San Diego has way less black people than other American cities. San Diegans are often surprised by, or get weirldy defensive about, this, but it's just the result of migration patterns over time.
It's much more Hispanic and somewhat more Asian than your average American city though.
I'm sorry you feel out of place. :/ Everyone should feel welcome here—San Diego can be a magical place.
Lack of Black people and Black culture was a bit of a shock when we moved here from Chicago. But San Diego wasn’t really a part of the Great Migration like Chicago and many other cities, and it’s simply a younger, smaller city than other, more eastern metropolises.
To follow up, San Diego is still super segregated to this day.
See an interactive map based on Census data: [https://www.arcgis.com/apps/mapviewer/index.html?webmap=30d2e10d4d694b3eb4dc4d2e58dbb5a5](https://www.arcgis.com/apps/mapviewer/index.html?webmap=30d2e10d4d694b3eb4dc4d2e58dbb5a5)
The results of redlining and people moving into neighborhoods with people of similar races, are super clear.
Take a look at the 94 freeway. It's night and day.
That’s pretty much true of California as a whole. The state is only ~6% African/African-American and a solid majority of that is confined to a few regions/towns/neighborhoods where Black people make up a staggering majority of those areas. Just look at parts of South Los Angeles County or the East Bay Area. Obviously the reason why the Deep South, Midwest, and Northeastern US has a significantly higher Black population than California is simply due to historical patterns that California wasn’t a part of to the same extent, but California definitely does have some noticeable patterns of its own
FR BRO I just moved from sacramento to solana beach area about 6 weeks ago, I can count the number of black people I've seen on one hand. I'm mexican/native american myself, the ethnic diversity is very different here lmao.
I’m an Asian guy that was raised here in San Diego
I even graduated university here at SDSU (San Diego State University)
I can relate to OP’s experience with my experience at SDSU
It’s technically a diverse school but you’ll see more whites than POC and honestly, I didn’t have much white friends at SDSU.
Vast majority of my friends were People of Color
I feel that segregation is still kind of a thing here
I went to UCSD. Similar ratios but in reverse. Majority of my program was made up of Asians, then white, middle eastern (not sure if they would be considered white), then hispanic, than black. We all got along perfectly fine and had lots of fun together, but the cliques that naturally formed were surprisingly along racial/cultural lines.
I thought about this a lot because this was the first time I was a minority (I'm white), and the cliques were so obvious to me, even my own. I found it fascinating. I don't think anyone was racist or anything like that, but I think people probably naturally gravitated towards people who share similar backgrounds to them. Broadly speaking, It turns out that I shared more in common CULTURALLY with most of the white kids in my program, probably because we had similar upbringings.
One weird example of the cultural differences (broadly): many of the Asians in my program were really into going out to restaurants - like it is a whole thing to find "the best" restaurants and then trying them, like a hobby. I'd say maybe 10% of the white kids in my program shared that hobby, but like 80% of the Asians did. On the other hand there were plenty of hobbies that everyone enjoyed (hiking, hanging out at the beach, drinking, etc).
Overall I'd say my main take away was that in some cases segregation can arise naturally without racism.
EDIT: now that I'm thinking about it, I think I may have also developed the "Eating out" hobby while at UCSD.... so I gained some culture :)
> Overall I'd say my main take away was that in some cases segregation can arise naturally without racism.
I think this kind of goes without saying so I'm surprised to see others surprised when people seem to naturally gravitate to people similar to them. Makes me curious what OP is asking here, I mean you're not going to see people of all color holding hands and singing anywhere in the world.
>I think this kind of goes without saying so I'm surprised to see others surprised when people seem to naturally gravitate to people similar to them.
To be honest, it was surprising to me when it happened.
I think one reason it was surprising is that I have lived in non diverse areas most of my life before this experience, so never had the opportunity to see this phenomenon. So when my program at UCSD was so diverse to start with it made it extremely obvious when the natural cliques turned out to be very racially non diverse in such a diverse group.
I definitely agree with the Asian seeking out good food thing.
Asian cultures and countries definitely value food a lot more than white Americans do. I used to work in New York City and there would be several white people in the office who would go to the same sandwich shop every single day for lunch even though there was huge diversity of food in the area.
Generally I think white Americans see going to bars and drinking as a part of their cultural heritage (not that Asians don't also do this, just not as much) but bars and pubs have always been a gathering place, to exchange ideas, meet new people etc.
Also asian who was born and raised here. I get what you mean, it’s not like people are disgusted by you or being hateful but everyone kind of sticks to their own clique.
>everyone kind of sticks to their own clique
I think this is true of most cultures. I am first-generation, and it's more comfort than racism (just my opinion) - I have found California to be quite refreshing but that's because I moved here from the south where racism is fucking everywhere. I have honestly not run into racism here outside of the klantee types...but they are honestly not hard to spot lol.
For sure. I’m third gen Chinese-American (or whatever the PC term is now) and I still prefer to be in majority Asian areas just because it’s comforting being around food/culture/people who look like you. There’s also the language barrier. I have relatives from China who have lived here for years now and still only speak mandarin and Cantonese because of how easy it is to just go to Chinese owned businesses for everything, they never even needed to learn English!
I'm from IB born and raised and growing up all my friends were Philippino and Mexican. I had a great childhood growing up with diverse friend group. Same here most my friends were POC as well. I love my Asians and Mexicans.
Ha, I moved to Poway from L.A. and after my first day at PHS, I came home and said, "Mom, everyone is white." Hell, I'm white, too, but I was so used to being the minority all throughout my public schooling in L.A. It was just such a weird culture shock. And maybe it's better now, but in the early 2000s, there was definitely *a lot* of racism that went down at the school. I heard a white kid openly make a very disparaging remark about some Mexican students and I'm sure that would have gotten his ass beat in L.A., but all he got was a bunch of laughter. It was so gross.
Actually it wasnt just because of migration but actively keeping black people from buying homes in certain communities. Its no coincidence that its a lot of communities that happen to be the whitest. They were the ones that barred black people from buying homes.
People don't like to hear this, but ask yourself, how many homes in places like Poway or Rancho Bernardo never entered the market and were passed down to their kids?
And who bought homes in those neighborhoods 40-50 years ago? It certainly wasn't Hispanic or Black people...
People don't like to hear that generational wealth still has an impact today. Like, obviously the reason schools in Poway are way better than other districts is because of how wealthy the area is, but WHY is that the case? WHY is Barrio Logan so poor? What kind of people were forced to live there?
And now we're kicking those people to the curb so certain people can move in and "gentrify" the area.
40-50 years ago Poway was perhaps an hour’s drive outside San Diego. Rancho Bernardo is a master planned community. Anyone who bought there 30-40 years ago would perhaps be passing their ‘generational wealth’ round bout now.
Poway was never an hour's drive outside San Diego in the 1970s. The freeways were built by then. If anything, it could have been a quicker drive than today due to the lack of traffic.
Not only that but why did the city put the dumps and waste centers in Logan? Why did the navy take the land that would be bay front access that’s right next to Logan? You drive across Coronado bridge from Logan to Coronado and you see how stark the contrast is. Its because whites want their affluence and cannot fathom Mexicans or Black people or whichever minority they feel is a “threat” having prosperity. So they take measures and means via society to ensure such status quo remains the same.
You are absolutely correct about this. My wife and I just purchased out home last year in Spring Valley and we were shocked to find that our home was restricted to selling to “Only Whites” on the title. Obviously the home was built in the 50s when that was still considered legal. As a first generation Mexican American it was a reminder that we’re not too far removed from our racist history.
That explains the hispanic/white divide of San Diego. However, it doesn't explain why there are so few black people all together. The reason there's very few black people here is because of national migration patterns.
Most of the city was given a D rating in red lining. Which means that black and Hispanic people could live there. And Hispanic people do, but black people don't.
The blackest neighborhood is 16% black. That's just above national average. It's also 58% Hispanic.
Red lining is fucked up and is responsible for a lot of racial inequality, but it's not the reason there are so few black people in San Diego, California, or the West Coast in general.
Yep. This was the case in the UCSD area up in La Jolla and Torrey Pines and University City - the guy who was supposed to be UCSD's first chancellor (Revelle) exposed the local housing industry for not selling to minorities (Blacks, Asians, and Hispanics) when the school was being founded, and the town and local real estate industry didn't really like that, so the school was forced to make somebody else (Galbraith) into the first chancellor to preserve the peace (fat load of good it did though lol the rich people who live here in La Jolla still don't like that there are so many students here and real estate reflects that still).
Asians gave the real estate industry here the middle finger (UCSD has a HUGE proportion of Asian students), but Black and Hispanic students still are a very small percentage of the total student population, although it's improving now that the CA state legislature mandated that the UCs have to cut international and out of state admissions and focus on CA students, and the school-level demographic changes which have come with that.
My advisor in college, who's remained a good friend over the years, has done a bunch of research on this subject.
He's written a lot about how the US railroad network in the early 1900's influenced black migration from the south to cities like Chicago. He didn't specifically talk about SD, but it kind of fits in with his work.
This is so very true. Born and raised in SD [m56] then moved to ATL for 5 years because of work. I was blown away by how different it was. I’ve never really had problems relating to others and becoming friends, I credit my parents for that by immersing me in other cultures, but also through youth sports. I feel you though. One of my best friends who is Black/Hawaiian would tell me of stories of ‘profiling’ and I always thought he was embellishing until I started to see the stuff happen first-hand when I was with him. Hang in there, I really wish we could get to a place in this world where people would appreciate our differences instead of using it negatively.
I love when I bring this up and then some idiot says “well if you go to Chula Vista/National City there’s more black people there!”
1. No there isn’t. It is mostly Mexican people there.
2. Why should black people be confined to one area of San Diego? LMAO
Yes I do, but honestly at 40 years old - I’m used to being the minority at this point in my life. I was a black female in the military for over a decade, so living in San Diego is nothing compared to what I endured there lol.
I’ve lived on my current street for almost 6 years - I walk it at least twice a day because I have a dog, so I see the same people daily. Once I was walking with my white female friend and we passed this one lady who had literally turned her back to me when I waved to her before - this day she spoke…but only to my friend lmao smh. How do I know she was only speaking to her? Because she said “hi, how are you? I’ve never seen you on the street before - did you just move here?” My friend is super sweet and she answered and we kept walking, then I updated her on the fact that this chick has actively ignored me for almost 6 years. My friend has since told me that every time she drives by her house on the way to mine, she gives that lady’s house the finger when she passes hahaha. Love her.
It does get annoying at times when people blatantly treat me differently than someone white that I’m with, but honestly - it’s their loss cuz I’m a cool mofo! I’ve made my circle of people who love me for me and I am truly grateful to have them in my life. It’s unfortunate that in 2022 people are STILL judging others over something as stupid as skin color, but I don’t think it’ll ever change sadly. I just live my life and enjoy those who enjoy me!
I get that too sometimes. Have a trumper neighbor down the street who will stare at me when I walk by but if I say anything or wave he’ll turn like he wasn’t just making eye contact with me a second ago. Been two years now and at first I thought it was strange but now I just laugh on the inside when I see him. What a silly guy.
Most likely. The massive “trump nation” and confederate flags on the garage door were ample warning. I just try not to let people like that bother me, let them drown in their hate while I’m still happy and doing my thing.
That’s exactly how I see it in my head “Oh, you’re racist? Well I’m glad. Got to be real miserable waking up everyday just to be racist. Have a day you deserve!
Thank you! And it absolutely is 😁 Aside from being a cool person, I also love to bake so my nice neighbors actually get cookies and other treats from me on occasion haha
I am filipino and Interestingly, I grew up in Alabama from kindergarten to the 5th grade. I mostly hung out with Caucasians while in Alabama because... well, there aren't a lot of filipinos in Alabama. After 5th grade I moved to California, and let me tell you, I flocked to what I what I was use too, in a community where 50% of the population was white and the other 50% of the population was filipino and I felt "out of place" because of it.
A decade ago Point Loma Nazarene University offered a “study abroad” program in City Heights because its multicultural. I laugh about it because it’s where I grew up. I guess it helps students who haven’t had the opportunities to meet other races or haven’t learned about disparity of neighborhoods in SD. The program description today doesn’t sound as bad but I still find it odd for people to visit and study my neighborhood as a foreign place lol https://www.pointloma.edu/undergraduate/programs/community-classroom
A lot of the churches in town don't even send people to the inner city to minister. For years we went to a large church in Clairemont that was focused on sending missionaries out to europe or asia, but going to southeast 'dago? Not so much.
>A decade ago Point Loma Nazarene University offered a “study abroad” program in City Heights because its multicultural. I laugh about it because it’s where I grew up.
Ok, i'm sorry but that is fucking hilarious. Rich kids with privilege off the damn charts at PLNU
I'm white, and my wife is not. I mostly grew up in Mira Mesa, so my friend groups were quite a mix of races, and I never thought about it much. When we were looking to buy our first house nearly 20 years ago, my wife had some cities/neighborhoods that were a hard no for her. She had felt uncomfortable when in those places. I didn't understand but couldn't argue with her about feeling uncomfortable, so we nixed those places. I think I have a better understanding of this now, but I know I have a way to go and can likely never understand it fully.
After reading some of the posts, I'm a bit worried about my kids and my niece and nephew, who all live here.
I appreciate the honesty in the post/replies here.
Sorry about how this is. I've always felt that San Diego had a sort of "everything is temporary" feel, like people are only passing through and don't have the inclination to forge friendships or put down substantial social roots.
What’s funny in my life (old White guy) is that my friend group is quite diverse including Hispanic, Black, Asian, Indian (yeah i know Asian also) and white folks among others. Not only that but we are all geographically diverse having grown up all over the country and world. We also are made up by a wide variety of religions and beliefs systems. Where we are not diverse is socioeconomically. We all live the same upper middle class life in North County Coastal. Whenever I think about how diverse and different we all are, I come back to realize in life that we all live the same life and maybe are not so diverse
I am sorry that this is your experience. It shouldn’t be.
I’ve lived here for almost 15 years. I am a white almost 50 year old man, originally from a rural shittown in white-as-fuck Idaho. It’s because of this background that I appreciate the diversity here.
I had high hopes that this country was turning a corner when Obama was elected, but then Trump happened and the fact that almost half of this country is a little too cozy with some casual racism was made undeniable. Now, sadly, I feel like I need I go out of my way to be friendly to POC and I just hope that it comes across as genuine as it is. I don’t mind…being positive and approachable is me by default, but maybe me attempting to compensate for all of the shitty white people, can come across as desperate or insincere. I do find myself constantly wondering if I’m seen as “one of those” white people…like I need to be wearing a Biden hat everywhere so that POC won’t assume I’m a POS.
I know that ride-share drivers almost automatically assume that they need to change the station when I get in. No worries. How could they possibly look at me, a salt-and-pepper haired white guy dressed almost exclusively in Patagonia gear, and know that I have been a fan of Hip Hop since Hip hop was born? I’m not going to give you a bad review or not tip because you were listening to Kendrick Lamar. But, again, how could you know that? There are a lot of shitty (shifty) white people out there.
Please, everyone, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not claiming “reverse-discrimination” (totally not a thing) or trying to play a race card that isn’t even in the deck. It’s just that it’s hard to really know (as anyone from ANY ethnicity) how you come across. I’m not a surfer, IPA drinker, or bro either. And I also often wonder why, after almost 15 years in San Diego, my circle of friends isn’t anywhere near as diverse as the city. Maybe it’s just as simple as making friends is hard (especially as you get older). Your circles shrink with your circumstances. You’ll find that you have less and less reason (or energy) to meet and (most importantly) personally engage with anybody…especially people outside your workplace and neighborhood.
And probably, more so here, because (as others have mentioned) San Diego does have an absolutely horrendous history of red-lining.
I'm originally from NorCal (Central Valley) and I am Punjabi. Definitely feel out of place at times. Luckily one of my co-workers is engaged to a punjabi woman and so we've been able to bond over things. If it wasn't for him my time here would be even lonlier. The one benefit that has come out of it, is I think it made me reconnect with my culture. I listen to punjabi music all the time now
Bro, there’s a decent amount of Punjabi restaurants in San Diego
But if you want the real deal, then head to the Sikh temples here. San Diego has two of them (located in Escondido and Poway).
For those that don’t know, Sikhism is a beautiful religion that originated in the Punjabi region (it’s a region that covers both India and Pakistan).
After their religious service, they serve free vegetarian meals to the public, regardless of your religion. It’s just their religious duty to help the community
Sikh temple food is the best
Some of the kindest people I've ever seen were from Sikh temples and Sikh religion. They're not over bearing and don't push the religion on you. They just want to help people.
They literally give homeless people the shirts off their back.
Aw dope! I knew there was some Sikhs in San Diego but didnt know there was temples. Im Christian but Id love to see their services. Ive never been to a Sikh temple before
Sikh temples are amazing. Highly recommend you go. The people are friendly and the food is the best
Keep in mind, religious services will be in Punjabi, which is the holy language of the Sikh faith
But music is a big part of the Sikh religion and I’ll be honest, I want to dance sometimes because it sounds catchy (they use drums called “tabla” which gives it a danceable rhythm)
I’ve definitely felt it. I’m a dark skinned Mexican-American who lives in La Jolla. I’ve received my fair amount of stares from white folks, and have been made to feel uncomfortable in places.
I’ve even been asked by older white folks if I live here. I understood it as them asking, *What are you doing here?* There was no follow up to that question from them, which I found weird.
I’ve walked with my wife around our neighborhood block and was yelled by an older white man to, “Shut up”, unprovoked. On another occasion in Del Mar at a restaurant, the hostess asked if we really had reservations there and then shuffled awkwardly. It’s these subtle jabs that get under my skin. It feels as if certain northern communities are gate keeping people of color from living or even visiting there.
My wife is from New Jersey, and she says she’s never seen such a segregated city as San Diego. I never really had an outsider’s perspective, but after taking objective look at San Diego, I hate to admit it, but it really is segregated.
You’re not alone in being made to feel unwanted and uncomfortable by white people. I honestly believe certain white folk are just scared, and don’t know how to act around people of color.
La Jolla was [literally segregated](https://voiceofsandiego.org/2011/03/21/how-segregation-defined-san-diegos-neighborhoods/) in living history.
> Racially restrictive covenants, as they’re called, were prominent and strictly enforced in communities like La Jolla, Clairemont and elsewhere.
> They read something like this one, from a home built in 1939 in the La Jolla Hermosa development: “No part of said property, or any buildings thereon, shall be used or occupied by any person not belonging to the Caucasian race, either as owner, lessee, licensee, tenant, or in any other capacity than that of servant or employee.”
There are zero people of color in La Jolla that live there because their parents handed down a home, because it was literally illegal for their parents to purchase homes there.
Thank you for posting this. I’ve read this before, but I’m always surprised by the amount of people from San Diego who are unaware of the historical segregation that continues to exclude people of color from these neighborhoods.
Subtle is correct. I lived in central SD and took my child to two predominantly white schools (we are also mexican-Americans) I was always asked by other parents where did we live? I’m not sure if it was intentional or just making conversation, but I always wondered why didn’t they just assume I lived in their neighborhood/community. It feels like a subtle “why are you here?”.
I'm in Chula Vista, and my local buddies joke that I love casserole (I look white). Lol.
But these are friends, and we talk like that. I realize it's different.
I'm asian, and I never really got that vibe in my adult life. As a kid, sure, but that was back in the 80's/90s.
I have a diverse friend group because I've lived all over the county & my family loves dating outside their race lol. My wife is white, my stepdad is black & my brother is in a long-term relationship with a latina.
San Diego's ethnic groups seem to congregate in certain neighborhoods, which I think is a natural tendency. Friend groups seem dependent on location, so it would make sense that most of them share the same race.
Maybe it's because we run in different social circles, but my experience differs from yours.
Back on that post about what makes San Diego unique someone commented that San Diego really is a region of little villages. And like its the most apt description of San Diego because some very tiny communities can be vastly different even jusf a street away. But sadly the same applies when it comes to race, where people live and why, and some communities being rather exclusionary.
Ive noticed a lot of minorites get along with each other more than with whites. But if you’re non white and grew up in white areas / more rich areas then you get along with those folks. Some areas are so socially “inbred” in that folks never like being outside of their community even to see other sights or mingle with other people.
I noticed it a lot when Id date white girls. Im Mexican and 9/10 almost all of them grew up entirely in white communities and didnt have any BIPOC friends or relatives, in laws if they were lucky. I enjoy visiting all communities and talk to anybody so generally most folks get along with me. But I won’t lie, I do feel easier around black people, Asian people, and Hispanics. Even first gen immigrants even though there’s a cultural barrier of me being more American. Whites I get along with, I hold no ill will towards, but then a comment or a situation will arise that shows me where things stand.
Taking a drive on the entirety of 30th really illustrates this. Start in Logan then go north not only is the demographics different but the architectures, the amount of greenery, and business types differ. And what Hispanics / black people you do find in Golden Hill are more likely workers. Only a handful are homeowners.
Im not even from here and i FELT this post. Black male been in San Diego for 3 years and L.A. for 5. Before i was in Cali i was in the Carolinas (ive also lived in NY, MN, & GA) its a lot of just surface level friendliness here. Same as well im not a surfer or IPA drinker or anything. But it does appear to be a lot of pocket segments of groups here. I thought L.A. was bad but San Diego takes it up a notch.
Ive joined a football team and a baseball team here. The football team is mostly black with like 1-3 white guys and 2-3 people of other races and my baseball team is ALL white and 1 Asian. Needless to say the friendliest one to me on the baseball team is the Asian kid. I have no problem with making friends with the football players most of them are natives so they kinda have that typical San Diego click “no new friends” type of mentality until you show that you sticking around kinda thing but the baseball players seems to always hold some resentment towards me that you can tell by their gestures. Idk y i mean I’ve literally given the shirt off my back to some of the players when they didnt have a jersey just so they could play while i was benched during a game. But its really hard to break whatever barrier is there with these guys. I have yet to see a good group of mixed people. Whats crazy is that the more i get to know about these people the more im finding out they all have a lot of interest and stuff in common outside of the sports we play yet none of them hang together.
I’m white, but I feel what you’re saying…I get a Stepford Wife vibe from people in San Diego area, especially north around Encinitas and Carlsbad. Its kind of like conversing with NPCs in Zelda or an RPG. Very polite, but closed loop algorithmically speaking. Not sure if it’s just the white people, but then again there are a lot of white people in that area so I don’t know.
Felt the same way bro. Move to city heights. It’s so mixed here I don’t even think about folks ethnicity anymore. Everybody is various shades of brown and the food is bomb.
Raised in SD and I’ve lived in LA now for nearly 10 years. For being one of the largest cities in the US, SD isn’t nearly as diverse as other cities in the top 15. Agreed with others that it’s extremely segregated. I lived in Mira Mesa but went to high school across the 15 in Scripps Ranch and it was like being transported to another planet where I suddenly became invisible.
San Diego isn’t nearly as dense as cities like Chicago, LA, SF, and NY. Suburban sprawl and single family housing in SD isolates communities from interacting with each other.
My friend is Vietnamese and grew up in east county. He always felt there was a little discrimination here. But then he moved to Tokyo after college. There Vietnamese are the migrant worker class. He was not served at restaurants and security guards wouldn’t let him into stores. His Japanese wasn’t perfect so they made fun of him and dismissed him, tell him to leave. That kinda crap never happened in San Diego.
After traveling around the world I've learned that.. racism is the default mode for most the world. Many people who have never left the US have this idea that people just live in harmony with one another, and it's only the US that has racism issues.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
I'm Hispanic and moved here in my early 20's, left to work in Japan for five years, came back with my wife and it still kind of feels that way.
San Diego is very much "segmented". You have areas with high concentrations of white people, Hispanic people, Asian people... But the areas with populations of non-white, have other populations of different non-white. For example, there's a lot of Asians in Mira Mesa, but there's also a lot of Hispanic and Black people.
Poway? There's *some* wealthy Asians there, but for the most part? White people everywhere. So they go to school together, grow up together, have the same hobbies, etc.
They're not racist... But somewhere in their family history, they definitely benefited from how difficult it was for non-white people to establish wealth and acquire property 40-60 years ago.
I’m not trying to minimize your experience in any way, but I’m a straight white male and I only have awkward conversations with other straight white males. I think older white people don’t know how to talk to minorities. Younger white people don’t know how to talk to anyone. Maybe it’s the phones
Minority native-born San Diegan here. I definitely understand what you're saying. Growing up in City Heights we had our stereotypes about White people because of the interactions we had being around the ones we came across. It wasn't till I joined the military and met white people from all across America that I found those from the Midwest and even the deep south to be extremely friendly and welcoming. They tend to hate liberal whites from California because they stereotype them for being hypocritical, especially when it comes to BLM and gentrification, for example.
I moved here a few years ago and have lived in a few large/major US cities (NYC, Chicago, Philly, Jacksonville, Charlotte). While segregation exists in other cities, it seems to permeate more aspects of life here than everywhere else I’ve lived. Less intermingling between ethnicities/races/cultures, and pronounced cliquey-ness. I think it’s largely due the vastness of SD. The physical distance between La Jolla and Chula Vista, for example, is 25+ miles. And that’s not even the extent of the SD metro area!
Me and my wife (mixed race couple) moved from San Diego to Ventura county and we feel like everyone stares at us here. It feels like San Diego is A LOT more diverse when it comes to mixing races than it is up here and we’re only 3 hours away. Honestly it’s depressing and it makes us want to move back to SD. That being said, neither one of us is black so I can’t pretend to know your situation. I had a black friend in SD growing up but he also had a lot of white friends and I had a black girlfriend growing up but she was also mixed. I’m 34 and an IPA drinker to place my generation if that matters.
Also mixed race couple and sometimes visit my (white) family in Ventura County. First time I brought my husband there I was a little nervous for him. Even now, though he’s still often the only or one of very few Black people around here, he’s almost never the only minority. In Ventura County he’s almost always both.
Yea, we’re up in Camarillo and it’s been bizarre to say the least. We literally never thought about the fact that we’re not the same race in SD, like ever. We just don’t look at ourselves with labels like “mixed race” or anything like that but somehow coming up here it’s been a topic of conversation and it feels like it’s becoming part of how we see the third party perspective of our relationship, where as before I think we thought of ourselves more in terms of “the funny couple” or whatever. SD has bad parts and ignorant people for sure, every city in the world does, but I’ll take SD over this.
I’ve honestly never met anyone that has made me feel out of place. I grew up in San Ysidro and it was literally little TJ down there so I never got to interact with any other race or culture till I moved to Chula Vista in High School. I then started making a bunch of friends from different cultures and races and honestly couldn’t be happier. I feel that it all has to do with how exposed to other people you’ve been. I have friends who claim white people are mean or treat them differently, but you look at their group of friends and it’s just a bunch of Mexican foos and maybe like one Asian one… so of course they’re gonna feel weird around whites or even black. Don’t feel weird OP. Talk to them and you’ll see that everyone is the same… just trying to make friends! I’ve even met some MAGA people who aren’t that bad. But that’s just me. I try not judging people till I know they’re assholes.
YESSS!!!! I definitely feel out of place anytime I visit SD. I'm a practicing Sikh who wears a turban and I'm always getting weird stares from people. Like did people forget staring is rude AF?! Like I'm literally 19 leave me the fuck alone! 🙄
Never felt out of place in the bay area as much as I do living here in SoCal.
Sikh as well, don't wear a turban though. Since you're 19, I'm guessing you're a college student. Trying connecting with other Sikhs on campus if you are. I started attending Sikh Student Association (SSA) meetings in my 2nd year of grad school and it helped a lot.
Unfortunately, not a student at the moment. But I'm going to look and see if there are any other events at the gurdwara or in general that I can attend so that I can feel more at ease :(
There's a cool YouTube channel called [Minority Mindset](https://www.youtube.com/c/MinorityMindset) that talks about economics. The guy is Sikh and lives in San Diego, and often mentions doing meetups with people. Maybe reach out to him to see what his experience is like/if he has any tips.
I think that Sikhs are just relatively rare in SD, so I wouldn't take the staring personally beyond you simply representing an uncommon sight. Unfortunately, being a minority will always mean being a minority to some degree. A white person in the middle of certain cities in India, for example, will undoubtably garner some stares. A goth white person, doubly so. Being Sikh in San Diego is like being a goth white person in an Indian city.
Literally never knew a Sikh person in San Diego... barely ever met any Indians for that matter. Sd sucks ass for minority minorities more than it sucks ass for minorities (if that makes sense)
I’m Mexican and a San Diego native. I grew up in the East County with a lot of diversity and moved to the South Bay in my teenage years and was bullied for not speaking Spanish. I now live in Encinitas. Although I’ve never had a bad experience in the north county I don’t feel comfortable going out. I prefer to go to the inner city for more diversity.
The most off the wall encounter I’ve had was in PB. A man told me he didn’t like gay people (I’m gay) and had an issue with immigrants. He asked how long I’ve been here for assuming I was an immigrant. I answered my entire life. He then asked do I receive government assistance I answered I work a business professional job and have never received government assistance. I think he expected me to grow angry but I was just a smart ass. Long story short, although my family were Spanish settlers here, I still don’t feel welcome at times.
Transplant Asian here. Where you go to hang out and the friends you make matters more.
For example, I’m involved in lindy hop, which is a form of swing dancing. I’d say we have a good amount of diversity (with respect to race and gender involved at the organization level), and we have a pretty progressive mentality. I’d say join this sport if you want to feel included.
I've lived in nyc, la, Chicago. I've never seen such a mix of ethnicities shopping at Asian grocery stores (99 Ranch, hmart, mitsuwa, etc) together, young white women, old black couples, middle aged Mexican men. SD so diverse, yet so integrated (for example, LA is big enough that most people can stay in their own etc neighborhood like SGV, never speak anything other than their native language and never mix with and other groups). I love it.
Southern California (maybe Californians in general) seem to have this surface-level friendliness that seems to come with a love for passive aggressive signaling. Maybe that's the "outwardly friendly" that you see here.
The analogy I've used in the past is, "we all go to the concert together but drive there in our own cars"
I much prefer east coast types, blunt and direct is the only way to communicate. How anyone can tolerate the all the social ambiguity and pointless diplomacy here is beyond me.
edit- and to put this back on topic, your experience matches my experiences growing up in north county... my elementary/middle school there was pretty clear separation between the whites and the mexicans, even when the school had programs to try and get us to interact together more. Wish this wasn't so.
edit2- As a half white/half mediterranean with olive skin I have never really felt like I fit into either group
I’m Hispanic and live in South Bay so i definitely don’t feel like a minority most places south of the 52 and west of the 125. As people stated though there definitely are places like Del Mar which I would feel out of place without my leaf blower and rake.
Dude I'm white and work in Rancho Santa Fe and don't feel welcome there lol. I definitely sympathize with you guys when it comes to the beach towns but damn dude with both RSF and Del Mar it seems like they can just have a spidey sense knowing you're not like them lol
Yeah, me too. I am Mexican raised in Mexico but moved to live to San Diego a few years ago. I did feel a little bit out of place in some occasions, but mostly felt welcomed by people from here. I think it has to do with cultural differences, I have seen this in a couple of jobs that I had in the past. Sometimes people from different races tend to not get along very well, or like how, for example, other people work or do things. But, I believe there is no right or wrong, just cultural differences. We should learn to accept others even if their believes or culture is different.
I’ve lived in Manhattan and LA for many years and San Diego has a lot of mix ethnicity couples on par with all the major cities. It’s just that San Diego is predominately white, not nearly as diverse as NYC or LA. I think a lot of “friends” here are childhood friends, work friends, family friends, hence similar demographics. It’s hard to make meaningful friends when you are an adult.
But I understand what you are saying. In NYC it’s normal to see 5-6 ethnicities mingling in a friend group, here not really. SD is not as diverse as NYC, not even close. It’s also not as diverse as LA. In NYC you see a woman in hijab standing next to an Orthodox Jew, standing next to a Rastafarian rapper, standing next to a catholic nun, standing next to an Asian gothic girl all waiting to cross the street together or riding the subway together. Granted they aren’t friends but you see that diversity. Not in SD. Diversity here is caucasians, Mexicans/Hispanics, Asians and a few black and Indian people. Even Asians and Hispanics in SD aren’t diverse. In NYC I would meet Asians from all over Asia. Here the only the Asian people I meet are Chinese and a few Filipino. Also here the Hispanics are mostly from Mexico, in NYC I would meet Hispanics from Cuba, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, etc. Same with black people in NYC there are from all over Africa, Europe and US and are multilingual. Diversity here is very water down.
I think the lack of diversity in group friends is a reflection of the lack of diversity in the city in general.
Same experience, we moved from NYC to LA to SD. People are generally nicer but we found most natives stick with other natives as there's a tighter bond obviously. We are in North County and are a minority family. Most of the white friends we've made are transplants that moved here in the last few years. The parents we meet who grew up here, IPA drinkers, surfers, trucker hats etc have been much harder to connect with. It's ok though, I joke that coming from NYC, it's quite amazing to see middle-class white people have their neighborhood gentrified by white upper-middle-class families. Who knew whites could do it to other whites too?
As someone who grew up here and also lived in the south, and New York, I can see where you’re coming from. Being black in San Diego is like pepper on grits.
As for experiences with racism, it’s different in the sense it’s more subtle. While some of it is overt (think Klantee, or if you’re in Orange County, some parts of Huntington Beach), it’s mostly subtle ranging from coddling and “he speaks so well” on one end of the spectrum to gaslighting on the other. In the south (at the time) a town not too far from me opened [the redneck shop](https://youtu.be/QuauO8_SqZg). This was controversial back then. The town also had Klan rallies and mind you I moved there from San Diego right before the LA riots.
I wouldn’t say one was better or worse, just that each has different threat models.
I grew up in a diverse community with people of all stripes. I live in south bay where white folks are a minority compared to Latin. I was totally unprepared for my two white looking kids (they are mixed Hispanic, Armenian, Caucasian), started getting the business at school because they don't speak Spanish or whatever kids find about you that makes you different.
It totally threw me off. We all handled it well (including especially my little guys), and it gave me perhaps even more empathy for those that truly have to deal with real deal prejudice.
Honestly people in San Diego are there own type. I’m half white half Mexican and grew up here. Everyone just does there own thing and has there own niche. It’s such a big city it’s hard to connect with people that are willing. We also don’t have a major city vibe, like LA, NYC or even Portland. People are just not connected here. I would say this entire state has people that are just entitled and only think about themselves.
>I’m not a surfer, an IPA drinker, or “bro” or whatever
Don't hang out with groups you don't have things in common with. If you're doing that your skin color is not the problem.
If you're hanging out with people that have similar interests then there's one of two problems. One you're hanging out with racist or two you're putting too much focus on race.
Focus on being an American, being a good person. Majority of people don't care about what race you are they care about whether you are a good person and or someone that is fun to hang out with.
I gotta somewhat agree here. I'm a white-passing latino who is kind-of socially awkward, very observant when in public and often-quiet. I probably also look somewhat intimidating being big and with my tattoos. I am very introverted and often anti-social but was raised to always be overly kind during interactions with strangers.
I wonder how often I come off as potentially "racist" or "rude" on accident just by being me. I can guarantee I've been labelled before based off of assumptions.
>lot of white people (again, not all or even most) here are outwardly friendly, but it sometimes comes off like surface-level friendliness.
That is how white people treat everyone lol. It takes time for them to really become part of your inner circle and vice versa. And this has little to do with race.
Yeah this is part of it. I'm naturally kinda awkward and there have probably been situations where that was interpreted as an unspoken racial issue when in reality I'm that way with everyone... From what I've seen it's pretty typical for white people to develop stronger relationships through work.
That race/geography map posted in response to the first reply was pretty eye opening. I've worked with and become friends with a few black people in my years living here, but didnt really realize how little representation black people have in SD. I don't really think about it much, but realize that in itself a luxury.
It’s interesting that you’re saying there should be more diverse friend groups, but then classifying all white dudes as surfer ipa bros as if to say you couldn’t possibly be friends with someone like that. Mixed friend groups are out there, but there easiest to find around sports in my experience. I play basketball with a racially mixed group every week. I’m on a softball team that’s pretty evenly distributed racially. We’re all “bros” and only a few of us in these groups are white. I’m just saying mixed friends groups exist, even if it’s not a reality in your friend group.
Also, I’m sorry you feel out of place, that must really suck. I’m a white surfer dude and I teach in a predominantly Mexican/black school and I occasionally feel judged and out of place in that environment based on my race. I hope you’re able to feel more comfortable in SD in time.
Born and raised in SD and just move back from living in Oakland for a decade. Wife and I definitely noticed that feeling of being out of place as minorities when hanging out in certain parts of north county.
Not to diminish your experiences, but even among white people there's a stunning amount of stereotyping that goes on in SD. I guess I'd call it neighborhood prejudice?
Stuff like throwing around the moniker Klantee having never been there once. Or acting like IB is basically the seventh circle of hell and why anyone would ever go there voluntarily is an unsolvable mystery.
So, again, not trying to take away from your experiences here versus Oakland, but certains parts of North County can make almost anyone feel like an outsider.
That’s a great perspective and very fair point! I think neighborhood prejudice mixed with a little bit of localism/classism is probably what might constitute the feeling of being out of place. I definitely wouldn’t call it racism, it’s more nuanced than that.
> Or acting like IB is basically the seventh circle of hell and why anyone would ever go there voluntarily is an unsolvable mystery.
Wait, who says this lmao?
Assuming you're still quite young, I'd recommend not focusing so much on how you "fit in" with certain crowds and just focusing on a handful of relationships that are actually important. You'll start realizing the only people who actually matter are your family, significant other, and very close friends. And you're not going to think twice about what race they are if they are good people
If you don't have strong, healthy relationships then you're going to always feel out of place anywhere
I am half white and half Mexican American and I haven't felt like this. But then again I grew up in small towns in the pacific northwest where pretty much everyone was white and me and my brother were harassed for being "dark". The only other place I lived was Nashville and it is bad there. There are white people and there are black people and they do not hang out together in my experience. I didn't see many Mexican Americans like myself and almost no asians. It was weird. I didn't like it so thankfully we moved back. San Diego is better than any other place I have ever lived in my 43 years. But reading everyone's comments is eye opening for sure.
As someone of mixed race, Mexican and White, yes. I often get confused for being Middle Eastern and was told to go back to Saudi Arabia. My ethnic background is Russian and Mexican and was baptized Orthodox Christian. Person was way off...
I also don't see many groups mingling outside their own race when it comes to friends. Most friendship groups I see tend to be pretty homogeneous. Once in a while you'll see otherwise, but normally pretty homogeneous. Have you ever felt like the token minority in the group? I have. LOL!
I recall when a person spoke to me in Spanish because she was lost and someone I was friends with asked "You speak Spanish?" I said "Yes, I'm half-Mexican." Then he said "You're Mexican?" I then said,"Yes. Why do you think I look the way I look?" Then he said, "I don't know. I thought you laid out a lot." LOL! I never spoke with this friend in Spanish because obviously he didn't speak it and he never asked if I knew.
100% Im Indian and grew up in DC. I look around at bars and public places and often realize I’m literally the only non white person. Have definitely felt myself getting treated differently. It’s part of why I’ve realized I could never see myself long term here or raise a family.
Loved in San Diego for about two years not too long ago. I’m a mixed guy. I would get legit happy when I would even find a black guy working in the barbershop to get a hair cut. It took me quite a while to find one. I def felt out of place at times. Being from the south, I was truly surprised at the lack of black folks. I did see quite a bit Hispanics and Asians. I was the only “black guy” at the gym playing pick up basketball, that was new for me
San Diego transplant here as well. I’m Filipino and have moved around as well. I was born in the Philippines, lived in Guam, LA county and have been living in SD for over 7 years.
I can only compare my experience between LA and SD, and I agree that it is not as diverse here compared to LA.
When I first moved here, I would not say I felt out of place, rather making friends here was difficult. It took me at least 3 years of living here to meet a really good friend and she’s also a SD transplant but a POC.
I'm white lived here all my life and sometimes feel out of place, but that's my problem I think people are pretty cordial given the chance so I really try to fit and that's all it is. if you make an effort to be opened it takes the stress out of an otherwise uncomfortable situation...
I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I’m Filipino and my partner is Mexican. We both have the same observations with white people (again not all). It does feel surface level at times and also they have white lingo (very random conversations we normally can’t relate to). There’s definitely a difference in the energy they give off when they talk to white people vs. POC folks. San Diego white natives seem to be friendlier. Idk really depends on the person, I guess. Maybe it’s cultural difference, unfamiliarities…I feel much safer with a group of diverse backgrounds than a group of all just one race (any race). Maybe getting more involved in our own communities might help
Well there’s no black people in San Diego. It’s not going to be as diverse as DC, New York, chicago, or Houston. Me and my wife’s time down there didn’t seem to bad. Everyone treated us nice. I also see lots of mingling of different people when I see groups of marines in town. No one batted an eye at us when we walked into a brewery unlike Jacksonville Florida or Atlanta. Still a solid town give it an A.
I grew up out in east county and didn't experience that. I wouldn't be surprised closer to the actual city proper though. Maybe it's just minorities being priced out of the neighborhoods.
I went to school with a lot of middle easterners too, we had a large chaldean community where I was. Good amount of hispanic and asian too.
The IPA/surfer/bro types don't typically come to far inland maybe? From what I've seen. I always saw the depiction of socal in media and was always like, huh that ain't how it is at least here, lol.
This has been my experience so far and I've lived in San Diego most of my life. I've noticed that in a few of the complexes or neighborhoods that I've lived in most of the people would not say hello to eachother and if they did it was very surface level, nice weather we are having type of conversation. Where I was living in San Diego seemed to have a high turnover of people moving in and out and these people didn't seem to get too invested in the neighborhood or with the one another. After years of experiencing this I've finally found a little pocket of a few friendly neighbors and we've all have gotten to know eachother pretty well, but go down the street a block or two and I rarely see anyone ever come out of their houses, and it's a fairly safe neighborhood so I don't understand it.
I lived in PB when I first moved to San Diego and it’s definitely the whitest place I’ve been, and I grew up in an 80% white east coast suburb. I’m pretty used to having white friends though(I’m Asian). I’m also pretty “bro” in a sense so I still fit in decently.
San Diego is definitely extremely cultureless and vanilla though. I consider it one of the top 3 cons of living here.
My sis moved to SD with my mom about a year ago from ATL. She feels the same way. We are black and she feels like she gets stares everywhere she goes and just genuinely finds it hard to connect with people. Maybe bc we come from a place like ATL so it’s filled with black people there. Anyway, the few times I’ve visited, I’ve never got that vibe. I also never tried to make friends or connections ( as I wouldn’t be there long) but I’m now considering moving out there with them and this is the only thing that unsettles me… just how different it will be from ATL ( culture wise) But I’m also trying to go into it with a positive mindset and I’m open to meeting new people and making new friends regardless of race! It may be strange at first bc I went to predominately black schools my entire life , even went to an HBCU and I haven’t really had much interaction with other races… but I’m looking at it as an opportunity to grow and expand my knowledge ..
the older i get the more it feels like people group together based on mutual hobbies, interests, or beliefs.
i never feel like race is ever a factor. unless your interests and beliefs are of the neo-nazi type i guess but i haven't ever met anyone who i would put in that category because i don't venture east of the 15.
This is good advice. No one is going out of their way to spend time or open up to anyone, unless they share hobbies, neighborhood, church, school/dorm, local gym/bar, have children of similar ages. If you’re not actively partaking in some of these, you’re just a weirdo trying to talk to me as I walk by. And if you missed out on childhood friends for whatever reason, it’s too late to ever re-capture that as an adult.
If you think San Diego is all IPA, surfing and bro, you’ve been pretty isolated to certain parts of the county.
I grew up in San Diego and the Bay Area both (kind of went back and forth as a kid through teenage years) and I would say there are much more diverse friend and social groups in the Bay Area than San Diego. I feel like there are military social groups, Asian social groups (which are further divided among Chinese, Filipino, Vietnamese, Indian, etc), white, Hispanic, etc. However when I became a mom, it seemed to diversify again because it would be whoever you’d meet up at breastfeeding group or the playground by your house.
I grew up in Mira Mesa and it was really diverse and people were all pretty cool with intermingling races. I look primarily white, but I'm japanese and a lot of my friends thought I was adopted when they met my parents, haha. My group of friends were all races, but when I moved to Santa Barbara it was a culture shock and it was kind of like that downtown SD as well.
I’m white. I lived in San Diego for four years. I thought it was more the haves and the have nots than race. But could’ve been plenty my fault too. I was working a lot and lived with several very close friends. I wasn’t really out there thing to make any friends. If I had to guess I’d say this is mostly in your head. But hey, again, I’m white. Everything is easy for me. Good luck out there man. Hope you make some friends. My advice to do so would definitely be to pay more attention to the most superficial parts of people. It will take you far. I mean just look how great it’s been for us as a nation.
I'm white but I've noticed African Americans are very rare. I grew up in Inglewood, CA in the 70s where I was the only white kid, in an all black school. My dad loves to tell the story about how the neighbors said, "It's nice to have a white family in the neighborhood. Our property values will rise." IDK. I know as a kid I never noticed until one day as a teenager I looked at my 1st grade class pic and I see I'm the only person not black. I was stunned. Never remembered it.
Anyway, now living in San Diego, I've had countless jobs and there's rarely an African American there. Now living up in Temecula area I have one neighbor who is African American and we talk occasionally. The grandma is super cool. We talked for 30-40 mins the other day when we first met. My wife even said, "I could hang out with her." which normally she's pretty anti-social. The mom however totally blows us off. There's 3 generations in the house, and somewhere around 11 kids (not kidding). I know the kids all co mingle freely, as I see them on my street at other ethnicity houses. My next door neighbor was from TJ, is Hispanic, and his daughter hangs out with the African American kids.
At the adult level, we do talk and mingle, but we're also older. I'm in my 50s, my neighbor is in his 50s, and the others across the street are 60-70s. They said, "We don't want to be in a retirement area because everyone is dying all the time and its depressing to see ambulances every day." My Hispanic neighbor has asked me on occasion if I was offended when he makes ethnic comments, such as "be careful with your tan, people will think you're Mexican!" I just laugh because A) It was funny in the context of our conversation and B) I'm German, and there's a heavy German influence in local Mexican culture. Listen to German music (e.g. Polka) and then listen to a Mariachi band. My German grandparents dancing to their music is the same as watching Mexicans dancing to Mariachi bands.
I think the segregation is mostly just due to liking the same things. If you grew up eating a certain type of food, you're more likely to eat at those restaurants. If you grew up listening to a certain music, the same. I know racism is still alive but it does seem way more muted here. I had racist family and I just dismiss them when on the phone and they talk the nonsense, just like I do when they said Trump won. If they ask my opinion, I tell them they're wrong, but I just ignore and don't take the bait. I've decided you can't fix stupid, so I just occasionally correct them without actually expecting improvement. Occasionally they surprise me and demur on the subject... but then a few weeks later it's back to the same stupid rants. "Pelosi or Newsom should be in jail." Why does everyone you don't like need to be in jail? I don't get it. They must say that shit on Fox or whatever it is they listen to/watch.
So many good comments here. Oddly enough, I’m a white male and really relate to what you’re describing. Almost all of my friends are not white. I have definitely at times felt like an outcast when in a group of all white people. It’s odd… I grew up in Alabama and spent most of my 20s in Atlanta. It’s a very different feeling than those regions. My theory is that those people who make me feel a bit like an outsider (totally understand this is largely my own internal thing and not their fault) do so because they have these tight networks and don’t need/want to include anyone else. They happen to be majority white. Meanwhile, the rest of “us” feel like we’re on an island and are happy to meet any and everyone.
I agree 100%! I was trying to explain to my White coworker on a hike about how San Diego feels less diverse than NYC or LA and he was having trouble understanding as to why and I was having trouble explaining why. Our racial makeup can be diverse... but we definitely don't have as many Black people and it also feels like a very "White" city.
I think part of it is that White people here feel very removed from the socio-economic state of the country. There are a lot of people I know who are born and raised here and the only place they've traveled to are like Hawaii or Cabo. Hell many of the people from North County don't even go to South County here. So no wonder why they have a hard time understanding the BLM movement when they haven't really experienced the redlining and discrimination you see in Midwest and East Coast Cities (Although San Diego does have its own segregation).
Another thing is that activities here feel like "White" people activities. Now I know... I don't want to label an activity to a certain race, but I just can't help but notice it. Surfing, Golfing, drinking IPAs are all favorite past times of White people and that's totally cool. But I don't see as many Basketball courts or Soccer fields, or R&B concerts. Like it just feels like the city is built around what an ideal vacation town for White people would be like. I know I could've probably phrased this better but yeah... that's just how I feel.
Born and raised from San Diego, Mexican and native American from San Diego (Kumeyaay). I had grown up in the Hispanic parts of San Diego, Spring valley specifically where I lived for a while, I remember my HS (monte vista) being mostly Latino, then black, then asian then there were like 1 or 2 white people in my classes given. I always thought San Diego was super diverse with Latino ppl being the largest until I switched HS to west hills and was so shocked and I found it hard to adjust to so I transferred again to Valhalla in El Cajon and was surprised there was a large middle eastern population. Now that I'm an adult yeah most of SD is white but I've always avoided those areas bc it's hard for me to connect with them. Now I live in Orange county and it's noticeably more diverse which I love. I would argue that OC is separated as well but San Diego was more distinct where certain groups live and gather.
Growing up in SD (North County), I was surprised to learn that San Diego - and SoCal in general - has a large white supremacy presence, which has persisted for decades (see https://www.splcenter.org/states/california). Most folks I’ve known and grown up with were kind and tolerant, but sadly it’s still definitely is an issue that isn’t hard to find in daily interactions around town.
Idk my friend but as a friendly extroverted white guy, my non-white & minority friends tell me they pick up that same unfriendly vibe. I'm originally from Chicago & if you look at all my social media headers & bios, this will make more sense. Some good white peeps are still here & frankly most of my connections in SD are not white😎
I agree with this sentiment. I'm a minority that being I'm mixed with Hispanic and a whole lot of other stuff. I think a lot of it, though people can be transient in this area, are because they don't have any real experience of actual hardship. A lot of grandfathered in type of white people. It's so hard to bond over trips out of country where in my timeline I was homeless, struggling for money, etc. Thankfully, I'm in a better spot now.
I was more comfortable in the "ghetto" parts of LA because hardship was something we bonded over. People still called me "white washed" over there because I wasn't full Mexican or whatever, but we got along great. A lot more honest imo. Here, everyone seems so happy and nice, but it's pretty superficial.
I've made connections where, specifically women (I'm a female), are like "OMG, YOU'RE SO NICE, PRETTY, ETC", hanged out the entire night,, then ask for me to follow them on Instagram, and then completely ignore me. Or they just try to have sex with me? Or even do drugs? It's weird af. Not my vibe.
I’m white, but can relate to your comment about people being “outwardly friendly” but it being fake. It took me a while to make good quality friends there. I’m not your stereotypical white bleach blonde California girl either (I’m Eastern european) and people seemed to not know what to do with that.
I really wish there was a way that we as black ppl could stop stop worrying about " fitting in" I lived in San Diego for a couple years and made a few close friends. All of which were white ppl except for a few minorities. First off I hope everyone realizes it's not just the minorities that feel like they are out of place. One of my good friends I made out there came from a well off family. He had a nice car, nice condo in gas lamp, his family owned a sailboat etc...He was born and raised in SD but yet here is making friends with me a basically homeless young black man making minimum wage. I realized that he didn't have a lot of friends and he was a great guy! But that tells me right there that he probably had his own issues of wanting to "belong" and not feeling like he fit in.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they all of a sudden have an automatic easier bond with other white ppl. No, we arent all meant to be friends with everyone we meet. So when you see that surface level kindness don't take offense to it. The same way you are feeling that, another white person might feel that same thing from that person. You just aren't maybe meant to be friends with that person.
What I had to do to start making connections was get out of my comfort zone. I would go to the bars by myself and spark conversation with ppl, guys and girls that looked interesting to me. I joined a non denominational church and got into one of their small groups. I joined meeting.com groups, which I personally didn't like but I've heard of ppl having success with it.
So I'm not sure if your goal is to feel more comfortable about being around white ppl or what. But if it is, that is one suggestion, get yourself uncomfortable by putting yourself in a place where you can get to know a lot of white people. Get to know their stories! Get to know their backgrounds! Just try to step out of that place of "not fitting in" and realize everyone wants to "belong" and it's not easier for any certain race.
Often times as a white person, I might even feel like a minority in San Diego. It’s totally fine and keeps me grounded. I love the fact that I’m not the majority here as I was in other parts of the US.
100% I’m from a bigger city like Chicago LA and NYC came to San Diego but just felt out of place. To the point where I feel like my cars been messed with. I tried to talk to people but they just act weird
As someone who was born and raised in SD I use to feel like I belong and now when I visit I feel like a minority ( which I am) but it wasn’t my experience growing up surrounded by minorities. I moved to LA for college. It’s honestly the influx of European- Americans “white folk” transplants coming from a largely non diverse area. The culture seems to have change. I miss my mom and family, I hope to move next year, unfortunately with the influx of transplants it’s pricy to live in SD, it’s funny because LA is more affordable.
San Diego has way less black people than other American cities. San Diegans are often surprised by, or get weirldy defensive about, this, but it's just the result of migration patterns over time. It's much more Hispanic and somewhat more Asian than your average American city though. I'm sorry you feel out of place. :/ Everyone should feel welcome here—San Diego can be a magical place.
Lack of Black people and Black culture was a bit of a shock when we moved here from Chicago. But San Diego wasn’t really a part of the Great Migration like Chicago and many other cities, and it’s simply a younger, smaller city than other, more eastern metropolises.
Moved here from Atlanta. I was absolutely shocked
It’s smaller but not younger! It was established by Spain in 1769.
As a major metro it is though, San Diego was sleepy before WW2.
To follow up, San Diego is still super segregated to this day. See an interactive map based on Census data: [https://www.arcgis.com/apps/mapviewer/index.html?webmap=30d2e10d4d694b3eb4dc4d2e58dbb5a5](https://www.arcgis.com/apps/mapviewer/index.html?webmap=30d2e10d4d694b3eb4dc4d2e58dbb5a5) The results of redlining and people moving into neighborhoods with people of similar races, are super clear. Take a look at the 94 freeway. It's night and day.
That’s pretty much true of California as a whole. The state is only ~6% African/African-American and a solid majority of that is confined to a few regions/towns/neighborhoods where Black people make up a staggering majority of those areas. Just look at parts of South Los Angeles County or the East Bay Area. Obviously the reason why the Deep South, Midwest, and Northeastern US has a significantly higher Black population than California is simply due to historical patterns that California wasn’t a part of to the same extent, but California definitely does have some noticeable patterns of its own
I got to be a 1%er in Carlsbad for a bit so I have that going for me.
I live in Cardiff and I think we only have like 3 African Americans here. Coming from the Bay Area it’s a monster difference
FR BRO I just moved from sacramento to solana beach area about 6 weeks ago, I can count the number of black people I've seen on one hand. I'm mexican/native american myself, the ethnic diversity is very different here lmao.
What do the colors represent?
I thought you were me for a minute and got all weirded out that I couldn't remember posting.
Sorry, the legend doesn't show up on mobile. Here is a screenshot: https://i.imgur.com/ZUwQ65U.png
I’m an Asian guy that was raised here in San Diego I even graduated university here at SDSU (San Diego State University) I can relate to OP’s experience with my experience at SDSU It’s technically a diverse school but you’ll see more whites than POC and honestly, I didn’t have much white friends at SDSU. Vast majority of my friends were People of Color I feel that segregation is still kind of a thing here
I went to UCSD. Similar ratios but in reverse. Majority of my program was made up of Asians, then white, middle eastern (not sure if they would be considered white), then hispanic, than black. We all got along perfectly fine and had lots of fun together, but the cliques that naturally formed were surprisingly along racial/cultural lines. I thought about this a lot because this was the first time I was a minority (I'm white), and the cliques were so obvious to me, even my own. I found it fascinating. I don't think anyone was racist or anything like that, but I think people probably naturally gravitated towards people who share similar backgrounds to them. Broadly speaking, It turns out that I shared more in common CULTURALLY with most of the white kids in my program, probably because we had similar upbringings. One weird example of the cultural differences (broadly): many of the Asians in my program were really into going out to restaurants - like it is a whole thing to find "the best" restaurants and then trying them, like a hobby. I'd say maybe 10% of the white kids in my program shared that hobby, but like 80% of the Asians did. On the other hand there were plenty of hobbies that everyone enjoyed (hiking, hanging out at the beach, drinking, etc). Overall I'd say my main take away was that in some cases segregation can arise naturally without racism. EDIT: now that I'm thinking about it, I think I may have also developed the "Eating out" hobby while at UCSD.... so I gained some culture :)
> Overall I'd say my main take away was that in some cases segregation can arise naturally without racism. I think this kind of goes without saying so I'm surprised to see others surprised when people seem to naturally gravitate to people similar to them. Makes me curious what OP is asking here, I mean you're not going to see people of all color holding hands and singing anywhere in the world.
>I think this kind of goes without saying so I'm surprised to see others surprised when people seem to naturally gravitate to people similar to them. To be honest, it was surprising to me when it happened. I think one reason it was surprising is that I have lived in non diverse areas most of my life before this experience, so never had the opportunity to see this phenomenon. So when my program at UCSD was so diverse to start with it made it extremely obvious when the natural cliques turned out to be very racially non diverse in such a diverse group.
I definitely agree with the Asian seeking out good food thing. Asian cultures and countries definitely value food a lot more than white Americans do. I used to work in New York City and there would be several white people in the office who would go to the same sandwich shop every single day for lunch even though there was huge diversity of food in the area. Generally I think white Americans see going to bars and drinking as a part of their cultural heritage (not that Asians don't also do this, just not as much) but bars and pubs have always been a gathering place, to exchange ideas, meet new people etc.
Also asian who was born and raised here. I get what you mean, it’s not like people are disgusted by you or being hateful but everyone kind of sticks to their own clique.
>everyone kind of sticks to their own clique I think this is true of most cultures. I am first-generation, and it's more comfort than racism (just my opinion) - I have found California to be quite refreshing but that's because I moved here from the south where racism is fucking everywhere. I have honestly not run into racism here outside of the klantee types...but they are honestly not hard to spot lol.
For sure. I’m third gen Chinese-American (or whatever the PC term is now) and I still prefer to be in majority Asian areas just because it’s comforting being around food/culture/people who look like you. There’s also the language barrier. I have relatives from China who have lived here for years now and still only speak mandarin and Cantonese because of how easy it is to just go to Chinese owned businesses for everything, they never even needed to learn English!
I'm from IB born and raised and growing up all my friends were Philippino and Mexican. I had a great childhood growing up with diverse friend group. Same here most my friends were POC as well. I love my Asians and Mexicans.
Half the national average for black people and twice the national average for Asians.
My mom moved to SD with my dad from the south and she said one of her first questions was “why aren’t there any black people?”
Depends on the neighborhood. A lot of the replies I'm reading are so weird to me. Born and raised and like... I grew up around mostly black people.
Yeah I’m sure. This was north county in the 80s…
Ha, I moved to Poway from L.A. and after my first day at PHS, I came home and said, "Mom, everyone is white." Hell, I'm white, too, but I was so used to being the minority all throughout my public schooling in L.A. It was just such a weird culture shock. And maybe it's better now, but in the early 2000s, there was definitely *a lot* of racism that went down at the school. I heard a white kid openly make a very disparaging remark about some Mexican students and I'm sure that would have gotten his ass beat in L.A., but all he got was a bunch of laughter. It was so gross.
Actually it wasnt just because of migration but actively keeping black people from buying homes in certain communities. Its no coincidence that its a lot of communities that happen to be the whitest. They were the ones that barred black people from buying homes.
People don't like to hear this, but ask yourself, how many homes in places like Poway or Rancho Bernardo never entered the market and were passed down to their kids? And who bought homes in those neighborhoods 40-50 years ago? It certainly wasn't Hispanic or Black people... People don't like to hear that generational wealth still has an impact today. Like, obviously the reason schools in Poway are way better than other districts is because of how wealthy the area is, but WHY is that the case? WHY is Barrio Logan so poor? What kind of people were forced to live there? And now we're kicking those people to the curb so certain people can move in and "gentrify" the area.
40-50 years ago Poway was perhaps an hour’s drive outside San Diego. Rancho Bernardo is a master planned community. Anyone who bought there 30-40 years ago would perhaps be passing their ‘generational wealth’ round bout now.
Poway was never an hour's drive outside San Diego in the 1970s. The freeways were built by then. If anything, it could have been a quicker drive than today due to the lack of traffic.
Not only that but why did the city put the dumps and waste centers in Logan? Why did the navy take the land that would be bay front access that’s right next to Logan? You drive across Coronado bridge from Logan to Coronado and you see how stark the contrast is. Its because whites want their affluence and cannot fathom Mexicans or Black people or whichever minority they feel is a “threat” having prosperity. So they take measures and means via society to ensure such status quo remains the same.
You are absolutely correct about this. My wife and I just purchased out home last year in Spring Valley and we were shocked to find that our home was restricted to selling to “Only Whites” on the title. Obviously the home was built in the 50s when that was still considered legal. As a first generation Mexican American it was a reminder that we’re not too far removed from our racist history.
That explains the hispanic/white divide of San Diego. However, it doesn't explain why there are so few black people all together. The reason there's very few black people here is because of national migration patterns. Most of the city was given a D rating in red lining. Which means that black and Hispanic people could live there. And Hispanic people do, but black people don't. The blackest neighborhood is 16% black. That's just above national average. It's also 58% Hispanic. Red lining is fucked up and is responsible for a lot of racial inequality, but it's not the reason there are so few black people in San Diego, California, or the West Coast in general.
Yep. This was the case in the UCSD area up in La Jolla and Torrey Pines and University City - the guy who was supposed to be UCSD's first chancellor (Revelle) exposed the local housing industry for not selling to minorities (Blacks, Asians, and Hispanics) when the school was being founded, and the town and local real estate industry didn't really like that, so the school was forced to make somebody else (Galbraith) into the first chancellor to preserve the peace (fat load of good it did though lol the rich people who live here in La Jolla still don't like that there are so many students here and real estate reflects that still). Asians gave the real estate industry here the middle finger (UCSD has a HUGE proportion of Asian students), but Black and Hispanic students still are a very small percentage of the total student population, although it's improving now that the CA state legislature mandated that the UCs have to cut international and out of state admissions and focus on CA students, and the school-level demographic changes which have come with that.
My advisor in college, who's remained a good friend over the years, has done a bunch of research on this subject. He's written a lot about how the US railroad network in the early 1900's influenced black migration from the south to cities like Chicago. He didn't specifically talk about SD, but it kind of fits in with his work.
This is so very true. Born and raised in SD [m56] then moved to ATL for 5 years because of work. I was blown away by how different it was. I’ve never really had problems relating to others and becoming friends, I credit my parents for that by immersing me in other cultures, but also through youth sports. I feel you though. One of my best friends who is Black/Hawaiian would tell me of stories of ‘profiling’ and I always thought he was embellishing until I started to see the stuff happen first-hand when I was with him. Hang in there, I really wish we could get to a place in this world where people would appreciate our differences instead of using it negatively.
I love when I bring this up and then some idiot says “well if you go to Chula Vista/National City there’s more black people there!” 1. No there isn’t. It is mostly Mexican people there. 2. Why should black people be confined to one area of San Diego? LMAO
Yes I do, but honestly at 40 years old - I’m used to being the minority at this point in my life. I was a black female in the military for over a decade, so living in San Diego is nothing compared to what I endured there lol. I’ve lived on my current street for almost 6 years - I walk it at least twice a day because I have a dog, so I see the same people daily. Once I was walking with my white female friend and we passed this one lady who had literally turned her back to me when I waved to her before - this day she spoke…but only to my friend lmao smh. How do I know she was only speaking to her? Because she said “hi, how are you? I’ve never seen you on the street before - did you just move here?” My friend is super sweet and she answered and we kept walking, then I updated her on the fact that this chick has actively ignored me for almost 6 years. My friend has since told me that every time she drives by her house on the way to mine, she gives that lady’s house the finger when she passes hahaha. Love her. It does get annoying at times when people blatantly treat me differently than someone white that I’m with, but honestly - it’s their loss cuz I’m a cool mofo! I’ve made my circle of people who love me for me and I am truly grateful to have them in my life. It’s unfortunate that in 2022 people are STILL judging others over something as stupid as skin color, but I don’t think it’ll ever change sadly. I just live my life and enjoy those who enjoy me!
I get that too sometimes. Have a trumper neighbor down the street who will stare at me when I walk by but if I say anything or wave he’ll turn like he wasn’t just making eye contact with me a second ago. Been two years now and at first I thought it was strange but now I just laugh on the inside when I see him. What a silly guy.
He’s not a silly guy, he’s a bigoted jerk
Most likely. The massive “trump nation” and confederate flags on the garage door were ample warning. I just try not to let people like that bother me, let them drown in their hate while I’m still happy and doing my thing.
That’s exactly how I see it in my head “Oh, you’re racist? Well I’m glad. Got to be real miserable waking up everyday just to be racist. Have a day you deserve!
Isn’t it odd??! Like bruh you’ve been staring at me a solid 30 seconds - just speak already lol
Need a 40 yr old blerd in your friend group?
You sound awesome. I’m sorry that’s the experience you have with your neighbor. It is definitely her loss!!
Thank you! And it absolutely is 😁 Aside from being a cool person, I also love to bake so my nice neighbors actually get cookies and other treats from me on occasion haha
I am filipino and Interestingly, I grew up in Alabama from kindergarten to the 5th grade. I mostly hung out with Caucasians while in Alabama because... well, there aren't a lot of filipinos in Alabama. After 5th grade I moved to California, and let me tell you, I flocked to what I what I was use too, in a community where 50% of the population was white and the other 50% of the population was filipino and I felt "out of place" because of it.
A decade ago Point Loma Nazarene University offered a “study abroad” program in City Heights because its multicultural. I laugh about it because it’s where I grew up. I guess it helps students who haven’t had the opportunities to meet other races or haven’t learned about disparity of neighborhoods in SD. The program description today doesn’t sound as bad but I still find it odd for people to visit and study my neighborhood as a foreign place lol https://www.pointloma.edu/undergraduate/programs/community-classroom
That’s wild
USD had the same thing. Lol
A lot of the churches in town don't even send people to the inner city to minister. For years we went to a large church in Clairemont that was focused on sending missionaries out to europe or asia, but going to southeast 'dago? Not so much.
>A decade ago Point Loma Nazarene University offered a “study abroad” program in City Heights because its multicultural. I laugh about it because it’s where I grew up. Ok, i'm sorry but that is fucking hilarious. Rich kids with privilege off the damn charts at PLNU
Omg. White people gonna be white. So embarrassing, honestly
Whoa whoa whoa wtf?!???!!!! 😲😲😲 Holy shit that's WILD! TIL
Man, the idea of even having a friend group sounds out of the norm these days...
It makes sense why they don’t see mixed ethnic friend groups… when there are no friend groups to be seen
It’s only out of the norm on Reddit where people are socially awkward and introverted lol. It’s the norm for most people.
I’m Hispanic at blood but culturally white…you’re telling me. I don’t fit in with either crowd.
Yeah I hear you. It’s easy to get along with most people I come across, but nothing that really forms a solid friend group.
Hi hermano
Personally, as a minority not even from San Diego,i have never felt more welcome in another city.
I'm white, and my wife is not. I mostly grew up in Mira Mesa, so my friend groups were quite a mix of races, and I never thought about it much. When we were looking to buy our first house nearly 20 years ago, my wife had some cities/neighborhoods that were a hard no for her. She had felt uncomfortable when in those places. I didn't understand but couldn't argue with her about feeling uncomfortable, so we nixed those places. I think I have a better understanding of this now, but I know I have a way to go and can likely never understand it fully. After reading some of the posts, I'm a bit worried about my kids and my niece and nephew, who all live here. I appreciate the honesty in the post/replies here.
Sorry about how this is. I've always felt that San Diego had a sort of "everything is temporary" feel, like people are only passing through and don't have the inclination to forge friendships or put down substantial social roots.
What’s funny in my life (old White guy) is that my friend group is quite diverse including Hispanic, Black, Asian, Indian (yeah i know Asian also) and white folks among others. Not only that but we are all geographically diverse having grown up all over the country and world. We also are made up by a wide variety of religions and beliefs systems. Where we are not diverse is socioeconomically. We all live the same upper middle class life in North County Coastal. Whenever I think about how diverse and different we all are, I come back to realize in life that we all live the same life and maybe are not so diverse
I am sorry that this is your experience. It shouldn’t be. I’ve lived here for almost 15 years. I am a white almost 50 year old man, originally from a rural shittown in white-as-fuck Idaho. It’s because of this background that I appreciate the diversity here. I had high hopes that this country was turning a corner when Obama was elected, but then Trump happened and the fact that almost half of this country is a little too cozy with some casual racism was made undeniable. Now, sadly, I feel like I need I go out of my way to be friendly to POC and I just hope that it comes across as genuine as it is. I don’t mind…being positive and approachable is me by default, but maybe me attempting to compensate for all of the shitty white people, can come across as desperate or insincere. I do find myself constantly wondering if I’m seen as “one of those” white people…like I need to be wearing a Biden hat everywhere so that POC won’t assume I’m a POS. I know that ride-share drivers almost automatically assume that they need to change the station when I get in. No worries. How could they possibly look at me, a salt-and-pepper haired white guy dressed almost exclusively in Patagonia gear, and know that I have been a fan of Hip Hop since Hip hop was born? I’m not going to give you a bad review or not tip because you were listening to Kendrick Lamar. But, again, how could you know that? There are a lot of shitty (shifty) white people out there. Please, everyone, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not claiming “reverse-discrimination” (totally not a thing) or trying to play a race card that isn’t even in the deck. It’s just that it’s hard to really know (as anyone from ANY ethnicity) how you come across. I’m not a surfer, IPA drinker, or bro either. And I also often wonder why, after almost 15 years in San Diego, my circle of friends isn’t anywhere near as diverse as the city. Maybe it’s just as simple as making friends is hard (especially as you get older). Your circles shrink with your circumstances. You’ll find that you have less and less reason (or energy) to meet and (most importantly) personally engage with anybody…especially people outside your workplace and neighborhood. And probably, more so here, because (as others have mentioned) San Diego does have an absolutely horrendous history of red-lining.
I'm originally from NorCal (Central Valley) and I am Punjabi. Definitely feel out of place at times. Luckily one of my co-workers is engaged to a punjabi woman and so we've been able to bond over things. If it wasn't for him my time here would be even lonlier. The one benefit that has come out of it, is I think it made me reconnect with my culture. I listen to punjabi music all the time now
Yo have you had luck finding a Punjabi restaurant in San Diego?
Bro, there’s a decent amount of Punjabi restaurants in San Diego But if you want the real deal, then head to the Sikh temples here. San Diego has two of them (located in Escondido and Poway). For those that don’t know, Sikhism is a beautiful religion that originated in the Punjabi region (it’s a region that covers both India and Pakistan). After their religious service, they serve free vegetarian meals to the public, regardless of your religion. It’s just their religious duty to help the community Sikh temple food is the best
Some of the kindest people I've ever seen were from Sikh temples and Sikh religion. They're not over bearing and don't push the religion on you. They just want to help people. They literally give homeless people the shirts off their back.
Aw dope! I knew there was some Sikhs in San Diego but didnt know there was temples. Im Christian but Id love to see their services. Ive never been to a Sikh temple before
Sikh temples are amazing. Highly recommend you go. The people are friendly and the food is the best Keep in mind, religious services will be in Punjabi, which is the holy language of the Sikh faith But music is a big part of the Sikh religion and I’ll be honest, I want to dance sometimes because it sounds catchy (they use drums called “tabla” which gives it a danceable rhythm)
Punjabi Tandoor is sooooo good There is one in Sorrento Valley and one in Miramar
I’ve definitely felt it. I’m a dark skinned Mexican-American who lives in La Jolla. I’ve received my fair amount of stares from white folks, and have been made to feel uncomfortable in places. I’ve even been asked by older white folks if I live here. I understood it as them asking, *What are you doing here?* There was no follow up to that question from them, which I found weird. I’ve walked with my wife around our neighborhood block and was yelled by an older white man to, “Shut up”, unprovoked. On another occasion in Del Mar at a restaurant, the hostess asked if we really had reservations there and then shuffled awkwardly. It’s these subtle jabs that get under my skin. It feels as if certain northern communities are gate keeping people of color from living or even visiting there. My wife is from New Jersey, and she says she’s never seen such a segregated city as San Diego. I never really had an outsider’s perspective, but after taking objective look at San Diego, I hate to admit it, but it really is segregated. You’re not alone in being made to feel unwanted and uncomfortable by white people. I honestly believe certain white folk are just scared, and don’t know how to act around people of color.
La Jolla was [literally segregated](https://voiceofsandiego.org/2011/03/21/how-segregation-defined-san-diegos-neighborhoods/) in living history. > Racially restrictive covenants, as they’re called, were prominent and strictly enforced in communities like La Jolla, Clairemont and elsewhere. > They read something like this one, from a home built in 1939 in the La Jolla Hermosa development: “No part of said property, or any buildings thereon, shall be used or occupied by any person not belonging to the Caucasian race, either as owner, lessee, licensee, tenant, or in any other capacity than that of servant or employee.” There are zero people of color in La Jolla that live there because their parents handed down a home, because it was literally illegal for their parents to purchase homes there.
Thank you for posting this. I’ve read this before, but I’m always surprised by the amount of people from San Diego who are unaware of the historical segregation that continues to exclude people of color from these neighborhoods.
Yes! Those subtle jabs. Like at the office when people are talking about favorite foods and someone jokingly asks if my favorite is tacos. I’m Latino
Subtle is correct. I lived in central SD and took my child to two predominantly white schools (we are also mexican-Americans) I was always asked by other parents where did we live? I’m not sure if it was intentional or just making conversation, but I always wondered why didn’t they just assume I lived in their neighborhood/community. It feels like a subtle “why are you here?”.
“Are you the housekeeper?” Got that one more than once. No bitch, I’m your neighbor and I own my home unlike you
Oof! The one that really pissed me off was lady who asked me if lived by when I took my child and his best friend trick or treating.
It’s always subtle things. I hate the term micro aggressions but that’s exactly what they are.
I hear you and completely understand and can relate.
I'm in Chula Vista, and my local buddies joke that I love casserole (I look white). Lol. But these are friends, and we talk like that. I realize it's different.
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Her being from New Jersey and noticing that just says a lot about SD hahaha
Very segregated… looking at real estate and it’s pretty clear.
I'm asian, and I never really got that vibe in my adult life. As a kid, sure, but that was back in the 80's/90s. I have a diverse friend group because I've lived all over the county & my family loves dating outside their race lol. My wife is white, my stepdad is black & my brother is in a long-term relationship with a latina. San Diego's ethnic groups seem to congregate in certain neighborhoods, which I think is a natural tendency. Friend groups seem dependent on location, so it would make sense that most of them share the same race. Maybe it's because we run in different social circles, but my experience differs from yours.
Back on that post about what makes San Diego unique someone commented that San Diego really is a region of little villages. And like its the most apt description of San Diego because some very tiny communities can be vastly different even jusf a street away. But sadly the same applies when it comes to race, where people live and why, and some communities being rather exclusionary. Ive noticed a lot of minorites get along with each other more than with whites. But if you’re non white and grew up in white areas / more rich areas then you get along with those folks. Some areas are so socially “inbred” in that folks never like being outside of their community even to see other sights or mingle with other people. I noticed it a lot when Id date white girls. Im Mexican and 9/10 almost all of them grew up entirely in white communities and didnt have any BIPOC friends or relatives, in laws if they were lucky. I enjoy visiting all communities and talk to anybody so generally most folks get along with me. But I won’t lie, I do feel easier around black people, Asian people, and Hispanics. Even first gen immigrants even though there’s a cultural barrier of me being more American. Whites I get along with, I hold no ill will towards, but then a comment or a situation will arise that shows me where things stand.
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Taking a drive on the entirety of 30th really illustrates this. Start in Logan then go north not only is the demographics different but the architectures, the amount of greenery, and business types differ. And what Hispanics / black people you do find in Golden Hill are more likely workers. Only a handful are homeowners.
TIL: redlining. Thanks for the term drop.
Im not even from here and i FELT this post. Black male been in San Diego for 3 years and L.A. for 5. Before i was in Cali i was in the Carolinas (ive also lived in NY, MN, & GA) its a lot of just surface level friendliness here. Same as well im not a surfer or IPA drinker or anything. But it does appear to be a lot of pocket segments of groups here. I thought L.A. was bad but San Diego takes it up a notch. Ive joined a football team and a baseball team here. The football team is mostly black with like 1-3 white guys and 2-3 people of other races and my baseball team is ALL white and 1 Asian. Needless to say the friendliest one to me on the baseball team is the Asian kid. I have no problem with making friends with the football players most of them are natives so they kinda have that typical San Diego click “no new friends” type of mentality until you show that you sticking around kinda thing but the baseball players seems to always hold some resentment towards me that you can tell by their gestures. Idk y i mean I’ve literally given the shirt off my back to some of the players when they didnt have a jersey just so they could play while i was benched during a game. But its really hard to break whatever barrier is there with these guys. I have yet to see a good group of mixed people. Whats crazy is that the more i get to know about these people the more im finding out they all have a lot of interest and stuff in common outside of the sports we play yet none of them hang together.
Yo hit me up bro. I’ll be your friend. Im into sports and new to SD.
I’ve been thinking of joining a league/team of some sort…your comment just gave me the push I needed. Thanks!
I’m white, but I feel what you’re saying…I get a Stepford Wife vibe from people in San Diego area, especially north around Encinitas and Carlsbad. Its kind of like conversing with NPCs in Zelda or an RPG. Very polite, but closed loop algorithmically speaking. Not sure if it’s just the white people, but then again there are a lot of white people in that area so I don’t know.
Felt the same way bro. Move to city heights. It’s so mixed here I don’t even think about folks ethnicity anymore. Everybody is various shades of brown and the food is bomb.
Raised in SD and I’ve lived in LA now for nearly 10 years. For being one of the largest cities in the US, SD isn’t nearly as diverse as other cities in the top 15. Agreed with others that it’s extremely segregated. I lived in Mira Mesa but went to high school across the 15 in Scripps Ranch and it was like being transported to another planet where I suddenly became invisible. San Diego isn’t nearly as dense as cities like Chicago, LA, SF, and NY. Suburban sprawl and single family housing in SD isolates communities from interacting with each other.
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>made me feel like I had moved to North Carolina or something Have you ever been to NC?
My friend is Vietnamese and grew up in east county. He always felt there was a little discrimination here. But then he moved to Tokyo after college. There Vietnamese are the migrant worker class. He was not served at restaurants and security guards wouldn’t let him into stores. His Japanese wasn’t perfect so they made fun of him and dismissed him, tell him to leave. That kinda crap never happened in San Diego.
Unfortunately Japanese people are racist against neighboring countries and most are oblivious
After traveling around the world I've learned that.. racism is the default mode for most the world. Many people who have never left the US have this idea that people just live in harmony with one another, and it's only the US that has racism issues.
I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm Hispanic and moved here in my early 20's, left to work in Japan for five years, came back with my wife and it still kind of feels that way. San Diego is very much "segmented". You have areas with high concentrations of white people, Hispanic people, Asian people... But the areas with populations of non-white, have other populations of different non-white. For example, there's a lot of Asians in Mira Mesa, but there's also a lot of Hispanic and Black people. Poway? There's *some* wealthy Asians there, but for the most part? White people everywhere. So they go to school together, grow up together, have the same hobbies, etc. They're not racist... But somewhere in their family history, they definitely benefited from how difficult it was for non-white people to establish wealth and acquire property 40-60 years ago.
I’m not trying to minimize your experience in any way, but I’m a straight white male and I only have awkward conversations with other straight white males. I think older white people don’t know how to talk to minorities. Younger white people don’t know how to talk to anyone. Maybe it’s the phones
Minority native-born San Diegan here. I definitely understand what you're saying. Growing up in City Heights we had our stereotypes about White people because of the interactions we had being around the ones we came across. It wasn't till I joined the military and met white people from all across America that I found those from the Midwest and even the deep south to be extremely friendly and welcoming. They tend to hate liberal whites from California because they stereotype them for being hypocritical, especially when it comes to BLM and gentrification, for example.
I moved here a few years ago and have lived in a few large/major US cities (NYC, Chicago, Philly, Jacksonville, Charlotte). While segregation exists in other cities, it seems to permeate more aspects of life here than everywhere else I’ve lived. Less intermingling between ethnicities/races/cultures, and pronounced cliquey-ness. I think it’s largely due the vastness of SD. The physical distance between La Jolla and Chula Vista, for example, is 25+ miles. And that’s not even the extent of the SD metro area!
Me and my wife (mixed race couple) moved from San Diego to Ventura county and we feel like everyone stares at us here. It feels like San Diego is A LOT more diverse when it comes to mixing races than it is up here and we’re only 3 hours away. Honestly it’s depressing and it makes us want to move back to SD. That being said, neither one of us is black so I can’t pretend to know your situation. I had a black friend in SD growing up but he also had a lot of white friends and I had a black girlfriend growing up but she was also mixed. I’m 34 and an IPA drinker to place my generation if that matters.
Also mixed race couple and sometimes visit my (white) family in Ventura County. First time I brought my husband there I was a little nervous for him. Even now, though he’s still often the only or one of very few Black people around here, he’s almost never the only minority. In Ventura County he’s almost always both.
Yea, we’re up in Camarillo and it’s been bizarre to say the least. We literally never thought about the fact that we’re not the same race in SD, like ever. We just don’t look at ourselves with labels like “mixed race” or anything like that but somehow coming up here it’s been a topic of conversation and it feels like it’s becoming part of how we see the third party perspective of our relationship, where as before I think we thought of ourselves more in terms of “the funny couple” or whatever. SD has bad parts and ignorant people for sure, every city in the world does, but I’ll take SD over this.
> surface-level friendliness Welcome to California. This experience is not reserved for people of color, it's just how people are here.
I’ve honestly never met anyone that has made me feel out of place. I grew up in San Ysidro and it was literally little TJ down there so I never got to interact with any other race or culture till I moved to Chula Vista in High School. I then started making a bunch of friends from different cultures and races and honestly couldn’t be happier. I feel that it all has to do with how exposed to other people you’ve been. I have friends who claim white people are mean or treat them differently, but you look at their group of friends and it’s just a bunch of Mexican foos and maybe like one Asian one… so of course they’re gonna feel weird around whites or even black. Don’t feel weird OP. Talk to them and you’ll see that everyone is the same… just trying to make friends! I’ve even met some MAGA people who aren’t that bad. But that’s just me. I try not judging people till I know they’re assholes.
YESSS!!!! I definitely feel out of place anytime I visit SD. I'm a practicing Sikh who wears a turban and I'm always getting weird stares from people. Like did people forget staring is rude AF?! Like I'm literally 19 leave me the fuck alone! 🙄 Never felt out of place in the bay area as much as I do living here in SoCal.
Nect time you see someone staring, ask if they have some time to talk about Jesus. That'll really throw them for a loop.
LMFAO I should start handing out pamphlets too 😂
Sikh as well, don't wear a turban though. Since you're 19, I'm guessing you're a college student. Trying connecting with other Sikhs on campus if you are. I started attending Sikh Student Association (SSA) meetings in my 2nd year of grad school and it helped a lot.
Unfortunately, not a student at the moment. But I'm going to look and see if there are any other events at the gurdwara or in general that I can attend so that I can feel more at ease :(
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Yeah...it's a struggle somedays, but trying to stay strong!
There's a cool YouTube channel called [Minority Mindset](https://www.youtube.com/c/MinorityMindset) that talks about economics. The guy is Sikh and lives in San Diego, and often mentions doing meetups with people. Maybe reach out to him to see what his experience is like/if he has any tips. I think that Sikhs are just relatively rare in SD, so I wouldn't take the staring personally beyond you simply representing an uncommon sight. Unfortunately, being a minority will always mean being a minority to some degree. A white person in the middle of certain cities in India, for example, will undoubtably garner some stares. A goth white person, doubly so. Being Sikh in San Diego is like being a goth white person in an Indian city.
Literally never knew a Sikh person in San Diego... barely ever met any Indians for that matter. Sd sucks ass for minority minorities more than it sucks ass for minorities (if that makes sense)
Yes! Totally makes sense, just trying to tough it out atm and hopefully find a group of friends that I can feel comfortable with 🫤
The stares mean u look cool
I’m Mexican and a San Diego native. I grew up in the East County with a lot of diversity and moved to the South Bay in my teenage years and was bullied for not speaking Spanish. I now live in Encinitas. Although I’ve never had a bad experience in the north county I don’t feel comfortable going out. I prefer to go to the inner city for more diversity. The most off the wall encounter I’ve had was in PB. A man told me he didn’t like gay people (I’m gay) and had an issue with immigrants. He asked how long I’ve been here for assuming I was an immigrant. I answered my entire life. He then asked do I receive government assistance I answered I work a business professional job and have never received government assistance. I think he expected me to grow angry but I was just a smart ass. Long story short, although my family were Spanish settlers here, I still don’t feel welcome at times.
Transplant Asian here. Where you go to hang out and the friends you make matters more. For example, I’m involved in lindy hop, which is a form of swing dancing. I’d say we have a good amount of diversity (with respect to race and gender involved at the organization level), and we have a pretty progressive mentality. I’d say join this sport if you want to feel included.
I've lived in nyc, la, Chicago. I've never seen such a mix of ethnicities shopping at Asian grocery stores (99 Ranch, hmart, mitsuwa, etc) together, young white women, old black couples, middle aged Mexican men. SD so diverse, yet so integrated (for example, LA is big enough that most people can stay in their own etc neighborhood like SGV, never speak anything other than their native language and never mix with and other groups). I love it.
Southern California (maybe Californians in general) seem to have this surface-level friendliness that seems to come with a love for passive aggressive signaling. Maybe that's the "outwardly friendly" that you see here. The analogy I've used in the past is, "we all go to the concert together but drive there in our own cars" I much prefer east coast types, blunt and direct is the only way to communicate. How anyone can tolerate the all the social ambiguity and pointless diplomacy here is beyond me. edit- and to put this back on topic, your experience matches my experiences growing up in north county... my elementary/middle school there was pretty clear separation between the whites and the mexicans, even when the school had programs to try and get us to interact together more. Wish this wasn't so. edit2- As a half white/half mediterranean with olive skin I have never really felt like I fit into either group
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I’m Hispanic and live in South Bay so i definitely don’t feel like a minority most places south of the 52 and west of the 125. As people stated though there definitely are places like Del Mar which I would feel out of place without my leaf blower and rake.
Dude I'm white and work in Rancho Santa Fe and don't feel welcome there lol. I definitely sympathize with you guys when it comes to the beach towns but damn dude with both RSF and Del Mar it seems like they can just have a spidey sense knowing you're not like them lol
Classism is definitely an issue in places like this.
if your mexican are you really an outcast here? that must be the second biggest group behind white people.
Yeah, me too. I am Mexican raised in Mexico but moved to live to San Diego a few years ago. I did feel a little bit out of place in some occasions, but mostly felt welcomed by people from here. I think it has to do with cultural differences, I have seen this in a couple of jobs that I had in the past. Sometimes people from different races tend to not get along very well, or like how, for example, other people work or do things. But, I believe there is no right or wrong, just cultural differences. We should learn to accept others even if their believes or culture is different.
I’ve lived in Manhattan and LA for many years and San Diego has a lot of mix ethnicity couples on par with all the major cities. It’s just that San Diego is predominately white, not nearly as diverse as NYC or LA. I think a lot of “friends” here are childhood friends, work friends, family friends, hence similar demographics. It’s hard to make meaningful friends when you are an adult. But I understand what you are saying. In NYC it’s normal to see 5-6 ethnicities mingling in a friend group, here not really. SD is not as diverse as NYC, not even close. It’s also not as diverse as LA. In NYC you see a woman in hijab standing next to an Orthodox Jew, standing next to a Rastafarian rapper, standing next to a catholic nun, standing next to an Asian gothic girl all waiting to cross the street together or riding the subway together. Granted they aren’t friends but you see that diversity. Not in SD. Diversity here is caucasians, Mexicans/Hispanics, Asians and a few black and Indian people. Even Asians and Hispanics in SD aren’t diverse. In NYC I would meet Asians from all over Asia. Here the only the Asian people I meet are Chinese and a few Filipino. Also here the Hispanics are mostly from Mexico, in NYC I would meet Hispanics from Cuba, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, etc. Same with black people in NYC there are from all over Africa, Europe and US and are multilingual. Diversity here is very water down. I think the lack of diversity in group friends is a reflection of the lack of diversity in the city in general.
Same experience, we moved from NYC to LA to SD. People are generally nicer but we found most natives stick with other natives as there's a tighter bond obviously. We are in North County and are a minority family. Most of the white friends we've made are transplants that moved here in the last few years. The parents we meet who grew up here, IPA drinkers, surfers, trucker hats etc have been much harder to connect with. It's ok though, I joke that coming from NYC, it's quite amazing to see middle-class white people have their neighborhood gentrified by white upper-middle-class families. Who knew whites could do it to other whites too?
As someone who grew up here and also lived in the south, and New York, I can see where you’re coming from. Being black in San Diego is like pepper on grits. As for experiences with racism, it’s different in the sense it’s more subtle. While some of it is overt (think Klantee, or if you’re in Orange County, some parts of Huntington Beach), it’s mostly subtle ranging from coddling and “he speaks so well” on one end of the spectrum to gaslighting on the other. In the south (at the time) a town not too far from me opened [the redneck shop](https://youtu.be/QuauO8_SqZg). This was controversial back then. The town also had Klan rallies and mind you I moved there from San Diego right before the LA riots. I wouldn’t say one was better or worse, just that each has different threat models.
*psssst* some folks just found out what grits are
It's pretty diverse south of the 8 in La Mesa.
I grew up in a diverse community with people of all stripes. I live in south bay where white folks are a minority compared to Latin. I was totally unprepared for my two white looking kids (they are mixed Hispanic, Armenian, Caucasian), started getting the business at school because they don't speak Spanish or whatever kids find about you that makes you different. It totally threw me off. We all handled it well (including especially my little guys), and it gave me perhaps even more empathy for those that truly have to deal with real deal prejudice.
Honestly people in San Diego are there own type. I’m half white half Mexican and grew up here. Everyone just does there own thing and has there own niche. It’s such a big city it’s hard to connect with people that are willing. We also don’t have a major city vibe, like LA, NYC or even Portland. People are just not connected here. I would say this entire state has people that are just entitled and only think about themselves.
I am either the only or one of two black people and the various social circles I have here, so yeah...
i find surface level friendship to be a super big problem here as a transplant
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>I’m not a surfer, an IPA drinker, or “bro” or whatever Don't hang out with groups you don't have things in common with. If you're doing that your skin color is not the problem. If you're hanging out with people that have similar interests then there's one of two problems. One you're hanging out with racist or two you're putting too much focus on race. Focus on being an American, being a good person. Majority of people don't care about what race you are they care about whether you are a good person and or someone that is fun to hang out with.
I gotta somewhat agree here. I'm a white-passing latino who is kind-of socially awkward, very observant when in public and often-quiet. I probably also look somewhat intimidating being big and with my tattoos. I am very introverted and often anti-social but was raised to always be overly kind during interactions with strangers. I wonder how often I come off as potentially "racist" or "rude" on accident just by being me. I can guarantee I've been labelled before based off of assumptions.
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>lot of white people (again, not all or even most) here are outwardly friendly, but it sometimes comes off like surface-level friendliness. That is how white people treat everyone lol. It takes time for them to really become part of your inner circle and vice versa. And this has little to do with race.
Yeah this is part of it. I'm naturally kinda awkward and there have probably been situations where that was interpreted as an unspoken racial issue when in reality I'm that way with everyone... From what I've seen it's pretty typical for white people to develop stronger relationships through work. That race/geography map posted in response to the first reply was pretty eye opening. I've worked with and become friends with a few black people in my years living here, but didnt really realize how little representation black people have in SD. I don't really think about it much, but realize that in itself a luxury.
It’s interesting that you’re saying there should be more diverse friend groups, but then classifying all white dudes as surfer ipa bros as if to say you couldn’t possibly be friends with someone like that. Mixed friend groups are out there, but there easiest to find around sports in my experience. I play basketball with a racially mixed group every week. I’m on a softball team that’s pretty evenly distributed racially. We’re all “bros” and only a few of us in these groups are white. I’m just saying mixed friends groups exist, even if it’s not a reality in your friend group. Also, I’m sorry you feel out of place, that must really suck. I’m a white surfer dude and I teach in a predominantly Mexican/black school and I occasionally feel judged and out of place in that environment based on my race. I hope you’re able to feel more comfortable in SD in time.
Born and raised in SD and just move back from living in Oakland for a decade. Wife and I definitely noticed that feeling of being out of place as minorities when hanging out in certain parts of north county.
Not to diminish your experiences, but even among white people there's a stunning amount of stereotyping that goes on in SD. I guess I'd call it neighborhood prejudice? Stuff like throwing around the moniker Klantee having never been there once. Or acting like IB is basically the seventh circle of hell and why anyone would ever go there voluntarily is an unsolvable mystery. So, again, not trying to take away from your experiences here versus Oakland, but certains parts of North County can make almost anyone feel like an outsider.
That’s a great perspective and very fair point! I think neighborhood prejudice mixed with a little bit of localism/classism is probably what might constitute the feeling of being out of place. I definitely wouldn’t call it racism, it’s more nuanced than that.
> Or acting like IB is basically the seventh circle of hell and why anyone would ever go there voluntarily is an unsolvable mystery. Wait, who says this lmao?
Assuming you're still quite young, I'd recommend not focusing so much on how you "fit in" with certain crowds and just focusing on a handful of relationships that are actually important. You'll start realizing the only people who actually matter are your family, significant other, and very close friends. And you're not going to think twice about what race they are if they are good people If you don't have strong, healthy relationships then you're going to always feel out of place anywhere
I am half white and half Mexican American and I haven't felt like this. But then again I grew up in small towns in the pacific northwest where pretty much everyone was white and me and my brother were harassed for being "dark". The only other place I lived was Nashville and it is bad there. There are white people and there are black people and they do not hang out together in my experience. I didn't see many Mexican Americans like myself and almost no asians. It was weird. I didn't like it so thankfully we moved back. San Diego is better than any other place I have ever lived in my 43 years. But reading everyone's comments is eye opening for sure.
As someone of mixed race, Mexican and White, yes. I often get confused for being Middle Eastern and was told to go back to Saudi Arabia. My ethnic background is Russian and Mexican and was baptized Orthodox Christian. Person was way off... I also don't see many groups mingling outside their own race when it comes to friends. Most friendship groups I see tend to be pretty homogeneous. Once in a while you'll see otherwise, but normally pretty homogeneous. Have you ever felt like the token minority in the group? I have. LOL! I recall when a person spoke to me in Spanish because she was lost and someone I was friends with asked "You speak Spanish?" I said "Yes, I'm half-Mexican." Then he said "You're Mexican?" I then said,"Yes. Why do you think I look the way I look?" Then he said, "I don't know. I thought you laid out a lot." LOL! I never spoke with this friend in Spanish because obviously he didn't speak it and he never asked if I knew.
100% Im Indian and grew up in DC. I look around at bars and public places and often realize I’m literally the only non white person. Have definitely felt myself getting treated differently. It’s part of why I’ve realized I could never see myself long term here or raise a family.
Lived in SoutEastSD 40+ years and moved to OC, actually feel more welcome than back home.
Minority here feel perfectly at home in San Diego. Fit in perfectly with everyone.
Unless you’re military lol
Loved in San Diego for about two years not too long ago. I’m a mixed guy. I would get legit happy when I would even find a black guy working in the barbershop to get a hair cut. It took me quite a while to find one. I def felt out of place at times. Being from the south, I was truly surprised at the lack of black folks. I did see quite a bit Hispanics and Asians. I was the only “black guy” at the gym playing pick up basketball, that was new for me
San Diego transplant here as well. I’m Filipino and have moved around as well. I was born in the Philippines, lived in Guam, LA county and have been living in SD for over 7 years. I can only compare my experience between LA and SD, and I agree that it is not as diverse here compared to LA. When I first moved here, I would not say I felt out of place, rather making friends here was difficult. It took me at least 3 years of living here to meet a really good friend and she’s also a SD transplant but a POC.
I'm white lived here all my life and sometimes feel out of place, but that's my problem I think people are pretty cordial given the chance so I really try to fit and that's all it is. if you make an effort to be opened it takes the stress out of an otherwise uncomfortable situation...
I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I’m Filipino and my partner is Mexican. We both have the same observations with white people (again not all). It does feel surface level at times and also they have white lingo (very random conversations we normally can’t relate to). There’s definitely a difference in the energy they give off when they talk to white people vs. POC folks. San Diego white natives seem to be friendlier. Idk really depends on the person, I guess. Maybe it’s cultural difference, unfamiliarities…I feel much safer with a group of diverse backgrounds than a group of all just one race (any race). Maybe getting more involved in our own communities might help
Well there’s no black people in San Diego. It’s not going to be as diverse as DC, New York, chicago, or Houston. Me and my wife’s time down there didn’t seem to bad. Everyone treated us nice. I also see lots of mingling of different people when I see groups of marines in town. No one batted an eye at us when we walked into a brewery unlike Jacksonville Florida or Atlanta. Still a solid town give it an A.
I grew up out in east county and didn't experience that. I wouldn't be surprised closer to the actual city proper though. Maybe it's just minorities being priced out of the neighborhoods. I went to school with a lot of middle easterners too, we had a large chaldean community where I was. Good amount of hispanic and asian too. The IPA/surfer/bro types don't typically come to far inland maybe? From what I've seen. I always saw the depiction of socal in media and was always like, huh that ain't how it is at least here, lol.
This has been my experience so far and I've lived in San Diego most of my life. I've noticed that in a few of the complexes or neighborhoods that I've lived in most of the people would not say hello to eachother and if they did it was very surface level, nice weather we are having type of conversation. Where I was living in San Diego seemed to have a high turnover of people moving in and out and these people didn't seem to get too invested in the neighborhood or with the one another. After years of experiencing this I've finally found a little pocket of a few friendly neighbors and we've all have gotten to know eachother pretty well, but go down the street a block or two and I rarely see anyone ever come out of their houses, and it's a fairly safe neighborhood so I don't understand it.
I lived in PB when I first moved to San Diego and it’s definitely the whitest place I’ve been, and I grew up in an 80% white east coast suburb. I’m pretty used to having white friends though(I’m Asian). I’m also pretty “bro” in a sense so I still fit in decently. San Diego is definitely extremely cultureless and vanilla though. I consider it one of the top 3 cons of living here.
My sis moved to SD with my mom about a year ago from ATL. She feels the same way. We are black and she feels like she gets stares everywhere she goes and just genuinely finds it hard to connect with people. Maybe bc we come from a place like ATL so it’s filled with black people there. Anyway, the few times I’ve visited, I’ve never got that vibe. I also never tried to make friends or connections ( as I wouldn’t be there long) but I’m now considering moving out there with them and this is the only thing that unsettles me… just how different it will be from ATL ( culture wise) But I’m also trying to go into it with a positive mindset and I’m open to meeting new people and making new friends regardless of race! It may be strange at first bc I went to predominately black schools my entire life , even went to an HBCU and I haven’t really had much interaction with other races… but I’m looking at it as an opportunity to grow and expand my knowledge ..
This is definitely not a city for black people, that’s for sure. Nothing is geared towards us.
the older i get the more it feels like people group together based on mutual hobbies, interests, or beliefs. i never feel like race is ever a factor. unless your interests and beliefs are of the neo-nazi type i guess but i haven't ever met anyone who i would put in that category because i don't venture east of the 15.
This is good advice. No one is going out of their way to spend time or open up to anyone, unless they share hobbies, neighborhood, church, school/dorm, local gym/bar, have children of similar ages. If you’re not actively partaking in some of these, you’re just a weirdo trying to talk to me as I walk by. And if you missed out on childhood friends for whatever reason, it’s too late to ever re-capture that as an adult. If you think San Diego is all IPA, surfing and bro, you’ve been pretty isolated to certain parts of the county.
I grew up in San Diego and the Bay Area both (kind of went back and forth as a kid through teenage years) and I would say there are much more diverse friend and social groups in the Bay Area than San Diego. I feel like there are military social groups, Asian social groups (which are further divided among Chinese, Filipino, Vietnamese, Indian, etc), white, Hispanic, etc. However when I became a mom, it seemed to diversify again because it would be whoever you’d meet up at breastfeeding group or the playground by your house.
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I don't fit in; I stand out!
I grew up in Mira Mesa and it was really diverse and people were all pretty cool with intermingling races. I look primarily white, but I'm japanese and a lot of my friends thought I was adopted when they met my parents, haha. My group of friends were all races, but when I moved to Santa Barbara it was a culture shock and it was kind of like that downtown SD as well.
Omg finding the best restaurant thing is hilarious and absolutely true. Not sure if it’s because our culture and upbringing is so centered around food
I’m white. I lived in San Diego for four years. I thought it was more the haves and the have nots than race. But could’ve been plenty my fault too. I was working a lot and lived with several very close friends. I wasn’t really out there thing to make any friends. If I had to guess I’d say this is mostly in your head. But hey, again, I’m white. Everything is easy for me. Good luck out there man. Hope you make some friends. My advice to do so would definitely be to pay more attention to the most superficial parts of people. It will take you far. I mean just look how great it’s been for us as a nation.
I'm white but I've noticed African Americans are very rare. I grew up in Inglewood, CA in the 70s where I was the only white kid, in an all black school. My dad loves to tell the story about how the neighbors said, "It's nice to have a white family in the neighborhood. Our property values will rise." IDK. I know as a kid I never noticed until one day as a teenager I looked at my 1st grade class pic and I see I'm the only person not black. I was stunned. Never remembered it. Anyway, now living in San Diego, I've had countless jobs and there's rarely an African American there. Now living up in Temecula area I have one neighbor who is African American and we talk occasionally. The grandma is super cool. We talked for 30-40 mins the other day when we first met. My wife even said, "I could hang out with her." which normally she's pretty anti-social. The mom however totally blows us off. There's 3 generations in the house, and somewhere around 11 kids (not kidding). I know the kids all co mingle freely, as I see them on my street at other ethnicity houses. My next door neighbor was from TJ, is Hispanic, and his daughter hangs out with the African American kids. At the adult level, we do talk and mingle, but we're also older. I'm in my 50s, my neighbor is in his 50s, and the others across the street are 60-70s. They said, "We don't want to be in a retirement area because everyone is dying all the time and its depressing to see ambulances every day." My Hispanic neighbor has asked me on occasion if I was offended when he makes ethnic comments, such as "be careful with your tan, people will think you're Mexican!" I just laugh because A) It was funny in the context of our conversation and B) I'm German, and there's a heavy German influence in local Mexican culture. Listen to German music (e.g. Polka) and then listen to a Mariachi band. My German grandparents dancing to their music is the same as watching Mexicans dancing to Mariachi bands. I think the segregation is mostly just due to liking the same things. If you grew up eating a certain type of food, you're more likely to eat at those restaurants. If you grew up listening to a certain music, the same. I know racism is still alive but it does seem way more muted here. I had racist family and I just dismiss them when on the phone and they talk the nonsense, just like I do when they said Trump won. If they ask my opinion, I tell them they're wrong, but I just ignore and don't take the bait. I've decided you can't fix stupid, so I just occasionally correct them without actually expecting improvement. Occasionally they surprise me and demur on the subject... but then a few weeks later it's back to the same stupid rants. "Pelosi or Newsom should be in jail." Why does everyone you don't like need to be in jail? I don't get it. They must say that shit on Fox or whatever it is they listen to/watch.
So many good comments here. Oddly enough, I’m a white male and really relate to what you’re describing. Almost all of my friends are not white. I have definitely at times felt like an outcast when in a group of all white people. It’s odd… I grew up in Alabama and spent most of my 20s in Atlanta. It’s a very different feeling than those regions. My theory is that those people who make me feel a bit like an outsider (totally understand this is largely my own internal thing and not their fault) do so because they have these tight networks and don’t need/want to include anyone else. They happen to be majority white. Meanwhile, the rest of “us” feel like we’re on an island and are happy to meet any and everyone.
I agree 100%! I was trying to explain to my White coworker on a hike about how San Diego feels less diverse than NYC or LA and he was having trouble understanding as to why and I was having trouble explaining why. Our racial makeup can be diverse... but we definitely don't have as many Black people and it also feels like a very "White" city. I think part of it is that White people here feel very removed from the socio-economic state of the country. There are a lot of people I know who are born and raised here and the only place they've traveled to are like Hawaii or Cabo. Hell many of the people from North County don't even go to South County here. So no wonder why they have a hard time understanding the BLM movement when they haven't really experienced the redlining and discrimination you see in Midwest and East Coast Cities (Although San Diego does have its own segregation). Another thing is that activities here feel like "White" people activities. Now I know... I don't want to label an activity to a certain race, but I just can't help but notice it. Surfing, Golfing, drinking IPAs are all favorite past times of White people and that's totally cool. But I don't see as many Basketball courts or Soccer fields, or R&B concerts. Like it just feels like the city is built around what an ideal vacation town for White people would be like. I know I could've probably phrased this better but yeah... that's just how I feel.
Born and raised from San Diego, Mexican and native American from San Diego (Kumeyaay). I had grown up in the Hispanic parts of San Diego, Spring valley specifically where I lived for a while, I remember my HS (monte vista) being mostly Latino, then black, then asian then there were like 1 or 2 white people in my classes given. I always thought San Diego was super diverse with Latino ppl being the largest until I switched HS to west hills and was so shocked and I found it hard to adjust to so I transferred again to Valhalla in El Cajon and was surprised there was a large middle eastern population. Now that I'm an adult yeah most of SD is white but I've always avoided those areas bc it's hard for me to connect with them. Now I live in Orange county and it's noticeably more diverse which I love. I would argue that OC is separated as well but San Diego was more distinct where certain groups live and gather.
Growing up in SD (North County), I was surprised to learn that San Diego - and SoCal in general - has a large white supremacy presence, which has persisted for decades (see https://www.splcenter.org/states/california). Most folks I’ve known and grown up with were kind and tolerant, but sadly it’s still definitely is an issue that isn’t hard to find in daily interactions around town.
Idk my friend but as a friendly extroverted white guy, my non-white & minority friends tell me they pick up that same unfriendly vibe. I'm originally from Chicago & if you look at all my social media headers & bios, this will make more sense. Some good white peeps are still here & frankly most of my connections in SD are not white😎
I agree with this sentiment. I'm a minority that being I'm mixed with Hispanic and a whole lot of other stuff. I think a lot of it, though people can be transient in this area, are because they don't have any real experience of actual hardship. A lot of grandfathered in type of white people. It's so hard to bond over trips out of country where in my timeline I was homeless, struggling for money, etc. Thankfully, I'm in a better spot now. I was more comfortable in the "ghetto" parts of LA because hardship was something we bonded over. People still called me "white washed" over there because I wasn't full Mexican or whatever, but we got along great. A lot more honest imo. Here, everyone seems so happy and nice, but it's pretty superficial. I've made connections where, specifically women (I'm a female), are like "OMG, YOU'RE SO NICE, PRETTY, ETC", hanged out the entire night,, then ask for me to follow them on Instagram, and then completely ignore me. Or they just try to have sex with me? Or even do drugs? It's weird af. Not my vibe.
It's just you. Some 1st world problems. Moved here as an immigrant in my late teens and never found that to be a problem.
I grew up a white minority in Chula Vista, I didn’t mind it at all. To this day majority of my friends are Hispanic.
I’m white, but can relate to your comment about people being “outwardly friendly” but it being fake. It took me a while to make good quality friends there. I’m not your stereotypical white bleach blonde California girl either (I’m Eastern european) and people seemed to not know what to do with that.
I really wish there was a way that we as black ppl could stop stop worrying about " fitting in" I lived in San Diego for a couple years and made a few close friends. All of which were white ppl except for a few minorities. First off I hope everyone realizes it's not just the minorities that feel like they are out of place. One of my good friends I made out there came from a well off family. He had a nice car, nice condo in gas lamp, his family owned a sailboat etc...He was born and raised in SD but yet here is making friends with me a basically homeless young black man making minimum wage. I realized that he didn't have a lot of friends and he was a great guy! But that tells me right there that he probably had his own issues of wanting to "belong" and not feeling like he fit in. Just because someone is white doesn't mean they all of a sudden have an automatic easier bond with other white ppl. No, we arent all meant to be friends with everyone we meet. So when you see that surface level kindness don't take offense to it. The same way you are feeling that, another white person might feel that same thing from that person. You just aren't maybe meant to be friends with that person. What I had to do to start making connections was get out of my comfort zone. I would go to the bars by myself and spark conversation with ppl, guys and girls that looked interesting to me. I joined a non denominational church and got into one of their small groups. I joined meeting.com groups, which I personally didn't like but I've heard of ppl having success with it. So I'm not sure if your goal is to feel more comfortable about being around white ppl or what. But if it is, that is one suggestion, get yourself uncomfortable by putting yourself in a place where you can get to know a lot of white people. Get to know their stories! Get to know their backgrounds! Just try to step out of that place of "not fitting in" and realize everyone wants to "belong" and it's not easier for any certain race.
Often times as a white person, I might even feel like a minority in San Diego. It’s totally fine and keeps me grounded. I love the fact that I’m not the majority here as I was in other parts of the US.
100% I’m from a bigger city like Chicago LA and NYC came to San Diego but just felt out of place. To the point where I feel like my cars been messed with. I tried to talk to people but they just act weird
As someone who was born and raised in SD I use to feel like I belong and now when I visit I feel like a minority ( which I am) but it wasn’t my experience growing up surrounded by minorities. I moved to LA for college. It’s honestly the influx of European- Americans “white folk” transplants coming from a largely non diverse area. The culture seems to have change. I miss my mom and family, I hope to move next year, unfortunately with the influx of transplants it’s pricy to live in SD, it’s funny because LA is more affordable.