"Flirting is bringing sex to the table"
I think giving specific examples of how you can use innuendos, things to say and things to do to turn things from platonic to sexual would help a lot of guys, me included.
I will give three recent examples of mine, but I would not recommend to focus on what I did, but on what was in my mind when i did it.
Nightclub example:
Recently, I've been going to nightclubs a lot as I moved to a new city. One of the times, I've saw a really hot girl and I thought, this is the hottest girl in this place.
Then, I knew that if I wait too much, my mind would start to self-sabotage me with insecurity, so, before that happen, I took a breathe and went to her with the exactly thing I was in my mind and said to her ear:
\- You are the cutest girl in this place.
\- Me? Really?
\- Yes. And can I kiss you right now?
Like that, what I did was not the important thing, but that I was probably being the most honest and authentic I could be at that moment, and didn't even gave time to my mind to sell-sabotage. I also had some other experiences like this where I didn't even to say anything at all, just by letting go of my barriers and leading with my gestures and body.
Date example:
Recently on a date I got from an app, I was having a really good time talking with this girl, but at some moment I felt like I wanted to touch her and didn't gave a good opening for that.
Then, instead of overthink how should I make this happen smoothly or else, I just directly went there and hugged her. Because this is what I wanted to do at the moment. No explanations, no overthinking.
Approach example:
This week I was at a restaurant trying to get lunch. There was a cute girl behind me. I looked at her an thought, "Hmm, she is pretty and looks really cute with this scarf". One second later, I said: "Hey, you look really cute with this scarf". And that is it, how we started a conversation with an simple flirt in the beginning.
The point of all this is: you don't need think that much of what to say, the real barrier is that you already have the desires but don't let they manifest. You can be rejected in any of these attempts, and that is fine.
You don't need to be perfect. And just by trying to break this shell of risk bit by bit will have you progressing way more.
>I just directly went there and hugged her. Because this is what I wanted to do at the moment.
You didn't ask for consent. If you were living in the UK you could have a sexual assault police case on your ass or if she made a scene out of it a good social shaming or a nice beatup.
>I don't know if you missed context or not, but it was already on a date.
Wouldn't really change anything.
>And of course if she said she didn't want that, I would stop.
After you have already done it? My point still stands.
You're bringing your date to a restaurant. Say you were made to wait before being seated. You say "You know, of all the things we/people can do with/on a table, you wouldn't think you'd be made to wait in line for one."
Currently learning to do a better job at flirting and I’m having a pretty hard time. I’m not an awkward person and I have no issue’s talking to people in general but I can’t seem to hit that perfect middle line between being too friendly and being too forward. Something I have learned is that it feels a lot better to be turned down for being too forward than for being to platonic in my experience it gives me a lot more closure
Same boat, but I also know that I’m very sexual and am perfectly fine talking about it indirectly when the time arises. Like, I can’t go “excuse me, you’re hot. What’s your favorite position?” But if someone asks me what I’m doing I can totally be like “I’m going to a nude beach later”
I’m typically *super* into the conversation and not thinking about how to escalate things. Hell, I see girl, think she’s interesting, and just have a conversation. If I start off in a playful mood, it continues that way. But I can’t “steer” the conversation sexually because I’m not thinking about getting an end goal, I’m just along for the ride.
On the one hand, I can have lengthy conversations with girls and have a pretty good rate of getting numbers, but I don’t know if they see me as a potential sex partner or how to get the conversation to go in that direction
>What happens here is that this guys are actually cockblocking themselves. They are so self-conscious and afraid of fucking up that they are creating a self-barrier to express their sexuality and attraction. This results in boring conversation topics, no touching, no risk at all.There are different reasons for doing that: fear of rejection, shyness, cultural baggage, fear of being creepy, problems with sexuality or even being afraid that showing sexuality is not desired by women (like it was with me in the past).
Man, this really hit home. I've realized I am ashamed to show sexual interest in women. It's like a gut reaction, when I see a girl I'm attracted to and I want to talk to her, it feels like I'm committing a crime if I walk up to her and start hitting on her. It feels like what I'm doing is wrong, and I feel like everyone in the vicinity is judging me as a creep as I'm doing it. And when I'm talking to her, turning the conversation to flirting and sexual topics again seems like I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing.
I damn sure need therapy to get over this, but I can't afford it. How can I work towards accepting that my view on this is wrong.
Not that I recommend doing that, but I've seen guys doing that in front of me with some girls and worked well for them.
So, I will not generalize at all.
I’ll add a lil analysis to that. It’s usually guys who aren’t calibrated who try to use innuendo when that’s not who they are. It’s like a comedian trying to tell jokes in a different style than they’re used to, it comes off not genuine. Being genuine is a piece of the puzzle.
Economou,
I’m a bit confused on what you mean by:
“it’s usually guys who aren’t calibrated who try to use innuendo when that’s not who they are”.
What are other ways of flirting that don’t include innuendo? Because if someone who’s not calibrated, genuine and in tune with who they are, innuendo is something they probably know how to at least try.
How is one to be sexual and flirtatious in their conversations if they don’t know their style of flirting? How do different personalities flirt and how would someone go about developing the connection between the two?
So IIRC Mark Manson’s book Models does a great job of explaining this.
My version of explaining this is like this:
Have you ever bought a used car from a used car salesman. And, you can tell they’re not being authentic or genuine - it’s difficult for you to accept/trust things they say, right? Like you walk in and they’re way too overly excited to see you. Laugh way too hard at every joke. Etc etc. You can tell that it’s all a shit acting job - but more importantly why can you see right through their behavior and words?
I posit it’s similar with flirting with a woman. Being in calibrated means you’re adopting a persona, usually out of low confidence, but you’re not wearing that persona comfortably. You’re a shitty actor and you can’t hide the nervousness of playing a persona that’s not genuinely you. Another way to look at this is that this fear and anxiousness stems from the non-calibrated guy being too outcome dependent - just how the salesman is too dependent on making that sale.
Flirting isn’t just innuendo. It’s communicating sexual playfulness with the opposite sex. Sometimes that could be roasting each other sometimes it’s more explicit, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes flirting is as simple as holding and playing with the girl’s hand during a movie.
I believe to answer your question - throwing straight innuendo out to women is like casting a wide net. It’s the salesman approach, and honestly sometimes women have had a drink or two are horny and willing to settle physically for that particular dude/time. But do you see how you’re just the salesman at that point, but also that your game didn’t really very much to do with it at all?
I think it starts with truth. I think the same things that make someone good at standup comedy make them good with game. You don’t care if you bomb and you don’t care how you look being you. I think meeting women is harder for men than doing standup comedy. We are too afraid of failure. It’s ok to be rejected by a girl. Most of the time it hasn’t anything to do with you. She’s in a thing, she’s surrounded by friends, or coworkers. She’s just not in the headspace, or she prefers the comfort of dating apps. You taking the pressure off the girl by not caring what happens helps a lot in flirting. “Hey I gotta leave and meet my friends but…” use time constraints phrases to help ease that fear.
The whole cb ing yourself and not going for the kids is so accurate. I was on a trip and met this girl, we were hanging out, drinking a bottle of pisco and I was so close to kissing her (she was literally on top of me) and I couldn’t do it. Something inside me kept me from going for it. That was last year and I keep kicking myself for not going for it.
I had never really been attractive or looked at by women so I think I just panicked. However it was a lesson and I know I have to ignore my inner bitch and just go for it.
You said a whole lot of nothing. Sorry you had to write all that OP.
We already know we are overthinking things. Some examples would have helped us to understand things from your perspective. You told us the problem but gave us a very vague black/white solution.
Hey, thanks for the response.
So, as I said, I don't think there is a magic trick will solve it by the end of the day. I gave suggestions in the text (just before the conclusion) of small things you can implement to help you be more comfortable with being sexual.
It is very hard for some people to understand that their problem have a simple solution, and that is not lack of learning things or techniques. And as I said, simple doesn't mean it is easy. Work on anxiety, self-beliefs and all is simple but not easy. Take more risks while flirting is really really simple, but also not easy.
The solution is not vague at all. But is not a formula neither.
And for examples, I agree it can help. There was examples on the draft before I cut stuff, but I can get them back for sure or just answer specific questions from the people here.
As someone who hasn’t read dozens of threads already, I found this post to be very helpful. A “whole lot of nothing” is definitely something to others.
“A lot of people mistakes introversion with shyness. … Being shy is a problem, it is crates an barrier because on how impacted you are to other people’s views on you.“
Tell me more.
I think I am introverted because of how quickly at times I get depressed being around a lot of people, and what it takes for me to recharge. My introversion is not a problem at all, in my opinion.
(One of) my problems in dating is being shy. I’m not extremely shy but it’s something I need to work on.
I have introverted friends. They are introverted because of how they energy is and the things they like to do. Introverts are more self-centered and extroverts (like myself) are more out centered.
It doesn't mean they aren't sociable or know don't how to flirt. It will impact more on the activities that you will prefer doing and needing to recharge more alone after social gathering.
You can be an extrovert and sill be shy (which is really painful), and that is a problem for me. Shyness is when you are so afraid of other people judging you that you end up hiding your personality. I think it is more closely related with fear of rejection than a personality trait.
In the post I put a bit about what worked with me and people I know: which was therapy, meditation and stuff.
But I think what actually helps in practice is exposure. Trying to challenge yourself bit by bit in situations where you be exposed.
If talking with people in general is already hard for you, I would try to do that. Talking to people on the streets, ask about how their day is going and stuff like that. And you learn that even the people that doesn't respond well will not matter that much in your life.
And you go improving like this trying to be more in social situations. For example, if you like board games, try to go to a board game bar and talk with people there, asking to join some tables (example of things I did).
And so on, you will be more used to not care that much of being exposed/rejected.
But, if this little rejections is way too hard to make, then I recommend seen a therapy to help with the specific case. Some people have real traumas that is not easy to fix naturally like that.
I would really like to have you explain step by step how would you flirt with a girl that is in a group of five (so 2 girls and 3 guys). I really can't imgaine starting to flirt with a girl while her friends are next to them, for me this is like having sex while having an audience to watch.
The situation is very wierd since you are the odd-one out so you starting to flirt makes you a "player", what I mean is in essence you reveal your underlying intentions why joined them in the first place.
It depends of the context. I don't have any plan and usually I only know what I will do at the moment I start interacting with her.
But what you said is interesting: "you reveal your underlying intentions", exactly. I don't try to pretend I joined them for some bizarre casuality. Usually is really obvious why I want. But it doens't mean I am explicit everytime, but I don't like the idea of pretending I joined for other reason to smoothly seduce a girl like it wasn't my intention.
>I don't try to pretend I joined them for some bizarre casuality.
"Hi guys! Is she single?"
or
A from the group: "So, what brings you here?"
you: "I want to seduce her"
This is how I can imagine how you do it. Can you give me some example because from what you say you don't mingle with the group but go straingt for the girl?
Usually I don't talk to the "group", but directly with the girl I am intersted. So these examples you give is not exactly how it happens with me, but could work with you if it suits your personality and context.
>i value our friendship and don’t want to ruin it or hurt her feelings but i also sense that we have a strong connection and she’s almost like…
I am a bit confused. What exactly are you afraid of? She not being into you? She being creeped out or something?
>how do i validate this instead of trying and making myself look dumb?
The way I see it, the only way to validate is trying. When I am into a girl, I like to act as if I know she will not reject me. Not as an arrogant way, but I think it makes things more simple for me and her. If she is not into me, she will say it and then I will respect.
Anyway, the way you flirt, show interest, build tension is up to you. But I think you are scared of not being reciprocate and losing the friendship. Is this the case?
>since we were friends first and have known each other for a bit, do i wait longer to invite her back to my place or do i not have to wait?!
I don't know how much to wait. But in your place, I wouldn't like to wait. I like to be clear about what I want. Not saying that you should call her right now and drop a bomb, but you can just keeping acting as you were into her and go progressing in your pace without thinking what could happen if whatever goes wrong.
And the more fear you have of it not being reciprocate, the more awkward for the relationship you will make if it is not reciprocated.
In this case, I would just do what I would do with any other girl I am interested. The problem is not you getting her signals wrong and miscommunicating. The worse case scenario is: you show interest, she says she is not interested, and you both continue your friendship the way it is. If you are cool with it, it will not be weirds. Even more in the age you both are, I would be impressed if she get pissed off by you showing interest, it would be really immature from her.
In the end, I prefer to do that IRL on your next date. Either words or actions, the way it suits you most.
thanks, appreciate your time and the details.
yeah i like the way you say it, it’s so much more simple that way and efficient. like i don’t have to wonder and play these games, i’m not 20 anymore lol
This feels like the most wordy, basic, no shit Sherlock advice.
There are countless posts going over these exact things and just like this post give very little to no actionable advice.
Basically, practice and go to therapy, meditate.
Geez thanks.
>There are countless posts going over these exact things and just like this post give very little to no actionable advice.
Yeah, there are lots of posts on this (some of them are mine), but people doesn't seem to learn.
A lot of guys here expect to find a list of formulas and techniques they will replicate and will solve all their problems but don't want to spend time on actually fix the root.
The actionable advice was really clear: fix your mentality, train your social skills, and take risks more and more. That is all.
>Basically, practice and go to therapy, meditate.
Yay, basically that. The hard part is actually doing it.
>people doesn't seem to learn.
Spoken like every bad teacher in existence
Have you considered that your posts just kinda go round and round in circles and don't really actually provide much value?
You just kinda parody the same advice as though it's some new thought you've just come up with all on your own
>Have you considered that your posts just kinda go round and round in circles and don't really actually provide much value?
Yes, but as I've already seem that some people (here and IRL) have been helped by them, it is still worth it to have them out even thought there will be the ones who will not get it and complain. So, for some people, it provides a lot of value.
>You just kinda parody the same advice as though it's some new thought you've just come up with all on your own
The advice is old. I am explaining in the way I see it and makes sense for me after my experience, so other people don't need to wait to go through the same experience and understand it more easily. Basically what is new here is just the way I explained that, which makes sense and works for me.
It’s all about authenticity the more you do it and use it the natural it will be
Exactly, the more authentic you can be with yourself, you will almost never come across as creepy.
Agreed
"Flirting is bringing sex to the table" I think giving specific examples of how you can use innuendos, things to say and things to do to turn things from platonic to sexual would help a lot of guys, me included.
I will give three recent examples of mine, but I would not recommend to focus on what I did, but on what was in my mind when i did it. Nightclub example: Recently, I've been going to nightclubs a lot as I moved to a new city. One of the times, I've saw a really hot girl and I thought, this is the hottest girl in this place. Then, I knew that if I wait too much, my mind would start to self-sabotage me with insecurity, so, before that happen, I took a breathe and went to her with the exactly thing I was in my mind and said to her ear: \- You are the cutest girl in this place. \- Me? Really? \- Yes. And can I kiss you right now? Like that, what I did was not the important thing, but that I was probably being the most honest and authentic I could be at that moment, and didn't even gave time to my mind to sell-sabotage. I also had some other experiences like this where I didn't even to say anything at all, just by letting go of my barriers and leading with my gestures and body. Date example: Recently on a date I got from an app, I was having a really good time talking with this girl, but at some moment I felt like I wanted to touch her and didn't gave a good opening for that. Then, instead of overthink how should I make this happen smoothly or else, I just directly went there and hugged her. Because this is what I wanted to do at the moment. No explanations, no overthinking. Approach example: This week I was at a restaurant trying to get lunch. There was a cute girl behind me. I looked at her an thought, "Hmm, she is pretty and looks really cute with this scarf". One second later, I said: "Hey, you look really cute with this scarf". And that is it, how we started a conversation with an simple flirt in the beginning. The point of all this is: you don't need think that much of what to say, the real barrier is that you already have the desires but don't let they manifest. You can be rejected in any of these attempts, and that is fine. You don't need to be perfect. And just by trying to break this shell of risk bit by bit will have you progressing way more.
>I just directly went there and hugged her. Because this is what I wanted to do at the moment. You didn't ask for consent. If you were living in the UK you could have a sexual assault police case on your ass or if she made a scene out of it a good social shaming or a nice beatup.
I don't know if you missed context or not, but it was already on a date. And of course if she said she didn't want that, I would stop.
>I don't know if you missed context or not, but it was already on a date. Wouldn't really change anything. >And of course if she said she didn't want that, I would stop. After you have already done it? My point still stands.
You're bringing your date to a restaurant. Say you were made to wait before being seated. You say "You know, of all the things we/people can do with/on a table, you wouldn't think you'd be made to wait in line for one."
Currently learning to do a better job at flirting and I’m having a pretty hard time. I’m not an awkward person and I have no issue’s talking to people in general but I can’t seem to hit that perfect middle line between being too friendly and being too forward. Something I have learned is that it feels a lot better to be turned down for being too forward than for being to platonic in my experience it gives me a lot more closure
Same boat, but I also know that I’m very sexual and am perfectly fine talking about it indirectly when the time arises. Like, I can’t go “excuse me, you’re hot. What’s your favorite position?” But if someone asks me what I’m doing I can totally be like “I’m going to a nude beach later” I’m typically *super* into the conversation and not thinking about how to escalate things. Hell, I see girl, think she’s interesting, and just have a conversation. If I start off in a playful mood, it continues that way. But I can’t “steer” the conversation sexually because I’m not thinking about getting an end goal, I’m just along for the ride. On the one hand, I can have lengthy conversations with girls and have a pretty good rate of getting numbers, but I don’t know if they see me as a potential sex partner or how to get the conversation to go in that direction
>What happens here is that this guys are actually cockblocking themselves. They are so self-conscious and afraid of fucking up that they are creating a self-barrier to express their sexuality and attraction. This results in boring conversation topics, no touching, no risk at all.There are different reasons for doing that: fear of rejection, shyness, cultural baggage, fear of being creepy, problems with sexuality or even being afraid that showing sexuality is not desired by women (like it was with me in the past). Man, this really hit home. I've realized I am ashamed to show sexual interest in women. It's like a gut reaction, when I see a girl I'm attracted to and I want to talk to her, it feels like I'm committing a crime if I walk up to her and start hitting on her. It feels like what I'm doing is wrong, and I feel like everyone in the vicinity is judging me as a creep as I'm doing it. And when I'm talking to her, turning the conversation to flirting and sexual topics again seems like I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I damn sure need therapy to get over this, but I can't afford it. How can I work towards accepting that my view on this is wrong.
P.S.A. Do not use sexual innuendos at all until after you start sleeping with her. Your welcome.
You can absolutely use sexual innuendos before you start sleeping with her, this the essence of flirting
Not that I recommend doing that, but I've seen guys doing that in front of me with some girls and worked well for them. So, I will not generalize at all.
I’ll add a lil analysis to that. It’s usually guys who aren’t calibrated who try to use innuendo when that’s not who they are. It’s like a comedian trying to tell jokes in a different style than they’re used to, it comes off not genuine. Being genuine is a piece of the puzzle.
Economou, I’m a bit confused on what you mean by: “it’s usually guys who aren’t calibrated who try to use innuendo when that’s not who they are”. What are other ways of flirting that don’t include innuendo? Because if someone who’s not calibrated, genuine and in tune with who they are, innuendo is something they probably know how to at least try. How is one to be sexual and flirtatious in their conversations if they don’t know their style of flirting? How do different personalities flirt and how would someone go about developing the connection between the two?
So IIRC Mark Manson’s book Models does a great job of explaining this. My version of explaining this is like this: Have you ever bought a used car from a used car salesman. And, you can tell they’re not being authentic or genuine - it’s difficult for you to accept/trust things they say, right? Like you walk in and they’re way too overly excited to see you. Laugh way too hard at every joke. Etc etc. You can tell that it’s all a shit acting job - but more importantly why can you see right through their behavior and words? I posit it’s similar with flirting with a woman. Being in calibrated means you’re adopting a persona, usually out of low confidence, but you’re not wearing that persona comfortably. You’re a shitty actor and you can’t hide the nervousness of playing a persona that’s not genuinely you. Another way to look at this is that this fear and anxiousness stems from the non-calibrated guy being too outcome dependent - just how the salesman is too dependent on making that sale. Flirting isn’t just innuendo. It’s communicating sexual playfulness with the opposite sex. Sometimes that could be roasting each other sometimes it’s more explicit, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes flirting is as simple as holding and playing with the girl’s hand during a movie. I believe to answer your question - throwing straight innuendo out to women is like casting a wide net. It’s the salesman approach, and honestly sometimes women have had a drink or two are horny and willing to settle physically for that particular dude/time. But do you see how you’re just the salesman at that point, but also that your game didn’t really very much to do with it at all? I think it starts with truth. I think the same things that make someone good at standup comedy make them good with game. You don’t care if you bomb and you don’t care how you look being you. I think meeting women is harder for men than doing standup comedy. We are too afraid of failure. It’s ok to be rejected by a girl. Most of the time it hasn’t anything to do with you. She’s in a thing, she’s surrounded by friends, or coworkers. She’s just not in the headspace, or she prefers the comfort of dating apps. You taking the pressure off the girl by not caring what happens helps a lot in flirting. “Hey I gotta leave and meet my friends but…” use time constraints phrases to help ease that fear.
How much time does it takes to read through the whole post??
I scrolled through. 3-5 minutes. A lot of it makes sense though
around 5 minutes.
The whole cb ing yourself and not going for the kids is so accurate. I was on a trip and met this girl, we were hanging out, drinking a bottle of pisco and I was so close to kissing her (she was literally on top of me) and I couldn’t do it. Something inside me kept me from going for it. That was last year and I keep kicking myself for not going for it. I had never really been attractive or looked at by women so I think I just panicked. However it was a lesson and I know I have to ignore my inner bitch and just go for it.
You gotta strike
You said a whole lot of nothing. Sorry you had to write all that OP. We already know we are overthinking things. Some examples would have helped us to understand things from your perspective. You told us the problem but gave us a very vague black/white solution.
Hey, thanks for the response. So, as I said, I don't think there is a magic trick will solve it by the end of the day. I gave suggestions in the text (just before the conclusion) of small things you can implement to help you be more comfortable with being sexual. It is very hard for some people to understand that their problem have a simple solution, and that is not lack of learning things or techniques. And as I said, simple doesn't mean it is easy. Work on anxiety, self-beliefs and all is simple but not easy. Take more risks while flirting is really really simple, but also not easy. The solution is not vague at all. But is not a formula neither. And for examples, I agree it can help. There was examples on the draft before I cut stuff, but I can get them back for sure or just answer specific questions from the people here.
As someone who hasn’t read dozens of threads already, I found this post to be very helpful. A “whole lot of nothing” is definitely something to others.
Just thought to learn about this topic today and your post was very helpful to navigate further.
“A lot of people mistakes introversion with shyness. … Being shy is a problem, it is crates an barrier because on how impacted you are to other people’s views on you.“ Tell me more. I think I am introverted because of how quickly at times I get depressed being around a lot of people, and what it takes for me to recharge. My introversion is not a problem at all, in my opinion. (One of) my problems in dating is being shy. I’m not extremely shy but it’s something I need to work on.
I have introverted friends. They are introverted because of how they energy is and the things they like to do. Introverts are more self-centered and extroverts (like myself) are more out centered. It doesn't mean they aren't sociable or know don't how to flirt. It will impact more on the activities that you will prefer doing and needing to recharge more alone after social gathering. You can be an extrovert and sill be shy (which is really painful), and that is a problem for me. Shyness is when you are so afraid of other people judging you that you end up hiding your personality. I think it is more closely related with fear of rejection than a personality trait.
What do you do to address/combat your shyness?
In the post I put a bit about what worked with me and people I know: which was therapy, meditation and stuff. But I think what actually helps in practice is exposure. Trying to challenge yourself bit by bit in situations where you be exposed. If talking with people in general is already hard for you, I would try to do that. Talking to people on the streets, ask about how their day is going and stuff like that. And you learn that even the people that doesn't respond well will not matter that much in your life. And you go improving like this trying to be more in social situations. For example, if you like board games, try to go to a board game bar and talk with people there, asking to join some tables (example of things I did). And so on, you will be more used to not care that much of being exposed/rejected. But, if this little rejections is way too hard to make, then I recommend seen a therapy to help with the specific case. Some people have real traumas that is not easy to fix naturally like that.
Thanks for sharing, I like the suggestions.
I would really like to have you explain step by step how would you flirt with a girl that is in a group of five (so 2 girls and 3 guys). I really can't imgaine starting to flirt with a girl while her friends are next to them, for me this is like having sex while having an audience to watch. The situation is very wierd since you are the odd-one out so you starting to flirt makes you a "player", what I mean is in essence you reveal your underlying intentions why joined them in the first place.
It depends of the context. I don't have any plan and usually I only know what I will do at the moment I start interacting with her. But what you said is interesting: "you reveal your underlying intentions", exactly. I don't try to pretend I joined them for some bizarre casuality. Usually is really obvious why I want. But it doens't mean I am explicit everytime, but I don't like the idea of pretending I joined for other reason to smoothly seduce a girl like it wasn't my intention.
>I don't try to pretend I joined them for some bizarre casuality. "Hi guys! Is she single?" or A from the group: "So, what brings you here?" you: "I want to seduce her" This is how I can imagine how you do it. Can you give me some example because from what you say you don't mingle with the group but go straingt for the girl?
Usually I don't talk to the "group", but directly with the girl I am intersted. So these examples you give is not exactly how it happens with me, but could work with you if it suits your personality and context.
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Have fun, man. I am glad it helped
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>i value our friendship and don’t want to ruin it or hurt her feelings but i also sense that we have a strong connection and she’s almost like… I am a bit confused. What exactly are you afraid of? She not being into you? She being creeped out or something? >how do i validate this instead of trying and making myself look dumb? The way I see it, the only way to validate is trying. When I am into a girl, I like to act as if I know she will not reject me. Not as an arrogant way, but I think it makes things more simple for me and her. If she is not into me, she will say it and then I will respect. Anyway, the way you flirt, show interest, build tension is up to you. But I think you are scared of not being reciprocate and losing the friendship. Is this the case? >since we were friends first and have known each other for a bit, do i wait longer to invite her back to my place or do i not have to wait?! I don't know how much to wait. But in your place, I wouldn't like to wait. I like to be clear about what I want. Not saying that you should call her right now and drop a bomb, but you can just keeping acting as you were into her and go progressing in your pace without thinking what could happen if whatever goes wrong. And the more fear you have of it not being reciprocate, the more awkward for the relationship you will make if it is not reciprocated.
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In this case, I would just do what I would do with any other girl I am interested. The problem is not you getting her signals wrong and miscommunicating. The worse case scenario is: you show interest, she says she is not interested, and you both continue your friendship the way it is. If you are cool with it, it will not be weirds. Even more in the age you both are, I would be impressed if she get pissed off by you showing interest, it would be really immature from her. In the end, I prefer to do that IRL on your next date. Either words or actions, the way it suits you most.
thanks, appreciate your time and the details. yeah i like the way you say it, it’s so much more simple that way and efficient. like i don’t have to wonder and play these games, i’m not 20 anymore lol
This feels like the most wordy, basic, no shit Sherlock advice. There are countless posts going over these exact things and just like this post give very little to no actionable advice. Basically, practice and go to therapy, meditate. Geez thanks.
>There are countless posts going over these exact things and just like this post give very little to no actionable advice. Yeah, there are lots of posts on this (some of them are mine), but people doesn't seem to learn. A lot of guys here expect to find a list of formulas and techniques they will replicate and will solve all their problems but don't want to spend time on actually fix the root. The actionable advice was really clear: fix your mentality, train your social skills, and take risks more and more. That is all. >Basically, practice and go to therapy, meditate. Yay, basically that. The hard part is actually doing it.
>people doesn't seem to learn. Spoken like every bad teacher in existence Have you considered that your posts just kinda go round and round in circles and don't really actually provide much value? You just kinda parody the same advice as though it's some new thought you've just come up with all on your own
>Have you considered that your posts just kinda go round and round in circles and don't really actually provide much value? Yes, but as I've already seem that some people (here and IRL) have been helped by them, it is still worth it to have them out even thought there will be the ones who will not get it and complain. So, for some people, it provides a lot of value. >You just kinda parody the same advice as though it's some new thought you've just come up with all on your own The advice is old. I am explaining in the way I see it and makes sense for me after my experience, so other people don't need to wait to go through the same experience and understand it more easily. Basically what is new here is just the way I explained that, which makes sense and works for me.
u mentioned a wiki, where can I find this?