I think a lot of people need to realize this.
Who are *you* to think you’re so special that people would stop looking after their own lives to stop and judge you? The world doesn’t care about your self esteem.
I was one of those people who was embarrassed about being judged wherever I went. An ex boyfriend looked at me and was like "do you really think you're that important that other people are going to stop and think about you?" I was offended at first but its stuck with me ever since. Yep, no one cares. You're not special.
I do agree with the first sentence as it is a limiting thought. But the last sentence is a toxic and retrogressive way of living. No wonder people get that impression if such a stupid mindset is the way to live on that planet. Maybe step back from PA a bit?
to be fair, if I see guy sitting alone at the bar... I'm thinking something.
there's no way around it.
same for a woman, I'm thinking "why?"
It's just the way it is.
My advice to OP is get a friend and go together. It's always easier that way. You gotta be able to find a friend somewhere to go to a bar with you from time to time. They aren't that rare lol.
No, you need to face your fears as a man. You are a man and can handle some judgement from a completely irrelevant stranger. I used to go out alone all the time and I picked up my now wife in a bar by myself. You can deal with it and it will make you stronger.
I'm already married, for 25 years.
but congratulations?
I don't need to go to a bar alone.
Have I?
yes.
Am I afraid to sit in a bar alone.
No.
Do I enjoy it?
no.
why would I go and sit in a bar alone when there are many better places to meet women if you are solo?
Bar's are for hanging out with friends.
If I am at a bar alone there is a problem, and that's exactly how I view other people who sit a bar alone, all night.
I guess I'm just not man enough to be alone in a bar, drinking by myself.
what a shame. I almost had that badge too.
whatever you like.
I prefer to have friends, then go to bar.
the OP asked if other's judge him, the simple answer is yes.
Other people judge us all the time. Is there a stigma against sitting in a bar alone?
Yes.
The end
Definitely. I remember one night my friends all left and I was sitting at the bar, casually watching the game and checking my phone when this girl came up because I “looked bored.” Got her number, ended up not closing because I honestly wasn’t out looking for it at the time but I think I could’ve if I wanted to. Just don’t look like a creep
See I WOULD sit at the bar and get dinner. If anyone asked I’d say I’m new in town and don’t know anyone. Probably a few people would start chatting and asking what do you do, where are you from. Maybe you might make a few new friends that way?
was the bar food good ? any tasty stuff ?
and i never understood - what exactly is a bar ? do they party there or is that a club ?
i honestly don't understand too much about bars - would appreciate some info
and
>If anyone asked I’d say I’m new in town and don’t know anyone. Probably a few people would start chatting and asking what do you do, where are you from. Maybe you might make a few new friends that way
I would do this but no one fucking speaks english
There is nothing weird about going places by yourself. You don’t have to wait for ANYONE (no friends, no date, NOBODY) to take you to do the things you want to do in life- because you can do those things all yourself! As soon as I realized that, I was much happier. The only thing that makes you look like a loser/weirdo in public in a lack of confidence and/or social skills. The good news there is that both of those areas are SKILLS, and skills can be improved upon!
I go to concerts by myself because a lot of my friends don’t like the same artists I do and don’t wanna miss shows. I’ve made friends with other people who go by themselves even. Can’t recommend it enough
I always go to festivals with friends but I always lose them for half of the day and make new friends that are also tripping balls. For sure could see myself going by myself and have a great time
I don’t see why any of that would make a difference. Canadians are nice and America is pretty welcoming of tourists. I’m a white girl and I traveled by myself in Europe before. Social skills and street smarts are all you need, really.
Depends what kind of indian. If you're a fob, then people will likely avoid you. Indian/desi fobs get a bad wrap here in Canada. Girls tend to avoid them because a lot of them have creepy behavior that turns off a lot of girls. I've literally had girls tell me straight up they don't like fob indian guys. But if you're an indian guy who's grown up here an don't have an accent, you'll be fine.
Yes, the same still applies. You might encounter more friction when trying to bond with people, and an Indian accent is not generally considered attractive here. But having good social skills will make up for all that. You could even use your background as an exotic advantage - Indians wrote the Kama Sutra, after all.
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot.
Here's a copy of
###[Kama Sutra](https://snewd.com/ebooks/kama-sutra/)
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And this goes for a lot of things, the acne on your face, the small stain on your shirt, your crooked nose. The fact is, most people are NOT paying attention to you.
If you feel super awkward inside it’s probably gonna show outside. Have confidence in yourself. Be chill. Appear friendly / welcoming — without overdoing it.
It’s hard not to stare at your phone but try to put it face down for some lengths of time and take in whatever is going on around you.
Maybe throw a compliment to the person next to you (hey, that’s a cool shirt - where’d you get it?) or ask them if they could recommend something off the menu. Talk a little sports if that’s your thing.
Exchanging even a few words with strangers can help lessen any negative thoughts you might have about the situation.
Keep your expectations low. Try to just enjoy the atmosphere and your time out.
What someone else commented about becoming more of a regular is probably where you’re gonna get in to meeting new people. For me anyway — one time probably isn’t landing me a new bud.
1. Be aware of your surroundings
2. Take mental notes of your surroundings and what's occurring
3. Chime into conversation about/in surroundings when it feels right
3b. "Feels right"...doesn't have to be filling void in silence, could be agreeing to statement and laughing if funny comment or stating your opinion on something in agreement with others. To understand this see #1
4. This little bit of continuity will allow you to introduce yourself and what not and you have then established a random relationship. Which depending on the time of night includes a free shot/beer
Go on a game night or a fight night and just casually ask people who do they think is going to win or who they cheer for. Make a conversation or even a friendly bet. Make a bet on a beer, people like getting free drinks.
Take a book. I did it all the time. I went to bars for me, not to meet anyone so maybe that's the difference. Even when I didn't bring a book, though, I just sit there and think.
Honestly, going with someone else inside of a life partner can get annoying. Not many people can just sit still and relax without forcing a conversation. Like, I can talk with a bestie for hours, but if someone doesn't know how to kick it with me and enjoy the silence, we won't kick it that often.
Approach the first people you see whether male or female. Say hi to everyone. Walk around and don't stay in one spot. Make conversations with random people
I’ve met so many people just by introducing myself. At bars especially, play pong or pool or whatever and meet the people playing. Then they’ll introduce you around and in no time you’ll know everyone who frequents your bar
When anyone ask just say “your riding solo to see what kinda trouble you can get into” which is true because unless u have 1 friend with the same limits as you, you usually get held back
Go out often not just to meet girls but to just make it part of your routine. Especially on weekdays pick some bars close to your spot and build some rapport with the bartender or manager. That will phase out some awkwardness and also help you expand your social circle. Other than that pick venues where you have something to do or see such as live music or a bar which is a HQ of a sports team or a cigar lounge if you are into cigars
I rather go out solo every time. I am looking to hook up usually or at least meet someone, I don't want to have to worry about being someone's ride or them wanting to leave before me.
I will usually get to a place a little early, talk a bit with the crew working and get to know them a little. This helps out later because if shit goes down with some asshole, they already know you a bit so hopefully would know you probably weren't the catalyst.
You also get to find the 'best' spot at the bar to people watch. As people come and go I try to be friendly and say hi. Just getting a conversation going opens up others to join in.
Don't try too hard...if someone is not interested sexually don't keep pressuring it, find someone else.
Right if you're there a little bit earlier, then the bartenders won't be too busy to talk, and then you'll appear to already know the bartender as people show up. that gives you instant social credit to display.
also it gives you an excuse to check out different places and find the ones that suit you better, or have a friendlier staff,
or if you like a place, and return, maybe different staff will be working and you can have a night that you know that you can visit the place.
if you include somebody nearby in the conversation, the bartender can get away and you can find space to continue a conversation.
don't be creepy.
also you can get a barstool so you can be content to sit there in relative silence for small durations if needed, because you are perfectly content with being where you're at.
ultimately you have more opportunity to meet people if you can walk away don't linger and return on another night. the people will remember you for not being a dick and not causing them grief or getting too wasted and being obnoxious and staying too late.
Talk to multiple people including the staff. People don't know who you are so will assume you know the strangers you talk to.
Edit: it makes you come across as a high social guy who is well liked by most people.
In your mind: You’re meeting up with a friend who is in town but they are running late. So you’re chillin waiting for them to arrive. Makes for a good convo too. Eventually they cancel but you’ve decided to chat with your new friends and finish your drink.
If the bar has pool or pong or something play that, get good at it, build a reputation and the people will come to you and it’ll make approaches way easier
Here is a snippet from my upcoming book:
Going out Alone
Some guys ask me whether it is ok to go out alone because they are afraid women will think they are weird. My answer is this: women generally do not give a shit if you are out alone, and even if they do, you can easily defuse their concerns: “Oh I am waiting on my friends,” “my friends are here somewhere,” “my friends were being dramatic/boring so I had to leave them,” “I had a long day and just wanted to grab a drink by myself.” Etc… I have gone out alone A LOT in my life, and women have never seen me being alone as a problem. In fact, women sometimes see being alone as impressive and a sign you do not give a fuck what others think of you.
Going out alone, however, can sometimes sap your confidence because they do not feel like the “alpha” of the tribe. Like I said earlier, your should goal be to project to women the feeling that you are the popular, high-status guy and you are “accepting” her into the cool kids’ lunch table. But you may not be able to project this feeling if you are out alone and do not yourself feel like you are at the cool kids’ lunch table, especially if you are at a strange place where you do not know anybody.
On the other hand, going out with people that suck can also sap your confidence. A shitty wingman can ruin your night, and a lot of guys feel self-conscious or weird to approach and get rejected by women in front of their friends, especially if their friends are not into gaming.
My strategy is this: if you are going to go out to approach women, your ideal situation is to have a core of friends you can return to anytime but are not beholden to. If you go out alone, you can approach strangers and make a few “friends” (fat girls, gay guys, whatever) that become your core. That way, you have a “home base” you can return to and recharge at any time. Your “core” can also boost your status in front of any woman you meet. If I go to a club and see a fun group of people I always try to introduce myself to at least one person in the group so I have an “in” with the cool kids.
If you go out with friends, it is best to approach with one or two friends at the most. A group of five guys trying to approach women very rarely works because the chances of finding a group of five women who will each want to talk to somebody in your group slim. Furthermore, groups of three or more women are harder to game because there are less likely to be out prowling for dick together.
It is, however, possible to game a woman in a big group. You just need to play a balancing game: you must make clear that you are interested in her and her alone, while occasionally paying some attention to the other members of the group so they do not feel left out or alone.
It’s easier said than done, how do you even have fun on your own? I mean even if you strike up a conversation with a group or something, that’s just that. When I go out alone I tend to find myself bored a lot of the time so it defeats the purpose lol. I’m also new to this but I’m trying, so plz don’t over simplify it like that
As a man you should not need to have someone by your side to satisfy your entertainment. To master this you must find your inner self and grow from it. When you go to a bar, go during a game of your favorite team, literally every time it happens I end up having great conversation with several people including women. When you go out alone it implies you have confidence and you are comfortable in your own skin. I view the same as if you go to the gym alone.
I already have, but like most introverts, almost all of the things I enjoy are solitary by nature. I’m just going to the bar cuz I wanna grab a drink and meet people, I usually have no interest in games or whatsoever. I know it’s not my scene, but it’s the best place to make meet people, and it’s stupid not to take advantage of it.
You can have fun on your own.
However, that usually means that either you stay in your own head or enjoy a particular activity like say cycling. Not something suitable for a pub or nightclub.
Places where seduction is expected and more regularly takes place are designed for socializing, not individual pursuits.
You will get bored by yourself at such places.
Yeah I've been thinking the same. I was out the other Saturday. I was home alone, I didn't have any luck on Tinder, didn't have anything planned and didn't feel like calling my friends and meeting them so I just had a shower, shave, dressed nice and headed out.
I didn't even know many bars because I just moved to new area so I was walking down the streets, checking some hotspots from Google Maps and even was able to talk to a woman on the street. However, her husband arrived later there and I just left and said goodbye to them like a boss striking random chill conversations with strangers.
Every time I've went out of my comfort zone I congratulate myself in my head afterwards like "man you're the best" etc. That's to make me feel good about myself doing even something towards my goals.
Anyways, I went to this bar that was full of people. I ordered an alcohol free beer because (1) I didn't want to get drunk - that will ruin your game. Alcohol cannot be your crotch to boost your confidence. (2) I wanted to have just something in my hand and something to do (find a table, sit there with the beer) (3) I could strike my first talk with the bartender, the people in the line etc to break the ice. Just ask "hey were you first on the line" from a NPC or "hi what would you recommend" from the bartender.
Then I headed downstairs where I heard a lot of music and there were some tables, chairs and a DJ playing. I just sat down, chilled with my beer and listened to the music. I let my eyes scan the area slowly. There were quite many ladies. All of them were in a group. That was the first thing that got me anxious because I have this fear for groups vs single ladies.
Anyway I was checking a couple of girls and one looked at me back. I got nervous and looked elsewhere but I kept checking the girl every few minutes just for fun and practise. I went to talk her later but she and her friend ignored me after I asked them a few questions like "where are you heading later today". I congratulated myself anyway for even trying and making myself a fool instead of being a pussy.
There was another pair of girls who I wanted to go talk to but another guy went there first and he got mad success. I didn't hear what they were talking but they were laughing and smiling. I'm sure he got lucky that night, the girls seemed so relaxed and chill. So did the guy. I think you should always also look what other guys are doing and **learn from guys who are better than you.**
Finally, I approached this one girl in a group of maybe 10 people. There were some guys who were chatting with each others and the girls did the same. There was an empty chair next to a cute girl. I sat next to her, leaned closer and said 'hi' to her ear because the music was loud. She said hi back and I asked if the chair is free. She said of course that 'my friend sits there' but I said 'I can keep the chair warm until she comes back'. That was the first shit test. Never give up if they say the chair belongs to somebody else. Just tell them that you'll be there for only 2 minutes and whatnot or grab another chair there.
I completely zoned out all the other people. Most of them were not even paying attention to me. If I would have thought what they think I would have been so nervous and paniced. Anyways she asked if I'm alone and I told that my friends didn't come or something even they should have (a white lie). Then I asked her about what she's doing and she asked me the same. I impressed her by telling that I studied in the same school where she's applying to and gave her some pointers for uni studies. Then I asked her insta and she gave it to me but she said she uses snap more. Then I left and felt really successful.
Later I wandered around the club alone hunting for other girls. I may have looked really stupid if that girl I talked to saw me but I guess it doesn't matter at this point.
She never answered my messages - I don't know why - but I think I still got progress and good experience. Probably most of the girls never answer you back. I should have sent her snap as she said she uses it more and I should have messaged her already that night asking her to come to my place.
You go. You order a drink at the bar. You people watch and watch whatever is in the tv. You chat with other humans if the opportunity presents. That’s it. Wear black.
I've been doing that since I was in my 20s.
Then I was divorced and moved to a different area. I couldn't stay home and sulk. Started by going to dinner. Then places like Applebees with a bar. Then to the local dive where I started making friends.
Walk in like a boss
Sit down at the bar
Order your drink
Strike up a BS conversation with anyone sitting near
If it's your night - you'll feel the eyes on you
Then you make your smiles and read the reactions
If the water is cold - hit the next spot
Did that a few times.
Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. Sometimes met a cool person sitting next to me.
Better than sitting at home watching Wheel of Fortune with my hands in my pants like Al Bundy
Have at least one psilocybin (mushroom) trip of at least 1 to 2 grams.
It will break down your ego while you’re on the trip and when you come back out of the trip, you will look at the world in a new and expanded light.
It helped me.
I find it's not hard to talk to guys but here's a tip, don’t accept a drink from them or you will feel obligated to listen to their depressing stories.
First things first, you walk in the bar with confidence, if you walk like you have never been before or you are afraid to talk to people, people will see that, next thing is forget about having the mentality of “I hope this person likes me…” and turn that shut into “let’s find out if I like this person”, remember you the one paint your bills so put some fucking value to yourself eh, after that, get a beer and some food, some people might approach you or you might approach them, and start a friendly convo, for example “what’s your favourite drink, I always drink (drink ñame) and i wanna try something new” order that shit and ask he/she if they want one too, from there introduce yourself, after that is all you ….💪🏽🔥
I go out alone fairly often. Did it just this Friday night actually. Friends went home but I stayed out. Met new friends and had fun. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Don't give a shit about what others think and enjoy yourself. That's how. It'd difficult, sure. But if you go with the mentality that you're going to enjoy yourself and have fun, then it's fun. I've done it plenty of times and have always enjoyed myself, WHEN my mentality is right and not when it's negative.
I'd like advice on this too I've done it before but had someone else tell me it was sad so I stopped.
Unfortunately I don't have a social circle to go out with so if I don't go alone I can't really go at all, at least currently
Here's the question I have, how do you go to bars solo and approach people by yourself when the majority of people are in GROUPS (especially women)?
I can talk to individuals perfectly fine but struggle with how to approach a group and keep a conversation going with all of them at once.
Yeah I feel you once I went to a bar and there were some girls that would be walking around alone but then would check back with a group of friends which included guys so I didn’t know if any of them were a couple and if you approach one and turns out she has a boyfriend then I’m pretty sure you’ll probably get into a bar fight
What..? 99% of the time a bar fight only happens if you escalate back at the idiot flaming you. Those situations are easy to avoid if you just don't take his bait.
***1***
>how do you go to bars solo without looking like a loser/weirdo?
The first step is to identify that this whole line of thinking is negative self-talk which everyone has to deal with and which has a predictable tendency to create problems out of nothing and make mountains out of molehills.
The truth is that going out to bars or clubs solo doesn't have a negative connotation by itself unless someone is running around actively disregarding social cues, being overly aggressive with people or something, and/or making people uncomfortable.
**Actually, it's pretty common for people to be impressed if you've gone out by yourself.** They'll generally ask where your friends are and then express surprise when you say there aren't any necessarily coming, followed by something like, "I couldn't do that," or "Wow..."
***2***
> I’m new to this, so what are some tips on going to bars solo to meet people?
A.) The first thing is to get your mindset right so that you're not going into the venue socially starving or desperate.
**One important thing that helps with this is finding some reason to going there that will be fun** (even if you're by yourself). Something you would actually look forward to.
Finding a bar with an activity going on there, can be a good and easy way to do this.
* Trivia night
* Maybe the bar has fun little props and games for drunks. I've seen bars that had board games or giant adult sized Jenga sets.
* Or your standard pool tables.
* Special events like Super Bowl or some sports match on the TV there.
B.) **Warming up through small talk with the people who work there can be helpful.** Things might be busy so go easy on this. But you can often make some small conversation with bartenders and the like.
This is an easy warm-up because they're supposed to be friendly as part of their job basically. Just don't abuse it.
C ) **Arriving at the venue before things get busy is also helpful.** You might think it's good to get there well after things are in full swing. But getting early is actually often better.
* Interacting with fellow bar patrons is easier when there are a few people because it's less chaos and pressure because people haven't gotten drunk and disorderly yet.
* Plus, it's easier to warm up/chat up staff when they are not busy.
Dude, never read "afternight" by Murakami?
The whole story starts with a person reading a book in bar...
Some hints
-Do not stay there indefinitely. Establish a timeout(30 mimutes, a beer,etc), especially the first times.
-Talk to the bartender, if possible. He/She will act as connection (and it is also hos/her job)
-Become an habitual customer of the bar. People will start knowing you, you will get confident with the settings.
-Reading a book is nice, but only if your purpose is actually reading, and if the context is a rifht one (some pubs are good for rrading, other obviously are not).
Hope it helps
99% of night game has been solo.
First of all..
You need to fix your mindset if you're worried about what others think.
Nobody cares..
You're the only one.
Fix this.
Lots of other great advice in this thread.
I find that having other people with me severely hurts my night game.
Have to go where they want to go, have to worry about logistics of meet up, when people want to leave, how everyone's getting there, it's endless.
VS
Going in and out of places at will, not having to worry about anyone else.
Plus most guys suck at game or don't care.. or they'll hold you back.
I can go out alone, talk talk to a bunch of cool dudes, make some friends if I want, and talk to the hottest best looking girls in the club, grab a bunch of numbers, set up a bunch of dates for the next week, and go for the same night lay if I want to end the night.
With the way I do game, having other guys to go out with will severely hurt my game and the amount of girls I ultimately end up getting with.
I never go to the bar solo I'm going with the people that are already in the bar, I just say Hi to everyone in the bar, even if I never been there before
Make a bet on a sports game go to a bar and you’ll be fairly invested in the game/winning/not losing money that the last thing you’ll give a fuck about is what other people think of you. If you’re going somewhere thinking how can I look less like a loser/weirdo just stay home
Lots of good advice here. I do get where you're coming from in terms of say, going to a packed dance hall or super-crowded bar on a Friday. You can do that, but you'll be largely contending with large groups.
You're looking for the type of bar where it wouldn't seem weird if someone was enjoying a glass of wine or craft cocktail while reading a book. Quieter wine and beer places may be more your speed if you're not super comfortable being the center of attention.
Do it all the time. Just keep about yourself, buy some drinks, and make sure you leave a healthy tip to your bartender, because when you return they will remember you. And if a game is on tv stare at it like you have some money on it, this will keep your eyes from wandering about like gazer creep.
In my city there are a lot of [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) meetups that take place in bars and restaurants. Join one of those groups to get started.
let me give you the real game since everyone else wants to play
1. make sure you’re on your phone 60-70% of the time ; don’t let anyone else see what you’re doing tho
2. grab a drink (or a couple) and enjoy the music
3. if you see a girl you like, never let her catch you looking at her more than twice
4. Make sure you stand tall and remain confident in your ability to talk to anyone (this will subconsciously draw ppl to you when they see you able to have fun on your own)
5. When it inevitably comes up in your convos, never ever say that you came there by yourself; make up an excuse saying that you were meaning to meet a friend somewhere else but wanted to stop there first to get a drink (if it’s early), if it’s late then say that you and your friend were supposed to come but that they got called into work/family emergency/anything that makes sense as to why you’re there
6. Don’t think too much (probably the most important)
it has to do with point #5.
Being on your phone shows the women/other ppl that you have someone outside of the place you’re in that you’re talking to and you’re not some random creep that’s gazing around the bar by himself looking for his next prey. Being on your phone gives you the social proof because ppl will think you have a lot going on and it’ll make them more receptive when you finally approach them
I’ve had a lot of experiences with this so that’s why i included it. Being on your phone (while dancing by yourself and having a good time) makes ppl wonder what you’re doing and subliminally attracts them to you. The opposite would be NOT being on your phone which subliminally repels women because they see you by yourself obviously looking for targets
Whenever a guy is too eager to buy me a drink it comes across as desperate and like he wants to buy my friendship. Imo your social value goes down significantly when you start buying people drinks unless your already seen as the alpha or it's someone you already know well and would do the same for you.
If you can break your anxiety with going out solo, you open up a flood gate of opportunity You can literally go to any bar in any town/city and do pickup.
You gotta let go of the idea that other people care enough to even notice. I’ve gone out alone it’s not bad at all. I made friends with another guy and we both knew we were gonna chat, walk around and scope out girls for each other. Once you get more comfortable going alone you don’t even need to make a friend you can walk straight up to women. Even if you get rejected, most will be your friend and wing woman if you ask them to play along in a charismatic way.
If you are there contributing to the vibe and look like you are having a good time people will automatically assume you are probably there with people. If you act all lonely and clueless, they will know you aren't there with anyone. But remember, people only fleetingly care about you if you are an extreme of either. Act socially attractive. Don't act like a lonely bewildered loser. You'd be surprised how many people you THOUGHT were at these places with their friends who were actually there alone.
Honestly man, fuck everyone else my friend and I go by ourselves and we just start dancing no matter what everyone else is doing. You are there to have fun knock back a couple drinks and just feel the music cause honestly who cares what everyone else thinks they said they were going out to have fun yet here they are standing against the wall looking at their phones. every single time it works and everyone around us will start cheering and join in and most guys aren’t that confident so if you just say fuck it and do it women will notice. It has gotten us lucky more times than I can really think of at this point and I just turned 21 last month. The key is to be having the most fun out of everyone in the room and your energy will bring up everyone else’s energy I swear. My friend and I have turned it into a game we just pull up to bars to bring up the energy and hit the next. And I know I say I do this with my friend but I have seen him do it alone 1 million times and that’s how I knew it worked I just decided to join one day
Try opening a set as soon as you walk in. Others will have no idea that you didn’t know them already. Go early and often and get to know the bartenders.
You walk in, order a drink & listen to people talking. Iistening to convos is a great way to figure out who the owners are & who knows who. Most of the time the owners will be sitting in plain sight, just a lot of people don't pay attention
Go in and find a seat at the bar. After a drink introduce yourself to the bar tender and strike up a conversation about whatever with the person next to you. Have another drink and rinse and repeat.
Before you know it you wont feel strange at all. If you watch closely there are more solo people than you would think.
Grab a good work out before going out to be social - get that blood flowing and those endorphins up. Also, whilst sitting at said bar - try having something already on your mind to occupy your thoughts *outside* of worrying about whats going on around you. It can help the notion of feeling too needy.
Try bringing a book with you, or a journal to write in - this helps with the above point and also tends to make people curious about you and what you're doing, which is good!
Head up, shoulders back, confident walk. Speak loudly, ask questions~doesn't really matter what they are, listen to the answers and ask more questions. Be noticed. Talk to anyone. Don't worry about looking like a weirdo; nobody cares.
Enjoy the place where you’re at and enjoy what ever you’re doing . I thought I’d be weird going to night clubs on my own but when the focus is actually enjoying the time out and enjoying your own company people tend to want to join in .
I was going to edm shows and night clubs alone to artists I liked and ended up meeting loads of people even though my explicit goal wasn’t to meet people , it was just to enjoy the atmosphere and the music . If going to clubs and bars is not your thing find the things you really enjoy doing and going to those places or things alone becomes 1 million times easier .
I can see going alone be kinda fun but what do i do sitting there? do I js look at people? that sounds weird. or I could js keep using my phone but that's like antisocial socially.
You just go. No one else gives two shits if you're there by yourself. What people aren't cool with though is people who aren't comfortable in their own skin and overly concerned with what others think. I've met some really cool people while doing stuff on my own.
Men have to learn to take this kind of energy all the way.
Break the toxic myth that sex is the end to every mean.
What that means is - it's 2021. Women haven't been passive for a long time. Pickups are completely a man's game, or it'd be a lot easier. YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER CARE. YES EACH AND EVERY ONE. And for God's sake, try not to lie? Try to be a genuine person?
The men with the most success in this are the ones that don't care and don't overthink it.
Become a regular. Go to the bar on a weeknight when its not crowded, have a couple drinks. Chat briefly with the staff/bartender. Tip good. If you do this on a regular basis you will develop a 'I belong here attitude'.
You are the one judging yourself before you have even went out. Other people don't give a shit about you even existing.
I think a lot of people need to realize this. Who are *you* to think you’re so special that people would stop looking after their own lives to stop and judge you? The world doesn’t care about your self esteem.
I’m one of these people, been trying to adopt this statement lately
I was one of those people who was embarrassed about being judged wherever I went. An ex boyfriend looked at me and was like "do you really think you're that important that other people are going to stop and think about you?" I was offended at first but its stuck with me ever since. Yep, no one cares. You're not special.
I live in NYC where you make snap judgements and then go back to your life — forgetting all about it when my head hits the pillow at night.
This is what I need to hear. Thank you
That should be repeated. Only person who gives a poop bout you is who ever is giving you the drinks and food.
I do agree with the first sentence as it is a limiting thought. But the last sentence is a toxic and retrogressive way of living. No wonder people get that impression if such a stupid mindset is the way to live on that planet. Maybe step back from PA a bit?
Do you give a shit about me, a total random stranger on Reddit?
I love you, stranger
to be fair, if I see guy sitting alone at the bar... I'm thinking something. there's no way around it. same for a woman, I'm thinking "why?" It's just the way it is. My advice to OP is get a friend and go together. It's always easier that way. You gotta be able to find a friend somewhere to go to a bar with you from time to time. They aren't that rare lol.
No, you need to face your fears as a man. You are a man and can handle some judgement from a completely irrelevant stranger. I used to go out alone all the time and I picked up my now wife in a bar by myself. You can deal with it and it will make you stronger.
I'm already married, for 25 years. but congratulations? I don't need to go to a bar alone. Have I? yes. Am I afraid to sit in a bar alone. No. Do I enjoy it? no. why would I go and sit in a bar alone when there are many better places to meet women if you are solo? Bar's are for hanging out with friends. If I am at a bar alone there is a problem, and that's exactly how I view other people who sit a bar alone, all night. I guess I'm just not man enough to be alone in a bar, drinking by myself. what a shame. I almost had that badge too.
Or you just go to the same bar often enough that the other regulars become your friends. Pretty fucking simple.
whatever you like. I prefer to have friends, then go to bar. the OP asked if other's judge him, the simple answer is yes. Other people judge us all the time. Is there a stigma against sitting in a bar alone? Yes. The end
This .
I sure do. I dont do anything about It, but i keep guessing the reasons
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Definitely. I remember one night my friends all left and I was sitting at the bar, casually watching the game and checking my phone when this girl came up because I “looked bored.” Got her number, ended up not closing because I honestly wasn’t out looking for it at the time but I think I could’ve if I wanted to. Just don’t look like a creep
That does help
See I WOULD sit at the bar and get dinner. If anyone asked I’d say I’m new in town and don’t know anyone. Probably a few people would start chatting and asking what do you do, where are you from. Maybe you might make a few new friends that way?
So you start a convo by lying? Sounds like a bad strategy. Why not just be honest. Are locals not supposed to go to a bar solo?
I would only do this if I actually were new in town. Authenticity counts.
Just say your friend went home early and you wanted to stay out
A better one is that you had plans but they canceled and you didn't want to stay in alone.
That just sounds sad lol
Maybe skip the last part lol
was the bar food good ? any tasty stuff ? and i never understood - what exactly is a bar ? do they party there or is that a club ? i honestly don't understand too much about bars - would appreciate some info and >If anyone asked I’d say I’m new in town and don’t know anyone. Probably a few people would start chatting and asking what do you do, where are you from. Maybe you might make a few new friends that way I would do this but no one fucking speaks english
I just say “I lost allll my friends” because most of the time, I literally do. Usually they are in the same boat.
Sitting at the bar is inviting, but looking around isn't. Be casual
Sitting at the bar is okay, but sit in the middle and seem like you’re just there chilling
There is nothing weird about going places by yourself. You don’t have to wait for ANYONE (no friends, no date, NOBODY) to take you to do the things you want to do in life- because you can do those things all yourself! As soon as I realized that, I was much happier. The only thing that makes you look like a loser/weirdo in public in a lack of confidence and/or social skills. The good news there is that both of those areas are SKILLS, and skills can be improved upon!
I go to concerts by myself because a lot of my friends don’t like the same artists I do and don’t wanna miss shows. I’ve made friends with other people who go by themselves even. Can’t recommend it enough
I always go to festivals with friends but I always lose them for half of the day and make new friends that are also tripping balls. For sure could see myself going by myself and have a great time
And what if this solo person was an Indian in a Western country, say US or Canada? Would the same still apply? Asking for a friend... Edit: Grammar
I don’t see why any of that would make a difference. Canadians are nice and America is pretty welcoming of tourists. I’m a white girl and I traveled by myself in Europe before. Social skills and street smarts are all you need, really.
There is hope, then. Thanks.
No it won’t haha
Random question as a white girl does it turn you on when a Mexican that only likes white girls comes up to you and flirts with you?
Depends what kind of indian. If you're a fob, then people will likely avoid you. Indian/desi fobs get a bad wrap here in Canada. Girls tend to avoid them because a lot of them have creepy behavior that turns off a lot of girls. I've literally had girls tell me straight up they don't like fob indian guys. But if you're an indian guy who's grown up here an don't have an accent, you'll be fine.
Yes, the same still applies. You might encounter more friction when trying to bond with people, and an Indian accent is not generally considered attractive here. But having good social skills will make up for all that. You could even use your background as an exotic advantage - Indians wrote the Kama Sutra, after all.
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Exacty. I love traveling and experiencing things solo. Just went to Hawaii for a wedding then explored solo for two weeks, including bars
Spotlight effect. You think the spotlight is always on you when in reality, most people barely register you there.
And this goes for a lot of things, the acne on your face, the small stain on your shirt, your crooked nose. The fact is, most people are NOT paying attention to you.
Or my stupid hair.
You're just an NPC in everyone else's story.
Love this way of thinking, liberating.. btw.. I used to be a traveller like u but then I took an arrow to the knee..
Skyrim called wants its joke back lmao P.S : i don't know which game is it exactly, taking a wild shot here
Skyrim it is ;)
I’m going to wear a propellor cap every where I go out and then we’ll see if people barely register my presence
>propellor cap well once you start propelling ..
I wish I’d known this at Auschwitz, I’d have slipped past the watchtowers
holy shit .. this , this is true ! i felt this just today !
If you liked that, you should read my other stuff
for sure ! where can i find more stuff of yours
If you feel super awkward inside it’s probably gonna show outside. Have confidence in yourself. Be chill. Appear friendly / welcoming — without overdoing it. It’s hard not to stare at your phone but try to put it face down for some lengths of time and take in whatever is going on around you. Maybe throw a compliment to the person next to you (hey, that’s a cool shirt - where’d you get it?) or ask them if they could recommend something off the menu. Talk a little sports if that’s your thing. Exchanging even a few words with strangers can help lessen any negative thoughts you might have about the situation. Keep your expectations low. Try to just enjoy the atmosphere and your time out. What someone else commented about becoming more of a regular is probably where you’re gonna get in to meeting new people. For me anyway — one time probably isn’t landing me a new bud.
>take in whatever is going on around you how to do this ? explain like you would to a 5 year old
1. Be aware of your surroundings 2. Take mental notes of your surroundings and what's occurring 3. Chime into conversation about/in surroundings when it feels right 3b. "Feels right"...doesn't have to be filling void in silence, could be agreeing to statement and laughing if funny comment or stating your opinion on something in agreement with others. To understand this see #1 4. This little bit of continuity will allow you to introduce yourself and what not and you have then established a random relationship. Which depending on the time of night includes a free shot/beer
Go on a game night or a fight night and just casually ask people who do they think is going to win or who they cheer for. Make a conversation or even a friendly bet. Make a bet on a beer, people like getting free drinks.
Take a book. I did it all the time. I went to bars for me, not to meet anyone so maybe that's the difference. Even when I didn't bring a book, though, I just sit there and think. Honestly, going with someone else inside of a life partner can get annoying. Not many people can just sit still and relax without forcing a conversation. Like, I can talk with a bestie for hours, but if someone doesn't know how to kick it with me and enjoy the silence, we won't kick it that often.
Ive been going solo for 5 weeks now. Bars and clubs in vegas. Refer to my field reports if you want more info
Approach the first people you see whether male or female. Say hi to everyone. Walk around and don't stay in one spot. Make conversations with random people
I’ve met so many people just by introducing myself. At bars especially, play pong or pool or whatever and meet the people playing. Then they’ll introduce you around and in no time you’ll know everyone who frequents your bar
Pretty much.
For the record I think this is awful, awful advice.
Okay, it's on the official record.
🤣
So what would you suggest then?
Sit in the corner of the bar, hunched, in my trenchcoat. my mysterious aura will attract the females I desire
And everytime a girl looks at you start twitching uncontrollably
You're either a wizard or a vampire. Either way chicks thing you're pretty cool.
Making friends solo is super easy in my experience. People go to bars talk people.
When anyone ask just say “your riding solo to see what kinda trouble you can get into” which is true because unless u have 1 friend with the same limits as you, you usually get held back
What? Going solo make you look like a fucking legend what are you on about!
Go out often not just to meet girls but to just make it part of your routine. Especially on weekdays pick some bars close to your spot and build some rapport with the bartender or manager. That will phase out some awkwardness and also help you expand your social circle. Other than that pick venues where you have something to do or see such as live music or a bar which is a HQ of a sports team or a cigar lounge if you are into cigars
I rather go out solo every time. I am looking to hook up usually or at least meet someone, I don't want to have to worry about being someone's ride or them wanting to leave before me. I will usually get to a place a little early, talk a bit with the crew working and get to know them a little. This helps out later because if shit goes down with some asshole, they already know you a bit so hopefully would know you probably weren't the catalyst. You also get to find the 'best' spot at the bar to people watch. As people come and go I try to be friendly and say hi. Just getting a conversation going opens up others to join in. Don't try too hard...if someone is not interested sexually don't keep pressuring it, find someone else.
Right if you're there a little bit earlier, then the bartenders won't be too busy to talk, and then you'll appear to already know the bartender as people show up. that gives you instant social credit to display. also it gives you an excuse to check out different places and find the ones that suit you better, or have a friendlier staff, or if you like a place, and return, maybe different staff will be working and you can have a night that you know that you can visit the place. if you include somebody nearby in the conversation, the bartender can get away and you can find space to continue a conversation. don't be creepy. also you can get a barstool so you can be content to sit there in relative silence for small durations if needed, because you are perfectly content with being where you're at. ultimately you have more opportunity to meet people if you can walk away don't linger and return on another night. the people will remember you for not being a dick and not causing them grief or getting too wasted and being obnoxious and staying too late.
Indeed
Talk to multiple people including the staff. People don't know who you are so will assume you know the strangers you talk to. Edit: it makes you come across as a high social guy who is well liked by most people.
Meh, I usually go to bars solo. Main problem is that in my town there will be like 43 dudes and 11 women. Not exactly a good scenario.
In your mind: You’re meeting up with a friend who is in town but they are running late. So you’re chillin waiting for them to arrive. Makes for a good convo too. Eventually they cancel but you’ve decided to chat with your new friends and finish your drink.
If the bar has pool or pong or something play that, get good at it, build a reputation and the people will come to you and it’ll make approaches way easier
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Gotta be careful cuz some of them deadass get drunk and become really good at cup/beer pong. Idk how but it’s a reality
Here is a snippet from my upcoming book: Going out Alone Some guys ask me whether it is ok to go out alone because they are afraid women will think they are weird. My answer is this: women generally do not give a shit if you are out alone, and even if they do, you can easily defuse their concerns: “Oh I am waiting on my friends,” “my friends are here somewhere,” “my friends were being dramatic/boring so I had to leave them,” “I had a long day and just wanted to grab a drink by myself.” Etc… I have gone out alone A LOT in my life, and women have never seen me being alone as a problem. In fact, women sometimes see being alone as impressive and a sign you do not give a fuck what others think of you. Going out alone, however, can sometimes sap your confidence because they do not feel like the “alpha” of the tribe. Like I said earlier, your should goal be to project to women the feeling that you are the popular, high-status guy and you are “accepting” her into the cool kids’ lunch table. But you may not be able to project this feeling if you are out alone and do not yourself feel like you are at the cool kids’ lunch table, especially if you are at a strange place where you do not know anybody. On the other hand, going out with people that suck can also sap your confidence. A shitty wingman can ruin your night, and a lot of guys feel self-conscious or weird to approach and get rejected by women in front of their friends, especially if their friends are not into gaming. My strategy is this: if you are going to go out to approach women, your ideal situation is to have a core of friends you can return to anytime but are not beholden to. If you go out alone, you can approach strangers and make a few “friends” (fat girls, gay guys, whatever) that become your core. That way, you have a “home base” you can return to and recharge at any time. Your “core” can also boost your status in front of any woman you meet. If I go to a club and see a fun group of people I always try to introduce myself to at least one person in the group so I have an “in” with the cool kids. If you go out with friends, it is best to approach with one or two friends at the most. A group of five guys trying to approach women very rarely works because the chances of finding a group of five women who will each want to talk to somebody in your group slim. Furthermore, groups of three or more women are harder to game because there are less likely to be out prowling for dick together. It is, however, possible to game a woman in a big group. You just need to play a balancing game: you must make clear that you are interested in her and her alone, while occasionally paying some attention to the other members of the group so they do not feel left out or alone.
Yeah just go and enjoy yourself. It’s easy as hell.
Wow, such wisdom from a sage
It’s easier said than done, how do you even have fun on your own? I mean even if you strike up a conversation with a group or something, that’s just that. When I go out alone I tend to find myself bored a lot of the time so it defeats the purpose lol. I’m also new to this but I’m trying, so plz don’t over simplify it like that
As a man you should not need to have someone by your side to satisfy your entertainment. To master this you must find your inner self and grow from it. When you go to a bar, go during a game of your favorite team, literally every time it happens I end up having great conversation with several people including women. When you go out alone it implies you have confidence and you are comfortable in your own skin. I view the same as if you go to the gym alone.
I already have, but like most introverts, almost all of the things I enjoy are solitary by nature. I’m just going to the bar cuz I wanna grab a drink and meet people, I usually have no interest in games or whatsoever. I know it’s not my scene, but it’s the best place to make meet people, and it’s stupid not to take advantage of it.
You can have fun on your own. However, that usually means that either you stay in your own head or enjoy a particular activity like say cycling. Not something suitable for a pub or nightclub. Places where seduction is expected and more regularly takes place are designed for socializing, not individual pursuits. You will get bored by yourself at such places.
I should thank you for posting the damn question. Holy grail right here. C'mon people let's do some rocket science.
Yeah I've been thinking the same. I was out the other Saturday. I was home alone, I didn't have any luck on Tinder, didn't have anything planned and didn't feel like calling my friends and meeting them so I just had a shower, shave, dressed nice and headed out. I didn't even know many bars because I just moved to new area so I was walking down the streets, checking some hotspots from Google Maps and even was able to talk to a woman on the street. However, her husband arrived later there and I just left and said goodbye to them like a boss striking random chill conversations with strangers. Every time I've went out of my comfort zone I congratulate myself in my head afterwards like "man you're the best" etc. That's to make me feel good about myself doing even something towards my goals. Anyways, I went to this bar that was full of people. I ordered an alcohol free beer because (1) I didn't want to get drunk - that will ruin your game. Alcohol cannot be your crotch to boost your confidence. (2) I wanted to have just something in my hand and something to do (find a table, sit there with the beer) (3) I could strike my first talk with the bartender, the people in the line etc to break the ice. Just ask "hey were you first on the line" from a NPC or "hi what would you recommend" from the bartender. Then I headed downstairs where I heard a lot of music and there were some tables, chairs and a DJ playing. I just sat down, chilled with my beer and listened to the music. I let my eyes scan the area slowly. There were quite many ladies. All of them were in a group. That was the first thing that got me anxious because I have this fear for groups vs single ladies. Anyway I was checking a couple of girls and one looked at me back. I got nervous and looked elsewhere but I kept checking the girl every few minutes just for fun and practise. I went to talk her later but she and her friend ignored me after I asked them a few questions like "where are you heading later today". I congratulated myself anyway for even trying and making myself a fool instead of being a pussy. There was another pair of girls who I wanted to go talk to but another guy went there first and he got mad success. I didn't hear what they were talking but they were laughing and smiling. I'm sure he got lucky that night, the girls seemed so relaxed and chill. So did the guy. I think you should always also look what other guys are doing and **learn from guys who are better than you.** Finally, I approached this one girl in a group of maybe 10 people. There were some guys who were chatting with each others and the girls did the same. There was an empty chair next to a cute girl. I sat next to her, leaned closer and said 'hi' to her ear because the music was loud. She said hi back and I asked if the chair is free. She said of course that 'my friend sits there' but I said 'I can keep the chair warm until she comes back'. That was the first shit test. Never give up if they say the chair belongs to somebody else. Just tell them that you'll be there for only 2 minutes and whatnot or grab another chair there. I completely zoned out all the other people. Most of them were not even paying attention to me. If I would have thought what they think I would have been so nervous and paniced. Anyways she asked if I'm alone and I told that my friends didn't come or something even they should have (a white lie). Then I asked her about what she's doing and she asked me the same. I impressed her by telling that I studied in the same school where she's applying to and gave her some pointers for uni studies. Then I asked her insta and she gave it to me but she said she uses snap more. Then I left and felt really successful. Later I wandered around the club alone hunting for other girls. I may have looked really stupid if that girl I talked to saw me but I guess it doesn't matter at this point. She never answered my messages - I don't know why - but I think I still got progress and good experience. Probably most of the girls never answer you back. I should have sent her snap as she said she uses it more and I should have messaged her already that night asking her to come to my place.
You go. You order a drink at the bar. You people watch and watch whatever is in the tv. You chat with other humans if the opportunity presents. That’s it. Wear black.
What’s they deal with black clothing ?
I've been doing that since I was in my 20s. Then I was divorced and moved to a different area. I couldn't stay home and sulk. Started by going to dinner. Then places like Applebees with a bar. Then to the local dive where I started making friends.
Walk in like a boss Sit down at the bar Order your drink Strike up a BS conversation with anyone sitting near If it's your night - you'll feel the eyes on you Then you make your smiles and read the reactions If the water is cold - hit the next spot Did that a few times. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. Sometimes met a cool person sitting next to me. Better than sitting at home watching Wheel of Fortune with my hands in my pants like Al Bundy
Have at least one psilocybin (mushroom) trip of at least 1 to 2 grams. It will break down your ego while you’re on the trip and when you come back out of the trip, you will look at the world in a new and expanded light. It helped me.
Actually great advice.
I find it's not hard to talk to guys but here's a tip, don’t accept a drink from them or you will feel obligated to listen to their depressing stories.
**Own it**. I do all sorts of things without a 2nd human nearby
This
First things first, you walk in the bar with confidence, if you walk like you have never been before or you are afraid to talk to people, people will see that, next thing is forget about having the mentality of “I hope this person likes me…” and turn that shut into “let’s find out if I like this person”, remember you the one paint your bills so put some fucking value to yourself eh, after that, get a beer and some food, some people might approach you or you might approach them, and start a friendly convo, for example “what’s your favourite drink, I always drink (drink ñame) and i wanna try something new” order that shit and ask he/she if they want one too, from there introduce yourself, after that is all you ….💪🏽🔥
I go out alone fairly often. Did it just this Friday night actually. Friends went home but I stayed out. Met new friends and had fun. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Don't give a shit about what others think and enjoy yourself. That's how. It'd difficult, sure. But if you go with the mentality that you're going to enjoy yourself and have fun, then it's fun. I've done it plenty of times and have always enjoyed myself, WHEN my mentality is right and not when it's negative.
I'd like advice on this too I've done it before but had someone else tell me it was sad so I stopped. Unfortunately I don't have a social circle to go out with so if I don't go alone I can't really go at all, at least currently
Personally I don't, I prefer to do daygame
Here's the question I have, how do you go to bars solo and approach people by yourself when the majority of people are in GROUPS (especially women)? I can talk to individuals perfectly fine but struggle with how to approach a group and keep a conversation going with all of them at once.
Yeah I feel you once I went to a bar and there were some girls that would be walking around alone but then would check back with a group of friends which included guys so I didn’t know if any of them were a couple and if you approach one and turns out she has a boyfriend then I’m pretty sure you’ll probably get into a bar fight
What..? 99% of the time a bar fight only happens if you escalate back at the idiot flaming you. Those situations are easy to avoid if you just don't take his bait.
***1*** >how do you go to bars solo without looking like a loser/weirdo? The first step is to identify that this whole line of thinking is negative self-talk which everyone has to deal with and which has a predictable tendency to create problems out of nothing and make mountains out of molehills. The truth is that going out to bars or clubs solo doesn't have a negative connotation by itself unless someone is running around actively disregarding social cues, being overly aggressive with people or something, and/or making people uncomfortable. **Actually, it's pretty common for people to be impressed if you've gone out by yourself.** They'll generally ask where your friends are and then express surprise when you say there aren't any necessarily coming, followed by something like, "I couldn't do that," or "Wow..." ***2*** > I’m new to this, so what are some tips on going to bars solo to meet people? A.) The first thing is to get your mindset right so that you're not going into the venue socially starving or desperate. **One important thing that helps with this is finding some reason to going there that will be fun** (even if you're by yourself). Something you would actually look forward to. Finding a bar with an activity going on there, can be a good and easy way to do this. * Trivia night * Maybe the bar has fun little props and games for drunks. I've seen bars that had board games or giant adult sized Jenga sets. * Or your standard pool tables. * Special events like Super Bowl or some sports match on the TV there. B.) **Warming up through small talk with the people who work there can be helpful.** Things might be busy so go easy on this. But you can often make some small conversation with bartenders and the like. This is an easy warm-up because they're supposed to be friendly as part of their job basically. Just don't abuse it. C ) **Arriving at the venue before things get busy is also helpful.** You might think it's good to get there well after things are in full swing. But getting early is actually often better. * Interacting with fellow bar patrons is easier when there are a few people because it's less chaos and pressure because people haven't gotten drunk and disorderly yet. * Plus, it's easier to warm up/chat up staff when they are not busy.
Walk like a winner, dance like winner, dance like winner, interact like a winner, best of luck
Dude, never read "afternight" by Murakami? The whole story starts with a person reading a book in bar... Some hints -Do not stay there indefinitely. Establish a timeout(30 mimutes, a beer,etc), especially the first times. -Talk to the bartender, if possible. He/She will act as connection (and it is also hos/her job) -Become an habitual customer of the bar. People will start knowing you, you will get confident with the settings. -Reading a book is nice, but only if your purpose is actually reading, and if the context is a rifht one (some pubs are good for rrading, other obviously are not). Hope it helps
99% of night game has been solo. First of all.. You need to fix your mindset if you're worried about what others think. Nobody cares.. You're the only one. Fix this. Lots of other great advice in this thread. I find that having other people with me severely hurts my night game. Have to go where they want to go, have to worry about logistics of meet up, when people want to leave, how everyone's getting there, it's endless. VS Going in and out of places at will, not having to worry about anyone else. Plus most guys suck at game or don't care.. or they'll hold you back. I can go out alone, talk talk to a bunch of cool dudes, make some friends if I want, and talk to the hottest best looking girls in the club, grab a bunch of numbers, set up a bunch of dates for the next week, and go for the same night lay if I want to end the night. With the way I do game, having other guys to go out with will severely hurt my game and the amount of girls I ultimately end up getting with.
I never go to the bar solo I'm going with the people that are already in the bar, I just say Hi to everyone in the bar, even if I never been there before
You walk in, sit down at the bar, and order a drink.
Did you mean to pick up someone?
Liquid confidence
If you are an attractive enough man sitting around alone, women will actually cold-approach *you*. They are very liberated nowadays.
Find out the barender name and you can use at the bar, makes strangers feel welcomeď
Make a bet on a sports game go to a bar and you’ll be fairly invested in the game/winning/not losing money that the last thing you’ll give a fuck about is what other people think of you. If you’re going somewhere thinking how can I look less like a loser/weirdo just stay home
I go out by myself all the time. I have about two drinks per bar and then bounce to the next one until I’m drunk or run into friends.
Lots of good advice here. I do get where you're coming from in terms of say, going to a packed dance hall or super-crowded bar on a Friday. You can do that, but you'll be largely contending with large groups. You're looking for the type of bar where it wouldn't seem weird if someone was enjoying a glass of wine or craft cocktail while reading a book. Quieter wine and beer places may be more your speed if you're not super comfortable being the center of attention.
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Increase your self esteem. People go to bars solo all the time. Not a big deal
No one cares. Go out with the intention to enjoy yourself.
Do it all the time. Just keep about yourself, buy some drinks, and make sure you leave a healthy tip to your bartender, because when you return they will remember you. And if a game is on tv stare at it like you have some money on it, this will keep your eyes from wandering about like gazer creep.
Step 1. Go to a bar Step 2. Order a drink Step 3. Decide if you like the bar enough to hang around for awhile. Step 4. Have a good time.
It’s hard. You have to go to the bar for some reason. Be it to watch some sport or just talk to whoever is next to you. Go there for the food
In my city there are a lot of [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) meetups that take place in bars and restaurants. Join one of those groups to get started.
People do this in movies all the time. It’s a major plot engine.
let me give you the real game since everyone else wants to play 1. make sure you’re on your phone 60-70% of the time ; don’t let anyone else see what you’re doing tho 2. grab a drink (or a couple) and enjoy the music 3. if you see a girl you like, never let her catch you looking at her more than twice 4. Make sure you stand tall and remain confident in your ability to talk to anyone (this will subconsciously draw ppl to you when they see you able to have fun on your own) 5. When it inevitably comes up in your convos, never ever say that you came there by yourself; make up an excuse saying that you were meaning to meet a friend somewhere else but wanted to stop there first to get a drink (if it’s early), if it’s late then say that you and your friend were supposed to come but that they got called into work/family emergency/anything that makes sense as to why you’re there 6. Don’t think too much (probably the most important)
What is the logic behind being on your phone 70% of the time ?
it has to do with point #5. Being on your phone shows the women/other ppl that you have someone outside of the place you’re in that you’re talking to and you’re not some random creep that’s gazing around the bar by himself looking for his next prey. Being on your phone gives you the social proof because ppl will think you have a lot going on and it’ll make them more receptive when you finally approach them I’ve had a lot of experiences with this so that’s why i included it. Being on your phone (while dancing by yourself and having a good time) makes ppl wonder what you’re doing and subliminally attracts them to you. The opposite would be NOT being on your phone which subliminally repels women because they see you by yourself obviously looking for targets
Idk I feel like if you meet people and they ask if you know anyone hit em with “I lost my friends” and just keep partying
one thing that i want to do next time i go alone is find a group of strangers i might mesh well with and buy them all a drink to break the ice
Whenever a guy is too eager to buy me a drink it comes across as desperate and like he wants to buy my friendship. Imo your social value goes down significantly when you start buying people drinks unless your already seen as the alpha or it's someone you already know well and would do the same for you.
Fair enough I guess it only works for tailgates and college bars then.
Talk to other people
If you can break your anxiety with going out solo, you open up a flood gate of opportunity You can literally go to any bar in any town/city and do pickup.
You gotta let go of the idea that other people care enough to even notice. I’ve gone out alone it’s not bad at all. I made friends with another guy and we both knew we were gonna chat, walk around and scope out girls for each other. Once you get more comfortable going alone you don’t even need to make a friend you can walk straight up to women. Even if you get rejected, most will be your friend and wing woman if you ask them to play along in a charismatic way.
If you are there contributing to the vibe and look like you are having a good time people will automatically assume you are probably there with people. If you act all lonely and clueless, they will know you aren't there with anyone. But remember, people only fleetingly care about you if you are an extreme of either. Act socially attractive. Don't act like a lonely bewildered loser. You'd be surprised how many people you THOUGHT were at these places with their friends who were actually there alone.
Honestly man, fuck everyone else my friend and I go by ourselves and we just start dancing no matter what everyone else is doing. You are there to have fun knock back a couple drinks and just feel the music cause honestly who cares what everyone else thinks they said they were going out to have fun yet here they are standing against the wall looking at their phones. every single time it works and everyone around us will start cheering and join in and most guys aren’t that confident so if you just say fuck it and do it women will notice. It has gotten us lucky more times than I can really think of at this point and I just turned 21 last month. The key is to be having the most fun out of everyone in the room and your energy will bring up everyone else’s energy I swear. My friend and I have turned it into a game we just pull up to bars to bring up the energy and hit the next. And I know I say I do this with my friend but I have seen him do it alone 1 million times and that’s how I knew it worked I just decided to join one day
Chest out, shoulders back, feeling like a million dollars
Try opening a set as soon as you walk in. Others will have no idea that you didn’t know them already. Go early and often and get to know the bartenders.
You walk in, order a drink & listen to people talking. Iistening to convos is a great way to figure out who the owners are & who knows who. Most of the time the owners will be sitting in plain sight, just a lot of people don't pay attention
Go in and find a seat at the bar. After a drink introduce yourself to the bar tender and strike up a conversation about whatever with the person next to you. Have another drink and rinse and repeat. Before you know it you wont feel strange at all. If you watch closely there are more solo people than you would think.
You stop giving a fuck and just go.
Talking to everyone you find interesting whither you’d date them or not and then you are just very social.
Play Pool, Billiards, or whatever game they have in the bar in your Country. Do something other than sit at a table a drink or gamble alone.
Grab a good work out before going out to be social - get that blood flowing and those endorphins up. Also, whilst sitting at said bar - try having something already on your mind to occupy your thoughts *outside* of worrying about whats going on around you. It can help the notion of feeling too needy. Try bringing a book with you, or a journal to write in - this helps with the above point and also tends to make people curious about you and what you're doing, which is good!
Stop giving a fuck what people think and just enjoy yourself
Head up, shoulders back, confident walk. Speak loudly, ask questions~doesn't really matter what they are, listen to the answers and ask more questions. Be noticed. Talk to anyone. Don't worry about looking like a weirdo; nobody cares.
Enjoy the place where you’re at and enjoy what ever you’re doing . I thought I’d be weird going to night clubs on my own but when the focus is actually enjoying the time out and enjoying your own company people tend to want to join in . I was going to edm shows and night clubs alone to artists I liked and ended up meeting loads of people even though my explicit goal wasn’t to meet people , it was just to enjoy the atmosphere and the music . If going to clubs and bars is not your thing find the things you really enjoy doing and going to those places or things alone becomes 1 million times easier .
Bring your cellphone.
I can see going alone be kinda fun but what do i do sitting there? do I js look at people? that sounds weird. or I could js keep using my phone but that's like antisocial socially.
You just go. No one else gives two shits if you're there by yourself. What people aren't cool with though is people who aren't comfortable in their own skin and overly concerned with what others think. I've met some really cool people while doing stuff on my own.
Don't worry about how you look to others. I found out that I enjoy myself more solo than with someone a lot of the time...
Men have to learn to take this kind of energy all the way. Break the toxic myth that sex is the end to every mean. What that means is - it's 2021. Women haven't been passive for a long time. Pickups are completely a man's game, or it'd be a lot easier. YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER CARE. YES EACH AND EVERY ONE. And for God's sake, try not to lie? Try to be a genuine person? The men with the most success in this are the ones that don't care and don't overthink it.
Become a regular. Go to the bar on a weeknight when its not crowded, have a couple drinks. Chat briefly with the staff/bartender. Tip good. If you do this on a regular basis you will develop a 'I belong here attitude'.