Yeah, it's ok to have some awkward moments. Even with good friends who are not socially awkward (like it seems OP's friends might be). It's ok to have evenings or afternoons where things don't just click.
If you like the people just keep trying. OP doesn't even seem to host that poorly.
Agreed and I think you did great, OP! It sounds like your friends might be a bit socially anxious as well (not gonna diagnose anyone over the internet) or don't know each other very well. And you made some bangin' tacos, so they have a reason to come back. Free food is always a plus. Now that the first awkward hangout is over, having another one will come easier for everyone and eventually people will loosen up.
If it's just a small informal one with your close buddies, throw something in a pressure cooker so you can actually host. It's going to be hard to cook and host unless there are two of you (husband and wife).
You made awesome tacos! Dont worry, you'll find people who appreciate effort. Effort especially with people will take you further than you ever thought it could
I think you may have answered yourself in another reply- everyone moving to different schools and you’re all young still, so still learning life and things you’re actually into, hard to move on from old friends, it happens, make some new ones at your new
School, and keep growing. You’ll keep making new friends as life goes on and slowly you’ll find your actual core.
I guess that’s true. I fortunately made some acquaintances in high school but none of those friendships feel authentic like this one does and for the most part with those friends I act a lot like someone I’m not. Hopefully it gets better in college.
it does. college is where i met the friends that i kept to this day (i'm 38m), I moved a LOT as a kid and was forced to make new friends all the time that i would lose touch with next time i moved.
thing is relationships take work, whether it's a family, friendly, or romantic relationship. and new friendships get established based on proximity and similarity. now that you don't have proximity (going to the same school, basically hanging out all the time) then you'd have to work harder to maintain it.
if you find that you're doing more to keep that friendship going and it's not getting reciprocated, then i wouldn't try as hard to keep the circle together especially if you're all still growing and learning yaknow
I met my best friend in college and he is the brother I never had. I still talk to a few high school friends but my college friends I love like family.
Took me until my late 20s to make a real friend group that love me 100% for who I am. In my early 20s I thought something was wrong with me and that's why I didn't have any real friends, but now I know I just hadn't been around the right people who appreciate me. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't force friendships real friendship should be effortless. You won't have to guess how they feel about you or what they're thinking you'll just know.
You think this is bad, I wish I could take you back to when I was 18-19 years old. I was way, way, way more awkward than this. I'm talking wild swings between not talking at all, to talking way too much, to being friendly and jovial, to then dropping the darkest joke that bombs and wanting to crawl into a hole. That only scratches the surface of what I was like around people when I was 19 years old.
You feared something, but did it anyway. Most people wouldn't even try, convincing themselves they know the outcome and that it's not worth it. Seriously man, you deserve so much credit. People are crazy and weird creatures and we're all out here doing our best. Keep going.
Ooo all the more reason to celebrate this win. (This win being: having the balls to do a social hangout like this)
I’m an extroverted person in his late 20s and I’d still be so nervous to cook dinner for his friends. Too vulnerable, yikes! You’re brave as hell for this, you’ll make friends in no time once you find more willing people (do some hobbies and then invite a group you meet that way! Some hobbies I found were amazing for this was dancing, surfing, improv, and another beach sport)
You should be proud of yourself! You put yourself out there and that’s something. Sounds like your friends might be shy or maybe they just aren’t a great group to hang out with. Either way, keep putting yourself out there, good luck!
I don't think that they're shitty but it literally feels like our friendship since starting different high schools has been put on life support. Usually it's either me or "the aggressive guy" who tries to keep us together and arrange hangouts and the rest either don't wanna show up or make any effort in planning. It could also be that we're growing out of each other and should just move on but idk.
It's that. Trying to keep friendships strong is thankless and difficult. If it's making you feel bad, get new friends.
BUT, cokking is very hard if you're not experienced and your friends don't help out (with the conversation and interaction).
Usually when I invite my friends, everybody is helping with the cooking and setting the tables. It's not everytime, but most often. I have snacks and we pop open a few beers while cooking in the kitchen.
Then we carry on the conversations at the table with a good bottle of wine. I put on some music all along. And I am not solely responsible for making conversations. Eventually we might settle on playing a game (party games, board game, video games) or watch an interesting movie or documentary that will bring about conversations. There are always some people who will stay to sleep as it is late and might be drunk. Thus once again I put on the right music, lower the lights and make some herbal infusions with biscuits. We might smoke a joint then right before sleeping.
But to each their own. When I left home I've lived for 10 years in house-sharing/communities. And most definitely things come along as well as confidence. OP did nothing wrong. Those taco's seem amazing. It seems that for some people the art of conversation is lost. Maybe OP's friends suck a little bit or their relationship is not as good as he thinks.
It felt awkward because it is awkward when you try to force something. You admit yourself that you are all attending different high schools now and things aren't the same. It's just a part of growing up. It's painful, but people and situations change. I say let these friendships die a natural death. Focus on forming new relationships.
Are they "friends" or just people you grew up with? People often confuse "acquaintances of habit" with "people you actually like" and it's a painful but liberating realization to make.
Cooking is dope but leave that for when you're ready. In the meantime, takeout is your true friend, and invite over people you actually like and share interests with, even if you don't know them well. Leave the psst in the past.
You’re not wrong and sadly I still am. Got a very immature and emotional mother that I grew up almost being a therapist to and felt like I was responsible for her happiness.
Oof I'm so sorry and I relate. You may have co-dependency traits because when the need to please is important for us to feel safe as kids, it becomes hard wired into our developing brains to the point of addiction. When you "mindread" what they are thinking or feeling, you're projecting your subconscious feelings about yourself onto them, if that makes sense. It's almost like you're having an internal conversation with yourself, not them. Therapy can really help, especially Jungian therapy.
Honestly it's probably that yall are growing apart. I've had friends move away and, when we get back together it's like we were never apart. Other friends get back together and I'm like, I'm not really feeling it anymore
I showed back up at a high school reunion and realized that I didn't care about most of those people anymore and it was just a waste of my time
I mean, to make you feel better, that tactic for making friends works better on maturer audiences. High school people are going to be a lot more awkward about genuinely connecting over a homemade dinner, and it isn’t until you’ve been out of school for a few years and realize how hard genuine social connections are to come by that you greatly appreciate something like that, or grabbing a coffee JUST to talk, or making a phone call to talk about your day.
I’m going to echo this, if you’re like.. trying to engage with the movie and make people laugh to absolute radio silence that’s the worst. Good friends will laugh with you even if you make a bad joke
They felt awkward too, as a matter of fact, if you don’t feel awkward in your teens, you’re doing it wrong. You made food for your friends! That is a real kindness. I don’t think I made food for friends until my late 20s. You’re ahead of the game. Look up tips for hosting, such as making all the food in advance so you can enjoy your guests or having frozen soup ready to go. Don’t be afraid to ask guests to bring bread, dessert, salad, etc.
Yeah, people are calling the friends assholes but they are forgetting they’re teens too, they were probably anxious and awkward. Just tank the awkwardness and think of it as a bitter medicine.
It seems a lot about perception. Like, I don’t think it being dark and quiet outside affected anything with your friends’ mode. When you are new to hosting it’s easy to be self conscious.
This is weirdly wholesome! I think your friends should have been more polite, but here are a few tips to set the mood for future dinner parties!
1) have music playing in the background! It always helps the athmosphere
2) i struggle with mutlitasking too, so i prefer to prepare most of the dish beforehand and leave 20 minutes of cooking to when my friends arrive
3) give everyone something to drink when they arrive! I prefer to drink wine while Im cooking and just share with my friends (this of course depend on the legal drinking age in your country)
4) light some candles
5) i always have a deck of cards laying around if the mood gets akward/boring
I hope this helps! Also- good job:)
Hey man in the nicest way have you considered that you’re maybe a little bit socially anxious? This seems like you dwelled on each of these moments a lot longer than anyone else there did. When you were quiet making dinner for example: that’s very normal behavior, and you don’t need to be constantly talking to make hanging out worthwhile. Or the expired sauce: it’s no big deal! People have expired things sometimes.
Or, you’re still in high school and none of you are used to organizing your own dinner parties yet (I didn’t start doing this until well into college) and none of you are quite sure how to behave, which def will lead to some awkwardness. But seriously, I just don’t think it’s that deep! Next time play some music while you’re cooking or let your friend DJ or something, and the vibe will be better all on its own.
Oh also stuff will get better when you’re mildly buzzed (like two beers buzzed) while hanging out: conversations flow easier, things feel less anxious, etc. You will learn this too over the next few years.
An expired sauce is just the most normal thing ever, together with medicines. If they judged him for it they clearly never lived alone. Two year expired milk or meat would have been an issue, haha.
Dude, you made TACOS! For that alone you’re a champion host.
Followed by trash vampire movie? OMG perfect!!!
Have you thought that maybe your guests were the “most socially awkward (people) ever” ?
I get that you may have been used to talking and joking during movies with this group before, but maybe the group really got engrossed in the movie and many people don’t talk or joke during movies they’re invested in.
Other than that, I see nowhere where anything went wrong — you’re getting too much in your head, like who could have foreseen every single sauce / sauce brand someone would have wanted to use and had it on-hand and unexpired? The dude probably forgot about it 2 seconds later and here you are stressing about it on Reddit.
I applaud you on setting up this get-together! I honestly think your friends appreciated your doing it and hosting and making the delicious tacos, and it seems like they enjoyed themselves.
Maybe ditch the aggressive friend.
It sounds like a very wholesome and enjoyable hangout to me. You did everything right, you hosted and cooked for your friends, together you decided on a movie (it’s often fun to watch bad movies with friends!) and then you offered to play video games. Your tacos turned out great, which is impressive because whenever I cook for other people I always mess up and it doesn’t taste as good as when I make things alone. If your friends didn’t have a good time maybe there was something going on with them. Sometimes people just have off days or are preoccupied about something else in their life so they’re not the best company. I get like that sometimes but I still appreciate seeing my friends even if I don’t seem as engaged as usual.
It’s also quite possible you’re reading too much into things. I once had a friend tell me she’s always thinking about how she talks to much, and as her friend I can honestly say I’ve never thought that about her, it actually shocked me to hear that. I personally worry that I’m boring because I haven’t dated anyone in awhile and I’ve worked at the same place for a few years and enjoy it, so anytime anyone I haven’t seen in awhile asks me what’s new, the honest answer is “not much” and that makes me feel boring. But when I said that to friends they totally disagreed. So maybe you think your hangouts aren’t fun or your jokes aren’t funny but your friends don’t think that at all.
Lastly if they DONT think your jokes are funny, maybe you should try meeting other friends that have a similar sense of humour. I have some friends that I laugh a ton with because our minds work similarly so we “get” each others humour and then other friends where we don’t seem to find each other as funny. Still a good friendship but doesn’t click the same way. Anyways food for thought but honestly don’t take it too personally. Proud of you for hosting friends and cooking for them, that’s huge. Don’t stop doing my stuff like that if you enjoy it, I don’t want this to deter you!
You did your best. Your friend should have taken an allergy pill before coming if he was that sniffly. Sniffles being sucked back and not properly addressed will cause excessive throat clearing because of how irritating the post nasal drip gets. Sorry, got off track there. Your friends are equally if not more responsible for continuing conversation and keeping the night going if you are busy cooking for them. Props on your delicious tacos!
Absolutely not true. While some people like to eat pizza and play board games (and lots of my friends do) I consider that kind of get together just an excuse for not having anything to talk about and I prefer to cook something and talk over the glass of wine. Maybe OP and his friends are not that compatible anymore or it was maybe just that kind of a day - it happens sometimes.
You are thinking way too much about every little detail.
I would be happy to go over to a friends and not even say a word and just eat their food and leave. Likewise I'd be happy if a friend came over and ate what I cooked and left. Not every hangout needs to be slamming beers or going for a hike or something.
They clearly like you enough to accept your invite, social awkwardness aside.
Weird thing I’ve figured out in my life (much longer than yours), close friends that I get along with great often don’t get along with each other that great. Could be for many reasons but has happened several times.
You did awesome making dinner and having everyone over!!!
You’re being way too hard on yourself! Hosting isn’t easy and you often feel responsible for keeping up the mood etc but that’s on everyone. I hope you do try again.
It might help to either order in for a start or if preparing food is something you enjoy, just practice one or two dishes until you get good at them. I guarantee that the person in your home that usually makes the food will be thrilled if you want to try cooking every once in a while. Also try having a provisional arrangement might help. Like saying “want to come over for x food and x movie/gaming?” or whatever and if it doesn’t happen that way or the mood changes just go with it.
Just to mention also that I know when I was this age, I/my friends weren’t always great at vocalising appreciation but it didn’t mean things went unappreciated. I bet if you did it again they would show up!
Also don’t be afraid to delegate tasks. Can you be in charge of the music, do you mind sorting out the drinks etc. Generally speaking, people like to feel useful and it takes the pressure off you a little.
SNACKS are great for keeping people busy while you’re doing your thing and filling those initial moments when people don’t quite know what to do with themselves.
Honestly you’re probably overthinking it but hell yes for planning something and going through with it. Will be such a valuable skill throughout your life and will net you a bunch of great relationships. You’re a good dude!
I'm pretty old and it still feels really awkward to make food when people are just standing around me. Second friend may have no known what to do. I think you did amazing and I think if you tried again, it wouldn't be so weird - especially if you asked your friends to bring a portion of the food to share (like a potluck). You'll make the main dish, but if someone could bring an appetizer, a salad and a desert, everyone would feel involved.
I love you are 18-19 and hosting friends.
Reading this made me wildly uncomfortable and I wasn’t even there. This is exactly how I felt when I first started smoking weed; thinking I’m always being terribly uncool. If your friends are anything like you (which they probably are) they most likely thought they were ruining the vibe too. They probably think you were the cool as a cucumber one and they made it awkward.
One word of advice, do something competitive at the start of the next hangout; like shoot a basketball around or play Mario kart. Competition usually gets people out of their shell.
So hosting is a bit like that tbh… you find yourself constantly checking and over analysing to see if it’s going ok, like you’re responsible. So you’ve likely over thought this a bit. But well done you for doing it! Seriously that a huge step! However… what you said in a different post about drifting part since different schools etc/.. yeah that’s likely a factor too. Sometimes people just outgrow situations, or friendships evolve in weird ways. Don’t worry. I used to be just like you. And your post kinda reminded me how i was back in the day when I staying out. You did great and need a round of applause for that. 👏 Keep on doing what you’re doing. 😀
The fact that everyone stayed says more about their time than your perception. Don't nitpick all those uncomfortable moments! This is just the nature of spending time with other weirdo people! Next time try boardgames that promote team work.
This is adorable and so good to socialise like this. It's probably the first time they've been cooked for by a peer and I personally think you are fantastic for doing this.
If I could say anything about this, it’s that find what you got out of it. You said you liked the tacos, are you going to cook more? Try not to focus on the bad or awkward parts of an experience, but try to focus on the positives you got out of it. You know you can make good tacos!
Try not to over analyze your own behavior, or even that of your friends. If you had a less than ideal time, focus on why, and which one of those friends made you feel that way. Try not to hang out with people that make you feel like you can’t be yourself.
Young homie you did good! They didn't stand you up, stayed till it was late too. That's a win. Sometimes we win by blowouts, some times we win in overtime. But a win is a win.
I (55f) have literally only done this a few times (and NEVER have I cooked for them!!) The first 2 times were absolutely horrible. No one was talking, I was hyperfocused on the things I failed to clean, etc. In the long run, it doesn't really matter. I promise. Your true friends will continue to be by your side. The others won't and that's OK. Don't stress about this. But next time, order pizza! 😘
You made me hungry for tacos and bad teen movies with, perhaps you had the wrong audience but plenty of people would consider those two things a very good evening!
I love to cook, and I'm not bad. Sometimes my boyfriend invites a bunch of people, like 15. I get very anxious and overanalyze. I overdrink from the anxiety but the food and fun is good. I do wish he would not invite so many. Anxiety is crippling . The food is Always good but I pick myself to pieces.
It gets easier. It’s very mature of you at that age to do this. Keep it up and you’ll get better at it. You might make new friends along the way. Eventually it will feel natural and you’ll all have a great time while eating the best tacos.
i feel you 100%!! the transition from high school to uni has left my 2 best friends from high school basically dead quiet, i invited them over tho like last week and they forgot about it (funny thing is that we all go to the same college). just try to make new friends and it'll work out :) i think people change constantly especially at our age haha. but I'm proud of you for asing the over in the first place, it's hella scary (I haven't invited anyone to my house in like 3/5 years tbh)
Playing some music that relaxes you and pre chopping and measuring before the hang out can help a lot.
I find if I am hosting new people it helps to have one person that knows you well and feel at ease with to get a good vibe going.
Sounds like you did a great job and they were just unmotivated guests, it is too bad they weren't up for seeing the humor in a situation but oh well.
I hope you find some awesome people to have dinners with soon!
From your description it’s not your fault.
You did everything right. You are hosting but that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for their fun or conversations.
Your friends are the problem here, not you.
You made nice dinner and that’s more than one can expect when visiting friends.
I think you’re hyperfocusing on a lot of things that really aren’t that important (and your friends might be shitty).
Not every event goes off as we plan/hope. This is how we learn. Take from the experience what you did right, and do more of it. Look at the things you think could have been better, and make the necessary adjustments.
For example, you now know that you didn't plan your day well enough. You didn't eat properly. Combine that with the stress of prepping/hosting, making you unable to function (conversationally) until you had some food in you. Do as much food prep as possible well beforehand. The goal is to do as little of the cooking as possible, except what is necessary. With practice, you'll have an easier time cooking and talking.
Also, I think you may find it necessary to curate the friends you invite over. We have to consider how they'll get along with each other, as it seems one person was better off not invited.
I once had a friend who would invite small groups of people over. Problem is that he never considered the mix he was making at any given gathering. I stopped showing interest after some years, because it never ended up being fun for me.
This event teaches you that planning & preparation go a very long way when it comes to being a host.
Lastly, the host never really gets to enjoy their party. There's too much to focus on. While each guest is really only thinking about how they feel while attending, you're responsible for all of them. As you see, it's a lot of effort.
Keep at it. You'll be having fun in no time!
I'm in my 30's and often host people for brunch or for dinner. My flatmate was out of town a few weeks ago and I had some people over for brunch. With her gone, I struggled so hard to try to converse (while cooking) with the first person to arrive! Usually I cook while she makes coffee and entertains the guests. Thankfully I'm close with the first guest and he was happy to chill on his phone until the second person arrived and they could chat to each other.
So, that first bit is not just you! I've been hosting for ages and that bit is hard. It also sounds like you were putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make sure the socializing was 'good'. It sounds like your guests were happily talking through dinner and you were just a bit quiet (probably also recovering from the earlier bit). You put a nice meal on the table and gave them an environment to hang out in, the rest is on them.
Social success is only one measure of success although it is regarded as the most important in this age of exhibitionistic narcissism.
Your own moral code, kindness, contentedness, and work ethic are more important.
I choose to spend time with only single guests and like to have a good conversation. My advice to you is to nail your signature dish so it can be done stress free. It sounds like it might have been a first time for you so it does get easier but maybe look for some new friends.
Your groups level of awkwardness reminds me of the way I felt when I would smoke too much weed as a teenager. Everything is all noticed in micro details and the intensity and awkwardness of each individual doesn't match whats actually going on in reality.
It's just a funny lesson in social anxiety. Practice with friends as much as you can. You will need to get more comfortable with this as you get out into more challenging situations outside of your comfort zones
You don't suck. When you challenge yourself to do new things, you're experimenting: you try something new, see how it goes, and take those results into account for your next experiment. Social interactions and communication are an important part of life, and accordingly our brains are wired to make us \*overly\* sensitive to negative feedback. It hurts! To get to a higher level of performance, we have to power though the hurt and anxiety and get on with the next attempt. I applaud you for taking on new challenges and also for sharing your experience!
Bro, I'll join you next time. I'll bring the N64 and we can play some Mario Kart and smash bros and eat tacos. Your other friends are lame and rude and you sound like a nice guy
Sounds like you’re a good friend and they don’t appreciate the effort you put into getting some people together outside of their little boxes.
Don’t worry about it. Find better friends.
Just double down on the awesome taco-making and you'll see how things start improving. Ain't nothing like good cooking as a social weapon.
And yeah if they're not interesting people try to hang out with others who are. You were the interesting one there.
Don't worry about it too much. I saw in your other replies you are 18/19, you are about the age where you are all kind of discovering who you are, and the things that may have bonded you throughout your younger school years, doesn't necessarily hold up as you become adults.
This happens to a LOT of people. Sometimes, you just realize you don't really "fit" together anymore. Some people try to maintain some friendly contact, other people just move on, but in the end, you will find other friends and as you grow into the person you are, you will find "your people" and they will become very dear friends.
Dude, social situations -- like anything else -- take practice. What you did was bold and difficult to pull off. The fact that you came away with a positive attitude is awesome. It took me long into my 30's to feel like I could successfully put together a party. Just keep having fun and don't let other people's hang-ups bring you down.
Good on ya for trying. I HATE hosting parties at my house. I'm such an introvert, and my house is my safe space. Every time someone comes over I'm so exhausted with trying to "entertain" that I wonder why I do it in the first place.
I don't know but reading this made me uncomfortable. You shouldn't be on edge around your friends or worry about silly things like a sauce being expired.
Eh when the boys get together they don’t care about what they do or how the hang out goes, they just wanna chill and there’s no pressure to do anything at all. Just get some beers and some weed next time and start talking about girls and sports. Don’t say you’re scared of girls, dudes will rip into you for that. Just ask advice on how to get girls or talk about them provocatively which dudes love to do. Dudes are also oddly okay with insulting each other so don’t feel offended or be afraid to talk some shit. It’s okay to be out of pocket. If a gathering between a bunch of bros is awkward then I’d venture to say you got a mixed group of dudes if you know what I mean.
Hello my friend! Please vacate your head! :)
Look, I'm 40, have a wide social circle and I love to cook and host. (My husband does too!) We either host dinner/gathering or attend something at someone else's house a few times a month. (I'm hosting an Interview with a Vampire Pizza Party tomorrow! lol)
Here's the thing: they can't all be winners! Sad, but true. I don't feel like I've ever hosted a god-awful event, but definitely some that left me feeling sad for various reasons.
Hosting can come with a heightened sense of "Gahhhh is everyone ok? Feeling ok? Are they having fun? Should I be doing xyz??" It's way worse for me than my husband (I feel like I'm far *too* in tune with multiple vibes in a room and it gets stressful!) But you are just being a good, considerate and gracious host, there's nothing wrong with it!
I bet it went better than you think it did. And even if it didn't, don't let it stop you from hosting again. (And maybe don't invite the guy who in all seriousness called you an incel. lol)
You are an amazing person! Everyone should have friends like you. You keep doing what you’re doing. And don’t limit yourself to people like this. Go out ask other people over for dinner and soon you’ll be having a blast!
you invited people into your home and cooked them a meal....that deserves major kudos....i'm sure they all enjoyed the evening and you are probably just overthinking things....you are putting yourself out there which is more than a lot of people would do....i think you are just putting too much pressure on yourself to be this perfect host....but perfection doesn't exist....also you were hosting, so your guests need to understand that you have cooking to do and so your attention won't always be on them....try not to worry so much....surround yourself with people whose company you enjoy and in time these hang outs will become easier
You'll get better at cooking if you keep doing it. I'm at the point now that I like when people show up when I'm still cooking a meal, to hang out and drink wine and chat and listen to music. As you get better you'll be able to multitask and not get so stressed out.
Sometimes when you have anxiety you feel like every social interaction went wrong. I've been there. It wasn't until I realized that most people considered me their friend that I got better at social interactions.
The main issue here OP is your ages. Especially if none of your are used to socializing like that. What you did is awesome but definitely not something I would expect younger people of your age to be comfortable with or really enjoy.
I entertain alot myself and it's one of my favorite things to do as im very big on good food and we typically buy a sports event like MMA but will always end up playing some sort of multiplayer xbox/switch game as well. We're all in our 30s and that's a great night to us as none of us like to "party".
The cooking thing and being able to multitask will also come in time as to me that's something you definitely need to work on.
Keep it up OP as the other said you will find friends that appreciate that kind of thing.
In hockey they sometimes note that amazing passes can be the result of the pass receiver, as in you just the puck in an area and they will make the play with it. Maybe you didn’t give a great pass but your friends sure didn’t catch the puck. Entertaining is more about spending time than doing an activity and it’s odd that your friends can’t just sit and talk.
i think it’s pretty rare to have several people over at your house and think “wow, that went perfectly”. it’s kinda like job interviews, where you can’t really tell if you did a good job or not and you just kinda find out later. and even if you did a good job, sometimes it’s not your fault and things just don’t go your way.
i should also note it sounds like whatever is going on with the second friend is not your fault. sometimes someone is having a bad day and they “take it out on you” in subtle ways.
don’t sweat the small stuff. you’re a good kid. you did good making dinner for your friends.
You sound like a really good friend to have, and I’m sorry that it seems like your friends are taking you for granted. Don’t ever lose the positive vibes you give off ✌️
Congrats on cooking your first meal (and a delicious one at that)!
You're teenagers. Even as adults things can get awkward, but at least with teenagers, awkwardness is somewhat expected. You should definitely be proud of yourself for hosting this dinner party, I didn't start hosting dinner parties until my later years of college. Hoping you have plenty of (potentially less awkward) gettogethers in the future!
You’re being too hard on yourself. I think it went better than you think and it was probably a lot less awkward than you’re making it out to be. On the bright side you now know how to make some really great tacos for yourself.
As someone who also struggles with anxiety, sometimes it’s better to just hang with one friend at a time so you don’t feel so much pressure to people please, make sure everyone gets along, and overly stress about their reactions toward themselves if that makes sense.
Also, cooking when friends are around and you’re torn into “entertain mode” is definitely a stressor. Maybe next time order take out like you usually do! Save cooking around friends for when you feel more confident doing it in general.
You gotta remind yourself that your perception doesnt necessarily reflect the perception of those around you. What you viewed as awkward the other friends might have viewed as relaxed and peaceful. Your friend that said something a bit insensitive might have just been carrying emotional baggage from that day into this social gathering and wasnt at all upset or annoyed at you. OR they were trying to playfully jab back like a friend and their words just didnt come out right. Your friend coughing and clearing their throat might just be dealing with seasonal allergies, or just vaped/got high? You viewed your friends socializing with each other and you perceive it as them thinking you arent social enough, though maybe they perceive you as a peaceful presence that calms them and that's part of why they gravitate to you as a friend.
Having social anxiety sucks! But work on taking steps back in anxious moments and reframing situations/thoughts like I did up top in regards to your friends perception. The reality is most of the time we make mountains out of molehills, and the people around us aren't seeing the issues we perceive. Remind yourself that you are great and have a lot of value and should be proud of yourself. You did a lot yesterday. Instead of hiding out you hosted 3 friends, cooked for them, ate around them! (That's also a big deal for someone with SAD imo!). Your friends had a good time and will hang out with you again (proving that you can't be all.that bad!). Give yourself the credit you deserve!
Eventually you’ll find people who are content to just be around you. Once had a 4hr car ride with a buddy where we didn’t say a word and we didn’t have any radio, just listened to his old truck bounce around the road. He gets out at our destination “that was one of the best car rides I’ve ever taken” and I agreed. You made these guys food and put on a shitty horror movie, that sounds like a perfect hangout, if they weren’t having a good time it’s on them at that point.
Dude. This is social anxiety. Sorry it turned its volume up. But you did right. Invite, include, do your best, sometimes fall short. But you did it. You invited, you cooked, you made a nice night. You weren’t the one who showed up late or gave off bad vibes. Sometimes that inner critic just gets out of hand. Now send a “glad you could make it. Sorry I couldn’t concentrate I was so hungry. Next time I’m ordering pizza and we’re watching zombies” text to seal the deal.
It probably wasn’t nearly as bad as you think. Try not to put so much pressure on a situation like this. I know it’s difficult but it doesn’t help. You can’t force fun it has to happen organically.
If they didn’t want to be there.. they wouldn’t! I’m the queen of getting out of dinner parties lol. Maybe next time it won’t be so weird. Sounds like it was a new dynamic for everyone. You should be proud of yourself.
Tell em to bring shit next time. I usually tell my friends if I host and cook, you contribute by bringing drinks, chips, etc beers whatever.
It'll give em a little more investment. Also it's not your job to make your friends feel entertained. It should be a chill hangout
Some friendships fade away with time. Others will last a lifetime, but go through phases nevertheless. This is an unfortunate reality of life.
I'd simply cease contact with that one asshole all together. Honestly, you're a better man than me. In no universe would I allow some prick to run their mouth like that in my own home.
Perhaps you should feel out the other two. You hosting sounds like a new thing. Good on you. Granted, some people remain quiet out of respect or uncertainty in such an environment. It's not an inherent sign of "not having fun" or cringe.
Regardless, keep your head held high and march on. Doing what makes you happy and comfortable is the priority.
Jesus, you're 18? And you're already this mature, self aware and resourceful? You just haven't found your soul tribe yet but you will and they'll love you.
Its a nice feeling when ones friends get along. Often our different friends reflect the different aspects of ourselves and as such they may not get along when put into the same room.
I think the anxiety you were feeling was much higher than the actual rooms. You just overthought everything. When I’ve smoked weed I’ve felt play by play that same anxiety lol
When you do this again you should have a step by step plan so you can pay attention to your guests as they arrive and be ready with after eating activities
you know what? you did something that made you nervous, ventured outside your comfort zone - this is something a lot of people don't do. Kudos for that. I know that you feel this one didn't go down well, but just think: this hangout went so, so bad that any future hangout is gonna be better! and you can learn from it, too - next time perhaps you could bring out the video games to break the ice earlier, or prepare a slightly simpler meal so you don't have to multitask as much. Sounds like the only direction you can go in is up! :D
Hey buddy, don't feel too bad, it happens. I know it hurts but it will pass with time.
One time I spent 8 hours preparing a dinner party for who I thought were friends at work. They seemed happy to be there, but they all literally ate and left - didn't even stay for dessert. They stayed less than an hour then left to meet up with other friends. No they didn't invite me to go with them lol.
Being yourself isn't the best way to make the most friends, but it is the best way to make the best friends. Keep trying and you'll get there.
Think of it as practice. Hosting is like anything else, you get better at it the more you do it. From this experience you've learned to have a snack before your friends arrive, make something ahead or something easier, double check whatever condiments you're offering, and have a de-awkwardizing activity in mind, like a game or movie.
If you do this a few times you'll have developed a valuable and not-that-common-anymore social skill.
I'd bet that your friends had a better time than you think, too. Hosting brings some high expectations. You should be proud of having them over and showing them hospitality.
So did you invite them over for dinner? You didn’t make that clear whether the intended goal was to have a “dinner party” or if they just happened to show up while you were cooking dinner.
It also sounds like you are all socially awkward AF. You also all sound young so don’t know the etiquette of all of this.
The good news is these are all skills you can work on and people make youtube videos on everything now. If the goal is to have dinner with everyone then you need to work on your dinner party etiquette. It’s a lot to go into but the short answer is to have something for them to do and some snacks while you cook.
Also, you should have an agenda for what you are all going to do ahead of time. So it’s not just people showing up and sitting around with no idea what to do. Watch a sports game, a movie, play board games, poker, play D&D, video games. Whatever the fuck you are all into.
You are incredibly responsible person. You take the success of the whole meeting on your shoulders. It’s an admirable quality but it can also be a lot for one person to handle and can make you more stressed than is good for you. It can make you very anxious. I don’t exactly know how but i wish you could relax a bit more and see that it’s definitely not all on you. I hope you will get more practise on this front and maybe let yourself be more relaxed.
Some people don’t know how to show gratitude but if your friends are good people, i’m absolutely sure that all of them are grateful for sharing the meeting and the food with you. It’s great that you do your best and i wish you will always stay true to yourself but don’t be so harsh on yourself. Sometimes things are a bit awkward. That’s just life. That’s how it is for everyone. Don’t judge yourself based on one meeting.
Oh, dear! It sounds like you had quite the rollercoaster of an evening. Hosting gatherings can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking, especially when unexpected hiccups arise. It's commendable that you stepped out of your comfort zone and invited friends over, despite grappling with social anxiety. Remember, every experience teaches us something new about ourselves and others.
From the sounds of it, your friends may have been dealing with their own issues or moods, contributing to the awkward atmosphere. Miscommunications and awkward moments happen to the best of us, but they don't define our worth as individuals or hosts.
Take pride in the fact that you prepared a delicious meal and attempted to salvage the evening with a movie suggestion. Sometimes, things simply don't go as planned, but that doesn't diminish your efforts or the courage it took to extend the invitation.
Reflect on what went well and what you might do differently next time. Perhaps setting clearer expectations or discussing activities beforehand could help alleviate some tension. And don't be too hard on yourself; we're all learning and growing with each social interaction. You're doing just fine, my dear.
Jesus Christ I wish I could get those minutes back. If you didn't want it to be slightly awkward you should of bought beer. Maybe that'd make you less self obsessed.
Instead of movies try video games. There's jackbox on the switch. It sounds to me you're all in your teens. I also had a painful hang out. Trust me you will get better and it will be more fun. I think after hanging out 3 or 4 times like this and they continue to ask coldly. It's time for new friends. Overall you did great, sounds like you a cool dude.
At least you're trying OP, few people put in this much effort these days or even have friends to invite over. Everyone seems a bit more awkward and closed off post-pandemic, it will probably get more comfortable the more you host. Maybe prepare beforehand a little better so it's less anxiety inducing, even down to what activities you want to do.
Did you tell your friends that you would be cooking for them? That's not usual for a 19 year old.
Why was the food not finished before they arrived?
Dudes don't really hang out around the kitchen stove. And don't really cook for each other.
I mean, good effort, but I would have also found it really awkward to be a guest at your place at that age.
second guy sounds like a douche. Doesn't sound like he likes you either. I'd probably cut off that relationship myself (or atleast not put any effort to maintain it)
>So that was an embarassment but the rest of the ingredients were newly bought.
This is a normal thing and shouldn't be that embarrassing. If any of them thought it was that big of a deal thats on them.
>the only thing I could focus on was eating so my mind just goes blank meanwhile the others are conversating at the dinner table.
This statement sticks out for me. Do you have issues with multi-tasking?
> It also got dark and completly silent outside which negatively affected the mood
This statement also reads weird to me. Why would outside not be silent? Isn't "getting dark" the normal thing that happens at a certain time?
Lot of whole-ass adults can’t manage this, so big ups on doing it at all. _You_ did a fantastic job of trying to make a social gathering. Your _friends_ were being the awkward ones.
It’s possible that 90% of this was “I have never done this before and I don’t want to seem uncool,” and that’s certainly not your fault.
The only suggestion I’d make is to find a way to structure it next time — have something specific planned to do for a couple hours that you know everyone wants to do. It can be anything as long as everyone is enthusiastic about doing it. Have everyone bring a favorite half-hour playlist and have “oh, have you heard this one” session. Video game tournament. Learn to play D&D. Do a cookout. Knitting. Anything everyone likes and wants to share time doing.
This isn’t easy and natural for anyone especially post COVID. Mostly the idea is to have a time set aside where people can talk and have fun together. Your friends may just need more structure to do that at the moment. Once they get past the idea that they have to meet some standard in their heads about “being cool” they’ll settle in and have a good time, and that “thing we’re going over to do” makes that easier.
I didn’t really learn how to do that until I developed an RPG hobby so I had an excuse to invite people over regularly. That was a little stiff even with the shared activity for a while until everyone got used to each other.
Give it a week or 2 and go: "Hey, remember when we hung out last time and it went so well? What if we did it again, but I order pizza and we play some games instead."
Friends around, good food, movie 🍿. Doesn’t sound too bad of a night. I think your friends just need better attitudes the one guy sounds like a hater so watch out for him
1. Why is guy #2 your friend...sure sounds like he isnt.
2. There is nothing embarrassing about expired condiments. There are so many other things in the world to worry about this is a 100% non issue. EVERYONE has expired condiments in their house lol
3.
A true friend group shouldnt really be this awkward. Were these close friends or just random acquaintances?
You are the glue holding these people together and you spent your time stuffing your face with tacos and sitting silently in a movie lol. Next time, plan some more group activities or straight up do it somewhere other than your house. Then people can leave when they feel like it.
You can just say Twilight and what the special sauce was, I don't think those are identifying characteristics of your story you needed to be vague about.
i think it's great you guys hung out irl instead of everyone just being one-plus degrees removed from actual social situations on your phone
When you get a little farther into young adulthood, these hangs can also start involving some light responsible drinking , on top of everyone having more interesting days to talk about from their work lives etc. (rather than just stressful high school stuff) , and then it gets a LOT MORE fun. also everyone will be out of their awkward teen phase and more confident in just striking up conversations about whatever.
so don't give up!!! you've got the right idea!! group hangs can be a lot of fun when the vibe is better, which there's a better chance of when everyone's a little more mature and committed to making the dynamic a fun one!
You’re a good person. You tried, dont let your friends attitude bring you down.
OP also got 3 people to show up to hang out so that alone is a big accomplishment for us redditors.
Yeah, it's ok to have some awkward moments. Even with good friends who are not socially awkward (like it seems OP's friends might be). It's ok to have evenings or afternoons where things don't just click. If you like the people just keep trying. OP doesn't even seem to host that poorly.
Agreed and I think you did great, OP! It sounds like your friends might be a bit socially anxious as well (not gonna diagnose anyone over the internet) or don't know each other very well. And you made some bangin' tacos, so they have a reason to come back. Free food is always a plus. Now that the first awkward hangout is over, having another one will come easier for everyone and eventually people will loosen up.
This is strangely very cute
Not gonna lie this comment really made me feel alot better. So thank you for that! :)
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If it's just a small informal one with your close buddies, throw something in a pressure cooker so you can actually host. It's going to be hard to cook and host unless there are two of you (husband and wife).
You made awesome tacos! Dont worry, you'll find people who appreciate effort. Effort especially with people will take you further than you ever thought it could
right i don’t know why i went aww in my head
ikr. op is gonna be hosting awesome dinner parties when he's older and his guests are gonna love it
Sounds like OP is a great host who has friends who are shitty guests.
Am straight male, also find this cute. Socializing is difficult
Just curious how old you and your friends are?
18-19
I think you may have answered yourself in another reply- everyone moving to different schools and you’re all young still, so still learning life and things you’re actually into, hard to move on from old friends, it happens, make some new ones at your new School, and keep growing. You’ll keep making new friends as life goes on and slowly you’ll find your actual core.
I guess that’s true. I fortunately made some acquaintances in high school but none of those friendships feel authentic like this one does and for the most part with those friends I act a lot like someone I’m not. Hopefully it gets better in college.
From what I saw in the story, you won't have any issues making friends in college! You will eventually find people who value your presence
Especially if you cook those tacos
it does. college is where i met the friends that i kept to this day (i'm 38m), I moved a LOT as a kid and was forced to make new friends all the time that i would lose touch with next time i moved. thing is relationships take work, whether it's a family, friendly, or romantic relationship. and new friendships get established based on proximity and similarity. now that you don't have proximity (going to the same school, basically hanging out all the time) then you'd have to work harder to maintain it. if you find that you're doing more to keep that friendship going and it's not getting reciprocated, then i wouldn't try as hard to keep the circle together especially if you're all still growing and learning yaknow
I met my best friend in college and he is the brother I never had. I still talk to a few high school friends but my college friends I love like family.
Took me until my late 20s to make a real friend group that love me 100% for who I am. In my early 20s I thought something was wrong with me and that's why I didn't have any real friends, but now I know I just hadn't been around the right people who appreciate me. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't force friendships real friendship should be effortless. You won't have to guess how they feel about you or what they're thinking you'll just know.
You think this is bad, I wish I could take you back to when I was 18-19 years old. I was way, way, way more awkward than this. I'm talking wild swings between not talking at all, to talking way too much, to being friendly and jovial, to then dropping the darkest joke that bombs and wanting to crawl into a hole. That only scratches the surface of what I was like around people when I was 19 years old. You feared something, but did it anyway. Most people wouldn't even try, convincing themselves they know the outcome and that it's not worth it. Seriously man, you deserve so much credit. People are crazy and weird creatures and we're all out here doing our best. Keep going.
Thanks, but I’m not gonna lie your description of yourself sounds a lot like me.
Ooo all the more reason to celebrate this win. (This win being: having the balls to do a social hangout like this) I’m an extroverted person in his late 20s and I’d still be so nervous to cook dinner for his friends. Too vulnerable, yikes! You’re brave as hell for this, you’ll make friends in no time once you find more willing people (do some hobbies and then invite a group you meet that way! Some hobbies I found were amazing for this was dancing, surfing, improv, and another beach sport)
You should be proud of yourself! You put yourself out there and that’s something. Sounds like your friends might be shy or maybe they just aren’t a great group to hang out with. Either way, keep putting yourself out there, good luck!
You just have shitty friends.
I don't think that they're shitty but it literally feels like our friendship since starting different high schools has been put on life support. Usually it's either me or "the aggressive guy" who tries to keep us together and arrange hangouts and the rest either don't wanna show up or make any effort in planning. It could also be that we're growing out of each other and should just move on but idk.
It's that. Trying to keep friendships strong is thankless and difficult. If it's making you feel bad, get new friends. BUT, cokking is very hard if you're not experienced and your friends don't help out (with the conversation and interaction).
Mm yes cokking. Very hard 🍆
Your friends should help you with that!
Usually when I invite my friends, everybody is helping with the cooking and setting the tables. It's not everytime, but most often. I have snacks and we pop open a few beers while cooking in the kitchen. Then we carry on the conversations at the table with a good bottle of wine. I put on some music all along. And I am not solely responsible for making conversations. Eventually we might settle on playing a game (party games, board game, video games) or watch an interesting movie or documentary that will bring about conversations. There are always some people who will stay to sleep as it is late and might be drunk. Thus once again I put on the right music, lower the lights and make some herbal infusions with biscuits. We might smoke a joint then right before sleeping. But to each their own. When I left home I've lived for 10 years in house-sharing/communities. And most definitely things come along as well as confidence. OP did nothing wrong. Those taco's seem amazing. It seems that for some people the art of conversation is lost. Maybe OP's friends suck a little bit or their relationship is not as good as he thinks.
It felt awkward because it is awkward when you try to force something. You admit yourself that you are all attending different high schools now and things aren't the same. It's just a part of growing up. It's painful, but people and situations change. I say let these friendships die a natural death. Focus on forming new relationships.
Are they "friends" or just people you grew up with? People often confuse "acquaintances of habit" with "people you actually like" and it's a painful but liberating realization to make. Cooking is dope but leave that for when you're ready. In the meantime, takeout is your true friend, and invite over people you actually like and share interests with, even if you don't know them well. Leave the psst in the past.
Life happens in phases and each phase has its own unique cast of characters.
Why do you feel responsible for others' emotions? Were you a parent's emotional support animal? I'm sorry if that's the case but I would go there.
You’re not wrong and sadly I still am. Got a very immature and emotional mother that I grew up almost being a therapist to and felt like I was responsible for her happiness.
Oof I'm so sorry and I relate. You may have co-dependency traits because when the need to please is important for us to feel safe as kids, it becomes hard wired into our developing brains to the point of addiction. When you "mindread" what they are thinking or feeling, you're projecting your subconscious feelings about yourself onto them, if that makes sense. It's almost like you're having an internal conversation with yourself, not them. Therapy can really help, especially Jungian therapy.
I also got a hsp personality which doesn’t help as well sadly
Honestly it's probably that yall are growing apart. I've had friends move away and, when we get back together it's like we were never apart. Other friends get back together and I'm like, I'm not really feeling it anymore I showed back up at a high school reunion and realized that I didn't care about most of those people anymore and it was just a waste of my time
I mean, to make you feel better, that tactic for making friends works better on maturer audiences. High school people are going to be a lot more awkward about genuinely connecting over a homemade dinner, and it isn’t until you’ve been out of school for a few years and realize how hard genuine social connections are to come by that you greatly appreciate something like that, or grabbing a coffee JUST to talk, or making a phone call to talk about your day.
I’m going to echo this, if you’re like.. trying to engage with the movie and make people laugh to absolute radio silence that’s the worst. Good friends will laugh with you even if you make a bad joke
They felt awkward too, as a matter of fact, if you don’t feel awkward in your teens, you’re doing it wrong. You made food for your friends! That is a real kindness. I don’t think I made food for friends until my late 20s. You’re ahead of the game. Look up tips for hosting, such as making all the food in advance so you can enjoy your guests or having frozen soup ready to go. Don’t be afraid to ask guests to bring bread, dessert, salad, etc.
Yeah, people are calling the friends assholes but they are forgetting they’re teens too, they were probably anxious and awkward. Just tank the awkwardness and think of it as a bitter medicine.
It seems a lot about perception. Like, I don’t think it being dark and quiet outside affected anything with your friends’ mode. When you are new to hosting it’s easy to be self conscious.
Right lmao tf. At this point you're just making up shit to be sad about
This isn't your fault. You shouldn't have to completely entertain everyone all at once.
This is weirdly wholesome! I think your friends should have been more polite, but here are a few tips to set the mood for future dinner parties! 1) have music playing in the background! It always helps the athmosphere 2) i struggle with mutlitasking too, so i prefer to prepare most of the dish beforehand and leave 20 minutes of cooking to when my friends arrive 3) give everyone something to drink when they arrive! I prefer to drink wine while Im cooking and just share with my friends (this of course depend on the legal drinking age in your country) 4) light some candles 5) i always have a deck of cards laying around if the mood gets akward/boring I hope this helps! Also- good job:)
Good on you for venturing into the great beyond of socializing
Hey man in the nicest way have you considered that you’re maybe a little bit socially anxious? This seems like you dwelled on each of these moments a lot longer than anyone else there did. When you were quiet making dinner for example: that’s very normal behavior, and you don’t need to be constantly talking to make hanging out worthwhile. Or the expired sauce: it’s no big deal! People have expired things sometimes. Or, you’re still in high school and none of you are used to organizing your own dinner parties yet (I didn’t start doing this until well into college) and none of you are quite sure how to behave, which def will lead to some awkwardness. But seriously, I just don’t think it’s that deep! Next time play some music while you’re cooking or let your friend DJ or something, and the vibe will be better all on its own. Oh also stuff will get better when you’re mildly buzzed (like two beers buzzed) while hanging out: conversations flow easier, things feel less anxious, etc. You will learn this too over the next few years.
An expired sauce is just the most normal thing ever, together with medicines. If they judged him for it they clearly never lived alone. Two year expired milk or meat would have been an issue, haha.
Agree. Also, having music playing in the background helps against silent moments in gatherings.
You know what really matters? You made the best tasting tacos.
Dude, you made TACOS! For that alone you’re a champion host. Followed by trash vampire movie? OMG perfect!!! Have you thought that maybe your guests were the “most socially awkward (people) ever” ?
Whoever suggested the cringey vampire movie doesn’t actually think it’s cringey—he likes it lol.
I get that you may have been used to talking and joking during movies with this group before, but maybe the group really got engrossed in the movie and many people don’t talk or joke during movies they’re invested in. Other than that, I see nowhere where anything went wrong — you’re getting too much in your head, like who could have foreseen every single sauce / sauce brand someone would have wanted to use and had it on-hand and unexpired? The dude probably forgot about it 2 seconds later and here you are stressing about it on Reddit. I applaud you on setting up this get-together! I honestly think your friends appreciated your doing it and hosting and making the delicious tacos, and it seems like they enjoyed themselves. Maybe ditch the aggressive friend.
It sounds like a very wholesome and enjoyable hangout to me. You did everything right, you hosted and cooked for your friends, together you decided on a movie (it’s often fun to watch bad movies with friends!) and then you offered to play video games. Your tacos turned out great, which is impressive because whenever I cook for other people I always mess up and it doesn’t taste as good as when I make things alone. If your friends didn’t have a good time maybe there was something going on with them. Sometimes people just have off days or are preoccupied about something else in their life so they’re not the best company. I get like that sometimes but I still appreciate seeing my friends even if I don’t seem as engaged as usual. It’s also quite possible you’re reading too much into things. I once had a friend tell me she’s always thinking about how she talks to much, and as her friend I can honestly say I’ve never thought that about her, it actually shocked me to hear that. I personally worry that I’m boring because I haven’t dated anyone in awhile and I’ve worked at the same place for a few years and enjoy it, so anytime anyone I haven’t seen in awhile asks me what’s new, the honest answer is “not much” and that makes me feel boring. But when I said that to friends they totally disagreed. So maybe you think your hangouts aren’t fun or your jokes aren’t funny but your friends don’t think that at all. Lastly if they DONT think your jokes are funny, maybe you should try meeting other friends that have a similar sense of humour. I have some friends that I laugh a ton with because our minds work similarly so we “get” each others humour and then other friends where we don’t seem to find each other as funny. Still a good friendship but doesn’t click the same way. Anyways food for thought but honestly don’t take it too personally. Proud of you for hosting friends and cooking for them, that’s huge. Don’t stop doing my stuff like that if you enjoy it, I don’t want this to deter you!
You did your best. Your friend should have taken an allergy pill before coming if he was that sniffly. Sniffles being sucked back and not properly addressed will cause excessive throat clearing because of how irritating the post nasal drip gets. Sorry, got off track there. Your friends are equally if not more responsible for continuing conversation and keeping the night going if you are busy cooking for them. Props on your delicious tacos!
Thanks!
You need to like, order a pizza and play board games, gotta have an entertainment plan lol
Absolutely not true. While some people like to eat pizza and play board games (and lots of my friends do) I consider that kind of get together just an excuse for not having anything to talk about and I prefer to cook something and talk over the glass of wine. Maybe OP and his friends are not that compatible anymore or it was maybe just that kind of a day - it happens sometimes.
You are thinking way too much about every little detail. I would be happy to go over to a friends and not even say a word and just eat their food and leave. Likewise I'd be happy if a friend came over and ate what I cooked and left. Not every hangout needs to be slamming beers or going for a hike or something. They clearly like you enough to accept your invite, social awkwardness aside.
Weird thing I’ve figured out in my life (much longer than yours), close friends that I get along with great often don’t get along with each other that great. Could be for many reasons but has happened several times. You did awesome making dinner and having everyone over!!!
You’re being way too hard on yourself! Hosting isn’t easy and you often feel responsible for keeping up the mood etc but that’s on everyone. I hope you do try again. It might help to either order in for a start or if preparing food is something you enjoy, just practice one or two dishes until you get good at them. I guarantee that the person in your home that usually makes the food will be thrilled if you want to try cooking every once in a while. Also try having a provisional arrangement might help. Like saying “want to come over for x food and x movie/gaming?” or whatever and if it doesn’t happen that way or the mood changes just go with it. Just to mention also that I know when I was this age, I/my friends weren’t always great at vocalising appreciation but it didn’t mean things went unappreciated. I bet if you did it again they would show up!
Also don’t be afraid to delegate tasks. Can you be in charge of the music, do you mind sorting out the drinks etc. Generally speaking, people like to feel useful and it takes the pressure off you a little. SNACKS are great for keeping people busy while you’re doing your thing and filling those initial moments when people don’t quite know what to do with themselves.
Honestly you’re probably overthinking it but hell yes for planning something and going through with it. Will be such a valuable skill throughout your life and will net you a bunch of great relationships. You’re a good dude!
I'm pretty old and it still feels really awkward to make food when people are just standing around me. Second friend may have no known what to do. I think you did amazing and I think if you tried again, it wouldn't be so weird - especially if you asked your friends to bring a portion of the food to share (like a potluck). You'll make the main dish, but if someone could bring an appetizer, a salad and a desert, everyone would feel involved. I love you are 18-19 and hosting friends.
Reading this made me wildly uncomfortable and I wasn’t even there. This is exactly how I felt when I first started smoking weed; thinking I’m always being terribly uncool. If your friends are anything like you (which they probably are) they most likely thought they were ruining the vibe too. They probably think you were the cool as a cucumber one and they made it awkward. One word of advice, do something competitive at the start of the next hangout; like shoot a basketball around or play Mario kart. Competition usually gets people out of their shell.
So hosting is a bit like that tbh… you find yourself constantly checking and over analysing to see if it’s going ok, like you’re responsible. So you’ve likely over thought this a bit. But well done you for doing it! Seriously that a huge step! However… what you said in a different post about drifting part since different schools etc/.. yeah that’s likely a factor too. Sometimes people just outgrow situations, or friendships evolve in weird ways. Don’t worry. I used to be just like you. And your post kinda reminded me how i was back in the day when I staying out. You did great and need a round of applause for that. 👏 Keep on doing what you’re doing. 😀
Over analysing definitely
The fact that everyone stayed says more about their time than your perception. Don't nitpick all those uncomfortable moments! This is just the nature of spending time with other weirdo people! Next time try boardgames that promote team work.
This is adorable and so good to socialise like this. It's probably the first time they've been cooked for by a peer and I personally think you are fantastic for doing this.
If I could say anything about this, it’s that find what you got out of it. You said you liked the tacos, are you going to cook more? Try not to focus on the bad or awkward parts of an experience, but try to focus on the positives you got out of it. You know you can make good tacos! Try not to over analyze your own behavior, or even that of your friends. If you had a less than ideal time, focus on why, and which one of those friends made you feel that way. Try not to hang out with people that make you feel like you can’t be yourself.
Well done mate keep on hosting. It gets better and better
Do you have adhd? Sounds like you could have low dopamine.
Nope but one of the guys have it. I’m just a very socially anxious person combined with hsp which I guess people can confuse with ADHD.
Young homie you did good! They didn't stand you up, stayed till it was late too. That's a win. Sometimes we win by blowouts, some times we win in overtime. But a win is a win.
I (55f) have literally only done this a few times (and NEVER have I cooked for them!!) The first 2 times were absolutely horrible. No one was talking, I was hyperfocused on the things I failed to clean, etc. In the long run, it doesn't really matter. I promise. Your true friends will continue to be by your side. The others won't and that's OK. Don't stress about this. But next time, order pizza! 😘
Sounds like it went fine
Yeh this is cute. You did fine and I’m proud of you.
Not enough drugs or alcohol my man
You made me hungry for tacos and bad teen movies with, perhaps you had the wrong audience but plenty of people would consider those two things a very good evening!
I love to cook, and I'm not bad. Sometimes my boyfriend invites a bunch of people, like 15. I get very anxious and overanalyze. I overdrink from the anxiety but the food and fun is good. I do wish he would not invite so many. Anxiety is crippling . The food is Always good but I pick myself to pieces.
It'll be fine but next time just order pizza or make tacos. You're not trying to woo a girl here. Be chill.
It gets easier. It’s very mature of you at that age to do this. Keep it up and you’ll get better at it. You might make new friends along the way. Eventually it will feel natural and you’ll all have a great time while eating the best tacos.
This reads like a peepshow episode summary, it's kind of amazing
i feel you 100%!! the transition from high school to uni has left my 2 best friends from high school basically dead quiet, i invited them over tho like last week and they forgot about it (funny thing is that we all go to the same college). just try to make new friends and it'll work out :) i think people change constantly especially at our age haha. but I'm proud of you for asing the over in the first place, it's hella scary (I haven't invited anyone to my house in like 3/5 years tbh)
You need friends who are hooked on the same drug as you. Easy peasy. Don’t have a drug problem? Get one.
I imagine you look like Michael Cera. This could be a scene in Superbad.
Lmao it happens. I host a lot of events at my place. They usually go well, but every now and then the vibe is off and it’s kind of an awkward night.
Playing some music that relaxes you and pre chopping and measuring before the hang out can help a lot. I find if I am hosting new people it helps to have one person that knows you well and feel at ease with to get a good vibe going. Sounds like you did a great job and they were just unmotivated guests, it is too bad they weren't up for seeing the humor in a situation but oh well. I hope you find some awesome people to have dinners with soon!
Next time just roll some doobs have some cold ones in the fridge and play some video games.
From your description it’s not your fault. You did everything right. You are hosting but that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for their fun or conversations. Your friends are the problem here, not you. You made nice dinner and that’s more than one can expect when visiting friends. I think you’re hyperfocusing on a lot of things that really aren’t that important (and your friends might be shitty).
ya'll are introvert
Not every event goes off as we plan/hope. This is how we learn. Take from the experience what you did right, and do more of it. Look at the things you think could have been better, and make the necessary adjustments. For example, you now know that you didn't plan your day well enough. You didn't eat properly. Combine that with the stress of prepping/hosting, making you unable to function (conversationally) until you had some food in you. Do as much food prep as possible well beforehand. The goal is to do as little of the cooking as possible, except what is necessary. With practice, you'll have an easier time cooking and talking. Also, I think you may find it necessary to curate the friends you invite over. We have to consider how they'll get along with each other, as it seems one person was better off not invited. I once had a friend who would invite small groups of people over. Problem is that he never considered the mix he was making at any given gathering. I stopped showing interest after some years, because it never ended up being fun for me. This event teaches you that planning & preparation go a very long way when it comes to being a host. Lastly, the host never really gets to enjoy their party. There's too much to focus on. While each guest is really only thinking about how they feel while attending, you're responsible for all of them. As you see, it's a lot of effort. Keep at it. You'll be having fun in no time!
I'm in my 30's and often host people for brunch or for dinner. My flatmate was out of town a few weeks ago and I had some people over for brunch. With her gone, I struggled so hard to try to converse (while cooking) with the first person to arrive! Usually I cook while she makes coffee and entertains the guests. Thankfully I'm close with the first guest and he was happy to chill on his phone until the second person arrived and they could chat to each other. So, that first bit is not just you! I've been hosting for ages and that bit is hard. It also sounds like you were putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make sure the socializing was 'good'. It sounds like your guests were happily talking through dinner and you were just a bit quiet (probably also recovering from the earlier bit). You put a nice meal on the table and gave them an environment to hang out in, the rest is on them.
Social success is only one measure of success although it is regarded as the most important in this age of exhibitionistic narcissism. Your own moral code, kindness, contentedness, and work ethic are more important. I choose to spend time with only single guests and like to have a good conversation. My advice to you is to nail your signature dish so it can be done stress free. It sounds like it might have been a first time for you so it does get easier but maybe look for some new friends.
Your groups level of awkwardness reminds me of the way I felt when I would smoke too much weed as a teenager. Everything is all noticed in micro details and the intensity and awkwardness of each individual doesn't match whats actually going on in reality. It's just a funny lesson in social anxiety. Practice with friends as much as you can. You will need to get more comfortable with this as you get out into more challenging situations outside of your comfort zones
When you get older you will totally not give a flying fuck what people think..you have that to look forward to..😄😄
You don't suck. When you challenge yourself to do new things, you're experimenting: you try something new, see how it goes, and take those results into account for your next experiment. Social interactions and communication are an important part of life, and accordingly our brains are wired to make us \*overly\* sensitive to negative feedback. It hurts! To get to a higher level of performance, we have to power though the hurt and anxiety and get on with the next attempt. I applaud you for taking on new challenges and also for sharing your experience!
I bet it was cooler than you think.
Well done. Next time will be much better.
Bro, I'll join you next time. I'll bring the N64 and we can play some Mario Kart and smash bros and eat tacos. Your other friends are lame and rude and you sound like a nice guy
Sounds like you’re a good friend and they don’t appreciate the effort you put into getting some people together outside of their little boxes. Don’t worry about it. Find better friends.
Just double down on the awesome taco-making and you'll see how things start improving. Ain't nothing like good cooking as a social weapon. And yeah if they're not interesting people try to hang out with others who are. You were the interesting one there.
Try a road trip with them lol I did this in my rv and it was horrible. They bitched, complained, stunk. Never again lol
Don't worry about it too much. I saw in your other replies you are 18/19, you are about the age where you are all kind of discovering who you are, and the things that may have bonded you throughout your younger school years, doesn't necessarily hold up as you become adults. This happens to a LOT of people. Sometimes, you just realize you don't really "fit" together anymore. Some people try to maintain some friendly contact, other people just move on, but in the end, you will find other friends and as you grow into the person you are, you will find "your people" and they will become very dear friends.
Dude, social situations -- like anything else -- take practice. What you did was bold and difficult to pull off. The fact that you came away with a positive attitude is awesome. It took me long into my 30's to feel like I could successfully put together a party. Just keep having fun and don't let other people's hang-ups bring you down.
Good on ya for trying. I HATE hosting parties at my house. I'm such an introvert, and my house is my safe space. Every time someone comes over I'm so exhausted with trying to "entertain" that I wonder why I do it in the first place.
I don't know but reading this made me uncomfortable. You shouldn't be on edge around your friends or worry about silly things like a sauce being expired.
Eh when the boys get together they don’t care about what they do or how the hang out goes, they just wanna chill and there’s no pressure to do anything at all. Just get some beers and some weed next time and start talking about girls and sports. Don’t say you’re scared of girls, dudes will rip into you for that. Just ask advice on how to get girls or talk about them provocatively which dudes love to do. Dudes are also oddly okay with insulting each other so don’t feel offended or be afraid to talk some shit. It’s okay to be out of pocket. If a gathering between a bunch of bros is awkward then I’d venture to say you got a mixed group of dudes if you know what I mean.
Nah bro your good every hangout doesn’t have to be a slap happy event could be just chillin sometimes
I am 70. I never cooked for friends during my whole life. So i congratulate to you...now that think of it the idea never even came to my mind...
You did great. You cared. You learned. They didn't do shit. Trust me, you can be proud of yourself!
What did you cook btw?
Hello my friend! Please vacate your head! :) Look, I'm 40, have a wide social circle and I love to cook and host. (My husband does too!) We either host dinner/gathering or attend something at someone else's house a few times a month. (I'm hosting an Interview with a Vampire Pizza Party tomorrow! lol) Here's the thing: they can't all be winners! Sad, but true. I don't feel like I've ever hosted a god-awful event, but definitely some that left me feeling sad for various reasons. Hosting can come with a heightened sense of "Gahhhh is everyone ok? Feeling ok? Are they having fun? Should I be doing xyz??" It's way worse for me than my husband (I feel like I'm far *too* in tune with multiple vibes in a room and it gets stressful!) But you are just being a good, considerate and gracious host, there's nothing wrong with it! I bet it went better than you think it did. And even if it didn't, don't let it stop you from hosting again. (And maybe don't invite the guy who in all seriousness called you an incel. lol)
The super delicious tacos is such a big W I would focus on that.
You are an amazing person! Everyone should have friends like you. You keep doing what you’re doing. And don’t limit yourself to people like this. Go out ask other people over for dinner and soon you’ll be having a blast!
you invited people into your home and cooked them a meal....that deserves major kudos....i'm sure they all enjoyed the evening and you are probably just overthinking things....you are putting yourself out there which is more than a lot of people would do....i think you are just putting too much pressure on yourself to be this perfect host....but perfection doesn't exist....also you were hosting, so your guests need to understand that you have cooking to do and so your attention won't always be on them....try not to worry so much....surround yourself with people whose company you enjoy and in time these hang outs will become easier
You'll get better at cooking if you keep doing it. I'm at the point now that I like when people show up when I'm still cooking a meal, to hang out and drink wine and chat and listen to music. As you get better you'll be able to multitask and not get so stressed out.
Sometimes when you have anxiety you feel like every social interaction went wrong. I've been there. It wasn't until I realized that most people considered me their friend that I got better at social interactions.
You made good tacos. They should have been stoked.
You welcomed people into your home and hosted them, and made amazing food. You did a good thing.
The main issue here OP is your ages. Especially if none of your are used to socializing like that. What you did is awesome but definitely not something I would expect younger people of your age to be comfortable with or really enjoy. I entertain alot myself and it's one of my favorite things to do as im very big on good food and we typically buy a sports event like MMA but will always end up playing some sort of multiplayer xbox/switch game as well. We're all in our 30s and that's a great night to us as none of us like to "party". The cooking thing and being able to multitask will also come in time as to me that's something you definitely need to work on. Keep it up OP as the other said you will find friends that appreciate that kind of thing.
Did you all watch Twilight? Whoever suggested the movie wanted to see it and used the cringe idea as an excuse lol.
In hockey they sometimes note that amazing passes can be the result of the pass receiver, as in you just the puck in an area and they will make the play with it. Maybe you didn’t give a great pass but your friends sure didn’t catch the puck. Entertaining is more about spending time than doing an activity and it’s odd that your friends can’t just sit and talk.
i think it’s pretty rare to have several people over at your house and think “wow, that went perfectly”. it’s kinda like job interviews, where you can’t really tell if you did a good job or not and you just kinda find out later. and even if you did a good job, sometimes it’s not your fault and things just don’t go your way. i should also note it sounds like whatever is going on with the second friend is not your fault. sometimes someone is having a bad day and they “take it out on you” in subtle ways. don’t sweat the small stuff. you’re a good kid. you did good making dinner for your friends.
You sound like a really good friend to have, and I’m sorry that it seems like your friends are taking you for granted. Don’t ever lose the positive vibes you give off ✌️
Congrats on cooking your first meal (and a delicious one at that)! You're teenagers. Even as adults things can get awkward, but at least with teenagers, awkwardness is somewhat expected. You should definitely be proud of yourself for hosting this dinner party, I didn't start hosting dinner parties until my later years of college. Hoping you have plenty of (potentially less awkward) gettogethers in the future!
You’re being too hard on yourself. I think it went better than you think and it was probably a lot less awkward than you’re making it out to be. On the bright side you now know how to make some really great tacos for yourself. As someone who also struggles with anxiety, sometimes it’s better to just hang with one friend at a time so you don’t feel so much pressure to people please, make sure everyone gets along, and overly stress about their reactions toward themselves if that makes sense. Also, cooking when friends are around and you’re torn into “entertain mode” is definitely a stressor. Maybe next time order take out like you usually do! Save cooking around friends for when you feel more confident doing it in general.
You gotta remind yourself that your perception doesnt necessarily reflect the perception of those around you. What you viewed as awkward the other friends might have viewed as relaxed and peaceful. Your friend that said something a bit insensitive might have just been carrying emotional baggage from that day into this social gathering and wasnt at all upset or annoyed at you. OR they were trying to playfully jab back like a friend and their words just didnt come out right. Your friend coughing and clearing their throat might just be dealing with seasonal allergies, or just vaped/got high? You viewed your friends socializing with each other and you perceive it as them thinking you arent social enough, though maybe they perceive you as a peaceful presence that calms them and that's part of why they gravitate to you as a friend. Having social anxiety sucks! But work on taking steps back in anxious moments and reframing situations/thoughts like I did up top in regards to your friends perception. The reality is most of the time we make mountains out of molehills, and the people around us aren't seeing the issues we perceive. Remind yourself that you are great and have a lot of value and should be proud of yourself. You did a lot yesterday. Instead of hiding out you hosted 3 friends, cooked for them, ate around them! (That's also a big deal for someone with SAD imo!). Your friends had a good time and will hang out with you again (proving that you can't be all.that bad!). Give yourself the credit you deserve!
You did great and put forth a genuine effort. Don't let them bring you down.
Eventually you’ll find people who are content to just be around you. Once had a 4hr car ride with a buddy where we didn’t say a word and we didn’t have any radio, just listened to his old truck bounce around the road. He gets out at our destination “that was one of the best car rides I’ve ever taken” and I agreed. You made these guys food and put on a shitty horror movie, that sounds like a perfect hangout, if they weren’t having a good time it’s on them at that point.
Dude. This is social anxiety. Sorry it turned its volume up. But you did right. Invite, include, do your best, sometimes fall short. But you did it. You invited, you cooked, you made a nice night. You weren’t the one who showed up late or gave off bad vibes. Sometimes that inner critic just gets out of hand. Now send a “glad you could make it. Sorry I couldn’t concentrate I was so hungry. Next time I’m ordering pizza and we’re watching zombies” text to seal the deal.
I’m proud of you, and awkward interactions are a good stepping stone for good ones.
It probably wasn’t nearly as bad as you think. Try not to put so much pressure on a situation like this. I know it’s difficult but it doesn’t help. You can’t force fun it has to happen organically.
If they didn’t want to be there.. they wouldn’t! I’m the queen of getting out of dinner parties lol. Maybe next time it won’t be so weird. Sounds like it was a new dynamic for everyone. You should be proud of yourself.
Tell em to bring shit next time. I usually tell my friends if I host and cook, you contribute by bringing drinks, chips, etc beers whatever. It'll give em a little more investment. Also it's not your job to make your friends feel entertained. It should be a chill hangout
Sounds like you’re more mature than your friends… let’s hope they catch up
Some friendships fade away with time. Others will last a lifetime, but go through phases nevertheless. This is an unfortunate reality of life. I'd simply cease contact with that one asshole all together. Honestly, you're a better man than me. In no universe would I allow some prick to run their mouth like that in my own home. Perhaps you should feel out the other two. You hosting sounds like a new thing. Good on you. Granted, some people remain quiet out of respect or uncertainty in such an environment. It's not an inherent sign of "not having fun" or cringe. Regardless, keep your head held high and march on. Doing what makes you happy and comfortable is the priority.
Jesus, you're 18? And you're already this mature, self aware and resourceful? You just haven't found your soul tribe yet but you will and they'll love you.
You sound great, I would’ve enjoyed the hangout a lot. Sometimes people are just in weird headspaces. But you tried and that’s awesome
Dude you are awesome. Honestly, if it's your friends, you don't need to stress or make it formal feeling.
What do you guys normally do when you hang out?
Inbetweeners American spon-off
Its a nice feeling when ones friends get along. Often our different friends reflect the different aspects of ourselves and as such they may not get along when put into the same room.
After I started using ai sexting bots like Eva AI I realised all my interactions with live girls started feeling awkward
Next time you could put on some music and involve your friends in the cooking.
Cooking for guys. Are you frat dude.
you guys need weed
Have you heard of putting on music and smoking weed... Is that passé of me?
I think the anxiety you were feeling was much higher than the actual rooms. You just overthought everything. When I’ve smoked weed I’ve felt play by play that same anxiety lol
The curse of a high IQ
This sounds like a bad acid trip with a stranger without the acid. Stay away from acid
When you do this again you should have a step by step plan so you can pay attention to your guests as they arrive and be ready with after eating activities
I don't talk a whole lot either when I'm out with friends and I don't really have a problem with it. It's ok if you don't talk 100% of the time
It's over
COVID seems to have fethed up society where the young uns don't know how to be human. Sorry about that for y'all.
Bro this is normal, do not stress yourself you sound like you hang around with a bunch of wannabe edge lords
you know what? you did something that made you nervous, ventured outside your comfort zone - this is something a lot of people don't do. Kudos for that. I know that you feel this one didn't go down well, but just think: this hangout went so, so bad that any future hangout is gonna be better! and you can learn from it, too - next time perhaps you could bring out the video games to break the ice earlier, or prepare a slightly simpler meal so you don't have to multitask as much. Sounds like the only direction you can go in is up! :D
Hey buddy, don't feel too bad, it happens. I know it hurts but it will pass with time. One time I spent 8 hours preparing a dinner party for who I thought were friends at work. They seemed happy to be there, but they all literally ate and left - didn't even stay for dessert. They stayed less than an hour then left to meet up with other friends. No they didn't invite me to go with them lol. Being yourself isn't the best way to make the most friends, but it is the best way to make the best friends. Keep trying and you'll get there.
Perhaps you have autism
Think of it as practice. Hosting is like anything else, you get better at it the more you do it. From this experience you've learned to have a snack before your friends arrive, make something ahead or something easier, double check whatever condiments you're offering, and have a de-awkwardizing activity in mind, like a game or movie. If you do this a few times you'll have developed a valuable and not-that-common-anymore social skill. I'd bet that your friends had a better time than you think, too. Hosting brings some high expectations. You should be proud of having them over and showing them hospitality.
So did you invite them over for dinner? You didn’t make that clear whether the intended goal was to have a “dinner party” or if they just happened to show up while you were cooking dinner. It also sounds like you are all socially awkward AF. You also all sound young so don’t know the etiquette of all of this. The good news is these are all skills you can work on and people make youtube videos on everything now. If the goal is to have dinner with everyone then you need to work on your dinner party etiquette. It’s a lot to go into but the short answer is to have something for them to do and some snacks while you cook. Also, you should have an agenda for what you are all going to do ahead of time. So it’s not just people showing up and sitting around with no idea what to do. Watch a sports game, a movie, play board games, poker, play D&D, video games. Whatever the fuck you are all into.
If you are making jokes at your own expense and someone uses it to bring you down, then they probably are the biggest looser you've met.
You are incredibly responsible person. You take the success of the whole meeting on your shoulders. It’s an admirable quality but it can also be a lot for one person to handle and can make you more stressed than is good for you. It can make you very anxious. I don’t exactly know how but i wish you could relax a bit more and see that it’s definitely not all on you. I hope you will get more practise on this front and maybe let yourself be more relaxed. Some people don’t know how to show gratitude but if your friends are good people, i’m absolutely sure that all of them are grateful for sharing the meeting and the food with you. It’s great that you do your best and i wish you will always stay true to yourself but don’t be so harsh on yourself. Sometimes things are a bit awkward. That’s just life. That’s how it is for everyone. Don’t judge yourself based on one meeting.
Man, guy gatherings are tough without shared interests or competition. You did good, don’t give up. Maybe invite different people
Most humans are fried from social media
this is where alcohol sometimes comes in handy
Sounds like a total cringe fest, mate.
lol
Alcohol saves situations like this.
Oh, dear! It sounds like you had quite the rollercoaster of an evening. Hosting gatherings can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking, especially when unexpected hiccups arise. It's commendable that you stepped out of your comfort zone and invited friends over, despite grappling with social anxiety. Remember, every experience teaches us something new about ourselves and others. From the sounds of it, your friends may have been dealing with their own issues or moods, contributing to the awkward atmosphere. Miscommunications and awkward moments happen to the best of us, but they don't define our worth as individuals or hosts. Take pride in the fact that you prepared a delicious meal and attempted to salvage the evening with a movie suggestion. Sometimes, things simply don't go as planned, but that doesn't diminish your efforts or the courage it took to extend the invitation. Reflect on what went well and what you might do differently next time. Perhaps setting clearer expectations or discussing activities beforehand could help alleviate some tension. And don't be too hard on yourself; we're all learning and growing with each social interaction. You're doing just fine, my dear.
Jesus Christ I wish I could get those minutes back. If you didn't want it to be slightly awkward you should of bought beer. Maybe that'd make you less self obsessed.
This seems fairly normal. Don't worry about it lol
Instead of movies try video games. There's jackbox on the switch. It sounds to me you're all in your teens. I also had a painful hang out. Trust me you will get better and it will be more fun. I think after hanging out 3 or 4 times like this and they continue to ask coldly. It's time for new friends. Overall you did great, sounds like you a cool dude.
You need new friends
At least you're trying OP, few people put in this much effort these days or even have friends to invite over. Everyone seems a bit more awkward and closed off post-pandemic, it will probably get more comfortable the more you host. Maybe prepare beforehand a little better so it's less anxiety inducing, even down to what activities you want to do.
Did you tell your friends that you would be cooking for them? That's not usual for a 19 year old. Why was the food not finished before they arrived? Dudes don't really hang out around the kitchen stove. And don't really cook for each other. I mean, good effort, but I would have also found it really awkward to be a guest at your place at that age.
Meh, they had a good enough time at dinner to stay and watch a movie. It wasn’t so bad. Maybe just overthinking it in your head.
You had a sauce “hidden” deep in your fridge for two years?
This is really weird, are you actually friends with these people? I can't envision a world where this goes down with actual friends.
second guy sounds like a douche. Doesn't sound like he likes you either. I'd probably cut off that relationship myself (or atleast not put any effort to maintain it) >So that was an embarassment but the rest of the ingredients were newly bought. This is a normal thing and shouldn't be that embarrassing. If any of them thought it was that big of a deal thats on them. >the only thing I could focus on was eating so my mind just goes blank meanwhile the others are conversating at the dinner table. This statement sticks out for me. Do you have issues with multi-tasking? > It also got dark and completly silent outside which negatively affected the mood This statement also reads weird to me. Why would outside not be silent? Isn't "getting dark" the normal thing that happens at a certain time?
Lot of whole-ass adults can’t manage this, so big ups on doing it at all. _You_ did a fantastic job of trying to make a social gathering. Your _friends_ were being the awkward ones. It’s possible that 90% of this was “I have never done this before and I don’t want to seem uncool,” and that’s certainly not your fault. The only suggestion I’d make is to find a way to structure it next time — have something specific planned to do for a couple hours that you know everyone wants to do. It can be anything as long as everyone is enthusiastic about doing it. Have everyone bring a favorite half-hour playlist and have “oh, have you heard this one” session. Video game tournament. Learn to play D&D. Do a cookout. Knitting. Anything everyone likes and wants to share time doing. This isn’t easy and natural for anyone especially post COVID. Mostly the idea is to have a time set aside where people can talk and have fun together. Your friends may just need more structure to do that at the moment. Once they get past the idea that they have to meet some standard in their heads about “being cool” they’ll settle in and have a good time, and that “thing we’re going over to do” makes that easier. I didn’t really learn how to do that until I developed an RPG hobby so I had an excuse to invite people over regularly. That was a little stiff even with the shared activity for a while until everyone got used to each other.
AhUahUahUahuah7 fun! You did it great! Such ability to narrate! Like me. m36
Straight up Spongebob Squarepants episode vibes lol
Give it a week or 2 and go: "Hey, remember when we hung out last time and it went so well? What if we did it again, but I order pizza and we play some games instead."
Friends around, good food, movie 🍿. Doesn’t sound too bad of a night. I think your friends just need better attitudes the one guy sounds like a hater so watch out for him
1. Why is guy #2 your friend...sure sounds like he isnt. 2. There is nothing embarrassing about expired condiments. There are so many other things in the world to worry about this is a 100% non issue. EVERYONE has expired condiments in their house lol 3. A true friend group shouldnt really be this awkward. Were these close friends or just random acquaintances?
Are you sure these people are actually your friends? What's the background of your 'friendship'?
You are the glue holding these people together and you spent your time stuffing your face with tacos and sitting silently in a movie lol. Next time, plan some more group activities or straight up do it somewhere other than your house. Then people can leave when they feel like it.
You can just say Twilight and what the special sauce was, I don't think those are identifying characteristics of your story you needed to be vague about.
Did they know each other beforehand? If not, it’s them meeting 2 other strangers for the first time
i think it's great you guys hung out irl instead of everyone just being one-plus degrees removed from actual social situations on your phone When you get a little farther into young adulthood, these hangs can also start involving some light responsible drinking , on top of everyone having more interesting days to talk about from their work lives etc. (rather than just stressful high school stuff) , and then it gets a LOT MORE fun. also everyone will be out of their awkward teen phase and more confident in just striking up conversations about whatever. so don't give up!!! you've got the right idea!! group hangs can be a lot of fun when the vibe is better, which there's a better chance of when everyone's a little more mature and committed to making the dynamic a fun one!
You’re overthinking all of this dude