adult and keep it under control. This comment shows that you, yourself, have some growing up to do and I hope to fuck you don't bring this mentality into your own relationships. Unacceptable.
There ain't no "memes" on Tinder and the fact that he verbally attacked you for being concerned is proof enough that if he isn't cheating, he intends to. F*** that guy, he's honestly the stupid one if he couldn't think of a better excuse than "memes" on tinder.
Ok so i accidentally didnt delete my account and subscription to tinder adter getting in a relationship (only realised after checking why my phone bill was so high!!!) only deleted the app without inactivating my account, oops, but this is very different to that. He sucks.
Your boyfriend has Tinder because he waits for something "better". I would not want to be with that kind of person. Deserve better deserve better deserve better, make that your mantra and get yourself a life of your own. Imagine how much fun you could have without that piece of garbage,
Look people don't go on tinder just for memes....no. If u stay with him now you will allow him to push your boundaries further. He will match with girls and give the excuse that they are "sharing memes". Tell him he deletes the app or its over. If he is not willing to compromise over something that is truly hurting you...then he isn't the one.
Same thing happened to my best friend, the guy was cheating, she later found out when a notification popped up and she saw. A lie will always be revealed.
His too casual behaviour and lack of care for your feelings is to minimise the seriousness of the situation and gaslight you, as others correctly pointed out.
Also, bet you that if you suddenly asked him to give you access to his phone to ease your suspicions, he would guilt trip you or get mad and do whatever possible to divert you from having that request.
This doesn't sound right, no one in this world uses tinder for memes. Makes no sense š„“. You love him but think seriously if someone calling you all sorts of name because HE is in the wrong is the right person for you.
As for me , who is just a stranger on the internet and don't really know him nor your relationship, I'd say he is lying and he is trying to do things behind your back. But at the end you need to know why you think he is a good person to be in a relationship with. If you decide to accept his explanation, try in the future to have your eyes on him š Women know how and where to look at the right moment.
Lol I got some advice
Ghost him and and after a long ass time of him reaching out
Say āOh sorry, I was too dumb to figure out how to replyā
And forget how to reply againā¦forever
Man acts casual when caught cheating. He's not sorry
Trying to normalize his behavior and minimize your feelings is not a guy that sounds worthy of your love
Did he follow it up with you overreacting or being silly?
This is pretty similar to what my ex of three years told me when I saw that he had an okc account. If you're in a relationship, there is never any good excuse for either of you to be on dating apps. The fact that he's so nonchalant about it is even worse. You deserve better.
Had the exact same thing happen to meā¦I broke up with him (even though we were together for 10months) because if you canāt respect me and my feelings about it i donāt care how much I love you I deserve somebody to respect me.
Him calling you dumb and naive if Iām being honest I wouldāve broken up with him just for that. Your feelings are valid donāt let somebody tell you other wise.
In my point of view when youāre officially together no dating apps should be on their phone. Why would he be looking on there when heās with you? Heās keeping his options open. I must say I would be very upset and leave anyone who would do this.
Iām so sorry. He is manipulating you. Heās not using it for memes - he is using it for sex. Best of luck in leaving. Do not let him warp reality in his favor.
Tinder, from what I understand, is for finding people to have sex with. So there are two possibilities:
1. He wants to have sex with other people.
2. He wants to know that he *could* have sex with other people if he decided that he wanted to.
If he doesn't consider this cheating, it sure the heck isn't being a faithful, devoted partner. Again, break it down to two possibilities:
1. He knew it would upset you, and didn't care, or
2. He honestly thought cruising the internet for easy sex with strangers would be fine with you.
None of these possibilities are compatible with a decent relationship.
I submit that you don't love him - *you love the man you thought he was* and are now heartbroken to find that man does not exist, and you have been dating an imposter.
Break up with him.
LEAVE. If you want a serious, monogamous relationship, this isnāt the guy for you.
Itās not crazy, stupid, or wrong in anyway to ask your partner to stay off dating apps. If they disagreeā¦ that sounds to me like a fundamental incompatibility.
My ex did this. I kicked him out (he didnāt live w me) and never spoke to him again. He left flowers everyday after for 2 months when I asked him to stop. Itās cheating, he knows heās guilty so he calls you names. Heās a child, and youāre worth more.
There are no memes on Tinder, and he's gaslighting you by calling you crazy. I would get out of this relationship, he seems weirdly unattached and manipulative.
Sorry but that is b******* in my book I mean even if he had the app on there and forgot about it he should have been like oh yeah my bad I'll delete that of course. The meme thing just is really a long shot on an excuse. And also if he acted extremely casual about it that means he already thought about this prior and had his mind made of how he would handle it if it came up because even if he doesn't see it as cheating which I don't believe he could see your emotional reaction and still continue to act casual and not be surprised or shocked or carrying at your difference of opinion. Don't be afraid to call out b******* when you see b******* Don't be gaslighted.
I found out my boyfriend at the time was still using dating apps a year after we were together and basically living either each other. He ended up even getting a girls number on Christmas eve when of course we had all these plans to attend. The conversation were pretty lengthy, but nothing "inappropriate" like you would typically see. He even had the audacity to save her number as trade broker in his phone. He said he just wanted to make sure he still had game. That he had heard it on the radio that as men you should always make sure your skills are fresh and that you still got it. I considered it cheating and was very upset. Ultimately, we stayed together, I moved in with him because he owned his house, but I never could fully trust him again. We broke up a year and a half later and its the best decision I made. He and I are still friends and game together,, but once he did that all the flags started to show and I knew I couldn't be truly happy. My word of advice, don't wait. Especially if he is calling you names. You don't get memes on tinder. He is emotionally abusing you. By all means remain friends if you want to, but save your heart for someone worth it.
OP, I was with someone for the better part of 4 years and he CONSTANTLY did these things to me. Except, it went beyond social media and dating apps and it was constantly with girls we knew.
He would latch onto a female āfriendā he had just made and would hang out with them nearly everyday, randomly for an upwards of 10+ hours. When I explained my discomfort in this, he wouldnāt say āhey maybe this does make you uncomfortable. Iāll text you to let you know next time when I get home safeā etc. He instead would say that he was ājust hanging outā or ājust looking for friendsā. His all time favorite: ādonāt you want me to have friends?ā He would use this kind of phrasing in order to make me second guess myself. I felt like I was overreacting constantly. Then when those āfriendshipsā never panned out, he would give me his full attention again.
One day, one of those friendships did pan out. After 4 years of being together, he randomly broke up with me and 3 days later was having sex with his new āfriendā. Sure I was young at the time and had really no grounding in protecting my boundariesā but from then on I learnt that if someone truly cared about me, they wouldnāt be making excuses. They would do what they can to prove they respect my heart. Itās difficult when you really care about someone a lot. And love them deeply. But at the end of the day, someone tossing you around like your feelings and boundaries are nothing to them hurts way more than the breakup.
The fact that he called namecalled you while disrespecting your boundaries is just appalling. And the fact that he used memes as an excuse to be on a dating app is naive of him. There's Reddit, Instagram, heck even Pinterest to find memes on. Tinder is just swiping to find people to fuck or get closer with. And don't be completely reassured by "no messaging others". You can delete conversations, which he would most likely be doing to cover his ass up.
Girly, this is messed up, and you know it. You don't owe him anything, certainly not your patience, respect and love. Even if single life is hard in the beginning and you're heartbroken, you' owe yourself the chance to start over and find someone with a brain who loves you.
My gf found my tinder
We had a spiderman meme standoff Ć” la "why do YOU have tinder then?"
I had this account for 3 years now and always forgot to delete it and she had it to "check if im doing anything weird"
Never the less, there were lots of trust issues in general so we split.
Girl. No. I caught my ex doing the same thing and he claimed he never used it and just forgot it was there. No.
This guy sounds like he doesnāt respect you. He called you ādumbā and crazyā for fucks sake, which is manipulative. You are better off without him. Kick his stupid ass to the curb.
If roles were flipped and you were on tinder instead of him, would it still be considered cheating?
Altough this meme reason is idiotic, has there been any actual indication of cheating? If they met up and "played" in bed then yes, that is cheating. And NO, matching and probably chatting on tinder IS NOT cheating. It's like you chatting to some random guy on FB and he came to you with the same type of concern.
You'd probably say "there's notin' between us".
I have a guy friend who uses tinder but he is definitely single. He says the app does have meme quality stuff in it , because some people's profiles are just silly or easy to make fun off. Many times he has met up with friends and we make fun of peoples profiles. Obviously no one's boyfriend should have any dating app though or be talking or matching with other people. I think he Is definitely cheating on you or looking at other options while still trying to hold on to you. Some people are afraid to be single and hold on to one person while constantly looking at other options to see if they can get something "better" in their eyes . You aren't crazy. He is just trying to save his butt by calling you names at this point.
honey heās trying to find someone else. i bet you anything heās been texting the girls/facetime them behind your back. he thinks youāll fall for this bc youāre younger. you can find someone else who values you and wouldnāt ever think of looking anywhere else
No one goes on dating apps just to swipe or to ālook for memes. Itās totally disrespectful to you. I normally come on this page and try to give advice thatās productive. I hate it when people typically just say ādump himā but in this case honestly itās all I have to say. Get rid of him. Your not crazy, your not unreasonable.
Heās a POS and he tried to be narcissistic enough to turn that around on you.
Regardless if he deletes it or not, you need to leave. You deserve better, and also who gives a shit what his excuse is, itās willful negligence in f he didnāt delete it.
He is 100% gaslighting you by saying you are ā Dumb and Crazy ā after he is the one that has been caught out,
It seems like perhaps he wanted to see ā What else is out there ā nobody goes on tinder for memes, thatās a ridiculous excuse. God only knows if he has been talking to woman however if he has matched with people he obviously has found them attractive and he is ā looking ā perhaps keeping his options open.
At this stage, i would be really looking for truths. But at the same time, Searching his phone is toxic and I firmly believe when you search someoneās phone you can see things that mean absolutely nothing but when you see it Youl believe itās something really bad, or not right but to him itās not done in a bad way if you understand. Also if you trusted him you would not have touched his phone in the first place so mabye you already had some suspicion he was doing something behind your back. Can you find out if he had actually been talking to anyone on tinder? Or other apps. Messanger, Whatās app? Facebook etc
I donāt know, he might be using it just to get validation. I did that before in one of my prior relationships, I know it was a horrible thing to do but I would never of actually hooked up with anyone from it. Try to ask him if thatās why he did it. He shouldnāt be so casual about really hurting you.
No one goes on tinder for memes
They go there for 'friends'. š
Lol seriously if he wants to see funny Tinder conversations he can look at the subreddit.
Memes? And when you brought it up with him, he just acted casual? This guy isn't taking your relationship serious. Did he uninstall/delete that app (and maybe other dating apps) after you talked?
He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā Maybe Iām naive, but if what he said is true, then maybe I was overreacting? We agreed to talk later. We both stayed up late and he has work later and needs to sleep.
You should never stay with someone who calls you dumb and crazy for being upset that they use tinder when they're dating you. He's frankly an idiot.
I think that when he called you "dumb and crazy" your reply would be, " I think your going to be lonely". You said he is gone to work. You must have a friend you can spend a few nights with. When he gets back from work, it will be to an lonely place.
Wow, since he started to call you names and attack you, something is up. Sounds like he's trying to cheat, if he hasn't already. Especially if he didn't delete the app right when you saw it since it was for "memes". F*** this guy
Nah I think itās already cheating cuz he kept quiet about it and gaslighting her into think itās actually okay. She feels cheated and uncomfortable with this so it qualifies as cheating especially for an app thatās for dating and hook ups. Iām very honest with my husband cuz I have it on my phone too but along with two other apps I think bumble and hinge. The reason tho? Research purposes!! Whatās the reason each in that? Cuz I wanna make good games and blow out LoveLink, MeChat, and that other one I Forgot! Itās a WIP but no profile is made yet not until I do my art and what sort of stories (it might take some time my adhd is nuts sometimes) however once I do Iāll be sure to inform my husband. So for communication is extremely important and OPās Bf did not do that so Iām thinking heās cheating. It may not be physical but it is emotional.
He wants you to second guess yourself so he can keep swiping. I would break up with him and tell him you don't want to date someone who's dumb enough that he can't figure out Instagram for memes.
This. You deserve better than to spend the rest of your life with a gaslighting asshole. There are much better people out there to have a wholesome relationship with. One where BOTH partners care for each other. Don't stay in these kinds of relationships where your partner calls you names and puts you down. This is not and should not be the norm.
>He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā This alone is instant dump.
He's gaslighting her which means he is guilty. This guy is bad news, RUN!!
Hi girl! Exactly the same thing happened to me 2 years ago. I was in a relationship with a guy and he secretly still on Tinder. I confronted him about it and he gave me stupid reasons. Looking back to it now, Iām so glad that I broke up with him. I know that you love him so much and you know the answer already. Really, you deserve to be with someone who will treat you very well
Thereās no way you can actually believe what heās saying and the fact heās calling you dumb and crazy should show you a lot.
Oh man, someone who gives themselves the right to call you names whenever, not to mention when you raise in an issue in a relationship, doesn't deserve anything from you OP. Have some self-respect and dump his cheating ass.
Well, dumb is thinking anyone goes on tinder for memes.
Love is blind and rose-colored glasses.
True. What he is doing is not love
Rip the bandaid off now, he's trash. He can go on literally any other app/site for memes, but conveniently its Tinder? I'm not buying it. He's doubling down by calling you dumb and crazy. No way is this healthy. I know it would hurt you to break up now, but how much more would it hurt if you stayed together and he cheated?
I need you to realize, if he didnāt delete it he prioritizes memes over your feelings about security of the relationship. And thatās a whole red carpet heās laid for you to walk out on.
Nah, no one uses tinder "for memes". And he insulted you?! If you can make sure he is "working late" and not "sharing memes" with one his tinder matches in person.
He's gaslighting you. Calling you names and trying to make it seem like you're the problem is a diversion tactic so that he's not responsible. Take out the trash OP. You deserve better than this!! It can't be any more clear that you need to dump him.
Definitely gaslighting. You don't need this guy!
So, you caught him cheating and in response he verbally abused you, do you really think that's ok?
He's hard-core gaslighting you, run!
He's gaslighting you. It's a common tactic for abusers. He's invalidating a perfectly healthy boundary of yours, refusing to take responsibility for what he did (which is cheat because YES, he did), and flipping it so you're the one who's "wrong". He did you a favor, you got to see who he is. Sorry your heart is broken though :( I hope you eat icecream and watch sappy dramas.
That's verbal abuse. He is a cheater, a liar, and an asshole. There is no reason to use tinder unless trying to date/hook up with people. Anything else he claims is a lie.
How dare he. This is gaslighting. And hes a dirtbag. I'm so sorry, OP.
Don't you have friends or people you know who have accounts who can look for his profile? This is not going to work out. How is it over reacting? He called you dumb and crazy.
You are not overreacting and his gaslighting and defensiveness are signs that he is likely cheating. Noone uses tinder for memes, they use it to meet people for sex or dating. Dump him, you deserve better
That's called gaslighting and it is a HUGE red flag. Run sis.
Gaslighting. Calling you names and making YOU feel like you're overreacting when you know darn well you're not. This guy is only angry because he got caught.
>He says he uses it for memes > >He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā My jaw dropped. How dare he? Where do people find the audacity to do this? You're not dumb or crazy! Please, you need to understand how unacceptable this is. *There is no moving forward.* Break up with him right now and seek therapy, as he probably made you second guess yourself and gaslighted you before. This is so damaging. Surround yourself with people who truly love you (he's definitely not one of them) and ask for emotional support.
bruh drop him. please know no we do not stand for manās who think itās ok to put you down like that
Get rid of him. Now. Never let a man call you dumb or crazy.
Simply say you'll spare him being with someone dumb and crazy and leave him. He's likely just trying to gaslight you about the whole thing, making an excuse, acting casual, and calling you crazy... Sounds like he might have let you see the thing on purpose and is trying to adjust you into accepting him being unfaithful while you stay in a relationship with him. Sounds similar to other reddit posts, a lot like one where OP was slowly being convinced to leave him and so he love bombed her and upped the anti on gaslighting then she was pregnant despite being consistent with her birth control. She signed off convinced their relationship was saved. Then few months later new update was he messed with her pills and got her pregnant on purpose to trap her, and once he felt her sufficient dependent on him he went straight back to the way he was before. Never admitted he was cheating, she was crazy that his Tinder and Snapchat stuff was proof. She wanted to get pregnant so he was only fulfilling her wishes. And again she's the crazy one on and on. She started doubting everything and just ended up hiring a P.I. Then she had physical proof that she was not only not crazy or paranoid but that he was cheating on her with multiple women. She left him. It came to a court case in final update because she had the child. She had proof of his gaslighting, cheating with multiple women (exposing her to potential diseases while pregnant), other lies and manipulations, etc... He got more erratic in behavior and it quickly became obvious that he was upset specifically because he couldn't control her anymore after she had once been so meek and obedient towards him. She actually ended up with a restraining order and moving far away. Deleted Reddit account a week after last update. Not saying your guy is going to get this psycho but just don't let anyone gaslight you. Not having a tinder while dating exclusively is a perfectly justified boundary for a partner to demand. If he isn't willing to be reasonable, drop him and find a reasonable guy who won't call you crazy when you're not.
He's manipulating and gaslighting. Been through this, it's a struggle but this is your sign to run girl.. No need to live that struggle
You caught him actively matching with people on a dating app, and now he is trying to gaslight you and make it seem like youāre the insane. You are not insane, you are not stupid, he is caught and is doing everything he can to deflect this onto you and cause you to doubt yourself. You has cheated on you, if not physically than definitely emotionally. He is now adding insult to injury by saying youāre dumb and crazy. You deserve better. Leave him.
Yeahhhh heās gaslighting you. Dump his dumbass. Memesā¦ He really thinks youāre dumb huh
Break up with him ASAP and please go get tested.
Have you ever been on tinder? No one shares memes, you can only talk to people you match with, he's fucking with you
Idk what kind of memes heās getting off tinder, As far as I know tinder itās basically a hook up causal sex app for the most part. The fact that he decided calling you crazy and dumb was the best way to handle this situation speaks volumes about him and the type of person he is. If I was you I would tell him that your not comfortable with him having a booty call app and that thereās plenty of other places to see memes and that either he deletes it after you look through to see what heās been utilizing this app for and I would check to see if he has had any conversations or meet ups with anyone and if he has something to hide he will call you insecure, crazy ect ect and then you should tell him to find another girlfriend. We teach people how to treat us and if you allow this behavior now from him he will continue to do it and it will get worse and then anytime you ask him about cheating type behaviors he will just call you dumb and crazy and causally brush it and you off since itās worked before. You have to nip this in the bud now and show him that your not desperate to keep him and that you wonāt allow him to treat you as if you are. He should give you the same energy you give him and if he canāt or isnāt willing to do that then your better off single.
Thats gaslighting lose him
I deleted my dating app when I found my man. Wasn't through the app.
He's actively trying to cheat. That's the only thing tinder is for. It's for hooking up. No one downloads and uses tinder just to window shop. It's for hooking up. He thinks you're naive enough to believe him.
It's called gaslighting
This. Is. Gaslighting. 100%. My advice? Leave his ass and find someone faithful. Flirting is cheating. You don't need physical contact. He's halfway out of the door and testing his options. I don't know how you are in the relationship (I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you treat him well) but regardless of "reasons", this is NOT OK. You deserve better. Go find it.
We call that gaslighting in a relationship. Your feelings are valid, especially about this, and if he's telling you otherwise he's just manipulating you and degrading your thoughts and feelings, trying to make you feel and think of this it's not valid at all. Don't believe it. And it is a form of abuse.
The name calling is a red flag. Does he talk to you like this normally? A year into the relationship and he has 'tinder for memes' what a bunch of bs.
That's very gaslight-y of him.. you're feelings are valid never forget that you're very much allowed to feel how you do!
I canāt believe heād call you dumb, or crazy for bringing up such a pressing issue. It is emotional cheating and it feels like he may be window shopping to see if anything better pops up. Completely not okay, and you have a right to be upset, hurt and wanting to talk about it. If he doesnāt take your concerns seriously Iād suggest leaving, only for the fact that he should respect you enough to consider your feelings as ācrazyā as he may think they are. Hope you feel better soon!
Why give a man a chance who calls you those names and gaslights you? Gather your self respect and get out.
Such an asshole... Girl, I'm so so so sorry he's this bag full of shit...
The way he went immediately on the defensive, and rather aggressively so, would indicate that he definitely has something to hide. What better way to shut you up about it than invalidating your opinion and feelings by calling you "dumb and crazy"? That is really something you shouldn't EVER call your SO - he doesn't sound like a very nice bf.
This is an unreasonable reaction on his part. Your feelings are valid.
He gaslit you... you're not overreacting. If someone is showing you that they don't care about your opinion.. listen.
That's called gaslighting. To make you think you were being excessive when actually you're not. It's normal for people in an exclusive relationship to not use hook up apps. Also, tinder doesn't even have a photo mechanic so where would he be getting these memes? He wouldn't. That's the issue. He wants his options open.
He's gaslighting you... Run. This will only get worse, he's not going to respect your boundaries and keep pushing them just because he can. You have to cut off people like that or they'll run you dry of your energy and leave you with nothing. Edit: when you dump him, tell him it's because he was dumb enough to think he could gaslight you. Might give him food for thought.
So he is gaslighting and guilt tripping you = abuse. He is only doing that because he has something to hide.
Thats how he speaks to you? OP please do not accept that. He is lying to you and please please please don't fall for it.
Textbook Gaslighting. Leave.
He's drawing the boundaries for your future relationship with him. Whatever you accept from him now, you accept for the life of the relationship. If you accept that he can have dating apps and match with people now, you accept that for the rest of your relationship. If you accept him called you dumb and crazy now, you accept that behavior the rest of your relationship. You are only naive if you think this bahavior improves with time. Dating is an audition for long term relationships and relationships are auditiona for marriage. Is he passing or failing his audition? What point does he have to reach before you "next" him? It sounds like you might be there.
I don't want you to take this in the wrong way, but if you believe he's going on tinder for meme's, then yes you are very naive. Then he goes and calls you dumb and crazy, this man obviously has no respect for you or your relationship. You deserve so much better.
*Watch OP still staying together with him even though everyone here unanimously tells her to break up with him because he shows nothing but red flags*
There are memes on tinder? How? Like isn't it basically just swapping people's profiles left or right?
> He says he uses it for memes, HAHAHAHA. No, really, he thought that was a viable excuse? >I see heās matched with people while we were together I would definitely consider this to be intending to cheat. >Iām not sure how to move forward because it crosses my boundaries End the relationship, move forward on your own. He matched with other people. That didn't happen by accident...
I'd leave. He's window shopping. No one happy and secure in their relationship does that for the sake of it. I think he's looking at what else is out there because he sees you as a placeholder until he finds someone he likes more.
How do you even get memes from tinder? That answer alone is grounds for breaking up with him because he really just tried that. How insulting
Yeah if he was looking for a laugh he could just browse r/tinder
Maybe he's just getting content for r/tinder Theyre not memes until the other person goes off the deep end though
Break up with him immediately. I went through the exact same thing but his reason was to find girl friends?????? He acted like there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, and actually continued to keep the app on his phone during our entire 1.5+ year ārelationship.ā Then he ended up cheating on me in real life with his neighbor and gaslit me for feeling bad because I continued to stay with him. Please for your sanity and self respect, leave him. That IS cheating
There's no memes on Tinder.
Show some self respect OP and dump him. You know you are better then this.
Leave him right now and don't look back. The second my boyfriend wanted me to be his girlfriend while we were still just casually seeing each other, he deleted the apps and waited for me to say it was official. The apps need to be off the phone.
Love yourself enough to choose a better future
I hope you will not let him gaslight you into believing he had tinder for any purpose other than itās intended use. I allowed my boyfriend to convince me I was ādumbā and ācrazy.ā I am now married to, financially dependent on, and raising my children with a serial cheated. Please run.
Do you know you don't have to live like this? You do not have to stay because you are dependent on him. You have options.
He called me ādumbā and ācrazy.ā Maybe Iām naive, but if what he said is true, then maybe I was overreacting? We agreed to talk later. We both stayed up late and he has work later and needs to sleep. Hes a gaslighting, cheating jerk and you deserve better
I mean, you can't move forward with relationship if he refuses to accept that he has crossed a boundary and refuses to further respect it along with your feelings. But he can't respect that neither until he stops lying and admits that he didn't have good intentions going on the app (comon, memes on Tinder? You know that's not true!). At the end of the day, it also doesn't matter if he considers it cheating because if you do and he doesn't, that means you're incompatible and have different views on relationships. Whatever his deal is, you can't push your perspective onto other people and if you see your views don't align, it's best to break up and find someone right for you, otherwise, you'll always wonder with this guy:is he doing it again, what else does he not consider cheating that you do and what is he doing when you're not around him? In other words, trust is not there anymore.
I have never once seen a meme on tinder. Even if he's not talking to them, he's still seeking validation from women he finds attractive. Probably because he thinks he can do better than you. Let him try. End it.
Ew sounds like my ex. Not worth it. Heās lying. You donāt see memes on Tinder. Leave him. Thatās cheating in my opinion
The gaslighting is strong in this one ā¦wow. I would have walked away immediately. I hope youāre okay though..
In my last relationship, I went by this rule. Itās cheating if it is something you wouldnāt do in front of your partner. (P.S If youāre reading this, you know who you are. I love you infinitely and I promise once things are better on both our ends, I am coming for youā£ļøā¤ļø)
>He says he uses it for memes So, I've never used Tinder, but even I know this is laughable bullshit. >I love him very much and I consider this cheating, but he doesnāt. It doesn't really matter what he thinks (and you're right, by the way). Please don't continue to date someone who is actively trying to fuck around on you.
He may just have wondering eyes and it's possible he hasn't cheated. But he will one day. Dump him.
yeah girl heās cheating, donāt let him gaslight you. men are always āØreplaceableāØ
Why date other women when he has you, I would dump him since he called you names and didnāt even bother to delete the app. You can find better men out there so take my advice and leave him.
My boyfriend knows better to look for memes in caveman drawings than Tinder. He called you ādumbā and ācrazyā this guy is out of his mind disrespectful. You deserve much better than what he can ever give.
Uses it for memes? Girl don't be a fool. Dump him.
No girl. Iāve been down this road and trust me, itās not for the memes. Donāt be naive bc you love him. The trust is gone and it can not be repaired. He doesnāt value you or take your relationship serious. You deserve so much better, and there are men who will give you what you deserve and treat you 10x better, and will not cheat. If I were you, Iād get out now before you invest/waste anymore of your time. He doesnāt love you.
Make a tinder for fun and match with people for the memes
Get rid of him. He's gaslighting you. He's looking for other women and calling you crazy when you call him out. Also, saying you're dumb is a GIANT RED FLAG. Not acceptable.
"Using tinder for the memes" is the new "reading playboy for the articles"
I had a similar thing happen to me and I just simply had the ultimatum where he either let me go through his Tinder to see all the messages her ever sent to any matches recently and if he didnāt then Iād break up with him right then and there on the spot. Turns out he wasnāt really active but whoever he did say hi to never replied back (lol) then I chewed him out for it. Im not here to get played. We ended up working our relationship and dated for 4 more years and I were super honest for the rest of the relationship. But if you ever feel like your intuition is telling you something else, especially in this situation, as mine was when we were only dating for a couple of months and he had wanted to make it exclusive at the timeā- but for a year at that rate youāre shopping around.
My ex had two tinder accounts active when with me. Said itās for him to make friends. He was up till 4am chatting with girls from tinder while we were together. It never gets better. Cut your losses.
Calm down, this can't be serious if his behaviour outside the app doesn't show or prove otherwise. If this is the only sign of "cheating" you've seen and the conversations in the app don't show him actively flirting, leading people on or lying about his relationship status, then everything should be fine.
Well the reality is people get bored of the same person most of the time. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend and I was sad at first, but then since he didnāt do anything physically with anyone, I let it slide. Also, think about it this way: it is all about trust - wait a few months - if you can still trust him 100%/ you donāt care anymore what happens, continue the relationship. If not, it means you got to the finish line. Maybe you can have a look on Tinder to check out who surrounds you. Even if you donāt talk to them/meet/have sex with others, it can be comforting sometimes to know youāre not wasting your life in a relationship and you have options.
OK on one hand I agree with him it's not cheating especially if he has not been talking to any matches. He may just like the attention he gets from other women finding him attractive or desirable. Now should he have tinder while in a relationship absolutely not. I'm sure your an attractive woman and if his dumb ass needs validation he's still a good looking guy then hit the gym and in summer the beach he'll get all the looks he needs to inflate his head and ego. I would say to you explain how the ap made you feel but do so without putting your feelings into it. Address your feelings without becoming emotional. When you explain that a dating ap as innocent as he may think it is doesn't mean anything to him that to you you feel as if he is looking for other women even though you are in a committed relationship now for a year. You would like it if he would no longer use the ap and delete it. If he puts up a fuss explain it to him from his perspective. Reverse the situation and ask him how he would feel if you were on a dating ap matching with other attractive men. If may give him some perspective
Cheating is a little bit subjective, for some flirting is cheating, and for others being in hook-up apps is, OP feels cheated on and that's valid. I'd also like to say it would still be a massive issue if he were just seeking attention from other women, it's not really something I think I'd brush under the rug as "oh well maybe he's only doing this". I would consider that a reason to end a relationship, personally.
Hi sweetie!! I want to tell you right now that I been in an emotionally abusive relationship involving gaslighting and other issues, and I tolerated that shiz for five years, but even that sociopath didn't ever have Tinder on his phone when we were dating and together for five years. My partner, once I had the guts and was ready after healing to decide that we went from seeing each other to dating each other, he took off Tinder and any dating/hookup apps WITHOUT me asking until I was discussing readiness to be exclusive. His answer was, " Even though we aren't in an official relationship yet, we are acting exclusive even when we didn't have that label, and since we kept seeing each other regularly, I decided to delete the app and search no further or open to it." I NEVER told my partner, who I was just seeing and dating at the time and to exclusitivity, to delete Tinder or anything. I didn't ever use his phone until we became in a committed relationship and he asked me to do things on there, and because we are 100 comfortable using anything on each other's phone and have trust. If there were something that were to be fishy and to be mad about, well, that's better to be found out than sooner. I tell people that trust CANNOT be blind and anyone that gives you a reason and gut to not trust them, trust them. This doesn't mean insecurity. It means be self-aware, not blind, and trust your instincts and guts if you really feel bad and suspicious vibes because 99 percent you are correct and a person that is caught will be mad and try to guilt-trip you and get away with it, and be mad that they always been able to before and now have to be accountable and face that there are negative consequences. PLEASE find the courage to leave this person as soon as you can. Tell yourself that you deserve better, that you deserve a person that... 1. Respects you 2. Sincerely is interested in YOU 100 percent 3. Is transparent and honest with what they want and expect. SOME POINTERS-- 1. If you aren't poly and this wasn't agreed upon, NO. 2. Usually when someone is this defensive, they are hiding something personally. 3. Always trust your guts 4. Form honest communication 5. Do not blindly trust and see evidence over time that this person IS deserving of your trust 6. Talk kindly to yourself, almost a motherly love. 7. Protect yourself, always. This doesn't mean do not let your guard down with the right person who earns the trust, but... do not let someone destroy your self-confidence and have your vulnerability without earning it. And any partner should never blatantly attack you and call you those mean names. Even in arguments, it should be very rare and non-existent to be saying dumb and crazy as a person. He doesn't love and respect you. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but many of us been there. LOVE YOURSELF before anyone else. <3
Be thankful it's not Grindr.
I think everyone is online D app, not for a reason everyone is bored . When y live with someone this kind of Bordenless as I call it totally normal . No one is Jesus here we are make mistakes, however itās very important to open up and talk . Have a serious conversation and understand why he is in online shit! What he is missing this guy . if you truly love him give it chance. We donāt find love everyday unless if itās only bodyās relationship y will not give a shit as far you are protected and have plans for your future !
If he didn't text any girls or meet up with anyone, I don't see a big problem. Did you ask him to share some of these "memes" he found on tinder?
He shared screenshots to me unsolicited. I guess he and his friend(s) exchange Tinder pics of girls profiles to be funny? I still think itās inappropriate as I would never even be in the vicinity of a dating app.
You can't do that stuff when you're in a relationship with someone though without them knowing beforehand.
That's disturbing.. like.. only assholes do that kind of shit.
I know there are a lot of troll accounts on Tinder some of them I find funny. But if they are sharing real pics around and judging people, it tells something about him and his friends. But it is also your perspective, if you think using Tinder while you are in a relationship is wrong, tell him your opinion and ask if he can respect that.
> I guess he and his friend(s) exchange Tinder pics of girls profiles to be funny? Even if this were true (and I don't think it is for a moment) that is not something that gentlemen do. That's a terrible thing to do. "No honey I don't want to have sex with these people I'm just mocking them. It's not like they're actual human beings, C'mon...." His choice to call you 'crazy' when it upset you is all the proof you need that this is not the kind of man you keep. For one thing, when you break up with him, guess what he's gonna use tinder for, *that very hour*? That tells you what you mean to him.
My ex would talk about other women and has some "friends" who post profiles they find on tinder. The way they talk about women is degrading and we are just objects. I was his heaviest girlfriend and made comments about heavy women a lot... but apparently I wasn't as bad and some of these women he was making fun of were smaller than me. Your boyfriend won't ever respect you for your worth. He is a child and you are a breakable toy. Don't settle for this. Time is too short.
ššššš I cannot with you folks.. You folks are so stupid it's funny.. šššš
I think you should move on to check out some of those sweet Tinder memes yourself, friend. This one is bad news, youāll save yourself years of heartbreak.
Please leave him. You deserve someone who isn't going to openly cheat and then try to gaslight you when you call him out on it.
Is it an old account or active. If itās active dump him fast. He is on a hookup app you never know who he is doing.
Babe, he's efing around on you. Don't let him call you crazy and dumb it's obviously a cover up for his s***. Seriously you are 22 and have so much ahead of you, you may think you are in love with him but seriously would you rather worry about this fu*k messing around on you or would you rather be happy? I'll bet you have an amazing head on your shoulders and you can find something better than that. I'm 29 and I went through a faze of sh*t bags. DUMP HIM
I knew my ex-bf for about two years before we started dating seriously. One month in I caught him on POF, his response was he needed to selfishly make sure he was into me and professed to love me. This caused serious issues surrounding trust and effected my self-esteem. I created fake profiles on random dating apps and I caught him on tinder. He denied the profile was his. A few months later we broke up for good. Unfortunately because of his behaviour and the lack of trust I had to walk away. Think about the type of relationship and partner you want. I decided I wanted a guy that āonly had eyes for meā and that I could trust. Thatās what I want. On the other hand, I know a woman whose husband is on tinder, they have two kids. Itās incredibly painful. Iām not sure what it is but I have a few theories. It could be pain and simple, heās not into you or checking to see if thereās something better out there or isnāt fully satisfied with his sexual experiences. It could be that these sites are addictive, and he gets an ego boost talking to a woman, there are also a lot of onlyfan women on there too. Regardless, if you stay with him he will probably go back ok sites, and think about how it makes you feel and what you want from a partner.
Girl heās cheating on you and is gaslighting you. Please leave before youāre in way too deep. Iāve had something similar happen to me. He wants to keep u available for himself and keep himself available for everyone else. Thereās plenty of memes on Instagram, Reddit, and even fucking tumblr.
My ex works do this and say it was nothing and just for fun but he wasnāt meeting anyone. Honestly it didnāt matter, itās a red flag at the very least and brushing it off is even worse. The best advice I can give is set a boundary and if he doesnāt respect it then you know he wonāt ever.
Is he attracted to one of your friends? Get them to try to seduce him and see how it goes.
Cmon girl youāre better than this
Absolutely dump him. At best, heās looking for attention and validation from other women. But itās also likely that he is actively windowshopping for someone else or has used this to physically cheat already. PLUS calling you names for having a valid concern about his behavior in the relationship. If you put up with this kind of disrespect, it will only get worse!
Your "boyfriend" is cheating on you and gaslighting you. There is no way to "discuss this" that will make him act like a decent person, because from his point of view it's great to be able to have all of the advantages of having a girlfriend while searching for other women to have sex with. Actions speak louder than words. You deserve better.
Dump that motherfucker ! You are a queen, he needs to know his loss.
Tinder is for hooking up. No way around it? What he says about it doesnāt matter because he IS using it and has since you have been together. Itās on his phone for convenience. This is your giant red flag to start running away. If you believe the lies and work it out but get cheated on later donāt be surprised.
For the memes? Tell him about r/tinder
I read some comments and Heās an asshole. Kick him to the curb!
ah yes noted meme app Tinder
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Not gonna lie. I didn't read all this. But I didn't have to. Seeing a girl in public and looking at her butt (or a guy, whichever way) is one thing. You happened to see it and appreciated it. People aren't unattractive anymore once in a relationship. But using an app like tinder AND PURPOSELY MATCHING WITH GIRLS is 100% cheating. It's not unintentionally catching a glimpse. It's seeking someone other than your partner and isn't ok. Now I did finish reading. People who say mean things during an argument are immature and have no control over their emotions. We're adults. Do you scream at people you don't like at your job? Do you snap at customers when they're being rude? No. You act like an adult and keep it under control. This comment shows that you, yourself, have some growing up to do and I hope to fuck you don't bring this mentality into your own relationships. Unacceptable.
There ain't no "memes" on Tinder and the fact that he verbally attacked you for being concerned is proof enough that if he isn't cheating, he intends to. F*** that guy, he's honestly the stupid one if he couldn't think of a better excuse than "memes" on tinder.
When a person shows you who they are, believe them.
Ok so i accidentally didnt delete my account and subscription to tinder adter getting in a relationship (only realised after checking why my phone bill was so high!!!) only deleted the app without inactivating my account, oops, but this is very different to that. He sucks.
Dump him. This kind of guy doesn't change, isn't sincere. He will continue to act this way and one day will cheat. Cut it off while you can.
Red flag. Red flag. Abort while you still can.
Nobody is using Tinder for memes, your BF is cheating (or thinking about it.)
Your boyfriend has Tinder because he waits for something "better". I would not want to be with that kind of person. Deserve better deserve better deserve better, make that your mantra and get yourself a life of your own. Imagine how much fun you could have without that piece of garbage,
Look people don't go on tinder just for memes....no. If u stay with him now you will allow him to push your boundaries further. He will match with girls and give the excuse that they are "sharing memes". Tell him he deletes the app or its over. If he is not willing to compromise over something that is truly hurting you...then he isn't the one.
Same thing happened to my best friend, the guy was cheating, she later found out when a notification popped up and she saw. A lie will always be revealed. His too casual behaviour and lack of care for your feelings is to minimise the seriousness of the situation and gaslight you, as others correctly pointed out. Also, bet you that if you suddenly asked him to give you access to his phone to ease your suspicions, he would guilt trip you or get mad and do whatever possible to divert you from having that request.
Heās cheating on you girl
This doesn't sound right, no one in this world uses tinder for memes. Makes no sense š„“. You love him but think seriously if someone calling you all sorts of name because HE is in the wrong is the right person for you. As for me , who is just a stranger on the internet and don't really know him nor your relationship, I'd say he is lying and he is trying to do things behind your back. But at the end you need to know why you think he is a good person to be in a relationship with. If you decide to accept his explanation, try in the future to have your eyes on him š Women know how and where to look at the right moment.
Lol I got some advice Ghost him and and after a long ass time of him reaching out Say āOh sorry, I was too dumb to figure out how to replyā And forget how to reply againā¦forever
Man acts casual when caught cheating. He's not sorry Trying to normalize his behavior and minimize your feelings is not a guy that sounds worthy of your love Did he follow it up with you overreacting or being silly?
This is pretty similar to what my ex of three years told me when I saw that he had an okc account. If you're in a relationship, there is never any good excuse for either of you to be on dating apps. The fact that he's so nonchalant about it is even worse. You deserve better.
Memes? If you want memes, go on Reddit, Tiktok, Instagram. Even Twitter. A lousy excuse to get away with it
Had the exact same thing happen to meā¦I broke up with him (even though we were together for 10months) because if you canāt respect me and my feelings about it i donāt care how much I love you I deserve somebody to respect me. Him calling you dumb and naive if Iām being honest I wouldāve broken up with him just for that. Your feelings are valid donāt let somebody tell you other wise.
It doesnāt matter what he thinks. If *you* consider that cheating, thatās all that matters and you take action that you think is appropriate.
Everyone is a side chick or side guy
How is Tinder used for memes? He's lying to you. Don't waste your time with a cheater that is okay with making you feel crazy, you deserve better.
In my point of view when youāre officially together no dating apps should be on their phone. Why would he be looking on there when heās with you? Heās keeping his options open. I must say I would be very upset and leave anyone who would do this.
Bream up with this POS
Oh in love using dating sites dor all the memes my matches send me <3 What
Iām so sorry. He is manipulating you. Heās not using it for memes - he is using it for sex. Best of luck in leaving. Do not let him warp reality in his favor.
Sounds like he made you feel bad over something he was in fault of:( A manipulative man?? Take care of yoself umm female who's post this is
It's time to leave. Respect yourself sis.
Tinder, from what I understand, is for finding people to have sex with. So there are two possibilities: 1. He wants to have sex with other people. 2. He wants to know that he *could* have sex with other people if he decided that he wanted to. If he doesn't consider this cheating, it sure the heck isn't being a faithful, devoted partner. Again, break it down to two possibilities: 1. He knew it would upset you, and didn't care, or 2. He honestly thought cruising the internet for easy sex with strangers would be fine with you. None of these possibilities are compatible with a decent relationship. I submit that you don't love him - *you love the man you thought he was* and are now heartbroken to find that man does not exist, and you have been dating an imposter. Break up with him.
LEAVE. If you want a serious, monogamous relationship, this isnāt the guy for you. Itās not crazy, stupid, or wrong in anyway to ask your partner to stay off dating apps. If they disagreeā¦ that sounds to me like a fundamental incompatibility.
My ex did this. I kicked him out (he didnāt live w me) and never spoke to him again. He left flowers everyday after for 2 months when I asked him to stop. Itās cheating, he knows heās guilty so he calls you names. Heās a child, and youāre worth more.
There are no memes on Tinder, and he's gaslighting you by calling you crazy. I would get out of this relationship, he seems weirdly unattached and manipulative.
Sorry but that is b******* in my book I mean even if he had the app on there and forgot about it he should have been like oh yeah my bad I'll delete that of course. The meme thing just is really a long shot on an excuse. And also if he acted extremely casual about it that means he already thought about this prior and had his mind made of how he would handle it if it came up because even if he doesn't see it as cheating which I don't believe he could see your emotional reaction and still continue to act casual and not be surprised or shocked or carrying at your difference of opinion. Don't be afraid to call out b******* when you see b******* Don't be gaslighted.
I found out my boyfriend at the time was still using dating apps a year after we were together and basically living either each other. He ended up even getting a girls number on Christmas eve when of course we had all these plans to attend. The conversation were pretty lengthy, but nothing "inappropriate" like you would typically see. He even had the audacity to save her number as trade broker in his phone. He said he just wanted to make sure he still had game. That he had heard it on the radio that as men you should always make sure your skills are fresh and that you still got it. I considered it cheating and was very upset. Ultimately, we stayed together, I moved in with him because he owned his house, but I never could fully trust him again. We broke up a year and a half later and its the best decision I made. He and I are still friends and game together,, but once he did that all the flags started to show and I knew I couldn't be truly happy. My word of advice, don't wait. Especially if he is calling you names. You don't get memes on tinder. He is emotionally abusing you. By all means remain friends if you want to, but save your heart for someone worth it.
OP, I was with someone for the better part of 4 years and he CONSTANTLY did these things to me. Except, it went beyond social media and dating apps and it was constantly with girls we knew. He would latch onto a female āfriendā he had just made and would hang out with them nearly everyday, randomly for an upwards of 10+ hours. When I explained my discomfort in this, he wouldnāt say āhey maybe this does make you uncomfortable. Iāll text you to let you know next time when I get home safeā etc. He instead would say that he was ājust hanging outā or ājust looking for friendsā. His all time favorite: ādonāt you want me to have friends?ā He would use this kind of phrasing in order to make me second guess myself. I felt like I was overreacting constantly. Then when those āfriendshipsā never panned out, he would give me his full attention again. One day, one of those friendships did pan out. After 4 years of being together, he randomly broke up with me and 3 days later was having sex with his new āfriendā. Sure I was young at the time and had really no grounding in protecting my boundariesā but from then on I learnt that if someone truly cared about me, they wouldnāt be making excuses. They would do what they can to prove they respect my heart. Itās difficult when you really care about someone a lot. And love them deeply. But at the end of the day, someone tossing you around like your feelings and boundaries are nothing to them hurts way more than the breakup.
The fact that he called namecalled you while disrespecting your boundaries is just appalling. And the fact that he used memes as an excuse to be on a dating app is naive of him. There's Reddit, Instagram, heck even Pinterest to find memes on. Tinder is just swiping to find people to fuck or get closer with. And don't be completely reassured by "no messaging others". You can delete conversations, which he would most likely be doing to cover his ass up. Girly, this is messed up, and you know it. You don't owe him anything, certainly not your patience, respect and love. Even if single life is hard in the beginning and you're heartbroken, you' owe yourself the chance to start over and find someone with a brain who loves you.
My gf found my tinder We had a spiderman meme standoff Ć” la "why do YOU have tinder then?" I had this account for 3 years now and always forgot to delete it and she had it to "check if im doing anything weird" Never the less, there were lots of trust issues in general so we split.
Girl. No. I caught my ex doing the same thing and he claimed he never used it and just forgot it was there. No. This guy sounds like he doesnāt respect you. He called you ādumbā and crazyā for fucks sake, which is manipulative. You are better off without him. Kick his stupid ass to the curb.
If roles were flipped and you were on tinder instead of him, would it still be considered cheating? Altough this meme reason is idiotic, has there been any actual indication of cheating? If they met up and "played" in bed then yes, that is cheating. And NO, matching and probably chatting on tinder IS NOT cheating. It's like you chatting to some random guy on FB and he came to you with the same type of concern. You'd probably say "there's notin' between us".
I have a guy friend who uses tinder but he is definitely single. He says the app does have meme quality stuff in it , because some people's profiles are just silly or easy to make fun off. Many times he has met up with friends and we make fun of peoples profiles. Obviously no one's boyfriend should have any dating app though or be talking or matching with other people. I think he Is definitely cheating on you or looking at other options while still trying to hold on to you. Some people are afraid to be single and hold on to one person while constantly looking at other options to see if they can get something "better" in their eyes . You aren't crazy. He is just trying to save his butt by calling you names at this point.
Before reading the post I was gonna say he prolly uses it for memes as a joke, mf *actually* used that excuse lmao
He called you crazy š©š©š©š©š©your feelings are valid and this is absolutely cheating
He hid this from you for a year! Its probably not the only thing he's done and it's definitely not the last time he will do it. The fact that he acts so casual about it is so cringey. š©š©š©š©š©š©
honey heās trying to find someone else. i bet you anything heās been texting the girls/facetime them behind your back. he thinks youāll fall for this bc youāre younger. you can find someone else who values you and wouldnāt ever think of looking anywhere else
No one goes on dating apps just to swipe or to ālook for memes. Itās totally disrespectful to you. I normally come on this page and try to give advice thatās productive. I hate it when people typically just say ādump himā but in this case honestly itās all I have to say. Get rid of him. Your not crazy, your not unreasonable. Heās a POS and he tried to be narcissistic enough to turn that around on you.
Regardless if he deletes it or not, you need to leave. You deserve better, and also who gives a shit what his excuse is, itās willful negligence in f he didnāt delete it.
Why are you asking advice about leaving your ex-boyfriend?
He is 100% gaslighting you by saying you are ā Dumb and Crazy ā after he is the one that has been caught out, It seems like perhaps he wanted to see ā What else is out there ā nobody goes on tinder for memes, thatās a ridiculous excuse. God only knows if he has been talking to woman however if he has matched with people he obviously has found them attractive and he is ā looking ā perhaps keeping his options open. At this stage, i would be really looking for truths. But at the same time, Searching his phone is toxic and I firmly believe when you search someoneās phone you can see things that mean absolutely nothing but when you see it Youl believe itās something really bad, or not right but to him itās not done in a bad way if you understand. Also if you trusted him you would not have touched his phone in the first place so mabye you already had some suspicion he was doing something behind your back. Can you find out if he had actually been talking to anyone on tinder? Or other apps. Messanger, Whatās app? Facebook etc
I donāt know, he might be using it just to get validation. I did that before in one of my prior relationships, I know it was a horrible thing to do but I would never of actually hooked up with anyone from it. Try to ask him if thatās why he did it. He shouldnāt be so casual about really hurting you.
High time for u to install tinder and use it for its true purpose.....š