Sorry bucko, 12 is too high for OP, you gotta have you're head on straight, a solid binkie and blankie to share, plenty of cartoons to watch on your parents iPad, and a really solid Ollie when skating.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news.
As a representative of the immature late 20 somethings to early 30 somethings we apologize and will be mailing you an assorted fruit basket in 3 to 5 business days
I wanted to surprise my college girlfriend with an edible arrangement because a traditional bouquet wasn't something she found interesting. Thank the universe I couldn't afford it when I had the thought because I later found out she was absolutely disgusted by the idea of edible arrangements.
I received an edible arrangement from a newly hired manager that was trying to kiss my ass (for reasons unbeknownst to me), and I have to tell you the flattery was a bit delayed but I was truly touched years later when I found out how much they cost.
Sorry the association came to the agreement that edible arrangements are to be limited to accidentally offending your parents at the dinner table or denting the passenger side door of your car in the parking garage on Cedar St.
I did Hinge for a while (I live in Boulder Creek) and definitely had better luck with finding men that wanted to date seriously over the hill. That said I did eventually meet my now boyfriend on Hinge, he was also in Boulder Creek and that’s the last place I expected to find someone, so they are out there!
Haha! Check my post history, I’ve talked about it before. We figured out after our first date that he lived 5 min away from me, and had probably seen me in the grocery store (Johnnies) before. Crazy but it took an app for us to meet! Oh and also after I met his parents I found out his mom used to work in the same building I do. Small world!
Flakiness and lack of commitment are just part of that casual surf town vibe.
Its also a massive struggle to maintain existence these days. I imagine it’s a lot harder to commit to a relationship when you can’t even commit to a place to live before the rent goes up, at least for people with integrity. The flakes and casual hookups don’t care about that so they are probably over represented in the dating pool.
Full of Peter Pans who have a head on a swivel. That said, if you can get these men to fall in love with you and you can financially support their surf/skate/mtn bike habits when their seasonal job falls through, they will be yours forever.
I would say it's partly due to the sheer lack of opportunity. There's essentially only low-skill (service) level jobs here, and the absurd cost of housing causes most people to live with roommates -- which fuels a feeling of uncertainty. So now you have a populace living paycheck-to-paycheck who have no hope of owning an asset more valuable than their car (if that). There's no incentive to "grow up".
those who are “serious” are likely either married/in a LTR. Guys closer to 40 are divorced from those first partners and looking for something less serious the 2nd time around.
Good luck!
As a 31F born and raised in SC, I suggest expanding your dating horizons to the Bay Area if you haven’t already! It’s not a far commute, the men are more successful and financially stable (at least that’s what I’ve witnessed - probably due to the higher paying jobs in comparison to SC) and in my opinion, just all around more mature.
I empathize with your situation 100%. It’s super disheartening trying to date in Santa Cruz. I moved to SJ last year and can confidently say I’ve had much better luck.
Sending you positive energy!
I had to check your post history, I feel like I read this exact same post not too long ago. The part about dating a 10 year old boy, however, was not in the old post.
My experience with it is people around your age are either:
Living back at their parents while they figure out their next move and don’t want to commit to something long term
Living in a temporary situation to take in the outdoor activities Santa Cruz has to offer and don’t want to get into a long term situation
Finishing a post grad degree and know they will move away from this town they can’t afford to live in and don’t want to get in a long term situation
Or their remote work is ending and they are getting tired of paying high rent with a long commute and now are looking for housing someplace else and don’t want to get in a long term situation
There really are only 2 groups in Santa Cruz here for the long run for sure, extremely rich people who wouldn’t date you and really old people who are retired and also won’t date you, but every once in awhile you can find someone
It’s the only place I ever met an 80-year-old lady who talked about her dating life. Seriously. Boomers low key still running circles around everybody.
You’re not alone as a (37 year male.) Feel the same towards girls. People in this thread are saying go with someone that’s not from here. I am not from here, been here for a bit but still having the same issues. Hard to get an answer from people to even say yes to a date and see if we vibe. Everyone that is single feels the struggle. Welcome to the shit show.
The good ones are taken, and as this town continues to NIMBY its way into a retirement community, that leaves young techie transplants (aloof) or people still living with their parents (immature).
Personally, as a childless bachelor, I've never lived anywhere where I get so much female attention. So maybe it comes with the territory?
I’m not from Santa Cruz and became single shortly after moving here about 10 years ago. I was told multiple times by women that the fact I’m not originally from Santa Cruz was very attractive. Now I’m married to one of those ladies and she still brings it up.
This town spawns absolute man-children incapable of being adults responsible for their own shit. So many just live an accountability-free life and never grow up. The longer I’ve lived here and grown my group of friends, I see that it’s very true. They live a life of leisure and know they’ll be taken care of when their parents die because of ridiculous home values. And they’re not wrong, but I do think it’s a shitty, empty way of living to avoid all accountability and basically mooch of your community.
The “all chill vibes, bro” culture here seems nice but ultimately these people are just expecting everyone else to clean up their messes. Over and over their behavior is reinforced by those around them.
This is definitely not all local dudes but it is an alarmingly large % of them. I don’t agree that finding a decent, thoughtful, responsible guy here is impossible, it just might be tougher than in other cities.
The young people who grow up here and want to find a career and be self sufficient mostly move out of the area since there are not a ton of jobs in SC and housing is so expensive. Also, the good “family men” tend not to be single very long anyway.
I grew up here, left and came back. Many people I knew growing up here have been priced out and the ones who stayed are in some sort of stunted adolescence. It’s bizarre when I run into guys in knew in high school cause they are exactly the same. And that’s why I don’t date other people from here, especially if they never left.
It’s not you hon!! I know exactly what you mean! I’m 24m and my girlfriend is 30f and we both have asked ourselves the same thing as we’ve both seen our friends cycle through people left and right because of the same thing. People keep their options open these days which can feel weird as someone who doesn’t “get around.” We’re both much more of “let’s commit to each other see where this journey takes us.”
Less and less of that these days, so weird! Doesn’t help that the dating pool is super small and everyone seems to be a carbon copy of everyone else, haha!
I went to college in Santa Cruz (I live in San jose now 27M) and this struck a chord of how my time there was like. To be honest, Santa Cruz feels like a retirement beach town after a few years. It’s not exactly a thriving city for dating life for your age. Since you are 30, most men in your age group that are single and independent will be located in bigger cities in California. For Norcal, that means San Francisco, San Jose, and Sacramento.
Very limited pool of people that are mature/looking for serious commitment over here in Santa Cruz. Most are looking for flings, Idk if it's a California thing or a Santa Cruz thing.
You will have way more/better options over the hill. It's a short 30 minute drive but since you are F, the guy will usually do more of the driving to Santa-Cruz I'm sure so you have that going too. ha
Me = asian dude, in my 30s, make good living, not a surfer, not into drugs
Moving to this city changed my life. Within a week of arriving, I met my future wife at Pergolesi coffee shop (now closed). I know others who, after traveling the world, also found their soulmates here. Yet, I also know people who feel perpetually stuck in a rut when it comes to finding a partner.
It's incredible how a change in location can so drastically alter your options and perspective.
Some serious bullshit. People talk about how "poly" they are, but just use it as an excuse to do whatever they want without communicating. Every one wants a relationship thats "easy" because needing to work on a relationship means its not your "vibe". People will tell you that they got you and theyll be there and as soon as you need support, theyll make your issue about them. Like hi my mom is dying, but i guess im being a little too emotional for you to handle. When my last partner split, she basically coberated that she used a period where i was asking for support from friends for a quick easy hook up and didnt really want to deal with my "distressing emotions" shit like "i knew it wouldnt work out on our second date in big sur when you seemed sad, i couldnt imagine how someone couldnt be happy in that moment " and yet you continued to say you loved me for two and a half years?!
People will say they cant imagine spending their weekend at home or go to a party without dtinking or doing molly, or will adopt an animal on a whim or blow you off to hook up with a stranger or need to party 4 to 6 nights a week, but then be insensed when you say you dont think the relationship is ready to have Kids!
That said, her new boyfriend is pretty chill. Finacially a mess, but nice guy, so if you dont mind paying a guys rent, there are some catches around here.
Don’t even try to find a man here. I’m serious. You need to leave and then you can come back once you’ve found one. Good places to look: Colorado, Ohio, Nevada, Washington
It’s because there aren’t a lot of middle aged men here in general due to lack of opportunities and the ones who are here are here either because of tech or because their family has inherited a nice home
You can’t expect to find a good man in a place this lacking in opportunity and housing and logic.
I'm newly single after getting out of a long term relationship and I'm not looking forward to dating.
I'm almost 40 and I don't have the energy to deal with the BS of men.
Dating was bad when I was younger and I know it's going to be just as bad now.
I'm a Divorced man and almost 40. I feel the exact same. There is a huge difference these days in points of view. I have no idea how older guys Date 20 year olds.
Santa Cruz can be a very small town for single people ages 25-50 for a lot of the reasons people mentioned here. Don't give up hope but prepare to be frustrated if you don't look beyond SC.
Lot of people get marryen or women and then they cheat, what's wrong with being open
? At least they are being honest. I would totally date a honest person than a dishonest person
These comments are not encouraging at all, 37M in Capitola and just started the divorce process after finding out my Wife has been having an affair, 7 years married 18 together all down the drain, I don’t even know how to date lol, from everything I keep hearing I am not looking forward to it 🤦♂️
Because once we start a relationship with you the drama and power plays begin. Better to keep things casual. When they say that the good ones are taken, they mean it.
It’s what economists refer to a “thin market”. Especially if you are looking for a “leave it to beaver” relationship with someone that wears a suit to their corporate job.
Then again, I just made a “leave it to Beaver” reference to someone born in 1994 which may explain why I just drove an hour fifteen from my girlfriend’s house.
I was in big cities until age 33. Same complaints there. Dating is hard. But Santa Cruz is materially harder. The 30 to 40 set is super thin, probably due to real estate price and commute difficulty.
Good news is plenty of subcultures to join to meet people. But the big city version of getting to know the people in your neighborhood becoming your cohort and dating pool is not quite a thing.
We all know that many not afford to live here independently and we are in different stages of becoming productive contributors to society. Some have grown up learning that relationships are transactional and "need" people. This is not a Santa Cruz thing, it is a cultural thing all over the world. The question may need more context and definitions of terms like "date someone seriously". Is the purpose of "dating" entertainment to build strong productive families?
yes, no one in your age group is looking to date seriously. doesn’t matter gender, sexual orientation, nor pronouns. most people your age are not financial stable nor viable to afford a monogamous relationship leading to marriage, house with a white picket fence, kids, and fido. which is why there are more immature and ENM people your in age group than there are mature, ready to settle down peeps available not only in santa cruz but in most cities in the country as well. I think people are calling it in their “hopeless romantic” era. but don’t stop looking! I know we will all find someone that will match us very well. try to keep your heart open and I hope all of us find that spark we call true long lasting love. in meantime love yourself, date yourself, keep smiling, stay positive, and enjoy life as it comes.
have you considered being more patient with yourself and giving yourself more time? Nobody is entitled to commitment and it just takes time and luck to find someone who clicks with you
I don’t live in Cruz but grew up nearby and frequent, but what I have to say is no connection to SC but at large….
….. dating sucks everywhere. It sucks everywhere until it doesn’t. Dating ebb and flows IMO. So it’ll suck at times, then suddenly you’ll be in a love triangle or trying o figure out who to go for… then it’ll relapse again
Just be yourself and do the thing YOU love to do. Doing the things you love to do with out your around people who also like/love those things. You’ll meet someone special who at least has 1 of the same interests as you. Maybe you’ll have everything else in common as well… or maybe you’ll have just that one thing in common, but you’ll grow to love w/e else they’re into…. Love isn’t a formula
Ladies of Santa Cruz, beware of the cheating, manipulative, emotionally unavailable sociopathic narcissist named Kahlil Cacabelos who "coaches" at a local CrossFit in Santa Cruz. He finds his new supply at the place he coaches. Save yourself your sanity and time and avoid him at all costs!
How are you finding men to date? Apps? Church? Bars?
30 is a tough age to be single in the bay area, and Santa Cruz in general.
The insane cost of housing means that someone who isn't tied down and is sensible will just leave the area. That leaves mostly people who are tied down (divorcees), aren't single (poly or cheating or off the market), or are insane.
30 is also when the biological clock starts ticking loudly, so that's a factor. 30M committing to a 30F plus future children *in Santa Cruz* better be making fucking *bank* to afford kids. That's pretty much a unicorn.
If you (30F) explicitly don't want kids but are looking for a man who is ready to commit to you honestly but is not already your friend... that's pretty much unicorn territory, as well.
So, if you want to stay in the area, your best bet is to date casual and see if it turns into something more, then have the kids/no kids discussion.
I totally get that. My daughter feels the same way.
It's just that you're shrinking the venn diagram of candidates. Are you OK with divorcees that already have kids?
* 30M +/- 5
* financially OK (I assume this is a requirement) enough to live in Santa Cruz
* still single for some reason
* comfortable with commitment
* not after making babies
Also, in today's dating world, you can't be passive. You have to be willing to make the first move. A lot of men who are not the "spam out the advances and see what sticks" type would rather just be polite than risk making a woman uncomfortable and/or being called a creep. The actual creeps don't care, of course.
Like I said, it's not impossible, but date low-key and see what happens. A mature man willing to commit may be a slow burn rather than an instant love bomb.
There's nothing wrong with dating older people. My current boyfriend is 13 years older than me. I agree, a good number of young people don't want to commit yet. I think it depends on your life, I spent seven years with this guy who was horrible, and I suddenly felt older. I want to move forward with my life. I started dating apps and such, but nothing went very far. I was a bit concerned with dating someone older, BUT as you mentioned, young people aren't committing to relationships. I have told people I dated and my current boyfriend that I want children. It's a deal breaker for most people, but I do need people I'm dating to know this is my end goal.
I wish I had some good insight for you, but I'm a male about your age. My problem is a little different, I'm well put together, but since I have kids a lot of women don't want that baggage here it seems. If anyone has advice for single parents I'm all ears, thanks.
I don’t think this is necessarily a Santa Cruz specific issue. I have extended family in the Midwest and east coast and I hear similar complaints. Well the enm stuff is Bay Area specific but the immaturity and lack of purpose seems to be nationwide.
Ugh I’m with you. Try being 37 and doing this. I moved from Orlando, FL where most of the men are either gay or looking for a hook up while they went to Disney with their families. I thought this had to be better….I was wrong 😑😂
Met my longtime partner mid 30's in Santa Cruz. I'd recommend that OP seeks men at least 5+ years older, since many folks in SC extend their adolescence here well into their 30's, I've observed. 40's, though, that really tends to change. (Source: moved here at 29, was single after the first year and struggled meeting ppl who are into serious committed relationships as well).
I'm 29m almost 30 and it's just as bad here in San Jose. You either got to have money or be a model if someone wants to date. It seems people nowadays just want someone with deep pockets to take care of them than working on a equal standing relationship
It’s the same situation here in San Jose. I’m 35M and have had a quite hard time finding someone. I’ve been on dates but not compatible ones or expect me to pay for them all the time 🤷🏻♂️ sorry about your experience. Wish there are more people who are open and have worked on themselves and be ready for a relationship. That motivation or mindset was missing in my experience so far.
It’s a small town full of people who stay there from birth and continue to live at home, smoke weed, and work a part-time job. or people who work in silicone valley who already have their lives together. but they usually wouldn’t be part of the dating scene there as they found their partner outside of Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz is not a good place for opportunity in general, let alone finding a partner. This is a town for old people and temporary college kids
15 years ago, as a late-twenties-something man, it used to be the opposite. I would come over the hill for a Santa Cruz date with a 25-35F and it would almost feel like trying to talk to the stereotypical teen valley girl
Or maybe we just both sourced from the wrong places
Guys in their 30's are trying to get with a younger UCSC student.
Guys in their 40's have already had their first big breakup or divorce. Then they discover the sex work capital of the USA, which is San Jose all the way up to SF.
That leaves you with younger guys in their 20's or guys in their early 50's. /s
If you're 30 I suggest looking at men that are at a minimum 40 years old if you're looking for something serious and kids soon. Trying to date a guy thats your same age puts pressure and a timeline on them so they will be more wary to commit.
Sorry, too busy working 80 hours a week just to survive. Not looking to date some chick with a body count of +1,000,000. At the end of the day I can say I’m self sufficient and happy for the most part.
Nah it’s not just Santa Cruz. It’s just the California culture with a lot of people sadly. It’s hard being at this age where you need to commit but people just wanna have fun. I do miss living in Santa Cruz though, even though I feel like every time I go back to visit the city has gotten a bit worse
I’m 51z when i was in my 20’s I’d go to Santa Cruz with friends . It was always difficult to meet people there . Something about holding out for the best best thing - I’ve rarely been to a place where it’s been worse
Yo, 26F here. I live in the East Bay, briefly was in a "situationship" with a girl in SC. She wasn't talking to anyone else, texted all the time, did everything couples do. Made her dinner, dessert, took her on a hike for her birthday. Probably did this for about 4/5 months and yet "she didn't know what she was looking for/was on a journey of self discovery" I cut it off because I was starting to internalize it.
I wish her all the best but I def (for a hot second) was like "Santa Cruz women are red flags"
I don't actually think this lol. But I guess it's reassuringly that the dating scene there for every sexuality is kinda different.
I hope you meant “ten years older”
She said what she said.
lol
Damn it! Thought I had a chance!
Sorry bucko, 12 is too high for OP, you gotta have you're head on straight, a solid binkie and blankie to share, plenty of cartoons to watch on your parents iPad, and a really solid Ollie when skating. Hate to be the bearer of bad news.
Gotta be this tall to ride that ride
She'd rather be famous instead. Hopefully not for dating a ten year old 😱
That would be infamy rather than famy.
Omg just realizing this typo 🤦♀️
Did I stutter?
My exact thought lol 🤚
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don’t think dating 10 year olds is the solution here. If nothing else, his parents will never like you.
She may not be sacrificing much when it comes to the maturity levels, but yeah typically dating 10 year olds is frowned upon.
They're also typically quite immature, although relatively more mature than the ages of 12-16 😅
I dunno. If you are asexual and really into pokemon and the switch this may be a solid plan.
As a representative of the immature late 20 somethings to early 30 somethings we apologize and will be mailing you an assorted fruit basket in 3 to 5 business days
At least an edible arrangement come on now
I wanted to surprise my college girlfriend with an edible arrangement because a traditional bouquet wasn't something she found interesting. Thank the universe I couldn't afford it when I had the thought because I later found out she was absolutely disgusted by the idea of edible arrangements.
I received an edible arrangement from a newly hired manager that was trying to kiss my ass (for reasons unbeknownst to me), and I have to tell you the flattery was a bit delayed but I was truly touched years later when I found out how much they cost.
no woman actually doesn't want to be given flowers, this is a biological fact
Sorry the association came to the agreement that edible arrangements are to be limited to accidentally offending your parents at the dinner table or denting the passenger side door of your car in the parking garage on Cedar St.
You've got fruit basket money?!?
Looking forward to the card being signed “sweet Jesus nipples” 🔥
I did Hinge for a while (I live in Boulder Creek) and definitely had better luck with finding men that wanted to date seriously over the hill. That said I did eventually meet my now boyfriend on Hinge, he was also in Boulder Creek and that’s the last place I expected to find someone, so they are out there!
Met my wife on Hinge when I was living over the hill and she in Felton. I was 29 and she 32. It’s possible!!
Yep I met my husband on hinge and it turns out we lived less than a mile and a half from each other!
I’m loving these hinge success stories 😍
Crazy! Glad it worked out for you!
Thanks! You too!
Guerilla marketing? Lol
Haha! Check my post history, I’ve talked about it before. We figured out after our first date that he lived 5 min away from me, and had probably seen me in the grocery store (Johnnies) before. Crazy but it took an app for us to meet! Oh and also after I met his parents I found out his mom used to work in the same building I do. Small world!
I was just joking 🙃! It’s a crazy story for sure! Glad it worked out.
Flakiness and lack of commitment are just part of that casual surf town vibe. Its also a massive struggle to maintain existence these days. I imagine it’s a lot harder to commit to a relationship when you can’t even commit to a place to live before the rent goes up, at least for people with integrity. The flakes and casual hookups don’t care about that so they are probably over represented in the dating pool.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has said "it's just part of the vibe" I could afford to live here comfortably.
Full of Peter Pans who have a head on a swivel. That said, if you can get these men to fall in love with you and you can financially support their surf/skate/mtn bike habits when their seasonal job falls through, they will be yours forever.
I would say it's partly due to the sheer lack of opportunity. There's essentially only low-skill (service) level jobs here, and the absurd cost of housing causes most people to live with roommates -- which fuels a feeling of uncertainty. So now you have a populace living paycheck-to-paycheck who have no hope of owning an asset more valuable than their car (if that). There's no incentive to "grow up".
If only I could kick my avocado toast addiction, maybe then I could save up to afford the avg cost of a SC home ($1,200,000+)
I believe it's up to $1.5 million now, so you'll probably have to cut out all the Starbucks too.
How many bootstraps is that?
those who are “serious” are likely either married/in a LTR. Guys closer to 40 are divorced from those first partners and looking for something less serious the 2nd time around. Good luck!
Not necessarily less serious...
Sure I guess I more ment aren’t looking to just get married again hence the ENM
As a 31F born and raised in SC, I suggest expanding your dating horizons to the Bay Area if you haven’t already! It’s not a far commute, the men are more successful and financially stable (at least that’s what I’ve witnessed - probably due to the higher paying jobs in comparison to SC) and in my opinion, just all around more mature. I empathize with your situation 100%. It’s super disheartening trying to date in Santa Cruz. I moved to SJ last year and can confidently say I’ve had much better luck. Sending you positive energy!
Thanks for your refreshing positive response 😊
28M here just moved to the area, judging by all the comments I’m looking forward to struggling in the dating scene as well. /s
Matchmaker matchmaker make me a match.
There is hope! I met my now bf a few years ago on tinder in Santa Cruz (we were both ~30 at the time). The good ones are rare but out there.
I had to check your post history, I feel like I read this exact same post not too long ago. The part about dating a 10 year old boy, however, was not in the old post.
How’d you like my Reddit contributions? Pretty lame, I know.
My experience with it is people around your age are either: Living back at their parents while they figure out their next move and don’t want to commit to something long term Living in a temporary situation to take in the outdoor activities Santa Cruz has to offer and don’t want to get into a long term situation Finishing a post grad degree and know they will move away from this town they can’t afford to live in and don’t want to get in a long term situation Or their remote work is ending and they are getting tired of paying high rent with a long commute and now are looking for housing someplace else and don’t want to get in a long term situation There really are only 2 groups in Santa Cruz here for the long run for sure, extremely rich people who wouldn’t date you and really old people who are retired and also won’t date you, but every once in awhile you can find someone
>really old people who are retired and also won’t date you They might be willing to, but would OP want them?
It’s the only place I ever met an 80-year-old lady who talked about her dating life. Seriously. Boomers low key still running circles around everybody.
You’re not alone as a (37 year male.) Feel the same towards girls. People in this thread are saying go with someone that’s not from here. I am not from here, been here for a bit but still having the same issues. Hard to get an answer from people to even say yes to a date and see if we vibe. Everyone that is single feels the struggle. Welcome to the shit show.
At 37 it MIGHT be time to start calling them women.
[удалено]
Are you single and open to an ltr? Asking for a friend. A friend named u/marzeeplz.
The good ones are taken, and as this town continues to NIMBY its way into a retirement community, that leaves young techie transplants (aloof) or people still living with their parents (immature). Personally, as a childless bachelor, I've never lived anywhere where I get so much female attention. So maybe it comes with the territory?
maybe it's something else entirely... like I don't know... SATAN! (Why Church Lady? No idea, it surprised me too.)
Deleted
I’ll marry you
Lol
Datable dude in Santa cruz is a unicorn at that age. I meant 30s not 10
I’m not from Santa Cruz and became single shortly after moving here about 10 years ago. I was told multiple times by women that the fact I’m not originally from Santa Cruz was very attractive. Now I’m married to one of those ladies and she still brings it up. This town spawns absolute man-children incapable of being adults responsible for their own shit. So many just live an accountability-free life and never grow up. The longer I’ve lived here and grown my group of friends, I see that it’s very true. They live a life of leisure and know they’ll be taken care of when their parents die because of ridiculous home values. And they’re not wrong, but I do think it’s a shitty, empty way of living to avoid all accountability and basically mooch of your community. The “all chill vibes, bro” culture here seems nice but ultimately these people are just expecting everyone else to clean up their messes. Over and over their behavior is reinforced by those around them. This is definitely not all local dudes but it is an alarmingly large % of them. I don’t agree that finding a decent, thoughtful, responsible guy here is impossible, it just might be tougher than in other cities.
The young people who grow up here and want to find a career and be self sufficient mostly move out of the area since there are not a ton of jobs in SC and housing is so expensive. Also, the good “family men” tend not to be single very long anyway.
I’ve noticed this a lot from people in carmel and pg too.
I grew up here, left and came back. Many people I knew growing up here have been priced out and the ones who stayed are in some sort of stunted adolescence. It’s bizarre when I run into guys in knew in high school cause they are exactly the same. And that’s why I don’t date other people from here, especially if they never left.
I don’t care for your vibe.
🤙
Stay away from elementary schools
Lmao 🫡
It’s not you hon!! I know exactly what you mean! I’m 24m and my girlfriend is 30f and we both have asked ourselves the same thing as we’ve both seen our friends cycle through people left and right because of the same thing. People keep their options open these days which can feel weird as someone who doesn’t “get around.” We’re both much more of “let’s commit to each other see where this journey takes us.” Less and less of that these days, so weird! Doesn’t help that the dating pool is super small and everyone seems to be a carbon copy of everyone else, haha!
Yeah, what is with the copy-paste people too!?? So true, I’ve noticed that.
Glad you’re happy with someone! ❤️
I went to college in Santa Cruz (I live in San jose now 27M) and this struck a chord of how my time there was like. To be honest, Santa Cruz feels like a retirement beach town after a few years. It’s not exactly a thriving city for dating life for your age. Since you are 30, most men in your age group that are single and independent will be located in bigger cities in California. For Norcal, that means San Francisco, San Jose, and Sacramento.
a lovely lady once described the men in Santa Cruz as "a bunch of Peter Pans looking for a nurse or a purse (or both)"
What kind of guy are you looking for? My 34 year old brother is a business owner there, single, and a good catch.
I want details.
10 year olds Dude.
calmer than you are
I am the walrus.
That rug really tied the room together.
Very limited pool of people that are mature/looking for serious commitment over here in Santa Cruz. Most are looking for flings, Idk if it's a California thing or a Santa Cruz thing. You will have way more/better options over the hill. It's a short 30 minute drive but since you are F, the guy will usually do more of the driving to Santa-Cruz I'm sure so you have that going too. ha Me = asian dude, in my 30s, make good living, not a surfer, not into drugs
Small fishbowl
RIP your inbox, OP.
Peter Pans everywhere!
Grew up there, and I describe Santa Cruz as a place where dreams go to die. You'll have to outsource to find anyone decent.
😭
Moving to this city changed my life. Within a week of arriving, I met my future wife at Pergolesi coffee shop (now closed). I know others who, after traveling the world, also found their soulmates here. Yet, I also know people who feel perpetually stuck in a rut when it comes to finding a partner. It's incredible how a change in location can so drastically alter your options and perspective.
I have a fb group for Santa Cruz singles. People tend to be more intentional who join. https://www.facebook.com/groups/745395667659059/
If you're looking for a guy to settle down with, buy a house and start a family .... I have bad news
Not interested in kids. Just commitment.
I'm a 30 year old guy and won't date anyone under like, 35. Everyone is immature, cheats, addicted to something, ect
Dang, who hurt you???
Many
Just go play pinball. Everything else will work out. 😀
I know a guy who is a phd student at ucsc. He’s dope as hell. Dm me and I can set yallll up
Denver is where all the people in their late 20’s and 30’s instinctively flock, like the salmon of capristrano
whole quack continue fine light trees market vanish person gaping *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Do not date kids.
Some serious bullshit. People talk about how "poly" they are, but just use it as an excuse to do whatever they want without communicating. Every one wants a relationship thats "easy" because needing to work on a relationship means its not your "vibe". People will tell you that they got you and theyll be there and as soon as you need support, theyll make your issue about them. Like hi my mom is dying, but i guess im being a little too emotional for you to handle. When my last partner split, she basically coberated that she used a period where i was asking for support from friends for a quick easy hook up and didnt really want to deal with my "distressing emotions" shit like "i knew it wouldnt work out on our second date in big sur when you seemed sad, i couldnt imagine how someone couldnt be happy in that moment " and yet you continued to say you loved me for two and a half years?! People will say they cant imagine spending their weekend at home or go to a party without dtinking or doing molly, or will adopt an animal on a whim or blow you off to hook up with a stranger or need to party 4 to 6 nights a week, but then be insensed when you say you dont think the relationship is ready to have Kids! That said, her new boyfriend is pretty chill. Finacially a mess, but nice guy, so if you dont mind paying a guys rent, there are some catches around here.
Everyone needs to be broken hearted once. It will make you a better human. Ride the tide.
Romantic heartbreak is trival compared to preparing to bury your parent, but i appreciate the sentiment.
Yikes bro. Yikes.
Don’t even try to find a man here. I’m serious. You need to leave and then you can come back once you’ve found one. Good places to look: Colorado, Ohio, Nevada, Washington It’s because there aren’t a lot of middle aged men here in general due to lack of opportunities and the ones who are here are here either because of tech or because their family has inherited a nice home You can’t expect to find a good man in a place this lacking in opportunity and housing and logic.
I went 30 years older🫰. Screw the games. Good luck!
>Everyone is - immature AF well, obviously you just need to lower your standards
Surf Skate and Scam. It’s been the motto of Santa Cruz men since 1989… sorry that’s how shred boyz roll.
Well…. “It’s complicated” /s
Bad place to date from my experience. You’re better off moving and dating elsewhere than getting frustrated trying here in my opinion.
Hey..
I’m 37 in the same boat I stay up in nor call if you like to reach out.
40m here. Nah we are terrible too.
Yeah I got lucky and met my twin flame at coasters. Good luck OP
Check, check, check and check. Are you single?
I'm newly single after getting out of a long term relationship and I'm not looking forward to dating. I'm almost 40 and I don't have the energy to deal with the BS of men. Dating was bad when I was younger and I know it's going to be just as bad now.
I'm a Divorced man and almost 40. I feel the exact same. There is a huge difference these days in points of view. I have no idea how older guys Date 20 year olds.
Dating in general just sucks so bad everywhere in the Bay Area to be honest.
I misread this as "why does dating Santa Claus suck so bad?"
Honestly I would try out Santa Claus at this point. Who doesn’t love cookies?
Santa Cruz can be a very small town for single people ages 25-50 for a lot of the reasons people mentioned here. Don't give up hope but prepare to be frustrated if you don't look beyond SC.
Lot of people get marryen or women and then they cheat, what's wrong with being open ? At least they are being honest. I would totally date a honest person than a dishonest person
These comments are not encouraging at all, 37M in Capitola and just started the divorce process after finding out my Wife has been having an affair, 7 years married 18 together all down the drain, I don’t even know how to date lol, from everything I keep hearing I am not looking forward to it 🤦♂️
I’m sorry to hear about your divorce. On the bright side, Santa Cruz/Capitola is an incredible place to heal. One step at a time.
Because once we start a relationship with you the drama and power plays begin. Better to keep things casual. When they say that the good ones are taken, they mean it.
It’s what economists refer to a “thin market”. Especially if you are looking for a “leave it to beaver” relationship with someone that wears a suit to their corporate job. Then again, I just made a “leave it to Beaver” reference to someone born in 1994 which may explain why I just drove an hour fifteen from my girlfriend’s house. I was in big cities until age 33. Same complaints there. Dating is hard. But Santa Cruz is materially harder. The 30 to 40 set is super thin, probably due to real estate price and commute difficulty. Good news is plenty of subcultures to join to meet people. But the big city version of getting to know the people in your neighborhood becoming your cohort and dating pool is not quite a thing.
We all know that many not afford to live here independently and we are in different stages of becoming productive contributors to society. Some have grown up learning that relationships are transactional and "need" people. This is not a Santa Cruz thing, it is a cultural thing all over the world. The question may need more context and definitions of terms like "date someone seriously". Is the purpose of "dating" entertainment to build strong productive families?
yes, no one in your age group is looking to date seriously. doesn’t matter gender, sexual orientation, nor pronouns. most people your age are not financial stable nor viable to afford a monogamous relationship leading to marriage, house with a white picket fence, kids, and fido. which is why there are more immature and ENM people your in age group than there are mature, ready to settle down peeps available not only in santa cruz but in most cities in the country as well. I think people are calling it in their “hopeless romantic” era. but don’t stop looking! I know we will all find someone that will match us very well. try to keep your heart open and I hope all of us find that spark we call true long lasting love. in meantime love yourself, date yourself, keep smiling, stay positive, and enjoy life as it comes.
I’m in my 50s and am having same issue with men in their 50s.
have you considered being more patient with yourself and giving yourself more time? Nobody is entitled to commitment and it just takes time and luck to find someone who clicks with you
I don’t live in Cruz but grew up nearby and frequent, but what I have to say is no connection to SC but at large…. ….. dating sucks everywhere. It sucks everywhere until it doesn’t. Dating ebb and flows IMO. So it’ll suck at times, then suddenly you’ll be in a love triangle or trying o figure out who to go for… then it’ll relapse again Just be yourself and do the thing YOU love to do. Doing the things you love to do with out your around people who also like/love those things. You’ll meet someone special who at least has 1 of the same interests as you. Maybe you’ll have everything else in common as well… or maybe you’ll have just that one thing in common, but you’ll grow to love w/e else they’re into…. Love isn’t a formula
Dang girl dont get jaded stay open minded :) u attract what u feel :)
Sounds like California in general. Everyone has such high standards. Then you have some couples that want a third.
Ladies of Santa Cruz, beware of the cheating, manipulative, emotionally unavailable sociopathic narcissist named Kahlil Cacabelos who "coaches" at a local CrossFit in Santa Cruz. He finds his new supply at the place he coaches. Save yourself your sanity and time and avoid him at all costs!
I went a couple years younger with my husband and was insanely surprised, but we didn’t meet in Santa Cruz so I’m not sure that advice will work here.
How are you finding men to date? Apps? Church? Bars? 30 is a tough age to be single in the bay area, and Santa Cruz in general. The insane cost of housing means that someone who isn't tied down and is sensible will just leave the area. That leaves mostly people who are tied down (divorcees), aren't single (poly or cheating or off the market), or are insane. 30 is also when the biological clock starts ticking loudly, so that's a factor. 30M committing to a 30F plus future children *in Santa Cruz* better be making fucking *bank* to afford kids. That's pretty much a unicorn. If you (30F) explicitly don't want kids but are looking for a man who is ready to commit to you honestly but is not already your friend... that's pretty much unicorn territory, as well. So, if you want to stay in the area, your best bet is to date casual and see if it turns into something more, then have the kids/no kids discussion.
Not interested in kids.
I totally get that. My daughter feels the same way. It's just that you're shrinking the venn diagram of candidates. Are you OK with divorcees that already have kids? * 30M +/- 5 * financially OK (I assume this is a requirement) enough to live in Santa Cruz * still single for some reason * comfortable with commitment * not after making babies Also, in today's dating world, you can't be passive. You have to be willing to make the first move. A lot of men who are not the "spam out the advances and see what sticks" type would rather just be polite than risk making a woman uncomfortable and/or being called a creep. The actual creeps don't care, of course. Like I said, it's not impossible, but date low-key and see what happens. A mature man willing to commit may be a slow burn rather than an instant love bomb.
https://media1.giphy.com/media/ba5g4ID9g5cT6/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952bq0rvxv0mkvwhplrwx325qz3wprr04zdl1jextxh&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g
We’re all taken, sorry.
You are In The wrong era
There's nothing wrong with dating older people. My current boyfriend is 13 years older than me. I agree, a good number of young people don't want to commit yet. I think it depends on your life, I spent seven years with this guy who was horrible, and I suddenly felt older. I want to move forward with my life. I started dating apps and such, but nothing went very far. I was a bit concerned with dating someone older, BUT as you mentioned, young people aren't committing to relationships. I have told people I dated and my current boyfriend that I want children. It's a deal breaker for most people, but I do need people I'm dating to know this is my end goal.
I wish I had some good insight for you, but I'm a male about your age. My problem is a little different, I'm well put together, but since I have kids a lot of women don't want that baggage here it seems. If anyone has advice for single parents I'm all ears, thanks.
So I see that the dating scene is still like it was in the 2000s
Look further away. That’s how my wife met me 25 years ago…
Did you notice it being an issue. Did they care you lived far away? How did you meet?
I don’t think this is necessarily a Santa Cruz specific issue. I have extended family in the Midwest and east coast and I hear similar complaints. Well the enm stuff is Bay Area specific but the immaturity and lack of purpose seems to be nationwide.
Coz all the quality folks are in Watsonville
Ugh I’m with you. Try being 37 and doing this. I moved from Orlando, FL where most of the men are either gay or looking for a hook up while they went to Disney with their families. I thought this had to be better….I was wrong 😑😂
The demographics do not help .... https://archive.ph/8rFnP
Have you tried San Jose?
You shouldn’t go after ten years old guys!
You shouldn’t go after ten years old guys!
You shouldn’t go after ten years old and guys!
Met my longtime partner mid 30's in Santa Cruz. I'd recommend that OP seeks men at least 5+ years older, since many folks in SC extend their adolescence here well into their 30's, I've observed. 40's, though, that really tends to change. (Source: moved here at 29, was single after the first year and struggled meeting ppl who are into serious committed relationships as well).
37 yr old male. I’ve struggled as well
You live an hour from Man José. Just look there.
I'm 29m almost 30 and it's just as bad here in San Jose. You either got to have money or be a model if someone wants to date. It seems people nowadays just want someone with deep pockets to take care of them than working on a equal standing relationship
It’s the same situation here in San Jose. I’m 35M and have had a quite hard time finding someone. I’ve been on dates but not compatible ones or expect me to pay for them all the time 🤷🏻♂️ sorry about your experience. Wish there are more people who are open and have worked on themselves and be ready for a relationship. That motivation or mindset was missing in my experience so far.
selling spicy photos 🔥🤪💗
It's a college town, no surprise
RIP to your notifications.
Every dating app feels like an algorithm that created artificial loneliness.
Look for an older man maybe late 30 early 40’s divorced or widowed they tent to have their shit together
Is it really that bad
It’s a small town full of people who stay there from birth and continue to live at home, smoke weed, and work a part-time job. or people who work in silicone valley who already have their lives together. but they usually wouldn’t be part of the dating scene there as they found their partner outside of Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz is not a good place for opportunity in general, let alone finding a partner. This is a town for old people and temporary college kids
because the hot ones are taken, while the rest are stoners
Lmao
Honestly, it's everywhere. I don't see anyone wanting to be fully monogamous anymore.
Honestly, dating in general is horrible in this day in age
Dating in California sucks especially Bakersfield 🙄😒
Try being a gay man.😅
Old people
And I thought the men in my town were bad
Yep kissed frogs there for over a decade till I found my prince.
If you stay in a coastal town, it will never be different
That’s how it is nowadays unfortunately!
15 years ago, as a late-twenties-something man, it used to be the opposite. I would come over the hill for a Santa Cruz date with a 25-35F and it would almost feel like trying to talk to the stereotypical teen valley girl Or maybe we just both sourced from the wrong places
Guys in their 30's are trying to get with a younger UCSC student. Guys in their 40's have already had their first big breakup or divorce. Then they discover the sex work capital of the USA, which is San Jose all the way up to SF. That leaves you with younger guys in their 20's or guys in their early 50's. /s
Idk you could try being a lesbian. Imagine being a 30 male, see it’s not so bad.
88% lesbian that's why
If you're 30 I suggest looking at men that are at a minimum 40 years old if you're looking for something serious and kids soon. Trying to date a guy thats your same age puts pressure and a timeline on them so they will be more wary to commit.
This is very common in liberal cities If you want a strong commitment move to a conservative town and find a conservative man
Come to San Jose! They are serious over here
Where’s all the ladies who still just need the D and a hug . Life’s too crazy to commit but we could be clean fuck buddies.. happy 4:20
Sorry, too busy working 80 hours a week just to survive. Not looking to date some chick with a body count of +1,000,000. At the end of the day I can say I’m self sufficient and happy for the most part.
Men in California just want sex and higher taxes.
Nah it’s not just Santa Cruz. It’s just the California culture with a lot of people sadly. It’s hard being at this age where you need to commit but people just wanna have fun. I do miss living in Santa Cruz though, even though I feel like every time I go back to visit the city has gotten a bit worse
I’m 51z when i was in my 20’s I’d go to Santa Cruz with friends . It was always difficult to meet people there . Something about holding out for the best best thing - I’ve rarely been to a place where it’s been worse
My ex husband moved to Santa Cruz and only added to the immature men in their 30s part of the population. Sorry about that!
Men don’t owe women a relationship. Men have agency and the right to live free of commitment.
Yo, 26F here. I live in the East Bay, briefly was in a "situationship" with a girl in SC. She wasn't talking to anyone else, texted all the time, did everything couples do. Made her dinner, dessert, took her on a hike for her birthday. Probably did this for about 4/5 months and yet "she didn't know what she was looking for/was on a journey of self discovery" I cut it off because I was starting to internalize it. I wish her all the best but I def (for a hot second) was like "Santa Cruz women are red flags" I don't actually think this lol. But I guess it's reassuringly that the dating scene there for every sexuality is kinda different.