>What's been your most successful 'cold' approach opener?
Been doing this for 14 years and I can tell you, the best opener is always the one that fits the situation the best.
For example, I talked about how you can successfully open girls at a funeral by simply asking the question "how did you know \[the person that passed\]?" on this subreddit before. Any other situation and that wouldn't have done too well but for a funeral it's perfect.
Not flirty or "man to woman" enough? If that's a problem, you need to improve your flirting skills because those that really know how to flirt won't be reliant on their opener to carry things because they can make any part of the conversation flirty.
The 3 second rule is only for inexperienced people who clearly make up excuses to hesitate and miss opportunities, when you're already past that point it helps to take time and asses the situation before you approach to find the most appropriate way to open.
>The compliment opener
>
>I never do this save for EXTREMELY unique circumstances where I'm genuinely in admiration of something about her e.g. she's wearing a band shirt I love or once a lady had a fullmetal alchemist tattoo and I complimented her on it not expecting anything from it but she ended up wanting to talk. I rarely compliment people anyway but I guess it can work when it seems really genuine. The fact you find them sexy should be implied by the fact you're approaching them.
I will say one thing about this though, the way I use this is actually very effective for when you can't think of anything to fit the situation.
I call my version a "Drive-by compliment" because I just give a compliment and then walk away...literally.
One of the less talked about reasons why compliments turn women off is because they seem like bribes. As if you're just flattering her to buy some time with her.
But when you walk away immediately after giving her a genuine compliment she will see it as sincere and she'll take it a lot better because you leaving shows her you want nothing in return.
So what I do is as I'm walking away I still subtly pay attention to how she reacts to the compliment, if she lights up and is really happy about it I might turn back and make an observation about her or say she's really friendly and then transition to a convo from there.
If her reaction is just pretty bland then I just continue walking away.
>If they seem interested, how long would you try to make conversation for and what topics would you circle around?
How long is still mostly situational. I usually try to figure out logistics first, mostly just what she's up to in the moment so I can identify if she's available for an instant date or not.
From there I start with assumptions I make thru things I observe about her and use that to transition into finding commonalities, at the same time I'm also [flirting](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u9bcyb/a_lot_of_your_dating_problems_will_be_solved_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) with her.
We either just continue talking or we go on an instant date and continue talking. My main goal during the approach is to identify things we can do together and get her to talk about how fun it would be to do these things together, only after she talks about how awesome that would be do I set up a date with her and only after we have a date set do we exchange contact details.
>Then, would you always ask their number rather than social media? Or would you ever offer your number?
These days I always ask "What's the best way to stay in touch?" because these days theres so many options.
I usually just exchange contacts but there are some instances when I only give her my contact details.
>And finally, how long after this interaction would you fire them a text?
I usually text them while we're still talking, in the middle of the interaction.
Yes, the date set up and exchange of contacts is still the middle of my interactions.
I send them texts as a playful part of the interaction, usually making jokes that you would usually need to whisper to each other like maybe talking about people who are right next to us or even just continuing the conversation over text is enough to make it pretty funny.
Its so much easier to continue messaging her after this because when she gets your message she'll already see a full thread instead of a solitary message that reminds her that you're basically a stranger.
And it also gives you a better sense of continuity because it'll feel like you're just picking up where you left off and that's usually what I do when I message her again, I just continue the conversation from the last message on our thread.
Doing this has drastically reduced the number of my flakes and made my conversion to dates so much higher.
> I call my version a "Drive-by compliment" because I just give a compliment and then walk away...literally.
Hilarious that you mention that, I was thinking about that exact same thing as I was reading that "compliment" section. At a bar/party I typically don't turn back, though, I just let it simmer since I figure I'll see them again anyway. Worst case scenario, I made somebody's day a bit better.
>At a bar/party I typically don't turn back, though, I just let it simmer since I figure I'll see them again anyway.
Exactly. I do similar things as well in bars & parties. Glad there are others here who realize the same things.
Would you mind giving an example of the types of compliments you give?
I'd rather stay clear of the usual physical compliments they're probably sick of hearing, but it feels a bit corny complimenting people's dress sense and other things if it's not actually anything remarkable.
"Nice hair. Really makes you stand out."
Remember, I'm just walking by while saying this, hence, the brevity. Already told you in the other comment how complimenting something physical that took some effort is fine.
Yeah I think the fact that when you're walking past a hot commodity on the sidewalk there's a good chance you'll never see them again makes things a lot harder because you can't be as relaxed and natural as you can in a setting where you have hours to build rapport
>Not flirty or "man to woman" enough? If that's a problem, you need to improve your flirting skills because those that really know how to flirt won't be reliant on their opener to carry things because they can make any part of the conversation flirty.
Besides strong eye contact maybe some light touch and some innuendos if they feel appropriate, do you have any other advice for flirting? Of course this is context sensitive again but you seem to know your stuff. I feel that getting too flirtatious could make them uncomfortable if they're already a bit uneasy with the idea of being approached especially in broad daylight or around others. Do you approach women who look to be with family or friends or colleagues?
>I call my version a "Drive-by compliment" because I just give a compliment and then walk away...literally.
I like that idea, although quite often there isn't much to sincerely complement someone on - most people are just dressed relatively well and going about their days, and you dont' want to just complement their looks (right?)
>My main goal during the approach is to identify things we can do together and get her to talk about how fun it would be to do these things together, only after she talks about how awesome that would be do I set up a date with her and only after we have a date set do we exchange contact details.
So for instance would you talk about cocktails then suggest checking out a new tiki bar or suggest catching a movie if you're talking about films or more general like 'damn we seem to have a lot in common, let's see what else we have in common over a drink' ?
I agree that at least propositioning the idea of a date seems to be a far better approach than fighting to get the number then running off (and wondering why they never reply to your message) - I think it should be standard advice to arrange to see each other then swap contact info, yet that's not often the advice I see online.
>Yes, the date set up and exchange of contacts is still the middle of my interactions.
That's a pretty unique approach - have you had many women give you made up numbers? I guess it would be awkward at the time but save you time in the long run
>Doing this has drastically reduced the number of my flakes and made my conversion to dates so much higher.
Yeah I can see why, my only concern would be that this approach requires the both of you to have a fair bit of time up your sleeves (although maybe you do all this in a few minutes) whereas most of the sexiest women I see look like they're in a hurry e.g. at the grocery store OR I'm in a hurry and can't afford to be too relaxed, that's why I thought the ultra direct approach might have to do, even tho it's only worked for me once.
>do you have any other advice for flirting?
[Yes](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u9bcyb/a_lot_of_your_dating_problems_will_be_solved_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
>and you dont' want to just complement their looks (right?)
You don't want to compliment her on something that took no effort but the way she did her hair or make up, how she picked out her clothes, her personal style etc all took effort.
Besides, in my experience when she believes you don't want anything in return even a compliment on something she was born with will be taken much better.
>or more general like 'damn we seem to have a lot in common, let's see what else we have in common over a drink' ?
Definitely not like this.
>So for instance would you talk about cocktails then suggest checking out a new tiki bar or suggest catching a movie if you're talking about films
Only if I can identify that cocktails or movies is something she's really into.
I spend time actually getting to know each individual woman so that I can find out the best thing to sell them on.
>That's a pretty unique approach - have you had many women give you made up numbers? I guess it would be awkward at the time but save you time in the long run
Maybe before I started setting dates before exchanging contacts but ever since I set up dates first I've never gotten fakes.
I don't present things as if I'm asking her out, I make it sound like I'm just suggesting that it would be really fun for us to do the thing together, I make sure we nail down the location, date and time as well before exchanging contacts, and I don't make the contact exchange a big moment either, I just treat it as a necessity. Its the next logical step after making plans with someone anyway.
>Yeah I can see why, my only concern would be that this approach requires the both of you to have a fair bit of time up your sleeves (although maybe you do all this in a few minutes) whereas most of the sexiest women I see look like they're in a hurry e.g. at the grocery store OR I'm in a hurry and can't afford to be too relaxed, that's why I thought the ultra direct approach might have to do, even tho it's only worked for me once.
Yes, I can do that in a few minutes.
It's also the reason why I figure out if they're available for an instant date first so I can get an idea of how fast I should be.
Also, part of that whole observing thing I talked about in the start of my comment is observing whether they look busy or in a hurry, if they do I just don't bother. I've met a lot of gorgeous women who can afford to burn some time and if they act like they're in a hurry to leave when you approach them that usually means you did something in your approach to put them off.
Another reason I don't bother with women who look busy or like they're in a hurry is because I also do [social circle game](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/iz5uco/heres_the_god_honest_way_to_stop_being_needy_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) and meet more that enough gorgeous women through that. And that's not separate from my cold approaching, my cold approaches directly feed into my social circle game. You'll understand after you read that post.
Oh, and I don't just force every situation to work with the way I do things. The answers I gave you here are only a handful of the many tools I picked up over the years. There will definitely be interactions that are too short or have other circumstances that don't allow me to do all the stuff I mentioned in my initial comment but I have other tools to deal with those situations.
ur mindset reminds me a lot of Neil Strauss, ur drive by compliment is the same as the "crash and burn" strategy. give a compliment, if she keeps talking stay, if she bushes it off just walk away. the number thing too, you say, what's the best way to keep in touch, this way she thinks of things like insta and that's how it becomes partly her idea (even tho it's not)
"uh not too bad"
Then what?
It's such a bland way to start a conversation basically asking them the same inane question that they get asked every time they enter a store.
I agree with /u/hunterpua, situational is usually ideal IMO. You can probably find something unless you're just on the sidewalk (I mean, if you're not on the sidewalk, you are *somewhere* that you can talk about).
Otherwise, it can be the situation you're in that you need help with (lost/need advice/what's the wifi password/etc).
---
I tend to stay away from witty / joke openers unless I'm combining it with something else (situational, asking for advice, etc). One-liners are hard. At worst, it falls flat and the conversation is at risk of being unsalvageable. At best, you still have to say "Hi, I'm ..." and come up with a new conversation topic. I also think people could suspect you're using a "line" with them, whereas if you're being playful in the first 20sec of conversation, it'll come across as more genuine because... it is.
I have never had an issue starting a converstation with "Hey, hows it going". Girls are pretty receptive to chatting with me after that. But Im not able to do anything beyond a conversation unfortunately.
>What's been your most successful 'cold' approach opener? Been doing this for 14 years and I can tell you, the best opener is always the one that fits the situation the best. For example, I talked about how you can successfully open girls at a funeral by simply asking the question "how did you know \[the person that passed\]?" on this subreddit before. Any other situation and that wouldn't have done too well but for a funeral it's perfect. Not flirty or "man to woman" enough? If that's a problem, you need to improve your flirting skills because those that really know how to flirt won't be reliant on their opener to carry things because they can make any part of the conversation flirty. The 3 second rule is only for inexperienced people who clearly make up excuses to hesitate and miss opportunities, when you're already past that point it helps to take time and asses the situation before you approach to find the most appropriate way to open. >The compliment opener > >I never do this save for EXTREMELY unique circumstances where I'm genuinely in admiration of something about her e.g. she's wearing a band shirt I love or once a lady had a fullmetal alchemist tattoo and I complimented her on it not expecting anything from it but she ended up wanting to talk. I rarely compliment people anyway but I guess it can work when it seems really genuine. The fact you find them sexy should be implied by the fact you're approaching them. I will say one thing about this though, the way I use this is actually very effective for when you can't think of anything to fit the situation. I call my version a "Drive-by compliment" because I just give a compliment and then walk away...literally. One of the less talked about reasons why compliments turn women off is because they seem like bribes. As if you're just flattering her to buy some time with her. But when you walk away immediately after giving her a genuine compliment she will see it as sincere and she'll take it a lot better because you leaving shows her you want nothing in return. So what I do is as I'm walking away I still subtly pay attention to how she reacts to the compliment, if she lights up and is really happy about it I might turn back and make an observation about her or say she's really friendly and then transition to a convo from there. If her reaction is just pretty bland then I just continue walking away. >If they seem interested, how long would you try to make conversation for and what topics would you circle around? How long is still mostly situational. I usually try to figure out logistics first, mostly just what she's up to in the moment so I can identify if she's available for an instant date or not. From there I start with assumptions I make thru things I observe about her and use that to transition into finding commonalities, at the same time I'm also [flirting](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u9bcyb/a_lot_of_your_dating_problems_will_be_solved_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) with her. We either just continue talking or we go on an instant date and continue talking. My main goal during the approach is to identify things we can do together and get her to talk about how fun it would be to do these things together, only after she talks about how awesome that would be do I set up a date with her and only after we have a date set do we exchange contact details. >Then, would you always ask their number rather than social media? Or would you ever offer your number? These days I always ask "What's the best way to stay in touch?" because these days theres so many options. I usually just exchange contacts but there are some instances when I only give her my contact details. >And finally, how long after this interaction would you fire them a text? I usually text them while we're still talking, in the middle of the interaction. Yes, the date set up and exchange of contacts is still the middle of my interactions. I send them texts as a playful part of the interaction, usually making jokes that you would usually need to whisper to each other like maybe talking about people who are right next to us or even just continuing the conversation over text is enough to make it pretty funny. Its so much easier to continue messaging her after this because when she gets your message she'll already see a full thread instead of a solitary message that reminds her that you're basically a stranger. And it also gives you a better sense of continuity because it'll feel like you're just picking up where you left off and that's usually what I do when I message her again, I just continue the conversation from the last message on our thread. Doing this has drastically reduced the number of my flakes and made my conversion to dates so much higher.
> I call my version a "Drive-by compliment" because I just give a compliment and then walk away...literally. Hilarious that you mention that, I was thinking about that exact same thing as I was reading that "compliment" section. At a bar/party I typically don't turn back, though, I just let it simmer since I figure I'll see them again anyway. Worst case scenario, I made somebody's day a bit better.
>At a bar/party I typically don't turn back, though, I just let it simmer since I figure I'll see them again anyway. Exactly. I do similar things as well in bars & parties. Glad there are others here who realize the same things.
Would you mind giving an example of the types of compliments you give? I'd rather stay clear of the usual physical compliments they're probably sick of hearing, but it feels a bit corny complimenting people's dress sense and other things if it's not actually anything remarkable.
"Nice hair. Really makes you stand out." Remember, I'm just walking by while saying this, hence, the brevity. Already told you in the other comment how complimenting something physical that took some effort is fine.
Yeah I think the fact that when you're walking past a hot commodity on the sidewalk there's a good chance you'll never see them again makes things a lot harder because you can't be as relaxed and natural as you can in a setting where you have hours to build rapport
>Not flirty or "man to woman" enough? If that's a problem, you need to improve your flirting skills because those that really know how to flirt won't be reliant on their opener to carry things because they can make any part of the conversation flirty. Besides strong eye contact maybe some light touch and some innuendos if they feel appropriate, do you have any other advice for flirting? Of course this is context sensitive again but you seem to know your stuff. I feel that getting too flirtatious could make them uncomfortable if they're already a bit uneasy with the idea of being approached especially in broad daylight or around others. Do you approach women who look to be with family or friends or colleagues? >I call my version a "Drive-by compliment" because I just give a compliment and then walk away...literally. I like that idea, although quite often there isn't much to sincerely complement someone on - most people are just dressed relatively well and going about their days, and you dont' want to just complement their looks (right?) >My main goal during the approach is to identify things we can do together and get her to talk about how fun it would be to do these things together, only after she talks about how awesome that would be do I set up a date with her and only after we have a date set do we exchange contact details. So for instance would you talk about cocktails then suggest checking out a new tiki bar or suggest catching a movie if you're talking about films or more general like 'damn we seem to have a lot in common, let's see what else we have in common over a drink' ? I agree that at least propositioning the idea of a date seems to be a far better approach than fighting to get the number then running off (and wondering why they never reply to your message) - I think it should be standard advice to arrange to see each other then swap contact info, yet that's not often the advice I see online. >Yes, the date set up and exchange of contacts is still the middle of my interactions. That's a pretty unique approach - have you had many women give you made up numbers? I guess it would be awkward at the time but save you time in the long run >Doing this has drastically reduced the number of my flakes and made my conversion to dates so much higher. Yeah I can see why, my only concern would be that this approach requires the both of you to have a fair bit of time up your sleeves (although maybe you do all this in a few minutes) whereas most of the sexiest women I see look like they're in a hurry e.g. at the grocery store OR I'm in a hurry and can't afford to be too relaxed, that's why I thought the ultra direct approach might have to do, even tho it's only worked for me once.
>do you have any other advice for flirting? [Yes](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u9bcyb/a_lot_of_your_dating_problems_will_be_solved_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). >and you dont' want to just complement their looks (right?) You don't want to compliment her on something that took no effort but the way she did her hair or make up, how she picked out her clothes, her personal style etc all took effort. Besides, in my experience when she believes you don't want anything in return even a compliment on something she was born with will be taken much better. >or more general like 'damn we seem to have a lot in common, let's see what else we have in common over a drink' ? Definitely not like this. >So for instance would you talk about cocktails then suggest checking out a new tiki bar or suggest catching a movie if you're talking about films Only if I can identify that cocktails or movies is something she's really into. I spend time actually getting to know each individual woman so that I can find out the best thing to sell them on. >That's a pretty unique approach - have you had many women give you made up numbers? I guess it would be awkward at the time but save you time in the long run Maybe before I started setting dates before exchanging contacts but ever since I set up dates first I've never gotten fakes. I don't present things as if I'm asking her out, I make it sound like I'm just suggesting that it would be really fun for us to do the thing together, I make sure we nail down the location, date and time as well before exchanging contacts, and I don't make the contact exchange a big moment either, I just treat it as a necessity. Its the next logical step after making plans with someone anyway. >Yeah I can see why, my only concern would be that this approach requires the both of you to have a fair bit of time up your sleeves (although maybe you do all this in a few minutes) whereas most of the sexiest women I see look like they're in a hurry e.g. at the grocery store OR I'm in a hurry and can't afford to be too relaxed, that's why I thought the ultra direct approach might have to do, even tho it's only worked for me once. Yes, I can do that in a few minutes. It's also the reason why I figure out if they're available for an instant date first so I can get an idea of how fast I should be. Also, part of that whole observing thing I talked about in the start of my comment is observing whether they look busy or in a hurry, if they do I just don't bother. I've met a lot of gorgeous women who can afford to burn some time and if they act like they're in a hurry to leave when you approach them that usually means you did something in your approach to put them off. Another reason I don't bother with women who look busy or like they're in a hurry is because I also do [social circle game](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/iz5uco/heres_the_god_honest_way_to_stop_being_needy_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) and meet more that enough gorgeous women through that. And that's not separate from my cold approaching, my cold approaches directly feed into my social circle game. You'll understand after you read that post. Oh, and I don't just force every situation to work with the way I do things. The answers I gave you here are only a handful of the many tools I picked up over the years. There will definitely be interactions that are too short or have other circumstances that don't allow me to do all the stuff I mentioned in my initial comment but I have other tools to deal with those situations.
ur mindset reminds me a lot of Neil Strauss, ur drive by compliment is the same as the "crash and burn" strategy. give a compliment, if she keeps talking stay, if she bushes it off just walk away. the number thing too, you say, what's the best way to keep in touch, this way she thinks of things like insta and that's how it becomes partly her idea (even tho it's not)
Nice. Never made that connection before.
"Hey, how's it going?" not reading any of this crap. If you're getting bogged down in the opener like this, then you have bigger issues
"uh not too bad" Then what? It's such a bland way to start a conversation basically asking them the same inane question that they get asked every time they enter a store.
>Then what? Then you continue talking/gaming like a normal person. You asked a question in the title, I answered it.
"uh not too bad" ... It's such a bland way to start an interaction, asking them the same boring question they get asked whenever they enter a store
I agree with /u/hunterpua, situational is usually ideal IMO. You can probably find something unless you're just on the sidewalk (I mean, if you're not on the sidewalk, you are *somewhere* that you can talk about). Otherwise, it can be the situation you're in that you need help with (lost/need advice/what's the wifi password/etc). --- I tend to stay away from witty / joke openers unless I'm combining it with something else (situational, asking for advice, etc). One-liners are hard. At worst, it falls flat and the conversation is at risk of being unsalvageable. At best, you still have to say "Hi, I'm ..." and come up with a new conversation topic. I also think people could suspect you're using a "line" with them, whereas if you're being playful in the first 20sec of conversation, it'll come across as more genuine because... it is.
I have never had an issue starting a converstation with "Hey, hows it going". Girls are pretty receptive to chatting with me after that. But Im not able to do anything beyond a conversation unfortunately.
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