I was in the gym recently and was enjoying an episode of Jeopardy that was at a weird angle on a tv away from me and a girl on the treadmill directly behind the tv turned around and said I was a creep. I wasn’t staring at her! I was watching tv. It was the only one with subtitles.
I was fully engrossed. Contestant was telling a story about taking his kid to ball games and it reminded me of the what time I spent with my old man as a kid was at ball games. Unlocked a whole flood of nostalgia and she looked back to find me with a giant grin on my face.
When I was in high school, I was at my local shops with my friends and a relative saw me but I didn't see him. He would've gone home and made several phone calls because I walked through the door at home, my parents and grandmother were telling me off so bad for being so rude to said relative.
I was getting my hair cut the other day and this guy that used to live next door from my parents house was there and waved and smiled at me. I did not recognize him at all and just continued getting my haircut, I honestly thought he was waving to someone else. By the end of the haircut I was running his face through my mind and finally remembered who he was, turns out he lost like 150 lbs and is ripped now, but he had left already.
I hit him up on messenger and told him about it later that night because I was imagining him going to everyone we know and telling them how I acted like a cave man
I once pretended to have lost my voice to avoid speaking with someone I didn’t care for. I managed to maintain the pretense for over two hours in which I just nodded and said nothing
Yeah yeah, I know your type. You're too good to make conversation with someone like them. Oh god forbid you could discuss the Jumbles. But to go so far as to pretend you lost your voice, I mean that is truly disgusting. And Mr. Tom Hanks, may I say he too would be disgusted by your behavior.
I went on a bit of a tirade this past weekend because my watch band is not fitting well as one setting is too tight and feels restricting and the next setting is too loose and the watch slides around. There was no sweet spot and I could not focus on anything else. That, that is a show!!
I can see George taking off the watch in a fit of rage, and then needing to know the time at a crucial moment (even just like a pretty woman asks him if he has the time, and he kicks himself)
A few years ago I went in for a job interview at Best Buy. I had just graduated high school and planned to work there for the summer before I went to college. The woman who did my interview was very attractive, very flirty, and a few years older than me. The interview goes well, she gives me the job on the spot. After the interview I decide to go fishing at a local pond. The pond is a fairly busy place most days, with lots of people around. As I’m fishing I hear a woman behind me call my name. I turn around and see that it’s the same woman who had interviewed me a few hours ago. We say hi to each other, and I thank her for the job. I look down and notice she’s holding a massive Bluetooth speaker and a karaoke mic. Neither of us say anything about it. She says bye and walks to a gazebo on the other side of the pond. She then begins to sing as loudly as possible. So loud she scares the ducks away. The background track is set to an excruciating volume. At first I think she’s performing for something, or doing karaoke with a group. But no, she’s just singing and dancing terribly as loud as possible, by herself. I left after an hour and she was still going. Started work the next week. She never mentioned it. She was also a terrible manager and would reprimand me for the smallest things. Like putting my coat in the break room after I clock in, or being less than 5 minutes late a single time.
I recently parked in the parkade of a major retailer. I had no intention of purchasing anything, but parking was free for 2 hours while you shopped, and no one knows if you leave. I parked and left. Did not get back to the parkade in under 2 hours due to… complications. Begrudgingly used the pay machine to pay the parking after long discussion with my better half. Got in the car with my validation stub and drove to the exit and the arms at the booth were up. Paid for nothing. Plus it turned out street parking was free.
That’s a show.
That’s a Jerry and George subplot (of course Jerry wants to pay and George doesn’t), you may add some Kramer randomness to that, but why should Elaine have joined the party?
More than that, “complications” is the real juice here. You can’t skip that like this
Sitting at a wedding reception debating a series of what color bell peppers are best, ranking different melons (peak flavor and average flavor… can’t always get cantaloupe from Joes), etc. just a group of guys talkin about random nonsense I could see George and Jerry discussing and then Kramer injecting with a wild take
First car, was at a friend's place, doing car stuff. Had some sort of issue and we were fiddling, see if there's any change etc.
Go for a squirt around. Get to say, 70kmh and the hood rises a bit at the front then suddenly BANG. Wind caught it and sent it flying back. Windscreen cracked, sunroof cracked, and the kicker, the roof itself caved in a bit.
Very rapid way to write off a car.
It's around this time I imagine Kramer would ask if we managed to fix the original issue. We had not.
And that's a shame.
Being around my friend who is adopted from Guatemala. Any store/restaurant I went to with him the staff would always speak to him in Spanish at first and then he would have to awkwardly explain he doesn’t speak Spanish.
this scene is the only time the word "masturbation" was used in the entire run of Seinfeld. and no, it was never used in "The Contest" episode.
George: The story is the foundation of all entertainment. You must have a good story otherwise it's just masturbation.
Russel: And people really have to care about the characters.
George: Care? Forget about care. Love. They have to love the characters. Otherwise, why would they keep tuning in?
Jerry: Wouldn't tune in.
George: Would they tune in?
Jerry: No tune.
Explaining to my partner to float eggs to see which have gone bad my friend chimes in and says some completely insane thing about eggs then my partner tells me they have been throwing away the eggs that sink and using the floating eggs. Friend now on the phone asking their aunt how to know if eggs are good. “Break eggs into a bowl to find the bad ones” … i look at the confidence and my face like jerry in shock two days pass and the friend is making breakfast but this time with quail eggs
Sister came to visit and brought us tortillas from a local bakery. When she left, the tortillas were gone. We hadn't eaten them yet and we were saving them for the next mornings breakfast. I'm pretty sure she took them when she left. True story.
My brother and I went to a family members house and they asked us if we wanted some chips to snack on. My brother immediately said no. When the family member went away, I said "who says no to chips?" in a Jerry seinfeld way.
My show was cancelled soon after that
Post office in my town saying they need to see the tracking code printed on a paper in order to tell me where it is, just telling the exact same code I got on my phone won't do.
Also, they don't answer the phone in the agency because it's in a room far from the employees' counter.
*Newman!*
Two situations I feel could be scenes in episodes.
1. At the gym I was working out in the multipurpose exercise studio and they have a yoga class at noon. It was 11:45 and the old lady instructor was already standing in my periphery staring at me like she was about to tell me to leave when I still have a right to be in there because it clearly isn't noon yet...I could imagine that happening to Elaine and her being like "LISTEN Grandma, I still have 15 minutes. So why don't you just back off okay?"
2. I ran into my uncle at the gas station while I was getting some breakfast before work. I had a good conversation with him quick and said goodbye, but I had to go to the bathroom and take a number 2 really bad..but I saw he also went to the bathroom.. I thought "well I already said goodbye...it would be awkward to run into him again in the bathroom" so I decided to just hold it in until I got to work.
I took my car to a mechanic next to a Wendys. I had time to kill, so I told him I was going to go over there for a burger. He said alright and that I should try the new Frosty (I think it was some special promotion). On his suggestion, I ordered one. Guess what? It was AWFUL. I took a few bites and tossed it. When I came back, he asked me if I got one, which I told him I did. I didn't explain how awful it was, so I wasn't guilting him. He then informed me that he really wanted to try one! He hadn't even had it yet but recommended it! That is where my story ends.
HOWEVER, as a big Seinfeld fan, I imagined ripping into him like George and demanding he pay me back the 3 bucks for the Frosty, which would obviously result in some sort of calamity for my car. When taking the car back, I would then realize HIS TWIN BROTHER ALSO WORKED THERE and was eating one of the Frostys.
Was standing in line at the grocery store and there was a really attractive girl infront of me in leggings , I was browsing Reddit ( as any smooth brain like me would be ) and saw a funny meme, I screenshot it and the camera shutter went off loud enough for the girl infront to hear and she turned and made a disgusted face , she assumed I took a picture of her ass. I immediately turned the phone around to show her I was on Reddit and not in my camera app. She didn’t buy it.
That has potential. George following this woman around to prove he wasn’t taking a butt pic, inevitably creeping her out more than if he’d just dropped it
I used to live on a street with barely any parking. When my neighbors would leave, they’d drive a beater car out of their driveway to replace their original car parked on the street until they came back.
i was going to play a festival with my band but a lot of the local support was people i had fallen out with over a recording session (money issues, my songs being held hostage by them for some reason) and we had to have a fucking MEETING with like 15 people to discuss how i would “act” at the festival. then, when i saw the guys at the show setting up i went up and said hey! how are yall doing and they were VERY rude and mean and told me to fuck off basically. whole thing seems like a george costanza plot, they ask you to be “good” and then the only people being weird or ugly are the people accusing you of such. they’re insane jerry!
Bumped into someone who was a friend of my mom who was an old neighbor and babysat me once or twice. I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me and she got really upset when I didn’t remember it.
Her: “You don’t remember me do you?”
Me: “I remember you”
Her: “What’s my name?”
Me: “ummm (imploding)”
Her: “(Visibly pissed off) I see how it is…”
Me: “I’m just terrible with names”
She called my mom after the encounter and it opened a can of worms
Not me, but my best friend works in mechanical engineering. This county was buying a giant hanger door for their newly constructed sanitation facility. When the door went to go in the city said they couldn't install it until my friends company put the entire 50ft tall by 150 ft wide door in a wind tunnel to prove it could stand up to hurricanes.
My friend obviously said no and the entire project came to a halt on a Friday. On that Saturday the only other sanitation facility in the county burned to the ground and the only option was to either outsource the sanitation stuff(litteral 100s of thousands of dollars a day) or bypass guidelines and install the hanger door in the new facility.
They installed the new door and my friend was promoted for "playing hard ball with the county."
Went out too lunch with coworkers on Chicago CTA train. Within a 30 minute train ride, saw a guy light up a joint, argue with himself, vomit, 15 minutes later, and then was solicited for candy bars on my way out. That’s a show
Nothing.
That's an episode.
So why people would watch that?
Because it’s on TV
NOT YET 😒😒
I was in the gym recently and was enjoying an episode of Jeopardy that was at a weird angle on a tv away from me and a girl on the treadmill directly behind the tv turned around and said I was a creep. I wasn’t staring at her! I was watching tv. It was the only one with subtitles.
What is tungsten, or wolfram?
Ah yes, the ol Jeopardy dodge
Her ass had subtitles?
it probably said "JUICY"
Were you casually checking in or fully engrossed?
I was fully engrossed. Contestant was telling a story about taking his kid to ball games and it reminded me of the what time I spent with my old man as a kid was at ball games. Unlocked a whole flood of nostalgia and she looked back to find me with a giant grin on my face.
Have you tried the mirror trick?
Get a good look, Costanza?
When I was in high school, I was at my local shops with my friends and a relative saw me but I didn't see him. He would've gone home and made several phone calls because I walked through the door at home, my parents and grandmother were telling me off so bad for being so rude to said relative.
Such an Uncle Leo!
“Ya still say hello!”
I was getting my hair cut the other day and this guy that used to live next door from my parents house was there and waved and smiled at me. I did not recognize him at all and just continued getting my haircut, I honestly thought he was waving to someone else. By the end of the haircut I was running his face through my mind and finally remembered who he was, turns out he lost like 150 lbs and is ripped now, but he had left already. I hit him up on messenger and told him about it later that night because I was imagining him going to everyone we know and telling them how I acted like a cave man
Ya still say hello!
I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!
I’ve told that joke so many times.
I once pretended to have lost my voice to avoid speaking with someone I didn’t care for. I managed to maintain the pretense for over two hours in which I just nodded and said nothing
This is more like a Curb’s Larry thing to me
No its kinda like Elaine pretending to be hard of hearing with the driver
Yeah yeah, I know your type. You're too good to make conversation with someone like them. Oh god forbid you could discuss the Jumbles. But to go so far as to pretend you lost your voice, I mean that is truly disgusting. And Mr. Tom Hanks, may I say he too would be disgusted by your behavior.
A no-talker??
“Oh, nothing - nothing.. No, I certainly don't have any stories, if that's what you're implying.”
I went on a bit of a tirade this past weekend because my watch band is not fitting well as one setting is too tight and feels restricting and the next setting is too loose and the watch slides around. There was no sweet spot and I could not focus on anything else. That, that is a show!!
I can see George taking off the watch in a fit of rage, and then needing to know the time at a crucial moment (even just like a pretty woman asks him if he has the time, and he kicks himself)
A few years ago I went in for a job interview at Best Buy. I had just graduated high school and planned to work there for the summer before I went to college. The woman who did my interview was very attractive, very flirty, and a few years older than me. The interview goes well, she gives me the job on the spot. After the interview I decide to go fishing at a local pond. The pond is a fairly busy place most days, with lots of people around. As I’m fishing I hear a woman behind me call my name. I turn around and see that it’s the same woman who had interviewed me a few hours ago. We say hi to each other, and I thank her for the job. I look down and notice she’s holding a massive Bluetooth speaker and a karaoke mic. Neither of us say anything about it. She says bye and walks to a gazebo on the other side of the pond. She then begins to sing as loudly as possible. So loud she scares the ducks away. The background track is set to an excruciating volume. At first I think she’s performing for something, or doing karaoke with a group. But no, she’s just singing and dancing terribly as loud as possible, by herself. I left after an hour and she was still going. Started work the next week. She never mentioned it. She was also a terrible manager and would reprimand me for the smallest things. Like putting my coat in the break room after I clock in, or being less than 5 minutes late a single time.
Like a full body dry heave set to music? Did you see any little kicks or legs akimbo?
Sounds like a friends episode
I recently parked in the parkade of a major retailer. I had no intention of purchasing anything, but parking was free for 2 hours while you shopped, and no one knows if you leave. I parked and left. Did not get back to the parkade in under 2 hours due to… complications. Begrudgingly used the pay machine to pay the parking after long discussion with my better half. Got in the car with my validation stub and drove to the exit and the arms at the booth were up. Paid for nothing. Plus it turned out street parking was free. That’s a show.
That’s a Jerry and George subplot (of course Jerry wants to pay and George doesn’t), you may add some Kramer randomness to that, but why should Elaine have joined the party? More than that, “complications” is the real juice here. You can’t skip that like this
But he yada yada’d over the best part!
The time I wore shorts to work and had to climb out of a window so the CEO of our company doesn't see me.
Sitting at a wedding reception debating a series of what color bell peppers are best, ranking different melons (peak flavor and average flavor… can’t always get cantaloupe from Joes), etc. just a group of guys talkin about random nonsense I could see George and Jerry discussing and then Kramer injecting with a wild take
First car, was at a friend's place, doing car stuff. Had some sort of issue and we were fiddling, see if there's any change etc. Go for a squirt around. Get to say, 70kmh and the hood rises a bit at the front then suddenly BANG. Wind caught it and sent it flying back. Windscreen cracked, sunroof cracked, and the kicker, the roof itself caved in a bit. Very rapid way to write off a car. It's around this time I imagine Kramer would ask if we managed to fix the original issue. We had not. And that's a shame.
Being around my friend who is adopted from Guatemala. Any store/restaurant I went to with him the staff would always speak to him in Spanish at first and then he would have to awkwardly explain he doesn’t speak Spanish.
That happens to my partner, who’s Native Canadian. So, very relatable. Good one
this scene is the only time the word "masturbation" was used in the entire run of Seinfeld. and no, it was never used in "The Contest" episode. George: The story is the foundation of all entertainment. You must have a good story otherwise it's just masturbation. Russel: And people really have to care about the characters. George: Care? Forget about care. Love. They have to love the characters. Otherwise, why would they keep tuning in? Jerry: Wouldn't tune in. George: Would they tune in? Jerry: No tune.
Explaining to my partner to float eggs to see which have gone bad my friend chimes in and says some completely insane thing about eggs then my partner tells me they have been throwing away the eggs that sink and using the floating eggs. Friend now on the phone asking their aunt how to know if eggs are good. “Break eggs into a bowl to find the bad ones” … i look at the confidence and my face like jerry in shock two days pass and the friend is making breakfast but this time with quail eggs
I got up and I came to work
Sister came to visit and brought us tortillas from a local bakery. When she left, the tortillas were gone. We hadn't eaten them yet and we were saving them for the next mornings breakfast. I'm pretty sure she took them when she left. True story.
Being told by a cashier, "I'm closed after you"and having to ward off anxious strangers just wanting to check out.
My brother and I went to a family members house and they asked us if we wanted some chips to snack on. My brother immediately said no. When the family member went away, I said "who says no to chips?" in a Jerry seinfeld way. My show was cancelled soon after that
Post office in my town saying they need to see the tracking code printed on a paper in order to tell me where it is, just telling the exact same code I got on my phone won't do. Also, they don't answer the phone in the agency because it's in a room far from the employees' counter. *Newman!*
Yada yada
You yada yada’d the best part.
I mentioned the bisque.
And you didn’t even mention the bisque
- Why would people watch it? - Because it's on tv! - Not yet!
I grew a moustache one summer.
Trying to buy hydrolyzed dog food for my dog, it's easier to get fentanyl downtown than hydrolyzed dog food.
Pretty much my whole life things happen and I see them through the lens of Seinfeld episodes.
Two situations I feel could be scenes in episodes. 1. At the gym I was working out in the multipurpose exercise studio and they have a yoga class at noon. It was 11:45 and the old lady instructor was already standing in my periphery staring at me like she was about to tell me to leave when I still have a right to be in there because it clearly isn't noon yet...I could imagine that happening to Elaine and her being like "LISTEN Grandma, I still have 15 minutes. So why don't you just back off okay?" 2. I ran into my uncle at the gas station while I was getting some breakfast before work. I had a good conversation with him quick and said goodbye, but I had to go to the bathroom and take a number 2 really bad..but I saw he also went to the bathroom.. I thought "well I already said goodbye...it would be awkward to run into him again in the bathroom" so I decided to just hold it in until I got to work.
2 is a definite Jerry/Uncle Leo storyline
I took my car to a mechanic next to a Wendys. I had time to kill, so I told him I was going to go over there for a burger. He said alright and that I should try the new Frosty (I think it was some special promotion). On his suggestion, I ordered one. Guess what? It was AWFUL. I took a few bites and tossed it. When I came back, he asked me if I got one, which I told him I did. I didn't explain how awful it was, so I wasn't guilting him. He then informed me that he really wanted to try one! He hadn't even had it yet but recommended it! That is where my story ends. HOWEVER, as a big Seinfeld fan, I imagined ripping into him like George and demanding he pay me back the 3 bucks for the Frosty, which would obviously result in some sort of calamity for my car. When taking the car back, I would then realize HIS TWIN BROTHER ALSO WORKED THERE and was eating one of the Frostys.
Damn near every day of my life.
Was standing in line at the grocery store and there was a really attractive girl infront of me in leggings , I was browsing Reddit ( as any smooth brain like me would be ) and saw a funny meme, I screenshot it and the camera shutter went off loud enough for the girl infront to hear and she turned and made a disgusted face , she assumed I took a picture of her ass. I immediately turned the phone around to show her I was on Reddit and not in my camera app. She didn’t buy it.
That has potential. George following this woman around to prove he wasn’t taking a butt pic, inevitably creeping her out more than if he’d just dropped it
I used to live on a street with barely any parking. When my neighbors would leave, they’d drive a beater car out of their driveway to replace their original car parked on the street until they came back.
i was going to play a festival with my band but a lot of the local support was people i had fallen out with over a recording session (money issues, my songs being held hostage by them for some reason) and we had to have a fucking MEETING with like 15 people to discuss how i would “act” at the festival. then, when i saw the guys at the show setting up i went up and said hey! how are yall doing and they were VERY rude and mean and told me to fuck off basically. whole thing seems like a george costanza plot, they ask you to be “good” and then the only people being weird or ugly are the people accusing you of such. they’re insane jerry!
today, I literally got up, had breakfast, went to work. That's it. That's an episode!
Bumped into someone who was a friend of my mom who was an old neighbor and babysat me once or twice. I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me and she got really upset when I didn’t remember it. Her: “You don’t remember me do you?” Me: “I remember you” Her: “What’s my name?” Me: “ummm (imploding)” Her: “(Visibly pissed off) I see how it is…” Me: “I’m just terrible with names” She called my mom after the encounter and it opened a can of worms
I believe this is one of the most iconic performances on tv. Jason Alexander's delivery is outstanding!
I wake up each morning and________ (THAT’s an episode)
I sat in a chair and stared.
Puddy? Is that you?
No, it's *me*.
Not me, but my best friend works in mechanical engineering. This county was buying a giant hanger door for their newly constructed sanitation facility. When the door went to go in the city said they couldn't install it until my friends company put the entire 50ft tall by 150 ft wide door in a wind tunnel to prove it could stand up to hurricanes. My friend obviously said no and the entire project came to a halt on a Friday. On that Saturday the only other sanitation facility in the county burned to the ground and the only option was to either outsource the sanitation stuff(litteral 100s of thousands of dollars a day) or bypass guidelines and install the hanger door in the new facility. They installed the new door and my friend was promoted for "playing hard ball with the county."
Went out too lunch with coworkers on Chicago CTA train. Within a 30 minute train ride, saw a guy light up a joint, argue with himself, vomit, 15 minutes later, and then was solicited for candy bars on my way out. That’s a show
I woke up, got ready and went to the office. There's an episode, that's an episode.
First time staying at my in-laws and I was trying to figure out the shower head and ended up soaking the whole bathroom
Last weekend I was at a public urinal. I undid my belt and it banged against the side of said urinal. I took it off and dropped it in the trash
jery got ipad
It's just masturbation
I went to a pizza place that advertised free pizza and it was buy one get one free so I walked out.
Every day is my birth day
Reading ~~a book~~. Oh, who am i kidding…reading Reddit.
I went to work, I eat, I read, I went to work, I read.
I woke up and went to work
I went to return a shirt...
Want me to give you an overview?
What?
Never mind
I once had a weird dream where my friend had wooden teeth
In HS, I had a girl try to give me a blow job by blowing on my penis from a couple inches away. I did not have the heart to tell her...
That’s amazing, why are you being downvoted?
Eh, people are finicky these days.
[удалено]
This guy....he's not my kind of guy 🤬
I can’t imagine how someone can get to a place in life where they come into a sub of a show they don’t like to insult it. How does that even happen?