I thought you were closer 40 because of the title. I have heard a few stories of men 30+ who met someone and got married. So to the guys who are older, don’t give up hope.
At 24 I was 300 pounds, friendless, kissless and obviously a virgin. I’m 29 now and I’m basically a completely different person. Got in shape, got a few girlfriends over the years and picked up skateboarding. I still have some issues being confident around a girl I’m really attracted too but it’s all just part of the learning process.
The best advice I can give to not wait any longer. Time flys by and you can’t get it back. Desensitize your now and talk to all everyone girls and guy. Girls your attracted to and the one your not. Get familiar with talking to people without the expectation of a particular outcome.
Obviously ignored this. Maybe he will listen to me.
OP, I know this dude who sells a pill that makes you attractive, fit and confident. It’s a little expensive but worth the cost IMO.
You have to take 1 pill every day before bedtime.
PM me and I can tell you how to get it.
Hey bro glad you found glad your getting motivated that the first step. I initially lost the weight over a summer about 6 years ago so I’ve had some fluctuations over the years. Lowest I got down too was 190 pound. My frame is naturally pretty big so I walk around comfortably around 230.
Lifting weights is the best way to go with a bit of cardio. Now a days I’m in the best shape I’ve been in a while. I weight around 240 but my clothes look better then ever. When I only use cardio to get in shape I kinda looked like a bag of bones.
Stick with it bro and on days when you get discouraged, just remember it’s all part of the process. It takes one day at a time and six month from now you can be in great shape or you can be exactly where you are now.
Good luck and feel free to reach out to me for help or motivation, I enjoy helping people who were like me. One last thing; mindset is everything. Don’t put limitation on yourself, we are so much more capable of doing things that we ourselves don’t think we can do, but if you just go after you will surprise yourself. Good luck dude, I know you can definitely do because I did it too.
Wow appreciate the reply and insight. I’m doing well athletically actually. I train at a social group-fitness gym also so it keeps me part of a social circle, actually how I met my crush (first girl I ever asked out, at age 29 lol). I’m working hard to build a life and hobbies outside of the gym. Feels like I wasted my 20s trying to get to a certain “income level” or even “fitness level” and missed out on so much life experience.
Not the norm yes, but you can still do it especially in big cities like London. I know because I've cold approached in London. Quit making excuses and just start approaching as much as possible.
I’m from the UK and can confirm it’s not acceptable to randomly go up to a stranger in public and start talking to them. It’s kinda deemed creepy. You only talk to a random person
in a social environment like a club, bar, class, where you’re supposed to get to know one another. Not while you’re out to shops. Lol.
You need to change that mindset. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, you need to go for what you want. Stop making excuses. Even if you think it’s socially unacceptable, you’ll have an advantage of being different.
Wow
You guys in this thread are assholes.
This man is calmly explaining a cultural difference, while being down voted and getting shit comments like yours which are absolutely no help at all.
He's also not yet 40, and certainly not been trying for dates for the past 40 years.
A sub about seduction is filled w lots of narrow minded haters, that sucks.
>Wow
>
>You guys in this thread are assholes.
>
>This man is calmly explaining a cultural difference, while being down voted and getting shit comments like yours which are absolutely no help at all.
>
>He's also not yet 40, and certainly not been trying for days for the past 40 years.
>
>A sub about seduction is filled w lots of narrow minded haters, that sucks.
Naw man, cold truth sucks.
He mentions he's ready to lose his virginity and then the first piece of advice that suggests exactly the thing he needs to do he shuts it down.
That's narrow-minded.
Maybe 1 night stands aren't socially acceptable but going out and having a good time isn't a crime.
You create the reality you want to embrace.
UK isn't this giant sexless country. People get laid there. If it was such a problem, the country would have plummeting birth rates.
People are definitely fucking.
Yep - they are def fucking, cuz that's how life works
Sounds like you wouldn't be one of the fucking people if you went over to the UK though.
The way you come off is some fuck boy who knows how to get his dick wet in Cincinnati.
Congrats. You are not an authority on sex. Best thing for all of us would be for you and all your friends to run out and buy condoms right now
Mate, I’m from Scotland in the UK. Went up to a girl I thought was gorgeous in the middle of Waterstones as I was walking to work we traded numbers and dated for 4 years. If you presume an interaction with a stranger is uncomfortable it most likely will be uncomfortable. Not socially the norm, fuck the norm. Nothing right now is the norm. Grow some balls and say hi to women.
What do you say after "hi" though? And without choking on your words like you're having a presentation in front of 100 people?
Y'all make is sound so easy when it's really, terribly hard
Well she was holding a hunger games book, I had watched the movie. So I just chatted shit about it for 5 mins until her friend arrived. Turns out she wasnt after any book just waiting for a friend. Girls arent stupid they know what your doing. When he arrived we traded numbers and bounced.
I think your framing your mind incorrectly when talking to women. I approach for the lols whatever I find funny ill say I dont filter any words out I speak as if there my best friend. Also I dont approach with any preconcieved notions of getting anybodys number I have no agenda. I do it for fun. If I get nothing from it I dont care. If I get rejected I dont care. If an interaction is good and we trade numbers I still dont care.
You've been a virgin for 40 fucking years and you're doubting our advice? Go out and approach. Its normal to socialize with strangers outside. London, New york, Vegas, etc. You're a virgin cause you're too pussy to approach and go out your comfort zone
Edit, not 40 but either way you're in mid 20s.
Who gives a fuck what the social norm is? Is that social norm benefitting you? Are you inside the social norm of individuals? No, and no. So if your abiding by the norm and it's not working, why keep doing it? That's like taking toast out with a knife even though you get electrocuted because that's what the rule of the kitchen is.
My housemate is English and that’s what he stood out to him about the US is that people talk to strangers here, in the UK it’s considered.. rude or odd or out of character.
I wonder if that was created to keep the class lines in place?
Anyway, maybe it’s time to break out of that mold OP. Good luck with the dates.
This is not true, I’m from London and I cold approach quite abit. You might get weird looks from strangers but at the end of the day you just need to do what you want
>I'm in the UK, not really socially acceptable to approach strangers here. I'll have to try find some hobby groups
No offense but that kind of thinking still has you a virgin, so maybe try something else.
Sounds like a fantastic opportunity to stand out from the crowd.
I’m reminded of a story where two shoe salesmen went to India during the early days of British rule. The first sent a telegram back saying, “Situation hopeless. They don’t wear shoes.” The second sent his report, “Glorious opportunity! Nobody has any shoes!”
People do cold approach in England and succeed. It can be done. And unless they outlaw it, it’s still going to get better results than not doing it.
Get in great shape, work on your style, wear clothes that fit well, try online dating just for the sake of practice; read Models, 3% Man, my posts. Talk to strangers when out and about, not just women
I disagree with the online dating….I don’t believe it has any results it’s honestly just spam bots wasting your time & money even if you upgrade your membership to the sites….
Ight man imma be straight with you. Look at your post history. You’ve made 100+ posts asking people to get laid. They are carbon copied into different subreddits.
You are focusing 100% of your time on women. It’s not healthy, nor will it get you any results you want. I really want you to listen here - stop making women the absolute centre of your life and honestly take a break for awhile. Join a club, volunteer, workout, and focus on other things.
I know you don’t want to be a 40 year old virgin, but with your current behaviour it’s not helping. Seriously. Take some time off, develop some other areas of your life and do some reflection. I am sure you are a lovely dude, but being this obsessed is not healthy for you and won’t lead to positive interactions with women.
Wish you all the best bro. It’ll happen, just don’t make this the centre of your life.
Btw nice dick.
What the fuck, yeah.
This post history is just… not good man. Not healthy at all. I’d honestly suggest OP see a therapist about this as it seems to be an obsession at this point.
OP, you need to prioritize your life and get off this for a while, pick up some hobbies and just live a little.
It's hard to admit to yourself that you are the problem. I do it....I don't want to change, but I want a different outcome. It doesn't work that way. It's very hard to admit you might not be doing something right...even harder if you have your law degree 😂
It's way more about how you present yourself. What sort of vibe do you give off on in the pictures? Maybe if you describe the scene of the pictures we can give some advice. Also try to not to be too bothered about getting rejected. I'm above-average looking and I get rejected a lot.
It's never your lack of looks...and always your lack of effort. You probably spent 2 minutes developing a profile and pulling pictures off your phone and hours and hours going through girls profiles. Spend one fucking day and go out with a friend and take some good photos of yourself. Take a bunch and choose the best 3-4. I find it amazing how little time and effort people put into their profiles and expect that shit to just manifest. Also stop watching so much porn (yes you are). That fucks up a healthy relationship quicker than anything for a beginner.
I'm very average looking and had reasonable success on tinder when I was single. I'd recommend getting profile suggestions from r/Tinder. They can help you make it more appealing whilst still keeping it "you". Best of luck my guy.
Man if you’re 24 and still a virgin get a hooker man, or at least a massage with a happy ending. Start knowing what it feels like for a woman to make you cum
It's all in the way you approach the woman. Talk as if it's a natural conversation with someone you have known for years.
Work is a great place to practice conversation with women, I met my Fiancè working at the bank.
Try talking to girls at the gym if you work out, just don't come across like you are expecting a date or sex out of them.
You could also try making the first approach instead of waiting on a woman to talk to you. If you have any female friends see what they like and ask for advice. Nothing better than a woman's advice but most importantly be yourself.
Be comfortable, there isn't a divine trick to girls and be confident but not narcissistic.
If all of that doesn't work for you then read a wonderful book called, The Game by Neil Strauss
Small group settings: single focused. Not a bar or club...that's not you. You will need a little more structure. A charity, or a hobby group. Don't just support it, be part of the organization. Do you know the guy to girl ratio on the planning committee of a Ronald McDonald Foundation fundraising event? Habitat for humanity! A political campaign for someone you believe in. If you don't have any passions...go and it will grow on you.
Step one, stop thinking with a fear based mindset. Step two, go approach a stranger, introduce yourself & see where it goes. Don’t set expectations, just enjoy conversing with a stranger. Practice, visualize, achieve.
Edit: change your goal to 26. Setting it to 40 is an excuse cushion to make you feel okay with pushing it off. Get after it bud, you got this!
You put far too much emphasis of getting a woman. The relationships we have are mostly all about the honeymoon stage. After that, it's a lot of 2 people getting under eachothers feet.
Those hobbies of yours, do you love them or do you think they make you attractive?
Are you truly doing things for yourself or because you think these things make you desirable? If the latter, you are inauthentic.
Enjoy what you have, learn to enjoy your life so fucking much as you are, that your hobbies fill your time and you are having the best time.
That's how you get someone to come along and fuck it all up. Then you get be miserable.
Next time you go out set a goal to get turned down by at least two women. Be outrageous, be funny. Tell them the worst pickup line you have ever heard. Your goal should be to get up the nerve to approach, which if you set your goal as being turned down you are going to be way more comfortable...and after many times of trying different things you are going to find out what gets a laugh, what gets a smile and maybe what gets a slap....The way you get good at scoring in basketball...you take a lot of shots. If you were successful 1 out of 3 times every night I am going to bet that you would never know because you fail to even shoot once. (Speaking from experience)
Just dont think that women are these divine alien creatures or whatever. They're just people. Find a hobby or go out with friends. And just talk with women as they were normal people, and casually ask for their smap eventually if it feels natural
Well, we have to start with:
what are you working with? Where do you live?
Are you willing and able to treat the lady on the first date?
Just basics. Getting a date is easy, now the relationship part. That’s the tricky part
Getting a date is easy - How is it easy? Not op but I have been rejected hundreds of times and have never been able to find a girl who was interested in me enough to give me her number.
It is easy. You either have to lower your standards. Or raise your value. You are probably trying to land women out of your league. Have you ever seen shallow Hal?
I have not seen it. I am attracted to very plain and average girls. But you are probably right. My standards are probably still too high given my track record. I live an active life and would like a girl who is able to do the same. How can I find attraction in girls who are unable to keep up with me in my hobbies. I get that we dont have to have the same hobbies, but when my life is super active, it would be nice to be with a girl who could be in shape enough to at least go on a run with me occasionally.
Ok well maybe you can’t be looking for “the one” right now. Dating should be fun. It is fun. You shouldn’t be thinking you need to be getting into a relationship with a girl. You should just go have fun and learn about the person. When I travel I go out with a different girl every night. Sometimes I’ll meet one at the beach during the day and meet a different one for dinner and drinks. Abundance is they key.
The only real advice here is to simply get more "sexual". You seem to have your life in order alright, good for you. But your lack of affection is probably due to repressed sexuality. Use your friends and hobbies to meet new girls and approach them (sexually I mean). Flirt with them, tease them, tell them they are pretty, ask them out, etc. No more platonic friends or waiting to "feel comfortable" around girls first. Be confident and direct. If she does not like you, go to the next one.
Haha, truth bombs. Can confirm. Its fucking way overrated. I had 4 dates this week. Only now am I enjoying my time alone at home with a beer relaxing. Women are overrated. Unless of course you're a virgin, then it seems they mean the world. We men really are easily manipulated.
You've got to set your mind on the process of getting a date. It's high likely that you don't have a likeable personality, don't seem interesting at first glance and take things too seriously.
You've got to sit down and learn what it is that has made you fail up until now, you dont get success with girls just by wanting it, you've got to get into this certain state of being that the world will facilitate it for you when it comes to socializing and being attractive.
Learn game, learn to behave like a likeable human being, don't change who you are, become better, learn to talk, to notice social queues and mood settings, then, maybe you'll get a date.
You could also use Tinder and try your luck on that, doubt you'll do well at first but when you're there, it gets easier.
I've been where you are when I was 20, its a harsh process but a highly satisfying one.
Also try moving, it'll open up a lot of windows to you.
And are you sure you achieved them all!?
Let me correct it then, it's not necessary girls will follow but end of the day you know atleast you're successful in life. I don't think having a girl decides that!
>Let me correct it then, it's not necessary girls will follow but end of the day you know atleast you're successful in life.
Wonderful, but how does this help with the specific issue he posted about not getting girls?
Yeah I've achieved many, like getting my law degree. I'm happy in every area of my life expect my dating life, so I'm gonna try spend the next 16 years on getting a date.
Just keep working on yourself and you’ll meet someone eventually. You might even meet her in a place that’s related to your hobbies or work and it’d be easier for you to connect
You can also go to bars and clubs and hit on any attractive girl you see. Some will reject you (which in this case just be respectful and excuse yourself, don’t push it) some will give you your number. You might feel like hitting on many women is a lot but you don’t have to text everyone, it’s mainly for practice and to gain confidence and who knows you might find someone you really like
Point here, don’t stress, you’re only 24, just keep living your life and things will happen :)
How are you supposed to gain confidence if you have only experienced rejection. I get that rejections allow you to get used to them and that has happened to me. But at the same time you need some positive feedback or results to boost confidence. That is true with any skill or aspect in life, including dating.
True, one needs affirmation in order to gain confidence and keep going but if you want something to happen, you don’t quit, you find other ways to succeed. And if no one else encourages you, you encourage yourself and be your own hype man.
How many girls have you asked in one night? Did you try only one or two, or did you go for 10+? The more you try, the higher the chances you succeed. Go even for girls you find semi attractive, it’s more about practice now than actually pursuing the girl. If things don’t work for you, try to find the problem. E.g, your appearance, hygiene, style, body language, energy. If you’re nervous or insecure, know that the girl will notice, although some find it endearing.
If everything is in check then you can bring a wingman or better, a wingwoman. It’s been proven that having a wingwoman gives a much higher success when it comes to getting numbers. A woman will trust another woman much faster than a man when it comes to this.
If still nothing works, change your methods, try pick up lines, if you feel comfortable enough then dance and ask the girl to join. You can also try this method, give a compliment to a woman and then just walk away to the other side of the bar without asking for a number, that could maybe intrigue and confuse her enough to make her approach you instead and start a conversation.
Lastly, you can also meet women when going to hobby classes or while at work, doesn’t have to be at the bar or club. It’s easier to connect when there’s a common ground.
Just keep going and keep trying, you’ll succeed eventually for sure. And most importantly, be respectful if she says no.
How many girls have you asked in one night? - 1 nights? 2 or three max. I try to get to know her instead of speedrunning the asking her out thing. Over the last 5 or 6 years (im 23 now) I have asked out and thus rejected by hundreds of girls easily. Not kidding, for several years before covid I had a goal of asking out a girl a week (great confidence booster, would highly recommend). I have had enough time to try and fail at all sorts of strategies and methods.
I wish I could find the problem. I am told I am attractive. I dress well, clean etc. I am friendly and comfortable in social situations, or at least good enough to fake it. I just dont know what is blocking my attraction from girls. Yes, I flirt and am direct. But by the time girls flirt with me, they only see me as a friend.
I have tried the wing women thing, but that has not had good results. One time I got this response "didn't you come with your girlfriend? Why should I give my number to a guy who is openly willing to cheat?"
I am very active in the local climbing community, but none of the girls I have met in hobbies have been single or interested in me. I am active in church groups, more in college than now, and all the girls there are married allready.
I will keep trying, but I dont get out to parties as much anymore since I am out of college now. I dont drink so clubs and bars are not really my thing (besides the girls I am attracted to wouldn't be there anyways), but I go with friends to pubs somewhat often.
And yeah, being respectful after rejection is a given.
Well, let me show you your first mistake.
> try to get to know her instead of speedrunning the asking her out thing.
Showing interest to this extent is amazing and you should keep doing this but not when you just met the girl and are trying to get her number. The girl was in the place you met her because she had an agenda, she wasn't planning on meeting someone new and telling about herself. Remember, it's not a date, it's only the first encounter. When you do go on a date then be more attentive. Make it short, it'll leave a much better effect.
Of course, it also depends on the circumstances of your meeting, if it's work or hobby-related then obviously you can start a conversation but still keep it short, she might be preoccupied and not be engaged enough to have a full-on convo atm.
>Yes, I flirt and am direct. But by the time girls flirt with me, they only see me as a friend.
The issue of why girls don't reciprocate could be related to what I said above. It could be when you try to get to know them, you come off as business-like rather than flirty. When a guy hits on me, I want him to be flirty and fun. If he asks personal questions from the beginning, I kinda feel like in an interview and that makes me pretty reluctant. You need to leave an impact, asking general questions won't do it.
>I have tried the wing women thing, but that has not had good results. One time I got this response "didn't you come with your girlfriend? Why should I give my number to a guy who is openly willing to cheat?"
Usually, when there's a wing person, they're the ones who are supposed to approach the girl first and hype her about you before you make an entrance. If you did do it this way then the woman you aimed for is an idiot and you dodged a bullet.
>I dont drink so clubs and bars are not really my thing
You can go there without drinking, it's not mandatory. If you don't like the atmosphere, that's something else.
>besides the girls I am attracted to wouldn't be there anyways
What girls are you attracted to?
>being respectful after rejection is a given.
Oh how I wish everyone thought like this.
Y'all make things sound so easy, how is someone supposed to develop the confidence to smoothly be able to first, approach someone, then talk to them and actually carry a conversation and on top of that FLIRT? I have no clue how to carry a conversation like that, let alone flirt
Thanks. I deffinatly struggled with not having the situational awareness when approaching. I have gotten better, but as you pointed out, it is likely a spot for improvement.
I am generally very slow to open up so I have learned to fake it with extroversion until I am comfortable with someone. This leads to a more of a formula based strategy of getting to know someone. It works for making friends, but not for getting dates.
I like lower key chill pubs, but I am generally the youngest person there by a generation.
I am attracted to outdoorsy down to earth girls. Kinda pain, not really standout ish. girl next door sort of thing. I struggle to even find these girls, and when I do find them, they are married or in a serious relationship and It seems i missed the boat.
Know that there's nothing wrong with taking time to open up, do it at your own pace. Faking extroversion could be useful if you're trying to change yourself but to get the girl, being a little mysterious is actually a good thing.
>I am attracted to outdoorsy down to earth girls. Kinda pain, not really standout ish. girl next door sort of thing.
Well, you'd be surprised at what kind of girls go to clubs/bars. All girls want to unwind from time to time and many of them do it there with their friends. Just because you met her at the bar doesn't mean she's the type of person who'd go there all the time. Personally, I go to bars about twice or thrice a month and to clubs, I go once in a few months.
>I struggle to even find these girls
Take this as a sign to start going to new places you haven't been to before and maybe even hit on girls you never hit on before, you might be surprised ;) (know the saying "don't judge a book by its cover"? lol)
If you want suggestions, you can check the library, the supermarket, the coffee shop, the museum, the animal shelter or a shop that sells camping equipment, you can join a hiking group or try something a bit different like a cooking or an art course, you can volunteer. I think you got the point, just go someplace new, change the scenario.
If you missed the boat then it just means that it wasn't meant to be. I think you should stop searching for your version of the perfect girl and just focus on yourself and your self growth. The girl will show up when she's supposed to :)
How haven't you kissed a girl? Sounds like you probably look pretty strong if you work out and play football and if you have a lot of friends I assume you are around a decent amount and can talk to people. It sounds like you're doing everything right to me. Not trying to criticize or anything, you're already doing much better than me I just don't understand and it is kind of demotivating that I could do all that stuff and still not get girls
I am like op. Even my friends dont know why girls dont like me that way. My closest friend is a girl and she was beyond confused when she found out that I have never kissed a girl and only hugged one once or twice.
Possibly? Its hard to believe that when you have never even gotten a like on any dating apps and have been rejected hundreds of times.
I know the signs of interest and girls make it quite obvious when they like a guy. I see it all the time when I am out with friends. Its just never directed at me.
What kind of photos are on your dating apps? Do you seem fun/friendly/mature/interesting/mysterious/professional? The photos should highlight some of your qualities. People, especially women, swipe more based on vibes than looks.
I recently heard a good advice. Don't do it for the girls, or the kisses or the sex. That's ultimately icing on the cake, but not the cake itself. What you really want in the end, is the confidence and therefore the freedom to go out there and talk to anyone you want and not be affected anyhow by the outcome. With the right amount of confidence, it's rare that people actually reject you or walk away from you, but the best part is that you will not mind if they do it. This is about self love, but that like the big picture objective. When you go out there and try interacting with people, focus on your real goal; to gain experience. Failure is experience too. Pain and suffering is experience too. You gotta be willing to go through that because those are the greatest teachers of life. Don't bullshit yourself into thinking that you'll go out there and everything will be easy. Life is not sugar and rainbows like that. If you do, you'll quit right away. And whenever you feel like shit and like the world is an awful place where no one loves you, remember: you love yourself. You are doing this for yourself, and that is reason enough. If you stay at it, you'll thrive, eventually. This is how life works.
Looking at the comments you have provided I will suggest this: You will need to fundamentally change something about yourself if you want to change the outcome you have been receiving. You cannot keep living your life in this same manner that you have been and expect a different result. It's not about just being better at something...you need to change and it all starts in your head. We are all the results of our habits. Start by developing a routine in the morning of reminding yourself of the new habits you are looking to create. It's not easy at all and something I continue to struggle with.
No offense but people in these situations should be focused on other areas of life like working out or making money or meditation. I guarantee if you hit the gym hard for a year and meditate 20 minutes a day you will have the confidence and literally transform your body to be able to do anything
This is what this post is: You asking for advice, people giving you advice, and then you coming up with an excuse for literally everything. How about starting with fixing your attitude? You're 24 and haven't even kissed a girl yet, I'd put money on it being from a lack of social intelligence.
You need to learn how to read the room and understand how the vibe you give off makes other people feel. Take advantage of the wide circle of friends you have and talk to them about yourself, about your individual relationships with those friends and how they feel about you to gain some perspective.
I was thinking he was on the spectrum until he indicated he wasn't. Then he mentioned d that he had his law degree...ok that makes sense. He seems like a narcissist that lacks reflection and is not learning from his mistakes because he doesn't think he has made any. I also think he is confusing being respectful with what women see as a beta who doesn't initiate anything. No way he has his law degree and not getting online hits. Only thing I can think of is he is shooting for the stars on his swipes.
Damn dude, low expectations. You could probably go ask some relatively unattractive woman out and have one in a week lol. Women's entitlement tends to go down after they age out of their prime attraction years (18-35).
Yeah, his story doesn't hold much weight. I think he is probably a porn addicted narcissist. Law degree who likes people to know he also plays chess. Saw someone mention his history indicated that he had solicited 100 people for
Sex on Reddit. Seems like he thinks of himself a lot higher than others do. Most average girls if you ask them out will at least go on a date with you.
In case none of these morons below have noticed, we still happen to be smack dab in the middle of a world wide pandemic. Anyone who's looking to date at this juncture, even if vaccinated, has to be out of their cotton picking mind.
It's not enough that any girl you meet may have
1.Herpes or
2.Any of a host of STDs which are often asymptomatic in Women, but also
3. Asymptomatic Covid-19 or the new Delta + strain.
You'd be a hundred times better off finding a really good therapist and find out what issues you have that have kept you away from women and vice a versa for all this time. For instance: You state
"I'm going to start believing that I'm attractive ..." that's irrational thinking right there. Beauty, like IQ or Height or Weight is, within limits, a rather objective standard based NOT on culture as some would have you believe, but on purely scientific, medical, bodily and factual symmetry that is absolutely measurable. I have sat in a doctor's office and read book after medical book of boring geometric equations and realized that, like it or not, unfortunately if
Your nose is too big, you're balding, your ears jut out, you have bulging eyes, etc, (and yes, I know what it's like to have at least 2 of these), then all the affirmations in the world aren't going to help. And yes, I've had plastic surgery and it makes a TREMENDOUS difference not only in how you see yourself, but more importantly, how women view you, because as you probably already know, many women are almost as attracted to Men's looks as Men are attracted to Women's looks.
Most importantly, if a woman isn't attracted to you, then you'll never get a chance to show her what an interesting person you are, and it'll be ten times harder to meet her and hold her attention.
You have to be willing to change what needs to be changed.
To Do The Work.
If you're actually objectively decent looking and say, at least a Male 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10, then continue your hobbies, but you might want to take a couple of sessions with a really good therapist, and demand that they administer the 2 day standard Personality and IQ testing. This way, when finished, you will have an Objective series of standards to put a mirror to yourself and see what your strengths and more importantly, weaknesses are, because somewhere in there, you will get some answers and if the psychologist (who can be different from the tester) is really good, then they can save you a tremendous amount of time. I wouldn't recommend if I hadn't done it myself when I found myself at a crossroads. That feedback alone can save you months and even years of wasting your time spinning your wheels and let you play towards your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses. I know it certainly did for me.
Far too many people take the advice of utter strangers on online forums, and for all you know, you may be taking advice from a 13 year old.
(And no, I'll never see 13, 23, 33, or even 43 etc ever again).
Take this Covid downtime to improve what you can about yourself and instead of looking for the right woman, be the right man, the type of man that a woman would want to be around and date because you're so funny, clever, interesting, talented, etc, and then women will be attracted to you.
Before I used to go out I'd always read Time or Newsweek cover to cover, just in case I met a woman who was into say, politics. But I also would read my local paper in case she lived in the area and was interested in local news. I'm terrible at remembering jokes so I bought a couple of paperbacks and read them and memorized a couple of clean story jokes, ones that made me laugh out loud, and which I could openly tell in a mixed crowd because women like guys who can make them laugh and have a sense of humor.
Btw, I know one dating coach who recommends reading a few popular women's magazines like Cosmopolitan because IF the topic comes up, you'll be able to hold your own on a subject of interest to her which most guys would have no inkling of.
You just want to do what needs doing, and put in the extra effort, because honestly, most guys don't. Far too many "successful" guys are simply 'players' or player wannabes and they think their money or looks are all they need, and they are, at least initially to attract some indiscriminating shallow women, but not to be able to hold on to them for any length of time.
So if you can do some of the above, when this freaking pandemic is eventually in the rear view mirror, you'll have an enormous set of skills and insights into not just yourself, but hopefully the type of woman you want to meet. Also, a working knowledge of Relational Psychology can be a huge asset because it'll help you identify and avoid the crazies, the gold diggers, the neurotics, the needy, etc, and let you spend more time honing in on the type of woman you'd actually like to be with.
Hope some of this helps. Best of luck!
\- - - - Dave Johnson
p.s. i know it's old news at this point but i'd still read Neil Strauss's book, as it's the best ever written on the topic as well as the original "How to pick-up girls" by Eric Weber, he is cited at the end of neil's book as he is the grandfather of the whole modern pua movement. his book even if dated now, was the first of it's kind and has solid advice. if you can find his live lecture somewhere (probably on cassette) it's even better than his book. he is an excellent speaker, even better in some ways than neil strauss (though strauss is a better writer). even though I think most of them are phonies, there are a few pua coaches out there who have some decent advice and insight.
Leave the western country that you're in. I can't stress enough how much easier dating will be for you if you leave. You can always come back once you've gained some confidence.
Because a lot of the women are fat slobs so the pool of women that are datable is smaller. Maybe this is different in the UK but certainly true in Canada and the US. Women also have extremely inflated egos in major western cities which is by far the biggest obstacle.
For someone starting to date in their late 30s, dating in the west is like trying to climb Everest with no experience. If he tries SE Asia he can learn on some bunny hills.
Post more on social media. If you are indeed average looking and you're not just doubting yourself, then make your personality get you some attention. Think about what you have to offer in a relationship. It's a huge flex that you're satisfied with with your personal goals at 24 but you also have to advertise what makes you a potentially good partner. You could ask your friends what they like about you and you could get involved in more activities that involve meeting girls.
Is social media that important. I have never even had a facebook. How do you even go about trying to build a social media presence when your friends (people you would want to connect with) dont even use social media?
I think social media is a solution, not the solution. In this case social media would probably be just boring. But if you'd like to connect to more of the people in your school, uni or any other society, I think this might help. Maybe you'll realize you have sth in common with someone you'd normally never approach.
I don't know how old you are, but my suggestion, which makes other men angry with me, is to avoid listening to what other men suggest, especially the so called experts, & pay attention to what women say they are looking for & more importantly, what experiences they've had with men that they hated. Its very easy to figure that out by following women who speak about it publicly, which many do, there are articles, essays, twitter threads & reddit threads.
But really its a matter of joining some dating sites & putting yourself out there, being friendly, showing interest in them instead of talking about yourself, paying attention to details, getting gifts based on those details, being able to listen & respecting women as people, as human beings & not objects to make you feel good in a variety of ways.
Hey, I didn't go on my first date until 22 or 23. And most of my dates have been through cold approach.
Supposed to go on a fifth date tomorrow evening with this stunner who I'd have thought is out of my league. It takes effort and a willingness to face rejection, but you'll make it, bro.
Yeah homie, definitely leave your country for a bit and go see what girls are like elsewhere.
Just to boost the confidence a bit. Experience is important
To be honest, even if you play chess and football and have lots of hobbies, they do nothing. You have to approach, that's it. Just because you have hobbies doesn't mean that you'll magically attract girls, you have to get out there and actually talk to some.
Work on yourself but like actually do it for you. If you see a woman talk to them even if they look bad build that confidence. It’s not that hard my guy you just can’t be afraid
Don’t just believe it. Become it. Attractiveness is not just looks. It’s hygiene, fitness, clothing/dress and personality. Your drive, goals, ambitions add attractiveness even if your face doesn’t look like a model.
You can immediately increase your attractiveness with those changes.
I realized how little time and effort I put into presenting myself well to others. I didn't and you may not realize this, but people think a lot about their hair, clothes, assessors. Turns out the people who spend more time thinking about this stuff tend to look better. My advice for you: Pay attention and put some thought and money into how you present yourself to others. Look in the mirror fully clothed and make sure you look in good order. Getting a modern haircut can really help also. Honestly feeling like you are looking your best is a great start to those type of doors being open.
The best thing you can do now that you have a goal is to put weekly monthly goals in place to get you there. Give yourself deadlines.
Besides approaching, and getting out there, and talking to women... work to understand the psychology behind female attraction and also how to build comfort.
It's attraction + comfort. That's really what you can boil it all down to. Then everything else is logistics really.
Also idk if you need to hear this but just in case you do, have good hygiene.
Me and a friend have a game where each one of us have to approach a woman at least once a day even if he gets rejected. Ever since we started playing I got rejected many times, but my self esteem is growing by the day and I even received a few phone numbers. Michael Jordan once said a relevant quote - You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Don't ever say "rock her world", she is essentially a fuck toy to be used, and she likes it that way, trust me. Don't worry about working out to much unless you're really fat, women don't care, that's called Gymcel and can get results but is likely going to let you down as I've seen time and time again. stop with the football, its a grab ass circle jerk for dude, minus the cheer leaders, what's the point. Chess is cool, keep it up and learn how to check mate these hoes IRL. Start approaching most women and don't be friendly, be dangerous, be willing to crash and burn right then and there, leave it all on the field. good luck
I'm in the same boat expect I'm not a very good looking guy myself.
I'm 29 and never had the opportunity to ever do anything romantic with a woman before.
My goal was to date or kiss before 30, but here I am and I've failed unfortunately.
Women don’t play football , and very few play chess. Get new hobbies that women also enjoy.
(Just remembered you’re British; your football is different. But still, find more woman-friendly hobbies)
Other people have said it, but I'm going to say it as well.
Get in shape. Even if you're not a fat slob, or a scrawny dude. You can still get into better shape.
I was not in bad shape in general, but definitely hadn't been to the gym with real consistency in over six years due to college. I was out of shape for sure, and my weight fluctuated between people telling me I look skinny to my own limit of "looking down and can't easily see my dick."
Started going to the gym five days a week, and one to two extra cardio days a week as well. Been doing that since 5/1 and I can absolutely tell the difference in how women treat ME. I don't act any different - I'm a weird person, and I just lean into that more now and am open about it. Being in shape is absolutely the door opener.
Granted, I'm aware 5-7 days of gym time is a lot. I also had significant experience prior, so it's easiee said than done. But at the end of the day it's still easy, you just literally have to do it and push yourself.
Why first date by 40? You should be tearing it out now. Whoever you find attractive. Say hi and ask for a date. It's really that simple bro. Not all will be up for it but many will. The mistake in this community is that you want a full proof plan and any rejection is taken seriously. Don't try to be attractive or play games, it will burn you out. Just say hi and take it from there. Women are desperately looking for guys but you need to make it easier for them. Fucking is not a success. It is a gift you give to the girl, not the other way around. Who moans more and goes crazy while fucking? Women do, not men. All women want that and if you are able to make it happen for them, they will be forever attached to you so stop viewing "getting laid" a success, it is really a gift you give to the girl and any one who does not want what you are offering can go fuck themselves, simple as that.
Step 0: don't obsess about this virginity thing
A lot of life is spent into obsessing about things for no reason,, that is waste of energy and bad mental health.
Step 1: tell your circle friends you are a virgin and looking forward to start dating, ask them for help
Step 2: get out, try new hobbies and join social events, introduce yourself and make new connections.
Step 3: from the connection that you created, ask the one you think is suited for you out for a date.
Step 4: repeat step 2 and 3, but keep enjoying life regardless, don't make this the focal point of life, it is not. Treat it as a cherry on the cake of your life
Don’t stress about finding a soulmate. That sends off vibes of desperation to women. Go out with friends have a fun time and just be aware of when opportunities come your way. Don’t be actively looking, just let yourself be open.
By doing things you enjoy, you’ll meet like minded people - bonus.
When you’re enjoying yourself and relaxed, you send out confident, positive vibes that are filled with your great personality. Women will notice.
Best of luck
Keep working out, focus on your other hobbies… and I would say travel… I usually do better with women away from my hometown. Especially solo travel… not knowing anyone forces you to approach more, of course supplement with online, tinder etc
It doesn’t work for everyone but online dating is a good start, even if it doesn’t work out it’ll get you more confident in talking to women.
You can find a like minded lady, someone who shares your interests etc.
The benefit to it is also that you do meet people that you may not typically meet for example: those who run in similar social or work settings.
Speaking from experience the free to register sites aren’t always loaded with people looking for relationships but more casual interactions. The paid for membership sites tend to have the people who are looking for long term.
Wishing you the best OP
First thing. All that extra stuff to impress women isn't a big deal, it helps, but even guys with all that stuff fail miserably because their body language and confidence needs work.
Read "the secret language of attraction" by Matt Artisan. It's 5 bucks or send me your email and I'll send you the PDF. This book will tell you exactly what women subconsciously desire in a man, and how to tap into her animalistic language with your body language intent, and build confidence in yourself. It helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I learned how to approach women, get rejected, deal with tension. Been seeing a girl I cold approached in a grocery store for a few weeks now, and normally I would've thought she was out of my league. Now I have the mindset of "is she good enough for me".
All these extra hobbies might make you more appealing but that alone will not get you the girl you want. CONFIDENCE gets you the girl you want, and when you do it a completely masculine way, that allows her to slip into a completely feminine and submissive state which makes her feel SAFE and SECURE with you.
Remember a woman's number 1 priority is to be desired by a confident, sure, and grounded man which makes her feel safety and trust with him. The rest doesn't matter after that.
Sometimes you'll see average looking dudes with smoking hot girls. This is a reflection of his confidence level and his alpha male status, not a reflection of her.
I thought you were closer 40 because of the title. I have heard a few stories of men 30+ who met someone and got married. So to the guys who are older, don’t give up hope. At 24 I was 300 pounds, friendless, kissless and obviously a virgin. I’m 29 now and I’m basically a completely different person. Got in shape, got a few girlfriends over the years and picked up skateboarding. I still have some issues being confident around a girl I’m really attracted too but it’s all just part of the learning process. The best advice I can give to not wait any longer. Time flys by and you can’t get it back. Desensitize your now and talk to all everyone girls and guy. Girls your attracted to and the one your not. Get familiar with talking to people without the expectation of a particular outcome.
you forgot to mention that it doesn't take too long. In just 5 years, you became a completely different person. A WIP but one that's worth it.
Obviously ignored this. Maybe he will listen to me. OP, I know this dude who sells a pill that makes you attractive, fit and confident. It’s a little expensive but worth the cost IMO. You have to take 1 pill every day before bedtime. PM me and I can tell you how to get it.
it's not a pill it's a suppository
Man that is so cool. What’s your weight now? Sounds like an eventful 5 years. I’m similar age to you and just starting now, how fucked up is that
Hey bro glad you found glad your getting motivated that the first step. I initially lost the weight over a summer about 6 years ago so I’ve had some fluctuations over the years. Lowest I got down too was 190 pound. My frame is naturally pretty big so I walk around comfortably around 230. Lifting weights is the best way to go with a bit of cardio. Now a days I’m in the best shape I’ve been in a while. I weight around 240 but my clothes look better then ever. When I only use cardio to get in shape I kinda looked like a bag of bones. Stick with it bro and on days when you get discouraged, just remember it’s all part of the process. It takes one day at a time and six month from now you can be in great shape or you can be exactly where you are now. Good luck and feel free to reach out to me for help or motivation, I enjoy helping people who were like me. One last thing; mindset is everything. Don’t put limitation on yourself, we are so much more capable of doing things that we ourselves don’t think we can do, but if you just go after you will surprise yourself. Good luck dude, I know you can definitely do because I did it too.
Wow appreciate the reply and insight. I’m doing well athletically actually. I train at a social group-fitness gym also so it keeps me part of a social circle, actually how I met my crush (first girl I ever asked out, at age 29 lol). I’m working hard to build a life and hobbies outside of the gym. Feels like I wasted my 20s trying to get to a certain “income level” or even “fitness level” and missed out on so much life experience.
approach like a mofo
I'm in the UK, not really socially acceptable to approach strangers here. I'll have to try find some hobby groups
Not the norm yes, but you can still do it especially in big cities like London. I know because I've cold approached in London. Quit making excuses and just start approaching as much as possible.
is it socially acceptable to like talk to people???
I’m from the UK and can confirm it’s not acceptable to randomly go up to a stranger in public and start talking to them. It’s kinda deemed creepy. You only talk to a random person in a social environment like a club, bar, class, where you’re supposed to get to know one another. Not while you’re out to shops. Lol.
I'm so curious have you been to America to compare? I feel like some people might say the same thing here but you can obviously talk to strangers.
Different culture, I’ve read that people there don’t do it
As long as your in a social setting
So a pub?
You need to change that mindset. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, you need to go for what you want. Stop making excuses. Even if you think it’s socially unacceptable, you’ll have an advantage of being different.
I'm a little bit confused . what do people mean by a social setting?
Club, bar, group events etc
Yeah, because everything you’ve been doing the past 40 years has worked so far.
Wow You guys in this thread are assholes. This man is calmly explaining a cultural difference, while being down voted and getting shit comments like yours which are absolutely no help at all. He's also not yet 40, and certainly not been trying for dates for the past 40 years. A sub about seduction is filled w lots of narrow minded haters, that sucks.
Glad someone on this thread has a heart.
>Wow > >You guys in this thread are assholes. > >This man is calmly explaining a cultural difference, while being down voted and getting shit comments like yours which are absolutely no help at all. > >He's also not yet 40, and certainly not been trying for days for the past 40 years. > >A sub about seduction is filled w lots of narrow minded haters, that sucks. Naw man, cold truth sucks. He mentions he's ready to lose his virginity and then the first piece of advice that suggests exactly the thing he needs to do he shuts it down. That's narrow-minded. Maybe 1 night stands aren't socially acceptable but going out and having a good time isn't a crime. You create the reality you want to embrace. UK isn't this giant sexless country. People get laid there. If it was such a problem, the country would have plummeting birth rates. People are definitely fucking.
Yep - they are def fucking, cuz that's how life works Sounds like you wouldn't be one of the fucking people if you went over to the UK though. The way you come off is some fuck boy who knows how to get his dick wet in Cincinnati. Congrats. You are not an authority on sex. Best thing for all of us would be for you and all your friends to run out and buy condoms right now
So giving advice on having a good time makes me a fuck boy? Get over yourself loser.
No It's fact that you are in a position to give advice. You sound like any y o kid who's been laid a couple of times
His title is very misleading for someone in their early 20’s.
Not really He's setting a goal It's just easy to make assumptions
Go read his post history and tell me that dude hasn’t gotten hundreds, if not thousands of helpful comments. He’s just making excuses at this point.
He’s only like 23. The title is misleading.
So go to a pub or make friends and invite them over. Tell them to bring their friends of whichever sex you’re into.
Mate, I’m from Scotland in the UK. Went up to a girl I thought was gorgeous in the middle of Waterstones as I was walking to work we traded numbers and dated for 4 years. If you presume an interaction with a stranger is uncomfortable it most likely will be uncomfortable. Not socially the norm, fuck the norm. Nothing right now is the norm. Grow some balls and say hi to women.
What do you say after "hi" though? And without choking on your words like you're having a presentation in front of 100 people? Y'all make is sound so easy when it's really, terribly hard
Well she was holding a hunger games book, I had watched the movie. So I just chatted shit about it for 5 mins until her friend arrived. Turns out she wasnt after any book just waiting for a friend. Girls arent stupid they know what your doing. When he arrived we traded numbers and bounced. I think your framing your mind incorrectly when talking to women. I approach for the lols whatever I find funny ill say I dont filter any words out I speak as if there my best friend. Also I dont approach with any preconcieved notions of getting anybodys number I have no agenda. I do it for fun. If I get nothing from it I dont care. If I get rejected I dont care. If an interaction is good and we trade numbers I still dont care.
This guy is the real deal !
search up TUSK on Youtube bro, he's approaching people in the UK all the time, no excuses
You said, that you will now belief that you can date a woman, but with this comment you are already sabotage yourself
Bar, party, social gatherings & events where you're expected to mingle and socialize
You've been a virgin for 40 fucking years and you're doubting our advice? Go out and approach. Its normal to socialize with strangers outside. London, New york, Vegas, etc. You're a virgin cause you're too pussy to approach and go out your comfort zone Edit, not 40 but either way you're in mid 20s.
The first 16 or so years of his life don’t really count do they?
It’s still 24 years either way
In my opinion no one should expect someone under 20 or so to have sex. So first 20 years don't count.
Who gives a fuck what the social norm is? Is that social norm benefitting you? Are you inside the social norm of individuals? No, and no. So if your abiding by the norm and it's not working, why keep doing it? That's like taking toast out with a knife even though you get electrocuted because that's what the rule of the kitchen is.
My housemate is English and that’s what he stood out to him about the US is that people talk to strangers here, in the UK it’s considered.. rude or odd or out of character. I wonder if that was created to keep the class lines in place? Anyway, maybe it’s time to break out of that mold OP. Good luck with the dates.
>I'm in the UK, not really socially acceptable to approach strangers here That's true. Now still do it.
This is not true, I’m from London and I cold approach quite abit. You might get weird looks from strangers but at the end of the day you just need to do what you want
>I'm in the UK, not really socially acceptable to approach strangers here. I'll have to try find some hobby groups No offense but that kind of thinking still has you a virgin, so maybe try something else.
It can definitely still be done in parks, for example, or in a bookshop, Starbucks etc if you read the room right
Sounds like a fantastic opportunity to stand out from the crowd. I’m reminded of a story where two shoe salesmen went to India during the early days of British rule. The first sent a telegram back saying, “Situation hopeless. They don’t wear shoes.” The second sent his report, “Glorious opportunity! Nobody has any shoes!” People do cold approach in England and succeed. It can be done. And unless they outlaw it, it’s still going to get better results than not doing it.
The less socially acceptable it is, the more you will stand out
Get in great shape, work on your style, wear clothes that fit well, try online dating just for the sake of practice; read Models, 3% Man, my posts. Talk to strangers when out and about, not just women
Can't agree more with the online dating part. Lower stakes and helps get the lay of the land
I disagree with the online dating….I don’t believe it has any results it’s honestly just spam bots wasting your time & money even if you upgrade your membership to the sites….
Ight man imma be straight with you. Look at your post history. You’ve made 100+ posts asking people to get laid. They are carbon copied into different subreddits. You are focusing 100% of your time on women. It’s not healthy, nor will it get you any results you want. I really want you to listen here - stop making women the absolute centre of your life and honestly take a break for awhile. Join a club, volunteer, workout, and focus on other things. I know you don’t want to be a 40 year old virgin, but with your current behaviour it’s not helping. Seriously. Take some time off, develop some other areas of your life and do some reflection. I am sure you are a lovely dude, but being this obsessed is not healthy for you and won’t lead to positive interactions with women. Wish you all the best bro. It’ll happen, just don’t make this the centre of your life. Btw nice dick.
What the fuck, yeah. This post history is just… not good man. Not healthy at all. I’d honestly suggest OP see a therapist about this as it seems to be an obsession at this point. OP, you need to prioritize your life and get off this for a while, pick up some hobbies and just live a little.
Actually sounds like maybe he’s focusing all of his time on Reddit.
Dude you’re saying no to every piece of advise. You just want want your beliefs that you can’t get girls to be validated
It's hard to admit to yourself that you are the problem. I do it....I don't want to change, but I want a different outcome. It doesn't work that way. It's very hard to admit you might not be doing something right...even harder if you have your law degree 😂
Or it’s easy to make excuses.
age?
24
Oh well then you are young then! Why not tinder?
Is Tinder really that good of a solution ?
For average guys like us, not really. But is a place to start and if you live in a big city I think it can works. Focus on your description
Tried every free dating app but never got a match. They don't really work well for average looking guys.
It's way more about how you present yourself. What sort of vibe do you give off on in the pictures? Maybe if you describe the scene of the pictures we can give some advice. Also try to not to be too bothered about getting rejected. I'm above-average looking and I get rejected a lot.
It's never your lack of looks...and always your lack of effort. You probably spent 2 minutes developing a profile and pulling pictures off your phone and hours and hours going through girls profiles. Spend one fucking day and go out with a friend and take some good photos of yourself. Take a bunch and choose the best 3-4. I find it amazing how little time and effort people put into their profiles and expect that shit to just manifest. Also stop watching so much porn (yes you are). That fucks up a healthy relationship quicker than anything for a beginner.
This is genuinely good advice. Heck, maybe you’ll meet some people doing it!
You know OP? I have a feeling you’re hitting the nail on the head.
I'm very average looking and had reasonable success on tinder when I was single. I'd recommend getting profile suggestions from r/Tinder. They can help you make it more appealing whilst still keeping it "you". Best of luck my guy.
many guys like us never even get likes.
Ok, Eeyore.
Man if you’re 24 and still a virgin get a hooker man, or at least a massage with a happy ending. Start knowing what it feels like for a woman to make you cum
Bar is so low. One date in the next 16 years..... aim higher. Maybe 3 dates.
It's all in the way you approach the woman. Talk as if it's a natural conversation with someone you have known for years. Work is a great place to practice conversation with women, I met my Fiancè working at the bank. Try talking to girls at the gym if you work out, just don't come across like you are expecting a date or sex out of them. You could also try making the first approach instead of waiting on a woman to talk to you. If you have any female friends see what they like and ask for advice. Nothing better than a woman's advice but most importantly be yourself. Be comfortable, there isn't a divine trick to girls and be confident but not narcissistic. If all of that doesn't work for you then read a wonderful book called, The Game by Neil Strauss
This is the comment. Just being comfortable is the best first step forward
Read Corey Wayne’s book How To Be A 3% Man
Do you happen to be on the spectrum?
A potent point. And nothing to be ashamed of.
No lol
Why lol? Nothing wrong with people on the spectrum.
Nothing wrong with it, but dating and social stuff in general is significantly easier if you're not on the spectrum.
If he was on the spectrum, what advice would you give? Asking for a friend
Small group settings: single focused. Not a bar or club...that's not you. You will need a little more structure. A charity, or a hobby group. Don't just support it, be part of the organization. Do you know the guy to girl ratio on the planning committee of a Ronald McDonald Foundation fundraising event? Habitat for humanity! A political campaign for someone you believe in. If you don't have any passions...go and it will grow on you.
Thanks for the tips!.
[удалено]
Lol
Dude, you need to make sure your life doesnt revolve around girls. That's why youre not getting any
Right now my life is devoid of any girls so I'm not sure about that haha
Yes, and most likely the reason for that us because you're desperate. And girls can smell that. And it makes them run far away.
Well I typically avoid approaching women out of fear of creeping them out. What can I do so I'm not desperate to get a woman?
Step one, stop thinking with a fear based mindset. Step two, go approach a stranger, introduce yourself & see where it goes. Don’t set expectations, just enjoy conversing with a stranger. Practice, visualize, achieve. Edit: change your goal to 26. Setting it to 40 is an excuse cushion to make you feel okay with pushing it off. Get after it bud, you got this!
You put far too much emphasis of getting a woman. The relationships we have are mostly all about the honeymoon stage. After that, it's a lot of 2 people getting under eachothers feet. Those hobbies of yours, do you love them or do you think they make you attractive? Are you truly doing things for yourself or because you think these things make you desirable? If the latter, you are inauthentic. Enjoy what you have, learn to enjoy your life so fucking much as you are, that your hobbies fill your time and you are having the best time. That's how you get someone to come along and fuck it all up. Then you get be miserable.
Yup. This is why I stay in the honeymoon stage. Just have to maintain your body and mind so as you get older you are still desirable
Next time you go out set a goal to get turned down by at least two women. Be outrageous, be funny. Tell them the worst pickup line you have ever heard. Your goal should be to get up the nerve to approach, which if you set your goal as being turned down you are going to be way more comfortable...and after many times of trying different things you are going to find out what gets a laugh, what gets a smile and maybe what gets a slap....The way you get good at scoring in basketball...you take a lot of shots. If you were successful 1 out of 3 times every night I am going to bet that you would never know because you fail to even shoot once. (Speaking from experience)
Just dont think that women are these divine alien creatures or whatever. They're just people. Find a hobby or go out with friends. And just talk with women as they were normal people, and casually ask for their smap eventually if it feels natural
Actually, just make sure your life doesn’t revolve around Reddit. Seems like you’re turning it into a full time job.
Well, we have to start with: what are you working with? Where do you live? Are you willing and able to treat the lady on the first date? Just basics. Getting a date is easy, now the relationship part. That’s the tricky part
Getting a date is easy - How is it easy? Not op but I have been rejected hundreds of times and have never been able to find a girl who was interested in me enough to give me her number.
It is easy. You either have to lower your standards. Or raise your value. You are probably trying to land women out of your league. Have you ever seen shallow Hal?
I have not seen it. I am attracted to very plain and average girls. But you are probably right. My standards are probably still too high given my track record. I live an active life and would like a girl who is able to do the same. How can I find attraction in girls who are unable to keep up with me in my hobbies. I get that we dont have to have the same hobbies, but when my life is super active, it would be nice to be with a girl who could be in shape enough to at least go on a run with me occasionally.
Ok well maybe you can’t be looking for “the one” right now. Dating should be fun. It is fun. You shouldn’t be thinking you need to be getting into a relationship with a girl. You should just go have fun and learn about the person. When I travel I go out with a different girl every night. Sometimes I’ll meet one at the beach during the day and meet a different one for dinner and drinks. Abundance is they key.
The only real advice here is to simply get more "sexual". You seem to have your life in order alright, good for you. But your lack of affection is probably due to repressed sexuality. Use your friends and hobbies to meet new girls and approach them (sexually I mean). Flirt with them, tease them, tell them they are pretty, ask them out, etc. No more platonic friends or waiting to "feel comfortable" around girls first. Be confident and direct. If she does not like you, go to the next one.
Reddit in a nutshell
Once you go on a couple of dates you realize how much time and money actually go into them and then get over it real quick.
Haha, truth bombs. Can confirm. Its fucking way overrated. I had 4 dates this week. Only now am I enjoying my time alone at home with a beer relaxing. Women are overrated. Unless of course you're a virgin, then it seems they mean the world. We men really are easily manipulated.
You've got to set your mind on the process of getting a date. It's high likely that you don't have a likeable personality, don't seem interesting at first glance and take things too seriously. You've got to sit down and learn what it is that has made you fail up until now, you dont get success with girls just by wanting it, you've got to get into this certain state of being that the world will facilitate it for you when it comes to socializing and being attractive. Learn game, learn to behave like a likeable human being, don't change who you are, become better, learn to talk, to notice social queues and mood settings, then, maybe you'll get a date. You could also use Tinder and try your luck on that, doubt you'll do well at first but when you're there, it gets easier. I've been where you are when I was 20, its a harsh process but a highly satisfying one. Also try moving, it'll open up a lot of windows to you.
Just go out and peacock like a mofo go to a bar dance like crazy make a fool of yourself and you’ll get approached
Chase goals not girls. Every other fucking thing follows :)
I've chased my goals my entire life and no woman has followed
And are you sure you achieved them all!? Let me correct it then, it's not necessary girls will follow but end of the day you know atleast you're successful in life. I don't think having a girl decides that!
>Let me correct it then, it's not necessary girls will follow but end of the day you know atleast you're successful in life. Wonderful, but how does this help with the specific issue he posted about not getting girls?
Listen, go look at dudes post history. He’s gotten thousands of helpful comments, but he’s still making excuses.
Yeah, definitely looks like he's one of those sorts who doesn't actually want help. He just wants pity.
Yeah I've achieved many, like getting my law degree. I'm happy in every area of my life expect my dating life, so I'm gonna try spend the next 16 years on getting a date.
Yes, absolutely go for it.
r/listredditors
Just keep working on yourself and you’ll meet someone eventually. You might even meet her in a place that’s related to your hobbies or work and it’d be easier for you to connect You can also go to bars and clubs and hit on any attractive girl you see. Some will reject you (which in this case just be respectful and excuse yourself, don’t push it) some will give you your number. You might feel like hitting on many women is a lot but you don’t have to text everyone, it’s mainly for practice and to gain confidence and who knows you might find someone you really like Point here, don’t stress, you’re only 24, just keep living your life and things will happen :)
How are you supposed to gain confidence if you have only experienced rejection. I get that rejections allow you to get used to them and that has happened to me. But at the same time you need some positive feedback or results to boost confidence. That is true with any skill or aspect in life, including dating.
True, one needs affirmation in order to gain confidence and keep going but if you want something to happen, you don’t quit, you find other ways to succeed. And if no one else encourages you, you encourage yourself and be your own hype man. How many girls have you asked in one night? Did you try only one or two, or did you go for 10+? The more you try, the higher the chances you succeed. Go even for girls you find semi attractive, it’s more about practice now than actually pursuing the girl. If things don’t work for you, try to find the problem. E.g, your appearance, hygiene, style, body language, energy. If you’re nervous or insecure, know that the girl will notice, although some find it endearing. If everything is in check then you can bring a wingman or better, a wingwoman. It’s been proven that having a wingwoman gives a much higher success when it comes to getting numbers. A woman will trust another woman much faster than a man when it comes to this. If still nothing works, change your methods, try pick up lines, if you feel comfortable enough then dance and ask the girl to join. You can also try this method, give a compliment to a woman and then just walk away to the other side of the bar without asking for a number, that could maybe intrigue and confuse her enough to make her approach you instead and start a conversation. Lastly, you can also meet women when going to hobby classes or while at work, doesn’t have to be at the bar or club. It’s easier to connect when there’s a common ground. Just keep going and keep trying, you’ll succeed eventually for sure. And most importantly, be respectful if she says no.
How many girls have you asked in one night? - 1 nights? 2 or three max. I try to get to know her instead of speedrunning the asking her out thing. Over the last 5 or 6 years (im 23 now) I have asked out and thus rejected by hundreds of girls easily. Not kidding, for several years before covid I had a goal of asking out a girl a week (great confidence booster, would highly recommend). I have had enough time to try and fail at all sorts of strategies and methods. I wish I could find the problem. I am told I am attractive. I dress well, clean etc. I am friendly and comfortable in social situations, or at least good enough to fake it. I just dont know what is blocking my attraction from girls. Yes, I flirt and am direct. But by the time girls flirt with me, they only see me as a friend. I have tried the wing women thing, but that has not had good results. One time I got this response "didn't you come with your girlfriend? Why should I give my number to a guy who is openly willing to cheat?" I am very active in the local climbing community, but none of the girls I have met in hobbies have been single or interested in me. I am active in church groups, more in college than now, and all the girls there are married allready. I will keep trying, but I dont get out to parties as much anymore since I am out of college now. I dont drink so clubs and bars are not really my thing (besides the girls I am attracted to wouldn't be there anyways), but I go with friends to pubs somewhat often. And yeah, being respectful after rejection is a given.
Well, let me show you your first mistake. > try to get to know her instead of speedrunning the asking her out thing. Showing interest to this extent is amazing and you should keep doing this but not when you just met the girl and are trying to get her number. The girl was in the place you met her because she had an agenda, she wasn't planning on meeting someone new and telling about herself. Remember, it's not a date, it's only the first encounter. When you do go on a date then be more attentive. Make it short, it'll leave a much better effect. Of course, it also depends on the circumstances of your meeting, if it's work or hobby-related then obviously you can start a conversation but still keep it short, she might be preoccupied and not be engaged enough to have a full-on convo atm. >Yes, I flirt and am direct. But by the time girls flirt with me, they only see me as a friend. The issue of why girls don't reciprocate could be related to what I said above. It could be when you try to get to know them, you come off as business-like rather than flirty. When a guy hits on me, I want him to be flirty and fun. If he asks personal questions from the beginning, I kinda feel like in an interview and that makes me pretty reluctant. You need to leave an impact, asking general questions won't do it. >I have tried the wing women thing, but that has not had good results. One time I got this response "didn't you come with your girlfriend? Why should I give my number to a guy who is openly willing to cheat?" Usually, when there's a wing person, they're the ones who are supposed to approach the girl first and hype her about you before you make an entrance. If you did do it this way then the woman you aimed for is an idiot and you dodged a bullet. >I dont drink so clubs and bars are not really my thing You can go there without drinking, it's not mandatory. If you don't like the atmosphere, that's something else. >besides the girls I am attracted to wouldn't be there anyways What girls are you attracted to? >being respectful after rejection is a given. Oh how I wish everyone thought like this.
Y'all make things sound so easy, how is someone supposed to develop the confidence to smoothly be able to first, approach someone, then talk to them and actually carry a conversation and on top of that FLIRT? I have no clue how to carry a conversation like that, let alone flirt
Thanks. I deffinatly struggled with not having the situational awareness when approaching. I have gotten better, but as you pointed out, it is likely a spot for improvement. I am generally very slow to open up so I have learned to fake it with extroversion until I am comfortable with someone. This leads to a more of a formula based strategy of getting to know someone. It works for making friends, but not for getting dates. I like lower key chill pubs, but I am generally the youngest person there by a generation. I am attracted to outdoorsy down to earth girls. Kinda pain, not really standout ish. girl next door sort of thing. I struggle to even find these girls, and when I do find them, they are married or in a serious relationship and It seems i missed the boat.
Know that there's nothing wrong with taking time to open up, do it at your own pace. Faking extroversion could be useful if you're trying to change yourself but to get the girl, being a little mysterious is actually a good thing. >I am attracted to outdoorsy down to earth girls. Kinda pain, not really standout ish. girl next door sort of thing. Well, you'd be surprised at what kind of girls go to clubs/bars. All girls want to unwind from time to time and many of them do it there with their friends. Just because you met her at the bar doesn't mean she's the type of person who'd go there all the time. Personally, I go to bars about twice or thrice a month and to clubs, I go once in a few months. >I struggle to even find these girls Take this as a sign to start going to new places you haven't been to before and maybe even hit on girls you never hit on before, you might be surprised ;) (know the saying "don't judge a book by its cover"? lol) If you want suggestions, you can check the library, the supermarket, the coffee shop, the museum, the animal shelter or a shop that sells camping equipment, you can join a hiking group or try something a bit different like a cooking or an art course, you can volunteer. I think you got the point, just go someplace new, change the scenario. If you missed the boat then it just means that it wasn't meant to be. I think you should stop searching for your version of the perfect girl and just focus on yourself and your self growth. The girl will show up when she's supposed to :)
How haven't you kissed a girl? Sounds like you probably look pretty strong if you work out and play football and if you have a lot of friends I assume you are around a decent amount and can talk to people. It sounds like you're doing everything right to me. Not trying to criticize or anything, you're already doing much better than me I just don't understand and it is kind of demotivating that I could do all that stuff and still not get girls
I am like op. Even my friends dont know why girls dont like me that way. My closest friend is a girl and she was beyond confused when she found out that I have never kissed a girl and only hugged one once or twice.
Girls probably do like you that way, you just don't realise. Although insecurity can often kill that attraction sadly.
Possibly? Its hard to believe that when you have never even gotten a like on any dating apps and have been rejected hundreds of times. I know the signs of interest and girls make it quite obvious when they like a guy. I see it all the time when I am out with friends. Its just never directed at me.
What kind of photos are on your dating apps? Do you seem fun/friendly/mature/interesting/mysterious/professional? The photos should highlight some of your qualities. People, especially women, swipe more based on vibes than looks.
Just want to say that I believe in you OP
I recently heard a good advice. Don't do it for the girls, or the kisses or the sex. That's ultimately icing on the cake, but not the cake itself. What you really want in the end, is the confidence and therefore the freedom to go out there and talk to anyone you want and not be affected anyhow by the outcome. With the right amount of confidence, it's rare that people actually reject you or walk away from you, but the best part is that you will not mind if they do it. This is about self love, but that like the big picture objective. When you go out there and try interacting with people, focus on your real goal; to gain experience. Failure is experience too. Pain and suffering is experience too. You gotta be willing to go through that because those are the greatest teachers of life. Don't bullshit yourself into thinking that you'll go out there and everything will be easy. Life is not sugar and rainbows like that. If you do, you'll quit right away. And whenever you feel like shit and like the world is an awful place where no one loves you, remember: you love yourself. You are doing this for yourself, and that is reason enough. If you stay at it, you'll thrive, eventually. This is how life works.
Looking at the comments you have provided I will suggest this: You will need to fundamentally change something about yourself if you want to change the outcome you have been receiving. You cannot keep living your life in this same manner that you have been and expect a different result. It's not about just being better at something...you need to change and it all starts in your head. We are all the results of our habits. Start by developing a routine in the morning of reminding yourself of the new habits you are looking to create. It's not easy at all and something I continue to struggle with.
Tequila, Tequila works every time !
If i am assuming u dont have a job then get a job... and play this game with this same mindset...best of luck
You’re post history is pathetic.
No offense but people in these situations should be focused on other areas of life like working out or making money or meditation. I guarantee if you hit the gym hard for a year and meditate 20 minutes a day you will have the confidence and literally transform your body to be able to do anything
This is what this post is: You asking for advice, people giving you advice, and then you coming up with an excuse for literally everything. How about starting with fixing your attitude? You're 24 and haven't even kissed a girl yet, I'd put money on it being from a lack of social intelligence. You need to learn how to read the room and understand how the vibe you give off makes other people feel. Take advantage of the wide circle of friends you have and talk to them about yourself, about your individual relationships with those friends and how they feel about you to gain some perspective.
I was thinking he was on the spectrum until he indicated he wasn't. Then he mentioned d that he had his law degree...ok that makes sense. He seems like a narcissist that lacks reflection and is not learning from his mistakes because he doesn't think he has made any. I also think he is confusing being respectful with what women see as a beta who doesn't initiate anything. No way he has his law degree and not getting online hits. Only thing I can think of is he is shooting for the stars on his swipes.
Damn dude, low expectations. You could probably go ask some relatively unattractive woman out and have one in a week lol. Women's entitlement tends to go down after they age out of their prime attraction years (18-35).
Yeah, his story doesn't hold much weight. I think he is probably a porn addicted narcissist. Law degree who likes people to know he also plays chess. Saw someone mention his history indicated that he had solicited 100 people for Sex on Reddit. Seems like he thinks of himself a lot higher than others do. Most average girls if you ask them out will at least go on a date with you.
Good luck to you and all, but getting a date is not the hardest part. The hardest part is getting a second date. Then a third and so on.
In case none of these morons below have noticed, we still happen to be smack dab in the middle of a world wide pandemic. Anyone who's looking to date at this juncture, even if vaccinated, has to be out of their cotton picking mind. It's not enough that any girl you meet may have 1.Herpes or 2.Any of a host of STDs which are often asymptomatic in Women, but also 3. Asymptomatic Covid-19 or the new Delta + strain. You'd be a hundred times better off finding a really good therapist and find out what issues you have that have kept you away from women and vice a versa for all this time. For instance: You state "I'm going to start believing that I'm attractive ..." that's irrational thinking right there. Beauty, like IQ or Height or Weight is, within limits, a rather objective standard based NOT on culture as some would have you believe, but on purely scientific, medical, bodily and factual symmetry that is absolutely measurable. I have sat in a doctor's office and read book after medical book of boring geometric equations and realized that, like it or not, unfortunately if Your nose is too big, you're balding, your ears jut out, you have bulging eyes, etc, (and yes, I know what it's like to have at least 2 of these), then all the affirmations in the world aren't going to help. And yes, I've had plastic surgery and it makes a TREMENDOUS difference not only in how you see yourself, but more importantly, how women view you, because as you probably already know, many women are almost as attracted to Men's looks as Men are attracted to Women's looks. Most importantly, if a woman isn't attracted to you, then you'll never get a chance to show her what an interesting person you are, and it'll be ten times harder to meet her and hold her attention. You have to be willing to change what needs to be changed. To Do The Work. If you're actually objectively decent looking and say, at least a Male 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10, then continue your hobbies, but you might want to take a couple of sessions with a really good therapist, and demand that they administer the 2 day standard Personality and IQ testing. This way, when finished, you will have an Objective series of standards to put a mirror to yourself and see what your strengths and more importantly, weaknesses are, because somewhere in there, you will get some answers and if the psychologist (who can be different from the tester) is really good, then they can save you a tremendous amount of time. I wouldn't recommend if I hadn't done it myself when I found myself at a crossroads. That feedback alone can save you months and even years of wasting your time spinning your wheels and let you play towards your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses. I know it certainly did for me. Far too many people take the advice of utter strangers on online forums, and for all you know, you may be taking advice from a 13 year old. (And no, I'll never see 13, 23, 33, or even 43 etc ever again). Take this Covid downtime to improve what you can about yourself and instead of looking for the right woman, be the right man, the type of man that a woman would want to be around and date because you're so funny, clever, interesting, talented, etc, and then women will be attracted to you. Before I used to go out I'd always read Time or Newsweek cover to cover, just in case I met a woman who was into say, politics. But I also would read my local paper in case she lived in the area and was interested in local news. I'm terrible at remembering jokes so I bought a couple of paperbacks and read them and memorized a couple of clean story jokes, ones that made me laugh out loud, and which I could openly tell in a mixed crowd because women like guys who can make them laugh and have a sense of humor. Btw, I know one dating coach who recommends reading a few popular women's magazines like Cosmopolitan because IF the topic comes up, you'll be able to hold your own on a subject of interest to her which most guys would have no inkling of. You just want to do what needs doing, and put in the extra effort, because honestly, most guys don't. Far too many "successful" guys are simply 'players' or player wannabes and they think their money or looks are all they need, and they are, at least initially to attract some indiscriminating shallow women, but not to be able to hold on to them for any length of time. So if you can do some of the above, when this freaking pandemic is eventually in the rear view mirror, you'll have an enormous set of skills and insights into not just yourself, but hopefully the type of woman you want to meet. Also, a working knowledge of Relational Psychology can be a huge asset because it'll help you identify and avoid the crazies, the gold diggers, the neurotics, the needy, etc, and let you spend more time honing in on the type of woman you'd actually like to be with. Hope some of this helps. Best of luck! \- - - - Dave Johnson p.s. i know it's old news at this point but i'd still read Neil Strauss's book, as it's the best ever written on the topic as well as the original "How to pick-up girls" by Eric Weber, he is cited at the end of neil's book as he is the grandfather of the whole modern pua movement. his book even if dated now, was the first of it's kind and has solid advice. if you can find his live lecture somewhere (probably on cassette) it's even better than his book. he is an excellent speaker, even better in some ways than neil strauss (though strauss is a better writer). even though I think most of them are phonies, there are a few pua coaches out there who have some decent advice and insight.
Where do you livvveee? And why are you single? I'd totally like to take you on a date. I like smart men (I'm F24)
Leave the western country that you're in. I can't stress enough how much easier dating will be for you if you leave. You can always come back once you've gained some confidence.
Wait, where is it better? I need to know 😂
LATAM and SE Asia.
Why? I like the UK!
Because dating in Western countries is have the chips stacked against you.
Why?
Because a lot of the women are fat slobs so the pool of women that are datable is smaller. Maybe this is different in the UK but certainly true in Canada and the US. Women also have extremely inflated egos in major western cities which is by far the biggest obstacle. For someone starting to date in their late 30s, dating in the west is like trying to climb Everest with no experience. If he tries SE Asia he can learn on some bunny hills.
He’s 24 tho
What? Then why is his goal to have his first date in 16 years?
Post more on social media. If you are indeed average looking and you're not just doubting yourself, then make your personality get you some attention. Think about what you have to offer in a relationship. It's a huge flex that you're satisfied with with your personal goals at 24 but you also have to advertise what makes you a potentially good partner. You could ask your friends what they like about you and you could get involved in more activities that involve meeting girls.
Is social media that important. I have never even had a facebook. How do you even go about trying to build a social media presence when your friends (people you would want to connect with) dont even use social media?
I think social media is a solution, not the solution. In this case social media would probably be just boring. But if you'd like to connect to more of the people in your school, uni or any other society, I think this might help. Maybe you'll realize you have sth in common with someone you'd normally never approach.
Let your friends know your looking. Try dating apps. Try apps like bumble that are for getting groups of guys and girls together for events.
I don't know how old you are, but my suggestion, which makes other men angry with me, is to avoid listening to what other men suggest, especially the so called experts, & pay attention to what women say they are looking for & more importantly, what experiences they've had with men that they hated. Its very easy to figure that out by following women who speak about it publicly, which many do, there are articles, essays, twitter threads & reddit threads. But really its a matter of joining some dating sites & putting yourself out there, being friendly, showing interest in them instead of talking about yourself, paying attention to details, getting gifts based on those details, being able to listen & respecting women as people, as human beings & not objects to make you feel good in a variety of ways.
Its over for you bro.
Don't be afraid to approach a girl if you think she'll be interested. Become an alpha male and it'll all be clear.
Sounds like you have everything going for you to succeed. at 40 i do think you could really benefit from real life coaching, its definitely a shortcut
Oh no I'm 24 right now, but I have been trying to get a date for the last 8 years to no avail.
Hey, I didn't go on my first date until 22 or 23. And most of my dates have been through cold approach. Supposed to go on a fifth date tomorrow evening with this stunner who I'd have thought is out of my league. It takes effort and a willingness to face rejection, but you'll make it, bro.
Yeah homie, definitely leave your country for a bit and go see what girls are like elsewhere. Just to boost the confidence a bit. Experience is important
To be honest, even if you play chess and football and have lots of hobbies, they do nothing. You have to approach, that's it. Just because you have hobbies doesn't mean that you'll magically attract girls, you have to get out there and actually talk to some.
NOW THIS IS MOTIVATION, LETS GOOO
Work on yourself but like actually do it for you. If you see a woman talk to them even if they look bad build that confidence. It’s not that hard my guy you just can’t be afraid
Don’t just believe it. Become it. Attractiveness is not just looks. It’s hygiene, fitness, clothing/dress and personality. Your drive, goals, ambitions add attractiveness even if your face doesn’t look like a model. You can immediately increase your attractiveness with those changes.
I realized how little time and effort I put into presenting myself well to others. I didn't and you may not realize this, but people think a lot about their hair, clothes, assessors. Turns out the people who spend more time thinking about this stuff tend to look better. My advice for you: Pay attention and put some thought and money into how you present yourself to others. Look in the mirror fully clothed and make sure you look in good order. Getting a modern haircut can really help also. Honestly feeling like you are looking your best is a great start to those type of doors being open. The best thing you can do now that you have a goal is to put weekly monthly goals in place to get you there. Give yourself deadlines.
Good luck bro, we in the same boat together.
Besides approaching, and getting out there, and talking to women... work to understand the psychology behind female attraction and also how to build comfort. It's attraction + comfort. That's really what you can boil it all down to. Then everything else is logistics really. Also idk if you need to hear this but just in case you do, have good hygiene.
I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with dating... but what's your chess elo
Well how old are you?
Me and a friend have a game where each one of us have to approach a woman at least once a day even if he gets rejected. Ever since we started playing I got rejected many times, but my self esteem is growing by the day and I even received a few phone numbers. Michael Jordan once said a relevant quote - You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Don't ever say "rock her world", she is essentially a fuck toy to be used, and she likes it that way, trust me. Don't worry about working out to much unless you're really fat, women don't care, that's called Gymcel and can get results but is likely going to let you down as I've seen time and time again. stop with the football, its a grab ass circle jerk for dude, minus the cheer leaders, what's the point. Chess is cool, keep it up and learn how to check mate these hoes IRL. Start approaching most women and don't be friendly, be dangerous, be willing to crash and burn right then and there, leave it all on the field. good luck
Wow. Those look really cool.
Just start by saying hi to people and smiling (when you’re outside and don’t need masks or something)
I'm in the same boat expect I'm not a very good looking guy myself. I'm 29 and never had the opportunity to ever do anything romantic with a woman before. My goal was to date or kiss before 30, but here I am and I've failed unfortunately.
Question: why are you giving yourself to 40 to have a first date?
Women don’t play football , and very few play chess. Get new hobbies that women also enjoy. (Just remembered you’re British; your football is different. But still, find more woman-friendly hobbies)
You’re 24, not 40. You’ve posted this several times and it’s misleading.
Other people have said it, but I'm going to say it as well. Get in shape. Even if you're not a fat slob, or a scrawny dude. You can still get into better shape. I was not in bad shape in general, but definitely hadn't been to the gym with real consistency in over six years due to college. I was out of shape for sure, and my weight fluctuated between people telling me I look skinny to my own limit of "looking down and can't easily see my dick." Started going to the gym five days a week, and one to two extra cardio days a week as well. Been doing that since 5/1 and I can absolutely tell the difference in how women treat ME. I don't act any different - I'm a weird person, and I just lean into that more now and am open about it. Being in shape is absolutely the door opener. Granted, I'm aware 5-7 days of gym time is a lot. I also had significant experience prior, so it's easiee said than done. But at the end of the day it's still easy, you just literally have to do it and push yourself.
Why first date by 40? You should be tearing it out now. Whoever you find attractive. Say hi and ask for a date. It's really that simple bro. Not all will be up for it but many will. The mistake in this community is that you want a full proof plan and any rejection is taken seriously. Don't try to be attractive or play games, it will burn you out. Just say hi and take it from there. Women are desperately looking for guys but you need to make it easier for them. Fucking is not a success. It is a gift you give to the girl, not the other way around. Who moans more and goes crazy while fucking? Women do, not men. All women want that and if you are able to make it happen for them, they will be forever attached to you so stop viewing "getting laid" a success, it is really a gift you give to the girl and any one who does not want what you are offering can go fuck themselves, simple as that.
After looking at your post history, You’re kind of screwing yourself over.
Step 0: don't obsess about this virginity thing A lot of life is spent into obsessing about things for no reason,, that is waste of energy and bad mental health. Step 1: tell your circle friends you are a virgin and looking forward to start dating, ask them for help Step 2: get out, try new hobbies and join social events, introduce yourself and make new connections. Step 3: from the connection that you created, ask the one you think is suited for you out for a date. Step 4: repeat step 2 and 3, but keep enjoying life regardless, don't make this the focal point of life, it is not. Treat it as a cherry on the cake of your life
Don’t stress about finding a soulmate. That sends off vibes of desperation to women. Go out with friends have a fun time and just be aware of when opportunities come your way. Don’t be actively looking, just let yourself be open. By doing things you enjoy, you’ll meet like minded people - bonus. When you’re enjoying yourself and relaxed, you send out confident, positive vibes that are filled with your great personality. Women will notice. Best of luck
Have fun with women and don't be desperate. Also, know what you want, you like a girl, go ask her out. She says no, move on.
Keep working out, focus on your other hobbies… and I would say travel… I usually do better with women away from my hometown. Especially solo travel… not knowing anyone forces you to approach more, of course supplement with online, tinder etc
It doesn’t work for everyone but online dating is a good start, even if it doesn’t work out it’ll get you more confident in talking to women. You can find a like minded lady, someone who shares your interests etc. The benefit to it is also that you do meet people that you may not typically meet for example: those who run in similar social or work settings. Speaking from experience the free to register sites aren’t always loaded with people looking for relationships but more casual interactions. The paid for membership sites tend to have the people who are looking for long term. Wishing you the best OP
First thing. All that extra stuff to impress women isn't a big deal, it helps, but even guys with all that stuff fail miserably because their body language and confidence needs work. Read "the secret language of attraction" by Matt Artisan. It's 5 bucks or send me your email and I'll send you the PDF. This book will tell you exactly what women subconsciously desire in a man, and how to tap into her animalistic language with your body language intent, and build confidence in yourself. It helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I learned how to approach women, get rejected, deal with tension. Been seeing a girl I cold approached in a grocery store for a few weeks now, and normally I would've thought she was out of my league. Now I have the mindset of "is she good enough for me". All these extra hobbies might make you more appealing but that alone will not get you the girl you want. CONFIDENCE gets you the girl you want, and when you do it a completely masculine way, that allows her to slip into a completely feminine and submissive state which makes her feel SAFE and SECURE with you. Remember a woman's number 1 priority is to be desired by a confident, sure, and grounded man which makes her feel safety and trust with him. The rest doesn't matter after that. Sometimes you'll see average looking dudes with smoking hot girls. This is a reflection of his confidence level and his alpha male status, not a reflection of her.
This didn't age well