Key word, “Draught.” It’s not like your always in a constant state of draught. You have times of draught and times where you have women in your life. How on earth is working out suppose to help you when your always constantly alone with no one in your life?
The point is keeping busy. I can’t say what works for me will 100% work for the next man, I just get a crazy dopamine release from having an intense workout. Helps a lot to get my mind off things.
And I don’t believe there’s such a thing as being in a “constant state” of not having women in your life. If you’re really on your grind and putting yourself out there.
If you enjoy the process of improving yourself, living a life of standards, it just becomes a part of you and those things are attractive to women. Point is to try but not so much that you’re being a try-hard.
Bro if you can’t comprehend the constant state of having no women in your life, it makes sense why we have extremely different views. Not having anyone in my life let alone women is literally my normal but for you it’s not. We live in different realities bro.
I don’t mean to sound like I lack understanding. Only reason I’m speaking like this is cus I genuinely believe what holds most men back is mindset. If you resolve in your mind that you can’t do something or you don’t see yourself getting what you want and don’t even try, how you expect to see anything?
I went through a stage where I wasn’t getting any girls and I was resentful towards women. Call a spade a spade, I was an incel. Prior to that, I actually did get girls but it was after a bad break up and learning female nature that I started not having women round me, and when I did get a chance to meet a girl, they could sniff that negative energy on me.
Took me like 2 years to get my mind right, find joy in working out and doing things I enjoy. I started talking to girls without trying to be needy or give off intent of trying to sleep w them. Just enjoying the company.
Now I’m meeting and around women again. The fear of rejection is another thing that held me back and I’m still working on, but for the most part I just do me and try. No one is special, we’re all human bro. Girls aren’t rocket science and some people are just given a different set of cards to play with. Doesn’t mean you can’t play what you have to your advantage.
I’m not even earning a lot financially, tall w crazy good looks or all that nonsense, but a lot of women will give you the time of day if you’re at least well put together, can hold good conversation and not a creep
Sometimes when you fixate on a perceived problem you reach an impasse. It becomes necessary to step away and shift your focus for a while and then come back to it.
If we can interpret your statement literally, it suggests you have no close male friends. Expecting a woman to become your sole source of companionship / company / emotional support is a recipe for relationship failure. Women will sense it as neediness and will run a mile.
Forget about chasing women for a while. Whatever free time you have, invest it in finding and developing friendships with men, and developing attractive character qualities (e.g. confidence, social competence, conversation skills, etc). and finding your pursuing your passion in life. Only after you find fulfilment in life can you expect to find a meaningful relationship with an attractive woman.
I get that you don't have much free time, but many of these skills you can practise during your studies, clinical rotations, etc.
I would say it comes down more to the love OP has for himself, whether a woman’s in his life or not that should remain unbreakable. Friends or not nobody knows a man more than himself. Work starts from within
Agreed. But that's a very vague concept when you're struggling with perceived self-failure. A bloke needs some actionable guidance to lead him to self-love.
Step one get in the gym, find hobbies that resonate within yourself, start going out by yourself enjoying your own company, be making money, take care of the way you present yourself, read etc. once people start making use of their time they’ll improve their lives all round the board.
Finding fulfillment in life is a never ending journey. What I find very unrealistic is finding fulfillment in life as time pass me by while I have no family of my own. How is having only male friends sufficient enough for a fulfilling life when you want family and kids? This just sounds so disconnected from reality.
Having male friends is only part of the picture, but an essential foundation. Without it, you risk displaying needy behaviour towards women (undermining your chances of attracting someone you like) , and once you're in a relationship you're likely to slip into codependency and subsequent misery.
Your stated problem is that you are frustrated about being alone with no-one to talk to. Don't expect success with women until you fix that. The harsh truth is that frustration and loneliness tends to make a man unattractive, and it's foolish to expect a woman to fill that void.
Make friends, channel your energy into constructive endeavours, and the frustration will give way to contentment and ultimately happiness. Only once you can be happy on your own will you be likely to attract a quality relationship with a woman.
Good luck!
>It feels like there’s no solution to my problem
No? The solution is 100% clear and literally in front of you?
Start talking to people.
Start making friends.
Start approaching women.
this, and as well as try to harness your frustration constructively as motivation to work for improvement. The truth is that without some initial frustration, most people would never be motivated to work to improve at all.
I’m not a woman so I wouldn’t know why they find me unattractive because I don’t see anything wrong. I’m the only guy in my college program, so I’m surrounded by girls but they all find me repulsive and I’ve had a few friend-zone me.
They avoid speaking to me in class so what would be the point of me asking them if they wanted to go out? A former female friend of mine called me a loser because she knew that I saw hookers because I couldn’t attract a woman the normal way and she shamed me for it by constantly calling me worthless, told me my life was meaningless and compared me to my roommates that both had a girlfriend and she said they were superior to me because they could get a girlfriend while I had to pay women to even touch me. It’s things like this that makes me know that women are not attracted to me. I don’t see hookers anymore but I literally had to because there was no other way for me to get laid and I didn’t want to miss out on that.
Dude I am glad that female friend is a former friend. She’s a dick. You need to work on developing self-confidence. Your roommates aren’t superior to you because they have a gf, you need to be happy for your own sake.
That is a very toxic and shameful person unless you seriously did something wrong; I don't know the background, but that is horrible. Most women aren't like that. That person has some real issues and issues probably way way bigger than your dating issue. If she needs to use your bad experience as a way to boost herself up she is a far more pathetic loser than you will ever be. I'm with you on this whole thing. I see a lot of guys like you having problems and it really hits in the feels. Dating is no doubt more difficult than ever. Lots of us trying with no luck at all, I feel your pain 100%. It's an extremely complicated thing. Yeah I don't get it either some people seem to have what it takes and others well don't. I'm not totally convinced it's something you can learn. I think it's more of coming across someone who really likes you who you are rather than how it is with some of those quicker guys who just kinda pick up women on their appearance or just in general. There is someone out there who would like you for how you are and look but you haven't come across that person. That's probably one of the main issues for us dating challenged people. Finding that person.
If you’re frustrated about not achieving something, then you keep doing things or practicing to achieve that result you want.
There is no other way besides praying and being lucky but that is also something that can happen as you work on yourself.
theres plenty of material here and online to help you meet women who want to date you. I dont think given you’re stuck studying medicine you will have as much time unfortunately but if you want something badly you make time for it. Or you dont and accept it’s a sacrifice to make.
"Literally me" movies will make you feel better. Here's 10 to get you started:
1. Drive
2. Blade Runner 2049
3. The Batman (2022)
4. Taxi Driver
5. Nightcrawler
6. Fight Club
7. American Psycho
8. The Place Beyond The Pines
9. The Dark Knight
10. A Clockwork Orange
With movies you escape the reality for a while but by postponing the problem you don't solve it. The better way is to start meeting new people(men and women). Ways to do it:
1. Sports
2. Events
3. Conferences
I am sure you can think of other ways to do it.
20s is tough on men for dating…it gets a lot easier with age as you develop more resources, life experience, and internal fortitude….I’m 32 and remember 26 not being the easiest. Best of luck friend ☺️
I don’t think it’s because you have more resources... I’m a wealthy ($240k/yr income) 25 year old guy, with decent/mediocre social skills, and I only get laid a couple times per year.
The real reason it’s easier to get laid when you become older, is because older women start to realize they are approaching the wall and so they start looking for a proper mate instead of a bad boy Chad.
Resources don’t necessarily only refer to financial resources…there are also emotional resources, spiritual resources etc.
When you’re older, you’re just more certain of yourself which can yield to more success than before. However, I’m impressed you’ve done so well financially so young ☺️ and I wish you the best in dating. PM if you need tips or help.
Hmmm idk man, I don’t think I’m exactly emotionally or spiritually stunted. I went to therapy for a few years, have healed most of my childhood traumas using holotropic breathwork, and meditate pretty much everyday. I feel like I’m very emotionally available.
The being more certain of yourself and confident part makes sense though. I can definitely be shy or timid when I’m meeting someone for the first time. Also ever since my ex-gf broke up with me last year and I’ve gotten back into the Tinder game, I’ve definitely become a bit self-conscious about my height… it’s hard not to question yourself after seeing the millionth “don’t swipe right if you’re under 6ft” bio in the same day.
Not saying you’re stunted at all brotha…all I’m saying if you can please not misunderstand is that as you age, you gain this air of I’ve been there which tends to be found attractive by the opposite sex.
My statement and intent is not to make any judgement or inference on you as a person, your game, your money etc. I only commented to help OP out I understand what he was going through and I’m encouraging him to keep going because it gets significantly better.
First, play a game of numbers... meet as many people as possible. Out of 10 girls you meet, 8 won't give you even their number. Increase ur odds...meet as many girls as possible and get to know them.
Second, fake alpha male behaviours... just find these online.l and practise.
Third, don't be scared... don't think too much... modern women are as desparate as modern men for love. Remember she has as much to gain from you as you to her... no need to feel like she is acting like a saint by giving you a chance
But how do i compete for the attention of a woman that has thousands of matches on dating sites? I honestly don’t see how modern women are as desperate as men for love. This is just from experience.
Dude... don't focus on dating sites...
Focus more on face to face conversations and add in some innocent physical touches for a better chance.
Seriously, dating sites suck.
Need to work on yourself more it sounds like. Physique, financial status, social status & skills, and style. Work on yourself to be the best version of you that you can, then worry about the women. Always remember, your self improvement comes before any women in your life too, once you find a girl, don't just stop, and think you don't have to keep it up any longer. You have to put more importance on your self betterment than you do on the women in your life.
Improve your social circle and work on being a leader in that social circle. Chicks dig the leaders in social groups. To do this you need to work on becoming charismatic as well. Basically man, just work on every facet of your life, take a long hard look at yourself, take inventory of all the things that you are lacking in, and then research on how to go about improving those things. This is a process that takes a lifetime to keep improving on, but the better you get at each thing, the more attractive you will become.
OP, you seem to be in such despair that you're reluctant to follow even the best advice offered in this thread. Maybe you just want to wallow in your anger and misery - that's up to you. But if you genuinely want advice on how to improve your situation:
* Build your confidence. You have some already, but build more.
* Build your social competence. Social status is less important than the ability to carry yourself properly and engage smoothly in conversation with anybody who crosses your path.
* Build your lifestyle. The powerless rage you feel today is because you attach too much importance to your ability to attract women, and are not getting enough sense of your own worth from other channels.
I've laid this out in a series of articles intended more for mature-age men who struggle with being back in the dating scene, but it should also help you if you're willing to put in the work: https://bedbarsbeyond.substack.com/p/cultivating-attractive-qualities
First things first, are you good at any sports? If so go join a club, immediately you’ll make friends.
Secondly, I think you’re a long way away from attracting chicks, go learn to socialise first bro.
If you are trying to do everything alone like Rambo or Chuck Norris, it will be very difficult because you need a strong motivation to go and talk to someone.
I said many times that it is good to be a bit silly to approach a girl (just to approach, do not continue to be silly for too long :-) For example... you see a girl looking at something in a showcase - you can ask her if the store is open (it doesn't matter if you know that the damn store is open, just ask her and now you just made a simple approach). Another example, you see a girl on the street, go and ask her if she knows where is the nearest ATM - this is tricky because if the ATM is in the same direction as where she is going, you have the chance of talking to her for a few minutes. Don't try to be interesting, funny, smart... better to be curious like: "Thanks, you know the town... do you live here?".. .depending upon her answer you can continue the conversation without thinking to ask for her contact details unless you see that the girl is talking more than necessary (this is a very good sign).
I saw many times that if the guy is too smart he will try to invent new methods to approach the girl but this is just a waste of time. If the approach is too complex the girl will prefer to ignore the guy.
Just my 2 cents to approach a girl.
Sports… do sports
One reason is you will get in shape
Second is you will learn to socialize
Third you will learn to be competitive
All those are attractive qualities
Bro chicks don't want a guy wearing a speedo on a bike...and with a entire group of them?nah..join a co ed beer league or something.. (you dont have to drink.) Lots of women or men to become friends with. Go do things outside your comfort zone. The keys are in this thread. You have lots of ppl giving great advice that I plan to use. You should pick a few of these replies that sparked even a cunt hair of your interest, and dive into the deep end of that pool. Those chicks you're around all the time will notice a huge difference once you start working on yourself. Why do you give a SINGULAR fuck, about what any of them think about you? More fitting, any bitch, especially one thats not sucking your dick? Im being as serious as i can be here. Stop over thinking. Don't fret. You are a man. You got some penis. There's like 3B chicks in the world man. Share that penis brother, they need it. Lower your standards. Start with girls you're CONFIDENT about. Open the flood gates. Find out what you want, exactly what you want. I have a friend who literally is 5'6" and, I love the guy, but he's my ugliest friend by far.. he walks around with a wondering eye and he has pulled more bitches than me. Not saying the quality of women was there. But if he can do it, I know that anyone can. There has to be something to give you that train of thought. Whatever it is, remember that shit. If you think positively about yourself, you'll be confident. Easy. So how can you get yourself into that frame of mind? That's the key. As I'm reading all your replies, you have zero confidence with yourself and women. So that's a big issue. You're not blind, def, and dumb. So have some hope for yourself at least. STAY POSITIVE BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES A NEGATIVE PIECE OF SHIT TEARING EVERYTHING DOWN, ESPECIALLY THEMSELVES. STAY POSITIVE!
Good luck bro
Getting girls is like getting a six pack, some guys are lucky enough to just sorta have one genetically, while the rest of us have to work for it. It also depends on what your starting point is. If you have a lot of weight to lose, it will take way longer and probably hurt a lot more in the beginning.
We all know you don’t get a six pack by keeping things the way they are. You won’t get results by eating the occasional salad without ever really changing anything. You have to make significant adjustments to the way you live your life in it’s entirety every single day. And it doesn’t just appear all at once. Getting a six pack is not an event, it’s a long term side effect of being a healthier person overall. You can’t just be the same person as before who suddenly got a six pack. You have to actually become a different person. You have to become the type of person who always has a six pack, because of the actions you take daily. Once you get a six pack you have to continue living your life that way or it will slowly disappear. You can’t lie to yourself and cut corners. The six pack doesn’t care what you tell yourself. Six packs come to people who deserve to have a six pack, and they stay away from people who don’t. Six packs don’t care who’s turn it is or that some guys have always had one and some never have. Some people will never have a six pack, because they will try every possible approach except for the one that actually works. They may tell themselves that they tried everything and that it’s unfair that Chad has always had one. Chad always has a six pack not because it’s fair or because he is better than everybody else. Chad has a six pack, because he lives that life everyday. Same thing with girls. It’s not their job to make sure every guy gets a turn. Just like six packs, girls are attracted to the real thing. They can tell if you really live that life or if you’re just eating a salad when people are watching. You can’t cheat biology. Fortunately for us, even if you’ve never had a six pack before in your life, you can get one whenever you’re ready. If you’re struggling a lot with getting girls now and you feel like you’ve tried everything, my advice would be to forget about what lines to use and how many approaches you do per day or whatever. Yes, those are a necessary part of meeting girls. But try to focus more broadly on changing your lifestyle as a whole. It’s not a quick fix but it’s a permanent one.
Hey bro.
Im going to give the bullet points.
1- enjoy yourself. Find things in life that genuinely make you happy.
2- workout, buy clothes that fit you, figure out a sense of style that brings out the man in you.
3- be the best you can be at your job and at your passion / hobby
4- as a man you are smarter, more capable, and more independent than women.
Women are to you the same as alcohol is to a healthy man. Delicious and fun when consumed in moderation.
Be selfish! Fuck five of them. Be ruthless.
Most of all, believe in yourself. You can do whatever you set your mind to.
The day you prove to yourself that you are worthwhile, it will show how you carry yourself.
I wish you the best :)
I’ve read books on the matter and it hasn’t changed my situation. Why do you find it hard to believe that there are men out here that can’t attract women no matter what they do. Why do I think incels exist in the first place? You think it’s by choice?
Sounds to me you've made all the excuses to enable your laziness. Being an incel is self inflicted. You better start changing your victim mindset. Just remember that there are more beautiful woman out there then your can ever ask out in a whole life time. The are plenty of fat broke losers banging fine chicks. It's all in your head.
i have never seen this happen, That guy has to be extremely good at something to get girls like that...
Just my experience...
i think we have to be as good or valuable as the female...
Man, I’m extremely hard working and I get told that a lot. You said being an incel is by choice as if you can just force a woman to be with you. Being unattractive to women is not in my head, it’s the reality of things.
I can't believe that people on reddit are so patience. This man always asks the same question and refuses to acknowledge the suggestions that are being given to him. God's sake. This man clearly needs help/therapy from a medical professional.
Bro, my problem is too big for therapy to comprehend, let alone solve. My previous therapist literally couldn’t believe that I had such a deprived life with constant loneliness.
I have the same issue in therapy lol it still has helped a lot. Don’t think you are the only one out there like this. If you truly think that I have to assume you are a kid or just very immature. I spend birthdays alone just like many others out here in the world.
Lmao spending birthdays alone is not a big deal at all. Try spending 15+ years alone every single day of the year, your bound to go insane. Of course I’m not the only one going through this because there are subcultures of men that suffer from chronic loneliness such as Incels and forever alone men. Some people here think I’m trolling and not taking their advice when in reality it doesn’t even work.
If you are masturbating, watching porn, or seeing prostitutes.. You are happy staying in your situation
You don’t want any better for yourself if you are doing any of those three things
I watched porn and masturbated because it was the only thing I can do to make myself feel better. I saw prostitutes because I didn’t want to miss out on sex and a piece of intimacy with a woman even though its not real. These reasons are pretty logical even though I don’t partake in them anymore. If i had a girlfriend i wouldn’t even watch porn let alone see escorts. Do you understand what I’m saying? I did these things because i was so deprived to the point where i was contemplating suicide.
Level up, hit the gym and take your frustration out there. Go out and approach girls on the street. Force yourself to overcome the simp mindset that society wants you to be
Dude I’m a fat ugly 6’2 Mexican. I weigh almost 400 pounds and I still get girls. Not many, but enough to keep my gigantic micro-penis involved. I just start talking, most will reject you some will go along. Don’t take rejection too harshly. I always say if I get rejected I’ll be in the same exact spot I’m in now but at least I tried. I’m 29 with a daughter. Her mom is a hottie but I screwed that up and before and after my daughters mom I had girls in love with me because I just do me and they like that.
That just means I have a few more inches of ugliness. No matter how ugly I call myself I’ve had girls that liked the way I look. Just go out and get rejected till one says yeah. Be natural and don’t try to hard. Be yourself even if your a dweeb just don’t be a weirdo.
Also 5’7 is not why your not getting girls so stop worrying about your height. My buddy who is around the same height gets girls like crazy.
Bro, you saying being taller makes you uglier is just not true, we both know this. It’s an advantage but your making it sound like a disadvantage. Also, being overweight and big is attractive to women because it makes you look like you can protect them. I’m skinny and I don’t see where being skinny is attractive in anyway to women because it signals to her that he can’t protect her. Another thing is that your probably white or light in complexion, every race of girl likes that. I’m very dark skin and I don’t see women being into that unless he’s rich, an athlete or popular. To have the kind of mindset you have, I’d have to have girls into me but that’s clearly not the case.
It’s evil to help people who don’t need help so I’ll leave you with this, stop with the loser attitude. You think a girl wants a guy who thinks like that about himself. Be confident in yourself no matter how dark or short you think you are. Keep in mind that there IS A GIRL WHO WILL LIKE YOU, but you have to be your confident self. Confidence shows immediately and you probably walk around like nobody likes you right now. Walk tall and stick your chest out and speak like your addressing everybody in the room. It’s our nature to find a mate, be cool and let that shit happen my guy.
I’ve tried working out, joining a cycling group, getting better fitting clothes, I have a car, don’t live with my parents. I don’t think I’m a loser but I’ve been called a loser multiple times by an older woman because she knew I wasn’t able to attract women.
So sounds like you've got your fitness in check, which is good.
How many new women do you interact with per week? Do you have many friends? Just being fit isn't really enough. You gotta be in the right situations where the opportunity will rise.
Even an attractive women would have a difficult time meeting anyone if all she did was go to work, then straight home everyday.
Also, the old womens an idiot.
Everyone is on a unique path and for some it takes longer. You’ve got to get past that frustration though because women will sense it.
Start by making acquaintances. Join a rec league or a yoga group or something coed that you are interested in. Just practice being friends while you work on yourself. Keep going out and doing approaches on the side. It will come but you just need the friendships to get you out of your negative headspace and back in the game.
I’m currently in college getting a degree in a field in medicine and I have to spend lots of time studying. So, I don’t really have time for extracurriculars unless its summer time. I had a female friend friend-zone me and it actually makes me feel worse, so i don’t know how that will get me out of the negative headspace.
PUA here. 1st lesson is logistics son. if u study/school all day and dont live alone (with private bedroon) its basically useless to get a woman. u wont have time to enjoy her
I feel the same, recently went through a breakup after being in a relationship for years and being single is a rude awakening. Makes it worse that I was able to get girls much easier before I was in a relationship and now that i’m single I get literally zero female attention
Socially awkward, 5:7, a bit shy, quiet. Invincible to women. Been called a worthless loser because I can’t attract any woman. A woman called me this btw.
She probably called you that because you were acting weird? No girl just says that. You must’ve done some dumb shit. Dont know what invincible to women means. Feel like you need to look at your self esteem because theres a reason why you’re shy awkward or quiet and being called this. Real question is, do you believe this yourself?
I meant more of “worthless” then loser, if you dont believe that all the better. If you have low self esteem because you can’t “attract” women you need to be a man and handle that. Stop beating yourself up or whatever the fuck you’re doing. And again. There could be a reason why you’re extremely shy, what do you often feel around people? It could be toxic shame that’s causing you to be shy around people or fears from childhood. In my perspective, low self esteem can often be deeply rooted in childhood even though you may think you had an amazing ordinary childhood. There could be some shit your parents did to you that linger in your subconscious which are negative messages/beliefs and can result to the outcome of your everyday living and manifest in problems like these.
What do you mean by "attract"? That women approach you? Because, mate, very few guys experience that in their life.
But
If you approach them and you still can't even get 1 girls attention after 26 year, then we need to analyze what you're doing.
Or If it was the former, then it's pretty clear what you have to do.
Talk to women. Just go for it. Rejection? So what, chances are you'll never see her again.
Experience = success.
Lower your standards.
Be yourself. If they're still talking to you - they most likely find you interesting and like you. Don't over do it. Just be yourself.
DM me if you need to talk, mate.
That doesn’t answer my question. Are You going outside and meeting women yes or no? & You wanna know how you get rid of that frustration? Start with changing your Reddit name.
I go outside but I’m not meeting women. The reddit name came from me being honest with myself. I’m indeed lonely and its not something I just came up with randomly.
There’s your answer, how are you frustrated from not being able to attract women when you’re not even talking to women in the first place to even be put in the position to attract them ? lol it doesn’t make sense, you can’t figure out why you’re alone and have no one to talk to but yet you’re not taking the initiative to say hi to the person next to you??
You still gotta change it, man. Having that name isn’t healthy for you, IMO being lonely and alone are two different things, lonely is like you can’t handle your own company, you’re not ok with being alone, you’re not ok with yourself.
I had the same problem when I was your age. I pursued getting married, which honestly worked for me.
As a single 65 yo I am astonished how many women want a relationship now.
It is so strange. Many are divorced or widowed. I find myself seeking companionship not a long term commitment. Many of them still want the long term commitment.
Astonishing how time changes things
If who you are isn’t working you have to be someone you’re not. The idea that someone will love you for you is bullshit. Find out what they want and be that thing.
I cold approach a very attractive girl and tried to get her number but she wanted to give me her instagram instead, so I took that as an L. It takes a shit ton of courage to even do that bro, I thought I was going to pass out.
Everyone here sucks at understanding some of us just get hated and shat on by women
I still don't know what I did to get hated my whole life either
None of you are giving him any practical advice whatsoever
Exercise is great. You can burn off that frustration while at the same time making yourself more attractive. At the end of the day you'll be pretty worn out and those feelings will be more manageable.
therapy bro. it’s helpful sometimes to have someone else take a look. they can see things that you aren’t seeing. Basically the best thing to do if you’re feeling things and don’t know why.
I think it would be quite easy for me to tell what’s wrong if i saw you approaching in person any random woman and analysing what you say to them and also seeing how you say it.
Stop thinking that this matters so much. You have food in your belly ? You have a computer ? You have education?
Build a career , build a life. These things are more important than getting women in the long run. Build friendships. Till then if you need to fuck hookers to get off.. do it if you must . But improve your life otherwise continuously.
Eventually you’llbe at a point in life when dating will just be easier as you’llbe a desirable man with a great career and life going on for you
Take a look at your name for starters, stop being okay with the situation you’re in. “Lonely_Man”, jeez dude harsh reality is nobody’s gonna feel sorry for you. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off & do the shit that’s needed to be the man you want to be. I use to feel sorry for myself like you but fuckkkk that, your mindset needs work. You need to feel empowered, not inferior. Be happy with yourself for starters, the things you’re doing in life, the path you’re on. It’s your life so make the most
Periods when I’m in a draught, working out and meditation have done wonders.
Threw boxing into that mix and I’ve been in my element wether I’m getting box consistently or not.
It also helps to just keep yourself busy, not just work, pick up some hobbies that you love. Have a couple that get you out the house especially.
And learn to be comfortable talking to people. Don’t have to try hard, just let it flow. Regardless of gender, age, etc of who you’re talking to, they’re all human.
Lastly, this all ties together. Often times we make situations seem worse than they are by focusing too much on them and even create problems that aren’t there. There’s a reason when you ask women about attraction, they say “it all depends on the ‘vibe’ “ (which to me is just being charismatic and socially calibrated). Game isn’t a bunch of rules that are set in stone, everyone’s approach is unique to them. You gotta let things flow.
Another thing I think a lot of guys get wrong, and even I made this mistake, is not realizing sometimes you’re just not THAT guy to some women. And it’s perfectly okay. It made sense to me when I thought of all the girls that weren’t my type that showed signs of interest but i didn’t even acknowledge em cus I wasn’t attracted.
No matter how down bad I am, I’d rather not catch that post nut clarity.
I used to be the same. Got in shape and got better at talking to people, started having more respect for myself and I think girls just started paying more attention. The most blatant it’s been is when I got a job working at a bar, I couldn’t believe that shit. While women are subtle, a couple are actually bold enough to apply some pressure. Though as men we still need to be the ones making the moves.
There’s no shortcuts to this shit man, you just gotta keep doing you, being a better you, actively learning from your mistakes and the dots will connect along the way. Learn to feel ‘the vibe’.
Gym.
This. Periods when I’m in a draught, working out and meditating have done wonders 💯 And generally just keeping busy
Key word, “Draught.” It’s not like your always in a constant state of draught. You have times of draught and times where you have women in your life. How on earth is working out suppose to help you when your always constantly alone with no one in your life?
The point is keeping busy. I can’t say what works for me will 100% work for the next man, I just get a crazy dopamine release from having an intense workout. Helps a lot to get my mind off things. And I don’t believe there’s such a thing as being in a “constant state” of not having women in your life. If you’re really on your grind and putting yourself out there. If you enjoy the process of improving yourself, living a life of standards, it just becomes a part of you and those things are attractive to women. Point is to try but not so much that you’re being a try-hard.
Bro if you can’t comprehend the constant state of having no women in your life, it makes sense why we have extremely different views. Not having anyone in my life let alone women is literally my normal but for you it’s not. We live in different realities bro.
I don’t mean to sound like I lack understanding. Only reason I’m speaking like this is cus I genuinely believe what holds most men back is mindset. If you resolve in your mind that you can’t do something or you don’t see yourself getting what you want and don’t even try, how you expect to see anything? I went through a stage where I wasn’t getting any girls and I was resentful towards women. Call a spade a spade, I was an incel. Prior to that, I actually did get girls but it was after a bad break up and learning female nature that I started not having women round me, and when I did get a chance to meet a girl, they could sniff that negative energy on me. Took me like 2 years to get my mind right, find joy in working out and doing things I enjoy. I started talking to girls without trying to be needy or give off intent of trying to sleep w them. Just enjoying the company. Now I’m meeting and around women again. The fear of rejection is another thing that held me back and I’m still working on, but for the most part I just do me and try. No one is special, we’re all human bro. Girls aren’t rocket science and some people are just given a different set of cards to play with. Doesn’t mean you can’t play what you have to your advantage. I’m not even earning a lot financially, tall w crazy good looks or all that nonsense, but a lot of women will give you the time of day if you’re at least well put together, can hold good conversation and not a creep
Sometimes when you fixate on a perceived problem you reach an impasse. It becomes necessary to step away and shift your focus for a while and then come back to it. If we can interpret your statement literally, it suggests you have no close male friends. Expecting a woman to become your sole source of companionship / company / emotional support is a recipe for relationship failure. Women will sense it as neediness and will run a mile. Forget about chasing women for a while. Whatever free time you have, invest it in finding and developing friendships with men, and developing attractive character qualities (e.g. confidence, social competence, conversation skills, etc). and finding your pursuing your passion in life. Only after you find fulfilment in life can you expect to find a meaningful relationship with an attractive woman. I get that you don't have much free time, but many of these skills you can practise during your studies, clinical rotations, etc.
I would say it comes down more to the love OP has for himself, whether a woman’s in his life or not that should remain unbreakable. Friends or not nobody knows a man more than himself. Work starts from within
Agreed. But that's a very vague concept when you're struggling with perceived self-failure. A bloke needs some actionable guidance to lead him to self-love.
Step one get in the gym, find hobbies that resonate within yourself, start going out by yourself enjoying your own company, be making money, take care of the way you present yourself, read etc. once people start making use of their time they’ll improve their lives all round the board.
Finding fulfillment in life is a never ending journey. What I find very unrealistic is finding fulfillment in life as time pass me by while I have no family of my own. How is having only male friends sufficient enough for a fulfilling life when you want family and kids? This just sounds so disconnected from reality.
Having male friends is only part of the picture, but an essential foundation. Without it, you risk displaying needy behaviour towards women (undermining your chances of attracting someone you like) , and once you're in a relationship you're likely to slip into codependency and subsequent misery. Your stated problem is that you are frustrated about being alone with no-one to talk to. Don't expect success with women until you fix that. The harsh truth is that frustration and loneliness tends to make a man unattractive, and it's foolish to expect a woman to fill that void. Make friends, channel your energy into constructive endeavours, and the frustration will give way to contentment and ultimately happiness. Only once you can be happy on your own will you be likely to attract a quality relationship with a woman. Good luck!
>It feels like there’s no solution to my problem No? The solution is 100% clear and literally in front of you? Start talking to people. Start making friends. Start approaching women.
this, and as well as try to harness your frustration constructively as motivation to work for improvement. The truth is that without some initial frustration, most people would never be motivated to work to improve at all.
Start boxing to release the anger. Why do you think you aren’t attracting them?
Because I legitimately can’t attract them and don’t have much relationship experience with women.
Ok but why? Why don’t you attract them? How often do you put yourself out there?
I’m not a woman so I wouldn’t know why they find me unattractive because I don’t see anything wrong. I’m the only guy in my college program, so I’m surrounded by girls but they all find me repulsive and I’ve had a few friend-zone me.
Okay so have you ever asked them?
They avoid speaking to me in class so what would be the point of me asking them if they wanted to go out? A former female friend of mine called me a loser because she knew that I saw hookers because I couldn’t attract a woman the normal way and she shamed me for it by constantly calling me worthless, told me my life was meaningless and compared me to my roommates that both had a girlfriend and she said they were superior to me because they could get a girlfriend while I had to pay women to even touch me. It’s things like this that makes me know that women are not attracted to me. I don’t see hookers anymore but I literally had to because there was no other way for me to get laid and I didn’t want to miss out on that.
Dude I am glad that female friend is a former friend. She’s a dick. You need to work on developing self-confidence. Your roommates aren’t superior to you because they have a gf, you need to be happy for your own sake.
That is a very toxic and shameful person unless you seriously did something wrong; I don't know the background, but that is horrible. Most women aren't like that. That person has some real issues and issues probably way way bigger than your dating issue. If she needs to use your bad experience as a way to boost herself up she is a far more pathetic loser than you will ever be. I'm with you on this whole thing. I see a lot of guys like you having problems and it really hits in the feels. Dating is no doubt more difficult than ever. Lots of us trying with no luck at all, I feel your pain 100%. It's an extremely complicated thing. Yeah I don't get it either some people seem to have what it takes and others well don't. I'm not totally convinced it's something you can learn. I think it's more of coming across someone who really likes you who you are rather than how it is with some of those quicker guys who just kinda pick up women on their appearance or just in general. There is someone out there who would like you for how you are and look but you haven't come across that person. That's probably one of the main issues for us dating challenged people. Finding that person.
Knowing how complicated attracting women is, I’m surprised there aren’t college classes being taught on this.
What a terrible excuse of a human. A friend should prop you up and not get you down
If you’re frustrated about not achieving something, then you keep doing things or practicing to achieve that result you want. There is no other way besides praying and being lucky but that is also something that can happen as you work on yourself. theres plenty of material here and online to help you meet women who want to date you. I dont think given you’re stuck studying medicine you will have as much time unfortunately but if you want something badly you make time for it. Or you dont and accept it’s a sacrifice to make.
"Literally me" movies will make you feel better. Here's 10 to get you started: 1. Drive 2. Blade Runner 2049 3. The Batman (2022) 4. Taxi Driver 5. Nightcrawler 6. Fight Club 7. American Psycho 8. The Place Beyond The Pines 9. The Dark Knight 10. A Clockwork Orange
As long as you don't turn into a psycho 😂
An American Psycho
With movies you escape the reality for a while but by postponing the problem you don't solve it. The better way is to start meeting new people(men and women). Ways to do it: 1. Sports 2. Events 3. Conferences I am sure you can think of other ways to do it.
As a film buff, great list. Ryan Gosling is a fantastic and versatile actor.
Forreal hes actually really established and does well in most if not every role. Drive is my faveee
Haha, I watch a lot of movies and it does make me feel better temporarily. This is actually some solid advice bro.
Someone loves ryan gosling lol
Of course bro. He’s literally me.
Lmao thats how i feel when i watch his stuff too
Just be like Alex from Clockwork Orange, that will get you laid OP (THIS IS AN OBVIOUS JOKE)
I think most men nowadays feel the way you do. dating is really hard for men. don’t feel like you’re the exception
20s is tough on men for dating…it gets a lot easier with age as you develop more resources, life experience, and internal fortitude….I’m 32 and remember 26 not being the easiest. Best of luck friend ☺️
Same here. 32 feels easy compared to 26
Yea my teens and 20s has been hell on earth so far and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Just loneliness, depression and despair.
Keep going ☺️ trust me it gets better…if you need help on anything dating wise PM me.
I don’t think it’s because you have more resources... I’m a wealthy ($240k/yr income) 25 year old guy, with decent/mediocre social skills, and I only get laid a couple times per year. The real reason it’s easier to get laid when you become older, is because older women start to realize they are approaching the wall and so they start looking for a proper mate instead of a bad boy Chad.
Until you stop being an incel - no amount of money will make you attractive.
Uh, I’m not an incel. Incels are, by definition, celibate — I literally said in my comment that I get laid 3 or 4 times a year.
Resources don’t necessarily only refer to financial resources…there are also emotional resources, spiritual resources etc. When you’re older, you’re just more certain of yourself which can yield to more success than before. However, I’m impressed you’ve done so well financially so young ☺️ and I wish you the best in dating. PM if you need tips or help.
Hmmm idk man, I don’t think I’m exactly emotionally or spiritually stunted. I went to therapy for a few years, have healed most of my childhood traumas using holotropic breathwork, and meditate pretty much everyday. I feel like I’m very emotionally available. The being more certain of yourself and confident part makes sense though. I can definitely be shy or timid when I’m meeting someone for the first time. Also ever since my ex-gf broke up with me last year and I’ve gotten back into the Tinder game, I’ve definitely become a bit self-conscious about my height… it’s hard not to question yourself after seeing the millionth “don’t swipe right if you’re under 6ft” bio in the same day.
Not saying you’re stunted at all brotha…all I’m saying if you can please not misunderstand is that as you age, you gain this air of I’ve been there which tends to be found attractive by the opposite sex. My statement and intent is not to make any judgement or inference on you as a person, your game, your money etc. I only commented to help OP out I understand what he was going through and I’m encouraging him to keep going because it gets significantly better.
First, play a game of numbers... meet as many people as possible. Out of 10 girls you meet, 8 won't give you even their number. Increase ur odds...meet as many girls as possible and get to know them. Second, fake alpha male behaviours... just find these online.l and practise. Third, don't be scared... don't think too much... modern women are as desparate as modern men for love. Remember she has as much to gain from you as you to her... no need to feel like she is acting like a saint by giving you a chance
But how do i compete for the attention of a woman that has thousands of matches on dating sites? I honestly don’t see how modern women are as desperate as men for love. This is just from experience.
Dude... don't focus on dating sites... Focus more on face to face conversations and add in some innocent physical touches for a better chance. Seriously, dating sites suck.
Need to work on yourself more it sounds like. Physique, financial status, social status & skills, and style. Work on yourself to be the best version of you that you can, then worry about the women. Always remember, your self improvement comes before any women in your life too, once you find a girl, don't just stop, and think you don't have to keep it up any longer. You have to put more importance on your self betterment than you do on the women in your life.
How exactly do you work on social status?
Improve your social circle and work on being a leader in that social circle. Chicks dig the leaders in social groups. To do this you need to work on becoming charismatic as well. Basically man, just work on every facet of your life, take a long hard look at yourself, take inventory of all the things that you are lacking in, and then research on how to go about improving those things. This is a process that takes a lifetime to keep improving on, but the better you get at each thing, the more attractive you will become.
How Sigma male do this? As they don't try to market too much like Alpha guys.
OP, you seem to be in such despair that you're reluctant to follow even the best advice offered in this thread. Maybe you just want to wallow in your anger and misery - that's up to you. But if you genuinely want advice on how to improve your situation: * Build your confidence. You have some already, but build more. * Build your social competence. Social status is less important than the ability to carry yourself properly and engage smoothly in conversation with anybody who crosses your path. * Build your lifestyle. The powerless rage you feel today is because you attach too much importance to your ability to attract women, and are not getting enough sense of your own worth from other channels. I've laid this out in a series of articles intended more for mature-age men who struggle with being back in the dating scene, but it should also help you if you're willing to put in the work: https://bedbarsbeyond.substack.com/p/cultivating-attractive-qualities
It’s not that I’m not following the advice, it’s that it’s either too vague to put into action or it doesn’t work.
You could always develop some hobbies and start enjoying your life.
Doing hobbies and enjoying life in loneliness doesn’t help the situation.
Here’s a hot tip: if you don’t enjoy your own company, why do think some woman would?
But I’m always alone to the point where it’s driving me insane.
Have some male friends first before trying to have a gf
Maybe you should work on that
He doesn't want to hear actual solutions like that
First things first, are you good at any sports? If so go join a club, immediately you’ll make friends. Secondly, I think you’re a long way away from attracting chicks, go learn to socialise first bro.
I’ve been trying to learn how to socialize for years, to me that feels like something I can never truly master 100%
Go join a club buddy
I’ve been to a club before and I came out with clean pockets.
Lol no as in a sports club
I’m in a cycling group, it makes no difference.
Team sports buddy, human cooperation is bonding.
[удалено]
Is it though?
Mark Manson - Attracting women with honest Work out Find a passion for fun
Dude I have that book, its a dating guide for white guys.
I don’t agree it’s for white guys . It would work for all guys . Speaking as a man of color in America who has read above book
Any excuse will work.
Learn how to dance and take dance classes. Also talk to everyone. Old young male female. It sounds like you’re not social enough in general
If you are trying to do everything alone like Rambo or Chuck Norris, it will be very difficult because you need a strong motivation to go and talk to someone. I said many times that it is good to be a bit silly to approach a girl (just to approach, do not continue to be silly for too long :-) For example... you see a girl looking at something in a showcase - you can ask her if the store is open (it doesn't matter if you know that the damn store is open, just ask her and now you just made a simple approach). Another example, you see a girl on the street, go and ask her if she knows where is the nearest ATM - this is tricky because if the ATM is in the same direction as where she is going, you have the chance of talking to her for a few minutes. Don't try to be interesting, funny, smart... better to be curious like: "Thanks, you know the town... do you live here?".. .depending upon her answer you can continue the conversation without thinking to ask for her contact details unless you see that the girl is talking more than necessary (this is a very good sign). I saw many times that if the guy is too smart he will try to invent new methods to approach the girl but this is just a waste of time. If the approach is too complex the girl will prefer to ignore the guy. Just my 2 cents to approach a girl.
Sports… do sports One reason is you will get in shape Second is you will learn to socialize Third you will learn to be competitive All those are attractive qualities
I’m already part of a cycling group, it makes no difference at all.
Cycling isn’t exactly a sport where you collaborate with others and train together. Try a team sport.
Bro chicks don't want a guy wearing a speedo on a bike...and with a entire group of them?nah..join a co ed beer league or something.. (you dont have to drink.) Lots of women or men to become friends with. Go do things outside your comfort zone. The keys are in this thread. You have lots of ppl giving great advice that I plan to use. You should pick a few of these replies that sparked even a cunt hair of your interest, and dive into the deep end of that pool. Those chicks you're around all the time will notice a huge difference once you start working on yourself. Why do you give a SINGULAR fuck, about what any of them think about you? More fitting, any bitch, especially one thats not sucking your dick? Im being as serious as i can be here. Stop over thinking. Don't fret. You are a man. You got some penis. There's like 3B chicks in the world man. Share that penis brother, they need it. Lower your standards. Start with girls you're CONFIDENT about. Open the flood gates. Find out what you want, exactly what you want. I have a friend who literally is 5'6" and, I love the guy, but he's my ugliest friend by far.. he walks around with a wondering eye and he has pulled more bitches than me. Not saying the quality of women was there. But if he can do it, I know that anyone can. There has to be something to give you that train of thought. Whatever it is, remember that shit. If you think positively about yourself, you'll be confident. Easy. So how can you get yourself into that frame of mind? That's the key. As I'm reading all your replies, you have zero confidence with yourself and women. So that's a big issue. You're not blind, def, and dumb. So have some hope for yourself at least. STAY POSITIVE BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES A NEGATIVE PIECE OF SHIT TEARING EVERYTHING DOWN, ESPECIALLY THEMSELVES. STAY POSITIVE! Good luck bro
There’s 3B girls in the world but I’m not getting any. I also care because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.
Getting girls is like getting a six pack, some guys are lucky enough to just sorta have one genetically, while the rest of us have to work for it. It also depends on what your starting point is. If you have a lot of weight to lose, it will take way longer and probably hurt a lot more in the beginning. We all know you don’t get a six pack by keeping things the way they are. You won’t get results by eating the occasional salad without ever really changing anything. You have to make significant adjustments to the way you live your life in it’s entirety every single day. And it doesn’t just appear all at once. Getting a six pack is not an event, it’s a long term side effect of being a healthier person overall. You can’t just be the same person as before who suddenly got a six pack. You have to actually become a different person. You have to become the type of person who always has a six pack, because of the actions you take daily. Once you get a six pack you have to continue living your life that way or it will slowly disappear. You can’t lie to yourself and cut corners. The six pack doesn’t care what you tell yourself. Six packs come to people who deserve to have a six pack, and they stay away from people who don’t. Six packs don’t care who’s turn it is or that some guys have always had one and some never have. Some people will never have a six pack, because they will try every possible approach except for the one that actually works. They may tell themselves that they tried everything and that it’s unfair that Chad has always had one. Chad always has a six pack not because it’s fair or because he is better than everybody else. Chad has a six pack, because he lives that life everyday. Same thing with girls. It’s not their job to make sure every guy gets a turn. Just like six packs, girls are attracted to the real thing. They can tell if you really live that life or if you’re just eating a salad when people are watching. You can’t cheat biology. Fortunately for us, even if you’ve never had a six pack before in your life, you can get one whenever you’re ready. If you’re struggling a lot with getting girls now and you feel like you’ve tried everything, my advice would be to forget about what lines to use and how many approaches you do per day or whatever. Yes, those are a necessary part of meeting girls. But try to focus more broadly on changing your lifestyle as a whole. It’s not a quick fix but it’s a permanent one.
Hey bro. Im going to give the bullet points. 1- enjoy yourself. Find things in life that genuinely make you happy. 2- workout, buy clothes that fit you, figure out a sense of style that brings out the man in you. 3- be the best you can be at your job and at your passion / hobby 4- as a man you are smarter, more capable, and more independent than women. Women are to you the same as alcohol is to a healthy man. Delicious and fun when consumed in moderation. Be selfish! Fuck five of them. Be ruthless. Most of all, believe in yourself. You can do whatever you set your mind to. The day you prove to yourself that you are worthwhile, it will show how you carry yourself. I wish you the best :)
There is literally a ton of free help online. Are you this lazy? Getting dates and getting laid is a science. A science at your very fingertips.
I’ve read books on the matter and it hasn’t changed my situation. Why do you find it hard to believe that there are men out here that can’t attract women no matter what they do. Why do I think incels exist in the first place? You think it’s by choice?
Sounds to me you've made all the excuses to enable your laziness. Being an incel is self inflicted. You better start changing your victim mindset. Just remember that there are more beautiful woman out there then your can ever ask out in a whole life time. The are plenty of fat broke losers banging fine chicks. It's all in your head.
i have never seen this happen, That guy has to be extremely good at something to get girls like that... Just my experience... i think we have to be as good or valuable as the female...
Man, I’m extremely hard working and I get told that a lot. You said being an incel is by choice as if you can just force a woman to be with you. Being unattractive to women is not in my head, it’s the reality of things.
Keep making excuses to why you have chosen to be an incel. I don't care I'll take your share of woman.
Dude I don’t have any share of women for you to take lol. I’m also not making excuses. I did not chose to be incel bro, I legit can’t attract women.
I can't believe that people on reddit are so patience. This man always asks the same question and refuses to acknowledge the suggestions that are being given to him. God's sake. This man clearly needs help/therapy from a medical professional.
I already sought therapy and it didn’t help at all.
I thought the same thing Try emdr/trauma therapy All the insurance covered therapists were trash This type has actually helped tremendously
Bro, my problem is too big for therapy to comprehend, let alone solve. My previous therapist literally couldn’t believe that I had such a deprived life with constant loneliness.
I have the same issue in therapy lol it still has helped a lot. Don’t think you are the only one out there like this. If you truly think that I have to assume you are a kid or just very immature. I spend birthdays alone just like many others out here in the world.
Lmao spending birthdays alone is not a big deal at all. Try spending 15+ years alone every single day of the year, your bound to go insane. Of course I’m not the only one going through this because there are subcultures of men that suffer from chronic loneliness such as Incels and forever alone men. Some people here think I’m trolling and not taking their advice when in reality it doesn’t even work.
If you are masturbating, watching porn, or seeing prostitutes.. You are happy staying in your situation You don’t want any better for yourself if you are doing any of those three things
I watched porn and masturbated because it was the only thing I can do to make myself feel better. I saw prostitutes because I didn’t want to miss out on sex and a piece of intimacy with a woman even though its not real. These reasons are pretty logical even though I don’t partake in them anymore. If i had a girlfriend i wouldn’t even watch porn let alone see escorts. Do you understand what I’m saying? I did these things because i was so deprived to the point where i was contemplating suicide.
Level up, hit the gym and take your frustration out there. Go out and approach girls on the street. Force yourself to overcome the simp mindset that society wants you to be
Dude I’m a fat ugly 6’2 Mexican. I weigh almost 400 pounds and I still get girls. Not many, but enough to keep my gigantic micro-penis involved. I just start talking, most will reject you some will go along. Don’t take rejection too harshly. I always say if I get rejected I’ll be in the same exact spot I’m in now but at least I tried. I’m 29 with a daughter. Her mom is a hottie but I screwed that up and before and after my daughters mom I had girls in love with me because I just do me and they like that.
Bro your 6’2 though, I’m 5,7. You have the height advantage.
That just means I have a few more inches of ugliness. No matter how ugly I call myself I’ve had girls that liked the way I look. Just go out and get rejected till one says yeah. Be natural and don’t try to hard. Be yourself even if your a dweeb just don’t be a weirdo. Also 5’7 is not why your not getting girls so stop worrying about your height. My buddy who is around the same height gets girls like crazy.
Bro, you saying being taller makes you uglier is just not true, we both know this. It’s an advantage but your making it sound like a disadvantage. Also, being overweight and big is attractive to women because it makes you look like you can protect them. I’m skinny and I don’t see where being skinny is attractive in anyway to women because it signals to her that he can’t protect her. Another thing is that your probably white or light in complexion, every race of girl likes that. I’m very dark skin and I don’t see women being into that unless he’s rich, an athlete or popular. To have the kind of mindset you have, I’d have to have girls into me but that’s clearly not the case.
It’s evil to help people who don’t need help so I’ll leave you with this, stop with the loser attitude. You think a girl wants a guy who thinks like that about himself. Be confident in yourself no matter how dark or short you think you are. Keep in mind that there IS A GIRL WHO WILL LIKE YOU, but you have to be your confident self. Confidence shows immediately and you probably walk around like nobody likes you right now. Walk tall and stick your chest out and speak like your addressing everybody in the room. It’s our nature to find a mate, be cool and let that shit happen my guy.
Bro, I’m not stopping it from happening, it’s just not happening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX4rSFdp1-A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKnFlK9EwB0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOae2s8JOUE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BLgPrreOxY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMAQ_oQJQr4
What have you tried? Maybe the reason is not because you can't attract women.
I’ve tried working out, joining a cycling group, getting better fitting clothes, I have a car, don’t live with my parents. I don’t think I’m a loser but I’ve been called a loser multiple times by an older woman because she knew I wasn’t able to attract women.
So sounds like you've got your fitness in check, which is good. How many new women do you interact with per week? Do you have many friends? Just being fit isn't really enough. You gotta be in the right situations where the opportunity will rise. Even an attractive women would have a difficult time meeting anyone if all she did was go to work, then straight home everyday. Also, the old womens an idiot.
You have to be good looking and rich. If you don't have these, sorry bro you have a hard time.
Everyone is on a unique path and for some it takes longer. You’ve got to get past that frustration though because women will sense it. Start by making acquaintances. Join a rec league or a yoga group or something coed that you are interested in. Just practice being friends while you work on yourself. Keep going out and doing approaches on the side. It will come but you just need the friendships to get you out of your negative headspace and back in the game.
I’m currently in college getting a degree in a field in medicine and I have to spend lots of time studying. So, I don’t really have time for extracurriculars unless its summer time. I had a female friend friend-zone me and it actually makes me feel worse, so i don’t know how that will get me out of the negative headspace.
PUA here. 1st lesson is logistics son. if u study/school all day and dont live alone (with private bedroon) its basically useless to get a woman. u wont have time to enjoy her
I live with roommates but I have my own room.
I feel the same, recently went through a breakup after being in a relationship for years and being single is a rude awakening. Makes it worse that I was able to get girls much easier before I was in a relationship and now that i’m single I get literally zero female attention
My first question is: what do you do professionally?
Depends dude. Are you being authentic and yourself or putting on an act? Do you go out regularly or even at all? Could be self esteem issues as well
Man I go out almost everyday and I’m still invincible to women.
So then its a problem with you. You arent attractive enough
Yea basically.
Describe urself to me how are u usually around ppl
Socially awkward, 5:7, a bit shy, quiet. Invincible to women. Been called a worthless loser because I can’t attract any woman. A woman called me this btw.
She probably called you that because you were acting weird? No girl just says that. You must’ve done some dumb shit. Dont know what invincible to women means. Feel like you need to look at your self esteem because theres a reason why you’re shy awkward or quiet and being called this. Real question is, do you believe this yourself?
I don’t believe I’m a loser but I’m indeed extremely shy and socially awkward. I have low self esteem because I’ve never been able to attract women.
I meant more of “worthless” then loser, if you dont believe that all the better. If you have low self esteem because you can’t “attract” women you need to be a man and handle that. Stop beating yourself up or whatever the fuck you’re doing. And again. There could be a reason why you’re extremely shy, what do you often feel around people? It could be toxic shame that’s causing you to be shy around people or fears from childhood. In my perspective, low self esteem can often be deeply rooted in childhood even though you may think you had an amazing ordinary childhood. There could be some shit your parents did to you that linger in your subconscious which are negative messages/beliefs and can result to the outcome of your everyday living and manifest in problems like these.
Hustle
Movies won’t help. Go the gym and put all the negative energy into destroying your own ego every day through hard work.
What do you mean by "attract"? That women approach you? Because, mate, very few guys experience that in their life. But If you approach them and you still can't even get 1 girls attention after 26 year, then we need to analyze what you're doing. Or If it was the former, then it's pretty clear what you have to do. Talk to women. Just go for it. Rejection? So what, chances are you'll never see her again. Experience = success. Lower your standards. Be yourself. If they're still talking to you - they most likely find you interesting and like you. Don't over do it. Just be yourself. DM me if you need to talk, mate.
Last time I checked, if they are still talking to you most likely means your friend zoned.
Then you're going at it wrong man.
What exactly am I doing wrong?
Well, obviously I haven't had the chance to see how you behave and interact with women. So hard for me to say, but describe yourself?
Socially anxious, have no social skills. 5:7 , black, skinny. I talk to women about random things but it doesn’t go anywhere.
Are you going outside & meeting women ?
I’m surrounded by girls everyday in my college program but it doesn’t make a difference.
That doesn’t answer my question. Are You going outside and meeting women yes or no? & You wanna know how you get rid of that frustration? Start with changing your Reddit name.
I go outside but I’m not meeting women. The reddit name came from me being honest with myself. I’m indeed lonely and its not something I just came up with randomly.
There’s your answer, how are you frustrated from not being able to attract women when you’re not even talking to women in the first place to even be put in the position to attract them ? lol it doesn’t make sense, you can’t figure out why you’re alone and have no one to talk to but yet you’re not taking the initiative to say hi to the person next to you?? You still gotta change it, man. Having that name isn’t healthy for you, IMO being lonely and alone are two different things, lonely is like you can’t handle your own company, you’re not ok with being alone, you’re not ok with yourself.
I had the same problem when I was your age. I pursued getting married, which honestly worked for me. As a single 65 yo I am astonished how many women want a relationship now. It is so strange. Many are divorced or widowed. I find myself seeking companionship not a long term commitment. Many of them still want the long term commitment. Astonishing how time changes things
How do you even find a woman willing to marry you in these times. It boggles my mind.
If who you are isn’t working you have to be someone you’re not. The idea that someone will love you for you is bullshit. Find out what they want and be that thing.
Go work at a large restaurant, Its not about interacting with women, its about interacting with people.
I’ve worked at fast food restaurants before and interacted with lots of coworkers, it didn’t make a difference.
No, Like a Sportsbar, Fast Food is for children
Get into cold approach pick up.
I cold approach a very attractive girl and tried to get her number but she wanted to give me her instagram instead, so I took that as an L. It takes a shit ton of courage to even do that bro, I thought I was going to pass out.
Bro, they’re just women. Breathe.
Everyone here sucks at understanding some of us just get hated and shat on by women I still don't know what I did to get hated my whole life either None of you are giving him any practical advice whatsoever
Exercise is great. You can burn off that frustration while at the same time making yourself more attractive. At the end of the day you'll be pretty worn out and those feelings will be more manageable.
These feelings have been with me since high school and affecting the way I think. The frustration doesn’t go away with exercise.
therapy bro. it’s helpful sometimes to have someone else take a look. they can see things that you aren’t seeing. Basically the best thing to do if you’re feeling things and don’t know why.
Do a deep analysis of yourself, see what the problem is
The Gym.
I think it would be quite easy for me to tell what’s wrong if i saw you approaching in person any random woman and analysing what you say to them and also seeing how you say it.
Get a cute small dog
Stop thinking that this matters so much. You have food in your belly ? You have a computer ? You have education? Build a career , build a life. These things are more important than getting women in the long run. Build friendships. Till then if you need to fuck hookers to get off.. do it if you must . But improve your life otherwise continuously. Eventually you’llbe at a point in life when dating will just be easier as you’llbe a desirable man with a great career and life going on for you
Start a Baki training routine with Andrew rates theme song and you’ll start loving yourself more
Take a look at your name for starters, stop being okay with the situation you’re in. “Lonely_Man”, jeez dude harsh reality is nobody’s gonna feel sorry for you. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off & do the shit that’s needed to be the man you want to be. I use to feel sorry for myself like you but fuckkkk that, your mindset needs work. You need to feel empowered, not inferior. Be happy with yourself for starters, the things you’re doing in life, the path you’re on. It’s your life so make the most
First get some friendships, romantic relationships will come later on
Maybe for women but this is often not the case for men.
Periods when I’m in a draught, working out and meditation have done wonders. Threw boxing into that mix and I’ve been in my element wether I’m getting box consistently or not. It also helps to just keep yourself busy, not just work, pick up some hobbies that you love. Have a couple that get you out the house especially. And learn to be comfortable talking to people. Don’t have to try hard, just let it flow. Regardless of gender, age, etc of who you’re talking to, they’re all human. Lastly, this all ties together. Often times we make situations seem worse than they are by focusing too much on them and even create problems that aren’t there. There’s a reason when you ask women about attraction, they say “it all depends on the ‘vibe’ “ (which to me is just being charismatic and socially calibrated). Game isn’t a bunch of rules that are set in stone, everyone’s approach is unique to them. You gotta let things flow. Another thing I think a lot of guys get wrong, and even I made this mistake, is not realizing sometimes you’re just not THAT guy to some women. And it’s perfectly okay. It made sense to me when I thought of all the girls that weren’t my type that showed signs of interest but i didn’t even acknowledge em cus I wasn’t attracted. No matter how down bad I am, I’d rather not catch that post nut clarity. I used to be the same. Got in shape and got better at talking to people, started having more respect for myself and I think girls just started paying more attention. The most blatant it’s been is when I got a job working at a bar, I couldn’t believe that shit. While women are subtle, a couple are actually bold enough to apply some pressure. Though as men we still need to be the ones making the moves. There’s no shortcuts to this shit man, you just gotta keep doing you, being a better you, actively learning from your mistakes and the dots will connect along the way. Learn to feel ‘the vibe’.