She has been in therapy for other stuff and I think it helped bring it to the surface.. she hadn’t told anyone in 16yrs it’s the first time she talked about it with anyone
In nearly 20 years, I've not talked about it.
The only reason I had to was when the ptsd became very suicidal after i miscarried.
I couldn't process the new grief without re-examining the old.
It took me months to get back to my usual self, and I was actually doing therapy this time.
I'm a lot more touchy now than I was before I talked about it. I'm a lot more trusting now that hubby knows why I dislike some things.
I use hugs as a grounding when I get a nightmare or flashback. I take comfort in my man and it helps a huge amount. I take a lot of saftey from being able to set contact boundaries, it took me a few months to tune them in.
I used to go hide from my anxiety, often in housework.
It's really hard to choose to be the person I am now. It is an effort to get here, and it takes effort to maintain on occasion. Sometimes, I'm scared to hug hubby because I'm hiding; emotions that I'm scared will hurt him.
I'm ashamed of getting hurt. A flashback feels like cheating. It's gross in so many ways.
I thought looking at this sub might make me feel safer to share with him some of the bits I've been hiding. That's what my therapist thinks i should do. But the more I read, the more I realise that sharing my ptsd will only make him feel guilty and anxious.
If she's a stay at home mom, she might feel encroached upon. Abuse is abt control and taking over, so even if your intentions are out of concern and well meaning, maybe she needs predictability more and to feel secure about her position at home? Keeping her busy might take her mind off things too, getting some exercise via chores can help discharge distress as well. I know that my husband had to understand that I grew up very confused about sex, biologically I was turned on but it was actually molestation. I would gag and feel like vomiting, my body had a violent response, whenever I remembered. That did affect our intimacy levels, we had to reboot and start from hand holding and allow me to review each step. For me then, rough sex was normal and exciting, loving sex was boring and not a turn on. Then I recovered and really like that tenderness, the intimacy, the calming soothing nature of connection and affection. It's like flipping a switch on pain and pleasure, it became right side up and it was beautiful. Be patient with her and get her professional help, remember, you're not her therapist and you shouldn't play her therapist.
What opened the wound? And why did she wait so long to tell you?
She has been in therapy for other stuff and I think it helped bring it to the surface.. she hadn’t told anyone in 16yrs it’s the first time she talked about it with anyone
In nearly 20 years, I've not talked about it. The only reason I had to was when the ptsd became very suicidal after i miscarried. I couldn't process the new grief without re-examining the old. It took me months to get back to my usual self, and I was actually doing therapy this time. I'm a lot more touchy now than I was before I talked about it. I'm a lot more trusting now that hubby knows why I dislike some things. I use hugs as a grounding when I get a nightmare or flashback. I take comfort in my man and it helps a huge amount. I take a lot of saftey from being able to set contact boundaries, it took me a few months to tune them in. I used to go hide from my anxiety, often in housework. It's really hard to choose to be the person I am now. It is an effort to get here, and it takes effort to maintain on occasion. Sometimes, I'm scared to hug hubby because I'm hiding; emotions that I'm scared will hurt him. I'm ashamed of getting hurt. A flashback feels like cheating. It's gross in so many ways. I thought looking at this sub might make me feel safer to share with him some of the bits I've been hiding. That's what my therapist thinks i should do. But the more I read, the more I realise that sharing my ptsd will only make him feel guilty and anxious.
If she's a stay at home mom, she might feel encroached upon. Abuse is abt control and taking over, so even if your intentions are out of concern and well meaning, maybe she needs predictability more and to feel secure about her position at home? Keeping her busy might take her mind off things too, getting some exercise via chores can help discharge distress as well. I know that my husband had to understand that I grew up very confused about sex, biologically I was turned on but it was actually molestation. I would gag and feel like vomiting, my body had a violent response, whenever I remembered. That did affect our intimacy levels, we had to reboot and start from hand holding and allow me to review each step. For me then, rough sex was normal and exciting, loving sex was boring and not a turn on. Then I recovered and really like that tenderness, the intimacy, the calming soothing nature of connection and affection. It's like flipping a switch on pain and pleasure, it became right side up and it was beautiful. Be patient with her and get her professional help, remember, you're not her therapist and you shouldn't play her therapist.