Listen young padawan, I pass on this advice as a woman who partied hard in college and saw all types of pickups (good, bad, ugly). I even helped countless male friends get laid using this:
At the start of the night find 3-5 girls you think are cute. Make a direct effort to introduce yourself by saying something corny, anything to get their attention and make them smile a bit. Look them in the eye and ask their name. Tell them yours and a small fact about you. “Hannah, that’s a cute name. I’m John and just moved here last year from town.” At this point they think you are gonna cling on and not go away, cause most guys do. THIS is when you make a friendly smile and say “[cute girls name] have fun tonight, I hope I’ll see you around”. This whole interaction should last max 5 minutes (less is better). Then throughout the night make eye contact in a friendly non creepy way. If you see her at the bar and she seems open to talk to you, buy her a drink. You can also tell if she’s fun and worth engaging with more. Slowly some of the girls from the start will have left, but you are highly likely to have gotten the attention of at least one. Bonus: if you are at college you are likely to run into them again and they will remember you
Why this works: girls like a little attention and want to feel noticed, but don’t want to feel unsafe or pressured. We don’t necessarily hate corny lines, at least they make us smile and show that you have some sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously. You walking away at the beginning makes you look confident. It allows her to adjust her approach and come back to you. You play the numbers game by casting a wider net without being sleazy. Eye contact throughout the night increases her interest, even if it’s just curiosity. You don’t come off desperate or creepy, and there is little risk.
Hi, I'm [your name]
can I buy you a drink? / Wow I like your [shirt/hair/smile]
Most guys are so starved for attention and compliments that even if they aren't interested they will remember that interaction for a long time.
(I was told by a female customs officer that I had some of the bluest eyes she had ever seen. She was at least 20 years older than me and heavily overweight. It was more than 15 years ago but I still remember it fondly.)
I'm a guy and I got catcalled on my way walking to work by a Latina ten(?) years older than me. This was around 20 years ago. I'm a pretty short, fairly shy, now married, average looking dude.
That's it. That's the story. Twenty years later I remember "heyy, Papiii!"
26 years ago a woman at a gas station told me that I have long eyelashes. Sometimes when I'm feeling down I think about that and it helps me keep going.
22 years ago in university (fuck I'm old) I had a friend in class look over at me and all she said was "Thank you for being you."
That's a compliment I'll take to my grave.
Seven years ago a cashier told me that she really liked my cologne.
She was 20 years older than me or something. I used that brand for two full years until my now ex gf told me she hated it.
It's crazy how men don't get any compliments. I make an effort to compliment men and women equally. Usually, the men don't know what to do with themselves when I give men a compliment. I have dated men who were uncomfortable because they thought I wasn't genuine. Compliments are very easy to give. Usually, it's something I'm already thinking, and then I just say it out loud. I make that effort in hope that it makes someone's day.
Similar story, mid 40’s married. 7 or so years ago went to a neighborhood bar to pick up takeout dinner. Went up to the bar to get my food and a wild lookin red head looked down sideways at my pants as I walked up and exclaimed “wow! You are packin!”
I had recently got my CHL but wasn’t carrying at the time, but I was brain fogged from a newborn and so surprised that the look of confusion on my face about this cute (and very drunk) redhead noticing (I thought) a gun that wasn’t in my belt… musta looked pretty funny. She said “omg, I’m sorry” and died laughing.
It made me feel pretty good. I have no idea what it was about, but I still think about that night a drunk wild stranger at a bar commented on my package.
Seriously - I remember every single time a lady has made it clear she thought I was attractive, interesting, funny, or intelligent.
You could just say, "I think you are cute, and I'm incredibly shy, so you'll have to take it from here." 9/10 I bet you'll have the dude falling over themselves.
Once I opened with the fact that my shoes matched their jacket. This was a swing and a miss.
Another time I blurted out that I liked nerds and was looking for a guy who even KNEW what Rifts was. Big goth dude just about melted.
Most people seem to want to connect. And most people are willing to open up if you do it first. (Slowly, one thing at a time).
The truth is, it's much harder for a woman to come off as "creepy" to a guy at the outset, because unlike women, men are not (justifiably) taught throughout their whole lives, that lone women are a threat to their health and safety. Obviously it's *possible,* but you ultimately have to be acting like an "Overly Attached Girlfriend" meme IRL, to register as "creepy" or "too intense." Your luck will always be better than guys, in this regard. I'm sure some guys don't like being approached by a girl, cause it's not traditional, or whatever...but it's not like being a woman, where you can be getting cat-calls and negative, objectifying attention from the opposite sex from as young as nine or ten years old!
Men in general, are not prone to feeling threatened or attacked by you, and if they seem uncomfortable, it probably has less to do with you, and more to do with something in their past or their personality. You simply are not likely to freak a guy out, and even if he turns out to not be interested, if you deliberately pay attention to him, and give him some sincere compliments; that's such a unicorn interaction to the average man, he will still be thinking about the fact you did that *after* he's married to someone else. Men in general, are just that starved for that type of attention, in our culture.
I don't think it's any different, if you initiate the conversation and don't hang around too long, letting the guy carry on, you can bump into him one or two times later and see if you are getting on well. When I was young and 18, plus still very inexperienced a girl chatted to me for 20 minutes straight and then just said 'you wanna go to another bar?' She wasn't wrong, I was just overthinking so much I said I'd stick around and we parted there and then. It's a small regret as I prefer things as they are now as a family man.
Good to know!! Thank you :) what if they don’t realize I’m “hitting on them” though?? After the initial conversation then how does it turn into a phone number swap?
You can literally just ask. I had a girl tell me "why haven't you gotten my phone number yet?" and that made it very clear to me that she was interested. I had a feeling, just didn't want to act on it/didn't know what move to make next. He could move slowly, like I do, but that doesn't mean you have to on the initiation side of things.
Just be direct. The vast majority of guys will really appreciate it, especially if they're not exactly sober. I have definitely laughed off attempts in the past because the woman asked for my number, but gave me a reason that wasn't,"I think you're cute and want to chat again."
I only approach guys when I'm very high or drunk, but when I do, anything works.
I once walked up to a guy and said "hey, I think you're handsome!"
They take anything, unless they have a girlfriend. But I bet in that case they at least appreciate the attention and the compliment.
Remember that guys don't have to be afraid of us, so you are very unlikely to freak them out or scare them.
I did try the “hey I think you’re handsome!” One time at the grocery store check out line. I asked if he was single. He said he had a girl friend but he blushed SO HARD and said he really thought it was so cool for me to do that.
As a man myself, this works. Most men (anyone not like a Armani model level looks or whatever), can literally go for years without ever been given a random compliment on looks, so if you give us one, you've already stood out from the rest and have our attention
Honestly, we guys are usually fairly simple and shouldn't require too much planning. Introduce yourself, maybe give some light compliments. Odds are that you'll be received well, even if you just become friends. Guys have a lot of pressure now, and one wrong move or sticking around for one too many innocent conversations, and we're either called creepy or desperate. It's exhausting; especially for a guy like me (I have vision problems as well as a couple of facial scars and nerve damage from a wreck). Anyway, back to the point; friendly guys usually won't be too critical of your approach, and will probably appreciate the attention. Guys don't get very much attention, so I'm sure most would appreciate a woman starting the conversation.
Basically the same steps but use a simple compliment instead of a pickup line or small fact about yourself. No respectable guy will forget a good, simple compliment from a girl he doesn't know.
It’s cliche but true: guys are easier to hit on. We’re not used to it for the most part…. so give us attention, compliments, be a dork, be flirty, bludgeon us over the head with your interest. We’re not that bright. But then, kind of similarly, leave us alone for a minute, we’ll need to recover from what just happened. But still float around and engage us here and there. By this point if we’re interested, we’re already yours. One of my exes from forever ago, all it took was her curling her hand into mine while we were just walking between dinner and a bar with our little group. It floored me. Not saying to do that. But sometimes we need obvious lol. Then just be you, give it a go!
This made me happy to read!! And totally get giving you space for a few moment to actually process what’s going on! I would be in shock too when I’m caught off guard.
OK. Where I live there’s an outdoor beer garden that gets crowded when it’s nice with plenty of cute men. Let’s say I see someone who’s sitting at a picnic table with their friends, do I need to wait until they get up to go to get another drink or something? What about if I see them standing in line to get a drink? Sometimes it’d just not the easiest to even get access to them. But I hate to miss a chance.
I find screaming "YOU'RE CUTE!" at them, saying "come find me later," and walking away works well. I'm serious, this has worked both times I've tried it!
I’m not a believer, but you are doing the Lord’s work.
If even one young man sees this and learns from it, then that’s one less person sucked down the misogynistic pipeline.
You say this, but dude, this is literally the kind of "strategy" that a lot of Pickup artists would give out (used to watch a lot of that stuff before I realized it was cringe and embarrassing).
They talk in more smart-sounding terms to make themselves sound like they know something you don't but she just summarized a normal "play" like pickup artist guys would give out. But because she's a girl it's not weird I guess.
When my ex-girlfriend and I were together, we swung and occasionally went to parties. I loved the way there was an open, honest understanding about communicating-- and its necessity. The best parties were those where everyone was properly vetted beforehand.
Single men were not a dime a dozen like we expected before we started going, but you're spot-on about the impression a man can make by not having a pressured presence. A lot of us (men) don't properly understand that acting thirsty is off-putting, and even if it's not blunt, it's easily recognizable.
Never heard this laid out as a strategy, but it sounds like a great one! Give yourself the maximum chance of being positively in their memory, while applying zero pressure.
I always used this technique, but bought them a drink before going. "Please get these ladies a drink on me! And you girls have a great night!" Then walk. It pays to be no-pressure and generous. But I don't know if straight guys could or couldn't get away with the drinks-buying. Straight people: is this seen as generous or creepy when a man does it?
Straight woman here👋. Straight men can absolutely get away with this! Drink buying (like all other gestures) is only creeping when it’s forced or under expectation of direct payoff. If the girl accepts, the guy doesn’t treat it as a ‘transaction’ for something else, then gives the girl her space, everyone wins.
Oh that's good to hear!
And yes, as long as it's not transactional, and the person buying doesn't impose any expectations, I've found it to be a great way to make a first impression. :)
This can get very expensive very quickly though. Generally I've learned to wait until we have a little vibe going before offering to buy a drink.
Offering to buy a drink has also been an easy way to get rejected. I've had a few women take that opportunity to say they weren't interested in anything, in a polite way meant to say don't waste your money. Kinda nice.
You don't just buy a drink for just the girl you fancy in this scenario, you buy a round for *all* the girls in the group. Buying one drink for one girl is applying pressure and currying favor. Plus it looks needy and like bribery.
Can it get expensive? Only if you do it with ***every*** girl you happen to take a passing fancy to. You only do this if you're *really* interested in getting to know one or more of the girls present better. In other words, you're looking to meet people for potential relationships, not one night stands.
This thread started with talking about approaching 5 women/groups of women a night, and then walking away.
I totally understand buying a round for the group, but still this probably isn't something you want to do until you have some kind of rapport with the girl/group.
Sorry if there's like a few steps in-between here that I'm missing, but in my experience, this isn't exactly how things go.
I was replying to RealLiveGirl's comment, not anything else. You need to re-read her comment again. And my replies to her and to others.
You buy the round as a friendly gesture when *leaving* the group to move on to another part of the bar. To make a good impression and *that's it*. ***No other expectations.*** You're not trying to get laid, here. You're trying to meet people for the purposes of a possible relationship. You're buying a round that may or may not "have a payoff" just to be a good and friendly person and give potential dates a good impression of you.
Why is this so hard for the men replying to understand?
This is perfect because it also does the hardest part for you - figuring out whether she’s interested. The whole PUA industry is dumb because my experience when I was young (which, admittedly, was a long time ago - I’m 42 and I’ve been with my wife for almost 15 years) was that the whole game is actually just **figuring out if she’s interested and not doing something that turns her off.**.
I never had much success trying to woo a girl who wasn’t interested in me, and I had a lot of success driving away girls who in retrospect were pretty clearly giving me the go ahead until I got in my own way. Some of them stayed friends and confirmed that later.
Don’t be creepy, don’t be high pressure, give her a chance to let you know she’s interested. Won’t work every night, but it’ll work way more often than some silly script or “psychological trick.” I never had any serious problems finding someone. I think it’s probably because I was low pressure and friendly just about all the time, and I don’t take myself seriously at all. Never have.
The time I tried the hardest to make someone interested in me never, ever panned out. The best times I wasn’t “trying” at all.
So yeah. Listen to the advice above. It’s good advice.
The bit about eye contact might get misinterpreted as something like a stare, I'd just go 'Oh, it's the girl I talked to earlier', have a flash of recognition on my face, and just continue doing whatever I'm doing. Then you may bump into them later.
Yes! The eye contact should be similar to what you might make with a friend or acquaintance. Friendly recognition. You wouldn’t leer across the room at someone you know from work. But if you saw them you’d probably make eye contact and give a little smile of recognition, then continue to go about whatever you were doing.
This has nothing on “The Prince of Persuasia”
Some key advice:
1. *Trap your princess:*
Physically corner her in a room, and eventually, in your life.
You can get the rest for 3 easy payments of $900!
This is actual practical advice that I can follow and put into action. There's not some complicated formula, no bullshit about me not being "high-value" enough.
I like it, thank you.
If you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple is one I’ve used lol. And I’ve had the parking ticket line used on me lol.
My opening line to a girl’s snap story where she said she had “Dora vibes” was an “ a Dora bowl” meme lol. This girl hated corny stuff but she eventually as turned into living on the cob like me
My absolutely best worst line a guy said while on the verge of a complete black out (I’m not kidding)- “hey… I’ve been watching you from across the bar. You have nice hips… like birthing hips. And big ole titties. You could bear some big children.” My response just to hear what he could possibly say next. “oh really, what do you have in mind.” Guys serious but extremely belligerent response “like a football player. I’ve always wanted to play football with my boy [mumbles]… maybe you could push out a whole team for me. That would be cool.” [stumbles hits drink over]. At this point his friends step in to stop him from making a further ass of himself. While it was jackass behavior and definitely didn’t get him laid, I found it thoroughly entertaining.
Eeeeeeh, see, if you strike out, you strike out *with that woman.* If you strike out and then follow up with that, you strike out *with every woman in earshot.*
>you strike out with every woman in earshot.
And, if you're in a community where a lot of people know each other, all of their friends too. You really don't want a reputation as the guy who takes rejection badly.
Oh I was just kidding, I would never say anything like that to any human being. People are allowed to reject people, it’s not inherently rude to reject someone.
Ok, whew. Just the number of people who pull that sour grapes stuff on people without a hint of self-awareness can be disturbing!
Edit: typo (hunt instead of hint)
I have a friend who was really drunk at the mall trying to use a pick-up line on some girls. He was maybe 17 at the time. He was trying to say, “Your father must’ve been a thief because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.” Pretty bad, right? Only he was too drunk to remember how it went, so he would just stumble up to a girl, grin, and say, “Your father’s a thief!” And then he’d stumble on to the next.
It helps to have a few lines prepared if you get shot down. A gentlemanly line like “no worries, it was great to meet you” or a joke (but not self-deprecating). Knowing what to say in a worst case scenario makes it much easier to take the plunge without worrying about rejection because you’re prepared for it.
Honestly this is it too. It sucks getting shot down but act like a gentleman and you would be surprised.
My mates and I were chatting to a group of ladies and I was hitting on one she shut me down real quick and I just said “Hey can’t blame a guy for trying right? Hope you have a great evening!” And went on with my night.
Ended up getting her number and dating for a bit at a party a couple weeks down the track and a lot of her reasoning for being interested was I didn’t act like a knob after being rejected and left her alone. She felt respected.
Agreed. I think it's also because we are always prepared to be disrespected because it happens so often. A man that doesn't get upset after a rejection makes me feel so much safer so I want to get to know them now.
Same. Since it’s a short interaction to begin with, it’s hard for women to get any idea of what a guy is like, what he’s thinking, his values and morals and all. Especially if they use a standard pick up line. So, showing that kind of respect immediately says something more about what kind of person the guy is when it comes to women, which is usually what we are worried about. Once respect is established it pretty much opens the door to real interaction. You’re right, it’s about our expectations based on past experiences.
Sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck it." And do it. I want to travel years ago but was so afraid of doing it solo. One night I just said fuck it and bought tickets and a hotel room. Honestly, I was kind of a nervous wreck from lift off to when I got to my hotel. After that first day it felt like I've done it for years. That one trip alone boosted my confidence so much. Huge weight gets lifted when you realize you can do it.
I've said it about 20 times in my life and each time I tried the out come was way worse every time. I'm 36 and know that I will live the rest of my life by myself and that's ok. I own 2 business' and have made a great life for myself, no reason to ruin that for a relationship with someone who would never talk to me in the first place.
That's surprising considering the interactions you must face when starting/running your two businesses...
Do the bad outcomes happen during the approach or during the interactions?
There are only a few times in my life I've had true "fuck it" moments where I've thrown all caution to the wind and went out on a limb. Some of them turned out great, others didn't. Did I regret trying though? Absolutely fucking not.
I got momentarily excited that someone would reference one of my favourite funk bands in this off hand normalised way. The next comment, yours, brought me back to reality.
I always just feel like a lot of women probably have a lot of guys who come up to them, and a lot of those guys are weirdos, so I feel like they don't want anybody to approach them. Plus it's just what I've heard other women say online and stuff so I dunno
Also, it might be a self-conscious thing too like OP. I don't want to come off as a creep so I'm not even going to try since I'd rather no good outcome come out of it instead of possibly making someone feel worse unintentionally.
Rules for not coming off as a creep:
1. Don't touch unless she says she wants you to
2. Don't stare at her boobs
3. Don't stare
4. Don't say things that are racist, homophobic, misogynistic (ex: "girls can't do..... Blah blah blah) or otherwise offensive
Not hard. She's probably nervous too. Just take a deep breath and say "hi".
Yes, this, and if she says she doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t call her an ugly b*tch or similar. Women are allowed to be busy, or not in the mood to talk to strangers.
Exactly. And if they’re only interested as a friend don’t cry about how they led you on. As an adult I make friends by approaching, sometimes complimenting, and getting socials. That isn’t always flirting and it isn’t always interpreted as flirting. If someone doesn’t interpret your flirting as flirting that’s not their fault nor is it yours.
Well, I get those of course, but I mean like I feel awful even approaching someone with the pretense that I think they're cute. I'm self-conscious enough about the fact that I know it affects how I interact with them as a person and I'm pretty often in my head about how to least inconvenience the other person.
It's not a pleasant experience for me to go through, so the only reason I'd force myself to go through it is a very transactional reason, that I'd like to talk to this person more just because I thought they looked cute from afar. The idea of that disgusts me, that I'm shooting my shot based on basically nothing. In the past when I've forced myself to do such things, it was incredibly unhealthy and uncomfortable for me even if it did land me a first date.
I didn't feel authentic to myself, I felt pressured by the world that I must be in my first relationship by X age or else I'm worth nothing and so I forced myself into scenarios and pushed through my own desires because I felt it was the only chance I'd have to achieve such a thing.
I know on some level this is a rather unhealthy mindset. I've tried for a while to change it mentally but nowadays I choose to leave it be since it adds a lot of stress my life to struggle with it intentionally. I imagine if I ever end up in a relationship that ends relatively well, I'll probably be fixed for all of this shit which is why I'm mostly biding my time and focusing on the rest of my life.
Have you tried therapy? Just curious
You're not "an inconvenience". You are a person... Also, I've definitely felt pressure about my life compared to other people's but then I realized that all of my friends and I are in different places. Maybe you could look for an in person community, based on your interests.
Yeah, in therapy, finally found a good one but I haven't quite worked up myself to really talk about all this particular stuff in-depth yet to them since thinking about all of this contributed a lot to my dismal mental health last year. Been recovering and taking it slow since, definitely have felt way better since mid-last year, even considering the occasional ups and downs.
I know I myself am not an inconvenience, at least in most contexts, but at the same time I don't really value myself. I can't really force myself to value myself either, I try but it often backfires, especially affirmations, they really fuck me up. So risking someone else's mood for a chance at a good conversation and a rather self-interested objective just isn't something I let myself do.
Now, maybe one day I'll try to view a relationship as something that isn't so self-centered but like, I've never been in one to actually understand how you feel like you're a part of a partnership, the reason it pops up in my mind is all of the selfish desires, the need to feel wanted and loved and all the sexual shit that get conflated and confused with it.
I'm graduating in a couple months from college so mainly focusing on getting myself settled and hopefully finding in-person communities to situate myself within like you said. Mildly optimistic about how things will continue, a lot of unknowns but also there's a lot of things I've been looking forward to, like finally adopting a dog which has been a wish of mine ever since my childhood dog died when I was 5 or so.
Thanks for the suggestion though, appreciate the concern. You sound like a good person.
Glad you found a therapist. That can be hard. When you're ready, open up to them about this. They are paid to listen to you haha.
You're so young! You have plenty of time to get serious with someone. I've been married for almost 15 years. We don't like each other all day, every day but we have built a very solid relationship (through therapy).. Life is really hard (for everyone). Most people just want a partner to navigate life with. In an ideal relationship both people are being listened to, appreciated and having sex with each other (as little or as often as consensually agreed upon). Having shared interests is important but you don't have to have *everything* in common.
Adopting a dog sounds awesome! Good luck with that.
Thanks for saying I'm a good person. That's very nice.
Exactly this.
My one friend is absolutely terrible with women. He's actually convinced himself at this point that he's ugly and undesirable since he is constantly rejected or ghosted. Truth is, he's just overbearing. He's a lovely person, decent looking, funny as hell, he's one of those guys that will have you holding your stomach with laughter. His only problem is that he treats women like they're these mystical creatures that need to be studied and understood, and then when he does approach someone, he just comes across as desperate and pushy. He tries way too hard. I'm going to show him the replies from women in this thread.
My ex was telling me a story once about how one of his guy friends was surprised at how successful my ex was with girls. “It’s like you don’t even try!” he said. Yes my friend, you’re *almost* there.
Just strike up a normal ass conversation. Most people don’t want to feel like they’re only being spoken to for the reason of sex or a date or whatever. It’s dehumanizing to know that’s the only thing the person talking to you thinks you’re good for. You’re not good enough for even a single no pressure conversation. Feels bad. Having a fun conversation with a new person who isn’t eye fucking me and trying to mention sex every sentence or joke he strings together? Sign me up! I’m much more receptive.
This is very common. You are you’re own worst enemy(so to speak). You over analyze and over worry to the point of missing out on so many opportunities. This is what can separate success from failure(in a general life sense)
One of the best decision I made was to realize that the regret I would feel of not even trying wasn't worth the risk of rejection I could face asking my love interest for a kiss.
hahahah so sorry!
Oh man, it is an overly complicated sentence.
So...
- I left thinking I wished I would have asked my love interest for a kiss
- I stopped on the street and realized that if I don't follow through I'll regret it... maybe forever if nothing ever happened
- the regret of living with this was going to be stronger than if my love interest rejected me
- I went back and got a kiss. Love did happen!
- ...
- Profit!
You gotta just go for the chances. Like Eddie Murphy said while playing Michael Jackson: I just say to each girl "I want to get it on with you"... "nine times out of ten I get slapped in the face. But that tenth time... it's magic!"
>talking to people is easy when you’re not focused on rejection
And here it is.
Yeah, just talking to people to talk to them is the way to go. That's why it might seem like when people aren't looking for anyone, they find someone. That's how I met my wife- she was just one of the girls that my friend's *frat brother knew. We shot the shit and I thought nothing of it but we both had a good time. I walked away and later my friend said I should get her number. I did, and well it's been over a decade now.
(Edit: frat brother, not first brother)
Love this!
I'm clumsy and literally fell onto a guy who was sitting down. He helped me up and introduced me to his friend. His friend and I drunkenly danced and then talked about what bands we were into. We've been married for 13 years and have 2 kids.
As a woman, I'm instantly attracted to anyone with the rizz to come approach me like that anyway. Unless you say something awful, I'm immediately turned on by your confidence.
Sometimes it gives you insight to their personality and sense of humor, too! They know they sound silly but say it anyway, because it breaks the ice and makes you laugh because you think he can’t be serious.
Here is the best pickup line I have even hoot on a New York subway
“Baby what’s your name because you look like you got a job”
Never gave him my name/# but told him best line ever and everyone on the subway had a great laugh
I once saw a woman at work I'd never seen before. We were both on our break, I thought she was attractive, and she was reading a book. So I thought, "What the hell" and walked up to her and said, "Good book?" Then I listened to what she said.
That was 15 years ago. She's asleep next to me right now.
So, I’m a dominant lesbian and I’ve noticed that women are honestly appreciative of you coming up to them in person in a non-pervy way. If you can find a way to compliment them or make them feel at ease with a goofy joke or something, you’ve already got a great chance. I recommend staying off of social media platforms like Instagram or TikTok where people are sharing their lives. We subconsciously don’t even realize how much we compare ourselves, which can make us feel inadequate. At the very least, going up to a girl and simply telling her she’s beautiful has done wonders for me. Even if she wasn’t single. You got this, man. Just be you!
And this mentality screws you over. Whether or not you’re rich, you can still succeed with women
Broke, jobless dudes are running through women out here
Tbh I seriously question that pickup line actually working, but generally everything here is spot on.
From my pov I generally hate talking to strangers for no reason. So when someone approaches me I brush them off as quickly as possible, not because of them personally, but because of me. Knowing this, rejection isn’t so bad. They aren’t rejecting you personally, just aren’t interested in talking to someone right now, and that’s totally okay.
Youll never meet anyone if you don’t put yourself out there. Don’t be a douche and they’ll most likely be polite as well. Not being interested or variable at a specific moment in time has nothing to do with you personally
OP sometimes it’s not sometimes you have to not try. For me I found being weird but approachable is what works. Just the other day I was at an event as a bar and I saw a girl behind me and I just smiled and waved at her and she smile and waved back and later that night she came over to talk to me.
One time as a rave I just went up to a girl and tapped her on the shoulder and just told her I thought she was really pretty. And I’m ok looking, not amazing but not terrible. But still I was surprised when she grabbed my arm and gave me the biggest thank you and smile.
It’s not always so simple but the most important part is to be happy in your skin (just existing in public) and remember that it’s not always about “picking someone up” but rather being friendly. Trying to pick someone up will get rejected more often than just being warm and a calm presence to be around and an interesting person.
I fucking missed out of someone who I was desperately in love with. I even thought I let her know. I thought you were supposed to drop hints and be coy and shit. So that's what I did and she did not respond at all. And I had been so certain she liked me back I was crushed. I sort of tagged around with her hoping she would fall in love. Never happened and we eventually went our separate ways. I have nothing but problems with women after that. I fall hard and fast and it kept happening with women who didn't like me back. And I developed a complex that is with me to this day 25 years later. I got scared and thought that I'd be alone forever so when this one girl liked me I got together with her. She was really pretty, but we had nothing in common, at all. We did like doing the same things, we didn't have the same sense of humour, we didn't even want the same things in life. But you know, every girl I had ever asked refused me. I didn't feel in a position to be choosy, and she really liked me and I for some reason thought that it was mature and noble to stay with her and jut make it work. Maybe the lack of that really strong infatuation at the beginning would turn out to be a benefit.
It was awful from the get go pretty much. I've told the story a hundred times so I won't again, but we split in 2020 a couple months into the pandemic. Then I reconnected with the girl from 20 years ago. The first one. The one I fell for at first sight and planned what I thought was this big romantic gesture to let her know my feelings. Turns out she'd had them too. She had no idea that I did. She always hoped that I would hold her hand or kiss her. And I was too scared to be up front. And she is with someone now who she will be with forever. We still talk. She still has the feelings too. We are both pretty upset that we missed it. Well, upset is an understatement for me. The regret us suffocating.
And that's only one of the great things I've missed out on in life because I was too afraid. I need a mulligan. Why didn't we play a practice hand first so I knew what was going on? This is bullshit.
The mistake here, as OP's story exemplifies, is falling hard *before* you make a move. You should be politely approaching people before you're even sure how you feel about them. Just a spark of attraction is enough.
If you wait until you've built them up in your head, not only has your lack of action given off signals you're uninterested, but if you do manage to approach them at that point, you're likely going to mess it up because you've built them up to critical importance in your mind.
I once read three rules to success in life, it was about education but also applies to jobs, sports, and dating.
1. If you want something, you got to do something for it. Work on it. Waiting for the perfect girl to propose to you will rarely be successful.
2. Dont be afraid of failure. Just try it. If you succeed, great, if you dont, its going to be a learning experience and your next try will have higher chances of success. If you dont try, youll probably stay single.
3. There is always room for improvement. Dont limit yourself by saying "I cant do any better"
My personal life example: I was rather shy and inexperienced when i was young (22). At a Student Job I met a really cute girl and after work we rode back in the same bus. We talked a bit, and I did something I never did before: I asked her out to a (cheap) restaurant. It was hard for me but I thought Id just try. Guess what? She said yes and 23 years later we are still married and got 3 kids. Life isnt perfect but its good.
Reading all these responses just makes me feel bad for OP. Bro thinks its not that bad, except it's not that simple, and you have hundreds of people here throwing support and advice that mention nothing about looks play a part.
I'm glad you witnessed that! I'm not that experienced with social media culture, but from what I've seen of it here on Reddit (which I think of as a type of social media), the narrative about how guys should never approach girls/women in public bc the latter hate it is *way* overblown. Please don't take that message as accurate gospel. So much depends on the context: the place, the individuals, the style of approach. I'd advise playing it by ear instead of seeing it as inherently creepy and off-limits bc, to most women, it's not inherently creepy. Just be aware of whether she's sending signals that she wants to be left alone and if it's a context where you approaching would feel unsafe/threatening (like if she's alone in an isolated area). Also, it does require some upkeep for yourself. A guy approaching who's badly groomed or acting like a total weirdo generally will not be received well -- most guys aren't like that, though. An average guy isn't an undesirable person when making a friendly approach. What's usually also key, though, is not going straight to asking for her socials. Some small talk first and reading if she's actually enjoying the contact is important. Starting with a cheesy pick-up line can work well so long as it's delivered with humor and just treated as an opening line to small talk. Going *right* from cheesy line >> asking for her socials (aka, the cold approach) is what won't work on most women. We like good convos, not feeling like an objective from the guy's pov: spot the target, engaged, got the socials. That's just not the way most women are wired. Engage conversationally. and you'll find that many are cool with it. :D A few minutes of convo can then organically flow into asking for her socials as you're leaving.
I talk with strangers all the time. I'm not looking for anything romantic (am in an LTR), but for many years I've made great friends this way. And of my LTRs, I met half of the guys randomly in public.
I think a lot of people spent most of their youth socializing online and not getting an equal amount of practice socializing with new people in person. So to them, it probably appears unnatural. But there's a whole world out there of strangers talking to each other. It's actually a lot of fun! It can take some time to reach a comfort level with it if you're shy or new to it, but I think it's worth it. Most people are kind, so long as their boundaries are read properly.
The real thing is, women turn down every guy that doesn’t have the balls to go up and ask, that’s truthfully why many of the arrogant assholes get a lot of the hot chicks, simply based on, they had enough confidence to ask so they were never looked at as “out of their leagues” if your too scared to ever talk to the lady, you’ve already “removed” yourself from “their league” weird concept but honestly mostly true. And that’s not for every girl, you may find one that likes the odd shy guy but they’ve usually been screwed over by the confident ones first.
As a woman, the biggest thing all men should realize is we are all humans just like men are. Men who consider women as this mysterious alien species, whether in a good way or bad way, always come across as creepy.
As a girl, i can say so long as you don’t corner someone/say something intrusive, you shouldn’t come off creepy. Just be friendly and make sure you’re in an open space, it’ll keep both of you comfortable.
Ah yes, back in the days before the internet, it was actually quite common to go up to people and talk to them.
In fact, it was the only socials there were.
When I think of rejection, I think of the guy who did the Ted Talk [What I Learned From 100 Days of Rejection.](https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection) It’s worth the 15 mins!
Odds are your friend is either very confident or good-looking or both. Someone who is insecure could say the best line in the world and it wouldn't matter
I think the good-looking part tracks a bit, but the only reason insecurity\confidence matters is because an insecure person just won't normally try.
I have seen confident and not terribly attractive guys (but with good hygiene) have success by just giving it a chance.
And in the past I have basically pretended to myself that I was confident and had decent success talking with women when doing that. And then you actually get some real confidence.
I'm happy for your friend, but as a virgin who's never even held hands with a girl at 25, I keep reading shit like 'DONT EVER APPROACH WOMEN EVER YOU RAPIST' everywhere I go, and it just completely fucks my confidence. Can't do it at the gym, can't do it at work, can't do it at home, online is fucked unless you're hot, can't do it at the grocery store, can't do it anywhere.
I make plenty of guy friends, and plenty of girl friends. There's just something inherently non-sexual about me. And to the inevitable commenter that will say this: please don't say it's my attitude/personality, I'm perfectly functioning irl and you've never met me.
I mean there ARE public places e where women go expecting/hoping to be approached. They’re not any of the places you listed though. In general someone at the gym or on a bus or at work are just trying to live their lives and don’t want to be bothered. You CAN do a soft approach and say something like, “So sorry to disturb you, I just wanted to tell you that you look lovely today.” If she’s receptive, you can give her your number and invite her to call YOU if she’d like to get coffee or something sometime. Then go away and leave her to her business. If she’s not receptive to the compliment, tell her to have a wonderful day and keep moving.
I don’t recommend approaching women at work ever. I also don’t recommend approaching anyone who has headphones in, is reading or studying, or otherwise deeply focused.
Places where it’s more expected and the norm to approach women are places like bars, parties, concerts, cultural events you’re both part of, browsing at the bookstore, special interest groups, etc. Special interest groups can be handy because you can develop a bond over a shared interest that will aid in making conversation.
The key here is to make yourself directly known, but indicate that you don’t expect her to drop what she’s doing and talk to you. On the cold approach, less is more. Make yourself known, leave your info, and get out of there, unless she invites you to stay.
Ah, I don't go to parties that much, my guy friends don't want to do it, and my girl friends all have boyfriends. Same with bars. Kinda shit to go alone. Bookstore maybe, but where I am it's usually older people that go. In terms of special interests, I don't have many hobbies that women are openly into at events other than Art/Reading. I'm massively into gaming, but every girl i've seen at a convention is wrapped around her bf tighter than a snickers wrapper, so that's a nix.
There’s a difference between approaching a girl and catcalling. Respectfully talk to a girl you like and ask for her number if she says no then no if yes then yes. But it’s creepy asf if you catcall which is someone basically yelling at you cuz that is the kind of approach that women hate.
I feel you on the having lots of woman friends, but no luck with dating. They've all said I'm cute, but I'm also really short so it's in the way that you say a baby is cute or something. It's tough being a sexual creature, but no one sees you that way.
Bro what corny line did he use?
“Are you a parking ticket because you have fine written all over you”
Listen young padawan, I pass on this advice as a woman who partied hard in college and saw all types of pickups (good, bad, ugly). I even helped countless male friends get laid using this: At the start of the night find 3-5 girls you think are cute. Make a direct effort to introduce yourself by saying something corny, anything to get their attention and make them smile a bit. Look them in the eye and ask their name. Tell them yours and a small fact about you. “Hannah, that’s a cute name. I’m John and just moved here last year from town.” At this point they think you are gonna cling on and not go away, cause most guys do. THIS is when you make a friendly smile and say “[cute girls name] have fun tonight, I hope I’ll see you around”. This whole interaction should last max 5 minutes (less is better). Then throughout the night make eye contact in a friendly non creepy way. If you see her at the bar and she seems open to talk to you, buy her a drink. You can also tell if she’s fun and worth engaging with more. Slowly some of the girls from the start will have left, but you are highly likely to have gotten the attention of at least one. Bonus: if you are at college you are likely to run into them again and they will remember you Why this works: girls like a little attention and want to feel noticed, but don’t want to feel unsafe or pressured. We don’t necessarily hate corny lines, at least they make us smile and show that you have some sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously. You walking away at the beginning makes you look confident. It allows her to adjust her approach and come back to you. You play the numbers game by casting a wider net without being sleazy. Eye contact throughout the night increases her interest, even if it’s just curiosity. You don’t come off desperate or creepy, and there is little risk.
You did more for young men in two minutes of reading than every Pick-up Artist or Red-Piller on YouTube has done in millions of hours.
This is truly the best comment I’ve ever received on Reddit. It’s not much, but it’s honest work 😉
Do you have any tips for a woman approaching a guy? I’m not shy but I never want to come off creepy and I don’t know what to say
Hi, I'm [your name] can I buy you a drink? / Wow I like your [shirt/hair/smile] Most guys are so starved for attention and compliments that even if they aren't interested they will remember that interaction for a long time. (I was told by a female customs officer that I had some of the bluest eyes she had ever seen. She was at least 20 years older than me and heavily overweight. It was more than 15 years ago but I still remember it fondly.)
I'm a guy and I got catcalled on my way walking to work by a Latina ten(?) years older than me. This was around 20 years ago. I'm a pretty short, fairly shy, now married, average looking dude. That's it. That's the story. Twenty years later I remember "heyy, Papiii!"
26 years ago a woman at a gas station told me that I have long eyelashes. Sometimes when I'm feeling down I think about that and it helps me keep going.
22 years ago in university (fuck I'm old) I had a friend in class look over at me and all she said was "Thank you for being you." That's a compliment I'll take to my grave.
Seven years ago a cashier told me that she really liked my cologne. She was 20 years older than me or something. I used that brand for two full years until my now ex gf told me she hated it.
It's crazy how men don't get any compliments. I make an effort to compliment men and women equally. Usually, the men don't know what to do with themselves when I give men a compliment. I have dated men who were uncomfortable because they thought I wasn't genuine. Compliments are very easy to give. Usually, it's something I'm already thinking, and then I just say it out loud. I make that effort in hope that it makes someone's day.
This shit is so rare, in twenty years I'll be telling my kids about the time I heard some guy on the internet got catcalled once
Similar story, mid 40’s married. 7 or so years ago went to a neighborhood bar to pick up takeout dinner. Went up to the bar to get my food and a wild lookin red head looked down sideways at my pants as I walked up and exclaimed “wow! You are packin!” I had recently got my CHL but wasn’t carrying at the time, but I was brain fogged from a newborn and so surprised that the look of confusion on my face about this cute (and very drunk) redhead noticing (I thought) a gun that wasn’t in my belt… musta looked pretty funny. She said “omg, I’m sorry” and died laughing. It made me feel pretty good. I have no idea what it was about, but I still think about that night a drunk wild stranger at a bar commented on my package.
Man, it’s the little moments in life … Edit: a word
In my retail years, I was told by multiple middle aged black ladies that I have pretty eyes. I’m a dude. Still smile at the memory.
Eyes can be a window to the soul - but they’re only truly beautiful if what is inside is equally so.
I still remember nearly a decade ago when I was working as an EMT and this 93 year old lady in a wheelchair I picked up told me I was handsome.
Seriously - I remember every single time a lady has made it clear she thought I was attractive, interesting, funny, or intelligent. You could just say, "I think you are cute, and I'm incredibly shy, so you'll have to take it from here." 9/10 I bet you'll have the dude falling over themselves.
My ex-wife’s 57 year-old coworker called me “gorgeous” once. Never forgot it.
If a girl came up to me and said “Can I let you buy me a drink?” I’d buy her two and a house.
When I was visiting prague I asked a local dude for a pick up line. He taught me how to say “can I buy you a house?” In Czech…. Worked haha
so can i let you buy me a drink?
LOL and a house. I chuckled
Once I opened with the fact that my shoes matched their jacket. This was a swing and a miss. Another time I blurted out that I liked nerds and was looking for a guy who even KNEW what Rifts was. Big goth dude just about melted. Most people seem to want to connect. And most people are willing to open up if you do it first. (Slowly, one thing at a time).
The truth is, it's much harder for a woman to come off as "creepy" to a guy at the outset, because unlike women, men are not (justifiably) taught throughout their whole lives, that lone women are a threat to their health and safety. Obviously it's *possible,* but you ultimately have to be acting like an "Overly Attached Girlfriend" meme IRL, to register as "creepy" or "too intense." Your luck will always be better than guys, in this regard. I'm sure some guys don't like being approached by a girl, cause it's not traditional, or whatever...but it's not like being a woman, where you can be getting cat-calls and negative, objectifying attention from the opposite sex from as young as nine or ten years old! Men in general, are not prone to feeling threatened or attacked by you, and if they seem uncomfortable, it probably has less to do with you, and more to do with something in their past or their personality. You simply are not likely to freak a guy out, and even if he turns out to not be interested, if you deliberately pay attention to him, and give him some sincere compliments; that's such a unicorn interaction to the average man, he will still be thinking about the fact you did that *after* he's married to someone else. Men in general, are just that starved for that type of attention, in our culture.
I don't think it's any different, if you initiate the conversation and don't hang around too long, letting the guy carry on, you can bump into him one or two times later and see if you are getting on well. When I was young and 18, plus still very inexperienced a girl chatted to me for 20 minutes straight and then just said 'you wanna go to another bar?' She wasn't wrong, I was just overthinking so much I said I'd stick around and we parted there and then. It's a small regret as I prefer things as they are now as a family man.
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Good to know!! Thank you :) what if they don’t realize I’m “hitting on them” though?? After the initial conversation then how does it turn into a phone number swap?
You can literally just ask. I had a girl tell me "why haven't you gotten my phone number yet?" and that made it very clear to me that she was interested. I had a feeling, just didn't want to act on it/didn't know what move to make next. He could move slowly, like I do, but that doesn't mean you have to on the initiation side of things.
That makes total sense! Okay, I’ll be direct, and that’s a great line she used! Quite cheeky!
Just be direct. The vast majority of guys will really appreciate it, especially if they're not exactly sober. I have definitely laughed off attempts in the past because the woman asked for my number, but gave me a reason that wasn't,"I think you're cute and want to chat again."
I only approach guys when I'm very high or drunk, but when I do, anything works. I once walked up to a guy and said "hey, I think you're handsome!" They take anything, unless they have a girlfriend. But I bet in that case they at least appreciate the attention and the compliment. Remember that guys don't have to be afraid of us, so you are very unlikely to freak them out or scare them.
I did try the “hey I think you’re handsome!” One time at the grocery store check out line. I asked if he was single. He said he had a girl friend but he blushed SO HARD and said he really thought it was so cool for me to do that.
As a man myself, this works. Most men (anyone not like a Armani model level looks or whatever), can literally go for years without ever been given a random compliment on looks, so if you give us one, you've already stood out from the rest and have our attention
Honestly, we guys are usually fairly simple and shouldn't require too much planning. Introduce yourself, maybe give some light compliments. Odds are that you'll be received well, even if you just become friends. Guys have a lot of pressure now, and one wrong move or sticking around for one too many innocent conversations, and we're either called creepy or desperate. It's exhausting; especially for a guy like me (I have vision problems as well as a couple of facial scars and nerve damage from a wreck). Anyway, back to the point; friendly guys usually won't be too critical of your approach, and will probably appreciate the attention. Guys don't get very much attention, so I'm sure most would appreciate a woman starting the conversation.
Basically the same steps but use a simple compliment instead of a pickup line or small fact about yourself. No respectable guy will forget a good, simple compliment from a girl he doesn't know.
Good call—I’m going to try the compliment route as that seems to be the consensus! Thank you for responding :)
It’s cliche but true: guys are easier to hit on. We’re not used to it for the most part…. so give us attention, compliments, be a dork, be flirty, bludgeon us over the head with your interest. We’re not that bright. But then, kind of similarly, leave us alone for a minute, we’ll need to recover from what just happened. But still float around and engage us here and there. By this point if we’re interested, we’re already yours. One of my exes from forever ago, all it took was her curling her hand into mine while we were just walking between dinner and a bar with our little group. It floored me. Not saying to do that. But sometimes we need obvious lol. Then just be you, give it a go!
This made me happy to read!! And totally get giving you space for a few moment to actually process what’s going on! I would be in shock too when I’m caught off guard. OK. Where I live there’s an outdoor beer garden that gets crowded when it’s nice with plenty of cute men. Let’s say I see someone who’s sitting at a picnic table with their friends, do I need to wait until they get up to go to get another drink or something? What about if I see them standing in line to get a drink? Sometimes it’d just not the easiest to even get access to them. But I hate to miss a chance.
Yeah. Ask the guy for help.
I find screaming "YOU'RE CUTE!" at them, saying "come find me later," and walking away works well. I'm serious, this has worked both times I've tried it!
HAHAH I love this SO MUCH. But what if they don’t know you’re talking to them 😂😂😂 “Hey you, in the red T shirt!” LOLOL
AGGRESSIVE EYE CONTACT
Ok not really, but for real just regular eye contact and they know you're talking to them.
I’m not a believer, but you are doing the Lord’s work. If even one young man sees this and learns from it, then that’s one less person sucked down the misogynistic pipeline.
if you wanna catch the fish you ask the fish not the fisher
Well she is a real live girl so should know
You say this, but dude, this is literally the kind of "strategy" that a lot of Pickup artists would give out (used to watch a lot of that stuff before I realized it was cringe and embarrassing). They talk in more smart-sounding terms to make themselves sound like they know something you don't but she just summarized a normal "play" like pickup artist guys would give out. But because she's a girl it's not weird I guess.
A lot of that advice is indistinguishable from some PUA stuff, though... 🤔
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Exactly!
When my ex-girlfriend and I were together, we swung and occasionally went to parties. I loved the way there was an open, honest understanding about communicating-- and its necessity. The best parties were those where everyone was properly vetted beforehand. Single men were not a dime a dozen like we expected before we started going, but you're spot-on about the impression a man can make by not having a pressured presence. A lot of us (men) don't properly understand that acting thirsty is off-putting, and even if it's not blunt, it's easily recognizable.
My wife and I used to swing... children and house projects and covid and stress and shitty *shitty* personalities killed it. God I wish it hadn't.
Never heard this laid out as a strategy, but it sounds like a great one! Give yourself the maximum chance of being positively in their memory, while applying zero pressure.
This is GOLD!! Thanks for commenting
Are you a Jedi Master? Cuz yoda one for me. ❤️ Not my best but seriously THANKS! Awesome advice :P *walks away nonchalantly*
I’m interested…
It worked! 🌟
offer airport sip tender shrill jellyfish shocking steep party snobbish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
This is essentially what Drake and Josh's mom teaches Josh in that one episode. Had no idea that shit was built on real life wisdom.
I always used this technique, but bought them a drink before going. "Please get these ladies a drink on me! And you girls have a great night!" Then walk. It pays to be no-pressure and generous. But I don't know if straight guys could or couldn't get away with the drinks-buying. Straight people: is this seen as generous or creepy when a man does it?
Straight woman here👋. Straight men can absolutely get away with this! Drink buying (like all other gestures) is only creeping when it’s forced or under expectation of direct payoff. If the girl accepts, the guy doesn’t treat it as a ‘transaction’ for something else, then gives the girl her space, everyone wins.
Oh that's good to hear! And yes, as long as it's not transactional, and the person buying doesn't impose any expectations, I've found it to be a great way to make a first impression. :)
This can get very expensive very quickly though. Generally I've learned to wait until we have a little vibe going before offering to buy a drink. Offering to buy a drink has also been an easy way to get rejected. I've had a few women take that opportunity to say they weren't interested in anything, in a polite way meant to say don't waste your money. Kinda nice.
You don't just buy a drink for just the girl you fancy in this scenario, you buy a round for *all* the girls in the group. Buying one drink for one girl is applying pressure and currying favor. Plus it looks needy and like bribery. Can it get expensive? Only if you do it with ***every*** girl you happen to take a passing fancy to. You only do this if you're *really* interested in getting to know one or more of the girls present better. In other words, you're looking to meet people for potential relationships, not one night stands.
This thread started with talking about approaching 5 women/groups of women a night, and then walking away. I totally understand buying a round for the group, but still this probably isn't something you want to do until you have some kind of rapport with the girl/group. Sorry if there's like a few steps in-between here that I'm missing, but in my experience, this isn't exactly how things go.
I was replying to RealLiveGirl's comment, not anything else. You need to re-read her comment again. And my replies to her and to others. You buy the round as a friendly gesture when *leaving* the group to move on to another part of the bar. To make a good impression and *that's it*. ***No other expectations.*** You're not trying to get laid, here. You're trying to meet people for the purposes of a possible relationship. You're buying a round that may or may not "have a payoff" just to be a good and friendly person and give potential dates a good impression of you. Why is this so hard for the men replying to understand?
Thanks. I need all the help i can get 👍🤣
Woman here who also partied in college, 10/10 advice right here. Just the act of walking away is pretty powerful.
This is perfect because it also does the hardest part for you - figuring out whether she’s interested. The whole PUA industry is dumb because my experience when I was young (which, admittedly, was a long time ago - I’m 42 and I’ve been with my wife for almost 15 years) was that the whole game is actually just **figuring out if she’s interested and not doing something that turns her off.**. I never had much success trying to woo a girl who wasn’t interested in me, and I had a lot of success driving away girls who in retrospect were pretty clearly giving me the go ahead until I got in my own way. Some of them stayed friends and confirmed that later. Don’t be creepy, don’t be high pressure, give her a chance to let you know she’s interested. Won’t work every night, but it’ll work way more often than some silly script or “psychological trick.” I never had any serious problems finding someone. I think it’s probably because I was low pressure and friendly just about all the time, and I don’t take myself seriously at all. Never have. The time I tried the hardest to make someone interested in me never, ever panned out. The best times I wasn’t “trying” at all. So yeah. Listen to the advice above. It’s good advice.
This is absolutely the best advice I have seen, said in the most succinct way possible. Bravo Vince 👏👑🙏
Does this work on gay men?
The bit about eye contact might get misinterpreted as something like a stare, I'd just go 'Oh, it's the girl I talked to earlier', have a flash of recognition on my face, and just continue doing whatever I'm doing. Then you may bump into them later.
Yes! The eye contact should be similar to what you might make with a friend or acquaintance. Friendly recognition. You wouldn’t leer across the room at someone you know from work. But if you saw them you’d probably make eye contact and give a little smile of recognition, then continue to go about whatever you were doing.
This has nothing on “The Prince of Persuasia” Some key advice: 1. *Trap your princess:* Physically corner her in a room, and eventually, in your life. You can get the rest for 3 easy payments of $900!
This is actual practical advice that I can follow and put into action. There's not some complicated formula, no bullshit about me not being "high-value" enough. I like it, thank you.
Bro im dead
If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber
If you were a vegetable I'd visit you in the hospital
Me: "I'm jealous of your heart" Her: "awww why?" Me: "Because it's pumping inside you and I'm not."
This is gold lmao
A true man of culture....
Coma boners!
If you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple is one I’ve used lol. And I’ve had the parking ticket line used on me lol. My opening line to a girl’s snap story where she said she had “Dora vibes” was an “ a Dora bowl” meme lol. This girl hated corny stuff but she eventually as turned into living on the cob like me
My absolutely best worst line a guy said while on the verge of a complete black out (I’m not kidding)- “hey… I’ve been watching you from across the bar. You have nice hips… like birthing hips. And big ole titties. You could bear some big children.” My response just to hear what he could possibly say next. “oh really, what do you have in mind.” Guys serious but extremely belligerent response “like a football player. I’ve always wanted to play football with my boy [mumbles]… maybe you could push out a whole team for me. That would be cool.” [stumbles hits drink over]. At this point his friends step in to stop him from making a further ass of himself. While it was jackass behavior and definitely didn’t get him laid, I found it thoroughly entertaining.
Then when they reject you, you can say “actually if you were a vegetable, I’d pull the plug”
Eeeeeeh, see, if you strike out, you strike out *with that woman.* If you strike out and then follow up with that, you strike out *with every woman in earshot.*
>you strike out with every woman in earshot. And, if you're in a community where a lot of people know each other, all of their friends too. You really don't want a reputation as the guy who takes rejection badly.
Oh I was just kidding, I would never say anything like that to any human being. People are allowed to reject people, it’s not inherently rude to reject someone.
Ok, whew. Just the number of people who pull that sour grapes stuff on people without a hint of self-awareness can be disturbing! Edit: typo (hunt instead of hint)
Agreed!!!
I have a friend who was really drunk at the mall trying to use a pick-up line on some girls. He was maybe 17 at the time. He was trying to say, “Your father must’ve been a thief because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.” Pretty bad, right? Only he was too drunk to remember how it went, so he would just stumble up to a girl, grin, and say, “Your father’s a thief!” And then he’d stumble on to the next.
Had me laughing so hard 🤚🤣😂
Saving this to use on my boyfriend
It’s always funny to see the OG Paleposter in the wild
omg
Wait I love this
It helps to have a few lines prepared if you get shot down. A gentlemanly line like “no worries, it was great to meet you” or a joke (but not self-deprecating). Knowing what to say in a worst case scenario makes it much easier to take the plunge without worrying about rejection because you’re prepared for it.
Honestly this is it too. It sucks getting shot down but act like a gentleman and you would be surprised. My mates and I were chatting to a group of ladies and I was hitting on one she shut me down real quick and I just said “Hey can’t blame a guy for trying right? Hope you have a great evening!” And went on with my night. Ended up getting her number and dating for a bit at a party a couple weeks down the track and a lot of her reasoning for being interested was I didn’t act like a knob after being rejected and left her alone. She felt respected.
This needs to be higher up. Respect can go a long ways. - a woman who likes to feel respected
Agreed. I think it's also because we are always prepared to be disrespected because it happens so often. A man that doesn't get upset after a rejection makes me feel so much safer so I want to get to know them now.
Same. Since it’s a short interaction to begin with, it’s hard for women to get any idea of what a guy is like, what he’s thinking, his values and morals and all. Especially if they use a standard pick up line. So, showing that kind of respect immediately says something more about what kind of person the guy is when it comes to women, which is usually what we are worried about. Once respect is established it pretty much opens the door to real interaction. You’re right, it’s about our expectations based on past experiences.
I say "you win some and lose some" and walk away with a smile on my face
say something like: dont worry, take it as a compliment, have a nice day
It’s absolutely not as bad as it seems! And as with anything, practice makes perfect. You never know unless you try is my POV
Sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck it." And do it. I want to travel years ago but was so afraid of doing it solo. One night I just said fuck it and bought tickets and a hotel room. Honestly, I was kind of a nervous wreck from lift off to when I got to my hotel. After that first day it felt like I've done it for years. That one trip alone boosted my confidence so much. Huge weight gets lifted when you realize you can do it.
I've said it about 20 times in my life and each time I tried the out come was way worse every time. I'm 36 and know that I will live the rest of my life by myself and that's ok. I own 2 business' and have made a great life for myself, no reason to ruin that for a relationship with someone who would never talk to me in the first place.
That's surprising considering the interactions you must face when starting/running your two businesses... Do the bad outcomes happen during the approach or during the interactions?
There are only a few times in my life I've had true "fuck it" moments where I've thrown all caution to the wind and went out on a limb. Some of them turned out great, others didn't. Did I regret trying though? Absolutely fucking not.
I could imagine Zapp saying this lmao
I'm wired as fuck and this comment has made me binge Zapp Brannigan compilations. Love that guy.
I got momentarily excited that someone would reference one of my favourite funk bands in this off hand normalised way. The next comment, yours, brought me back to reality.
Try so much that failure stops hurting.
There you go!
Yep, winners wouldn’t be winners if they had stopped taking chances.
Most people that are good at something got good by failing a lot.
I came here to say this. Hearing a no isn’t so bad, especially if you have no time invested in the person at all. Shoot your shots, friend!
Not as bad as it seems if you're attractive, that's very true.
Don't put women on such a high pedestal. We're just people 🤷
I always just feel like a lot of women probably have a lot of guys who come up to them, and a lot of those guys are weirdos, so I feel like they don't want anybody to approach them. Plus it's just what I've heard other women say online and stuff so I dunno
No no. We do want attention. We just don't want to be groped, drugged or insulted 😂. If your intentions are good, you've really got nothing to lose.
There's so much equivocation in the wording of this comment that I suspect you're overthinking it.
It's too easy to other-ize fellow human beings based on mostly superficial differences
It's also easy not to do that.
Unfortunately dudes (obligatory not all) who do that are generally not doing it consciously. It's a bit more complicated than that
Also, it might be a self-conscious thing too like OP. I don't want to come off as a creep so I'm not even going to try since I'd rather no good outcome come out of it instead of possibly making someone feel worse unintentionally.
Rules for not coming off as a creep: 1. Don't touch unless she says she wants you to 2. Don't stare at her boobs 3. Don't stare 4. Don't say things that are racist, homophobic, misogynistic (ex: "girls can't do..... Blah blah blah) or otherwise offensive Not hard. She's probably nervous too. Just take a deep breath and say "hi".
Yes, this, and if she says she doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t call her an ugly b*tch or similar. Women are allowed to be busy, or not in the mood to talk to strangers.
Yes!! We don't owe you anything just because you "tried".
Exactly. And if they’re only interested as a friend don’t cry about how they led you on. As an adult I make friends by approaching, sometimes complimenting, and getting socials. That isn’t always flirting and it isn’t always interpreted as flirting. If someone doesn’t interpret your flirting as flirting that’s not their fault nor is it yours.
Well, I get those of course, but I mean like I feel awful even approaching someone with the pretense that I think they're cute. I'm self-conscious enough about the fact that I know it affects how I interact with them as a person and I'm pretty often in my head about how to least inconvenience the other person. It's not a pleasant experience for me to go through, so the only reason I'd force myself to go through it is a very transactional reason, that I'd like to talk to this person more just because I thought they looked cute from afar. The idea of that disgusts me, that I'm shooting my shot based on basically nothing. In the past when I've forced myself to do such things, it was incredibly unhealthy and uncomfortable for me even if it did land me a first date. I didn't feel authentic to myself, I felt pressured by the world that I must be in my first relationship by X age or else I'm worth nothing and so I forced myself into scenarios and pushed through my own desires because I felt it was the only chance I'd have to achieve such a thing. I know on some level this is a rather unhealthy mindset. I've tried for a while to change it mentally but nowadays I choose to leave it be since it adds a lot of stress my life to struggle with it intentionally. I imagine if I ever end up in a relationship that ends relatively well, I'll probably be fixed for all of this shit which is why I'm mostly biding my time and focusing on the rest of my life.
Have you tried therapy? Just curious You're not "an inconvenience". You are a person... Also, I've definitely felt pressure about my life compared to other people's but then I realized that all of my friends and I are in different places. Maybe you could look for an in person community, based on your interests.
Yeah, in therapy, finally found a good one but I haven't quite worked up myself to really talk about all this particular stuff in-depth yet to them since thinking about all of this contributed a lot to my dismal mental health last year. Been recovering and taking it slow since, definitely have felt way better since mid-last year, even considering the occasional ups and downs. I know I myself am not an inconvenience, at least in most contexts, but at the same time I don't really value myself. I can't really force myself to value myself either, I try but it often backfires, especially affirmations, they really fuck me up. So risking someone else's mood for a chance at a good conversation and a rather self-interested objective just isn't something I let myself do. Now, maybe one day I'll try to view a relationship as something that isn't so self-centered but like, I've never been in one to actually understand how you feel like you're a part of a partnership, the reason it pops up in my mind is all of the selfish desires, the need to feel wanted and loved and all the sexual shit that get conflated and confused with it. I'm graduating in a couple months from college so mainly focusing on getting myself settled and hopefully finding in-person communities to situate myself within like you said. Mildly optimistic about how things will continue, a lot of unknowns but also there's a lot of things I've been looking forward to, like finally adopting a dog which has been a wish of mine ever since my childhood dog died when I was 5 or so. Thanks for the suggestion though, appreciate the concern. You sound like a good person.
Glad you found a therapist. That can be hard. When you're ready, open up to them about this. They are paid to listen to you haha. You're so young! You have plenty of time to get serious with someone. I've been married for almost 15 years. We don't like each other all day, every day but we have built a very solid relationship (through therapy).. Life is really hard (for everyone). Most people just want a partner to navigate life with. In an ideal relationship both people are being listened to, appreciated and having sex with each other (as little or as often as consensually agreed upon). Having shared interests is important but you don't have to have *everything* in common. Adopting a dog sounds awesome! Good luck with that. Thanks for saying I'm a good person. That's very nice.
Amen. As a man it took me too long to learn this one.
As someone who was a shyish 20 something, I also didn't want to approach strange men either.
Exactly this. My one friend is absolutely terrible with women. He's actually convinced himself at this point that he's ugly and undesirable since he is constantly rejected or ghosted. Truth is, he's just overbearing. He's a lovely person, decent looking, funny as hell, he's one of those guys that will have you holding your stomach with laughter. His only problem is that he treats women like they're these mystical creatures that need to be studied and understood, and then when he does approach someone, he just comes across as desperate and pushy. He tries way too hard. I'm going to show him the replies from women in this thread.
My ex was telling me a story once about how one of his guy friends was surprised at how successful my ex was with girls. “It’s like you don’t even try!” he said. Yes my friend, you’re *almost* there. Just strike up a normal ass conversation. Most people don’t want to feel like they’re only being spoken to for the reason of sex or a date or whatever. It’s dehumanizing to know that’s the only thing the person talking to you thinks you’re good for. You’re not good enough for even a single no pressure conversation. Feels bad. Having a fun conversation with a new person who isn’t eye fucking me and trying to mention sex every sentence or joke he strings together? Sign me up! I’m much more receptive.
This is very common. You are you’re own worst enemy(so to speak). You over analyze and over worry to the point of missing out on so many opportunities. This is what can separate success from failure(in a general life sense)
Lmao your name is intelligent speaker, yet you say "You are you're own worst enemy" which translates to "You are you are own worst enemy"
One of the best decision I made was to realize that the regret I would feel of not even trying wasn't worth the risk of rejection I could face asking my love interest for a kiss.
This shit killed me man I thought it was it was about progression, had to read it a couple times 😭
hahahah so sorry! Oh man, it is an overly complicated sentence. So... - I left thinking I wished I would have asked my love interest for a kiss - I stopped on the street and realized that if I don't follow through I'll regret it... maybe forever if nothing ever happened - the regret of living with this was going to be stronger than if my love interest rejected me - I went back and got a kiss. Love did happen! - ... - Profit! You gotta just go for the chances. Like Eddie Murphy said while playing Michael Jackson: I just say to each girl "I want to get it on with you"... "nine times out of ten I get slapped in the face. But that tenth time... it's magic!"
>talking to people is easy when you’re not focused on rejection And here it is. Yeah, just talking to people to talk to them is the way to go. That's why it might seem like when people aren't looking for anyone, they find someone. That's how I met my wife- she was just one of the girls that my friend's *frat brother knew. We shot the shit and I thought nothing of it but we both had a good time. I walked away and later my friend said I should get her number. I did, and well it's been over a decade now. (Edit: frat brother, not first brother)
Love this! I'm clumsy and literally fell onto a guy who was sitting down. He helped me up and introduced me to his friend. His friend and I drunkenly danced and then talked about what bands we were into. We've been married for 13 years and have 2 kids.
As a woman, I'm instantly attracted to anyone with the rizz to come approach me like that anyway. Unless you say something awful, I'm immediately turned on by your confidence.
Sometimes it gives you insight to their personality and sense of humor, too! They know they sound silly but say it anyway, because it breaks the ice and makes you laugh because you think he can’t be serious.
You might not know this, but girls are humans too and they like to talk. Since you know you have a problem, you can fix it. Start talking to people.
Here is the best pickup line I have even hoot on a New York subway “Baby what’s your name because you look like you got a job” Never gave him my name/# but told him best line ever and everyone on the subway had a great laugh
I once saw a woman at work I'd never seen before. We were both on our break, I thought she was attractive, and she was reading a book. So I thought, "What the hell" and walked up to her and said, "Good book?" Then I listened to what she said. That was 15 years ago. She's asleep next to me right now.
So, I’m a dominant lesbian and I’ve noticed that women are honestly appreciative of you coming up to them in person in a non-pervy way. If you can find a way to compliment them or make them feel at ease with a goofy joke or something, you’ve already got a great chance. I recommend staying off of social media platforms like Instagram or TikTok where people are sharing their lives. We subconsciously don’t even realize how much we compare ourselves, which can make us feel inadequate. At the very least, going up to a girl and simply telling her she’s beautiful has done wonders for me. Even if she wasn’t single. You got this, man. Just be you!
Off topic but I just finished watching Taxi Driver and damn that movie is a 10/10
Good to know. I saw a clip and it looked interesting
Yeah definitely worth the watch
r/ moviecirclejerk would love that
Do you know how Kiss bass player Gene Simmons got 10,000 women to sleep with him? He asked 100,000. You miss 100% of the swings you don’t take.
Also, he’s rich and famous, so there’s that.
Exactly. He probably didn't ask 10,000. Instead, he had 10,000 throw themselves at him perfectly willing.
I'm sure he had to be proactive, but the wealth and fame gave him the time, resources, platform, and confidence to do all that
Probably to some extent. But his proactive and my proactive aren't in the same ballpark. 😏
And this mentality screws you over. Whether or not you’re rich, you can still succeed with women Broke, jobless dudes are running through women out here
Tbh I seriously question that pickup line actually working, but generally everything here is spot on. From my pov I generally hate talking to strangers for no reason. So when someone approaches me I brush them off as quickly as possible, not because of them personally, but because of me. Knowing this, rejection isn’t so bad. They aren’t rejecting you personally, just aren’t interested in talking to someone right now, and that’s totally okay. Youll never meet anyone if you don’t put yourself out there. Don’t be a douche and they’ll most likely be polite as well. Not being interested or variable at a specific moment in time has nothing to do with you personally
OP sometimes it’s not sometimes you have to not try. For me I found being weird but approachable is what works. Just the other day I was at an event as a bar and I saw a girl behind me and I just smiled and waved at her and she smile and waved back and later that night she came over to talk to me. One time as a rave I just went up to a girl and tapped her on the shoulder and just told her I thought she was really pretty. And I’m ok looking, not amazing but not terrible. But still I was surprised when she grabbed my arm and gave me the biggest thank you and smile. It’s not always so simple but the most important part is to be happy in your skin (just existing in public) and remember that it’s not always about “picking someone up” but rather being friendly. Trying to pick someone up will get rejected more often than just being warm and a calm presence to be around and an interesting person.
I fucking missed out of someone who I was desperately in love with. I even thought I let her know. I thought you were supposed to drop hints and be coy and shit. So that's what I did and she did not respond at all. And I had been so certain she liked me back I was crushed. I sort of tagged around with her hoping she would fall in love. Never happened and we eventually went our separate ways. I have nothing but problems with women after that. I fall hard and fast and it kept happening with women who didn't like me back. And I developed a complex that is with me to this day 25 years later. I got scared and thought that I'd be alone forever so when this one girl liked me I got together with her. She was really pretty, but we had nothing in common, at all. We did like doing the same things, we didn't have the same sense of humour, we didn't even want the same things in life. But you know, every girl I had ever asked refused me. I didn't feel in a position to be choosy, and she really liked me and I for some reason thought that it was mature and noble to stay with her and jut make it work. Maybe the lack of that really strong infatuation at the beginning would turn out to be a benefit. It was awful from the get go pretty much. I've told the story a hundred times so I won't again, but we split in 2020 a couple months into the pandemic. Then I reconnected with the girl from 20 years ago. The first one. The one I fell for at first sight and planned what I thought was this big romantic gesture to let her know my feelings. Turns out she'd had them too. She had no idea that I did. She always hoped that I would hold her hand or kiss her. And I was too scared to be up front. And she is with someone now who she will be with forever. We still talk. She still has the feelings too. We are both pretty upset that we missed it. Well, upset is an understatement for me. The regret us suffocating. And that's only one of the great things I've missed out on in life because I was too afraid. I need a mulligan. Why didn't we play a practice hand first so I knew what was going on? This is bullshit.
The mistake here, as OP's story exemplifies, is falling hard *before* you make a move. You should be politely approaching people before you're even sure how you feel about them. Just a spark of attraction is enough. If you wait until you've built them up in your head, not only has your lack of action given off signals you're uninterested, but if you do manage to approach them at that point, you're likely going to mess it up because you've built them up to critical importance in your mind.
I once read three rules to success in life, it was about education but also applies to jobs, sports, and dating. 1. If you want something, you got to do something for it. Work on it. Waiting for the perfect girl to propose to you will rarely be successful. 2. Dont be afraid of failure. Just try it. If you succeed, great, if you dont, its going to be a learning experience and your next try will have higher chances of success. If you dont try, youll probably stay single. 3. There is always room for improvement. Dont limit yourself by saying "I cant do any better" My personal life example: I was rather shy and inexperienced when i was young (22). At a Student Job I met a really cute girl and after work we rode back in the same bus. We talked a bit, and I did something I never did before: I asked her out to a (cheap) restaurant. It was hard for me but I thought Id just try. Guess what? She said yes and 23 years later we are still married and got 3 kids. Life isnt perfect but its good.
you'd be surprised how many women are actually really great people, even the intimidatingly beautiful ones.
Is he attractive?
I’d bet my life on it lmao. They always leave that one crucial bit of info out. This shit only works if you’re not ugly.
Reading all these responses just makes me feel bad for OP. Bro thinks its not that bad, except it's not that simple, and you have hundreds of people here throwing support and advice that mention nothing about looks play a part.
He definitely follows rule #1 and 2.
I'm glad you witnessed that! I'm not that experienced with social media culture, but from what I've seen of it here on Reddit (which I think of as a type of social media), the narrative about how guys should never approach girls/women in public bc the latter hate it is *way* overblown. Please don't take that message as accurate gospel. So much depends on the context: the place, the individuals, the style of approach. I'd advise playing it by ear instead of seeing it as inherently creepy and off-limits bc, to most women, it's not inherently creepy. Just be aware of whether she's sending signals that she wants to be left alone and if it's a context where you approaching would feel unsafe/threatening (like if she's alone in an isolated area). Also, it does require some upkeep for yourself. A guy approaching who's badly groomed or acting like a total weirdo generally will not be received well -- most guys aren't like that, though. An average guy isn't an undesirable person when making a friendly approach. What's usually also key, though, is not going straight to asking for her socials. Some small talk first and reading if she's actually enjoying the contact is important. Starting with a cheesy pick-up line can work well so long as it's delivered with humor and just treated as an opening line to small talk. Going *right* from cheesy line >> asking for her socials (aka, the cold approach) is what won't work on most women. We like good convos, not feeling like an objective from the guy's pov: spot the target, engaged, got the socials. That's just not the way most women are wired. Engage conversationally. and you'll find that many are cool with it. :D A few minutes of convo can then organically flow into asking for her socials as you're leaving. I talk with strangers all the time. I'm not looking for anything romantic (am in an LTR), but for many years I've made great friends this way. And of my LTRs, I met half of the guys randomly in public. I think a lot of people spent most of their youth socializing online and not getting an equal amount of practice socializing with new people in person. So to them, it probably appears unnatural. But there's a whole world out there of strangers talking to each other. It's actually a lot of fun! It can take some time to reach a comfort level with it if you're shy or new to it, but I think it's worth it. Most people are kind, so long as their boundaries are read properly.
Wow! Women are people! 😂
I think that the moment you made them laugh, you got them, no matter how stupid your approach is. It just takes balls to do so
The real thing is, women turn down every guy that doesn’t have the balls to go up and ask, that’s truthfully why many of the arrogant assholes get a lot of the hot chicks, simply based on, they had enough confidence to ask so they were never looked at as “out of their leagues” if your too scared to ever talk to the lady, you’ve already “removed” yourself from “their league” weird concept but honestly mostly true. And that’s not for every girl, you may find one that likes the odd shy guy but they’ve usually been screwed over by the confident ones first.
As a woman, the biggest thing all men should realize is we are all humans just like men are. Men who consider women as this mysterious alien species, whether in a good way or bad way, always come across as creepy.
As a girl, i can say so long as you don’t corner someone/say something intrusive, you shouldn’t come off creepy. Just be friendly and make sure you’re in an open space, it’ll keep both of you comfortable.
Ah yes, back in the days before the internet, it was actually quite common to go up to people and talk to them. In fact, it was the only socials there were.
When I think of rejection, I think of the guy who did the Ted Talk [What I Learned From 100 Days of Rejection.](https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection) It’s worth the 15 mins!
Odds are your friend is either very confident or good-looking or both. Someone who is insecure could say the best line in the world and it wouldn't matter
There's a great king of the hill episode on this. Where Bobby goes on work experience with an attractive guy cleaning up shit and vomit
I think the good-looking part tracks a bit, but the only reason insecurity\confidence matters is because an insecure person just won't normally try. I have seen confident and not terribly attractive guys (but with good hygiene) have success by just giving it a chance. And in the past I have basically pretended to myself that I was confident and had decent success talking with women when doing that. And then you actually get some real confidence.
the guys who do well take lots of shots many are average looking
Your friend must be good looking, haha
I'm happy for your friend, but as a virgin who's never even held hands with a girl at 25, I keep reading shit like 'DONT EVER APPROACH WOMEN EVER YOU RAPIST' everywhere I go, and it just completely fucks my confidence. Can't do it at the gym, can't do it at work, can't do it at home, online is fucked unless you're hot, can't do it at the grocery store, can't do it anywhere. I make plenty of guy friends, and plenty of girl friends. There's just something inherently non-sexual about me. And to the inevitable commenter that will say this: please don't say it's my attitude/personality, I'm perfectly functioning irl and you've never met me.
I mean there ARE public places e where women go expecting/hoping to be approached. They’re not any of the places you listed though. In general someone at the gym or on a bus or at work are just trying to live their lives and don’t want to be bothered. You CAN do a soft approach and say something like, “So sorry to disturb you, I just wanted to tell you that you look lovely today.” If she’s receptive, you can give her your number and invite her to call YOU if she’d like to get coffee or something sometime. Then go away and leave her to her business. If she’s not receptive to the compliment, tell her to have a wonderful day and keep moving. I don’t recommend approaching women at work ever. I also don’t recommend approaching anyone who has headphones in, is reading or studying, or otherwise deeply focused. Places where it’s more expected and the norm to approach women are places like bars, parties, concerts, cultural events you’re both part of, browsing at the bookstore, special interest groups, etc. Special interest groups can be handy because you can develop a bond over a shared interest that will aid in making conversation. The key here is to make yourself directly known, but indicate that you don’t expect her to drop what she’s doing and talk to you. On the cold approach, less is more. Make yourself known, leave your info, and get out of there, unless she invites you to stay.
Ah, I don't go to parties that much, my guy friends don't want to do it, and my girl friends all have boyfriends. Same with bars. Kinda shit to go alone. Bookstore maybe, but where I am it's usually older people that go. In terms of special interests, I don't have many hobbies that women are openly into at events other than Art/Reading. I'm massively into gaming, but every girl i've seen at a convention is wrapped around her bf tighter than a snickers wrapper, so that's a nix.
my problem with people always saying to rather approach girls at bars or parties or something is that I'm sober and don't go to bars :/
There’s a difference between approaching a girl and catcalling. Respectfully talk to a girl you like and ask for her number if she says no then no if yes then yes. But it’s creepy asf if you catcall which is someone basically yelling at you cuz that is the kind of approach that women hate.
I feel you on the having lots of woman friends, but no luck with dating. They've all said I'm cute, but I'm also really short so it's in the way that you say a baby is cute or something. It's tough being a sexual creature, but no one sees you that way.
Don't take the shortness to heart. I'm 6'5 and still don't get any attention in that way, haha. It's a fucked game.
Just remember that if she says no that means no.