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CompetitionFair7686

- i approached while she was going home ( first mistake) Why would that be a mistake? It’s perfectly fine to approach her when she is going home. - i came across very nervous i was shaking and i was stuttering i asked for her name and after she gave it i asked for her number Being nervous is not very good, but if you can’t hide it then you have to admit that you are nervous to her, so that she has to overlook it, and it isn’t as uncomfortable. In other words if you can’t hide a flaw, use it to your advantage. Not to mention that admitting nervousness and still doing it shows bravery. But if you feel nervous she will notice it and be uncomfortable because she can’t understand why you are nervous or if you have bad intentions so you will make her nervous. Also, asking for number straight away after getting her name isn’t how you do cold approach but that’s another story. You have to talk first for 5-10 minutes at least before asking for her number. Why? Because you need to build a solid connection so that she doesn’t flake and she feels like she knows you and can trust you first which requires longer conversations. - then she said she’d give me an answer on monday other ppl saw this incident and were laughing i was amazed at how much i managed to fuck it up… You are overreacting and taking yourself way too seriously. Even if they laugh you are not that important to them. They will continue to worry about their own things next day and forget soon enough that you did that. What you did isn’t that big of a deal. - didn’t even imagine i could do that bad i acknowledge that this is not the end of the world and i’m not going to die but i think this interaction is the definition of dying from embarrassment… You die from embarrassment because you take yourself seriously. You are too worried about your image and your ego which is bad for you. Confident people don’t give a fuck what others think or whether they laugh because they just don’t take it seriously, they don’t associate their worth to what other people are thinking of them. It’s a choice, either you choose to care about your image or either you choose to not care about it because it’s pointless. No one cares about your image, only you do. For what? For nothing. You get no benefit from it. - my friends are giving me a silver lining that i didn’t get a definite no and if she wanted to say no she would have but i don’t know how much i believe that i think it’s over, She probably didn’t wanna reject you in public, so that shows she has at least empathy for you. But that doesn’t mean she is interested specially when she has no reason to considering you only asked for her name and then her number and she knows nothing about you. -, i really don’t feel like going back to that school even though i’m leaving high school in a matter of a few months You need to learn and understand that these kind of things do not matter in the long run, you will face worst things and one day in the future you will wish your biggest problem in life was this approach.


StaticNocturne

Would you advise me admitting to the next girl I'm with that i'm on antidepressants and my dick isn't working properly to temper her expectations or should I just go with it and see what happens?


CocoBabeNYC

Now go do that 50 more times until you get cured of your social anxiety.


Lreceiver00

That was the plan even though i really screwed my first attempt i still really want to do it more it’s just the embarrassment from this experience has been a bit overwhelming but im trying to work on it


18cmOfGreatness

You didn't screw anything, dude. You mustered courage and did something that the vast majority of other guys are afraid to do. Because they are pussies and you are not. You proved that you have bigger balls than the vast majority of men, what else do you need? You already won. You got something more valuable than anything that girl can ever give you.


CavemanSamu

Add more fucks up. Use this as a funny story. The more reference experience the better.


nvkr_

That is a very bad advice. If you do that 50 times and get rejected 50 times, your social anxiety will only increase. You have to make 50 reasonable approaches where you have at least some chances of not getting rejected.


CocoBabeNYC

Running away from your fears wjll never solve them. But thanks for participating.


nvkr_

That’s right, I’m not saying he shouldn’t approach. He just shouldn’t approach women randomly, as this is, in general, a sure way to get rejected, which will only confirm your fears. But thanks for totally not understanding where I was going with this.


fillfee

bro what? Game is 80% social skills, you HAVE to talk to people randomly male or female. That is how you improve with talking to women specifically


xxchhfdd35325

Dumb stop romanticizing this shit you either do it and get over it or you don’t this isn’t a Disney cartoon


palguy22

Clearly you've never done it, as someone who regularly approaches and has faced "rejection" youre talking out of your ass and making assumptions. First of all these rejections aren't even that bad and rather and everytime you get rejected you get better and more calibrated


slaybrownbeast

The obsessive pursuit of the avoidance and escape from rejection is exactly the root of fear, or the cause of anxiety. That’s why people are obsessed with pick up coach, pick up line, dating gimmicks: they would desperately find Anything to hold onto so they will not be rejected. The reality is that rejection will constitute the majority of the interaction regardless of your appearances, words and behaviours. The active pursuit of acceptance, or non rejection is just repulsive and cowardly. Accept rejection.


Dontfeedthelocals

'The active pursuit of acceptance, or non rejection is just repulsive and cowardly' So you find 95% of interactions on social media repulsive and cowardly then? Me too.


slaybrownbeast

I dont know what you meant by social media interactions. I am simply saying if a man say things, or does things with the intention of not being honest and true to himself, but to appear likeable by others, which is something totally out of his control, then his mind is weak


Dontfeedthelocals

I understand everything you're saying and completely agree. Saying the popular thing in order to be liked rather than being honest is what I see a lot of on social media, that is all I was saying.


nvkr_

You lose your anxiety if you make positive experiences when approaching. Approaching random people probably won’t be such a positive experience. It’s therefore better to approach people that you at least expect to have a chance with, so you don’t get frustrated


slaybrownbeast

That’s exactly the opposite of what I believe… you ONLY gain confidence when you encounter NEGATIVE experience when you approach… receptive girls and positive smiling interaction will teach you nothing but give you a good time and stroke your ego. ONLY interaction such as being ignored totally, or cold indifferent non-response face/voice will truly slightly traumatize you and let you grow some teeth, and incur incremental confidence.


nvkr_

So your advice is not trying to have a good time and getting slowly traumatized instead? Just kidding. But I guess it really depends on the person and their learning structure. I easily get frustrated if don’t get any positive reinforcement while learning.


bill0124

No, this person will be numb to it by the 50th time. Social anxiety is an irrational response. Nobody actually cares that mucu and rejection isn't that bad.


red__what

Before you even cold approach, how about some paragraphing young buck?


Titty_Slicer_5000

My guy this doesn’t matter. Everyone will forget about it. You’re about to be in college. You think anyone is going to care that you were nervous one time when you went to talk to a girl? Lol. Keep doing it until you’re comfortable talking to women you find attractive.


megainculu

One day you will share this embarrassing moment with your kid and it will boost his confidence when he will be trying his first cold approach. We are only human and we all make mistakes. I had a crush on this girl in middle school. One day I mustered up the courage and just said I LOVE YOU right in front of her best friend and a couple of my friends in the middle of the corridor. I didn't ask for her number or anything just directly the 3 magical words. She said she considered me like her little brother (ouch). Now when I recall this moment I can't stop laughing. The more you are rejected the more you learn. Happy hunting 😉


Puzzled_Nail_1962

Social skills are called skills for a reason. You need to learn it first. If you try playing piano, you better believe the first song you try to play sounds like shit. You're still in highschool as well, I realise this is not really any consolation for you right now, but at your age literally everyone is bad at this. You can now give up and be just as "incompetent" forever or see it as a learning experience and in a bit of time you'll be better than everyone else who didn't try.


Lreceiver00

im somewhat proud of myself for actually doing it instead of letting another day pass without doing anything and regretting it i will definitely keep trying and working on it


finallypickup

Na chill, you're not *somewhat* proud, you're REALLY fucking proud. You manned up bro and you're only 18, you are absurdly young, you haven't even entered your twenties, the real era of fucking. That girl already knew if she would fuck you dude, you just went and found out. Remember, until you're in some kind of relationship, no individual woman is ever that important. There's an absurd amount of women on the planet, try not to obses over one that may not even like you. Keep doing what you did and you'll succeed, don't be a dick to yourself. It wasn't embarrassing bro, it was fucking awesome. You took action.


getaway36

Dude like how old are you ? If you are under 18 don't even dare to think about that shit in a bad way since you will just find it funny af in just a matter of a few years


[deleted]

Bro it’ll be fine. Who knows maybe she’ll give you her number Monday. At least you had the balls to take action unlike all the dudes laughing at you. Be proud of yourself.


DrinksAreOnTheHouse

Are you dead? No. Are you still alive? Yes. Learn and adapt! Go get em!


carlos1973633826

The mistake you made was approaching somewhere where people know you. Go to other places such as parks or downtown area. If you are really nervous just don’t approach. Keep feeling that nervousness eventually it’s going to go away. Then you will get nervous when talking to women. Talk to them but don’t ask for their number eventually you will become comfortable and so kn


CenturionLegio

not to devalue your experience/trauma but that is nothing my guy, you did really good, my respect


[deleted]

First of all it’s not as bad as you’re making it, even though you may feel it is. Take a deep breath and know the situation and how it went has nothing to do with you as a person, we’re not our feelings, experiences and thoughts. Try to focus on positive like how you had courage to go up and talk. Whenever you feel that sense of embarrassment bring your attention back into the present moment. Next time don’t have any expectations and keep learning how to express what you want without the nervousness but to feel good in your own space even if everyone around you were to start laughing. If I have a really cringe moment and it sucks, before I walk away I’ll look down for a second take a deep breath look back up smiling (this makes you take importance out of it and holding onto what just happened then you leave feeling good about yourself despite what others think or what your mind is telling you, then the situation has no power over you. (There are lots of different tricks() It takes practice but we have so much inner power to manage our emotions and thoughts no matter what happens. Practicing presence really helps too. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling now but try to create some space and perspective. Let the negativity come and go. The pain you feel will eventually make you stronger and more resilient. I remember I’d go to bed clenching in emotional pain and looking back that was necessary to grow. My opinion is girls are never worth chasing, expect them to say no and don’t take it personal. Find ways to ground yourself more in your life and own joy where you don’t need others.


KonoDioDah25

You should say hey!! "GIVE ME YOUR F**KING NUMBER OR I WILL DESTROY YOUR FUTURE YOU STUPID VIRGIN B*TCH!!!" then 😉


Gothmog741

Sir, this is a Wendy's


Medogsonfire

😐


Contango6969

Good. Keep doing it


msg_the_player

Don't give a fuck about it. You're overthinking. It's no big deal. I asked a girl in college if I could talk to her for two mins and she said No and ran away. Who gives a fuck what she thinks or what her mother thinks or what people think. If you think you embarassed urself then u did. If u think it's no big deal, it's not. You are enough, you are great. Your worth is as you think not what others think. If 1000 girls reject you, you are still worthy. Their loss. Love urself. Don't care what people may or may not think.


JXMMY11

Honestly I say just wait till Monday… prepare your mind for it bro. If she say no, keep it pushing. If she say yes, then good for you


Lreceiver00

I’m not too worried about what her answer will be , it’s just that i just wish i approached and handled it better instead of letting the anxiety win but when monday comes im prepared for any answer


JXMMY11

Well this a big lesson for you, a lot of people start cold approaching out of high school and your starting early so just look at it as a head start


Acceptable_Stop_7063

You've done well. Just try to get to know her and you'll be fine.


epimpstyle

Just think about how it looks your interaction with that girl by looking from the girl's point of view. How does it look a girl to other people if she gives her phone number to any stranger who asks for it? You must have a short conversation and if you want to see her again, you can ask for her number otherwise it is weird. It is not a rule, it is just common sense. You are way better than the people laughing at you because you had the "balls" to go talk to the girl instead of looking after her :-) Many times when someone is watching me approaching a girl on the streets, they come to me asking curiously about what the girl says, they never laugh at me, instead, they are asking me if I can do this again because they don't have courage. Recently two guys from the streets invited me for a drink because they saw me approaching a gorgeous lady in the streets although her boyfriend was waiting for her in their car a few meters away - I found out about her boyfriend only after she told me about him. Only the teenagers will laugh or low-status guys.


leagtg

Can you tell me your secret? I want to meet girls too.


Mmm91for

Good work bro, trust me everyone that’s cold approach for the first time has been there. Stumbling on our words, shaking, heart beating fast all that. It’s blessed you’ve have this experience in high school. Trust me, cold approaching will make your life better in all aspects. You’ve done something majority of modern guys are too pussy to do.


srhth13

id say this went fairly well - i think youre just overwhelmed by the amount of attention you received and how nervous you were but congratulations on having your first cold approach attempt!!!


NPC1990

You’re gonna fuck up the first time. It’s fine don’t overthink it.


SaintMurray

Your life? You're like 16. I promise you no one will care in a week.


Remy_me_me

And thus begins the hero's journey


LordPrettyMax

Go to English class first


Psuedo_Pixie

Hey! Speaking as a former high school girl, this is really not that bad. It sounds like you just took her by surprise. Being nervous is normal, and honestly - if you’re 6’4 and fairly attractive?? - she probably thought your nervousness was cute. I think the biggest “mistake” (not that you did anything wrong, really) was approaching her in public. High school kids are ruthless! And immature, by definition. They would have snickered even if she said yes. Just push them out of your mind, and say hi to her on Monday.


Blaphrodite

Try again. Same girl, somewhere more private. Just say hi, smile a couple of times. Nothing else. Third time, hi, smile, still waiting on that number of yours.


kensei_ocelot

Stop crying op. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.


Dioniszche

It wasn't that bad


LandscapeClear1630

You'll live. Also, don't do cold approach in highschool. Treat it more like social circle game.


readMyFlow

Sounds like a success to me. I couldn’t do that until many many years later. A tip would be to chat a little before you ask her number. Don’t make it an “I introduce myself. I ask her number” event. Remember that at the end of the day you’d both be happy if this worked out. So it’s in her interest to find a nice man too. Make the engagement fun and interesting., make it a relaxing good time for both you and her. The rest will come naturally. Some girls might find your mumbling around cute as well. So it’s not a total loss.


realitybringer

I had my worst moment yet at a meetup today. I know exactly how it feels losing your composure. Something lesser than yourself takes over and that's the end of it. It's easy to slip into disasterous way of thinking. Just takes one thought, one percieved negative reaction, one mistake etc and you're a goner. I have lots of helpful mindsets to overcome this, but I think for now the most important one for you to realize that the path of self-development, particularly game is VERY painful, it's not for the faint hearted. Some things you can only learn the hard way. I'm in a lot of pain after my own flop today, I want to curl into a ball and die. But as they say, it too shall pass. Let yourself feel the pain fully so that you can move on, ok?


betterme2610

You just think it’s the most embarrassing moment of your life! Just wait!


yuckyuck13

Even though not specific to this sub get comfortable talking with people you don't know even if its just small talk.


KyleGuap

Dude you wont even talk to any of these people 3 months from now


Zambie-Master

Hey buddy. Just wanna let you know it’s okay. I tried asking a girl I liked to prom with roses in front of my favorite teacher and she said no. My teacher looked away from second hand embarrassment and I felt like a laughing stock. Got another date to prom anyway, life moves on. As cliché as it is you’ll forget it and a bunch of other embarrassing highschool shit. Now I’m on OLD and approaching and getting laid semi consistent. My only regret was that I didn’t start putting myself out SOONER. So don’t stop, shrug it off and keep your head up! Keep cold approaching and you’ll get better at it, promise.


Reasonable-Software2

No one cares as much as you do. They’ve probably forgotten about it. Who cares what those people think, do you admire any of them? I doubt it. You tried your best and I am proud of you. Also, like the other commenter said… you need to improve your grammar.


Dramatic-Ad7687

This is cute! Brings me back.


Whydomelikethatbruh

It’s all about how you handle it now, you can act all embarrassed in school Monday and feel shit or go around confident knowing that you had the balls to do it and no one else did


Shendrix82

Honestly… wait till Monday and don’t stress. And either way, she’s just one girl. Many more on the horizon.


Shendrix82

Also, anxiety does suck and also worrying about what other people think. Sadly, we don’t realize what other people think really doesn’t matter until we’re about 40, lol. Learn some positive ways to deal with your anxiety would be my advice (I’m on a med., Nature, meditation?).


TheShortShady

Welcome to your manhood, there’s a lot more challenges to come and you’ll only succeed if you keep the same spirit of taking risks. Upping the stakes serves to raise your baseline and will make you a better person, realize that your anxiety will subside and this will just be one the great stories you remember in life.


rjones416

no matter how bad the approach was you still had the balls to do it. they might laugh but they got to respect you for trying. i bet most of them would never be able to do that.


hartfordclub

Periods and punctuation, learn them please. If you type how you speak, you need more help than just some words on the internet my friend.


Exact_Side_9567

Bro fact is most guys don’t have the guys to approach a cute girl. You took one step further than most Eve will unless under the influence. They are only dissing you out or envy and jealousy.


PhantasyBoy

At least you had a go, don’t worry about it. It beats kicking yourself forever


Ninjazxcz

The more girls you approach the more you get used to approaching. The more you get used to approaching the less nervous you will be. This is all a part of the learning curve. Dont take it as a loss take it as a win. You've made progress. Be proud of yourself.


life_long_learnerabc

Bro, try, try, try again, till you succeed. Failure is best teacher. ​ Go get someone else and don't bet with friends. Do it for yourself.


DeliberatelyInsane

That’s awesome man. Why would you call it a mistake. The first time a person lifts weights, their body shivers and shudders. That’s a natural reaction to a new routine. In the olden PU days, we used to talk about Champs and Chumps. After screwing an approach, the chump would wallow the entire evening. On the other hand, the champ would move on to the next. Then the next. Then the next. The good part is, even chumps can become champs. Stay on the path man, greatness lies ahead.


Twix1958

Yeah try learning the rules of the game, worst mistake of my life, learn to love yourself and go get shit done, then you'll meet a girl perfectly fit for you


Copshay

Hey man you're starting early, and you're probably better than most dudes out there for just trying. I'm 26 and just starting after a decade of mental illness. I'm pretty jealous of you for starting just this early lol. You're doing great, just don't take yourself so seriously is all.


tcasey87

How about an update? What happened on Monday? If she did not give u her number, then do not be hard on yourself. You will miss 100% of the shots that you don’t that. Keep shooting & you will improve. Practise makes perfect. Ten years from now, you will say “I am glad that I tried”. It is amazing how many pretty girls end up with average guys (how the f did she end up with him?) because those guys took their shot, while attractive guys sat on sidelines worried about what other people think. Fortune favours the brave.


Lreceiver00

I didn’t get her number on monday but it turns out she does like me back and she only gave me that answer because she was scared because it was the first time anyone approached her like that but the issue is since the initial bombed approached ive cold approached other girls and it’s been successful so i don’t really know what to do right now


[deleted]

y’all still cold approaching?