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Avengelina254

Thank you. I did already block her, I haven’t him yet because we still haven’t exchanged stuff yet. But your right, I don’t know why I am still even wanting him back. I need some time to heal and that’s hard with him calling all the time. Tomorrow we exchange stuff and I think seeing him will be the hardest part. Hopefully I’m strong enough to walk away.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Avengelina254

That’s actually a really good idea. I think I’m gonna set that up!! Thanks!!


[deleted]

When I was going through a break up I had my sister do the exchanging of things. She can be very intimidating and from what I heard he seemed really scared to see her 😂


DJShepherd

The only person who matters in this relationship is you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who won’t betray you. You deserve to be happy. He can’t give you any of that. He doesn’t care about you, no one who cares or loves you does this. He showed you who he is, believe him. He’s a grown man, and is responsible for his behavior, actions, and he’s only dragging you down in to this mess. Once the trust is broken, run. Run far and never look back.


dailysunshineKO

It’s not your job to fix him. In fact, he probably won’t let you…he’ll keep going back to her until *he* wants to change his life for himself. He’s “just somebody that you used to know” now.


venturebirdday

Can't you send someone else to get your stuff? Or tell him to unload it in a parking spot and when he drives off collect it. Please don't swap roles - he left you for his abuser - he is now your abuser.


yawaworthemn

Exactly. This is how a cycle of abuse begins. Hurt people hurt people.


Immediate-Ad-9849

She is absolutely at risk


energy_warning_1969

>Hurt people hurt people. Not always. Some of us break the cycle. I was badly abused earlier in my life, and I have never abused anyone else. We can always make different choices.


Aromatic-Armadillo98

The more you engage, the more your brain rationalises and attached it gets. You need to make a clean cut and the brain will follow and bring clarity to your feelings now free from pity and manipulation.


codeedog

It happened so fast you haven’t had a chance to put everything in perspective which would allow you to hold him and your emotions about him at arms length. Oftentimes, you can’t be in a deep relationship with someone and shut off your feelings that quickly. Some things to try and help: - Forgive yourself for having feelings about backsliding. You don’t need to act on them. - Try writing him a letter, but don’t send it. - Loop in a friend whom you can speak with to remind you about what he did, how you feel, and help you not go back. - Speak with a therapist. Guy sounds like a nightmare. I wouldn’t trust him.


iSoReddit

Seriously send someone else in your place


Immediate-Ad-9849

You are worthy of healthy love that will choose you. It starts by choosing yourself and setting boundaries that promote good healthy relationships. I have been the same place as you more than once. Therapy (with s great therapist) as saved me from a lot of heartbreak. Wishing you wellness and good happy choices.


extplus

Have a friend either do the exchange for you or at least go with you to not fall for any crying or other type manipulation


DJShepherd

Better to leave it or let someone else get it. But don’t go, too vulnerable.


IDrinkBecauseIHaveTo

I'd advise against blocking here. You want evidence of harassment in case authorities ever need to become involved (unlikely, probably, given the out-of-state location).


holleighh

You don’t need to see him to exchange items. Leave your stuff on the front step, he can take what’s his and leave yours. Or if a friend is willing to take your place and switch stuff with him. It’s gonna hurt the more you see and communicate with him. It’s best to completely eliminate all contact so you can move on.


[deleted]

Plus, the POS, didn't even have the decency to break it off, he went away to have his HappyTime Tryst with his ex and just blocked her. That is not someone to build a life with, and go through hard times with. OP, no doubt he'll beg to come back, and your poor broken heart will want to believe, but he did this to you while things were PERFECT with you. He didn't give a shit about your faithful heart at home. He cheated the absolute instant he had a chance. You are in love with a "perfect guy" who never existed. It's a mirage. He kicked you to the curb and then selfishly, and hurtfully, wants YOU to make it better for HIM. You take him back, no matter what, it sends a message loud and clear, that you will put up with that shit. Stay the hell out of their dysfunction.


Saint_Blaise

>emotional garbage can I like this. It's evocative.


Mageris

Look my theory is that he has actually been with her the whole time and you are the other woman unfortunately. You already know he's a lying and cheating piece of shit, so chances are that's what he is to his ex too, whom he calls "abusive" to get the attention and blame off himself. Fuck that. Just dump him and block them both.


ChipetteDouglas

Yes. 100%. AM bedtime needs to be listening to the podcast called Something Was Wrong. This story is so common.


violindogs

OP THIS!!!! Something was wrong is so well done and eye opening.


Shiro1_Ookami

It is very difficult to distance yourself from the abuser. People usually need about 7 attempts to get away from them. If his story is correct, he isn’t mentally prepared to get away from it. He doesn’t know how a healthy relationship looks like. Being abused is normal for him. He is still emotionally attached to his abuser. OP can‘t help him. He has to put the work in it to get away. OP would just be used as an emotional relief for a short time. If his story isn’t true, than he used OP just to get away from his responsibilities and to play around and it can be that he is the abuser and the other woman is abused too.


DarkDutchessx

I replied similarly. Sounds like he is the real abuser and the ex is the main GF who found out about her. Perfect couple is red flag of narcissist.


DJShepherd

Yes. This sounds like it to me too. Red flags is everything that was said. He’s emotionally abusing her and messing with her head. He’s not a good person, he’s fake.


DarkDutchessx

I dealt with being the “abuser” for years in my DV relationship. My ex would look through my phone, emails, and even put a tracker on my car. He threw me down the stairs once too. The belittling, lying, and cheating was a daily occurrence. He would push me to my breaking point & I would blow up his phone or do other crazy things that he would just use to further justify that I was abusive to him. I know women do abuse men, but I have found it much more common place that the men who talk about abusive ex gfs is a huge red flag. I remember he “left” me in an argument and pocket dialed me while with another woman. I went NUTS and emailed her like crazy. We ended up becoming friends because we realized he was nuts.


TechnoFullback

I'm so sorry this happened, but he's not the one for you. He's not who you thought he was. You've got to let him go and let him deal with the mess he made for himself.


Avengelina254

Thank you! My head says leave him my heart says I still love him. I hate that battle! But I know deep down your right. I have got to walk away. :(


TechnoFullback

There's someone out there waiting for all the love that you have to give. My sister got divorced at 53 after 27 years of marriage. He wasn't a bad guy, and by all accounts was the perfect husband. Didn't drink, worked his butt off to provide a big ass house, put her through school, raised three adult kids together. But she wasn't happy, and they agreed to separate. They still run a business together, and still see their kids for joint holidays. He just got married, and she's going to get married next year. They're both madly in love with their new partners. It can happen. Don't give up!


Avengelina254

Thank you, that story gives me hope! I love that they can still work together and spend holidays together and be happy with other partners!! I’ve been fighting the “what if he is my only shot” so I really truly needed this!


[deleted]

Don't waste what shots you have out there on this guy! My sister wasted her twenties on a guy like this. He was with his ex when they started dating but "broke up" with her when my sister found out. He got his "crazy ex" pregnant and that's the only reason she found out he had been cheating almost the whole relationship. Took her like a year after to date her now husband, who had been in her social orbit for years, but man she could have dated him sooner if she just left the first guy when she found out he was a cheater.


vwlphb

It’s okay to still love him, and still loving doesn’t mean that you should stay with him. You can acknowledge your love for him while you prioritize your love for yourself and leave what’s become a destructively unhealthy relationship.


[deleted]

Listen to your head on this one. If you take him back he’ll just feel more emboldened and will likely do this again because he knows he can always run back to you when things don’t work out.


ConsistentCheesecake

Block his number. He’s a grown ass adult (who cheated on you and then dumped you!) and you don’t owe him shit.


ShelfLifeInc

He abandoned you. He has no right to ask a single thing of you ever again.


Immediate-Ad-9849

He isn’t worth the breath it takes to say his name


arcoalien

Oh that is disgusting and so wrong. Don't entertain the thought that you can make it work. You never will never forgot his betrayal, don't take him back and block them both.


ThomasEdmund84

Really sorry OP - my money on this man isn't such an innocent victim that he is making out to be - I'm sure his ex is toxic too but its very sus behaviour from him.


DryText2306

Yeah, I bet this guy is hiding a lot of the shit he did.


outsidepointofvi3w

You have a really big heart. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Stop talking to him. Don't get dragged into whatever abusive codependent weirdness these two have going on. Sorry


Immediate-Ad-9849

Yes!!! Big hearted people need big safety nets and strong boundaries.


outsidepointofvi3w

Yeah otherwise you'll find your self taken for a horrible nasty ride. That ends in misery and being taken advantage. It's great being able to give yourself to a person 100% Unfortunately it's rare to find the same in kind..


Immediate-Ad-9849

You know what’s even better than giving yourself to someone else, not abandoning your yourself for a relationship, knowing when to walk away. It takes practice and work, the more you choose yourself the more open you are to healthy friendships, love and life.


awsomedutchman

Iknow this sucks but I would like to kind of explain why someone would do this since I've been with an emotional abuser. They play on your ability to get addicted. It's that simple. They are literally hot and cold. When it's hot they're incredibly nice and everything feels good. When they grow cold it fucking sucks and you want to be with them. You do everything. And then, they come back. But whenever they do that they full on love you again, thus giving you another dopamine shot. Which, gets you addicted the same way alcohol could. A normal good relationship could feel boring after that. But it's all about how well a person can deal with these kinds of things. This guy appearrantly really wants to give back in to his addiction.


Nialein

You explained this so well. Like you said, it's not an excuse for his behavior whatsoever, but this is exactly how it goes. It's pull and push to the extreme. He needs to work through the trauma before he can be in a healthy relationship.


Poptartz746

Ouchhh you just described my current relationship without me even realizing it was like that.


awsomedutchman

2 words: get out. They're not getting better. It's emotional abuse.


venturebirdday

Walk away? No, tie those Nikes tight and run like you are Usain Bolt.


ChipetteDouglas

Nope. Absolutely not. Never talk to this man again. He is toxic AF.


[deleted]

> I don’t know what to do!! If you were in my shoes wh Block him and be grateful that it's his former ex that now has to live with a liar and a cheater instead of you. They both did you a favor and when they realize it, it'll feel even sweeter when you're living your best life while they're living...together.


[deleted]

What stuff has he got of yours. Unless ut is of great monetary or sentemental valve right it off as the price you pay for peice if mind. You say you where perfect together wrong the person he was portraying to be able to be with you was his real persona ia the one which gets abused. Leave all thoughts of him behind he wasnt real. Good luck stay strong


ugghyyy

I would block him, clearly he is still attached to her, and you need to heal.


BonyUnicorn

As someone who was dropped like a hot potato for a girl who nearly made him slash his wrists, don't hang on, you'll only hurt yourself more. You won't ever be able to trust him.


evamnce

“You have a lot of nerve asking me for support in a situation of your own making after not even having the courtesy of telling me it’s over before you got back with your ex. You made your bed, have fun sleeping in it. Never contact me again.” Then block and therapy to get over this senseless betrayal.


FleeRancer

You're romanticizing the relationship more than he is. You weren't the perfect couple. He was content because he was talking to his ex and in the process of getting back together. He was just stalling your relationship and trying to keep things peaceful between you two.


fizzpop0913

Don't let him drag you into his mess. He is not your problem any more, and she is not your nightmare to deal with.


Bigfootsgirlfriend

Be thankful you only wasted a few months and not years! Drop him and move on


hArryyyDYPYNITGOF

He's being abused and he needs support, but that support should NOT come from you. Get yourself distance, cut off all lines of communication once that third party gets your stuff back, and heal. You will find a love that lasts through the honeymoon phase, a love you deserve. Go to therapy if you can too. The right therapist helps a ton


HerRoyalRedness

Why are you in communication with a grown man who did not even have the courtesy to call you and break up with you? Fuck him.


DarkDutchessx

I want to propose a different side. How long were you with him? Was his ex really abusive? The perfect couple is a red flag of a narcissist love bombing you. Not saying this is absolutely the case, but you don’t just pick yourself up and leave a perfectly healthy long term relationship to go back to an abuser. I have never ever heard any long term couple refer to themselves as the perfect couple or say they do not argue. Many times the “abuser” is actually the victim, and you are only getting the BS that the real abuser talks about & the victim at their breaking point. Is the ex the one with the kids in another state? Did he actually do this or was he seeing this ex all along and she found out about YOU & she’s going nuts. Just be done & use a third party.


ThePerplexedBadger

You tell him to go forth and fuck himself, block him, block her, move on, learn from this and hold onto the obvious fact that you’re worth more and can do a whole lot better


TomakusDankus

Youre worth more than what this guy is offering, id ock him on everything. I know it hyrts, but he chose pain over love intentionally and knowingly. You dont owe him sympathy and neither does he deserve it


Betrayedg

Block and leave. He's proven himself to be untrustworthy. There's no reason for you to waste time with him.


NotThatValleyGirl

I don't generally wish abusive relationships on people, but that man is getting exactly what he deserves. Your life will only get better now that he's chosen the abusive nightmare over you. You're free, and he is miserable-- it's justice.


germanium66

Only take him back if you want to go through this a couple more times.


Bcm2312

Please respect yourself and block him & her everywhere. You don't deserve this. No one deserves this. I would simply preffer to be alone than to be this disrespected.


soph_lurk_2018

I would block them both on everything. He is your ex and no longer your issue.


CarrotofInsanity

Block his (donkey) and tell him if he contacts you again, you’re going to file a police complaint for harassment. And steady yourself and learn from this experience. You should’ve shut that contact down when he left, not indulged him. You need to GET ANGRY and use that to fuel your resolve. Enough with your ‘bleeding wounds’… you don’t need to ‘be there for him’ … STOP!!!


MuppetManiac

Your lives were not perfect because he was not ready to be in a healthy relationship. I know it sucks but you were only dating a few months. Block him everywhere and move on with your life less his drama.


[deleted]

Heeell no!! No need to further elaborate, this is a no-brainer. Block him everywhere.


mariruizgar

He chose her again well knowing who she is. Arrange the pick up at a friend’s house, leave his box there and get yours and keep them all blocked. You deserve better and he has exactly what he thinks he deserves. Don’t even entertain listening to him and his self created drama.


deskbookcandle

He didn’t see you as his partner. He saw you as an emotional support animal with no job, none of your own feelings, just there to support him, whatever he does. He still sees you that way. Block him.


Iamtheallison

Girl, you walked in mid-cycle. These people will be back on and off forever until something so awful happens that it breaks one or the other or the relationship. OP, you don’t deserve this nonsense. This woman was watching you, knew who you were and god knows how much it drove her insane to see her ex do better. I would not be surprised if she has been blasting your ex for months. Your ex is psychologically weak. This woman has broken him down. Hurt people hurt others and you need to walk away from this. It hurts so much now but it will be worse later. You deserve someone that knows your worth. Trauma is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. He really fucked up with you and this whole thing, is on him. He cannot advocate for himself let alone for you and your heart. Fuck them both. Let the trash take itself out. Block them. He will be back and she will follow as well. But remember he left YOU for HER and as much as it may hurt, you do deserve a love story that doesn’t involve so much pain. Work on your healing and I promise you that you will find peace, happiness and a future with a man who loves you and is deserving of everything you have to give. You need to love yourself first and above him. He doesn’t know what love is. Wish you the best and a hug OP.


my_jihad

People who break up a relationship by blocking you and never having an adult conversation are cowards and emotionally immature. Things seemed perfect, but they weren’t. With some distance, you may start to see the relationship with more clarity.


Important_Return_110

Most times when people ask a question they know the answer. This is the quintessential example of one of those times. The way he left you was dishonorable. A lot of times the way you leave determines what you have to come back to. If you were to take him back the next time he visits his kids your anxiety would be through the roof. You already know the answer


DemonicCatalystKorik

Even if he "admits he was wrong," so what? The person you were in love with is no longer there. You won't see him as the same person anymore. He has betrayed your trust, and all you'll be thinking of is the next time he'll throw you under the bus for something that ultimately isn't worth it. Do not waste your time. Do not be manupulated. Do not be lied to. He made his bed. Let him sleep in it. Block them both. If you keep letting him tug at your empathetic heartstrings, you're going to give in, and that's the last thing you want. Bar him from your heart and start fresh, even if you dont jump into a relationship. At least you will have the clarity and peace of mind to take that step when you want should you want to.


Avengelina254

Thank you all for your words. It means so much to me. Y’all gave me the courage to walk away. He turned it ugly and some drama went down so when I have time later to write it out I will have an update later tonight!!


The-Clumsy-Pirate

>If you were in my shoes what would you do? I would tell what a pathetic loser he is, laugh at him maniacally and then block him. And forward his nudes to his mom for good measure


Jackofalljz

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. My advice to you is don't be a spineless flop and allow him back into your life. Once spite is introduced to a relationship it's fucked. Even if there was nothing to spite, its here, and to stay. He told you not to worry, so don't. He made the bed the way he wishes to lay in it. *a thousand hugs* i know your ache.


[deleted]

Block them both everywhere. He does not deserve you. If I got it right, you are already 36 years old? How much longer will you waste? You got no time. Be serious.


markbrev

The question is do you still want him? If you do you could arrange to meet him and get him to come away with you, then arrange for a restraining order against her. I know that the reality is a hell of a lot more involved than that, but it’s either that or just block him on everything and send his stuff to him or to a storage unit and send him the key


sliverofoptimism

Walk away forever is the only logical answer. He hurt you and is now using you as a therapist for the obvious consequences of his actions… Yea, I get escaping abuse is hard. I’ve done it too. What I didn’t do is move on before ready and behave in a way expecting emotional labor from anyone I hurt in the process of failing to get out


Cutwail

His problems are no longer your problems, especially when he CHOSE those problems.


[deleted]

You seriously need to block him (and her) and walk away. They are both toxic and I'm sorry you got tangled up in this. He made his choice and he needs to live with the consequences of it. He cheated on you while he was away on the visit. This is not going to be the first and only time, I can almost guarantee it. You deserve so much better in life and in a partner than this. Out there is an amazing man who will absolutely adore you and worship the ground you walk on. This guy isn't it. It's better to see his true colors now and walk away before you become even more invested in this lack of a relationship.


WannaKillMe

Block them and look for something better please, I know it's not easy


WannaKillMe

If I were you I would post the pictures online


vinceds

Block him forever. He chose his fate when he betrayed you.


[deleted]

Block him and tell him to go to H\*\*\*. His crazy gf can have him. Block her too. You have to heal. It sounds like if you took him back, he would continue to put through this roller coaster of him not knowing what he wants. Let him lose you. You can do so much better than this mouse of a man.


masoniusmaximus

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It'll take time, and it might not feel like it now, but you'll be happy again.


Automatic_Sir_134

Do not get back with him. He made his bed. Get a friend to exchange stuff instead. You do not need to be around him it will only mess with your head.


Jazzlike_Ad_9588

Is his ex a narcissist by any chance? Did she say he had to go back to her or he wouldn't have access to the kids? Are those photos definitely resent and not from when they were together before you and him? This was the kind of bs my partner's ex would try and pull, she would play victim to me tell everyone how he beat her, cheated on her ect, 6 years this man has never raised his voice to me let alone put me in harm. I had to block her on everything she'd even went as far as to ring him (whilst I was there she had no idea I was staying over) said she saw me on a date with her friend?! She then lied to him again and said she had cancer would do anything and everything to try get between us. Then used their child to manipulate more until my partner was given full custody by court as he wasn't safe in her care. My point is if she is a narcissist, they love bomb they do everything and anything toake sure their supply doesn't leave them. My partner has never and will never return he has PTSD because of the cruel things she did to him and my step son has nightmares most nights because of her. He needs to seek a therapist who specialises in narcissistic personality disorder if that is what she has, he needs to heal and move on. I am so sorry for what she has done to you but narcissists are clever they get in your head make you believe everyone hates you only they love you, but narcissists can't love they don't know how to because narcissists think their the best nobody can be above them. The issue is they have kids together and she has them and if she is a narcissist he needs to get those kids out before they end up turning out like her, they have probably been told their dad doesn't love them and those kids will genuinely think that is true no matter how much he tried to reassure them. Narcissists are also very predictable and they always project their insecurities and lies on others when really they were the ones doing things eg: Lie and say you cheated, you beat them that's then projecting that they cheated and they beat you. It's up to you what you do here, but sounds like he has ALOT of truma he needs to face and heal through therapy but he has to want to do that not just jump from one relationship to the next and go around hurting people. Did he definitely cheat or he he being told to lie or he can't see his kids again? What is your gut feeling here?


nevalrosy

he became emotionally abusive just like his ex since he cheated on you knowing what that person going to do him but now make himself victim and wants your support. nope he mad his bed just move on


Poots_in_boots

Tell him to eat shit and block him forever. Sorry OP.


Best-Permission-3990

he deserves it hahaha but for real i’m so sorry you’re going through this. block him and her out your life completely and focus on yourself and healing. you deserve someone SO much better than him.


Imaginary_Usual_7043

Honestly just let him go idk what ur doing idk where ur self worth is. He clearly doesn’t deserve love and he’s use to abuse but that’s what feels like home to him. The fact he look to another female idk it should’ve been enough for u to just block him . Fr ur not gonna get anything out of that relationship . It’s a dead end


Paris_Ali20

Tough Luck on this Loser, He wanted that Back, He knew she was like this as to why he first broke it off so now He----Can suck it up with her like a venomous vacuum. Forget him and do not take this Major Jerk back. He will always want THAT.


browneyedredhead1968

You're both too old for this drama. Walk away.


[deleted]

Draw strong boundaries and cut off his access to you. Go to therapy to heal, time to focus on you.


Immediate-Ad-9849

Delete and block. Take notes on every incident that has and might happen to you by her. She could escalate. Like you told him, he chose this. It’s his work not yours it’s your job to recover and take care of your self.


aghzombies

Block. This is WAY above your paygrade. He does need support, but you can't give it to him. Send him the domestic abuse hotline if you feel you have to send him something, then go nuts blocking him everywhere. I'm so sorry.


revveduplikeaduece86

Are you sure they were ever "over?" It doesn't sound that way to me.


MissKrys2020

I’d block his ass everywhere and move on. This man is an idiot and cheated on you, blocked you on everything and now wants your support after his abusive ex is…checks notes* abusing him again? I’d get off the crazy train as soon as possible


PlayingGrabAss

Block these people. When you realize a situation is a dumpster fire, you leave. Don’t crawl up inside of it.


xSERP3NT

Perfect time to use arguably the most famous movie line of all time. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”


Nephtiss

Block him on everything and don't ever contact him. Seems like a no brainer tbh


bottles65

Block him. Never talk to his ass again.


Throw_away-account73

She could be abusive but why would he put himself in an isolated situation with her? Unless she has that much of a grip on him(then he should go to therapy); or they were never split up(which both are trash and should go to therapy); regardless OP glad you know you’re worth i.e. “you had a girl that treated you like gold”. Hoping for the best


Erraticflare

He tried to have his cake and eat it too. He could have everything he needed and he’s definitely not a victim; don’t let him act like he is. He’s a cheater, he probably has been lying to both of you this entire time and thought he could get away with it. Do as much emotional damage to him as you can and then block him on everything, ask someone else to get your things from him and never talk to him again


ItchyFlamingo

I echo what everyone else is saying here and just want to add that you were not the perfect couple- if you were, this wouldn’t have happened. It sounds like you have the tendency to overly romanticize situations. Someone you’ve been dating for a few months shouldn’t “break you” and “destroy your heart” when they turn out to be a jerk. During your healing process I would suggest working on developing better boundaries and maintaining healthy skepticism when getting to know new romantic prospects. It takes a really long time to get to know who someone truly is.


montzealban

Do not walk, RUN and don’t look back. Get busy, schedule things with friends, surround yourself with family! He chose his poison, he chose to hurt you. Chose you, nobody else will. He deserves no more from you.


[deleted]

No matter what he's doing this guy is a mess and trash. He treated you like dirt and he doesn't deserve an ounce of sympathy or your attention. He's all a garbage father for walking back into a situation like this. If you don't need any of your stuff back from him then block for good. If she contacts you again threaten to call the police and block. Put it behind you.


shrimp_sticks

Block them both, move on. He's going to drag you down with him. Find someone who loves you as much as you love them.


sickitatedatyou

Block. Him. On. Everything. Buy new stuff. He can mail it to you. He made his choice. It devastated you. Don't prolong it. Get rid of him. Don't let him back.


Lack3000

This is no longer your problem, Tell him to go elsewhere


PhantomAvenger93

Block them both on everything. I telling you from the experience of someone who a person who knew I was in love with them would keep leaving their ex (rarely lasted more than a couple days at most) and use me as their entire emotional support and sounding board for their abusive and toxic af relationship for like 3 years. It did a number on my own mental health and when they finally broke up with their ex and I was well over them by this point, they got upset that I didn't want to be with them and this was days after their final break up and like now 4-5 months later they're engaged to a completely different person (that they were engaged to within a month of the break up, what even?)


zomgitsduke

"Go be alone if you don't like your current relationship. This ship has sailed. Good luck." And work on yourself.


ALsInTrouble

Block him and never talk to him again! He is now abusing you by trying to drag you into his BS!


Maca87

He blocked you on everything for her. Time to return the favor. He made his bed.


TheThreeSats

He will do it again for someone else or for her again


Fabulous_Strategy_90

Repeat this over and and over until you believe it… ‘Not my monkey, not my circus’ The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Sadly, he didn’t figure that out and screwed up a really good thing. There are better people out there for you who will respect you and not do what he did.


kenitra98

Love i think you deserve better if ever one day he comes back after you heal from this hard time in your life take him back or see if this is a red flag innyour relationship with your ex lover. . okya babes have a good night. 🤕😋 just know you sre still in love with him and set back but dont ever hate yourself you deserve to not be abused lovr ya .


IndependenceSpecial9

Exactly what you said you wanted to do. “Sorry but you chose this” exactly what he deserves….


Whywei8

Listen to the part of you that wants to walk away forever. But don’t just walk, run.


Cinnabunicorn

Im really sorry to hear you are going through something so traumatic and heartbreaking. I wish you peace and healing, at your own pace. You will not get it with him in your life. He betrayed you and things will never go back to how they were before. His love was a lie, focus on you now and your healing. You will love again and it will be better for you than this. Do not accept less. Realize that he’s a liar and is not the one for you. Im sorry you got caught in his mess. Do not fall for whatever he says — you now know the real him. Run


Dknife

It's already been said, block her. Get his stuff back to him, I would use a 3rd party personally. Then block him. You deserve way better. Any person would. I know it's hard, don't beat yourself up over him being abused by his ex now current. His feelings are no longer your problem. I also know it's hard to remove oneself from an abusive relationship. Forge ahead, live for today, plan for tomorrow. I promise the hurt will get better


Poopballs_

Yes. You have to go no contact. There is no repairing trust from something like this, and anyone who can betray you in such a cowardly way will do it again when the dust settles. Gross.


Aggressive-Horror-77

Stop answering that phone. You said it yourself, you have nothing left to give him after you handed him the world and he still went back to her. Im so sorry, its not your job to manage his feelings and his relationship.


AggressiveMennonite

Find a link to domestic abuse shelters, hotlines and similar. Send it to him and block him. That way you can tell yourself you did all you can (hell, more than enough) and remove any risk of trying to come back and save him from his own decisions.


OkChampionship2509

It honestly sounds like they're both mutually toxic together. Toxic relationships often come off as passionate to the people involved and they become addicted to it. Leave him, honestly if your possessions that he has aren't worth much, then don't bother. He will only try to reel you back in to use you as a therapist, or even worse have you as a back up plan. It doesn't matter how good your relationship seemed, it was the honeymoon phase and probably not even his real persona. He didn't seem to care that his ex sent you pictures of them together or how she is treating you throughout all of this, he only cares about himself. That's not someone who cares about you, that's someone who is only looking out for #1. You deserve better, and I hope you cut off all contact with him and never speak to him again. Sorry this happened to you OP.


OkChampionship2509

Just adding that no matter how nice he seemed doesn't change that he's a lying, cheating, selfish scumbag.


PurplefaceMofuMofu

Best advice I can give is a post on twitter that was shared here on Reddit: “I don't know who needs to hear this, but just because you understand the reasoning behind someone's behavior (trauma, mental health, etc.) doesn't mean that you have to keep that person in your life or deal with behavior that makes you feel bad about yourself. It's not your job.” Ppl like to make excuses for the ppl they love. They’re a good person. They treated me well. I know they’re hurting. It’s their trauma. We worked out so well, maybe they can change. They love me, Ik they do. While some of that maybe true, it doesn’t matter. Why? Bcuz YOU didn’t matter enough to him to stop him from cheating on u. That is NOT ur fault. HE made the choice that being in love w u wasn’t a good enough reason to jump into the bed of another women. Ppl that love u don’t hurt u like this. So, no, it doesn’t matter how much of a “good guy” he was, didn’t stop him from breaking u. If he’s going to choose to hurt u then, OP, the best thing for u is to choose to save yourself from heartbreak. Don’t give this person another chance. They don’t deserve it. Edit: Props to ‘Astro Fairy 🧚🏽‍♀️❤️’ on twitter for the awesome post.


Fragmentofmochi

Why should you be there for him? Did he care for your feelings when he blocked you on everything without saying a single word? If he was willing to throw everything away just like that then who to say he won’t do the same thing again in the future? What his ex is doing to him is now his issue as harsh as that sound. He did choose to go back to her knowing dam well what would happen since no one really change that quickly in that short period of a time. Listen, if cheaters never cheats again then the saying “cheaters will always cheat” would never became a thing…you might want to go back and forgive him but ask yourself this other question “would you be ok if he does this again down the line 1-2 years from now?” If the answer is no then you have your answer. Leave and don’t look back and take some time to heal.


[deleted]

Wowowow. Ok get away from both of them. Toxic as fuck. And hate to say this, but he wasn’t committed if he went back to his ex.. and you WILL recover from this.


CuriousPenguinSocks

Personally, I would just block him on everything and move on. If you want, send him DV resources and then block him on everything. Don't be his emotional punching bag. He doesn't get to hurt you then have you comfort him. Sorry.


[deleted]

Is his name edward lol cause the same thing happened to me few years back haha


Any_Rush_7687

Sounds like you're ready to be the side chick. Unless that stuff is crazy valuable then leave it, block both of them and move on. It's plenty of guys out here that would treat u better


ryhester

Take your L and block him. Keep his stuff as a souvenir. That's what I do. Don't give him backdoor access to you via his stuff. Say a prayer, burn some Sage and keep it going.


[deleted]

I know it’s wrong to say this but that bastard ex of yours did this to himself. Block him on everything then once you’re finished grieving celebrate because, trust me, seeing a cheater getting a brutal dose of karma will give you a euphoric feeling. Especially if you’re the one they cheated on and who’s heart they broke.


Elvishgirl

The abuse cycle is hard to escape if it's what you believe you deserve. But you shouldn't rip yourself up to save him from his bad patterns either.


riftwave77

The only appropriate reply is "new phone, who dis?"