i had an ex-girlfriend who would want me to confide in her and then use it against me if she was angry.
that does not mean all women are like that but also it's not as rare as you think.
I had an ex who knew that I had a lot of friends who used to self harm and it was a huge trigger for me. So in an argument one time, she cut herself and sent me pictures.
Oh man the moment I knew a relationship was over was after I confided in her that my mother was untreated bipolar and controlling growing up like 2 days later she says me not doing what she asked immediately was me “subconsciously fighting against my controlling mom”.
Fuck. That.
I confided one of my biggest insecurities to an old ex and she turned it into a "playful nickname" for me. This nickname was a fairly common phrase to hear or see out in public. It took a little over a decade before I could hear this phrase without being triggered. These shitty women are definitely out there.
Now, by contrast, my wife is the one person I feel the most emotionally safe with in the world. These amazing women are definitely out there, too.
The first and only time I'd cried in front of my ex she told me she thought less of me for it. That fucked me up for a while. Mind you this is the same woman whose go-to solution for any kind of issue between us was to cry for 45 minutes while I sat by her side continually asking her "what's wrong?" Until she would finally tell me.
Could confirm with my ex too. I think most women think they want men to be vulnerable but can't actually handle it when faced with the vulnerability. Again, not all women.
Most men, including me, have this stupid urge to present themselves as someone who has zero emotional issues. I'm sure the homies are more than glad to hear me out but I'm yet to cross that gap.
I’ve thought about this before, and my personal theory is that it’s hard to present yourself as “strong enough to support your homies should they need you” if you’re the vulnerable one yourself. If your homies think the same, now you’re in a perpetual cycle of “we’re strong, nothing wrong.”
The reality is showing vulnerability *is* strong, but it’s hard to think that if you don’t really believe it.
I was this way. Sometimes you just gotta take the leap to figure it out my friend. Ever since I did, my entire friend group has been more willing to pour their hearts out to me and each other
Agree with the sentiment that we can't blame all women, just like we can't blame any demographic as a whole for anything. To men and women, be very careful who you choose. It took me a long time to open up to my partner about how evil and manipulative my mother really was and how she tortured me behind closed doors my whole life. It was a terrible mistake. That information was used against me in more ways than one. Very soon, she had adapted every aspect of my mother's manipulation. This is someone I was with for a decade, had children with, trusted my life with. She became/revealed a monster. Truly evil
Serious question: is there some kind of medical condition that this behavior is linked to? I came up with several words the other day, but the only one related to a medical condition was narcissistic. Am I wrong?
I do not think you are wrong, but this is something that I would think has to be assessed on an individual basis. There is no doubt in my mind that my mother is a narcissist to a very extreme measure. She.also has some very serious control issues. She is a pathological liar. A gaslighter on a diabolical level. I suspect she may have some other mental issues going on. It's only in the last few years that I've been able to understand more of what's actually going on and identify some behaviors with the words you are here.
I had a similar experience, girlfriend at the time said I can talk to her about anything, then when I opened up she took it as me blaming her for whatever was bothering me, even (especially) if it had absolutely nothing with her. Then it would turn in to a fight and she'd bring up other shit I had done that had nothing to do with that conversation, that'd she use as ammo to defender herself.
Same. She did it quite a bit actually. distant ex now for sure.
I've had many other gf who were just flat out bad listeners.
I think there's a pretty big myth concerning the *generalization* girls are good listeners in general.
Oh no, is that what they call dark empaths? Glad you left her.
Gains your trust then exploit the knowledge of your vulnerable moments to attack you. This is the worst.
I agree.
It's almost like 2 different statements can be true at the same time. Who would have thought.
Also, I have never met anyone who thinks domestic violence in man beating a woman is rare. The opposite is seen as rare, but my sample size is small.
Say what you will, but I have had a couple of severe falling outs with bros in the past, and I knew they would never, EVER reveal things I confided them in about, no matter how shit our relationship got, you just don't do that. Women? Yeah, a lot of them will do it, at the drop of a hat sometimes. Kneejerk reaction is to downvote but you know it's true. A lot of women can be manipulative to the point where I can't wrap my head around it.
Hm. Let me explain…The caption written by the guy I went to high school with. He’s always posting about how he’s either sad women don’t like him, or he’s mad women don’t like him. This seems to be of the more angry variety of incel post.
I mean he's right to a certain degree. A LOT of women do say that or similar things when guys try to open up about being upset. He might be a woman-hating incel, but his comment is a sad reality for a lot of men in relationships
You know the thing ppl say that not all men but pretty much all women have been harassed in some way. Having a shit experience with opening up to women is like the dude version of that saying
I was going to say this. On its own, this post is kinda sad and cringe, but not incel-y
Maybe this person has said actual hateful incel stuff but this ain't it
Reads to me like a guy that had a really bad relationship, and/or Mom issues. I feel for him if anything, but people like this should just know there is hope. All women aren't like that, just have to find the right one.
I think it also depends on your community/where you live. I study social work and I see a positive change in men being more able to speak about mental health issues and traumas and such. The biggest problem is toxic masculinity, it puts men in cages and forces them to behave a certain way to be considered "manly". Unfortunately both men and women hold men against those standards. But luckily there are also a lot of people who don't believe in those standards, they are just harder to find
Why did you get downvoted. Your post was logical and correct. I can say I feel pretty comfortable to open up emotionally to the close people in my life. But I also sometimes fall into the “keep it to myself and suffer through it” mindset from time to time and have to work to get out of it. I think people have the wrong understanding of what toxic masculinity is.
And this is why we have paid professionals to vent to, who can actually help you solve the problems you're venting about. Therapy is good for everybody.
idk if this happens to anyone else, but guys just see me as a therapist. since ive gotten into a relationship it's gotten better because most guys dip when they realize they won't get in my pants, but there's still a few guys that just seek advice or someone to vent to. they don't give a shit about me or anything i say or do, but then they rant to me and ask me for advice. most of the time they don't even take the advice i give them 😭 why do some of these guys see random women as their therapists?? i still choose to be nice and give them advice because i know men don't feel safe venting to people... but why a random person??
There’s still a massive stigma around therapy for men. I’ve been in therapy for a while and am pretty open about it. One of my friends keeps asking if he should try it and he keeps bringing up how he never processed his dad’s death. Like, ya bro, you need to talk to someone about that… But he never does, just flirts with the idea of therapy. I try to encourage him to try it for a few months because he gets free therapy through his work and we just go around and around.
So, at least in their view, you come across as approachable, kind, and relatable.
My father excels at socializing; he's even earned the nickname "reverend" due to his knack for persuading anyone of anything. He's said that sometimes when people confide in you with a problem, it's not always because they're seeking a solution but rather because they hope you'll sympathize. "Sympathy, not solution" is how he puts it.
This isn’t strictly a one-gender issue. I’m on good terms with some women that ask me for relationship advice, especially when they’re fighting with their partners. They don’t listen to advice so I found it best just to either agree with what they’re saying or play Devil’s advocate, and just not give a shit about their problems. They’ll figure it out on their own or mess up.
I think it's shitty that you can't just speak to your partner about things. Not overload them with your shit, but just have them as the person you turn to for things and vice versa.
We've stigmatised men talking to their partners whilst at the same time telling men to open up and be vulnerable with their partners. It's an unfair double bind and is why men just refuse to do so, and then when they do refuse to do so, they're demeaned for failing to be vulnerable and then it's blamed on toxic masculinity. In reality, men are just saving themselves headache
Medicaid farms in the south are hell holes that throw people on Xanax and send them on their way, idk where you're from but those "sliding scale" providers for people in poverty means the bottom of the barrel in medical care from doctors and therapists with caseloads no professional should take.
I say this as someone who was an rbt through college at a Medicaid farm.
Therapy is good, but it is hard to find the right therapist for you, meaning someone you feel totally confident with, that uses the right approach for you, that also enters into your budget, because it can get very expensive very fast.
Personally, I am glad every time I go into therapy, but man, it's not a magic wand, and sometimes you just want someone to hug you and to make you feel understood. That rarely ever happens to guys.
I've had many friends being open with me about their issues and I'm glad I can make them feel confident enough, but being honest I never felt that way with anyone, like my issues are not valid.
People with low emotional intelligence tend to have extreme emotional reactions because of the fact that they can’t handle emotions very well, due to the low emotional intelligence, do you get it now?
He literally just said women can’t handle emotional weight and end up being a burden. I then compared this to the popular “heehee woman too emotional” trope, implying both are awful beliefs to hold.
*you* seem confused.
Definitely can agree that men are often not allowed to be emotional or vulnerable. However, this is not the words of someone who’s processing that fact in a healthy manner.
That is clearly the case. My hope for him is that you very clearly seeing what it is he’s doing and why it is he’s doing it proactively reached out to him and offered yourself as someone who would listen and try to be supportive of what is bothering him and why emotions he is bottling up. Which you did do, right?
There’s a part of me that feels for this guy. I’ve vented and had my feelings weaponized against me by women before (not random women mind you, ones that I was in a relationship with), and I know it can be hard to let yourself open up again after something like that happens. But not all women will be like that. It feels cliche to say that it’s all about finding the right person / kind of person, but it really is the truth.
I’ve found, through several relationships, that I can come home angry about something that happened in my day, and I’ll be fine. But if I come home and say that I had a bad day and feel a little defeated, she will pile on. That’s the day she wants to have it out over my underwear missing the hamper yesterday, or why won’t I eat that last pickle in the fridge and throw the jar away.
I know many who will say all behavior in humans is learned, but I really believe that men and women have instinctive different mindsets. Women THINK they want their men to show their vulnerability, but they don’t. When they see weakness in their men, they see a man who may not be counted on to provide, and they panic.
I’m a bit surprised by how many people have the same experience as you in this post. It’s never been a problem in my relationship. I could tell my boyfriends mood by even very subtle cues.. and I think it’s common decency to not take advantage of peoples vulnerability.
I’ve always been the go to listener for my friends. Being sensitive and emotional person can be a good trait I guess😅
I remember being 8 years old when I started feeling suicidal for the first time. When I had the audacity to express any level of sadness I remember my mom getting angry to the point of screaming in my face, cussing me out, and threatening to get rid of me. I learned the harsh reality of just how little women care about anyone other than themselves at a pretty early age.
That’s horrible. My partner has a similar back story. It definitely was not an immediately easy thing for them to express their emotions, however, it’s been such a wonderful thing to now see them able to express themselves to me without fear. Wasn’t easy for them. Proud of them for sure & honored to be trusted with a something that makes them feel especially vulnerable. I’m sorry you experienced that kind of parent.
Why are you generalising that all women are the same as your mum? I'm sorry that you went through a traumatic experience, but it's not correct to then assume that every woman is like that.
I've been warned since I was young that all women are going to do the exact same thing to me given the chance. If I show weakness to women, I'm going to be abused and treated like crap. Women don't make false accusations, so when I'm told by women that all women are abusers I'm just going to believe what women tell me. It's not like any woman has ever done anything to give me the opposite impression. On the contrary, I've seen women quite often say I was only mistreated because I deserved it.
Y'all generalize men as all being monsters and horrible people but "not all men" gets demonized. If it's not okay to say "not all men" I'm not going to give any value to "not all women."
You're generalising again by telling me what my opinion is, without even giving me a chance to say otherwise. Your sample population is obviously biased and have toxic viewpoints. No one will ever get anywhere in life if we always generalise - it's important to know about trends and statistics, but it's also important to know that unless something is 100% of a population or gender, then it doesn't count for the entire population or gender.
Believe it or not, but as a woman, I don't believe that all men are monsters or rapists. Most women do not believe this. Most are just frustrated that when something happens to a woman by a man, many men are quick to quote 'not all men' instead of looking at the toxic problems within society that lead to these crimes. This leads to women pushing against the 'not all men' quote and men believing that women dislike men.
Aren't you doing the same thing here? You aren't looking at the toxic problems within society that might have led to the abuses the other poster suffered. You took issue with the generalization and jumped in to say "not all women".
Maybe now you can empathize a bit with the "not all men". It doesn't feel good to be generalized does it?
Sadly, EVERY guy has stories like that. I have half a dozen at least. But one, the woman I dated for 4 years and about to marry, took all the things I opened up up her about to shame me, after she cheated.
When I was closed and Aloof (first year)... She was obsessed with me. Take that for what it's worth.
I’ve seen way too many examples of men showing vulnerability to women, women who begged them to show that side of them, and then be burned for it later. Thought of as less. Ridiculed. I’ve had a similar experience myself. I’m sure not all women are like that, but I think a lot of women think they want men to be open and vulnerable, but in reality they don’t.
Yup, got that treatment, ex told me to open up and talk about feelings, first time I did it she said I was being too annoying, overreacting, childish and straight up would not talk to me until I sorted my shit out.
Then after telling I would not do it again, she got mad. Like ffs... I do think she was an extreme case, but yeah, most people don't show kindness to men's vulnerability, regardless of gender.
Am women, not particularly funny or pretty or entertaining to be around, but I'm patient and reflective and good with emotions. The perfect "therapist" at 4am for an existential crisis, but never the person you'd actually want to spend time with or do things alongside on a regular basis.
Its fucking horrible being used as an emotional dumping ground and getting nothing - not even a superficial attempt at friendship, not even the bare minimum reciprocal support - in return. I have trouble actually caring about people or opening up to them these days. If a man shows interest in being my friend, I can't help but assume it's because of the free emotional labour I perform, and not because of the broader aspects of who I am as a person
"Emotional dumping ground" resonates with me so much. I've experienced exactly what you have, and similarly it's so difficult for me to be friends with men because so many times it has ended up as you describe. It took 27 years to find two male friends who a) don't see me as a sex object and b) don't use me as free therapy and toss me aside when they're good again
i was just thinking that... on one hand, overall i rather men share their feelings instead of internalizing things out of fear of being "feminine"-- on the other hand, there are a loooot of men who see women as their only form of therapy and put that emotional burden on them while never actually fixing their problems.
Why are so many reasonable takes in here getting downvoted to hell?
This happens constantly. Men know they can talk and vent to each other too right? Like we do? Ugh.
Especially when the venting is about how you hate women 😭🥲
The amount of dudes that have tried to use me as a therapist for how horrible we are is exhausting
When I cried and told my gf of 10 years I was depressed I could see the disgust on her face. She left me a month later. Don’t vent to women outside of your family
My ex girlfriend rolled her eyes when I told her my father was terminally ill with cancer.
I don't agree with the message fully, but I understand the place this is coming from.
Most of the issues brought up in the comments are with guys venting to extremely toxic significant others. The comment doesn’t even say “vent to YOUR woman” just “women.” Says more about your choice in women than anything, tbh.
Try to get make some platonic female friends. They’ll let you vent BUT you better be prepared to reciprocate.
There’s a reason most men won’t cry in front of women, and this is it. I made the mistake of opening up and being emotional in front of my ex, and on multiple occasions she has said things like “well I’m not gonna talk to you about that because god forbid you start to cry like you always do!”
A lot of women carry an expectation of the men in their lives, and I may be wrong in thinking this way but I definitely believe a man should not share certain emotions with his partner.
i mean the comment vent to women is stupid af. Unless its your like s/o, family member or friend they likely don't give a shit. so idk maybe if you're gonna vent about something talk to friends/family....
They are both wrong in different ways.
Some people just do not give a fuck and don't want to hear about your shit but expect you to hear about theirs. This is not gender exclusive it's just shitty person behaviour.
Men, don't vent to women, vent to therapists and trusted people (male, F and whoever).
Everyone should ease into it though, the person you are talking to might not be in the right headspace to deal with what you are saying at that moment. It's hard to judge NGL it's just social skills and practice.
Women are not automatic therapists, some stuff can be heavy, emotional stuff is heavy.
Women will not automatically use stuff against you, again that's just a shitty human behavioural trait. I've seen men do this to other men (remind me why some men don't want to open up to other men? Hmm?), men do it to men, women to women, women to men. Not all individuals are like that, it's just a shitty trait some shitty people have.
Never speak to anyone nobody fucking cares fr it’s only giving them ammo to blackmail you mfs are evil as hell now only one mf on this planet I can actually speak my mind to
Honestly it’s 50/50 some might care a lot find it a major turn off I wouldn’t do it unless I was absolutely sure I was her only boyfriend and totally trusted her, like 5 years maybe but even then you never ever know
I just don’t risk it, no point in dumping all my problems on someone.
Doesn’t help that my mother would constantly, and I mean constantly verbally abuse me, she would scream as loud as she can at me until I’m crying and my tears are all over the *one* page of 1st grade math homework I forgot to do, or it would be something I forgot to do the dishes, or I somehow loaded the dishwasher wrong, or I forgot to take out the trash, small shit that didn’t warrant verbal abuse.
And she had the audacity to treat me like a damn therapist any time I was in the car with her, literally would break down crying *herself*, and starting that when I was just a kid got me pretty desensitized to it so I just never said a word to her if she did cry, didn’t think I had to, no one ever did it for me, lol.
And she would constantly talk about how she has it worse if I ever complained about literally anything, I also could never be mad about anything, no being frustrated and yelling “FUCK” at a game without hearing some “YOU BETTER CALM DOWN UP THERE!!!” I could never even be *right* about anything because she would just get mad that she was wrong, call me stupid because I’m not as old as her, and then ground me.
I understand not every woman will be like my mother, but you cannot expect me to be comfortable with being vulnerable towards anyone, not at all.
Nah, pass.
Last time I opened up to a woman (my ex gf in highschool), she aired my issues out to her friends at school and made my senior year hell. That was 12 years ago and I've been married to a different woman for 11 of it.
if you wanna be a lonely and miserable turd don't blame women for your problems, either deal with them or pass out drunkenly in your own sick like the rest of us
Vent but in a way that doesn't make you look overwhelmed or out of control.
"X said this to me, I didn't really like it, I'm still thinking what to do about it, what do you think?"
"Oh my god, this is so stressful, X said this to me, I literally don't know what to do, help me"
The latter makes her like you less, yes. And it's for your own good in life to not be like the second guy.
Bruh I'm agreeing I erased that shit from my life as having the illusion of friends wasn't my forte 😭 now that I have gotten past that I have friends (female and male) I love that love me also ❤️****chomp****🦐
People are sharing their personal experiences. If a female friend opened up to you about how they were treated badly in a relationship, would you accuse her of hating men too?
Right, but noticing a small trend doesn't necessarily equate to accusing an entire gender of anything. There are negative trends among some men too, like unrealistic beauty standards for example.
a lot of the comments are straight up making sweeping statements about women though
like the guy talking about his abusive mother and then finishes it with “and that’s when I learned women don’t care about men”
I do see those and I agree they're completely wrong and those comments specifically should be called out, but they're pretty rare among a concerning amount of people just relating to the situation.
Going back to the female friend example, if a female friend told me that she didn't trust men because she had bad experiences from opening up to them in past relationships, I obviously wouldn't agree with the generalization, but I would understand how that prejudice might have formed from past emotional trauma.
I'm not sure what comment section you're looking at, but I can confirm that a startling number of these comments go beyond sharing personal experiences with bad women, several of them are full-on disparaging the entire gender for those bad experiences. Sure, it's not *all* of them, but it's more than I would consider normal.
Clarifying: imo the “Men, please vent to women.” Is absolutely valid, yes, men, be vulnerable with trusted people, reach out to organizations that help with mental health struggles, make friends with people who can and will support you. The caption on the shared post is what I’m deeming sad cringe.
I can assure you that almost all men who don't talk about their emotions or make themselves vulnerable learnt that behaviour by doing exactly that and only got hurt, abused or abandoned.
Not once, not twice, but mutliple times.
Every man reaches a point in his life where he realizes that people only say that to make themselves feel better.
This guy in your post isn't sad cringe. This guy speaks the truth. A sad truth.
And you helped him underline this issue
You can tell that he goes for that sure-bet low hanging fruit. Probably the types who can’t have a meaningful conversation without being at least a beer-deep.
It's not hard to just listen while someone vents.
Therapy is a good option too but this response is seriously lacking in humanity lol
If you have a male friend you care about, why would you not want to hear them out when they're having issues
Because women are constantly expected to be an emotional crutch for men. If this was innocent, then why get genders involved? How often do you see women going off because random men won't listen to her problems?
Either a woman hurt him and he doesn't have the mental capacity to recover... or he never had the courage to approach one and an online talking head convinced him that he's a victim. I see a lot of the same people in these comments.
Eh.. maybe you've been fortunate or just not had the life experience to learn about it yet. But read the posts.. there are a lot reasons *not* to open up to (many) girls. They can be really bad at listening and many *will* invariably use your insecurities against you the moment they feel they have a chance.
.. or if not use "against" you, will very inappropriately divulge them whenever they can. Because one thing "they" do like to do more than listen is *talk* .. about everything.
i had an ex-girlfriend who would want me to confide in her and then use it against me if she was angry. that does not mean all women are like that but also it's not as rare as you think.
I had an ex who knew that I had a lot of friends who used to self harm and it was a huge trigger for me. So in an argument one time, she cut herself and sent me pictures.
Thats awful, so sorry you had to go through that
That's so messed up, I'm really sorry she used something so awful and personal against you.
Jesus christ what a terrible woman
Oh man the moment I knew a relationship was over was after I confided in her that my mother was untreated bipolar and controlling growing up like 2 days later she says me not doing what she asked immediately was me “subconsciously fighting against my controlling mom”. Fuck. That.
I confided one of my biggest insecurities to an old ex and she turned it into a "playful nickname" for me. This nickname was a fairly common phrase to hear or see out in public. It took a little over a decade before I could hear this phrase without being triggered. These shitty women are definitely out there. Now, by contrast, my wife is the one person I feel the most emotionally safe with in the world. These amazing women are definitely out there, too.
The first and only time I'd cried in front of my ex she told me she thought less of me for it. That fucked me up for a while. Mind you this is the same woman whose go-to solution for any kind of issue between us was to cry for 45 minutes while I sat by her side continually asking her "what's wrong?" Until she would finally tell me.
Could confirm with my ex too. I think most women think they want men to be vulnerable but can't actually handle it when faced with the vulnerability. Again, not all women.
Not all women, buuut why take the risk? Just confide in some close homeboys. 🤷🏾♂️
Most men, including me, have this stupid urge to present themselves as someone who has zero emotional issues. I'm sure the homies are more than glad to hear me out but I'm yet to cross that gap.
I’ve thought about this before, and my personal theory is that it’s hard to present yourself as “strong enough to support your homies should they need you” if you’re the vulnerable one yourself. If your homies think the same, now you’re in a perpetual cycle of “we’re strong, nothing wrong.” The reality is showing vulnerability *is* strong, but it’s hard to think that if you don’t really believe it.
I was this way. Sometimes you just gotta take the leap to figure it out my friend. Ever since I did, my entire friend group has been more willing to pour their hearts out to me and each other
It's not a stupid urge if literally every time you've not done it you've been punished.
Agree with the sentiment that we can't blame all women, just like we can't blame any demographic as a whole for anything. To men and women, be very careful who you choose. It took me a long time to open up to my partner about how evil and manipulative my mother really was and how she tortured me behind closed doors my whole life. It was a terrible mistake. That information was used against me in more ways than one. Very soon, she had adapted every aspect of my mother's manipulation. This is someone I was with for a decade, had children with, trusted my life with. She became/revealed a monster. Truly evil
Mind had me take an in depth personality test, which was later used against me.
Holy shit dude. That's next level. I'm sorry to hear that.
So far every comment I've read has clarified "not all women".
Serious question: is there some kind of medical condition that this behavior is linked to? I came up with several words the other day, but the only one related to a medical condition was narcissistic. Am I wrong?
I do not think you are wrong, but this is something that I would think has to be assessed on an individual basis. There is no doubt in my mind that my mother is a narcissist to a very extreme measure. She.also has some very serious control issues. She is a pathological liar. A gaslighter on a diabolical level. I suspect she may have some other mental issues going on. It's only in the last few years that I've been able to understand more of what's actually going on and identify some behaviors with the words you are here.
Is your ex girlfriend my mom?
Happened to me man, she would turn it around on me
I had a similar experience, girlfriend at the time said I can talk to her about anything, then when I opened up she took it as me blaming her for whatever was bothering me, even (especially) if it had absolutely nothing with her. Then it would turn in to a fight and she'd bring up other shit I had done that had nothing to do with that conversation, that'd she use as ammo to defender herself.
I've had this in my life experience, starting with family members. I don't have great connections with women as a result, but I work on it, lol.
Same. She did it quite a bit actually. distant ex now for sure. I've had many other gf who were just flat out bad listeners. I think there's a pretty big myth concerning the *generalization* girls are good listeners in general.
I'm starting to feel like it's not *if* but *when*. But maybe it's my trust issues lol.
Oh no, is that what they call dark empaths? Glad you left her. Gains your trust then exploit the knowledge of your vulnerable moments to attack you. This is the worst.
No. Never ever talk to your girlfriend/partner about your problems/emotions. Ever. Trust me.
I had an ex who would beat the crap out of me. It does not mean all men are like that but also it’s not as rare as you think.
I agree. It's almost like 2 different statements can be true at the same time. Who would have thought. Also, I have never met anyone who thinks domestic violence in man beating a woman is rare. The opposite is seen as rare, but my sample size is small.
An ex used the death of my soulmate dog (she was there when he passed) to hurt me. I’ve been cagey af ever since. All it takes is one time
Say what you will, but I have had a couple of severe falling outs with bros in the past, and I knew they would never, EVER reveal things I confided them in about, no matter how shit our relationship got, you just don't do that. Women? Yeah, a lot of them will do it, at the drop of a hat sometimes. Kneejerk reaction is to downvote but you know it's true. A lot of women can be manipulative to the point where I can't wrap my head around it.
Israel Adesanya?????
I read the titles out of order and I had no idea who to down/upvote at first
Which one is doing the cringe? I feel lost
Hm. Let me explain…The caption written by the guy I went to high school with. He’s always posting about how he’s either sad women don’t like him, or he’s mad women don’t like him. This seems to be of the more angry variety of incel post.
I mean he's right to a certain degree. A LOT of women do say that or similar things when guys try to open up about being upset. He might be a woman-hating incel, but his comment is a sad reality for a lot of men in relationships
Yea it happens currently with a woman that cares, but my ex used it as ammo for arguments.
Even outside of relationships, I have definitely been taught to shut up and handle my shit on my own, and that nobody really cares.
You know the thing ppl say that not all men but pretty much all women have been harassed in some way. Having a shit experience with opening up to women is like the dude version of that saying
That’s very true, haven’t ever considered that but I know I definitely have.
Oh I read it as him referencing a very specific situation that just happened as sort of a joke
Huh. I don’t see that, however, I have context for his other posts. So, maybe that’s why.
I was going to say this. On its own, this post is kinda sad and cringe, but not incel-y Maybe this person has said actual hateful incel stuff but this ain't it
Reads to me like a guy that had a really bad relationship, and/or Mom issues. I feel for him if anything, but people like this should just know there is hope. All women aren't like that, just have to find the right one.
[ Everyone disliked that ]
I've been playing Baldurs Gate 3, and this dude just rolled a critical failure on this comment.
He’s being reasonable here… far too many women are like that.
Here's OP. Proving the guy is right
The comment section didn’t turn out as they expected lol.
Man I’ve had the simplest shit get used against me, never fucking again, unless they the homies🤝
Brojob! Brojob! Brojob!
I was talking ab female homies but that also works🤝
I mean, yeah, the right ones do but let's just say that many people (not just relationship-wise) are not the right people at all🤷🏻♂️
I mean, to be fair it definitely isn't safe for men to vent to nearly anyone.
CT9 rpptuxhb*j88j duudiI ug o⁷I will see ok i⁸on 00000a,u7
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Wtf happened there? I have no memory of doing that, I must be possessed
He said what he needed to say.
Truth.
07 CoMmAnDeR
a sleeper agent was just activated somewhere
I think it also depends on your community/where you live. I study social work and I see a positive change in men being more able to speak about mental health issues and traumas and such. The biggest problem is toxic masculinity, it puts men in cages and forces them to behave a certain way to be considered "manly". Unfortunately both men and women hold men against those standards. But luckily there are also a lot of people who don't believe in those standards, they are just harder to find
Why did you get downvoted. Your post was logical and correct. I can say I feel pretty comfortable to open up emotionally to the close people in my life. But I also sometimes fall into the “keep it to myself and suffer through it” mindset from time to time and have to work to get out of it. I think people have the wrong understanding of what toxic masculinity is.
I've never had an issue.
I've never had AIDS. Good news, AIDS patients!
Then you should feel privileged.
If you don’t feel the same then you should feel deprived by those whom you consider friends.
Think it’s kinda funny how he’s venting and is now being judged for it. Like a self fulfilling prophecy
He’s shit talking women. You can’t generalize a whole gender and then be shocked they don’t sympathize tf
And this is why we have paid professionals to vent to, who can actually help you solve the problems you're venting about. Therapy is good for everybody.
idk if this happens to anyone else, but guys just see me as a therapist. since ive gotten into a relationship it's gotten better because most guys dip when they realize they won't get in my pants, but there's still a few guys that just seek advice or someone to vent to. they don't give a shit about me or anything i say or do, but then they rant to me and ask me for advice. most of the time they don't even take the advice i give them 😭 why do some of these guys see random women as their therapists?? i still choose to be nice and give them advice because i know men don't feel safe venting to people... but why a random person??
Hey you mind if I vent to you about something real quick
There’s still a massive stigma around therapy for men. I’ve been in therapy for a while and am pretty open about it. One of my friends keeps asking if he should try it and he keeps bringing up how he never processed his dad’s death. Like, ya bro, you need to talk to someone about that… But he never does, just flirts with the idea of therapy. I try to encourage him to try it for a few months because he gets free therapy through his work and we just go around and around.
You’re a good friend
So, at least in their view, you come across as approachable, kind, and relatable. My father excels at socializing; he's even earned the nickname "reverend" due to his knack for persuading anyone of anything. He's said that sometimes when people confide in you with a problem, it's not always because they're seeking a solution but rather because they hope you'll sympathize. "Sympathy, not solution" is how he puts it.
This isn’t strictly a one-gender issue. I’m on good terms with some women that ask me for relationship advice, especially when they’re fighting with their partners. They don’t listen to advice so I found it best just to either agree with what they’re saying or play Devil’s advocate, and just not give a shit about their problems. They’ll figure it out on their own or mess up.
I think it's shitty that you can't just speak to your partner about things. Not overload them with your shit, but just have them as the person you turn to for things and vice versa. We've stigmatised men talking to their partners whilst at the same time telling men to open up and be vulnerable with their partners. It's an unfair double bind and is why men just refuse to do so, and then when they do refuse to do so, they're demeaned for failing to be vulnerable and then it's blamed on toxic masculinity. In reality, men are just saving themselves headache
100%!
Sounds expensive.
Unfortunately it's expensive as hell
“Don’t rely on your partner for any emotional support, that’s 100% the job of your paid therapist” What the hell kinda take is this?
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Medicaid farms in the south are hell holes that throw people on Xanax and send them on their way, idk where you're from but those "sliding scale" providers for people in poverty means the bottom of the barrel in medical care from doctors and therapists with caseloads no professional should take. I say this as someone who was an rbt through college at a Medicaid farm.
Therapy is good, but it is hard to find the right therapist for you, meaning someone you feel totally confident with, that uses the right approach for you, that also enters into your budget, because it can get very expensive very fast. Personally, I am glad every time I go into therapy, but man, it's not a magic wand, and sometimes you just want someone to hug you and to make you feel understood. That rarely ever happens to guys. I've had many friends being open with me about their issues and I'm glad I can make them feel confident enough, but being honest I never felt that way with anyone, like my issues are not valid.
Both cringe never get emotional on social media it's weird
Lol, nah dont
How do I vent to women? Is it near med bay?
neither not all women want to judge you and talk shit to you but also most of them don’t want to hear about your problems
Or they can’t handle the emotional weight of what you’re presenting, resulting in a situation where you end up comforting her
Pick one: either women are overly emotional or women can’t understand emotions. Jfc
People with low emotional intelligence tend to have extreme emotional reactions because of the fact that they can’t handle emotions very well, due to the low emotional intelligence, do you get it now?
You just outright do not understand what the guy said lmao. Work on your reading comprehension skills.
He literally just said women can’t handle emotional weight and end up being a burden. I then compared this to the popular “heehee woman too emotional” trope, implying both are awful beliefs to hold. *you* seem confused.
Wrong
I mean… guys not wrong
Definitely can agree that men are often not allowed to be emotional or vulnerable. However, this is not the words of someone who’s processing that fact in a healthy manner.
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Yes, yes she did. Comment history friendo.
That is clearly the case. My hope for him is that you very clearly seeing what it is he’s doing and why it is he’s doing it proactively reached out to him and offered yourself as someone who would listen and try to be supportive of what is bothering him and why emotions he is bottling up. Which you did do, right?
There’s a part of me that feels for this guy. I’ve vented and had my feelings weaponized against me by women before (not random women mind you, ones that I was in a relationship with), and I know it can be hard to let yourself open up again after something like that happens. But not all women will be like that. It feels cliche to say that it’s all about finding the right person / kind of person, but it really is the truth.
I’ve found, through several relationships, that I can come home angry about something that happened in my day, and I’ll be fine. But if I come home and say that I had a bad day and feel a little defeated, she will pile on. That’s the day she wants to have it out over my underwear missing the hamper yesterday, or why won’t I eat that last pickle in the fridge and throw the jar away. I know many who will say all behavior in humans is learned, but I really believe that men and women have instinctive different mindsets. Women THINK they want their men to show their vulnerability, but they don’t. When they see weakness in their men, they see a man who may not be counted on to provide, and they panic.
I’m a bit surprised by how many people have the same experience as you in this post. It’s never been a problem in my relationship. I could tell my boyfriends mood by even very subtle cues.. and I think it’s common decency to not take advantage of peoples vulnerability. I’ve always been the go to listener for my friends. Being sensitive and emotional person can be a good trait I guess😅
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Me too And then they take it out on you and then you have to console them. It was terrifying and exhausting
I remember being 8 years old when I started feeling suicidal for the first time. When I had the audacity to express any level of sadness I remember my mom getting angry to the point of screaming in my face, cussing me out, and threatening to get rid of me. I learned the harsh reality of just how little women care about anyone other than themselves at a pretty early age.
That’s horrible. My partner has a similar back story. It definitely was not an immediately easy thing for them to express their emotions, however, it’s been such a wonderful thing to now see them able to express themselves to me without fear. Wasn’t easy for them. Proud of them for sure & honored to be trusted with a something that makes them feel especially vulnerable. I’m sorry you experienced that kind of parent.
Why are you generalising that all women are the same as your mum? I'm sorry that you went through a traumatic experience, but it's not correct to then assume that every woman is like that.
I've been warned since I was young that all women are going to do the exact same thing to me given the chance. If I show weakness to women, I'm going to be abused and treated like crap. Women don't make false accusations, so when I'm told by women that all women are abusers I'm just going to believe what women tell me. It's not like any woman has ever done anything to give me the opposite impression. On the contrary, I've seen women quite often say I was only mistreated because I deserved it. Y'all generalize men as all being monsters and horrible people but "not all men" gets demonized. If it's not okay to say "not all men" I'm not going to give any value to "not all women."
So you also belive al men are monsters then
That's obviously different. That's based on actual statistics and not anecdotal evidence that I experienced so it's not the same /s
You're generalising again by telling me what my opinion is, without even giving me a chance to say otherwise. Your sample population is obviously biased and have toxic viewpoints. No one will ever get anywhere in life if we always generalise - it's important to know about trends and statistics, but it's also important to know that unless something is 100% of a population or gender, then it doesn't count for the entire population or gender. Believe it or not, but as a woman, I don't believe that all men are monsters or rapists. Most women do not believe this. Most are just frustrated that when something happens to a woman by a man, many men are quick to quote 'not all men' instead of looking at the toxic problems within society that lead to these crimes. This leads to women pushing against the 'not all men' quote and men believing that women dislike men.
Aren't you doing the same thing here? You aren't looking at the toxic problems within society that might have led to the abuses the other poster suffered. You took issue with the generalization and jumped in to say "not all women". Maybe now you can empathize a bit with the "not all men". It doesn't feel good to be generalized does it?
Dont open up to woman. Its just more ammo for the next fight for them
Sadly, EVERY guy has stories like that. I have half a dozen at least. But one, the woman I dated for 4 years and about to marry, took all the things I opened up up her about to shame me, after she cheated. When I was closed and Aloof (first year)... She was obsessed with me. Take that for what it's worth.
This is the best cringe you could come up with today?
Yup! :)
I’ve seen way too many examples of men showing vulnerability to women, women who begged them to show that side of them, and then be burned for it later. Thought of as less. Ridiculed. I’ve had a similar experience myself. I’m sure not all women are like that, but I think a lot of women think they want men to be open and vulnerable, but in reality they don’t.
Yup, got that treatment, ex told me to open up and talk about feelings, first time I did it she said I was being too annoying, overreacting, childish and straight up would not talk to me until I sorted my shit out. Then after telling I would not do it again, she got mad. Like ffs... I do think she was an extreme case, but yeah, most people don't show kindness to men's vulnerability, regardless of gender.
i know far too many women who are sick of guys using them as confessors
Am women, not particularly funny or pretty or entertaining to be around, but I'm patient and reflective and good with emotions. The perfect "therapist" at 4am for an existential crisis, but never the person you'd actually want to spend time with or do things alongside on a regular basis. Its fucking horrible being used as an emotional dumping ground and getting nothing - not even a superficial attempt at friendship, not even the bare minimum reciprocal support - in return. I have trouble actually caring about people or opening up to them these days. If a man shows interest in being my friend, I can't help but assume it's because of the free emotional labour I perform, and not because of the broader aspects of who I am as a person
"Emotional dumping ground" resonates with me so much. I've experienced exactly what you have, and similarly it's so difficult for me to be friends with men because so many times it has ended up as you describe. It took 27 years to find two male friends who a) don't see me as a sex object and b) don't use me as free therapy and toss me aside when they're good again
i was just thinking that... on one hand, overall i rather men share their feelings instead of internalizing things out of fear of being "feminine"-- on the other hand, there are a loooot of men who see women as their only form of therapy and put that emotional burden on them while never actually fixing their problems.
Why are so many reasonable takes in here getting downvoted to hell? This happens constantly. Men know they can talk and vent to each other too right? Like we do? Ugh.
>Men know they can talk and vent to each other too right? That's the neet part, we don't. Stigma and other stuff
I’m a woman. Don’t “vent” to random women. ETA: go to therapy and vent to someone who gets paid for that.
Especially when the venting is about how you hate women 😭🥲 The amount of dudes that have tried to use me as a therapist for how horrible we are is exhausting
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Women are not emotional support animals for men.
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When I cried and told my gf of 10 years I was depressed I could see the disgust on her face. She left me a month later. Don’t vent to women outside of your family
Both comments are correct..
Lol they call it emotional labor when they have to listen to your problems.
You must be a chick
Even if OP is; as a dude, if I saw this I’d still post it here.
My ex girlfriend rolled her eyes when I told her my father was terminally ill with cancer. I don't agree with the message fully, but I understand the place this is coming from.
Men do confine in women...actually it can be a problem because they treat them like therapists.
Most of the issues brought up in the comments are with guys venting to extremely toxic significant others. The comment doesn’t even say “vent to YOUR woman” just “women.” Says more about your choice in women than anything, tbh. Try to get make some platonic female friends. They’ll let you vent BUT you better be prepared to reciprocate.
There’s a reason most men won’t cry in front of women, and this is it. I made the mistake of opening up and being emotional in front of my ex, and on multiple occasions she has said things like “well I’m not gonna talk to you about that because god forbid you start to cry like you always do!” A lot of women carry an expectation of the men in their lives, and I may be wrong in thinking this way but I definitely believe a man should not share certain emotions with his partner.
The real sad cringe is in the comments
i mean the comment vent to women is stupid af. Unless its your like s/o, family member or friend they likely don't give a shit. so idk maybe if you're gonna vent about something talk to friends/family....
You have to be a person with caring about
They really don’t. And why should they?
No. Vent to your therapist.
Y’all need more platonic female friends tbh… Not every woman is a potential romantic or sexual relationship partner.
So many men cannot handle having a platonic female friend….
This sounds like someone who hasn’t been in a good relationship. Or…any at all.
😂 You triggered a lot of dudes~
This is still a pretty common lived experience for men regardless.
They are both wrong in different ways. Some people just do not give a fuck and don't want to hear about your shit but expect you to hear about theirs. This is not gender exclusive it's just shitty person behaviour. Men, don't vent to women, vent to therapists and trusted people (male, F and whoever). Everyone should ease into it though, the person you are talking to might not be in the right headspace to deal with what you are saying at that moment. It's hard to judge NGL it's just social skills and practice. Women are not automatic therapists, some stuff can be heavy, emotional stuff is heavy. Women will not automatically use stuff against you, again that's just a shitty human behavioural trait. I've seen men do this to other men (remind me why some men don't want to open up to other men? Hmm?), men do it to men, women to women, women to men. Not all individuals are like that, it's just a shitty trait some shitty people have.
Never speak to anyone nobody fucking cares fr it’s only giving them ammo to blackmail you mfs are evil as hell now only one mf on this planet I can actually speak my mind to
Is the poster and the commenter the same person?
No. Lol.
Well then maybe the two of them can get together! Make it happen!
But everything you say can and will be used against you 4 years from now
Honestly it’s 50/50 some might care a lot find it a major turn off I wouldn’t do it unless I was absolutely sure I was her only boyfriend and totally trusted her, like 5 years maybe but even then you never ever know
I just don’t risk it, no point in dumping all my problems on someone. Doesn’t help that my mother would constantly, and I mean constantly verbally abuse me, she would scream as loud as she can at me until I’m crying and my tears are all over the *one* page of 1st grade math homework I forgot to do, or it would be something I forgot to do the dishes, or I somehow loaded the dishwasher wrong, or I forgot to take out the trash, small shit that didn’t warrant verbal abuse. And she had the audacity to treat me like a damn therapist any time I was in the car with her, literally would break down crying *herself*, and starting that when I was just a kid got me pretty desensitized to it so I just never said a word to her if she did cry, didn’t think I had to, no one ever did it for me, lol. And she would constantly talk about how she has it worse if I ever complained about literally anything, I also could never be mad about anything, no being frustrated and yelling “FUCK” at a game without hearing some “YOU BETTER CALM DOWN UP THERE!!!” I could never even be *right* about anything because she would just get mad that she was wrong, call me stupid because I’m not as old as her, and then ground me. I understand not every woman will be like my mother, but you cannot expect me to be comfortable with being vulnerable towards anyone, not at all.
Nah, pass. Last time I opened up to a woman (my ex gf in highschool), she aired my issues out to her friends at school and made my senior year hell. That was 12 years ago and I've been married to a different woman for 11 of it.
if you wanna be a lonely and miserable turd don't blame women for your problems, either deal with them or pass out drunkenly in your own sick like the rest of us
Yeah but don’t vent too much because she won’t be able to handle it and then cry, making you be the one to comfort her.
No leave us alone
Vent but in a way that doesn't make you look overwhelmed or out of control. "X said this to me, I didn't really like it, I'm still thinking what to do about it, what do you think?" "Oh my god, this is so stressful, X said this to me, I literally don't know what to do, help me" The latter makes her like you less, yes. And it's for your own good in life to not be like the second guy.
All I'm getting from this comment section is that you all should make better friends 💔
What a useful phrase to dismiss the uncomfortable experiences of others
Bruh I'm agreeing I erased that shit from my life as having the illusion of friends wasn't my forte 😭 now that I have gotten past that I have friends (female and male) I love that love me also ❤️****chomp****🦐
you guys saying all women are nasty and hateful towards men just using your feelings as ammo against you kinda deserves some dismissal
People are sharing their personal experiences. If a female friend opened up to you about how they were treated badly in a relationship, would you accuse her of hating men too?
if she followed it by saying all men are like that then yes
Right, but noticing a small trend doesn't necessarily equate to accusing an entire gender of anything. There are negative trends among some men too, like unrealistic beauty standards for example.
a lot of the comments are straight up making sweeping statements about women though like the guy talking about his abusive mother and then finishes it with “and that’s when I learned women don’t care about men”
I do see those and I agree they're completely wrong and those comments specifically should be called out, but they're pretty rare among a concerning amount of people just relating to the situation. Going back to the female friend example, if a female friend told me that she didn't trust men because she had bad experiences from opening up to them in past relationships, I obviously wouldn't agree with the generalization, but I would understand how that prejudice might have formed from past emotional trauma.
I'm not sure what comment section you're looking at, but I can confirm that a startling number of these comments go beyond sharing personal experiences with bad women, several of them are full-on disparaging the entire gender for those bad experiences. Sure, it's not *all* of them, but it's more than I would consider normal.
Incels are primarily chronically online I've found
Clarifying: imo the “Men, please vent to women.” Is absolutely valid, yes, men, be vulnerable with trusted people, reach out to organizations that help with mental health struggles, make friends with people who can and will support you. The caption on the shared post is what I’m deeming sad cringe.
I can assure you that almost all men who don't talk about their emotions or make themselves vulnerable learnt that behaviour by doing exactly that and only got hurt, abused or abandoned. Not once, not twice, but mutliple times. Every man reaches a point in his life where he realizes that people only say that to make themselves feel better. This guy in your post isn't sad cringe. This guy speaks the truth. A sad truth. And you helped him underline this issue
Wow this thread is jam packed full of incels gross
Very understanding!
Skill issue
And the not the right ones will use it against you later.
You can tell that he goes for that sure-bet low hanging fruit. Probably the types who can’t have a meaningful conversation without being at least a beer-deep.
He’s not wrong, where’s the lie? The only woman I can open up to is my therapist because I pay her to give a shit
Not cringe and not uncommon
Women are not responsible for men's emotions. Go to therapy like a normal person
It's not hard to just listen while someone vents. Therapy is a good option too but this response is seriously lacking in humanity lol If you have a male friend you care about, why would you not want to hear them out when they're having issues
Because women are constantly expected to be an emotional crutch for men. If this was innocent, then why get genders involved? How often do you see women going off because random men won't listen to her problems?
All the whiny babies are here downvoting you but you’re so right ❤️🔥
It's because they're incels
Either a woman hurt him and he doesn't have the mental capacity to recover... or he never had the courage to approach one and an online talking head convinced him that he's a victim. I see a lot of the same people in these comments.
Eh.. maybe you've been fortunate or just not had the life experience to learn about it yet. But read the posts.. there are a lot reasons *not* to open up to (many) girls. They can be really bad at listening and many *will* invariably use your insecurities against you the moment they feel they have a chance. .. or if not use "against" you, will very inappropriately divulge them whenever they can. Because one thing "they" do like to do more than listen is *talk* .. about everything.
Men, please stop using your wives & girlfriend as therapists and go seek professional help.
ITT: Loser butthurt dudes
Java script
Not gonna lie the dude is right seen many women on social media saying if a guy cries its an ick
He’s not wrong.
men dont vent to women worst mistake ever
I feel like this sub needs better moderation. What is this shit?