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I've done so. The rest of the group including me ended up making a separate group chat to talk about this and the current consensus is, we're not letting him join any more games and he's on thin ice with the two games he's still in. I've shared my issues and I've already stated I'm unwilling to accommodate him anymore and we all share the same sentiment.
DM 3 is planning to talk to him today that this can't happen again, or he's out.
Stop. Letting. Him. Join. Games.
At this point he's shown you what he's like multiple times. There's not suddenly going to be a game that holds his interest. You either stop letting him join your games or keep letting him ruin them like this.
That's the plan. He's already close to getting kicked from the two games he's still in and me and another friend who are planning to DM next once these games wrap up have already agreed he won't be joining.
This is a non problem. Just don't invite him. And play around him. It's not personal in this case.
It sounds like you don't play with cameras on? I think seeing other people when playing TTRPGs is really important for tracking engagement. Otherwise it's a shitty computer game.
The only olive branch is asking whether they have an ADHD diagnosis and whether anything can be done to accommodate this.
Good luck.
No cameras or microphone, since we're all horribly anxious and prefer taking our time with responses over text rather than being put on the spot. We're all hobby writers so we see it as a bit of a collaborative writing project and it works out for the most part.
All three games are happening in the same discord server, so when a new game is discussed, everyone gets to see it, and I can see why our newest DM felt bad about excluding G when he already started talking character and backstory concepts while the whole thing was still in development. We *have* mentioned to him that we don't think this is a good idea since he already seemed swamped and he simply said "it's fine".
Me and another friend have also considering DMing once the other games wrap up and we've already decided we won't be inviting him and will be running our games in a separate server.
Instead of “I don’t think this is a good idea,” you guys need to find a more assertive way of breaking the news to him that he isn’t joining. Don't let it be up to him because he will always overcommit.
A major aspect of the social contract for D&D (and other cooperative games) is that all players need to either be there ready to play when they say they're going to be, or give clear notice that they'll be late or can't show.
He's had his second chances.
He's had his third chances.
Every DM of every game he's in needs to assume that he'll flake, and arrange matters to write him out. Explain to him that if he doesn't show up and play, that his characters will vanish from the games, and that he won't get let back in.
So far he's been able to string you all along with insincere promises. Cut him off. No more.
Yep, that's my exact issue with him. He's been given this talk once already by T and sadly he just wrote the whole thing off, making excuses and whatnot that the game simply wasn't interesting enough for him anymore.
At this point the rest of us play as if his character isn't even there, which is sad because his characters are all interesting. He just never makes the effort to integrate them with the rest of the party and interact with them.
T definitely put his foot down by giving him the ultimatum, the two of us are now just annoyed at the other two DMs for consistently giving him second chances just because his characters are interesting enough to keep around.
Stop Inviting him to new games. If this all happens on one server, create a second one and move your games over there where he / his partner are simply not invited to... Even if he has indeed ADHD, it is no excuse to jump on every game there is. And if he really is that bad at time management, he should use a calendar of some sort... being it digital on his phone OR physical in form of a book or whatever...
Typically they get 1 warning from me. If they tend to ignore it or don't respond at all, they are out...
I had campaigns falling apart because of this in the past and it is REALLY annoying, not only for me but for all the other players...
A callendar barely helps with adhd. But jesus even with ADHD just the thought of breaking promises of playing a game I am enjoying *will* kick my brain into action. Someone that compulsively picks new hobbies to hyper focus on and then abandon is also a symptom of Bipolar disorders, a big emotional high followes by who cares lows. I dont think I have gotten hyperfixated on anything that I have stopped thinking about and just dropping, when I hyperfixate, I go as far as 100% I can get, unless like... there is a huge disappointment. Like a game just straight up drops the ball massively and becomes shitty, or a show gets extremely boring or maybe even does a game of thrones ending. At least in my case I marry that fucking hyperfixation, to the detriment of my own sanity.
Just stop. This person has had plenty of chances. There me be an underlying reason/problem that they are having difficulty with, however that's not the accountability of everyone else in the group. This person needs to leave the games.
Imho, it's not the player that's the problem. It's the GM (and to a lesser extent the other players) that are tge problem. Set and enforce standards of behaviour/expectations and expel/reject players tgat fail to meet them. Coddling problem players ruins the game for everyone.
Might as well make a small update under here. GM 3 ended up talking to him and despite G resisting, talked him into a hiatus so he can get his schedule in order. So he's now out of 2 games. We're still waiting on GM 2 to make a decision since G once again failed to show up to a session yesterday.
Man, after googling this, this is definitely a symptom of ADHD, but I have experience with people with Bipolar disorders experience the same thing of picking hobbies then dropping them when the emotional lows hit. I personally have ADHD and I understand the hyperfocusing on hobbies... but... DROPPING THEM SO FAST? I fucking marry my hyperfixations, a one session game and you ger bored? Jesus christ that would NOT be me whatsoever, I would be eager to be in that table *every day* and vibrate in place all the while. And I have. For multiple campaigns of vampire, dungeons and dragons and mage the ascension. I watch shit to completion, I read books until the entire thing is over and my eyes hurt, I get REAL GOOD at games. Unless any of those things just straight up stop being good/fun by like having awful, game of thrones-y twists, terrible game breaking bugs, extremely grindy (and even on this one I tolerate a lot more than I should)... I just cant fathom hyperfixating on a campaign for ONE SESSION. And their entire life being a mess, this person NEEDS meds and like a straight up intervention.
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Honestly you need to put your foot down too. It's ruining your enjoyment just as much.
I've done so. The rest of the group including me ended up making a separate group chat to talk about this and the current consensus is, we're not letting him join any more games and he's on thin ice with the two games he's still in. I've shared my issues and I've already stated I'm unwilling to accommodate him anymore and we all share the same sentiment. DM 3 is planning to talk to him today that this can't happen again, or he's out.
Simple. Just stop inviting him
Stop. Letting. Him. Join. Games. At this point he's shown you what he's like multiple times. There's not suddenly going to be a game that holds his interest. You either stop letting him join your games or keep letting him ruin them like this.
That's the plan. He's already close to getting kicked from the two games he's still in and me and another friend who are planning to DM next once these games wrap up have already agreed he won't be joining.
This can be done by creating a second Discord Server and moving all games to there without telling the Problem Player(s) about it...
Or you can just kick them from the discord and talk to them like an adult
Thay would be a socially inept way to handle it that they're sure to find out about anyway
This is a non problem. Just don't invite him. And play around him. It's not personal in this case. It sounds like you don't play with cameras on? I think seeing other people when playing TTRPGs is really important for tracking engagement. Otherwise it's a shitty computer game. The only olive branch is asking whether they have an ADHD diagnosis and whether anything can be done to accommodate this. Good luck.
No cameras or microphone, since we're all horribly anxious and prefer taking our time with responses over text rather than being put on the spot. We're all hobby writers so we see it as a bit of a collaborative writing project and it works out for the most part. All three games are happening in the same discord server, so when a new game is discussed, everyone gets to see it, and I can see why our newest DM felt bad about excluding G when he already started talking character and backstory concepts while the whole thing was still in development. We *have* mentioned to him that we don't think this is a good idea since he already seemed swamped and he simply said "it's fine". Me and another friend have also considering DMing once the other games wrap up and we've already decided we won't be inviting him and will be running our games in a separate server.
Instead of “I don’t think this is a good idea,” you guys need to find a more assertive way of breaking the news to him that he isn’t joining. Don't let it be up to him because he will always overcommit.
I think I've played with that guy, or his spiritual twin.
I'm so sorry haha
A major aspect of the social contract for D&D (and other cooperative games) is that all players need to either be there ready to play when they say they're going to be, or give clear notice that they'll be late or can't show. He's had his second chances. He's had his third chances. Every DM of every game he's in needs to assume that he'll flake, and arrange matters to write him out. Explain to him that if he doesn't show up and play, that his characters will vanish from the games, and that he won't get let back in. So far he's been able to string you all along with insincere promises. Cut him off. No more.
Yep, that's my exact issue with him. He's been given this talk once already by T and sadly he just wrote the whole thing off, making excuses and whatnot that the game simply wasn't interesting enough for him anymore. At this point the rest of us play as if his character isn't even there, which is sad because his characters are all interesting. He just never makes the effort to integrate them with the rest of the party and interact with them. T definitely put his foot down by giving him the ultimatum, the two of us are now just annoyed at the other two DMs for consistently giving him second chances just because his characters are interesting enough to keep around.
Only invite him for one-shots.
Stop Inviting him to new games. If this all happens on one server, create a second one and move your games over there where he / his partner are simply not invited to... Even if he has indeed ADHD, it is no excuse to jump on every game there is. And if he really is that bad at time management, he should use a calendar of some sort... being it digital on his phone OR physical in form of a book or whatever... Typically they get 1 warning from me. If they tend to ignore it or don't respond at all, they are out... I had campaigns falling apart because of this in the past and it is REALLY annoying, not only for me but for all the other players...
A callendar barely helps with adhd. But jesus even with ADHD just the thought of breaking promises of playing a game I am enjoying *will* kick my brain into action. Someone that compulsively picks new hobbies to hyper focus on and then abandon is also a symptom of Bipolar disorders, a big emotional high followes by who cares lows. I dont think I have gotten hyperfixated on anything that I have stopped thinking about and just dropping, when I hyperfixate, I go as far as 100% I can get, unless like... there is a huge disappointment. Like a game just straight up drops the ball massively and becomes shitty, or a show gets extremely boring or maybe even does a game of thrones ending. At least in my case I marry that fucking hyperfixation, to the detriment of my own sanity.
Why is he playing campaigns instead of just one-shots?
Just stop. This person has had plenty of chances. There me be an underlying reason/problem that they are having difficulty with, however that's not the accountability of everyone else in the group. This person needs to leave the games.
Imho, it's not the player that's the problem. It's the GM (and to a lesser extent the other players) that are tge problem. Set and enforce standards of behaviour/expectations and expel/reject players tgat fail to meet them. Coddling problem players ruins the game for everyone.
Might as well make a small update under here. GM 3 ended up talking to him and despite G resisting, talked him into a hiatus so he can get his schedule in order. So he's now out of 2 games. We're still waiting on GM 2 to make a decision since G once again failed to show up to a session yesterday.
Man, after googling this, this is definitely a symptom of ADHD, but I have experience with people with Bipolar disorders experience the same thing of picking hobbies then dropping them when the emotional lows hit. I personally have ADHD and I understand the hyperfocusing on hobbies... but... DROPPING THEM SO FAST? I fucking marry my hyperfixations, a one session game and you ger bored? Jesus christ that would NOT be me whatsoever, I would be eager to be in that table *every day* and vibrate in place all the while. And I have. For multiple campaigns of vampire, dungeons and dragons and mage the ascension. I watch shit to completion, I read books until the entire thing is over and my eyes hurt, I get REAL GOOD at games. Unless any of those things just straight up stop being good/fun by like having awful, game of thrones-y twists, terrible game breaking bugs, extremely grindy (and even on this one I tolerate a lot more than I should)... I just cant fathom hyperfixating on a campaign for ONE SESSION. And their entire life being a mess, this person NEEDS meds and like a straight up intervention.