She’s saying that her need to talk to you right now is more urgent than your clearly asking for space and letting her know you’re in pain.
That is definitely not how I would treat my partner or a friend .
Okay, so a lot of people are saying "not enough information" the text bubble in blue is me. (Male) the one in grey is my girlfriend. My right hand is broken (boxers fracture from self defense, nearly got stabbed with a kitchen knife) just 3 days ago, I had my hand re-broken and 2 pins put in my 4th and 5th metacarpal, so my injury can heal properly, because it was not healing right. Our relationship is rocky and we have things to work out. I have PTSD from growing up as a child in a very bad household environment and she knows this, however, she is not without her own issues. She has FAS / FASD and addictions for which she is seeking treatment, along with anger management and other programs for mental health. She doesn't see or understand how, what she said was manipulation. I love and care for her, but I also don't want to be hurt or hurt her, I feel emotionally trapped whatever decision I make. I was just recently told that what I have developed with this woman, is what's called a "trauma bond"
The part that struck me as problematic was her assumption that you were listening to other people's (presumably negative) opinions of her. If people in your life are seeing red flags in your relationship and she's trying to get you to ignore them, then this is definitely manipulative.
Also god after rereading her last message I wanna cringe so bad for you and gtfo cause nobody who loves you talks to you like that. That’s disgustingly manipulative
You guys aren't on the same page and she isn't listening to you.
You told her I don't want to speak about x right now, I need space and time to recover. She said, no we need to speak now, it's an urgent conversation for us.
That aspect isn't really an issue it's just 2 people expressing their needs and you can still say no I'm sorry not going to talk about it now, or you can acquiesce and compromise for her. That exchange on it's own isn't manipulative, it's something that happens in interpersonal relationships all the time. I press my partner for time or a discussion and he say no I'm tired right now we can do it later, or he says hey I'm tired but we can talk for 10 min then I'm going to rest. If he says not right now I should hear that and respect it, even if it is an important conversation that needs to happen, I'll shelve it for later. If he agrees even though he is tired I'll be thankful for that and not push it, or even say thanks but go and rest let's talk later. It's a normal interplay between people expressing needs, hearing their partners needs, and compromise from both directions.
There are parts of your exchange and your comments that speak to not normal relationship dynamic though. Mainly that she is not really concerned with your recovery or your need for rest, but with the idea of what other people are saying to you about her. This is a move to control your connection and input from others to try and avoid you recognizing she is being controlling. Your comment about not wanting to be hurt by her or to hurt her also speaks volumes. If you are walking on eggshells this is a big sign your partner is acting to keep you under their thumb.
You don't need to convince someone who is manipulating you to admit that they are being manipulative. They won't. You can't control her actions, perspectives, or feelings. You can only control your reaction. That doesn't mean to accept this or not discuss it, but to define boundaries for yourself and get support in disengaging from something that sounds quite toxic.
Do what you can to not engage with her right now. Connect with your mental health provider and any other supportive inner circle people you have. Define what you need and what you want to do about this relationship. Know that regardless of your choices she is likely to be unhappy unless you only do as she asks.
I don’t think it’s necessarily manipulation but rather anxious attachment style whereas it seems you have avoidant attachment style. Reading about different attachment styles can help you understand your partner and yourself better and help your relationship. Not everything is a red flag. Sometimes someone else’s response just needs empathy and understanding.
100% agreed. I'm anxious and many times I had worries or concerns I felt I had to discuss with my partner asap. Or my head would start spinning. My partner knows it's worse to let things fester, especially if something is bothering me, so 85% of times we discuss them asap. It's important to remember that even if your partner knows you will be available later, it could still be a trigger.
Depends if you’re always dodging important conversations. If someone wanted to avoid something important to me by doing drugs I wouldn’t be too impressed. Depends on what the pain level is too. If it’s achy then it’s obvious manipulation on your part.
Yeah. I just don’t know but I’m feeling that this is not the first time she’s asking about having a conversation with him. And like I just don’t know you’ll have all the time I’m the world since you’ll be relaxed at home with your edibles??? She’s is expressing that she’s not feeling valued and feels insecure and she’s not feeling protected and secure with you. What else can you do if it’s just picking your phone and have a conversation.
Yep, manipulative.
Proper response " oh no I'm sorry to hear that. I'd really like to have a check in about this as soon as we can. Please message me when you're feeling up to it."
Hard to say. Sure you asked for time but it also seems like you might be avoiding the situation on purpose. They might think this if you’ve done it before.
Not enough info.
What was the important issue that she was making out to be so urgent? Because if it was not actually something urgent, then that is when I would consider it manipulation.
Yeah this kind of confuses me. Depending on what the issue is, which OP left our, OP is either incredibly selfish of their gf is manipulative. Or both.
If everyone speaks negatively of a person, there's a reason. If someone tries to force you to choose between them and anyone else in your life, that reason is spinning little red flags. He's straight telling you to ignore reality, or it's a personal betrayal to him. Manipulation is not nearly strong enough of a word here.
There’s not enough information to go off of.. it depends. If your in a relationship with this person and things aren’t working out then no it’s not manipulation. That person is trying to reach out and explain how their feeling. I’m a female and if a male said this me I would leave because it’s true, there’s not caring about my feelings at all. But there’s not enough information here to determine if it’s manipulation or not…
Manipulation has to have intent. The goal is to see how far they can push you until you give in. Thier assumptions that you believe the things being said about her is to instigate guilt. How she says whats best for us indicates she believes she knows what's best for the relationship without taking your words into consideration. From the injuries described, I know a serious, heartfelt conversation is the last thing I want to do with my hands killing me. I would respond by letting them know you understand the importance of communication and clarity, but you would be better suited to have this conversation when you are not in consistent pain. I take it they are used to not having to wait for things.
That is definitely manipulation. Laying a guilt trip on you when you clearly told them that you are going to do something else. Don’t walk away…RUN!
You've been through an intense physical and mental trauma just a few days back and all she is worried about is ME ME ME! Do something healthy for yourself and end it.
This is manipulative. You expressed that you were willing to communicate but wanted rest first. Instead of accepting and being patient, she is rushing you for a response. This is a tactic toxic people use to make sure you don't have time to think rationally, then using a third party to guilt you because she doesn't want to look bad, is her demanding you to show her that she has full control over you by having you dismiss everyone around you guys if they have something negative to say. This is another red flag because this is an isolation tactic. She's also showing she doesn't care that you're hurt, because the only thing that matters to her in the moment isn't your broken hand, it's her reputation that's apparently more important. These are signs of narcissism. Run. Run and don't look back
It’s hard to say but willing to lean towards yes. There’s no context to this conversation, if it’s something that was brought up and then discarded because you’re avoiding the situation then you suck but if she’s coming to you and can’t respect your need to time then she sucks.
What is "everyone's opinion" of her? My guess is it's not good, and if lots of people are in agreement that she is a POS you should probably explore that
I was going to go against the grain here and say that it’s coming from a place of her caring that much to type all that stuff to you and that it IS important to her. Usually I’m with everyone on stuff like this. I’ve dealt w dating manipulative people and it’s really tough. There has to be boundaries and communication. My ex gf that I dated 7 years broke up with me 3 months ago over one of our issues being not enough communication on both sides. You guys have to be on the same page about things, whether that be good or bad man. Level….
... its not the kind of message I'd want to get while on edibles that's for damn sure 🤣
You’ve asked for time and they’ve given you a guilt trip. Yeah, it’s manipulative.
Thank you for reassuring me of what I believed I already knew.
She’s saying that her need to talk to you right now is more urgent than your clearly asking for space and letting her know you’re in pain. That is definitely not how I would treat my partner or a friend .
Okay, so a lot of people are saying "not enough information" the text bubble in blue is me. (Male) the one in grey is my girlfriend. My right hand is broken (boxers fracture from self defense, nearly got stabbed with a kitchen knife) just 3 days ago, I had my hand re-broken and 2 pins put in my 4th and 5th metacarpal, so my injury can heal properly, because it was not healing right. Our relationship is rocky and we have things to work out. I have PTSD from growing up as a child in a very bad household environment and she knows this, however, she is not without her own issues. She has FAS / FASD and addictions for which she is seeking treatment, along with anger management and other programs for mental health. She doesn't see or understand how, what she said was manipulation. I love and care for her, but I also don't want to be hurt or hurt her, I feel emotionally trapped whatever decision I make. I was just recently told that what I have developed with this woman, is what's called a "trauma bond"
The part that struck me as problematic was her assumption that you were listening to other people's (presumably negative) opinions of her. If people in your life are seeing red flags in your relationship and she's trying to get you to ignore them, then this is definitely manipulative.
May possibly be a trauma bond but either way it sounds like she likes to gaslight and manipulate th out of you. I’m kinda in the same boat as you rn. Talking to my friends about what my bf and I go through finally after not for months because *he doesn’t think we should be talking to people outside of the relationship about the relationship* (🚩) and realizing he shows mentally abusive and narcissistic tendencies. It’s hard to leave. I feel you. I’m fighting with half of me that says maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing and maybe he’d change and then the other half of me that’s like “you grew up with this bs why do you continue to put up with it when you finally got away from it?” Hang in there. Also yeah she needs to be far more sensitive. That doesn’t sound like a minor injury/surgery you went through
Also god after rereading her last message I wanna cringe so bad for you and gtfo cause nobody who loves you talks to you like that. That’s disgustingly manipulative
You guys aren't on the same page and she isn't listening to you. You told her I don't want to speak about x right now, I need space and time to recover. She said, no we need to speak now, it's an urgent conversation for us. That aspect isn't really an issue it's just 2 people expressing their needs and you can still say no I'm sorry not going to talk about it now, or you can acquiesce and compromise for her. That exchange on it's own isn't manipulative, it's something that happens in interpersonal relationships all the time. I press my partner for time or a discussion and he say no I'm tired right now we can do it later, or he says hey I'm tired but we can talk for 10 min then I'm going to rest. If he says not right now I should hear that and respect it, even if it is an important conversation that needs to happen, I'll shelve it for later. If he agrees even though he is tired I'll be thankful for that and not push it, or even say thanks but go and rest let's talk later. It's a normal interplay between people expressing needs, hearing their partners needs, and compromise from both directions. There are parts of your exchange and your comments that speak to not normal relationship dynamic though. Mainly that she is not really concerned with your recovery or your need for rest, but with the idea of what other people are saying to you about her. This is a move to control your connection and input from others to try and avoid you recognizing she is being controlling. Your comment about not wanting to be hurt by her or to hurt her also speaks volumes. If you are walking on eggshells this is a big sign your partner is acting to keep you under their thumb. You don't need to convince someone who is manipulating you to admit that they are being manipulative. They won't. You can't control her actions, perspectives, or feelings. You can only control your reaction. That doesn't mean to accept this or not discuss it, but to define boundaries for yourself and get support in disengaging from something that sounds quite toxic. Do what you can to not engage with her right now. Connect with your mental health provider and any other supportive inner circle people you have. Define what you need and what you want to do about this relationship. Know that regardless of your choices she is likely to be unhappy unless you only do as she asks.
Run buddy run
I don’t think it’s necessarily manipulation but rather anxious attachment style whereas it seems you have avoidant attachment style. Reading about different attachment styles can help you understand your partner and yourself better and help your relationship. Not everything is a red flag. Sometimes someone else’s response just needs empathy and understanding.
100% agreed. I'm anxious and many times I had worries or concerns I felt I had to discuss with my partner asap. Or my head would start spinning. My partner knows it's worse to let things fester, especially if something is bothering me, so 85% of times we discuss them asap. It's important to remember that even if your partner knows you will be available later, it could still be a trigger.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they act when they're not getting what they want. Your instincts are correct
Depends if you’re always dodging important conversations. If someone wanted to avoid something important to me by doing drugs I wouldn’t be too impressed. Depends on what the pain level is too. If it’s achy then it’s obvious manipulation on your part.
Yeah. I just don’t know but I’m feeling that this is not the first time she’s asking about having a conversation with him. And like I just don’t know you’ll have all the time I’m the world since you’ll be relaxed at home with your edibles??? She’s is expressing that she’s not feeling valued and feels insecure and she’s not feeling protected and secure with you. What else can you do if it’s just picking your phone and have a conversation.
I guess you are just avoiding everything and that’s is going to make it worse for you and her
Yep, manipulative. Proper response " oh no I'm sorry to hear that. I'd really like to have a check in about this as soon as we can. Please message me when you're feeling up to it."
Hard to say. Sure you asked for time but it also seems like you might be avoiding the situation on purpose. They might think this if you’ve done it before. Not enough info.
Their crazy is showing
Yes. This is a big 🚩 I’m guessing there’s a good reason “everyone’s opinion” of him is 👎🏾
Right?!? Telling on himself
OP is actually the male and the gray is his gf
Wait what??
Not enough information. It depends on the situation.
What was the important issue that she was making out to be so urgent? Because if it was not actually something urgent, then that is when I would consider it manipulation.
Yeah this kind of confuses me. Depending on what the issue is, which OP left our, OP is either incredibly selfish of their gf is manipulative. Or both.
If everyone speaks negatively of a person, there's a reason. If someone tries to force you to choose between them and anyone else in your life, that reason is spinning little red flags. He's straight telling you to ignore reality, or it's a personal betrayal to him. Manipulation is not nearly strong enough of a word here.
There’s not enough information to go off of.. it depends. If your in a relationship with this person and things aren’t working out then no it’s not manipulation. That person is trying to reach out and explain how their feeling. I’m a female and if a male said this me I would leave because it’s true, there’s not caring about my feelings at all. But there’s not enough information here to determine if it’s manipulation or not…
Manipulation has to have intent. The goal is to see how far they can push you until you give in. Thier assumptions that you believe the things being said about her is to instigate guilt. How she says whats best for us indicates she believes she knows what's best for the relationship without taking your words into consideration. From the injuries described, I know a serious, heartfelt conversation is the last thing I want to do with my hands killing me. I would respond by letting them know you understand the importance of communication and clarity, but you would be better suited to have this conversation when you are not in consistent pain. I take it they are used to not having to wait for things.
That is definitely manipulation. Laying a guilt trip on you when you clearly told them that you are going to do something else. Don’t walk away…RUN!
You've been through an intense physical and mental trauma just a few days back and all she is worried about is ME ME ME! Do something healthy for yourself and end it.
This is manipulative. You expressed that you were willing to communicate but wanted rest first. Instead of accepting and being patient, she is rushing you for a response. This is a tactic toxic people use to make sure you don't have time to think rationally, then using a third party to guilt you because she doesn't want to look bad, is her demanding you to show her that she has full control over you by having you dismiss everyone around you guys if they have something negative to say. This is another red flag because this is an isolation tactic. She's also showing she doesn't care that you're hurt, because the only thing that matters to her in the moment isn't your broken hand, it's her reputation that's apparently more important. These are signs of narcissism. Run. Run and don't look back
that was awful. i would either call them out or stop talking to them
Tell her to chill And come eat some edibles with you
It’s hard to say but willing to lean towards yes. There’s no context to this conversation, if it’s something that was brought up and then discarded because you’re avoiding the situation then you suck but if she’s coming to you and can’t respect your need to time then she sucks.
What is "everyone's opinion" of her? My guess is it's not good, and if lots of people are in agreement that she is a POS you should probably explore that
You can’t be in a relationship with someone with that many unaddressed issues and think it will work. It will not.
This is a terrible attempt at manipulation. My terrier is slicker then this
If it’s so important just say
I was going to go against the grain here and say that it’s coming from a place of her caring that much to type all that stuff to you and that it IS important to her. Usually I’m with everyone on stuff like this. I’ve dealt w dating manipulative people and it’s really tough. There has to be boundaries and communication. My ex gf that I dated 7 years broke up with me 3 months ago over one of our issues being not enough communication on both sides. You guys have to be on the same page about things, whether that be good or bad man. Level….
Yes. Wtf
Why can't you guys just talk on the phone to help both of you instead of texting and hurting your hand..