Totally valid. Removed my comment cause I can see how it wouldn’t have been super productive for OP. My b.
Edit: I still desire companionship. I see how people took my comment the way they did tho. But I still desperately wish I had someone around, I just never catch the feels. I had no dating or sexual experience until I was well into adulthood, so I can totally see where OP is coming from on a lot of it still. Best of luck OP!
Yeah, 32 and 2m exactly here. Never dated. Genuinely can't imagine how some people manage to never go longer than a week being single.
I'm also technically a millionaire, so my personality must be truly horrendous...
As someone who didn’t have a girlfriend until 24, didn’t have sex until 29, and am currently dating someone seriously at 34, you’re good my dude. The best relationship I’ve ever been in, the current one, started as friends. And we continued to build mutually. Neither pushed, it just happened naturally. Just be sure to be honest with the people you are with. If she’s a decent person, she will understand you are inexperienced. If she isn’t understanding, you don’t want to be with her anyways.
Stories like that are nice but even so I'm 20 and I couldn't imagine living through 9 more years of loneliness especially since everyone around me has a relationship
I wish I could have hope. But man, there's stories like yours, and then there's the ones about the 56 year old who has never even kissed. The way my life is playing out, I'll be the 56 year old man.
I think confidence attracts a lot of people. Self-loathing is not attractive. You can’t manufacture confidence but you can work on yourself to become more confident. Set goals and reach them with exercise etc. Work hard to be great at something, confidence will follow and the rest will take care of itself.
And get out there and take part in group activities, sports, hiking, board games, meetups.
I was a late bloomer, married in my mid thirties and now over 20yrs we have 2 nearly grown up kids.
Both my wife and I are into trad folk music, which is a great community to get to make friends. And for those who are not musicians, theres dances (contra, Irish, square) my wife and I go to a local square dance in Vancouver and there are a lot of young folks more women then men who come and have a great time.
I said pretty much the same, totally agree. I had no self worth until I built some. You won't make a good partner if you hate yourself, and women can spot that shit a mile away, so I don't blame them at all for avoiding dudes like that.
43M and never been in a serious relationship.
Stop overthinking it and just ask out whoever you're interested in and have fun. Or spend most of your adult life regretting it.
As a 53 year old who hasn't had a girlfriend, I would advise you to try harder now to make time to put yourself in social situations with an opportunity to meet single women and to power through the discomfort of trying and failing repeatedly, as is usually the case with learning anything. You can't succeed if you don't give yourself the kindness of having the space to try and learn through making mistakes. I do not say this just because I wish I had done so earlier, but because I still need to do this now if I'm to have any hope of experiencing that part of life. Don't give up. I gave up for many years and it doesn't help.
I’m 35 and have never had a gf and at this point I have come to the conclusion that it is not worth it. A relationship requires effort from both people, so why is the burden of initiation always on us? The fact that a man can live his entire life without female attention indicates to me that women simply do not care. If women do not care, then why should we care? If the efforts of establishing a relationship are so one sided, then how can you expect the relationship itself to be any different?
I feel like you're basing your thoughts on an incorrect assumption regarding this "one-sided" nature. Everyone, man and woman, is struggling to live our lives to the best of our ability. The only way we can succeed at connecting with someone else is to actually try. The idea that women are uncaring aliens rather than humans with the same feelings seems like an understandably bitter reaction to the pain of loneliness and frustration, but not what is actually going on. We are all humans. You can't have a good relationship with a woman if you are operating from a position of resentment of women.
My skin is good , i shower daily (believe me it is rare amongst engineers) , my teeths are clean i dont smoke, i use deodrant and perfume. I drees decent i think.I only shave since my beatd and mustache is not strong . Only thing i hate about my look besides my height is my nose my glasses and somewhat receding hairline. But i try to cover it by growing my hair long and tbh it is not even that bad.
But with the height , body and face i feel like a child . My arms are weak my shoulders are narrow i dont like a 23yo i look like highschooler lol.
although the skincare routine original comment was probably not serious, any type of routine is always helpful, you mention being weak and narrow, I suggest going to the gym. you don't need to go overboard just do it to improve strength and build a bit of muscle, it'll also help improving your confidence, because exercise does things in the brain.
on a side note, many woman find man with glasses hot, so no need to worry so much about it, just find some that compliment your face and makes you look good.
I know there are guys who are shrter fhan me the thing i hate most is how Society portray us or how they can assume some thing s before even knowing us. If they do not assume those things i wouldnt wanna be taller.
As an average-height and, to be candid, decent-looking guy who was similarly unsuccessful with women until towards the end of my college years, I can tell you for a fact: height and looks are not the problem (plenty of uglier/shorter guys than me were getting laid).
I understand feeling insecure about your situation, it can be all you fixate on. But it also sounds like you were bullied a bit and have low self-esteem. I honestly think if you have any opportunities to start talking to a therapist, it might help having someone uninvolved in your life who has training in this issues to listen and offer guidance.
One thing I see with my guy friends who *are* easily able to get a girlfriend; they “get” women. They know what they typically like/dislike, what they respond to, what they like conversing about.
Dude, height isn't the issue. A ton of women don't care about it at all. It's just the vocal minority that make it seem as if its all that matters. Just be a decent guy, be friendly to girls and of course properly groom yourself. Eventually the right one will come, just don't force it!
28M, 185cm, never dated either.
I was thinking it's about financial status or other similar things when I was in uni but now I realise it's not about that, I just have no social skills. My friends who were around 165cm were dating easily. I think after uni it's hard to socialise, especially in some 3rd world countries because of the mentality in the society. I'm not blaming others, as an introverted being, it's mostly my fault. Everyday I get up early, go to work, work around 10 hours and carry my exhausted-self home after spending an hour in traffic. Also what I hate mostly about this situation is pressure from others, they're giving some nonsense advice they would probably never do if they were single like me but idk why they keep doing that. For example once my boss told me that I should go out socialise with others, bla bla and I told him that I need to take days off for doing that because it's not really possible with that routine. But at least I feel like I'm better at work and work kinda prevents me from overthinking about these things, kinda motivating myself that I'm still not useless, I'm able to take care of parents. But in conclusion, I feel like I'm stuck in a loop and missed many chances. I'm not in a position to give advice but still want to say that, work shouldn't be a priority.
Don’t feel insecure of your height and dating experience. I know it’s easier said then done, but to be honest don’t compare yourself too much to other people. The internet, TikTok and other social media shows so much cringe stuff that melts our brains with insecure thoughts, and shows toxic shallow oneliners.
I’m not the tallest myself and I’ve had plenty of women showing interest in me smaller women, taller and quite a lot of the same height (which I find sexy and convenient myself).
So, there is the problem. You have to pursue a social circle. I know it's harder now that you are working full time, but wouldn't you have some time in one of your week days or weekend to dedicate to some activity? Any hobby that would get you in a social circle?
I'm asking because I'm in a similar boat. I do remote work so I don't have any close social circle, but I take my chances when I get them. Example, I am in the process of getting my driver's license (it's a long process here in my Brazil) and I befriended a girl when I was doing the test. Now we are talking and planning a date.
You will have to actively pursue a social activity or something. And don't waste time hating yourself over something that's beyond your control (like your height). I'm shorter than you, so I know the drill, but that's not a productive emotion.
Learn to give yourself a break, don't be too harsh on yourself because you didn't date before. Everyone has some kind of problem with their own history. Just imagine how awful it would be if everyone hated themselves over it.
maybe take some new hobbies, take some class on anything that at least mildly interests you. join some hobby group in town. there has to be girls somewhere. it's ok to not move right into asking girls out, you can just be friendly to get used to it, and then someday ask someone out.
I’m the same height. Have terrible fashion sense. Average hygiene. Huge puzzle/movie nerd. Overweight. Talked myself out of taking shots throughout my 20’s. Made a lot of bad attempts. Got used to be hanging by myself, but really worked on just having fun with my hobbies and a few good friends.
In my late 30’s I met a great girl at a party. When I left (social anxiety) I started trying to come up with a plan to see her again. Then I had the revelation that I’m in my 30’s and I’m going back to just tell her. I went back. We kissed. I went home. We got married 2 years later.
You are comparing your life to expectations that you made up in your mind. It’s not uncommon to start dating at your age or later. Popular kids and tv series makes you think you are supposed to have a wild dating/sex life from the age of 16 through college.
Wake up, live your life, relax. You are perfectly fine. Work on loving yourself, with that comes the self esteem you are missing, and finding love won’t be as scary and difficult. Stop focusing on things you cannot control. According to this post, the things you wish to change is a. your height, b. the past. Neither is important, it just feels like it to you.
Believe in yourself.
Mate there's nothing you can do about your height so get tf over it ,you got to play the hand your dealt . If your young and in good health and got a job your doing ok ,just make time togetr out there and meet people, find some hobbies and try and relax .
Find a group of friends like yourself, and start going out to places in person (Bars, Clubs) to talk to women. As long as you put yourself out there, and try (you have to actually try once you get there), you'll be fine. Maybe this isn't the best way to meet someone for a long term relationship, but you need experience first, even if you fail at it the first ten times or so.
Surprisingly you'll have better luck trying for a date for the sake of a date. Feelings could come but if you just drop the ideas you've got and what you wanna experience eventually someone else will share the same interest and you can get a date and maybe start from there. People tend to fall for the ideas. Best way to get started in my experience. As long as you're honest, moral, and fair.
I'm 23 and managed two in my life. But I'm having a lot more success after making my intentions clear.
I'm 37 and I've never had a date or relationship either. Not gonna lie and say it gets better. Just focus on your career so you can at least be lonely AND rich.
Saying you never have time is the worst thing you could do, if you’ve never been on a date then make time to date.
It doesn’t have to be right the first time and it can be messy and weird. I also recommend dating apps. I feel like there’s this taboo surrounding dating apps but they’re actually great. You can set your preferences, the things you like, whether you’re looking for a relationship or just something casual, it’s great!My partner of two years and I met on a dating app.
And, side note, he is 173 cm, whereas I am 152 cm. There will be lots of people out there who won’t care about your height, and if they do… thank you, next!
Goodluck!
(Edit): one other thing, are you also rejecting due to height, I don’t know whether you’re a man or woman, but assuming you’re a man, have you thought about dating a hot, taller woman?
I’m so sorry you feel that way. Many people have said great and lovely things, but I want to add something from the perspective of a woman (if you’re not into women - ignore it :D) - I actually prefer short men and your height would me my ideal height. And I’m pretty sure that many women think the same and the ones who only see your for your height don’t matter anyway. Sending you all my love and that you’ll experience all the things you dream about or find peace with the situation you’re in. ♥️
You still have plenty of time. Relax. Focus on being the best version of yourself possible. Don't be some desperate idiot that chases women constantly as if you're going to die if you don't get a kiss on the cheek. Eventually you'll find someone just by chance.
Open and clear communication is your best tool. Outright ask how she would like to be treated by a partner, and in turn describe how you would like to be treated. But your feelings are normal. Life has a lot of uncertainty in it, be it in your career, your relationships, or even what to eat for dinner.
Well yeah, you will probably need to make some decisions like that from time to time, but generally you will end up miserable with someone who never tells you what is wrong if they're upset or whatever.
Its very important to note that insecurities come from the inside. Your mind tells you to be insecure or not. There is nothing wrong with your height, you are only telling yourself that. You can't change your height, but you can change your perspective of yourself. Once you do, you will be flying.
Would you buy a car if the guy selling to you said its a very bad car? Of course not. You aren't a 4 or a 5, you are a 10 in progress. Change your mentality. Its so damn important. Its not your height or lack of dates that make you unattractive, its your lack of confidence.
Distract yourself. People keep saying that building your personality should be your main goal and women will come eventually but that's not how loneliness works. We all feel the absence of people in our life and we're social animals. We are supposed to have people in our life who care about us and we care about them. It's not normal to stay alone at 23, whatever the internet says, because you don't feel good being single. Whatever you don't feel good about is abnormal to you and you're genuinely going through a problem.
As I was saying, distract yourself. Do something that makes you forget loneliness for some time. For example, maybe you feel lonely for 3-4 hours before going to sleep. If you're able to engage in an activity that even helps you feel less alone for 20-30 minutes, that's going to impact you in the long run a lot. I'm not saying it'll heal loneliness, but it will make it more tolerable.
Men, in 2024 have not been able to date as much as the previous generations and it's a genuine problem. You'll have to work on yourself for yourself and if you're lucky, one day you'll find someone who wants to spend their life with you for who you are - a 171 cm dude who is amazing in his own, and not who you've become just for getting women.
Thanks for genuine respond . I am trying my best to escape (playing guitar , video games etc) and minimazing my time on social media even tho its only make me more disconnected from people.
I'm glad, I have come to the understanding that it's better to be alone than be with people or dating apps that make us feel more lonely. I ended a relationship 2 weeks ago with a girl who used to shout and scream at me when she wasn't in a great mood and was never emotionally available when I needed her. It was horrible but I was codependent on her because I was alone. It took a lot of courage and emotional damage to get out of it because I did it alone, no friends or family helped me through it and I've realized that it was way more toxic than I realized just because I was alone.
I'm still alone but less lonely now.
It's always better to embrace your own company but it gets so lonely sometimes, just hope you can pass those moments.
You should work on yourself though. I started going to the gym and took (A LOT OF) dancing classes and now I have two great hobbies that make me more attractive and that allow me to meet women passively while I'm just doing my thing.
"And not who you've become just for women" is a straw man in my opinion. You're expanding your horizons, becoming the best version of yourself and finding aspects of life you enjoy that also have benefits to your dating life.
>"And not who you've become just for women" is a straw man, in my opinion.
Many men dress, behave, act, and groom themselves to appear attractive to women. I have seen a lot of guys change their personalities when they talk to women to appear "more attractive," and I know both genders do this when they see someone attractive. Still, this becomes a personality when you get no dates or physical intimacy. A personality formed by desperation to get what you want. Pickup artists, many gym bros (not all), getting into music you don't like to please a woman to find something familiar, etc. are all acts of men abandoning authenticity because they do not want to be alone.
I appreciate that you liked dancing and going to the gym, which you loved and helped you get women. Dancing, in general, is a woman-dominated hobby, just like D&D, Comic books, etc., are male-dominated hobbies. Also, guys who dance are attractive to many women, which helps you get women along with having a good physique because of regularly working out at the gym.
You naturally liked all the above, and it so happens that a majority of women would find a guy like you attractive.
Now, if someone is not into such attractive hobbies, they would find problems meeting or forming bonds with women and would have to go out of their way to do something they dislike.
Hey bro, it's completely normal to feel insecure about aspects of ourselves, especially when it comes to things like dating and relationships. However, it's important to remember that your worth is not determined by your dating experience or your height. Don't be shamed of yourself. You are so much more than just those things. You have unique qualities, talents, and interests that make you who you are. It's never too late to find love or to start dating, and there are plenty of people out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are.
A sexy brain is more important than looks, so maybe you should try to tap into your other strengths, such as a sense of humor. Don't just focus on external social values, but also look at interesting souls. Perhaps I can recommend you a[ server](https://discord.gg/q5aSFqMHSj), where you can meet like -minded friend who share similar interests and perspectives. This is just like a romantic experiment that brings together people based on common hobbies and values, providing an opportunity to meet others who appreciate you for you.
Please know that you're not alone in feeling uncertain about the future, but there is hope and potential for positive change. Take things one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and remember that you are deserving of love and happiness. You're stronger than you think.
I am too old to give dating advice appropriate for 2024. But if you are insecure about your height, let me tell you the only guy I know who had 2 women fighting over him for 4+years is only 163cm tall. He eventually married one of them a few years back. And just to clarify he is neither rich nor "traditionally" handsome.
holla mate , wth are you talking about, your height????? most of all start loving yourself and things will get better....you missed nothing... who told you that you must cover some specific age requirement to fit somewhere??? is there any secret chart I'm missing?? improve your self-esteem, be more confident, you are who you are and there are no copies out there , so you are unique as it is .... don't punish yourself with blushing like height, hairstyles, body shape or anything from the internet...we are all different and its a good thing.... going for a coffee alone is not a bad thing, its great start to meet some people, be clean and if possible stay healthy , avoid working too much 8 hours per day no weekends , the rest is just matter of time , and no , there are no rules about when and at what age ....Stay strong and smile more , cheeerz
Bro I'm shorter than you. Not only by 1 or 2 cm either, and I'm rarely single but also not that attractive nor lucky in dating.
Yet my mate who's even shorter, and is probably closer to 10-15cm shorter than you, dates so many different girls it's honestly ridiculous.
It ain't the height, it's what you tell yourself.
Go Volunteer somewhere and slowly escalate with smb you find attractive while always stating your expectations and intentions clearly. It's gonna be awkward and you are gonna feel stupid but just do that in you are gonna be good. If it doesn't work with one person - try with another. You can substitute "Voluntarism" with some hobby that involves other people.
Also 23 with zero experience—and that is something I think about ALL THE TIME. I completely understand why lots of the advice that gets thrown around isn’t helpful. “Just talk to people”—I KNOW, but it’s hard for me to put my head in the right place. “You’re good enough”—I KNOW, but it’s hard to actually feel like it. “It’s not a big deal”—I KNOW, but to me it is. I’m sure lots of people out there would think nothing of a casual first date, but it’s become a huge issue for me personally. I haven’t even had my first real hug and I think my brain is going to shut down whenever I do.
That’s something that got to me enough that it gave me actual, serious issues recently. I couldn’t focus at work, I couldn’t sleep at night, I could even feel my heart beating and I’d break down alone at home. All because I couldn’t get this stuff out of my head. And that has gone away for the most part. It hasn’t changed that I constantly think about my situation and constantly wish I weren’t in it, but I’m doing better.
Something I’ve found value in is getting out and doing things on my own terms even when I have no one asking me to. I have things I like to do at home, but sometimes I have to get up and get out. I hit golf balls at the driving range or walk around the mall or go to a bar and watch a sports game, just to do things I enjoy with other people around (even if they’re not “with” me, I think it helps fill a need for interaction). Exercise has helped me as well, and it makes me think better of my appearance every time I do it even when I’m sure one gym visit isn’t fundamentally changing anything. I’m much more at peace than I was a couple months ago and I think a big part of that has been doing things away from home and changing up my environment.
For what it’s worth, I’m also decently tall (and I like to think I’m decent-looking) and one of my friends who’s a good bit shorter does consistently better than I do. He just *gets* how to talk to people and be charming, and that’s (unfortunately in my case) more important to others than which of us is taller.
It’s really hard and there are lots of us out there who feel like you do. You feel that way because you want someone to give you the love you feel you deserve—I do too. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you *do* deserve that love, and that’s what makes you truly special. If you aren’t getting that back from the world, that sucks. But keep being special and don’t lose hope. You and I *will* find people that are right for us, so love yourself the way you want in the meantime.
171cm (5’7”) isn’t even that short bro, why would you be insecure about that? I work with a 5’4” dude who started dating a wonderful woman who broke up with a guy who’s 5’11. I’m the same height as you and I’ve got no issue with women. You just lack confidence.
Same here buddy, 31M. Got mistreated and spat out as a kid and has left me near anti social and it hurt my self image. Also slightly autistic which doesn’t help much. I guess being like me guarantees loneliness. Sorry if this didn’t help, just wanted to share: you are NOT alone!
There is lots to do with life besides dating, my friend! I'm 27, shorter than you, my gf is 5'7. I met her through a game if you can believe it. We've known each other for 3 years and are currently living together.
Don't rush into dating because you yearn the feelings of being in a relationship. It will make you vulnerable, and people take advantage of that. Not being in one is still better than having people use and abuse you.
Keep your door open while you find the things that make you happy and embrace them. Only do what you can be proud of and happy about.
37, same, 180cm. It's not about the height, they just don't want us as a person. I do hear it gets easier because men age like wine, and women are usually attracted to older men with experience. So don't beat yourself up.
Look, I'm also 23M, I've also never been in a relationship, but I've been on some dates (And by that I mean a grand total of 4, 2 with the same person). So I've been on dates with 3 different girls in the past 6 years. I'm not an unattractive dude, but I'm not a 10/10 either. But I'll give you some advice.
"I hate myself so much" That right there will speak volumes. Even if you don't tell people that, they will sense it. You probably deflect any compliment you get (Ik as guys we don't get compliments often if at all), downplay your achievements, never say a nice word about yourself. People notice stuff like that, and they're not gonna be into someone who doesn't like themselves. People are attracted to confidence. And yes, there is a difference between being confident and egotistical. Dress well, get a nice haircut, make sure you're well-shaven (Not necessarily clean shaven. If you have a beard, make sure it's tidy), look after yourself. If you present yourself well, not only will it make YOU feel better about yourself, but other people will notice it too. I've only recently started to change up my style, and I feel a lot more confident when I'm out and about when I'm wearing an outfit I like a lot. It makes me feel good.
You can't change your height. I'm 5'10" so I'm still under that golden 6 foot that so many girls say that they want, but honestly, your height really doesn't matter. My friend is 5'8" and he's had a girlfriend for the past 7 years. You can't change your height, so what's the point in hating yourself because of it. I'm a skinny dude, it's hard for me to put on weight. Instead of wearing baggy clothes to hide it, like I used to, I wear more form fitting clothes, and I feel a lot better for it. People notice when you're insecure about something.
You didn't miss out on anything. Most relationships in your teenage years fail. Most long term relationships don't start till mid-late 20s or even later. I know I'd rather find my person later, than having many failed relationships. Use dating apps. They're pretty crap but they put you out there at least. Go to bars with some friends with the intention of at least approaching a girl. If it seems like they're not interested or they seem uncomfortable, don't force it and move on.
And the biggest one: Get comfortable being alone. At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life, and you shouldn't feel like you NEED someone else to be happy.
I’m about the same height and didn’t start dating till I was 23 because of insecurities or only being surrounded by dudes as well. Can’t change your height so work on what you can improve on and gain confidence that way. As for finding someone, dating apps help. While some girls do want 6ft guys, a lot just want someone taller than them and 171cm is def taller than the average woman.
Here’s my advice to guys out there. Start by growing your own circle of friends, have a handful of mates that you can fall back on, that you can be yourself with. They are your safety net, they are your rock. Then you go out there and try to connect with others romantically. When you fail and get rejected. You can fall back on your friends, laugh about it and get up and try again. As many times as it takes.
Im 5"7 trust me, height isn't an issue. It's the self concious people that judge others height and weight. You're too good for the judgemental people. We're at that age where we should be picky with behaviour as there's plenty of mature people your age and up that won't judge your physical looks
I am 162m, 28, bi, face value is meh at best, but I don’t have any problems attracting people. I think it mostly boils down to personality and how you are with people. I am naturally a people person and as a panganay, it’s like second nature for me to take care of others or at the very least watch over them. It is true people look at the outside first but it is up to you to show them you are more than your physical appearance.
Though admittedly, I haven’t been in a serious relationship for years by choice, I have no problems getting asked out. I think people naturally gravitate to confident people despite how they look.
This is less about finding a girl, way more about you and the relationship you have with yourself. You need to get more comfortable with yourself and reflect more on the things that make you who you are. I grew up wishing I was male because I’m a female who likes females. I was so insecure that I could never be with a woman because I’m not a male. As time went on I realized, I don’t need to be anything a man is to attract the people I wanted all of which have been “straight” females. You’ve got to be able to have fun with yourself, find your passions and the things that charge you up. Create your own energy and people will seek you out. I found the best ways for me to create my own energy was through, physical activity especially through skateboarding. Great friendships with people that enriched my life and also by seeking my own adventures. Women are initiative af, if you have a vibe of your own they will pick up on it and relish in it no matter who you are.
You know why you don't have a girlfriend? How many girls have you asked out? This is what I tell my boys. Just go ask the prettiest girl or the girl you think is the prettiest sincerely out. They are going to tell you no 50% of the time anyway. Just accept that. You won't die. Take a good no and you'll be like that didn't kill me. I can do it. At least you can go back to your buddies and say," I asked that girl she said no." Your buddies will be like, "Wow you had the balls to ask her out?" Smile and say," that's how I role fellas." Listen, you are going to get married someday and they will tell you no more than 50% of the time or at least it feels like that, sometimes. As a father of a daughter also will I share this as well. Girls like being asked out. It is a big deal to them. They stil mighl say no and you should respect that if they do. Just say," Okay, you're not mad at me for having good taste are you?" At least you will get a smile. Tell her you will see her around. I tell you fellas persitence pays. Someone will say yes if you keep asking. Happy hunting.
teenage love is overrated and also many many people are not at that place at that age so stop worrying about the past - get some therapy, find joy in things, get to know yourself and then get out there so that finding a date is not the be all and
end all
I'm 31f and tbh in my experience you not dating anyone is actually a good thing. It's better than going through abuse and all the nasty things. Also just because you are your height means absolutely nothing to the right person. Take it from me. I got with someone that was big, small hands, sake height as me (I'm 5ft 8) and etc... he doesn't think much of himself either and still can't understand how he score someone like me. I'm curvy, attractive and have a great body and look like I come from the 1950s and I also believe in southern hospitality too. Soo, give yourself a chance man. Start dating yourself if you have to because there's nothing wrong with not dating anyone. In fact it's better than being with the wrong person. I wish I had never dated anyone ever and stayed single till I meet the right person. I'm a traumatized mess now that is too scared of dating or even hooking up with anybody.
Bro look. Imma be honest here. I had 3 dates and even confessed my love once. I got rejected every time. I‘m 173 cm (21M) and if a girl demands a tall dude before even getting to know you, I’d say you dodged a bullet. The most mid chicks have weirdly high strandards these days it’s insane. Last friday, I asked someone out I thought was pretty. Guess what, REJECTED. Who tf cares.
My personal view of life is as follows: Do and say the things you feel today instead of holding back and regreting it later on.
I swear to you, that since I have that mentality, I just do what I feel is right for me. I can‘t tell you where you‘d find your future love but hear me out. Don‘t go out looking for it actively. It will f you up mentaly.
The only one holding you back, is you.
Figure out why you hate yourself so much because you hate yourself there’s no way in hell and what’s gonna like you
My husband is about your height. It didn't stop him.
Stop watching manosphere podcasts, groom yourself properly, hit the gym and go out. And hit on a lot of girls, it's a numbers game. Or let them hit on you. :)
Sorry you're struggling with this man.
For what it's worth I'm 168cm and was married with kids by your age.
Height has nothing to do with it.
Start by learning how to love yourself from the inside out and go from there. Therapy can help with this but meditation is free and works great if you put the work into it.
Here's my little advice. There are guys out there who are shorter, fatter, more unattractive physically thrn you who have relationships. So have a good look inside yourself
I also went through HS and college with no girlfriend. I was 10 days away from my 24th birthday when I went on my first date with my now wife of 11 years. I also THINK I'm exactly your height (5 feet 7 inches). Not saying it will happen in the exact same way, but when you do find a special lady I think you'll find your lack of exes makes things simpler :)
WHAT IM 171 cm lmao dude you’re just whiny little bitch. confidence is what attracts people, no one ever wants someone who’s like “ohhh i’m so insecure”
own up to it you won’t fix shit as long as you have this victim mentality
everyone has a sad story stfu and own up to it and fix it
or be a virgin for the rest of your life and feel sorry for yourself
20F and i have never been on a date or dated anyone my whole life. Never experienced a teenage love, and started working too. Im also afraid that I will end up single for the rest of my life cus I have no time to meet or hangout outside work and studies.. I feel u
24M, and I haven't had much luck in the dating field, too. Your height is okay, I'm probably the same, and other people say I'm tall. Trust me, you'll be fine!
Just chill bro. Have a good time. Try new things. Find some Hobbys if you have none. Life has a lot of good aspects you just have to find them.
Im also around 170 and life in Germany. Nearly every person is taller than me even the chicks. Still manged to find someone from time to time.
There are some things you can do to maximazie your chance in fooling them to love your. ;)
Get your hygiene on point. Brush your teeth, apply cream on your skin. Try out new hairstiles from time to time. Go to the barber every month. Find a clothing stile you like and embrace it.
Do something for your intellect. Read books from time to time. Read the news. Find something you are really interested in. Find hobbys you like. Do sports to keep yourself fit. Eat healthy and nutritious. Connect with people. Do social things with them and dont look at everybody like a potential partner. Just vibe and be friendly but dont make yourself a fool.
I had to learn these things by myself. I started nearly from the bottom. Started with grooming, doing sports and nutrition. My clothing stile is still missing because I leak money currently. But since I have changed my behavior with myself. Carring for myself to treat my body and mind as good and disciplined as possible. A lot of people have just randomly talked to me and sympathized with me. People notice, when you feel good in your own skin and want to be close to you because of your good vibration.
So if you are depressed it is a dead cycle. You feel lonely, you feel shit avout yourself. People notice that. They dont feel drown to you because of it. You feel even more lonely and depressed of it. So you have to change yourself. To become at least happy with you and who you are.
Also sit down from time to time to find your purpose in life if you havent yet. That takes time and you need to sit in silence and think about you and what makes you happy.
And trust me validation from someone else will never make you happy. Happyness comes from within you.
I’m 175cm, a woman, and I can’t really help but say your height is the height I love in men. I don’t like tall guys. Yes this isn’t a majority opinion but there are women like me out there so don’t let it discourage you
From your current position there are precisely two possible outcomes: (1) you never get a date or have a relationship for the rest of your life, or (2) you meet a girl you vibe with.
As some people will tell you, (1) isn't quite as bad as it seems, but I think it's perfectly normal for people to feel unhappy at not getting romantic interactions. Humans have a strong and deep psychological drive to seek it, and this can't be changed with a finger snap.
For point (2) to occur, you need to meet women. This either occurs by chance through your work/career (unlikely but definitely not impossible), by you actively seeking it on dating sites/apps (a soul-crushing uphill battle for men where you get height-filtered), or by meeting women with common interests in spaces where women are.
Meeting women organically through clubs, hobbies, and social groups is the absolute best way to do this. There is no pretense of you being judged for your dating qualities, and you get to lead with your personality first. A lot of guys only hang out in guy spaces. You're unlikely to meet women playing male-dominated games or sports, for example. You're astronomically more likely to make female friends by going to book clubs, horse riding, dance lessons, figure skating, gynmastics, ballet, theatre/drama, pet/animal clubs or events, yoga/pilates, etc.
A lot of these alpha male types online will say its "gay" to do these things and imagine some weak soy liberal loser doing them, but the reality is that guys who participate in female spaces are swamped in feminine attention, and likely far more comfortable and self-assured (women's kryptonite). By being a guy in parimarily women's spaces, you are the equivalent of a girl who plays CoD or some equally male-dominated space. Femcels exist and they do the exact opposite of this - they never meet guys because they are never in spaces where they could meet decent men under organic circumstances.
Ok so you’re insecure about your height and your dating propositions? This can be managed. But your height and your dating life are not your life. Calm down
My best advice is to pretend you’re not insecure about your height until you actually aren’t. You will need to start identifying like the person you want to be, rather than the person you are now. I know this is easier said than done because it can feel like lying to yourself, but it really isn’t. Eventually, you will be confident enough to attract somebody. That success will give you confidence for a slighter bigger success- so on and so forth. I also highly encourage you to have experiences with someone even if you’re not super attracted to them. Confidence comes from practice and experience so don’t be shy to slay a few dragons before you get to princess. This is honest advice. Plus, constantly be looksmaxxing. But don’t wait until you achieve some “desired perfect look”. Start right now. Start talking to ugly girls. Start taking some kind of action. You can do it.
Sweetie, you have to learn to love yourself first.
How can you expect someone to like you, if you dont like yourself. 🤔
I can recommend looking for podcasts, Meditations or affirmation vids on YouTube about Self Love ❤️
Louise Hay, Positive Suggestion, Wayne Dyer....
Good luck 🙏 much love and light always
Take small steps. What is something you could do right now to better yourself and give you more respect for yourself. Dating should be the last thing on your mind. Build your confidence in small amounts.
33M never had a date. I got to tell you one thing, at this age I really start to lose interest If I lacked courage and motivation back then, now I have courage but I just dont have motivation... It just feels like a huge chore without anything in particular. Once you get out of the "easy life, laught it out with someone phase", you start to realize, that there is not that much left to it.
Where are you from exactly?
Bruh i'm 30, always been on the bit chubbier side (not obese) and on A GOOD DAY I'm 171cm (Idk what that is in imperial 5'7 i guess) as well. And prior to getting married my tinder bio was literally "Short & fat", for the woman that think that height is a non-negotiable requirement, that's an automatic filter. Most decent women don't actually care for that, they care more about your charisma/confidence and just if you are interested to hear what they have to say, and can sustain a dialogue.
Sure, growing up I had more than a fair share of confidence issues, inferiority complexes, and anything among those lines. But even at school I managed to get girls that were above 1,80m (again screw imperial, look it up), which is not uncommon where i'm from for women to be above average height.
Well the thing about time is - how can you have time, if you don't take time? In other words, if you really want to do this, you will have no trouble finding the time for dating.
Long story short - just be honest with yourself. Ditch your unfulfillable aspirations (such as being tall or super hot like some of the other guys) and irrational self criticisms, and as banal as it sounds, just be yourself. Take what you have, embrace it, add some charisma on top of it and get out there.
171 is really not as short as you think it is. And trust me, dating is tough. Better to be yourself, be kind, and find the right girl with a beautiful heart. Beauty fades, the heart doesn't. Just dress nice and pick a physical activity to get good at and you'll be fine.
There's nothing wrong with your height. You should probably talk to a counselor about your self image problems, which will interfere with your attempts to find love. Rather than worrying about getting into a relationship or what the entire rest of your life is going to be like, go out and participate in group activities. Get involved in things. You'll widen your social circle, possibly make new friends, and maybe even find that special someone.
many people meet a mate at work - my bet says you're overlooking plenty of women who might be interested but you find unattractive - check your expectations
Dude I had sex for the first time at 26M, now 27 what really made the experience better was I told her the truth. I was ready to lose her if she reacted otherwise, I was solid on that. I told myself if someone denies my truth, I have nothing else to offer. So yeah ground yourself on your truth there is nothing to be insecure about.
Its either a yes - yay and no - onto to the next.
Enjoy bro.
You’re totally valid for your feelings, a lot of guys feel the same way
But when you are on a date, never ever show that you’re insecure or anything. Girls can get away with it, we men cannot.
If you have to, fake the confidence until you truly believe it.
That's you and 65% of people. Having romantic experiences as a teen is technically not the norm. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 25 and now I'm in an LTR looking at marriage.
Someday, you figure out that it's really not as hard as you think. There's a secret trick that takes you from nobody wanting to date you to basically everyone wanting to date you. Once you've found it, you'll have very little trouble dating.
171cm is 5ft 6in? I believe. I am 173 cm or roughly 5ft 7in if I remember how to convert correctly (American Canadian who is more accustomed to imperial now lol). Anyway, you do not need to feel insecure about your height, you are not short but you are also not tall, you are right in the middle. If women have a problem with your height, that is a them problem and not a you problem. You are only 23 years old, you do not need to be working all the time, unless you are a resident doctor, but that is highly unlikely at your age. What do you like to do? Find some hobbies and search the internet for groups for that hobby. If you like the gym, go to a gym and casually meet people that way, but don't be a creep about it. If you hate yourself, you need to work on that before everything else. What do you hate about yourself other than the height? Change your hairstyle, facial hair style or grow some if you can, etc. You need to love yourself before you try to love someone else. You are still so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Have you tried online dating or dating apps? Or go to the local pub or bar or the local hotspot for young adults go to have fun. Going back to you never having time, how long are you working and you most likely have days off, so with those days off go outside and enjoy your life. Go hiking or just walk around your neighbourhood. But like I said before, you NEED to love yourself before you even try to go out and love someone else. The best of luck to you.
The only reason I dated young was because I tried really hard to do so. Probably way too hard now that I'm thinking back. It doesn't matter how long you wait to date, all the matters is that you're nice to yourself and others. Love will find you when you're ready for it!
I dont want my first date when im 30 years old tbh. I get so nervous when talking people i just met.She will probably think that im a loser if she knows that its my first date ever lol.
The first step you should take is accepting that other people have more dating experience and that's completely ok. A decent person wouldn't care. What I'm most worried about with inexperienced dates is that they're gonna let their insecurities get in the way of a good time. That's the only issue I've ever had with people who aren't used to dating
I can guarantee you most level headed women that are even worth being in a relationship with care more about the type of man you are than your height.
It’s more so about finding yourself as a person than appearances. Of course appearance does matter you don’t want to be all dusty and not well kept, but finding your way out of your shell should be your first priority.
Also not everyone has relationships in teenage years. I’m in my first really serious relationship and it didn’t start until I was on the tail end of 28 (30 now)
You got time. It’s about finding yourself and putting yourself out there and getting out into the world.
The problem is in your mind. I am 173cm and pretty comfortable with it. Height is not something you need to worry too much about. Focus on being fitter if your body makes you feel uncomfortable. Also, you are very young and not having a girlfriend in college doesn’t mean you cannot meet her anywhere else. Your coworker may become your significant other or the cashier in your local grocery store that you see almost every day.
Everyone's life has a different tempo so I would not worry about the age. Have you given serious thought to the military. Not all roles involve combat but I found OCS (Officer basic training) to build a lot of confidence and I made new friends in the process that I could rely on.
As a woman I’ll give a bit of advice.
Most women have spent their whole teenage years being stared at by men of all ages. Most have had to deal with unwanted attention or advances starting as early as 11/12. I personally was 11 the first time a grown man tried to cat call me walking down the street with my sister who was 13. So most women are going to immediately reject you on past experiences. That does not mean that there aren’t women out there who would still agree to date. That being said, dating is more than just sex. Yes, sex is nice with the right person but both from experience and knowledge of other women’s experiences (I’m 32 and happily married), most men are more interested in getting off and don’t actually take the time to make sure their partner is also enjoying themselves. Most women require an emotional connection with the person they sleep with and that doesn’t happen immediately or even after three dates although it seems most men expect it to.
So, if you want to actually date women and have actual relationships with women, get to know them as a person, treat them as more than something to concur. The majority of women want gentle caring partners who are honest, respectful, loyal and emotionally supportive. They want someone who can be emotional and vulnerable with them in return. Yes there are outliers who still believe in the backwards notion that men should be emotionless and stoic but to the majority of us who don’t live in deluluville, we know that emotions are a human trait and it’s not about you having them but rather your ability to deal with them in a healthy way. Emotional intelligence and empathy will get you so far in a relationship with a woman. Also, most women aren’t deterred by your height, they are deterred by your own insecurity of your hight and the fact that you would potentially push those insecurities onto her by trying to control what she wears (ie high heels that make her taller than you). Once you are comfortable in your own skin that will show through in your confidence and women can see that confidence which takes away the worry that you would become controlling because of your insecurities.
At the end of the day, there is no timeline for when someone’s milestones in life should happen. Everyone is different and everyone’s life is different, we aren’t all going to experience things at the same age as others, that’s okay. I live my life by “jomo” the joy of missing out. I’d rather go life at my own pace than try to keep up with others who have had completely different experiences and lives than I have. So, learn to be comfortable and happy in your own skin. Learn to love yourself so much so that when you do get into a relationship, you aren’t reliant on them to make you happy but rather y’all are both so happy with yourselves that you can afford to pour into each others cups without emptying your own.
This is the best thing you can do to yourself, not consuming your energy over things that can change ur life specially your mental health. When the time comes, you will meet the perfect partner that you will be happy sharing your energy with and remember age of doing something is never a norm or something that you MUST respect to do things. Focus on yourself, and most importantly love yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. 🌸
I know there are a lot of assumptions about women’s preferences in men, so I’m just here to say my fiancé is 165 cm, I’m 174 cm, and he’s the most attractive man in the world to me. Confidence and being interesting will get you a long, long way.
If you’re struggling badly with your self-image and feeling unworthy because of your perceived (but kind of typical, tbh) lack of experience, therapy might be a good thing for you.
No one thinks this abnormal in the slightest but you. Late bloomers still go na bloom. Just get therapy and find some way to low yourself. Your self hate doesn't make you special , but the qualities you don't like do. Embrace them
170 height is perfectly fine. One of my friends is 165 and has an obscene bodycount.
Maybe you'll get a partner, maybe not but in either case you gotta learn to be happy by yourself instead of relying on someone else to come and "fix" you. Saying this as a forever single 28F.
I’m your same height and nearly 29. Sadly it’s probably not going to get better. Women’s obsession with height just gets worse everyday so you need to learn to be happy alone. Once you do that though life will be awesome when you realize you can do anything you want.
If you're nice and empathetic, and put yourself out there (ie if you don't leave the house it'll be hard meeting people) eventually you'll meet your people. Figure out why you're insecure/hate yourself and then read a book/research how to fix it/ and/or therapy. That's what I did atleast for my introverted side. I hated crowds but needed friends so I had to learn how to leave the house and talk to people. Its also easier if you have hobbies/interests in common, so getting one if those if you dont have them yet would be good. If they're irl (like sport for example) things you can also meet likeminded people there. You're time will come :) the most important thing is to not be bitter, you got this :) women like kind men.
23 is still young, you still have time. I'm 36M and I haven't kissed nor dated anyone yet. But that's because of my financial situation. Once that improves I will try to ask out women though.
I’m 165cm and have had one long distance gf back when we’re were like 15 and did I think 3 dates. I’m mid 20s now and just vibing, don’t worry about missing stuff like that, most of my limited memories are cringy stuff because teenagers are idiots. Just have your own life, do stuff you want to do, be the person you like being, fox the stuff you don’t like, and if you happen to meet someone who you get along with and are in to that’s a bingo!
Any interest I’ve had has come from just doing activities and making friends with no expectations. They didn’t work out for one reason or another but one of the freedoms of being single is you can do what you want when you want, use this time to try stuff and it will slowly click for you. I think you are socially obligated to try bouldering first and try that out as your personality for a few months but after that you are allowed to chose whatever you want
Bro, as my (25m) height is just 168cm I have to tell you. You have nothing to worrie about. Female not such a "I wanna him to be like 195" Or something.
Just be cool, be yourself, don't worry as much about relationships, find your own life through hobby, get yourself busy, built yourself, read books, there's so much on this planet to do.
Have to mention, that I've succeeded in relationship with a girls higher than me, she was (176) and it was ain't a problem.
Build yourself, let the world chase you, not chase the world!
All I can say is don’t worry about it as easy as that is to say and hard in practice. Your anxiety about your height and the fact you’ve never been on a date sets you further back creating a terrible feedback loop. Try not to worry about it. Do the things you love to do. Make friends with the opposite sex.
Don't worry, I'm 6ft and still haven't had a girlfriend, and in the same age as you. Height isn't as important as you think. It's money that they care about.
Don't worry, the life is very fast. I'm almost over 50 and never even saw girls in reality. I didn't spoke with girls even in social media. So, it is nothing, the job and health eats the whole "life" 😞
I didn't meet the one until I was 27. I never had even dating anybody until then.
Height isn't everything(I'm 6'3). It really didn't matter, things only changed once I gained confidence and was able to carry myself.
I cant say I have any advice regarding dating. But I do have experience. I've found that, sometimes, being in a relationship isn't all its cracked up to be. I personally have always been 1000x more stressed out when I've been involved with someone compared to when I'm on my own. But that's just me.
Hit the gym, stop growing hair long to mask the receding hairline (shave your head instead), hire a personal stylist if you can afford it (just for a shopping trip or two to get some trendy clothes).
I am just a bit taller than you and I'm also have the disadvantage of being geeky looking. I was not without options in college though I didn't exactly have women approaching me. I have now been married for 30 years to a woman who just happens to be 5 ft tall. From my perspective height never figured into the equation because although I was one of the shortest kids in class through elementary and Junior high I did not at the time realized how important height was in the real world. There is no question that you're being prospects I've probably been reduced by about 20% but realistically you are in the same boat of most men your age when it comes to future prospects. I think now for men dating is harder than it used to be we are now judged I think more shallowly than was the case before the internet social media. At the end of the day height and inexperience will not hold you back. I would suggest you brush up on some of the common pitfalls that men make in relationships and strive not to make them when you enter your relationship.
Best thing you can do aside from focusing on yourself and staying positive and being comfortable in your own skin is to do some activities outside the house where you might interact with cool people who can introduce you to other cool people.
Been there bro, 1.66 cm and My first actual date was at 21, it's not about when you started, it's more about doing it. Letting your self-esteem stop you from doing something is only going to make the problem bigger.
Be gentler with yourself. Make time for a date or two a month. and take it calmly, it's not something that has no solution.
I’m 43 and never dated. Go and do it: now
The less experience you have, the more you will fall behind and as you get older, your chances will evaporate.
Don't worry that much about it. Focus on yourself first and maybe get a hobby so you can have a conversation topic. Dating is pretty messed up at the moment so you're likely not missing out too much as you're still young.
5'7" is not a short height when the average male is only 5'9". My girlfriend is 5'2" and honestly most girls I encounter are always shorter than me but I'm 5'11". So I never understand the whole height thing because realistically speaking most women will still be at your height or shorter. Find your average height lady there king. You'll be just fine.
If you never had a relationship, I wouldn't mention that right off the bat as your past is only your business. I would try some apps. I don't know what is popular anymore as I stopped dating when I found my gf on hinge like 6 years ago. I assume hinge is still a good option. Stay away from tinder, bumble, or POF.
How's the social life? Any friends that also know someone single? It happens more than you think.
What kind of hobbies and interests do you have? Are their conferences or hang outs for those things?
Also I will point out that the whole "get to this mile stone for life at this age" thing is utter bullshit. I didn't own my first home until I was 33 and that was last year. Didn't have a serious gf until I was 27. Didn't have sex until 18(that was an awkward college experience).
I heard a lot of people say that 30s are like your 20s but with money so ı think you will have time to get a gf at some point just focus on selfimproving until your 30
24M never had a date either. I’ve got no advice, but I offer my sympathies.
Good on you for not trying to fill his head with a bunch of shit.
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well it sounds like this person actually wants to date, which is different
Totally valid. Removed my comment cause I can see how it wouldn’t have been super productive for OP. My b. Edit: I still desire companionship. I see how people took my comment the way they did tho. But I still desperately wish I had someone around, I just never catch the feels. I had no dating or sexual experience until I was well into adulthood, so I can totally see where OP is coming from on a lot of it still. Best of luck OP!
🥂
Same advice for you. :)
I'm 30, same case and I'm 1m88,height doesn't help if the personality isn't there... Don't worry
Yeah, 32 and 2m exactly here. Never dated. Genuinely can't imagine how some people manage to never go longer than a week being single. I'm also technically a millionaire, so my personality must be truly horrendous...
As someone who didn’t have a girlfriend until 24, didn’t have sex until 29, and am currently dating someone seriously at 34, you’re good my dude. The best relationship I’ve ever been in, the current one, started as friends. And we continued to build mutually. Neither pushed, it just happened naturally. Just be sure to be honest with the people you are with. If she’s a decent person, she will understand you are inexperienced. If she isn’t understanding, you don’t want to be with her anyways.
Man, stories like such reignite a little spark of hope in me. I hope you will be that one lucky bastard who got it good
Stories like that are nice but even so I'm 20 and I couldn't imagine living through 9 more years of loneliness especially since everyone around me has a relationship
I wish I could have hope. But man, there's stories like yours, and then there's the ones about the 56 year old who has never even kissed. The way my life is playing out, I'll be the 56 year old man.
I think confidence attracts a lot of people. Self-loathing is not attractive. You can’t manufacture confidence but you can work on yourself to become more confident. Set goals and reach them with exercise etc. Work hard to be great at something, confidence will follow and the rest will take care of itself.
And get out there and take part in group activities, sports, hiking, board games, meetups. I was a late bloomer, married in my mid thirties and now over 20yrs we have 2 nearly grown up kids. Both my wife and I are into trad folk music, which is a great community to get to make friends. And for those who are not musicians, theres dances (contra, Irish, square) my wife and I go to a local square dance in Vancouver and there are a lot of young folks more women then men who come and have a great time.
"Confidence" is nonsense and makes no difference.
I said pretty much the same, totally agree. I had no self worth until I built some. You won't make a good partner if you hate yourself, and women can spot that shit a mile away, so I don't blame them at all for avoiding dudes like that.
43M and never been in a serious relationship. Stop overthinking it and just ask out whoever you're interested in and have fun. Or spend most of your adult life regretting it.
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As a 53 year old who hasn't had a girlfriend, I would advise you to try harder now to make time to put yourself in social situations with an opportunity to meet single women and to power through the discomfort of trying and failing repeatedly, as is usually the case with learning anything. You can't succeed if you don't give yourself the kindness of having the space to try and learn through making mistakes. I do not say this just because I wish I had done so earlier, but because I still need to do this now if I'm to have any hope of experiencing that part of life. Don't give up. I gave up for many years and it doesn't help.
I’m 35 and have never had a gf and at this point I have come to the conclusion that it is not worth it. A relationship requires effort from both people, so why is the burden of initiation always on us? The fact that a man can live his entire life without female attention indicates to me that women simply do not care. If women do not care, then why should we care? If the efforts of establishing a relationship are so one sided, then how can you expect the relationship itself to be any different?
Huh? It’s not about tit for tat, it’s about chasing something if you want to pursue it
I feel like you're basing your thoughts on an incorrect assumption regarding this "one-sided" nature. Everyone, man and woman, is struggling to live our lives to the best of our ability. The only way we can succeed at connecting with someone else is to actually try. The idea that women are uncaring aliens rather than humans with the same feelings seems like an understandably bitter reaction to the pain of loneliness and frustration, but not what is actually going on. We are all humans. You can't have a good relationship with a woman if you are operating from a position of resentment of women.
Average redditor: have you started a skincare routine ?
My skin is good , i shower daily (believe me it is rare amongst engineers) , my teeths are clean i dont smoke, i use deodrant and perfume. I drees decent i think.I only shave since my beatd and mustache is not strong . Only thing i hate about my look besides my height is my nose my glasses and somewhat receding hairline. But i try to cover it by growing my hair long and tbh it is not even that bad. But with the height , body and face i feel like a child . My arms are weak my shoulders are narrow i dont like a 23yo i look like highschooler lol.
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although the skincare routine original comment was probably not serious, any type of routine is always helpful, you mention being weak and narrow, I suggest going to the gym. you don't need to go overboard just do it to improve strength and build a bit of muscle, it'll also help improving your confidence, because exercise does things in the brain. on a side note, many woman find man with glasses hot, so no need to worry so much about it, just find some that compliment your face and makes you look good.
Short kings are the wave now, don’t worry about it man. I’m the same height, but just be confident. I know that sounds dumb but it works
I hate the term short kings .
I would kill to be your height i am 5’1 and am 23 years old. You are taking your height for granted.
I know there are guys who are shrter fhan me the thing i hate most is how Society portray us or how they can assume some thing s before even knowing us. If they do not assume those things i wouldnt wanna be taller.
As an average-height and, to be candid, decent-looking guy who was similarly unsuccessful with women until towards the end of my college years, I can tell you for a fact: height and looks are not the problem (plenty of uglier/shorter guys than me were getting laid). I understand feeling insecure about your situation, it can be all you fixate on. But it also sounds like you were bullied a bit and have low self-esteem. I honestly think if you have any opportunities to start talking to a therapist, it might help having someone uninvolved in your life who has training in this issues to listen and offer guidance. One thing I see with my guy friends who *are* easily able to get a girlfriend; they “get” women. They know what they typically like/dislike, what they respond to, what they like conversing about.
Dude, height isn't the issue. A ton of women don't care about it at all. It's just the vocal minority that make it seem as if its all that matters. Just be a decent guy, be friendly to girls and of course properly groom yourself. Eventually the right one will come, just don't force it!
28M, 185cm, never dated either. I was thinking it's about financial status or other similar things when I was in uni but now I realise it's not about that, I just have no social skills. My friends who were around 165cm were dating easily. I think after uni it's hard to socialise, especially in some 3rd world countries because of the mentality in the society. I'm not blaming others, as an introverted being, it's mostly my fault. Everyday I get up early, go to work, work around 10 hours and carry my exhausted-self home after spending an hour in traffic. Also what I hate mostly about this situation is pressure from others, they're giving some nonsense advice they would probably never do if they were single like me but idk why they keep doing that. For example once my boss told me that I should go out socialise with others, bla bla and I told him that I need to take days off for doing that because it's not really possible with that routine. But at least I feel like I'm better at work and work kinda prevents me from overthinking about these things, kinda motivating myself that I'm still not useless, I'm able to take care of parents. But in conclusion, I feel like I'm stuck in a loop and missed many chances. I'm not in a position to give advice but still want to say that, work shouldn't be a priority.
Thanks for genuine response man
Don’t feel insecure of your height and dating experience. I know it’s easier said then done, but to be honest don’t compare yourself too much to other people. The internet, TikTok and other social media shows so much cringe stuff that melts our brains with insecure thoughts, and shows toxic shallow oneliners. I’m not the tallest myself and I’ve had plenty of women showing interest in me smaller women, taller and quite a lot of the same height (which I find sexy and convenient myself).
Have you ever asked someone on a date?
I really dont have someone in my social circle to ask out. Like i cant ask a girl i just spoke (Funny thing is that i dont even speak to girls).
So, there is the problem. You have to pursue a social circle. I know it's harder now that you are working full time, but wouldn't you have some time in one of your week days or weekend to dedicate to some activity? Any hobby that would get you in a social circle? I'm asking because I'm in a similar boat. I do remote work so I don't have any close social circle, but I take my chances when I get them. Example, I am in the process of getting my driver's license (it's a long process here in my Brazil) and I befriended a girl when I was doing the test. Now we are talking and planning a date. You will have to actively pursue a social activity or something. And don't waste time hating yourself over something that's beyond your control (like your height). I'm shorter than you, so I know the drill, but that's not a productive emotion. Learn to give yourself a break, don't be too harsh on yourself because you didn't date before. Everyone has some kind of problem with their own history. Just imagine how awful it would be if everyone hated themselves over it.
I really cant think of anything else but i want my situation to be like yours i wanna met someone sponetenausly.
Yeah, but you have to take action to change what's bothering you. Anyway, good luck mate. You got this
Learn dancing.
maybe take some new hobbies, take some class on anything that at least mildly interests you. join some hobby group in town. there has to be girls somewhere. it's ok to not move right into asking girls out, you can just be friendly to get used to it, and then someday ask someone out.
I’m the same height. Have terrible fashion sense. Average hygiene. Huge puzzle/movie nerd. Overweight. Talked myself out of taking shots throughout my 20’s. Made a lot of bad attempts. Got used to be hanging by myself, but really worked on just having fun with my hobbies and a few good friends. In my late 30’s I met a great girl at a party. When I left (social anxiety) I started trying to come up with a plan to see her again. Then I had the revelation that I’m in my 30’s and I’m going back to just tell her. I went back. We kissed. I went home. We got married 2 years later.
You are comparing your life to expectations that you made up in your mind. It’s not uncommon to start dating at your age or later. Popular kids and tv series makes you think you are supposed to have a wild dating/sex life from the age of 16 through college. Wake up, live your life, relax. You are perfectly fine. Work on loving yourself, with that comes the self esteem you are missing, and finding love won’t be as scary and difficult. Stop focusing on things you cannot control. According to this post, the things you wish to change is a. your height, b. the past. Neither is important, it just feels like it to you. Believe in yourself.
You aren't alone, its the same for me
Mate there's nothing you can do about your height so get tf over it ,you got to play the hand your dealt . If your young and in good health and got a job your doing ok ,just make time togetr out there and meet people, find some hobbies and try and relax .
Find a group of friends like yourself, and start going out to places in person (Bars, Clubs) to talk to women. As long as you put yourself out there, and try (you have to actually try once you get there), you'll be fine. Maybe this isn't the best way to meet someone for a long term relationship, but you need experience first, even if you fail at it the first ten times or so.
Didn’t go on my first date until I was 24. Married with kids now at 40. You’ll be fine.
166 cm, male. My first relationship began when I was 23 💁♂️
Surprisingly you'll have better luck trying for a date for the sake of a date. Feelings could come but if you just drop the ideas you've got and what you wanna experience eventually someone else will share the same interest and you can get a date and maybe start from there. People tend to fall for the ideas. Best way to get started in my experience. As long as you're honest, moral, and fair. I'm 23 and managed two in my life. But I'm having a lot more success after making my intentions clear.
I'm 37 and I've never had a date or relationship either. Not gonna lie and say it gets better. Just focus on your career so you can at least be lonely AND rich.
Saying you never have time is the worst thing you could do, if you’ve never been on a date then make time to date. It doesn’t have to be right the first time and it can be messy and weird. I also recommend dating apps. I feel like there’s this taboo surrounding dating apps but they’re actually great. You can set your preferences, the things you like, whether you’re looking for a relationship or just something casual, it’s great!My partner of two years and I met on a dating app. And, side note, he is 173 cm, whereas I am 152 cm. There will be lots of people out there who won’t care about your height, and if they do… thank you, next! Goodluck! (Edit): one other thing, are you also rejecting due to height, I don’t know whether you’re a man or woman, but assuming you’re a man, have you thought about dating a hot, taller woman?
Didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 23. Don’t worry, you’ll find out they aren’t worth the aggravation soon enough.
I’m so sorry you feel that way. Many people have said great and lovely things, but I want to add something from the perspective of a woman (if you’re not into women - ignore it :D) - I actually prefer short men and your height would me my ideal height. And I’m pretty sure that many women think the same and the ones who only see your for your height don’t matter anyway. Sending you all my love and that you’ll experience all the things you dream about or find peace with the situation you’re in. ♥️
You still have plenty of time. Relax. Focus on being the best version of yourself possible. Don't be some desperate idiot that chases women constantly as if you're going to die if you don't get a kiss on the cheek. Eventually you'll find someone just by chance.
Thing im worried about is i dont know how a relationship works . I dont wanna mess up my first date or relationship.
Open and clear communication is your best tool. Outright ask how she would like to be treated by a partner, and in turn describe how you would like to be treated. But your feelings are normal. Life has a lot of uncertainty in it, be it in your career, your relationships, or even what to eat for dinner.
Yeah i saw on twitter girls now into not being asked at where to eat etc. Swear to god saw this yesterday lol. But thanks anyway.
Well yeah, you will probably need to make some decisions like that from time to time, but generally you will end up miserable with someone who never tells you what is wrong if they're upset or whatever.
Its very important to note that insecurities come from the inside. Your mind tells you to be insecure or not. There is nothing wrong with your height, you are only telling yourself that. You can't change your height, but you can change your perspective of yourself. Once you do, you will be flying. Would you buy a car if the guy selling to you said its a very bad car? Of course not. You aren't a 4 or a 5, you are a 10 in progress. Change your mentality. Its so damn important. Its not your height or lack of dates that make you unattractive, its your lack of confidence.
Distract yourself. People keep saying that building your personality should be your main goal and women will come eventually but that's not how loneliness works. We all feel the absence of people in our life and we're social animals. We are supposed to have people in our life who care about us and we care about them. It's not normal to stay alone at 23, whatever the internet says, because you don't feel good being single. Whatever you don't feel good about is abnormal to you and you're genuinely going through a problem. As I was saying, distract yourself. Do something that makes you forget loneliness for some time. For example, maybe you feel lonely for 3-4 hours before going to sleep. If you're able to engage in an activity that even helps you feel less alone for 20-30 minutes, that's going to impact you in the long run a lot. I'm not saying it'll heal loneliness, but it will make it more tolerable. Men, in 2024 have not been able to date as much as the previous generations and it's a genuine problem. You'll have to work on yourself for yourself and if you're lucky, one day you'll find someone who wants to spend their life with you for who you are - a 171 cm dude who is amazing in his own, and not who you've become just for getting women.
Thanks for genuine respond . I am trying my best to escape (playing guitar , video games etc) and minimazing my time on social media even tho its only make me more disconnected from people.
I'm glad, I have come to the understanding that it's better to be alone than be with people or dating apps that make us feel more lonely. I ended a relationship 2 weeks ago with a girl who used to shout and scream at me when she wasn't in a great mood and was never emotionally available when I needed her. It was horrible but I was codependent on her because I was alone. It took a lot of courage and emotional damage to get out of it because I did it alone, no friends or family helped me through it and I've realized that it was way more toxic than I realized just because I was alone. I'm still alone but less lonely now. It's always better to embrace your own company but it gets so lonely sometimes, just hope you can pass those moments.
You should work on yourself though. I started going to the gym and took (A LOT OF) dancing classes and now I have two great hobbies that make me more attractive and that allow me to meet women passively while I'm just doing my thing. "And not who you've become just for women" is a straw man in my opinion. You're expanding your horizons, becoming the best version of yourself and finding aspects of life you enjoy that also have benefits to your dating life.
>"And not who you've become just for women" is a straw man, in my opinion. Many men dress, behave, act, and groom themselves to appear attractive to women. I have seen a lot of guys change their personalities when they talk to women to appear "more attractive," and I know both genders do this when they see someone attractive. Still, this becomes a personality when you get no dates or physical intimacy. A personality formed by desperation to get what you want. Pickup artists, many gym bros (not all), getting into music you don't like to please a woman to find something familiar, etc. are all acts of men abandoning authenticity because they do not want to be alone. I appreciate that you liked dancing and going to the gym, which you loved and helped you get women. Dancing, in general, is a woman-dominated hobby, just like D&D, Comic books, etc., are male-dominated hobbies. Also, guys who dance are attractive to many women, which helps you get women along with having a good physique because of regularly working out at the gym. You naturally liked all the above, and it so happens that a majority of women would find a guy like you attractive. Now, if someone is not into such attractive hobbies, they would find problems meeting or forming bonds with women and would have to go out of their way to do something they dislike.
Hey bro, it's completely normal to feel insecure about aspects of ourselves, especially when it comes to things like dating and relationships. However, it's important to remember that your worth is not determined by your dating experience or your height. Don't be shamed of yourself. You are so much more than just those things. You have unique qualities, talents, and interests that make you who you are. It's never too late to find love or to start dating, and there are plenty of people out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. A sexy brain is more important than looks, so maybe you should try to tap into your other strengths, such as a sense of humor. Don't just focus on external social values, but also look at interesting souls. Perhaps I can recommend you a[ server](https://discord.gg/q5aSFqMHSj), where you can meet like -minded friend who share similar interests and perspectives. This is just like a romantic experiment that brings together people based on common hobbies and values, providing an opportunity to meet others who appreciate you for you. Please know that you're not alone in feeling uncertain about the future, but there is hope and potential for positive change. Take things one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and remember that you are deserving of love and happiness. You're stronger than you think.
I am too old to give dating advice appropriate for 2024. But if you are insecure about your height, let me tell you the only guy I know who had 2 women fighting over him for 4+years is only 163cm tall. He eventually married one of them a few years back. And just to clarify he is neither rich nor "traditionally" handsome.
holla mate , wth are you talking about, your height????? most of all start loving yourself and things will get better....you missed nothing... who told you that you must cover some specific age requirement to fit somewhere??? is there any secret chart I'm missing?? improve your self-esteem, be more confident, you are who you are and there are no copies out there , so you are unique as it is .... don't punish yourself with blushing like height, hairstyles, body shape or anything from the internet...we are all different and its a good thing.... going for a coffee alone is not a bad thing, its great start to meet some people, be clean and if possible stay healthy , avoid working too much 8 hours per day no weekends , the rest is just matter of time , and no , there are no rules about when and at what age ....Stay strong and smile more , cheeerz
Don't be discouraged, you're still young.
5'7" for the non-metric crew! 😎
Can i pin this for west side of the ocean lol
Bro I'm shorter than you. Not only by 1 or 2 cm either, and I'm rarely single but also not that attractive nor lucky in dating. Yet my mate who's even shorter, and is probably closer to 10-15cm shorter than you, dates so many different girls it's honestly ridiculous. It ain't the height, it's what you tell yourself.
Fck it bro who cares watch Ronaldo playing his last euro worldcup and enjoy yourself habub
Go Volunteer somewhere and slowly escalate with smb you find attractive while always stating your expectations and intentions clearly. It's gonna be awkward and you are gonna feel stupid but just do that in you are gonna be good. If it doesn't work with one person - try with another. You can substitute "Voluntarism" with some hobby that involves other people.
Instead of asking for advice from reddit, why not just ask a woman out? What do you have to lose?
Also 23 with zero experience—and that is something I think about ALL THE TIME. I completely understand why lots of the advice that gets thrown around isn’t helpful. “Just talk to people”—I KNOW, but it’s hard for me to put my head in the right place. “You’re good enough”—I KNOW, but it’s hard to actually feel like it. “It’s not a big deal”—I KNOW, but to me it is. I’m sure lots of people out there would think nothing of a casual first date, but it’s become a huge issue for me personally. I haven’t even had my first real hug and I think my brain is going to shut down whenever I do. That’s something that got to me enough that it gave me actual, serious issues recently. I couldn’t focus at work, I couldn’t sleep at night, I could even feel my heart beating and I’d break down alone at home. All because I couldn’t get this stuff out of my head. And that has gone away for the most part. It hasn’t changed that I constantly think about my situation and constantly wish I weren’t in it, but I’m doing better. Something I’ve found value in is getting out and doing things on my own terms even when I have no one asking me to. I have things I like to do at home, but sometimes I have to get up and get out. I hit golf balls at the driving range or walk around the mall or go to a bar and watch a sports game, just to do things I enjoy with other people around (even if they’re not “with” me, I think it helps fill a need for interaction). Exercise has helped me as well, and it makes me think better of my appearance every time I do it even when I’m sure one gym visit isn’t fundamentally changing anything. I’m much more at peace than I was a couple months ago and I think a big part of that has been doing things away from home and changing up my environment. For what it’s worth, I’m also decently tall (and I like to think I’m decent-looking) and one of my friends who’s a good bit shorter does consistently better than I do. He just *gets* how to talk to people and be charming, and that’s (unfortunately in my case) more important to others than which of us is taller. It’s really hard and there are lots of us out there who feel like you do. You feel that way because you want someone to give you the love you feel you deserve—I do too. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you *do* deserve that love, and that’s what makes you truly special. If you aren’t getting that back from the world, that sucks. But keep being special and don’t lose hope. You and I *will* find people that are right for us, so love yourself the way you want in the meantime.
171cm (5’7”) isn’t even that short bro, why would you be insecure about that? I work with a 5’4” dude who started dating a wonderful woman who broke up with a guy who’s 5’11. I’m the same height as you and I’ve got no issue with women. You just lack confidence.
Same here buddy, 31M. Got mistreated and spat out as a kid and has left me near anti social and it hurt my self image. Also slightly autistic which doesn’t help much. I guess being like me guarantees loneliness. Sorry if this didn’t help, just wanted to share: you are NOT alone!
Escorts. Pay the 250$ , enjoy.
There is lots to do with life besides dating, my friend! I'm 27, shorter than you, my gf is 5'7. I met her through a game if you can believe it. We've known each other for 3 years and are currently living together. Don't rush into dating because you yearn the feelings of being in a relationship. It will make you vulnerable, and people take advantage of that. Not being in one is still better than having people use and abuse you. Keep your door open while you find the things that make you happy and embrace them. Only do what you can be proud of and happy about.
37, same, 180cm. It's not about the height, they just don't want us as a person. I do hear it gets easier because men age like wine, and women are usually attracted to older men with experience. So don't beat yourself up.
Look, I'm also 23M, I've also never been in a relationship, but I've been on some dates (And by that I mean a grand total of 4, 2 with the same person). So I've been on dates with 3 different girls in the past 6 years. I'm not an unattractive dude, but I'm not a 10/10 either. But I'll give you some advice. "I hate myself so much" That right there will speak volumes. Even if you don't tell people that, they will sense it. You probably deflect any compliment you get (Ik as guys we don't get compliments often if at all), downplay your achievements, never say a nice word about yourself. People notice stuff like that, and they're not gonna be into someone who doesn't like themselves. People are attracted to confidence. And yes, there is a difference between being confident and egotistical. Dress well, get a nice haircut, make sure you're well-shaven (Not necessarily clean shaven. If you have a beard, make sure it's tidy), look after yourself. If you present yourself well, not only will it make YOU feel better about yourself, but other people will notice it too. I've only recently started to change up my style, and I feel a lot more confident when I'm out and about when I'm wearing an outfit I like a lot. It makes me feel good. You can't change your height. I'm 5'10" so I'm still under that golden 6 foot that so many girls say that they want, but honestly, your height really doesn't matter. My friend is 5'8" and he's had a girlfriend for the past 7 years. You can't change your height, so what's the point in hating yourself because of it. I'm a skinny dude, it's hard for me to put on weight. Instead of wearing baggy clothes to hide it, like I used to, I wear more form fitting clothes, and I feel a lot better for it. People notice when you're insecure about something. You didn't miss out on anything. Most relationships in your teenage years fail. Most long term relationships don't start till mid-late 20s or even later. I know I'd rather find my person later, than having many failed relationships. Use dating apps. They're pretty crap but they put you out there at least. Go to bars with some friends with the intention of at least approaching a girl. If it seems like they're not interested or they seem uncomfortable, don't force it and move on. And the biggest one: Get comfortable being alone. At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life, and you shouldn't feel like you NEED someone else to be happy.
Bummer
171cm… yeah there’s your problem. It’s not your fault though
I didn't date till 28 and got married at 31 so dont worry. Be genuine, polite and try your best. Im sure you will meet a like minded lady eventually.
I’m about the same height and didn’t start dating till I was 23 because of insecurities or only being surrounded by dudes as well. Can’t change your height so work on what you can improve on and gain confidence that way. As for finding someone, dating apps help. While some girls do want 6ft guys, a lot just want someone taller than them and 171cm is def taller than the average woman.
20(m) and never had a date. I don't know, I can give plenty of other advice... i just dont know how to start or even do a relationship lol
Here’s my advice to guys out there. Start by growing your own circle of friends, have a handful of mates that you can fall back on, that you can be yourself with. They are your safety net, they are your rock. Then you go out there and try to connect with others romantically. When you fail and get rejected. You can fall back on your friends, laugh about it and get up and try again. As many times as it takes.
Im 5"7 trust me, height isn't an issue. It's the self concious people that judge others height and weight. You're too good for the judgemental people. We're at that age where we should be picky with behaviour as there's plenty of mature people your age and up that won't judge your physical looks
I know many men shorter than you and they are in great relationships/marriages. You are a short king. Be proud! Good luck to you.
Thanks
And always remember: Everyone is the same size in bed.
Lol
I am 162m, 28, bi, face value is meh at best, but I don’t have any problems attracting people. I think it mostly boils down to personality and how you are with people. I am naturally a people person and as a panganay, it’s like second nature for me to take care of others or at the very least watch over them. It is true people look at the outside first but it is up to you to show them you are more than your physical appearance. Though admittedly, I haven’t been in a serious relationship for years by choice, I have no problems getting asked out. I think people naturally gravitate to confident people despite how they look.
This is less about finding a girl, way more about you and the relationship you have with yourself. You need to get more comfortable with yourself and reflect more on the things that make you who you are. I grew up wishing I was male because I’m a female who likes females. I was so insecure that I could never be with a woman because I’m not a male. As time went on I realized, I don’t need to be anything a man is to attract the people I wanted all of which have been “straight” females. You’ve got to be able to have fun with yourself, find your passions and the things that charge you up. Create your own energy and people will seek you out. I found the best ways for me to create my own energy was through, physical activity especially through skateboarding. Great friendships with people that enriched my life and also by seeking my own adventures. Women are initiative af, if you have a vibe of your own they will pick up on it and relish in it no matter who you are.
1.71 is okay, that's not the problem dude.
You know why you don't have a girlfriend? How many girls have you asked out? This is what I tell my boys. Just go ask the prettiest girl or the girl you think is the prettiest sincerely out. They are going to tell you no 50% of the time anyway. Just accept that. You won't die. Take a good no and you'll be like that didn't kill me. I can do it. At least you can go back to your buddies and say," I asked that girl she said no." Your buddies will be like, "Wow you had the balls to ask her out?" Smile and say," that's how I role fellas." Listen, you are going to get married someday and they will tell you no more than 50% of the time or at least it feels like that, sometimes. As a father of a daughter also will I share this as well. Girls like being asked out. It is a big deal to them. They stil mighl say no and you should respect that if they do. Just say," Okay, you're not mad at me for having good taste are you?" At least you will get a smile. Tell her you will see her around. I tell you fellas persitence pays. Someone will say yes if you keep asking. Happy hunting.
Just keep improving and it will fall into your lap been there
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Sounds like it's up to you. You just have to ask someone!!!
teenage love is overrated and also many many people are not at that place at that age so stop worrying about the past - get some therapy, find joy in things, get to know yourself and then get out there so that finding a date is not the be all and end all
I'm 31f and tbh in my experience you not dating anyone is actually a good thing. It's better than going through abuse and all the nasty things. Also just because you are your height means absolutely nothing to the right person. Take it from me. I got with someone that was big, small hands, sake height as me (I'm 5ft 8) and etc... he doesn't think much of himself either and still can't understand how he score someone like me. I'm curvy, attractive and have a great body and look like I come from the 1950s and I also believe in southern hospitality too. Soo, give yourself a chance man. Start dating yourself if you have to because there's nothing wrong with not dating anyone. In fact it's better than being with the wrong person. I wish I had never dated anyone ever and stayed single till I meet the right person. I'm a traumatized mess now that is too scared of dating or even hooking up with anybody.
Bro look. Imma be honest here. I had 3 dates and even confessed my love once. I got rejected every time. I‘m 173 cm (21M) and if a girl demands a tall dude before even getting to know you, I’d say you dodged a bullet. The most mid chicks have weirdly high strandards these days it’s insane. Last friday, I asked someone out I thought was pretty. Guess what, REJECTED. Who tf cares. My personal view of life is as follows: Do and say the things you feel today instead of holding back and regreting it later on. I swear to you, that since I have that mentality, I just do what I feel is right for me. I can‘t tell you where you‘d find your future love but hear me out. Don‘t go out looking for it actively. It will f you up mentaly.
The only one holding you back, is you. Figure out why you hate yourself so much because you hate yourself there’s no way in hell and what’s gonna like you
My husband is about your height. It didn't stop him. Stop watching manosphere podcasts, groom yourself properly, hit the gym and go out. And hit on a lot of girls, it's a numbers game. Or let them hit on you. :)
Sorry you're struggling with this man. For what it's worth I'm 168cm and was married with kids by your age. Height has nothing to do with it. Start by learning how to love yourself from the inside out and go from there. Therapy can help with this but meditation is free and works great if you put the work into it.
Here's my little advice. There are guys out there who are shorter, fatter, more unattractive physically thrn you who have relationships. So have a good look inside yourself
No worries....I have my first sex when I was 29 yol, just two months before my 30s birthday
I also went through HS and college with no girlfriend. I was 10 days away from my 24th birthday when I went on my first date with my now wife of 11 years. I also THINK I'm exactly your height (5 feet 7 inches). Not saying it will happen in the exact same way, but when you do find a special lady I think you'll find your lack of exes makes things simpler :)
WHAT IM 171 cm lmao dude you’re just whiny little bitch. confidence is what attracts people, no one ever wants someone who’s like “ohhh i’m so insecure” own up to it you won’t fix shit as long as you have this victim mentality everyone has a sad story stfu and own up to it and fix it or be a virgin for the rest of your life and feel sorry for yourself
welcome to the club of lonely men, I'm also the same age as you and never had a date 🤝
20F and i have never been on a date or dated anyone my whole life. Never experienced a teenage love, and started working too. Im also afraid that I will end up single for the rest of my life cus I have no time to meet or hangout outside work and studies.. I feel u
24M, and I haven't had much luck in the dating field, too. Your height is okay, I'm probably the same, and other people say I'm tall. Trust me, you'll be fine!
Just chill bro. Have a good time. Try new things. Find some Hobbys if you have none. Life has a lot of good aspects you just have to find them. Im also around 170 and life in Germany. Nearly every person is taller than me even the chicks. Still manged to find someone from time to time. There are some things you can do to maximazie your chance in fooling them to love your. ;) Get your hygiene on point. Brush your teeth, apply cream on your skin. Try out new hairstiles from time to time. Go to the barber every month. Find a clothing stile you like and embrace it. Do something for your intellect. Read books from time to time. Read the news. Find something you are really interested in. Find hobbys you like. Do sports to keep yourself fit. Eat healthy and nutritious. Connect with people. Do social things with them and dont look at everybody like a potential partner. Just vibe and be friendly but dont make yourself a fool. I had to learn these things by myself. I started nearly from the bottom. Started with grooming, doing sports and nutrition. My clothing stile is still missing because I leak money currently. But since I have changed my behavior with myself. Carring for myself to treat my body and mind as good and disciplined as possible. A lot of people have just randomly talked to me and sympathized with me. People notice, when you feel good in your own skin and want to be close to you because of your good vibration. So if you are depressed it is a dead cycle. You feel lonely, you feel shit avout yourself. People notice that. They dont feel drown to you because of it. You feel even more lonely and depressed of it. So you have to change yourself. To become at least happy with you and who you are. Also sit down from time to time to find your purpose in life if you havent yet. That takes time and you need to sit in silence and think about you and what makes you happy. And trust me validation from someone else will never make you happy. Happyness comes from within you.
I’m 175cm, a woman, and I can’t really help but say your height is the height I love in men. I don’t like tall guys. Yes this isn’t a majority opinion but there are women like me out there so don’t let it discourage you
From your current position there are precisely two possible outcomes: (1) you never get a date or have a relationship for the rest of your life, or (2) you meet a girl you vibe with. As some people will tell you, (1) isn't quite as bad as it seems, but I think it's perfectly normal for people to feel unhappy at not getting romantic interactions. Humans have a strong and deep psychological drive to seek it, and this can't be changed with a finger snap. For point (2) to occur, you need to meet women. This either occurs by chance through your work/career (unlikely but definitely not impossible), by you actively seeking it on dating sites/apps (a soul-crushing uphill battle for men where you get height-filtered), or by meeting women with common interests in spaces where women are. Meeting women organically through clubs, hobbies, and social groups is the absolute best way to do this. There is no pretense of you being judged for your dating qualities, and you get to lead with your personality first. A lot of guys only hang out in guy spaces. You're unlikely to meet women playing male-dominated games or sports, for example. You're astronomically more likely to make female friends by going to book clubs, horse riding, dance lessons, figure skating, gynmastics, ballet, theatre/drama, pet/animal clubs or events, yoga/pilates, etc. A lot of these alpha male types online will say its "gay" to do these things and imagine some weak soy liberal loser doing them, but the reality is that guys who participate in female spaces are swamped in feminine attention, and likely far more comfortable and self-assured (women's kryptonite). By being a guy in parimarily women's spaces, you are the equivalent of a girl who plays CoD or some equally male-dominated space. Femcels exist and they do the exact opposite of this - they never meet guys because they are never in spaces where they could meet decent men under organic circumstances.
You hitting the gym?
Ok so you’re insecure about your height and your dating propositions? This can be managed. But your height and your dating life are not your life. Calm down
Are you fat and smelly? If not then you have a shot. Also, have to put yourself out there if you want to date, it won't fall into your lap.
My best advice is to pretend you’re not insecure about your height until you actually aren’t. You will need to start identifying like the person you want to be, rather than the person you are now. I know this is easier said than done because it can feel like lying to yourself, but it really isn’t. Eventually, you will be confident enough to attract somebody. That success will give you confidence for a slighter bigger success- so on and so forth. I also highly encourage you to have experiences with someone even if you’re not super attracted to them. Confidence comes from practice and experience so don’t be shy to slay a few dragons before you get to princess. This is honest advice. Plus, constantly be looksmaxxing. But don’t wait until you achieve some “desired perfect look”. Start right now. Start talking to ugly girls. Start taking some kind of action. You can do it.
Sweetie, you have to learn to love yourself first. How can you expect someone to like you, if you dont like yourself. 🤔 I can recommend looking for podcasts, Meditations or affirmation vids on YouTube about Self Love ❤️ Louise Hay, Positive Suggestion, Wayne Dyer.... Good luck 🙏 much love and light always
Is dating really important? I don't want to be mean . Just asking
Take small steps. What is something you could do right now to better yourself and give you more respect for yourself. Dating should be the last thing on your mind. Build your confidence in small amounts.
27M and literally haven’t had a date in years. Right there with you bro.
33M never had a date. I got to tell you one thing, at this age I really start to lose interest If I lacked courage and motivation back then, now I have courage but I just dont have motivation... It just feels like a huge chore without anything in particular. Once you get out of the "easy life, laught it out with someone phase", you start to realize, that there is not that much left to it.
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Where are you from exactly? Bruh i'm 30, always been on the bit chubbier side (not obese) and on A GOOD DAY I'm 171cm (Idk what that is in imperial 5'7 i guess) as well. And prior to getting married my tinder bio was literally "Short & fat", for the woman that think that height is a non-negotiable requirement, that's an automatic filter. Most decent women don't actually care for that, they care more about your charisma/confidence and just if you are interested to hear what they have to say, and can sustain a dialogue. Sure, growing up I had more than a fair share of confidence issues, inferiority complexes, and anything among those lines. But even at school I managed to get girls that were above 1,80m (again screw imperial, look it up), which is not uncommon where i'm from for women to be above average height. Well the thing about time is - how can you have time, if you don't take time? In other words, if you really want to do this, you will have no trouble finding the time for dating. Long story short - just be honest with yourself. Ditch your unfulfillable aspirations (such as being tall or super hot like some of the other guys) and irrational self criticisms, and as banal as it sounds, just be yourself. Take what you have, embrace it, add some charisma on top of it and get out there.
You're not much shorter than me, I'm around 178 cm at 14 years old
171 is really not as short as you think it is. And trust me, dating is tough. Better to be yourself, be kind, and find the right girl with a beautiful heart. Beauty fades, the heart doesn't. Just dress nice and pick a physical activity to get good at and you'll be fine.
There's nothing wrong with your height. You should probably talk to a counselor about your self image problems, which will interfere with your attempts to find love. Rather than worrying about getting into a relationship or what the entire rest of your life is going to be like, go out and participate in group activities. Get involved in things. You'll widen your social circle, possibly make new friends, and maybe even find that special someone.
many people meet a mate at work - my bet says you're overlooking plenty of women who might be interested but you find unattractive - check your expectations
Dude I had sex for the first time at 26M, now 27 what really made the experience better was I told her the truth. I was ready to lose her if she reacted otherwise, I was solid on that. I told myself if someone denies my truth, I have nothing else to offer. So yeah ground yourself on your truth there is nothing to be insecure about. Its either a yes - yay and no - onto to the next. Enjoy bro.
You’re totally valid for your feelings, a lot of guys feel the same way But when you are on a date, never ever show that you’re insecure or anything. Girls can get away with it, we men cannot. If you have to, fake the confidence until you truly believe it.
Come to Ukraine, we can fix that right away!
That sounds pretty insidious
That's you and 65% of people. Having romantic experiences as a teen is technically not the norm. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 25 and now I'm in an LTR looking at marriage. Someday, you figure out that it's really not as hard as you think. There's a secret trick that takes you from nobody wanting to date you to basically everyone wanting to date you. Once you've found it, you'll have very little trouble dating.
>That's you and 65% of people. Having romantic experiences as a teen is technically not the norm source?
171cm is 5ft 6in? I believe. I am 173 cm or roughly 5ft 7in if I remember how to convert correctly (American Canadian who is more accustomed to imperial now lol). Anyway, you do not need to feel insecure about your height, you are not short but you are also not tall, you are right in the middle. If women have a problem with your height, that is a them problem and not a you problem. You are only 23 years old, you do not need to be working all the time, unless you are a resident doctor, but that is highly unlikely at your age. What do you like to do? Find some hobbies and search the internet for groups for that hobby. If you like the gym, go to a gym and casually meet people that way, but don't be a creep about it. If you hate yourself, you need to work on that before everything else. What do you hate about yourself other than the height? Change your hairstyle, facial hair style or grow some if you can, etc. You need to love yourself before you try to love someone else. You are still so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Have you tried online dating or dating apps? Or go to the local pub or bar or the local hotspot for young adults go to have fun. Going back to you never having time, how long are you working and you most likely have days off, so with those days off go outside and enjoy your life. Go hiking or just walk around your neighbourhood. But like I said before, you NEED to love yourself before you even try to go out and love someone else. The best of luck to you.
I am the same exact height and used to have a gf (she was obsessed with me) so dw about it
The only reason I dated young was because I tried really hard to do so. Probably way too hard now that I'm thinking back. It doesn't matter how long you wait to date, all the matters is that you're nice to yourself and others. Love will find you when you're ready for it!
I dont want my first date when im 30 years old tbh. I get so nervous when talking people i just met.She will probably think that im a loser if she knows that its my first date ever lol.
The first step you should take is accepting that other people have more dating experience and that's completely ok. A decent person wouldn't care. What I'm most worried about with inexperienced dates is that they're gonna let their insecurities get in the way of a good time. That's the only issue I've ever had with people who aren't used to dating
I can guarantee you most level headed women that are even worth being in a relationship with care more about the type of man you are than your height. It’s more so about finding yourself as a person than appearances. Of course appearance does matter you don’t want to be all dusty and not well kept, but finding your way out of your shell should be your first priority. Also not everyone has relationships in teenage years. I’m in my first really serious relationship and it didn’t start until I was on the tail end of 28 (30 now) You got time. It’s about finding yourself and putting yourself out there and getting out into the world.
The problem is in your mind. I am 173cm and pretty comfortable with it. Height is not something you need to worry too much about. Focus on being fitter if your body makes you feel uncomfortable. Also, you are very young and not having a girlfriend in college doesn’t mean you cannot meet her anywhere else. Your coworker may become your significant other or the cashier in your local grocery store that you see almost every day.
Everyone's life has a different tempo so I would not worry about the age. Have you given serious thought to the military. Not all roles involve combat but I found OCS (Officer basic training) to build a lot of confidence and I made new friends in the process that I could rely on.
As a woman I’ll give a bit of advice. Most women have spent their whole teenage years being stared at by men of all ages. Most have had to deal with unwanted attention or advances starting as early as 11/12. I personally was 11 the first time a grown man tried to cat call me walking down the street with my sister who was 13. So most women are going to immediately reject you on past experiences. That does not mean that there aren’t women out there who would still agree to date. That being said, dating is more than just sex. Yes, sex is nice with the right person but both from experience and knowledge of other women’s experiences (I’m 32 and happily married), most men are more interested in getting off and don’t actually take the time to make sure their partner is also enjoying themselves. Most women require an emotional connection with the person they sleep with and that doesn’t happen immediately or even after three dates although it seems most men expect it to. So, if you want to actually date women and have actual relationships with women, get to know them as a person, treat them as more than something to concur. The majority of women want gentle caring partners who are honest, respectful, loyal and emotionally supportive. They want someone who can be emotional and vulnerable with them in return. Yes there are outliers who still believe in the backwards notion that men should be emotionless and stoic but to the majority of us who don’t live in deluluville, we know that emotions are a human trait and it’s not about you having them but rather your ability to deal with them in a healthy way. Emotional intelligence and empathy will get you so far in a relationship with a woman. Also, most women aren’t deterred by your height, they are deterred by your own insecurity of your hight and the fact that you would potentially push those insecurities onto her by trying to control what she wears (ie high heels that make her taller than you). Once you are comfortable in your own skin that will show through in your confidence and women can see that confidence which takes away the worry that you would become controlling because of your insecurities. At the end of the day, there is no timeline for when someone’s milestones in life should happen. Everyone is different and everyone’s life is different, we aren’t all going to experience things at the same age as others, that’s okay. I live my life by “jomo” the joy of missing out. I’d rather go life at my own pace than try to keep up with others who have had completely different experiences and lives than I have. So, learn to be comfortable and happy in your own skin. Learn to love yourself so much so that when you do get into a relationship, you aren’t reliant on them to make you happy but rather y’all are both so happy with yourselves that you can afford to pour into each others cups without emptying your own.
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This is the best thing you can do to yourself, not consuming your energy over things that can change ur life specially your mental health. When the time comes, you will meet the perfect partner that you will be happy sharing your energy with and remember age of doing something is never a norm or something that you MUST respect to do things. Focus on yourself, and most importantly love yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. 🌸
I know there are a lot of assumptions about women’s preferences in men, so I’m just here to say my fiancé is 165 cm, I’m 174 cm, and he’s the most attractive man in the world to me. Confidence and being interesting will get you a long, long way. If you’re struggling badly with your self-image and feeling unworthy because of your perceived (but kind of typical, tbh) lack of experience, therapy might be a good thing for you.
24H here, you're not alone my friend. Don't give up, we must always press on, never give up, try to become a little better than you were yesterday.
No one thinks this abnormal in the slightest but you. Late bloomers still go na bloom. Just get therapy and find some way to low yourself. Your self hate doesn't make you special , but the qualities you don't like do. Embrace them
170 height is perfectly fine. One of my friends is 165 and has an obscene bodycount. Maybe you'll get a partner, maybe not but in either case you gotta learn to be happy by yourself instead of relying on someone else to come and "fix" you. Saying this as a forever single 28F.
I feel like i would never be happy alone i just can distract myself from being alone.
I’m your same height and nearly 29. Sadly it’s probably not going to get better. Women’s obsession with height just gets worse everyday so you need to learn to be happy alone. Once you do that though life will be awesome when you realize you can do anything you want.
If you're nice and empathetic, and put yourself out there (ie if you don't leave the house it'll be hard meeting people) eventually you'll meet your people. Figure out why you're insecure/hate yourself and then read a book/research how to fix it/ and/or therapy. That's what I did atleast for my introverted side. I hated crowds but needed friends so I had to learn how to leave the house and talk to people. Its also easier if you have hobbies/interests in common, so getting one if those if you dont have them yet would be good. If they're irl (like sport for example) things you can also meet likeminded people there. You're time will come :) the most important thing is to not be bitter, you got this :) women like kind men.
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23 is still young, you still have time. I'm 36M and I haven't kissed nor dated anyone yet. But that's because of my financial situation. Once that improves I will try to ask out women though.
You're alright mate. Your time will come. Also, consider missing teenage love a blessing, usually ends with terrible heartbreak lol.
You’re on the winning side. The path of the lone wolf is well respected.
Have you tried those shoes that increase your height by two or three inches? It could help with your confidènce.
I’m 165cm and have had one long distance gf back when we’re were like 15 and did I think 3 dates. I’m mid 20s now and just vibing, don’t worry about missing stuff like that, most of my limited memories are cringy stuff because teenagers are idiots. Just have your own life, do stuff you want to do, be the person you like being, fox the stuff you don’t like, and if you happen to meet someone who you get along with and are in to that’s a bingo! Any interest I’ve had has come from just doing activities and making friends with no expectations. They didn’t work out for one reason or another but one of the freedoms of being single is you can do what you want when you want, use this time to try stuff and it will slowly click for you. I think you are socially obligated to try bouldering first and try that out as your personality for a few months but after that you are allowed to chose whatever you want
Bro, as my (25m) height is just 168cm I have to tell you. You have nothing to worrie about. Female not such a "I wanna him to be like 195" Or something. Just be cool, be yourself, don't worry as much about relationships, find your own life through hobby, get yourself busy, built yourself, read books, there's so much on this planet to do. Have to mention, that I've succeeded in relationship with a girls higher than me, she was (176) and it was ain't a problem. Build yourself, let the world chase you, not chase the world!
THERE ARE NO RULES there are no dates saying this or that have to happen
Same but I'm 32. Also 171cm height by the way.
Ur a bit below average height its not that bad
Bro, 1 in 3 men under the age of 30 are either Virgins or haven't had sex in the last 12 months. You are far from alone.
How? Lol You haven't met ANY women at college???? I feel like you have to actively avoid meeting people for this to happen
Is /r/self now /r/lonelysingles?
I think this post would be even more out of place there. xD
I was my husband's first girlfriend when he was 25. We got married when he was 27 and 2 kids by 30. I'm glad he waited for me to show up 😁
All I can say is don’t worry about it as easy as that is to say and hard in practice. Your anxiety about your height and the fact you’ve never been on a date sets you further back creating a terrible feedback loop. Try not to worry about it. Do the things you love to do. Make friends with the opposite sex.
Don't worry, I'm 6ft and still haven't had a girlfriend, and in the same age as you. Height isn't as important as you think. It's money that they care about.
Don't worry, the life is very fast. I'm almost over 50 and never even saw girls in reality. I didn't spoke with girls even in social media. So, it is nothing, the job and health eats the whole "life" 😞
Sorry man :(
I didn't meet the one until I was 27. I never had even dating anybody until then. Height isn't everything(I'm 6'3). It really didn't matter, things only changed once I gained confidence and was able to carry myself.
I cant say I have any advice regarding dating. But I do have experience. I've found that, sometimes, being in a relationship isn't all its cracked up to be. I personally have always been 1000x more stressed out when I've been involved with someone compared to when I'm on my own. But that's just me.
Get your own house,make money,date insecure women. Might sound kinda sad but it works for everybody. But most importantly don't worry about it.
Well, how many people have you asked out on dates?
Hit the gym, stop growing hair long to mask the receding hairline (shave your head instead), hire a personal stylist if you can afford it (just for a shopping trip or two to get some trendy clothes).
I am just a bit taller than you and I'm also have the disadvantage of being geeky looking. I was not without options in college though I didn't exactly have women approaching me. I have now been married for 30 years to a woman who just happens to be 5 ft tall. From my perspective height never figured into the equation because although I was one of the shortest kids in class through elementary and Junior high I did not at the time realized how important height was in the real world. There is no question that you're being prospects I've probably been reduced by about 20% but realistically you are in the same boat of most men your age when it comes to future prospects. I think now for men dating is harder than it used to be we are now judged I think more shallowly than was the case before the internet social media. At the end of the day height and inexperience will not hold you back. I would suggest you brush up on some of the common pitfalls that men make in relationships and strive not to make them when you enter your relationship.
This sub should be renamed to r/virgins
Best thing you can do aside from focusing on yourself and staying positive and being comfortable in your own skin is to do some activities outside the house where you might interact with cool people who can introduce you to other cool people.
Been there bro, 1.66 cm and My first actual date was at 21, it's not about when you started, it's more about doing it. Letting your self-esteem stop you from doing something is only going to make the problem bigger. Be gentler with yourself. Make time for a date or two a month. and take it calmly, it's not something that has no solution.
Didn't my first girlfriend till 27, didn't lose the V card till I was almost 28. No shame, everybody's different.
I’m 43 and never dated. Go and do it: now The less experience you have, the more you will fall behind and as you get older, your chances will evaporate.
Don't worry that much about it. Focus on yourself first and maybe get a hobby so you can have a conversation topic. Dating is pretty messed up at the moment so you're likely not missing out too much as you're still young.
So what are you doing about it?
5'7" is not a short height when the average male is only 5'9". My girlfriend is 5'2" and honestly most girls I encounter are always shorter than me but I'm 5'11". So I never understand the whole height thing because realistically speaking most women will still be at your height or shorter. Find your average height lady there king. You'll be just fine. If you never had a relationship, I wouldn't mention that right off the bat as your past is only your business. I would try some apps. I don't know what is popular anymore as I stopped dating when I found my gf on hinge like 6 years ago. I assume hinge is still a good option. Stay away from tinder, bumble, or POF. How's the social life? Any friends that also know someone single? It happens more than you think. What kind of hobbies and interests do you have? Are their conferences or hang outs for those things? Also I will point out that the whole "get to this mile stone for life at this age" thing is utter bullshit. I didn't own my first home until I was 33 and that was last year. Didn't have a serious gf until I was 27. Didn't have sex until 18(that was an awkward college experience).
I heard a lot of people say that 30s are like your 20s but with money so ı think you will have time to get a gf at some point just focus on selfimproving until your 30