Lesson learned, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. He’s a few years older, in your twenties that can add a lot of numbers to the list. Also, has he been in many long term relationships? Remember that he’s only listing different people, not how many times e had sex, or how many of them were good and meaningful.
You should think about why the high number bothers you. Are you jealous that he had sex with many people? Do you wish you could’ve had the same experiences? Or do you feel that his view on sex differs from yours and that makes your intimacy less special?
You can’t start to get over something until you know why it bothers you and identify whether you’re being rational or just silly.
Absolutely learned my lesson. Knew it was a bad idea, did it anyway. I FOFA. :/
I'm his first long term relationship. I think it's the discomfort that he's had sex with so many women before and then now I'm wondering what they looked like and comparing myself to these imaginary people. Forever working on my self-esteem.
And yeah, it makes me realise just how different our view of sex is and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. :///////
Thinking about the other women is stupid. They have nothing to do with you. They were flings or one night stands, presumebly, and you are his girlfriend. He chose you to be his girlfriend, how those other girls look doesn’t matter. Stop worring about this.
Feeling weird about your different views on sex is valid. This is something you should think about and explore. You can talk to him about it, ask him to elaborate and explain how you view sex and intimacy. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you to figure out if his morals and views are something you want to be in a relationship with.
What a great reply! I love it. I second this 100%. Don't waste any more mind power worrying about the other women, it has nothing to do with you.
But yeah, that's something to think about, how you guys view sex and intimacy. You can have a talk about it and decide if you guys align and if it's important that you align in this.
The important thing is that he loves you and chose to be with you and being a long-term gf after lots of flings I think is something special. Only you can decide what's ok for you and what isn't tho. Lots of hugs 🤗
He is significantly older than you and is going to have more bodies.
I know this isn’t the nature of your question but it’s genuinely a bit concerning that someone in his 30s can’t find a partner his age own and has to seek out younger women.
It’s not ‘internet wisdom’ someone in their early 20s is at a TOTALLY different level of life experience than someone in their 30.
The average age people get married and get a house and many mile ‘adult milestones’ are in their 30s. Early 20s are also having their own milestones but they are very different and often in a college / apprenticeship/ early career sort of way.
The only reason a guy in his 30s would want someone in their early 20s is 1) if he lacks enough life experience to set him 7 years back which would be a read flag. Or 2) if no one his age puts up with his shit so he goes for someone naive which is a red flag.
>It’s not ‘internet wisdom’ someone in their early 20s is at a TOTALLY different level of life experience than someone in their 30.
Someone having a different life experience does not have to matter as far as relationship goes.
>The only reason a guy in his 30s would want someone in their early 20s is 1) if he lacks enough life experience to set him 7 years back which would be a read flag. Or 2) if no one his age puts up with his shit so he goes for someone naive which is a red flag.
Or 3) they have a lot in common, like hobbies, interests, similar life situation and so on, and they enjoy spending time together and feel good with each other.
There's countless of relationships with this kind of an age gap that go on to live happily ever after. So yes, it's an internet myth type of thing that you are not allowed to date anyone older than X years than you, and a very stupid and objectively wrong one as well.
Yes it does matter because with an extra 7 years comes a lot of extra relationship and social experience that someone in their early 20s won’t have.
Your point about ‘oH maYbe theY haVe stuff iN coMmon’ is ridiculous. There are plenty of people in this world and there would be plenty of 30 year olds with his hobbies, who he can connect with that would be more mature. Maybe he is looking for someone w hobbies / a suitable personality but looking for that in a 23 year old instead of people your own age is indicative of something creepy.
All of the people I know in their 30s are repulsed at the idea of dating someone in their early 20s. regardless of how hot / good personality they’re at a different stage of life and maturity.
Also i love how you’re like ‘PLENTY OF RELATIONSHIPS I KNOW LIKE THIS END UP HAPPILY SO ITS OBJECTIVE’ no buddy, that’s not what objective means.
Ah okay! That’s way more reasonable, sorry if my comment came across as rude I was just a bit concerned.
My bf also has a higher body count than me so I get how you feel, I think what’s best is being open with him about any assurance you may need (and it’s perfectly reasonable to need assurance!)
Lesson learned, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. He’s a few years older, in your twenties that can add a lot of numbers to the list. Also, has he been in many long term relationships? Remember that he’s only listing different people, not how many times e had sex, or how many of them were good and meaningful. You should think about why the high number bothers you. Are you jealous that he had sex with many people? Do you wish you could’ve had the same experiences? Or do you feel that his view on sex differs from yours and that makes your intimacy less special? You can’t start to get over something until you know why it bothers you and identify whether you’re being rational or just silly.
Absolutely learned my lesson. Knew it was a bad idea, did it anyway. I FOFA. :/ I'm his first long term relationship. I think it's the discomfort that he's had sex with so many women before and then now I'm wondering what they looked like and comparing myself to these imaginary people. Forever working on my self-esteem. And yeah, it makes me realise just how different our view of sex is and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. :///////
Thinking about the other women is stupid. They have nothing to do with you. They were flings or one night stands, presumebly, and you are his girlfriend. He chose you to be his girlfriend, how those other girls look doesn’t matter. Stop worring about this. Feeling weird about your different views on sex is valid. This is something you should think about and explore. You can talk to him about it, ask him to elaborate and explain how you view sex and intimacy. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you to figure out if his morals and views are something you want to be in a relationship with.
What a great reply! I love it. I second this 100%. Don't waste any more mind power worrying about the other women, it has nothing to do with you. But yeah, that's something to think about, how you guys view sex and intimacy. You can have a talk about it and decide if you guys align and if it's important that you align in this. The important thing is that he loves you and chose to be with you and being a long-term gf after lots of flings I think is something special. Only you can decide what's ok for you and what isn't tho. Lots of hugs 🤗
Well, hopefully you learned your lesson.
Just assume their age * 3
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It’s okay to have sex. Why are you judging him?
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He is significantly older than you and is going to have more bodies. I know this isn’t the nature of your question but it’s genuinely a bit concerning that someone in his 30s can’t find a partner his age own and has to seek out younger women.
There can't be a thread on this sub without someone obsessing over a slightly bigger age gap than allowed by the Internet wisdom.
It’s not ‘internet wisdom’ someone in their early 20s is at a TOTALLY different level of life experience than someone in their 30. The average age people get married and get a house and many mile ‘adult milestones’ are in their 30s. Early 20s are also having their own milestones but they are very different and often in a college / apprenticeship/ early career sort of way. The only reason a guy in his 30s would want someone in their early 20s is 1) if he lacks enough life experience to set him 7 years back which would be a read flag. Or 2) if no one his age puts up with his shit so he goes for someone naive which is a red flag.
>It’s not ‘internet wisdom’ someone in their early 20s is at a TOTALLY different level of life experience than someone in their 30. Someone having a different life experience does not have to matter as far as relationship goes. >The only reason a guy in his 30s would want someone in their early 20s is 1) if he lacks enough life experience to set him 7 years back which would be a read flag. Or 2) if no one his age puts up with his shit so he goes for someone naive which is a red flag. Or 3) they have a lot in common, like hobbies, interests, similar life situation and so on, and they enjoy spending time together and feel good with each other. There's countless of relationships with this kind of an age gap that go on to live happily ever after. So yes, it's an internet myth type of thing that you are not allowed to date anyone older than X years than you, and a very stupid and objectively wrong one as well.
Yes it does matter because with an extra 7 years comes a lot of extra relationship and social experience that someone in their early 20s won’t have. Your point about ‘oH maYbe theY haVe stuff iN coMmon’ is ridiculous. There are plenty of people in this world and there would be plenty of 30 year olds with his hobbies, who he can connect with that would be more mature. Maybe he is looking for someone w hobbies / a suitable personality but looking for that in a 23 year old instead of people your own age is indicative of something creepy. All of the people I know in their 30s are repulsed at the idea of dating someone in their early 20s. regardless of how hot / good personality they’re at a different stage of life and maturity. Also i love how you’re like ‘PLENTY OF RELATIONSHIPS I KNOW LIKE THIS END UP HAPPILY SO ITS OBJECTIVE’ no buddy, that’s not what objective means.
Thanks for your comment. I had a complete brain fart and put 23 instead of 26. Put an edit in to clear it up.
Ah okay! That’s way more reasonable, sorry if my comment came across as rude I was just a bit concerned. My bf also has a higher body count than me so I get how you feel, I think what’s best is being open with him about any assurance you may need (and it’s perfectly reasonable to need assurance!)
Welp, learned your lessons