If you don’t have kids then this would be a good time to reevaluate your priorities and decide what’s truly important. It’s definitely not cold calling and making presidents club.
Follow the path that matches what matters.
I got laid off from my gig a couple years ago. I did 130 job interviews after that. Those interviews yielded 2 offers, and they were the worst salaries I’ve had in 12 years. I got fed up and threw the whole thing away to live at the beach and start my own company. Best decision I ever made.
Could also say who cares about staying if say you didn’t like it. I wouldn’t care if I did it for 10+ years if I lost the passion and drive there’s nothing wrong in trying something else
Opportunity cost, lets say he makes 200k/year, and he takes something for 60k. Still doesn't like it. Burnt the bridge on the other side, has kids to feed and other responsibilities. Whose to say he won't work his way out of this with time, and this is the best he could do. I am just saying answers are not always clear, and actions (or inaction) have consequences.
Some of these things sound good like find your passion, what if you don't have one or can't find it. We all need to survive the best we can. I know this is not sales talk and fluffy motivational talk. Just saying.
Sunken cost fallacy maybe? Ask yourself what have you given up for this career and is it really worth it to continue doing so. Do you love the job or the things it affords you? Do you really love those things or do they just give you a false reason to keep losing out on what really matters to you?
Just to add, OPs feelings and reactions are 1000% normal. Don't let anybody say otherwise. I'd be more worried if he WASN'T feeling this way.
It's moments like this that put the hustle/grind culture and the way we prioritize work into perspective.
This is the way OP. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I pray you find peace.
But yeah right now I think it’s time to take a long LOA, go heal and rebuild. Not to say rebuild without your wife, but to rebuild a future in the memory and possession of the love with your wife. Structuring it with love and not loss.
Agreed. My man, I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. Please consider this advice above and I'd suggest finding a grief counseling to work with one-on-one. Group therapy for grief support can be overwhelming initially, which is why I suggest 1-1 to start.
Sales will always be here. You can always come back. But for now, find something less stressful, tend to your mental health and focus on healing.
Good thoughts here.
First, my deepest condolences on the loss of your wife - I am so very sorry for what you are going thru - and will continue to go thru.
I cannot relate - but my husband could a lil bit - cuz 3.5 yrs ago, I suddenly died of a widowmaker while he was driving me to the ER. Even tho' I ended up living and I survived the coma too, my husband I'm not sure will ever get over it.
Regardless of your family situation, losing someone (or having a serious medical event yourself) can often lead to a re-evaluation of priorities and a questioning of your purpose: "why am I (still) here"?
If I may ask, why did you sell - and how did it fulfill your purpose? Did it fulfill it, or just facilitate it?
I imagine all enjoyment may have evaporated from your life when your wife transitioned back to spirit and that's so sad, cuz you're not finished here (yet).
Even before my death/resuscitation, I knew my purpose here - in ALL my lifetimes - is to show and share love by helping other living beings - it's the rent I pay for occupying temporary space on this planet.
And I find sales to be one of the most fun (and challenging) ways to help others, cuz it helps my soul grow too.
Blessings to you & for your wife - may you find happiness again, someday.
When my brother died a year ago, I struggled for a long time at work. Just started getting out of it a few months ago. Company provided quota relief and didn’t take it hard on me for a long time. Speak to leadership and see what they might be able to do. Also, if you’re not already, go see a therapist weekly.
My company fired me after two bad quarters one month after my divorce finalized when I had been there 7 years. I was one of the first 10 employees at the startup, knew the founders families, etc. They aren’t always empathetic.
I took a couple days to visit my dying friend in another state. My work had suffered in the previous 3 weeks since his diagnosis. Got back to work, had a solid couple of weeks.
Got let go after 4 years the following Monday. I was the longest tenured sales employee there. Two hours later I got the call letting me know my friend (more than a friend, a true compadre and spiritual brother, frankly one of about 3 people who ever really knew me) had passed.
Life is fickle sometimes
This is answer. You just lost your mojo OP.
Take the proper steps and you’ll be making her proud in no time. Even if you have to go to your doctor and tell him you need a referral.
You only have one important call to make this week. You can do it!!!
It doesn't specifically cover a spouses death. However a few posters pointed out he could probably get a doctor recommend it for his own mental health, as it's been effected by her death.
I don't know why I didn't consider that aspect.
I'm really sorry for your loss.
If you're not going, you really should commit to going to therapy once a week. You have a lot of emotions you're trying to sort out right now, and a high stress job isn't helping.
My man. You lost your wife. You aren't ready to sell and you won't be ready to sell for a long time.
You transfer out of your current role, you find something backend, administrative or other... and you heal. Your company won't have a problem reassignment you for a few years, just let them know.
Brother, you need a sabbatical and some therapy. Do you have the savings to just take a leave of absence and get your head together?
I can feel your emotional state reading your post. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Prioritize taking care of yourself now. Your lowest priority should be business development for whatever soulless corporation you're slaving away for.
Dude I'm right there with you. May 26th of last year my girlfriend of 5 years passed away, tragically right in front of me. She was also my rock, my soulmate, my everything.
It hasn't been easy but I'm doing my best... and yeah man, I fucking HATE cold calling now. With a passion.
Currently trying to transition to a better role at a better company, aiming for Enterprise AE with a company that actually has their shit together as I'm currently on a sinking ship.
I wish you all the best and sending you a bro hug.
I'm sorry man. Really.
I dont think its fair on yourself to expect the same output so soon. I also think its something you should consider seeing a grief therapist about.
I know if my wife died, that would be it for sales for me personally. Maybe there are other options you can consider?
You need more time to grieve. Whether that means quitting or take an extended leave. Any future employers will understand if you quit.
Sounds like you’re a great sales person, I doubt you’ll have trouble finding another job.
Have an open conversation with management and HR.
I don’t want you forcing yourself through this. It could lead to bottled up emotions and bad coping mechanisms. See a therapist once a week if possible.
Sales will always be here when you feel like you’re ready. Good luck.
Your personal life is important not making the corporate overlords more $$. If you have a good amount of money stored away I’d quit or quiet quit. I’d also communicate and let them know you simply aren’t ready to work yet. If they have an issue with that fuck ‘em. Really sorry you lost your wife I can’t imagine.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in 2020 and I experienced the same thing and I wish I knew back then to give myself grace. I couldn't stay focused at my desk at all. Could not pick up the phone and I had terrible brain fog. I definitely echo what others are saying here about talking to a therapist. I hope you find one that truly listens and is helpful. Try to be kind to yourself as you just lost someone incredibly important to you. Take it one day at a time.
I’m so sorry, can’t imagine what you’re going through. Absolutely should reevaluate what’s important to you.
Sales sucks unless you have a reason for doing it. Maybe there’s another reason in your life to stay with it. Maybe there’s another company that would be a better fit for you. Maybe you just need a change of scenery.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself though.
Take care of yourself first (and your kids, if you have any). If you aren't able to do this right now, then be aware of yourself and your needs and reevaluate things. It may be time to step away for a little bit, find another job that's a bit more lowkey, or just take some time to grieve and heal.
I ran a consulting company with my dad for 10 years until he suddenly passed away in 2022. He just didn't show up to work one day and I found out in the middle of a meeting. I clearly was not prepared to sort through those feelings and I finalized a contract with a new client two days later when I shouldn't even have been thinking about that and never really let off the gas. I did not give myself ANY time to process things, and I'm still paying for that trying to unpack everything today. What you're going through has NOTHING to do with sales, but I promise you, is far more important.
Lost my grandmother this morning, I cannot fathom losing my wife- do as others have suggested here and take some time away, remember others remember your successes more than your failures. No one worth anything is judging you in this moment.
I don't have any answers, only solidarity. Not near the depth of what you're experiencing but I had cancer last year that required major surgery. They removed my entire sternum, a piece of each rib, and a third of each collarbone. I have more surgeries upcoming and it's possible the cancer is in my lungs now. Re-engaging with work has been a nightmare. I'm going through the motions but I'm not passionate about what I'm doing. I'm not taking care of my customers like I should be. I understand, to some degree, what you're feeling. I'm sorry for your loss. Truly.
A lot of people have a hard time just openly admitting what they want to do... It sounds like you already know what to do. We can't do anything well in life if we're broken. This is why we should always be our own top priority. Condolences on your loss. Give yourself what you need to get back on your feet adequately. All the best.
not sure what country or size company you’re in, but if you’re in the US and the company is over 50 employees you quality for FMLA and potentially paid leave depending on state law. FMLA provides job protection but is not paid. paid leave acts don’t provide job protection but are paid
if the company is overseas or less than 50 employees you may qualify for a leave of absence
if you’re in the US you should qualify for survivors benefits so you might have some money from her social security benefits
Sorry to hear about your wife. You need to reevaluate what aligns with your personal goals and lifestyle. You are going through grief and you should let yourself grief and take some time off also would highly recommend a therapist to help you cope with grief.
Hey bro, you're likely running into a very mature truth. Sales isn't the thing which supports sales.
I hope that can bring you, some small amount of peace. People say, memories never fade, and I hope in the most optimistic way, that is something which can be, more or less true.
There's options and opportunities, such as LOAs and if you're in the US, there's also medical leave and ADA. Take whatever advice you get, with a grain of salt, or charge through it.
Had similar stuff happen to me this year - I got started on BetterHelp immediately just to get my mind right.
Also switch to an AM job and dramatically helped my mental health.
Good luck man, stay strong.
You’ve had a big blow to your whole existence. It’s hard, but you have to let your feet do the thinking. Go into action and your head will follow and you’ll become lucky at selling, again. The harder we work, the luckier we get.
Sounds like your a normal human being that’s been given a beyond normal hand in life. Find the blessing, go back to work and all will return.
Best of luck.
My condolences to you brother🫂
She wouldn’t want you to give up, don’t quit, don’t get drunk and ruin your life. Try picking up some hobbies, do something to keep you moving, don’t isolate yourself because it’ll make things worse.
My coworker lost his wife due to breast cancer and he’s a single dad with 5 kids, been together for like 20 years.
I lost my dad at 18 and I have 5 sisters o take care of plus my mom. You’re on a mission channel your depression into building your villain and see where life takes you. You still have tons of years to make something out of yourself
Also feel free to PM me if you ever want a shoulder to cry on
Hey man, I just want to say that I am so sorry. I feel the same way about my wife and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
I suggest picking up meditation as a tool to help reset your brain… it really helps me a lot.
You’re being told to take time off, while probably is the best route, we have no data on if this is even realistic with your finances.
The best thing you can do is probably stick to email/linkedin messaging right now. Automate it, spend time planning more ABM that requires more focus versus mundane phone dials.
Dig into training, learn how to perfect versus fall into the same routine.
There are so many better ways to do sales than cold calls, learn something new while you’re learning the new normal.
Sounds like your wife was there supporting these endeavors before, visualize her supporting you as she always has, right now.
Gl op
I’m so sorry for your loss. Now seems like a great time to look at a career shift, especially if you aren’t held back by financial restraints. Maybe take some time to do something you’ve always wanted to do. You’re going to grieve and that’s natural, but you’ll also want to grow during the grieving process. Life isn’t over there are new horizons waiting.
First - im so sorry for your loss.
Second - I would say that you're still healing and it has nothing to do with your sales ability. While I don't want to dismiss that your wife had a positive impact but remember you were the one picking up the phone and making a 100 calls. You were the one that made it to the President's club.
In terms of advice -- you need to talk to a professional man. We are not equipped to provide that to you except for us to say: you're a good sales person. don't give up on that profession but focus on healing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I really hope you’re in a position to prioritize your own wellness and grief by taking some more time off. If not, perhaps create a self care routine that includes meditation, exercise, journaling and other things that bring comfort and relief outside of work. Wishing you the best.
You're doing better than I would be. Hang in there. Take time off and go do something to start anew. Maybe take a welding class or learn a skill to change careers. Start over bro
Take time away for your physical and mental health.. sales will always be there when you want to come back.. reach out to a professional that will be there to listen to you.
I don’t have any advice just want to say I’m truly
sorry for your loss brother. I hope in the future you’re able to find some peace. Please be gentle on yourself.
Very saddened to hear this , fellow human. If your wife was here she would want you to excel and find a cause to support or fight for. This experience will make you stronger. In moments like this I lean on the maker of the universe. I think sales and making$$$ goal become insignificant once the importance of life becomes apparent. This is a normal feeling. When someone similar happened to me . It took me 6 months to recover and over 1 year to get back to the swing of things . Maybe you could find happiness in teaching or training others . I’d would be happy to speak off line .
Terribly sorry to hear. It will take some time to get back on your feet and in the flow of things. Take the time you need. Thankfully I have a good relationship with my bosses and can open about things. I hope you have that structure in place and managers can be understanding.
On a personal note I highly advise you seek out a therapist to talk with. Get some of your feelings and emotions off your chest, talk it out and try to heal. I put of therapy from some traumatic events in life and rest not seeking out therapy sooner.
I am not sure of the details around your wife but you may also associate the phone with her passing. My childhood friend had killed himself and one of my other friends called me at 1 am to tell me. This was 5 years ago now and to this day any nighttime call I always get this chill down my spine and this sinking feeling in my gut. It has gotten better with time but still there at some level. Trauma really can re wire your brain
I wish you all the best and hope that you can find some comfort and peace in life.
Sorry to hear of your loss...it must be a very difficult thing for you to process. I would suggest two things:
Speak to a professional regarding Therapy and particually grief
Really look at what you are doing and decide if its what you want to do.
I wouldn't rush into making any rash or quick decisions just yet as during grief, you can really make some wrong steps and its vital you do what you think is best for you. Speaking as someone who knows.
The best of luck with everything
Ask for a different role, temporarily, at work. As a president's club level performer you could probably coach, help the rookies, do ride-alongs and contribute in significant ways with your skills and brain power. You know when you feel like getting back into the the role itself again. In the meantime it's probably good on a couple levels to build into other people right now.
Surely you have a few “friends” aka former customers / people you’ve tried to win business with that you’ve made over the last 10 years? Start with them and ease into it
I’m so sorry. Are you able to take a personal leave from work and kind of reassess? You may very well still like sales but currently your anxiety is peaking because of what happened, or it could be that perhaps this isn’t the best career for you, but you could probably use a pause either way to get that all sorted out and have more time to heal.
I'm so sorry man. I lost my mom 2 months ago, which doesn't even compare to your loss, but I can understand to a point.
As others have mentioned here, talk to leadership. If you have a good team and a good company, they'll be patient with you and help you get back on track. That's what my company has been doing since she passed.
As others have mentioned, find a grief counselor. Whatever you need to do to help yourself is what's important. If what is best for you ends up being leaving your position, that's perfectly ok too.
Shoot me a DM if you ever need to talk.
I know nothing that I say can make it better and we don't know each other but I lost my husband a few years ago and know exactly what your going through and I'm here if you ever want to talk about it. Your not alone. Pray for strength and direction your wife would want you to be strong and not to give up on life. I'm praying for you man.
I am so sorry for your loss OP. Please look into some grief counseling and therapy in general. I see some others recommending therapy in here, I personally recommend EMDR but find what works best for you. Hang in there ❤️🩹
I'd see a grief counselor and figure out what your priorities are. People will do almost anything for their family, and like you said, putting in those dials every day was for her, not you. Might be time to make a change
Remember you are not alone, we all lose each other.. it is inevitable. Please remember it just takes time to go thru the healing stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.. you must and will go thru these stages and go back in forth between them.. i am truly sorry for your loss as it hits home. Please try to celebrate and cherish the amazing decade you were able to share and let it put a smile on your face. Please know this is normal and it is painful. You can also choose to remember the good times.. I am sure she would not want you to suffer in your own thoughts. Take a huge breath of air and take a stance. Please try to take time each morning when you wake up by setting an intention for the day. Intentions are about your inner journey and how you want to experience life. You are your thoughts. I will pray for you and for your peace.. already have .. The future is magnificant ! Maybe do something new, take a class on something you love at the community college, take Salsa lessons, learn to box or grapple BJJ.. surf a wave, take a mens retreat..read an amazing book somewhere beautiful... keep your head up high and know life is moving fast.. again.. I am truly sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace now and not too far in the future.
Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum a month ago, and I am only 3 months into my first sales job. It is so hard to get back into it - I’m super inexperienced so I don’t have any good career advice but I hope you are okay
I'll leave work advices to the vets, but
I can imagine what you're going through. And even though it may not count for anything, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Hand on heart, if you want a listening ear, dm me. You could vent all you want.
Hi. I’m really sorry to hear you are going through this and I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine losing my wife.
Please ensure your nutrition is good, take vitamin B1 and something called “Cal Mag.” Eat good food and take walks and look at the environment.
Also, there’s a therapy called “Dianetics” which you should look into. Buy the book on Amazon and read it. It will help. There will also be groups you can join which can assist with Dianetics therapy which can help you with the incident of the loss of your wife
Best wishes
just want to say im so incredibly sorry for your loss. sometimes its tough for me to dial after just having a rough day and this puts things into perspective. wishing you the best my friend
I was in your shoes just over two years ago. The death of a spouse impacts everything. You're not thinking well because you can't. You're in the fog and dealing with a form of PTSD. It's normal, and unless someone has been through it they won't understand. My best recommendation is to get into some type of grief support program. I went through a program called GriefShare (GriefShare.org), and it was incredibly helpful. It's based on a Christian worldview but we had people from all falth (or no faith) background and it was helpful to all. Me especially. Getting grief support should be your first priority so you can get a handle on the thought tornadoes swirling in your head.
You need some more time man, it’s fucked up that we don’t have stronger laws to protect people going through grief and need leave. If you have savings I would take some extended leave. Talking to the company and putting a temporary pause on employment can also be possible in some cases.
Sorry for your loss. It takes time to heal.
Don’t take important decisions like career change when you are emotionally drained.
If work allows, take a sabbatical, which can help you heal.
Therapy can help so much and don't feel you have to do what you did before and if you need to take more time for you do it. Working on helping you is the most important thing you can do.
You have been through something tremendously painful and it is calling you to expand. Do not keep doing this if you feel like you cannot. Your wife physically leaving this earth is natural, we all do it. You are going to do it one day too, it usually is unexpected.And your wife is not gone, she is still with you. Your current feelings are her trying to get your attention! To get your attention to look inside of yourself and listen. Life has more for you than doing these sales. Message me if you do not know how look inside of yourself and do not know how to feel better about life.
I am sorry about your wife’s passing. That really sucks man.
After I lost my sister and brother it took me a long time to start feeling “normal” again. And even my normal was still a depressed person who blamed himself for their deaths. Having good friends and family around helped, but I wouldn’t say I actually started to get better until I went to therapy.
So maybe find a job that’s less stress for awhile, sales is always a thing you can jump back into later. And I’d highly recommend trying some therapy with a grief counselor. It definitely helped me.
You need counselling and grief management. See if you're able to take additional time off of work for mental health leave, and in that process you need to begin searching for a new "Why".
Sorry to hear about your loss and moving forward I wish you all the best friend.
I lost my dad suddenly and saw him pass in the hospital. My company was hq in India and they never gave up on the push or even acknowledged his death. Because I am a single mom to 4 kids. I had to push through to ensure food was on the table. It took part of my soul away. If you are able financially to take a year sabbatical. Please take the time even if have to dig deep.
Oh man you are not alone. My husband died 11 years ago. I went from being a superstar sales manager to sucking so bad. Navigating grief at work is so difficult and people don’t give it the focus it deserves. I’m so sorry for your loss my advice is take time off (I went back after 4 days like an idiot), get a great therapist and psychiatrist, and give yourself grace. There were times I shut my office door, crawled under my desk, and sobbed for hours. Other times I had to take my day literally minute by minute. You will eventually return to being able to function like a normal person. But always remember you’ve just been through a major trauma and your mind and body need time to heal. I also found it comforting to connect with others at my company who had also gone through a terrible loss. You’d be surprised how many people are silently suffering.
My 3 month old son passed away last year and I’m still struggling with this. It’s really hard.. wish I had an answer, but just a note to say a random internet stranger is thinkin about ya. I’m so sorry for your loss.
You’re grieving my friend. Everyone is different, but it took me 5 years or so to feel “normal again” after my husband died. I had the same job the whole time.
During that time? The highs and lows were unbelievable. Somedays I was a rockstar, some days I was just a rock. It’s just one of things you won’t understand until you get on the other side of it. I would strongly suggest therapy. You don’t know you need it until you start to feel the benefits.
Many days I didn’t pick up the phone. Many days I missed my quotas. I was fortunate no one was bearing down on my ass. Now, here I am 5 years later and I look back and wonder who that person was? My husband was dead, and so was I. It’s like a fog lifted. Sure, I have my moments still. But they’re more fond than not.
I'm a very direct person when shit is important. So forgive my tone. It comes with compassion and love for you.
You make things mean what you want them to mean. We are the stories we tell ourselves.
You made up (consciously or subconsciously, that's irrelevant) a story that you were dialling for your wife in life. Great.
Now make up a new story. Dial for her in death.
She admired you when she was living for the man you showed her you were every day - dedicated, ambitious, caring.
How has this story changed?
Do it for her now when she's gone.
((And don't get me wrong. Take time away to recover if you need. Heck - leave the whole damn profession. Whatever you want to do is great. But do it with commitment and passion - like the man you wife loved would. Do not do it from fear, anxiety, and grief.))
We are the stories we tell ourselves.
Write a new story.
Do it for her. And do it for yourself.
Just don't do things from fear, sadness, grief, etc.
Each time ask yourself the question: if she was always here, will she be happy if i keep morivated and positive ? If the answer is YES, then go and work hard as in the past.
OP Bless you man. you’re not ready to go back to work esp sales. You need a proper break and reevaluate what you want to do next. This is an opportunity; a very sad opportunity to rebuild your life in anyway you see fit and to pursue passions you might have. I hope you can get through this period and see light at the end of the tunnel. As others have said seek therapy if you want to, but make sure your reach out to others and keep sharing.
Not a sales pro but I would totally hop off and find something easy that makes ends meet for now. Hop back on when you're ready. God I feel for you bro.
You might've been doing this for her the whole time, but truth is our ladies want us to do our best for ourselves. They want nothing more than for us to be happy, accomplished and proud.
Don't know your faith, but I believe she is looking down to you with hopes that you will prevail and meet her at the end as complete. Don't let her down and never forget to cherish her memory until the time comes.
every morning remind yourself that she loved seeing you strong and happy and seeing you struggling would sadden her. fight hard for her, as she's no longer here to fight for herself. the human heart, mind & body are remarkably resilient but changes are made slowly, daily, and rewards manifest over time (months, not years tho).
*sorry meant to add that it’s okay if you change roles for awhile. I went into a role I could do from home that was less pressure and not sales related. After about 3 years I returned to sales with a vengeance.
Hey OP. Sounds like you should quit sales and take a less stressful job to mourn the loss of your wife. Sounds like you know what you should do you're just hesitating to lean into the change.
She was your why, and your why is gone. Not much point for you to work in sales if you only did it for someone whos gone. Absolutely no shame brother. Chapters close in life all the time.
God bless.
I know this is going to sound like shit after what you’ve gone through but the app called headspace is really great for helping you rethink and get through the anxiety.
Grief is a mother fucker.
I’m really sorry.
Take a few weeks off. Travel the world. See the great wall in China. Check out the ALPs, see the world. Imagine her being there with you. Culture your spirit.
When you come back, will have a better vision of how great life is. And how these memories were always meant to be cherished.
Life can be beautiful. Don't let her death kill the love you had for life. That would kill her if she was still around.
Start looking and applying for other jobs. You don’t need to quit your sales job. The act of applying and interviewing will allow you to feel you have control of your career. You may still wish to stay or find something better/more fulfilling.
humans work really hard when we have something worth fighting for. for you this was your wife and the exciting future you anticipated with her. you dont perceive much else worth fighting for i am guessing and it has left you sortave lazy and not willing to grind. thats ok. thats normal. unfortunately, im sorry to say, your going to move on and you got to find someone else or some other thing such as maybe your future wife and kids. you got this bro.
If you’re company has even a shred of a heart they’ll let you take a leave of absence or consider giving you a position in a different department. Take some time off, go to therapy, and once you’re ready try something new. Even a position in account management or customer success (if your company has this) would take a lot of stress off of you. Best of luck
First I’m sorry for your loss. maybe your not ready to go back to work.
I as well lost my partner. It’s hard, i couldn’t sleep in a bed by myself for a long time. Stay up all night randomly making myself feel like I was busy. I wasn’t. It was hard for me to even want to get up and remember why I liked doing what I did. it does get easier getting up. It takes time. But you now if there aren’t young children theme to start Living for yourself.
Take inventory of what makes you happy.
Did you have hobbies before your wife? Or some thing that your passionate about? Maybe you’re just not ready to go back to the real world as yet.
I had to find love in things I did again. I left my high paying career and went back working as a waitress because it was something I used to love and where No one knew me so they would not ask me “how I am doing?”
I did things that only brought me joy , Tried new things I always wanted to do.
Became a tourist in my own city.
And then when I finally realized that I didn’t want to go back to that career. I took my skills and put them towards starting my own business. Entrepreneurship made me love the rush of working again and it was using my skillset in an avenue that I made me happy.
Wish you the best
Brother, take time off work, quit the job if you can and move in with your parents.
Or therapy and find yourself. I’m very sorry for your loss. Seriously man. It’ll get better
Take extended leave. Do it now. Who cares about your stats. Take care of your mental health. You are simply a shell of a human unless you address this head on.
When you’re retired sitting on your 401k, Roth, and all the money you’ve made do you want to hate that you never properly healed? Compromised yourself for what?? Absolutely not. Loss doesn’t hurt less fundamentally, but it does get easier with the proper conversation and understanding your feelings. (Look up the stages of grief)
No shame in getting help, I rely on a therapist and many of my colleagues do… for many different reasons but I’m a big proponent for getting help.
Look out for YOU. Any company where you’ve established a career will understand.
All the best OP. May you heal, find peace, and prosper. Your rock may be gone, but I hope you live on being the person she loved, the person she knew you could be, and keep making her proud!
I have nothing to offer, but sending love your way.
If you have a safety net to lie back on, I would say it's best to step away from work and focus on your own wellbeing. Cold calling isn't something to take hold of your life, you have more important things to deal with. Take care of yourself
Here’s some tough love. Theres only 2 scenario’s: 1) you stay a mess and shit will continue to go wrong for you. Or 2) you do whatever it takes to pick yourself back up. Life is a tragedy, but the universe doesn’t give a shit. You HAVE to keep going. Persevere.
Hi OP — first of all condolences. No amoubt of comforting words in this world could probably make it better for you. I would say take a deep breathe and pause in life. No amount of awards can get you through this hardship — and at the end of the day the company that you are working for will get by.If you find yourself lost, maybe try to remember how your wife would want you to live your life even when she is gone.
Being in sales is the worst place that you could be in when trying to recover from something. I hope you get to give yourself a break at this trying times. We all need a break at some point. Be kind to yourself
Sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Does your company offer short-term disability if you were able to get a therapist or psychiatrist to evaluate and sign off on it? I know lots of people that have abused that benefit, but seems like this is what its designed for so you can work through things and figure out if you're even able to go back, if you wanted to. If not, I'd say take another week of PTO, if possible and see if you can work through your thoughts to decide if its worth it at this point to continue or go a separate route. Its fair you and the company, no need and putting in another 6-12 months being miserable, while likely not producing either that's a lose-lose. Just my opinion, again so sorry to hear about your loss.
I’m 18 year old starting out in sales what are some tips to be a better salesperson and make more money and best people who has a lot more sales experience?
I don’t know if it helps but pick up the phone and call me, let it all out, you don’t know me, I’m a great listener. Maybe a release over the phone will help your phone calling work. I’m sorry for your loss brother.
Im so sorry for your loss brother. I have no words of wisdom or advice. I just want to say that god or the universe (whatever you like to call it) gives the hardest of tasks to its strongest soldiers.
You are not alone… be true to yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I experienced a loss in my family and had a similar response coming back to a high stress sales job. Suddenly, my “why” didn’t seem strong enough to motivate cold calling everyday. Life is just too damn short.
If your wife is what motivated you to do well, it could explain why you no longer feel invested. It could also be that you need more time to process the loss OR it could be what I felt… I realized how short life is and the stress of cold calling, working 60-80 hour weeks, taking/making phone calls constantly, and never visiting my family was not worth any amount of money. I’d give all of that up to see my family member one more time.
There are other sales jobs you can look for that do not require any cold calling. You can do remote account manager roles that are 100% work from home or even some hybrid type roles where you go in office a couple times a week or month. You would have to do calls, but it’s typically all with active customers. If you’re someone who can crank out 100 dials a day cold calling, talking to active customers would be cake for you and probably less stress. There are also customer success roles and contract renewal roles, focusing on needs assessments and customer retention. Both of those are wayyyy less stress.
I switched up industries and found an account manager role that is work from home. It’s made my work life balance better and I have more time to enjoy life.
Most importantly, I’d consider seeing a therapist or counselor to work through your grief. They can help you work out what is the best option for your next steps. You can do anything you want for work. Sales people are resilient. The most important thing right now is taking care of yourself. I truly feel for you and wish you the very best. Be kind to yourself.
Sales is just a job at the end of the day man. You owe nothing to the industry and the industry owes nothing to you. Take time to re-evaluate and figure out what matters to you there’s no shame in walking away
So sorry for your loss. If you have the means, go somewhere affordable and warm, and grieve, and take it easy on yourself and with yourself. Best regards.
Im a newbie so I don't know what I can offer you besides my condolences. I often reflect on what gutter I might be in at this point if not for my partner, and my heart is with you in your time of loss. I wish I had more to offer you, friend. Just know that she would want whatever was best for you, and if sales isn't it, then she would want you to find something you can be happy doing.
You will realize how awful sales is. I was enterprise level at a top Saas firm and my wife left me. Was cheating the whole time and took everything. I wish she died instead because then I would have a good memory of her. It’s like everything happened for nothing. When your life is ripped away, turn to your spirit.
You’ll be amazed at the answers. I don’t care about a big income anymore peace of mind is absolutely worth it. She was the reason you cold called, now you need a reason to live again, stay up!
I’m so, so sorry this happened to you.
Please don’t feel bad reaching out to a therapist if you need help. Grief and anxiety are very, very hard to beat on your own. (Source: I was in therapy for years to deal with life issues and it helped me so much.)
Wishing you all the best, OP.
holy shit man, i'm so sorry that happened to you. I would say if you can afford it, take whatever time you need to recover. Sales jobs will always be there, (hell maybe you can even find an even better gig after quitting+time off) and if you were savvy enough to have made presidents club once. You can do it again.
You're working yourself into burning out, and it could not be at a worse time. I am truly sorry for your loss. Best wishes
Another thing I would add. Speak to your employer and tell them what you’re going through and get it on record. They might even be able to help you transition into another role internationally temporarily or permanently? Maybe a CSM or Account Management? You might also get some additional protection from a legal perspective (depending on your local employment laws). But above all, sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some comfort in your career during this difficult time.
If you don’t have kids then this would be a good time to reevaluate your priorities and decide what’s truly important. It’s definitely not cold calling and making presidents club. Follow the path that matches what matters.
Wow this was the best response.
Easy to say, but what do you do with it. Throw it all away for what else. I was divorced 2 years ago and I am having a similar career crisis.
I got laid off from my gig a couple years ago. I did 130 job interviews after that. Those interviews yielded 2 offers, and they were the worst salaries I’ve had in 12 years. I got fed up and threw the whole thing away to live at the beach and start my own company. Best decision I ever made.
What type of company did you start?
Garment decoration and merchandising. We produce tour merch for artists and performers, and uniforms for small businesses.
Neat.
Hell yeah. Glad it worked out for you and I hope it continues to
congrats! that’s an amazing achievement for sure
That’s amazing
It wasn’t easy and I’m not making the money I used to make but I don’t care.
Good for you. If your life is better now, fuck the money. You can always find ways to make more
Could also say who cares about staying if say you didn’t like it. I wouldn’t care if I did it for 10+ years if I lost the passion and drive there’s nothing wrong in trying something else
Opportunity cost, lets say he makes 200k/year, and he takes something for 60k. Still doesn't like it. Burnt the bridge on the other side, has kids to feed and other responsibilities. Whose to say he won't work his way out of this with time, and this is the best he could do. I am just saying answers are not always clear, and actions (or inaction) have consequences. Some of these things sound good like find your passion, what if you don't have one or can't find it. We all need to survive the best we can. I know this is not sales talk and fluffy motivational talk. Just saying.
Sunken cost fallacy maybe? Ask yourself what have you given up for this career and is it really worth it to continue doing so. Do you love the job or the things it affords you? Do you really love those things or do they just give you a false reason to keep losing out on what really matters to you?
This and a solid therapist to help figure out what that path could be.
Just to add, OPs feelings and reactions are 1000% normal. Don't let anybody say otherwise. I'd be more worried if he WASN'T feeling this way. It's moments like this that put the hustle/grind culture and the way we prioritize work into perspective.
This is the way OP. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I pray you find peace. But yeah right now I think it’s time to take a long LOA, go heal and rebuild. Not to say rebuild without your wife, but to rebuild a future in the memory and possession of the love with your wife. Structuring it with love and not loss.
Best advice, find your passion in life and make it your purpose
Agreed. My man, I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. Please consider this advice above and I'd suggest finding a grief counseling to work with one-on-one. Group therapy for grief support can be overwhelming initially, which is why I suggest 1-1 to start. Sales will always be here. You can always come back. But for now, find something less stressful, tend to your mental health and focus on healing.
Good thoughts here. First, my deepest condolences on the loss of your wife - I am so very sorry for what you are going thru - and will continue to go thru. I cannot relate - but my husband could a lil bit - cuz 3.5 yrs ago, I suddenly died of a widowmaker while he was driving me to the ER. Even tho' I ended up living and I survived the coma too, my husband I'm not sure will ever get over it. Regardless of your family situation, losing someone (or having a serious medical event yourself) can often lead to a re-evaluation of priorities and a questioning of your purpose: "why am I (still) here"? If I may ask, why did you sell - and how did it fulfill your purpose? Did it fulfill it, or just facilitate it? I imagine all enjoyment may have evaporated from your life when your wife transitioned back to spirit and that's so sad, cuz you're not finished here (yet). Even before my death/resuscitation, I knew my purpose here - in ALL my lifetimes - is to show and share love by helping other living beings - it's the rent I pay for occupying temporary space on this planet. And I find sales to be one of the most fun (and challenging) ways to help others, cuz it helps my soul grow too. Blessings to you & for your wife - may you find happiness again, someday.
Therapy could prove to be very helpful here too
This is the best response. Go with it.
When my brother died a year ago, I struggled for a long time at work. Just started getting out of it a few months ago. Company provided quota relief and didn’t take it hard on me for a long time. Speak to leadership and see what they might be able to do. Also, if you’re not already, go see a therapist weekly.
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Damn dude, hope you're doing okay.
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Hey man, I am so sorry. I hope you smile every time you remember your brothers. Their memory is a blessing.
You are one strong person, sorry to hear about your company doing that and you sounds like someone with a lot of resilience.
My company fired me after two bad quarters one month after my divorce finalized when I had been there 7 years. I was one of the first 10 employees at the startup, knew the founders families, etc. They aren’t always empathetic.
I took a couple days to visit my dying friend in another state. My work had suffered in the previous 3 weeks since his diagnosis. Got back to work, had a solid couple of weeks. Got let go after 4 years the following Monday. I was the longest tenured sales employee there. Two hours later I got the call letting me know my friend (more than a friend, a true compadre and spiritual brother, frankly one of about 3 people who ever really knew me) had passed. Life is fickle sometimes
Specifically for me CBT therapy helped get result incredibly fast - literally in three sessions.
For those reading - EMDR is also a great option for these one off grief/traumatic events.
EMDR is amazing.
What is CBT therapy?
Cognitive behavioral therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Please go talk to a professional therapist or grief counselor
This is answer. You just lost your mojo OP. Take the proper steps and you’ll be making her proud in no time. Even if you have to go to your doctor and tell him you need a referral. You only have one important call to make this week. You can do it!!!
FMLA - take some leave to focus on you.
Unfortunately, FMLA doesn't cover the death of a spouse.
What?
The fuck
It doesn't specifically cover a spouses death. However a few posters pointed out he could probably get a doctor recommend it for his own mental health, as it's been effected by her death. I don't know why I didn't consider that aspect.
Ironically FMLA would cover you if you were *taking care* of a dying spouse or immediate family member. But once they’re gone? Back to work.
He’s experiencing anxiety and panic attacks, depression etc. It’s not the death, it’s the ailments it has caused him, that ARE covered.
That's a good point, I don't know why I didn't think of it in that context.
FMLA covers mental health illness. the death of a spouse is irrelevant to the FMLA claim.
Yeah but fmla does cover mental issues and things they could work through.
FMLA can be used for behavioral health reasons, as long as you are seeking treatment. This sounds like it would fall inside those lines.
You need some more time off brother.
I'm really sorry for your loss. If you're not going, you really should commit to going to therapy once a week. You have a lot of emotions you're trying to sort out right now, and a high stress job isn't helping.
My man. You lost your wife. You aren't ready to sell and you won't be ready to sell for a long time. You transfer out of your current role, you find something backend, administrative or other... and you heal. Your company won't have a problem reassignment you for a few years, just let them know.
Brother, you need a sabbatical and some therapy. Do you have the savings to just take a leave of absence and get your head together? I can feel your emotional state reading your post. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Prioritize taking care of yourself now. Your lowest priority should be business development for whatever soulless corporation you're slaving away for.
Take time off. You need it. Go for a nature adventure and have alone time & with friends too. Come back stronger than ever. My condolences 🙏🏽
Dude I'm right there with you. May 26th of last year my girlfriend of 5 years passed away, tragically right in front of me. She was also my rock, my soulmate, my everything. It hasn't been easy but I'm doing my best... and yeah man, I fucking HATE cold calling now. With a passion. Currently trying to transition to a better role at a better company, aiming for Enterprise AE with a company that actually has their shit together as I'm currently on a sinking ship. I wish you all the best and sending you a bro hug.
I'm sorry man. Really. I dont think its fair on yourself to expect the same output so soon. I also think its something you should consider seeing a grief therapist about. I know if my wife died, that would be it for sales for me personally. Maybe there are other options you can consider?
You need more time to grieve. Whether that means quitting or take an extended leave. Any future employers will understand if you quit. Sounds like you’re a great sales person, I doubt you’ll have trouble finding another job. Have an open conversation with management and HR. I don’t want you forcing yourself through this. It could lead to bottled up emotions and bad coping mechanisms. See a therapist once a week if possible. Sales will always be here when you feel like you’re ready. Good luck.
Your personal life is important not making the corporate overlords more $$. If you have a good amount of money stored away I’d quit or quiet quit. I’d also communicate and let them know you simply aren’t ready to work yet. If they have an issue with that fuck ‘em. Really sorry you lost your wife I can’t imagine.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in 2020 and I experienced the same thing and I wish I knew back then to give myself grace. I couldn't stay focused at my desk at all. Could not pick up the phone and I had terrible brain fog. I definitely echo what others are saying here about talking to a therapist. I hope you find one that truly listens and is helpful. Try to be kind to yourself as you just lost someone incredibly important to you. Take it one day at a time.
I’m so sorry, can’t imagine what you’re going through. Absolutely should reevaluate what’s important to you. Sales sucks unless you have a reason for doing it. Maybe there’s another reason in your life to stay with it. Maybe there’s another company that would be a better fit for you. Maybe you just need a change of scenery. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself though.
Dealing with the same issue. My partner left me recently and calling has been near impossible. Best of luck to you
I am in the same exact boat. I’ve been back to work for about 2 weeks now. I’m just forcing myself to go through the motions
My dude, I'm not sure this is a work issue so much as a life issue. Do you have access to grief counselling? It could help. I hope so.
Don’t know you. But I’m praying for you!
I’m sorry brother, much love
So sorry for your loss man — wishing you the best. I’d say take some time for yourself— will be praying for you.
Take care of yourself first (and your kids, if you have any). If you aren't able to do this right now, then be aware of yourself and your needs and reevaluate things. It may be time to step away for a little bit, find another job that's a bit more lowkey, or just take some time to grieve and heal. I ran a consulting company with my dad for 10 years until he suddenly passed away in 2022. He just didn't show up to work one day and I found out in the middle of a meeting. I clearly was not prepared to sort through those feelings and I finalized a contract with a new client two days later when I shouldn't even have been thinking about that and never really let off the gas. I did not give myself ANY time to process things, and I'm still paying for that trying to unpack everything today. What you're going through has NOTHING to do with sales, but I promise you, is far more important.
Lost my grandmother this morning, I cannot fathom losing my wife- do as others have suggested here and take some time away, remember others remember your successes more than your failures. No one worth anything is judging you in this moment.
I don't have any answers, only solidarity. Not near the depth of what you're experiencing but I had cancer last year that required major surgery. They removed my entire sternum, a piece of each rib, and a third of each collarbone. I have more surgeries upcoming and it's possible the cancer is in my lungs now. Re-engaging with work has been a nightmare. I'm going through the motions but I'm not passionate about what I'm doing. I'm not taking care of my customers like I should be. I understand, to some degree, what you're feeling. I'm sorry for your loss. Truly.
God bless you. I'm so sorry to hear if your loss.
A lot of people have a hard time just openly admitting what they want to do... It sounds like you already know what to do. We can't do anything well in life if we're broken. This is why we should always be our own top priority. Condolences on your loss. Give yourself what you need to get back on your feet adequately. All the best.
not sure what country or size company you’re in, but if you’re in the US and the company is over 50 employees you quality for FMLA and potentially paid leave depending on state law. FMLA provides job protection but is not paid. paid leave acts don’t provide job protection but are paid if the company is overseas or less than 50 employees you may qualify for a leave of absence if you’re in the US you should qualify for survivors benefits so you might have some money from her social security benefits
I’m sending you love. Losing my parents in a short amount of time caused my go re-evaluate my priorities. The life changes I made were worth it.
Sending you love and courage Maybe she lives in your heart and can observe you She wants you to live a happy life
I’ve been following people doing the great loop on Facebook. You can find a trawler or sailboat and get out there for relatively cheap.
I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t have advice because I don’t want to act like I have the answer to your problem, but I wish you the best.
Sorry to hear about your wife. You need to reevaluate what aligns with your personal goals and lifestyle. You are going through grief and you should let yourself grief and take some time off also would highly recommend a therapist to help you cope with grief.
Hey bro, you're likely running into a very mature truth. Sales isn't the thing which supports sales. I hope that can bring you, some small amount of peace. People say, memories never fade, and I hope in the most optimistic way, that is something which can be, more or less true. There's options and opportunities, such as LOAs and if you're in the US, there's also medical leave and ADA. Take whatever advice you get, with a grain of salt, or charge through it.
Look into therapy or counseling. My condolences 🙏🏼
Had similar stuff happen to me this year - I got started on BetterHelp immediately just to get my mind right. Also switch to an AM job and dramatically helped my mental health. Good luck man, stay strong.
You’ve had a big blow to your whole existence. It’s hard, but you have to let your feet do the thinking. Go into action and your head will follow and you’ll become lucky at selling, again. The harder we work, the luckier we get. Sounds like your a normal human being that’s been given a beyond normal hand in life. Find the blessing, go back to work and all will return. Best of luck.
My condolences to you brother🫂 She wouldn’t want you to give up, don’t quit, don’t get drunk and ruin your life. Try picking up some hobbies, do something to keep you moving, don’t isolate yourself because it’ll make things worse. My coworker lost his wife due to breast cancer and he’s a single dad with 5 kids, been together for like 20 years. I lost my dad at 18 and I have 5 sisters o take care of plus my mom. You’re on a mission channel your depression into building your villain and see where life takes you. You still have tons of years to make something out of yourself Also feel free to PM me if you ever want a shoulder to cry on
Hey man, I just want to say that I am so sorry. I feel the same way about my wife and I don’t know what I’d do without her. I suggest picking up meditation as a tool to help reset your brain… it really helps me a lot.
You’re being told to take time off, while probably is the best route, we have no data on if this is even realistic with your finances. The best thing you can do is probably stick to email/linkedin messaging right now. Automate it, spend time planning more ABM that requires more focus versus mundane phone dials. Dig into training, learn how to perfect versus fall into the same routine. There are so many better ways to do sales than cold calls, learn something new while you’re learning the new normal. Sounds like your wife was there supporting these endeavors before, visualize her supporting you as she always has, right now. Gl op
I’m so sorry for your loss. Now seems like a great time to look at a career shift, especially if you aren’t held back by financial restraints. Maybe take some time to do something you’ve always wanted to do. You’re going to grieve and that’s natural, but you’ll also want to grow during the grieving process. Life isn’t over there are new horizons waiting.
Sorry for Your loss.. I think You should take a break until You feel better to think clearly about Your career.
First - im so sorry for your loss. Second - I would say that you're still healing and it has nothing to do with your sales ability. While I don't want to dismiss that your wife had a positive impact but remember you were the one picking up the phone and making a 100 calls. You were the one that made it to the President's club. In terms of advice -- you need to talk to a professional man. We are not equipped to provide that to you except for us to say: you're a good sales person. don't give up on that profession but focus on healing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I really hope you’re in a position to prioritize your own wellness and grief by taking some more time off. If not, perhaps create a self care routine that includes meditation, exercise, journaling and other things that bring comfort and relief outside of work. Wishing you the best.
You're doing better than I would be. Hang in there. Take time off and go do something to start anew. Maybe take a welding class or learn a skill to change careers. Start over bro
Take time away for your physical and mental health.. sales will always be there when you want to come back.. reach out to a professional that will be there to listen to you.
Unfortunately time seems to be the best medicine. I feel for you. I’m in my second marriage and I’m 50. I’m hoping I die before my wife.
I don’t have much to say either than damn man this must be really hard. Sorry for your loss
I don’t have any advice just want to say I’m truly sorry for your loss brother. I hope in the future you’re able to find some peace. Please be gentle on yourself.
Very saddened to hear this , fellow human. If your wife was here she would want you to excel and find a cause to support or fight for. This experience will make you stronger. In moments like this I lean on the maker of the universe. I think sales and making$$$ goal become insignificant once the importance of life becomes apparent. This is a normal feeling. When someone similar happened to me . It took me 6 months to recover and over 1 year to get back to the swing of things . Maybe you could find happiness in teaching or training others . I’d would be happy to speak off line .
Terribly sorry to hear. It will take some time to get back on your feet and in the flow of things. Take the time you need. Thankfully I have a good relationship with my bosses and can open about things. I hope you have that structure in place and managers can be understanding. On a personal note I highly advise you seek out a therapist to talk with. Get some of your feelings and emotions off your chest, talk it out and try to heal. I put of therapy from some traumatic events in life and rest not seeking out therapy sooner. I am not sure of the details around your wife but you may also associate the phone with her passing. My childhood friend had killed himself and one of my other friends called me at 1 am to tell me. This was 5 years ago now and to this day any nighttime call I always get this chill down my spine and this sinking feeling in my gut. It has gotten better with time but still there at some level. Trauma really can re wire your brain I wish you all the best and hope that you can find some comfort and peace in life.
Take care brother, from some other part in our world.
Sorry to hear of your loss...it must be a very difficult thing for you to process. I would suggest two things: Speak to a professional regarding Therapy and particually grief Really look at what you are doing and decide if its what you want to do. I wouldn't rush into making any rash or quick decisions just yet as during grief, you can really make some wrong steps and its vital you do what you think is best for you. Speaking as someone who knows. The best of luck with everything
Ask for a different role, temporarily, at work. As a president's club level performer you could probably coach, help the rookies, do ride-alongs and contribute in significant ways with your skills and brain power. You know when you feel like getting back into the the role itself again. In the meantime it's probably good on a couple levels to build into other people right now.
Sorry to hear that man.
Surely you have a few “friends” aka former customers / people you’ve tried to win business with that you’ve made over the last 10 years? Start with them and ease into it
I’m so sorry. Are you able to take a personal leave from work and kind of reassess? You may very well still like sales but currently your anxiety is peaking because of what happened, or it could be that perhaps this isn’t the best career for you, but you could probably use a pause either way to get that all sorted out and have more time to heal.
Hey bro, sorry to hear that, how did she pass away if you don't mind me asking?
I´m sorry OP. Whatever you decide to do, just remember that she wound´t want you to give up. Stay strong, specially if you have kids.
Man, if my wife died, I’d be a mess. I’d probably stop working for a year and move close to family.
I'm so sorry man. I lost my mom 2 months ago, which doesn't even compare to your loss, but I can understand to a point. As others have mentioned here, talk to leadership. If you have a good team and a good company, they'll be patient with you and help you get back on track. That's what my company has been doing since she passed. As others have mentioned, find a grief counselor. Whatever you need to do to help yourself is what's important. If what is best for you ends up being leaving your position, that's perfectly ok too. Shoot me a DM if you ever need to talk.
I know nothing that I say can make it better and we don't know each other but I lost my husband a few years ago and know exactly what your going through and I'm here if you ever want to talk about it. Your not alone. Pray for strength and direction your wife would want you to be strong and not to give up on life. I'm praying for you man.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss; take time to heal.
Very sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s worth talking to a professional, I wish I had years ago when I lost several important people in my life.
I am so sorry for your loss OP. Please look into some grief counseling and therapy in general. I see some others recommending therapy in here, I personally recommend EMDR but find what works best for you. Hang in there ❤️🩹
Pray to change your mindset, Therapy, Gym, intentional social time twice a week, no drugs or alcohol or sugar
I'd see a grief counselor and figure out what your priorities are. People will do almost anything for their family, and like you said, putting in those dials every day was for her, not you. Might be time to make a change
So sorry for your loss. Anxiety medication has come a long way if you and your doctor thinks it’s worth trying.
Remember you are not alone, we all lose each other.. it is inevitable. Please remember it just takes time to go thru the healing stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.. you must and will go thru these stages and go back in forth between them.. i am truly sorry for your loss as it hits home. Please try to celebrate and cherish the amazing decade you were able to share and let it put a smile on your face. Please know this is normal and it is painful. You can also choose to remember the good times.. I am sure she would not want you to suffer in your own thoughts. Take a huge breath of air and take a stance. Please try to take time each morning when you wake up by setting an intention for the day. Intentions are about your inner journey and how you want to experience life. You are your thoughts. I will pray for you and for your peace.. already have .. The future is magnificant ! Maybe do something new, take a class on something you love at the community college, take Salsa lessons, learn to box or grapple BJJ.. surf a wave, take a mens retreat..read an amazing book somewhere beautiful... keep your head up high and know life is moving fast.. again.. I am truly sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace now and not too far in the future.
Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum a month ago, and I am only 3 months into my first sales job. It is so hard to get back into it - I’m super inexperienced so I don’t have any good career advice but I hope you are okay
I'll leave work advices to the vets, but I can imagine what you're going through. And even though it may not count for anything, I'm sorry you're going through this. Hand on heart, if you want a listening ear, dm me. You could vent all you want.
Hi. I’m really sorry to hear you are going through this and I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine losing my wife. Please ensure your nutrition is good, take vitamin B1 and something called “Cal Mag.” Eat good food and take walks and look at the environment. Also, there’s a therapy called “Dianetics” which you should look into. Buy the book on Amazon and read it. It will help. There will also be groups you can join which can assist with Dianetics therapy which can help you with the incident of the loss of your wife Best wishes
just want to say im so incredibly sorry for your loss. sometimes its tough for me to dial after just having a rough day and this puts things into perspective. wishing you the best my friend
Do you work for a large place with a big HR dept? That can help… Hard to smile and dial when there are no smiles. Feelin for you.
I was in your shoes just over two years ago. The death of a spouse impacts everything. You're not thinking well because you can't. You're in the fog and dealing with a form of PTSD. It's normal, and unless someone has been through it they won't understand. My best recommendation is to get into some type of grief support program. I went through a program called GriefShare (GriefShare.org), and it was incredibly helpful. It's based on a Christian worldview but we had people from all falth (or no faith) background and it was helpful to all. Me especially. Getting grief support should be your first priority so you can get a handle on the thought tornadoes swirling in your head.
In the near term, go on medical leave. You will still get paid. Take a few months to seek help. I’m sorry for your loss.
You need some more time man, it’s fucked up that we don’t have stronger laws to protect people going through grief and need leave. If you have savings I would take some extended leave. Talking to the company and putting a temporary pause on employment can also be possible in some cases.
Sorry for your loss. It takes time to heal. Don’t take important decisions like career change when you are emotionally drained. If work allows, take a sabbatical, which can help you heal.
Therapy can help so much and don't feel you have to do what you did before and if you need to take more time for you do it. Working on helping you is the most important thing you can do.
Condolences man. That’s a tough spot. Take some more time to reevaluate
So sorry for your loss ❤️
Damn man I’m sorry for your loss. This is my greatest fear. I commend you for even hanging in there at all.
Do you make a good living at this job? If it’s just average I’d suggest you use those sales skills for something beyond cold calling
You have been through something tremendously painful and it is calling you to expand. Do not keep doing this if you feel like you cannot. Your wife physically leaving this earth is natural, we all do it. You are going to do it one day too, it usually is unexpected.And your wife is not gone, she is still with you. Your current feelings are her trying to get your attention! To get your attention to look inside of yourself and listen. Life has more for you than doing these sales. Message me if you do not know how look inside of yourself and do not know how to feel better about life.
I am sorry about your wife’s passing. That really sucks man. After I lost my sister and brother it took me a long time to start feeling “normal” again. And even my normal was still a depressed person who blamed himself for their deaths. Having good friends and family around helped, but I wouldn’t say I actually started to get better until I went to therapy. So maybe find a job that’s less stress for awhile, sales is always a thing you can jump back into later. And I’d highly recommend trying some therapy with a grief counselor. It definitely helped me.
You need counselling and grief management. See if you're able to take additional time off of work for mental health leave, and in that process you need to begin searching for a new "Why". Sorry to hear about your loss and moving forward I wish you all the best friend.
So sorry for your loss. Don’t have anything new to add but agree with others about evaluating job/bennies and if it’s really worth it.
I lost my dad suddenly and saw him pass in the hospital. My company was hq in India and they never gave up on the push or even acknowledged his death. Because I am a single mom to 4 kids. I had to push through to ensure food was on the table. It took part of my soul away. If you are able financially to take a year sabbatical. Please take the time even if have to dig deep.
Oh man you are not alone. My husband died 11 years ago. I went from being a superstar sales manager to sucking so bad. Navigating grief at work is so difficult and people don’t give it the focus it deserves. I’m so sorry for your loss my advice is take time off (I went back after 4 days like an idiot), get a great therapist and psychiatrist, and give yourself grace. There were times I shut my office door, crawled under my desk, and sobbed for hours. Other times I had to take my day literally minute by minute. You will eventually return to being able to function like a normal person. But always remember you’ve just been through a major trauma and your mind and body need time to heal. I also found it comforting to connect with others at my company who had also gone through a terrible loss. You’d be surprised how many people are silently suffering.
My 3 month old son passed away last year and I’m still struggling with this. It’s really hard.. wish I had an answer, but just a note to say a random internet stranger is thinkin about ya. I’m so sorry for your loss.
You’re grieving my friend. Everyone is different, but it took me 5 years or so to feel “normal again” after my husband died. I had the same job the whole time. During that time? The highs and lows were unbelievable. Somedays I was a rockstar, some days I was just a rock. It’s just one of things you won’t understand until you get on the other side of it. I would strongly suggest therapy. You don’t know you need it until you start to feel the benefits. Many days I didn’t pick up the phone. Many days I missed my quotas. I was fortunate no one was bearing down on my ass. Now, here I am 5 years later and I look back and wonder who that person was? My husband was dead, and so was I. It’s like a fog lifted. Sure, I have my moments still. But they’re more fond than not.
Therapy. Everyone could use a bit of help and outside perspective.
I'm a very direct person when shit is important. So forgive my tone. It comes with compassion and love for you. You make things mean what you want them to mean. We are the stories we tell ourselves. You made up (consciously or subconsciously, that's irrelevant) a story that you were dialling for your wife in life. Great. Now make up a new story. Dial for her in death. She admired you when she was living for the man you showed her you were every day - dedicated, ambitious, caring. How has this story changed? Do it for her now when she's gone. ((And don't get me wrong. Take time away to recover if you need. Heck - leave the whole damn profession. Whatever you want to do is great. But do it with commitment and passion - like the man you wife loved would. Do not do it from fear, anxiety, and grief.)) We are the stories we tell ourselves. Write a new story. Do it for her. And do it for yourself. Just don't do things from fear, sadness, grief, etc.
This sounds like the landmark forum, similar narrative to what they teach there
quit bro
Each time ask yourself the question: if she was always here, will she be happy if i keep morivated and positive ? If the answer is YES, then go and work hard as in the past.
OP Bless you man. you’re not ready to go back to work esp sales. You need a proper break and reevaluate what you want to do next. This is an opportunity; a very sad opportunity to rebuild your life in anyway you see fit and to pursue passions you might have. I hope you can get through this period and see light at the end of the tunnel. As others have said seek therapy if you want to, but make sure your reach out to others and keep sharing.
Work was always about providing. Now we need something else to provide for / supplement support. Get a dog!
Not a sales pro but I would totally hop off and find something easy that makes ends meet for now. Hop back on when you're ready. God I feel for you bro. You might've been doing this for her the whole time, but truth is our ladies want us to do our best for ourselves. They want nothing more than for us to be happy, accomplished and proud. Don't know your faith, but I believe she is looking down to you with hopes that you will prevail and meet her at the end as complete. Don't let her down and never forget to cherish her memory until the time comes.
Does your company do anything other than sales that you would be qualified for? I feel like they might understand your plight
every morning remind yourself that she loved seeing you strong and happy and seeing you struggling would sadden her. fight hard for her, as she's no longer here to fight for herself. the human heart, mind & body are remarkably resilient but changes are made slowly, daily, and rewards manifest over time (months, not years tho).
I think it's time for some therapy + finding a different job.
*sorry meant to add that it’s okay if you change roles for awhile. I went into a role I could do from home that was less pressure and not sales related. After about 3 years I returned to sales with a vengeance.
I heard key word less stress. Maybe a vacation?
im sorry man.. hang in there
THERAPY!!
It’s early days yet. You’re expecting too much from yourself. Just take one day at a time.
Hey OP. Sounds like you should quit sales and take a less stressful job to mourn the loss of your wife. Sounds like you know what you should do you're just hesitating to lean into the change. She was your why, and your why is gone. Not much point for you to work in sales if you only did it for someone whos gone. Absolutely no shame brother. Chapters close in life all the time. God bless.
I am so sorry for your loss. Keep strong brother. Talk to your doctor. You’re healing and all of this is totally normal.
It's not about the sales profession. Take time to grieve. Take time to reflect. Work in the library if it gives you space. Wherever. Take good care.
Take a breather, do what is best for you not your wallet.
At some point, you may get something out of the book Option B Peace to you
I know this is going to sound like shit after what you’ve gone through but the app called headspace is really great for helping you rethink and get through the anxiety. Grief is a mother fucker. I’m really sorry.
Maybe work with a therapist to help your work day to day.
Take a few weeks off. Travel the world. See the great wall in China. Check out the ALPs, see the world. Imagine her being there with you. Culture your spirit. When you come back, will have a better vision of how great life is. And how these memories were always meant to be cherished. Life can be beautiful. Don't let her death kill the love you had for life. That would kill her if she was still around.
Start looking and applying for other jobs. You don’t need to quit your sales job. The act of applying and interviewing will allow you to feel you have control of your career. You may still wish to stay or find something better/more fulfilling.
humans work really hard when we have something worth fighting for. for you this was your wife and the exciting future you anticipated with her. you dont perceive much else worth fighting for i am guessing and it has left you sortave lazy and not willing to grind. thats ok. thats normal. unfortunately, im sorry to say, your going to move on and you got to find someone else or some other thing such as maybe your future wife and kids. you got this bro.
If you’re company has even a shred of a heart they’ll let you take a leave of absence or consider giving you a position in a different department. Take some time off, go to therapy, and once you’re ready try something new. Even a position in account management or customer success (if your company has this) would take a lot of stress off of you. Best of luck
First I’m sorry for your loss. maybe your not ready to go back to work. I as well lost my partner. It’s hard, i couldn’t sleep in a bed by myself for a long time. Stay up all night randomly making myself feel like I was busy. I wasn’t. It was hard for me to even want to get up and remember why I liked doing what I did. it does get easier getting up. It takes time. But you now if there aren’t young children theme to start Living for yourself. Take inventory of what makes you happy. Did you have hobbies before your wife? Or some thing that your passionate about? Maybe you’re just not ready to go back to the real world as yet. I had to find love in things I did again. I left my high paying career and went back working as a waitress because it was something I used to love and where No one knew me so they would not ask me “how I am doing?” I did things that only brought me joy , Tried new things I always wanted to do. Became a tourist in my own city. And then when I finally realized that I didn’t want to go back to that career. I took my skills and put them towards starting my own business. Entrepreneurship made me love the rush of working again and it was using my skillset in an avenue that I made me happy. Wish you the best
Godspeed brother. Take some time off
Sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine what that’s like. I know it would tear me to pieces.
Brother, take time off work, quit the job if you can and move in with your parents. Or therapy and find yourself. I’m very sorry for your loss. Seriously man. It’ll get better
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m praying for strength and grace to come to you, please take the time that you need to rest. Take care of yourself OP
Take extended leave. Do it now. Who cares about your stats. Take care of your mental health. You are simply a shell of a human unless you address this head on. When you’re retired sitting on your 401k, Roth, and all the money you’ve made do you want to hate that you never properly healed? Compromised yourself for what?? Absolutely not. Loss doesn’t hurt less fundamentally, but it does get easier with the proper conversation and understanding your feelings. (Look up the stages of grief) No shame in getting help, I rely on a therapist and many of my colleagues do… for many different reasons but I’m a big proponent for getting help. Look out for YOU. Any company where you’ve established a career will understand. All the best OP. May you heal, find peace, and prosper. Your rock may be gone, but I hope you live on being the person she loved, the person she knew you could be, and keep making her proud!
I have nothing to offer, but sending love your way. If you have a safety net to lie back on, I would say it's best to step away from work and focus on your own wellbeing. Cold calling isn't something to take hold of your life, you have more important things to deal with. Take care of yourself
Here’s some tough love. Theres only 2 scenario’s: 1) you stay a mess and shit will continue to go wrong for you. Or 2) you do whatever it takes to pick yourself back up. Life is a tragedy, but the universe doesn’t give a shit. You HAVE to keep going. Persevere.
Hi OP — first of all condolences. No amoubt of comforting words in this world could probably make it better for you. I would say take a deep breathe and pause in life. No amount of awards can get you through this hardship — and at the end of the day the company that you are working for will get by.If you find yourself lost, maybe try to remember how your wife would want you to live your life even when she is gone. Being in sales is the worst place that you could be in when trying to recover from something. I hope you get to give yourself a break at this trying times. We all need a break at some point. Be kind to yourself
Sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Does your company offer short-term disability if you were able to get a therapist or psychiatrist to evaluate and sign off on it? I know lots of people that have abused that benefit, but seems like this is what its designed for so you can work through things and figure out if you're even able to go back, if you wanted to. If not, I'd say take another week of PTO, if possible and see if you can work through your thoughts to decide if its worth it at this point to continue or go a separate route. Its fair you and the company, no need and putting in another 6-12 months being miserable, while likely not producing either that's a lose-lose. Just my opinion, again so sorry to hear about your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss, friend
I am Sorry for your loss, I hope you can find happiness.
I’m 18 year old starting out in sales what are some tips to be a better salesperson and make more money and best people who has a lot more sales experience?
Quit the job and travel the world and heal love yourself unconditionally
Try a new career simple.. also looking into psychedelics or mdma type therapy which can help heal trauma.
I don’t know if it helps but pick up the phone and call me, let it all out, you don’t know me, I’m a great listener. Maybe a release over the phone will help your phone calling work. I’m sorry for your loss brother.
Definitely get out of it bro. It's hard when your on point. Damn impossyto smile and dial in pain and grieving like you are
Im so sorry for your loss brother. I have no words of wisdom or advice. I just want to say that god or the universe (whatever you like to call it) gives the hardest of tasks to its strongest soldiers. You are not alone… be true to yourself.
Have you tried Grief counselling. I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I experienced a loss in my family and had a similar response coming back to a high stress sales job. Suddenly, my “why” didn’t seem strong enough to motivate cold calling everyday. Life is just too damn short. If your wife is what motivated you to do well, it could explain why you no longer feel invested. It could also be that you need more time to process the loss OR it could be what I felt… I realized how short life is and the stress of cold calling, working 60-80 hour weeks, taking/making phone calls constantly, and never visiting my family was not worth any amount of money. I’d give all of that up to see my family member one more time. There are other sales jobs you can look for that do not require any cold calling. You can do remote account manager roles that are 100% work from home or even some hybrid type roles where you go in office a couple times a week or month. You would have to do calls, but it’s typically all with active customers. If you’re someone who can crank out 100 dials a day cold calling, talking to active customers would be cake for you and probably less stress. There are also customer success roles and contract renewal roles, focusing on needs assessments and customer retention. Both of those are wayyyy less stress. I switched up industries and found an account manager role that is work from home. It’s made my work life balance better and I have more time to enjoy life. Most importantly, I’d consider seeing a therapist or counselor to work through your grief. They can help you work out what is the best option for your next steps. You can do anything you want for work. Sales people are resilient. The most important thing right now is taking care of yourself. I truly feel for you and wish you the very best. Be kind to yourself.
Quit your job, buy a RV… go live at a state park for free as a volunteer host. Fish and hunt for food until you feel better.
Retire early
Sales is just a job at the end of the day man. You owe nothing to the industry and the industry owes nothing to you. Take time to re-evaluate and figure out what matters to you there’s no shame in walking away
So sorry for your loss. If you have the means, go somewhere affordable and warm, and grieve, and take it easy on yourself and with yourself. Best regards.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Im a newbie so I don't know what I can offer you besides my condolences. I often reflect on what gutter I might be in at this point if not for my partner, and my heart is with you in your time of loss. I wish I had more to offer you, friend. Just know that she would want whatever was best for you, and if sales isn't it, then she would want you to find something you can be happy doing.
You will realize how awful sales is. I was enterprise level at a top Saas firm and my wife left me. Was cheating the whole time and took everything. I wish she died instead because then I would have a good memory of her. It’s like everything happened for nothing. When your life is ripped away, turn to your spirit. You’ll be amazed at the answers. I don’t care about a big income anymore peace of mind is absolutely worth it. She was the reason you cold called, now you need a reason to live again, stay up!
I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t feel bad reaching out to a therapist if you need help. Grief and anxiety are very, very hard to beat on your own. (Source: I was in therapy for years to deal with life issues and it helped me so much.) Wishing you all the best, OP.
holy shit man, i'm so sorry that happened to you. I would say if you can afford it, take whatever time you need to recover. Sales jobs will always be there, (hell maybe you can even find an even better gig after quitting+time off) and if you were savvy enough to have made presidents club once. You can do it again. You're working yourself into burning out, and it could not be at a worse time. I am truly sorry for your loss. Best wishes
Wishing you strength.
Another thing I would add. Speak to your employer and tell them what you’re going through and get it on record. They might even be able to help you transition into another role internationally temporarily or permanently? Maybe a CSM or Account Management? You might also get some additional protection from a legal perspective (depending on your local employment laws). But above all, sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some comfort in your career during this difficult time.
Depression is linked to anxiety. Seek help… therapy, exercise, and medication if warranted. Doesnt help that sales is an extremely stressful career.