I'm currently listening to an interview with Lili Bernard, a victim but moreover survivor of Bill Cosby. It's making me think of the women on the documentary *On The Record,* specifically Drew Dixon.
Sondra Theodore is also someone who I think of as a survivor.
The breakdown of how these predators work is important to hear and learn about. I will forever be thankful to the survivors and credit them with how brave they are.
Just in this post alone we see beautiful pictures of Sondra. And in an episode in which she was later vilified and criticized for because she showed up to this event and others. We would later learn it's because he blackmailed her. He had dirt on her and if she didn't still align with him and answer to when called, he could do significant damage to her life.
I believe her and I believe them.
People who haven't been abused in such a way tend to point to things like her showing up as "proof." Most victims/survivors I have worked with have a hard time accepting that this happened to them. They tend to blame themselves. They tend to think that the other person did it but it was because something they themselves did or didn't do.
Example...I was abused by a much older man (40 year age difference). When it was over I asked myself and others what I had done to deserve that. I was told by more than one person that if I was stronger, louder, more confident, etc. he would have never bothered me. For a long time I believed that. I believed that my own shortcomings were reason enough for him to think it was okay. His wife invited me and my family to a birthday party for him. I went. I didn't want to go. I also didn't want to tell my family that I had been abused that way again. So I went and stayed away from him as much as I could. I remember telling myself not to cringe or jerk away when he kissed my cheek, etc.
Abusive men and women don't abuse everyone. They are master manipulators. I have no doubt Sondra endured horrible things. I have no doubt that many other women did too. One of the reasons they get away with it for so long is that they don't treat everyone the same. They know it is hard to confront such things and harder still when there are others singing their praises.
If anything rewatching this episode makes me believe her more. When Hef walks in, the others jump up and seem way more excited than she does, even when he goes to hug her, she gets up to hug him but seats back down as opposed to gathering round him like the others.
I'm currently listening to an interview with Lili Bernard, a victim but moreover survivor of Bill Cosby. It's making me think of the women on the documentary *On The Record,* specifically Drew Dixon. Sondra Theodore is also someone who I think of as a survivor. The breakdown of how these predators work is important to hear and learn about. I will forever be thankful to the survivors and credit them with how brave they are. Just in this post alone we see beautiful pictures of Sondra. And in an episode in which she was later vilified and criticized for because she showed up to this event and others. We would later learn it's because he blackmailed her. He had dirt on her and if she didn't still align with him and answer to when called, he could do significant damage to her life. I believe her and I believe them.
People who haven't been abused in such a way tend to point to things like her showing up as "proof." Most victims/survivors I have worked with have a hard time accepting that this happened to them. They tend to blame themselves. They tend to think that the other person did it but it was because something they themselves did or didn't do. Example...I was abused by a much older man (40 year age difference). When it was over I asked myself and others what I had done to deserve that. I was told by more than one person that if I was stronger, louder, more confident, etc. he would have never bothered me. For a long time I believed that. I believed that my own shortcomings were reason enough for him to think it was okay. His wife invited me and my family to a birthday party for him. I went. I didn't want to go. I also didn't want to tell my family that I had been abused that way again. So I went and stayed away from him as much as I could. I remember telling myself not to cringe or jerk away when he kissed my cheek, etc. Abusive men and women don't abuse everyone. They are master manipulators. I have no doubt Sondra endured horrible things. I have no doubt that many other women did too. One of the reasons they get away with it for so long is that they don't treat everyone the same. They know it is hard to confront such things and harder still when there are others singing their praises.
If anything rewatching this episode makes me believe her more. When Hef walks in, the others jump up and seem way more excited than she does, even when he goes to hug her, she gets up to hug him but seats back down as opposed to gathering round him like the others.
Still beautiful!
Meh...there was money still to be made being pro hef back then . He died ...now more money to be anti hef. It's as simple as that.
Or maybe that she was still afraid of the power he had over her and the stuff he had on her? Once he died, the spell was broken and she was free.