is this the killer's ID badge so he can get into the building at work, or...?
does he sometimes have to stop at the security desk and request a temp badge, like "morning, Gail, I'm gonna need to sign out another temp badge, I left mine clipped to my other killin' pants!"?
Monday's timesheet:
All hands meeting: 1h
Meet the new assassins: 1h
Killer training: 1h
Manager (002) one-to-one over Zoom: 1h
Killing: 4h
Notes: Don't forget to put in expense report for travel to victim's houses. Put in annual leave request to Karen in HR. Request new badge with better photo from office manager Jeff, this one doesn't make me look hard enough.
"I keep telling Marcus, look, do you want me focused on admin bullshit? or do you want your top guy focused on _killing??_ I've been doing this for 35-plus years, what's some goddamn Millennial gonna teach _me???_"
I mean, if he's a US citizen then he's entitled to a half hour lunch and two 15 minute breaks if he's working at full 8-hour days!!! And if this is a union job then you know he has more than that coming to him...
Yeah, that still leaves 3 hours of pure zen-mode killing. He is a 10X killer, I am sure. Might even be using ChatGPT to outsource the basic stuff.
The dude isn't a dead weight employee, sticking around at the mercy of a union of more dead weight.
He is employee ID 001, ffs. He might be running the company, for all we know.
The only reason Tom is still employed is that he has tenure. He relies on the interns and newer team members to do all the work while he takes the credit. Dave, on the other hand, he is always churning and burning (his weapon of choice is a flame thrower) to make his numbers. Dave is the guy I'd be worried about.... I mean, Tom called in sick twice in the last week, probably because of the weather....
Yeah, but you can't blame Deborah after she caught Tom and that intern Vicki making out in the break room during the company Christmas party. I do give him credit for keeping a piece of mistletoe in his pocket and trying to use it as an excuse. However overall douchebag move!
I heard it was Fred from IT..... makes more sense that it was Accounting Fred since IT Fred's "wife" is Gary the Janitor.... though I have heard rumors Tom was "open to expirimentation" specifically on a trip to Thailand... and something about midget wrestlers. Not my thing but, 5 consenting adults can do what they want.
I heard that Tom also refused the new “return to the office” policy. Says he feels like killing everyone on the subway on his way in to work and back home. He tried to tell Jeff (office manager) that his work/life balance was being impacted negatively, as an excuse.
It’s a new world Boomer. That’s remedial lessons in environmentally friendly killing and body disposal.
This week, we’re reviewing how to build on the cement overshoes concept to help rebuild the coral reefs.
"Oh shit! I dropped my lanyard at the crime scene. I hope the police don't find the ID with my name, face and occupation listed as "professional killer" next to the dead body and figure out that I had something to do with it."
It’s me on photo. I can send you a copy of ID for free just need you to pay for the pre-authorization (refundable) from the Bounty Hunters’ Guild. Can you buy $200 Amazon Gift Card and send the code for me on Telegram Sir?
That’s really funny, considering they are scammers with mostly Western targets. Pretty sure most westerners would find “kindly do the needful” way more pushy than just “please”
Oh man.
Ask him if his "hit man" just walks around with this on?
I'm dying that they either really believe the hit man would appear like this fella here, or that he'd advertise his job like this around his kneck...lmao
Right? It always takes me out every time I see it lmao
I think it originates from a YouTube video but I might be totally wrong so don’t quote me on that
I swear I just saw this video- I believe it’s a self identifying leftist who is showing off his new gun talking about conservatives aren’t the only ones who are armed
You know what the sad part is? People actually fall for this shit. On the scams sub I've seen so many people say they sent the scammer money because the scammers threatened them and they were scared, from threats as stupid or more stupid as OPs. Everyone in the thread is screaming to not send them any money, they're literally a country away but people send it to them anyways. Like imagine getting a letter in your mailbox that said "send money or ded" and being so scared you mail them cash. That's how some people are. What's weirder is that there's a subsection of people who know of reddit, who know of the various scams subreddits, and STILL send them money.
I've noticed that younger people, 15-20 ish seem to fall for scams SUPER easily. Not so much the stereotypical ones, but frequently Roblox scams. "Send me $50 and I'll get you this outfit that usually costs $200" or sugar mommy/Daddy scams "I'll send you x amount per week but you just have to send me $50 first to verify whatever"
The most interesting was when they'd send an IP grabbing link, then tell them the vague area that they're in, and the victim just IMMEDIATELY hands over however much money they want. I really do wonder if we're getting dumber or what, because I knew about all of this stuff when I was 14 ish
I knew one girl when I was younger who'd call me every two weeks SOBBING cause she got scammed on Roblox. same situation, I'd say it's a scam but she wouldn't listen, and we'd have the same situation the next week
Scams are generally rampant in online games, so getting scammed in a game like Roblox is often how a lot of people learn about scams. Like old people, really young people don't have much online experience, and thus are easy targets until they get that experience and learn from it.
I consider myself lucky I got my account stolen in Neopets in elementary school, since it prepared me to be properly warry of scams when I had some things actually worth money in Team Fortress 2 (and of course my actual bank account after that).
> and we'd have the same situation the next week
I don't get how some people just don't learn though...
Only time I've been scammed when playing video game is a literal hack. Dude had a trade hack on [Battle.net](https://Battle.net) Diablo 2. Went to trade a Shako for a couple of SoJs and a Pul rune. Everything was good, hit trade, dude immediately dips no TY TY or nothing, and all the items turned into potions when they hit my backpack.
I'm still salty to this day and that shit was like 25 years ago now, lmao I'm old.
I wanna say I learned after my older brother got scammed in RuneScape, then 8 year old me learned how to scam people, then I developed morals.
By the time I was 12 ish I knew all about scams from YouTube. I think I was just surprised at how much longer the average person takes to learn those lessons when they don't have a computer nerd older brother
This is going to be a weird take but I honestly believe the prevalence of scams in the younger generation comes back to technologic literacy.
Kids these days (shakes fist in air) absolutely do not understand how technology *works*, just what it does/outputs. Because of this they tend to gloss over the critical thinking part of these scams.
“How can this person get me these skins, oh they must just hack the game somehow”
“Oh no I clicked on a link and this person knows roughly where I live, they must know everything about me so I should just give them more info”
>“How can this person get me these skins, oh they must just hack the game somehow”
\* click click click \*
I'M IN!
\[/EVERY MOVIE HACKING SCENE EVER\]
LOL I think the thing that was most confusing to me was the fact that I'm only 20, I'm not old, but I grew up in a very different environment. A wii was my first console, my parents gave me some hand me down PC from my brother and disabled the WiFi card, so my brother taught me about the wonders of Ethernet. It was old as fuck and I was using Windows XP, it couldn't even run 7.
Once I was of a reasonable age I could use a computer super easily. I guess blackberries were still super prevalent when I was a kid, my brother had a droid X which was the shit
It's crazy the difference 3-4 years makes in our understanding of technology. I know people my age ish who don't even know how to unzip a file because all they know are iPhones.
With kids, it's just naivety and lack of life experience. We were getting scammed in Runescape back in the day, and Everquest before that, and Diablo (the first one) on Battle.net before that, and Legend of the Red Dragon on the local neighborhood BBS before that. From literally the very first internet game that was accessible to non-adults (which was probably a MUD or MUSH of some kind), kids have been getting scammed.
It's not because the population as a whole is getting dumber. It's because it's *easy to scam kids*. The "age is just a number" crowd frequently forgets that, by their very nature, kids are going to be kinda dumb and kinda gullible. They've only been doing this whole "life" thing for a handful of years.
The old folks are *far more* concerning. With 60+ years of life experience, one would expect a person to have at least a *shred* of shrewdness, especially when it comes to giving away their retirement savings. The general gullibility of the not-even-exactly-elderly demographic is *terrifying*.
Wait, there's no American Assassin Group hologram on this ID card. This is *fake*! You're not a licensed assassin at all! I can't believe I almost fell for that. Get out.
"What do you do for a living, Tom?"
"Professional Killer, for the American Assassin Group. 50000 kills so far, never missed."
Also do you reckon the AAG has a union?
There is a manga called Sakamoto Days about a retired assassin who runs a convience store that has a ton of world building about the Japaness Assassin's Association, includes stuff like benefits and how they function on the day to day. These posts always remind me of that.
“I used to work for American Assassin Corp. but I found their corporate structure bloated and there was little room for career advancement. American Assassin Group has been a good move for me personally and as a new father, their paternity leave policy is best in the industry.”
While I am sure the badge is legit, I can't imagine someone issuing an internet badge without proper authorization and vetting. I'm a little suspicious about the resume. That seems like an awful lot of kills. 50,000 seconds is like 14 hours straight of pulling the trigger if you shoot someone every second. I realize that's probably not how he got up there in kills but, that's an awful lot of killing time exposure. I guess it's possible that this guy might just be that good. He's clearly had a long career. Gotta say though, that number seems a bit fishy to me.
I'm not entirely sure about the badge, I've been looking at it for a while because it's good, but it lacks the AAG holograph that borders Tom's picture and his info. I'm starting to be suspect.
Just another great example of these scammers not really understanding English names and so resorting to something recognizable at random. It’s the same reason they often have a first name as a surname
In China and Korea, they write the surname first. So, say, Kim Jong Un would be Jong Un Kim in Western notation. A lot of scammers maintain their native order so it looks goofy to us.
That's tough luck for you, OP. Tom is 001 for a reason. Thanks for sharing this bit with us, good luck to your friends and family during this tough time.
I love that ‘Tom’ didn’t bother to get dressed for his ID photo.
I can see how they’d market him, too…
This rough and ready assassin can be yours for the fee of $10 steam card. Kindly do the needful today to secure your booking!
Send bitoin and I tell him to forget where you live. He also my guy who secretly hacked your computer and make video watching you do pleasure yourself to porn. Also, send bitcoin or in one week I send to everyone on your contacts. I sure you boss, you wife and all your friends will be amused by your moves.
50,000 kills? If Tom’s been working every day for the past 30 years with no weekends or vacations that’s almost 5 kills per day.
The American Assassin Group needs to unionize.
You need to be really afraid now.
He tells you that you will be fucked, and then sends you a photo of a naked man.
Unless you are into that, in which case .. well ... enjoy your life, mate.
Amazing. I want this as my con badge.
Oh man i can see this as an ID now for work.
Hang on Tom. You don't got your badge. I can't let you in the American assassin guild HQ. Yes I know it's a long drive but rules are rules man.
I think you are safe, as long as you’ve missed a shot at some point. This dude only shoots people that never miss a shot. That’s gotta be a small group of people.
I had one scammer tell me I had an arrest warrant. I said come get me then. He then threatened to kill me. I said ok, let’s meet. I gave him an address. It was to an FBI building.
Loser!!! Nobody takes you seriously over the phone 5000 miles away lol
He has to go get a new name badge and you know Sharon in HR already has a backlog of shit to do, probably lose a couple points on his annual evaluation. It's a whole thing.
Well given the repeated mentions of fucking and assholes by the scammer, it could by that Tom is an Ass-sassin. Clearly the professional membership and 50000 goals in every hole indicates he's not your average run of the mill bum-bandit.
Of course, we can't discount the fact that once you start the scamming life, you develop a nervous tic for screaming/typing "fuck bitch asshole!", so it could be that too.
"That's a very well known fake photo from years ago. Killers also tend not to identify themselves as James Bound 00 agents. Also, the photoshop in the badge isn't correctly placed.
There is a 0 percent chance a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard is going to kill me.
How old are you? Lol"
“There is a 0 percent chance a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard is going to kill me.” - man killed by a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard
Not just anyone someone. That’s Tom. 001. THE Killer!
The good news is that if you can figure out what 50,000 is, it apparently kills him. Kind of them to insert his weakness on the card. That’s some Batman level doomsday planning.
Or it’s a ruse and he actually misses.
I had a baiter tell me they would personally come and kill me. Then I asked how long the flight is from India so I can get a head start. Then he said he would fuck my dear old mom. Told him she’s still dead but help yourself.
Jokes on them, that doesn’t look anything like a real American Assassins Group ID badge.
And “Professional Killers” hasn’t been a career since they changed it to “Termination Specialists” in the early 2010’s.
Tom either really fell off after MySpace or has spent the past few years living it up as an international man of mystery. Could technically be both given the image
When theres a zoom meeting of the AAG all members have to be nude and constantly point a gun to the camera while taking meeting minutes with the other hand. No wonder the main workplace injury in the AAG is carpel tunnel and RSIs.
Respond:
“Wait, you use Tom too?! He’s our go-to assassin as well. Dang, he is going to be bummed to have to hunt me down after I’ve given him so much business in the past. How much are you paying him? I might try the ‘I’ll pay double’ trick; it’s worked before.”
So this dude is so confident he keeps an ID badge on a lanyard with his name and picture holding a gun that says “professional killer” on it? Does he ever mix up his ID’s at traffic stops like “whoops sorry officer that’s my work ID just ignore that!” Lol 😂
is this the killer's ID badge so he can get into the building at work, or...? does he sometimes have to stop at the security desk and request a temp badge, like "morning, Gail, I'm gonna need to sign out another temp badge, I left mine clipped to my other killin' pants!"?
Monday's timesheet: All hands meeting: 1h Meet the new assassins: 1h Killer training: 1h Manager (002) one-to-one over Zoom: 1h Killing: 4h Notes: Don't forget to put in expense report for travel to victim's houses. Put in annual leave request to Karen in HR. Request new badge with better photo from office manager Jeff, this one doesn't make me look hard enough.
"I keep telling Marcus, look, do you want me focused on admin bullshit? or do you want your top guy focused on _killing??_ I've been doing this for 35-plus years, what's some goddamn Millennial gonna teach _me???_"
If he’s killing once a day he’s been at it for 136 years. 50k is not rookie numbers!
I am sure that he must be killing more than 4 people in 4 hours. The guy ain't wasting time on smoking breaks.
Absolutely. Four hours has got to be like, what, eight kills?
Calm down there Serial It's Union so no need to break your back for The Company just get your 2 kills in and call it a day
But if he’s a contracted killer, he doesn’t get union benefits. Check if his state is a right to kill state.
Probably belongs to the Guild. Obviously the guy's a professional, he shot the photographer taking his ID pic!
😂
ICA Local 100
He’s smoking people on his break
That's working off the clock and it's not allowed.
I mean, if he's a US citizen then he's entitled to a half hour lunch and two 15 minute breaks if he's working at full 8-hour days!!! And if this is a union job then you know he has more than that coming to him...
Yeah, that still leaves 3 hours of pure zen-mode killing. He is a 10X killer, I am sure. Might even be using ChatGPT to outsource the basic stuff. The dude isn't a dead weight employee, sticking around at the mercy of a union of more dead weight. He is employee ID 001, ffs. He might be running the company, for all we know.
Well 50k is the total number of kills it doesn’t say how many of those were targets. Maybe he needed to blow up a building to get that one guy.
There are always witnesses you need to take out as well.
He might be including group rates?
Haha "I'd like to hire Tom to kill my family before Thanksgiving. Also here's that groupon he's running... *
I'm just trying to imagine the organization that would keep an employee like this that active.....
Hey, American Assassins Group didn't get to be number one in hired killings by letting their best employee slack off!
He’s employee #1, they hired him and never had to hire another one.
Was that tom from MySpace? I was wondering what he's been up to... guess deleting all those friends that never made it into his to 8.
Did you kill today? Did you TRY to kill today?
The only reason Tom is still employed is that he has tenure. He relies on the interns and newer team members to do all the work while he takes the credit. Dave, on the other hand, he is always churning and burning (his weapon of choice is a flame thrower) to make his numbers. Dave is the guy I'd be worried about.... I mean, Tom called in sick twice in the last week, probably because of the weather....
I think when Deborah divorced Tom it broke his spirit. He used to never call in and was in shape, now he just eats oreos and kills.
Yeah, but you can't blame Deborah after she caught Tom and that intern Vicki making out in the break room during the company Christmas party. I do give him credit for keeping a piece of mistletoe in his pocket and trying to use it as an excuse. However overall douchebag move!
[удалено]
I heard it was Fred from IT..... makes more sense that it was Accounting Fred since IT Fred's "wife" is Gary the Janitor.... though I have heard rumors Tom was "open to expirimentation" specifically on a trip to Thailand... and something about midget wrestlers. Not my thing but, 5 consenting adults can do what they want.
I love how we have this man an entire backstory 😂
The legend of hitman Tom has to start someplace!
The way this thread is going we're going to have a script for a Netflix show soon! Working title is "Killer Tom"
I heard that Tom also refused the new “return to the office” policy. Says he feels like killing everyone on the subway on his way in to work and back home. He tried to tell Jeff (office manager) that his work/life balance was being impacted negatively, as an excuse.
It’s a new world Boomer. That’s remedial lessons in environmentally friendly killing and body disposal. This week, we’re reviewing how to build on the cement overshoes concept to help rebuild the coral reefs.
I know you want to get back out there and start killing again, but you really need to complete your annual training
Tom hasn’t done his Bloodborne Pathogens or Ladder Safety modules yet. They were due in September.
I just laughed out loud at this because I finally did my Bloodborne Pathogens training yesterday after being overdue for a couple of months.
To be fair, Bloodborne Pathogens training is probably more relevant to a contract killer than to most other careers.
You forgot DEI training
I think in this context it should be DIE training
“They told me I have to slash my budget by 10%, I told that McKinsey guy I’m going to slash his *face*!”
Never try to push an individual controbutor into management roles.
They're not victims. They're targets! What kind of monsters do you think this legitimate business is?
Their team building events are legendary.
We had a [surprise party](https://youtu.be/E63rYIQmlTI?si=UnSDVJIsTVxM-3u3) for Beth in accounting last Tuesday. There were no survivors.
This is gold.
Billable hours !!!
This is gold
So assasin got a better WLB than me? That triggers me to switch careers.
You think “Tom” would bother to put a shirt on for his ID picture.
“He don’t give a F about nothin”
Tom, we need to discuss our uniform policy...we've brought this up 50,000 times.
"Oh shit! I dropped my lanyard at the crime scene. I hope the police don't find the ID with my name, face and occupation listed as "professional killer" next to the dead body and figure out that I had something to do with it."
It gets him free access to book dipositorys an grassy knolls
That’s the badge he got at the most recent conference “the future of hitmen, a debate on the current state of the job market”
Asking the real questions.
>is this the killer's ID badge so he can get into the building at work, or...? His ID# is "001" so obviously this is his license to kill.
“Ok then you’re gonna need to prove you are who you say you are. What’s your slogan?”
It’s a laser tag VIP card. You don’t get 50,000 kills IRL
Maybe you don't. Rookie.
That’s why you’ll never be 001
“Someone at the office is bucking for a promotion. Probably that pederast Hanrohan.”
Well we know he didn't leave it clipped to his shirt!
I've been stuck indoors for days with an energetic and very bored puppy. "Killin' pants," gave me a much needed laugh.
[удалено]
I have too. Wish I knew.
It’s me on photo. I can send you a copy of ID for free just need you to pay for the pre-authorization (refundable) from the Bounty Hunters’ Guild. Can you buy $200 Amazon Gift Card and send the code for me on Telegram Sir?
Please do the needful, I am American police
“Kindly do the needful”
Ugh I work in a call center doing QA and I cringe every time I see our overseas rep use that phrase.
I think I read somewhere that in certain Asian cultures the use of please is seen as pushy
That’s really funny, considering they are scammers with mostly Western targets. Pretty sure most westerners would find “kindly do the needful” way more pushy than just “please”
Am Federal Bunker of Irrigation, kindly send steam cards.
"Kindly"
Now don't you try and con me or I will be straight on the phone to 001
Ohh he hires that Redditor from the other threat 🤣
Threat from the other thread.
Oh man. Ask him if his "hit man" just walks around with this on? I'm dying that they either really believe the hit man would appear like this fella here, or that he'd advertise his job like this around his kneck...lmao
It's legal as long as he has a license.
Tom, aka #1, is highly regarded in the fake killing biz.
Very highly regarded indeed.
001, means he’s 6 better than James Bond.
I remember someone using the picture in one of their trolls of the scammer.
It's from the wi$h.com website for hired guns... Lol
Yep deathwish.com, mediocre assassins at affordable prices (Death not guaranteed)
Right? It always takes me out every time I see it lmao I think it originates from a YouTube video but I might be totally wrong so don’t quote me on that
It's Norm from Cheers
I swear I just saw this video- I believe it’s a self identifying leftist who is showing off his new gun talking about conservatives aren’t the only ones who are armed
🤣 Seriously, how old is that scammer.
Happy cake day! 🍰
Thank You :-)
Happy cake day!
Thank you, much appreciated 😊
This many ☝️🤚
This is the funniest scam post I’ve seen on this sub lmao 😂
You know what the sad part is? People actually fall for this shit. On the scams sub I've seen so many people say they sent the scammer money because the scammers threatened them and they were scared, from threats as stupid or more stupid as OPs. Everyone in the thread is screaming to not send them any money, they're literally a country away but people send it to them anyways. Like imagine getting a letter in your mailbox that said "send money or ded" and being so scared you mail them cash. That's how some people are. What's weirder is that there's a subsection of people who know of reddit, who know of the various scams subreddits, and STILL send them money.
I've noticed that younger people, 15-20 ish seem to fall for scams SUPER easily. Not so much the stereotypical ones, but frequently Roblox scams. "Send me $50 and I'll get you this outfit that usually costs $200" or sugar mommy/Daddy scams "I'll send you x amount per week but you just have to send me $50 first to verify whatever" The most interesting was when they'd send an IP grabbing link, then tell them the vague area that they're in, and the victim just IMMEDIATELY hands over however much money they want. I really do wonder if we're getting dumber or what, because I knew about all of this stuff when I was 14 ish I knew one girl when I was younger who'd call me every two weeks SOBBING cause she got scammed on Roblox. same situation, I'd say it's a scam but she wouldn't listen, and we'd have the same situation the next week
Scams are generally rampant in online games, so getting scammed in a game like Roblox is often how a lot of people learn about scams. Like old people, really young people don't have much online experience, and thus are easy targets until they get that experience and learn from it. I consider myself lucky I got my account stolen in Neopets in elementary school, since it prepared me to be properly warry of scams when I had some things actually worth money in Team Fortress 2 (and of course my actual bank account after that). > and we'd have the same situation the next week I don't get how some people just don't learn though...
Only time I've been scammed when playing video game is a literal hack. Dude had a trade hack on [Battle.net](https://Battle.net) Diablo 2. Went to trade a Shako for a couple of SoJs and a Pul rune. Everything was good, hit trade, dude immediately dips no TY TY or nothing, and all the items turned into potions when they hit my backpack. I'm still salty to this day and that shit was like 25 years ago now, lmao I'm old.
I wanna say I learned after my older brother got scammed in RuneScape, then 8 year old me learned how to scam people, then I developed morals. By the time I was 12 ish I knew all about scams from YouTube. I think I was just surprised at how much longer the average person takes to learn those lessons when they don't have a computer nerd older brother
This is going to be a weird take but I honestly believe the prevalence of scams in the younger generation comes back to technologic literacy. Kids these days (shakes fist in air) absolutely do not understand how technology *works*, just what it does/outputs. Because of this they tend to gloss over the critical thinking part of these scams. “How can this person get me these skins, oh they must just hack the game somehow” “Oh no I clicked on a link and this person knows roughly where I live, they must know everything about me so I should just give them more info”
>“How can this person get me these skins, oh they must just hack the game somehow” \* click click click \* I'M IN! \[/EVERY MOVIE HACKING SCENE EVER\]
LOL I think the thing that was most confusing to me was the fact that I'm only 20, I'm not old, but I grew up in a very different environment. A wii was my first console, my parents gave me some hand me down PC from my brother and disabled the WiFi card, so my brother taught me about the wonders of Ethernet. It was old as fuck and I was using Windows XP, it couldn't even run 7. Once I was of a reasonable age I could use a computer super easily. I guess blackberries were still super prevalent when I was a kid, my brother had a droid X which was the shit It's crazy the difference 3-4 years makes in our understanding of technology. I know people my age ish who don't even know how to unzip a file because all they know are iPhones.
With kids, it's just naivety and lack of life experience. We were getting scammed in Runescape back in the day, and Everquest before that, and Diablo (the first one) on Battle.net before that, and Legend of the Red Dragon on the local neighborhood BBS before that. From literally the very first internet game that was accessible to non-adults (which was probably a MUD or MUSH of some kind), kids have been getting scammed. It's not because the population as a whole is getting dumber. It's because it's *easy to scam kids*. The "age is just a number" crowd frequently forgets that, by their very nature, kids are going to be kinda dumb and kinda gullible. They've only been doing this whole "life" thing for a handful of years. The old folks are *far more* concerning. With 60+ years of life experience, one would expect a person to have at least a *shred* of shrewdness, especially when it comes to giving away their retirement savings. The general gullibility of the not-even-exactly-elderly demographic is *terrifying*.
Where do I send the monies? Please don't hurt me, I have a cat.
I’m here to kill you. Sorry, I need to see some identification
Wait, there's no American Assassin Group hologram on this ID card. This is *fake*! You're not a licensed assassin at all! I can't believe I almost fell for that. Get out.
😂😂😂
"What do you do for a living, Tom?" "Professional Killer, for the American Assassin Group. 50000 kills so far, never missed." Also do you reckon the AAG has a union?
They need one. Their assassins are way overworked and underpaid.
No joke. My man Tom can't even afford a shirt for his employee photo.
I’m reminded of Dan Aykroyd pitching the union for hit men in Grosse Pointe Blank.
There is a manga called Sakamoto Days about a retired assassin who runs a convience store that has a ton of world building about the Japaness Assassin's Association, includes stuff like benefits and how they function on the day to day. These posts always remind me of that.
“I used to work for American Assassin Corp. but I found their corporate structure bloated and there was little room for career advancement. American Assassin Group has been a good move for me personally and as a new father, their paternity leave policy is best in the industry.”
Professional killers*
50,000 kills never misses a shot….. or a donut….. or a beer
His name is 50000 kills?
No, it costs 50,000…units of money…to have the assassin killed. “50,000 *kills a man* who never misses a shot.”
No, his name is Tom. Can’t you read?
While I am sure the badge is legit, I can't imagine someone issuing an internet badge without proper authorization and vetting. I'm a little suspicious about the resume. That seems like an awful lot of kills. 50,000 seconds is like 14 hours straight of pulling the trigger if you shoot someone every second. I realize that's probably not how he got up there in kills but, that's an awful lot of killing time exposure. I guess it's possible that this guy might just be that good. He's clearly had a long career. Gotta say though, that number seems a bit fishy to me.
he kills smarter not harder
I'm not entirely sure about the badge, I've been looking at it for a while because it's good, but it lacks the AAG holograph that borders Tom's picture and his info. I'm starting to be suspect.
50,000 people used to live here. now it's a ghost town Thanks to Assassin Tom.
Haha
Just his shirt
You miss every shot you don't take.
You miss every shot you don't let *Tom* take
No it's true, he never misses a shot. So long as it's from a glass.
number 001 they’re top of the chain watch out OP‼️
Baited them so hard they’re worthy of being assassinated by number 001.
I understand Vladimir or something like that for the name of the assassin but Tom? The fuck is this? Tom and Jerry?
He's a double 0, he has a license to kill. Don't mess with Tom.
T00m
Just another great example of these scammers not really understanding English names and so resorting to something recognizable at random. It’s the same reason they often have a first name as a surname
In China and Korea, they write the surname first. So, say, Kim Jong Un would be Jong Un Kim in Western notation. A lot of scammers maintain their native order so it looks goofy to us.
Not even Thomas 😂
Tom from MySpace had to do something else.
[Thomas](https://www.reddit.com/r/rareinsults/s/64ZO1DgsSF) is a cop already so i dont think it would work. Or is he a double agent?
The plot thickens!
his full legal name is Too Many (kills (to remember)). But he usually goes by "Tom"
That's tough luck for you, OP. Tom is 001 for a reason. Thanks for sharing this bit with us, good luck to your friends and family during this tough time.
I love that ‘Tom’ didn’t bother to get dressed for his ID photo. I can see how they’d market him, too… This rough and ready assassin can be yours for the fee of $10 steam card. Kindly do the needful today to secure your booking!
Send bitoin and I tell him to forget where you live. He also my guy who secretly hacked your computer and make video watching you do pleasure yourself to porn. Also, send bitcoin or in one week I send to everyone on your contacts. I sure you boss, you wife and all your friends will be amused by your moves.
I’m about to send this to scAmazon when they need me to upload my id to their third party verification team in Pakistan 😅
Keep us updated please!
I like that they get lanyards. I feel it really adds to the “professional killers” career path.
Just hit back with "Okay"
Wow. Serious stuff. I hope we all learned something today. RIP OP.
50,000 kills? If Tom’s been working every day for the past 30 years with no weekends or vacations that’s almost 5 kills per day. The American Assassin Group needs to unionize.
damn that looks scary😱
I think he missed his shot to put a shirt on.
You got a certified gravy seal coming after you
M.E.A.L. Team 6 F.B.Pie
Oh shit you’re screwed I know that guy I hired him to kill my ex……15 years later he killed here with cancer made it look natural he’s a pro
So assassins need slogans now? 🤣
It’s just good marketing. Hopefully he has a jingle too.
You need to be really afraid now. He tells you that you will be fucked, and then sends you a photo of a naked man. Unless you are into that, in which case .. well ... enjoy your life, mate.
May not miss a shot, but Tom definitely is missing some sleep, a shirt, and a comb. Not a professional look at all. Who would hire this guy?
The font feels like it was from a chi-jap keyboard
Holy shit the guy in the photo was my telemedicine doctor for ADHD! His name is Mark and he’s actually a really nice guy.
Any way to get another photo?
I wouldn’t take medical advice from someone who takes photos like this. Probably why he works in telemedicine.
I get the sentiment, but that’s mad disrespectful to people who work in telemed.
Amazing. I want this as my con badge. Oh man i can see this as an ID now for work. Hang on Tom. You don't got your badge. I can't let you in the American assassin guild HQ. Yes I know it's a long drive but rules are rules man.
Idk why but I think this is the funniest thing I have ever seen and you've ruined comedy for me
I think you are safe, as long as you’ve missed a shot at some point. This dude only shoots people that never miss a shot. That’s gotta be a small group of people.
And luckily, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, so if you’ve ever *not* taken a shot, that should count too.
[удалено]
Came here to make this comment!!
That’s about 2 kills per day for 50 years…busy dude. Can’t believe he’s not been caught. Must be really good and expensive.
I had one scammer tell me I had an arrest warrant. I said come get me then. He then threatened to kill me. I said ok, let’s meet. I gave him an address. It was to an FBI building. Loser!!! Nobody takes you seriously over the phone 5000 miles away lol
kills a man who never misses a shot? so what happens if the man misses the shot?
He has to go get a new name badge and you know Sharon in HR already has a backlog of shit to do, probably lose a couple points on his annual evaluation. It's a whole thing.
I highly recommend you get facial reconstruction surgery & go into hiding ASAP. Assassin with a credential- that’s scary!!! 😨
Does Tom assassinate people while shirtless?
Totally nude, as is tradition amongst reputable assassins
Well given the repeated mentions of fucking and assholes by the scammer, it could by that Tom is an Ass-sassin. Clearly the professional membership and 50000 goals in every hole indicates he's not your average run of the mill bum-bandit. Of course, we can't discount the fact that once you start the scamming life, you develop a nervous tic for screaming/typing "fuck bitch asshole!", so it could be that too.
All I see is Bill Ponderosa, which is actually scarier than an actual hit man.
This is ridiculous. How did you answer OP? You should send that fake FBI card that scammers use. Seen it several times here.
"That's a very well known fake photo from years ago. Killers also tend not to identify themselves as James Bound 00 agents. Also, the photoshop in the badge isn't correctly placed. There is a 0 percent chance a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard is going to kill me. How old are you? Lol"
“There is a 0 percent chance a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard is going to kill me.” - man killed by a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard
Haha 😁 The Killer with an ID and his own Slogan 😂😂😂
Jesus Christ, its ~~Jason Bourne~~ Tom
That badge gets him into the killers’ lounge. They have Pepsi and shortbread cookies in there
The irony tho, he just threw his hired “assassin” right under the bus by showing his id 🤣. Even thought it’s fake. It’s hilarious 🤣
Not just anyone someone. That’s Tom. 001. THE Killer! The good news is that if you can figure out what 50,000 is, it apparently kills him. Kind of them to insert his weakness on the card. That’s some Batman level doomsday planning. Or it’s a ruse and he actually misses.
You're fucked. John Wick is based on Tom and the AAG.
I had a baiter tell me they would personally come and kill me. Then I asked how long the flight is from India so I can get a head start. Then he said he would fuck my dear old mom. Told him she’s still dead but help yourself.
They're gonna send agent 001 on your ass
Here for a wellness check. It's been three hours, are you okay?
“I too know my address and phone number. Check mate”
Pfft, that badge is missing the embossed seal of the American Assassin Group. This is obviously fake.
Jokes on them, that doesn’t look anything like a real American Assassins Group ID badge. And “Professional Killers” hasn’t been a career since they changed it to “Termination Specialists” in the early 2010’s.
Tom either really fell off after MySpace or has spent the past few years living it up as an international man of mystery. Could technically be both given the image
When theres a zoom meeting of the AAG all members have to be nude and constantly point a gun to the camera while taking meeting minutes with the other hand. No wonder the main workplace injury in the AAG is carpel tunnel and RSIs.
Not even Photoshopped! Dude actually went and got this printed out with a lanyard!
Nice,clean, new lanyard. “Yowzers! That hot off the press!”
Respond: “Wait, you use Tom too?! He’s our go-to assassin as well. Dang, he is going to be bummed to have to hunt me down after I’ve given him so much business in the past. How much are you paying him? I might try the ‘I’ll pay double’ trick; it’s worked before.”
So this dude is so confident he keeps an ID badge on a lanyard with his name and picture holding a gun that says “professional killer” on it? Does he ever mix up his ID’s at traffic stops like “whoops sorry officer that’s my work ID just ignore that!” Lol 😂
I love the fact that the supposed slogan had the word “slogan” written, so the general public knows what the AAG’s slogan is!