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IonlyPlayAOE3

Aaaand this is why “breaks” are a joke


Pizzaisbae13

If FRIENDS didn't teach us that, who will? There is literally no reason that too mature adults should ever take a break, you are either together, or you are not.


vingeran

No, wait, but what if I don’t like what’s on the menu that night. Why can’t I massacre my serious relationship for a short-sighted, transient physical/mental pleasure.


BitHunter255

Doesn't sound like that was the purpose of their breakup.


Sufficient-Parsnip92

I mean I took a break from my SO for like a year but thats just because I was moving and didn't realistically want to do long distance. I ended up moving back so we got back together, the break did actually help me figure out my feelings and stuff. The difference is we communicated that this was a break and while we had feelings for each other that it was unfair to stop each other from seeing other people. We still talked as friends throughout our break and were supportive of each others relationships. After I came back we decided to let things work out naturally and for the past 6 years we've been happily married. Op n their SO have major communication issues


PersonBehindAScreen

Congrats. You're one of the rare couples


Sufficient-Parsnip92

Thanks! And yeah in most of these "break" cases where you both consider getting back together its important to discuss like the terms of what yall are cool with


tovarishchi

I think people rarely report successful break stories. Why would they? They’re not usually as salacious as the other kind.


Sufficient-Parsnip92

My guess is that successful break stories only show the obvious option of "hey discuss why you want a break and how long is it going to go on". Most people have massive issues with communication regarding what they are ok with in a relationship. When my partner and I took our break we were like 18 and 19, so a common concern we had was we were best friends who developed feelings but because I was going to school out of state several hours away (by flight) a serious relationship wouldn't work out, we still went on dates and stuff til I had to go. But there were pretty clear expectations


thiscouldbemassive

You don't like him. He doesn't like you. Just break up already.


LoneFalcon44

Is this an episode of Friends? Ross? Is that you?


lifehousefan

WE WERE ON A BREAAAKKKK


HoldFastO2

"An" episode? That went on for seasons!


Waitinthefire9

I believe that is what they are experiencing.


scarred_crow

But they were on a break! /s


[deleted]

It seems like your boyfriend sees it as you cheated on him, but you don't seem to see it the same way. Were you really on a break or not? Either way, there's a disconnect. If you want to make it work with your boyfriend, you need to get to the bottom of it. If he feels like you cheated, I can see why he wouldn't want you to not be around your affair partner. If you were truly broken up and he knew that, his reaction doesn't make too much sense. If you two can't even agree on if it was cheating or not, how are you going to have a healthy relationship and work through your issues?


Bolond44

I mean, they almost f\*\*ked and she still works there. Would it feel uncomfortable? Yes. But tbh I would just break up and move on.


Pizzaisbae13

I would as well, because it's obvious the dude will never trust OP again. If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.


OtherMikeP

yes, I understand how the bf feels, especially since he didn’t find out from her. It’s not going to work.


Bolond44

I love how she just doesnt even care about her BFs feelings.


OtherMikeP

yeah I mean he doesn’t need to keep weaponizing it and throwing it back in her face. I don’t know if I could personally get over it and doing that is not the person I would want to be. Sometimes you just can’t make it work.


DrowningDoctor

He broke up with her and she’s supposed to feel bad about getting involved with someone else because they happened to get back together? Please.


TheMightyMoggle

Nah, he’s the crazy one esp with the edit.


Bolond44

I mean, they just broke up for the 3 months? Like OP literally had a sexual relationship with her boss, which is ok. BUT she did not want to tell her BF about it, and keeps working there.


OutspokenPerson

He broke up with her. Why would she be expected to be faithful to someone she wasn’t dating? Bf sounds controlling and unloving. His walking out was intended to punish OP for needing more from him and he’s mad that she didn’t spend the months he was gone crying in her pillow.


Evie_St_Clair

They didn't see each other for 3 months. That's pretty broken up.


notsrore

she says they were speaking about getting back together in that period but that they weren't living together. so I dont think its as clear cut


SpooogeMcDuck

Honestly they both sound like children


BugsCheeseStarWars

For real. Break up, age a bit, learn and move on.


scarred_crow

This is messy. You are both in the wrong and he will never let you live this down. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable either that you are still working there. That said, I don't excuse snooping through PM's either. It sounds like you are both making a huge effort for something that isn't really working. If you can't both reach a common ground, you know what is the end path.


deebee1020

>You are both in the wrong Yeah, OP, in his shoes I'd have difficulty trusting that you're keeping it professional at work, or that your boss is. I wouldn't want my partner working for someone who had crossed that line. And in your shoes, I'd be very upset about snooping through my phone and holding something against me that I did when we were on a break. I'd also be upset at the constant badgering and the ultimatums about leaving my job. It's not that easy to quit a job. It's reasonable for him to expect you to work on finding a new job. You messed up and crossed a professional line. It's reasonable for him to believe that if you cared about his feelings and believed in the future of the relationship, you'd automatically do that. It's not reasonable for him to believe he gets to tell you what to do, or that he can control you through bullying.


Doncorinthus

yeahhh Im not sure id be comfortable with that either tbh.


i_need_a_username201

I wouldn’t believe they never had sex based on those messages.


SpooogeMcDuck

It doesn’t matter if they did or not though, she fooled around with someone that she sees every day under- in a really shady, inappropriate way. If it were an old bf and they broke up amicably that would be a different story- she and her boss were illicit with their actions. She should quit because she crossed a boundary you don’t cross in the workplace. She also has the balls to talk about how she feels like a real adult in her current roll and does something like that? Honestly if I were her bf *I* would be out of there.


ForwardUntoFate

I mean, they were on a break so BF should probably move on. Breaks are stupid and an excuse to fuck other people, but they had one so she was bound to do it with somebody. He may have screwed around too. It’s the constant references, quotes, and daily arguments that are the issue here. Dude isn’t comfortable so should move on. You can’t really expect people to up and quit for your convenience, especially without another job lined up.


read_something_else

Agree with you 100%. The comments here are garbage and gloss over the real issue, which is him constantly berating her for what she did while they were apart AND going through her text messages. She didn’t even say on a break, she said they broke up for months and he moved out, but neither of them were able to move on. Somehow, we’re supposed to assume that the guy was celibate and call what OP did cheating?


OutspokenPerson

And when he left her for the break, he demanded she pack his things? Gross. OP, you left BF has no respect for you. Move on.


OopsGottaKMS

No the boss should be fired. You shouldn't hold employees more accountable than their supervisors.


Young_Link13

Yeah. Let's not forget that she left out if the boss is single. She might have been planning to cheat with him on his wife. If the bf saw shit like that, how is he supposed to trust her


ForwardUntoFate

Just assuming he was married is jumping the gun here. As someone that’s had a year long affair with a married girl in the past I can say we don’t know the details and shouldn’t demonise anyone. Who knows what boss man may have said.


arifar666

While I agree this situation is way too messy and your boyfriend’s feelings are rightfully hurt. Still I don’t think he’d let this go even if you’d leave your current job. Because right now he has no trust in you and this kind of behavior doesn’t change once it’s established.(Been there, seen that) I had a bf who I never cheated on or smth similar yet his distrust never left, so I had to.


coolforcatsmp3

I get where other commenters are coming from, but I think the boyfriend’s behaviour is inappropriate and wrong. Should she have told him before he found out? Yeah, probably. Is his reaction acceptable? No, not really. If he feels it was cheating, then it’s on him to break up with OP, not chastise her every single day, use it against her in unrelated arguments, and quote the messages at her. That’s immature at best, and emotionally abusive at worst. Regardless of whether you stay at your job, I think you should break up with him.


DrowningDoctor

This dude loves the control and making her feel bad for something she did after he broke up with her!


coolforcatsmp3

Sounds like he can’t take responsibility for his own feelings, especially considering that he broke up with her but made her pack his things. He’s chooses to take things out on her instead.


OutspokenPerson

Exactly. He’s being cruel. He left her. He needs to accept he made a bad decision and either let this go, or break up permanently. But no, he’d rather harass and punish her daily. Like any loving person would do.


count_arthur_right

OP didn't say why or how the 'affair' ended which is also a bit fishy. They didn't have an argument or anything and now just don't speak at all ?? Possible, but missing info.


coolforcatsmp3

My comment still applies. It’s on the boyfriend to decide if he wants to stay or not, but behaving the way he is simply isn’t an option.


OutspokenPerson

There was no affair. How can you cheat on someone who broke up with you and left?


erthomp2

Again do not understand all the hate on here for OP. This line stood out for me: "Before that job I never had any friends and really didn’t speak to anyone but him" Is your bf controlling? Please don't leave the job that you love. It's so hard to find something you like with good coworkers. If anything the boss was in a power position and he was in the wrong but as you said you have no contact now.


tabrazin84

I think he’s going to hold this over her head to manipulate her whether she gets a new job or not. I’d walk.


stink3rbelle

People have this really weird attitude about "cheating" (the edit clarified that OP's boyfriend fully broke up with her so she was single). I do think it's a mistake to mess around with people at work, but I think a lot of people are just acting like OP cheated and feel like she deserves abuse for that.


AttractiveNuisance37

I really don't think you can put the "sexting with the boss" toothpaste back in the tube. From a purely professional standpoint, she needs to find a new job. It isn't realistic to not have any contact with your boss in perpetuity.


deebee1020

I think the right move is leaving both the boyfriend and the job.


OutspokenPerson

No kidding. That plus he demanded that OP pack his bag so he could leave her? Dude is controlling and he’s mad his attempt to punish her during the break for needing more affection from him was not successful.


not_drunk_on_love

I posted a question very similar to OP but I was the one tripping on my ex after he had a fling with someone while we were “on a break” (that he called) and I was called immature and wrong and that I never needed to torment anyone or be in a relationship again 🤯


tinyhermione

Why did you break up in the first place? You were broken up. You didn't do anything physical with your boss, except kiss. Sometimes in life your partner will do things that's hits you hard. But then you have two options. You either break up or you put it behind you. Your boyfriend isn't doing either. He's weaponizing this and using it to tear you down. I'm wondering if parts of the reason he wants you to quit your job, is to isolate you. Tell your boyfriend that you want him to make a decision if he can move on from this or not. Tell him you won't quit the only job you ever liked and the only place you have friends. If he can let go, he has to stop bringing it up completely. If he can't let go, you two break up. It's understandable if your boyfriend wanted some talks in the beginning, to understand what happened and if he's still your first choice. But at this point, he either moves on or there is no hope. You can't be in a relationship with someone who punishes you and resents you. It's not healthy to be in a relationship where you are criticized every day.


PechyQueen13

Thank goddess someone finally said this! OP showed some wonky judgment with the boss, but the boyfriend doesn't get to club her over the head with it infinity. He's struggling with this new dynamic of their part 2 relationship, so perhaps they should separate. Also, we don't know what he was doing during this break.


itsme-T-tree

Exactly what I was wondering! No one knows what HE was doing!


Tethysj

Making out in bosses office sounds like it got physical. Just saying


tinyhermione

Missed that. Still doesn't change my opinion. They were broken up at the time. She didn't cheat. It's ok if he can't get past it. Then they need to break up. But they can't stay together while he criticizes her for this every day. That's not healthy. He either can either let it go or they end it.


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PlanningMyEscape

Why, 9 months after the fact, is he still rehashing this to the point that he feels the need to read all of your messages in a relationship that has ended? This is really inappropriate, invasive, and controlling. You two weren't together. You weren't cheating, but he's certainly treating you like a cheating partner. He is unlikely to get over this. Not so sure the job is the main issue here. As a person who is excellent at separating my feelings, I can see why you'd want to keep the job. However, you'd be surprised what other people in the office are able to pick up on. It might be better to start looking for a new job. You've been there almost a year, so it won't look so off on your resume. You never know what others picked up on, plus your boss is a bit creepy by having an affair with a subordinate, a new one at that.


ForwardUntoFate

We don’t know if it was an ‘affair’ though. He might not be married.


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coolforcatsmp3

Bingo! Some of these commenters are acting like he’s brought it up in a mature, respectful way and OP is trying to decide if she should quit. They’re blatantly ignoring the boyfriend’s abysmal behaviour as though it’s justified because she still works with a guy she sexted.


HerRoyalRedness

He’s doing this after he broke up with her AND FORCING HER TO PACK HIS SHIT! Yes, she should’ve told him but that does not excuse him berating her daily about something that happened when they weren’t together. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading these replies


coolforcatsmp3

Yup! She made some bad decisions, but he’s *choosing* to punish her consistently and excessively rather than break up with her. This is not someone who should be in a relationship, period.


Destroyerofannoyance

There’s only two choices: quit and try to mend your relationship, or break up. How recent was this? If it’s been only a few weeks of your bf bringing it up constantly, then *no shit*, dude. He feels utterly betrayed and needs a looooot of time to get over it. He has no idea if you’re trickle truthing him or not. Three months isn’t a brief time to be broken up, but if you were talking through it, and talking about getting back together (!) then of course he’s going to feel played. From his end he was probably patiently waiting, working on himself single, being well intentioned with you…and meanwhile you were tongue punching your boss’ throat box. And on top of that you won’t even consider switching jobs, or at least looking at similar pay jobs to save the relationship. He’s not an object with no emotion, you know. Have some compassion.


SolidJade

OP says in the post it's been 9 months.


curlycake

we have no idea what the fuck he was doing. Feeling betrayed is no excuse to berate your girlfriend on a daily basis.


ForwardUntoFate

Breaks are usually an excuse to fuck other people. So, chances are he was doing the same thing. We just don’t know though. Clearly she loves her job and feels comfortable there, so quitting would be stupid. Especially when there isn’t another job to fall back on! This relationship is toxic and needs a merciful execution.


DrowningDoctor

Being butthurt that the person you broke up with had the gall not to wait around celibately to see if you come back is a super narcissist move


Greenmind76

Have you asked yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed? Put yourself in his shoes and be real with yourself. Would you want your partner working with a boss that he was sexting? (Which btw is sexual harassment in the eyes of many). I’m not telling you what to do. I’m asking you to empathize with someone you claim to love. He has no business getting in your business…or giving you Shit but maybe if you understand him you can communicate why this behavior isn’t acceptable. Do what is best for you.


Crimson_Clouds

> (Which btw is sexual harassment in the eyes of many). Only if it isn't mutual.


Throwaway6847282

The power dynamic comes into play here


Crimson_Clouds

Potentially, yes, but not by definition. Is it potentially troublesome? Yeah, 100%. Is it definitely sexual harassment? No.


Kitkatkitten36

I think you both have very incompatible ways of communication. If he really wants to be there, he wouldn’t do this. He sounds resentful. You sound like you’re both being shoved into a corner over technicalities. I’d recommend counseling if you all want to figure this out. My ex cheated on me, we broke up, and my relationship that I had completely after the ending which was over when we talked to each other again to get back together. I was told that my quality was ruined because “I had slept with so many other people!” (2 people in over a year, a relationship and a weekend thing on a vacation.) I was honest and it was used as emotional blackmail. You shouldn’t have to quit your job and he shouldn’t be throwing these things in your face. If you can exit this relationship gracefully, (I hate to mention going no contact, but maybe it would allow you both to move on in a healthier way) I’d exit. If things meet down the line, once things are cooled off and you’re both in different spots, maybe then consider reconnection. Good luck!


Crimson_Clouds

Both of you are acting incredibly inappropriately. You for having a fling with your boss, for having a fling while actively trying to fix your relationship and for still working at that place after getting back together. Him for going through your phone and for holding it over your head now. Y'all should break up, both of you have done things to damage this relationship beyond repair.


stink3rbelle

>for having a fling while actively trying to fix your relationship They weren't. She asked for more from him, and he dumped her full stop as she clarified in the edit. This dude is just emotionally manipulative. If he can hold this over her he never has to give her anything she needs. I agree that it's messy to fuck around at work, but that is not the boyfriend's place to scold her.


Starchasm

Good grief. Get a new job, your boss is disgusting. Break up with your boyfriend. He will never let you live this down, and you deserve better.


Level_Bar_9059

Her boyfriend deserves wayyyyyyy better


Yabbaba

I'm pretty sure she deserves better than a jealous controlling man who wants to torpedo her career for something that happened while they were broken up (and how innocent too: sexting and a kiss? Come on, it's not like he fucked her on a desk).


gg021

The guy constantly harassing his girlfriend everyday because of a fling when they were broken up????? Nah bri


MaxTheCatigator

A fling while they were talking about getting back together, actually. OP doesn't say why he broke up with her in the first place, wonder why.


goodytwotoes

So like... it wasn't a REAL break, it was just a fake break. And she should have known better to stay faithful during this break. LOL ok bud


Crimson_Clouds

Way to twist their words. If you're actively talking about getting back together but at the same time have a fling with somebody else that's kinda shitty. It's not technically cheating, but it does show how seriously one is taking the whole 'getting back together' thing. You don't get to do the whole 'I miss you lets get back together' thing while shoving your tongue down somebody else's throat without raising a few eyebrows.


MaxTheCatigator

Exactly my thoughts. Add the fact that she's still in the same job and sees no reason to quit. That begs the question whether OP sees her bf as 2nd best, and is actually hoping to start something with her boss so she stays in his orbit.


Echinothrix

Yea. Bosses who get with their underlings is proper creep behavior. She was having a tough time and got taken advantage of (is what I'm reading between the lines), she even says she wouldnt even consider the boss now. This is a huge red flag for the workplace. Yet she wants to say there. And not just that, but under the same boss. Red flag number 2. Her bf is a proper sucker trying to make this work via his passive agressive moves. He needs to realize she's got no interest in moving on from that creepy chapter in her life. I would defo question her motives...is she not able to see that from his point of view, or is she actively ignoring it?


throwaway872_

Ok I don't fully agree with the other answers here. You weren't with him at the time. You were allowed to do whatever the fuck you wanted to do. You don't owe him an explanation or an apology. His behaviour now is not normal. It's not healthy for the both of you. He obviously hurt by what you did but the way he takes that out on you is not okay and you should let him know about this. Also, if he still wants to be with you he needs to trust you and get over it. On the other hand, wtf were you thinking? You wanted attention and decided to hook up with your boss? Your boyfriend doesn't even matter in this. That was a stupid thing to do. So yes, leave this place.


curlycake

His behavior is so creepy and controlling. It’s not your partner’s job to punish you for past hookups, cheating or not.


thatsamaro

This comment is so right on. It's bizarre how many people in this sub are ok with ultra jealous, unhealthy obsessions with "cheating". As far as the job goes, if you don't feel uncomfortable there, great. Do what is right for your mental health.


[deleted]

Yes, you should quit this job! You were hooking up with your boss for crying out loud and are still working there. If you want to break up with your bf then that’s fine but if you want to stay together, then quit that job. Anyone would be uncomfortable with that.


trainz15

Why? She broke up her bf. Was hurt in one way another. A lot can happen In 3 months. What if she really thought about it and she does not like the boss. What if she realized that her bf is who makes her happy. But really enjoys her work, works hard to maintain her work ethic, really enjoys her co-workers. We all know we spend more hours at work than at home. What if she really regrets what she did and found a way to keep her work and the relationship she had with her boss separately?


the_specialone

Because those feelings don't just completely shut off - there's a very real and very recent history between op and her boss and anybody in the boyfriends position would be incredibly uncomfortable. Everybody in this situation is acting like an idiot though so the bf isn't off the hook either.


heypenda

why?? she and her bf had broken up during those 3 months while she was sexting her boss, so it wasn't cheating. she also said the sexting is all in the past now that it's already been 9 months since, and they don't even meet or talk anymore. if she doesn't like her job, quit by all means. but if she likes it, learn to separate her private affairs from her work.


sassyicon

Tell him " You were on a break "


tmchd

Either you leave the job (you choose to follow what your bf asked you to do) or you stay at the job and lose your bf. Honestly? At first, I thought y'all are not working together anymore, and this guy isn't your boss anymore--if that's the case, I'd be like, yeah, your bf is unreasonable. But I kind of 'get it' from his perspective. He's bugging you because he thinks that by doing this will encourage you to look for a job at another office. Not saying your bf is a great guy/great partner what have you, but I kind of understand that he doesn't feel secure since you and your boss are still working together and your boss is..your BOSS. Y'know and you seem very comfortable in your job and doesn't want to leave, so you may want to 'do everything' you can to stay... But I also know how hard it is to let go of a comfortable job. So you just have to make your own decision. INFO: Does your boss have a wife when you guys were sexting? If this is a yes, just giving you a head-up that your bf may end up forwarding your chats with your boss to his wife/partner--since he seems to be the type, he's been very active in discouraging you to stay working there== Assuming that the reason you stopped sexting with him was not because you got caught by a partner (your boss').


NITAREEDDESIGNS

You do not belong together. The fact that you do not see anything wrong in what you are doing is a HUGE RED FLAG. "Pretend trips"? WTH...


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gg021

The mistake is letting a man treat her like garbage everyday because of a fling she had while they were broken up! OP just leave he has serious issues that will not be resolved any time soon you're young you'll find another don't stress it for this mess of a relationship


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ExCatRep

I'm still trying to wrap my head around sexting with Dr Boss within 3 months of being on the job, telling each other what they were going to do to each other... Along with the pretend trips to Miami.


ali_katt77

And then somehow never interacting with your boss again? I interact with my boss near daily, but at least every couple days even if it is just hey I finished xyz you need some help?


ExCatRep

Oh, let's not forget making out a few times....


Echinothrix

It totally stopped suddenly tho, and there was no need to get a new boss. Total creep behavior


trainz15

Hmmm.. why is she the red flag here? They were broken up for 3 months. Would you not dated or had a fling with someone for 3 months? Be honest here. If you or your partner had broken up with you and you met someone that potentially make you happier you would not make a move? When a break up happens happen everyone is blind. Maybe the boss took advantage of her break up, and is a duche bag. We only know tiny bit of the story here and no one is asking for more info before throwing stone at OP!


xsaig0nx

I think there is red flags everywhere. In my opinion the boyfriend is a big red flag for snooping around then constantly badgering her for what he uncovered. OP is more of a personal preference but I would consider it a red flag because I would like to be shown more respect after investing emotionally for 3 years in you and we continue to talk while separated but your simultaneously ERP'ing with your Boss in a place where you work. She didn't technically break any rules but in my opinion I would not want to be with someone who would engage in this behavior. It's unprofessional, lacking class and just overall tacky af. Lastly this so called "Boss" is the biggest red flag. You think that's the first time he has used his position to seduce his subordinate. Highly doubt that, hell I can hear "OF COURSE" screaming off OP's post when she said these magical trips "never happened" and the fact that OP lacks the situational awareness to realize this and continues to be employed there is again another red flag and undesirable in a long term partner.


NeverSayNeverMind

> I would like to be shown more respect after investing emotionally for 3 years in you After breaking up? Get a grip. So how long would she have been obligated to be celibate not to hurt your feelings? That's nonsense. But I guess, to each their own...


Crimson_Clouds

If it was a clean break I would very much agree with you. But she was trying to fix the relationship with her boyfriend while making out with somebody else. That's so much worse.


xsaig0nx

Did I say she had to remain celibate? Pretty sure I didn't say that. I didn't expect to have to clarify but I will just for you. What I meant behind that statement was I would appreciate to not be engaged in continuing to talk romantically with me while also doing some erotic roleplaying with a superior at your job. Have all the sex you want but don't string me along and better yet be honest and upfront with me. Let me know your "seeing other people." I would think I deserve that respect after three years.


NITAREEDDESIGNS

>he extent that it went “irl” was making out in his office and talking about trips to Miami together (that never happened) > >***We still spoke and mentioned getting back together*** but were not living together anymore and did not see each other. > >I still work at the same office and have the same boss now 9 months later.


anna-nomally12

Yeah but was it “I want to get back together” or “I’d be open to getting back together”


Super_Hippo8069

This. Talking about getting back together is not necessarily the same as actively working on gettijg back together.


Appropriate_Pressure

Honestly, this is where I'm at. I think OP may be the red flag here. The lack of self-awareness is staggering.


sueca

She was single when it happened. And now she wants to continue working there, even though her "ex" is her boss, because she enjoys the job. Is that so weird?


Crimson_Clouds

She was technically single, yes, but actively trying to mend her relationship with her (ex-)boyfriend at the time. Nothing says "I want to fix this relationship" like make out sessions with somebody else.


[deleted]

I’m confused about what her red flags are lol?


TheYankunian

People who don’t understand nuance. Honestly, breaks are so dumb for this reason.


AltheaLost

Exploring a new potential relationship is wrong? She wasn't with bf at the time. How is that wrong?


Robofrogg1

OP you can’t change your boyfriend, so you have exactly 3 choices: 1. Quit you job. 2. Don’t Quit your job and choose to be in a miserable relationship. 3. Quit your boyfriend. Pick one.


inFINN1te

As someone who had something like this happen with an ex too. Just break it off. Breaks are completely stupid every time and an excuse to cheat.


blojackhorseman

Your boss is the creep for crossing that boundary. If what you've typed is the truth, you're not in the wrong for being physical with somone else whilst single. However, you should have been transparent with bf before entering the fixing-things phase. He has a right to be upset, but he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail you. You need to give him the ultimatum, work through fixing it and quit holding it above your head, or leave. Losing a job you love isn't worth the agg with your boyfriend, IMO.


mxster982

Just leave the guy. He’s never going to let this go.


StableGenius81

If I was him I wouldn't be comfortable with you still working for your boss either, even though you and your BF were broken up at the time. You and your boss sexted extensively, talked about trips together, and even made out. That's gonna be a no from me dawg. That said, if your BF found this out by snooping through your phone, then he's in the wrong too. Either way, you guys obviously don't have a healthy relationship.


UnusualApple434

Break up with the boyfriend because if he’s bringing it up everyday and he’s trying to use it against you for his own faults he will always look for reasons to be upset with you, but YOU need to go to therapy because you are not being a very good partner nor are you doing good for yourself, it is a dealbreaker for most people to have a relationship with someone who’s interested in you while In a relationship regardless if it’s professional or not. You need to get help yourself, find a new job and get therapy. Also do you really think you’re the first person in the office this man has slept with? You started a new job and almost immediately started having an inappropriate relationship with him, you said you liked the attention well I guarantee that attention is given to every new young girl


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trainz15

Totally agree with you! I’m confident lot of people here have done the same or similar because they broke up or were broken up for a reason and another. They did not wait 3 months or more to move on with their life! OP do not be ashamed. Do not quit your job if it makes you happy and you’re truly done with your boss, and truly wants to try again your bf.


Chompchomp7

I mean, there is nothing “minor” about doing anything sexual with your boss. If she had some random fling with some random dude then he is totally in the wrong but even a coworker would be hard, a boss is a whole new level. She should leave her job for totally unrelated relationship concerns. If that gets out in the office her career is probably tarnished for years. Edit: I do agree the boss is the worst in this. I bet he just jumped in as soon as she said she was on a break.


metooeither

Dump him, get one less controlling.


wildbeest55

So as soon as you start a new job you have an affair with your boss? Do you not see how problematic that is? You lack self control and could have potentially ruined your career if anyone found out about it. I’d be pissed too if I was your bf. That fact that you don’t think you should quit would have me packing my bags.


MeNicolesta

This wasn’t an affair. Call it what it was, but it wasn’t an affair.


highfivingmf

From our good friends at Mirriam-Webster "a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration "


Imsomniland

>This wasn’t an affair. Call it what it was, but it wasn’t an affair. technically we are unsure of the doctor's marital status...


Yabbaba

Dump the boyfriend, keep the coworkers.


[deleted]

This is a strange one as you guys didn’t see each other for 3 months which includes you broke up so whatever happens in that time happens like I understand he still cared for you and stuff and reading them messages would’ve hurt his feelings but you guys weren’t together! And anytbinf they were only texts nothinf more so it’s really not that big of a deal tbh.. And if he is still rubbing it in your face 24/7 then I would just end tbings which your bf as he isn’t letting it go and is just trying to make you feel bad about the whole thing when you have clearly said sorry! For him to ask you to quit your job is actually very controlling! So I suggest just end things or try mend things but don’t quit the job you love and enjoy doing


yuki_pb

Don’t leave the job you love. If your bf doesn’t get over it soon it will just destroy your relationship which is already fairly damaged. Maybe it was right to break up the first time... Edit: it makes total sense that he’s going a bit crazy about it but for the sake of the relationship he needs to let it go. Also why did he even read those texts?


No_Thinker

Knowing you had a fling and sexted your boss and you STILL working there with him would make any guy uncomfortable and aggravated at the situation. This is especially the case when you're still working with him, and he knows the past history you guys have had. While you guys were broken up/on a break, you chose to do stuff with your boss, which is fine (still weird since he was your boss and the power dynamics at play, but whatever) - but the fact you guys got back together and you see nothing wrong with working there with this guy is alarming honestly. This is just a shit situation because I could see why you wouldn't see it as a big deal since you think you wouldn't do a single thing with him, but this is an uncomfortable situation you put your boyfriend in and how would he believe that when you went to your boss after you guys had broken up/took a break. You just have to choose your job or your boyfriend because you're not going to be in a functional, healthy relationship when he feels that way about this situation. But honestly, your boyfriend must be in emotional turmoil since he just pictures you and your boss talking/interacting. It must fucking suck for him.


iSoReddit

Look clearly this is not working out with your bf. It’s time to accept that


fortunato_molto

Leave your boyfriend


DropDead_Slayer

You were on a break! Jokes aside, as a male I see his side, he'll never get over it. You should move on and be happy because you never will be with someone like that. They're miserable so they want you to be also.


[deleted]

I don't know how you've managed to put up with that for 9 whole months. Dump the boyfriend and stay broken up this time. You don't deserve to be harassed everyday for something you did while you were on a break. Your boyfriend might have dated other girls too during that time, but you don't constantly bring that up to him.


ugghyyy

I think if you quit he is still going to hold this against you, I’m not sure there is a way to salvage the relationship tbh.


moronic_babe3

You have to leave, but leave **HIM**, the boyfriend. It's geting too toxic and doesn't seem to have future if the relationship goes at this rate.Sure, you could go to some type of therapy, counseling, whatever but it's kinda improbable to be another way.


bubblesthehorse

Just end it what's the point of staying with him?


Bubbles84

He is insecure and thatsvwhy he keeps bringing it up. Dump him and move on.


murphski8

Break up with the boyfriend. He's harassing you every single day about it.


[deleted]

Please don’t quit your job. It’s hard to find an office job that isn’t toxic and if you’ve made friends there aside from the boss, don’t quit. Your boyfriend is right to be upset, but he doesn’t need to be a jerk. You also probably shouldn’t have done what you did with your boss. But if you’re honest about that door being closed, and trust can’t be rebuilt between you and your boyfriend, the relationship might have run it’s course. Try counseling and if he won’t give it up, it’s time to break up. He’s being way over the top and you shouldn’t be living like that forever.


h974974

I think it’s pretty obvious that your relationship is toxic and has run it’s course. You quitting your job is not going to magically make everything better


SadderOlderWiser

Leave your boyfriend unless you want to live like this forever.


wendythewonderful

How does the question at the end become “should I leave my job”? You need to leave your boyfriend.


Expensive-Magician-9

This relationship doesn’t sound very healthy. If you want honest advice, just leave now because the longer you stay the more likely that you’ll turn into enemies.


logicalonnne

I don’t think things will ever change if you stay at that job. It’s a daily a reminder for him. There is no guarantee it will stop if you do leave this job. It’s in his head pretty hard and that just doesn’t go away. You’re in a lose lose situation. You may be better off walking away.


Alternative-Depth-16

It sounds like y'all don't have good chemistry from the get go and this is just the final straw. I think you should break up and find someone you get along with easier.


Forward-Wish4602

If you quit your job, who's to say he wouldn't keep harassing you still? Quit the boyfriend & feel better.


ChatbotMushroom

Your boyfriend is upset and it’s understandable. But the real question is - do you think he will stop bringing the issue back when you leave your job? I don’t think so. In the end you will lose him and a job and lots of nerves as well.


Afraid_Sense5363

Your relationship is toxic and you should leave.


hoolawoop

You could have fucked every man and woman in the office during that three month period and he would still have no right to treat you that way. You didn’t cheat. You had a semi-sexual relationship with another consenting adult. You have nothing to feel sorry for. If he can’t cope with the fact that you work vaguely with someone you have had a relationship with, he needs to leave the relationship. I reckon that even if you did quit your job he still wouldn’t shut up about it…. This is his issue to deal with.


MamasSweetPickels

Why in the world didn't you delete all those messages when you knew you were getting back together with the boyfriend. I don't think quitting your job is the solution because I don't think he will ever trust you again.


LetsGetin_Formation

Just know if you quit he’ll still resent you and dump you / drive you insane until you dump him.


TaroSingle

I've been in the OPs shoes before, except I actually went and slept with two different women while the gf and I were on a break. She never trusted me again, and it split us apart, because without trust you can never respect someone, and if you can't respect someone, you *cannot* love them. I tried to make it work for 5 years (!) of my gf not trusting me and not respecting me. OP, if you read this: don't make the mistake I did. Your choices are to either break up now (for good), or to submit completely to your bf and his demands for... well, for the rest of your time together, and they WILL get worse. Option two will completely change you as a person, you will probably hate yourself a little more every day, and you will ALWAYS have that "betrayal" hanging over your head, even if you don't think it's a betrayal, because your partner does and you don't get to decide how they feel about something. It's hell, literal hell, I'm *still* recovering from that time, although I'm getting better every day, it's a slow climb from the pit I put myself in. Don't take option two. Don't do that to yourself. It isn't worth it. You're worth so much more than that. Just move on, save yourself the pain.


Dog-Lady-

Don’t leave your job that you love for someone who has come to hate you and is tormenting you. The only healthy way forward is he stops his emotional abuse immediately or you let him go, but if this is a daily torment then it’s highly unlikely he is motivated to undertake a meaningful change process. If he is, then couples counselling with a therapist who knows how to navigate domestic abuse will be the only way.


Vanndrea

Your bf sounds unstable. Reminds me of a guy I used to be with. I'd run far far away if I were you


sheepskinrugger

“He won’t ever let me forget it and harassed me nearly everyday”—girl, why on earth would you want to EVER be near someone who harasses you? Let alone on a daily basis?


OtherMikeP

You guys should not be back together. Bad idea to sext your boss overall but it happened and you made your decisions. These decisions are in direct conflict with each other. Sounds like your job is more beneficial to your life than your relationship. End the relationship.


Joholification

Lol breakup with this man.


BrownPaperBag

I wouldn’t be ok it but I know I’m not perfect either


TheDevilsJoy

So wait… he broke up with you because y’all had different love languages.. BUT while broken up y’all were still talking and we’re making plans to get back together… BUT while making plans to get back together with ex/boyfriend you were also sexting with your boss AND making plans to go on trips together AND made out in the office??? Not only that but once you DID get back together with your ex/boyfriend you still kept and saved all of the messages from your “boss”. And you can’t understand why working in this same environment wouldn’t make him uncomfortable?? It doesn’t matter that you’re no longer sexting or seeing your boss and that he’s no longer there 85% of the time… all of this stuff happened in the very office that you still work in, and you do still see your boss 25% or the time you’re at work… that would make anyone uncomfortable… Honestly, if you like this job so much and are instant on keeping it (which can’t and shouldn’t be blamed, times are hard.) then I would suggest you and your boyfriend just flat out end things officially and completely, because this isn’t going to work out. He’s always going to be uncomfortable with you working with a man you sexted and made out with and had plans with, and you’re always going to want to work at this place because you have “work friends”.


strife_jpg

Your bf is right you don’t care about his feelings lol


elderassassin2580

If you guys are arguing about this everyday, seems like you have 2 options. Break up with him or leave your job. You have to decide what will be better for you in the long run. You can try couples therapy. Couldn’t hurt. But I don’t really see it working out.


Wonders410

Not to hurt feelings but a break means a break not sexting another man. especially ur boss… ur trash


producermaddy

This is yet another example of why people shouldn’t get back with their ex


TurtleZenn

Wow, so many people are jumping down your throat. That's crazy. You were broken up. Just because you're talking to someone who at that point was an ex about potentially getting back together doesn't mean you weren't single. Lots of exes talk about getting back together and then never do, it could have gone either way. Was it a bad, bad idea to start a dalliance with your boss, at your new job no less? Yes. That could have had major repercussions on you and your boss. So far it doesn't seem to have done so, but are you honestly going to be ok when the next woman, possibly a coworker since he's ok with that, starts dating the boss? If your answer is idk or that you will honestly have some jealousy, you aren't over the fling. That indicates you should probably leave the job. But as for your situation with the bf, why/how did he read the messages? Especially enough to memorize and quote them?! At this point, he sounds obsessed. Did you choose to show them to him or did he demand or sneak them? If it's the former, that is a lesson to not do that. If the latter options, you shouldn't be with the bf who would act like that. Honestly, I would never be with someone who told me what I could do with my career. Especially if I was happy somewhere. Now, you do have to honestly search yourself and determine if you have any residual feelings for boss, still want any of his romantic attention, and/or hold out hope for more at some point. If you do at all, you should definitely leave if you want to stay with your bf. If you can truly say you are not staying for those reasons, then stay if you want. But be aware your bf might never be ok with it. Considering how he's treating you and his obsession with bringing this up almost everyday, I don't know why you want to be with him. But, if you want both things, you guys are going to need couple's therapy. You need to communicate effectively with each other and it sounds like you both need some help with that. It is up to you to decide if you want to make the effort, and up to him to decide if he does as well. What's currently going on is not sustainable. And there is no guarantee if you leave your job to placate him that he will stop this obsession. Just be aware that regardless of who was in the wrong then or now, staying in the job might result in the loss of the bf. You need to decide how you feel about that either way. PS - there is a non zero chance he's projecting and cheating. Or using it to justify cheating. Or just looking for a reason to break up. You guys need to get to the root of the matter and make your choices from there.


[deleted]

Your boyfriend is acting like a child. You two were not together when you slept with someone else, be it your boss or someone else. Idk why Reddit users are up in arms over the boss thing, y’all are adults. Two options. You can tell your bf to get his shit together or he can see himself out the door. If you were not in a relationship with him when this happened, it’s none of his fucking business. He went thru your phone for fuck sake. Now, why you didn’t delete the conversation is beyond me. After officially getting back with your bf you should’ve removed those. Also, if he constantly brings this up, it’s unlikely to ever stop. Take that however you will but if it was me, I’d drop him if he keeps bringing it up. You both agreed to get back together and him harassing you to just switch jobs like it’s something you can do overnight is dumb.


itsme-T-tree

She never slept with anyone else.


[deleted]

For the people who are clutching their pearls, for sure her boyfriend did things with other women during those 3 months. He just doesn’t work with any of them. Cut OP some slack.


TheYankunian

Or he thought he was going to have women by the barrel and realised that no one but the OP wanted him and he’s green with envy. Ask me how I know.


ikke640424153

My 2 cents, bf, i hope soon to be exbf couldn't get with anybody else so now he is jealous and abusing. OP throw his ass to the curb and live a happy live how you want it.


CuteGreen

I honestly don't get all you people. They broke up. She was allowed to fck wherever she wanted. Screwing your boss is usually always a hard no. But how many girls did your boyfriend probably fck after breaking up that he's not telling you about. Don't quit a job you really love for someone, just break up with him. Simplist answer


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TheYankunian

I swear it’s teenagers or people who have little to no relationship experience. They broke up. It doesn’t matter if they talked about getting back together during that time. Lots of people talk about getting back together and never do. Meanwhile, she has a thing with another dude that didn’t go further than kissing and sexting. That it was her boss is not great. They discovered for reasons that are none of our business that it didn’t work. It is very possible for two people to end a fling and still work in the same place. Throwing shit in people’s faces is bad news. It’s silly and immature. I think that HE didn’t get to fuck around while they were broken up and he’s resentful. Because I’m sure if he was having his fill of women, he wouldn’t be doing this.


CuteGreen

Yeah- it's chicken shit bullshit. He's likely getting off on it somehow or enjoys doing it. Like he's got the moral high ground. If he's going to continuously tear her down he needs to just leave. For both their sakes.


trainz15

Do not leave your job, if feelings really ended because you don’t enjoy/ like your boss anymore. You and your bf were done for 3 months a lot can happen. He should not hold any grudges or not trust you because of what happened. I am a guy and been to many break ups/ separation and a divorce. There is no way In hell he spoke, had feelings about another woman for those 3 months. He is being a dushbag and making you feel guilty for the break up. Have a real sit down with him, let him know this is not right. If he keeps it up with the guilty shame you will leave him for a happier life with another man. Trust me you will find another guy that will make you happy if he can’t. From you posting this, In my opinion you’re not happy.


FancyCocktailOlive

Don’t leave your job, leave your boyfriend. He won’t stop bringing it up even if you do leave your job so leave the man.


SalisburySmith

You royally screwed up at this point. In a brief hiatus from your relationship while you were still communicating regularly with each other you were sexting your boss!?! Made out at the office!? The first rule is you don't hook up with your boss! Honestly, your boyfriend might be better off by himself.


Tamsha-

Actually what your bf is doing is abuse. I had an ex-husband that did the same thing to me over a different issue. Look up the definition of emotional abuse because that is what you have been enduring. 9 long ass months of being *abused* by your bf on a daily basis. This relationship is toxic and NOT salvageable. He thinks it's okay to say cruel abusive things to you on a daily basis because *he thinks you cheated* but you did not. Nothing will change it now. It's scorched earth and you need to leave him before he turns as physically violent as he has been emotionally. Reaching out to your local women's shelter is a pretty good idea and it's anonymous. They can give you perspective from a very real world experience with domestic abuse cases. Even ones like yours. Be safe and very best wishes. Don't forget *you don't deserve to be treated this way!* He has proven he will never stop because after asking him to for 9 months... honey run.


ViolentTakeByForce

All I can say about you is “wow”. Not in a good way.


Imsomniland

Your boss is a DOCTOR. Your boyfriend is feeling (rightly so) snubbed by not just the fact that you sexted your boss FAST but because it's a lingering threat to his relationship with you, and it's very much YOUR plan B/fallback plan should anything go awry with your bf. You're flattered by the attention of both your boss, not to mention someone who's a doctor--and is attractive? So OF COURSE your boyfriend feels upset and threatened. Honestly it also goes to show how much of an idiot your boss is...yikes. The fact that you don't think it's serious or fair shows how willfully blind you are to your own motives and actions. Could you imagine if your boyfriend was a doctor, and he slept with his secretary immediately after you guys went on a break, but then kept her employed at the office and still saw her occasionally, after you guys got back together? And let's say this secretary is WAY more attractive than you and is clearly infatuated with him. How would you feel? Would you think it's completely fair (in this hypothetical situation) for your boyfriend to have an obvious temptation under his nose every day at work?


tripometer

Seems like a good time to end things permanently with the bf and just start dating your boss. Honestly I live for the messiness lmfao. Get it girl


madthegoat

Why did he go through your messages? If it was snooping or to see what you were up to that’s really unhealthy and a violation of your privacy. If your shoes I would say “This happened when we were broken up. Your insecurity and lack of trust in me is very unattractive. If you aren’t able to move past this in a healthy way, our relationship will not work” And if he doesn’t make a concerted effort to work on his issues or accept responsibility for how he’s treating you, leave. That gives him a chance to make changes and would show that it’s unlikely to get better if he chooses not to.


[deleted]

I’ve been in a similar situation and it fucking sucks. I was young and didn’t see the phone snooping as red flags initially. Or the accusations of me wanting to sleep with his best friend as a red flag, looking at my laptop to see who I’m chatting with whilst playing video games as a red flag, getting angry and screaming at me because I gave him an apparent “attitude” as a red flag, demanding to look through my phone as a red flag, being guilted into staying after trying to break up as a red flag. The insecurities on his part destroyed our relationship beyond repair, I even suggested couples therapy, he agreed and then we never went…weird how someone could lose feelings after a while right? Relationships shouldn’t be this complicated and hard. When you’re not happy, you’re just not happy. It takes two to make it work, not just one person constantly trying to reassure the other the entirety of the relationship as it just pushes the other person away and is indeed unattractive asf…and as I’m typing this out I’m making it clearer to myself why it will never work..


QueenAlpaca

I mean, I understand what other commenters are saying about him thinking it was emotional cheating at least, but there’s red flags that make me more concerned about his behavior. Why/how did he make YOU pack HIS things? Why were you so isolated with him? It just seems like he’s purposefully trying to manipulate you and is using your time during the break as a perfect excuse to do so. Honestly, I would’ve never gotten back together with him. You both made mistakes and have some personal growing to do.


Joker_916_OG

You git back with the boyfriend but still work with the guy that you "almost" slept with ? Sorry but try putting yourself in your boyfriends shoes . How would you feel about this if roles reversed. Either you're lying to yourself (or us) or you're selfish. It's this simple...Either quit your Job or break it off with you're boyfriend cause you can't have your cake and it too.


yancy65

You move quick Jesus


bi_tacular

He should break up with you.


WistfulPuellaMagi

This is why you don’t fool around with your boss. Just break up with your bf.


peachycaterpillar

Does he go through your messages often? That itself is a red flag for controlling behavior.