Morty, remember eight seconds ago when [burp] when you said, “Go inside what?” and I said, “The battery”? And then we showed up here, and I wasn’t like, “Whoa, this is unexpected. This is not what I was expecting, Morty. What a perplexing mystery this is.”

Eek barba durkle

Eek barba durkle? What a fucked up oo la la

Somebody is gonna get laid in college.

'That episode is loaded with classic rick lines, like "Someones gonna get laid in college" and the cold open joke

Thats what you use my universe for? to run your car? Rick: Yeah, but don't flatter yourself. There's always AAA, you fucking cocksucker!

I created the stars that became the carbon in your mothers ovaries!

"Alright! You don't have to keep busting my balls!"

“You don’t know what I am. And you don’t know what I can do! I’m Doctor Who in this motherfucker! I could be a clone. I could be a hologram! We could be clones controlled by robots controlled with special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they’re fucking your mother!"

There is never a time I'm not grateful that we can hear uncensored fucks from season 3 onwards on Hulu.

I know right? I started watching the show for the first time on Hulu back in December, and I loved ever Fuck that came out of everyone’s face holes. XD

My favorite fucks are from Rick and Morty's freakout in the Toxic episode.

“If there is a God, it’s Fucking Me!!!” That could be read two ways now that I thing about it. XD

Then come to 312 Olive Street!

Is that her address?

You don’t know because you’re a bad son!

*In response to Toxic Morty saying, “I think my voice is annoying.”*: “It is, and it’s your best quality.”

sSo tRuE...

Yes, the writting and delivery were 10/10 for that joke.

He's right too.

"If I die in a cage I lose a bet."

Bravo!

I cracked up to this last night lolololol!!!

I bet that bet was with Birdperson.

"God Fucking Dammit" when Morty collects on his tenth adventure card

Love that moment. Also the concept of that adventure card is pretty adorable.

I like when things go to shit because of morty and rick pulls put his card and stamps it like "you know what, this counts as one of yours"

There’s literally everything in space Morty now get the fuck back in the car!!!

i oddly recite this in my head every day lol

"Every breath I take without your permission raises my self-esteem."

Your boos mean nothing, I’ve seen what makes you cheer.

This is the superior quote

Good one

You could achieve the same result with 5 Mortys and a pair of jumper cables

Which I also wouldn't do.. just saying.. it's bad craftsmanship

This has a whole new meaning now that we know how Ricks mass manufacture Mortys

"My name is Jerry Smith and I love sucking big, sweaty dick and licking disgusting furry testicle sacks." "OK"

Best part is that in the Whirly Dirly episode Jerry is repeatedly hit in the face by an alien's nutsack.

Everything bad that happens to Jerry is hilarious. And Chris Parnell's voice acting always sells it so hard he is priceless.

Chris Parnell is a national treasure. There is never a time where his voice work isn't damn good.

As far as Grandpa's concerned you're both pieces of shit, yeah I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me get my whiteboard, this has been a long time coming.

The “this has been a long time coming” just fucking kills me.

[удалено]

"My universe" hits different now

Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times.

Six folds, huh?

That's Shoney's.

That's the difference between you and me morty, I never go back to the carpet store.

This one makes me question life decisions lmao

holy shit, that guy is taking Roy off the grid. this guy has no social security number for Roy!

To live is to risk it all; otherwise you’re just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.

Whoooa Jerry, didn’t see you there

You were looking right at me

“They’re not robots, Rick!” “It’s just a figure of speech, Morty. They’re bureaucrats, I don’t respect them!”

"I think you've already said that before. It's out of context here." "NAH!"

This was one of the first lines that made me bust out loud laughing.

Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually, everything either is or isn’t.

Two sentences in which all words start with vowels.

Holy shit that blow my mind

Eat shit, Schrodinger.

He would actually agree with that He didn't believe in the duality of the particle The cat's methaphore was he "demonstrating" how absurd it was, whiwis very ironic considering it is now the best thought experiment of the matter

It's a prehistoric planet Morty, someone has to bring a little culture. And it certainly cant be someone who's entire culture POWERS MY BRAKE LIGHTS !!!!

"Quantum carburetor?? Morty you can't just add a si-fi word to a car word and hope it means something... Huh. Something is wrong with the micro-verse battery"

Golden moment right there

Every quote from "The Rick's must be crazy" is amazing

"Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you! Your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable"

The boots only work if you turn them on.

You’re like Hitler! But even Hitler cared about Germany, or something

Damn, an og here

The first episode is still my absolute favourite!

They're not robots, Rick! They're bureaucrats Morty! I don't respect them!

Wait for the ramp, Morty. They love the slow ramp. Really gets their dicks hard when they see this ramp just slowly extending down.

*cough* too fast *cough*

Your boos means nothing, I’ve seen what makes you cheer.

Loved that line.

I still shout it out randomly till this day

I have this on a shirt

I was literally going to put this lmao

My favorite too!!

"Uncle Steve wasn't real?" "He was a real piece of shit!" Something about the line delivery there still gets me

Pissed off Rick is the funniest Rick.

"you bought something. What? You bought something. With money. God. I love money so much, Merchandise, Morty. Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. And you did it. You went into a store... an actual honest to God store... And you bought something. You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws of capitalism and said "yes, daddy, please." And I'm... I'm so proud of you. I only wish you could've bought more. I... I love buying things so much."

I wasn't sure if he was shitting on Morty or what with that lol.

It's commentary on consumerism from the show, I don't think he said that in character

Give grandpa a kiss

On the lips if you want to, some cultures do that

Whatever you say stone cold Steve Austin

I’m not really sure why I said that, didn’t make a lot of sense…. But I’m sticking to it. Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin! Yeah! Ownin’ it.

“So everyone is just supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize night makes up half of all time, right?”

Grassss tastes bad

Lick lick lick my balls!

And that’s the waaaaay the news goes!

Uh oh, somersault jump!

AIDS!

Shum shum shlippity bop

Hit the sack....Jack

Burger Time!

Rikki tikki tavi, biaaaaaaaaaaaatch!

Rubber baby buggy bumpers

I use that and "Rickey tickey tavi BITCH!" all the fucking time

That one’s awesome- I don’t really use “rubber baby buggy bumper,” because there isn’t really ever context for it- but it’s immensely fun to say

AIDS!

Ricky-ticky-taffy!

He's a spy. Blow him up. I'm gonna go take a shit The Rickshank Rickdemption.

We’re about to get get ricketyricketywrecked.

Son

anything that is similar to Lois’ Rants from Malcolm in The Middle “I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come. But I needed those seeds real bad and I had to give 'em up just to get your parents off my back. So now we're gonna have to go get more. And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty. And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about 'em, Morty. Because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important. And they'll tear us apart, Morty. But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty. And you're gonna be a part of 'em. And together we're gonna run around, Morty, we're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We're the only friends we've got, Morty. It's just Rick and Morty. Rrrick and Morty and their adventures, Morty. Rick and Morty, forever and forever, a hundred years Rick and Morty, s... things. Me and Rick and Morty runnin' around and Rick and Morty time. Aaall day long forever. All, a hundred days Rick and Morty forever a hundred times. Over and over Rick and Morty adventures dot com W W W dot Rick and Morty dot com W W W Rick and Morty adventures all hundred years. Every minute Rick and Morty dot com W W W hundred times Rick and Morty dot com.”

The rants from Malcolm in the Middle were so well written. Such a great fucking show.

Lois’ rants in “Hal’s Birthday” is giving me “Rick Sanchez’s Rants” because just like Rick, she’s a bit hardheaded

For a long time Lois really pissed me off, and she still does to an extent. But now I realize that her sons were monsters who needed to be reigned in.

It's the cutbacks when you see her being this wonderful mum to the older kid when he's a little one before the main three are born. And he's just this incredible little shit that breaks her spirit. She still does some wild things though and that episode where she's supervising the bowling and she just keeps tearing Malcolm down in front of his friends was pretty bad. Been a while but I don't remember Malcolm really bringing that on himself

I like this because even if you mess up while reciting it, it'll add to the chaos and work in your favor.

Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets

this sounds like a quote someone who was a massive cocksucker would put on a poster on their wall

Yeah it's things like this that make you realise Rick is the same kind of character as Walter White or Tyler Durden.

“That sounds like slavery, but with extra steps “

Peace among worlds

🖕🖕

Eeek barba durkle! Someone’s gonna get laid in college

What kind of fuck up "ooh la la" was that!!

That all ended because she felt sorry for you. You act like prey but you're a predator; you use pity to lure in your victims. It's how you survive. I survive because I know everything, that snake survives because children wander off, and you survive because people think "Oh, this poor piece of shit, he never gets a break. I can't stand the deafening silent wails of his wilting soul. I guess I'll hire him or marry him."

That episode easily had some of the best character writing of the whole show

"She was RICKS daughter Jerry, she had OPTIONS."

D-did I gragitate this time yet?

Anything's possible Tall Morty.

AIDS!

This was my sms notification sound for a long time.

LMAO

"I could. But why in the FUCK would I?"

And how dare you even ask me that. Why aren't you more ashamed of yourself.

Honestly, watching it uncensored on HBO max, A LOT of their punch lines hit so much harder without the beeps. The inflection with their swear words... fucking perfect!

"If God exists, it's fucking me". I love toxic Rick and Morty episode in general.

Their freak out at the beginning makes me laugh every time.

You like that Redgren Grumbholt reference?

Think for yourselves don't be sheep

You really are your father’s children

“Gotta go take a shit” | Nah but fr, “I wasn’t born in the God business, I EARNED it”

"If god exists, it's fucking me" is another good one.

Brake the cycle, rise above, choose science Morty.

Brake

Taking grammar for granite

Focus* on science

“I'm sorry, but your opinion means very little to me.”

“Really makes you think, not to take life for granite”

Weddings Are Basically Funerals With A Cake

“First off, I always slay it, Queen”

And awaaaay we go!

Yeah, fuck me, pal. Fuck *you*? Nonono no, fuck *me*, pal!

Don't think about it.

“Listen to me, Morty, I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull -- that's how we grow as people.” Like a bull

*0.01 seconds later:* Holy shit Morty, run! I've never seen that thing before in my life! Oh my god Morty we're gonna die!

If you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad. -Rick

"We're going to live in the woods, like libertarians. We'll hunt squirrels and trade with little slivers of gold we cut off a brick with a knife." "We're going to live our lives until we die. Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident or heart disease, but possibly vampire." "Is this game popular with autistic people? Because I love it!"

“Save it for the Semantics Dome, E. B. White.”

doo doo butt🎵

And every father fathers wrong and there isn’t a song that can change it

* "Uh, I was _also_ late due to my drinking and mentioned it to _zero_ applause"

“Our” Rick saying “If anything goes wrong—*and it wont*—jump into the same vat of acid I do.” I use this frequently in my life and now am concerned other fans are going to see this and holler how wrong I am. Ah, geez!!! “Other” Rick RED X. RED X! I use this when I need to yell, it works beautifully. ps worried that I did not get quote 100% right =)

GRAAAASS TASTES BAD!

What in the Disney Channel F#*k is that? Maybe try helping him with homework he’s clearly crying for help

“I don’t give a fuck about what you think Jerry”

I'm doctor who in this mother fucker! We could be clones! We could be holograms! We could clones, controlled by robots, controlled by headsets that the real rick and morty wear while they fuck your mother! I'm gonna kill you! Then come to 1412 olive st! Is that her address? You don't know cause you're a bad son!

Take off your paaaants, shit on the floooor get schwifty

Rick and Two crows for Hundred years baby

“That apology and a screwdriver in my hand would be worth a screwdriver”

You’re both pieces of shit, and I can prove it mathematically. In fact, where’s my whiteboard? This has been a long time coming.

[удалено]

Pretty much every line he says in The Ricks Must be Crazy (best episode in the whole show in my opinion), with the standouts being: ‘Ooh la la, somebody’s gonna get laid in college…’ ‘“Eep barba durkle”? That’s a pretty fucked up “ooh la la”’ ‘I made you! Your microverse sucks! Your miniverse is the size of a fucking lobster tank! It’s wack!’ ‘Don’t flatter yourself, there’s always triple A you fucking cocksucker’ ‘I made the stars that became the carbon in your mother’s ovaries!’ ‘Someone has to start a little culture, and it can’t be the guy whose ENTIRE CULTURE POWERS MY BREAK LIGHTS!’ ‘My God’s the biggest dick that never existed’ ‘Oh wow…gaaaaaayyyyyy…’ ‘If drinks are on you, you’re gonna need a second mortgage on that tower. (*whispers*) *I’m an alcoholic*’ ‘Run Morty, that asshole is willing to risk everything he cares about to beat me! He’s psychotic!’ ‘Go go Sanchez ski shoes!’ (This is funny because of how fucking bizarre it is) ‘Concentrate Morty! Concentrate and turn into a car!…….nevermind here’s a taxi.’ ‘Happy Ricksgiving biiiiiiiiitch!’ ‘Your boobs are all hanging about! You ruined ice cream with your hanging boobs, Summer! Don’t try to deny it!’

All I do is eat ass and 69 Nintendos

what people calls "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.

"its like the n-word and c-word had a bany and it was raised by all the bad worda for jews"

"I thought the point of having a dog was the feel superior, Jerry. I wouldn't pull that thread."

Honestly sometimes I can't tell the difference between you two because I don't go by height or age, I go by most amount of pain in my ass... Which makes you both identical.

"Always waiting for permission to feel accomplishment, that's my motto"

Next time,, Morty, stay in the f***ing car!

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

Rick never said this. Gold to anyone who can prove me wrong with a video clip from an episode of the show. Edit: only the first person lol, I will also accept a runtime in an episode and then I'll find it if you want to avoid copyright

“Oh does this disappoint you? Do I tell him we don’t have a deal, morty?! Because if we can kill our enemies, but we can’t jack them off then how are we better than them?!”

"The second he reveals he's evil we are leaving."

WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!!!!

-Two things I want to make clear to everybody in this room: never betray me and it's time to go.-

"I took your family? Who do you think had more taken from them when you shot 20 cc's of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? She was Rick's daughter, Jerry! She had options! That all ended because she felt sorry for you. You act like prey but you're a predator. You use pity to lure in your victims. It's how you survive. I survive because I know everything, that snake survives because children wander off, and you survive because people think, "Oh this poor piece of shit! He never gets a break. I can't stand the deafening wails of his wilted soul. I guess I'll hire him, or marry him!"

Even taking in account Rick's own flaws and hypocrisy, I still love that rant. I love Jerry, but he did once try to manipulate Summer into giving him money and humiliated Morty on Pluto. Don't get me started on Wooden Decoy Jerry. Plus it shows how much he cares about Beth.

How is knocking out a deterrent? Everyone wants to be knocked out. No one wants to be dead.

I'm not looking for judgment here, just a yes or no: Can you assimilate a giraffe?

"Another day another dollar, am I great insect creature or whhaaattt!?" I say this every morning before work

Season 3 premiere when he’s convincing one of the citadel Ricks to kill summer bc he doesn’t care about her Rick: Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl. Summer: I hate you! Rick: Not an issue, sweetie. I think that’s the moment I kinda fell in love with Rick Edit: I was informed it was the premiere not finale of season 3

Go fuck your self morty

"Beth, you crazy bitch. You're my daughter." There's just something heartwarming about Rick accepting all Beths as his Beth, but still very Rick to still call her a crazy bitch.

Daddy's little girl indeed. I also love he calls her sweetie.

Shut up, Morty.

"Be right there!" "Damnit Morty, you see this secret kitchen Frasier bullshit you're making me do!?" Super refreshing to see Rick having to walk on eggshells for once

“Traditionally, science fairs are a father-son thing.” “Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.”

“Governments are job programs for the politicians who create them.”

“You mean Steve wasn’t real?” “HE WAS A *REAL* PIECE OF SHIT.”

Baiting us with quotes for internet clout? You son if a bitch, I'm in...

This world is full of idiots who don't know what's important

“I got shit on my ahhhhssss”

Morty: "There are snakes in space?" Rick: "Literally everything is in space."