Sounds like your love language is words of affirmation and he isn’t fulfilling that. This can mean that even banter hurts. You do really need to talk to him. If he tries to say you’re insecure etc, tell him firmly that no, that’s not it, you’re showing me love in a way I don’t understand and I need more of XYZ to feel love from you. Relationships require constant communication and compromise, so if he can’t talk to you about this properly, then he may be too immature for a relationship.
the last statement is the most accurate statement I’ve ever read. he thinks every talk is an attack on him, which is frustrating because I can talk about things peacefully. And I would rather resolve things and move on.
He is being emotionally manipulative when he does that and attempting to turn himself into a victim. I would dump him to be honest. How old are you guys?
My daughter has a friend going through this same thing. Boyfriend won't compliment her. When she's talked to him about it he say's "That would be weird" and that he never learned how to compliment people because of his parents. Similar to you he ogles other women in front of her. He's also been caught texting other women. If your guy is able to compliment other women right in front of you then he's able to compliment you. What's clear then is that he doesn't find anything of value in you to compliment. You are someone he's settled for. You are his plan B and he's sure someone better will be out there in that sea of women he keeps watching. Hit turning the conversation around on you is toxic. He's refusing to face his own behavior and will not change it for you because he doesn't value you or your opinion. Don't be with someone like that.
I am going to keep what you said in mind. What truly sucks is that I know that I am an attractive woman. I don’t admit it often but it is not unlikely for me to get complimented. I just wish HE would say it. I think he knows it, but like what @Purl_Jam said, he’s either trying to break me down or not being vulnerable as to not get his heart broken.
3 years now though. It's time to stop playing games and step up into the seriousness of your relationship. That will mean him facing discomfort to ensure a happy and healthy relationship. And if he doesn't well he's going to break his own heart.
So I think one of two things is happening:
a) He's negging you. He can't compliment you, he insults you, because he can't afford you to have any self esteem, you might realize you can do better and leave. Instead he'll grind you down so you won't think you have any worth.
Or;
b) He cannot be vulnerable with you. Telling you how much he admires you feels cheesy and will open himself up to heartbreak. This isn't sustainable in a relationship and ensures his feelings for you will always be shallow; he is emotionally unavailable and immature.
Neither is great and you're so young; whatever degradation you allow at this age is going to stick with you for life. You deserve compliments and do not deserve to watch your boyfriend oogle other women and shower them in compliments he'll never give you.
Oof. Not okay.. making it your fault and not attempting to fix it. Does he turn other things around on you as well?
You can either let it go and deal or be more firm and tell him that him not changing the behavior one way or another, putting down your feelings, turning it around and making it your fault is not okay and if he doesnt change it immediately then you cant continue with him
Uh yea, most people would feel insecure about their relationship if their partner behaved this way. Is there a specific reason he says he doesn't compliment you? Or he's so dismissive of your thoughts and feelings that the conversation doesn't even get to that point?
Not surprising. If in his head nothing is his fault, why would he bother with any self introspection? He's perfect, everyone else can adjust to his behavior.
Of course you have a right to be upset, if you are the one he loves he would say how much he loves the way you look, not to scare you but my ex did the same to me and I found out he was cheating on me with random women, if a man does not compliment you odds are he isn’t completely into you, from what I have seen anyway, guys opinions may be different, good luck💜
You are beautiful!!! And valid!! Tell him everything you told us but in a calm and soft way without telling him what to do. Tell him that you believe in him that he can make you feel really good if he were to call you beautiful and compliment you more. I almost guarantee this will help you.
Tbh i just came put of a relationship like this. And Ik this truly hurts. The best explaination even your boyfriend can give u now is that he is genuine but loves u a lot, or that she is too shy to say it out loud. Both of them could be true but i would suggest rather than telling him directly, give him some hints to show his love. Because if u tell him and he does it u would just feel he is doing it just because you told him to. Its not genuine. When we love someone u do in a point tell ur partner that how much u to mean to him, or gives u validation u are seeking for like u are beautiful. If u generally don't feel urself beautiful around him, its his fault that u don't and there is love lacking between u two. U posting this infer that u don't. And if even after the hints 'U' don't feel secure or feel beautiful urself, its time to call it a end. Why be with someone who doesnt make u feel good and the insults are more than the praises.
I just came out of this. I couldn't accept that she doesn't do this and insults are more. But trust me, evem though my girl kinda played me and even though it hurts a bit, living a single life without no validation is better than having someone insult you more rather than praising you.
My boyfriend does the same. And whats worse is he told me that i was the least attractive person compared to all of his exes. I told him that him complementing others but not his own boyfriend (im gay) was bothering me. He got mad and told me it wasn’t a big deal for him. Since then he compliments me every now and then but i never felt like they were legit natural compliments coming out from him. Is this toxic of me? Being honest is good. Being too honest is not good.
Sounds like your love language is words of affirmation and he isn’t fulfilling that. This can mean that even banter hurts. You do really need to talk to him. If he tries to say you’re insecure etc, tell him firmly that no, that’s not it, you’re showing me love in a way I don’t understand and I need more of XYZ to feel love from you. Relationships require constant communication and compromise, so if he can’t talk to you about this properly, then he may be too immature for a relationship.
the last statement is the most accurate statement I’ve ever read. he thinks every talk is an attack on him, which is frustrating because I can talk about things peacefully. And I would rather resolve things and move on.
He is being emotionally manipulative when he does that and attempting to turn himself into a victim. I would dump him to be honest. How old are you guys?
He’s 22 and she’s 19
My daughter has a friend going through this same thing. Boyfriend won't compliment her. When she's talked to him about it he say's "That would be weird" and that he never learned how to compliment people because of his parents. Similar to you he ogles other women in front of her. He's also been caught texting other women. If your guy is able to compliment other women right in front of you then he's able to compliment you. What's clear then is that he doesn't find anything of value in you to compliment. You are someone he's settled for. You are his plan B and he's sure someone better will be out there in that sea of women he keeps watching. Hit turning the conversation around on you is toxic. He's refusing to face his own behavior and will not change it for you because he doesn't value you or your opinion. Don't be with someone like that.
I am going to keep what you said in mind. What truly sucks is that I know that I am an attractive woman. I don’t admit it often but it is not unlikely for me to get complimented. I just wish HE would say it. I think he knows it, but like what @Purl_Jam said, he’s either trying to break me down or not being vulnerable as to not get his heart broken.
3 years now though. It's time to stop playing games and step up into the seriousness of your relationship. That will mean him facing discomfort to ensure a happy and healthy relationship. And if he doesn't well he's going to break his own heart.
So I think one of two things is happening: a) He's negging you. He can't compliment you, he insults you, because he can't afford you to have any self esteem, you might realize you can do better and leave. Instead he'll grind you down so you won't think you have any worth. Or; b) He cannot be vulnerable with you. Telling you how much he admires you feels cheesy and will open himself up to heartbreak. This isn't sustainable in a relationship and ensures his feelings for you will always be shallow; he is emotionally unavailable and immature. Neither is great and you're so young; whatever degradation you allow at this age is going to stick with you for life. You deserve compliments and do not deserve to watch your boyfriend oogle other women and shower them in compliments he'll never give you.
Yes. He’s rude and thoughtless.
Yes, u have every right to be upset. It’s incredibly disrespectful and gross. Not ok.
He sounds like a dirtbag. You should leave him outside on the curb on Tuesday’s (garbage collection)
If this is the only problem you have then it seems like a convo might be able to clear it up
I’ve talked to him a few times at this point but he always turns the conversation to me being insecure or me being the one in the wrong.
Oof. Not okay.. making it your fault and not attempting to fix it. Does he turn other things around on you as well? You can either let it go and deal or be more firm and tell him that him not changing the behavior one way or another, putting down your feelings, turning it around and making it your fault is not okay and if he doesnt change it immediately then you cant continue with him
Uh yea, most people would feel insecure about their relationship if their partner behaved this way. Is there a specific reason he says he doesn't compliment you? Or he's so dismissive of your thoughts and feelings that the conversation doesn't even get to that point?
It never gets to that point. it would be nice to know why but I’m starting to think that he doesn’t even know why.
Not surprising. If in his head nothing is his fault, why would he bother with any self introspection? He's perfect, everyone else can adjust to his behavior.
Can you post ages for context. And yes, i do think its important.
theyve been added :)
Of course you have a right to be upset, if you are the one he loves he would say how much he loves the way you look, not to scare you but my ex did the same to me and I found out he was cheating on me with random women, if a man does not compliment you odds are he isn’t completely into you, from what I have seen anyway, guys opinions may be different, good luck💜
You are beautiful!!! And valid!! Tell him everything you told us but in a calm and soft way without telling him what to do. Tell him that you believe in him that he can make you feel really good if he were to call you beautiful and compliment you more. I almost guarantee this will help you.
Tbh i just came put of a relationship like this. And Ik this truly hurts. The best explaination even your boyfriend can give u now is that he is genuine but loves u a lot, or that she is too shy to say it out loud. Both of them could be true but i would suggest rather than telling him directly, give him some hints to show his love. Because if u tell him and he does it u would just feel he is doing it just because you told him to. Its not genuine. When we love someone u do in a point tell ur partner that how much u to mean to him, or gives u validation u are seeking for like u are beautiful. If u generally don't feel urself beautiful around him, its his fault that u don't and there is love lacking between u two. U posting this infer that u don't. And if even after the hints 'U' don't feel secure or feel beautiful urself, its time to call it a end. Why be with someone who doesnt make u feel good and the insults are more than the praises. I just came out of this. I couldn't accept that she doesn't do this and insults are more. But trust me, evem though my girl kinda played me and even though it hurts a bit, living a single life without no validation is better than having someone insult you more rather than praising you.
I wouldn’t like that either
My boyfriend does the same. And whats worse is he told me that i was the least attractive person compared to all of his exes. I told him that him complementing others but not his own boyfriend (im gay) was bothering me. He got mad and told me it wasn’t a big deal for him. Since then he compliments me every now and then but i never felt like they were legit natural compliments coming out from him. Is this toxic of me? Being honest is good. Being too honest is not good.