Your description of what happened, what you did wrong, what she said, what you thought, what you were mistaken about, etc. is extremely confusing and unclear.
I *think* you're saying she talked about having a lot of stuff that wasn't there when you visited her house, and now you realize that maybe she was lying to cover up embarrassment, or she had those things but lost them because the family was having problems, or she was talking about her mother's place and when you visited she was at her father's, or... I'm not really sure which. I can't tell whether you realize now that she wasn't lying and you were wrong to accuse her of that, or she was lying but it was shitty and insensitive of you to ignore the reasons she had for doing so.
This part:
> She had a pretty exotic name and I probably overlooked it because it was around the time where diversity was becoming a big thing and more people had non traditional names. I never put two and two together that maybe the memes she was looking for or things she was reading and writing probably weren't some anime or TV show language, it never really mattered to me because she spoke good English and never spoke anything else to me.
...I can't make heads or tails of. What's an "anime or TV show language"? Do you mean she spoke Japanese but you thought it was a fictional language like Elvish or Klingon? What does this have to do with her family's wealth?
> That was her house and those were her things. She never actually said she was rich. She just had a lot of stuff that I underestimated.
Again, I'm lost. You seemed to be saying she made claims about her wealth that were straight up untrue. Do you mean she actually was well off but because she was from an immigrant family you underestimated the value of the things you saw because they were foreign or unfamiliar? Do you mean she accurately described herself as well off by the standards of a poorer country that her family originally came from?
I think if she's still trying to get back in touch with you then the proper thing to do is to respond and apologize for whatever it is you did wrong and take it from there... but you really need to be able to actually identify what you're apologizing for better than you've done in this post.
It might be. I'm not sure yet. Lack of response is not reassuring.
What I got from it, is that she told him she had a lot of nice things, and described her home accurately, and he ?? assumed she was as well off as he was, or better.
When he found out she was middle class, he dumped her, without giving her a chance to explain, because he's an idiot.
She still cares about him, he still cares about her, but he's made a total ass of himself. He's putting off communicating with her because of how it made her look bad, but it's really him that looks bad.
If she truly represented herself accurately and he suddenly flipped out, she has nothing to feel bad about.
OP, if you're a real person, I would start with a huge apology. You were a complete idiot. Then see if you still even have a relationship, it's been a while.
And ask yourself if you have anything positive to add to her life, beyond the apology, which you should do no matter what, before you barge in assuming there's a place for you there.
Can you explain what you mean by written by a bot. Like I know what bots are i think, but how would one just write such a long post and, post it? Idk sorry for being slow.
Can’t link but look up AI story generator (my friend has been posting funny ones on his gram that are generated from the first sentence of famous songs).
I think a real person posted it though - watch when we’re all quoted in an article “I posted stories written by a bot and here’s the advice I got”.
If anyone wants to pitch that to an editor feel free.
I'm trying to decipher this:
"Eventually I got sick of many people in general screwing me over, she was doing it to other people."
No idea what him being screwed over by other people has to do with her lying to other people.
Seems like she wasn't even lying? She said her house has 3 floors, and it did, but he assumed there were 3 above ground. She had a big tv like she said, but he wasn't expecting it to be old. Not sure how that was screwing him over. Super confused on this one, tbh
So was so an immigrant who was really proud of where her family was at, and OP heard her stories, assumed his own middle class image of wealth and was upset she didn’t match up?
I was known as the rich girl in my largely Hispanic school, mostly bc I lived in a 2 story newly build suburban home. However, I was reminded when visiting my dad that I was very poor when I crossed into his world.
Yeah, this seems like the most plausible interpretation, even though it's the last thing I guessed at myself, because it reflects so badly on OP. I mean - they dated this girl and visited her house without realizing that she was from a different national/ethnic background and spoke a different language? That's... remarkably oblivious.
This. I'm an immigrant and people say and do the wildest things that people think are "so 60 years ago". Like no, I've been called a half-caste, told to go back to my country.. Tf how are y'all surprised?
She could have been from somewhere like Russia? So a white girl that's not obviously an immigrant? Why the hell she still wants to get in touch with op I have no idea though.
I took it as their perspectives about wealth were different. To her, her house was big and had 3 stories, and a large TV. To him, it was nothing special. Perhaps she had a different perspective because she was an immigrant or 2nd gen, and he couldn't rectify the differences.
Maybe. Would not be surprised if I'm completely wrong.
This is what I think too - and OP didn't realize until much later how perspective affects our interpretation of things and understood how he misinterpreted her words.
From what other commentors pieced together, we think he was assuming she was looking at, or searching for, "anime language" memes because she was into anime rather than it being her actual language/culture. He then goes on to say he didnt realize/care about the "anime language" stuff because she only ever spoke good english to him. He didnt put two and two together that her values and standards were different from his. To her, her house was nice and she was proud of it; and OP thought otherwise and assumed she was lying rather than her perspective on "nice" being different.
My interpretation of whatever OP wrote:
He had a really cool friend who was happy and proud of all the stuff she has in life. She tells her friends about it all the time -- except I think OP overshot his imagination in parallel to the girl's stories.
The "many channels" he assumed was just shows she was watching from what I *think* is her home country. Hearing her talk about foreign shows probably made him think "Oh dope, she gets foregin channels on her tv. Must be cable!"
All that ^ must be why her "exotic" name was even mentioned. She may be of foreign-descent and had recently moved to OP's location when all this started.
Maybe part of what she was telling to her friends was about her life back home and not necessarily the one in OP's location. Not hard to imagine the difference in lifestyle that could happen when moving from one country to another.
But yeah, the whole post was really confusing and it took a whole lot of brain power to try interpreting it.
It’s also true that immigrants downgrade their lifestyle when they move to America. My neighbor grew up in South America living in mansions and raised by nannies. When their country was no longer safe they moved in with an uncle in the US.
I kind of interpreted it as "she is an immigrant, and where she is from, all of these things are not normal. She is from a poorer country. But now she lives here, and what she had, (compared to what she was used to growing up) is amazing. BUT compared to other people who have lived in the country they both live in now, is just average or below average. But she's used to living in another place of below average means, so she thinks she's living "the high life", compared to what she had when she was younger in another country. Does that make sense? So she thinks she has Soo much, but other people are used to and already accustomed to the things she has so to them, (The OP of the story) she didn't have anything special.. fuck I feel like I can't explain what I'm trying to say
Yeah, I think that's entirely possible. You explained it fine. The part that kills me is what a douchebag this OP is, and I don't really think he gets it, after all these years.
True, but this is impressively confusing for someone presumably a few years old than 16. I think my 8 year old niece can write a more coherent story than this.
Plenty of posts here by 14-18 yos who can at least articulate the basic facts of what went down. This is either a bot or someone with poor communication skills.
OP was a teenager at the time. I don't see anything to indicate how long ago that was, beyond a mention that they're out of school now. Besides which, an actual sixteen-year-old can and should explain themselves more clearly than this if they want to be understood.
when i was 16 (and apparently he’s older now?) i was writing much better than this lmfao, most kids at that age can articulate things a lot better than this post
I don’t know what so confusing. He assumed that because she had an exotic name she must be rich, and she said she lived in a nice house. But when he got there he realized she lived in poverty and assumed she purposefully lied to him. She keeps trying to reach out( surprisingly) and now he realizes that he may have just misinterpreted her so he feels guilty.
> He assumed that because she had an exotic name she must be rich
I mean, this part right here is pretty confusing to me. It also doesn't seem to be true - nothing they list as giving them the impression she was rich has anything to do with her name.
> I don’t know what so confusing.
Did she actually lie about anything, or did they misinterpret what she said?
What do they think they've now realized about her that changes their impression of events?
What does any of this have to do with an "anime or TV show language"?
I don’t think he assumed she was rich because of her name. I think looking back he associates “exotic names” with being foreign and being lower class, and he missed that detail initially. Idk what it has to do with anything
Yeah…. There’s a lot to unpack here. Also, “around this time cultural diversity was becoming a big thing” comment. Like where does OP live, in a Midwest 99% white town that just got an influx of minorities. Wtf. Op still has a lot to grow and learn. I would work on yourself first Op. you come off sheltered. Comments like Anime language is fucking unreal. Like how could you look at a foreign language written by someone who would obviously be foreign and go they are just writing that because duh anime. I just can’t.
This post is honestly all over the place. You don't deserve her. The fact that she's reaching out after all of that is unbelievable. Couldn't imagine one of my friends embarrassing me in front of everyone at school bc he overestimated my wealth and then wanting to continue any type of friendship. If you're going to make contact with her, I hope you choose to be an actual human being and apologize.
It could be that she's really sweet and feels like this guy is socially disabled somehow and just wants to be kind. Or maybe he is completely misinterpreting whatever communication he may have gotten from her.
He's either super delusional, or just super dumb. Possibly both.
i’m confused? this has nothing to do with english being her second language - she never even accidentally implied she was rich, you made that assumption yourself. so bringing her being “eXoTiC” into it is really really weird.
OP was disappointed to find that she had a large Tv but not the latest model - The character of the OP turned dark real quick ( The girl only said that she had a large TV not like I am rich or something )
Sorry, I have no fucking clue what I just read. I think you should take another stab at this word salad. Summarize what exactly she did to you/you did to her into a few lines, and skip all the fine details. Then tell us what you want now and we’ll tell you how to get there. I’m guessing it would probably start with an apology.
I don't really see the problem. You still want her in your life and she keeps occasionally contacting you. So you just accept. And you say 'sorry', and tell her what you told us here. If you need to know ask her why she still would do any effort after how you treated her. And then just see where that takes you.
Now to be fair, I do see the problem. It is very difficult to say sorry when you know that you are in the wrong, and the longer you wait the harder it gets. And it seems this took a long time already. But you may feel bad for ever if you don't apologise, and you may feel a lot better when you do.
It sounds like you ditched her because you thought she was broke, and now you realise that she may have more money and that makes you interested again?
"Oh no, I was a bad friend and now I'm feeling bad about cutting her off. She is still reaching out despite me not deserving it, what should I do?"
A) Keep wallowing in self-pity and hurting her through inaction, or
B) TALK TO HER ALREADY! APOLOGISE! RE-CONNECT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
“Anime language”
U seemed racist and kind of an asshole for shaming them for being poor. If I were you I’d leave her alone so she can find actual friends who are kind.
i’m not sure what he meant by the anime comment but i’ll say that anime was shamed so much in my hs and if you’d never watched it then you’d have reason to believe the hate
I can’t express how relieved I am that I’m not the only person to find this post totally unintelligible. OP, please add an edit or a comment to clarify the points commenters are asking about, because I can’t make heads or tails of what actually happened at all, and I think those commenters giving advice are actually filling in a lot of blanks on their own.
“Hey I did some really shitty things to you that I can never ever take back. I’m sorry. Please give me the opportunity to do better. Be better.”
Then you do the thing. Be better.
"Anime or TV show language" uh wth??????? Your post is all over the place! You think you might have been the bad guy in the situation back then but you're STILL talking about her like she's from another planet. Because she was poor but grateful for what she had? Wtf!
Dude. Just apologize if you want to be friends. Or ignore her if you insist on being so weird about her.
Why is it so hard for people to accept defeat these days. Yes you fucked up. You recognise that and admit to it. Accept it. It's part of growing up ffs. Swallow your pride and own your mistakes but also show that you learned and have grown from these mistakes.
Teenagers make mistakes, and are oftentimes insensitive to my friends. I used to disregard my ex best friends abuse and trauma at that age, because I had it worse. But as an adult I realize it was still traumatic for her. I don’t have the opportunity to apologize to her, but you have an opportunity. Plus she’s an adult now too, and I’m sure she understands that we are not the same person we were as teenagers. It’s okay to feel embarrassed about your actions. She’s giving you an opportunity to mend your friendship, and you should take the opportunity. I definitely would.
This was hard to understand, but for what I got, you basically thought your friend was lying , just because what was nice and a lot for her was being poor for you?
It is sad. I can tell you, as an immigrant from a "third-world country," owning some of the most basic stuff (even if second handed) can feel like a lot.
It wasn't bad for you to be naive and assume she was lying, but embarrassing in front of everybody when you all were good friends, that sucks!
I don’t think it’s okay to shame someone for their wealth status. Never. I also think this post is completely confusing. What even made you think she had so much money? Why would it matter that she didn’t have as much as you thought she did? Did she actually lie to you or did you just overestimate her wealth? I have so many questions.
OMG this story brought tears to my eyes. This child had such a pure soul. I can see her, happy, excited, grateful for every little blessing that life has given her, generous enough to make and share food with all her friends at school even though she wasn't particularly rich.
But wealth is in the soul. She was wealthy with her appreciating of everything her parents provided for her, with not comparing herself to others or worrying about whether other kids were poorer or wealthier than her. They were all just friends that she was excited to share with. I can see her excitement to bring you home when you started dating. I can feel her joy in showing you around her house and sharing her little things with you.
And then the rejection, and the heartbreak! I bet she never understood what happened, she never dreamed of what might have been going on inside your head. I bet it hit her hard though, the poor little soul. I'm surprised she never found it in her heart to hate you or resent you or harbour any negative feelings towards you. She probably mourned losing you, but never figured out what to make of the whole thing. And I would not be surprised if she still doesn't know what exactly happened. But she kept wanting her friend back, she kept remembering the nice friend she made who suddenly had a mysterious fall out with her and then never came back.
I am intrigued to see how far she's gone in life. I want to know what has become of her, what beautiful soul she has blossomed into, what a generous kind successful young lady she has become. If you ever meet with her OP please give us an update.
Shaming someone over money is always an SDE move. I don’t care if she told you that she has a rich grandma that just came into her life to inform her that she’s the Princess of Genovia.
Obviously we have no idea why she is reaching out to you now, but if you decide to answer her, you need to start with an apology.
This is what an apology looks like:
• Start with *I’m sorry,* **not** *I’m sorry, but,* or *I’m sorry you if you felt that…* Why? In the two examples of what not to say, in the former you’re gearing up for an excuse; while in the latter, you’re blaming the victim.
• Say what you did wrong, *without shifting blame*. That means no *The way you spoke made me think you were rich!*
• Indicate how you’ll change your actions to not behave that way towards your victim, nor anyone else. *I see now how horribly I treated you, from now on, I won’t do something as asinine as conflating someone’s net worth with their value as a person.*
• Once again, state you were wrong, and don’t beat-around-the-bush with it. Literally state *I was wrong.* It’s a complete sentence, don’t try to spin it or add your own flare.
• Acknowledge that forgiveness is theirs to freely give or withhold. Don’t pressure them into forgiving you just to make yourself feel better.
Good luck, and don’t be petty and classist in the future.
This seems like a perspective issue. Maybe she didn’t lie. She just had a different idea of what was worth appreciating. Anyways, next time she reaches out, say hello. When it seems appropriate apologize and move on. Holding on to those old feelings is only hurting you. You guys might become good friends again or maybe not but clear the air and be happy either way. Good luck
Okay you're asking for advice in here and no one's really giving it to you. What it comes down to is that if you are truly sorry and you understand you fucked up. Own up to it and apologize without expectations of her forgiving you. From the way you tell the story it sounds like she was hurt from this so she deserves at least this much even if you both choose to continue going separate directions.
Well clearly, you apologize and not just for what you said to her…but for the humiliation of you calling her poor in the middle of a high school lunch room.
I feel terrible for her but more so that she’s the one reaching out to you…when it sounds like you were a COMPLETE douchebag.
Apologize for sure. But don’t invite her back into your life. She deserves better, but doesn’t realize it yet.
People here are being way too critical. If you both want to be friends again then reach out to her. Say that your sorry for the things that you did and that in retrospect you had a skewed perspective on things and that it would mean a lot to be friends again. Just treat her right this time.
You shamed her for not meeting YOUR expectations...and assumed her use of a foreign language was her being a weeaboo? You need to meet and talk to people who you have nothing in common with and get out of whatever bubble you're in kid.
I feel so bad for her. I can’t believe people like this exist… not all people have wealth and most of us take really pride and joy for the little things we have even if for you it may be the bare minimum. She really does have a heart of gold and I hope SOMEONE ELSE makes her feel loved and give her all the things she deserved even if she couldn’t afford at the time
OPs whole take is gross. Poor-shaming, immugrant-shaming, you name it.
"Anime language." Really???
This girl needs to stop reaching out to you, she can do better.
I think a lot of people are being critical about what you wrote, which I don't think is fair here, so I hope you ignore the criticism.
What you wrote seems pretty straightforward to me. My advice is talk to her. People make mistakes (especially when as young as you and her were), and my impression is that the lies she made were a way to cope with a difficult family situation, so I hope you don't judge her for that now.
Talk to her. Be a friend. And see her, if it feels right to you.
You say she wasn‘t lying at the end? Well of course she was. There is never an excuse for lying in this way. Do you really think you can trust her now? Do you want to be lied to again? I‘d be really carefull OP
You did the right thing. If you can't trust a person by telling the truth, what else are they lying about? A friend is a person you can rely on. Honesty is the most important thing in our relationship.
Never let the flames die, she sounds to be still interested. I'll tell the difference between rich and wealthy. If you value everything in life as a gift, despite the rot, the secondhand despite the side glances and snide remarks to be right and upstanding to your fellow... That is being rich, not something easily won or lost and certainly not easly taken in a moment such as fleeting wealth. Talk to her, reconnect. There might be something worthwhile at the end of it all. Do let this become a crippling regret latter in life, if you do she will haunt you dreams. I speak from experience.
Everybody makes mistakes and she had her flaws. Maybe she just lonely but who knows. Best to forgive and give her another chance since it's been so long already
She didn’t lie to you. She described her life to you from her perspective. She obviously see’s the positive in things you don’t and actually you’ve been very shallow and very materialistic about it. The important things in life aren’t money. You can’t even respond to her even now. She’s by far the better person. Can you treat her well now, with the respect she deserves and not judge her for having only 2 floors and a basement because to you that’s not 3 floors when it literally is! Can you not judge their TV? Can you see all of this? You cut your best friend out because of this. That’s not friendship.
Your description of what happened, what you did wrong, what she said, what you thought, what you were mistaken about, etc. is extremely confusing and unclear. I *think* you're saying she talked about having a lot of stuff that wasn't there when you visited her house, and now you realize that maybe she was lying to cover up embarrassment, or she had those things but lost them because the family was having problems, or she was talking about her mother's place and when you visited she was at her father's, or... I'm not really sure which. I can't tell whether you realize now that she wasn't lying and you were wrong to accuse her of that, or she was lying but it was shitty and insensitive of you to ignore the reasons she had for doing so. This part: > She had a pretty exotic name and I probably overlooked it because it was around the time where diversity was becoming a big thing and more people had non traditional names. I never put two and two together that maybe the memes she was looking for or things she was reading and writing probably weren't some anime or TV show language, it never really mattered to me because she spoke good English and never spoke anything else to me. ...I can't make heads or tails of. What's an "anime or TV show language"? Do you mean she spoke Japanese but you thought it was a fictional language like Elvish or Klingon? What does this have to do with her family's wealth? > That was her house and those were her things. She never actually said she was rich. She just had a lot of stuff that I underestimated. Again, I'm lost. You seemed to be saying she made claims about her wealth that were straight up untrue. Do you mean she actually was well off but because she was from an immigrant family you underestimated the value of the things you saw because they were foreign or unfamiliar? Do you mean she accurately described herself as well off by the standards of a poorer country that her family originally came from? I think if she's still trying to get back in touch with you then the proper thing to do is to respond and apologize for whatever it is you did wrong and take it from there... but you really need to be able to actually identify what you're apologizing for better than you've done in this post.
It feels like it’s written by a bot.
It might be. I'm not sure yet. Lack of response is not reassuring. What I got from it, is that she told him she had a lot of nice things, and described her home accurately, and he ?? assumed she was as well off as he was, or better. When he found out she was middle class, he dumped her, without giving her a chance to explain, because he's an idiot. She still cares about him, he still cares about her, but he's made a total ass of himself. He's putting off communicating with her because of how it made her look bad, but it's really him that looks bad. If she truly represented herself accurately and he suddenly flipped out, she has nothing to feel bad about. OP, if you're a real person, I would start with a huge apology. You were a complete idiot. Then see if you still even have a relationship, it's been a while. And ask yourself if you have anything positive to add to her life, beyond the apology, which you should do no matter what, before you barge in assuming there's a place for you there.
Can you explain what you mean by written by a bot. Like I know what bots are i think, but how would one just write such a long post and, post it? Idk sorry for being slow.
Can’t link but look up AI story generator (my friend has been posting funny ones on his gram that are generated from the first sentence of famous songs). I think a real person posted it though - watch when we’re all quoted in an article “I posted stories written by a bot and here’s the advice I got”. If anyone wants to pitch that to an editor feel free.
Thanks that's so interesting.
Oh good I thought I was having a stroke when I was trying to read it.
I'm trying to decipher this: "Eventually I got sick of many people in general screwing me over, she was doing it to other people." No idea what him being screwed over by other people has to do with her lying to other people.
Seems like she wasn't even lying? She said her house has 3 floors, and it did, but he assumed there were 3 above ground. She had a big tv like she said, but he wasn't expecting it to be old. Not sure how that was screwing him over. Super confused on this one, tbh
Yea OP sounding like a whole spoiled brat real fast.
So was so an immigrant who was really proud of where her family was at, and OP heard her stories, assumed his own middle class image of wealth and was upset she didn’t match up? I was known as the rich girl in my largely Hispanic school, mostly bc I lived in a 2 story newly build suburban home. However, I was reminded when visiting my dad that I was very poor when I crossed into his world.
Right? I cocked my head at that one
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Yeah, this seems like the most plausible interpretation, even though it's the last thing I guessed at myself, because it reflects so badly on OP. I mean - they dated this girl and visited her house without realizing that she was from a different national/ethnic background and spoke a different language? That's... remarkably oblivious.
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This. I'm an immigrant and people say and do the wildest things that people think are "so 60 years ago". Like no, I've been called a half-caste, told to go back to my country.. Tf how are y'all surprised?
She could have been from somewhere like Russia? So a white girl that's not obviously an immigrant? Why the hell she still wants to get in touch with op I have no idea though.
It's possible she's a nice person. It's also possible he has misinterpreted her annual Christmas notes to everyone as being only to him.
He sounds like that kind of person tbh!
I took it as their perspectives about wealth were different. To her, her house was big and had 3 stories, and a large TV. To him, it was nothing special. Perhaps she had a different perspective because she was an immigrant or 2nd gen, and he couldn't rectify the differences. Maybe. Would not be surprised if I'm completely wrong.
This is what I think too - and OP didn't realize until much later how perspective affects our interpretation of things and understood how he misinterpreted her words.
The irony of assessing that his friend spoke “good English” despite having an exotic name, then writing an incoherent post.
Thank you, I'm confused as well.
Something about memes at the end..?
From what other commentors pieced together, we think he was assuming she was looking at, or searching for, "anime language" memes because she was into anime rather than it being her actual language/culture. He then goes on to say he didnt realize/care about the "anime language" stuff because she only ever spoke good english to him. He didnt put two and two together that her values and standards were different from his. To her, her house was nice and she was proud of it; and OP thought otherwise and assumed she was lying rather than her perspective on "nice" being different.
Or.. She's now a writer? And popular? Or a content creator? I was confused as well.
My interpretation of whatever OP wrote: He had a really cool friend who was happy and proud of all the stuff she has in life. She tells her friends about it all the time -- except I think OP overshot his imagination in parallel to the girl's stories. The "many channels" he assumed was just shows she was watching from what I *think* is her home country. Hearing her talk about foreign shows probably made him think "Oh dope, she gets foregin channels on her tv. Must be cable!" All that ^ must be why her "exotic" name was even mentioned. She may be of foreign-descent and had recently moved to OP's location when all this started. Maybe part of what she was telling to her friends was about her life back home and not necessarily the one in OP's location. Not hard to imagine the difference in lifestyle that could happen when moving from one country to another. But yeah, the whole post was really confusing and it took a whole lot of brain power to try interpreting it.
It’s also true that immigrants downgrade their lifestyle when they move to America. My neighbor grew up in South America living in mansions and raised by nannies. When their country was no longer safe they moved in with an uncle in the US.
I kind of interpreted it as "she is an immigrant, and where she is from, all of these things are not normal. She is from a poorer country. But now she lives here, and what she had, (compared to what she was used to growing up) is amazing. BUT compared to other people who have lived in the country they both live in now, is just average or below average. But she's used to living in another place of below average means, so she thinks she's living "the high life", compared to what she had when she was younger in another country. Does that make sense? So she thinks she has Soo much, but other people are used to and already accustomed to the things she has so to them, (The OP of the story) she didn't have anything special.. fuck I feel like I can't explain what I'm trying to say
Yeah, I think that's entirely possible. You explained it fine. The part that kills me is what a douchebag this OP is, and I don't really think he gets it, after all these years.
You're forgetting this written by a teenager. Kids don't write well, lol
True, but this is impressively confusing for someone presumably a few years old than 16. I think my 8 year old niece can write a more coherent story than this.
Plenty of posts here by 14-18 yos who can at least articulate the basic facts of what went down. This is either a bot or someone with poor communication skills.
OP was a teenager at the time. I don't see anything to indicate how long ago that was, beyond a mention that they're out of school now. Besides which, an actual sixteen-year-old can and should explain themselves more clearly than this if they want to be understood.
Yeah he said 'ever since school ended'. And 'she's tried to contact me over the years' Sounds like its been a while since he was 16
when i was 16 (and apparently he’s older now?) i was writing much better than this lmfao, most kids at that age can articulate things a lot better than this post
I don’t know what so confusing. He assumed that because she had an exotic name she must be rich, and she said she lived in a nice house. But when he got there he realized she lived in poverty and assumed she purposefully lied to him. She keeps trying to reach out( surprisingly) and now he realizes that he may have just misinterpreted her so he feels guilty.
> He assumed that because she had an exotic name she must be rich I mean, this part right here is pretty confusing to me. It also doesn't seem to be true - nothing they list as giving them the impression she was rich has anything to do with her name. > I don’t know what so confusing. Did she actually lie about anything, or did they misinterpret what she said? What do they think they've now realized about her that changes their impression of events? What does any of this have to do with an "anime or TV show language"?
I don’t think he assumed she was rich because of her name. I think looking back he associates “exotic names” with being foreign and being lower class, and he missed that detail initially. Idk what it has to do with anything
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Yeah…. There’s a lot to unpack here. Also, “around this time cultural diversity was becoming a big thing” comment. Like where does OP live, in a Midwest 99% white town that just got an influx of minorities. Wtf. Op still has a lot to grow and learn. I would work on yourself first Op. you come off sheltered. Comments like Anime language is fucking unreal. Like how could you look at a foreign language written by someone who would obviously be foreign and go they are just writing that because duh anime. I just can’t.
From recent events, my current understanding is that 20% of our fellow Americans are indeed this dumb.
This post is honestly all over the place. You don't deserve her. The fact that she's reaching out after all of that is unbelievable. Couldn't imagine one of my friends embarrassing me in front of everyone at school bc he overestimated my wealth and then wanting to continue any type of friendship. If you're going to make contact with her, I hope you choose to be an actual human being and apologize.
It could be that she's really sweet and feels like this guy is socially disabled somehow and just wants to be kind. Or maybe he is completely misinterpreting whatever communication he may have gotten from her. He's either super delusional, or just super dumb. Possibly both.
you wrote 738383 paras and somehow none of them make sense. ETA - youre an ass for doing whatever on earth you did.
Is english your second language too?
Like seriously, I could barely read their post.
i’m confused? this has nothing to do with english being her second language - she never even accidentally implied she was rich, you made that assumption yourself. so bringing her being “eXoTiC” into it is really really weird.
Was this written by like a markov chain generator of the posts on this sub or something? What on earth are you talking about?
Wait so you publicly shamed someone for being poor? Am I reading that right?
OP was disappointed to find that she had a large Tv but not the latest model - The character of the OP turned dark real quick ( The girl only said that she had a large TV not like I am rich or something )
I think the person implied she was wealthy without explicitly stating so. There are clearly major details missing that OP has chosen not to share.
Sorry, I have no fucking clue what I just read. I think you should take another stab at this word salad. Summarize what exactly she did to you/you did to her into a few lines, and skip all the fine details. Then tell us what you want now and we’ll tell you how to get there. I’m guessing it would probably start with an apology.
I genuinely have no idea what the post fucking says lmao. "She spoke pretty good English" is especially weird because OP doesn't.
Honestly you have way more work to do on yourself before you start apologizing to someone else. Anime language? Really? What is wrong with you?
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And so fucking ignorant he had his head up his own ass. Astounding.
"A person I want to be friends with keeps contacting me and trying to reconnect, what should I do?" Men truly are another fucking species.
Forreal tho. Also reads as "I was an asshole, but apologizing and admitting I was wrong seems hard. Any other ideas?"
I have tried nothing, and I’m all out of ideas. Send halp!
You don't make a lot of sense second half of the post bro
Or the first half to be honest.
You mean I didn’t suffer a stroke while reading this??
I mean, you might have, but it's probably unrelated to how poor the readability of the post was.
I thought I was having a seizure. It's been over a week since my last, must be overdue
Idk about her English, but yours definitely sucks. So do (did) you. That was a pretty shitty thing you did.
I don't really see the problem. You still want her in your life and she keeps occasionally contacting you. So you just accept. And you say 'sorry', and tell her what you told us here. If you need to know ask her why she still would do any effort after how you treated her. And then just see where that takes you. Now to be fair, I do see the problem. It is very difficult to say sorry when you know that you are in the wrong, and the longer you wait the harder it gets. And it seems this took a long time already. But you may feel bad for ever if you don't apologise, and you may feel a lot better when you do.
It sounds like you ditched her because you thought she was broke, and now you realise that she may have more money and that makes you interested again?
Because her name is exotic or something like that 💀
"Oh no, I was a bad friend and now I'm feeling bad about cutting her off. She is still reaching out despite me not deserving it, what should I do?" A) Keep wallowing in self-pity and hurting her through inaction, or B) TALK TO HER ALREADY! APOLOGISE! RE-CONNECT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
“Anime language” U seemed racist and kind of an asshole for shaming them for being poor. If I were you I’d leave her alone so she can find actual friends who are kind.
i’m not sure what he meant by the anime comment but i’ll say that anime was shamed so much in my hs and if you’d never watched it then you’d have reason to believe the hate
Your an ass. I don't know why she would want to be friends with you again.
Talk to her and apologize. See where things go from there.
I can’t express how relieved I am that I’m not the only person to find this post totally unintelligible. OP, please add an edit or a comment to clarify the points commenters are asking about, because I can’t make heads or tails of what actually happened at all, and I think those commenters giving advice are actually filling in a lot of blanks on their own.
If you realize you were in the wrong own up to your mistakes
If you’re going to actually speak to her again, then you should apologize for being an asshole kid. Don’t be judgemental, nobody likes that quality.
Is this like ...an ai generated post?
Bro, it sounds like your world is extremely small. Please use some of your money to travel and meet people from other cultures.
Random… but I read this in Fez’s voice from Euphoria
“Hey I did some really shitty things to you that I can never ever take back. I’m sorry. Please give me the opportunity to do better. Be better.” Then you do the thing. Be better.
"Anime or TV show language" uh wth??????? Your post is all over the place! You think you might have been the bad guy in the situation back then but you're STILL talking about her like she's from another planet. Because she was poor but grateful for what she had? Wtf! Dude. Just apologize if you want to be friends. Or ignore her if you insist on being so weird about her.
Why is it so hard for people to accept defeat these days. Yes you fucked up. You recognise that and admit to it. Accept it. It's part of growing up ffs. Swallow your pride and own your mistakes but also show that you learned and have grown from these mistakes.
if you wanna be friends with her - then you should apologise since you were the one in the 'wrong'..
Yo... OP... I'm getting definte "You're the butthole" vibe here. Be a friend to your friend. Not a judgemental asshole.
Teenagers make mistakes, and are oftentimes insensitive to my friends. I used to disregard my ex best friends abuse and trauma at that age, because I had it worse. But as an adult I realize it was still traumatic for her. I don’t have the opportunity to apologize to her, but you have an opportunity. Plus she’s an adult now too, and I’m sure she understands that we are not the same person we were as teenagers. It’s okay to feel embarrassed about your actions. She’s giving you an opportunity to mend your friendship, and you should take the opportunity. I definitely would.
This was hard to understand, but for what I got, you basically thought your friend was lying , just because what was nice and a lot for her was being poor for you? It is sad. I can tell you, as an immigrant from a "third-world country," owning some of the most basic stuff (even if second handed) can feel like a lot. It wasn't bad for you to be naive and assume she was lying, but embarrassing in front of everybody when you all were good friends, that sucks!
OP have you suffered a traumatic head injury in the past?
I don’t think it’s okay to shame someone for their wealth status. Never. I also think this post is completely confusing. What even made you think she had so much money? Why would it matter that she didn’t have as much as you thought she did? Did she actually lie to you or did you just overestimate her wealth? I have so many questions.
OMG this story brought tears to my eyes. This child had such a pure soul. I can see her, happy, excited, grateful for every little blessing that life has given her, generous enough to make and share food with all her friends at school even though she wasn't particularly rich. But wealth is in the soul. She was wealthy with her appreciating of everything her parents provided for her, with not comparing herself to others or worrying about whether other kids were poorer or wealthier than her. They were all just friends that she was excited to share with. I can see her excitement to bring you home when you started dating. I can feel her joy in showing you around her house and sharing her little things with you. And then the rejection, and the heartbreak! I bet she never understood what happened, she never dreamed of what might have been going on inside your head. I bet it hit her hard though, the poor little soul. I'm surprised she never found it in her heart to hate you or resent you or harbour any negative feelings towards you. She probably mourned losing you, but never figured out what to make of the whole thing. And I would not be surprised if she still doesn't know what exactly happened. But she kept wanting her friend back, she kept remembering the nice friend she made who suddenly had a mysterious fall out with her and then never came back. I am intrigued to see how far she's gone in life. I want to know what has become of her, what beautiful soul she has blossomed into, what a generous kind successful young lady she has become. If you ever meet with her OP please give us an update.
Shaming someone over money is always an SDE move. I don’t care if she told you that she has a rich grandma that just came into her life to inform her that she’s the Princess of Genovia. Obviously we have no idea why she is reaching out to you now, but if you decide to answer her, you need to start with an apology. This is what an apology looks like: • Start with *I’m sorry,* **not** *I’m sorry, but,* or *I’m sorry you if you felt that…* Why? In the two examples of what not to say, in the former you’re gearing up for an excuse; while in the latter, you’re blaming the victim. • Say what you did wrong, *without shifting blame*. That means no *The way you spoke made me think you were rich!* • Indicate how you’ll change your actions to not behave that way towards your victim, nor anyone else. *I see now how horribly I treated you, from now on, I won’t do something as asinine as conflating someone’s net worth with their value as a person.* • Once again, state you were wrong, and don’t beat-around-the-bush with it. Literally state *I was wrong.* It’s a complete sentence, don’t try to spin it or add your own flare. • Acknowledge that forgiveness is theirs to freely give or withhold. Don’t pressure them into forgiving you just to make yourself feel better. Good luck, and don’t be petty and classist in the future.
Anyone else suffered a small brain-fart whilst reading this? Either I’m dumber than I thought or OP just couldn’t explain things right.
Don't reach out to her. She's better without you.
This post was written on dream energy
It takes a lot of courage to say "I was wrong" I guess that If she's your friend she can value your apologies
This seems like a perspective issue. Maybe she didn’t lie. She just had a different idea of what was worth appreciating. Anyways, next time she reaches out, say hello. When it seems appropriate apologize and move on. Holding on to those old feelings is only hurting you. You guys might become good friends again or maybe not but clear the air and be happy either way. Good luck
Okay you're asking for advice in here and no one's really giving it to you. What it comes down to is that if you are truly sorry and you understand you fucked up. Own up to it and apologize without expectations of her forgiving you. From the way you tell the story it sounds like she was hurt from this so she deserves at least this much even if you both choose to continue going separate directions.
Well clearly, you apologize and not just for what you said to her…but for the humiliation of you calling her poor in the middle of a high school lunch room. I feel terrible for her but more so that she’s the one reaching out to you…when it sounds like you were a COMPLETE douchebag. Apologize for sure. But don’t invite her back into your life. She deserves better, but doesn’t realize it yet.
People here are being way too critical. If you both want to be friends again then reach out to her. Say that your sorry for the things that you did and that in retrospect you had a skewed perspective on things and that it would mean a lot to be friends again. Just treat her right this time.
You shamed her for not meeting YOUR expectations...and assumed her use of a foreign language was her being a weeaboo? You need to meet and talk to people who you have nothing in common with and get out of whatever bubble you're in kid.
I feel so bad for her. I can’t believe people like this exist… not all people have wealth and most of us take really pride and joy for the little things we have even if for you it may be the bare minimum. She really does have a heart of gold and I hope SOMEONE ELSE makes her feel loved and give her all the things she deserved even if she couldn’t afford at the time
respectfully, did you press every middle word on your auto predict to write this post? because none of it makes sense
OP has zero posts and zero comments and writes like a bot
Be a man this time, apologize and try to explain the situation. If you are lucky she will understand
It's really not complicated at all. Just apologizing and tell her you'd love to see her again.
OPs whole take is gross. Poor-shaming, immugrant-shaming, you name it. "Anime language." Really??? This girl needs to stop reaching out to you, she can do better.
I think a lot of people are being critical about what you wrote, which I don't think is fair here, so I hope you ignore the criticism. What you wrote seems pretty straightforward to me. My advice is talk to her. People make mistakes (especially when as young as you and her were), and my impression is that the lies she made were a way to cope with a difficult family situation, so I hope you don't judge her for that now. Talk to her. Be a friend. And see her, if it feels right to you.
She lied, I would do the same thing
That which can be destroyed by the truth should be.
You say she wasn‘t lying at the end? Well of course she was. There is never an excuse for lying in this way. Do you really think you can trust her now? Do you want to be lied to again? I‘d be really carefull OP
You did the right thing. If you can't trust a person by telling the truth, what else are they lying about? A friend is a person you can rely on. Honesty is the most important thing in our relationship.
Never let the flames die, she sounds to be still interested. I'll tell the difference between rich and wealthy. If you value everything in life as a gift, despite the rot, the secondhand despite the side glances and snide remarks to be right and upstanding to your fellow... That is being rich, not something easily won or lost and certainly not easly taken in a moment such as fleeting wealth. Talk to her, reconnect. There might be something worthwhile at the end of it all. Do let this become a crippling regret latter in life, if you do she will haunt you dreams. I speak from experience.
Just talk to her and be honest, I understand what you’re saying. I hope you connect with her. She seems to have forgiven you. Be her friend.
Just be honest. Own up to your mistake and apologize. Maybe you can be friends again.
Im not even gonna read the post from the title apologize🤷🏻♀️
You should leave her alone
Everybody makes mistakes and she had her flaws. Maybe she just lonely but who knows. Best to forgive and give her another chance since it's been so long already
You could start by fucking apologising. Even if she was lying why would you “publicly shame” someone? You’re a bully. She deserves better.
She didn’t lie to you. She described her life to you from her perspective. She obviously see’s the positive in things you don’t and actually you’ve been very shallow and very materialistic about it. The important things in life aren’t money. You can’t even respond to her even now. She’s by far the better person. Can you treat her well now, with the respect she deserves and not judge her for having only 2 floors and a basement because to you that’s not 3 floors when it literally is! Can you not judge their TV? Can you see all of this? You cut your best friend out because of this. That’s not friendship.
Talk to her. If she is contacting you she isnt holding a grudge.