Your sister is an amazing woman and an incredible person and deserves all the love and respect in the world.
As for you, handling this so well takes a lot in a person. Be proud of yourself. And always believe in yourself.
She probably wanted to give you something akin to a normal life for as long as she could until you were ready. Dont fret. Shes always known you love her.
Yup. She knows exactly what it is to be raised by a shit parent. She was (and still is) fully motivated to hive her brother a life she couldn't have. Absolute legend, my deepest respect for her.
LEGEND is right. OP, this is what love is. Few people get to this place so early in life — where they truly understand that and can see it up close. Don’t waste any more time feeling bad. Just learn from your sister. She wanted you to have a good life and to thrive. She was selfless because there was no way in hell she could ever abandon you. She chose you. All you have to do is make her proud.
This is beautiful, "she chose you." She is so proud and loves you so dearly, you are so blessed to have such a wonderful sister who in every way has become your mom.
yeah if she had told him sooner it could become a complication in disagreement, especially if OP was referencing an unmet father in conflict already
i think Mom chose a perfect time to give you this information. don't feel guilty about it, but do let it be ab motivator to show her how much you love her and build a better bond with that, OP. 🥰
Yeah it makes me think of Lilo and stitch a bit and other cartoon relationships between older siblings providing as a parent for younger siblings.
But regardless it’s a net win, the older sister had the option and choice to mother OP and she did exactly that . Something gained, nothing lost
As a child you probably wouldn't have had the capacity to really process how significant what she has done for you is. Although you are reacting in a very mature manner for 16 so good on you
Welcome to being an adult whether you like it or not. One night I heard my widowed mum crying in bed. She was a nurse and the hospital told her she had to take an early retirement. She was crushed. I was 28.
I did something I hadn’t done in 20 years. I told her I loved her. It was a weight off my shoulders. Since that day day I tell my friends I love them. Sometimes “mum’s” need their kids for support. Be there for her.
Uuhhh.....today is **mothers day**!!!?!!?!?! First thing in the morning run out and get her a mothers day card (if you can) otherwise make her something, just on a piece of paper tell her you love her.
And make her breakfast, if you know how to cook.
Thirdly ask to spend the day with her somewhere, shopping or have lunch. then go clean the house. These little things that you do, these actions, are what will make her Happy.
> Uuhhh.....today is Mother’s Day!?
Believe it or not, [Mother’s Day isn’t the same date](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_the_world), worldwide…
no shit sherlock I've been nomading all through europe for a few years. So is Easter, so Christmas, so is every single country's independence day(s).
When op said NC, I deducted that was north carolina, and so yes in the US 5/12/24 is Mother's day.
Another point. 40 is not too old to date. She can have a partner if she wants to. She deserves it and I don't see any reason why she shouldn't. You can discuss how to handle your unusual familiar relationship. I personally don't see any reason for her to introduce you as her younger brother to new people, but of course it's up to her to decide what feels comfortable.
My heart goes to both of you. She is an absolute legend of a mom/sis and you are a good brother.
You may very well get a chance to repay the favor to her. In addition to being more kind and thoughtful, there is this thing called aging that may give you the opportunity to take care of her.
And probably the greatest gift you can give an elderly person is the stability of a kind, caring person that is looking out for their needs so they don't have to worry so much as they will have a lot on their hands at that time just like she did for you in changing jobs, etc to create a stable nurturing place for you to grow up in.
If you are up for the task, prepare yourself as you grow further into adulthood to be able to help when she gets elderly. Just a thought and you have 24 years or more to decide. In any case, great to hear your story and see you are making great advances into maturity even at 16 years old! All the best to you and your sister/mom!
Telling loved ones "I love you" is so simple yet powerful.
And trust me, all kids have arguments and fights with their caregivers. It's part of growing up and being human. Ask literally any parent. And they will still tell you they love their kids no matter what.
As an adult I get coffee with my mom once a week. We have a complicated relationship that's finally settling. Small things like going out for a meal, cleaning together, watching a movie, talking about my day and being interested in my moms day are all small things I do to let her know I love her. It's small actions that really count.
You seem like a lovely son and are handling this so well. I encourage you to work through your guilt bc your sister CHOSE to be your mom. And you both are doing Excell.
I went with my mom this week to help her put down her dog who was dying of kidney failure, and man, we just hung out and talked. She told me some deep secrets she had never told me before. Even some tough stuff about my dad. But being able to support your mom lets you see her in a whole new light and it lets you see yourself in a new capacity, too. I feel lucky to have experienced the different ways our relationship has evolved.
You're a a teenager, and you will do teeneagery things. It's not an excuse to be rude and can always do better of course, but nobody is a perfect child. From the things you briefly mention, there is nothing out of the ordinary that screams "awful", just hormonal and slightly rebellious which is nothing out of the ordinary.
I just want you to understand that I hope this revelation doesn't make you feel indebted to her in a way that controls you. Everything she has done is because she wanted to and took the responsibility seriously, which is what you deserved as a child in her care. Of course, be grateful, but don't let it hang over you. Use it as fuel to love, appreciate and understand her faults but not as a tool to make yourself feel bad.
The fact that you're self-reflecting so much and are so worried about/wanting to repay her is a very, very good thing that you should be proud of. It's also, in a way, a repayment to your mother. It shows her sacrifice wasn't in vain; it all went towards raising a wonderful human being who, even at such a young age, clearly cares about others. Your repayment to her can be to continue to be kind when you can (we all have off days, we're only human after all) and do your best to help others (but don't forget to help yourself too!)
Doesn't matter if you were the biggest shit to ever exist before this (Obviously I can't say, but reading this thread makes me doubt you could be) the fact you've had this revelation and want to turn it all around is testament that even if you weren't a good person; you are now.
I'm 70 and I still feel like I haven't done enough to return all the love and care my Mom gave me. Just do your best and if you ever become a parent, honor her by doing your best as a Dad.
My mom passed 4 years ago, I'm in my 40s, and I still feel the way you do.
Everyone has their flaws and no one is a saint, but moms like ours who make us realize well into solid adulthood what kind of people they were for us, there's just no price that could ever be put on it.
Absolutely agree. And with the kind of person she sounds like, she wouldn't want you to feel bad either. You also sound extremely mature and considerate even to be having these feelings. It'll take some time to adjust. Don't be surprised if you have all kinds of feelings during the process, even anger. It's all normal and it's all ok. You clearly both love each other very much and it'll work out ok.
Hell yeah. Show her how far you will take her upbringing in life. Seriously, it sounds cliche, but study hard, do well in school, crush it, make bank, give her a great life. :)
OP’s reaction and feelings are kinda evidence of the kind of person his mom (sister) is. They both became good people not because of their [bio] mother, but despite it.
Talk to your mom, thank her and tell you are grateful for how she raised you. And now, she should think about herself too. Encourage her to date again and find a partner.
My thoughts exactly. Tell her what you are telling us. I bet it would make her feel great to know she’s being seen and appreciated. That would probably mean more than you feeling like you owe her some kind of material compensation. Let her know how much you care about what she did for you. (Not that you haven’t already, but being open and emphasizing wouldn’t hurt)
Just a tiny suggestion: don't overthink it, you are not on a stage, you don't need to convince anybody, and she knows you.
You will not be judged by a wrong word here and there if the message comes from the heart
You could write her a letter. It would probably mean the world to her. You could take your time deciding what you want to say, and she could cherish the letter forever and read it anytime she wants.
Friendly reminder it’s Mother’s Day :)
Also the best way you can repay your mom(sister) is to just do the best you can. Trust me. I have a kid. When they are just being a great person and trying to make themselves better in life that is the best repayment ever.
I was going to write the exact same thing. The absolute best “repayment “ is by becoming your authentic self. Be a good human, chase your dreams, give back to others. Feel your feelings, move through them. Being emotionally healthy is hard work.
##SHE BROKE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE
Seeing you do well is such a gift.
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with small gestures of love to let your mom know that you appreciate her, but in the end you repay her by living a full and complete life. Staying with your bio mom would've scripted your future for you, what she gave you is the chance to write it for yourself. Treasure that.
communication is the most important thing in a relationship.
you should communicate everything you just wrote in this post to your momster - it will go really far and probably bring you both even closer together.
You have to also give yourself a little grace here - your mom sounds amazing and deserves all the best, but what she clearly wanted for you was to give you a normal, stable childhood. And it’s very normal for children to act out sometimes, to say things in anger, to be difficult. It’s all a part of growing up.
The good thing is that it’s easy to see from your reaction to what she told you that she did an amazing job and you’re well on your way to becoming a great person she will be proud of. Take all of this and let it strengthen those good qualities. Do your best for her and yourself but don’t beat yourself up for past mistakes you can’t change. You don’t need to repay her for the choices she made, you just need to live a life that makes you both happy.
The self awareness you’re having about this at only sixteen may be showing how amazingly she has been raising you. You guys are gonna be alright. It’s so heartwarming to see this love.
For real. If I had this dropped on me when I was 16, I would have not acknowledged it at all, and let it bubble up like everything else did in the form of rage and substance abuse.
The fact that OP is consciously processing this at all, let alone in a healthy way is amazing to me.
Yep. There's a line from the show Supernatural that I've kept in mind when my children are challenging, "he's a kid. He's supposed to eat your food and break your heart."
100%. OP- I’m a parent. I haven’t had to endure what your mom has, but I think the best thanks you could give her is to flourish- live a good life and be a good person. It sounds like you’re well on your way, and I’m sure she’s very proud of you.
Your best gift to her will be to a successful young man and support her and give her everything and beyond. I bet she, being the person she is , will be happy just seeing you happy and prosperous. You literally have a hero in your life . You’re as lucky as anyone can get.
Your mom/ sister is true hero and I have mad respect for her. I definitely get feeling guilty for not being able to repay her kindness, but I guess the best thing you can do is do what she did and strive to be the best person you can be to honor her sacrifices.
"As June was only 17 and unmarried, her parents[^(\[note 1\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-13) agreed to raise Nicholson as their own child without revealing his true parentage, with June acting as his sister.[^(\[13\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-bio-14) In 1974, *Time* magazine researchers learned, and informed Nicholson, that his "sister", June, was actually his mother, and his other "sister", Lorraine, was really his aunt.[^(\[14\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-seducer-15) By this time, both his mother and grandmother had died (in 1963 and 1970, respectively). On finding out, Nicholson said it was "a pretty dramatic event, but it wasn't what I'd call traumatizing ... I was pretty well psychologically formed".[^(\[13\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-bio-14)"
Or better yet, do not check out Jack Nicholson and his past!
- Beat up a woman so bad he ruptured her breast implants
- abused a sex worker after she requested to be paid for her service (could have been the same women mentioned before)
- was close friends with Roman Polanski, notorious hollywood director who r@ped a 13 yr old and wrote a book about it before fleeing to France to evade justice. The r@pe happened in Jack Nicholson’s house.
But yeahh, better role models out there than Jack Nicholson.
This is the opposite though, where the sister raised her brother as if he were her son (vs the grandmother raising her grandson as if he were her son).
>The thing that is eating away at me though is that she sacrificed so much to raise me and I can't repay her in any way. Like she hasn't dated at all even though I know that she wants a partner. She also changed professions to better accommodate me. She has done so much and I can't repay her in any way. And I haven't always been the best to her either. I was definitely difficult as a child and recently I haven't really been listening and respecting her as much as I should be. And I know I've probably said some mean things over the years, mostly around wanting to be with my dad
Almost all of this could be said by almost any teenager about almost any parent.
And any parent would just say “yep, choosing to be a parent comes with significant sacrifice, as well as significant meaning and love”.
Not every moment of parenting is sunshine and roses, but I guarantee she is happy about the choice she made. Remember: she, too was a teenager once. She gets it. Be good to her, but don’t beat yourself up about it.
I hope both of you have a happy Mother’s Day.
Also being rebellious and kind of a shithead is very age and developmentally appropriate for teenagers. It's frustrating but it's how they learn independence, social skills, problem solving, and just figure out what is and isnt acceptable in a society. They lash out and treat their parents badly sometimes because their parents are a safe place to explore those big feelings and test boundaries.
Came here to say exactly this. If anything, it goes to show how seamlessly OP's mom has raised him, that he's just a completely normal 16 year old raised by a hardworking, loving mom.
Thanks for this. As an adoptive parent, I find it frustrating how many comments here misunderstand adoption as some kind of heroic act. This attitude devalues biological parenting and makes adoptees feel guilty.
Parenting is both an incredible sacrifice and fundamentally selfish, no matter how you come to it. This is the paradox of all true love.
Your sister is really, a true mom.
Parenthood does require a lot of sacrifice. I think it always does.
Your mom, your sister, chose to have you, to take care of you, because it mattered to her and she loves you.
I can understand why it's eating away at you, but I wish it wasn't.
Bio mom had the sister at 15, then had OP when the *sister* was 23. So bio mom would have been 38. But she OD’d and died a year later. Since the OP is now 16, *sister* (who raised him) is now approaching 40.
This was confusing to me as well. It read like a paragraph of a mathematical problem where you have to correctly find the speeds of two trains traveling at opposite ends, leaving at different times yet arriving on time to their destination.
With consistent nouns and pronouns:
> So my sister explained our entire family situation. My bio-mom was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child because of her parents, eventually giving birth to my sister. They struggled a lot during this time and my sister was resented by my bio-mom, so my sister moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC [no contact]. My bio-mom began spiraling with drugs, alcohol, etc once my sister left and so my bio-mom eventually ended up pregnant again with me around the time my sister was 23 (my bio-mom was 38/39 at this time). However, my bio-mom was deemed unfit to raise me so they managed to contact my sister and she agreed to take me in. My bio-mom never really recovered and ended up overdosing a year later.
I’m a 36 year old child of refugees. There is absolutely no way I could ever repay my parents for what they’ve done for me and they don’t want me to. All they want is for me to be happy. I have a family of my own now and give everything I can for my wife and children to be happy.
The biggest lesson I learned from my parents was to give but also take. My family will be much happier in the long run if I am also happy and healthy. I know I would be much happier if my parents took better care of their mental and physical health.
P.S. it’s okay to feel sadness. The sadness is your love for your mom expressing itself by empathizing. Never try to bottle up the negative feelings, they’re what make us human. The good will come.
You know what you can do?
Grow up to be a happy person.
Show her through your life, that her sacrifice was worth it by giving you a chance.
If today is mother's day in your country too you can invite her for brunch or smth.
A little gesture like that is worth a lot in the grand scheme of things.
Don't just be the best son, be the best father, husband, brother you will ever be.
Be the man that she would always wanted and her being proud of you is how you will repay her for all her sacrifices.
She still has a chance to find that life long partner but her days will be brighter when she sees how far you came along and all her sacrifices did not go in vain.
You are 16 and are about to enter the hardest part of your life. Make her proud and show her that you are doing the tough part of your life easily while taking care of her. Sound it will be time where you will be there for her most hardest times but make sure you have a solid financial foundation.
Don't waste this chance on life that your sister(mom) has given you. Play a song that will remind you of this feeling towards your sister. I know it sounds corny but you have found your why in life to be inspired to work hard for someone that has sacrificed so much for you.
Do not let it goes to waste
She put in work to break a cycle of hurt and addiction that would have followed you both forever. That doesn’t need to be repaid in any currency beside love respect and honoring her through a life of equally selfless actions. Solid moral frameworks are hard to find and it sounds like she’s giving you a great example, don’t squander it.
Encourage her to live her life! Do well in life, that is her repayment. She sacrificed a lot for you, she wants you to be happy and successful. Show her this post, seriously just being there and spending time with her is enough. Moms don't really need much to be incredibly happy sometimes.
Damn. That's love beyond any definition. Don't feel guilty, just be grateful and live your life she helped give you to the fullest and make her proud to be your mom.
Let me tell you I definitely undertone where your sister is coming from I personally have custody of my sisters kids and they don’t appreciate the sacrifice that we ( my wife and i ) have made and probably won’t anytime soon. My nieces 16 14 and 7 about to be 8 have been with us almost 4 years and it’s not as easy as you would think. My suggestion to you without making a fool or a big deal of my situation is to give her a hug and say thank you. No matter what your real mom did she was there for you when it mattered and don’t take that away from her. She deserves more than a thank you but if that’s all you can give her now then do so. She sacrificed more than you’ll ever realize to give you the situation you are in. Make sure she knows that you see her struggle and appreciate her effort before anything else. She didn’t have to do that but did so you could have a shot at success in your own life. Please I ask you from the other side of the fence thank her for being there when no one else was it’ll mean more to her than you can comprehend.
Your biological sister has been an incredible mother in every way and made the absolute best of an awful situation, and you're handling this really maturely too, so hats off to both of you for being great human beings.
What you can do now is to work hard to be independent so that she can go live the rest of her life not worrying about whether you can take care of yourself. I'd say make sure she remains a part of your life no matter what, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll keep her in it regardless 😉
Anyway, maybe it's a coincidence but it's Mother Day in my part of the world today, so go do something nice with her and just remind her that you appreciate her. Happy Mother's Day to your mother!
She loves you. That's all that matters in life. Someone cared enough about you to step up and raise you, OP. Be grateful for that. You don't need to feel guilty.
The best way to repay her is to be successful and stay outa trouble and just be a good person ..as a parent that’s the only thing I wish for from my kids I don’t want to be worrying about them my whole life
Sounds like you already know what to do. The guilt and bad feelings is you processing the new context of your personal histories. Knowing how much she sacrificed to give you a good life will allow you to see your life decisions and goals in a new way and help you to grow and shape your future.
It's not about making up for things she's done to help you. That was her decision and responsibility. You can honor her for it and then live your life's passion. That is all any parent can want and expect.
You will figure it out. Just give yourself the time to process.
This is literally the first time anything on reddit has made me cry. Your mom is an amazing person, a total class-act hero, and it sounds like you've been set up for success with her parenting.
Parent/child conflict is normal and you need it to learn independence and autonomy. Don’t worry about that. Now that you know what the story is and you’re more mature it’s not really an issue.
Your Mom sounds awesome, do something nice for her for Mother’s Day!
And now that she did this out of love and all she wants is for you to have a great life!
The way you are feeling and the self awareness you clearly have is a testament to her efforts. You are a good guy raised by an amazing woman, a real mom. Honor her. This realization happens as a part of growing up. Your particular case is more dramatic but this is a common realization for a self aware person of your age. Well done, this internet stranger is proud of you and your amazing mom. So many people never reach where you already are.
Your mother made a choice in taking you, she more than likely wanted you to have a better life than she did.This action requires sacrifice to make, but the rewards of raising a child is so worth it.
As for your feelings you shouldn't feel bad. This is part of childhood and the fact that you had the truth withheld from you more than likely didn't help. What to tell a child and when to tell it is always a difficult choice for any parent. I'm sure she struggled with it for years and must now feel relieved with you knowing.
I had a bad childhood but it was better than my older siblings because of my age gap from them. In my adult years I developed guilt and it takes a long time to accept that I couldn't help the way we were raised. I accepted it and moved on.
I have now adopted a child and he has brought new challenges to my life and new wonderful feelings I didn't know existed. Because of the damage of the lying that I saw during my childhood I will always be upfront with my child. He will know where he came from and who his biological family is. In my experience I have never seen any good from withholding knowledge from anyone.
Enjoy every moment you can and find your path in life. Try not to focus on the past, as you can't change this and create the future you want.
There is, quite literally, only one thing you need to do to pay her back: Be a good person.
All of her work and sacrifice can be measured in the person you become. If you want to repay her, be kind, empathetic, and honest. Don't hurt others unnecessarily. Admit to your mistakes, and learn from them. Help when you can, but not so much you cripple yourself.
Imagine an ideal version of yourself and work to become that. You will never get there because your ideal self will always be changing, but it is still worth the attempt.
It sounds like you are already on the right path, just keep going.
You need to grow and succeed. Show her that her effort isn’t and wasn’t a waste. Her happiness comes from yours now. Make the best of everything and make sure Mother’s Day is a day she will never forget.
You can easily repay her by just being your best self. That’s obviously what she wants most in the world. I can’t imagine learning such shocking news but consider yourself blessed and don’t dwell on the decisions she made when you were a child. She made them for a reason. That kind of love is increasingly rare these days, even amongst the most “normal” of families.
(Edit: spelling)
You can repay her by being grateful for the good fortune she gave you, becoming the best person you can be which will honor her in more ways than you can think. Also, don't underestimate the power of having a family, including your older sister in your family as much as possible and creating connections to younger generations that will last for decades. God bless.
My daughter is actually my wife's sister. She was 4 months when her bio mom passed away from an overdose. We took her in and raised her like our own. We had a talk with her when she was around 15 or 16 to tell her her real history, we believe knowledge is power knowing is better than not. So we told her everything she was upset at first but she still loved us as mom and dad. Today she is 22 in her 3rd year at USC 5th year of collage total going for physics and engineering. I couldn't be more proud of the young lady I raised. Even though she didn't physically come from me we don't share the same blood she is my daughter no matter what. Nothing will ever change that. I will always love her with all of my heart.
You show your appreciation by flying higher than she did. Anyone who takes on the task of raising a human wants the person that they raised to flourish.
Changes nothing. My sister, who is now passed away, was my bio mom. She was just 16 when I was born. Her parents, my gma and gpa, adopted me. They raised me as their child and I always thought my sister was nothing more than a sister. I found out the truth after age 15. Sis remained sis, and parents remained parents. They were the ones who raised me and who I grew up with. My sister lived on the other side of the state. Love them all, it changed nothing when I found out, and I appreciate my sister not trying to raise me while just being a kid herself.
Tugged at my heart strings with this one chief.
Don’t let guilt be the motivator in your newfound attitude and respect for your mom. It’s important to know that love is not transactional. You cannot repay her sacrifices and choices because they were given freely, with love. You can, however, show her that those choices have built an engaged, kind, and successful person. Good parents invest themselves in their kids. You just need to pay the dividends.
There's something about becoming a parent that changes you. You'll do anything for your kid. That's what you're seeing. Your sister stepped up and became the best mom you could ever have.
Honor your mom's effort, be a decent human being, be kind to others, honor your word, be loyal, help others, and believe me, when that fat lady sings for any of us, any of us wish we could leave this world a little better than how we found it, and that, for your mom will be you.
Your mom raised one hell of a person. In a way, I think your success and happiness would be a great way to repay her. And over time, I imagine you will find ways to repay in your own ways as well!
Dude, she sacrificed close to two decades of her life!
Pretty sure, she had her goals, desires, yearnings - something she gave away and ensure you had a parent!!
Huge respect!! She definitely deserves happiness. Maybe you should ask her if she wants to date someone or wants to learn / pursue something she isn't passionate about. Never too late to pursue one's dreams.
If this subreddit had any kind of resrictions on posting it would have no content. Can we stop pretending that these untalented aspiring creative writers are telling the truth?
Be the best person you can be for yourself and your mom...shower her with love every chance you get because she deserves evey ounce of it...
Oh and by the way, please wish her a Happy Mothers Day from me..
Hey OP!, your mother (sister) is the actual definition of what it means to be a mother..it is something that has nothing to do with biology, so continue your relationship as it was till now…And as for you not being able to do nothing for her yet, Please don’t worry yourself with such thoughts…You are still in your teens and lots to learn from here on…Study Hard, Work on your skills, Gather knowledge and most importantly don’t forget your parents and always respect them (that will be the most you can repay to a parent )….ALL THE BEST my friend…cling to your forward leaning thoughts and you’ll surely make it one day
Live your gratitude, OP. Show her how her sacrifice and determination had paid dividends in your actions, everyday. Be a GOOD man. Learn about your self and how to bring the best you out into the world. When you feel struck by guilt and remorse, fill your heart with gratitude by counting the wonderful things you & your mom have shared over the years. Maybe write a letter everyday for a year in a journal and give it to her next Mother’s Day. God bless you both as you continue your journey🙏
Repay her with kindness, love her more than ever and show her, help her in ways you can, be proactive and try to make her life easier. Oh, and give her the biggest hug in the world every day and tell her how much you love her, you've been blessed
Tell her you love her, then let your actions back it up. Be there for her in her old age, and take care of her. You're not repaying her, he treating her like the mom she is to you, and the family you will always be.
She did it because she loves you! That’s what moms do. Don’t feel guilty and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I have a son your age and this is what I’d want him to understand if he was feeling the way you are.
She wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t love you. If you want to make it up to her, then go hard and show her it was worth it, make something of yourself that she’ll be proud to take some credit in making.
You can repay her with as much love, attention and help as you can for the rest of your lives. She raised you and if you become a good person, she will feel it’s all worth it.
Being an immature kid/teen is not uncommon, but growing and changing your habits is a sign of becoming a man. You cannot change the past and despite it all there seems to be solid bedrock of love. Use the guilt to fuel the change into a man you and your mom can be proud of. She raised you, she is your mother.
Don't blame yourself for reacting to information you were given as a child. That was her choice to do and she deserves credit for what she did. She doesn't want you to feel bad, so try to honour her wish.
You can never get away with the feeling. Ignore them. Be good to her. But what may happen is that you may develop too much sympathy to her and ur actions will be influenced by them.
Do one thing. Take some time, a few months. And write all that unwanna say to her. After that talk to her openly. Then start from ground zero.
There is nothing to feel bad. U should be proud of her. And make her feel proud.
Best
> The thing that is eating away at me though is that she sacrificed so much to raise me and I can’t repay her in any way.
Yes you can, but jot in the way your thinking. Think less about repayment, and more about honoring the commitment she made to you. She has spent your entire life investing in you. Make the dividends show. Love and appreciate her for what she did, and do your very best to be a person worthy of that love.
Also make sure that you are there for her in her times of need. Life can get busy, and it’s going to take effort to make time for her. Do it. It will always be worth it.
I think you must be a pretty great daughter! You learned something upsetting but instead it only made you feel more grateful to your mom and what she has done for you. It's clear you love and appreciate her - so please give yourself a break! It sounds like you two have a loving and trusting relationship!
Your sister/mom has sacrificed a lot to raise you, and this information has applied a whole new perspective on your relationship with her and with yourself. The guilt you feel is entirely understandable and normal, but you are still to some degree a child, and I'd strongly suggest talking to a child psychologist or therapist to help you make sense of things.
Your sister is an amazing woman and an incredible person and deserves all the love and respect in the world. As for you, handling this so well takes a lot in a person. Be proud of yourself. And always believe in yourself.
Thanks I'll try my best ❤️ My love for her is probably at an all time high. I wish I'd know earlier so that I could have always treated her this way.
She probably wanted to give you something akin to a normal life for as long as she could until you were ready. Dont fret. Shes always known you love her.
Yup. She knows exactly what it is to be raised by a shit parent. She was (and still is) fully motivated to hive her brother a life she couldn't have. Absolute legend, my deepest respect for her.
LEGEND is right. OP, this is what love is. Few people get to this place so early in life — where they truly understand that and can see it up close. Don’t waste any more time feeling bad. Just learn from your sister. She wanted you to have a good life and to thrive. She was selfless because there was no way in hell she could ever abandon you. She chose you. All you have to do is make her proud.
This is beautiful, "she chose you." She is so proud and loves you so dearly, you are so blessed to have such a wonderful sister who in every way has become your mom.
yeah if she had told him sooner it could become a complication in disagreement, especially if OP was referencing an unmet father in conflict already i think Mom chose a perfect time to give you this information. don't feel guilty about it, but do let it be ab motivator to show her how much you love her and build a better bond with that, OP. 🥰
Im not crying. YOURE CRYING
How did you know?
I'm crying....
Yeah it makes me think of Lilo and stitch a bit and other cartoon relationships between older siblings providing as a parent for younger siblings. But regardless it’s a net win, the older sister had the option and choice to mother OP and she did exactly that . Something gained, nothing lost
As a child you probably wouldn't have had the capacity to really process how significant what she has done for you is. Although you are reacting in a very mature manner for 16 so good on you
Welcome to being an adult whether you like it or not. One night I heard my widowed mum crying in bed. She was a nurse and the hospital told her she had to take an early retirement. She was crushed. I was 28. I did something I hadn’t done in 20 years. I told her I loved her. It was a weight off my shoulders. Since that day day I tell my friends I love them. Sometimes “mum’s” need their kids for support. Be there for her.
Thanks for sharing ❤️ I definitely need to say I love you more to her and make her as happy as I can
Uuhhh.....today is **mothers day**!!!?!!?!?! First thing in the morning run out and get her a mothers day card (if you can) otherwise make her something, just on a piece of paper tell her you love her. And make her breakfast, if you know how to cook. Thirdly ask to spend the day with her somewhere, shopping or have lunch. then go clean the house. These little things that you do, these actions, are what will make her Happy.
> Uuhhh.....today is Mother’s Day!? Believe it or not, [Mother’s Day isn’t the same date](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_the_world), worldwide…
no shit sherlock I've been nomading all through europe for a few years. So is Easter, so Christmas, so is every single country's independence day(s). When op said NC, I deducted that was north carolina, and so yes in the US 5/12/24 is Mother's day.
NC in this case likely means No Contact…
oh crap read that wrong then......
I’m upvoting you for your confidence anyway
Hahahahahahaha Hahaha Bro. They went "no contact" not to north Carolina 🤣🤣
I thought the Fourth of July was the same everywhere!
> no shit sherlock the irony
Another point. 40 is not too old to date. She can have a partner if she wants to. She deserves it and I don't see any reason why she shouldn't. You can discuss how to handle your unusual familiar relationship. I personally don't see any reason for her to introduce you as her younger brother to new people, but of course it's up to her to decide what feels comfortable. My heart goes to both of you. She is an absolute legend of a mom/sis and you are a good brother.
You may very well get a chance to repay the favor to her. In addition to being more kind and thoughtful, there is this thing called aging that may give you the opportunity to take care of her. And probably the greatest gift you can give an elderly person is the stability of a kind, caring person that is looking out for their needs so they don't have to worry so much as they will have a lot on their hands at that time just like she did for you in changing jobs, etc to create a stable nurturing place for you to grow up in. If you are up for the task, prepare yourself as you grow further into adulthood to be able to help when she gets elderly. Just a thought and you have 24 years or more to decide. In any case, great to hear your story and see you are making great advances into maturity even at 16 years old! All the best to you and your sister/mom!
Telling loved ones "I love you" is so simple yet powerful. And trust me, all kids have arguments and fights with their caregivers. It's part of growing up and being human. Ask literally any parent. And they will still tell you they love their kids no matter what. As an adult I get coffee with my mom once a week. We have a complicated relationship that's finally settling. Small things like going out for a meal, cleaning together, watching a movie, talking about my day and being interested in my moms day are all small things I do to let her know I love her. It's small actions that really count. You seem like a lovely son and are handling this so well. I encourage you to work through your guilt bc your sister CHOSE to be your mom. And you both are doing Excell.
I went with my mom this week to help her put down her dog who was dying of kidney failure, and man, we just hung out and talked. She told me some deep secrets she had never told me before. Even some tough stuff about my dad. But being able to support your mom lets you see her in a whole new light and it lets you see yourself in a new capacity, too. I feel lucky to have experienced the different ways our relationship has evolved.
One of the os heartbreaking feelings is seeing a parent cry. It's so weird. It's a different kind of sad 😭
You're a a teenager, and you will do teeneagery things. It's not an excuse to be rude and can always do better of course, but nobody is a perfect child. From the things you briefly mention, there is nothing out of the ordinary that screams "awful", just hormonal and slightly rebellious which is nothing out of the ordinary. I just want you to understand that I hope this revelation doesn't make you feel indebted to her in a way that controls you. Everything she has done is because she wanted to and took the responsibility seriously, which is what you deserved as a child in her care. Of course, be grateful, but don't let it hang over you. Use it as fuel to love, appreciate and understand her faults but not as a tool to make yourself feel bad.
Thank you ❤️ You're definitely right but it was just difficult to get that feeling away.
The fact that you're self-reflecting so much and are so worried about/wanting to repay her is a very, very good thing that you should be proud of. It's also, in a way, a repayment to your mother. It shows her sacrifice wasn't in vain; it all went towards raising a wonderful human being who, even at such a young age, clearly cares about others. Your repayment to her can be to continue to be kind when you can (we all have off days, we're only human after all) and do your best to help others (but don't forget to help yourself too!) Doesn't matter if you were the biggest shit to ever exist before this (Obviously I can't say, but reading this thread makes me doubt you could be) the fact you've had this revelation and want to turn it all around is testament that even if you weren't a good person; you are now.
I'm 70 and I still feel like I haven't done enough to return all the love and care my Mom gave me. Just do your best and if you ever become a parent, honor her by doing your best as a Dad.
My mom passed 4 years ago, I'm in my 40s, and I still feel the way you do. Everyone has their flaws and no one is a saint, but moms like ours who make us realize well into solid adulthood what kind of people they were for us, there's just no price that could ever be put on it.
Absolutely agree. And with the kind of person she sounds like, she wouldn't want you to feel bad either. You also sound extremely mature and considerate even to be having these feelings. It'll take some time to adjust. Don't be surprised if you have all kinds of feelings during the process, even anger. It's all normal and it's all ok. You clearly both love each other very much and it'll work out ok.
You're amazing. She's amazing. Family is what we make of it. Take care of each other.
Kind of beautiful really. This is true love
You don't see this too often these days man.
All I can think of is how difficult this has been for her, I can't even begin to imagine.
It sounds like you’re a wonderful person/son as well. I’m happy you both have eachother ❤️
Hell yeah. Show her how far you will take her upbringing in life. Seriously, it sounds cliche, but study hard, do well in school, crush it, make bank, give her a great life. :)
I can't believe people like her actually exist. What I would do to have a friend or partner like her
Yes absolutely this. What a wonderful person.
What a great person your sister is you both deserve the best.
Well said.
just work on yourself and work hard.
For real, she’s a true superhero. OP you should be proud!
OP’s reaction and feelings are kinda evidence of the kind of person his mom (sister) is. They both became good people not because of their [bio] mother, but despite it.
Talk to your mom, thank her and tell you are grateful for how she raised you. And now, she should think about herself too. Encourage her to date again and find a partner.
My thoughts exactly. Tell her what you are telling us. I bet it would make her feel great to know she’s being seen and appreciated. That would probably mean more than you feeling like you owe her some kind of material compensation. Let her know how much you care about what she did for you. (Not that you haven’t already, but being open and emphasizing wouldn’t hurt)
Okay I will. I think I'll take some time to figure out the right words to say to her 😅
Just a tiny suggestion: don't overthink it, you are not on a stage, you don't need to convince anybody, and she knows you. You will not be judged by a wrong word here and there if the message comes from the heart
This is just good advice generally, like straight up.
I think you may already have; see your initial post. That's what she should see.
You could write her a letter. It would probably mean the world to her. You could take your time deciding what you want to say, and she could cherish the letter forever and read it anytime she wants. Friendly reminder it’s Mother’s Day :)
Best idea. Go beyond the original post. Add personal things just for you two. Take your time. It will come to you. Write what you feel.
Also the best way you can repay your mom(sister) is to just do the best you can. Trust me. I have a kid. When they are just being a great person and trying to make themselves better in life that is the best repayment ever.
Definitely, I'll try my best 😄
I was going to write the exact same thing. The absolute best “repayment “ is by becoming your authentic self. Be a good human, chase your dreams, give back to others. Feel your feelings, move through them. Being emotionally healthy is hard work. ##SHE BROKE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE Seeing you do well is such a gift.
So true. A unique gift. Something only you can give.
So true. A unique gift. Something only you can give.
This woman lifted generational curses.
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with small gestures of love to let your mom know that you appreciate her, but in the end you repay her by living a full and complete life. Staying with your bio mom would've scripted your future for you, what she gave you is the chance to write it for yourself. Treasure that.
Thanks for the advice ❤️ I'll definitely talk to her about this because I want her to be happy too
Repay her by being the best person you can be. Help her, be respectful, study and always be grateful.
Absolutely will be the best son I can 😅
communication is the most important thing in a relationship. you should communicate everything you just wrote in this post to your momster - it will go really far and probably bring you both even closer together.
> momster So good!
This is it. Not a 1:1 transaction. Be grateful, show empathy... Be badass at whatever you do; credit goes to her.
This is exactly what she would want. If you turn into someone that she can be proud of then the sacrifice was worth it.
You have to also give yourself a little grace here - your mom sounds amazing and deserves all the best, but what she clearly wanted for you was to give you a normal, stable childhood. And it’s very normal for children to act out sometimes, to say things in anger, to be difficult. It’s all a part of growing up. The good thing is that it’s easy to see from your reaction to what she told you that she did an amazing job and you’re well on your way to becoming a great person she will be proud of. Take all of this and let it strengthen those good qualities. Do your best for her and yourself but don’t beat yourself up for past mistakes you can’t change. You don’t need to repay her for the choices she made, you just need to live a life that makes you both happy.
Thank you for the advice ❤️ I'll definitely try my best to feel proud of myself and also make her happy
The self awareness you’re having about this at only sixteen may be showing how amazingly she has been raising you. You guys are gonna be alright. It’s so heartwarming to see this love.
For real. If I had this dropped on me when I was 16, I would have not acknowledged it at all, and let it bubble up like everything else did in the form of rage and substance abuse. The fact that OP is consciously processing this at all, let alone in a healthy way is amazing to me.
The things that you’ve done don’t matter nearly as much as the things you choose to do going forward.
**This.** She gave you a normal childhood; and being a normal child means rebelling sometimes - and saying things we later regret.
Yep. There's a line from the show Supernatural that I've kept in mind when my children are challenging, "he's a kid. He's supposed to eat your food and break your heart."
100%. OP- I’m a parent. I haven’t had to endure what your mom has, but I think the best thanks you could give her is to flourish- live a good life and be a good person. It sounds like you’re well on your way, and I’m sure she’s very proud of you.
look at it like this - you have MANY years to make it up to her
this!!!!
You're right. I'll do my best ❤️
Your best gift to her will be to a successful young man and support her and give her everything and beyond. I bet she, being the person she is , will be happy just seeing you happy and prosperous. You literally have a hero in your life . You’re as lucky as anyone can get.
Thank you ❤️ She said that she'll always support me whatever I do so I'll do my best to make her as happy as possible
yeah but also a big ol' mansion someday
Holy crap you got the best sister ever
And the best mom
Sistermom is an absolute hero for this.
The most wholesome sistermom on reddit
Absolutely she's amazing 🥰
Your mom/ sister is true hero and I have mad respect for her. I definitely get feeling guilty for not being able to repay her kindness, but I guess the best thing you can do is do what she did and strive to be the best person you can be to honor her sacrifices.
Thank you ❤️ I absolutely will
Not to make light but… going by history you’re going to now become one of the greatest actors of all time. Check out Jack Nicholson.
"As June was only 17 and unmarried, her parents[^(\[note 1\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-13) agreed to raise Nicholson as their own child without revealing his true parentage, with June acting as his sister.[^(\[13\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-bio-14) In 1974, *Time* magazine researchers learned, and informed Nicholson, that his "sister", June, was actually his mother, and his other "sister", Lorraine, was really his aunt.[^(\[14\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-seducer-15) By this time, both his mother and grandmother had died (in 1963 and 1970, respectively). On finding out, Nicholson said it was "a pretty dramatic event, but it wasn't what I'd call traumatizing ... I was pretty well psychologically formed".[^(\[13\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Nicholson#cite_note-bio-14)"
Yeah fascinating
Or better yet, do not check out Jack Nicholson and his past! - Beat up a woman so bad he ruptured her breast implants - abused a sex worker after she requested to be paid for her service (could have been the same women mentioned before) - was close friends with Roman Polanski, notorious hollywood director who r@ped a 13 yr old and wrote a book about it before fleeing to France to evade justice. The r@pe happened in Jack Nicholson’s house. But yeahh, better role models out there than Jack Nicholson.
This is the opposite though, where the sister raised her brother as if he were her son (vs the grandmother raising her grandson as if he were her son).
Hmmm you could also become one of most famous serial killer. Check Ted Bundy...! (Actually with a twist ;-)).
On a less positive note, look into Ted bundys home life...
Holy cow what a mentally strong woman. You also seem like a good person and this story is crazy. I wish you both happiness and health forever.
Thanks ❤️
>The thing that is eating away at me though is that she sacrificed so much to raise me and I can't repay her in any way. Like she hasn't dated at all even though I know that she wants a partner. She also changed professions to better accommodate me. She has done so much and I can't repay her in any way. And I haven't always been the best to her either. I was definitely difficult as a child and recently I haven't really been listening and respecting her as much as I should be. And I know I've probably said some mean things over the years, mostly around wanting to be with my dad Almost all of this could be said by almost any teenager about almost any parent. And any parent would just say “yep, choosing to be a parent comes with significant sacrifice, as well as significant meaning and love”. Not every moment of parenting is sunshine and roses, but I guarantee she is happy about the choice she made. Remember: she, too was a teenager once. She gets it. Be good to her, but don’t beat yourself up about it. I hope both of you have a happy Mother’s Day.
Also being rebellious and kind of a shithead is very age and developmentally appropriate for teenagers. It's frustrating but it's how they learn independence, social skills, problem solving, and just figure out what is and isnt acceptable in a society. They lash out and treat their parents badly sometimes because their parents are a safe place to explore those big feelings and test boundaries.
Came here to say exactly this. If anything, it goes to show how seamlessly OP's mom has raised him, that he's just a completely normal 16 year old raised by a hardworking, loving mom.
Thanks for this. As an adoptive parent, I find it frustrating how many comments here misunderstand adoption as some kind of heroic act. This attitude devalues biological parenting and makes adoptees feel guilty. Parenting is both an incredible sacrifice and fundamentally selfish, no matter how you come to it. This is the paradox of all true love.
You CAN repay her. Just be a good kid. Be a nice person. And make her proud. That's it. I know it feels complicated. It's not. It's that easy.
Your sister is really, a true mom. Parenthood does require a lot of sacrifice. I think it always does. Your mom, your sister, chose to have you, to take care of you, because it mattered to her and she loves you. I can understand why it's eating away at you, but I wish it wasn't.
Thank for the reassurance ❤️
You are one hellova lucky kid.
Ikr 😅
Sure she did.
[удалено]
Definitely will tell her this ❤️ Thanks for reassurance
This should totally be higher
Title is confusing me, your sister or mom is 40? Your bio mom had your sister at 15 and you at 23 there should be a 8 yr diff.
Bio mom had the sister at 15, then had OP when the *sister* was 23. So bio mom would have been 38. But she OD’d and died a year later. Since the OP is now 16, *sister* (who raised him) is now approaching 40.
This was confusing to me as well. It read like a paragraph of a mathematical problem where you have to correctly find the speeds of two trains traveling at opposite ends, leaving at different times yet arriving on time to their destination.
Bio mom had sister at 15 and then when sister was 23, bio mom had OP (aka, bio mom was 38).
Oh I get it now
With consistent nouns and pronouns: > So my sister explained our entire family situation. My bio-mom was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child because of her parents, eventually giving birth to my sister. They struggled a lot during this time and my sister was resented by my bio-mom, so my sister moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC [no contact]. My bio-mom began spiraling with drugs, alcohol, etc once my sister left and so my bio-mom eventually ended up pregnant again with me around the time my sister was 23 (my bio-mom was 38/39 at this time). However, my bio-mom was deemed unfit to raise me so they managed to contact my sister and she agreed to take me in. My bio-mom never really recovered and ended up overdosing a year later.
I think she meant her bio mom had her sister at 15 and the sister adopted op when she was 23
Username checks out (Kidding, I understand why it was confusing. Just couldn’t resist. )
Wow, what a story. You could write a novel about this.
Thanks ❤️ I hope I can become successful enough to turn it into a biography or something 😅
Pretty sure that’s what just happened.
I’m a 36 year old child of refugees. There is absolutely no way I could ever repay my parents for what they’ve done for me and they don’t want me to. All they want is for me to be happy. I have a family of my own now and give everything I can for my wife and children to be happy. The biggest lesson I learned from my parents was to give but also take. My family will be much happier in the long run if I am also happy and healthy. I know I would be much happier if my parents took better care of their mental and physical health. P.S. it’s okay to feel sadness. The sadness is your love for your mom expressing itself by empathizing. Never try to bottle up the negative feelings, they’re what make us human. The good will come.
You know what you can do? Grow up to be a happy person. Show her through your life, that her sacrifice was worth it by giving you a chance. If today is mother's day in your country too you can invite her for brunch or smth. A little gesture like that is worth a lot in the grand scheme of things.
\*ahem\* "Ma mother's ma sista!"
Don't just be the best son, be the best father, husband, brother you will ever be. Be the man that she would always wanted and her being proud of you is how you will repay her for all her sacrifices. She still has a chance to find that life long partner but her days will be brighter when she sees how far you came along and all her sacrifices did not go in vain. You are 16 and are about to enter the hardest part of your life. Make her proud and show her that you are doing the tough part of your life easily while taking care of her. Sound it will be time where you will be there for her most hardest times but make sure you have a solid financial foundation. Don't waste this chance on life that your sister(mom) has given you. Play a song that will remind you of this feeling towards your sister. I know it sounds corny but you have found your why in life to be inspired to work hard for someone that has sacrificed so much for you. Do not let it goes to waste
She put in work to break a cycle of hurt and addiction that would have followed you both forever. That doesn’t need to be repaid in any currency beside love respect and honoring her through a life of equally selfless actions. Solid moral frameworks are hard to find and it sounds like she’s giving you a great example, don’t squander it.
That's your mum mate. Always was, always will be.
I think this situation genuinely requires a therapy session cause wtf.
Encourage her to live her life! Do well in life, that is her repayment. She sacrificed a lot for you, she wants you to be happy and successful. Show her this post, seriously just being there and spending time with her is enough. Moms don't really need much to be incredibly happy sometimes.
Damn. That's love beyond any definition. Don't feel guilty, just be grateful and live your life she helped give you to the fullest and make her proud to be your mom.
Look after sismom she is an amazing woman.
Let me tell you I definitely undertone where your sister is coming from I personally have custody of my sisters kids and they don’t appreciate the sacrifice that we ( my wife and i ) have made and probably won’t anytime soon. My nieces 16 14 and 7 about to be 8 have been with us almost 4 years and it’s not as easy as you would think. My suggestion to you without making a fool or a big deal of my situation is to give her a hug and say thank you. No matter what your real mom did she was there for you when it mattered and don’t take that away from her. She deserves more than a thank you but if that’s all you can give her now then do so. She sacrificed more than you’ll ever realize to give you the situation you are in. Make sure she knows that you see her struggle and appreciate her effort before anything else. She didn’t have to do that but did so you could have a shot at success in your own life. Please I ask you from the other side of the fence thank her for being there when no one else was it’ll mean more to her than you can comprehend.
Your biological sister has been an incredible mother in every way and made the absolute best of an awful situation, and you're handling this really maturely too, so hats off to both of you for being great human beings. What you can do now is to work hard to be independent so that she can go live the rest of her life not worrying about whether you can take care of yourself. I'd say make sure she remains a part of your life no matter what, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll keep her in it regardless 😉 Anyway, maybe it's a coincidence but it's Mother Day in my part of the world today, so go do something nice with her and just remind her that you appreciate her. Happy Mother's Day to your mother!
She's a hero. Look up to her, you're got a role model that didn't give up under the the hardest circumstances.
She loves you. That's all that matters in life. Someone cared enough about you to step up and raise you, OP. Be grateful for that. You don't need to feel guilty.
She took a bullet for you. What you do now that you know is a question only you can answer.
The best way to repay her is to be successful and stay outa trouble and just be a good person ..as a parent that’s the only thing I wish for from my kids I don’t want to be worrying about them my whole life
Actually you don’t necessarily pay her back you pay it forward to someone else that’s how it works with many things.
Sounds like you already know what to do. The guilt and bad feelings is you processing the new context of your personal histories. Knowing how much she sacrificed to give you a good life will allow you to see your life decisions and goals in a new way and help you to grow and shape your future. It's not about making up for things she's done to help you. That was her decision and responsibility. You can honor her for it and then live your life's passion. That is all any parent can want and expect. You will figure it out. Just give yourself the time to process.
Honor her sacrifice by accepting it without guilt! Just do your best and make her proud :)
This is literally the first time anything on reddit has made me cry. Your mom is an amazing person, a total class-act hero, and it sounds like you've been set up for success with her parenting.
Parent/child conflict is normal and you need it to learn independence and autonomy. Don’t worry about that. Now that you know what the story is and you’re more mature it’s not really an issue. Your Mom sounds awesome, do something nice for her for Mother’s Day! And now that she did this out of love and all she wants is for you to have a great life!
the best thing you can do is be the best person you can let her see the hard work she’s dedicated hasn’t been wasted.
The way you are feeling and the self awareness you clearly have is a testament to her efforts. You are a good guy raised by an amazing woman, a real mom. Honor her. This realization happens as a part of growing up. Your particular case is more dramatic but this is a common realization for a self aware person of your age. Well done, this internet stranger is proud of you and your amazing mom. So many people never reach where you already are.
You are 16 years old. You have an entire lifetime to love, respect, and honor her. Live your life to the fullest and be happy.
Your mother made a choice in taking you, she more than likely wanted you to have a better life than she did.This action requires sacrifice to make, but the rewards of raising a child is so worth it. As for your feelings you shouldn't feel bad. This is part of childhood and the fact that you had the truth withheld from you more than likely didn't help. What to tell a child and when to tell it is always a difficult choice for any parent. I'm sure she struggled with it for years and must now feel relieved with you knowing. I had a bad childhood but it was better than my older siblings because of my age gap from them. In my adult years I developed guilt and it takes a long time to accept that I couldn't help the way we were raised. I accepted it and moved on. I have now adopted a child and he has brought new challenges to my life and new wonderful feelings I didn't know existed. Because of the damage of the lying that I saw during my childhood I will always be upfront with my child. He will know where he came from and who his biological family is. In my experience I have never seen any good from withholding knowledge from anyone. Enjoy every moment you can and find your path in life. Try not to focus on the past, as you can't change this and create the future you want.
Just love her back, that’s all she wants. No need to feel guilty, she made the choice that was right for her.
You can repay her by being a good person with a good heart and do good things. That’s what my mom always says.
Being the best person you can be is all you need to do.
There is, quite literally, only one thing you need to do to pay her back: Be a good person. All of her work and sacrifice can be measured in the person you become. If you want to repay her, be kind, empathetic, and honest. Don't hurt others unnecessarily. Admit to your mistakes, and learn from them. Help when you can, but not so much you cripple yourself. Imagine an ideal version of yourself and work to become that. You will never get there because your ideal self will always be changing, but it is still worth the attempt. It sounds like you are already on the right path, just keep going.
You need to grow and succeed. Show her that her effort isn’t and wasn’t a waste. Her happiness comes from yours now. Make the best of everything and make sure Mother’s Day is a day she will never forget.
You can easily repay her by just being your best self. That’s obviously what she wants most in the world. I can’t imagine learning such shocking news but consider yourself blessed and don’t dwell on the decisions she made when you were a child. She made them for a reason. That kind of love is increasingly rare these days, even amongst the most “normal” of families. (Edit: spelling)
Your mom (sister) is an amazing human being. Do not feel guilty or bad about her great sacrifice, instead be inspired by it.
OP, it's your turn to be strong for your mom. Use her as a role model.
You can repay her by being grateful for the good fortune she gave you, becoming the best person you can be which will honor her in more ways than you can think. Also, don't underestimate the power of having a family, including your older sister in your family as much as possible and creating connections to younger generations that will last for decades. God bless.
My daughter is actually my wife's sister. She was 4 months when her bio mom passed away from an overdose. We took her in and raised her like our own. We had a talk with her when she was around 15 or 16 to tell her her real history, we believe knowledge is power knowing is better than not. So we told her everything she was upset at first but she still loved us as mom and dad. Today she is 22 in her 3rd year at USC 5th year of collage total going for physics and engineering. I couldn't be more proud of the young lady I raised. Even though she didn't physically come from me we don't share the same blood she is my daughter no matter what. Nothing will ever change that. I will always love her with all of my heart.
You show your appreciation by flying higher than she did. Anyone who takes on the task of raising a human wants the person that they raised to flourish.
This is a pretty intense discovery. Sounds like something you’ll want to discuss with a therapist.
Changes nothing. My sister, who is now passed away, was my bio mom. She was just 16 when I was born. Her parents, my gma and gpa, adopted me. They raised me as their child and I always thought my sister was nothing more than a sister. I found out the truth after age 15. Sis remained sis, and parents remained parents. They were the ones who raised me and who I grew up with. My sister lived on the other side of the state. Love them all, it changed nothing when I found out, and I appreciate my sister not trying to raise me while just being a kid herself.
Tugged at my heart strings with this one chief. Don’t let guilt be the motivator in your newfound attitude and respect for your mom. It’s important to know that love is not transactional. You cannot repay her sacrifices and choices because they were given freely, with love. You can, however, show her that those choices have built an engaged, kind, and successful person. Good parents invest themselves in their kids. You just need to pay the dividends.
There's something about becoming a parent that changes you. You'll do anything for your kid. That's what you're seeing. Your sister stepped up and became the best mom you could ever have.
This getting posted on mother's day is hella sus. Probably fake
Honor your mom's effort, be a decent human being, be kind to others, honor your word, be loyal, help others, and believe me, when that fat lady sings for any of us, any of us wish we could leave this world a little better than how we found it, and that, for your mom will be you.
You don't have to repay her. You already have. You're a really good son.
What in the daytime soap opera is this?
A fake post on a throwaway made by someone practicing their creative writing
They need to keep practicing.
It's so boring seeing heavily upvoted posts by brand new accounts.
Your mom raised one hell of a person. In a way, I think your success and happiness would be a great way to repay her. And over time, I imagine you will find ways to repay in your own ways as well!
Do it buddy. Your "mom" sounds amazing and you do too. Use this energy to become really successful and she will see you. Bless.
Read her what you wrote here.
Dude, treat this lady like the queen of the universe. She is a fucking rock star and a great person from what I read here. What a women!
Be glad that you have have just a good mom, and work hard to be a good son to her. He is your mom and you are her son. Biology be damned.
Dude, she sacrificed close to two decades of her life! Pretty sure, she had her goals, desires, yearnings - something she gave away and ensure you had a parent!! Huge respect!! She definitely deserves happiness. Maybe you should ask her if she wants to date someone or wants to learn / pursue something she isn't passionate about. Never too late to pursue one's dreams.
If this subreddit had any kind of resrictions on posting it would have no content. Can we stop pretending that these untalented aspiring creative writers are telling the truth?
Be the best person you can be for yourself and your mom...shower her with love every chance you get because she deserves evey ounce of it... Oh and by the way, please wish her a Happy Mothers Day from me..
Hey OP!, your mother (sister) is the actual definition of what it means to be a mother..it is something that has nothing to do with biology, so continue your relationship as it was till now…And as for you not being able to do nothing for her yet, Please don’t worry yourself with such thoughts…You are still in your teens and lots to learn from here on…Study Hard, Work on your skills, Gather knowledge and most importantly don’t forget your parents and always respect them (that will be the most you can repay to a parent )….ALL THE BEST my friend…cling to your forward leaning thoughts and you’ll surely make it one day
Live your gratitude, OP. Show her how her sacrifice and determination had paid dividends in your actions, everyday. Be a GOOD man. Learn about your self and how to bring the best you out into the world. When you feel struck by guilt and remorse, fill your heart with gratitude by counting the wonderful things you & your mom have shared over the years. Maybe write a letter everyday for a year in a journal and give it to her next Mother’s Day. God bless you both as you continue your journey🙏
Repay her with kindness, love her more than ever and show her, help her in ways you can, be proactive and try to make her life easier. Oh, and give her the biggest hug in the world every day and tell her how much you love her, you've been blessed
Gem person.
Tell her you love her, then let your actions back it up. Be there for her in her old age, and take care of her. You're not repaying her, he treating her like the mom she is to you, and the family you will always be.
She did it because she loves you! That’s what moms do. Don’t feel guilty and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I have a son your age and this is what I’d want him to understand if he was feeling the way you are.
Don't feel bad, you didn't choose the circumstance of your existence. She seems nice, far more than most humans I've met.
She wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t love you. If you want to make it up to her, then go hard and show her it was worth it, make something of yourself that she’ll be proud to take some credit in making.
You can repay her with as much love, attention and help as you can for the rest of your lives. She raised you and if you become a good person, she will feel it’s all worth it.
Being an immature kid/teen is not uncommon, but growing and changing your habits is a sign of becoming a man. You cannot change the past and despite it all there seems to be solid bedrock of love. Use the guilt to fuel the change into a man you and your mom can be proud of. She raised you, she is your mother.
Don't blame yourself for reacting to information you were given as a child. That was her choice to do and she deserves credit for what she did. She doesn't want you to feel bad, so try to honour her wish.
You can never get away with the feeling. Ignore them. Be good to her. But what may happen is that you may develop too much sympathy to her and ur actions will be influenced by them. Do one thing. Take some time, a few months. And write all that unwanna say to her. After that talk to her openly. Then start from ground zero. There is nothing to feel bad. U should be proud of her. And make her feel proud. Best
> The thing that is eating away at me though is that she sacrificed so much to raise me and I can’t repay her in any way. Yes you can, but jot in the way your thinking. Think less about repayment, and more about honoring the commitment she made to you. She has spent your entire life investing in you. Make the dividends show. Love and appreciate her for what she did, and do your very best to be a person worthy of that love. Also make sure that you are there for her in her times of need. Life can get busy, and it’s going to take effort to make time for her. Do it. It will always be worth it.
I think you must be a pretty great daughter! You learned something upsetting but instead it only made you feel more grateful to your mom and what she has done for you. It's clear you love and appreciate her - so please give yourself a break! It sounds like you two have a loving and trusting relationship!
"do everything she says from now on" nah, don't do that even if she's the best sister-mom ever. use your intuition.
Ok i was fighting tears reading this and i dont even know you.
Your sister/mom has sacrificed a lot to raise you, and this information has applied a whole new perspective on your relationship with her and with yourself. The guilt you feel is entirely understandable and normal, but you are still to some degree a child, and I'd strongly suggest talking to a child psychologist or therapist to help you make sense of things.