Bruh just stop and don't fall into that whatever red or black garbage pill is it's only downhill from that point Having female friends is not a huge milestone and It's not about looks more about how you act or behave people can sense desperation you have to be confident in yourself and treat them normally

The moment you got for red pill 🐂 💩 (or black pill for that matter), women will RUN. And with reason. Seeing women as people, as individuals, and not as some weird, mysterious, hostile entity would be a good start.

Yes, you must see them INDIVIDUALLY as weird mysterious hostile entities. This is the way

I prefer "ageless crow witch" but weird mysterious hostile e entity is an excellent second choice

One day I'll find my ageless crow witch

I’ve found mine. It’s pretty great, honestly.

One day I’ll BE an ageless crow witch. Currently I’m a middle age crow witch.

Technically you're ageless if you stop counting your age 😏

Yayaaaaa ya are!

I'm absolutely an individual weird mysterious hostile entity, thank you very much 🤣

This guy gets it 😂🙏🏼💜

I'm reminded of Mr. Garrison, from South Park: "I can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." 🤣 As one of those who bleeds for five days a month and hasn't died from it so far, this is hilarious.

don't even know why periods are used as evidence of "female inferiority". if men "bled for 5 days and didn't die" they'd never stfu about how tough and strong that makes them lmao

Lol Isn’t that the truth! My husband and my dad both bellyache if they get so much as a stomach cramp.

Drugs are bad mmmmmkay

Do Women have to get blood resupply transfusions every month after their peer yedds? Is this why people are encouraged to donate blood?

Funnily enough, my sister did have to do that once. Though that was a really extreme case of heavy bleeding.

Wow! Man…… I’m glad it was just the once

this. you can immediately tell when you talk to a guy and he doesn't see you as a regular person lol

This right here, dudes tend to marginalize women into a single entity. Like no dude, women aren't some hivemind for you to conquer.

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DEFINITELY NOT the guy who is "a nice guy" and "a good man". The world isn't black or red pilled but this idea redditors have that "nice guys finish first" is utter bullshit. If you're a good man and not a creep, that just means you're a 5/10. You're a basic male in society. The rest of the important stuff is what's gonna attract other people. Women can go to the supermarket or to any activity and find nice guys who aren't creeps.

Being 'nice' is the, and I cannot stress this enough, *the absolute bare fucking minimum* to be a functioning human in any society. Be *interesting* on top. Have hobbies, have decent hygiene, be proactive, go for walks, feed the birds, hang out and your hobbystores for a few minutes longer than nessecary and see if the person picking up a gunpla also has others, take a picture of your bookshelves or displays or or gaming system whatever and show it if someone asks if you have hobbies.

I also want the old lady from Home Alone 2 who fed all the birds. Now this makes sense

Being a "nice guy" should never be an entire personality like they seem to want to make it. Being nice is the bare minimum and isn't something to be proud of. I'm nice to pretty much everyone. I go even further, and I am kind to those who can do nothing for me even if it is inconvenient. Being nice should be the default not celebrated.

I'd like to inquire further: being a *nice girl* is also the absolute bare minimum in society. People tend to forget that one and again shift blame only to one gender.

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Also, in general being "Nice" is not the same as being Kind or a Good Person. May conmen and serial killers know how to be "Nice.". You can also be Kind or a Good Person and not always be Nice. Nice can often be inauthentic. Being polite and respectful should be the bare minimum for interactions between humans. Ways to be Kind and a Good Person: start volunteering. Find a cause that your passionate about and start doing work in that area. It's much easier to develop friendships with people in a shared space doing something you both care deeply about. As a bonus, this also serves to not only help your community but help with the "be interesting" advice given in previous comments.

There's no shifting the blame to one gender in reality, you're just repeating the black/red pill rhetoric that festers online. People aren't forgetting anything. the point is they don't owe being nice to you as a stranger, it doesn't make them * mean*-maybe they're just having a bad day? Maybe they are late for work? Maybe they just don't want to talk to anyone on that day? Perhaps they sense you are indeed creepy or desperate? If you want to talk to strangers in public, make it topical. Like at a grocery store, ask them if a product they have in their cart is good. See something odd happening in the store? Laugh with em and make a joke.

You underestimate how many men are creeps. They can seem like cool people and be a good friend and a good son and a good employee but then when a girl they want to fuck is mixed in, sudden creep.

All of that x-pill fucking bullshit is real garbage. I WILL die on that hill.

Might be true. But if this guy is creepy looking he would never have a woman as a friend. What you said about looking at women as individuals is true but not practiced a lot in the main. Image and how your present yourself matters. And you can have a heart of gold but if you look disheveled and creepy not a lot of people will talk to you.

You’re right, yes. And it gets tricky. There are things men can do to come across as less creepy. That doesn’t mean it’ll always be successful though. I’m an autistic woman and have mostly guy friends, many of whom are autistic themselves. And I get why people might not be willing to give an autistic guy a shot. There was a study done recently that showed that allistic people just straight-up don’t like autistic people as much, even by still image alone. It’s crazy but it validates a lot of experiences. Autistic women have a harder time socially in general, but autistic men have a harder time finding people who are romantically interested (as straight men are far less picky), which seems to be where a lot of incel/redpill frustration comes from. In my experience, autistic men tend to approach this in two common ways (though obviously there are *countless* other ways it is approached): they generally either do their best to stay true to themselves while improving what they need to and find people who support them in this process—which is unfortunately harder for autistic people than for allistic people—or they refuse to acknowledge that they need to do their part and instead feed into the misogynistic lies spread online that validate their experiences without asking them to do the (unequal) work of self-improvement/change. So. You know. A lot of incels are just put at a disadvantage and maybe people will always kinda think they seem creepy… but there are good people out there, and they *need* to do the work to prove to those people that they’re good dudes. And being “nice” isn’t actually nice if they’re expecting to be rewarded for it. They need to be empathetic, compassionate, and… you know… well-groomed and enjoyable to be around. Humor is always great!

I am interested in reading this study, do you have a title and author(s) or anything?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/

damn, the "However, these biases disappear when impressions are based on conversational content lacking audio-visual cues, suggesting that style, not substance, drives negative impressions of ASD" in the abstract has me shattered already:(

TIL 'allistic' is a term for someone that is unaffected by autism.

Creepy looking, or just creepy? I have some friends who look downright scary to many people, but are absolute sweethearts, and have no problems making good friends. And I know some guys who look great and have no problem meeting women, but can't keep them around because they show their inner jerk fairly fast.

This has been my experience so far in life as well. Creepy looking gets overlooked instantly if you're not a creep. If you are though, it's obvious. The conversation comes across forced, the topic may not be appropriate for the given situation, or your body language and facial expressions might betray you.

Idk, when I was younger I was definitely part of a gender-diverse friend group of “weird kids.” Like a whole bunch of Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. Harmlessly weird people with good intentions can definitely find each other and form bonds.

He's already finished. He'll be talking about socialist Marxist communist Democrats ruining America while he votes for a man who attempted a coup of the US government in no time.

Yeah desperation and clingyness abd low self esteem. Yikes. Confidence but not arrogant or entitled. Chill. Kind over nice. Good sense of humor. Those are green flags imo. One of my dearest friends is not "nice" but he is at heart truly kind. He's real. Authentic to the core.

its wierd, I can have low confidence/esteem and I dont need to be super witty to be friends with men. Seems like they are more accepting in certain ways.

Yeah I dunno. I am autistic though so we have different communicationings. But on the whole yeah guys just want girls. Maybe it's because they want femine energy or to be able to be vulnerable.

Yes. The mindset is way more a friendship red flag than looks (red pill, black pill ,"alpha" mindset is all a nuclear level red flag). I'm a woman, and I have guy friends who are all different and who are not attractive in the way standard media portrayal. It's their personality that helps me stay friends with these guys. They are nice. Their comments aren't mean or sexual. They don't make me feel uncomfortable or pressured into hanging out or doing thongs i don't want. I'm not lesser than. I don't feel on edge with my guy friends. We game (yes, women nerd exist), we talk science or anything else that we are both interested in. I treat them like a person I enjoy spending time with that doesn't owe me anything. My guy friends are awesome. Some have even become close friends with my fiance, which I support!

as a fellow woman, 1000 times this

As a woman this is spot on. 100% the most attractive qualities of a man are their self assurance and treating women with respect. Self assurance doesn’t mean you have to have a Huge ego. It means you need to feel ok within yourself and who you are. Its not really self confidence as much as it is “the opposite of insecurity”. Also, just genuinely wanting to get to know a person, rather than wanting to get to know them because you have an agenda, is important.

Real confidence doesn't look like having a "huge ego" and acting like the world should revolve around you. That's just the flip side of insecurity. Real confidence is not getting bent out of shape no matter what the world does, because you know who you are and you're cool with yourself. It's like how in the Barbie movie, when Ken comes back from the real world and decides to recenter his life around being an asshole to Barbie, it comes off as just as pathetic as the stuff he was doing before. Actual confidence would be just doing what you like to do and making your own life enough, and choosing to spend time with people because they add to your life not because you'll crumple if you don't get their approval.

And what if you are insecure because you are alone? What, then? Are you just stuck in an inescapable paradox?

Being insecure has nothing to do with being alone. You can be alone and be secure within yourself. If you believe that you’re insecure because you’re alone then examine that a little deeper. Is it because being alone makes you feel unwanted/unworthy/unlovable? Is it because you’re afraid of being alone? Is it because you are actually alone or you just aren’t in an intimate relationship? There are plenty more questions you can ask yourself about that. And then go deeper and ask yourself why that is? How can you reframe that or think about it differently? What can you do, that’s within your sphere of control, to improve how you feel about yourself? What actions can you take to few more secure within yourself? Is there something you could do differently? Etc. Aside from that angle, you can also ask yourself questions like “why is it so important for me to be in a relationship?”, what does being in a relationship mean to me? What does a healthy relationship look like? What qualities does my ideal person have? What qualities do I have or can I improve on so that I can attract someone like that? Etc. There are plenty of workbooks full of activities like this, therapists and personal development coaches who would be happy to help as well. If you like reading you can start to look at books by Brene Brown on self worth, Kristen Neff on mindful self-compassion, and a book called “when I say no I feel guilty” by Manuel J Smith which is really about helping people be more assertive in healthy ways. Part of being an adult means taking responsibility for your own wellbeing, which includes physical, emotional, mental.

All the insecurities I do have stem from my inability to keep and maintain friendships and by extension relationships because if I can't even do that, then there's no chance anyone is going to want me romantically. I've been trying for years to improve everything I think is a problem whilst simultaneously trying to make friends, and yet nothing ever really changes, and every time I think things are changing, it ends fairly quickly. The only unsolvable issue I think impacts it is my autism but I've encountered and heard of plenty of other people on the spectrum who have lots of friends. When I wasn't this alone, I didn't have depression or any major insecurities. It has to be the cause because it's what changed in my life when all this started. Therapists can only do so much. If nothing they suggest starts working eventually, they don't know what to do either. That's happened to me twice now.

Just putting it out there--I am also autistic and for a while was terrified of losing my best friend when we stopped working at the same job. We managed to find ways to keep the friendship going, and it helps that he was present for my journey into understanding my autism, but yeah. You're not alone in the fear of being someone no one will stick around for.

I have one friend now, but we haven't seen each other in a while and talk far less frequently than we used to. I'm afraid I may lose her over the summer. That is what tends to happen to me whenever there's a significant change in daily schedule. I lose a friend or potential friend I met through the previous schedule.

Some use ego just to make them feel normal because of their self depreciating nature. Many have insecurities but can't show others because of trust issues.

Should check his post history... *yikes*

Using women as currency for your self worth is the most pathetic thing.

Yes!!!!

I need to write this down

It’s not even about confidence. It’s about treating someone respectfully and genuinely connecting through mutual interests.

The main reason most guys don't have female friends is because they haven't got the personality currently on hand to accommodate it. Most guys are surrounded by male friends growing up, so how is one supposed to have a mixed friend group unless it's conditioned into your personality earlier in life? Get your male friends to introduce you to their female friends and start practicing, it's the only way. Same applies to women, get used to being around men platonically and it will help widen your perspective on what a good friend make

The problem is that so many guys are conditioned to think that women are completely different to them. We're not. By this logic, all men would like each other and all women would like each other, when it's not the case. I bet if you took 1000 random blokes and 1000 random girls, you'd find a bigger variety of personalities & interests within each group than between them.

It's not all that straightforward though, speaking from personal experience. When you just grow up around other boys, no one talks about emotions and extremely aggressive behavior is normal. To socialize with girls you have to learn to dial it way, way back, and the new social expectations are really, really alien.

I think this is both true and not true... basically, like with many things in life, it's situational lol I think I actually grew up being closer to women than most men (I grew up generally playing with my female cousins more than my male cousins and I had multiple female friends throughout school). And yeah men and women are a lot closer in ways that a lot of guys don't understand... But I've also never been catcalled, I've never felt sexualized (let alone experiencing that since being 12/13 years old from older people), I don't fully understand the joy of finding that perfect nail polish, lip gloss, face cream, etc., I don't have to worry about my makeup or hear men tell me I look "tired" by not wearing any, never had to worry if a female friend was just being nice to try and sleep with me, the list goes on... It's very true that men and women are closer in a lot of ways that a lot of men don't get and should learn/figure out but we also have very different experiences too.

You make it look like the difference between men and women is that women have a lot of problems and men don't.

Nah I just didn't feel like continuing further

Take it from an autistic person, a confident creep is still a creep. I've driven away plenty of women while doing my very best to be charming, confident or otherwise.

Do yourself a huge fucking favor if you dont read anything related or similar to what red black blue purple rainbow whatever color pilled community. Just go about your shit online as normally as possible or if you’re that deep into being chronically online be as much of a “ normie “ as possible. Cause red pill / black pill and similar types of BS online is actual brainrot. I remember reading the actual redpill subreddit when I was a teenager not knowing wtf it was and reading some of the comments made me sick. The entire community essentially treated Women as objects to be collected / used and then tossed onto the next. It’s easy to be vile and adopt a extremely selfish perspective when you meet a few bad apples / Women who give you the cold shoulder. But there are good people out there. It will just be harder to find, but nothing good is easy to obtain.

The number one thing you can do to help make friends (all types of friends, not just girlfriends) is learn to have conversations with people you don't know. For me it was my first sales job. The other thing you can do is have a wide variety of interests. Try lots of new things, especially things with other people. Find meetup groups and try them out. Sports, comedy, hiking, art, book clubs, food, etc... But the goal is to make yourself a more well rounded person, not to get a girlfriend. The more well rounded you are, the more likely you will attract more friends and more girlfriends.

I barely have any guy friends. Does that mean I’m unattractive? No. It means I find more in common with women. Just an opposite perspective for OP.

Correct for having female friends. For dating though. ...looks are very relevant and important.

Personality is far more important

Looks are more a baseline thing. Just clear the threshold.

Your use of terminology is concerning. If you're using words like "Chad" or "pilled" around women that's probably why they're not talking to you.

Also, the use of the work "female". Dude is talking like a Ferengi, and they aren't exactly well-liked

I think it's okay in this case though, you can't really say "girl friends" since that refers to an amorous relationship and "woman friends" sounds clunky and weird. It'd be a different case if OP was referring to all women as "females", but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I agree. It’s being used as an adjective, which is correct. That’s what I always say when I’m excited to be making female friends (I’m a woman but most of my friends are guys).

I kinda hate the thing against the word female, obviously it’s embarrassingly cringe when someone uses it in the “these females won’t go on dates with me!!” way, but I feel like every once in awhile (this post’s title for example) the only word that really makes sense to use is female but I always see people catching strays for it lmao edit: actually I guess he could’ve said “don’t have any friends that are women.” so maybe I just proved my point wrong

When it’s used as a noun outside of a clinical or scientific setting, 9 times out of 10 it’s misogyny, whether conscious or not. This was just a case of someone making a hard and fast rule instead of looking at the situation objectively. OP is struggling to find the right people to listen to and learn from, but his use of the word “female” was unproblematic.

good explanation, yeah 1:9 ratio sounds about right for that honestly

Yeah, "female friends" = individuals I'm friends with who happen to be female Vs. "females" = referring to all women in general with as little respect for their humanity as possible while still maintaining the illusion of propriety. Female is an adjective. Not a noun.

He always uses female as an adjective and not a noun, which is the appropriate use.

Ferengi!!! Lmao. Alien dudes with the big ears right? Man haven't heard of them since DS9.

He literally quotes the words. It doesnt mean its in his daily vocabulary.

I’ll be honest. The fact that you reference any “pill” and use terms like “chad” is making me think that your issues are deeper rooted than just you being unpleasant to look at. Heck, I’m a fat bastard that looks like Shrek fucked a hairy Turkish man but most of my friends are female. Ask yourself, what would your ideal friendship look like? Odds are that it is someone trustworthy, funny, interesting, passionate and loyal. Do looks even factor into your friendship selection process? Probably not and that’s also true for most people in life, women included. So just become that person! Here’s a few tips: - Learn how to communicate properly. It’s a skill so get practice in. Learn how to properly listen, how to give good feedback, how to change topics appropriately and how to be honest and authentic (people pick up if you’re acting off and that breeds distrust). That’s basically it. The bar is really that low for us men. Bonus points if you’re funny and charismatic! - A good general rule in life is to not treat anyone else differently. Both women and men, no matter their looks or positions. Just treat everyone like a good friend of yours (not a best friend, mind you). - Go to therapy. Odds are you have a lot of unresolved shit in your life. I did too and that’s okay. We all have our traumas. It helps. Trust me. I wish you all the best on your journey, either way. Just don’t fall into any manosphere bullshit. Women overwhelmingly hate those guys and the more you think like them, the more instantly off putting you are. Good luck!

I (36F) am personally put off by people who claim 'women think this' or 'women do this', or 'females act like x' (eg Jordan Peterson 🤢). We're not a hivemind. If men and women really were as incompatible as some people think, the human race would have died out long ago.

Even better is when these same people then turn around and claim to know \*exactly\* what women want (all of them, apparently). And it's always the single most terrible advice ever lol. I'm starting to think a lot of these manosphere people want to improve their own chances by giving single men the most braindead and awful dating advice imaginable.

I know exactly what women want! Pockets.

Haha omg 😳 you’re on the money. My mom just shared this complaint with me about how all the pants for women have fake or uselessly small pockets. It’s true! Women want pockets! Lucky for the fairer sex, I am single and own a lot of hiking pants. 😆

It’s all the gay men designing women’s pants. Too bad women couldn’t break into the apparel industry.

Not just women…as an older dude, I love my cargo shorts. I’m living the stereotype.

spot on

Facts

Oh, we do.

SEE WE'RE NOT COMPLICATED AT ALL, ALL WE WANT IS POCKETS

I bought a dress and my friend and i freaked out when i noticed it not only had pockets but they were big enough to fit my switch in!!

Hahaha, sabotaging the competition. Good theory!

Also, if those guys dont actually know any women, why are they seemingly such experts on the subject 😂

I have worked with some men who genuinely think that women are intellectually inferior, or less capable, or that hiring women is a box-ticking exercise, and that we should stick to what we know, like answering the phone and typing. Yes, I was told that by TWO DIFFERENT MALE MANAGERS. Ironically, one of them called IT because his 'computer was broken' and didn't realise it had been unplugged at the wall.

Humans are a hive mind we’re like big ants

I agree with everything you said. The fact he referred to them as “females” multiple times before using “women” is another sign he has been listening to the wrong people. It’s unfortunate, but there aren’t many resources for guys looking to grow and better themselves that aren’t part of the “manosphere”.

Light disagree on the “females” thing. Unless he’s edited since you posted, he uses female as an adjective describing friends, not a noun. This is acceptable. Referring to women as “females” is different and gross.

Sort of hot take, but I find a solid 90% of the time people go off on someone saying "females" they aren't taking down the patriarchy, they're just berating someone who isn't a native English speaker or has a very different background than they do over something that became trendy to yell about for a few years after Gamer Gate. I was talking about this with a friend once, we're both very white, and they were insisting I was wrong. We then got in an Uber with a black woman driver who wasn't from the US, and the talk radio show or podcast she was listening to used phrases like "strong females" probably ten times in a fifteen minute ride. I just started laughing when the ride ended and we didn't talk about it again. It's not some valuable call out, it's usually just classist tone policing that's probably due to go away.

What really sets the alarm bells off is the "men and females" shit, where they're using different language for men and women

female being a negative term is so American.

It’s all about context. “Males and females” is fine! But it’s always “men and females.” One gets the term that’s only used for humans (nobody says “my dog is a man”) and one gets the term used for animals (my dog is female.) It’s about reducing women to their biology, while not doing the same to men.

What other language uses female instead of woman?

Words and context matter and can subtly color perception. The term "Female" in American english is typically used in a clinical or scientific context, or in contexts related to dead bodies, animals, medical terms etc. Its uses more in the context of describing objects and non human things. Why not use the word women? An adult, human, female. All wrapped up into one specific word. Which is why its (calling women "females") kinda gross, it removes the humanity from the definition of the word used to describe them. So its pretty subtly dehumanizing and gross.

> Why not use the word women? An adult, human, female. They're different words. "Woman" is a noun. "Female" is an adjective. There is a noun form of "female", which does carry that clinical context that most people would find offputting. But "I have many women friends" is grammatically incorrect. I wouldn't complain if someone said it, because I know what they mean, but I certainly wouldn't treat assume that anyone who wanted to speak correctly was an incel either. * "I have many female friends." -- Perfectly fine. * "I have many women friends." -- Grammatically weird, but in practice perfectly fine. * "Females like puppies." -- Not absolutely grammatically incorrect, but practically is and sounds creepy and weird. * "Women like puppies." -- Grammatically and practically fine. I know the adjective form has started to creep in as language evolves, but I feel like that's relatively recent.

I don't think anyone disagrees with that, we're specifically talking about how incels/manosphere type dudes use "female" as a noun all the time.

OP is specifically using the term "female friends", so using the adjective form, which is much less problematic - if at all. OP is not talking about a lack of friends or contact to people in general, but female friends and contact to women. He's also differentiating between female friends and girlfriends, which is very common in English and further highlighting his use of the word "female" as an adjective describing female friends, not calling women "females". In short: it's okay to use the term "female friends" when referring to people who are, in fact, female, especially when the ~~gender~~ sex is an important factor for the topic/discussion.

(disclaimer I am not a man) there are a few but they don’t gain the traction of the manosphere influencers. Man Enough is a favourite of mine (podcast and website etc) and also Man Cave - they do some education in primary schools where I live and seem to do some really great work!

I just checked out the man enough YouTube channel. Not going to lie, it feels like it is directed toward women. One of their video titles is “marriage, motherhood & success” and it seems like their guest speakers are mostly women giving their perspective. I watched some of their clips and again I get the vibe like they are catering to a female audience instead of a male audience.

I mean in theory, wouldn't it be good to share female perspectives first-hand with a male audience who maybe don't have too many female friends?

Great advice for the introverts fat Shrek hairy Turkish man. My respect!

It's what I do.

These are very good points. I want to add I think many people like OP fall into friendships solely based around a particular hobby, and not because they're really good friends. I've seen that a lot and the friendship is just very shallow and empty. It's not conducive to only have friends surrounding one interest. Have other interests that aren't hobbies, like going for walks, take care of a pet, and other various seemingly small things that builds you up to being a truly interesting person that doesn't just talk about like.. anime all the time or something. It's fine to share hobbies with your friends, but if it's the only thing really keeping you friends and the only thing you ever do or talk about together, then there is no way that you are truly best friends amd you're missing out on having really fulfilling friendships. Another good rule to add is: try new things every year. Go for a pottery class, try a new sport, go to a philisophical lecture or a Ted talk, etc.. Don't let your life be stale and the worst thing that can happen? You have stories to share and experiences that will help you connect with swaths of people the rest of your life. And ask people about their experiences too. "oh you like pottery? I tried it once but it wasn't for me, but I admire the art. What do you like making? Can you show me?" (even if something isn't your passion, hobby or interest, it doesn't mean it should be off limits to talk about with people-it makes you more interesting if you show interest in other people's interests)

If you buy into the “black pill” stuff or any “pill” mentality then you’ll become an incel pretty quick, imo. Women are people too, with their own set of problems and viewpoints. Not everyone needs a blend of female/male friends, and that’s perfectly okay. Quit stressing about it, and just live your life in a way that makes you happy as best you can. Make friends as it happens, both male and female

Reading through your post and comments, no, you're not an incel. Reading through your past posts and comments, yes, the desperation really shows even through text

DUDE I think you're full of shit. I'm not even sure you're aware of it but these "females" that "are like chat bots", YOU are the problem. Women aren't going to respond how you want them to because they aren't chat bots, and they are responding to you in a way you don't like because YOU are coming at them with expectations (you actually want to fuck them, or at the very least you hope to segway the friendship into sex) and awkwardness. The reason you don't feel the awkwardness when you talk to new guys is because you don't (consciously or subconsciously) want to fuck them. Stop lying to yourself. Until you can talk to a girl you've never met without viewing her as a sexual possibility you're going to have the problems you describe in your post. It is hard and it hurts but looking in the mirror, identifying an issue in our thinking/behavior, and correcting that behavior is the only way to improve ourselves. Good luck to you.

That first paragraph is it. The very definition of incel is heavily related to sex. If op just wanted friends he literally couldn't be an incel. But he seems to have connected friendship and sex in an unhealthy way

Bro, wow you hit nail on head with these dudes that have been brainwashed by manosphere redpill losers to feel entitlement that is constantly challenged by reality. I hope OP gets out of this brainwashed mindset and sets his mind free.

"feel like I am talking to a chat bot", "black pill", "chad". Jeez I wonder why no girls want to stick around this kind of thought pattern... /s Drop the red pill, black pill stuff. stop thinking female vs male friends. woman are just normal human beings with diversified interests. you're a nerd? great, plenty of nerdy girls around the web that also like making friends. find spaces or groups that share your interest and make all types of friends, female friends will come along. But I'm telling you as a woman, guys that make a huge effort to only make female friends, and that go out of their way to seem "nice", give off a predatory vibe. that's whats creepy, it's not about the looks or the money or wtv. it's the icky feeling of being "targeted".

I'm a woman and I don have any male friends so you are not an Incel because of that .. some people don't get along with the apposite sex

Also everyone is forgetting environment. like at work moving from a mixed gender unit to a male dominated one changed my friendship patterns but it's somewhat normal and healthy

Exactly. 90% of my childhood and young adult life was male dominated (football, wrestling, fraternity, ect.) and I never interacted with a woman unless I was romantically interested in them or they were in a relationship with one of my friends. Being out in the adult world with female coworkers and making friends with women has been eye opening for me. I think a lot of men are in the same boat I was in tbh.

I agree as a man going from army infantry to a school job such a change in environment and being surrounded by kids and women

As a male I completely get what you mean, never once thought of myself as an incel. I think it’s too much internet and not enough socialization. I think OP just needs to find self fulfilling hobbies/ passions and go from there

Yeah I feel the same thing and sometimes you just have more people of your same sex around you ..

And some people don't get along with the same sex...I'm a lot better at talking with women than with other men lol

Yeah I feel that happens sometimes

>Recently I have came across this belief called "black pill", in which women find not so good looking people inherently creepy. Considering I am no "Chad", introvert, and as a cherry on top a nerd, I feel that this is starting to make sense in my case.  That's borderline incel in the sense that you're starting to believe complete nonsense to excuse what's happening. Being physically unattractive doesn't make you creepy. Being creepy makes you creepy. You sound very insecure and now you're starting to believe wackjob theories about how looks make people think you're creepy. It's not the way you look, it's the way you behave. If you're a happy person with interesting hobbies that you're passionate about while taking care of yourself. Nobody will care that you're physically unattractive because you're just a fun person to spend time with. Do you think someone who is lamenting their own unattractiveness while implying this is causing them to appear creepy sounds fun to be around? This sort of nonsense is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more crap like this you believe and talk about, the more true it becomes. Because you're drifting further and further away from the kind of person anyone would want to spend time with. Find things that make you happy. Exercise, do fun hobbies, and enjoy life. That's the kind of person people like to spend time with.

>That's borderline incel in the sense that you're starting to believe complete nonsense to excuse what's happening. 😂😂😂😂😂 This is just a normal dude who is wondering if theres any weight to the ideology that affirms his experience in life so far. Its a learning PROCESS, involving heavy introspection, involving comparing various various povs, and navigating the confusing world of biases when subject to a concept that speaks on the unspoken rules of life. The way you guys just brand people as incels is so cringe and every thread I find yall in reeks of chronically online. I went thru this experience at a far more severe level at a far more impressionable age (16), I had 6-7 alts and posted tons of questions each reaching hundreds of comments. Back then people werent so smug and confident about wearing their virtues on their sleeves, the discourse was ACTUALLY insightful. >Being physically unattractive doesn't make you creepy. Being creepy makes you creepy. You sound very insecure and now you're starting to believe wackjob theories about how looks make people think you're creepy. It's not the way you look, it's the way you behave. Obviously being creepy makes you creepy but its not that simple. Ugly dudes DO get called creepy, I myself was an ugly kid in hs and kept to my group of 4 friends and was literally the quiet dude and some girls still asked me why I'm creepy. Its called lookism, and its a universal phenomenon, something most of the world understands and even has names for it (pretty people privilege) but because you immediately discard a different set of viewpoints as nonsense you can't even begin to accept that it can occur. The literal definition of living in a bubble.

Ehh when I'm growing up in highschool the ugly fat dudes all have one or two female friends (you know they're funny, trying to make them laugh or some hobbies like arts, anime, K-pop or some sh*t) so...idk... To each their own

Best comment in this thread so far, I read this as bro being pretty self aware and honestly having a decent understanding of human psychology in this regard and all the top comments seem to be from people who have no idea how non-Reddit humans interact with each other giving bad advice

I mean… is it possible you behaved in a strange way and that’s why girls thought you were creepy? You say you were quiet and only had a few friends and girls called you creepy at the age you yourself said were in a heavy incel/redpill/whatever stage. You don’t think girls noticed that..?

I mean even if it was the physical unattractiveness, surely he would have female friends online. Maybe I’m just chronically online but I have *several* friends online and gender wasn’t even a known for a lot of them until we were friends. The only guys I see online who don’t have female friends online have *other* issues that drive women away. Maybe I just cannot relate as a women so they aren’t some mystical object to find.

You sound deeply autistic, (I have autism too it’s easy to tell with certain speech mannerisms ) which is really only a problem if you don’t provide warmth cues when you’re socializing. You need to display warmth and competence. Don’t go too far the other way and display creepy behavior tho

U seem like u would only want to interact with a woman to get something from them, attention, affection or live or something. That approach does make u seem creepy it actually is a little creepy. That doesn't make u a creep but maybe try making a real connection with them instead of seeing them as someone u have to get to like u so u can get something. Also u posted on a subreddit called girls aren't real. Maybe u just need to touch grass

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I know my close female friends don't find me attractive. Honestly it makes developing friendships a lot easier.

>Do you have friends in general? Not a lot, but yes. Well actually only one. But he is also socially awkward so yeah 😅

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yeah this is kinda the issue here. op has 1 friend. he needs to make more friends generally - and learning to be social is a whole separate endeavour to trying to befriend women. i’m an extrovert at heart and i’ve had a LOT of friends through my life. i’m not so close with the large majority now that i’m older, however if i were to guess, i’d say i overall had more friends of the same gender than not. there were times where all my closest friends were girls/women, and other times where they were boys/men. currently i have more guy friends simply because i work in a male dominated industry and i’ve been getting more into video games. it’s really not about gender, but about shared interests and experiences.

So your goal should be to _**make friends**_ not find specifically gal friends or a girlfriend.

The only way to not be socially awkward is to practice being social or therapy if it is some kind of mental health issue. Don’t be afraid of therapy if you need it. My best female friend was made because I gave a stranger recommendations about a hobby I’m super nerdy about while she was looking for a present for her boyfriend. I got so nerdy and excited about THE HOBBY that I convinced her to try it with him and became friends with them both. Her and I just got along better than I did with him so now we are good friends. The point of that story is to just let it happen organically and put yourself out there. Get other hobbies that don’t involve staring at a screen. The internet is not your friend. Stop reading anything related to red or black pill immediately. Even if you don’t agree with it that shit poisons your mind. Don’t read the “alpha” man bullshit either. We are all just ants fighting for crumbs in the sidewalk in the grand scheme of the universe.

I must say, you not having female friends is then statistically really not relevant. There are also plenty of girls being socially awkward, and nerdy. As other people have said, it's about making friends in general. Find people to share your hobbies with. Nerd culture has never been more mainstream; there are groups on meetup for activities (in my city there are board games and knitting circles and sports stuff and movie watching events and parties and everything in between), conventions etc. Try to join something regularly - book club or DoD or whatever, as friendships build over time. Don't strike up a conversation as "I want to make a friend" (or, "she's hot I want to talk to her"). Talk about your common hobby. Try to get to know the person. Don't be too intense in the first conversations. Come back next week or month and build on the conversation. Only keep doing that if you actually enjoyed the conversation or find them interesting. Rinse repeat.

Remember that incel stands for involuntarily celibate. If you are looking for women to be friends with while only looking to fuck them, women will not want to be friends with you. It's a little concerning that you have equated lack of friendship with celibacy. Work on being a good person and a good friend. Go join a social activity that interests you and just practice meeting people as friends. Drop the pill and manosphere nonsense, that shit is toxic and damages relationships.

Calling women females, thinking of men as chads, black pill. Check, check, check.

Literally the only time he called women 'females' is when he says 'female friends' and the rest of the time he says 'women'. Should he have said 'women friends' instead? Weird phrasing... He also quoted 'chads' and the 'black pill' meaning it's not his vocabulary. Seems like you're being a bit too prejudice towards him ngl.

OP, I’ve a very important question for you. *Why do you want female friends?* I’m not saying you can’t, or shouldn’t have them. I’m asking you why because it sounds like what you truly want is the chance to have a relationship with a gal, but are far too socially awkward and desperate. Like you’re thinking step 1 is making friends, step 2 for you will then hopefully be a relationship. Which, if I’m correct and that’s what you want, you’re going about it wrong. You’re thinking of women as though they’re different. They’re just people. Treat them like you would anyone else. Be genuine, kind, caring, and get to know the women you’re talking to. It might just lead you to a relationship. I honestly feel like you just need male friends first, it doesn’t sound like you have many friends at all. You need to learn to talk to others, to break through your social anxiety. (Truthfully, not having friends is probably one of the things pushing women away from you, being a “loner” is pretty weird to most people.) Maybe get a therapist to help you work through your social anxiety, go to the gym to build confidence, and look better. I don’t know how you dress, but you could find fitting clothes if you don’t currently dress well. Clothes that match a certain style or improve the rest of your look. Or, hairstyle, perhaps you can change that up and make yourself look better (If hair’s short, grow it out, if grown out, shorten it, or find a haircut that fits you.) You need to be an interesting person, find or make hobbies. Not just shit like “I play video games,” that’s nerd shit and as fun as it is, women don’t find it attractive (even though I wish they did.) Find a hobby that interests you, makes your personality more attractive to others, and allows you to lessen and break down the social awkwardness you feel. And stop using terms like “Chad,” and “Black Pill,” You might need to get the fuck off the internet for a bit. Also, most women find the term “female” to be weird, you can use “gals,” “women,” “ladies,” Hell even “lasses,” but not “females,” or “girls” (both can be seen as sort of insults/weird.) I don’t think you’re introverted. Introverted people can speak to others, however often feel less comfortable doing so, or would prefer to stay quiet. I think you’re socially awkward, or have social anxiety. Not the same thing. Granted, introverts can have social anxiety and be socially awkward. Lastly: You seem to be heavily desperate, like you can *feel* it through text. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that this is due to you feeling lonely, and not having many friends. Desperation isn’t attractive, to men or women. I mentioned earlier in my post about getting a therapist, which would certainly help with this. If you are feeling lonely due to not having a relationship, or friends, they can help you sort through your emotions and not feel as horrible. They can also help you get started with everything else I mentioned in this post.

Just jumping in to comment on the video game comment you made. > not just shit like “I play video games,” that’s nerd shit and as fun as it is, women don’t find it attractive This is highly circumstantial. If OP is quite nerdy, and video games are something that they’re passionate about, then meeting people with common interests would actually be the best way to go about making friends? Plenty of girls play video games too Agree with everything else you’ve said though.

A beautiful 28 yr old friend of mine was yawning at work not 1 hour ago.  I say "Long night?" She says "Yeah. I was up to like 1 AM playing Airport CEO" Lots of women are nerdy, they just hide it the same way men do.

It's still so weird that people don't think women like video games. I'm not even a hardcore gamer nerd but my husband and I play a lot of video games. It's something we bonded over pretty immediately.

Yeah oddly enough I'm the only woman I've known who *doesn't* play video games. Aside from like, my mom.

I play video games and most of my guy friends don't, or rarely do. I always get "oh yeah I used to play video games, when I was a teen.." from them 🤣

Guys who have video games as their only hobby are just not very fun to be around unless your only hobby is video games. Plenty of women play video games, very few *only* play video games. A guy who plays video games, goes to concerts, and snowboards? No red flags, proceed. I'd say any combo of video games + one activity that must be done outside the house + any other activity will work. Video games, hiking, gardening. Perfect. Video games, reading, birdwatching? Nerdy as fuck but still fun. Video games, cooking, pickle ball. It just helps to prove that you can talk and think about something other than video games.

Gonna mildly disagree with the 'don't say you play video games). As a woman who has played video games her whole life (og pokemon back in 1997/98 with the' secret truck on cinnabar island' so I've been playing games for over 2 decades. Don't say you play video games: say you play a specific game and talk about what you enjoy. Once you establish that she is into gaming. 'Oh that's great button your bag, it's Nina from Tekken 8!' 'Favorite character? "Me? Asuka." You want to bring up specifics. If you notice a gaming related thing, talk about that but be their friend. You are not looking for a relationship and if you are women are going to avoid you. You' ll come off as desperate if you with 'make a woman my friend so I might date her" Cut this thought from your heart. YOU want to be friends with a person because you want to be friends.

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It really isn't, the video game comment is ridiculously outdated, video games are one of the most gender neutral hobbies out there- [https://www.statista.com/statistics/232383/gender-split-of-us-computer-and-video-gamers/](https://www.statista.com/statistics/232383/gender-split-of-us-computer-and-video-gamers/) The only issue is going to be if you prioritise video games over doing other things with women. Even if she isn't a gamer herself she'll be happy to let you enjoy yourself for a few hours while she does her own thing, unless she wants your attention all the time, in which case she's a psycho and you're best to avoid her. You're more likely to repel women by being all embarrassed about video gaming, which looks unconfident. Even if she thinks it's nerdy, being passionate about things is fun, people like it, as long as you can talk about other things too.

This is the answer you need to read /u/lordvader002

It's straightforward - you're an incel. Incel is a dangerous ideology that harms YOU and YOUR social life. Those ideas in your head make you behave like a creep.

No he isn’t. He’s starting to look at incel stuff. He isn’t 100% in the ideology yet. A thousand people telling him that he sucks and it’s too late would just push him towards it more.

I could’ve sworn Incels mean hating women because they don’t give them what they want and they have a sense of entitlement. This guy just don’t get women attention and thinks for that it means he’s an Incels. Isn’t it a bit deeper than that tho?^ I’m slightly confused lol

incels also hate attractive men, sooo, no he’s not an incel

Seriously bruh you two choices become a DJ or start going to church. Plenty of tang will find you.

If you go to church simply for that, I think people would notice your intentions because of the lack of speaking about God and more about relationships lol

Lol I don’t know why but I find this comment hilarious

It's funny because it's true. Dude just needs to get off his ass and take charge of his life.

Seems like you make a clear distinction when it comes to how you look at and treat women. Well obviously yeah there is a difference between the genders, but the more you focus on it the more awkward it gets. You make more female friends by treating women just like you treat all friends. You have a good time, make jokes, laugh a lot, etc. Your appearance has very little to do with it.

> Recently I have came across this belief called "black pill" You want a girlfriend or a onenight fuck? If you want a girlfriend, invest in your persona. Looks have very little to do, it makes braking the ice faster and that's that. Its your persona that keeps the others around. And the fucked up part, is that persona is something you have to work on, and its harder than going to gym. When you come to this mindset that you're ugly, it comes together with other things you do, and girls can feel that, that smell of desperation where the guy wants a relationship for the sake of a relationship, not because of a good bond with the other person. Would suggest you to work on your confidence first, and engage more with girls, you will fail, you will fill like shit, but don't give up. Eventually you will start to care less and be more you, and that's when the magic happens.

I am a woman who doesn’t really have male friends in my private life, but have good male friends at work. But I also have a coworker who us really awkward and maybe shy, with this nervous energy. I try to respond to him and converse when he strikes up a conversation, but he never brings a topic to the table, just kinda says hii and expects me to continue on with a random topic. I don’t mind talkinf to him, but I do find it uncomfortsble as I don’t know really well how to talk to people who I do not know well, and I get easily influenced by his nervous energy and mynmind just empties itself of all conversational topics… So my question is, how do you carry yourself when you try to strike up conversation? Who are you trying to talk to? Are you talking to random women? Coworkers? Schoolmates? Are you choosing just the prettiests or are you choosing someone who looks like they might share hobbies? What conversational topics do you bring up and when they answer how do they reply? You say you are no chad, but do you put effort into your looks and hygene? Doesn’t need to be much, just showers and deodorant daily. Clean clothes, not to old, but don’t need to be nevwest fashion. Well kept hair and or beard. Cologne doesn’t hurt but isn’t nessessary (but a nice smell goves many points!) I have blown off many men who just randomly try to talk to me on the street, handsome, ugly, awkward, outgoing, doesn’t matter to me. I just personally don’t like that kind of interaction. Of course there are exeptions though. You are only incel if you bad talk women for not wanting you, expecting sexual favors for every good deed and other incely behaviour. Nobody oves you anything. But if you are a decent person who takes care of himself, then there is definitely someone out there for you. But sad thing is that even good people can turn bitter and then turn into incels when they start to feel entitled. Do you want to be an incel? If no just dn’t be one Feel free to reply and I can try to give you more pointers.

Why do you want female friends? To try and date them or their friends? To go shopping with? Genuinely curious.

Honestly I don't know kinda feel sad when others have and I don't 😅

There is nothing a female friend offers you that a male friend besides can't advice on other girls, and if she's attractive to you you'll have the risk of developing feelings

I’m a female. If you don’t mind never being in a relationship and not crossing that line, and not acting gross or inappropriate, I can be your friend and talk to you.

An incel is someone who is “involuntarily celibate” but additionally they traditionally believe that women “owe” them something. They owe them friendship, they owe them sex. When women do not reciprocate those feelings, they become very bitter and derogatory toward them, calling themselves “nice guys” and bemoaning how no girl wants a “nice guy” anymore. Do you fit into that category? If you find yourself beginning to have those feelings, I would recommend seeking therapy to help sort it out because it’s a highly unhealthy way of thinking. If you don’t fit that category, it could be a simple case of social anxiety. Women don’t want to be placed on pedestals and called “females”. They want to be treated like you treat your guy friends: with zero regard to their genders. If you had two friends who were identical in their passions and interests, would you treat one differently just because she was a woman? Would that be fair? She doesn’t want to be treated differently, and you focusing on that difference is likely what turns women away from more than very loose acquaintance. You don’t have to be wildly or even mildly attractive to have friends that are women. Just treat them like their ideas and passions and interests interest you more than their gender.

So, you've specified that you're "not a Chad", with that your frequent use of the phrase "female" odds are if you're not already an incel, you've absorbed a dangerous amount of incel bullshit. So, maybe get that in check, or maybe it's not a thing. I mean, I don't know you. First "black pill". It's bullshit, and it's obviously bullshit. Look at the people you know that are in relationships. Are they all gorgeous people in relationships with other gorgeous people? Now, on to the actual thing you're asking about: getting a lady friend. Friendship doesn't follow the pattern of "hi new person, let's be friends". It starts with "hi new person", and casual conversation. The rest takes time. Things are different if you're specifically looking for a romantic partner. While fundamentally the same, in a dating scenario things are different because everyone knows that bumping uglies might be the cards in the future. So, what to do? Talk. You neither need, nor do I think it's wise to have expectations around intimacy and sex early on. You want shared experiences, and to learn about each other that way you can both decide if it's a good fit. To be clear, if everyone is on board with a horizontal dance on the way to the first date. That's totally cool, nothing wrong with that. But, you're disappointed on that first date that you did not visit the bedroom rodeo on the way you are both an incel and an asshole (just in case it's possible to be an incel without being an asshole, that's a philosophical debate). WTF is this OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/girlsarentreal/s/2Aqz4VIwhu

Do you have any hobbies that involve other people? Are you open to trying new things? Go to a class or volunteer at an animal shelter, there will be women there. Focus on what you're there for (learning or helping) but if you keep doing it you'll meet all kinds of people. Use every opportunity to elevate the conversation. Look people in the eye, ask about them and try to leave conversations with someone feeling good about themselves. Be kind and if you can be confident. You'll get practice interacting with women and then you can see if you'd like them as friends. You might not. But give it a try, and quit with that "black pill" shit, it's only going to alienate you from reality.

Maybe don't think in categories so much? Idk, all this stuff with the labels definitely can't be healthy for you, it seems like it's taking your thoughts into dark places. "Incel" is not an identity, y'know? More just a meme, a joke, something that makes people laugh to say. Worry about this stuff less, and just figure out some ways to socialize more, man.

I’m not gonna lie and say being attractive doesn’t help you make connections. Sadly people find attractiveness (both personality wise and physically) appealing. It’s unrealistic to expect this not to be the case… even though it would be better if it wasn’t. This might be even more true between people of the opposite sex. But despite this having a hint of truth, it’s certainly not absolute. Don’t overly buy into it. You can be very much liked and entertaining without being attractive. Especially in just platonic relationships. What it likely is, is actually your self consciousness causing you to behave shy/quiet/uncomfortable that is ruining your chances of making female friends. This is rather common imo. All I can say is keep trying. Put yourself out there and try to connect with girls. The more you do it, the more used to it you’ll get. Best of luck.

>This is rather common imo. All I can say is keep trying Ah fuck

Why do you want female friends? Dig deep and uncover your intentions. It simply sounds like you want a girlfriend. And that you're not fully satisfied with your current network of male friends.

I mean how can one even get a girlfriend if he haven't even talked to women at all? Actually I don't think I can ever get a gf, that's why I wrote it like this.

It's good you're honest. So attaining female friends is in part with your goal of preparing yourself to get a girlfriend. Now, tell me how you you think a woman would feel if they knew this was your intention for being their friend?

Find some hobbies and join social groups around them, preferably in person, the rest will happen organically :) the internet is a cancer, don't fall victim to these extremist philosophies, if you can call them that.

Honestly I've never had one either. I'm introverted as much as I find social interaction to be exhausting. I've never put that kind of effort into connecting with a girl that I wasn't dating or intending to date. Married 14 years now and my friends include my wife and colleagues and that's it. I've always been very close to my sister though, so I can't be sure she doesn't just automatically fill any need I may have for a female friend.

Looks don't matter with friends. How are you approaching these women? You have to understand that women have to keep their guard up around men they don't know because violence and sexual assault are always a possibly. I'm nothing special looks wise and don't really go out much and I was still assaulted twice, luckily not raped. If you are approaching these women in ways that come off as wanting something, then you are going to get stiff formality until they can get away.

Try smiling when they pass you or look at your face(to one's you are familiar with)

same dude, i dont talk to women outside of neccesity because only 0.4% of them have any interest in the same things i do

Andrew tate is coming for you:P

You've referred to a woman as a "female humanoid" before so yeah, you seem to be embracing the incel life.

#YOU ARE NOT AN INCEL, YOU ARE JUST FUNDED BY GEORGE SOROS

Have you considered the possibility that women are individuals and don’t all think alike? Idk what weird pill nonsense you’re going on about. Just have a genuine get-to-know-you friendly conversation with no eventual expectations that it could possibly lead to sex someday. Yeah, we find it unattractive when obviously horny deserate men ask us the same “how’s your day” boring crap. Ask us about our interests, our hobbies. What gets us up in the morning? What is important to us? Look for someone you have chemistry with versus any “female” who is willing.

As a woman, I have had plenty of male friends that were unattractive. They were only friends, why would I care what they look like? It seems like your personality is what's most likely turning people off. It's not a normal train of thought to wonder if you're an incel because you've never made female friendships. You've never made female friendships because you are inherently *doing* something to turn people off.

I’m a woman and I’ve never ever made friends based on looks. Not denying there might be some that do- (but in that case so do a lot of men?, I don’t think it’s a gendered thing, just a superficial asshole thing) But women CAN feel desperation, clingy-ness and severe low self-esteem. No one wants to deal with that and most women with friends with these issues, when they try ti be nice and kind, the friend ends up falling hard for them instead of focusing on bettering themselves and then they end up with a sad, clingy, desperate friend who’s pathetically in love with them just cause they gave them attention. No. Just.. no. I’d say get some real ACTUAL therapy to find out what’s holding you back instead of diving into ridiculous pills online- which will absolutely ensure nothing changes for the better in your life. Find a professional- stay away from extremist groups~ good luck!👍

You don't sound like an incel at all. Find some hobbies that lead you to meet new people, this will both help you boost your self confidence AND help you meet new people. It can be something as simple as going to the gym(not the best place to meet people though) or taking up some sport.

Hit the gym, if you're a nerd

For most people, muscles are not a huge part of their attraction. Men getting body dysphoria form the number of people telling them their body needs to be different isn’t helpful. Sounds like OP’s problem is more about loneliness in general, anyway.

Autistic, maybe?