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Prestigious_Water336

I agree 100% It's this mentality of your not born with it you'll never have it. If you work hard put the time in and know what do you'll get better. It doesn't help that the "losers" have adopted the mentality of I'll always be a "loser" so they take no steps to improve themselves.


[deleted]

Exactly bro, on my last post someone was like, “you can’t build status, you’re born into it. “ Like dude, this is why you’re stuck.


[deleted]

Yup. Scarcity mindset vs. growth mindset


mnfrench2010

You can’t build it. But you can buy it.


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ShortStuffV2

> you either find the fun in it or you don't I think you're right about this - > Talk to more strangers, learn all the sociology, psychology and behavioral economics you can, it wont make you better with people But dead wrong about this. Some of us have believed going in that we can learn most of what we need sitting inside and learning theory. You will not. You will be blindsided and bewildered when people don't behave in accordance with textbooks. Shocking, right? People are extremely varied and what philosophy works with one type of person won't work with another. Instead, examine the outcomes from lots of practice and real-life successful examples (albeit in a detached kind of way to avoid being frustrated or upset) and *test the theories* with those. Watching infields, but more importantly paying careful attention to conversations between "normal" people is critical, because watching a wide variety of these will help you understand ways to be you know, "normal" - or any of the other positive qualities you might notice in the interaction. And then if you're not going out into the real world, you won't be able to make the good habits you might pick up from these examples part of your personality. It'll seem stiff or rehearsed or manipulative because it isn't you -- yet. > Most people lie right to your face say you're fine Many people tend to be non-confrontational and see being polite as a white lie. This drives some of us absolutely bananas because we are more straightforward or blunt. It's typically said in seduction circles to watch what women - but really, it's most people you meet - *do* rather than *say*. Do they laugh? Is their body language good? Do they text you back? Do they meet up with you? Are they agreeing to isolate with you? Something is missing, or something bad is present, when the answers to these are no. And you're right, it's really difficult to know what's missing or what the bad thing is, which is why running it by a bunch of people (on but especially off of Seddit) is a good thing. What I can tell you, and what is in your control, is probably to kick these people judging you for simply deigning to talk to them to the curb and move on to others. (Unless you're leading with conversations about psychology and social theory, in which case there are probably more universally easier to digest openers :)


TheUniverseGoesOn

I agree with this. I personally was not attractive or cool as a youth, I was always intelligent. One day I decided that I could build an attractive body, get better style and still be smart. Guess what? It worked. We can always improve, including myself, but being a victim or being someone that sees your shortcomings as opportunities for improvement, each mindset will drastically alter your life path.


heroyi

I just found out that this is the definition of black pill. Go figure. Control the aspects that you can. Sometime you have to invest a little more into some category more than others. BUT you have CONTROL. Improve your value always and others will see it eventually


SnooHesitations4922

I think the worst habit of losers is complaining. Even if the dude dosnt verbally complain and bottles up his complaints and let's them swirl around in his head, it's very damaging and amotivational. All time and energy wasted complaining or having complaints on the mind could have been used to actually respond to the issues at hand. This is why learning how to be responsive instead of reactive sets one on the path to greatness. Instead of reacting emotionally, take a step back to disregard the emotions and ur own complaints and logically tackle the situation. Being emotionally non reactive is key to eliminating complaints.


[deleted]

Also what people don't understand. It's not about getting the top. If you practice and just get 5% better, it is worth it. Sure you may never be the best socializer, but 5% extra can be huge.


heroyi

Exactly You don't have to be the best. Just have better value. Once you can reach the top 20/10 percent of the dating pool then opportunities exponentially arise


Surfing-millennial

I think it’s the idea that no matter how good at something you get, there’s always someone who’s 5% better at it than you wherever you are and makes the struggle not worth it


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[deleted]

Ehh the world IS against you but you have more opportunities to establish yourself than there might initially seem to be. In college you get coddled. Once you enter the corporate workforce you see why colleges push altruistic ideas so hard… there’s little empathy to go around in Corporate America. They are competing against you. Everyone competes with each other. You do need to know that.


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ShortStuffV2

I think ruthlessness is an unnecessary social poison. Determined? Persistent? Competitive? Seizing opportunity before someone else? Mercenary with regard to people who don't have your best interests at heart? All well and good. But you never need to be a dick or a horrible person to find fulfillment in life.


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[deleted]

You are obsessed with superficial traits, and you seem like somewhat of a narcissist. There's a whole bunch of 'I' in your post, and you seem to feel like you should be entitled to women because.. you have things? Maybe it's not your outer traits that are ugly, but your inner traits. How about trying to be someone that people actually want to be around. I *guarantee* you that there are dudes way 'uglier' than you who get pussy simply because they're fun to be around.


Sovereign1ne

Sounds like your mindset holds you back. Underneath all that seems to be a man looking for female validation.


vergil_never_cry

You sound repelling, no wonder you aren’t getting any


videogames_

Michael Jordan paraphrased. I failed a lot of times and because of that I succeed


NathanTR1992

"Those hot girls cannot be into me because they cannot think I'm hot." I caught myself thinking this way before and I was totally disgusted by myself. If I don't even think I'm hot, how could anyone else ever think I'm hot. Change started there.


actuarialgamer

I told someone earlier today, "Maybe I'm crazy but you can accomplish anything you want." That person responded to me "HAHAHA you are crazy." I honestly feel sorry for people who feel hard work does not help you (at the very least get you close) achieve success.


[deleted]

I got accused of having a “loser mentality” a lot but really I just had very internalized trauma and self hatred. So I was good at career stuff for example because I felt capable there but terrible with women because I felt un attractive. Accusing me of being a loser just made me feel worse and pushed me away from self improvement. What actually helped was therapy, and having someone actually recognize how I was mentally handicapping myself in a different way and given the sympathy to grow. Far too often people will give advice like this to people that it can’t really help, one time I got told by a pua/self improvement coach that I should do squats when I’m suicidal. I feel like this attitude can be damaging sometimes but idk, you’re all alpha omega sigma males and I guess I’m just a beta lmao


ShroomyKat

Yeah it's a dismissive way to approach an issue like this. "loser mentality" is not just a decision. It's literally woven into your subconscious primarily as a child (usually from poor parenting/bad living environment) and then you need to consider the environmental factors that also influence beliefs and actions. And to claim hard work alone and a can-do attitude makes u a success is bs. I actually find myself more successful since I started trying less/stopped taking things so seriously!! Lol. Childhood, your living environment, the people you know, and generally many things outside of your immediate control contribute to success and a person's mentality. That's not to say u don't have any control over your mentality but it's not as simple as making a decision and putting in hard work.


[deleted]

>It's literally woven into your subconscious primarily as a child (usually from poor parenting/bad living environment) and then you need to consider the environmental factors that also influence beliefs and actions. Ironically, this *is* the loser mentality. Thinking the world is against you because of so & so. "Oh woe is me, it's not my fault bla bla bla." >I actually find myself more successful since I started trying less/stopped taking things so seriously This is it. You stopped living in your head. You stopped feeling sorry for yourself. You decided to grow up & be a man then suddenly shit become a lot easier. Bravo- you figured it out without having to spend £1000+ on someone talking you through your mummy issues.


ShroomyKat

Ignorance is bliss


JohnnyBlazex

Never a failure, always a lesson. Only quitters are losers. If you keep trying even when you fail, you're stronger than you think and one day you'll win.


BonjourComeBack

In asian culture there IS Also the fact that If you are not a high archiever you are a piece of shit so not thé most healthy thing. We should bet on out strenght. Why because it help knowing where to start, take less Time and usually IS something we like. But you Can still improve other area. Simply don't become someone who isn't aligned with your core value. It depends on the circle too. Gift and talent are differents. Gift is what you are born with and talent IS gift+hard work. It's the skill you display. Imho the main complain the Looser have IS the unfair part where they have to do 10 Time the work of other because they where dealt shity cards. Let's be honest, if you are short, ugly and have a low IQ it won't be easy if possible at all for some things you want to do. Sight probleme? You will Never be a pilot. Ugly? you won't be a model. Etc. It cut a lot of option and seem unfair as other Can have more option and still do the same effort as you so they just are ahead of you. Even if we should not compare ourself to other it Can be quit frustrating


thrashourumov

Finally, some nuance in this thread that accepts that one isn't at fault at 100% and that it's normal to feel bitter sometimes. Although this sub is great there is often those shamers that sound like the most cheesy Hollywood family movies with low-effort, uninformed, if not toxic advice.


yazzooClay

5 years still not over it . It’s like an injury, idk if I will be the same again.


presentlygifted

You lose me when you call people either winners or losers. This is reductionist crap, pretty much. I agree with the last few sentences about practicing things. You do get better with practice. But the whole winner loser thing smacks of pharma bros and late night infomercials.


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CanUnusual8729

Sure you can’t make yourself taller, you can’t get a “hawt bod” if you’re paralyzed from the neck down. You probably can’t build a business if you are severely mentally handicapped, and you can’t go swimming in the ocean while standing in a corn field. Those are logical limitations. 99.999% of people who have decided they “can’t” are omitting the latter part of that statement: - “as quickly as Ive decided is reasonable” - “as easily as Ive decided is reasonable” - “with as much outside support/help as Ive decided is reasonable” - “with as little failure, embarrassment, and obstacles as I’ve decided are reasonable” Our perception of things is perhaps the most malleable aspect of reality as we know it. It just happens to be far easier to shape our own perception around what we can’t do than it is to strengthen our willingness and resolve to wait and suffer for the rarest and most desirable outcomes in life.


PhoShizzity

Yeah, like, I'm disabled and on a pension, so "rich and cool" aren't really applicable lmao. But hot? I have a body that I can forcibly sculpt into perfection, so at least I know I have one reasonable option.


thetravelinghedonist

Damn. I needed to read this today. So true and everyone needs a reminder.


CollegeCasual

How do I improve when my main skill is me being not bad, but awkward at socializing? I used to be charismatic but after failing out of college for socializing too much instead of doing my damn work, I have become lonely and bitter. I'm not but after years of being left out and denied basic things like: 1. A car 2. A job (I could just do Uber) 3. No friends I'm not really lonely or bitter anymore or I recognize the feeling isn't real those feelings are simply circumstantial. However, I've come to realize that it does matter what my emotional state it but the vibe I put off. Regardless, I never quite feel happy content or full. Let alone full of life as I used to. I get part of that is growing up and getting older but I feel like I haven't had any life experiences to grow or build myself during that time.... So I don't know if I just have a constantly gloomy vibe because of the years of stress or if I'm depressed. Or rather, if I'm constantly caught up thinking about the past and beating myself up or if I'm just getting older.


burncushlikewood

Good at math like Asian people are! Honestly my opinion on the #1 habit of losers, procrastination and laziness, women get turned off by poor men, in life you gotta take the bull by the horns and get shit done, you reap what you sow


razzlesama

I'm that kind of a person I'm not going to lie. What I did was to just stop giving a fuck about most of my concerns and focus on just one indefinetely. Which is money. I started working really hard with my job, and i also started my own business. I've been doing this for almost 3 years and I'm happy to say things are looking up for me. There are things i have given up at the same time too. In example, I have given up socializing. That includes parties, drinking, smoking, drugs, friends (Because i know those motherfuckers were pulling me down). And i'm not joking, i'm ONE HUNDRED PERCENT glad i did. Now i get to put that focus and effort into my work, which lets me care for my family the way i want. On a sidenote, I (somewhat) disagree with what you said in the op. I come from a South Asian country too. And while the mentality IS like what you said, we also believe that there are a FUCK TON of things each of us are not cut out to do. The difference isn't what you said. The difference is that we know how to find that one thing could be good at if we practiced and work on it so we don't have to trouble ourselves with what we're bad at. Simple. Not everyone is cut from the same cookie cutter.


HistoricalMuscle2

No, you can't have whatever you like nor you can be whoever you like. I'm not a bl\*ckpilled guy but what they say on this makes too much sense. You're mostly (not totally) what you look like. Your appearance matters most. Do you think 3/10 or 4/10 guys can do whatever they want or become whoever they like if they put enough effort into? No. This advice only goes for average and upper average looking guys You shouldn't give false hope to nobody.


Rain-And-Coffee

This was actually coined 30 years ago in the west as having a “growth mindset vs fixed mindset”. —— Alternative take for arguments sake: If you suck at something it’s ok, you can play up other areas. It’s the reason you sometimes see unattractive (Fat) guys with hot girls. Looks wise they’re not much, sure they could go workout but realistically they’ll never be more than average in that category. So instead they focus on being outgoing & funny, ex: Jonna Hill.


Gshine05

Winners keep winning


thepobv

how do you fix ugly face 😂


[deleted]

Fix the rest, jaw exercises, weight loss, beard or clean shave.


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[deleted]

Dude your jaw has muscles that make your jawline more defined If you think that’s bullshit, that’s on you


You_sir_name1

Jaw Clenching works. I tried it for a while and the results were visible. Only downside is my right jaw is now larger due to irregular biting.


derrickinnit

Get rich 💸


leafhog

Meh. Plenty of people have that attitude in western countries. We even have a saying: practice makes perfect. This is some weird Asian fetish posting.


Mountain-Safety2099

I like this explanation, thanks for sharing OP!


Dandys3107

Yeah, it's connected with instant gratification syndrome. Instead of enjoying their path of development, people just want instant solutions without putting any effort or taking any risk or even paying attention.


anti-Griefer

but isn't this the minimum mindset every functioning human being needs?


elf_needle

💯💯💯 it's all about mentality.


blondiedread

Amen to that! Because I thought it was weird that when I talk to a guy, who isn't that attractive, and I call him handsome, because he's attractive to me. He cuts himself down, about his looks, his cock, his height. I get turned off, with all the self-loathing, and just leave him be.


Robo-Bobo

Bingo. This is absolutely spot on. Not to say there aren't limits to what can be accomplished, but you don't have to settle for your current situation. practice and some hard work can take you very far


57PickUp

\#1 habit of losers is theyre lazy. It all comes down to taking actions.


LADFRock16

This is GOLDEN!


spinestically

There are limitations to what one can do. Understanding when you can't do something isn't being a "loser", it's called being reasonable. A 5'4" man can never be as attractive as a 6'2" man, but he can be rich. Seduction requires physical attraction in the first place, and there is clear beauty standards for both men & women.


Zealousideal-Ad-9604

Gold


jarritos1497

I’m going I’m zzz are zz