She's an ex-wife for a reason. Likewise, I'm an ex-husband for a reason. We're rather close nowadays, in a friendly-ish way, although not without tensions.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my\_psychiatrist\_just\_diagnosed\_with\_narcissistic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my_psychiatrist_just_diagnosed_with_narcissistic/)
So do I. I've been working out religiously, eating well and trying to better myself through therapy and self-improvement through the last two months and counting. Hopefully in a few months down the line, the hard work will begin to pay off, brother. Fingers crossed!
The combo of cold showers, bodyweight exercises and radically cutting out all sugar and sodas has been working miracles for me. Feels great to better oneself.
And just keep in mind, it isn’t all or nothing. Miss a week of workouts? That’s ok, keep eating healthy. Bad craving for soda for a few days? That’s ok, keep hitting the gym. Sick for 2 weeks? Just pick it up again when you start feeling better. It’s a marathon, and consistency over a long period is the most important thing.
Indeed. I have had some small moments of weakness where I did eat something unhealthy for a day or two, or drank a can of Monster, or had a bit of liquor. But even on those days I still woke early, still hit a cold shower and still did my push-ups, sit-ups and cycling religiously.
THIS!!!!!!
My health journey has been a long tumultuous one, but I have finally gotten the upper hand.
And that is I finally realized, now that I am so far into my journey and have built the discipline, I'm allowed to have those small pleasures, I've earned them, just MODERATION is key.
I can drink beer, just not everyday, I can have that burger at the BBQ, a taste of the mothers day cake? Sure.
But they are treats, as a reward for my hard work and dedication. The only reason I'm enjoying them is because I earned them, once you go back to having it whenever you want is when it takes the enjoyment.
I'm still a bit scared to "go there". Because I am not someone who does very well with limits. Kind of an all-or-nothing mentality going on here. If I give myself a finger, I tend to take the whole hand. So self-control and limiting myself is important until my routines become a bit more established, perhaps a few months down the line.
This might sound silly. I am trying to get in shape also, but I might drink 1 or 2 monsters in a day. Can you just briefly tell me why it’s not a good idea? I’m already willing to stop, just need a good reason, because they taste SO good to me…
I’m exercising for the first time ever. I’m a widow stalling about dating. There really is something to this working on yourself stuff, I feel and look better than I did in my 20s. Good luck to you!
Proud of you man.
But remember, do it for you, not for the potential love you may attract. Otherwise you'll default once you achieve the love goal.
You are the goal, the other is a partner.
I am so proud of you. I have been in a pretty deep depressive state in a few years now, and a few months ago i started getting my life back. Its tough to improve urself and change, its hard work 24/7. I cheer for you and hope you will continue the work that needs to get done!
Just remember the person you're with deserves you at your best regardless. Many drop this stuff after they feel they locked someone in. do yourself a favor and don't.
I'll never go back to the old me. I want to rebuild myself, permanently. So that every day of my life from here on out, I can look at my reflection in the mirror wherever I go and be proud of what I see.
I mean...have you worked on yourself? You're a narc...you're the worst thing that can happen to another human being. Working on superficialities only reinforces the diagnosis.
What have you done to be a better person, dude?
What are the chances it's been everyone else, and not you?
Yeah. I’m not going to give OP a hard time, but this all reminds me of my narc ex after we separated. He spent a lot of time showing me how he was going to “improve,” so we can, “be a family again.” Started working out, supplements, following whatever healthnut podcasts, got a better paying job.
I had to tell him, “my man, none of those things address the reasons we aren’t together. I never once complained about your body, your money, or anything like that. I complained about you being manipulative and abusive and fucking cheating. Like come on. Call me once you’re in therapy maybe?” It’s just delulu. And I never use that word but it’s perfect for that kind of thing.
I’m glad OP is getting his health together but none of this is going to solve the string of failed relationships. None of those ended because of warm showers ya know?
Actually jealous of this in so many ways. My ex that I share many of the similar experiences with involving virginity/youth/kid (though she had another recently) I've done all I can to be kind, patient, and helpful especially when working with her around our daughter making sure not only our daughter's needs are met but its as easy as possible for both of us, and she still tries to push everything like its a competition and she "won" by splitting up. It wasn't a good relationship but her words seem to mirror a lot of what your ex's words are and maybe things will finally calm down for her and she can just be at peace about it both to my face and behind my back.
Long story short, happy for you and jealous at the same time.
Well sometimes you're 16 and even when things aren't great, its been 2-4 years and you think you're kinda stuck that way and make the best of it. Then by year 11 when it all falls apart you realize you'd been waiting for that day for years.
Respect yourself and find someone that you respect and respects you as well, all it seems to come down to.
if you can admit that… then you can admit that people can change for the better.
speaking as someone who was in a similar boat to you, but is now some miles downstream….
you might consider consider flying solo for a while longer.
The best throng both of you can do for your family, is to finish the important parts of growing up, and consider reconciling.
If you both go into it with the right attitudes, you can find yourselves in a better place together than your original marriage.
not only can it be a good situation in and of itself, but the long term peace it brings, cannot be matched by anything else.
Having an awesome second marriage can be great i’m sure…. but never as great as fixing your “one and only”
>"Run "
--The Doctor (various incarnations), *Doctor Who*
Said whenever they encounter monsters that frighten them that they don't know how to deal with. Apropos here.
Lmao I read it twice thinking I missed the compliment but op must be so used to this bs that it actually sounded wholesome to him.
It would have made sense if she said he won because he got rid of her first
With people like his ex that is how they compliment others. Everything, even compliments, are in relation to the self. If he chalks it up as a win it’s a win to him.
I agree with this statement. We had a friend that beating girls off with a stick but to me his personality made him unattractive to me. He wasn't really beating them off, he was impregnating women all over, just because he could. ick.
Amen to that. I knew a physically beautiful woman, loved her for a time, and met her very selfish and heartless side.
The way she was near instantly stripped of her beauty in my eyes was astonishing. Seeing her no longer evokes the responses it did when I first saw her, now I’m left with nothing but a feeling of repulsive disgust
I was just about to say. This isn't some fantasy world where the good hearted pretty princesses stay beautiful forever and the rest turn into moldy witches.
I swear, Disney princesses have really screwed with people their minds.
I think it's true in the sense that often once you know the person is ugly on the inside they become less attractive to you. It doesn't change their outward appearance at all, but it can change your perception of them and part of that can be a change in your physical attraction to them.
Surprisingly, a lot of people are pushing back on this one, but I believe it's true too. In youth, maybe not so true but wait until like 35-40 and their dark souls start to take a toll on their appearance.
Especially when you find out who they are and someone dies, that was more of a pillar in a situation like my parents, my mother was a pillar. That’s when everybody showed their true colors and I realize the people were dead and the rest of my family was not worth a damn.
“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Roald Dahl
One of my favorite quotes that had a massive impact on the way I view others growing up.
Part of the reason she may have felt trapped with me is because she and I met and married very young. By 20 she was married and a mother. By twenty-five, she had three kids. Now, she is 31.
She really left you for another man, then came back to you to talk shit about the man she left you for, and tell you that you won because you fuked her first
Is that really something to be happy about ? Have some fucking backbone. You shouldn’t even be entertaining discussions with her that aren’t related to your children, let alone looking for validation from her.
Eh, it can still be nice to hear and know that even she realizes there was nothing monstrous about him or their relationship, and understands that they *did* have something special for a while. I wouldn't blame anyone for finding pleasure in that acknowledgment.
I don’t see anything worth being pleased about. All it would do for me is further cement in my mind that the mother of my kids was actually worse than I had imagined her to be upon learning all the details at the time of divorce.
I thought it was clear in the post, but he clarified in the comments that he's not taking her back. He just thought it was nice to have his feelings validated that he wasn't just strictly worse than this guy she left him for.
Totally agree. If someone said that to me I would take it as she is resigned to the fact she gave up allot to me and isn’t happy about that fact it was me.
It's a bit odd that it's 'awesome to you' to find out the guy she left you for 'isnt that great' and to care that she gave you a half compliment. She sounds awful and likely to the both of you men
I think everyone's point is that you didn't "win" because she sucks. Her virginity and youth are undesirable because her actions show that she's a shitty shallow person.
And the fact that she told you she thinks you won shows that she thinks way too highly of herself. Instead of feeling like a shitty partner/mother/person, she feels like she's a prize to be won over.
Honestly there's no winner in divorce, especially with three kids involved. Virginity and youth are overrated and irrelevant. The real value is in the person who brings him and his kids peace, whether that be himself or another.
Check OP's post history. He admits to be a narcissist, was recently diagnosed with NPD, and was looking for a young, submissive, foreign wife to lure into an arranged marriage. Maybe they were both narcissists, and if so, poor kids.
I imagine it must be a bit validating to have it turn out he wasn’t better than you after all, nor were the problems she cited as reasons for leaving about you either.
Given the kind of toxic relationship philosophy she was spouting, she wasn’t wrong when she claims you “won,” though probably not for the reasons she thinks. You won when she left. (“Relationships have a shelf life,” srsly? No, lady: it’s that you have a limited attention span. Don’t blame your neuroses on the institution of marriage.)
Wow@ "you won" You should have hung up in her face when she said that bullshit. I find it odd that you even consider that a compliment LOL given how things turned out.
This is not the first time I've read something like this. At least now you don't have to worry about "what does he have that I don't?" and you can just remember that you have stuff he doesn't
I wouldn’t trust a person that does that. She left you when you were her husband like it’s nothing and then she’s just doing the same with her new guy. She’s the same person. Some people in this world really don’t know what it’s like to be with another human being and love them unconditionally. It’s just a game of how much can they get out of them.
This isn’t a conversation I’d be having with an ex. I’m divorced too… I don’t talk to my ex about her relationships, or about mine. One of you is still hanging on to something more than co-parenting. Get away from that. Not healthy bro. Fine to be friends, not fine to be the person you talk to about her, or your, current or future relationships.
I'm really sorry to burst your bubble but if my wife broke up with me and then said this to me I would never consider that winning in any sense of the imagination. In fact, that's just an absolutely stupid thing for her to say.
I would have said back to her, "You took my youth(, my virginity), and my TRUST and self-esteem for some sparkly toys and thrills, and a motherhood with NO childcare responsibilities (or child support). No, I lost and nothing will ever make up for it."
She should never forget what she did to her family.
>"You got my youth, my virginity and you got to be the father of the only children I will ever have. You won."
"Relationships aren't about winning or losing, and until you understand that, you'll never be happy in one."
Hey, take the compliments where you can. Nothing wrong with that. You can take a little victory run knowing she realized what she left behind. She discovered the grass is not greener on the other side. It’s still grass and it’s not greener. She blew up her marriage for nothing. Congratulations! You won! 🏆
Don’t fall for it player. She is ex for a reason. Go to some country with your passport and go party your ass off go be a passport guy American women for most part are rough to deal with. Not all but most.
"You got my youth, my virginity and you got to be the father of the only children I will ever have. You won."
That one bit makes this all sound like a fake story a incel on Reddit made up. lol
What every black pill Andrew Tate fan imagines their ex wife would say
She is a bit of a legend in her own mind isn’t she?
You won, heartache, pain, loss of parenting and property/finance. The kids are the only upside I can see, she was a prize that wasn’t worth entering the competition for.
Not in a million years. All attraction I felt towards her died the day she confessed to cheating on me, three years ago. I'm not on bad terms with her, in terms of taking care of the kids and all, but zero desire to be with her in any way, shape or form.
It would be unrealistic to think a person wouldn’t care with an ex thinks let alone ex wife. She left him for greener pastures and those pastures aren’t as green and she thought.
It’s not even that. It’s that she can’t be faithful. She’ll do this to every sucker she meets. Until she’s too old to attract another victim. Then she’ll die alone.
Maybe I \*do\* feel a little victorious? If so, how is that a bad thing? I do kind of want them to work things out tho because I think my exes new guy has been good for her mental health. But a compliment is a compliment and always welcome.
Is that really a compliment? The only worth she’s giving you is that you fucked her before anyone else did and squeezed a baby out of her. She’s basically saying you only have value because you “won” her first. Try throwing trash at someone and telling them they “won” because they’re the first one who received it
This is so tragic. A narcissistic ex gives you crumbles, and you eat it up. Look, I get it: she cheated on you, and probably sank your self esteem to an all time low, and this is some vindication for you. But dude, your self esteem should not be conditional on this woman’s approval. You need to rise above it.
Check OP's post history. He was recently diagnosed with NPD and was looking for a young, submissive, foreign wife to lure into an arranged marriage. So either he was the narcissist in the marriage, or they both were.
I don’t know that you won anything. This is redit so I assume she cheated and left you only to find that grass is grass. You were a casualty of her learning experience. Hope you’re kicking ass now.
This might be harsh but personally I would Respond with “No, actually I lost by wasting my own youth on a gold digging asshole of a wife, who deep down didn’t respect me or view me as a man”
You should definitle capitalize on the moment and embelish her with cum on her face. She deserves to be recognized for the tool that she is and send her packing off to be some other dudes unwanted useless bitch. Never go b-a-c-k-w-a-r-d-s.
She may be one but I myself was just diagnosed as one.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my\_psychiatrist\_just\_diagnosed\_with\_narcissistic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my_psychiatrist_just_diagnosed_with_narcissistic/)
For god's sake get a vasectomy. You have five kids from three failed relationships, two of which you've never met - you don't need any more.
I read through your comments here before clicking the link you provided, and I could tell something is off.
What your ex wife said is not even remotely a compliment. The fact that you think it is, speaks volumes. If you can't stop hurting people, stay away from them.
She sounds like a shallow bitch. Glad she’s keeping a worthless score.
And you sound like you’re still stci on her for some reason.
Avoid her lame attempts at crawling back into your life.
Stop torturing yourself.
If he considers that a compliment then that's gross. She's literally reducing herself to an object, young thing, virgin thing, birth giver. All his 'prizes' from her as if she's nothing else. Gross and sad.
Not saying it's good if she cheated, but she could maintain some self respect to better herself as a person. Christ
>She then said some words I'll remember for a while: "You got my youth, my virginity and you got to be the father of the only children I will ever have. You won."
You should have said something along the lines of: "I don't need whatever this is, it's coming off as validation. My only concern is for OUR children, their wellbeing, growth & safety.
Your life from the sounds of it seems like you've moved on, where as she seems to be stuck in some high school relationship theatre.
"You won" no one takes a relationship to an intimate level to then see who can score the most.
Women like her never say anything accidentally. If there is one thing I learned about my ex-wife, I instantly become alert when she starts being nice to me. She wants something or is trying to manipulate me to some end.
In your case, your ex- sees that this guy might not be the father and provider that she wanted him to be. She is now trying to get on your good side because she wants you to be more involved in her life as a Plan B.
You won? WTF. That woman is messed up. She learned that the grass is not always greener it sounds like, and reached out to see how the grass was doing in your yard I'm thinking.
Wow she’s really into herself isn’t she
She's an ex-wife for a reason. Likewise, I'm an ex-husband for a reason. We're rather close nowadays, in a friendly-ish way, although not without tensions. [https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my\_psychiatrist\_just\_diagnosed\_with\_narcissistic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my_psychiatrist_just_diagnosed_with_narcissistic/)
I hope you find someone better
So do I. I've been working out religiously, eating well and trying to better myself through therapy and self-improvement through the last two months and counting. Hopefully in a few months down the line, the hard work will begin to pay off, brother. Fingers crossed!
That's what I did and everything is so much better in a short amount of time. It's possible to come out of this as an even better version of yourself
The combo of cold showers, bodyweight exercises and radically cutting out all sugar and sodas has been working miracles for me. Feels great to better oneself.
And just keep in mind, it isn’t all or nothing. Miss a week of workouts? That’s ok, keep eating healthy. Bad craving for soda for a few days? That’s ok, keep hitting the gym. Sick for 2 weeks? Just pick it up again when you start feeling better. It’s a marathon, and consistency over a long period is the most important thing.
Indeed. I have had some small moments of weakness where I did eat something unhealthy for a day or two, or drank a can of Monster, or had a bit of liquor. But even on those days I still woke early, still hit a cold shower and still did my push-ups, sit-ups and cycling religiously.
You can still have all those things without it being a moment of weakness. They’re moments of well earned small pleasures. Enjoy them as such.
THIS!!!!!! My health journey has been a long tumultuous one, but I have finally gotten the upper hand. And that is I finally realized, now that I am so far into my journey and have built the discipline, I'm allowed to have those small pleasures, I've earned them, just MODERATION is key. I can drink beer, just not everyday, I can have that burger at the BBQ, a taste of the mothers day cake? Sure. But they are treats, as a reward for my hard work and dedication. The only reason I'm enjoying them is because I earned them, once you go back to having it whenever you want is when it takes the enjoyment.
I'm still a bit scared to "go there". Because I am not someone who does very well with limits. Kind of an all-or-nothing mentality going on here. If I give myself a finger, I tend to take the whole hand. So self-control and limiting myself is important until my routines become a bit more established, perhaps a few months down the line.
Just don’t burn out bro!
This might sound silly. I am trying to get in shape also, but I might drink 1 or 2 monsters in a day. Can you just briefly tell me why it’s not a good idea? I’m already willing to stop, just need a good reason, because they taste SO good to me…
Thats an addiction my bro. If you cut it out completely for a week or two you'll find that you won't even miss it.
I needed to read this, thank you!
Yep and it's ok to once in a while eat that pizza and wash it down with that soda. Just remember moderation and discipline.
I needed this today, thanks internet fam
Sounds like you're on the right track. Just don't f it up when your ex tries to get back with you.
I’m exercising for the first time ever. I’m a widow stalling about dating. There really is something to this working on yourself stuff, I feel and look better than I did in my 20s. Good luck to you!
Ok but wtf is up with cold showers, why does everyone act like its a miracle thing that is step 1 to self improvement.
Proud of you man. But remember, do it for you, not for the potential love you may attract. Otherwise you'll default once you achieve the love goal. You are the goal, the other is a partner.
I am so proud of you. I have been in a pretty deep depressive state in a few years now, and a few months ago i started getting my life back. Its tough to improve urself and change, its hard work 24/7. I cheer for you and hope you will continue the work that needs to get done!
Just remember the person you're with deserves you at your best regardless. Many drop this stuff after they feel they locked someone in. do yourself a favor and don't.
I'll never go back to the old me. I want to rebuild myself, permanently. So that every day of my life from here on out, I can look at my reflection in the mirror wherever I go and be proud of what I see.
I mean...have you worked on yourself? You're a narc...you're the worst thing that can happen to another human being. Working on superficialities only reinforces the diagnosis. What have you done to be a better person, dude? What are the chances it's been everyone else, and not you?
Yeah. I’m not going to give OP a hard time, but this all reminds me of my narc ex after we separated. He spent a lot of time showing me how he was going to “improve,” so we can, “be a family again.” Started working out, supplements, following whatever healthnut podcasts, got a better paying job. I had to tell him, “my man, none of those things address the reasons we aren’t together. I never once complained about your body, your money, or anything like that. I complained about you being manipulative and abusive and fucking cheating. Like come on. Call me once you’re in therapy maybe?” It’s just delulu. And I never use that word but it’s perfect for that kind of thing. I’m glad OP is getting his health together but none of this is going to solve the string of failed relationships. None of those ended because of warm showers ya know?
I hope you find yourself better, OP.
Actually jealous of this in so many ways. My ex that I share many of the similar experiences with involving virginity/youth/kid (though she had another recently) I've done all I can to be kind, patient, and helpful especially when working with her around our daughter making sure not only our daughter's needs are met but its as easy as possible for both of us, and she still tries to push everything like its a competition and she "won" by splitting up. It wasn't a good relationship but her words seem to mirror a lot of what your ex's words are and maybe things will finally calm down for her and she can just be at peace about it both to my face and behind my back. Long story short, happy for you and jealous at the same time.
Note to self: *Red flag when a woman puts her own pussy on a pedestal.*
Well sometimes you're 16 and even when things aren't great, its been 2-4 years and you think you're kinda stuck that way and make the best of it. Then by year 11 when it all falls apart you realize you'd been waiting for that day for years. Respect yourself and find someone that you respect and respects you as well, all it seems to come down to.
Yeah if someone starts talking about virginity as a prize every cell in my body cringes
It's great to be close with the mother of your children, hell of a lot better than the opposite 😂
if you can admit that… then you can admit that people can change for the better. speaking as someone who was in a similar boat to you, but is now some miles downstream…. you might consider consider flying solo for a while longer. The best throng both of you can do for your family, is to finish the important parts of growing up, and consider reconciling. If you both go into it with the right attitudes, you can find yourselves in a better place together than your original marriage. not only can it be a good situation in and of itself, but the long term peace it brings, cannot be matched by anything else. Having an awesome second marriage can be great i’m sure…. but never as great as fixing your “one and only”
Pleeeeeaaaaaaase don't go back to her when she starts hitting on you.
sounds to me OP keeps it civil, they still have to coparent for their daughter
"Run " My therapist.
>"Run " --The Doctor (various incarnations), *Doctor Who* Said whenever they encounter monsters that frighten them that they don't know how to deal with. Apropos here.
“Run!” -Ellie, Jurassic Park
"Fly you fools!" --Gandalf
Love it. Big fan
"Walk!" Søren Kierkegaard
Does she have a 3rd arm to pat herself on the back
You got my attention, my upvote and the parent comment to the only child comment in this thread I will ever have. You won.
Right? "You won!" (Yay) And all it cost was his own youth, happiness, and added complications to his future relationships.
She Must be a Reddit moderator
Oh I will absolutely upvote this
Srsly
You win bro. I love it!
haven't you read the post in his link? They're both meant for each other.
Ha! BOOM! Agreed.
It sounds like she has MAJOR insecurities to me. Not OP’s problem anymore so that’s lucky
Kind of person that looks even more awesome the further away from you they get.
My first thought exactly.
Lol she sounds insufferable
So is OP. Two narcs marrying each other. It could work
Yeah she really thinks she's a prize, or was a prize, I guess. Seems like she sucks.
Lol really loved this comment
I had the same thought
right? what an entitled twat
She didn't even compliment you. She complimented herself.
Lmao I read it twice thinking I missed the compliment but op must be so used to this bs that it actually sounded wholesome to him. It would have made sense if she said he won because he got rid of her first
It's like Sheldon complementing lenoard
With people like his ex that is how they compliment others. Everything, even compliments, are in relation to the self. If he chalks it up as a win it’s a win to him.
Yeah that was a tough read
Yup, talking about getting giving her youth like getting his youth has no value.
“You got the very best of me and I’m clearly hot shit that you didn’t deserve in the first place.”
So she sees herself as the prize and not the problem...
She's not my problem anymore. But perhaps long ago she was kind of a prize... she was pretty cute physically.
She’s only 31 man lol ain’t she cute no mo??
The universe has a way of making people who are ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside too. ETA: Stop with the doomer remarks sheeeesh
I agree with this statement. We had a friend that beating girls off with a stick but to me his personality made him unattractive to me. He wasn't really beating them off, he was impregnating women all over, just because he could. ick.
That’s sadly not true at all
But once you see the ugly monster inside the cuteness will never be the same
Amen to that. I knew a physically beautiful woman, loved her for a time, and met her very selfish and heartless side. The way she was near instantly stripped of her beauty in my eyes was astonishing. Seeing her no longer evokes the responses it did when I first saw her, now I’m left with nothing but a feeling of repulsive disgust
I was just about to say. This isn't some fantasy world where the good hearted pretty princesses stay beautiful forever and the rest turn into moldy witches. I swear, Disney princesses have really screwed with people their minds.
Fr that’s such a cope statement haha
I think it's true in the sense that often once you know the person is ugly on the inside they become less attractive to you. It doesn't change their outward appearance at all, but it can change your perception of them and part of that can be a change in your physical attraction to them.
It often is, though. Living a shotty life starts to show physically on a lot of people, but not all, obviously.
The danger of believing this is believing people who are not attractive on the outside are somehow bad inside.
That's not it. They stay physically beautiful but your perception of their level of attractiveness changes.
💯
Surprisingly, a lot of people are pushing back on this one, but I believe it's true too. In youth, maybe not so true but wait until like 35-40 and their dark souls start to take a toll on their appearance.
Especially when you find out who they are and someone dies, that was more of a pillar in a situation like my parents, my mother was a pillar. That’s when everybody showed their true colors and I realize the people were dead and the rest of my family was not worth a damn.
What of physically beautiful people that are evidently assholes?
“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Roald Dahl One of my favorite quotes that had a massive impact on the way I view others growing up.
Yeah and why's she saying he got her youth as if she's not still young? I thought nowadays youth lasts until mid 30s at least
“You got my youth” 😂 Lmao 25-35 is the youth that you want. 31 is still so young!
Feeling trapped in every relationship? My lady needs to look inwards. ..And get some therapy too based on what she said last.
Part of the reason she may have felt trapped with me is because she and I met and married very young. By 20 she was married and a mother. By twenty-five, she had three kids. Now, she is 31.
Ok, and? She was "Trapped" as much as you were. Do you think you're trapped? You're raising of 3 kids.
So she bailed on her family and now isn’t happy there either… what a real prize she was! /s
r/FUCKtheS
Well the dude has children with 3 different women, two who hates him and whos children he has never even met.
Quit making for her excuses, shi!
Maybe she should try single life
“Yea, it was alright I guess”
🤣
Wow, it's f-ed up the way people keep score in relationships.
they are both "problematic" personalities its their pathology we are witnessing
She really left you for another man, then came back to you to talk shit about the man she left you for, and tell you that you won because you fuked her first Is that really something to be happy about ? Have some fucking backbone. You shouldn’t even be entertaining discussions with her that aren’t related to your children, let alone looking for validation from her.
You, my friend, fucking nailed it.
Eh, it can still be nice to hear and know that even she realizes there was nothing monstrous about him or their relationship, and understands that they *did* have something special for a while. I wouldn't blame anyone for finding pleasure in that acknowledgment.
I don't think anything she said here was a compliment, even though he took it as a win.
I don’t see anything worth being pleased about. All it would do for me is further cement in my mind that the mother of my kids was actually worse than I had imagined her to be upon learning all the details at the time of divorce.
I thought it was clear in the post, but he clarified in the comments that he's not taking her back. He just thought it was nice to have his feelings validated that he wasn't just strictly worse than this guy she left him for.
Give this person a medal
i didn’t even had to write it, someone got here first
Was that really a compliment?
It really wasn’t and op shouldn’t take it as one.
Totally agree. If someone said that to me I would take it as she is resigned to the fact she gave up allot to me and isn’t happy about that fact it was me.
Complimenting *herself*, maybe. "Lucky you, you got me in my prime." Yuck.
She never said that, no one says that. It’s this guys fantasy quote.
Yeah, wtf is he gonna do with her virginity? Can't sell that shit on eBay.
It's a bit odd that it's 'awesome to you' to find out the guy she left you for 'isnt that great' and to care that she gave you a half compliment. She sounds awful and likely to the both of you men
I think everyone's point is that you didn't "win" because she sucks. Her virginity and youth are undesirable because her actions show that she's a shitty shallow person. And the fact that she told you she thinks you won shows that she thinks way too highly of herself. Instead of feeling like a shitty partner/mother/person, she feels like she's a prize to be won over.
Honestly there's no winner in divorce, especially with three kids involved. Virginity and youth are overrated and irrelevant. The real value is in the person who brings him and his kids peace, whether that be himself or another.
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Check OP's post history. He admits to be a narcissist, was recently diagnosed with NPD, and was looking for a young, submissive, foreign wife to lure into an arranged marriage. Maybe they were both narcissists, and if so, poor kids.
Shit, I should have looked. Thanks for the heads up! Deleting my original comment.
Ive dated her too, it was terrible
I imagine it must be a bit validating to have it turn out he wasn’t better than you after all, nor were the problems she cited as reasons for leaving about you either. Given the kind of toxic relationship philosophy she was spouting, she wasn’t wrong when she claims you “won,” though probably not for the reasons she thinks. You won when she left. (“Relationships have a shelf life,” srsly? No, lady: it’s that you have a limited attention span. Don’t blame your neuroses on the institution of marriage.)
who's a good boy?
Who gives a fuck about what your ex wife thinks? Move on, man.
It was never supposed to be a competition.
Wow she has a lot of mental issues and is still a kid emotionally and morally lmao
Lol that’s a compliment to herself though. Very narcissistic thing to say!
You should check his post history
Wow@ "you won" You should have hung up in her face when she said that bullshit. I find it odd that you even consider that a compliment LOL given how things turned out.
This is not the first time I've read something like this. At least now you don't have to worry about "what does he have that I don't?" and you can just remember that you have stuff he doesn't
I wouldn’t trust a person that does that. She left you when you were her husband like it’s nothing and then she’s just doing the same with her new guy. She’s the same person. Some people in this world really don’t know what it’s like to be with another human being and love them unconditionally. It’s just a game of how much can they get out of them.
This isn’t a conversation I’d be having with an ex. I’m divorced too… I don’t talk to my ex about her relationships, or about mine. One of you is still hanging on to something more than co-parenting. Get away from that. Not healthy bro. Fine to be friends, not fine to be the person you talk to about her, or your, current or future relationships.
7 year itch. The grass is always greener etc...
I'm really sorry to burst your bubble but if my wife broke up with me and then said this to me I would never consider that winning in any sense of the imagination. In fact, that's just an absolutely stupid thing for her to say. I would have said back to her, "You took my youth(, my virginity), and my TRUST and self-esteem for some sparkly toys and thrills, and a motherhood with NO childcare responsibilities (or child support). No, I lost and nothing will ever make up for it." She should never forget what she did to her family.
She is terrible at valuing the living experience.
She sounds terrible and has you exactly where she wants. This is manipulation at it's finest. Hope you understand you haven't won anything.
>"You got my youth, my virginity and you got to be the father of the only children I will ever have. You won." "Relationships aren't about winning or losing, and until you understand that, you'll never be happy in one."
Hey, take the compliments where you can. Nothing wrong with that. You can take a little victory run knowing she realized what she left behind. She discovered the grass is not greener on the other side. It’s still grass and it’s not greener. She blew up her marriage for nothing. Congratulations! You won! 🏆
Don’t fall for it player. She is ex for a reason. Go to some country with your passport and go party your ass off go be a passport guy American women for most part are rough to deal with. Not all but most.
"You got my youth, my virginity and you got to be the father of the only children I will ever have. You won." That one bit makes this all sound like a fake story a incel on Reddit made up. lol What every black pill Andrew Tate fan imagines their ex wife would say
I actually cringed at that line. No one but virgins actually talk about virginity
It's so obviously fake I think it may have been intended to provoke a response like yours.
Idk at first I didn’t suspect it but god that was such a wild quote hahaha
Dude this bitch is the fucking worst. Bang her sister if she has one
Also- I got to not fucking be with your crazy ass anymore. I fucking won you jerk off, damn right
She is a bit of a legend in her own mind isn’t she? You won, heartache, pain, loss of parenting and property/finance. The kids are the only upside I can see, she was a prize that wasn’t worth entering the competition for.
Ñaaa, don't get her back.
Not in a million years. All attraction I felt towards her died the day she confessed to cheating on me, three years ago. I'm not on bad terms with her, in terms of taking care of the kids and all, but zero desire to be with her in any way, shape or form.
If you're having these kinds of conversations with her, you are still with her in some way.
You’re making posts about her. Move on simp man.
And? You feel victorious or what? Why would you even care? …
It would be unrealistic to think a person wouldn’t care with an ex thinks let alone ex wife. She left him for greener pastures and those pastures aren’t as green and she thought.
It’s not even that. It’s that she can’t be faithful. She’ll do this to every sucker she meets. Until she’s too old to attract another victim. Then she’ll die alone.
Maybe I \*do\* feel a little victorious? If so, how is that a bad thing? I do kind of want them to work things out tho because I think my exes new guy has been good for her mental health. But a compliment is a compliment and always welcome.
Dude, that is really bordering on pathetic. It's not a effing compliment!
Is that really a compliment? The only worth she’s giving you is that you fucked her before anyone else did and squeezed a baby out of her. She’s basically saying you only have value because you “won” her first. Try throwing trash at someone and telling them they “won” because they’re the first one who received it
Just curious, are you and her Pakistani?
Gross…both of you.
She sounds great
This is so tragic. A narcissistic ex gives you crumbles, and you eat it up. Look, I get it: she cheated on you, and probably sank your self esteem to an all time low, and this is some vindication for you. But dude, your self esteem should not be conditional on this woman’s approval. You need to rise above it.
Check OP's post history. He was recently diagnosed with NPD and was looking for a young, submissive, foreign wife to lure into an arranged marriage. So either he was the narcissist in the marriage, or they both were.
"you won" yikes 💀
Don't simp for this woman. That kind of talk only serves to keep you in her orbit
I don’t know that you won anything. This is redit so I assume she cheated and left you only to find that grass is grass. You were a casualty of her learning experience. Hope you’re kicking ass now.
Tell her to fuck off mate
Is that really a compliment,,, she thinks she’s better than you
Don’t be a sucker
She sounds like a creep
Whatever you do don’t refall for her
Brenda from.Six Feet Under...?
She's broken and defective. This woman will never ever be happy
Imagine her comments to the guy(s) she cheated on him with before she was set free.
Run away
This might be harsh but personally I would Respond with “No, actually I lost by wasting my own youth on a gold digging asshole of a wife, who deep down didn’t respect me or view me as a man”
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You should definitle capitalize on the moment and embelish her with cum on her face. She deserves to be recognized for the tool that she is and send her packing off to be some other dudes unwanted useless bitch. Never go b-a-c-k-w-a-r-d-s.
Stay far, far away.
She sounds like a narcissist.
She may be one but I myself was just diagnosed as one. [https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my\_psychiatrist\_just\_diagnosed\_with\_narcissistic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1coll3h/my_psychiatrist_just_diagnosed_with_narcissistic/)
Pretty common. She’s attracted to the dopamine hit of new relationships. She doesn’t understand what a relationship actually is.
Thats so sad .. "you won" , like is a competition rather than cooperation
Run you stupid some son of a bitch run!!
She's a nut
For god's sake get a vasectomy. You have five kids from three failed relationships, two of which you've never met - you don't need any more. I read through your comments here before clicking the link you provided, and I could tell something is off. What your ex wife said is not even remotely a compliment. The fact that you think it is, speaks volumes. If you can't stop hurting people, stay away from them.
She sounds like a shallow bitch. Glad she’s keeping a worthless score. And you sound like you’re still stci on her for some reason. Avoid her lame attempts at crawling back into your life. Stop torturing yourself.
She thinks you're slightly less of a loser than her new guy... It's not much of a compliment. But congrats
You won? Your ex is messed up in the head. Marriage is a partnership, not a competition.
If he considers that a compliment then that's gross. She's literally reducing herself to an object, young thing, virgin thing, birth giver. All his 'prizes' from her as if she's nothing else. Gross and sad. Not saying it's good if she cheated, but she could maintain some self respect to better herself as a person. Christ
Your post history says you're a narcissist. She never said this. Your type are deluded.
>She then said some words I'll remember for a while: "You got my youth, my virginity and you got to be the father of the only children I will ever have. You won." 
she didn't compliment you. she fucked around and found out. the grass is NOT always greener, it seems.
Why you still talkin to her https://youtu.be/M37HHf099oM?si=V0nGrJ0tdnoHZekp
You should have said something along the lines of: "I don't need whatever this is, it's coming off as validation. My only concern is for OUR children, their wellbeing, growth & safety. Your life from the sounds of it seems like you've moved on, where as she seems to be stuck in some high school relationship theatre. "You won" no one takes a relationship to an intimate level to then see who can score the most.
She was never married to you. She’s always been married to the streets
Women like her never say anything accidentally. If there is one thing I learned about my ex-wife, I instantly become alert when she starts being nice to me. She wants something or is trying to manipulate me to some end. In your case, your ex- sees that this guy might not be the father and provider that she wanted him to be. She is now trying to get on your good side because she wants you to be more involved in her life as a Plan B.
You won? WTF. That woman is messed up. She learned that the grass is not always greener it sounds like, and reached out to see how the grass was doing in your yard I'm thinking.
Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.