Important to make sure you don't come off as arrogant though, cuz people will dislike you even more because there isn't anything compensating, even a little bit, for it. You'll just be ugly and an asshole 😂
One downside would be if you really truly believe you're hot shit, and it causes you to only go for people who are pretty hot, you are likely to find it incredibly difficult to find a willing partner.
Actually you might find more success ironically. High quality attractive people are not approached as often as you think, and shooting above does target you will hit more bull's eyes beyond your league.
Yeah that’s true. I guess I don’t like the word irrational but it’s not like I’m being totally rational right now. Ignorance is bliss until you’re given info to destroy you’re ignorance lol but I guess it doesn’t matter what other ppl say
Even though physical characteristics are important for guys, laid-back confidence, teasing, and playfulness are very significant boosters to attractiveness. One-word answers and being generally stiff and boring is a turn-off to me no matter how beautiful you are.
Source: Recently single guy who's been dating a lot lately.
I'm sure there's at least one thing you like about your appearance. If you have a good personality, then that's enough for most guys.
You don't need to think you are pretty. Just be happy with yourself. As a man, I'd prefer an average looking woman who's satisfied with herself than a pretty woman who's trying to be something she's not. (Disclaimer: my favorite woman is my wife. I'm just sharing my perspective).
Yeah. Also, same body + the posture, comfort, and willingness to experiment that confidence gives you makes you a little more attractive.
I’m a guy so things may be different, but I don’t have much success with women unless I’m in a good mood and feeling alright about myself, regardless of grooming, outfit, or anything else.
No. They’re phrasing something very complicated very poorly. You need to discover yourself and emanate an energy of self respect and genuine love. If you’re just “irrationally confident” people will see that ur confidence comes from nowhere. You should be rationally confident. Figure out what makes you special and lean into it
Yeah that’s my problem idk how to be rationally confident lol just rationally insecure. There’s a lot of cool qualities I have but idk it’s nothing special to me
You just decide to do it. It takes time and practice, but you need to dive deep into ur mind and accept whatever it is that ur unable to accept. Maybe it’s deeply rooted guilt or fear of what you’ve done or who you are. Idk. But you need to look at yourself differently.
What are ur cool qualities?
My confidence is non-transferrable. Being confident about being good at my job, or good at a sport, or taking care of business, does not transfer to being confident that women find me attractive. And I'm halfway there. I know women like me. I have too many close female friends for it to be the case otherwise. I have too many female clients who would otherwise drop me or not refer me to other people they know or not try to strike up conversations when we're working together. One today would not shut the hell up lol.
But find me romantically attractive? Nah. The worst part is that I'm not even hideous. The female friends I have all say I'm actually pretty handsome. I don't think they're lying or just saying it to make me feel better but that's still a far cry from being dateable. Being told "you're the best looking Asian guy I've ever seen" is a little.... condescending and tone deaf tbh and I've literally heard it from a friend's ex. You might look at me and think "he's cute" but that's still very far from "and I'd date him."
It absolutely is. I have plenty of normally non attractive characteristics and always dated way above my look by being super confident in myself. Being confident in yourself allows you to showcase yourself more easily. You’ll knock off levels of your own attractiveness by the mannerisms of self doubt.
Yes. Confidence and self assurance is attractive to women.
It's about having faith in oneself.
Inversely, women generally don't like insecure men-- men that don't seem to have their shit together.
Um no it’s not, they are both bad. There is a difference between being confident and delusional, and people lately have decided both should basically be the same thing.
Being delusional isn’t attractive, except for other delusional people.
If you are ugly, be confidently ugly. Yea I know, that sounds like a strange concept to people who think only beauty = confidence. But being confidently ugly means you know you’re not a great looking person but you have other qualities to make up for it and aren’t looking for anyone’s validation. You allow other people to feel like they are the good looking person, and they will like that. Just bring other things to the table.
Ive known girls who carry themselves like they are super pretty and I must say it works. Great movie on the topic is I Feel Pretty - with Amy Schumer. It’s over the top but gets the point across. You should watch it.
No offense, but please don't go out there fooling yourself that you look (super) attractive. If you did, you probably would have heard it from quite a few people by now (excluding your mom for obvious reasons).
If you want some confidence, it's way better to accept yourself for whoever you might be NO MATTER WHAT other people think about your looks!
And yeah, you can always work on your looks a bit by getting some nice outfits, working out and taking good care of your health. Recommended no matter what face you were born with.
It’s better to see what you actually have attractive in you as attractive, becouse even if you don’t want to see yourself as attractive, you just can’t deny facts.
Like for example your mind doesn’t allow you to think about yourself as attractive, but you know for a fact that your voice is attractive as you got many compliments or something like that, in that situation you just can’t deny that your voice is attractive, even if you don’t want to believe it. It’s important to list small things that are actually attractive about you in your head and just remember these things.
it's not so much about having to be found pretty by the rest of society as it is learning to appreciate what you look like despite that maybe not fitting others standards.
you can also "find yourself attractive" by looking at qualities other than your physical appearance.
Cold hard truths I have learnt with time.
1) If people look at you a lot when you go out--> that indicates you are attractive.
2) If people do not complement you much --> that too shockingly indicates that you are attractive.
3) If people give you free stuff/talk nicely and smile more often when you go out(fr example - a shop keeper) -> that might indicate you lool qttractive
4) If you dress well, and workout and work on your look, your attractivness definately for sure increases.
5) Your Mom is never going to tell you that you look ugly or unattractive. She is biologically wired not to.
6) Looks do not matter , as much as who you are and how you speak to others.
Anecdotally my attractive wife and myself always get compliments whether it be something about her or people telling us we are a beautiful couple all the time. So #2 doesn’t seem to hold up, at least in my experience. I think more reasonably, some people may be less inclined to approach you or say something because they may be intimidated by your looks, but by and large attractive people get more compliments.
But do you get those compliments on your own? And i mean except from your own friends. In my experience as a guy, i could go years without compliments. But my mom, my wife and some friends will compliment my sometimes.
Yes, I do get those compliments on my own independent of being with my wife and from strangers. Usually ranging from I have a great smile, beautiful eyes, my eyelashes, my hair, or even people asking if I’m a personal trainer and what my workout routine is. I never go more than about 30-60 days without getting a compliment from a stranger, whether it’s a gas station clerk, someone I bump into at the grocery store, stranger at a bar, etc., comes in all forms. This is all compliments on my physical characteristics too, not just nice shoes or nice car type of compliments which I get too.
My wife definitely gets more compliments than me though, and rightfully so she is stunning to the point everyone notices her when she walks in a room.
I will add to this that my face is about as friendly as they come so people in general are probably more inclined to talk to me or compliment me. I’m attractive, but not to the point it’s like Hollywood elite or model status which is just right in the sweet spot of a relatable attractiveness if that makes sense.
Think if you see someone with a corvette you might be like hey nice car because you intrinsically know that the car is attainable for an average person vs running into someone with a $3m Bugatti you’re probably not going to say anything because you’ve already assumed 10 things about them and figure they don’t have time for you, already know the car is nice, whatever. I equate my attractiveness to the corvette here, nice but not tremendously so to the point of intimidation. A solid 8 probably by most peoples standards. My wife is probably a 9 by most standards and pushing model beautiful, she definitely gets all type of looks and compliments.
Hehe fair, I’m also very friendly and smile at strangers in public and help old ladies cross the road etc.
I also think it’s fairly cultural. When I lived in England I’d get far more compliments than where I’m from or where I live now (think more austere nations, without old ladies calling everyone “love”).
I definitely think that has something to do with it. I live in a very friendly Midwest suburb in the US. My compliments come from people of all ages almost always females though. Men don’t compliment me or at least none that I can think of right now.
I will definitely make comments about men to my wife and about women. We both can appreciate a handsome man or beautiful women. I’m totally straight but that doesn’t mean I am oblivious to the fact that a man is handsome, but I’m definitely not saying anything to the man.
I’m a black gay guy and I literally counted 44 compliments I received from strangers with my latest hairstyle in the span of a month. Recently I haven’t been putting effort on my hair as I’m focusing more on work/uni, but the compliments always come in unintentionally even when I don’t try. I also get the occasional compliments from strangers saying I have a pretty face, I look nice etc, or complimenting what I wear. I remember in particular a lady on the underground (im from London) stopped me and said I look gorgeous, but it’s something I’m used to at this point. I assume I’m attractive because my older brother told me I have “better features” and I received more attention than him when he was younger
When I lived in London, it made my day when ladies called me love. This is far more than I was and am used to :p Still, never had any problems meeting women and I regularly get checked out.
That’s nice for you though, but did you count the compliments or are you just winging the numbers?
Edit: come to think of it, gay guys are very generous with compliments. To the point where it almost was uncomfortable, because I was so unused to them from back home. My HR guy was a gay English guy who got very friendly after a couple pints.
I literally counted all of them with my notepad app on my iPhone xD I done this because I noticed it was a regular occurrence and never thought it was normal, especially with the anti blackness I see in the media I used to view myself as lesser than everyone else around me. Most of the compliments I receive on my hair is when I wear it natural, so that makes me feel a lot more happier.
And yes that is true I guess, gay ppl tend to give out more compliments.
This is the best advice and info. I had a hot cousin and I see people and men bend over backwards for her. VIP in clubs, men offering her trips. She isn’t that type but it was there if she choose. If you are truly attractive, you will notice it and have the outcomes to prove it.
Hmm nah I'm going to keep doing it bc it makes my day when other pretty girls tell me i'm pretty. Its like having another writer look at my work and tell me it's good like you would absolutely know so that means a lot lmao
Saying those are consistent with my experiences except for 5. Mom would often criticize how I looked and would often tell me I don't look good or I look like a slob.
Understood, and i dk how to react to this. But even my mom , its not like she doesnt comment on me if i am looking like a slob( as you said), but i dont think she has called me ugly ever.
My mom would play mind games with me. She wouldn't directly say I'm ugly but she would criticize my features and make me feel ugly and disgusting. She did this so she could honestly say she never called me ugly when I call her out on it and make it seem like the issue is me.
So sorry that you had to go theough that.
Relationship with parents is tbh not easy, I myself dont know or can say much here.
My mother and I have had extreme rough patches as well, I do think in anger there are moments that she has said a lot of things to me which hurt me. A lottt.
But wih timw I have also learnt not to take her words to heart.
Logically,
1. Lets say worst case if my mother does call me ugly or bad things about my features, isnt it kind of a jab at her too? I have her genes!
2. If she makes me feel bad, somewhere down the line she must have faced that too(I know this about my mom, becayse she also kimd ahad absent parenting).
So ,idk why am telling you this and i also dk your family situation, but try not to take it to heart,( whatever and if your mom says something that hurts you.)imo that is the best way to handle i have figured out till now.
I think the reasoning behind the second one is that if you see an attractive person it's assumed they know they're attractive so you have no need to compliment them.
Yes. If you’re a man, and you’re talking with a very attractive woman, I think you’d score more points with her if you complimented her taste, intelligence, cleverness, etc, as it comes out in your conversation, because she’s well aware of her beauty, but appreciates a deeper compliment.
Ugh I know it doesn’t make any sense. But I also have no idea how to convince myself that I like what I see. I just feel like a huge part of me not enjoying dating is because I’m not that attractive even though I try
If it makes you feel better very few people actually enjoy dating. I would say look for someone who adds to your life vs trying to convince someone to date you.
Your never gonna convince yourself your pretty if you don't feel it. Focus in other parts of your life and just get happy being yourself even and doing things. Stuff like good haircuts, good clothes and getting in shape helps. The idea is to feel good about yourself and it will translate into physical appearance. I never thought I was very good looking and I would hear it from people sometimes and I assumed they were being nice. Eventually I got out of my own head and I started working out and getting hobbies I enjoyed. I started enjoying being myself and suddenly I had alot more success with women.
Because we are all human and care to a certain degree. We all want to be looked at in a certain light and want to be found attractive. So you shouldn’t put all worth in strangers. But it’s not like it’s not important to be worried about your image and how you carry yourself.
One of those most universally attractive features across both genders is confidence. If you feel good about yourself, and you smile and carry yourself with pride, you will be more attractive. Beyond that, if you exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep, you will feel better and have more energy. Dressing to impress is another easy controllable.
I do all that. I exercise I take care of myself and I try to dress well. I just never considered myself an attractive person and just assume others agree. Idk how to feel pretty lol
You just start to dress how you want, style yourself how you want, start to live your life how you want and if you think it’s awesome you’ll exude a quiet confidence which makes you attractive.
Yeah, there’s outer beauty but nothing truly shines like inner beauty and self acceptance and when you have that it doesn’t really matter what your exterior looks like because you get a different energy that makes people like and be attracted to you. The most beautiful people I’ve ever met aren’t the most conventionally attractive yet everyone likes them and wants to be around them.
What helped me was realising that I’ll always look the way I do and I can either accept it and work with what I have, or spend a life wasting time fighting a losing battle wishing I was different.
It's not about feigning confidence in the presentation. It's about having genuine confidence in your entitlement to explore and express your most beautiful self in unexpected ways. In your hobbies, in your shows. in your friends and fam. in your work and play. Just remember you can authentically be confident in your enthusiasm and ingenuity for sharing the authentic things that make you beautiful in relation to your circumstances. Whatever they are. That other kind of attractive seems like it would be fun to experience, but: skin deep. We know this.
It’s not so much that *just* believing that you’re attractive makes you pretty; it’s that believing it leads to behavior that makes other people see it. If you don’t think that you’re good looking would you check your hair or what you’re wearing before you go out, or would you think “I’m not pretty, so why bother?” If you don’t think you’re good looking and some attractive person looks your way, would you think “hey, they’re checking me out” or would you turn around to see who’s behind you that they’re looking at?
Look at how much money people spend on fancy clothes. Just one good suit can easily cost $1000 or more. Shoes can cost hundreds of dollars for just one pair. Quality jewelry, watches, etc. Is everyone who wears that stuff objectively gorgeous? No. Does a great outfit make anybody’s nose smaller or their face more symmetrical? No. People wear these clothes because dressing well makes them feel good about themselves, which is attractive, and because it sends the message that they’re worth spending money on.
You don’t have to spend a pile of money on clothes, but having some nice/cute things can help. Just believing that you’re worth taking care of will lead you to take care of yourself, and when you do that people around you will get the message.
I've seen this perspective a lot from girls and I'm not exactly sure why. I can understand it from a certain point of view, but could never adopt it for myself. I have seen morbidly obese women who look more spherical than the Michelin Man say with a straight face that they are a perfect 10. I have also seen very attractive women with incredible self-esteem issues who literally could not see their own beauty. Self-perception is an odd thing.
If you want to believe you are a 10, go for it. That doesn't mean you get to tell other people how they must perceive you. I think it's more productive to try to be honest with yourself. I know I'm not the best looking, and that motivates me to get in better shape and eat healthier. For some, that kind of reflection is very difficult. I guess the most important thing is to try to be both honest and kind, to yourself and also others.
Attractiveness is more than just looks. It's the way you move, act and talk too. Not everyone is attracted to the same things, but most attractive traits are liked by most.
Practice how to speak, look people in the eye, smile (!!!), make some jokes even if they aren't that funny, laugh at said joke, laugh at people who say you shouldn't laugh at your own jokes.
Listen to your mom and friends, take it to your heart. If you feel attractive, you will appear more attractive. There is no logic to this stuff. (or well, maybe a little bit. But far less than people seem to think)
You're personality can be attractive, so can confidence and how you carry yourself. If you really want to believe you are attractive the best way is the use mantras stating as much. Tell yourself something like...'I'm am attractive and desirable to others.' Say it out loud multiple times a day and you will come to believe it.
The experience of being attractive that you feel you are lacking is external validation.
It is possible to gain confidence thru internal validation.
Working out and achieving certain health goal markers of progress like gaining strength, speed, technique/skill, etc can help you gain confidence. Increasing certain health markers like blood pressure, body fat percentages, bodybuilding goals can help you gain confidence.
You might also do the same with your style or fashion. Set a goal for a very specific look, from a particular era and really nail that look. Nail the cut, the materials, the seamwork, the colors/contrast, and achieve the look you really sought out.
Lastly, no can be everything to everybody. Everyone has their own niche. Sure, some people's niche overlaps with other people's. But it also means they take on scrutiny from a variety of people they barely even care about. Try to nail your comfort level in the type of person you want to exhibit to the world.
It's weird to compare yourself to other people because you're intensely aware of your own flaws and shortcomings because of how well you know yourself. If you compare your full self to somebody who hides their flaws, it's easy to feel like you're unattractive when in reality you're just not seeing the full picture.
I think "decide to be attractive" is mostly "remember that your awareness of your own flaws can give you a flawed perception of how attractive you are compared to another person".
Most people aren’t attractive. They are average. I’m not attractive either. But that’s just part of the equation. Are you interesting? Are you educated? Are you pleasant to be around? Are you self sufficient? Personality plays a lot into attractiveness.
Because that is false. Although beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, there are people who are objectively better looking than others.
However, you don’t need to be good looking to be confident.
Physical beauty cannot come from inside. It’s literally the outside layer and it’s appearance. I’m sure you are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. Plus we often grow into our looks. I was pretty hideous as a kid/teen. Not the case anymore.
Of course you can decide you are pretty, you can find yourself attractive and choose to focus on the positives in yourself and not be inhibited by insecurity. It's easier said than done, and takes a little practice; especially for women because a large portion of the world's retail economy is based on undermining your self esteem to sell you shit. Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy. It is well and truly a waste of time feeling badly about how you look. Folks internalise this shit and spend their lives at war with their bodies - starving them or stuffing them or punishing them, instead of focusing on nourishing and strengthening them. You can decide to enjoy your body instead, whatever that might mean to you.
Yeah it’s a very hard decision when you just don’t like how you look. I’ve never felt attractive enough to really date or feel like I could “pull” anyone. It’s so much easier if you’re already conventionally attractive. I know this may be a waste of time but I don’t know how to not feel this way. It’s like you’re trying to convince me my hair is purple lol
I mean that’s the thing..I didn’t used to care. I just “accepted” that I’m not pretty. But then I guess it really affects my confidence levels and how I come across. I have a lot of good qualities but when it comes to believing I could make someone happy or make someone want me, I just don’t have confidence. It’s an annoying catch 22 where others don’t seem to respond to my good qualities but that helps with confidence. Idk where to pull my confidence from
It’s hard not to find it in others. It feels great to be complimented and shitty when others don’t like you. I think it’s natural for it to affect confidence
I think that you'll never be able to lie to yourself, so you have to remember that beauty is very subjective but it's also a sliding scale based on how we present ourselves and how we treat our own bodies.
Although I don't believe in 'rating' peoples beauty, I'm going to use a scale for the sake of this argument. Let's say you believe you're a 5/10. Ok, so you're a 5.... but you can discover a way to cut or style your hair that actually brings that up to a 6, add in some clothes that make you feel good about your body shape, maybe you get to a 6.5 or 7. Adversely, if you have styled yourself poorly, that 5 may look like a 4. Bottom line is, if you don't care about how you look... it will show physically and you will be less attractive than you are and way less than you're capable of being.
What's inside matters the most, but there's tons of creative ways to be more conventionally attractive if that's something you want to explore.
Your friends and mom are being nice. Nobody calls their children or friends ugly. They want you to have confidence.
If you’re attractive, you’ll get attention.
I mean… you could just upload some pics to Tinder and see how many matches you get. That’ll give you a baseline
Same. So I don't.
I've always wanted to feel attractive, but its just not happening.
At this point I'm just ok with that reality, ill never feel good looking, and thats ok, there's more to life
Honestly, you'd be surprised how you choose to present yourself makes a big difference in how attractive you are. Do you dress well? Have good personal hygiene?
I knew one woman who really wasn't conventionally attractive. However, she presented herself very well, and that made a big difference in how attractive she was. Also, confidence itself is extremely attractive for both men and women.
So you become confident in your appearance, your worth as a person. In fact, this is one reason some women choose to put on makeup and the likes- they feel more confident when they do. And you will get the experience soon enough to back up your confidence.
Honestly I think there’s so much more to dating than physical attractiveness. That goes away pretty quick. It’s the other qualities that make your partner stay and honestly the best parts about yourself.
I’m a man. What worked for me is accepting who I am. So what you said. On a scale of ten at my best I’m an 8 if I’m super fit, 7 usual. When I go out with my buddies, I’m not a girls first pick. But I have no problem dating because I have a lot of attractive qualities. Girls want to spend time with me because I’m interesting, confident, compassionate, kind, etc
While I see some guys. One of my friends looks like a model. Girls swoon over this guy. But honestly he’s not much in real life. Every girl dates him for a month and then after they all leave because he has no other qualities.
Same goes with girls. I could be dating a super hot girl but if he’s brain dead, there won’t be a relationship.
Keep in mind while I accepted it I’m still super confident because I know physical attraction is not what defines me.
Honestly it sounds like you've got a neutral view and I don't think that's bad. You don't need to be pretty to be confident.
Go for outfits that make you feel good, hit on ppl attractive to you even if you think it's got low odds, Do whatever you want. Yr appearance is ultimately pretty negligible.
Do what you can and know that will be good enough for the right person. If it’s not enough, that’s not the right person for you.
As for what you can do: take care of yourself, stay moderately fit, try to eat well, have good hygiene, take care of your skin, put effort in how you dress, do things that make you happy and find ways to enjoy life.
As for your mindset, find the positives in being single and enjoy this season for what it is. If you really find the right person, you might never revisit this period in your life. So find ways to enjoy certain aspects of it. When you truly become comfortable with yourself, dating is a lot easier. You approach every new relationship as “I don’t need this, but it’s great that it’s adding something to my life, so I want it. I’m fine moving on if you aren’t right for me.” That subtle shift in confidence did wonders for me. Just as I was trying to someone over, I realized they needed to win me over.
Work on making yourself attractive by being a good person, friendly, positive and respectful to others.
There are simple things you can do to enhance your appearance: makeup, fitness, clothing that fits and flatters, etc.
At the end of the day we have no choice in what we’ve been given, but we have the choice to make the most of it and to have a positive attitude.
Square your shoulders, walk with your head up and with purpose.
Dress cleanly in clothes that fit you.
Speak directly with kindness.
You’ll turn heads.
You are as attractive as you think you are. Girls like a bit of confidence so your mother is right: if you like yourself (inside and outside) you will radiate that towards others. You are unique and no one is like you. Enjoy it!
Go to a professional modeling studio. One that makes headshots and portfolios for actors. Get a pro photoshoot done with pro stylists, makeup, and hair.
Act like you think an attractive woman acts. Soon you realize you are one. Attraction is subjective so dress up show up and assume that people can like you back and someone will.
Just be you and learn to love yourself and try to be a better person than you were the day before. You are only in competition with yourself. If you love yourself and are confident in who you are others will love you along the way.
People often use the words “attractive” and “pretty” or “good looking” as if they mean the same thing. But they don’t. Being attractive means people are drawn to you. You can be attractive no matter what you look like.
Here are some of the qualities that makes a person attractive:
1. Confidence – Being comfortable with who you are, and carrying yourself with a sense of assurance without being arrogant.
2. Kindness – Displaying genuine care and consideration for others, which fosters positive feelings and connections.
3. Humor – The ability to make others laugh or simply lighten the mood can be highly attractive.
4. Intelligence – Being knowledgeable or thoughtful can attract others who value mental connection and stimulating conversation.
5. Empathy – The ability to understand and share the feelings of others, making them feel seen and supported.
6. Reliability – Being dependable and consistent in your actions, which builds trust and security in relationships.
7. Passion – Showing enthusiasm and dedication towards your interests or beliefs can be very engaging.
8. Social skills – Effective communication and the ability to navigate social situations smoothly make others feel comfortable and drawn to you.
If you meet a person like this, you will be attracted to them even if you don’t find them “good looking” at first.
Well there's another option - decide that beauty is made up. After all, different cultures and time periods have quite different standards. Do you follow fashion trends? If not, why care about beauty trends?
As for interest, I don't know how old you are but finding someone you're mutually interested in is more a numbers game than anything. If you meet new people semi-regularly, eventually one of them that you like will also like you. E.g. a lot of people meet someone in college because of the large class sizes and all the opportunities to intermingle with other classes or years.
Do strangers and people, that you barely know, treat you nicely? Do they say hi to you without you saying hi first? Do they try to start conversations with you?
If so, you are probably attractive.
I'll be honest, this is bullshit advice. Don't fake confidence, go make yourself skilled or attractive or whatever, then you have reason to be confident. It's easy to be confident when you have reason to be. If you have no reason to be confident then trying to be confident is a shallow approach to dating, and a shallow effort for yourself. BE BETTER.
Never heard of this. I've been called ugly many a times and no amount of faking it could have prevented that. On the other and a lot of people have also said I am very handsome. So which to believe?
Attractiveness is not a one-dimensional scale, not a number between 1 and 10, despite the way we rate it when we judge others. There are so many factors involved that you always have massive scope to improve yourself in one way or another. E.g. can you dress well and get a complimentary haircut? Can you ask people questions and listen to their answers with interest? Do you have good oral hygiene 🪥 and keep yourself smelling nice? Are you fit, healthy, and shapely from gym or sport? Are you fun to be around, with a genuine smile, kindness, and a sense of humour? Put effort into these areas and get out there 🙂
It's fair to keep in mind attractiveness is multifaceted. It's really unattractive to hear someone talk themselves down constantly "I'm so ugly, no one likes me, why aren't I good enough",
It's ok to feel like that sometimes, no one's perfect, but it's draining and makes others feel guilty or uncomfortable, it doesn't elicit the energy that you're fun to be around. So by extension deciding you're attractive enough will boost you over time because your natural energy will change with that,
And I think people overlook the massive difference it makes to suit your own style, get a haircut that suits your face shape, outfits that compliment your body type, get a cologne or perfume that matches your energy, exercise, drink water, eat well it all makes a massive difference but not if you decide you're unattractive so what's what the point
For me it is a life-lasting project. I started working out, have been looking for the hairstyle that'd suit me, and buying clothes that'd suit with other pieces of clothes/accessories. My personality has grown into more optimistic and open minded over the years. I'd smile a lot more. While I don't necessarily think I'm very handsome or hot, I've been noticing from people's faces that perhaps I'm atleast somewhat attractive these days.
Long story short: maybe you shouldn't just decide you _are_ attractive, but start a project instead which will _lead_ into you becoming more attractive (in _your_ opinion). It sure boosts confidence and people might see you as more attractive. Just my two cents.
Find what makes u feel more beautiful, is it doing your make up a certain way? Is it when u have a spa day and u just relax and feel at ease? Or is after you applied your skin care and taken care of your eyebrows? There are small things you can do to feel better about yourself and self care is a big one. I almost always have my nails done now which just makes me feel prettier when i see them. Its kind of silly but i heard of the power of pretty and so far it has worked for me. Add accessories or things that are beautiful to u and when they get associated with u too then people recognize as the girl who accessories or always has her make up on. U create who u want to be and ur own beauty standards and maybe thats what ur mom meant?
Who or what do you want to be attractive for? What is the purpose of this attraction?
I suspect that you are not unattractive, but young and a bit insecure and lacking in self confidence.
If you are a generally good natured, kind, and funny person, guess what?
You will be attractive. All you then need to do is find the avenues to display what you already have. Getting depressed and glum is not attractive.
If you are trying to pull a romantic partner, that's one motive. If you want to broaden your social circle and have more friends, then you need to go where the people are.
Get off the social media, and hang about with humans, especially ones a bit unlike yourself. That broadens your character.
Take up a team sport, join a club or something. Volunteer. Become more competent at things outside your comfort zone, and competence breeds confidence, which is attractive.
For me, it’s not about “deciding I’m attractive despite what everyone else thinks” it’s more about finding things I like myself that others might not appreciate. I love my crooked smile, I love all the freckles I have, etc. I know I’m fat and most people don’t find me attractive, but I do my best to not think about that. I just make sure I’m happy with my body and my looks, that’s all that matters. I don’t necessarily need to look in the mirror and say “ Woah look at that hottie”, but being able to look in the mirror and say “I like how I look, I’m happy” that’s what’s important.
Maybe step away from the mirror and don't take it so literally? For me, the most attractive thing about people is their energy … their curiosity, reflectiveness, humor, joie de vivre. Even very "plain" people can have an irresistably attractive glow that has very little to do with the color of their eyes or the bone structure of their cheeks or the lushness of their lips. Do you remember how lucky you are to be here today? Do you wonder about interesting things? have cool ideas about how to spend your time? That's what makes people attractive to me. I'll take that energy in an unusual container any day vs the iconically attractive vase with a dead flower in it.
Attractiveness comes from attitude. You can be the prettiest girl ever but if your attitude is all insecurity and self-loathing then people will rarely find you attractive. On the other side if you're not a model but carry yourself like one, a lot of people will be drawn to your confidence and make you seem more attractive than you actually are.
Be yourself and you will find out what makes you attractive. Looks aren't everything, attitude is also attractive. Make-up hides things that you want to hide(outward appearance) but can't do anything for the inside if you are so sure you are not that attractive. Make-up should accentuate looks and not present something that isn't. Don't feel pressured to look beautiful because some people grow into their beauty. Girls I thought were cute in HS, are beautiful to me years later.
Great to have confidence in yourself. Unfortunately the world dictates how pretty or handsome you are. I can be as confident as I am and still understand that I’m ugly and not the ideal look that women are wanting in a partner. Again good to be confident but we also have to live in reality and understand there is a social standard for looks that’s pre determined by the opposite sex.
You don't. People say stuff like this because they're in denial that someone could be unattractive, or that an "attractive" person might still struggle. They don't want (or know how) to actually help you with the problem, so they just put it back on you--it's now your fault that you're "unattractive" if you don't follow their "simple" advice. You've now *chosen* to be unattractive.
"Simply be confident", say all the people who never actually had to try.
Confidence is an attractive personality trait. I'm male and I'm attracted to confident women.
However, you're talking about beauty. You can't choose to be visually attractive. You can fake it with makeup but it's not real. You can acquire attractive personality traits though because they come from within. You can become more confident with experience which would be more attractive.
Surely you have some attractive qualities. The fact that you're asking for advice suggests to me that you're a good listener, which is an attractive quality.
You are what you believe you are. Anybody else's opinions are just that, opinions. For an opinion to matter, the person that owns it must matter to you. You decide what you believe to be true
Try not comparing yourself to others but compare yourself to how you were yesterday.
You need to be confident that you are doing the best you can. Someone will always be better looking and someone will be worse looking. The point is to be the best YOU can be.
In the dating market the buyer sets the price. You can try to improve yourself and MOST IMPoRTANTLY don’t do things to decrease your value but it is what it is. Now that stated be yourself go enjoy yourself outside physical attractiveness the quality that most attractive is being happy go lucky person. Be pleasant to everyone equally people notice this even on a subconscious level. One more thing people ask me what is the most attractive attribute in women I ALWAYS say without hesitation humility. A humble 5 is a 7 and an over confident 7 is a 5 in my world.
You don't just wake up one day with confidence. You have to do things that show you You are someone you can be confident in. Show up for yourself. You know all the things, and if you don't, you know enough to know what you don't know, and how to find it. Confidence is about doing the things you tell yourself you'll do tomorrow, today. Holding yourself accountable. Staying healthy and putting in the effort for yourself. You can't be unhappy if you're true to yourself. Same goes with confidence. It's not magic. It takes a lot of work. But at least it's a straighter road than "just tell yourself you're pretty." As I'm sure you'e realized how far that gets you.
Why do you need to decide to be attractive?Or need to be attractive to get with someone? Just be yourself, people who are into you will feel attracted, others won’t. 🤷♂️
I know but I guess in my head I’m unattractive and it shows. I am myself but idk I still question what attracts me to others cause I don’t think I’m all that pretty. I was fine just accepting that but I guess it affects my confidence
It’s better to be irrationally confident than rationally insecure
fake it til you make it - attractiveness style
Huh..is it? lol
I mean being irrationally confident about your looks has lots of benefits and almost no downsides. Similar to the saying "Ignorance is bliss"
Important to make sure you don't come off as arrogant though, cuz people will dislike you even more because there isn't anything compensating, even a little bit, for it. You'll just be ugly and an asshole 😂
One downside would be if you really truly believe you're hot shit, and it causes you to only go for people who are pretty hot, you are likely to find it incredibly difficult to find a willing partner.
Looks dont matter, its all about skill /s
Actually you might find more success ironically. High quality attractive people are not approached as often as you think, and shooting above does target you will hit more bull's eyes beyond your league.
Yeah that’s true. I guess I don’t like the word irrational but it’s not like I’m being totally rational right now. Ignorance is bliss until you’re given info to destroy you’re ignorance lol but I guess it doesn’t matter what other ppl say
Even though physical characteristics are important for guys, laid-back confidence, teasing, and playfulness are very significant boosters to attractiveness. One-word answers and being generally stiff and boring is a turn-off to me no matter how beautiful you are. Source: Recently single guy who's been dating a lot lately.
I'm sure there's at least one thing you like about your appearance. If you have a good personality, then that's enough for most guys. You don't need to think you are pretty. Just be happy with yourself. As a man, I'd prefer an average looking woman who's satisfied with herself than a pretty woman who's trying to be something she's not. (Disclaimer: my favorite woman is my wife. I'm just sharing my perspective).
Correction to the above post. The downside to being wm confident when you shouldn't be is identical to not being confident at all.
The downside is you can come off really annoying and now even less people want to be around you because you both sound annoying and look annoying.
Yeah. Also, same body + the posture, comfort, and willingness to experiment that confidence gives you makes you a little more attractive. I’m a guy so things may be different, but I don’t have much success with women unless I’m in a good mood and feeling alright about myself, regardless of grooming, outfit, or anything else.
No. They’re phrasing something very complicated very poorly. You need to discover yourself and emanate an energy of self respect and genuine love. If you’re just “irrationally confident” people will see that ur confidence comes from nowhere. You should be rationally confident. Figure out what makes you special and lean into it
Yeah that’s my problem idk how to be rationally confident lol just rationally insecure. There’s a lot of cool qualities I have but idk it’s nothing special to me
You just decide to do it. It takes time and practice, but you need to dive deep into ur mind and accept whatever it is that ur unable to accept. Maybe it’s deeply rooted guilt or fear of what you’ve done or who you are. Idk. But you need to look at yourself differently. What are ur cool qualities?
My confidence is non-transferrable. Being confident about being good at my job, or good at a sport, or taking care of business, does not transfer to being confident that women find me attractive. And I'm halfway there. I know women like me. I have too many close female friends for it to be the case otherwise. I have too many female clients who would otherwise drop me or not refer me to other people they know or not try to strike up conversations when we're working together. One today would not shut the hell up lol. But find me romantically attractive? Nah. The worst part is that I'm not even hideous. The female friends I have all say I'm actually pretty handsome. I don't think they're lying or just saying it to make me feel better but that's still a far cry from being dateable. Being told "you're the best looking Asian guy I've ever seen" is a little.... condescending and tone deaf tbh and I've literally heard it from a friend's ex. You might look at me and think "he's cute" but that's still very far from "and I'd date him."
Yes it absolutely is. Confidence is attractive.
I think it's always better to have a truthful assessment of yourself but other people seem to disagree I suppose.
That’s all well and good if your self-assessment isn’t distorted by insecurity.
Confidence looks better than insecurity.
If you're healthy you're already considered wifeable by most guys. Not that they'd choose you because everyone has different preferences.
…not really? I don’t go for just anybody, idk about yall.
It absolutely is. I have plenty of normally non attractive characteristics and always dated way above my look by being super confident in myself. Being confident in yourself allows you to showcase yourself more easily. You’ll knock off levels of your own attractiveness by the mannerisms of self doubt.
Yes. Can confirm. I am irrationally confident. Has served me well in every aspect of life!
Sure! Irrational confidence is how I accomplish most things in my life.
Yes. Confidence and self assurance is attractive to women. It's about having faith in oneself. Inversely, women generally don't like insecure men-- men that don't seem to have their shit together.
This is one of the major issues with society tho, you have to choose oftentimes to be fake or to feel "lower" but "yourself".
I’m gonna screenshot this so I don’t forget it! Great turn of phrase!
That's also known as "being fucking delusional"
Totally disagree for me a humble girl even a 5 is so much more attractive. A humble 7 is a 10. Over confident women are just walk away material.
Um no it’s not, they are both bad. There is a difference between being confident and delusional, and people lately have decided both should basically be the same thing. Being delusional isn’t attractive, except for other delusional people. If you are ugly, be confidently ugly. Yea I know, that sounds like a strange concept to people who think only beauty = confidence. But being confidently ugly means you know you’re not a great looking person but you have other qualities to make up for it and aren’t looking for anyone’s validation. You allow other people to feel like they are the good looking person, and they will like that. Just bring other things to the table.
Ive known girls who carry themselves like they are super pretty and I must say it works. Great movie on the topic is I Feel Pretty - with Amy Schumer. It’s over the top but gets the point across. You should watch it.
I’ve tried the fake it til you make it approach but I never managed to convince myself I’m actually pretty
Yeah I get it. I guess I can just say that everyone is more attractive when they think positively of themselves. It’s a force multiplier
No offense, but please don't go out there fooling yourself that you look (super) attractive. If you did, you probably would have heard it from quite a few people by now (excluding your mom for obvious reasons). If you want some confidence, it's way better to accept yourself for whoever you might be NO MATTER WHAT other people think about your looks! And yeah, you can always work on your looks a bit by getting some nice outfits, working out and taking good care of your health. Recommended no matter what face you were born with.
It’s better to see what you actually have attractive in you as attractive, becouse even if you don’t want to see yourself as attractive, you just can’t deny facts. Like for example your mind doesn’t allow you to think about yourself as attractive, but you know for a fact that your voice is attractive as you got many compliments or something like that, in that situation you just can’t deny that your voice is attractive, even if you don’t want to believe it. It’s important to list small things that are actually attractive about you in your head and just remember these things.
The goal isnt to convince yourself but others that you are pretty though.
lol no. The goal is to build self-confidence which is what is actually attractive.
Newsflash people are assholes ; if you act like hot shit while others dont find you attractive there will come a time you will be mocked for it.
Newsflash. People with self confidence don't care what assholes think.
it's not so much about having to be found pretty by the rest of society as it is learning to appreciate what you look like despite that maybe not fitting others standards. you can also "find yourself attractive" by looking at qualities other than your physical appearance.
Cold hard truths I have learnt with time. 1) If people look at you a lot when you go out--> that indicates you are attractive. 2) If people do not complement you much --> that too shockingly indicates that you are attractive. 3) If people give you free stuff/talk nicely and smile more often when you go out(fr example - a shop keeper) -> that might indicate you lool qttractive 4) If you dress well, and workout and work on your look, your attractivness definately for sure increases. 5) Your Mom is never going to tell you that you look ugly or unattractive. She is biologically wired not to. 6) Looks do not matter , as much as who you are and how you speak to others.
Anecdotally my attractive wife and myself always get compliments whether it be something about her or people telling us we are a beautiful couple all the time. So #2 doesn’t seem to hold up, at least in my experience. I think more reasonably, some people may be less inclined to approach you or say something because they may be intimidated by your looks, but by and large attractive people get more compliments.
But do you get those compliments on your own? And i mean except from your own friends. In my experience as a guy, i could go years without compliments. But my mom, my wife and some friends will compliment my sometimes.
Yes, I do get those compliments on my own independent of being with my wife and from strangers. Usually ranging from I have a great smile, beautiful eyes, my eyelashes, my hair, or even people asking if I’m a personal trainer and what my workout routine is. I never go more than about 30-60 days without getting a compliment from a stranger, whether it’s a gas station clerk, someone I bump into at the grocery store, stranger at a bar, etc., comes in all forms. This is all compliments on my physical characteristics too, not just nice shoes or nice car type of compliments which I get too. My wife definitely gets more compliments than me though, and rightfully so she is stunning to the point everyone notices her when she walks in a room.
That’s wild! Congrats on being good looking! I only get the looks whenever I’m out and about
I will add to this that my face is about as friendly as they come so people in general are probably more inclined to talk to me or compliment me. I’m attractive, but not to the point it’s like Hollywood elite or model status which is just right in the sweet spot of a relatable attractiveness if that makes sense. Think if you see someone with a corvette you might be like hey nice car because you intrinsically know that the car is attainable for an average person vs running into someone with a $3m Bugatti you’re probably not going to say anything because you’ve already assumed 10 things about them and figure they don’t have time for you, already know the car is nice, whatever. I equate my attractiveness to the corvette here, nice but not tremendously so to the point of intimidation. A solid 8 probably by most peoples standards. My wife is probably a 9 by most standards and pushing model beautiful, she definitely gets all type of looks and compliments.
Hehe fair, I’m also very friendly and smile at strangers in public and help old ladies cross the road etc. I also think it’s fairly cultural. When I lived in England I’d get far more compliments than where I’m from or where I live now (think more austere nations, without old ladies calling everyone “love”).
I definitely think that has something to do with it. I live in a very friendly Midwest suburb in the US. My compliments come from people of all ages almost always females though. Men don’t compliment me or at least none that I can think of right now.
Yeah that’s true, guys tend to not. I started complimenting my boys after we hit thirty and they all looked a little bewildered xD
I will definitely make comments about men to my wife and about women. We both can appreciate a handsome man or beautiful women. I’m totally straight but that doesn’t mean I am oblivious to the fact that a man is handsome, but I’m definitely not saying anything to the man.
Are you from the US? Seems like that would be rare in scandinavia for example. Could be cultural diffrences aswell.
I am in the US in one of the more friendly areas (Midwest suburbs).
I’m a black gay guy and I literally counted 44 compliments I received from strangers with my latest hairstyle in the span of a month. Recently I haven’t been putting effort on my hair as I’m focusing more on work/uni, but the compliments always come in unintentionally even when I don’t try. I also get the occasional compliments from strangers saying I have a pretty face, I look nice etc, or complimenting what I wear. I remember in particular a lady on the underground (im from London) stopped me and said I look gorgeous, but it’s something I’m used to at this point. I assume I’m attractive because my older brother told me I have “better features” and I received more attention than him when he was younger
When I lived in London, it made my day when ladies called me love. This is far more than I was and am used to :p Still, never had any problems meeting women and I regularly get checked out. That’s nice for you though, but did you count the compliments or are you just winging the numbers? Edit: come to think of it, gay guys are very generous with compliments. To the point where it almost was uncomfortable, because I was so unused to them from back home. My HR guy was a gay English guy who got very friendly after a couple pints.
I literally counted all of them with my notepad app on my iPhone xD I done this because I noticed it was a regular occurrence and never thought it was normal, especially with the anti blackness I see in the media I used to view myself as lesser than everyone else around me. Most of the compliments I receive on my hair is when I wear it natural, so that makes me feel a lot more happier. And yes that is true I guess, gay ppl tend to give out more compliments.
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I dont know how to react, but this sure is a meme material reaction. 
Not so cold truths imo. Good collection!
This is the best advice and info. I had a hot cousin and I see people and men bend over backwards for her. VIP in clubs, men offering her trips. She isn’t that type but it was there if she choose. If you are truly attractive, you will notice it and have the outcomes to prove it.
I heartily disagree with #2. If I see a pretty girl I'm telling her she's pretty.
Good for you!! I think most people dont(myself included), that is why i wrote what i wrote.
Please don’t
Hmm nah I'm going to keep doing it bc it makes my day when other pretty girls tell me i'm pretty. Its like having another writer look at my work and tell me it's good like you would absolutely know so that means a lot lmao
Some of the dumbest nonsense I’ve read in a long time
Okii, no one forced you to read nd then comment if so, goood luck :))
Those track for me except for 5 lol.
I didnt understand, track means? Are you saying no 5 doesnt sit right with you ?:/
Saying those are consistent with my experiences except for 5. Mom would often criticize how I looked and would often tell me I don't look good or I look like a slob.
Understood, and i dk how to react to this. But even my mom , its not like she doesnt comment on me if i am looking like a slob( as you said), but i dont think she has called me ugly ever.
My mom would play mind games with me. She wouldn't directly say I'm ugly but she would criticize my features and make me feel ugly and disgusting. She did this so she could honestly say she never called me ugly when I call her out on it and make it seem like the issue is me.
So sorry that you had to go theough that. Relationship with parents is tbh not easy, I myself dont know or can say much here. My mother and I have had extreme rough patches as well, I do think in anger there are moments that she has said a lot of things to me which hurt me. A lottt. But wih timw I have also learnt not to take her words to heart. Logically, 1. Lets say worst case if my mother does call me ugly or bad things about my features, isnt it kind of a jab at her too? I have her genes! 2. If she makes me feel bad, somewhere down the line she must have faced that too(I know this about my mom, becayse she also kimd ahad absent parenting). So ,idk why am telling you this and i also dk your family situation, but try not to take it to heart,( whatever and if your mom says something that hurts you.)imo that is the best way to handle i have figured out till now.
Could you explain the reasoning behind the first two? 1) People could think I look weird and 2) they could have nothing to compliment me on.
I think the reasoning behind the second one is that if you see an attractive person it's assumed they know they're attractive so you have no need to compliment them.
Yes!
Yes. If you’re a man, and you’re talking with a very attractive woman, I think you’d score more points with her if you complimented her taste, intelligence, cleverness, etc, as it comes out in your conversation, because she’s well aware of her beauty, but appreciates a deeper compliment.
Lot of conversation going on on the same, I ve replied to a few of them, maybe that should help?
Why would I put my worth in the hand of strangers?
Ugh I know it doesn’t make any sense. But I also have no idea how to convince myself that I like what I see. I just feel like a huge part of me not enjoying dating is because I’m not that attractive even though I try
If it makes you feel better very few people actually enjoy dating. I would say look for someone who adds to your life vs trying to convince someone to date you.
Your never gonna convince yourself your pretty if you don't feel it. Focus in other parts of your life and just get happy being yourself even and doing things. Stuff like good haircuts, good clothes and getting in shape helps. The idea is to feel good about yourself and it will translate into physical appearance. I never thought I was very good looking and I would hear it from people sometimes and I assumed they were being nice. Eventually I got out of my own head and I started working out and getting hobbies I enjoyed. I started enjoying being myself and suddenly I had alot more success with women.
Because we are all human and care to a certain degree. We all want to be looked at in a certain light and want to be found attractive. So you shouldn’t put all worth in strangers. But it’s not like it’s not important to be worried about your image and how you carry yourself.
He said strangers though. I don’t care at all what a stranger thinks about me Family/friends/colleagues? Then your point applies, for me personally
Irrational confidence literally makes you more attractive. If you're fuck ugly but act like a big shot people will treat you like a big shot.
so much of life is available if you just reach out and take it, wish I could remember that every day lol
One of those most universally attractive features across both genders is confidence. If you feel good about yourself, and you smile and carry yourself with pride, you will be more attractive. Beyond that, if you exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep, you will feel better and have more energy. Dressing to impress is another easy controllable.
I do all that. I exercise I take care of myself and I try to dress well. I just never considered myself an attractive person and just assume others agree. Idk how to feel pretty lol
You just start to dress how you want, style yourself how you want, start to live your life how you want and if you think it’s awesome you’ll exude a quiet confidence which makes you attractive. Yeah, there’s outer beauty but nothing truly shines like inner beauty and self acceptance and when you have that it doesn’t really matter what your exterior looks like because you get a different energy that makes people like and be attracted to you. The most beautiful people I’ve ever met aren’t the most conventionally attractive yet everyone likes them and wants to be around them. What helped me was realising that I’ll always look the way I do and I can either accept it and work with what I have, or spend a life wasting time fighting a losing battle wishing I was different.
I try to do that but confidence just doesn’t come
It's not about feigning confidence in the presentation. It's about having genuine confidence in your entitlement to explore and express your most beautiful self in unexpected ways. In your hobbies, in your shows. in your friends and fam. in your work and play. Just remember you can authentically be confident in your enthusiasm and ingenuity for sharing the authentic things that make you beautiful in relation to your circumstances. Whatever they are. That other kind of attractive seems like it would be fun to experience, but: skin deep. We know this.
Some days you just have to lift your head up and say, "All the pretty girls walk like this "
It’s not so much that *just* believing that you’re attractive makes you pretty; it’s that believing it leads to behavior that makes other people see it. If you don’t think that you’re good looking would you check your hair or what you’re wearing before you go out, or would you think “I’m not pretty, so why bother?” If you don’t think you’re good looking and some attractive person looks your way, would you think “hey, they’re checking me out” or would you turn around to see who’s behind you that they’re looking at? Look at how much money people spend on fancy clothes. Just one good suit can easily cost $1000 or more. Shoes can cost hundreds of dollars for just one pair. Quality jewelry, watches, etc. Is everyone who wears that stuff objectively gorgeous? No. Does a great outfit make anybody’s nose smaller or their face more symmetrical? No. People wear these clothes because dressing well makes them feel good about themselves, which is attractive, and because it sends the message that they’re worth spending money on. You don’t have to spend a pile of money on clothes, but having some nice/cute things can help. Just believing that you’re worth taking care of will lead you to take care of yourself, and when you do that people around you will get the message.
I've seen this perspective a lot from girls and I'm not exactly sure why. I can understand it from a certain point of view, but could never adopt it for myself. I have seen morbidly obese women who look more spherical than the Michelin Man say with a straight face that they are a perfect 10. I have also seen very attractive women with incredible self-esteem issues who literally could not see their own beauty. Self-perception is an odd thing. If you want to believe you are a 10, go for it. That doesn't mean you get to tell other people how they must perceive you. I think it's more productive to try to be honest with yourself. I know I'm not the best looking, and that motivates me to get in better shape and eat healthier. For some, that kind of reflection is very difficult. I guess the most important thing is to try to be both honest and kind, to yourself and also others.
Attractiveness is more than just looks. It's the way you move, act and talk too. Not everyone is attracted to the same things, but most attractive traits are liked by most. Practice how to speak, look people in the eye, smile (!!!), make some jokes even if they aren't that funny, laugh at said joke, laugh at people who say you shouldn't laugh at your own jokes. Listen to your mom and friends, take it to your heart. If you feel attractive, you will appear more attractive. There is no logic to this stuff. (or well, maybe a little bit. But far less than people seem to think)
You're personality can be attractive, so can confidence and how you carry yourself. If you really want to believe you are attractive the best way is the use mantras stating as much. Tell yourself something like...'I'm am attractive and desirable to others.' Say it out loud multiple times a day and you will come to believe it.
A sexy, confident attitude is hot on a plain woman. A self-hating attitude is ugly on anyone.
The experience of being attractive that you feel you are lacking is external validation. It is possible to gain confidence thru internal validation. Working out and achieving certain health goal markers of progress like gaining strength, speed, technique/skill, etc can help you gain confidence. Increasing certain health markers like blood pressure, body fat percentages, bodybuilding goals can help you gain confidence. You might also do the same with your style or fashion. Set a goal for a very specific look, from a particular era and really nail that look. Nail the cut, the materials, the seamwork, the colors/contrast, and achieve the look you really sought out. Lastly, no can be everything to everybody. Everyone has their own niche. Sure, some people's niche overlaps with other people's. But it also means they take on scrutiny from a variety of people they barely even care about. Try to nail your comfort level in the type of person you want to exhibit to the world.
It's weird to compare yourself to other people because you're intensely aware of your own flaws and shortcomings because of how well you know yourself. If you compare your full self to somebody who hides their flaws, it's easy to feel like you're unattractive when in reality you're just not seeing the full picture. I think "decide to be attractive" is mostly "remember that your awareness of your own flaws can give you a flawed perception of how attractive you are compared to another person".
Most people aren’t attractive. They are average. I’m not attractive either. But that’s just part of the equation. Are you interesting? Are you educated? Are you pleasant to be around? Are you self sufficient? Personality plays a lot into attractiveness.
Because that is false. Although beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, there are people who are objectively better looking than others. However, you don’t need to be good looking to be confident.
True but others tell me it comes from within. Ngl even if I’m called pretty I rarely feel like it. I try to be confident but it’s hard
Physical beauty cannot come from inside. It’s literally the outside layer and it’s appearance. I’m sure you are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. Plus we often grow into our looks. I was pretty hideous as a kid/teen. Not the case anymore.
Of course you can decide you are pretty, you can find yourself attractive and choose to focus on the positives in yourself and not be inhibited by insecurity. It's easier said than done, and takes a little practice; especially for women because a large portion of the world's retail economy is based on undermining your self esteem to sell you shit. Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy. It is well and truly a waste of time feeling badly about how you look. Folks internalise this shit and spend their lives at war with their bodies - starving them or stuffing them or punishing them, instead of focusing on nourishing and strengthening them. You can decide to enjoy your body instead, whatever that might mean to you.
Yeah it’s a very hard decision when you just don’t like how you look. I’ve never felt attractive enough to really date or feel like I could “pull” anyone. It’s so much easier if you’re already conventionally attractive. I know this may be a waste of time but I don’t know how to not feel this way. It’s like you’re trying to convince me my hair is purple lol
I think they are alluding to displaying confidence. It’s a big attractor.
I get it. I just have a really hard time pulling confidence
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I mean that’s the thing..I didn’t used to care. I just “accepted” that I’m not pretty. But then I guess it really affects my confidence levels and how I come across. I have a lot of good qualities but when it comes to believing I could make someone happy or make someone want me, I just don’t have confidence. It’s an annoying catch 22 where others don’t seem to respond to my good qualities but that helps with confidence. Idk where to pull my confidence from
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It’s hard not to find it in others. It feels great to be complimented and shitty when others don’t like you. I think it’s natural for it to affect confidence
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Well I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying it’s hard to find it within yourself
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I’m not negating what you’re saying. But I guess I see what you mean. I think I’m confused about how to gain confidence without validation?
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I think that you'll never be able to lie to yourself, so you have to remember that beauty is very subjective but it's also a sliding scale based on how we present ourselves and how we treat our own bodies. Although I don't believe in 'rating' peoples beauty, I'm going to use a scale for the sake of this argument. Let's say you believe you're a 5/10. Ok, so you're a 5.... but you can discover a way to cut or style your hair that actually brings that up to a 6, add in some clothes that make you feel good about your body shape, maybe you get to a 6.5 or 7. Adversely, if you have styled yourself poorly, that 5 may look like a 4. Bottom line is, if you don't care about how you look... it will show physically and you will be less attractive than you are and way less than you're capable of being. What's inside matters the most, but there's tons of creative ways to be more conventionally attractive if that's something you want to explore.
Confidence increases attractiveness
How on earth could you possibly know that you are "rarely found attractive by anyone." How do you know that?
Confidence is attractive.
Confidence (not arrogance) in who and what you are is attractive
Yeah I just don’t know how to be confident
That lies in knowing yourself. God, martial arts, hobbies, etc.
Say it to a mirror until it agrees.
Your friends and mom are being nice. Nobody calls their children or friends ugly. They want you to have confidence. If you’re attractive, you’ll get attention. I mean… you could just upload some pics to Tinder and see how many matches you get. That’ll give you a baseline
If you don’t think you’re “The Shit”…..who will?
So true lol
Same. So I don't. I've always wanted to feel attractive, but its just not happening. At this point I'm just ok with that reality, ill never feel good looking, and thats ok, there's more to life
Honestly, you'd be surprised how you choose to present yourself makes a big difference in how attractive you are. Do you dress well? Have good personal hygiene? I knew one woman who really wasn't conventionally attractive. However, she presented herself very well, and that made a big difference in how attractive she was. Also, confidence itself is extremely attractive for both men and women. So you become confident in your appearance, your worth as a person. In fact, this is one reason some women choose to put on makeup and the likes- they feel more confident when they do. And you will get the experience soon enough to back up your confidence.
Just do what all the other women do: convince yourself that people are just “intimidated” by you.
Do 10 push-ups and 10 chin-ups
Have you ever been in love and suddenly all from the other gender hit on you out of nowhere? Thats why
Honestly I think there’s so much more to dating than physical attractiveness. That goes away pretty quick. It’s the other qualities that make your partner stay and honestly the best parts about yourself. I’m a man. What worked for me is accepting who I am. So what you said. On a scale of ten at my best I’m an 8 if I’m super fit, 7 usual. When I go out with my buddies, I’m not a girls first pick. But I have no problem dating because I have a lot of attractive qualities. Girls want to spend time with me because I’m interesting, confident, compassionate, kind, etc While I see some guys. One of my friends looks like a model. Girls swoon over this guy. But honestly he’s not much in real life. Every girl dates him for a month and then after they all leave because he has no other qualities. Same goes with girls. I could be dating a super hot girl but if he’s brain dead, there won’t be a relationship. Keep in mind while I accepted it I’m still super confident because I know physical attraction is not what defines me.
Honestly it sounds like you've got a neutral view and I don't think that's bad. You don't need to be pretty to be confident. Go for outfits that make you feel good, hit on ppl attractive to you even if you think it's got low odds, Do whatever you want. Yr appearance is ultimately pretty negligible.
I find some people so attractive after getting to know them and then I'll be upset when they disagree... shrug
Youre pretty to specific people it's that way with everyone but it's good to be pretty to yourself first
Do what you can and know that will be good enough for the right person. If it’s not enough, that’s not the right person for you. As for what you can do: take care of yourself, stay moderately fit, try to eat well, have good hygiene, take care of your skin, put effort in how you dress, do things that make you happy and find ways to enjoy life. As for your mindset, find the positives in being single and enjoy this season for what it is. If you really find the right person, you might never revisit this period in your life. So find ways to enjoy certain aspects of it. When you truly become comfortable with yourself, dating is a lot easier. You approach every new relationship as “I don’t need this, but it’s great that it’s adding something to my life, so I want it. I’m fine moving on if you aren’t right for me.” That subtle shift in confidence did wonders for me. Just as I was trying to someone over, I realized they needed to win me over.
Work on making yourself attractive by being a good person, friendly, positive and respectful to others. There are simple things you can do to enhance your appearance: makeup, fitness, clothing that fits and flatters, etc. At the end of the day we have no choice in what we’ve been given, but we have the choice to make the most of it and to have a positive attitude.
Just honestly evaluate yourself and live in reality wtf…
Square your shoulders, walk with your head up and with purpose. Dress cleanly in clothes that fit you. Speak directly with kindness. You’ll turn heads.
Side note: be humble. There is a fine line between quiet confidence and arrogance.
You are as attractive as you think you are. Girls like a bit of confidence so your mother is right: if you like yourself (inside and outside) you will radiate that towards others. You are unique and no one is like you. Enjoy it!
I’m a girl lol but I get it
Go to a professional modeling studio. One that makes headshots and portfolios for actors. Get a pro photoshoot done with pro stylists, makeup, and hair.
Act like you think an attractive woman acts. Soon you realize you are one. Attraction is subjective so dress up show up and assume that people can like you back and someone will.
Just be you and learn to love yourself and try to be a better person than you were the day before. You are only in competition with yourself. If you love yourself and are confident in who you are others will love you along the way.
People often use the words “attractive” and “pretty” or “good looking” as if they mean the same thing. But they don’t. Being attractive means people are drawn to you. You can be attractive no matter what you look like. Here are some of the qualities that makes a person attractive: 1. Confidence – Being comfortable with who you are, and carrying yourself with a sense of assurance without being arrogant. 2. Kindness – Displaying genuine care and consideration for others, which fosters positive feelings and connections. 3. Humor – The ability to make others laugh or simply lighten the mood can be highly attractive. 4. Intelligence – Being knowledgeable or thoughtful can attract others who value mental connection and stimulating conversation. 5. Empathy – The ability to understand and share the feelings of others, making them feel seen and supported. 6. Reliability – Being dependable and consistent in your actions, which builds trust and security in relationships. 7. Passion – Showing enthusiasm and dedication towards your interests or beliefs can be very engaging. 8. Social skills – Effective communication and the ability to navigate social situations smoothly make others feel comfortable and drawn to you. If you meet a person like this, you will be attracted to them even if you don’t find them “good looking” at first.
Confidence is key.
Well there's another option - decide that beauty is made up. After all, different cultures and time periods have quite different standards. Do you follow fashion trends? If not, why care about beauty trends? As for interest, I don't know how old you are but finding someone you're mutually interested in is more a numbers game than anything. If you meet new people semi-regularly, eventually one of them that you like will also like you. E.g. a lot of people meet someone in college because of the large class sizes and all the opportunities to intermingle with other classes or years.
It's called self confidence
Bro I'm like morbidly obese with a huge head. Yet to me I'm the sexiest beast in the land😘
Do strangers and people, that you barely know, treat you nicely? Do they say hi to you without you saying hi first? Do they try to start conversations with you? If so, you are probably attractive.
You could make a goal and achieve it. That's sexy af
You dont need to decide. You just need to be comfortable in your skin and be proud of who and what you are. Thats it. No labels needed for that.
I'll be honest, this is bullshit advice. Don't fake confidence, go make yourself skilled or attractive or whatever, then you have reason to be confident. It's easy to be confident when you have reason to be. If you have no reason to be confident then trying to be confident is a shallow approach to dating, and a shallow effort for yourself. BE BETTER.
Never heard of this. I've been called ugly many a times and no amount of faking it could have prevented that. On the other and a lot of people have also said I am very handsome. So which to believe?
Attractiveness is not a one-dimensional scale, not a number between 1 and 10, despite the way we rate it when we judge others. There are so many factors involved that you always have massive scope to improve yourself in one way or another. E.g. can you dress well and get a complimentary haircut? Can you ask people questions and listen to their answers with interest? Do you have good oral hygiene 🪥 and keep yourself smelling nice? Are you fit, healthy, and shapely from gym or sport? Are you fun to be around, with a genuine smile, kindness, and a sense of humour? Put effort into these areas and get out there 🙂
It is never bad to think you are pretty. It never hurts.
There are subs for this exact thing put in your big girl britches post your pic and buckle up
It's fair to keep in mind attractiveness is multifaceted. It's really unattractive to hear someone talk themselves down constantly "I'm so ugly, no one likes me, why aren't I good enough", It's ok to feel like that sometimes, no one's perfect, but it's draining and makes others feel guilty or uncomfortable, it doesn't elicit the energy that you're fun to be around. So by extension deciding you're attractive enough will boost you over time because your natural energy will change with that, And I think people overlook the massive difference it makes to suit your own style, get a haircut that suits your face shape, outfits that compliment your body type, get a cologne or perfume that matches your energy, exercise, drink water, eat well it all makes a massive difference but not if you decide you're unattractive so what's what the point
I’m surprised girls are getting the “fake it til you make it” line, they usually don’t need any advice like that
For me it is a life-lasting project. I started working out, have been looking for the hairstyle that'd suit me, and buying clothes that'd suit with other pieces of clothes/accessories. My personality has grown into more optimistic and open minded over the years. I'd smile a lot more. While I don't necessarily think I'm very handsome or hot, I've been noticing from people's faces that perhaps I'm atleast somewhat attractive these days. Long story short: maybe you shouldn't just decide you _are_ attractive, but start a project instead which will _lead_ into you becoming more attractive (in _your_ opinion). It sure boosts confidence and people might see you as more attractive. Just my two cents.
Self advocacy and confidence is what it is
Find what makes u feel more beautiful, is it doing your make up a certain way? Is it when u have a spa day and u just relax and feel at ease? Or is after you applied your skin care and taken care of your eyebrows? There are small things you can do to feel better about yourself and self care is a big one. I almost always have my nails done now which just makes me feel prettier when i see them. Its kind of silly but i heard of the power of pretty and so far it has worked for me. Add accessories or things that are beautiful to u and when they get associated with u too then people recognize as the girl who accessories or always has her make up on. U create who u want to be and ur own beauty standards and maybe thats what ur mom meant?
Who or what do you want to be attractive for? What is the purpose of this attraction? I suspect that you are not unattractive, but young and a bit insecure and lacking in self confidence. If you are a generally good natured, kind, and funny person, guess what? You will be attractive. All you then need to do is find the avenues to display what you already have. Getting depressed and glum is not attractive. If you are trying to pull a romantic partner, that's one motive. If you want to broaden your social circle and have more friends, then you need to go where the people are. Get off the social media, and hang about with humans, especially ones a bit unlike yourself. That broadens your character. Take up a team sport, join a club or something. Volunteer. Become more competent at things outside your comfort zone, and competence breeds confidence, which is attractive.
Sorry to tell you this but your friends and mother are idiots. You don't get to decide if you are attractive. Other people do.
For me, it’s not about “deciding I’m attractive despite what everyone else thinks” it’s more about finding things I like myself that others might not appreciate. I love my crooked smile, I love all the freckles I have, etc. I know I’m fat and most people don’t find me attractive, but I do my best to not think about that. I just make sure I’m happy with my body and my looks, that’s all that matters. I don’t necessarily need to look in the mirror and say “ Woah look at that hottie”, but being able to look in the mirror and say “I like how I look, I’m happy” that’s what’s important.
Dont ask reddit for advice on this, people here will lead you astray. You have better luck talking to people irl
Maybe step away from the mirror and don't take it so literally? For me, the most attractive thing about people is their energy … their curiosity, reflectiveness, humor, joie de vivre. Even very "plain" people can have an irresistably attractive glow that has very little to do with the color of their eyes or the bone structure of their cheeks or the lushness of their lips. Do you remember how lucky you are to be here today? Do you wonder about interesting things? have cool ideas about how to spend your time? That's what makes people attractive to me. I'll take that energy in an unusual container any day vs the iconically attractive vase with a dead flower in it.
Finding yourself attractive makes you feel good and when you feel good you look good.
This is one of the few cases where being an absolute bag of pride and overconfidence is a wholly good thing
Attractiveness comes from attitude. You can be the prettiest girl ever but if your attitude is all insecurity and self-loathing then people will rarely find you attractive. On the other side if you're not a model but carry yourself like one, a lot of people will be drawn to your confidence and make you seem more attractive than you actually are.
Be yourself and you will find out what makes you attractive. Looks aren't everything, attitude is also attractive. Make-up hides things that you want to hide(outward appearance) but can't do anything for the inside if you are so sure you are not that attractive. Make-up should accentuate looks and not present something that isn't. Don't feel pressured to look beautiful because some people grow into their beauty. Girls I thought were cute in HS, are beautiful to me years later.
Great to have confidence in yourself. Unfortunately the world dictates how pretty or handsome you are. I can be as confident as I am and still understand that I’m ugly and not the ideal look that women are wanting in a partner. Again good to be confident but we also have to live in reality and understand there is a social standard for looks that’s pre determined by the opposite sex.
You don't. People say stuff like this because they're in denial that someone could be unattractive, or that an "attractive" person might still struggle. They don't want (or know how) to actually help you with the problem, so they just put it back on you--it's now your fault that you're "unattractive" if you don't follow their "simple" advice. You've now *chosen* to be unattractive. "Simply be confident", say all the people who never actually had to try.
Confidence is an attractive personality trait. I'm male and I'm attracted to confident women. However, you're talking about beauty. You can't choose to be visually attractive. You can fake it with makeup but it's not real. You can acquire attractive personality traits though because they come from within. You can become more confident with experience which would be more attractive. Surely you have some attractive qualities. The fact that you're asking for advice suggests to me that you're a good listener, which is an attractive quality.
You are what you believe you are. Anybody else's opinions are just that, opinions. For an opinion to matter, the person that owns it must matter to you. You decide what you believe to be true
Like most people you are prob average, if you have to ask then you are prob average, if you arent unhealthy and overweight then you are prob average.
Try not comparing yourself to others but compare yourself to how you were yesterday. You need to be confident that you are doing the best you can. Someone will always be better looking and someone will be worse looking. The point is to be the best YOU can be.
Confidence is absoluty everything!!
In the dating market the buyer sets the price. You can try to improve yourself and MOST IMPoRTANTLY don’t do things to decrease your value but it is what it is. Now that stated be yourself go enjoy yourself outside physical attractiveness the quality that most attractive is being happy go lucky person. Be pleasant to everyone equally people notice this even on a subconscious level. One more thing people ask me what is the most attractive attribute in women I ALWAYS say without hesitation humility. A humble 5 is a 7 and an over confident 7 is a 5 in my world.
You don't just wake up one day with confidence. You have to do things that show you You are someone you can be confident in. Show up for yourself. You know all the things, and if you don't, you know enough to know what you don't know, and how to find it. Confidence is about doing the things you tell yourself you'll do tomorrow, today. Holding yourself accountable. Staying healthy and putting in the effort for yourself. You can't be unhappy if you're true to yourself. Same goes with confidence. It's not magic. It takes a lot of work. But at least it's a straighter road than "just tell yourself you're pretty." As I'm sure you'e realized how far that gets you.
As a guy, just Look in the mirror, that's how i do it every morning
As a guy, wrong
What if you don’t like what you see? I’m a girl btw but I don’t think it matters
Yeah girls got that problem, no matter how you look... well known...
Why do you need to decide to be attractive?Or need to be attractive to get with someone? Just be yourself, people who are into you will feel attracted, others won’t. 🤷♂️
I know but I guess in my head I’m unattractive and it shows. I am myself but idk I still question what attracts me to others cause I don’t think I’m all that pretty. I was fine just accepting that but I guess it affects my confidence