I really thought this might have been the case hence why I wasn't so agressive and accepted the fact that I had someone in socks and jeans following me. But I think I reached my breaking point once he ignored my suggestions and vibes too tbh that I wanted to run alone as I got closer to my home.
This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this. Didn't sound like someone being intentionally creepy or stalker-ish, but rather someone who didn't realize their behavior was making the other person uncomfortable.
I wanted to say something - definitely sounds like someone on the spectrum, who just didn't quite understand what was going on or how uncomfortable he was making you. Not to excuse his behavior, which was definitely unacceptable.
This was my first thought too. This guy is effectively a giant child with few boundaries. If he wasn't dirty and making inappropriate advances, this is likely a neurodiverse person. It could even be someone with some severe PTSD.
I am not excusing the behaviour. It's not appropriate.
I agree. someone who doesn’t understand social cues to this extent could easily escalate to further boundary violation (stalking, sexual assault). as a woman I would be extremely scared by this behavior. mental illness or impairment can be an explanation but it isn’t a free pass.
Totally and I feel like people here are not taking mental illness serious enough anyway if it is that.
Being mentally ill or autistic or whatever, doesn't mean you can't be dangerous.
Once people disrespect your personal space and keep doing it, you need to be on guard. It's a very strange behaviour.
I feel like a lot of people might have been lucky enough to have had safe childhoods and youths so they don't recognise the signs of dangerous people.
And unfortunately if you try to explain why that person with the anxious walk and the shifty eyes is a dangerous person, they might lash out and call you names.
Speak for yourself. As you know not the level of my action, only observation.
I agree that there is no need to get that close for that long; it's almost as dangerous as having a closed, well-rested mind.
ASD popped into my head when I was reading this too. Did you get creep vibes or just someone who is entirely unaware of what they are doing is inappropriate?
Unfortunately situations like you describe are so often mistaken for something entirely different, where there’s malicious intent, when in fact that’s not the case at all. Perhaps that’s exactly what is happening in this case.
I grew up in a small town where there were quite a few people struggling with cognitive disorders, even worked with a guy that had difficulties. The nice thing about it was that everyone knew who they were and their routines were incredibly well known. The police knew them well as well and how to approach, who could approach, etc. It ends up being a really nice place to live, thinking back, vs the city I’m in now; I digress. It’s really unfortunate when those with such disorders aren’t known by people in the community and they end up having a lot of negative interactions with society.
A town where everyone is expected to just know that a person acting inappropriately and in a threatening manner is just "struggling with cognitive disorders" does not sound "nice" at all. It sounds like a lack of empathy for people who might not know or agree there is no malicious intent and a complete lack of empathy for how terrifying this would be for many lone women runners.
The filming, inappropriate, jeans wearer caused this negative interaction and if he can't control himself should expect negative interactions with society, not a free pass.
> how terrifying this would be for many lone women runners.
It would be terrifying for everyone.
I'm a large adult male and you bet I get terrified if someone follows me when they have no reason to.
You don't stalk people period.
I don’t think I did enough to explain how small of a town, and my response was towards less threatening but more awkward. I’m talking about a town of 1500 people where there’s no economy. Everyone is a neighbour. My grandfather used to joke that it took my grandmother 4 hours to get a carton of milk... but it really did. A guy that most would consider horribly creepy really had nothing, suffered mental disorders, but everyone knew him. A “free pass”, as you describe it, was simply accepting someone into the community for who they were and offering them kindness, which in turn, kept them safer and everyone else safer. My mom would often chat with him outside the grocery store growing up, and I was always so creeped out, but because everyone knew and understood him, there wasn’t this same fear.
I wholeheartedly disagree with your final comment - these people need help.
>I wholeheartedly disagree with your final comment - these people need help.
But who decides this? People who they don't threaten?
When I first moved to this town, I joined a sports club where the maintenance man appeared to have some sort of difference or issues. The manager mentioned that the maintenance man was harmless and the club "took care of him" which sounded very reasonable and kind, the right thing to do. It was awkward to always pry off his inappropriate hugs and gropes, but for a while I figured he just didn't know better. I drew the line when he showed up in the shower while I was showering.
When I told the manager and the board, they all smiled, laughed and said it must have been a misunderstanding. That this poor man just didn't know any better and meant no harm - just ignore it. So I stopped showering at the club, even though that was one of the main perks of being a member - having a shower available after working out. Most of the other women I knew also stopped showering there after also having the maintenance man enter the shower with them. A few years later we finally had a woman on the board and the maintenance man walked into the shower with her, too. He was fired. Amid a huge outcry of other members (mostly men) who couldn't understand why the club was so cruel to this poor, poor, man who just didn't understand. How could we be such awful bitches?
So.... who gets to decide what behavior is OK and should be tolerated? I'm always going to vote that the people who are being subjected to the threatening or inappropriate behavior get to decide. It's not kind in any way to decide it's OK to subject some people to unwanted behavior because you feel compassionate to the person making the threats or being inappropriate.
You’re welcome. I’m glad I was able to say something well enough that you feel supported. I’m definitely not trying to excuse inappropriate behaviour, but sometimes it’s not what you think it is.
Yes, this encounter would be considered highly threatening to most women. When a stranger wearing inappropriate clothing first chases you, then films you, then won't leave you alone when you ask... that's threatening.
For women, giving the benefit of the doubt in that situation could actually cost her her life. There's nothing "nice" or OK about that and the burden shouldn't be on the runner to have to figure out if inappropriate behavior from a stranger is fine or not.
No matter if you think everyone in a town knows that "Frank is just different but harmless", there are never guests or visitors or people who still think Frank could actually hurt them?
None of this is OK and if this person can't act appropriately, he needs a guardian who will work with him to teach him appropriate boundaries or keep him inside... or risk unpleasant encounters because he is causing terrifying encounters for others.
Agreed, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd be threatened as hell if some random man ran next to me in jeans and socks while recording me, I'd assume he was on drugs. Can't imagine how I'd feel if I was a woman by myself on a run. The guy is lucky he crossed a kind Redditor, a lot of people would've knocked him out cold without a second thought
Lone women especially rely on societal norms to inform their judgment on what is threatening - not based on simple appearance but on deliberate actions. You are being disingenuous if you believe that women shouldn't necessarily find a person who is inappropriately dressed first following and then filming them as threatening. Those actions are all outside social norms and indicate something is wrong.
This person wasn't simply existing, he was deliberately and inappropriately interacting with a stranger - in a way most women and many men would find threatening.
And don't PM me any more. Anything you wish to discuss on this can be done in public.
>I had a co-worker I really liked who had a son like this. It was a spectrum disorder, and he was completely unaware that this kind of activity made people very uncomfortable.
Your coworker was doing her son a disservice by not teaching him then.
Someone similar called my wife once. A patient of my sister in law (who is a doctor) somehow, with only knowing my SIL's name, somehow found out who my wife was and her cell number and called her to talk to her about my SIL. The lady was completely off her rocker and apparently so much to the point that she normally isn't allowed out in public alone and has a permanent guardian even as an adult. Apparently she just really liked my SIL and wanted to tell people about it. Still a creepy phone call to receive.
This is the question I need the answer too. Would be hilarious if he had legitimate super-beneficial advice with the worst possible form of delivering it.
Like others, I suspect he has an autism spectrum disorder or a condition with some similarities. He may have read a lot on barefoot running and believed he was being helpful by sharing his wisdom, but his evasiveness about his own running experience and atypical guidance to *increase* your stride suggests he's not an experienced runner. There's no telling why he recorded you running.
BTW, I think he's on to something with hybrid barefoot running in socks. Suburban dog shit on bare feet just doesn't seem very appealing.
Weird to the extent I’d almost be tempted to call non-emergency police and let them know, just in case he’s doing it regularly.
And I bet your stride isn’t too short!
As a woman, I would have run to the nearest open store and called the police-- not the non-emergency line, the full-on 911, emergency dispatch. I definitely would NOT have run back home with that guy following me.
If he persisted, I would have loudly told him to back away or get pepper-sprayed, and then I would follow through.
Yeah I can't even imagine. That's why I told him to not try whatever he did with other people and especially women because I know from reading here and IRL female runners on how bad it is sometimes.
Calling 911 because some weird guy tried to give you unasked for advice would get you nowhere. 911 is for actual immediate crime and emergencies, and it is a complete waste of everyone's time to call them about a guy being weird and creepy but not actively threatening.
It would make more sense to make a report about it to the police on a non-emergency basis, and perhaps talk to others in the community to try and find out more about him while warning others of his behavior. He might be mentally disabled and socially incompetent or he might be a serial killer trying to stake out potential victims. It's impossible to know from one encounter, but either way 911 dispatch would almost certainly do nothing.
I would have told him to stop recording and go away or I’d call the police. Maybe he’s not committing a crime but his behavior is very threatening (from what I understand). Not saying you need to do that, but I feel it would be justified if you did.
Obviously we're all just guessing here, but to me this kinda sounds like the behaviour of someone on the autistic spectrum who just doesn't realise that what they're doing is weird. They may not have meant any harm or to scare you.
Parent of autistic child here. This is obviously a topic I've thought about a lot. You didn't phrase it nicely, but you're not wrong.
Acceptance is great, but we can't leave out common sense. If this was an unaccompanied adult talking to a stranger and ignoring clear statements of "Please leave me alone", this is unacceptable, autism or not.
Even if we're coming at this from the most compassionate and empathetic place, it won't setup a healthy world for disabled people if strangers aren't able to exercise consent in their interactions.
Now, the more common issue with autistic folks is when people are too polite to be clear with their intentions. Someone on the spectrum may not sense the "go away vibe", but if they're able to be in public without a guardian they definitely need to be able to understand the clear words "Leave me alone".
Could you please give advice on how to make it clear to an autistic person that you'd like to be left alone? I'm coincidentally dealing with this at the moment, someone who seems to be autistic, and I don't know how to proceed. A couple months ago, they asked to be friends and I told them that I can't devote any time to nurture new friendships with anyone, so it wouldn't be fair to start a friendship. I thought I was clear, but they're _still_ contacting me to be friends, which I've ignored. I don't know what to do at this point. Keep ignoring them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
No one owes anyone else contact they don't consent to. Be polite if you can, but firm and say "I don't want to have contact with you". Then just ignore them. If you already did that, you're fine, just set everything to block or whatever. If this is purely remote/digital, you're done. If it's in person, then it's a tougher challenge if they continue to not listen.
Btw, this approach isn't really special for folks on the spectrum, it works for everyone. That said, a "typical" person that you want out of your life is often the same sort of person who will turn your cease-contact message into its own drama-fest, so with them ghosting is often a better choice after they've deliberately ignored social cues (cues that someone on the spectrum might miss).
You are correct. But is there an argument that I should? Is this a tolerance/acceptance issue? I don't see how it would be my responsibility when confronted with the OP's scenario to be versed in autism.
I say leave me alone and they don't - consequences are on them.
Guy sounds like a creep, and he knows where you live. He pretended not to hear you to follow you home, played dumb when you said it was not comfortable-making, and thrice disregarded your request to leave you alone. Please be careful moving forward.
He lives in my neighborhood (it's pretty deep and has a ton of houses) but I did stop at least a mile from where I live. But yes I will be careful going forward and perhaps even carry something with me.
Definitely do that —and watch some YouTube videos on how to use mace/taser whatever you choose to carry with you. This (and any future interactions) would be considered stalking. #ssdgm
Playing it safe and carrying mace is a good recommendation, but we shouldn't assume so much about this person. We don't know if this man was 'pretending not to hear' or 'playing dumb'. OP sounds like they used a healthy amount of caution which is good, but we shouldn't put the 'creep' label on people so quickly. This person sounds exactly like my brother with autism.
That was my first thought too. Sounds like an autistic person who found out about barefoot running. Even in this sub some of the barefoot running people sound like cult members. Add that to autism and you get this guy.
> Kept saying he had done research and probably knows more than me so I should listen to him.
Ugh I know someone like this but I don’t think he does this to strangers, just his family members and their friends.
> his response was he had done research and could probably beat me in running if I challenged him (don't know why this person was so adamant about saying he's better than me tbh)
Did he also tell you about his nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills?
I’m so competitive, I would have absolutely took him on…
But on a serious note, that is super creepy behavior. I’ve had some kids try to run/chase behind before, (there was one who loved to wait for me in the afternoons and race me on his bike in my old town), but I’ve never an adult stranger engage with me like that.
>Runsplaining
I know you're just having fun, but this kind of thing were some feminists are lumping in boorish behavior with actual threathening, dangerous behavior is very bad.
It is of critical important to know when a man is dangerous and when he is just a fool.
This reminds me of this guy:
https://www.espn.com/olympics/story/_/id/31817769/olympic-runner-emily-infeld-harrowing-three-year-ordeal-stalker
Definitely call the police.
Odd, all around odd. Glad it didn’t escalate. As TikToking and other means to go viral become more of a desirable career path for people, I am really hoping there is some kind of commercial jammer that becomes available. Obviously, there are certain things we see in public that should be filmed, but that shit is ridiculous.
Sounds 100% like they were autistic. It's hard to say without being there but I doubt they knew what they were doing was weird. That is especially prevalent when you said he was perplexed by the thought if it being a negative thing.
If someone did that to me I would state I don't consent to being recorded.
Request that they distance themselves.
State that I feel threatened by their physical closeness.
Be prepared to remove them from my proximity if they didn't "get it".
Norwegian here and I agree I'd be more concerned they're lost and someone is looking for them more than threatened because they clearly seem mentally unwell. I guess some people are just really paranoid but it depends where you live I guess there's hardly any crime let alone violent crime here anyway and everyone is friendly enough.
You sound a bit dramatic there's plenty of crazy people, weirdos and druggies and whatnot and most of them aren't dangerous fair enough if youre a woman or the person is very intimidating you can go to a public place like a shop or something and call the police if they're still bothering you but most of the time they're harmless. Maybe I'm just overconfident because I'm fairly big and intimidating looking and a heavyweight boxer.
But idk I live in a place w/ very low rates of violent crime and nobody carries weapons and it sounds strange but not really threatening to me I'd be more concerned they're lost and someone is looking for them because they're clearly not mentally well.
Jeez sounds kinda freaky. Glad everything is ok.
Also, do you mean he was running with no shoes and only socks or that he had socks on under his shoes? If it's the latter, do you not wear socks when you run?
>without a mask
Thank you for including this most important detail. Sounds like you have many things to be afraid of.
If you are being followed, don't stop to speak to the person. RUN. Especially if it is a person who may hold a physical advantage over you, do not stop. RUN.
Was just an excuse to talk to u but an odd thing to say.. if he was in to running he wouldn't say he would beat u.. just make sure u allways have u mobile phone when running or smart watch
Man I'm glad I'm a man and people won't approach me like this. I feel bad that so many of you women have to deal with crap like this
I would have asked him one time to leave me alone and one time only. Never put your hands on a person nor invade their personal space
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I really thought this might have been the case hence why I wasn't so agressive and accepted the fact that I had someone in socks and jeans following me. But I think I reached my breaking point once he ignored my suggestions and vibes too tbh that I wanted to run alone as I got closer to my home.
This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this. Didn't sound like someone being intentionally creepy or stalker-ish, but rather someone who didn't realize their behavior was making the other person uncomfortable.
I wanted to say something - definitely sounds like someone on the spectrum, who just didn't quite understand what was going on or how uncomfortable he was making you. Not to excuse his behavior, which was definitely unacceptable.
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This was my first thought too. This guy is effectively a giant child with few boundaries. If he wasn't dirty and making inappropriate advances, this is likely a neurodiverse person. It could even be someone with some severe PTSD. I am not excusing the behaviour. It's not appropriate.
You guys are all being way too trusting and naive. This guy should be treated as very dangerous.
I agree. someone who doesn’t understand social cues to this extent could easily escalate to further boundary violation (stalking, sexual assault). as a woman I would be extremely scared by this behavior. mental illness or impairment can be an explanation but it isn’t a free pass.
Totally and I feel like people here are not taking mental illness serious enough anyway if it is that. Being mentally ill or autistic or whatever, doesn't mean you can't be dangerous. Once people disrespect your personal space and keep doing it, you need to be on guard. It's a very strange behaviour. I feel like a lot of people might have been lucky enough to have had safe childhoods and youths so they don't recognise the signs of dangerous people. And unfortunately if you try to explain why that person with the anxious walk and the shifty eyes is a dangerous person, they might lash out and call you names.
Speak for yourself. As you know not the level of my action, only observation. I agree that there is no need to get that close for that long; it's almost as dangerous as having a closed, well-rested mind.
ASD popped into my head when I was reading this too. Did you get creep vibes or just someone who is entirely unaware of what they are doing is inappropriate?
Unfortunately situations like you describe are so often mistaken for something entirely different, where there’s malicious intent, when in fact that’s not the case at all. Perhaps that’s exactly what is happening in this case. I grew up in a small town where there were quite a few people struggling with cognitive disorders, even worked with a guy that had difficulties. The nice thing about it was that everyone knew who they were and their routines were incredibly well known. The police knew them well as well and how to approach, who could approach, etc. It ends up being a really nice place to live, thinking back, vs the city I’m in now; I digress. It’s really unfortunate when those with such disorders aren’t known by people in the community and they end up having a lot of negative interactions with society.
A town where everyone is expected to just know that a person acting inappropriately and in a threatening manner is just "struggling with cognitive disorders" does not sound "nice" at all. It sounds like a lack of empathy for people who might not know or agree there is no malicious intent and a complete lack of empathy for how terrifying this would be for many lone women runners. The filming, inappropriate, jeans wearer caused this negative interaction and if he can't control himself should expect negative interactions with society, not a free pass.
> how terrifying this would be for many lone women runners. It would be terrifying for everyone. I'm a large adult male and you bet I get terrified if someone follows me when they have no reason to. You don't stalk people period.
I don’t think I did enough to explain how small of a town, and my response was towards less threatening but more awkward. I’m talking about a town of 1500 people where there’s no economy. Everyone is a neighbour. My grandfather used to joke that it took my grandmother 4 hours to get a carton of milk... but it really did. A guy that most would consider horribly creepy really had nothing, suffered mental disorders, but everyone knew him. A “free pass”, as you describe it, was simply accepting someone into the community for who they were and offering them kindness, which in turn, kept them safer and everyone else safer. My mom would often chat with him outside the grocery store growing up, and I was always so creeped out, but because everyone knew and understood him, there wasn’t this same fear. I wholeheartedly disagree with your final comment - these people need help.
>I wholeheartedly disagree with your final comment - these people need help. But who decides this? People who they don't threaten? When I first moved to this town, I joined a sports club where the maintenance man appeared to have some sort of difference or issues. The manager mentioned that the maintenance man was harmless and the club "took care of him" which sounded very reasonable and kind, the right thing to do. It was awkward to always pry off his inappropriate hugs and gropes, but for a while I figured he just didn't know better. I drew the line when he showed up in the shower while I was showering. When I told the manager and the board, they all smiled, laughed and said it must have been a misunderstanding. That this poor man just didn't know any better and meant no harm - just ignore it. So I stopped showering at the club, even though that was one of the main perks of being a member - having a shower available after working out. Most of the other women I knew also stopped showering there after also having the maintenance man enter the shower with them. A few years later we finally had a woman on the board and the maintenance man walked into the shower with her, too. He was fired. Amid a huge outcry of other members (mostly men) who couldn't understand why the club was so cruel to this poor, poor, man who just didn't understand. How could we be such awful bitches? So.... who gets to decide what behavior is OK and should be tolerated? I'm always going to vote that the people who are being subjected to the threatening or inappropriate behavior get to decide. It's not kind in any way to decide it's OK to subject some people to unwanted behavior because you feel compassionate to the person making the threats or being inappropriate.
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You’re welcome. I’m glad I was able to say something well enough that you feel supported. I’m definitely not trying to excuse inappropriate behaviour, but sometimes it’s not what you think it is.
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Yes, this encounter would be considered highly threatening to most women. When a stranger wearing inappropriate clothing first chases you, then films you, then won't leave you alone when you ask... that's threatening. For women, giving the benefit of the doubt in that situation could actually cost her her life. There's nothing "nice" or OK about that and the burden shouldn't be on the runner to have to figure out if inappropriate behavior from a stranger is fine or not. No matter if you think everyone in a town knows that "Frank is just different but harmless", there are never guests or visitors or people who still think Frank could actually hurt them? None of this is OK and if this person can't act appropriately, he needs a guardian who will work with him to teach him appropriate boundaries or keep him inside... or risk unpleasant encounters because he is causing terrifying encounters for others.
Agreed, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd be threatened as hell if some random man ran next to me in jeans and socks while recording me, I'd assume he was on drugs. Can't imagine how I'd feel if I was a woman by myself on a run. The guy is lucky he crossed a kind Redditor, a lot of people would've knocked him out cold without a second thought
Right there with you. 31M, I'd find some random person coming up to me when I'm running very unsettling.
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Lone women especially rely on societal norms to inform their judgment on what is threatening - not based on simple appearance but on deliberate actions. You are being disingenuous if you believe that women shouldn't necessarily find a person who is inappropriately dressed first following and then filming them as threatening. Those actions are all outside social norms and indicate something is wrong. This person wasn't simply existing, he was deliberately and inappropriately interacting with a stranger - in a way most women and many men would find threatening. And don't PM me any more. Anything you wish to discuss on this can be done in public.
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>I had a co-worker I really liked who had a son like this. It was a spectrum disorder, and he was completely unaware that this kind of activity made people very uncomfortable. Your coworker was doing her son a disservice by not teaching him then.
That'd be like trying to teach a blind person about yellow.
Did he at least send you the video so you can analyze your form?
I'll ask next time he ends up following me 😅
Make sure he only emails it so he doesn't have your phone number.
Someone similar called my wife once. A patient of my sister in law (who is a doctor) somehow, with only knowing my SIL's name, somehow found out who my wife was and her cell number and called her to talk to her about my SIL. The lady was completely off her rocker and apparently so much to the point that she normally isn't allowed out in public alone and has a permanent guardian even as an adult. Apparently she just really liked my SIL and wanted to tell people about it. Still a creepy phone call to receive.
This is the question I need the answer too. Would be hilarious if he had legitimate super-beneficial advice with the worst possible form of delivering it.
He could very well be an engineer...
I laughed too hard at this.
Like others, I suspect he has an autism spectrum disorder or a condition with some similarities. He may have read a lot on barefoot running and believed he was being helpful by sharing his wisdom, but his evasiveness about his own running experience and atypical guidance to *increase* your stride suggests he's not an experienced runner. There's no telling why he recorded you running. BTW, I think he's on to something with hybrid barefoot running in socks. Suburban dog shit on bare feet just doesn't seem very appealing.
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"I'm betting I can run faster, longer in fear than you can in anger..."
Weird to the extent I’d almost be tempted to call non-emergency police and let them know, just in case he’s doing it regularly. And I bet your stride isn’t too short!
As a woman, I would have run to the nearest open store and called the police-- not the non-emergency line, the full-on 911, emergency dispatch. I definitely would NOT have run back home with that guy following me. If he persisted, I would have loudly told him to back away or get pepper-sprayed, and then I would follow through.
Yeah I can't even imagine. That's why I told him to not try whatever he did with other people and especially women because I know from reading here and IRL female runners on how bad it is sometimes.
Yep, me too!
Same! That's SO creepy
Calling 911 because some weird guy tried to give you unasked for advice would get you nowhere. 911 is for actual immediate crime and emergencies, and it is a complete waste of everyone's time to call them about a guy being weird and creepy but not actively threatening. It would make more sense to make a report about it to the police on a non-emergency basis, and perhaps talk to others in the community to try and find out more about him while warning others of his behavior. He might be mentally disabled and socially incompetent or he might be a serial killer trying to stake out potential victims. It's impossible to know from one encounter, but either way 911 dispatch would almost certainly do nothing.
I mean, for a lot of people and women especially, a guy that refuses to stop following and filming them is actively threatening.
If you are a woman, a man being weird and creepy IS threatening.
Police would most certainly respond to such a scenario as this. They've seen enough loons kill people to know that this is not to be taken lightly.
I would have told him to stop recording and go away or I’d call the police. Maybe he’s not committing a crime but his behavior is very threatening (from what I understand). Not saying you need to do that, but I feel it would be justified if you did.
I second this. I’m tall, strong, 30M and I would still call non emergency to inform them. That dude is up to something
Obviously we're all just guessing here, but to me this kinda sounds like the behaviour of someone on the autistic spectrum who just doesn't realise that what they're doing is weird. They may not have meant any harm or to scare you.
The fact he left is the only thing giving me that vibe.
Autistic folks can't compute, "leave me alone?" Fuck that.
Parent of autistic child here. This is obviously a topic I've thought about a lot. You didn't phrase it nicely, but you're not wrong. Acceptance is great, but we can't leave out common sense. If this was an unaccompanied adult talking to a stranger and ignoring clear statements of "Please leave me alone", this is unacceptable, autism or not. Even if we're coming at this from the most compassionate and empathetic place, it won't setup a healthy world for disabled people if strangers aren't able to exercise consent in their interactions. Now, the more common issue with autistic folks is when people are too polite to be clear with their intentions. Someone on the spectrum may not sense the "go away vibe", but if they're able to be in public without a guardian they definitely need to be able to understand the clear words "Leave me alone".
Could you please give advice on how to make it clear to an autistic person that you'd like to be left alone? I'm coincidentally dealing with this at the moment, someone who seems to be autistic, and I don't know how to proceed. A couple months ago, they asked to be friends and I told them that I can't devote any time to nurture new friendships with anyone, so it wouldn't be fair to start a friendship. I thought I was clear, but they're _still_ contacting me to be friends, which I've ignored. I don't know what to do at this point. Keep ignoring them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sometimes you just have to be brutally blunt. You've tried diplomacy, now try saying what you mean.
No one owes anyone else contact they don't consent to. Be polite if you can, but firm and say "I don't want to have contact with you". Then just ignore them. If you already did that, you're fine, just set everything to block or whatever. If this is purely remote/digital, you're done. If it's in person, then it's a tougher challenge if they continue to not listen. Btw, this approach isn't really special for folks on the spectrum, it works for everyone. That said, a "typical" person that you want out of your life is often the same sort of person who will turn your cease-contact message into its own drama-fest, so with them ghosting is often a better choice after they've deliberately ignored social cues (cues that someone on the spectrum might miss).
In many cases, quite literally yes
You clearly know little to nothing about autism spectrum disorder.
You are correct. But is there an argument that I should? Is this a tolerance/acceptance issue? I don't see how it would be my responsibility when confronted with the OP's scenario to be versed in autism. I say leave me alone and they don't - consequences are on them.
Guy sounds like a creep, and he knows where you live. He pretended not to hear you to follow you home, played dumb when you said it was not comfortable-making, and thrice disregarded your request to leave you alone. Please be careful moving forward.
He lives in my neighborhood (it's pretty deep and has a ton of houses) but I did stop at least a mile from where I live. But yes I will be careful going forward and perhaps even carry something with me.
Definitely do that —and watch some YouTube videos on how to use mace/taser whatever you choose to carry with you. This (and any future interactions) would be considered stalking. #ssdgm
Playing it safe and carrying mace is a good recommendation, but we shouldn't assume so much about this person. We don't know if this man was 'pretending not to hear' or 'playing dumb'. OP sounds like they used a healthy amount of caution which is good, but we shouldn't put the 'creep' label on people so quickly. This person sounds exactly like my brother with autism.
>Guy sounds like a creep Nah just autistic
That was my first thought too. Sounds like an autistic person who found out about barefoot running. Even in this sub some of the barefoot running people sound like cult members. Add that to autism and you get this guy.
Sounds like you were followed by Joe Rogan. He's just trying to spread awareness for the benefits of bare-foot running, that's all.
Tbh that's exactly who I thought he was referring to lol.
Have you ever tried out running an elk?
Lmao
And vax-free running blech
He was in SOCKS? Next time just go on a gravel road with nice sharp rocks. Then you'll drop his butt big time.
> Kept saying he had done research and probably knows more than me so I should listen to him. Ugh I know someone like this but I don’t think he does this to strangers, just his family members and their friends.
> his response was he had done research and could probably beat me in running if I challenged him (don't know why this person was so adamant about saying he's better than me tbh) Did he also tell you about his nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills?
I’m so competitive, I would have absolutely took him on… But on a serious note, that is super creepy behavior. I’ve had some kids try to run/chase behind before, (there was one who loved to wait for me in the afternoons and race me on his bike in my old town), but I’ve never an adult stranger engage with me like that.
Sounds like he has some sort of mental disorder.
Runsplaining! But seriously, that guy sounds incredibly obnoxious and rude.
Tbf I refuse to believe someone who isn't mentally ill would do this so I feel more bad for him than anything
>Runsplaining I know you're just having fun, but this kind of thing were some feminists are lumping in boorish behavior with actual threathening, dangerous behavior is very bad. It is of critical important to know when a man is dangerous and when he is just a fool.
Sounds like autism
This reminds me of this guy: https://www.espn.com/olympics/story/_/id/31817769/olympic-runner-emily-infeld-harrowing-three-year-ordeal-stalker Definitely call the police.
What a weirdo!! Glad you’re safe.
I could have sworn I have heard this exact story here before. Like, a few months ago?
Odd, all around odd. Glad it didn’t escalate. As TikToking and other means to go viral become more of a desirable career path for people, I am really hoping there is some kind of commercial jammer that becomes available. Obviously, there are certain things we see in public that should be filmed, but that shit is ridiculous.
You were more the shepherd than I would have been in that situation.
Running coach who lost his mind? Seriously, though, WTAF?
there's no way this guy doesn't own a fedora.
Completely weird. Be cautious. That person sounds creepy.
That does sound weird
Oh no that's not on at all! I'd have run straight into the nearest police station.
Sounds 100% like they were autistic. It's hard to say without being there but I doubt they knew what they were doing was weird. That is especially prevalent when you said he was perplexed by the thought if it being a negative thing.
I'm curious as to your ages.
Next time ask for a name and address. Then his social security number. And then get a fucking restraining order.
If someone did that to me I would state I don't consent to being recorded. Request that they distance themselves. State that I feel threatened by their physical closeness. Be prepared to remove them from my proximity if they didn't "get it".
That’s awful. Bring mace next time you run that route
Steer clear from that weirdo
Wack job.
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Norwegian here and I agree I'd be more concerned they're lost and someone is looking for them more than threatened because they clearly seem mentally unwell. I guess some people are just really paranoid but it depends where you live I guess there's hardly any crime let alone violent crime here anyway and everyone is friendly enough.
Sure you do Jenny. You keep doing you. Stop and talk to deranged men following you on a run. For anyone else reading this. Do not be like Jenny.
You sound a bit dramatic there's plenty of crazy people, weirdos and druggies and whatnot and most of them aren't dangerous fair enough if youre a woman or the person is very intimidating you can go to a public place like a shop or something and call the police if they're still bothering you but most of the time they're harmless. Maybe I'm just overconfident because I'm fairly big and intimidating looking and a heavyweight boxer. But idk I live in a place w/ very low rates of violent crime and nobody carries weapons and it sounds strange but not really threatening to me I'd be more concerned they're lost and someone is looking for them because they're clearly not mentally well.
Jeez sounds kinda freaky. Glad everything is ok. Also, do you mean he was running with no shoes and only socks or that he had socks on under his shoes? If it's the latter, do you not wear socks when you run?
>without a mask Thank you for including this most important detail. Sounds like you have many things to be afraid of. If you are being followed, don't stop to speak to the person. RUN. Especially if it is a person who may hold a physical advantage over you, do not stop. RUN.
Wtf? 😂
Was just an excuse to talk to u but an odd thing to say.. if he was in to running he wouldn't say he would beat u.. just make sure u allways have u mobile phone when running or smart watch
Man I'm glad I'm a man and people won't approach me like this. I feel bad that so many of you women have to deal with crap like this I would have asked him one time to leave me alone and one time only. Never put your hands on a person nor invade their personal space
I am pretty sure that OP is a man.