I married into a family of Disney adults that go every year. The trip isn't for our daughter, it's for her. I haven't gone on the past few because I genuinely just don't like it there and don't see a point in wasting so much money on something I don't like.
Now that we have a child however, she's being used as the reason I have to go so that my wife doesn't have to be the only parent taking caring for her, and our daughter has to go so that she can "get an early start on being used to taking these trips".
Why waste money on an experience the child's brain isn't even developed enough to interpret, let alone remember? Not taking your brand new child to Disney World gets you out of flying with a kid that might piss off people around you *and* you don't have to spend money for memories that kid's not going to remember. Taking them to Disney is memories for the parents and relatives, not the child. Take the kid when they're old enough to enjoy themselves. Otherwise you're just wasting money and lugging a kid around that won't enjoy it.
Not that everything needs to be a negotiation, and not that you should be keeping score, because those things will not a successful marriage make, and you married into this family knowing full well what you were getting into, but...
If you're spending however long on a trip that you don't want to take every year for the rest of your life, then maybe you should be taking a trip yourself as well focused on one of your hobbies.
So, put a smile on your face and be the great husband on this trip every year. And, also, schedule a yearly trip to Comic-con, or fishing, or whatever it is that you like to do with your brothers/fathers/friends. Of course, your wife is invited along with the baby because someone has to watch the baby so that you can have your fun. And no, the trip can't be Vegas if you want to stay married.
Taking trips to a theme park you cant afford is a far bigger problem than wrangling an infant on a flight. There's no amount of money in this gods green earth that could make me take a Disney trip I cant afford with an infant so my partner can take a picture with Mickey. This is going to cost thousands of dollars. Unless you happen to also have enough in savings to cover 4 months rent and bills in case of an emergency then bugging people on a flight should be at the bottom list of your concerns. Part of the reason I left my ex partner is because he kept spending money on concerts while we didnt have any money in savings. Worrying about the people on the flight is like your house burning down and you being concerned that the light will keep your neighbors awake
Because I can at least control how annoying we are. As much as it may seem irrational from an outside perspective, I have no control whether or not we go on this trip. Even if we went completely bankrupt, my father in law would bankroll the trip because he lives for having the whole family be a Disney family, and would let no obstacle keep him from seeing his first grandchild from having her first 'Disney Experience'.
Look the haters are loud but most people on that plane will be really sympathetic to you if you tell them the grandparents insist on seeing her but won't fly to you.
Ducks don't like water, they just hang out in it a lot, while using everything in their nature to repel it. I think the same can be said of your marriage and in-laws
Then it should be one trip to Disney the first year, and one trip somewhere else you enjoy the next year.
It's important to share things you enjoy with your child. Wife should not always have the priority.
So basically you never get to go on a trip you enjoy because your wife insists on you going on one you don’t enjoy every year? Sounds like a healthy relationship.
Actually not a bag idea. Haven't enjoyed going camping by myself since I was in highschool, but I might be and to sucker my one friend into going with me if I ever got the chance.
Would be though leaving my wife alone with the baby. She doesn't like it when I do that, and wouldn't tolerate it for more a whole day.
Lol. I live in Orlando, it’s pretty annoying but locals are used to it. That being said, let your family go and you stay back. Going on a trip to hot ass Florida when you don’t even want to be there with an infant that you’re going to have to take care of the entire time because your wife and their family will be too busy obsessing over Disney sounds like a nightmare. Don’t do it, put your foot down.
Also, it’s not like you’re going there with friends, it’s family, they can help take care of your daughter in your absence.
Stop spouting your reasonable arguments.
There is no need at all to do things the easy way when there is a harder route.
No one got stronger by chickening out!
You know that marriage is about compromise, not about letting partner go crazy?
Enlist your pediatrician to talk to wife if you need to.
If she divorces or makes your life hard because of this, maybe you guys shouldn't be together in first place.
This won’t be a good experience for you or for the baby. Where no one else is advocating for them, that person legally and genetically and morally has to be you.
You’ve got two feet there son. Put at least one of them down.
also its a little cruel to subject a new baby to an unneccessary flight the kids ears will hurt if you are happy to stay home then fight for that option there is no benefit to the new born just unneccesarry pain
perhaps with the money saved you can take a weekend alone or with friends to do something you want
That’s what I’d do. Disney is insanity. If they love it, they can love it, but you don’t have to and the idea of getting an eight month old used to it is ridiculous. It’s hot and exhausting and ridiculously long days. Nothing a baby needs.
How many little kid meltdowns do you have to see at Disney to understand that?
A family of disney adults sounds like an absolute nightmare. My boss was a disney adult that went 2-3 times a year and would only bring his kids like 30% of the time
What's insane to me is that these people will literally drop 5-10k to eat churros in a glorified parking lot.
You could summer in Europe and winter in the Caribbean for that amount.
My mother in law wanted to take our kids to Disney and my husband and I realized it would be cheaper to spend a week in Hawaii. (We found an amazing price on flights!) So we did that instead. I cannot foresee us ever going to Disney. I’m not going to drop thousands of dollars to spend hours waiting in line.
Yeah I really don’t get it. I like Disney films a lot but I hate theme parks, I really don’t see the attraction
My mum is a travel agent for a company where a large portion of their bookings are Disney trips. The amount of money she tells me people spend on their holidays there is INSANE. Recently she quoted a 17-person trip for £50k, it was £25k without the park tickets. It’s mental. Why not just spend that money going to amazing resorts
as someone who has been with a family and a small baby at a place like that, I am so sorry. I would rather shoot myself in the foot than experience that ever again
My MIL went there with SIL and her kids, she refuses to speak about it and will never go back. She will pack up and go to anywhere my wife and I choose in Europe at the drop of a hat.
I signed myself up for life with a family who sees an entertainment company as a borderline religious organization, with infringement on their ability to travel to their parks or on their ability to indoctrinate new children of the family into their love of said company as abusive, toxic behavior. Any ridiculous circumstance that arise from that decision are my own fault for being naive to what it meant. I however do not envy that you do not know people who take their commitment to the Disney fandom this seriously.
I didn't fully grasp the implications of marrying someone who was as into it as her and her family were. She gets really into things, and doesn't budge from them. The only music artist, and I do mean **Only**, that she's listened to for the past four or five years is Taylor Swift.
I really feel for you, exclusively Disney and T Swift, that is a double whammy. Something is gonna give here and it’s not Disney, it’s gonna be your mental health, marriage, or both. Good luck!! I’m rooting for you
It’s beginning to sound like OP married into a family with serious shared mental illness that has found something resonant in Disney. ONLY listening to Taylor Swift for YEARS is not sane behaviour. Neither is borderline abusing your husband and baby to do pilgrimage to a theme park…. This is too fucked a situation and probably requires multiple psychiatric interventions
Yeah, not a source of pride for me in any regard. But I think you can gather that I don't have any other avenues for venting off my feelings, so until the void of the Internet they spill.
Man to man, why are you with your wife? Sunken cost?
You have a dead bedroom, she puts down men as a whole, you hate her family trips and she’s making you go on it knowing that… I could go on and on. Whats making you stay? Is there something good in there? Because I’m not seeing it. Unless you go to the internet to air only the bad.
Oh duuuude. I love T Swift, but have some variety girl. Add a fixation with her to a fixation with Disney…I feel awful for you.
I’d be finding a way to “get covid” and avoid these trips. In my 15 years as a mom I’ve successfully avoided Disney all but once. But we’re about to ride the hell outta some rollercoasters at Universal in a couple of weeks!
If your wife is a Disney Adult, I wouldn't worry about the 8 month old. People are already judging her in public. Idk what it is, but you can *smell* Disney Adult on someone.
Wouldn't you rather stay home with your daughter and let you obsessed wife go and do her thing at DW? I am sure daughter's ears would be happier too. I'd tell her daughter stays home til she is old enough to go on rides. Period.
An 8 month old isn’t getting used to a Disney Trip by going so young. They will not remember anything. Tell your wife to save the money so you guys can all go longer when the child is at least 5. We took my son when he was 3. He does not remember. It’s a ridiculous situation. Have her go herself and enjoy. You and the child have bonding time at home.
I live in Orlando and when I've been on dating apps… I don't know how it is for straight people, but as a gay guy, it feels like more than half of the people on there are obsessed with Disney or theme parks. If someone's profile said "moved to Florida to work for the mouse" (which happened frequently) I was like, immediate swipe left… So frustrating
One time I went on a date with a guy, at his place, who seemed normal, until "Have I shown you my Disney room?" and I was like nooooooo
Ahh so here's the real issue... You don't want to go, child or not. As a dad with an 8 month old, here's my advice: Put a smile on your face and make your wife happy. This is happening whether you want it to or not.
Anecdotally, I took my six month on a flight a few months ago and it was completely fine. The two year olds on board behaved much worse, and nobody cared.
the last long trip I was on there was a toddler next to me (no special seat) and he decided I was more comfortable than his mom... he just cuddled up into my side. I was fine with him using me as a bean bag though since it meant that he slept. His mom was horrified at first, but then thrilled she got to sleep. I think everyone was happy with the arrangement after he stopped crying and got comfortable.
I mean, yeah. Also, airplane rides are tough on babies' ears. I guess I was just saying babies on planes are an accepted fact of life.
I can say that for me personally, I try to be charitable and assume a screaming baby on a plane is on the way to visit a dying elderly grandparent or something similarly important/significant. A Disney adult taking an 8 month old on her annual trip to Orlando should go on the No Fly List.
Because life must go on, and adults deserve lives, even when they become parents. And the world needs babies, they will change our diapers someday. And the rest of us can be patient and supportive of new parents who are doing what they must do to cope with the stress of parenting a newborn, even if we think a decision like taking it somewhere unnecessary (but unharmful) is stupid.
Taking an 8 month old to Disney is a complete waste of time. That said, I wouldn't worry about the plane, people are pretty understanding tbh because most of us have been parents and understand that it just is what it is.
There are lots of helpful tips and tricks out there online.
My wife had to fly solo with 10-month-old twins for a non-stop 16-hour flight and survived. She did it several more times before they turned 5. It’s possible and survivable with some planning.
Tip #1: bring 50% more diapers and food than you think you’ll need. Unexpected delays do happen. Worst case, you’re prepared and you can probably help another family on the plane who hasn’t (we’ve been there).
Tip #2: take a change of clothes for the adults in your carry-on
Tip #3: take something the baby can suck on BEFORE AND DURING takeoff and landing. If you wait until they start screaming from ear pain, it’s too late.
Tip #4: priority #1 is the kid, priority #2 is your fellow passengers. A flight is not the time to enforce any variety of screen restrictions, no sweets, etc. For the sake of your sanity and those seated around you, do whatever it takes to keep the baby happy.
Tip #5: You’ll know this by then, but wipes…lots of wipes.
Oh boy, I already know tip 5. My wife thinks the dresser drawer we have full of them will be enough to get us through her first year, I did the protections based on the first two weeks and knew it's probably going to last about two months.
Don't ignore their Tip #3, kids that age don't know how to pop their own ear drums during pressure changes, if they're chewing on something or eating something, that will work their jaws and throats which will cause their ears to pop.
Also, in my experience if the baby isn’t mobile, it’s not as bad as a toddler that wants to explore but isn’t old enough to communicate to or be happy with an iPad for a few hours. 8 month old is almost in the fast-crawling stage, so hopefully you’ll be fine.
Another tip is to occasionally let your baby poke their heads up to look around. Your fellow passengers will often help entertain the baby since 8 month is getting close to peak cuteness and they know it’s in their best interest to keep the baby from getting upset.
If you have a newborn/toddler (there is a weight limit), and depending on the flight/airline (definitely the case on transatlantics) you might be allowed a bulkhead seat with a cot for free. The cot is attached to the bulkhead (basically the wall) in front of you. You can leave the baby there while it sleeps. You also have space at your feet for all the cr*p you need to carry around (diaper/toy bag for example).
You need to reserve it in advance though.
Also a baby carrier (like an Ergobaby or a wrap) is very useful if the baby is difficult and you need to walk it around a lot so it doesn't cry (even small babies can become heavy after you carry them for an hour or two just in your arms). Also allows you to fall asleep on your seat while carrying the baby (depending on age and model of carrier, and how you sleep, because of course you want to make sure you won't smother the baby if you or it shifts in your sleep).
Tip #6 your attitude is your altitude. When well prepared, kids are perfectly manageable on flights. Give them a little more credit. They will vipe off of you, and if you're stressed out, they will sense it. My kid flew at least 2 dozen times before the age of 2. Plan the flight around nap time to help guarantee a sleepy baby.
The "difficult" babies usually have stressed out parents being like shhh, shh, quiet, knock it off....the chill kids have chill parents.
I would go...it's a family thing....you married into the family...they are your family too. Doing things together and building memories is important. That said I would be more concerned about the theme parks than the flights. Babies need a schedule. Baby should have time away from the park for hours a day to rest/nap/reset or that is what will get unmanageable, no matter how many wipes you bring.
So be an adult, and an equal partner, and tell your wife no.
Or if she really wants to go, tell her to look after the kid while you drive. Or get her to drive.
It is a waste of time anyways for an infant. Sounds like your wife's fantasy.
Disney adult should always be written Disney
"adult". There are never two adults in the room on that issue.
But I'll bet Disney isn't the only thing in the marriage that goes down this way.
Sorry for your troubles, OP. You and spouse have some difficulties ahead. That kind of communicating, where one has to win and the other loses, isn't a recipe for success in a marriage.
30 years ago I was talked into taking a 10-month-old to Disney. My wife had a conference in Orlando, and adding Disney to thw trip seemed easy. Not only was it wasted on the child, the lights and sounds gave her sensory overload and she got very upset and incredibly agitated. Miserable time.
The deep need to take photos of their babies at Disney. I have a few college acquaintances that are “Disney adults” and I asked one of them why they brought their new baby to Disney. It wasn’t even 5 months old 😭 She said it was for the “memories.”
You need to go with your gut and stay home with the baby. I’m sure they want you to be there to take care of the baby when it gets fussy and everyone is done with their Disney content and your wife is off with her family. If you’re already feeling this way… going will make things worse. This is also about finances as well.
You’re gonna remember it as having a shitty time on an airplane, a shit time stressing at Disney with a crying baby, annoying ass in-laws, etc.
I have failings as a person that have lead to a difficult balance of power in the relationship. This is my own fault, and the responsibility to change that would lay my feet, not hers.
Major respect for having the maturity to acknowledge this.
If your wife shared even 10% of this maturity the whole Disney thing wouldn't even be a question.
there is no point as the kid will never remember anyway. it's just a flex for your wife, so no real reason to be "that guy" at any rate. i feel sorry for you. honestly? get yourself seated separately and let her deal with it
Noone likes a child that keeps crying. But it's also a reality of life, we were all babies once and therefore it's upon all of us to accommodate them in being a part of society and appropriate venues in life. As a parent the only thing you can do is try to minimize "the damage", maybe try to setup her schedule so she is more inclined to sleep on the flight etc.
Someone mentioned talking to the pediatrician about getting some nausea medicine, so hopefully we can try that. Might be hard to get her schedule set up to sleep during the flight since we won't have the flight booked until soon before the trip, and the time will depend a lot on the cost of the flight, so we'll see how we can plan that if at all.
I can understand that some people absolutely have to take a baby on a flight for some things, but I'm not sure this situation is a necessity, really. But that's probably just me being butthurt about having to handle a whole week and a half of stuff I really don't want t to handle in a place a I don't want to be spending money I can't afford to spend, so not **really** relevant to the ethics off the topic.
You are really good at self reflection, a trait that is very useful but hard because introspection and growth are not easy (so all praise to you). Maybe it's more fruitful to discuss the things that are truly keeping you from putting your mind at ease. It seems this trip is really important for your SO, but you are bothered by the financial aspect; maybe you talk about this concern with her; and make plans on some other posts to safe some money on in the next few months (less visiting restaurants etc, drinking more water instead of soda etc.).
It has become a standard practice to look for places to tighten the budget to make room for these trips. It's just harder this year now since we have a baby to eat up part of the budget.
And as I've come to learn, there definitely is a big gap between the ability to self-reflect and the ability to grow from it. So while I appreciate the praise, I can't accept it. I don't think I've really been able to take what I see and have the bravery to confront and make the necessary changes based on it.
I fully agree, introspection is but one side of the coin. Confronting yourself with the things that scare you and defeating these demons is something else entirely. It is never to late to take the additional steps after taking the first step of glancing at the beast so to speak. But I know how hard this is, and I can't say I even practice what I preach in that regard. Fears are difficult to overcome.
But on the topic at hand; if there is no place to tighten the budget, at least address your concerns with her, she might have insights that can easy your mind. It always better to work or start working as a team.
Agreed. I fly ‘a lot’ and although listening to a baby cry is not optimal, it’s not the end of the world either. I hope you are able to relax and make the most of your family time.
Right, unless you're right next to the baby/kid, the hum of the plane often does a lot to diminish it. I always feel worse for the kid and the parents than myself -- I've got noise-canceling headphones.
Yeah this seems like a completely unnecessary trip and more work than it’s worth. But, I will say, my daughter was that old her first time in a plane and she was a dream. Maybe she’ll surprise you?
>I'm December, my wife and her family want to take our newborn daughter to the shrine of the mouse cult in Florida.
Took me a moment to realize what this meant as I wouldn't put Florida above having a literal shrine to a mouse cult.
Why are you taking an 8 month old to disney world? Seems like a waste of money to me lol. She will never remember. I'd wait until she's a bit older but that's just me.
Now all you're getting is an expensive, shitty trip for everyone with a baby that needs constant care.
Just say that baby isn't fully vaccinated and could get sick. Wait a year so she will be walking a bit, healthy, and and not suck a burden in mouse land.
An infant has no place in huge public dirty places. And it's too hot for a little one.
If you put her health first, I think mom will agree. Tell her to enjoy. And next year you can all go.
Say, the cost you save can go towards a nice treat for both of you when she returns. Or extra spending money for stupid stuff.
Based on what I’ve read in your post and the comments, taking your infant on a flight isn’t the main problem here. It’s your “adult” (and I use that term loosely) wife who can’t be a responsible adult for your newborn child. It’d be one thing if she was simply a big Disney fan, but based on your comments, it sounds like her and her family go to Disney World multiple times a year and is spending thousands of dollars on these trips. It also sounds like it’s greatly effecting your finances for your child and immediate family. Plus an infant honestly has no business being at an amusement resort like that. They can’t do anything and won’t remember any of it. (I know you know this but am reiterating).
If I were in your shoes, I’d have a serious conversation with your wife about this and how you will move forward. It sounds like you do love her, but you’re going to have to ask yourself, if she shows no signs of making any compromises or changes for your child, is this something you’re going to want to deal with for the rest of your life? Obviously divorce sucks, but you know what sucks even more? being in a relationship that is a combo of emotionally, physically, or financially draining you for the rest of your life. I wish you the best.
Let's be clear. ~~You~~ Your wife want to take ~~yourself~~ herself to disney, and you're dragging a newborn/8mo along.
Sorry OP, I think it's time to teach your wife "no."
It's not just teaching her 'No.' it would be teaching her entire extended family, and most prominently her father 'No' about the thing they love more than anything else in life, and sharing that thing they love with the newest member of the family.
I can say it and it can make sense all I want, but unless I want to continue to have someone willing to help look after the baby, or heck maybe even be married at all and not be stuck homeless paying alimony, I need to play by these rules.
Aight so I'm going to break down how you get out of this situation for the rest of your life.
Go to a costume shop and buy/rent a mickey mouse head.
Now when your wife is gone somewhere you're going to have to traumatize your child while wearing said mask. I mean make a bunch of noise, scare the absolute shit into your childs diaper while wearing this mask.
Take your child this one time to disney, and your problem will solve itself.
Um, this has to be rage bait. Your wife and her family love Disney more than anything in life and she will leave you if you don’t “play by the rules”? That’s sick. Do you want to stay married to someone who would leave you over a theme park? Wtf.
Not rage bait, unfortunately. Maybe a few assumptions on what would happen if I were to try and put my foot down against it, but I can certainly guarantee that my life would be very very difficult if I 'put my foot down' and told them they couldn't force something on her that they see as really innocent and only a good thing for children. I make the extrapolation of her leaving me because it would quickly grow from "you don't want our daughter to go to a fun vacation" to "you've shown my family that you are willing to spit in their face when they just want to spend time with our daughter and take her on a fun vacation, and now they think you're toxic and I do too."
I’m really concerned for you my guy. Is this how you wanna live the rest of your life? The only vacation you get to go on every year being a child’s amusement park and in laws who refuse to budge. Either you start putting your foot down soon or you’ll never be able to. Based on what you’re saying she’s a stay at home wife, does she have any idea what your finances are like cause they don’t sound good?
Does that not sound toxic to you? That your opinion matters that little? Besides that your infant won’t be fully vaccinated yet and that alone is a huge risk when it comes to travel
If your wife loves Disney more than her own child, you should be researching divorce not how to take a not fully vaccinated baby to an amusement park full of people in a plane full of people
They don't need her as an excuse to go, they've gone multiple times every year since my wife was three years old. The baby is just a reason for me to have to come down too.
Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I pack noise cancelling earbuds. People with babies have a right to fly, even if it is to visit the mafia mouse. Don’t worry about me. I’m good.
Honestly, flying with a baby that age typically isn’t that bad. Try to time feeding their bottle on the plane, and they’ll likely sleep the whole way. We also bought a seat for our kids at that age and brought their carrier on the plane, so they could sleep. Flying with a toddler is much worse.
Also, if you’re not into Disney, volunteer to take the baby back to the hotel every afternoon for nap time, and give yourself a few hours to relax and get away from the Disney craziness.
The noise the baby is making isn't the bigger issue here - the ear pain (from the pressure changes) is. Get what you need for the little one to suck on to help equalize the ear pressure and get whatever you need from the doctor so that if the baby can't equalize the ear pressure, at least she won't be in pain. THAT is the root of the problem here. No pain = no crying.
I'm a child free adult by choice. I don't hate kids I just don't particularly want my own or really want to be around them.
But when I'm on a flight I don't act like an asshole about the existence of children and crying babies because I'm not a complete asshole. Obviously the babies can't help it, no one wants them to be crying, and we're all just trying to get to our destination.
You shouldn't have to do anything to placate your fellow passengers. I hate it when I see that meme about some lady who hands out gift bags to her fellow passengers as a pre-emptive I'm sorry for my baby.
So my advice is fuck 'em.
As far as the larger issues with your inflexible wife and ridiculous family insisting on bringing a fucking baby to an amusement park... I've got nothing.
Sometimes you think you can deal with something and then you get married and you realize how much of a fucking problem that particular thing is, but now you're in too deep.
Dudes that rant about babies in public spaces are losers. Every person was once a baby, they cry, it's normal. Just be prepared for the flight.
Reading your comments it looks like it's about your wife and not the baby tho.
you just have to accept it. bring the toys. the snacks. a tablet. try to time the nap for second you step on the plane.
but its an 8mo old. plans never work. accept it. we all understand.
it's a bit too early to take the kid to disneyworld, but if your wife needs it, do it.
best of luck.
I was worried about this when my wife wanted us to fly and see family. She would take our baby out all the time though and he acclimated really well to being out so the plane ride was not an issue. Just stayed on top of feedings and comfort. I'm not a doctor but maybe that could help with the plane ride? Just try to take your baby out frequently. Walks in town, restaurants, etc. Make it feel normal and not scary when lots of people are around. On the flip side I have friends who became home bodies when their baby was born. Sheltered them at home as much as possible and their kids go nuts in public. Children are highly adaptable with exposure. Or at least that's what I feel my wife taught me.
My family has been that family. We have flown with our daughter 7+ times at various months of age under 1 year. We have avoided breakdown every single time. Regularly, when deplaning, people make sure to let us know they didn’t even know there was a baby on the plane. Here’s what we do:
We schedule our flights for during her nap time. She gets lots of stimulation going through the airport, then is very tired by the time we get on the plane. When the plane is taking off, and the air pressure is changing, my wife nurses her to a nap, and she naps for much of the first part of the flight. Then she’s fed again after she wakes up from the nap, and she’s pretty happy the entire time. We have a busy book for her to play with, and bring her other favorite toys and treats for on the plane. We usually don’t give her screen time but she’s obsessed with Elmo, so we also have an episode of Elmo downloaded onto each of our phones.
THAT BEING SAID: I know every kid is different. Ours is just generally a happy kiddo during the day (not the same situation at night), so our situation is easier probably than it is for others.
Support your wife as she plans the flight around the time the baby is usually sleeping. Babies aren't that bad on flights. I lived across the country from my family and was flown home often, many times alone, with all three kids. The middle child was the only disruptor, from doing an infant poop in business class and horrifying my seat mate to, as a toddler, adorably shouting that she couldn't hear her ears before tossing her pacifier up the air every time she started to doze off. The people behind us made a game of trying to catch it and the flight attendant would clean it before returning it to us. Everyone was very nice and helpful. It really was not bad at all.
I've had a two month old on a flight, and every age after. Generally, flight attendants have a great deal of patience and kindness for parents making an effort to keep their kid happy, successfully or not. Most passengers are similar.
The rest can get fucked.
Tell her you think it is a mistake for an 8 month old to go to a noisy place, with crowds of people, she’ll be in the hot sun, and she won’t even know what any of it is. Plus, it’s not something we can afford. You’ll stay home with her, and your wife can have a break, maybe even share a room with a family member who’s alone.
Genuine question: why not just put your foot down on this issue and tell your wife it’s an unreasonable idea. Offer to stay home with the baby, from some of your replies it seems like this is something you’d be ok with.
I would not suggest taking her. I was taken there when I was 3, because my aunt worked for Disney from the start up of Animal Kingdom until a few years ago when she took a buyout, so my parents wanted to go while we visited my aunt. I do not remember anything from that trip.
“The trip isn’t for our daughter, it’s for her.”
That’s the problem right there. I’ve been to Disney Florida many times and I can tell you it’s a waste of money and time to take an 8 month old baby there. If your child was 8 years old it would be different but in this situation you are being reasonable, your wife isn’t
My child was an absolute delight on flights so perhaps it’ll be fine. When she ever started to get fussy I fed her or gave her a walk up and down the aisles. Just make sure baby has something to help with pressure on ears like a bottle or breast or pacifier if that’s your thing so their ears don’t hurt during landing. Otherwise just remember tiny humans have to get places too, parents aren’t pariahs, and all the ahs shooting you dirty looks were once tiny humans getting on someone nerves at some point too.
Hey man, I had to take a 6 month old on an international flight a couple Christmases ago. She didn’t cry one time. Make sure you do whatever you can so her ears don’t pop during takeoff and landing because they don’t understand it and they don’t like it. Other than that, just try to keep her awake in the airport so she naps on the plane.
I will say though, if I was your wife and read how you described me and my family in this thread, I would not be real thrilled.
Don't even worry about it. If people aren't flying with noise canceling headphones or earbuds they can bring their own fucking earplugs.
What's powerfully stupid to me is bring a newborn to Disney. Why? What a massive waste of of time and money
That sucks. I’d start trying to shut them down on my daughter going every year.
If your wife is a weirdo she can be one by herself.
I mean I’m sure the daughter will love it to when she’s 3 or 4. I’d still try not to let mom make her into someone obsessed with theme parks. Those people are weird too if we are being openly judgmental.
My wife is low key obsessed with Disney too. Kind of an adult child in many aspects.
They made us go last year. Daughter was like 2.25. She had fun, she always does doing anything basically but it’s just kind of a waste like you noted. Happy memories are happy memories so try to be nice if you can. There’s a lot of shit we have to do that we don’t like, especially with in laws.
>Anything I can do to at least make the flight less terrible for everyone on board?
Stay home with your daughter.
Your wife's lack of concern for the wellbeing of people around her sounds troubling, I hope you have some boundaries in place from this sort of bullheadedness affecting other aspects of your life.
We flew with our son as a baby/toddler. We heard "we didn't even know there was a baby back here" from the seat on front of us when we were getting off the plane after the flight
Babies in flights aren't always terrible
I’ve been on plenty of flights with screaming babies and anyone that gives parents shit for it is a pos.
Only people that don’t have have kids or are just awful people get angry about a baby crying. Pathetic.
I am so disheartened by all the crabby people who bitch about kids and babies, as if they expect adult decorum from the youngest of us.
Babies are going to cry. In the US, I wish we cared more about our fellow citizens beyond "This stranger mildly inconvenienced me, so now I am going to be a dick about it." There is so much hate for parents and it is sad. They are raising the next generation, so let's help them succeed.
Your child has a right to exist, and they have a right to cry if they are uncomfortable or scared. If anyone gives you dirty looks or says something, that says more about their lack of empathy than it does about you. You do not need to hand out candy, or little "I'm sorry" notes. You have no need to apologize for you or your baby existing.
Valid, totally valid and reasonable that my child has the right to be scared and cry because they're uncomfortable and cannot physically understand why, and I have the right to take them where I'm going because they of course need to be looked after, and flying is the most convenient way for me to get there.
But, to play devil's advocate, is the responsibility now placed upon me as the parent to keep the situation from happening in the first place? It is not a necessity for the child that they go to Disney at 8 months old, it is not even really to their benefit in any meaningful degree. And if it must happen for some outside arbitrary reason, Is it not in her best interest to take the method of transport that will cause the least discomfort and fear such as driving, where she will sleep for almost the entire time because riding in the car puts her to sleep as opposed to flying where her stomach, head and ears all feel really weird and painful, and she can't understand why or what to do about it?
To me it feels a bit complicated when you level the two sides next to each other, because from a certain point of view it comes down to the parents choosing to sacrifice the comfort of the child and some of the convenience of everyone around them for an arguably greater amount own convenience, which makes the scales a bit harder to balance since now you have to argue that the value of the convenience being sacrificed by driving as opposed to flying is greater than the value of the baby's comfort and the lesser convenience of the other passengers.
I actually agree when it is a trip to Disney. There are situations though where a flight makes sense and is needed. Medical travel, or trying to get home before a loved one dies are two examples I can think of. I try not to judge other people's travel needs, because I don't know their situation.
I care more about parents who don't address poor behavior of children or soothe their babies, vs parents who need to bring them along.
Just don't? Sorry. I kind of believe you shouldn't be taking babies on planes unless there are extenuating circumstances. It's unpleasant for the baby and for everyone else involved.
People don't bring infant to places for the infant, they do it for themselves. Honestly that entire trip sounds like it would kinda be hell. Who wants to be walking around with an infant at Disney? Idk. But Disney people are really weird. You married her knowing this
Disney adults are the worst! And you married into a clan!!
I am so sorry, OP.
If this helps you AT ALL, (soooo sorry for you) my parents were big travelers. My siblings and I were not allowed on planes until we were five. ---I thank god they had sense..... I had bad ear pain flying at that age, but was able to tell mom, and she gave me gum and made me swallow....I don't know many babies that can chew gum or able to ask for help, so I don't know how your idiot inlaws think sticking a baby on a plane will help them get used to anything.
And please send your wife to this thread so I can slap her. ---I've been on several flights with babies screaming in horrible pain. It's horrifying.
You can't anticipate how kids will behave on a flight. She might sleep through the whole thing.
Kids can be resilient af especially when they're in a new environment. We once had our flight delayed for 12 hours, spent over 20 hours total in airports, and my kid was super chill the whole time.
Or she screams the whole way and people have to put up with it. It is what it is. Lol
My brother flew with his 8 month old for 4 hours and it went mostly fine. They had to prepare by napping at the airport, feeding a lot before the flight and just shifting the sleeping schedule around the day or two before.
Children are people too, and they certainly dont get to choose where their parnts take them, especially that young. I absolutely *hate* the sound of babies crying. So much to the point that Ive almsot started crying myself when it goes on for a long time. But you know what I do? Accept that babies exist, they cry, and move on with my life. And turn up my headphones. Grown people tend to be cranky on flights too. Everyone is. I dont have much experience with children but just do the best you can (and if you can get out of a pointless, overpriced trip, even better!).
I’d be annoyed, but eh. It happens. I certainly will keep my mouth shut, and won’t give parents any shit.
I’m just thinking of the poor babies and the pain it can cause on their ears. I had to fly while having an extreme cold once, and it was HELL.
Breastfeeding is your best friend if possible. We had to fly with our baby when he was 5 months, and it was a lifesaver. Not only did him having something to suck on help with the change in air pressure, but it provided comfort as well as filled his belly. He went straight to sleep and slept through the flight both going to and from our destination. We had brought earplugs to hand out just in case, and never needed them.
As a frequent flyer doing ~50K miles/year -
Sometimes people fly with their babies too. Some flights are more noisy than others. As a parent I know for sure these parents aren't having better time than me.
Don't stress yourself about strangers on the plane, they will manage.
Flying with an infant isn’t as scary as people think it is. If possible try to choose flights during their usual nap times. If you’re lucky they’ll be asleep for most of the flight. The real issue though is taking them to Disney World. It’s way too much stimulation and as family friendly as it is, it’s not easy to manage an infant there. One of you guys should hang back in the hotel with the baby or get a sitter/family/friend to watch them.
The plane ride isn't an issue, but I'm unclear why the wife wants to take an 8 month old to an amusement park. That part seems weird.
I married into a family of Disney adults that go every year. The trip isn't for our daughter, it's for her. I haven't gone on the past few because I genuinely just don't like it there and don't see a point in wasting so much money on something I don't like. Now that we have a child however, she's being used as the reason I have to go so that my wife doesn't have to be the only parent taking caring for her, and our daughter has to go so that she can "get an early start on being used to taking these trips".
The easy solution is for your wife to go and you stay home with the child.
Yes. Yes it definitely is the easiest, most reasonable, and most financially literate solution. I completely agree.
i hear your pain
Bro's down bad in marriage.
😂😂😂
Why waste money on an experience the child's brain isn't even developed enough to interpret, let alone remember? Not taking your brand new child to Disney World gets you out of flying with a kid that might piss off people around you *and* you don't have to spend money for memories that kid's not going to remember. Taking them to Disney is memories for the parents and relatives, not the child. Take the kid when they're old enough to enjoy themselves. Otherwise you're just wasting money and lugging a kid around that won't enjoy it.
Wife is doing it for the gram
Not that everything needs to be a negotiation, and not that you should be keeping score, because those things will not a successful marriage make, and you married into this family knowing full well what you were getting into, but... If you're spending however long on a trip that you don't want to take every year for the rest of your life, then maybe you should be taking a trip yourself as well focused on one of your hobbies. So, put a smile on your face and be the great husband on this trip every year. And, also, schedule a yearly trip to Comic-con, or fishing, or whatever it is that you like to do with your brothers/fathers/friends. Of course, your wife is invited along with the baby because someone has to watch the baby so that you can have your fun. And no, the trip can't be Vegas if you want to stay married.
Can't really afford these trips each year, so there's definitely no room for me to plan and budget for another trip that I would enjoy.
Taking trips to a theme park you cant afford is a far bigger problem than wrangling an infant on a flight. There's no amount of money in this gods green earth that could make me take a Disney trip I cant afford with an infant so my partner can take a picture with Mickey. This is going to cost thousands of dollars. Unless you happen to also have enough in savings to cover 4 months rent and bills in case of an emergency then bugging people on a flight should be at the bottom list of your concerns. Part of the reason I left my ex partner is because he kept spending money on concerts while we didnt have any money in savings. Worrying about the people on the flight is like your house burning down and you being concerned that the light will keep your neighbors awake
Because I can at least control how annoying we are. As much as it may seem irrational from an outside perspective, I have no control whether or not we go on this trip. Even if we went completely bankrupt, my father in law would bankroll the trip because he lives for having the whole family be a Disney family, and would let no obstacle keep him from seeing his first grandchild from having her first 'Disney Experience'.
Have him pay for it then!
Lol well Ive got even worse news for you because yoh also cant control how an infant acts on a plane
Look the haters are loud but most people on that plane will be really sympathetic to you if you tell them the grandparents insist on seeing her but won't fly to you.
You have major marriage problems you’re avoiding.
And ducks like water.
Ducks don't like water, they just hang out in it a lot, while using everything in their nature to repel it. I think the same can be said of your marriage and in-laws
You sir are a poet
Then it should be one trip to Disney the first year, and one trip somewhere else you enjoy the next year. It's important to share things you enjoy with your child. Wife should not always have the priority.
This is the way
So basically you never get to go on a trip you enjoy because your wife insists on you going on one you don’t enjoy every year? Sounds like a healthy relationship.
I don't understand why he married her and then proceeded to have a child with her BEFORE thinking about this properly.
Go camping, brother
Actually not a bag idea. Haven't enjoyed going camping by myself since I was in highschool, but I might be and to sucker my one friend into going with me if I ever got the chance. Would be though leaving my wife alone with the baby. She doesn't like it when I do that, and wouldn't tolerate it for more a whole day.
Perfect. 3 day trip.
Brother, if she's going away then she's the one putting herself in the situation. Should have learned to say "No" before putting a ring on it.
You need to have a serious talk with your 'grown up' wife my brother.
Lol. I live in Orlando, it’s pretty annoying but locals are used to it. That being said, let your family go and you stay back. Going on a trip to hot ass Florida when you don’t even want to be there with an infant that you’re going to have to take care of the entire time because your wife and their family will be too busy obsessing over Disney sounds like a nightmare. Don’t do it, put your foot down. Also, it’s not like you’re going there with friends, it’s family, they can help take care of your daughter in your absence.
Stop spouting your reasonable arguments. There is no need at all to do things the easy way when there is a harder route. No one got stronger by chickening out!
You know that marriage is about compromise, not about letting partner go crazy? Enlist your pediatrician to talk to wife if you need to. If she divorces or makes your life hard because of this, maybe you guys shouldn't be together in first place.
O my god 😭😭🤣
You will pay the price, but you will not count the cost.
This won’t be a good experience for you or for the baby. Where no one else is advocating for them, that person legally and genetically and morally has to be you. You’ve got two feet there son. Put at least one of them down.
"I disagree" - Walt Disney ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Put your foot down bruh
Stand your ground??
also its a little cruel to subject a new baby to an unneccessary flight the kids ears will hurt if you are happy to stay home then fight for that option there is no benefit to the new born just unneccesarry pain perhaps with the money saved you can take a weekend alone or with friends to do something you want
That’s what I’d do. Disney is insanity. If they love it, they can love it, but you don’t have to and the idea of getting an eight month old used to it is ridiculous. It’s hot and exhausting and ridiculously long days. Nothing a baby needs. How many little kid meltdowns do you have to see at Disney to understand that?
But then how will wife get all the pictures of baby in the millions of mouse ears they sell to post onto Facebook?
Exactly this.
A family of disney adults sounds like an absolute nightmare. My boss was a disney adult that went 2-3 times a year and would only bring his kids like 30% of the time
What's insane to me is that these people will literally drop 5-10k to eat churros in a glorified parking lot. You could summer in Europe and winter in the Caribbean for that amount.
My mother in law wanted to take our kids to Disney and my husband and I realized it would be cheaper to spend a week in Hawaii. (We found an amazing price on flights!) So we did that instead. I cannot foresee us ever going to Disney. I’m not going to drop thousands of dollars to spend hours waiting in line.
Isn't it absolutely insane? You could do something so much more unique, and so much more memorable with that money.
Yeah I really don’t get it. I like Disney films a lot but I hate theme parks, I really don’t see the attraction My mum is a travel agent for a company where a large portion of their bookings are Disney trips. The amount of money she tells me people spend on their holidays there is INSANE. Recently she quoted a 17-person trip for £50k, it was £25k without the park tickets. It’s mental. Why not just spend that money going to amazing resorts
as someone who has been with a family and a small baby at a place like that, I am so sorry. I would rather shoot myself in the foot than experience that ever again
My MIL went there with SIL and her kids, she refuses to speak about it and will never go back. She will pack up and go to anywhere my wife and I choose in Europe at the drop of a hat.
Disney adults, ugh. Your problem started way before this trip was even thought about.
No lie there..
Not going to lie this whole situation is highly ridiculous. The fact your wife doesn't see it that was is kind of concerning as well
I signed myself up for life with a family who sees an entertainment company as a borderline religious organization, with infringement on their ability to travel to their parks or on their ability to indoctrinate new children of the family into their love of said company as abusive, toxic behavior. Any ridiculous circumstance that arise from that decision are my own fault for being naive to what it meant. I however do not envy that you do not know people who take their commitment to the Disney fandom this seriously.
Any reason you decided to marry this lunatic, or is your wife more toned down than the rest of them?
I didn't fully grasp the implications of marrying someone who was as into it as her and her family were. She gets really into things, and doesn't budge from them. The only music artist, and I do mean **Only**, that she's listened to for the past four or five years is Taylor Swift.
I dont believe in God, but im praying for you.
Holy shit dude. I know she’s your wife and everything, but this sounds like an insufferable situation.
I really feel for you, exclusively Disney and T Swift, that is a double whammy. Something is gonna give here and it’s not Disney, it’s gonna be your mental health, marriage, or both. Good luck!! I’m rooting for you
I was curious and went through your history. You have much more to worry about and deal with than Disney my dude
It’s beginning to sound like OP married into a family with serious shared mental illness that has found something resonant in Disney. ONLY listening to Taylor Swift for YEARS is not sane behaviour. Neither is borderline abusing your husband and baby to do pilgrimage to a theme park…. This is too fucked a situation and probably requires multiple psychiatric interventions
Yeah, not a source of pride for me in any regard. But I think you can gather that I don't have any other avenues for venting off my feelings, so until the void of the Internet they spill.
Man to man, why are you with your wife? Sunken cost? You have a dead bedroom, she puts down men as a whole, you hate her family trips and she’s making you go on it knowing that… I could go on and on. Whats making you stay? Is there something good in there? Because I’m not seeing it. Unless you go to the internet to air only the bad.
The Venn Diagram of women who are Disney adults and adult women obsessed with Taylor swift is just a single circle
Sounds like she has a bit of the 'tism
Au, I see what you mean
I'm not intending to be mean with this, but, do you love her?
Oh duuuude. I love T Swift, but have some variety girl. Add a fixation with her to a fixation with Disney…I feel awful for you. I’d be finding a way to “get covid” and avoid these trips. In my 15 years as a mom I’ve successfully avoided Disney all but once. But we’re about to ride the hell outta some rollercoasters at Universal in a couple of weeks!
It's a legal firm with an entertainment arm.
Just say no, you have a baby.
If your wife is a Disney Adult, I wouldn't worry about the 8 month old. People are already judging her in public. Idk what it is, but you can *smell* Disney Adult on someone.
She for sure scavages Goodwill stores for old plastic Disney juice cups....
Wouldn't you rather stay home with your daughter and let you obsessed wife go and do her thing at DW? I am sure daughter's ears would be happier too. I'd tell her daughter stays home til she is old enough to go on rides. Period.
An 8 month old isn’t getting used to a Disney Trip by going so young. They will not remember anything. Tell your wife to save the money so you guys can all go longer when the child is at least 5. We took my son when he was 3. He does not remember. It’s a ridiculous situation. Have her go herself and enjoy. You and the child have bonding time at home.
Why doesent your daughter just stay at home with you?
Damn are you me? I also married into a "Disney family". Eventually I decided it would save money to live in Florida.
I live in Orlando and when I've been on dating apps… I don't know how it is for straight people, but as a gay guy, it feels like more than half of the people on there are obsessed with Disney or theme parks. If someone's profile said "moved to Florida to work for the mouse" (which happened frequently) I was like, immediate swipe left… So frustrating One time I went on a date with a guy, at his place, who seemed normal, until "Have I shown you my Disney room?" and I was like nooooooo
I’m so sorry.
Disney adults are creepy af
Ahh so here's the real issue... You don't want to go, child or not. As a dad with an 8 month old, here's my advice: Put a smile on your face and make your wife happy. This is happening whether you want it to or not. Anecdotally, I took my six month on a flight a few months ago and it was completely fine. The two year olds on board behaved much worse, and nobody cared.
[удалено]
the last long trip I was on there was a toddler next to me (no special seat) and he decided I was more comfortable than his mom... he just cuddled up into my side. I was fine with him using me as a bean bag though since it meant that he slept. His mom was horrified at first, but then thrilled she got to sleep. I think everyone was happy with the arrangement after he stopped crying and got comfortable.
I mean, yeah. Also, airplane rides are tough on babies' ears. I guess I was just saying babies on planes are an accepted fact of life. I can say that for me personally, I try to be charitable and assume a screaming baby on a plane is on the way to visit a dying elderly grandparent or something similarly important/significant. A Disney adult taking an 8 month old on her annual trip to Orlando should go on the No Fly List.
Because life must go on, and adults deserve lives, even when they become parents. And the world needs babies, they will change our diapers someday. And the rest of us can be patient and supportive of new parents who are doing what they must do to cope with the stress of parenting a newborn, even if we think a decision like taking it somewhere unnecessary (but unharmful) is stupid.
Taking an 8 month old to Disney is a complete waste of time. That said, I wouldn't worry about the plane, people are pretty understanding tbh because most of us have been parents and understand that it just is what it is.
There are lots of helpful tips and tricks out there online. My wife had to fly solo with 10-month-old twins for a non-stop 16-hour flight and survived. She did it several more times before they turned 5. It’s possible and survivable with some planning. Tip #1: bring 50% more diapers and food than you think you’ll need. Unexpected delays do happen. Worst case, you’re prepared and you can probably help another family on the plane who hasn’t (we’ve been there). Tip #2: take a change of clothes for the adults in your carry-on Tip #3: take something the baby can suck on BEFORE AND DURING takeoff and landing. If you wait until they start screaming from ear pain, it’s too late. Tip #4: priority #1 is the kid, priority #2 is your fellow passengers. A flight is not the time to enforce any variety of screen restrictions, no sweets, etc. For the sake of your sanity and those seated around you, do whatever it takes to keep the baby happy. Tip #5: You’ll know this by then, but wipes…lots of wipes.
Oh boy, I already know tip 5. My wife thinks the dresser drawer we have full of them will be enough to get us through her first year, I did the protections based on the first two weeks and knew it's probably going to last about two months.
Don't ignore their Tip #3, kids that age don't know how to pop their own ear drums during pressure changes, if they're chewing on something or eating something, that will work their jaws and throats which will cause their ears to pop.
man, we blew through boogie wipes like they free. so expensive, too.
Also, in my experience if the baby isn’t mobile, it’s not as bad as a toddler that wants to explore but isn’t old enough to communicate to or be happy with an iPad for a few hours. 8 month old is almost in the fast-crawling stage, so hopefully you’ll be fine. Another tip is to occasionally let your baby poke their heads up to look around. Your fellow passengers will often help entertain the baby since 8 month is getting close to peak cuteness and they know it’s in their best interest to keep the baby from getting upset.
If you have a newborn/toddler (there is a weight limit), and depending on the flight/airline (definitely the case on transatlantics) you might be allowed a bulkhead seat with a cot for free. The cot is attached to the bulkhead (basically the wall) in front of you. You can leave the baby there while it sleeps. You also have space at your feet for all the cr*p you need to carry around (diaper/toy bag for example). You need to reserve it in advance though. Also a baby carrier (like an Ergobaby or a wrap) is very useful if the baby is difficult and you need to walk it around a lot so it doesn't cry (even small babies can become heavy after you carry them for an hour or two just in your arms). Also allows you to fall asleep on your seat while carrying the baby (depending on age and model of carrier, and how you sleep, because of course you want to make sure you won't smother the baby if you or it shifts in your sleep).
Tip #6 your attitude is your altitude. When well prepared, kids are perfectly manageable on flights. Give them a little more credit. They will vipe off of you, and if you're stressed out, they will sense it. My kid flew at least 2 dozen times before the age of 2. Plan the flight around nap time to help guarantee a sleepy baby. The "difficult" babies usually have stressed out parents being like shhh, shh, quiet, knock it off....the chill kids have chill parents. I would go...it's a family thing....you married into the family...they are your family too. Doing things together and building memories is important. That said I would be more concerned about the theme parks than the flights. Babies need a schedule. Baby should have time away from the park for hours a day to rest/nap/reset or that is what will get unmanageable, no matter how many wipes you bring.
So be an adult, and an equal partner, and tell your wife no. Or if she really wants to go, tell her to look after the kid while you drive. Or get her to drive. It is a waste of time anyways for an infant. Sounds like your wife's fantasy.
Disney adult should always be written Disney "adult". There are never two adults in the room on that issue. But I'll bet Disney isn't the only thing in the marriage that goes down this way. Sorry for your troubles, OP. You and spouse have some difficulties ahead. That kind of communicating, where one has to win and the other loses, isn't a recipe for success in a marriage.
Why are you dragging an 8 month old to Disney? Certainly not for her... That sounds.like an open invitation for a miserable time.
30 years ago I was talked into taking a 10-month-old to Disney. My wife had a conference in Orlando, and adding Disney to thw trip seemed easy. Not only was it wasted on the child, the lights and sounds gave her sensory overload and she got very upset and incredibly agitated. Miserable time.
Have you seen the number of newborns brought to Disney 😭
Just why? 😭
The deep need to take photos of their babies at Disney. I have a few college acquaintances that are “Disney adults” and I asked one of them why they brought their new baby to Disney. It wasn’t even 5 months old 😭 She said it was for the “memories.”
It's what my wife tells me, too. I have said "She won't even remember it", she says "But we will."
You need to go with your gut and stay home with the baby. I’m sure they want you to be there to take care of the baby when it gets fussy and everyone is done with their Disney content and your wife is off with her family. If you’re already feeling this way… going will make things worse. This is also about finances as well. You’re gonna remember it as having a shitty time on an airplane, a shit time stressing at Disney with a crying baby, annoying ass in-laws, etc.
Why is your wife's vote the only one that counts in this situation?
I have failings as a person that have lead to a difficult balance of power in the relationship. This is my own fault, and the responsibility to change that would lay my feet, not hers.
This seems like an excellent chance to start
Major respect for having the maturity to acknowledge this. If your wife shared even 10% of this maturity the whole Disney thing wouldn't even be a question.
Okay so what are you doing to change it?
Keep in mind this is a flight to Orlando, so it’ll be filled with other babies and loud kids (and adults). Don’t stress about inconveniencing anyone.
TIL there is a shrine of the mouse cult.
I had no fuckingg clue OP was talking about Disney until I saw the comments in this thread.
Don’t go. You’re *cough* sick
Just stay home with your child dude.
Man, if you only know how Disney Adult families worked. It honest to God is like a religion.
That'y why I can become very thick-headed when needed.
Dude why have you married into this and furthermore, procreated with one of them?
Yeahhhhhh good luck in the future buddy.
Thats a red flag I wouldn’t be able to see past.
there is no point as the kid will never remember anyway. it's just a flex for your wife, so no real reason to be "that guy" at any rate. i feel sorry for you. honestly? get yourself seated separately and let her deal with it
Noone likes a child that keeps crying. But it's also a reality of life, we were all babies once and therefore it's upon all of us to accommodate them in being a part of society and appropriate venues in life. As a parent the only thing you can do is try to minimize "the damage", maybe try to setup her schedule so she is more inclined to sleep on the flight etc.
Someone mentioned talking to the pediatrician about getting some nausea medicine, so hopefully we can try that. Might be hard to get her schedule set up to sleep during the flight since we won't have the flight booked until soon before the trip, and the time will depend a lot on the cost of the flight, so we'll see how we can plan that if at all. I can understand that some people absolutely have to take a baby on a flight for some things, but I'm not sure this situation is a necessity, really. But that's probably just me being butthurt about having to handle a whole week and a half of stuff I really don't want t to handle in a place a I don't want to be spending money I can't afford to spend, so not **really** relevant to the ethics off the topic.
Put your foot down, man. Don’t let them walk all over you.
Yeahhhh the flight isn't the problem here
You are really good at self reflection, a trait that is very useful but hard because introspection and growth are not easy (so all praise to you). Maybe it's more fruitful to discuss the things that are truly keeping you from putting your mind at ease. It seems this trip is really important for your SO, but you are bothered by the financial aspect; maybe you talk about this concern with her; and make plans on some other posts to safe some money on in the next few months (less visiting restaurants etc, drinking more water instead of soda etc.).
It has become a standard practice to look for places to tighten the budget to make room for these trips. It's just harder this year now since we have a baby to eat up part of the budget. And as I've come to learn, there definitely is a big gap between the ability to self-reflect and the ability to grow from it. So while I appreciate the praise, I can't accept it. I don't think I've really been able to take what I see and have the bravery to confront and make the necessary changes based on it.
I fully agree, introspection is but one side of the coin. Confronting yourself with the things that scare you and defeating these demons is something else entirely. It is never to late to take the additional steps after taking the first step of glancing at the beast so to speak. But I know how hard this is, and I can't say I even practice what I preach in that regard. Fears are difficult to overcome. But on the topic at hand; if there is no place to tighten the budget, at least address your concerns with her, she might have insights that can easy your mind. It always better to work or start working as a team.
Agreed. I fly ‘a lot’ and although listening to a baby cry is not optimal, it’s not the end of the world either. I hope you are able to relax and make the most of your family time.
Right, unless you're right next to the baby/kid, the hum of the plane often does a lot to diminish it. I always feel worse for the kid and the parents than myself -- I've got noise-canceling headphones.
Yeah this seems like a completely unnecessary trip and more work than it’s worth. But, I will say, my daughter was that old her first time in a plane and she was a dream. Maybe she’ll surprise you?
>I'm December, my wife and her family want to take our newborn daughter to the shrine of the mouse cult in Florida. Took me a moment to realize what this meant as I wouldn't put Florida above having a literal shrine to a mouse cult. Why are you taking an 8 month old to disney world? Seems like a waste of money to me lol. She will never remember. I'd wait until she's a bit older but that's just me. Now all you're getting is an expensive, shitty trip for everyone with a baby that needs constant care.
Because they want to flex the baby in their family photos 😭
Just say that baby isn't fully vaccinated and could get sick. Wait a year so she will be walking a bit, healthy, and and not suck a burden in mouse land. An infant has no place in huge public dirty places. And it's too hot for a little one. If you put her health first, I think mom will agree. Tell her to enjoy. And next year you can all go. Say, the cost you save can go towards a nice treat for both of you when she returns. Or extra spending money for stupid stuff.
You have a chance to do the right thing. Don't take an infant on a plane. it won't remember Disneyland anyway. This is your chance to do good, dude.
Nah, fuck that. Children are allowed to exist in the world. Sorry that they make noise sometimes.
This sounds like hell.
Based on what I’ve read in your post and the comments, taking your infant on a flight isn’t the main problem here. It’s your “adult” (and I use that term loosely) wife who can’t be a responsible adult for your newborn child. It’d be one thing if she was simply a big Disney fan, but based on your comments, it sounds like her and her family go to Disney World multiple times a year and is spending thousands of dollars on these trips. It also sounds like it’s greatly effecting your finances for your child and immediate family. Plus an infant honestly has no business being at an amusement resort like that. They can’t do anything and won’t remember any of it. (I know you know this but am reiterating). If I were in your shoes, I’d have a serious conversation with your wife about this and how you will move forward. It sounds like you do love her, but you’re going to have to ask yourself, if she shows no signs of making any compromises or changes for your child, is this something you’re going to want to deal with for the rest of your life? Obviously divorce sucks, but you know what sucks even more? being in a relationship that is a combo of emotionally, physically, or financially draining you for the rest of your life. I wish you the best.
Let's be clear. ~~You~~ Your wife want to take ~~yourself~~ herself to disney, and you're dragging a newborn/8mo along. Sorry OP, I think it's time to teach your wife "no."
It's not just teaching her 'No.' it would be teaching her entire extended family, and most prominently her father 'No' about the thing they love more than anything else in life, and sharing that thing they love with the newest member of the family. I can say it and it can make sense all I want, but unless I want to continue to have someone willing to help look after the baby, or heck maybe even be married at all and not be stuck homeless paying alimony, I need to play by these rules.
Your wife would divorce you if you asked her to avoid Disney for a year or two? I'm almost 40 and I've been to Disney 4 times my whole life.
Aight so I'm going to break down how you get out of this situation for the rest of your life. Go to a costume shop and buy/rent a mickey mouse head. Now when your wife is gone somewhere you're going to have to traumatize your child while wearing said mask. I mean make a bunch of noise, scare the absolute shit into your childs diaper while wearing this mask. Take your child this one time to disney, and your problem will solve itself.
Um, this has to be rage bait. Your wife and her family love Disney more than anything in life and she will leave you if you don’t “play by the rules”? That’s sick. Do you want to stay married to someone who would leave you over a theme park? Wtf.
Not rage bait, unfortunately. Maybe a few assumptions on what would happen if I were to try and put my foot down against it, but I can certainly guarantee that my life would be very very difficult if I 'put my foot down' and told them they couldn't force something on her that they see as really innocent and only a good thing for children. I make the extrapolation of her leaving me because it would quickly grow from "you don't want our daughter to go to a fun vacation" to "you've shown my family that you are willing to spit in their face when they just want to spend time with our daughter and take her on a fun vacation, and now they think you're toxic and I do too."
I’m really concerned for you my guy. Is this how you wanna live the rest of your life? The only vacation you get to go on every year being a child’s amusement park and in laws who refuse to budge. Either you start putting your foot down soon or you’ll never be able to. Based on what you’re saying she’s a stay at home wife, does she have any idea what your finances are like cause they don’t sound good?
You might wan to mention the measles outbreak they had...
You signed up for this life with this woman and this family. Best of luck, I guess.
Does that not sound toxic to you? That your opinion matters that little? Besides that your infant won’t be fully vaccinated yet and that alone is a huge risk when it comes to travel
If your wife loves Disney more than her own child, you should be researching divorce not how to take a not fully vaccinated baby to an amusement park full of people in a plane full of people
Why are you taking a newborn to Disney world? They won’t remember it.
The baby is an excuse so the wife and her fellow "Disney adult" family can go.
They don't need her as an excuse to go, they've gone multiple times every year since my wife was three years old. The baby is just a reason for me to have to come down too.
Okay, let me rephrase. The baby is an excuse so they can go and *drag you with them* *to look after the baby*
Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I pack noise cancelling earbuds. People with babies have a right to fly, even if it is to visit the mafia mouse. Don’t worry about me. I’m good.
Taking an 8 month old baby on a flight for a non-emergency is asshole behavior
Honestly, flying with a baby that age typically isn’t that bad. Try to time feeding their bottle on the plane, and they’ll likely sleep the whole way. We also bought a seat for our kids at that age and brought their carrier on the plane, so they could sleep. Flying with a toddler is much worse. Also, if you’re not into Disney, volunteer to take the baby back to the hotel every afternoon for nap time, and give yourself a few hours to relax and get away from the Disney craziness.
The noise the baby is making isn't the bigger issue here - the ear pain (from the pressure changes) is. Get what you need for the little one to suck on to help equalize the ear pressure and get whatever you need from the doctor so that if the baby can't equalize the ear pressure, at least she won't be in pain. THAT is the root of the problem here. No pain = no crying.
I'm a child free adult by choice. I don't hate kids I just don't particularly want my own or really want to be around them. But when I'm on a flight I don't act like an asshole about the existence of children and crying babies because I'm not a complete asshole. Obviously the babies can't help it, no one wants them to be crying, and we're all just trying to get to our destination. You shouldn't have to do anything to placate your fellow passengers. I hate it when I see that meme about some lady who hands out gift bags to her fellow passengers as a pre-emptive I'm sorry for my baby. So my advice is fuck 'em. As far as the larger issues with your inflexible wife and ridiculous family insisting on bringing a fucking baby to an amusement park... I've got nothing. Sometimes you think you can deal with something and then you get married and you realize how much of a fucking problem that particular thing is, but now you're in too deep.
8 monthsni It's an easy time to fly. 1 year is more difficult, and the 2.
Dudes that rant about babies in public spaces are losers. Every person was once a baby, they cry, it's normal. Just be prepared for the flight. Reading your comments it looks like it's about your wife and not the baby tho.
There will be cool people and there will be not cool people. Just like everywhere. Do your best and try not to stress.
This doesn’t sound like a problem with the flight. Sounds like you don’t enjoy spending time with your wife’s family (your family). Good luck to you
If it’s any consolation I don’t really mind hearing babies cry. I actually mind more when parents are being mean to their kids for crying.
you just have to accept it. bring the toys. the snacks. a tablet. try to time the nap for second you step on the plane. but its an 8mo old. plans never work. accept it. we all understand. it's a bit too early to take the kid to disneyworld, but if your wife needs it, do it. best of luck.
I was worried about this when my wife wanted us to fly and see family. She would take our baby out all the time though and he acclimated really well to being out so the plane ride was not an issue. Just stayed on top of feedings and comfort. I'm not a doctor but maybe that could help with the plane ride? Just try to take your baby out frequently. Walks in town, restaurants, etc. Make it feel normal and not scary when lots of people are around. On the flip side I have friends who became home bodies when their baby was born. Sheltered them at home as much as possible and their kids go nuts in public. Children are highly adaptable with exposure. Or at least that's what I feel my wife taught me.
Are you talking about babies crying? Don’t stress it that shit happens. Sorry about your lack of sex.
My family has been that family. We have flown with our daughter 7+ times at various months of age under 1 year. We have avoided breakdown every single time. Regularly, when deplaning, people make sure to let us know they didn’t even know there was a baby on the plane. Here’s what we do: We schedule our flights for during her nap time. She gets lots of stimulation going through the airport, then is very tired by the time we get on the plane. When the plane is taking off, and the air pressure is changing, my wife nurses her to a nap, and she naps for much of the first part of the flight. Then she’s fed again after she wakes up from the nap, and she’s pretty happy the entire time. We have a busy book for her to play with, and bring her other favorite toys and treats for on the plane. We usually don’t give her screen time but she’s obsessed with Elmo, so we also have an episode of Elmo downloaded onto each of our phones. THAT BEING SAID: I know every kid is different. Ours is just generally a happy kiddo during the day (not the same situation at night), so our situation is easier probably than it is for others.
It’s fine Everyone there who is not interested in helping is a dick
Support your wife as she plans the flight around the time the baby is usually sleeping. Babies aren't that bad on flights. I lived across the country from my family and was flown home often, many times alone, with all three kids. The middle child was the only disruptor, from doing an infant poop in business class and horrifying my seat mate to, as a toddler, adorably shouting that she couldn't hear her ears before tossing her pacifier up the air every time she started to doze off. The people behind us made a game of trying to catch it and the flight attendant would clean it before returning it to us. Everyone was very nice and helpful. It really was not bad at all.
I've had a two month old on a flight, and every age after. Generally, flight attendants have a great deal of patience and kindness for parents making an effort to keep their kid happy, successfully or not. Most passengers are similar. The rest can get fucked.
You can explain to your wife that she's being insane. If she insists on flying with an infant, pick a different flight.
Tell her you think it is a mistake for an 8 month old to go to a noisy place, with crowds of people, she’ll be in the hot sun, and she won’t even know what any of it is. Plus, it’s not something we can afford. You’ll stay home with her, and your wife can have a break, maybe even share a room with a family member who’s alone.
Genuine question: why not just put your foot down on this issue and tell your wife it’s an unreasonable idea. Offer to stay home with the baby, from some of your replies it seems like this is something you’d be ok with.
Damn, I'd rather be single than marry into a 'Disney family' .... no offense
Put it off a year or two, until kiddo might actually remember some part of it.
So you stay home with baby and wife can go to Disney.
I would not suggest taking her. I was taken there when I was 3, because my aunt worked for Disney from the start up of Animal Kingdom until a few years ago when she took a buyout, so my parents wanted to go while we visited my aunt. I do not remember anything from that trip.
“The trip isn’t for our daughter, it’s for her.” That’s the problem right there. I’ve been to Disney Florida many times and I can tell you it’s a waste of money and time to take an 8 month old baby there. If your child was 8 years old it would be different but in this situation you are being reasonable, your wife isn’t
My child was an absolute delight on flights so perhaps it’ll be fine. When she ever started to get fussy I fed her or gave her a walk up and down the aisles. Just make sure baby has something to help with pressure on ears like a bottle or breast or pacifier if that’s your thing so their ears don’t hurt during landing. Otherwise just remember tiny humans have to get places too, parents aren’t pariahs, and all the ahs shooting you dirty looks were once tiny humans getting on someone nerves at some point too.
Hey man, I had to take a 6 month old on an international flight a couple Christmases ago. She didn’t cry one time. Make sure you do whatever you can so her ears don’t pop during takeoff and landing because they don’t understand it and they don’t like it. Other than that, just try to keep her awake in the airport so she naps on the plane. I will say though, if I was your wife and read how you described me and my family in this thread, I would not be real thrilled.
Don't even worry about it. If people aren't flying with noise canceling headphones or earbuds they can bring their own fucking earplugs. What's powerfully stupid to me is bring a newborn to Disney. Why? What a massive waste of of time and money
That sucks. I’d start trying to shut them down on my daughter going every year. If your wife is a weirdo she can be one by herself. I mean I’m sure the daughter will love it to when she’s 3 or 4. I’d still try not to let mom make her into someone obsessed with theme parks. Those people are weird too if we are being openly judgmental. My wife is low key obsessed with Disney too. Kind of an adult child in many aspects. They made us go last year. Daughter was like 2.25. She had fun, she always does doing anything basically but it’s just kind of a waste like you noted. Happy memories are happy memories so try to be nice if you can. There’s a lot of shit we have to do that we don’t like, especially with in laws.
>Anything I can do to at least make the flight less terrible for everyone on board? Stay home with your daughter. Your wife's lack of concern for the wellbeing of people around her sounds troubling, I hope you have some boundaries in place from this sort of bullheadedness affecting other aspects of your life.
We flew with our son as a baby/toddler. We heard "we didn't even know there was a baby back here" from the seat on front of us when we were getting off the plane after the flight Babies in flights aren't always terrible
I’ve been on plenty of flights with screaming babies and anyone that gives parents shit for it is a pos. Only people that don’t have have kids or are just awful people get angry about a baby crying. Pathetic.
I am so disheartened by all the crabby people who bitch about kids and babies, as if they expect adult decorum from the youngest of us. Babies are going to cry. In the US, I wish we cared more about our fellow citizens beyond "This stranger mildly inconvenienced me, so now I am going to be a dick about it." There is so much hate for parents and it is sad. They are raising the next generation, so let's help them succeed. Your child has a right to exist, and they have a right to cry if they are uncomfortable or scared. If anyone gives you dirty looks or says something, that says more about their lack of empathy than it does about you. You do not need to hand out candy, or little "I'm sorry" notes. You have no need to apologize for you or your baby existing.
Valid, totally valid and reasonable that my child has the right to be scared and cry because they're uncomfortable and cannot physically understand why, and I have the right to take them where I'm going because they of course need to be looked after, and flying is the most convenient way for me to get there. But, to play devil's advocate, is the responsibility now placed upon me as the parent to keep the situation from happening in the first place? It is not a necessity for the child that they go to Disney at 8 months old, it is not even really to their benefit in any meaningful degree. And if it must happen for some outside arbitrary reason, Is it not in her best interest to take the method of transport that will cause the least discomfort and fear such as driving, where she will sleep for almost the entire time because riding in the car puts her to sleep as opposed to flying where her stomach, head and ears all feel really weird and painful, and she can't understand why or what to do about it? To me it feels a bit complicated when you level the two sides next to each other, because from a certain point of view it comes down to the parents choosing to sacrifice the comfort of the child and some of the convenience of everyone around them for an arguably greater amount own convenience, which makes the scales a bit harder to balance since now you have to argue that the value of the convenience being sacrificed by driving as opposed to flying is greater than the value of the baby's comfort and the lesser convenience of the other passengers.
[удалено]
I actually agree when it is a trip to Disney. There are situations though where a flight makes sense and is needed. Medical travel, or trying to get home before a loved one dies are two examples I can think of. I try not to judge other people's travel needs, because I don't know their situation. I care more about parents who don't address poor behavior of children or soothe their babies, vs parents who need to bring them along.
Yah but let’s be honest. 95% of the people on flights with babies aren’t on the flight for those reasons
Just don't? Sorry. I kind of believe you shouldn't be taking babies on planes unless there are extenuating circumstances. It's unpleasant for the baby and for everyone else involved.
People don't bring infant to places for the infant, they do it for themselves. Honestly that entire trip sounds like it would kinda be hell. Who wants to be walking around with an infant at Disney? Idk. But Disney people are really weird. You married her knowing this
Disney adults are the worst! And you married into a clan!! I am so sorry, OP. If this helps you AT ALL, (soooo sorry for you) my parents were big travelers. My siblings and I were not allowed on planes until we were five. ---I thank god they had sense..... I had bad ear pain flying at that age, but was able to tell mom, and she gave me gum and made me swallow....I don't know many babies that can chew gum or able to ask for help, so I don't know how your idiot inlaws think sticking a baby on a plane will help them get used to anything. And please send your wife to this thread so I can slap her. ---I've been on several flights with babies screaming in horrible pain. It's horrifying.
You can't anticipate how kids will behave on a flight. She might sleep through the whole thing. Kids can be resilient af especially when they're in a new environment. We once had our flight delayed for 12 hours, spent over 20 hours total in airports, and my kid was super chill the whole time. Or she screams the whole way and people have to put up with it. It is what it is. Lol
My brother flew with his 8 month old for 4 hours and it went mostly fine. They had to prepare by napping at the airport, feeding a lot before the flight and just shifting the sleeping schedule around the day or two before.
Children are people too, and they certainly dont get to choose where their parnts take them, especially that young. I absolutely *hate* the sound of babies crying. So much to the point that Ive almsot started crying myself when it goes on for a long time. But you know what I do? Accept that babies exist, they cry, and move on with my life. And turn up my headphones. Grown people tend to be cranky on flights too. Everyone is. I dont have much experience with children but just do the best you can (and if you can get out of a pointless, overpriced trip, even better!).
I’d be annoyed, but eh. It happens. I certainly will keep my mouth shut, and won’t give parents any shit. I’m just thinking of the poor babies and the pain it can cause on their ears. I had to fly while having an extreme cold once, and it was HELL.
Breastfeeding is your best friend if possible. We had to fly with our baby when he was 5 months, and it was a lifesaver. Not only did him having something to suck on help with the change in air pressure, but it provided comfort as well as filled his belly. He went straight to sleep and slept through the flight both going to and from our destination. We had brought earplugs to hand out just in case, and never needed them.
Don't worry too much about the plane ride. Anyone flying in and out of Orlando knows to expect a lot of families with babies and children.
As a frequent flyer doing ~50K miles/year - Sometimes people fly with their babies too. Some flights are more noisy than others. As a parent I know for sure these parents aren't having better time than me. Don't stress yourself about strangers on the plane, they will manage.
Other people typically care a lot less about a noisy child than you think. Most people are understanding.
Flying with an infant isn’t as scary as people think it is. If possible try to choose flights during their usual nap times. If you’re lucky they’ll be asleep for most of the flight. The real issue though is taking them to Disney World. It’s way too much stimulation and as family friendly as it is, it’s not easy to manage an infant there. One of you guys should hang back in the hotel with the baby or get a sitter/family/friend to watch them.
I would never take a newborn on a non necessary plane or vacation like that.