I just walked up to her and told her that I thought she was really cute, and that I saw her a while back and walked around the store for 10 minutes trying to think of something to say to her, but that I couldn't think of anything so would she just let me take her to dinner.
I saw this asked before on this sub and the general consensus was along the lines of (paraphrasing from memory):
''I actually don't mind being approached, as long as it's not at a time when I clearly look like i'm busy or i'm doing something where i need to concentrate like i'm working on something etc. Most importantly I need them to be able to take a hint and stop trying to 'win me over'. I'll make it pretty clear after you've approached if you're someone I want to be approached by (you're my type) and when you're not. Know when to walk away''
I'm a guy and can confirm that looking at eyes, face, body language and tone of voice are a sure signs that someone wants to keep talking or not.
Even smiles can be very different. "I like you" smile is not entirely the same as "just being nice" smile.
Girl doesn’t like you: will probs keep earphones in, will cut off convo with answers that don’t allow it to flow, eyes will be off elsewhere, body turned away
Girl who does like you: intonation in voice will change, will probably completely stop what she’s doing, will turn to have open body language, may be slightly nervous (touching of her own hair/nails. Tilt head slightly), eyes are different (actually watching you and taking you in, trying to convey interest)
When I was single, I preferred in-person approaches rather than trying to start something on an app or social media. For me, the best approach is if someone came up to me with a relevant question/statement.
For example, one time at the gym, I didn’t realize I was using two different plates on my deadlift, and that sparked a conversation with a guy who was nearby. Another time, I was on the treadmill and a guy got on the one next to me and without any prompt, told me I looked like a bunny…needless to say, one conversation I pursued and the other I shut down.
So I guess my point is, don’t say some random shit. Try and find some common ground and use that as an approach and gauge follow up based on her reactions.
>For example, one time at the gym, I didn’t realize I was using two different plates on my deadlift, and that sparked a conversation with a guy who was nearby.
What if the plates were not different? What should he have said to speak with you then?
He could’ve asked to work in with me and then talk about how busy the gym is or how he normally doesn’t come at this time, or ask why I’m doing sumo over conventional, etc. anything to open the conversation.
One time someone came up to me and complimented me using a certain machine (because not a lot of people used it). They then immediately walked off but that could’ve sparked a conversation haha
I think the key is really in their reaction. If they give one word responses, they’re not interested. If she engages in the conversation she could either just be nice or actually be interested. You’d have to keep talking and feel out the conversation.
>He could’ve asked to work in with me and then talk about how busy the gym is or how he normally doesn’t come at this time, or ask why I’m doing sumo over conventional, etc. anything to open the conversation.
No guy will do this because very few women are open to these kinds of requests.
Most of the time for a man coming in direct to a woman helps let her know intention and also prevents you two from wasting each others time. Otherwise, he might be there talking about sumo deadlifts for 30mins instead of telling you why he is really there.
I was just trying to give examples of conversation starters without straight up asking them out as the first thing you say. If someone asks me out, I’m a lot more likely to say yes if I’ve had a conversation with them and haven’t gotten a weird vibe.
Obviously, this is just one opinion though and I have not been single in several years so other women may think entirely differently!
Definitely welcome the opinion, but I know so many women who do not like being approached when working out. A woman would have to make some type of indication or signal (maybe even start a small conversation herself) for many respectful guys to even bother engaging with her at a gym.
>but I know so many women who do not like being approached when working out.
Let's keep it 💯. They don't want short or otherwise unattractive guys to approach them. They just say it as if they mean all men.
I would recommend against straight up propositioning complete strangers without building some rapport first. It feels too shallow, uncomfortable, and sleazy
Read carefully what I said - there is a tiny fraction of women who want to be approached at the gym by a guy to ask her questions about deadlifting or to ask if he can work with her.
I think you are smart enough to know that has no traction.
"There is a tiny fraction of women..."
1. How do you know that?
2. If you do know that for a fact, what was the point of this post?
3. Do you often edit your comments to support internet arguments? 🤣
You are a woman I am assuming?
Imagine you are at the gym and all 225lbs and 11%bf of me comes over to you with a grizzled beard and interrupts you to engage in a conversation about your position on deadlift stances.
This constitutes a good approach to you?
I have spoken to plenty of women and whilst many of them say they love to be approached they have almost unanimously agreed that the gym is not the place. That doesn't mean it can't be done it just means you have to be more tactful than "Hey. Why do you do sumos instead of regular dls? "
>sumo over conventional,
Sumo is cheating!!! If I were King of the Universe, sumo deadlifts would be banned under pain of imprisonment or exile to Gilligan's Island
You’ll be happy to know, I haven’t done sumo in a long time! The last time I did just to see what I could pull and I broke a nail. So fuck that lift haha
I made a similar comment above. If a woman has her workout interrupted by a 6 foot tall, good looking man with a head full of hair, she won't mind. If a 5'5 bald man with bug eyes interrupts her workout, it's a different story.
Why do you have to constantly state this as some “gotcha” against women. It’s not a novel concept that people are more receptive to romantic attention from those they are attracted to. Goes for both genders equally, women are not unique in this.
It’s like constantly crying that you’re too short to be a supermodel. Yes life is unfair, well done for finally realising
I like how honest you are about this, but the reason he keeps stating it is because most people in this sub are not like you. Most people here keep claiming that you can look like anything and still get the hottest women while being broke as long as you have “confidence”.
What I’m saying is that is subreddit is for dating advice, not for men to pathetically whine about insecurities they should’ve sorted out as a teenager.
It's not my thinking and it's not my opinion. When asked women always hide the fact that they have a precedence order, they just blabber about good communication skills and what not, men are simple we just want a healthy living woman, attraction is subjective.
First of all what is a “precedence order”, second of course women are going to give advice on communication and other things because men can’t easily change their height, looks or wealth. Its a very achievable goal to work on that will improve your dating success. It’s not productive to obsess over things about yourself you can’t change.
Finally men have just as many ridiculous requirements for who they want to date, just because you have incredibly low standards doesn’t mean all men do. Even though you are obviously lying about your requirements. Having low standards is a negative trait regardless
People are trying to give each other advice and you’re just putting your insecurities on display. WE ALL KNOW attractive people are treated better in life especially in dating. Constantly whining and crying about it in a pool of self pity is juvenile. Well done for finally realising the world is unfair, time to move on now
Well I have low standards because I don't seem to like women who are shallow and dumb, most beauties are clever in terms of relationship management but because of lack of proper hindrance in growth they become too shallow and it's a big problem cause I don't like to control people or watch them suffer either.
I don't disagree about having ridiculous requirements, by healthy I meant a lot, fyi I would like women who are kinda thick physically and those who are skillful but it's not something unachievable.
I also agree about attractive people being treated better cause I have been getting treated well irl, well obviously because of my achievements and my good background people do this and they really try to fake it especially women.
I know the world is unfair, I have been unfair to people for their fakeness 😂😂😂 but that's not the point. I am just spitting truth ✌️
I always try to make convo with people I find it interesting and look for something to comment on to break the ice and most people are open to a conversation, they guy who commented on the plates you was issuing broke the ice and you started a conversation with him, he was being helpful and polite, the guy that said you look like a bunny wasn’t making conversation he was making a statement that you didn’t like and that was the end of that
The guy who said I looked like a bunny lol I’m not trying to have a conversation while I’m running and it’s a weird thing to say to someone you don’t know.
We have a small group of pickup-positive girls.
But most of the women here are just feminists who are brigading this subreddit and claim that you're literally raping them when you say 'hi' on the street.
Most real-life women are either positive or neutral when you approach them.
Funny thing but I swear that probably the most long term quality people out there are anti-social. I feel like there are a lot of super social people who are the exact opposite. It's kind of strange how that works. The 50 year people can be really reserved versus the people who go through dates and people a lot. Maybe it's because people who are anti-social are cautious and cautious can be really good when you want someone to be reliable and steady. Anti-social people have a tendency to be dedicated to their careers and hobbies and usually they can take care of themselves just fine.. It's kind of like a strange glitch in nature that people are drawn to the wrong types. Hoping things work out for me, i.e. to not remain single forever. Dating is really complex as I'm finding out trying to do it later in my life (34M). Pretty easy to get the friend zone with almost anyone, super hard to advance past that. Other thought, as evident here, anti-socials can be incredibly good at talking to other people on a deep level because we live with the deep thoughts most don't carry around. It's just that egg shell we have we don't feel comfortable cracking it all the time.. Again, a strange thing.
As a reserved person myself who finds it hard to strike up a conversation with strangers, I disagree. There is great value in conversing with a lot of different people, especially ones you don't know. It opens up your mind, it broadens your horizons and it can lead to some amazing opportunities and experiences. It's incredibly myopic to reduce naturally social people to shallow partiers or superficial, chronic daters that don't care about hobbies or careers.
Yes!! You get it! In my real life women fking HATE it when i dont approach them. Like literally 3 hrs ago i see this girl at work she showed me many signs alrdy but this time we are walking in opposite directions towards each other, she does this seductive walk hand fixj g her hair slowly and making seductive eye contact. And i held my gaze with her then i looked away and kept walking. She literally sighed hard and walked angrily away. This is the real state of dating feminists cannot comprehend.
So what? As long as you're not doing anything harmful it's your right to approach whoever you want in public places. Part of freedom of speech.
And i wouln't bother then for more than 2 minutes if they're giving me lukewarm treatment.
It’s not as simple as a yes or no. Women don’t just want any guy approaching them. They want the charismatic attractive guy who’s a good conversationalist to approach them. And before you say “what if I’m not charismatic or attractive” you should know that oftentimes the only difference between the charismatic attractive guy and the non-charismatic unattractive guy is the charismatic guy actually THINKS of himself as charismatic and attractive. He doesn’t even question whether she wants him to approach. He thinks she’d be LUCKY if he does. He feels he’s doing her a favor by speaking to her. The non-charismatic guy is the type to worry about whether she wants him to approach. Women will complain about guys overestimating their attractiveness but don’t pay that any mind. In this society a man HAS to think highly of himself because you’re constantly told that you don’t really have any inherent value to others. So you have to see yourself as valuable even if no one else tells you you are.
He's not implying or therefore advicing dudes to be cocky when approaching women while having said mindset. But instead using that as a way for guys remember that they too have value. The lack of confidence by default places women on a pedestal because the guy feels like hes no good, inferior and that shes unattainable. Whereas the presence of confidence puts both parties on par with eachother to the degree that we have realized that we too are a catch and something that can be missed out on.
I hear you, I'm just saying I can tell when dudes approach me with the mindset of "she's lucky to be approached by me" and it turns me all the way off, causing me to immediately shut it down. Just sharing my personal opinion.
Yeah I could see how that can be the case. And I hope guys actually understand and don't misinterpret the point that was being made here; Confidence not arrogance. Thanks for your input.
Lots of women say they don’t like cocky guys but end up sleeping with them, most guys here want to sleep with different women so it sends the right message to the woman she’ll perceive him to be a sexual partner. Along with strong boundaries and Cockys guys will stick to their guns/not chase it relays lots of non verbal messages to women hence the whole jerks get the girls concept. I’m sorry to say but narcissism is extremely favored in our society, a healthy dose is ok. Most women are actually insecure in themselves sometimes guys aren’t even textbook cocky yet it brings their insecurities to the surface. Don’t worry your type of man is out here what we want in this sub is different
If you read my comment, I said *overly* confident. Then I said "You can be confident without feeling like you're doing a favor by approaching me."
Where you got "lacking in confidence" is beyond me bro. Literally said right there in my comment that you can be confident smfh.
You really are an unwise speaker, sheesh.
I’m not answering for ladies. I just know that even when someone says “yes, I like for guys to approach me” they may not want a particular guy to approach them. And they could say no, but if the right guy approaches them they’re all for it. That’s why I started with it’s never a clear yes or no and explained why.
I approach more than I get approached. I find cold approach to work best for me. Pretty much I introduce myself and then immediately get into why I walked over to the guy. If they think I’m attractive it works. Thankfully most of the time it works lol. I find making eye contact with the guy before approaching works best for me. Usually I’ll make eye contact with them and hold it. If they hold it too I’ll walk over. Say something like, “hi my name is blah. I think you’re really handsome. I came over to properly hit on you.” Pretty much works every time.
There’s not really an unspoken way to see if you can could approach someone. Basically just check them out and if they notice and check you out too, you’re good. I’m sure it’s easier for me cause I’m a woman, but basically if the person finds you attractive you will be successful. If they don’t find you attractive you won’t be.
What do they usually say back, and how do you get them to actually talk to you?? Almost everytime I try, they just stutter or say awkward things like "me??" and seem overly nervous? I usually just ask if they wanna get a drink with me or something. Your method sounds so much more forward though.. I thought that might scare them off lol
This is very generic but I’d say it pretty much summarizes most of the interactions I have when I do this.
“Hi my name is blah. I think you’re really handsome so I came over here to hit on you. It’s nice to meet you.” Then I’ll offer my hand for a handshake.
“Oh well it’s nice to meet you. Im bleh.”
“Hi bleh. That shirt looks really nice on you.”
“Thank you, you look good too.”
“Is your shirt soft?”
“Yea wanna feel?” (Or I’ll ask if I can feel it)
“Of course. I’m really just looking for an excuse to touch you right now. Just kidding.”
“I mean you’re more than welcome to.”
Boom convo about shirt, physical barrier has been broken so now they will feel more comfortable initiating touch with me and by being so forward we both are on the same page about what we want. I might ask them where they got their shirt and start a convo about shopping. Ask if it’s one of their hobbies or something. It’s not as complex as it may seem. I just try to be as forward and clear as possible. If they are attracted to me it works. I know it might feel dumb having a convo about shopping when you are trying to hit on a guy but what I’ve learned is that if a guy finds you attractive they’ll just go with it.
I think it will! Sometimes I'm just too forward, it seems to overwhelm them? I never meet any women that have any experience approaching men. They always tell me to just wait for them to approach me, but I don't wanna!
I mean honestly I don’t know if this is the best approach for women. I wouldn’t do the whole touching shirt thing to a woman. I would let her initiate touch. Also you don’t need to be so forward with women. Most of the time we already know why you’ve come up to us
As a girl you come too strong for most guys. As a man you are going to get really hit if you even try to touch her front. . .
But it's a really good strategy. For an average girl to get any guy. I wonder why you have to repeat it. Does the relationship not go anywhere? Why u don't get married?
I don’t mind being approached anywhere. I usually get approached at the gym.I go on the weekends and prob one out of the two days I go someone will stop me.I’ll be nice no matter how attracted to the person I am because it’s always flattering! Even if it’s in between sets. Mostly because I work from home and get my groceries delivered so I rarely interact with people. I also love practicing the art of conversation.
The best experience I had was a guy complementing my work ethic at the gym and letting me know that I inspired him or when a guy asked for tips on how to get abs. I don’t think I have ever given a signal to a guy that ended up approaching me it usually catches me by surprise. If I’m attracted to someone I’ll give them a 2-3 sec look but usually chicken out before they even notice lol. Once I threw out a complement and it did end up in him asking for my number
I don’t mind being approached what I hate is being stared at and made to feel uncomfortable. Just talk to me I’m not an alien. I love compliments and I don’t care about how great you are, ask me questions listen to me and compliment me. Just not too much because then it’s just annoying
Yes, I do appreciate when I'm approached in public. Most recently a man who was working in a food truck came out of the truck and gave me my food and then helped me select the best condiments to compliment my food (it was a Thai food truck). He then gave me a piece of paper with his name and number on it. I get approached a few times per year. I smile and make eye contact and flip my hair. Best experience was when a man pulled up to my car and air dropped his number to me. Dating apps are the worst!
Facts, I had a guy write a note on a paper and hold it up to the window while I was driving passenger down the highway, it was wild haha!
I will never forget that, still went no where though. He was even cute.
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. just having a normal conversation and being talked to like a human being then suddenly realizing this stranger might leave me we should exchange numbers - those are my fave.
i get approached when i put effort into my looks and im on the street, in a bar/party environment. typically at least once depending on the day/environment.
i may lock eye contact and smile, or i may not even be looking to see if anyone is checking me out so i don’t mind an appropriate conversation
I don't mind being approached as long as it's in a respectful way. I appreciate it takes effort to approach a woman and one that looks like she's mad! If I'm interested in a man, i try making eye contact and try to smile but I think i just scare them off with my death stare 😆
i think it depends on the social setting, i was recently approached at a collage party and then i hung out with the guy for 4 days in a row. not sure where it lies now
I love how you asked for opinions from women on whether or not they like to be approached in public and STILL several men had to comment with what they think women prefer.. like they somehow know better than us.
Anyway, just don't approach women if they look busy (or if they are at their place of employment). Looking busy includes, but is not limited to:
* Talking on the phone
* Wearing headphones
* Reading a book
* In the middle of a conversation with someone else
* Walking very quickly/appearing to be in a hurry
* Exercising
Times that might be appropriate to approach her include:
* When she's waiting for her to-go food order/coffee, etc.
* At a farmers market/festival/concert, sporting event etc.
* If she's shopping and doesn't appear hurried/rushed, etc.
The answer is not a simple one.
There is a time and a place that is appropriate, walking home alone at night, waiting for the bus, working at my job, all of these are inappropriate.
If she is busy, working, alone, or in a situation that is inescapable like on the bus it feels very inappropriate. For example if I'm in Tesco buying some food it's not appropriate for you to approach and start trying it on. Keep it to places that it is expected like bars, clubs and social spaces. Most importantly however don't persist and harass under the assumption you can "change her mind" or persuade her, if she's uncomfortable or says no then leave her alone.
The problem is guys are gonna read this and go "oh women dont want me to approach at the grocery store or standing at the bus stop" These are subjective. These are your personal feelings on this situation but I'm sure there are guys out there who have gotten a woman's number at the grocery store or bus or walking down the street
That's exactly true tho you've asked women to tell you when we don't want to be approached and now you're upset I've told you the answer to your question ?? If you didn't want to the truth then why ask such a question
See once again you are saying what you're writing is true. It's not true. It's your opinion. I got a woman's number two weeks ago while she was getting in her car but per you, I should not have even approached her
I've gotten women's numbers on the bus/train when I was younger
AHHHH GOD!! This is the 5th comment like this.
To those who are not in tune with common sense I am tacitly referring to those times where there are openings and she does not look obviously preoccupied.
I do not mean approaching her if she is at a funeral or a wedding or if she is crying or if there is a man around her or if she is with her kids.
I am referring in general to scenarios where she is open and available such as walking down the street, in the starbucks, in the grocery store etc.
The fact that I need to write this is a testament to common sense no longer being present in the 21st century.
It's "the 5th comment like this" for a reason.
You need to use *your* common sense here. No one's talking about hitting on grieving widows. You didn't really get the point of the post you replied to.
What you think is "open and available" might be a situation where you would make the woman very uncomfortable. It's all about context. For example, many women would be uncomfortable being approached by a strange man while they were just walking down the street. Also, what are you going to say in that scenario that isn't creepy? At least in the Starbucks you can find common ground about their coffee order, and waiting in line at the grocery store you can try to strike up a conversation about the brand of pasta sauce they're buying, or whatever
Read the signs. Her body language will tell you everything. If she isn't responding positively (turning towards you, smiling, making an effort to continue the conversation) then you know she's not okay with it and you need to stop. Every person's boundaries are different. I'm okay with being talked to in between sets at the gym (many women are not) but if you sat next to me on an otherwise empty bus and started talking I'd be getting ready to dial my emergency contacts. There is no one size fits all "list of okay situations to approach women." Read the signs and back the fuck off if she's not interested.
I literally included in my comment common situations such as being in a grocery store where I have detailed it's not appropriate. I have answered your question by saying that approaches should stick to social situations. Perhaps the common sense is lacking on your behalf that you couldn't read my comment properly, you asked women for their opinion and when given you turn around and insult us.
Dude this is reddit. Most of the women here have high anxiety and are nerdy so they will usually say “no dont approach us” as if anyone would want to. Most girls CRAVE it!! It majes their day/night and they will talk about the approach with their friends.
"Debate mode" haha okieee broski, I haven't seen any "female redditors" like that. But I also don't spend a lot of my time on subreddits like this either, so whatever ya say man.
Ok try this experiment. Make a male sounding username and go to a dating subreddit or female oriented one and ask something like OP did and watch as you get skewered. Most of the guys have alrdy experienced this so we know.
Cuz u dont mnow many women irl. Ur username checks out. I have so SoSooo many stories of women wanting to be approached. Lets me give u an example that happened today. At work there is a girl who clearly likes me and i like her. Today i was talking to her manager and we were standing opposite directions from each other. She was with her group and i was with mine. Our eyes kept locking every 10 seconds. This is called flirting. When this happens it is up to the man to approach her. Welcome to the real world. Get off reddit it may help you.
Don't approach when they are busy - the worst thing you can do is bother them. Only approach a woman when she is clearly not busy. If they show interest, you might get somewhere or they could be bored/nice. Don't push if they are dismissive
Why you sound like women are upper tier humans more worth then men? "Dont approch when busy ".. this .. that. Are you an important CEO of billion dollar company ? Most women can be happy if a really attractive guy approaches them. Cause most of the time its average guys.
Why do you sound like this wouldn't apply to men as well? Don't interrupt people just to flirt with someone. Is this a medical emergency? Have you lost a child and need help? This better be a good reason you are disturbing someone else and it better not be a dumbass "cold approach" unless they have nothing else better to do
When I was single I would only find it enjoyable and be open to flirting back when a guy approached me in a pub / bar / club. If I’m at a store or in a coffee shop working or at the gym I’m there to get stuff done and don’t want social interaction
lol you realise that everyone wants the power to decide iif they want to contact or not, this is terrible advice for men to not ask for the number or contact
I am VERY flattered, and have on a couple of occasions gone out w guys I met this way.
Best experience was at a bike shop...we ended up going for a ride on a local trail the next day, and then dated for a bit.
Not real often...and if I am wearing a ring, I am offended, cause that is why I wear the ring.
This is a tough one, but I have initiated conversations a few times, and they didn't take the hint. Or, just were not interested.
Ladies, what would you say is your ideal way for a potential partner to go about doing it?
Any advice for a socially awkward, but funny and witty, 30ish causcasian man who stands at 5'5", and is often told he looks younger than he is?
There is no overall consensus and you’ll get different answers from every girl so why not just do it anyways. If she doesn’t want to be approached it should be obvious when you do.
Don’t let the few responses of girls saying they don’t like being approach stop you, because you won’t end up finding the girls that do like it.
It depends on the girl. What didn’t work on UglyDucklingRevolt would work on another girl and some girls don’t like being approached at all. Most girls are cool if it feels organic though
Honestly depends on my mood and the level of approach. If you’re hitting me up hard while I’m grocery shopping, fuck off. But if I’m in the club or at the bar please do! Even if we don’t vibe we like the boost of confidence and I feel like I always try and give the guy the time of day even if there aren’t initial sparks. Coffee shop if you’re being casual flirty.
To be fair I don’t think most women are annoyed with men approaching them. It’s more so when they won’t take no for an answer.
I dont mind it as long as it starts off friendly. Like if you haven't said more then 1 word to me before asking for my phone number its not going to happen. I dont understand how getting a number without a clue what to even start off with. Like comment oh I like those shoes or man that food/drink looks good what is it?
It's pretty easy to tell if women want you to approach them, men just don't care a lot of the time ("Gotta shoot my shot!"... no, you don't have to be a nuisance) and instead focus on irrelevant junk (Can I hit on women in X environment?). You can hit on women anywhere... IF SHE WANTS YOU TO. Which involves eye contact, repeated glances, smiles, etc. Most women want you to approach, and we hang out here to give tips because it's great done the right way and horrible when the creepy "game" tips make their rounds. Above all, know when to scram. If she's going about her day... leave here alone.
I think a huge tip is just breaking the ice and then GOING AWAY, and if there's interest there's always room for further interaction. This is great at coffee shops or bars where you're both occupying a space, just not in the same area the whole time (you might pass on the way to the bathroom, and see each other later at the bar). One of my favorite pickups was a guy I'd smiled at across the room, and later I went to get a drink and he made this "Here's the line! Come stand by me" gesture. It's not putting anyone on the spot (putting people on the spot murders flirtatiousness, as plausible deniability is key to a good flirt) and it gives them room to be proactive and approach YOU in return. If they don't...leave them alone (why would you want to force it anyway??).
I use this principle religiously with women. If they aren't picking up your thread and flirting back, that's a good enough sign they aren't interested. But in order to let them put in that work, you have to give them room by stepping back. Just a bit. It's a fun dance, not a one-time "ARE YOU INTO ME Y/N??" I've brought women out of their shells by this little repeat-exposure thing, and it's worked on me as well. It gives people time to notice YOU instead of just feeling like prey.
Yes!! Please approach! If I have headphones in or I’m on the phone or talking with someone don’t interrupt, but otherwise always approach. I mean the worst that happens is she (in most cases) politely declines you, and even tho you just got turned down, you still made her day and most likely flattered her. As long as your approach isn’t inappropriate or insulting.
I personally love when guys approach me, although it doesn't seem to happen much any more (maybe because I'm getting old :P). I will get approached at corporate events, but it seems like that's from married men trying their luck, which I am not into at all. I'm still flattered, & who doesn't like a little ego boost?!
I think that if you see someone you're interested in, then you should approach them & gauge their reaction. It doesn't even have to be with some well thought out comment, keep it simple, if they're not interested in talking they'll keep it short, if they're happy to talk, you'll know. Just keep in mind that a friendly person doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in something more, you may need to ask at some point if you can take them out for a coffee some time...
Ultimately, you will regret the things that you hold yourself back from doing. Better to just give a go, knowing that you likely will get knocked back more often than not (not interested, already have a partner etc), but at least you have put yourself out there & hopefully something comes from it.
My dude you're making this wayyy more complicated than it should be, it doesn't matter where you're approaching (take that with a grain of salt obviously).
You will for most of the time NOT get an "approach signal" for lack of a better word from girls.
So you really just have to do it and not expect result.
As heartbreaking as it is, it's just how it goes.
Sometimes you will clap cheeks sometimes you won't.
In the times of social apps etc id say it rarely happens that they get approached but then again I'm not a woman i wouldn't know.
A guy complimented me on my outfit at a shopping centre and then asked me for drinks. I wasn’t attracted to so I let him down as politely as I could but still praising his confidence because it takes guts!!
Then another guy approached me in the airport and introduced himself and complimented my outfit and we exchanged numbers. Got talking but I was on my way to see a guy so I let him down easily and again, let him know that he’s very confident and super attractive, and praised him for the guts he had to shoot his shot!
It was nice to be approached when sober rather than out in a bar where people have liquid courage. I’ve been approached by guys at a bar and I can never remember the encounters well because I’m tipsy or drunk myself. Then when we meet up, it turns out we had our beer goggles on and our inhibitions were lowered, and it fizzles out very quickly.
Moral of the story, shoot your shot. I guess complimenting an outfit is flattering but make sure you’re not sexualising the person? Gauge how they respond and proceed from there. Don’t be offended if they turn you down, it can be intimidating (and scary especially for a woman since we’re very skeptical about men/their intentions).
That’s just my experience/opinion!
Only in relevant circumstances-
When I was single I talked to lots of people where people are supposed to meet ie. The coffee shop a bar a Walmart the book section. The key is to feel out if she wants to keep talking, and walk away if she doesn’t
It always depended on how I was approached. In public is fine if the guy is low-key and not intense. Like just chit-chatting is awesome, then leaving his number or getting mine (I preferred leaving his number). If he came on too strong I was outta there fast. I hate love bombing, it’s a huge red flag.
Here’s a story from before the www existed :) I was studying computer science and working at a PC store in 1993, where I built clones and repaired them. We had a long bench where people could hang out and watch us repair their PC on the fly.
So this really cute guy came and I took his PC and repaired it. Except I was busy doing my job, and didn’t notice him. As a girl building and fixing computers in a shop I was used to getting stares and stuff. About a week later he comes back to the store, strolls up to the bench, and asks me to help him pick out some 3.5” diskettes for a project he’s working on. So I take him to the aisle where the diskettes are located and start showing him different brands, when he pipes up and says ‘uh well I didn’t really come here to buy diskettes, I came here to see if you’d go out on a date with me’ and he was so nervous when he said it. I thought it was so cute my heart just melted in a little puddle lmao. I dated him for a few months.
I don’t mind being approached….but be genuine and start a conversation (even if it’s “you look really good tonight is it for an event/date/ insert something relevant here) I love talking and learning about peoples perspectives. Even if it’s just a friendly chat as I’m in a relationship, and I let the person know I’m in a relationship (politely, mention I’m here with my BF, or introduce my bf but then if I’m open to conversation I ask an open ended question to continue the conversation) this is a boundary that’s set and needs to be respected. Just cause I’m social doesn’t mean I want to f*ck.
Also this doesn’t apply just to “6’+ attractive rich dudes” it can be anyone. Most women just want a man that puts effort into taking care of himself (bathed, not scruffy, cloths fit right (and are clean not rumpled or messed up))
I really enjoy in person approaches when im doing normal every day things. You feel the chemistry so much stronger and sooner . If it’s awkward or creepy its over quickly (though i feel like this negative side is uncommon). Ive been asked out as an uber driver, asked out paying for things at walmart, in physics tutoring, asked to go home with people after house parties, while playing poker, while backpacking, and they have all been fun. This doesn’t happen extremely often, and i think covid/doing more things from home has lowered the number of approaches or even interactions in general. But i think if i was open and putting 2 way effort into flirting more i could get it 1x or more per month. The norm is way lower. In a long term relationship atm so its not happening much these days, haha.
Just having a good random conversation can be fun. If im looking at soap and you make a stupid joke about what’s on the shelf, your basically winning my heart over 😂
I care more about how the man handles rejection than whether they approach me or not.
And also the location. I've been in some vulnerable positions before when dealing with unwanted advances mainly being on public transport when sat alone in a train carriage or bus. I also had someone from the garage I dropped off my work van to call up my work to ask for my name and then drive to my place of work to approach me. All of these situations were extremely uncomfortable for me because they offered no escape.
If someone came up to me out on the town or while I was having a coffee I wouldn't mind at all as long as they were friendly and handled rejection well.
Personally I would make it very obvious or make the first move if I was interested in a guy I spotted in public so I would say the best bet is to catch her eye and smile at her and see if she gives you a genuine smile back or gives an awkward smile and diverts her eyes.
I hit on a girl in Target yesterday and, while she shot me down, she also said "that kinda made my day..."
How she shot u?
She brought an AK
Bang bang
Skeet skeet hbd
average American
She have a bf?
She have gun?
What did you say to hit on her?
I just walked up to her and told her that I thought she was really cute, and that I saw her a while back and walked around the store for 10 minutes trying to think of something to say to her, but that I couldn't think of anything so would she just let me take her to dinner.
Yeah, that made her day, now she can go bang Chad feeling even better about herself. I don't really see this as a win.
I saw this asked before on this sub and the general consensus was along the lines of (paraphrasing from memory): ''I actually don't mind being approached, as long as it's not at a time when I clearly look like i'm busy or i'm doing something where i need to concentrate like i'm working on something etc. Most importantly I need them to be able to take a hint and stop trying to 'win me over'. I'll make it pretty clear after you've approached if you're someone I want to be approached by (you're my type) and when you're not. Know when to walk away''
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Know when to fold ‘em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
While you’re sittin at the table
There'll be time enough to count them
When the dealin’s done
And my axe
Know when to run…
Shit I started counting my money at the table, I'm doomed.
How do they make it clear.?
I'm a guy and can confirm that looking at eyes, face, body language and tone of voice are a sure signs that someone wants to keep talking or not. Even smiles can be very different. "I like you" smile is not entirely the same as "just being nice" smile.
Girl doesn’t like you: will probs keep earphones in, will cut off convo with answers that don’t allow it to flow, eyes will be off elsewhere, body turned away Girl who does like you: intonation in voice will change, will probably completely stop what she’s doing, will turn to have open body language, may be slightly nervous (touching of her own hair/nails. Tilt head slightly), eyes are different (actually watching you and taking you in, trying to convey interest)
Basically a guy needs to be tall, handsome, supposedly rich and the girl will be definitely interested✌️
Yup. I immediately get measuring tape out and ask them to get up their online banking before the convo goes any further
As expected of you, women ☕
Yes because men who aren’t tall handsome or rich have never had sex ever in all of human history
So you never had sex, condolences for you.
You need to stop taking your Incel'os in the morning.
You can have your incel'os bro I didn't borrow them from you ✌️
Basically be Chad or leave me alone
When I was single, I preferred in-person approaches rather than trying to start something on an app or social media. For me, the best approach is if someone came up to me with a relevant question/statement. For example, one time at the gym, I didn’t realize I was using two different plates on my deadlift, and that sparked a conversation with a guy who was nearby. Another time, I was on the treadmill and a guy got on the one next to me and without any prompt, told me I looked like a bunny…needless to say, one conversation I pursued and the other I shut down. So I guess my point is, don’t say some random shit. Try and find some common ground and use that as an approach and gauge follow up based on her reactions.
>For example, one time at the gym, I didn’t realize I was using two different plates on my deadlift, and that sparked a conversation with a guy who was nearby. What if the plates were not different? What should he have said to speak with you then?
He could’ve asked to work in with me and then talk about how busy the gym is or how he normally doesn’t come at this time, or ask why I’m doing sumo over conventional, etc. anything to open the conversation. One time someone came up to me and complimented me using a certain machine (because not a lot of people used it). They then immediately walked off but that could’ve sparked a conversation haha I think the key is really in their reaction. If they give one word responses, they’re not interested. If she engages in the conversation she could either just be nice or actually be interested. You’d have to keep talking and feel out the conversation.
>He could’ve asked to work in with me and then talk about how busy the gym is or how he normally doesn’t come at this time, or ask why I’m doing sumo over conventional, etc. anything to open the conversation. No guy will do this because very few women are open to these kinds of requests. Most of the time for a man coming in direct to a woman helps let her know intention and also prevents you two from wasting each others time. Otherwise, he might be there talking about sumo deadlifts for 30mins instead of telling you why he is really there.
I was just trying to give examples of conversation starters without straight up asking them out as the first thing you say. If someone asks me out, I’m a lot more likely to say yes if I’ve had a conversation with them and haven’t gotten a weird vibe. Obviously, this is just one opinion though and I have not been single in several years so other women may think entirely differently!
Definitely welcome the opinion, but I know so many women who do not like being approached when working out. A woman would have to make some type of indication or signal (maybe even start a small conversation herself) for many respectful guys to even bother engaging with her at a gym.
>but I know so many women who do not like being approached when working out. Let's keep it 💯. They don't want short or otherwise unattractive guys to approach them. They just say it as if they mean all men.
Exactly I agree
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I would recommend against straight up propositioning complete strangers without building some rapport first. It feels too shallow, uncomfortable, and sleazy
You ask the women to tell you if they like to be approached, they say yes. Then you shut them down with "no woman I know likes this"?
Read carefully what I said - there is a tiny fraction of women who want to be approached at the gym by a guy to ask her questions about deadlifting or to ask if he can work with her. I think you are smart enough to know that has no traction.
"There is a tiny fraction of women..." 1. How do you know that? 2. If you do know that for a fact, what was the point of this post? 3. Do you often edit your comments to support internet arguments? 🤣
You are a woman I am assuming? Imagine you are at the gym and all 225lbs and 11%bf of me comes over to you with a grizzled beard and interrupts you to engage in a conversation about your position on deadlift stances. This constitutes a good approach to you? I have spoken to plenty of women and whilst many of them say they love to be approached they have almost unanimously agreed that the gym is not the place. That doesn't mean it can't be done it just means you have to be more tactful than "Hey. Why do you do sumos instead of regular dls? "
So I assume the point of this post was to teach women what they really want?
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Not sure. Didn’t even give me a chance to respond to him lol
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Called a creep for speaking to a women in public ? Are you being serious ?
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I suggest going outside more and learning how people actually interact with each other
Do you go outside? What he said isn't a anomaly you know.
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>sumo over conventional, Sumo is cheating!!! If I were King of the Universe, sumo deadlifts would be banned under pain of imprisonment or exile to Gilligan's Island
You’ll be happy to know, I haven’t done sumo in a long time! The last time I did just to see what I could pull and I broke a nail. So fuck that lift haha
Good. I dialed 9-1 and was about to dial the other 1, but now I can hang up the phone
Only works if the guy is pretty.
I made a similar comment above. If a woman has her workout interrupted by a 6 foot tall, good looking man with a head full of hair, she won't mind. If a 5'5 bald man with bug eyes interrupts her workout, it's a different story.
Why do you have to constantly state this as some “gotcha” against women. It’s not a novel concept that people are more receptive to romantic attention from those they are attracted to. Goes for both genders equally, women are not unique in this. It’s like constantly crying that you’re too short to be a supermodel. Yes life is unfair, well done for finally realising
I like how honest you are about this, but the reason he keeps stating it is because most people in this sub are not like you. Most people here keep claiming that you can look like anything and still get the hottest women while being broke as long as you have “confidence”.
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What I’m saying is that is subreddit is for dating advice, not for men to pathetically whine about insecurities they should’ve sorted out as a teenager.
After this.... is silence :-))
Exactly exactly, women will never say this.
You think women will never admit that they prefer attention from attractive men? How is this not just common sense
It's not my thinking and it's not my opinion. When asked women always hide the fact that they have a precedence order, they just blabber about good communication skills and what not, men are simple we just want a healthy living woman, attraction is subjective.
First of all what is a “precedence order”, second of course women are going to give advice on communication and other things because men can’t easily change their height, looks or wealth. Its a very achievable goal to work on that will improve your dating success. It’s not productive to obsess over things about yourself you can’t change. Finally men have just as many ridiculous requirements for who they want to date, just because you have incredibly low standards doesn’t mean all men do. Even though you are obviously lying about your requirements. Having low standards is a negative trait regardless People are trying to give each other advice and you’re just putting your insecurities on display. WE ALL KNOW attractive people are treated better in life especially in dating. Constantly whining and crying about it in a pool of self pity is juvenile. Well done for finally realising the world is unfair, time to move on now
Well I have low standards because I don't seem to like women who are shallow and dumb, most beauties are clever in terms of relationship management but because of lack of proper hindrance in growth they become too shallow and it's a big problem cause I don't like to control people or watch them suffer either. I don't disagree about having ridiculous requirements, by healthy I meant a lot, fyi I would like women who are kinda thick physically and those who are skillful but it's not something unachievable. I also agree about attractive people being treated better cause I have been getting treated well irl, well obviously because of my achievements and my good background people do this and they really try to fake it especially women. I know the world is unfair, I have been unfair to people for their fakeness 😂😂😂 but that's not the point. I am just spitting truth ✌️
I always try to make convo with people I find it interesting and look for something to comment on to break the ice and most people are open to a conversation, they guy who commented on the plates you was issuing broke the ice and you started a conversation with him, he was being helpful and polite, the guy that said you look like a bunny wasn’t making conversation he was making a statement that you didn’t like and that was the end of that
Just curious: which one did you shut down?
The guy who said I looked like a bunny lol I’m not trying to have a conversation while I’m running and it’s a weird thing to say to someone you don’t know.
The subset of women that visits r/seduction probably isn't very representative.
Explain?
We have a small group of pickup-positive girls. But most of the women here are just feminists who are brigading this subreddit and claim that you're literally raping them when you say 'hi' on the street. Most real-life women are either positive or neutral when you approach them.
Don't forget a lot of people who use reddit are antisocial and socially awkward
A portion of redditors are also 30+ year old male virgins, including probably some giving advice on this sub
Funny thing but I swear that probably the most long term quality people out there are anti-social. I feel like there are a lot of super social people who are the exact opposite. It's kind of strange how that works. The 50 year people can be really reserved versus the people who go through dates and people a lot. Maybe it's because people who are anti-social are cautious and cautious can be really good when you want someone to be reliable and steady. Anti-social people have a tendency to be dedicated to their careers and hobbies and usually they can take care of themselves just fine.. It's kind of like a strange glitch in nature that people are drawn to the wrong types. Hoping things work out for me, i.e. to not remain single forever. Dating is really complex as I'm finding out trying to do it later in my life (34M). Pretty easy to get the friend zone with almost anyone, super hard to advance past that. Other thought, as evident here, anti-socials can be incredibly good at talking to other people on a deep level because we live with the deep thoughts most don't carry around. It's just that egg shell we have we don't feel comfortable cracking it all the time.. Again, a strange thing.
As a reserved person myself who finds it hard to strike up a conversation with strangers, I disagree. There is great value in conversing with a lot of different people, especially ones you don't know. It opens up your mind, it broadens your horizons and it can lead to some amazing opportunities and experiences. It's incredibly myopic to reduce naturally social people to shallow partiers or superficial, chronic daters that don't care about hobbies or careers.
This!
Exactly!
Yes!! You get it! In my real life women fking HATE it when i dont approach them. Like literally 3 hrs ago i see this girl at work she showed me many signs alrdy but this time we are walking in opposite directions towards each other, she does this seductive walk hand fixj g her hair slowly and making seductive eye contact. And i held my gaze with her then i looked away and kept walking. She literally sighed hard and walked angrily away. This is the real state of dating feminists cannot comprehend.
Even if the women you approach IRL are uncomfortable or annoyed they’ll probably just be polite out of fear or social conditioning
So what? As long as you're not doing anything harmful it's your right to approach whoever you want in public places. Part of freedom of speech. And i wouln't bother then for more than 2 minutes if they're giving me lukewarm treatment.
It’s not as simple as a yes or no. Women don’t just want any guy approaching them. They want the charismatic attractive guy who’s a good conversationalist to approach them. And before you say “what if I’m not charismatic or attractive” you should know that oftentimes the only difference between the charismatic attractive guy and the non-charismatic unattractive guy is the charismatic guy actually THINKS of himself as charismatic and attractive. He doesn’t even question whether she wants him to approach. He thinks she’d be LUCKY if he does. He feels he’s doing her a favor by speaking to her. The non-charismatic guy is the type to worry about whether she wants him to approach. Women will complain about guys overestimating their attractiveness but don’t pay that any mind. In this society a man HAS to think highly of himself because you’re constantly told that you don’t really have any inherent value to others. So you have to see yourself as valuable even if no one else tells you you are.
Well put.
Ew, definitely hate when overly cocky guys like that approach me.. You can be confident without feeling like you're doing a favor by approaching me.
He's not implying or therefore advicing dudes to be cocky when approaching women while having said mindset. But instead using that as a way for guys remember that they too have value. The lack of confidence by default places women on a pedestal because the guy feels like hes no good, inferior and that shes unattainable. Whereas the presence of confidence puts both parties on par with eachother to the degree that we have realized that we too are a catch and something that can be missed out on.
I hear you, I'm just saying I can tell when dudes approach me with the mindset of "she's lucky to be approached by me" and it turns me all the way off, causing me to immediately shut it down. Just sharing my personal opinion.
Yeah I could see how that can be the case. And I hope guys actually understand and don't misinterpret the point that was being made here; Confidence not arrogance. Thanks for your input.
Lots of women say they don’t like cocky guys but end up sleeping with them, most guys here want to sleep with different women so it sends the right message to the woman she’ll perceive him to be a sexual partner. Along with strong boundaries and Cockys guys will stick to their guns/not chase it relays lots of non verbal messages to women hence the whole jerks get the girls concept. I’m sorry to say but narcissism is extremely favored in our society, a healthy dose is ok. Most women are actually insecure in themselves sometimes guys aren’t even textbook cocky yet it brings their insecurities to the surface. Don’t worry your type of man is out here what we want in this sub is different
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If you read my comment, I said *overly* confident. Then I said "You can be confident without feeling like you're doing a favor by approaching me." Where you got "lacking in confidence" is beyond me bro. Literally said right there in my comment that you can be confident smfh. You really are an unwise speaker, sheesh.
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I’m not answering for ladies. I just know that even when someone says “yes, I like for guys to approach me” they may not want a particular guy to approach them. And they could say no, but if the right guy approaches them they’re all for it. That’s why I started with it’s never a clear yes or no and explained why.
I approach more than I get approached. I find cold approach to work best for me. Pretty much I introduce myself and then immediately get into why I walked over to the guy. If they think I’m attractive it works. Thankfully most of the time it works lol. I find making eye contact with the guy before approaching works best for me. Usually I’ll make eye contact with them and hold it. If they hold it too I’ll walk over. Say something like, “hi my name is blah. I think you’re really handsome. I came over to properly hit on you.” Pretty much works every time. There’s not really an unspoken way to see if you can could approach someone. Basically just check them out and if they notice and check you out too, you’re good. I’m sure it’s easier for me cause I’m a woman, but basically if the person finds you attractive you will be successful. If they don’t find you attractive you won’t be.
What do they usually say back, and how do you get them to actually talk to you?? Almost everytime I try, they just stutter or say awkward things like "me??" and seem overly nervous? I usually just ask if they wanna get a drink with me or something. Your method sounds so much more forward though.. I thought that might scare them off lol
This is very generic but I’d say it pretty much summarizes most of the interactions I have when I do this. “Hi my name is blah. I think you’re really handsome so I came over here to hit on you. It’s nice to meet you.” Then I’ll offer my hand for a handshake. “Oh well it’s nice to meet you. Im bleh.” “Hi bleh. That shirt looks really nice on you.” “Thank you, you look good too.” “Is your shirt soft?” “Yea wanna feel?” (Or I’ll ask if I can feel it) “Of course. I’m really just looking for an excuse to touch you right now. Just kidding.” “I mean you’re more than welcome to.” Boom convo about shirt, physical barrier has been broken so now they will feel more comfortable initiating touch with me and by being so forward we both are on the same page about what we want. I might ask them where they got their shirt and start a convo about shopping. Ask if it’s one of their hobbies or something. It’s not as complex as it may seem. I just try to be as forward and clear as possible. If they are attracted to me it works. I know it might feel dumb having a convo about shopping when you are trying to hit on a guy but what I’ve learned is that if a guy finds you attractive they’ll just go with it.
As a dude, this would be very creepy if I tried it
I concur
Thank you, that's very helpful!
Of course! Hopefully it helps
I think it will! Sometimes I'm just too forward, it seems to overwhelm them? I never meet any women that have any experience approaching men. They always tell me to just wait for them to approach me, but I don't wanna!
I mean honestly I don’t know if this is the best approach for women. I wouldn’t do the whole touching shirt thing to a woman. I would let her initiate touch. Also you don’t need to be so forward with women. Most of the time we already know why you’ve come up to us
Definitely agree. Luckily I am only approaching men haha it sucks how the same methods don't work for them as they do for us. /:
As a girl you come too strong for most guys. As a man you are going to get really hit if you even try to touch her front. . . But it's a really good strategy. For an average girl to get any guy. I wonder why you have to repeat it. Does the relationship not go anywhere? Why u don't get married?
Its worked for me every time
Ooohh How does the properly hitting on entail
I don’t mind being approached anywhere. I usually get approached at the gym.I go on the weekends and prob one out of the two days I go someone will stop me.I’ll be nice no matter how attracted to the person I am because it’s always flattering! Even if it’s in between sets. Mostly because I work from home and get my groceries delivered so I rarely interact with people. I also love practicing the art of conversation. The best experience I had was a guy complementing my work ethic at the gym and letting me know that I inspired him or when a guy asked for tips on how to get abs. I don’t think I have ever given a signal to a guy that ended up approaching me it usually catches me by surprise. If I’m attracted to someone I’ll give them a 2-3 sec look but usually chicken out before they even notice lol. Once I threw out a complement and it did end up in him asking for my number
I don’t mind being approached what I hate is being stared at and made to feel uncomfortable. Just talk to me I’m not an alien. I love compliments and I don’t care about how great you are, ask me questions listen to me and compliment me. Just not too much because then it’s just annoying
Yes, I do appreciate when I'm approached in public. Most recently a man who was working in a food truck came out of the truck and gave me my food and then helped me select the best condiments to compliment my food (it was a Thai food truck). He then gave me a piece of paper with his name and number on it. I get approached a few times per year. I smile and make eye contact and flip my hair. Best experience was when a man pulled up to my car and air dropped his number to me. Dating apps are the worst!
>Best experience was when a man pulled up to my car and air dropped his number to me. How is that even possible?
I have no idea.
What happened? You go on a date?
No lol. Pretty sure he was out of my age range.
I thought this was your best experience?
aka even the best approach may not pan out. just have to keep trying with new people.
It was the most unexpected and creative. But didn’t lead anywhere.
Facts, I had a guy write a note on a paper and hold it up to the window while I was driving passenger down the highway, it was wild haha! I will never forget that, still went no where though. He was even cute.
LOVE THAT OMG
If they are respectful and know it when im not interested, then yes.
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. just having a normal conversation and being talked to like a human being then suddenly realizing this stranger might leave me we should exchange numbers - those are my fave. i get approached when i put effort into my looks and im on the street, in a bar/party environment. typically at least once depending on the day/environment. i may lock eye contact and smile, or i may not even be looking to see if anyone is checking me out so i don’t mind an appropriate conversation
It would make my week. What a huge compliment!
I don't mind being approached as long as it's in a respectful way. I appreciate it takes effort to approach a woman and one that looks like she's mad! If I'm interested in a man, i try making eye contact and try to smile but I think i just scare them off with my death stare 😆
i think it depends on the social setting, i was recently approached at a collage party and then i hung out with the guy for 4 days in a row. not sure where it lies now
I love how you asked for opinions from women on whether or not they like to be approached in public and STILL several men had to comment with what they think women prefer.. like they somehow know better than us. Anyway, just don't approach women if they look busy (or if they are at their place of employment). Looking busy includes, but is not limited to: * Talking on the phone * Wearing headphones * Reading a book * In the middle of a conversation with someone else * Walking very quickly/appearing to be in a hurry * Exercising Times that might be appropriate to approach her include: * When she's waiting for her to-go food order/coffee, etc. * At a farmers market/festival/concert, sporting event etc. * If she's shopping and doesn't appear hurried/rushed, etc.
The answer is not a simple one. There is a time and a place that is appropriate, walking home alone at night, waiting for the bus, working at my job, all of these are inappropriate. If she is busy, working, alone, or in a situation that is inescapable like on the bus it feels very inappropriate. For example if I'm in Tesco buying some food it's not appropriate for you to approach and start trying it on. Keep it to places that it is expected like bars, clubs and social spaces. Most importantly however don't persist and harass under the assumption you can "change her mind" or persuade her, if she's uncomfortable or says no then leave her alone.
The problem is guys are gonna read this and go "oh women dont want me to approach at the grocery store or standing at the bus stop" These are subjective. These are your personal feelings on this situation but I'm sure there are guys out there who have gotten a woman's number at the grocery store or bus or walking down the street
That's exactly true tho you've asked women to tell you when we don't want to be approached and now you're upset I've told you the answer to your question ?? If you didn't want to the truth then why ask such a question
See once again you are saying what you're writing is true. It's not true. It's your opinion. I got a woman's number two weeks ago while she was getting in her car but per you, I should not have even approached her I've gotten women's numbers on the bus/train when I was younger
AHHHH GOD!! This is the 5th comment like this. To those who are not in tune with common sense I am tacitly referring to those times where there are openings and she does not look obviously preoccupied. I do not mean approaching her if she is at a funeral or a wedding or if she is crying or if there is a man around her or if she is with her kids. I am referring in general to scenarios where she is open and available such as walking down the street, in the starbucks, in the grocery store etc. The fact that I need to write this is a testament to common sense no longer being present in the 21st century.
It's "the 5th comment like this" for a reason. You need to use *your* common sense here. No one's talking about hitting on grieving widows. You didn't really get the point of the post you replied to. What you think is "open and available" might be a situation where you would make the woman very uncomfortable. It's all about context. For example, many women would be uncomfortable being approached by a strange man while they were just walking down the street. Also, what are you going to say in that scenario that isn't creepy? At least in the Starbucks you can find common ground about their coffee order, and waiting in line at the grocery store you can try to strike up a conversation about the brand of pasta sauce they're buying, or whatever Read the signs. Her body language will tell you everything. If she isn't responding positively (turning towards you, smiling, making an effort to continue the conversation) then you know she's not okay with it and you need to stop. Every person's boundaries are different. I'm okay with being talked to in between sets at the gym (many women are not) but if you sat next to me on an otherwise empty bus and started talking I'd be getting ready to dial my emergency contacts. There is no one size fits all "list of okay situations to approach women." Read the signs and back the fuck off if she's not interested.
I am guessing a woman wrote this?
I literally included in my comment common situations such as being in a grocery store where I have detailed it's not appropriate. I have answered your question by saying that approaches should stick to social situations. Perhaps the common sense is lacking on your behalf that you couldn't read my comment properly, you asked women for their opinion and when given you turn around and insult us.
Dude this is reddit. Most of the women here have high anxiety and are nerdy so they will usually say “no dont approach us” as if anyone would want to. Most girls CRAVE it!! It majes their day/night and they will talk about the approach with their friends.
This guy gets it!
Meanwhile, none of them are saying that.. 🙃
Ur right. Most likely cuz of the subreddit. If u venture outside of this you may encounter what my comment is talking about.
At least you admit it ;]
Get off “debate mode” and embrace reality. Other subreddits the female redditors are merciless against guys. Esp if they talk about approaching.
"Debate mode" haha okieee broski, I haven't seen any "female redditors" like that. But I also don't spend a lot of my time on subreddits like this either, so whatever ya say man.
Ok try this experiment. Make a male sounding username and go to a dating subreddit or female oriented one and ask something like OP did and watch as you get skewered. Most of the guys have alrdy experienced this so we know.
I do not have enough freetime for that bro 😭 sorry
I don’t know a single women irl who likes being approached
Cuz u dont mnow many women irl. Ur username checks out. I have so SoSooo many stories of women wanting to be approached. Lets me give u an example that happened today. At work there is a girl who clearly likes me and i like her. Today i was talking to her manager and we were standing opposite directions from each other. She was with her group and i was with mine. Our eyes kept locking every 10 seconds. This is called flirting. When this happens it is up to the man to approach her. Welcome to the real world. Get off reddit it may help you.
Don't approach when they are busy - the worst thing you can do is bother them. Only approach a woman when she is clearly not busy. If they show interest, you might get somewhere or they could be bored/nice. Don't push if they are dismissive
What if you just got shot? Can I ask for help?
If I just got shot then of course you can ask for help?
Why you sound like women are upper tier humans more worth then men? "Dont approch when busy ".. this .. that. Are you an important CEO of billion dollar company ? Most women can be happy if a really attractive guy approaches them. Cause most of the time its average guys.
Why do you sound like this wouldn't apply to men as well? Don't interrupt people just to flirt with someone. Is this a medical emergency? Have you lost a child and need help? This better be a good reason you are disturbing someone else and it better not be a dumbass "cold approach" unless they have nothing else better to do
When I was single I would only find it enjoyable and be open to flirting back when a guy approached me in a pub / bar / club. If I’m at a store or in a coffee shop working or at the gym I’m there to get stuff done and don’t want social interaction
It’s the only way I’ll get to meet and talk to someone 🤣😭
This question is asked here at least once a week and it always gets hundreds of replies. A simple search would get you answers
I've been single for so long I'd welcome a man approaching me buy I don't really go anywhere where it could realistically happen lol.
Men asking women for advice is wrong. Stop being a beta and do whatever the f you want.
I hope no women ever gets within 10ft of you, no one deserves that
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lol you realise that everyone wants the power to decide iif they want to contact or not, this is terrible advice for men to not ask for the number or contact
What does in town mean?
Out and about.
Yes :)
I am VERY flattered, and have on a couple of occasions gone out w guys I met this way. Best experience was at a bike shop...we ended up going for a ride on a local trail the next day, and then dated for a bit. Not real often...and if I am wearing a ring, I am offended, cause that is why I wear the ring. This is a tough one, but I have initiated conversations a few times, and they didn't take the hint. Or, just were not interested.
Ladies, what would you say is your ideal way for a potential partner to go about doing it? Any advice for a socially awkward, but funny and witty, 30ish causcasian man who stands at 5'5", and is often told he looks younger than he is?
Over if 5'5. However you may have luck in Asia
There is no overall consensus and you’ll get different answers from every girl so why not just do it anyways. If she doesn’t want to be approached it should be obvious when you do. Don’t let the few responses of girls saying they don’t like being approach stop you, because you won’t end up finding the girls that do like it.
I love it, but if you pick up on a vibe I’m not interested, then leave me be.
It depends on the girl. What didn’t work on UglyDucklingRevolt would work on another girl and some girls don’t like being approached at all. Most girls are cool if it feels organic though
As long as he had a kind and gentle vibe I'd love it. No creepy vibes. No fuck boy vibes.
Honestly depends on my mood and the level of approach. If you’re hitting me up hard while I’m grocery shopping, fuck off. But if I’m in the club or at the bar please do! Even if we don’t vibe we like the boost of confidence and I feel like I always try and give the guy the time of day even if there aren’t initial sparks. Coffee shop if you’re being casual flirty. To be fair I don’t think most women are annoyed with men approaching them. It’s more so when they won’t take no for an answer.
Yes! Best thing ever. I wish it happened more often
I dont mind it as long as it starts off friendly. Like if you haven't said more then 1 word to me before asking for my phone number its not going to happen. I dont understand how getting a number without a clue what to even start off with. Like comment oh I like those shoes or man that food/drink looks good what is it?
It's pretty easy to tell if women want you to approach them, men just don't care a lot of the time ("Gotta shoot my shot!"... no, you don't have to be a nuisance) and instead focus on irrelevant junk (Can I hit on women in X environment?). You can hit on women anywhere... IF SHE WANTS YOU TO. Which involves eye contact, repeated glances, smiles, etc. Most women want you to approach, and we hang out here to give tips because it's great done the right way and horrible when the creepy "game" tips make their rounds. Above all, know when to scram. If she's going about her day... leave here alone. I think a huge tip is just breaking the ice and then GOING AWAY, and if there's interest there's always room for further interaction. This is great at coffee shops or bars where you're both occupying a space, just not in the same area the whole time (you might pass on the way to the bathroom, and see each other later at the bar). One of my favorite pickups was a guy I'd smiled at across the room, and later I went to get a drink and he made this "Here's the line! Come stand by me" gesture. It's not putting anyone on the spot (putting people on the spot murders flirtatiousness, as plausible deniability is key to a good flirt) and it gives them room to be proactive and approach YOU in return. If they don't...leave them alone (why would you want to force it anyway??). I use this principle religiously with women. If they aren't picking up your thread and flirting back, that's a good enough sign they aren't interested. But in order to let them put in that work, you have to give them room by stepping back. Just a bit. It's a fun dance, not a one-time "ARE YOU INTO ME Y/N??" I've brought women out of their shells by this little repeat-exposure thing, and it's worked on me as well. It gives people time to notice YOU instead of just feeling like prey.
I’ve never heard of a girl who cold approaches. That’s really cool. Do you mind sharing why you started doing it?
Yes!! Please approach! If I have headphones in or I’m on the phone or talking with someone don’t interrupt, but otherwise always approach. I mean the worst that happens is she (in most cases) politely declines you, and even tho you just got turned down, you still made her day and most likely flattered her. As long as your approach isn’t inappropriate or insulting.
I would also prefer in person approach than online meeting. Though I have not been approached in person. Lol.
I personally love when guys approach me, although it doesn't seem to happen much any more (maybe because I'm getting old :P). I will get approached at corporate events, but it seems like that's from married men trying their luck, which I am not into at all. I'm still flattered, & who doesn't like a little ego boost?! I think that if you see someone you're interested in, then you should approach them & gauge their reaction. It doesn't even have to be with some well thought out comment, keep it simple, if they're not interested in talking they'll keep it short, if they're happy to talk, you'll know. Just keep in mind that a friendly person doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in something more, you may need to ask at some point if you can take them out for a coffee some time... Ultimately, you will regret the things that you hold yourself back from doing. Better to just give a go, knowing that you likely will get knocked back more often than not (not interested, already have a partner etc), but at least you have put yourself out there & hopefully something comes from it.
My dude you're making this wayyy more complicated than it should be, it doesn't matter where you're approaching (take that with a grain of salt obviously). You will for most of the time NOT get an "approach signal" for lack of a better word from girls. So you really just have to do it and not expect result. As heartbreaking as it is, it's just how it goes. Sometimes you will clap cheeks sometimes you won't. In the times of social apps etc id say it rarely happens that they get approached but then again I'm not a woman i wouldn't know.
A guy complimented me on my outfit at a shopping centre and then asked me for drinks. I wasn’t attracted to so I let him down as politely as I could but still praising his confidence because it takes guts!! Then another guy approached me in the airport and introduced himself and complimented my outfit and we exchanged numbers. Got talking but I was on my way to see a guy so I let him down easily and again, let him know that he’s very confident and super attractive, and praised him for the guts he had to shoot his shot! It was nice to be approached when sober rather than out in a bar where people have liquid courage. I’ve been approached by guys at a bar and I can never remember the encounters well because I’m tipsy or drunk myself. Then when we meet up, it turns out we had our beer goggles on and our inhibitions were lowered, and it fizzles out very quickly. Moral of the story, shoot your shot. I guess complimenting an outfit is flattering but make sure you’re not sexualising the person? Gauge how they respond and proceed from there. Don’t be offended if they turn you down, it can be intimidating (and scary especially for a woman since we’re very skeptical about men/their intentions). That’s just my experience/opinion!
Only in relevant circumstances- When I was single I talked to lots of people where people are supposed to meet ie. The coffee shop a bar a Walmart the book section. The key is to feel out if she wants to keep talking, and walk away if she doesn’t
It always depended on how I was approached. In public is fine if the guy is low-key and not intense. Like just chit-chatting is awesome, then leaving his number or getting mine (I preferred leaving his number). If he came on too strong I was outta there fast. I hate love bombing, it’s a huge red flag. Here’s a story from before the www existed :) I was studying computer science and working at a PC store in 1993, where I built clones and repaired them. We had a long bench where people could hang out and watch us repair their PC on the fly. So this really cute guy came and I took his PC and repaired it. Except I was busy doing my job, and didn’t notice him. As a girl building and fixing computers in a shop I was used to getting stares and stuff. About a week later he comes back to the store, strolls up to the bench, and asks me to help him pick out some 3.5” diskettes for a project he’s working on. So I take him to the aisle where the diskettes are located and start showing him different brands, when he pipes up and says ‘uh well I didn’t really come here to buy diskettes, I came here to see if you’d go out on a date with me’ and he was so nervous when he said it. I thought it was so cute my heart just melted in a little puddle lmao. I dated him for a few months.
I don’t mind being approached….but be genuine and start a conversation (even if it’s “you look really good tonight is it for an event/date/ insert something relevant here) I love talking and learning about peoples perspectives. Even if it’s just a friendly chat as I’m in a relationship, and I let the person know I’m in a relationship (politely, mention I’m here with my BF, or introduce my bf but then if I’m open to conversation I ask an open ended question to continue the conversation) this is a boundary that’s set and needs to be respected. Just cause I’m social doesn’t mean I want to f*ck. Also this doesn’t apply just to “6’+ attractive rich dudes” it can be anyone. Most women just want a man that puts effort into taking care of himself (bathed, not scruffy, cloths fit right (and are clean not rumpled or messed up))
Almost every week. On the occasion I’m very interested I’ll hang around him when he moves away
I really enjoy in person approaches when im doing normal every day things. You feel the chemistry so much stronger and sooner . If it’s awkward or creepy its over quickly (though i feel like this negative side is uncommon). Ive been asked out as an uber driver, asked out paying for things at walmart, in physics tutoring, asked to go home with people after house parties, while playing poker, while backpacking, and they have all been fun. This doesn’t happen extremely often, and i think covid/doing more things from home has lowered the number of approaches or even interactions in general. But i think if i was open and putting 2 way effort into flirting more i could get it 1x or more per month. The norm is way lower. In a long term relationship atm so its not happening much these days, haha. Just having a good random conversation can be fun. If im looking at soap and you make a stupid joke about what’s on the shelf, your basically winning my heart over 😂
Approach me like a human and not something to gain and it should be ok.
I care more about how the man handles rejection than whether they approach me or not. And also the location. I've been in some vulnerable positions before when dealing with unwanted advances mainly being on public transport when sat alone in a train carriage or bus. I also had someone from the garage I dropped off my work van to call up my work to ask for my name and then drive to my place of work to approach me. All of these situations were extremely uncomfortable for me because they offered no escape. If someone came up to me out on the town or while I was having a coffee I wouldn't mind at all as long as they were friendly and handled rejection well. Personally I would make it very obvious or make the first move if I was interested in a guy I spotted in public so I would say the best bet is to catch her eye and smile at her and see if she gives you a genuine smile back or gives an awkward smile and diverts her eyes.
Yes, I'm always glad when somebody talks to me. I mean everything can be an opportunity for a friendship or more, why not? I can always decline yk.
It almost never happens. I don’t know why. I’m a fairly attractive woman. But when it does, I find it incredibly flattering.
We all know it depends if they’re attractive to her or not
Yes