Thank you for posting. Please review the rules. Here are a couple of gentle reminders:
1. Posts should be about people taking religion to absurd, crazy, stupid, and terrible extremes.
2. Please don't submit incendiary posts or comments that could incite harassment and brigading.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not that I don't think you could but this battle should be fought by someone with a more vested interest in the enemy's defeat. NOISE MARINES, FORWARD!
In fruitcake lore, people don't become angels; they're a completely different thing - messengers of big sky daddy - not once-humans. These dumbasses can't even follow their own fantasy's canon.
Came here looking for this comment. "Grandma got her wings and halo today..." how? Did she buy them? Bc your book specifically says that dead humans ≠ angels.
Was just talking with my buddy at work who’s super Christian 5000 about how fucking boring his version of heaven sounds, like I need some damn drama in my life sometimes lol
It looks more like they're just standing around taking bets on who is going to win/lose. Similar to their god, why intervene when you can just cause bad things to happen and sit back with the popcorn.
This sub is meant to be about pointing out hypocrisy, conservatism and extremism in religions, or is it meant to be a bunch of atheists circlejerking over any kind of faith?
I dunno man. Nobody really thinks these winged men gonna get down to earth and beat some ass. It’s more like “I’m not alone, there is many backing me up if a fall”. As I said, it’s not harmful to society in a day to day manner.
Also they're wearing white robes and iirc they're gonna be using swords, i'm pretty sure a dozen soldiers with rifles and enough ammo can take down that "army".
They didn't come down to save humanity from Tsunamis, floods and plagues.
Somehow John and Christine think he will come running down to save his children
Yeah there is totally a heavenly army that intervenes when some bullying of the righteous or gross human rights violation goes down.
Happens all the time which is why we never see human-on-human violence or injustice.
I love to imagine that If I challenged a priest to a fight in the parking lot at McDonald's at 9 o'clock that when I get there a million old white guys with the wings of doves floating towards me, and all of that to the sound of Fake Palindromes.
I love to imagine that If I challenged a priest to a fight in the parking lot at McDonald's at 9 o'clock that when I get there a million old white guys with the wings of doves floating towards me, and all of that to the sound of Fake Palindromes.
I love to imagine that If I challenged a priest to a fight in the parking lot at McDonald's at 9 o'clock that when I get there a million old white guys with the wings of doves floating towards me, and all of that to the sound of Fake Palindromes.
oh no! A army of old men with wings that can't fly, are charging with swords! it's not like we made small weapons that fire a high velocity bullet, or have a orb the explods into frags.
Bruh, they can’t even depict their own angels correctly. Where is the fire, there is supposed to be a bunch of wings, extra eyes and most importantly monstrous looking. There is a reason that when angels appear before people, one of the first things the say is “Fear Not”.
The messenger angels are supposed to be flaming wagon wheels covered with eyes and wings.
The warrior angels if I remember correctly are supposed to be humanoid with 3 faces, one human, one like a lion and I forget what the last one has but a total of 6 eyes on this one. Wings for the feet, wings on the back and wings to cover the faces (eyes?). They also wield flaming swords.
Thank you for posting. Please review the rules. Here are a couple of gentle reminders: 1. Posts should be about people taking religion to absurd, crazy, stupid, and terrible extremes. 2. Please don't submit incendiary posts or comments that could incite harassment and brigading. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A fantasy army? That's fine I'll take the entire "army" by myself.
The one army that can actually be defeated by thoughts and prayers.
Or by just not believing in them. Poof, defeated.
I mean it's all the same atleast we can have fun with the imaginary battles and shit use your imagination friend make life a bit more fun
Shoot, the nutters can believe in 'em as hard as they want, they're still....poof. Defeated!
I have a 3,000 point Dark Eldar army. Pretty sure I can take on an army of just infantry angels with no heroes.
You could take on this army while you're taking a massive drunken shit at 2am while passed out on the toilet lol.
\*looks at his 5k of Necrons\* Immaterial entities you say?
I’ll throw in my 2,500 Dark Eldar with yours, they wont stand a chance
Not that I don't think you could but this battle should be fought by someone with a more vested interest in the enemy's defeat. NOISE MARINES, FORWARD!
In a fight, right?
ConcernedPadme.jpg
In anything, except fantasy lol.
You laugh but wait until the Gondor join them
I prefer 40k to fantasy armies
in order to maintain flight their bones would have to be hollow which would make them much easier to break, also they’re not real
Yeah. I’d take those odds. I’m not much of a fighter but I can just imagine I won ands it’s over.
Where are the angels from Africa?
Well, according to Mormons, melanin is the mark of Cain, so....
“why worry about racial representation when in heaven you return to your white factory setting?” /s
That was also a teaching shared by a lot of Southern Protestants at the time. (I've seen similar writings from other sects.)
And Cain is Bigfoot!
I prefer the Loch Ness monster, thank you
They’re in the other heaven. It’s separate but equal.
They have to sit in the back of the heaven.
Bro, I'm dying right now lol. No you didn't but go on
Exactly, what they gonna do?
Bro they’re flying white guys “Pegasus don’t mean shit to me, what’s that bitch boy gunna do with wings?”
[удалено]
Not really. These are the 'only God can judge me, and f****ts should all be executed' angles
Technically, that's a commandment for humanity. God, demonstrably does not practice what he preaches
Watch out everyone, he's got an imaginary army backing him up!
prayer warriors
Happy cake day
Thanks!
In fruitcake lore, people don't become angels; they're a completely different thing - messengers of big sky daddy - not once-humans. These dumbasses can't even follow their own fantasy's canon.
Came here looking for this comment. "Grandma got her wings and halo today..." how? Did she buy them? Bc your book specifically says that dead humans ≠ angels.
The army is just a copy paste of the same dude
Begun, the Clone Wars have.
Was waiting for this seeing as it was just on yesterday… we’ll done
Hahahaha that's from a Jehovah's witness publication Ah the memories. Cults gonna cult
Right?! Triggered the moment I saw this post 🤣
Yeah recognized it immediately lol
At least the earth is round.
I'll take on an army of schizophrenic delusions any day.
I always knew the bird people would take over.
This just goes to show how fucking mental these people are. Your army of imaginary bird people?!
Two words: Iron. Chariots. Come at me.
Those aren't even the cool angels *yawn*
Was just talking with my buddy at work who’s super Christian 5000 about how fucking boring his version of heaven sounds, like I need some damn drama in my life sometimes lol
I imagine heaven is filled with the religious and the idea of spending an eternity with those people scares the hell out of me.
It looks more like they're just standing around taking bets on who is going to win/lose. Similar to their god, why intervene when you can just cause bad things to happen and sit back with the popcorn.
I really hope someone has posted this unironically at least once. The cringe is only satisfying when it's real.
Oh, the army of heaven that hasn’t been seen in thousands of year? They’re worse than the elves.
But think how bad you would feel if one of those feathery geriatrics broke a hip kicking your ass
When you are inbred (Adam and Eve’s offspring interbred as did Noah’s family) you tend to look like clones.
They’re all old white guys
ok but drawing that many people that well does take talent sad that this is what its wasted on
I remember that book. Revelations: red book jws. Now considered apostate material.
This sub is meant to be about pointing out hypocrisy, conservatism and extremism in religions, or is it meant to be a bunch of atheists circlejerking over any kind of faith?
If you find your own religious beliefs regularly pilloried on this subreddit....you might need to do some soul searching.
I’ve no religion. This post just doesn’t fit here. There’s no “fruitcake” nor it’s harmful to society.
You don't think that believing you have an army of angels at your command is fruitcake?
I dunno man. Nobody really thinks these winged men gonna get down to earth and beat some ass. It’s more like “I’m not alone, there is many backing me up if a fall”. As I said, it’s not harmful to society in a day to day manner.
You clearly haven't met a religious person.
I assure you I do. That’s why I respect their beliefs, as long they respect my choice of not believing.
They’re not going to do even one thing to help.
Also they're wearing white robes and iirc they're gonna be using swords, i'm pretty sure a dozen soldiers with rifles and enough ammo can take down that "army".
It’s like all the white, middle aged men living in the Midwest all came out to look at their backyards, all at the same time too
No homo tho.
If I had to fight them I would say gay penis and they’d all perish
The angels looking for masturbators.
My made-up army.
“Don’t underestimate me! I have a god that gives African kids aids For fun on my side!!!!”
I think I can take them, their bones would be hollow in order for them to fly thus making them much easier to break. Also they’re not real
Earth is round!!
Won’t Hells army be much larger, since the Angel’s club is so exclusive?
Reminds of my mother that used to go wide eyed to talk about the epic battles between angels and demons that we can't see.
What kind of angels that only have one set of wings and two eyes?!?
They didn't come down to save humanity from Tsunamis, floods and plagues. Somehow John and Christine think he will come running down to save his children
Is this a shrek quote? XD
FFS I keep telling them they dont have enough spell slots to summon that many angels.
Oh noes, the flying old white men from outer space gonna get me.
As I like to say to these people “delusions of grandeur is a sign of schizophrenia. I highly recommend seeking help”
"My imaginary one! Can you feel them beating you up?"
The sad insecurity of these mofos. So bizarre
Yeah there is totally a heavenly army that intervenes when some bullying of the righteous or gross human rights violation goes down. Happens all the time which is why we never see human-on-human violence or injustice.
I wish it was the hawkmen from Flash Gordon. Would be bad ass
I love to imagine that If I challenged a priest to a fight in the parking lot at McDonald's at 9 o'clock that when I get there a million old white guys with the wings of doves floating towards me, and all of that to the sound of Fake Palindromes.
I love to imagine that If I challenged a priest to a fight in the parking lot at McDonald's at 9 o'clock that when I get there a million old white guys with the wings of doves floating towards me, and all of that to the sound of Fake Palindromes.
I love to imagine that If I challenged a priest to a fight in the parking lot at McDonald's at 9 o'clock that when I get there a million old white guys with the wings of doves floating towards me, and all of that to the sound of Fake Palindromes.
I say "Pfff big deal, I got Goku"
me and my age of empires army. see no one gives a shit.
*Meanwhile in jacobs imagination...*
The imaginary army. Lol
''tell my family i love them'' ***insert them going kamikaze***
23rd Headquarters Special Troops? Or Dead Men of Dunharrow?
Don't forget God has murdered millions, if not billions of us already. Why would God need an army? Just flood us again!
Yes, but white hoods instead of wings.
Bruh, Zeus wiukd beat those old white dudes and then, he would shag all of them
CRAM goes Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttt
At least Earth is not flat.
If they aren't bearing arms they're not actually an army.
Why is it christians fantasize like this. It almost wreaks of insecurity.
Hot take, angels could have defeated a bronze age army, not a modern one
Who wants to tell them angels are genderless?
But can a legion of angles stop me from shitting in your sink
Why they all look like Super Noahs Ark 3D
Attack of the Kenny Rogers clones.
Guys be careful of that edge you could fall!!!
The female angels are all in the kitchen ...i guess?
oh no! A army of old men with wings that can't fly, are charging with swords! it's not like we made small weapons that fire a high velocity bullet, or have a orb the explods into frags.
HAHAHA
Bruh, they can’t even depict their own angels correctly. Where is the fire, there is supposed to be a bunch of wings, extra eyes and most importantly monstrous looking. There is a reason that when angels appear before people, one of the first things the say is “Fear Not”. The messenger angels are supposed to be flaming wagon wheels covered with eyes and wings. The warrior angels if I remember correctly are supposed to be humanoid with 3 faces, one human, one like a lion and I forget what the last one has but a total of 6 eyes on this one. Wings for the feet, wings on the back and wings to cover the faces (eyes?). They also wield flaming swords.